Failure

“Dear Miss Rainbow Dash,

“We regret to inform you that you have not passed the trials at the Wonderbolt Academy. The reasons why are simple enough, and we hope that you understand why you haven’t made it into our squad of elite fliers.

“The reason(s) to why you have not made it into the Wonderbolts are listed below;

-Failed to impress

“We do apologize if this was not the news you were expecting, but we can only hire and take in the elite fliers and you are not one of them. Please do not come back until you have improved on both your physique and your skill in general.

Sincerely,

Spitfire, Captain of the Wonderbolts.”

Failure…

Is that what I was? Was I really a failure? Did I really fail to impress the most elite fliers of Equestria? The answer was yes. I wasn’t good enough, and it’s not that I think I’m not good enough. I know I’m not good enough. As soon as I read the word regret on the piece of paper, my heart sank. I was familiar with the feeling, but it never changed. It never hurt any less. The pain of failing at the only thing you know you’re good at is… heartwrenching.

I was a failure. It was written on the walls, written into my stupid brain. Failure. Failure! Failure! FAILURE! That’s what I was and it’s what I'll always be! A failure. I can’t inspire, and I sure as hay cannot impress. My dreams… all of them had been a lie. Nothing but a vision of what I wanted to become. But what I wanted to come would never come true. Because I was a failure. And even the false praises of my friends would never snap me out of this. I had no heart.

Why… me?

As soon as I had burst through my door, I slammed it shut, locking it tightly so that nopony could ever see my face ever again! Why would they want to see or even talk to a failure!? To a mistake who cannot achieve!? An accident! It didn’t stop there. With the tears flowing down my face, I threw myself into walls with whatever strength I had left, pictures falling and smashing onto the ground, the glass within the frames shattering as they hit the ground. Couches being toppled and pillows torn as my echoing cries rang out all the way through my cloudhouse.

Drawers were emptied, towels and sunglasses thrown to the floor in emphatic fashion. Some of the draws removed from the frames that contained them, the wooden boxes falling to the floor with a loud SLAM as they connected with the marble floor. Laughing while I cried, I quickly threw myself against another wall, more pictures of me and my friends falling to the ground, the glass inside of the frames shattering near my hooves.

“O-oh… Rainbow, you’re perfect!” I shakily choked out of myself, looking in a mirror that was suspended just above the almost-emptied drawer. “You tried… that’s all that mattered. Trying… T-trying, fuckin’ trying!” I screamed, before headbutting the mirror and feeling one or two small shards stab into my forehead. Hissing and wincing, I stared into the cracked reflection, smiling as the thick red blood trickled down between my eyes and then onto my muzzle.

I had thrown myself around, grunting and putting holes into the walls as I tried ever so hard to get rid of the emotional pain of being rejected again. Again… and again. With each punch given to the walls, with each hole that was inserted, blood trickled down from the wood that had stabbed deeply into my hooves. But the pain… it felt so good… I kept going and going, punching and grinding my hoof against the wood. But the crying, despite the amount of frustration and anger I was giving away, didn’t stop… in fact, with each and every splinter that had stabbed into my hoof, with each and every drop of blood that had trickled onto the floor… I had cried more and more… Because this was the reality. I was getting nowhere, and I would get nowhere.

Dragging myself up the staircase, I let the tears trickle down my face, and then down my neck and my body, before reaching the wounds on my hooves. The salty tears… they felt so good, sinking into my wounds with ease. Despite the light stinging, I hissed and smiled in delight before mumbling, “Yes… T-the pain will be gone soon. N-nopony will ever know that this pony had ever existed… No.”

Throwing myself into my door, I stumbled and almost fell flat on my face. Luckily, I managed to regain my balance before that even happened. I flicked the light switch, my eyes twitching as the tears continued to pour out, Wonderbolt posters plastered all over my walls. Images of every single Wonderbolt nailed to my walls, and the bed’s duvet cover and pillow marked with the official Wonderbolt logo.

“T-this all has to go… All of it…” I swallowed deeply, trying to hold the tears back. “No. More. Tears!” Quickly trotting to the bed, I gripped onto the quilt, and yanking it off the bed untidily, the duvet landing and hanging off of the window ledge. Next was the pillow. I grabbed it, tearing it in half with my teeth and bloodied hoof, feathers and fluff filling the room as the cotton was torn.

While some of the feathers were still falling, I quickly chomped down on a poster, tearing it down from the wall, a loud RIIIIIP echoing in the room. I grabbed another poster, then another, ripping and tearing them down, crying and laughing as I did it. Watching as the torn pieces of paper glided to the ground. Grabbing the pictures of the Wonderbolts one by one, I tore them from the wall, the pins that held them against the wall tearing through the pictures as I threw them to the ground and stomped on them, the pain from the splinters in my hoof intensifying.

“Y-yeah… it hurts, doesn’t it?” I groaned, closing my eyes as the tears trickled down my sodden cheeks. “I-it hurts… It hurts me, and I’m sure it hurts you to realize your number one fan hates you -- but that will never stop me dreaming…” I couldn’t stop the tears. I stomped a couple more times, trying to flatten the images and hopefully make them fade.

Opening my eyes, I leaned down beneath my bed, searching for… a rope of some sort. Considering it was dark underneath the bed, I couldn’t see exactly what I was feeling. But I didn’t feel anything ropey. The dust however stung the cuts along my hoof. When I finally did grab something that resembled a rope, I quickly dragged it out with my hoof, seeing a dirty and tatty old rope. Long enough to make a noose out of. This was the rope I used in the race with Applejack. Bringing back old memories, I felt tears blind my vision once more, large drops of them coming from eyes and landing on the ground.

“I… I’m so sorry...  But my life, it’s over. N-not that I…” I paused, trying to bite the tears back, but I was unable. “I-I loved you. All of you. Y-you were my best friends, and still are. A-and even when I’m gone, I-I’ll still think of you all.” Climbing to my hooves, I placed the rope in my mouth and attached one end to the lightbulb, and at the other end, I began to attempt to make a noose. The first couple of times, I failed… but I finally managed to get it right.

Climbing up onto my bed, I grabbed the noose with my teeth, putting my head through the hole that was big enough for my head. Only just. I took one step closer to the edge of the bed, sniffing up as the last few tears trickled down my cheeks and splashed onto the floor.

“I-it won’t ever stop me from dreaming…” I closed my eyes, and smiled as I thought of myself achieving the dream. Dreaming of what I thought I would achieve, but no. That reality is not for a failure. Jumping off of the bed, it all happened so fast. A quick, painless jolt around the neck and it was over.

I was finally where I wanted to be. Paradise...