This Confusing Attraction
Dear Diary,
Something confusing is happening to me. I can feel my mind wandering, and I don't know why. Okay, let me start at the beginning. I suppose that I started feeling weird on the day that Spike watched Angel Bunny for me. He was just, so, generous, I guess. I wanted to give him so much more than just one gem, but, well, I just couldn't afford it. Ever since that day I've been attracted to the library, like a moth is to the light. No, no, no, not that metaphor. I need to find a different one. I can't use that one, because once the moth reaches the light, or flame, it dies. Burns up. I can't let that happen. It would be the worst possible thing that could happen. Dashie has already caught me daydreaming once, so I'm sure everypony else, especially Rarity, has noticed. I can only hope that they don't connect the dots. Oh, that would be horrible! Everypony staring at me, and laughing, and OH!! It's just terrible! How would Spike would react? What if he ends up hating me? Or what if he ends up loving me back?
Rarity would be crushed. Though she tries not to show it, she loves Spike...she truly does. What kind of friend would I be to ruin her fantasies like that? Yet again, what kind of friend am I being to myself by not telling anypony? Although I don't admit it openly, I learned a lot from Iron Will. I learned that I must also treat myself with the same kindness that I treat everypony else with. I still don't understand why I have to choose whether I get to be happy, or if my friends do. Of course I would choose Rarity to be happy, I put everyone else above me. Just say, for one moment though, that I didn't. For once in my life, I put myself first. Where would that leave me? I honestly don't know. I am walking on alien ground even thinking about that. No matter what happens, it all comes down to this: Do I tell, or do I lock away my secret like it is the plague? I can't make a decision! It would be so much easier to ask my friends, but I can't. I just can't deal with being in the spotlight...I feel like a moth, flying to my death.
Spike, he loves Rarity, too. I mean, it's obvious in his face. He can't control anything around her. I try to not notice, to put on a big-mare face, but it is tearing me apart. Each time they share a special moment, part of my heart breaks off and cries, the tears inside representing what I could never show on the outside. I just smile, and play along.
Our little group of friends has changed over the years. Pinkie Pie has Cheese Sandwich, and although they haven't said anything yet, I believe that they are expecting a foal. Rainbow Dash and Soarin' are dating. Twilight is constantly, and I mean constantly, talking about Flash Sentry. AJ is still single, but I hear Toe-Tapper of the Pony-tones has a slight crush on her. That just leaves Rarity and I. Although nothing has been said, I can feel a growing tension between us, and I'm afraid it might just blow-up. I can't loose Rarity...for two reasons. One is that, well, we kind-of need her for the Elements of Harmony to work, and I would be lost without her. She is my tie to knowing everything.
Wow, to believe that this is all tied around Spike. I love Spike, from the very bottom of my heart, and I always will, but I am going to speak with Rarity next spa-day about her and Spike. They will make a cute couple, I know that they will.
Dear Diary,
I had spa-day with Rarity today, and I brought up Spike. She asked him out, and he said yes. I pretended to be pleased, but I feel like a bomb, getting ready to explode. I can only take so much. I am only one pony. I'm not sure how long I can last this horribly beautiful mess.
Dear Diary,
Rarity came wailing over to my house today. She said that Twilight wouldn't let Spike date ponies, she didn't know if it was scientifically safe. I was as crushed as Rarity was to hear this. It meant that my dreams were crushed. As mine were, so were Rarity's. So, I walked up to her, and I wrapped my wings around her in a tight, warm embrace. Soon, we found ourselves sobbing uncontrollably onto each others shoulders. As I sobbed, I confessed my secret to Rarity. I confessed that I liked- no, loved Spike. Once I started, I couldn't stop. I just kept babbling on, until Rarity shushed me.
"Can we go inside?" she asked
I nodded, and opened the door for her. I put the pot on for some tea, and motioned for her to sit down. The water boiled, and I gave her some chamomile tea with a side of milk and sugar. Rarity didn't even touch her tea. Instead, she looked me in the eye.
"Fluttershy, darling, I must speak to you. I don't want you to freak out, and please don't interrupt. I need to speak."
Her voice was so vulnerable, so scared-sounding, that all I could manage was a nod.
"Okay, darling," Rarity began. "I love Spike, and you know that. You also love Spike, which I know now. Please, never keep something like that from me again. Even if we like the same stallion, or, in this case, dragon, I still want to know. I pinkie-promise you that I will never judge you, or try to sabotage your relationships. You should never have to carry that kind of burden alone."
By the time Rarity finished speaking, both of our eyes were filled with tears. I could hardly manage to speak, so I muttered, "Okay," and that was it. I could tell that Rarity heard me. She always does.
