The Remarkably Short, Yet No Less Interesting Career of Commodore Derpy Hooves of The Equestrian Nuclear Submarine Fleet

Commodore Hooves slowly walked into the darkened void that was the Command Room. All of the electronic equipment from blinking lights to flashing screens were inactive. Unlike the corridor, there was a normal light turned on, the Captain's desk lamp. It shined dimly onto the lower level which allowed the Commodore to make a stunning revelation. The crew had been completely culled. A straight line of bodies all baring a single bullet wound.

A voice from behind the lamp above abruptly said, "Are you impressed with my work Hooves? It takes real finesse to take over a submarine single-handedly."

The Commodore immediately faced the unknown speaker and pulled out her sidearm. She then preceded to ask, "Why?"

"I am sorry that I have to break it to you Commodore but war isn't about bravery or being valiant. War gets dirty and so very cold. The victors are often those who dare to do what the enemy will not. I dared to take out the Equestrian Nuclear Submarine Fleet and you insisted on playing it by the book. Your foolish sense of order offends my sensibilities. That is why I threw out 'the book' or as you would say the sealed orders just to make the whole thing more interesting!" The voice said.

"You still haven't answered my question! Why would the UFFE risk nuclear war just to gain control of a few submarines with nukes?" the Commodore shouted.

"Who said I was working for the UFFE, sweetheart? The paranoia of your government made the fleet an easy target. I am acting alone because my plans benefit no one except my inner peace. My aim is to release chaos onto the world even better than days of old. The world's most powerful weapon is well suited for that need," the voice chuckled.

"You would have the whole world reduced to ash just for sick kicks! I want to see your face before I blow holes in it!" the Commodore screamed.

"That may prove to be difficult seeing how I am without one for the moment. It may come to you as shocking to learn that I am nothing more than an intelligence. Whispers in the ear of weak minded fools. Some say I am the very spirit of chaos but we are smart enough not succumb to the descriptions of idolizers. I know not what I am or where I come from but the one thing I am sure of is that must I end this miserable race of equines who are unworthy of life. They care not of their own. They hold petty grudges against each other while erecting walls between all that is to be walled in. So many lost and so many in pain. If you would see the world the way I see it you would gladly turn that launch key too," the voice spat out in disgust.

"So you're a ghost?" Commodore Hooves asked.

"No I am not ghost! What did I just say! Were you even listing? I am an intelligence of magical origin. I have decided to wipe out your race because it has become an eyesore to me. I am plain and simple. The peace I seek will be found when I have your launch key and begin the nuclear apocalypse. Try to keep up," the voice taunted.

"You don't have to be jerk about it," the Commodore said under her breath.

"Oh, I am so very sorry that I offend! Can you not see I am trying to be deep and foreboding? My evil acts shall be known across the world yet you scold me for my lack of manners! Unbelievable, you are simply unbelievable!" the voice replied mildly annoyed.

"This whole act you are putting on for me is flattering but honestly I think you are compensating for something," Commodore said plainly.

"What? Don't make me laugh Hooves! I am perfectly capable of accomplishing my goals. In fact the only reason you are still alive is because I wanted to see the look on your face when the world ends. Since you are not impressed with my dramatic conclusion I can just kill you now and get on with it," the voice said.

"I am not saying that you are not good at turning off the lights and yelling 'boo!" What I am trying to say is you don't have a good reason to end the world. In fact, I am to believe you are not of magical origin at all! You are nothing but a scared foal tossing around heavy handed themes and propositions!" the Commodore exclaimed.

"You really are a special type of stupid aren't you? I have no words. Please by all means explain what the strange turn of events means to you?" the voice said sarcastically.

The Commodore was now stumped. She felt smart for a second but that quickly dissipated after she realized the gravity of the situation. Commodore Hooves was with a malevolent force in a damaged submarine holding enough firepower to destroy the world. She was just about to give up before she remembered something her grandmother told her. If you can't impress people with your intelligence then baffle them with your baloney!

"I have figured it out! You can't exist," the Commodore replied confidently.

"I can assure you that I do exist. Do you have anymore objections to reality?" the voice dismissed.

"Hear me out whatever you are! You can not exist because you don't have a physical form!" the Commodore exclaimed confidently.

"What makes you think that I do not exist just because I don't have a body?" the voice said.

"You need to have a host to interact with physical objects!" the Commodore continued.

"Ok I see you still haven't left the mentality that I am a ghost. You are however right about the physical objects part. That is where you will come into play when I decide to turn the launch keys," the voice explained.

"Then you have failed. If I am the last one you need to turn the keys then you simply can not win. Princess Celestia personally choose me for the rank of Commodore because I have an ability that no other pony on board has. My restraint will keep me from bending to your will. Let's be honest here, if you could have taken over my body than you would have done so already!" Commodore Hooves exclaimed.

The voice was silent.

"You are stronger than I thought Commodore. I can not break you like I did the Captain. Worry not, hypnotism is one of my many parlor tricks. If I can not convince you in your current state then I must wake you and proceed with my alternate plans. If I may ask, what tipped you off to my illusion?" the voice asked as it grew fainter in volume.

"What? I thought this was real!" the Commodore said in confusion.

"No, it is not. This conversation didn't happen in the way it appeared. You are still unconscious at the bottom of the ladder. I am the one you have been calling the saboteur and I was trying to take advantage of your mind but it appears I am out of luck. You are either too strong or too stupid to be hypnotized. A fact which I will gladly blow my cover over! Fortunately, you will never find me in time to save the Pride!" the voice explained.

"Who ever you are know that I will be coming for you! I can think of nothing worse than a coward who would rather mess with the mind instead of fighting honorably," the Commodore exclaimed.

The Commodore opened her eyes. She was at the bottom of the ladder perfectly dry and well illuminated. She started up the ladder for the Command Room; this time it would be for real.