You don't mess with my cake or my dog

*What a perfect time to eat some cake*  I thought to my self as placed down a whole double chocolate cake on my dinner table

As I was about to eat my cake my door busted open and landed on my cake destroying it.  I turned to see what looked like royal guards, one of them looked at me and shouted

"STOP IN THE NAME OF CELETI... He didn't get to finish what he was saying because the knife I was holding made contact with his the neck.  The other guard eyes widen and pointed his horn at me to charge a spell, but I simpily walked over to him, grabbed his horn and broke it off.  He tried to scream in pain but I stabbed my knife into his chin.

I took a minute to breath and walked outsides to my back yard only to see my gate destroyed and my full bred pittbull missing.

"OK YOU CAN TAKE MY CAKE, BUT NO ONE FUCKING TOUCNHES MY DOG," I screamed and barged into my house and ran to a wall that had a buttom with the has symbol on it.  I punched the button and the wall slieded open revealing my hidden arms compartment.

*Time for plan A* I thought as I put on the armor and got two shotguns, a automatic rifle, a pistol and ammo.

I charged outside guns blazing, man the ponies were surprised but they were only for a half second before dropping down as the bullets hit them.  After a while I went furthurer into the city and made sure that any hostile ponies were dealt with, yes I have morales.

After a few more minutes I came in contact with shining armor and princess Cadence's army, as soon as they saw me and the mess I made their jaws dropped.  Armor in fury and rage charged at me only to get hit in the head with a machete.  I turned to see my psychotic smiling before teleporting away in  cloud of smoke, man I really need to get him in a cage or something.  I turned and saw that Cadence's army must have got attacked before, because they are running, cowards.

I walked over to Cadence who was now on the floor begging for mercy,  I looked at her, tooked off my helmet and smiled at her before handing her my buissness card.

Cake's Dining center, she looked at it and just took of running.  I laughed and continued on my journey, to get my dog back, stop this invasion, and get some more cake.

After a while of figthing I manged to get to Celestia's hq and heard the cries of humans and a dog.  I felt some sort of strange power going through my veins and i busted through the wall only to see the mane 6 all knocked out and my counter self playing the banjo

(BLACK SCREEN just kidding)  \

I sat with celestia drinking tea after a bit of talk we manged to come to a agreement.  She leaves us alone and she can get some my cake, oh and shining isnt dead my counter self was drunk at the time and him him with the wrong end, the bottom.  Well guess not all wars have to.... just kidding i shoot celestia and throw a 5 ton nulear bomb into a portal.  No one touches my dog.  As i petted my dog i decied i was tirred and passed out

(the end)