Cleaning up Artemis

by Yurah

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Slice of Life
Length: 1510

Solaris gets to the bottom of the cheesy odor that has been coming form Artemis' room

Solaris decides to get to the bottom of the cheese odor that has been wafting from Artemis' room for the past weeks. What will he find?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-03 23:40:08 UTC

What am I even looking at

Whenever I walked past my brother Artemis' room, I was always met with a putrid odor.  With every day that passes, the smell of cheese and burnt toast grows stronger.  It sickens me to no end but, I dare not enter my brother's lair for fear of what I may find.  Though I may have to as the smell is driving me up the wall, that and the maids won't dare to enter his room either.

I shoved the remaining thoughts into the back of my head for later and dove off my bed. I landed on my hooves with a louder thud against sturdy wooden floors, reminding me of my insatiable desire for after dinner's delight.  This caused me to involuntarily swivel my neck to get a look at myself.  Even for an Alicorn my rump is huge, it just seems so unwieldy.  Never mind that now, I’m only distracting myself.

With my head held high I marched out of my room and up to Artemis' which faced mine. The cheesy odor was particularly strong tonight but, it wasn't going to stop me. Quickly I turned the brass door handle, pushed the door in, and in an instance I was hit full force of the odor.

I shut my eyes as the cheesiness stung them, and I recoiled, staggering backwards through the doorway, covering my nose with a hoof.  It was absolutely revolting; I almost wanted to run out and quickly jump in to the bath and rinse myself clean. Yet I pressed on.

Wiping the tears that blurred my vision I went back inside and began looking around.  The leftern half of the room was a sty, which probably would have seemed even dirtier if the light had been on.  My eyes continued to scan.  Clothing filled much of the bedroom; all in several piles, similar to anthills except with clothes, and to top it off was the stains that you could just barely make out when the blue light of the television shone upon them. Though that was just the beginning.

Looking squarely at the other side of the room, Artemis was propped up against the side of his bed, quietly snoring into a body pillow with a picture of a blue cartoon pegasus on it.

Him and his Whinninese cartoons.

Around him, he was flanked by plates of freshly cooked, uneaten cheese sandwiches. I counted seventeen in all. My head was on a swivel as my eyes shot back and forth, adding up the filth in my head.  Soon they stopped on to something that was out of place.  My eyes narrowed as I tried to make out whatever it were that was sitting atop Artemis' end table.

It was a...grill.  A portable grill of all things, sitting next to his bed. The thing that caused that horrible smell for weeks. It infuriated me.

Who said you were allowed to have a stove in your room Artemis?  If I find whoever gave you that stove I'll have them thrown in the stocks and spanked in front of the whole town.

I walked up to him and shook him like an abusive father would to his little foal, "Artemis wake up!  We need to talk." I shouted.

Artemis' head shot back and forth as I shook him awake, his eyelids opened, revealing his bloodshot eyes.

"Brother, brother what are thou doing?! What is happening?"  He asked, scared out of his mind as bobbed back and forth...

"We real need talk about all of this." I said, releasing my grasp from his shoulders, and waving my hoof in the air like I was using a lasso.

"Oh well it is nothing of important then it may wait after we finish our nap." Artemis yawned, his head drooping into its previous position.

"Our? What do you mean our?  I don't see any pony else here. I asked, looking around, distracted from that word.

"You know, Mimas, my waifu." Artemis gleamed, as he showed me the same body pillow he was snuggling.  The very same that had a...cartoon mare on it.  He then continued onto a story about how he met his...waifu.

I began to cringe and was going to say something but, it hit me.  He cares about the cartoon pillow a lot.  Maybe I could confiscate it and blackmail him into cleaning up the room...and maybe himself as well.  Soon a plan formed in my head.

In an instant my hoof shot out and I grabbed the pillow out of my brother’s hoof and took off down the hallway towards the bath.

Artemis screamed taking off after me, "Brother what are thou doing!  Bring Mimas back this instant."

"No Artemis she will be mine, an I'll be her first." I shot back, laughing maniacally.

"What!? She is of the fairest of all mares in Luteria, she is no common whore.  Take back those words or we may have to put ones hoof into ones face."  Artemis screamed his pace quickening as trailed closer and closer.

In no time I made it to the front of the bath room, which was only 20 feet away.  Quickly I turned to face Artemis, tossing his waifu behind me to the plush carpet.  Artemis braking to a halt as I did.

"Oh...do you intend to fight me Artemis? If you want I could take you down in less than a minute and perhaps make sweet tender love with dear Mimas right in front of your weak and limp body." I said, a large grin reappearing on my face. "Besides, Mimas is too good for you. Do you think she would be satisfied with that little sausage you have? Hmmm?" I mocked, not having the slightest clue to whom Mimas is.  But it did seem to work...

Artemis' face grew into a scowl as his wings flared and he jumped into an aggressive stance, "We are not sm-hey come back here!" While he was about to explain the small stature of his uhhh...little Artemis, I seized his waifu and ran into bath room, locking it behind me.

I held the door firmly in place while working my magic on the door giving it extra strength. On cue Artemis lunged at the door, his attempts futile as the door flexed only a miniscule amount as he crashed into it.  Desperate to rescue his waifu from my hooves. After about five attempts, everything went quiet.

"Brother please releases my waifu.  Please, we will do anything you wish just...just touch her please." He began to plead through what sounded like crying.

Uh oh, did I go too far? Or is he just insane? I honestly can't tell but, I absolutely feel like a jerk.

I canceled my spell and pressed the side of my head against the door to make sure he really was crying.  He was...Well it sounded more like muffled sobbing from my side of the door.  I could just imagine it, tears running down his face; eyes red, with snot running from his nose. All which didn't help but, make me feel even worse.

"Artemis? I whispered, through the door.

"Yes Brother? He muttered, as he sniffed his nose.

"Do you really want Mimas back?" I ask.

"Yes I very much do."

"I'm uhh, I'm sorry for messing with you.  I just wanted to for you to clean your room and take a bath.  It was wrong of me for wanting to blackmail you into doing so by dumping your waifu into the hot bath water." I apologized "Then you may have Mimas back once everything is taken care of. Ok?"

"What was that last part about the blackmailing us?"

"Uhh nothing." I shot back.

Opening the door I was met with my little brother's sniveling tear covered face.  Right on point with what I imagined.

I pulled him close to me, and ran my hoof through his wavy mane. He reciprocated by pressing the side of his teary eyed face into my chest and wrapping his for legs around me.  Silence hung over us as I could feel Artemis' breathing slowly return to a normal rate.

In a sudden move, he straightened his muzzle and shot towards my chest, burying himself before audibly blowing his nose as hard as he possibly could.  My eyes went wide as I realized what had transpired. He was using my beautiful white coat as a measly tissue.  Of all things he could do to get back to me, he had to choose this.  But no, I was not mad, I really did deserve it.

After having finished blowing his nose by slobbering his muzzle all over my chest. He then looked up at me; his muzzle was mussed with snot, all the while shooting a disgusting grin at me.  Something only a foal would do.  He got me good.  I'll give him that.

"I think its best we get cleaned up first." I said, wiping the snot off his muzzle, using my for leg.  I'm already dirty so why not.

Artemis nodded in agreement, "Oh can we wash your back first this time."

"Only if you take care of this first." I shot back, pointing at the mess Artemis made on me.

He fell into a chuckle and I nudged him playfully.