Newt Gingrich: Hero of Equestria

by Sketchy

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Romance, Tragedy, Random, Adventure, Human
Length: 2860

An original story, reposted after forgetting the password for my old account

Newt Gingrich had it all going for him. He had a great political campaign going, millions of fans, and a wonderful family. Then, one day he finds himself taken to the magical land of Equestria, where he is needed to stop the return of an ancient evil from destroying the land he now calls home.

(Dear God, why do I still have this up?)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-03 23:24:01 UTC

Chapter One

Newt Gingrich was going about his daily business of being such a nice guy defending America from all of the evil hippies and people that make sense when suddenly he was transportated to the magical land of Equestria. This felt weird to Newt Gingrich because everything was so colorful and happy looking. Then he saw a purple pony that was a unicorn with a baby dragon with a piece of paper and asked them where he was.

“WHERE AM I?” Said Newt Gingrich

“Youre in ponyville” said the purple pony unicorn.

“OH, IVE NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE.” Said Newt Gingrich, “IS IT IN AMERICA?”

“No,” said the pony, “What is America?”

“AMERICA IS THE GREATEST CCOUNTRY IN THE WORLD, AND IT HAS HUMANS IN IT AND NOT PONIES”

“Ok,” she said “Why are you here?”

“I think your princess needs me” Said Newt Gingrich

“I know the princess, but she didn’t say anything about needing somepony” said Twilight.

“Well that’s cause im not a pony!” Said Newt Gingrich

“Ok, ill take you to her” Said Twilight

“Ok, can I ride you there? Said Newt Gingrich

“Sure” Said Twilight

sO Newt Gingrich rode Twilight to canterlot and on the way there they met pinkie who was collecting blueberries with Applejack and rarity who were also on there way to canterlot  because they also had to meet with the princess of equestrian named celestia who was very nice and caring. So they went further and further. Newt gingrich talked a lot about America and how it was amazing and then they saw fluttershy who was looking for a bunny but she found it and was off to ponyville but decided to go with Newt Gingrich because it was fun but she didn’t say much because she was shy. So them went walking and walking till the saw rainbow dash who was with the wonderbolts because she was a wondebolt now and got the blue uniform and was hanging out with spitfire and soarin because they were her friends now and she decided tto go the her friends and saw newt gingrich who was still riding twilight and asked who he was and he said he was newt gingrich and he was going to the princess so she went along to with soarin and spitfire coming tto because they were friends with everybody. They walked more and stopped when they saw that applebloom got her cutie mark that was an apple shaped as a heart and they saw that scootaloo and sweetie bell were sad because the didn’t have their cutiemarks but then they got them and they where amazing too. They were a butterfly and a star for them and they were happy and everyone was happy and newt gingrich was happy so they kept going and they saw that discord had broken out and that made everyone scared but newt gingrich was mad and he shot discord and he died. Everyone was happy again and he taught them about guns. Then they saw big mac but he didn’t say anything so he walked with fluttershy because they were getting married tomorrow and newt gingrich was invited and that made him happy. All of a sudden the tardis showed up and doctor whooves said that they could take a shortcut and stop walking so they went into the tardis and everyone was amazed that it was bigger on the inside. Newt gingrich got oaf of twilight because the tardis was here and he didn’t need to walk more. So the went and they saw derpy who said silly stuff and newt gingrich laughed and the teleported to the castle iinfront of the princess and she thanked them for coming. Newt gingrich was happy to meet her.

“Im glad you came because nightmare moon is back and everyone gasped. Unfortunately guns don’t work on nightmare moon because luna would die too so newt gingrich had to think of what to do. He thought for a long time until he had an idea.

Chapter Two

Newt Gingrich had an idea and gave it to everyone to save luna from being dead

Priuncess celestia! We neeed to combine our powers together in order to defeat nightmare Moon!!! Said Newt Gingrich!

“But u dont have any powers Newt Gingrich! Only I have power!!” said princess celesti

“NONSENSE!!!” said Newt Gingrich, “IM NEWT GINGRICH AND I HAVE LOTS OF POWER!!”

So they fused together and a big giant light ccame around them and it got very very bright so bright that even derpy shut her eyes because if she didnt she would go blind. And it was bright for a few minuts until it stopped and in the place of Newt Gingrich and princess celestia was a new thing. It looked like Newt Gingrich with a long horn and big wings and they was white like celestia and Newt Gingrich was in control and celestia was letting him in charge because he was better.

“We must find nightmare moon!!!” said Newt Gingrich. “Where is she!?!?!”

“Im right here said nightmare moon and she appeared, only she wasnt like nightmare moon in the first episode of the show she was bigger and had 2 sets of wings and 5 horns and she had red haid and green eyes. She wasnow super nightmare moon!!!!!

“What have you done!!!:” said Newt Gingrich!?! “

“LET HER GO” SAID DOCTOR WHOOVES! But he disappeard and no one remembered except for Newt Gingrich. Then the wonderblots disappeared and more ponies disappeard until only a few were left.

“WHERE DID THEY GO?” said Newt Gingrich.

They are GONE!!!!!” said nightmare moon!! I SENT THEM TO THE SHADOW RELM!

So Newt Gingrich got mad and shoved his horn at her face and she screamed cause it hurt a lot so he kept doing it. And then it looked like Newt Gingrich was about to win when suddenly luna turned back to normal and she was heald to cause she wasnt nightmare moon and Newt Gingrich was only fighting Nightmare moon. And then he saw this giant snake came out and attacked big mac and he grew bigger and bigger and bigger till he was 7 feet tall and was black and had 3 sets f wings and had 9 horns and had d=a gint crown on his head and yelled”I AM YOUR NEW KING!!!”

“but what about the wedding” asked fluttershy?

THE WEDDING IS OFF!!!!!” said super big giant ac and he laughed and laughed and fluttershy was sad and was so sad that she cryed cause her boy friend was evil now and didnt wanna marry her anymore. So Newt Gingrich got mad cause he liked fluttershy so he hit big mac but he couldnt hit him cause big mac was fast so Newt Gingrich used his wings and flew and hit him but it was no use. Big amc was too fast and couldnt be hit by him alone so he threw fluttershy at him but that didnt work and now she was hurt cause she landed on the floor and the floor was hard.

“WHAT IS YOUR PLAN MONSTER BIG MAC!” saud Newt Gingrich

I am gonna take over the world and destroy it!!!” said big mac monster

“I will not let you hurt my friends said Newt Gingrich. So he got really angry and started poking at bigmac real fast but it wasn’t any use. “I ONLY NEED TO BE IN BIG MACS BODY FOR 4 MINUTES AND THEN HES EVIL FOREVER! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Said Bic Macs monster!

“OH no!” said twilight!!! He destroyed the elements of hamony!!!!!”

“Why did you do that Monster!?” said Newt Gingrich

So You cant stop MEEE!!!!” said Big mac.

And fluttershy was still crying and couldn’t help and derpy was blind cause she peeked at the bbright light that created super Newt Gingrich and Rainbow dah was fighting but couldnt help and twilight was fighting but she couldn’t help, and applejack was counting blueberries cause big mac put a curse on her and rarity was not here because she was gone and spike couldn’t help him cause he was not helpful enough and all he ccould do is write a letter. The Newt Gingrich got an idea.

Chapter Three

SPIKE!! Yelld Newt Gingrich to th tiny purple dragon. “Take this gem It was a super dragon gem that Newt Gingrich found before so he gave it to spike and he then turned into a giant dragon like when he as greedy but he wasnt greedy here so it was ok. Newt Gingrich got on top of giant spike and rode him to evil big mac.

YOURE TIME IS DONE MONSTER MAC!! Said Newt Gingrich as loud as he could which was really load. The evil big mac screamed as he saw the giant dragon.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” I SURENDER !!!!!

Not today evil monster!! You killed my friends!!!!” Said Newt Gingrich who then used his power to make spike step on evil mac, even though it hurt a little for spike because it had a bunch of horns and felt pointy but it was ok.

The was then a big black light comeing from under spikes feet and big mac came out of it, except he wasnt evil any more and he was red and didnt have horns of wings or a crown. He saw the evil thing say things in a funny languge and the tried to attack Newt Gingrich but Newt Gingrich punched it and it exploded and said that it would be back to destroy the world again later.

Everyone was cheering and Derpybecame unblind and the ponies that disapeared were back and fluttershy came awake and applejack kicked the blueberries and rarity was back and luna was ok and everyone was happy. tHEN cELESTA CAME OUT OF nEWT gINGRICH AND SAID HE WAS A HERO. Newt Gingrich was happy but he was sad because his horn and wings were gone so celestia made him his own exept his were bigger and more stronger than celestias.

Pinkie pie threq a party and everyone was invited and they all dance and fluttershy and Big mac got married and Newt Gingrich was the best man for big mac because they were friend now and then fluttershy had a baby and they named it after Newt Gingrich

Because Newt Gingrich had wings now he got to be in the wonderbolts so we flew real fast and made aa sonic rainboom witrh Rainbow dash and it was so big that everyone saw it and clapped and it made everyone happy. And then applejack made apples and blueberries together because applejack was now a blueberry farmer too because she like blueberries but was too embarest to tell anyone because she wassupposed to grow apples and not blueberries.

And then  sweetie bell sang a song and it was good and DJP0N3 did a song with her records and it was good and Octavia played on her giant violin and it was good and then lyra played on her harp and it was good and everyone like it and had fun.

The luna said that ist was night time and here horn glowed and the moon came up and everyone partied more. There was a dance and even shining armor and princess cadence came out because they got married a liitle ago and joinde the party and it was fun and it was the most fun equestrian ever had and it was all thanks to Newt Gingrich who then got a medal for being a hero and so did spike because he helped but he wasnt a giant anymore so he ccould fit inside the castle again to get the medal.

It got late and everyone was asslep except for Newt Gingrichand princess luna and big mac and his baby. And they talked and Newt Gingrich said he was sorry he hit them but they were ok because equestrian was safe from more evil when suddenly the sky got black and there was a strom and lightning and rain and it got them wet.

You thought you killed me disnt you Newt Gingrich?said a evil voice that sounded familiar. But now I found someone else to help me rule the world and destroy it!! All of a sudden from out of the clouds came a giant monster.  IT WAS DISCORD!! Except this time he was black and had 100 horns on his head and 50 wings and was 100 feet tall and was more evil looking! It was NIGHTMARE DISCORD!!!!!!!

Chapter Four

"DISCORD AND NIGHTMARE MOON YOU MUST STOP BEING NIGHTMARE DISCORD AND GO BACK TO BEING DEAD" said Newt Gingrich very anrgyly as nightmare discord came down to look at Newt Gingrich. Nightmare discord laughed and then stole bug mac and fluttershys baby and laughed some more.

"Now that i have this baby i will raise him to be EVIL!!!! said nightmare discord and he disapeered and blew up a castle and was gone

Fluttershy was so sad and creid because her baby was stolen and big mac was angry because it was his baby too and Newt Gingrich was very mad because the baby was gone and nightmare discord blew up a castle and mny ponies died and got hurt so he needed to find nightmare discord so that he could save the baby and kill him onec and for all. so Newt Gingrich went to the princess and said what had happened but then found out that she was in the castle that blew up and now she was dead. he was so angry now that he raised his fist and yelled" NIGHTMARE DISCORD YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS YOU MOSTERUS FEIND!!!!

Luna walked over and was crying because he sister was ded and she had none her years. she then gave Newt Gingrich all of celestias powers so that he could fight nightmare discord. he also was declared king of equestria because he knew how to be a great leader and he stopped running for president so he could save equestria" Maybe one day i will lead my home but now i need to save my friends nd this world because it is in need" Newt Gingrich said at his ceremony infront of all the ponies and he then called on the elements of hamony to follow him to nightmare discords cave so that he could rescue fluttleshy and big macs baby and kill nightmare discord so that the baby wouldnt be evil and that nightmare discord wouldnt take over equestria. so they flew away and all of a sudden there was and army of evil ponies that were attacking them so they had to fight them all.

So they fought and fouht and they one!!

Rainbow dash then decided to go ahead of them because she was the fastest in equestria except for newt gingrich and she would tell them if there were anymore evil ponies ahead but there werent so they went ahead but this time on foot because the evil ponies were all pegesuses so the might be safer of foot.

So they were walking and fluttershy was still sad and then they say that big mac was coming along with them to save the baby too and fluttlershy was a little happyer but she was till sad. then they walked more and saw that doctor whooves was there and he said that they would help them and even derpy was with them and doctor whooves took his sanic screwdriver so that he could help.

Then they walked more and saw the wonderbolts were gonna help out and rainbow dash was happy and excited because she was happy to see them because she was still a wonderbolt.

Then they saw vinil scratch and octavia and they would help because they were good at music and then they saw shining armor and princess cadence because there love was powerful and they could help more.

There were so many ponies now thatt nightmare discord was in trouble but they could not find were nightmare discord was so he was still safe. They looked around for a long time before they said the was lost. then they saw it was night so they found a hotel and stayed there for the night. newt gingrich fet sad because celestia was dead and the baby was stolen and nightmare discord was still out there.

He then saw twilight and said that he was sad and she said she was sad too especially because celestia was dead but she told him that every thing would ok in the end and that celestia would still find a way to help them. then he went to sleep and celestia apered to him in a dream and told them where nightmare discord was and congratulatyed him onbeing king of equestria. He than said he was sad that she was dead and she said that it was ok and told him that she would watch over him. newt gingrich then woke up and ate breakfast and then got everyone to go and find nightmare discord because he knew where he was now.