Applejack and Herbert the Train Get Married

by QueenOfTheSilence

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Romance, Random
Length: 1719

Applejack has done it! She's proposed to Herbert and they're going to have a shot gun wedding! Now all she needs to do is find a dress and get her friends to help out!

It's been nearly two years since Applejack came out to her friends and little sister and told them about her relationship with Herbet the train. Now after being in a mental institution and undergoing "therapy", the orange mare is ready to marry her beloved train! Will this day be as great as she imagined? Or will it go up in flames?

Note: I've corrected most spelling errors, but I would not be surprised if a few escaped my notice. Feel free to point them out if you so desire. ALSO DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-02 01:40:02 UTC

Chapter 1

Today was the day. After a year in a mental institution and six months of “therapy”, Applejack was ready to propose to her beloved. In the beginning, when she was released from the hospital her friends and family had did everything they could to keep her and Herbert the train separated. They even got Princess Celestia and Luna to try and intervene. Eventually though they gave up, and honestly watching Applejack make out with a train kind of ruined their appetites. Since she wasn’t really doing any harm, other than mentally harming anyone who happened to witness her making love to the train, they let her be. Really the only one who still put up a fight over the matter was the Ponyville Conductor.

It had been hard finding a ring for him that fit. Actually it had been impossible. So she instead settled for a small diamond ring with a gold band that she was going to tie to his hull with a silk scarf. It was going to be perfect. They’d get married, She'd move in with Herbert and then they’d have a few train-pony babies. Yes, it would be absolutely perfect.

AppleJack trudged along the roads of Ponyville, headed towards her destination. She was well aware of the looks of disgust and the whispering she received. Half of Ponyville though she was an insane, sick freak and the other half though she was doing this all for attention. Either way it didn’t matter, she loved Herbert and he loved her. As she approached the train station she could see Herbert resting quietly on the track. Obviously he was getting ready for work. Hebert’s job was a hectic one that often had him away from Ponyville. He delivered both ponies and cargo to all over Equestria. All about ponies were standing in line, getting ready to board him.

Herbert gave AppleJack a look of affection and toted his horn. As AppleJack approached him, the conductor became aware of her existence. Even though they were still yards apart she could see the expression on his face. “Howdy Sharp Whistle! Here to take Herbert away for another trip?” she asked as she stood next to the train and spoke upwards to the open train window where the conductor was. Sharp Whistle, an elder earth pony stallion with a grey crew cut mane style and a soft blue coat, said nothing. He just looked at her with a expression that basically meant: Whatever it is you’re up to, you sick freak, just get it over with. AppleJack nodded and gestured towards Herbert.

“Can I get a moment alone?” Sharp Whistle merely stared at her for a moment and then gestured towards the crowd of ponies, silently signalling that even if he left they still wouldn’t be alone. The orange mare sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. She’d rather do this in private, but buck it. She wasn’t ashamed of her relationship. She placed a hoof on the train.

“I understand you’re working Sugarcube but I need to ask you something very important. Applejack rubbed the hull of the train affectionately and then pulled away. Reaching into her saddle bags, she pulled out a small box. She got down on one knee and opened the box, revealing the ring. Herbert’s eyes, or rather headlights, twinkled and widened in surprise and happiness. Behind her, AppleJack could hear Sharp Whistle voicing his disapproval.

“SERIOUSLY? YOU’RE GOING TO PROPOSE? TO AN INANIMATE OBJECT? A TRAIN, TO BE PRECISE? FUCK MY LIFE, WHAT HAS EQUESTRIA COME TO? FUCK THIS SHIT, I QUIT!” Applejack paid no attention to the screaming stallion, her focus was on her beloved.

“Herbert, we’ve known each other for a long time now. We’ve made love numerous times and been on many amazing dates….Herbert will you marry me?” The train silently agreed, excited and jumping for joy. “Oh Herbert!” Applejack threw herself at the train and began passionately kissing him. Behind him passengers puked and run away from the sight. After a few minutes of kissing Applejack pulled away. “Now, we both know how my friends and family feel and the princesses but I say say we go and  try to get the whole town involved, or at least my friends. What do you think?” Herbert agreed. Obviously it was the best course of action.

“I’ll see if I can’t rope the girls in. I gotta go, but I’ll be back. Meet me here at 7:00 PM, okay Sugarcube?” Applejack waved to Herbert as she dashed away, but not before she tied the ring to his hull. With a grin on her face, she made her way to Carousel Boutique. She may usually hate frou-frou stuff but tonight was going to be special and she needed a special dress.

-

“So let me get this straight. You need a wedding dress, tonight, along with bridesmaids outfits, for your wedding? And you’re marrying a train. Correct?” Applejack nodded in response. Rarity sighed and massaged her temples with her hooves. “You do realize how much I disapprove of your relationship with the train right? And there is also the fact that it’s 3:00 PM. I can't make six dresses in four hours.” Stated the unicorn mare, pulling a bottle of whiskey out of one of her desk drawers. Applejack frowned and let out a small whine.

“So what am I supposed to do then?” asked the orange pony. Rarity waved her off. “I don’t know, wear your gala or bridesmaid dress? You know the one from Cadence and Shining Armor’s wedding?” Applejack sighed dejectedly before her eyes came upon a dress situated in the corner of Rarity’s workroom.

“What about that dress?” Rarity glanced over her shoulder and froze at the sight of the dress, The dress Applejack was talking about happened to be a paper bag that Sweetie Belle had put on her mannequin. Did her friend hate her that much that she would willingly wear something so horrendous? Still…..

“Three hundred bits” said Rarity, turning back to her friend and holding out her hoof. Applejack grinned and threw open her saddle bags and removed a giant bag of bits from it.

“This is money was supposed to be used to buy Applebloom braces but this is more important!” She tossed the bag at Rarity, who was smiling at the sight of the bits.

“Good choice darling. I’ll wrap it up. Don’t worry about bridesmaid dresses, I’m sure our Gala dresses will do just fine ” A few minutes later, with a happy nod towards her friend, AppleJack left Carousel Boutique, now with a wedding dress  in hoof.

-

Getting the rest of her friends to agree to the plan had actually not been hard....Well there may have been some threats and bribes but still! After Rarity, Applejack had made her way to Princess Twilight Sparkle's Friendship Castle (Which you can buy for only $29.99!) and convinced the local princess to officiate the wedding. Needless to say, Twilight was more then happy to help her friend. Well actually she only agreed after Applejack threatened to tear her wings off, but that didn't matter  After agreeing on a reasonable price of two thousand bits for Twilight's services, the mare left.

After that was a quick trip to Fluttershy's place. She found the pegasus in her house making out with Discord. At first Discord was pissed for being interrupted however after he learned about Applejack's and Herbert the train's relationship, he couldn't stop laughing. In fact he nearly peed himself. Once Applejack had promised not to say anything to Twilight and the others, Fluttershy agreed to the plan of providing music for the wedding. But only if Applejack forked over her soul. Something about using it to resurrect the great and powerful Smooze. She agreed of course, after all what did she really need her soul for anyway? To get into heaven? Pff, it probably wasn't that great to begin with.

The last two, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie, were also quite easy to persuade. Dash had pretty much agreed instantly. All it had taken was the promise that she would get every single drop of cider from next year's  cider season and in return she would do a Sonic Rainboom for the wedding. Pinkie Pie's payment in exchange for inviting the guests and providing refreshments had been quite simple. The deed to Sweet Apple Acres. Since she was planning on moving in with Herbert, forking over the deed was quite easy. Applejack grinned as she left Sugarcube corner and headed home to get ready, it didn't matter that she sold the farm, or that Applebloom wouldn't be getting braces for her hideously crocked teeth, or that she sold her soul to the devil or thst more than half of her friends had extorted her, all that matter was that she was getting married.

-

The wedding was simple, very simple. Since they only had about four hours, the mane six plus Spike decided just to stand and set up a few tables for the food. Most of Ponyville had shown up, mostly to watch the most disturbing event since Celestia and Discord did shots off of Tierk's chest while Luna got it on with Queen Chrysalis under some tables. Disturbing night that was.  The girls sans Twilight acted as her bridesmaids while the cutie mark crusaders acted as the flower girls. Anyway, the ceremony was quite short and sweet. Both the bride and the groom exchanged vows. Well, more like Applejack exchanged vows and everpony stared as she interpreted what Herbert's “glances” meant.  At the end of it all most ponies were crying, mostly because they were that disgusted and disturbed.

Twilight stood tall as she glanced between Applejack and the train. Holding her book aloft in her magic she awkwardly proclaimed: “You may now kiss the bride! Or rather the groom....” That was all the farm pony needed. She launched herself at the train and began making out with him. Needless to say most people left because they were too sick to eat any of the refreshments Pinkie Pie had put out. Once everyone had dispersed and the newlyweds were alone, they stood together looking at the stars. They were married now, realized Applejack. And she couldn't wait for the next phase of her life.