Warpigs

by TheWraithWriter

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Gore, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Original Character, Other
Length: 5189

A Lesson in History and War

"What's a Warpig?"

An innocent question from a innocent filly brings back a flood of memories Celestia would have preferred to keep buried.

Rated Teen and tagged Gore for violence.

Edited by Magicman7997 and Evanescyan

Now with a dramatic reading by Goombasa

Published 2014-10-02 01:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-02 01:10:02 UTC

A Lesson in History and War

1004 A.D. (After Discord)

Canterlot Castle

“Princess Celestia?” a little voice asked.

The alicorn looked up from her desk to see a small unicorn filly nervously standing in the doorway of her study.

“Yes, Twilight?” Celestia replied.

The filly averted her gaze for a moment before saying, “Th-there’s a book I need help with.” the filly blushed, eyes glued to her hooves.

Celestia smiled warmly and moved out from behind her desk, striding over to Twilight and lowering her head so that their eyes were level. “What sort of book, my student?”

Still refusing to look her mentor in the eye, Twilight said, “It’s a history book. The librarian won’t let me see it.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Librarian?” she rose to her proper height and pushed open the door. “Let’s go speak with the librarian then.”

Twilight led Celestia through the halls to the castle library, the filly moving at a half run so the alicorn wouldn’t have to slow her pace too much. Once they had reached the large double doors of the library, Twilight hesitated.

“Go on, we’ll sort this out together,” Celestia said, giving Twilight an encouraging nudge with a wing.

The filly nodded and used her magic to pull open one of the doors, trotting in with Celestia right behind her. The library was empty save for a lone guard that had discarded her helmet and had a small pair of glasses perched on her nose. Too small in fact. The lapis lazuli colored pegasus appeared to be in the process of removing the glasses when she saw Twilight, immediately shoving them back on and wincing.

The pegasus tried putting on a stern face that quickly melted in a look of embarrassment and terror upon seeing Celestia.

“Princess!” the mare clumsily saluted while a deep blush spread across her cheeks.

“I take it you are the ‘librarian,’ then?” Celestia said, her expression unreadable.

“W-well, I, uh,” the mare stammered.

“Yep, she said I shouldn't be looking at books,” Twilight said, pointing an accusatory hoof at the mare.

“I, um, didn’t say she shouldn’t look at books, just, er, not at… one book.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Twilight, would you kindly bring me the book in question?”

The filly nodded and scampered off, leaving Celestia alone with the guard.

“I would like an explanation as to why one of my guards is masquerading as a librarian.” Celestia said in even tones, only a slight frown hinting at unhappiness. “And please remove those glasses before you break them.”

The pegasus mare slowly reached up and pulled the glasses from her face, placing them on a desk beside her helmet. “W-well, princess, I was passing through here on patrol and I noticed that filly with a book and I-”

“Here it is, princess,” Twilight said, coming back to the alicorn with a large book floating in her magical aura.

“Thank you, Twilight,” Celestia said, taking the book and looking it over. It was hard to see, but there was a slight twitch in the alicorn’s facial muscles. “Twilight, I believe it’s time for Spike’s bath.” the alicorn said, holding the book a little closer.

The filly tilted her head. “But, princess-”

“Now, Twilight. We’ll talk about this later.”

The filly sighed. “Alright,” she turned and trudged away, shooting a questioning look over her shoulder before the library door closed behind her.

Celestia sighed and placed the book on the nearby desk. “What is your name?” she asked the pegasus.

The guard looked surprised. “My name? Uh, it’s Sunshine, princess.” she bit her lip. “I’m sorry if I overstepped my boundaries, I just-”

Celestia silenced her with a wave of her hoof. “There is no need to apologize. In fact, thank you, Sunshine. I wouldn’t want Twilight reading this book. Not at this age, at least.”

Sunshine let out a sigh of relief. “I just thought it would be rather much for her.”

Celestia let out another sigh while staring at the word ‘Warpigs’ emblazoned over the cover. “Yes, it would.”

That night, Celestia was tucking Twilight into bed. It seemed a little silly to Celestia, tucking in Twilight like this, but the alicorn couldn’t help but play the mother to the adorable little filly.

“Princess?” Twilight said, yawning as the alicorn adjusted her sheets.

“Yes, Twilight?”

“You said we would talk about that book.”

The alicorn smiled. “Yes, I supposed I did.” she lowered her head so it was level with Twilight’s. “It’s a book of things a young filly shouldn't learn about just yet.”

“Oh, like the books Shining has under his bed?”

Celestia suppressed a giggle. “Yes Twilight, something like that.” she reached to snuff out the candle on the filly’s nightstand.

“Princess? May I ask another question?”

Celestia paused. “Of course Twilight, but then you really must be getting to sleep.”

The filly nodded. “I know.”

“So then, what is your question?”

“What’s a Warpig?”

The alicorn froze. How exactly was she supposed to answer a question like that in a way Twilight would understand? She felt the seconds tick by as Twilight awaited an answer, but the right words eluded her.

Slowly, she felt herself drifting back…

723 A.D.

The Southern Pass

Celestia had forgotten what death had smelled like. She had spent centuries upon centuries removed from the battlefield, never quite feeling at home there anyway. She remembered why now. Nothing stank quite as repulsively as rotting flesh.

“How many?” she asked her aide.

The burly unicorn stallion glanced at a scroll before relaying, “We have lost five-thousand-six-hundred and ninety-two soldiers, Your Majesty.”

“No, how many total.” she said, staring over the remains of the battlefield.

Her aide shook his head. “We are not sure, Your Majesty. However, estimates are that total casualties number around thirty-thousand.”

“Thirty-thousand,” Celestia echoed. “Thirty-thousand lives for one small town.” Celestia frowned down upon the aforementioned town from her perch on the cliff, the community now being little more than a few burnt out shells grouped together after the fierce fighting.

“It was for more than a town, Your Majesty,” said a voice from behind.

Celestia turned to see Royal Captain Justice, the commander currently presiding over the conflict in the Pass. The pearl colored unicorn was a fine commander, having not only skills as a tactician, but also as a politician, which was how he earned his current position.

“I am well aware of that, Captain,” Celestia replied.

The unicorn smiled in an almost sarcastic way as he ran a hoof over his shortly trimmed black mane. “I’m starting to think you might not be.”

“Hold your tongue, Captain!” her aide said loudly. “Need I remind you to whom it is you speak?”

“I am well aware of who you are, princess,” Justice said, putting enough emphasis on her title to make it sound like an insult, but not enough for it to be undeniable. “And I am just wondering exactly how aware you truly are of what we have accomplished today.”

“Perhaps you should explain it to me.”

“Perhaps I should.” the stallion turned and began to walk towards the path that led down the cliffs to the plains below. “Follow me, and leave the hoof shiner.” he called back to her.

The aide opened his mouth to shout something back, but Celestia silenced him with a gesture. “Please, he has a right to speak his mind. Now, stay here; I will return soon.”

“But Your Majesty-”

“There is no need to worry; I am in good hooves with the Captain.” her aide nodded with a sour expression and trotted off to the royal tent while Celestia followed the Captain.

As they descended the switchbacks carved into the cliff face, Celestia couldn’t help but notice that while Justice was wearing his purple royal armor, it was so caked with dust that the color was hardly recognizable.

“You do not take pride in your armor, Captain?” Celestia asked.

The stallion shot her a grin over his shoulder, smoothing back his closely trimmed black mane. “Quite to the contrary, Your Majesty. I take great pride in my armor. Why, earlier today it stopped a Changeling arrow, a Griffon sword, and the spear of one very zealous Zebra.” he laughed at this, although Celestia couldn’t fathom why.

As they got closer to the town, the stench of death grew stronger. Celestia coughed as a particularly thick cloud of the smell rolled over them. She quickly cast a spell to spare herself the odor. Justice noticed this and once more gave her a sarcastic grin.

“Not exactly perfume, is it?” he said, chuckling.

They soon reached the base of the cliff and began making their way through the sea of tents Justice’s forces had set up. A few of the soldiers they passed reacted with amazement upon seeing her, but most either only pared her a second glance or didn’t react at all.

The tents ended where the remains of the town began, a few borrowing a still standing wall as support. The dusty streets were made of stone, but the stone was cracked and broken, littered with broken weapons, discarded pieces of armor, and splattered with pools and streaks of blood.

Justice decided to strike up a conversation while he led Celestia through the streets.

“Your Majesty, I assume you are ignorant of what has been happening down here.”

The alicorn frowned. “And what do you mean by that?”

“You know of the Bovines, right?”

“Of course.” Celestia said as they turned down another street, feeling as though she was being led through this conversation. It was not a feeling she was familiar with. “What about them?”

Justice didn’t respond immediately. Instead he led her on a ways before pushing open the large doors of one of the few structures still intact, in this case a massive barn.

“This,” he said, nodding to the barn’s occupants.

Looking inside, Celestia saw dozens of rows of stalls, each containing a Bovine. The alicorn failed to see the unicorn’s point at first, but the longer she stared at the bovines, the clearer it became. Bovines were always considered a simple race: they kept to themselves mostly, trading produce and milk through the Southern Pass to Equestria and through other routes to the east and south, to the Griffons and Zebras respectfully. They even did trade with the Changelings, when the Wandering Empire passed through their lands.

Suffice to say, while simple, Bovines were very much sapient, and very capable of looking after themselves domestically, if not from a military standpoint. But if all you knew of Bovines came from seeing what Celestia now saw, you wouldn’t come to that conclusion. The Bovines in the stalls were staring dumbly forward as they chewed on grass or drank from troughs, the spark of intelligence lost from their eyes. A dozen or so soldiers trotted up and down the rows of stalls, checking each Bovine.

“What happened to them?” Celestia asked quietly, looking to Justice for answers.

The stallion shrugged. “We don’t know. They’ve been like this for a while now, just standing there, hooked up to the machines, waiting to be fed and taken care of.”

It was then Celestia noticed the tubes that hung down from the ceiling that went into each stall. Looking closely, she could see that they appeared to be attached to each Bovine’s udders.

“The Pigs are industrious, are they not?” Justice asked.

Celestia managed to tear her gaze away from the spectacle before her to stare at the Royal Captain.

“The Pigs did this?” Celestia asked in disbelief.

Except from Warpigs: A History of the Great Plains Conflict

The Pigs were a very industrious race. Their strong suit was not magic or science, but industry. They produced everything: from lamps to wagons to bags to weapons, the Pigs could produce by the dozens with their machines. They were, however, disliked quite a bit by the other major races, even if they all still bought from the Pigs.

The Pigs were like a blight wherever they set up shop, eating up a land’s resources with their machines. They grew fat on the revenue of their products, but greed grew with their profits. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that they had the ability to make far more supply then there was demand, but unless every sapient member of the world suddenly decided to be a farmer or a traveler, there wouldn’t be a high demand for spades or travel packs.

But everyone needed weapons, right? Especially during a time of war. War brought out the highest demand for something to kill your foe with. So the Pigs suddenly turned all their attention to making war.

Not they themselves going to war, of course; they were not suited for such things. But if the Equestrians went to war? Or the Zebras or the Griffons or the Changelings? Then they would have a market. But why have just one or two of the Big Four go to war when you could have all of them? But what would prompt all of them into open conflict? Why not a battle of land and resource? But where? Why not the Great Plains? Equestria was just a mountain range to the north, the Zebras a boat ride away, and the Griffons were very mobile. And the Changelings too, of course. The Wandering Empire was always close at hoof.

But the problem was the Great Plains belonged to the Bovines. But the Pigs were well aware of the Bovines’ very complacent nature. A ‘business deal’ was arranged and soon the Pigs had set up permanent shop in the Great Plains. Many speculate the Pigs then used some form of dark magic mated with the byproducts of their industry to turn the once very sapient race of Bovines in the more simple creatures we now refer to as Cows.

Following this, the Pigs used a series of orchestrated attacks and assassinations to spark an already underlying tension between the Griffons and the Changelings. The Zebras, who at the time were very friendly with the Wandering Empire, entered the conflict on the side of their insectoid allies. The three races met on the Great Plains for battle, as it was the quickest route between the Zebras and the Griffons. Equestria, quite unhappy with a war raging at her doorstep and fearful for what might happen to the rather inept at war Bovines, entered the conflict in an attempt to cease it.

The Pigs, observing this from afar, used fears of an Equestrian Empire sprawling the world to turn the other races against the peacekeepers. It was frighteningly simple.

And so the Pigs then sat back and watched as the Big Four tore each other to pieces on the Plains, all the while selling to each side and stockpiling the Bovines’ milk to sell later.

Eventually, after roughly two years of conflict, in which what had been originally confined to the coast spread to the border, Princess Celestia herself came to visit the recently contested Southern Pass. It was there the Pigs’ actions upon the Bovines were revealed to her. Speculation as to why this information, which had been known to the Equestrian Army for months, was kept from the Princess still rages. Indeed, many agree that every major faction had since discovered the Bovine’s fate by this time, although whether or not they laid blame on the Pigs at that time, or on their enemies is not known.

It is here that the stories become muddled. Some think that the cease fire that was called a scant few weeks after the Princess’ visit was used to reveal the Pigs’ atrocities, but some argue that the Pigs’ downfall had already come to pass by then. Of course, those that believe the latter still argue as to what exactly brought the Pigs down. Was it one race or faction that destroyed them? Infighting? The wildest theory to date states that the princess herself flew into a blind rage after the Bovines’ fate was revealed to her and that she personally dismantled the Pigs’ infrastructure.

This is, of course, ludicrous.

723 A.D.

The Heart of the Great Plains

She had left in secret, clad in golden armor with a blade at her side. The Night-Guard had been watching the Pigs for a very long time and knew exactly where their base of operations was, but they needed her personal clearance to do anything but watch. Celestia denied them that clearance, preferring to take care of the problem herself.

When she first arrived at the Southern Pass, she had believed that the once green Plains becoming a desolate wasteland had been the cause of war. She knew better as she approached the Pigs’ stronghold. They were a blight on the land, their vile machines sucking the life from their surroundings and poisoning what survived.

When she took flight, rage like she had not felt in ages burned in her chest. Over the course of the flight, the rage had become a dull ache that made her rethink her actions. Was she really going to storm the Pigs’ stronghold and remove them from the land? Once the fields had come into view, the fire blossomed forth anew.

The barn at the Pass had made her angry. But looking over the fields filled with Bovines, all in neat little rows with a jungle of tubing encasing them, filled Celestia with an emotion she never really experienced properly before.

Hate.

She felt annoyance more than anything with Discord. Sombra brought on feelings of anger, but only at the darkness that consumed him. A feeling of despair marked her sister’s banishment. Hatred was not an emotion Celestia was overly familiar with.

She knew it now, though. It burned in her veins. It clouded her vision while at the same time making it sharper. It gave her wings strength. Hatred set her whole soul ablaze. Literally, it would seem, as her mane and tail became orange flame, lighting up the night.

Celestia swooped low as she passed the fields of Bovine and came upon the mechanisms of the Pigs. The horrid-looking things grumbled and groaned as gears turned, stamping out items and belching black smoke. Celestia put on an extra burst of speed as she aimed herself like a bullet at the heart of the machine.

Metal shattered like it was glass before her, the heat rolling off her body melting it after she passed. Several support beams were demolished by her run through the machine, and the entire structure collapsed in on itself once she had made her pass. The screams of the Pigs working within were lost amongst the crescendo of crashing metal.

Celestia felt her lips twist into a smile as she looked back on the collapsing machine. That felt good, to crush something as big and powerful as that with such ease. Her sight quickly turned to another of the machines and a powerful flap of her wings sent her off in that direction.

She repeated the action of destroying the Pigs’ machines until they were all laying in smoking ruins around the massive compound where the rest of the Pigs no doubt resided, laying back and counting their riches. The smile she had before was now a snarl. Destroying the Pigs’ machines wasn’t enough. That was merely foreplay.

Celestia climbed high into the sky above the largest structure in the Pigs’ stronghold before folding her wings close to her body and nose diving downwards.

She burst though the building’s thick stone roof like it was made of paper, landing in the center of the top floor amid a pile of ruble. Looking around, the alicorn saw numerous Pigs sitting around looking stunned, while a few were at the windows, no doubt marveling at the destruction she had wrought of their machines.

Breath came to her sharp and deep. The place stank of Pigs. Celestia remembered when she had met with Pigs before. They had stank then too, but she shrugged it off and smiled politely like she couldn’t smell them. They were fat back then and it seems they had only grown fatter.

One of them dared to speak. “Are you-?”

She cut his head off.

It was a little surreal. One moment, he was rising from his over-stuffed chair, his fat, over-stuffed body all but bursting out of the fine clothes he wore, and then the next he was falling over with his head missing.

There was a stunned silence after that. She was sure she could hear the sound of the drop of blood falling off the edge of her sword hitting the marble floor.

After that they started screaming. Or more accurately, they started squealing. The sound made her laugh. They were squealing like pigs!

She tore into them once the panic started. It was rather simple. They were large, but soft, and her blade was honed to the sharpest of edges by her personal touch. It was like a hot knife through butter, her sword through their flesh. In fact, it would seem she was heating up the blade simply by holding it. Imagine!

It was interesting, the number of ways she could snuff them out. She could lop off their heads, like the first, or she could take a leg, or two, or all of them! She could run them through their fat middles and watch them squirm for a moment on her hot blade. Or she could slice them across and see their blood spray out. Or if she cut deeper, see their guts spill from their fat little bodies. Or if she got the right angle and speed, cut them in two.

But when one made for the door, she threw her sword without thinking, impaling him (or was it a her? She couldn’t really tell the difference...) and the door, leaving the pig hanging there. Now she was without a weapon, and there were still a few left squealing. But then she remembered that a sword was simply a tool, and it was she herself that was the weapon. It was hard to tell if their bones had broken through all the fat, and their incessant squealing made it hard to hear, so she just kept twisting until they could at least see their own behinds.

It was at this point that the doors burst open and a pair of griffons entered. Thoughts of mercenaries fluttered through her mind, but were quickly pushed aside as one aimed a large, odd-looking stick at her. There was a loud bang and the stick belched fire from it’s hollow tip. Something then bounced off her shoulder. It had hurt.

Her mind quickly put together that the stick was some sort of weapon that could throw things. While the griffon fiddled with it, his compatriot made a wild charge at her with a spear.

After she snapped the spear and the griffon’s spine, she pounced upon the griffon and his fire-stick. She pulled the fire-stick from his grasp and used the thicker end to bash his head in. Once she finished with that, she looked at the oddly-shaped stick with curiosity. She pointed it at one of the pigs and mimicked the griffon’s actions.

The stick bucked against her and spat fire again, a loud bang echoing above the pigs’ racket. She saw a bloody hole appear on the body of the pig and he collapsed backwards. She stared at the stick with some interest before casting it aside.

Only one pig remained. He came crawling forward, begging through tears for his life. With a look of annoyance, she pulled him aloft with her magic. She then pulled the front half of the spear up from where it had fallen.

The pig was blathering on about money and bargaining before switching to pleading at explaining. Among the jumble was how the ‘cows’, whatever those were, needed to be taken care of. Then there was something about ley lines and siphoning and how that technology was worth more than his life so surely it was a fair trade.

She stuck the spear tip in his throat just to shut him up.

After that, she looked around the room and then at herself. Both were splattered with pig blood. She shook herself and then remembered that the pig had blathered about ley lines. She searched the area with a spell and found that all the ley lines were gone save for those that went through the pigs.

Interesting.

The sound of labored breathing drew her attention. Apparently, one of the pigs hadn’t been stabbed properly. And even though he was, amusingly, bleeding like a stuck pig, he was still alive.

When she trotted over to him, he began the same tired pleading the other one had done. She was considering squashing his head when he mentioned ley lines again. She asked about the missing ones. He replied they had been destroyed by their industry. She inquired as to where this technology resided. He relayed it was in a smaller structure nearby. She grabbed him and flew out through the hole in the ceiling, querying which building. He pointed to the right one. She let him fall.

She didn’t know much about siphoning ley lines, but a helpful pig explained it to her between choked gasps. Once she had tossed him out the window she had arrived through, she set about manipulating the machine to give out what she saw as a fitting punishment.

It was like waking up from a nightmare. Celestia could still only remember flashes of that night, but they stayed with her for a long time. The screams, the cries, the blood. She kept seeing it splattered across her reflection every time she blinked. It was like she had been possessed, like another force had been controlling her. What scared her the most was how good it had felt.

They called her a goddess, but she had never really felt like one until now. Feeling that life and that power bend to her will was intoxicating and terrifying.

She sat now, a scant week after her rampage, in a tent erected in neutral territory. There were other dignitaries, one for the Zebras and one for the Griffons. The Changelings were strangely absent and it was only later she learned that the once great Wandering Empire had fractured and scattered to the winds.

She had explained what had happened, feeling like she was just telling them what they already knew, based on the looks they gave her. They both agreed that the actions of the Pigs were heinous, but doing the same to them wholesale was extreme. Celestia offered to take in both the Pigs and the cows, as the Bovines were now called, and looking after them until their races recovered.

The Zebras and Griffons graciously offered to share the load, taking in a third of both races to look after. They simply wanted to keep Equestria from having the milk of the cows and the possible mechanisms of the pigs all to themselves. Celestia played ignorant and thanked their generosity and kindness. A further agreement was reached for the immediate disarming of all three nations’ armies. Guard Corps. did not count, of course.

After that, the conflict in the Great Plains was over. Only it was no longer called the Great Plains. The meddling of the pigs had cut too deep and what was once rolling grass lands was now cracked earth and little else.

Celestia personally dismantled each and every one of the Pigs’ machines, even though she knew the Zebras and the Griffons had already made off with copies or necessary information. Of course, she knew her own ponies had already done the same.

What followed was a great migration of cows and pigs, divided and herded off to their new homes in lands unknown to them. It was during this that Celestia pulled Captain Justice aside, along with Captain Nightshade, the then current leader of the Night-Guard.

“Dismantle all of our weapons research divisions and reassign them,” Celestia told them.

Almost as one, the unicorn stallion and the pegasus mare began to protest.

Celestia silenced them with a hoof. “The taste of war is bitter and I would prefer if I never had to stomach it again. However, I am not foolish, so the Guard Corps. will remain standing; including the Night-Guard.” she added when it looked like Nightshade was about to protest again. “And I will leave the Night-Guard their weapons division, as I am sure the Griffons and Zebras have done the same.”

They nodded their agreement, but Celestia sensed lingering questions.

“Anything you wish to ask?”

“Princess,” Justice said, “…What happened?”

Celestia sighed and brought a hoof to her forehead. “I still don’t know. But rest assured I have already taken steps to prevent it from happening again.”

The unicorn nodded his understanding and left the tent, leaving Celestia alone with Nightshade.

“Was it the same as with our founder?” the mare asked, staring intently straight ahead instead of at Celestia.

“Perhaps,” Celestia answered simply. “I suspect it is the influence of some curse or entity. I believe I shall be spending a very long time in the library looking for an answer.” Celestia pulled a long object wrapped in a blanket from a large pack, handing it over to the Night-Guard Captain. “In the meantime, figure out exactly what this is and how it works. I am sure the Zebras and Griffons are doing the same.”

Nightshade accepted the bundle and nodded. “I’ll get right on it, Princess. I shall speak with you in Canterlot once we have finished with the migration.”

Another nod and the pegasus left Celestia alone with her thoughts.

1004 A.D.

Canterlot Castle

“Princess? Princess?”

Celestia snapped out of her daze. “Hm, what?”

“I asked what a warpig was and you kinda drifted off there.” the filly said, sounding concerned. “Did I say something bad?” the filly looked down, ashamed.

“No Twilight, you didn’t say anything bad,” Celestia said warmly, nuzzling the little unicorn. “But I’m afraid properly explaining what a warpig is would take far too long and it’s one of those things you need to be older for.”

“Oh, okay.” Twilight nuzzled down in her bed. “Goodnight, Princess Celestia.”

“Goodnight, Twilight Sparkle,” Celestia said, gently blowing out the candle and leaving the filly to dream.

Outside Twilight’s room, Celestia found the guard from before, (Sunshine, that was her name,) standing there, almost like she was loitering.

“Still guarding fillies, Sunshine?” Celestia asked, smiling.

The pegasus blushed. “I thought it… prudent.”

Celestia nodded. “Good judgment, I’ll make sure to remember that.”

Celestia began trotting away when a question from Sunshine stopped her.

“How accurate it that book?”

Celestia turned to face the guard.

“I mean, you were there, so how accurate is it?” the pegasus asked.

“…Accurate enough,” Celestia said after a time. With that she turned and left Sunshine to her task.