Spike's Quest for Filly Bits

by anotheraccount

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, Applejack, Cloudkicker, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Sex, Slice of Life
Length: 3398

Spike is looking for a gift for Rarity's birthday and overhears one stallion tell another that his fillyfriend showed him her filly bits. Spike thinks these are collector's editions of regular bits and goes looking for some.

Rarity's birthday is coming up soon, and Spike is looking for a birthday present for her. As he is walking down to market, he overhears one stallion tell another that his fillyfriend showed him her filly bits. Spike thinks that these are collector's editions of regular bits that are used as currency, and decides they would be a great gift for Rarity.
Rated Teen & tagged sex for suggestive themes and euphemisms (no sex happens, though).

Awesome cover art by BaffledDingo

Featured 10/9/2014 :-)

Published 2014-10-08 16:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-08 16:00:02 UTC

Spike's Quest for Filly Bits

Spike's Quest for Filly Bits

Spike the dragon was walking down the street in Ponyville humming to himself and jingling a few bits he brought with him. He had been saving bits for a while, and knew just what he wanted to do with them. Rarity's birthday was coming up and he was really looking forward to it, and he wanted to buy a birthday present for her. He had been trying to think of the perfect birthday present, but couldn't come up with anything that he thought Rarity would like. Her birthday was only a couple days away, so he decided to head over to market to see if he could find anything.

As he passed a few buildings, he heard a couple hushed voices that grew easier to hear as he walked by.

“Dude, last night she showed me her filly bits!” one stallion said.

“She did? Duuude!” said the other stallion.

Spike heard a hoofbump but since he had kept walking he was now too far away from the voices to hear anything else. He looked down at the bits he held in his claw.

“Filly bits? I don't think I've ever heard of those before. Regular bits have the Princesses on them, but they're only called bits. Filly bits must be the new set of collectible coins this year.” Spike took a few more steps down the street and then his mouth turned up into a grin. “Rarity likes gems...I wonder if she'd like collectible coins?” Spike paused a moment and tapped his chin with his claw, and then nodded. “Yeah, I think she might like those.” Spike then began walking again, but with more speed and purpose.

In a few moments Spike was walking by the entrance of the Quills & Sofas store. He paused for a moment and then turned towards the door. He walked through the entrance and approached the counter where the owner, Davenport, was standing.

Spike looked up at Davenport and asked, “Do you have any filly bits?”

Davenport's eyebrows began to angle towards his muzzle as a slight frown tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Excuse me?” he asked Spike.

“Filly bits,” Spike said again, “do you sell any?”

“I should say not!” Davenport said in a huff. “Why don't you leave and go ask Cloud Kicker or something.” Davenport then turned and walked over to the shelves to arrange some jars of quills.

Spike turned around and left the Quills and Sofas store. “Well, I know he usually only sells two things...quills and sofas...but he didn't have to get mad. Once in a while he does have a special and sells something that isn't a quill or a sofa. Last month he had floor cushions!”

Spike continued walking down the street until he came to a house that looked familiar. “Wait, didn't Davenport say that Cloud Kicker could help?” He walked toward Cloud Kicker's house and knocked three times on her door.

“Be right there!” came a voice from the other side of the door. In a few moments, Cloud Kicker opened the door and looked out at Spike. “Hi there, Spike. What can I do for you?”

Spike looked up at Cloud Kicker and asked, “Do you sell filly bits?”

For some reason Cloud Kicker looked angry. She slowly approached Spike and then stomped the ground with her last step as she stood in front of him. “What was that you asked me?”

Spike was unsure why Cloud Kicker was angry as he looked up at her. “I was looking for a gift for Rarity's birthday. I thought she might like a set...I didn't think you sold coins, but I was told to ask you about them.”

Cloud Kicker blinked twice as she processed what Spike said. “Coins?”

“Yeah,” Spike answered, “aren't filly bits this year's special edition of bits?”

Cloud Kicker blinked three more times, and her mouth slowly grew into a lopsided grin. “I'm not sure,” she seemed to cough rapidly into her hoof a few times while her shoulders shook. “Let's go ask a friend of mine.”

Spike and Cloud Kicker walked down the street into town again. Spike glanced over at Cloud Kicker a few times and each time he saw her she had the look of somepony trying to keep a straight face but losing the battle against a strong-willed grin. They turned left at the next house and then walked towards a cafe where Cloud Kicker frequented during the lunch hour. Sitting at one of the tables was a pony with a light-colored coat.

Cloud Kicker immediately recognized this pony and started waving. “Hey, Blossomforth! Spike's looking for something. You think you can help him out?”

Blossomforth nodded and got up from her table to walk over towards the newcomers. “Sure, no problem,” she answered. “What can I help you find?”

“I'm looking for filly bits,” Spike answered. “Do you know where I can find some?”

Blossomforth got a strange look on her face as she slowly turned red.

“Well, now that I think about it,” Cloud Kicker interjected with a grin and sideways look at Blossomforth, “I'm not entirely certain if she would know where to find them.”

Blossomforth looked at Cloud Kicker, then Spike, and then Cloud Kicker again. She appeared to have something that she wanted to say, but then stomped and turned away from them. She then took off into the air and flew towards another cafe in town.

Spike watched Blossomforth fly away with concern. He turned towards Cloud Kicker and asked, “Is she ok? Is she mad because she can't find any? If I find some I could get her an extra set.”

Cloud Kicker covered her mouth with her hoof and had another round of that strange, rapid coughing that shook her shoulders. After a moment she stopped and put her hoof back down on the ground as she looked at Spike. “Don't worry, I'm sure I'll help her find them sooner or later.”

Cloud Kicker didn't quite cover all of her mouth this last time and Spike could have sworn he saw her smiling as she was coughing. Strange...why would somepony be smiling when they cough?

“Well,” Cloud Kicker said, “I guess I should go after her. Catch you later!” And with that, Cloud Kicker took off and flew towards the cafe where Blossomforth had flown.

Spike watched Cloud Kicker fly away for a few seconds and scratched the back of his head. He then shrugged and then continued walking down the street. He walked for another ten minutes until he heard a familiar voice off to his left. He turned and saw Apple Bloom and Scootaloo sitting at a table and enjoying hay smoothies.

“Hey there, Spike! How's it goin'?” asked Apple Bloom said while Scootaloo smiled and waved since she had just taken a big sip of her hay smoothie.

“Well, not too bad. I've been looking everywhere for a gift for Rarity's birthday but can't seem to find it, but it is a lovely day today so the walk has been nice,” answered Spike as he walked nearer to his two friends.

“Really? What gift are ya looking for?” asked Apple Bloom. “Maybe we can help find it.”

“I thought a set of collectible coins might be a nice gift.” Spike answered. “Have you ever heard of filly bits?”

“Actually, yeah, I think my sister might have some,” Apple Bloom said as she tapped her chin with her hoof. She looked over at Scootaloo. “Didn't you tell me that you heard Rainbow Dash say that Applejack needs her filly bits tended to?”

Scootaloo looked across the table at Apple Bloom and shrugged. “I think that's what she said. She was kinda grumbling and said it under her breath as she walked down the street. I asked her about what she meant and she acted surprised to see me and then nervously changed the subject. If filly bits are coins, then that explains things...coin collecting must not be cool enough for Rainbow Dash.”

Spike smiled as he heard the good news. “Great! Maybe she knows where we can get some.”

Apple Bloom nodded as she finished her hay smoothie. “Yeah, let's head out to the farm and see if Applejack can help.”

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo put their smoothie glasses at the end of the table for the wait staff to collect and then joined Spike as he headed back across town towards Sweet Apple Acres.

*-*-*-*

A few minutes after Spike, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo had walked away from their table, the manager of the smoothie stand walked out from the kitchen of the smoothie cafe for a quick break. He then directed the wait staff to clean up the mess made when several of them had dropped smoothies off of their trays as they had become...distracted...overhearing bits and pieces of the conversation between the three friends.

*-*-*-*

Spike, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo had been walking across town for a while when they neared the library. As they got closer to the library, they noticed that walking out of the library door was...

“Princess Luna! How is everything? Were you here visiting Twilight?” Spike asked excitedly as the three friends ran over to the princess of the night.

“Hi, Princess Luna!” Apple Bloom and Scootaloo said as they practically bounced with excitement.

Luna looked at the three friends and smiled. “Greetings and good afternoon to you Spike, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo. We...I...did come to see Twilight, but she has not been in the library. I was just about to leave when you three showed up. Perhaps I may accompany you for a while and see if Twilight returns to the library later.”

Spike looked in the library and then back at Luna. “Was your visit important? We could look for Twilight if you need to speak with her soon.”

Luna shook her head and answered, “No, it was nothing so important as to need us to search. I only wanted to ask her about a spell she performed a while back. Anyway, what are you three heading?”

“Spike is looking for a birthday gift for Rarity!” Scootaloo answered.

Spike nodded and smiled. “I'm looking for filly bits.”

“Filly bits?” asked Luna. “What, pray tell, are filly bits?”

“They've got to be collectible coins,” Apple Bloom said. “We're going to go and ask Applejack about 'em. We think she might have some.”

Luna hadn't heard about this particular set of collectible coins, but the Royal Mint has released collectible sets from time to time and they were highly sought after; they were also wonderful gifts. “I, too, shall join in your search. Let us be off and see about Applejack's filly bits!”

*-*-*-*

Applejack and her brother, Big Macintosh, were out apple bucking in the field near the entrance to Sweet Apple Acres. Today was very productive – they had filled two cartloads of apples already. Applejack emptied her bucket into the cart and as she walked back to her tree she saw her sister Apple Bloom, as well as Scootaloo, Spike, and...Princess Luna walking through the front gate to their farm.

“Well, howdy, y'all!” Applejack said as she tipped back her hat. “Princess Luna, it's nice to see you. Spike, Scootaloo, it's nice to see y'all as well.”

The faint sound of hooves moving rapidly on the road could be heard in the distance.

“Hi, Applejack!” said Spike and Scootaloo.

“Greetings, Applejack, and good afternoon,” said Luna.

The rapid hooves seemed a little louder and not quite as distant down the road.

Apple Bloom looked up at her sister. “Hey, Applejack, do you have a few minutes? We think you might be able to help out with something.”

Applejack smiled and said, “Sure, sugar cube, what can I do for ya?”

“Spike's looking for filly bits!” Scootaloo bounced and buzzed her wings for a moment. She heard some leaves rustle in the next apple tree down the row and wondered if her wings did that.

Applejack's smile slowly vanished as her eyebrow raised. “Say what now?”

“Filly bits,” Apple Bloom said, “you have some, right?”

Applejack blinked twice, but her eyebrow stayed raised. “Ah suppose Ah do.” Applejack sounded a bit irked.

The rapid hooves were louder and sounded like they were just around the corner.

“Wonderful!” Luna exclaimed as she clopped her hooves together. “We would love to see them if you have a few moments.”

Scootaloo heard the leaves rustling in the apple tree again, but her wings were not buzzing this time.

“See...them...?” Applejack slowly deadpanned.

“Yeah,” said Apple Bloom, “could you go get them and show us?”

Big Macintosh blinked twice and grinned. He started walking over to where the group was standing.

The rapid hooves were no longer in the distance. Twilight Sparkle ran through the gate to the farm and stopped right where the group was standing. She looked angrily at Spike and then started yelling. “What in the hoof has gotten in to you? I was planning on a nice and relaxing day today. I was going to go to market and get some snacks to munch on while reading a good book, but when I got there I find out that you've been going around and asking everypony for filly bits! Not only that, but you've gotten Apple Bloom and Scootaloo involved. Not to mention, you've gotten, uh, Princess Luna, involved also.”

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo ducked their heads, sad and confused. Luna lifted her eyebrow, also confused. Spike looked like he was about to cry. “I just wanted,” he started to say.

“I think I know what you just wanted!” yelled Twilight.

“Beggin' your pardon, Miss Twilight,” Big Macintosh said as he arrived at the group. “Ah think Ah can help.”

“Sure, ok, why not?” answered Twilight with a slight growl, still watching Spike angrily.

“Yes,” said Luna, “please do.”

“Spike,” Big Macintosh gently said to the young drake, “what are filly bits?”

Many sets of eyes focused on Big Macintosh, and then to Spike as he answered. “Aren't they collectible coins?” Spike answered softly as he looked up at Twilight. “I was looking for a birthday gift for Rarity.”

“Bwuahahahaha!” a laugh came from the apple tree. “Ahahahaha...oops!” THUD. From the ground, Rainbow Dash continued to laugh. “Hahahaha!”

“Yes, are they not a collector's set from the Royal Mint?” asked Luna.

Twilight leaned down and nuzzled Spike's cheek. “Sorry for yelling, Spike. I see that you...didn't quite understand...”

“What don't I understand?” asked Spike.

“We'll have a...talk...back at the library,” answered Twilight.

“What don't we understand?” asked Luna.

The group became silent, and Big Macintosh walked closer to Luna. He raised his hoof to cover his mouth and whispered something to Luna.

Luna's eyes opened wider for a moment in shock as a blush rose in her cheeks. She looked at Big Macintosh and asked, “Verily?”

“Eeyup,” said Big Macintosh as he nodded.

“It appears that another modern turn of phrase has confused me,” Luna said as she looked at Applejack. “Please forgive my misunderstanding. Had we...I...known about this...”

“Don't you worry none,” Applejack said as she scratched the back of her head. “We've all had misunderstandings at one time or another.”

“Thank you, Applejack,” said Luna, “I truly am sorry to have involved you in this like this.”

“Speakin' of which, how did Ah get involved?” asked Applejack. “If y'all were thinking of collectin' coins, why did ya come here?”

“Oh, that's easy. I heard Rainbow Dash say...” Scootaloo started to say.

“Oh, horseapples!” Rainbow Dash said as she tried to make a quick getaway.

“Not so fast, there, RD,” Applejack said with an edge to her voice. “Get back here”

*-*-*-*

Later that night, because it was agreed that this wasn't something that should happen again, there was much explaining. Applejack spoke with Apple Bloom. Rainbow Dash, it was decided (after she had also received a talking-to), would talk with Scootaloo. Twilight spoke with Spike in the library...he decided to spend a few days in the library to allow the embarrassment to lessen before he went out and made numerous apologies.

Three days later, Spike decided it was the day that he would leave the library and make his apologies. He walked towards the door and reached for the handle. A knocking sound came from the other side right as he started turning the doorknob. He opened the door and was greeted by the mailmare, who was holding a package with Spike's name printed on the side. She handed Spike the package and smiled, then flew away towards the next house.

Spike opened the box and saw that inside were two items. There was a folded note, and...a set of coins. “Oh, no,” Spike said as he facehoofed, “don't tell me...”

Twilight noticed Spike's reaction to the package he received and walked over. “What's wrong? What is in” she started to say as Spike pulled the set of coins out of the box. She blinked three times with a puzzled look on her face and said, “um...”

Spike opened the note and began reading.

“Dearest Spike,

We both had an embarrassing misunderstanding the other day, but don't let that get you down. Learn from your misunderstandings and embarrassments and let it make you a better dragon. It is from our mistakes that we learn important lessons, and everypony makes them. I spoke with the Chairman of the Royal Mint and arranged for a new set of collector's coins to be made. Its theme is famous mares when they were younger, before they were famous. We can't...officially...call them what we thought they were called when we searched the other day, but if you need to use them to help along your apologies you can (but I would not recommend it, as the apology may not be quite as sincere). I have enclosed your set, which is serial number one. If you would like to give it to somepony as a birthday gift *hint* *hint* I'm sure it would be well-received. My set is serial number two. I wanted a set to remember the other day...and also thought it would be great pranking material. Oh, and please tell Twilight that I'll be out later in the week... I completely forgot my original purpose for visiting.
Your friend and comrade in mishaps,
Princess Luna”

Twilight looked at Spike. “Well, that was...nice of her.” She scratched the back of her head for a moment and then froze. “Wait...did she say pranking material?”

*-*-*-*

Princess Celestia was sitting in her bedroom enjoying a cup of tea. Luna walked in excitedly and bounced around the room. “Hey, Tia! Guess what? Hey, hey Tia!” Luna continued to bounce around as if trying to get her sister's attention. “Hey, Tia! Guess what? Guess what?”

Celestia took another sip of her tea and asked, “What?”

“I have filly bits!” Luna exclaimed with much enthusiasm.

Celestia momentarily lost her telekinetic hold on her teacup, and got a look on her face. It was a look that Luna rarely saw, but cherished the times that she could see it and celebrated the efforts that would bring it forth in triumph. It was a dumbfounded look where Celestia was caught utterly surprised by something absurd...head tilted at a slight angle, one eyebrow raised, the other eyebrow lowered, her tongue ever so slightly peeking out of the right side of her mouth, and best of all...her mane frozen while she blinked two or three times to process what was said...as if she had just smacked her head off of something hard.

Luna giggled, picked up her sister's tea cup, and placed it onto the table.

Celestia recovered and looked over at Luna. “You do?” she asked.

“Yep!” Luna giggled again as she pulled out her set of coins, serial number two.

Author's Note

This is a work of fanfiction (unofficial stories that lovingly borrow characters/settings, written by a fan of the show) - please do not confuse this with the the show. This story takes place in a somewhat alternate universe.

I do not own the characters or setting of the FIM universe - they belong to Hasbro. Please support them by purchasing their products (collectibles, videos, toys, etc.) - they are available at many physical stores as well as online.