Twilight throws an Axe

by Leila Drake

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Slice of Life, Crossover, Narcotics, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Warcraft
Length: 3336

Twilight and her new friends go into a tavern. There are orcs and alcohol. A little WoW crossover.

A tauren, an undead and an alicorn go into a tavern.

A short story about orcs, drinks and axes. Do not attempt this at home.
You don't need to know the game to follow the story but having read the prequel is strongly recommended.

Published 2014-12-25 22:00:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-25 22:00:04 UTC

Truth or Dare

This story takes place in Dalaran during Twilight's first stay on Azeroth.

"Come on, it will be a harmless bit of fun", promised Tak. He gently pushed Twilight Sparkle through the Tavern entrance. The smirk on Priest's face, half hidden behind a dirty cloth, irritated him though. "What?"

"Nothing, I just think that the words 'Horde Tavern' and 'harmless' don't belong into the same sentence", commented the undead. "But who am I to judge, Tauren?"

Tak rolled his eyes and greeted the tavern's owner, a female brown-skinned orc who was about twice as tall as Twilight and very muscular. "You!", she barked at them.

Twilight jumped a bit at that, trying not to show how much she felt intimidated by the wild-looking orc.

"Drink! Feast! Rest until the next battle", continued the owner, her booming voice trained from shouting over the noise of a crowd. "I'm Uda, and I bid you welcome."

"Uh, thank you", said Tak, throwing a glance at Priest. The human was busy examining the floor, still smirking.

Uda smiled, revealing her fangs. "But no brawls or I'ma feed you to my wolves." She stroked the fur of the enormous white wolf that lied on the rug next to her. The other wolf, a monster with grey fur, yawned and eyed them lazily. They reminded Twilight more of lions than wolves but maybe they had eaten recently and that's where the resemblance came from. They looked satisfied. She suppressed a shudder, trying hard not to imagine their last meal.

Uda ignored the purple alicorn, obviously thinking that Twilight was Tak's pet. Twilight was used to it by now; less questions meant less trouble. Uda nodded at them curtly, allowing them to go past her and the wolves.

The tavern itself was a confusing mixture of all things cozy and horrifying.

It had a high stone ceiling and warm fires burning in a fireplace and large iron bowls. Most creatures here were green orcs and blue trolls but Twilight could spot an elf, too. Guttural laughter filled the room as well as the smell of cooked vegetables and meat. The alicorn tried to ignore the stench of the latter, averting her eyes from the pig that lay on a huge tray on the table. Somebody had stuck a knife into its back, probably to invite guests to dig in. Another pig was roasting on a fire.

At the back of the tavern a wide wooden staircase led up to a gallery. Tak headed for it, passing the elf, and Priest and Twilight followed him.

"I don't like this", muttered Twilight, still tense.

Tak swiftly sat down on a three-legged stool (luckily for him it was a very sturdy one) and Priest and Twilight did the same. A lone candle burned on the round oak table. The wood was very uneven and covered by scratches and irregular holes. However, it was clean.

Twilight relaxed a little and shifted around on her seat. No one up here seemed to be interested in the new arrivals. She looked over to the balcony on the opposite wall of the large room. Huge barrels were lined up on it, dusty and behind cobwebs. When was the last time someone had been over there?

"So", said Priest, his voice as hoarse as ever, "how's the research going?" He crossed his arms, leaning forward.

Twilight tilted her head and smiled. "Not so bad actually. I think I made a breakthrough today!"

Tak leaned closer. "Does it have anything to do with the Hearthstone spell you found?"

"No, not even remotely", she admitted. She shrugged. "I developed a new modification of the portal spell, including some restrictions for its parameters, and..." she looked up and noticed the clueless expression on Tak's face. "Nevermind... What is this place called anyway?"

"The Filthy Animal", admitted Tak.

Twilight giggled. "Seriously?"

Priest jerked his head in direction of the staircase to get their attention.

A barmaid was approaching them. She was a troll, her long red hair in braids and her leather clothes exposing a lot of blue skin. "What can I get'cha?", she asked with a melodious voice.

"Hi, Umbiwa. I'll take the Mulgore Firewater", said Tak.

"And fo' you?" She turned to Priest and Twilight. Her eyes flickered back to Tak for a second when she realized the alicorn was giving her her full attention.

Priest hesitated. "The Frogvenom Brew", he said. "And a Frostcap."

"Do you have anything without alcohol?" inquired Twilight with a meek voice.

"Sure, mon", said Umbiwa. "I assume ya don' want de Goat's milk", she smirked.

"Any tea, perhaps?" Twilight's cheeks reddened.

Priest lowered his head to hide his expression.

"Can do. Mint okay? It's wit' some honey:"

"Oh, yes, please."

Umbiwa nodded, then went downstairs, her hips swaying elegantly.

"Don't say anything", demanded Twilight.

"What? I didn't", grinned Priest.

"I still don't believe you're from another world", said Priest, wiping his mouth. Another mug of Frogvenom was finished, he slid it to the middle of the table to join its empty friends.

Twilight counted the mugs and glasses: Too many. She frowned and rested her head on her front hooves. "You don't have to", she repeated. "As long as you won't stop me from trying to get home."

"Can't you t-talk... a little more clearly?", asked Priest, leaning over to her. She flinched; her anti-smell-spell only worked on the necrotic flesh, not alcoholic beverages.

"Don't worry about him", said Tak, "he's just tanked. It'll pass."

"You", declared Priest, "are the weirdest magical acs-, asc-, akzzzident I've ever met."

"I'm not an accident", groaned Twilight and added, "You've probably had enough. I didn't think the dead could get drunk anyway. How is that even possible?"

"Alllcohol", explained Priest, a dreamy smile on his unhealthily pale face, "and magic. But it takes longer for usss..." His head slowly sank down to the table. Priest did not lose consciousness but his yellow eyes stared into the distance, their faint glow unfocused.

"Of course", said Twilight. "Uh, Priest? Priest...!" She nudged him with her hoof.

He stayed perfectly still. It seemed that he wasn't able to respond to his environment anymore.

"A toast to magic!", said Tak and emptied his own drink. His massive three-fingered hand put the glass down with an exaggerated flourish.

"Dear Celestia", muttered Twilight. She could already see herself dragging the two of them out in her magic. That would be a sight to behold: A little purple pony levitating two humanoids who, together, had more then ten times her weight.

An orc from the next table turned around and raised his mug. "To Magic!", he declared. His three friends did the same and took a sip, then a double-take when they noticed the alicorn.

"What are you?", asked the first Orc who had a series of earrings and his black hair bound together to a tight knot on his otherwise bald head.

"Er", said Twilight, shrinking in her seat. A blurry image of Fluttershy came to her mind. So that was what she felt like with strangers. Twilight Sparkle didn't think of herself as a shy pony. She was glad that she was able to socialize quite well by now. That didn't include huge intimidating orcs, though... She could almost feel the disappointed glance of Celestia's in her back. She also remembered Fluttershy's assertiveness lessons.

At least there was a minotaur - er, tauren sitting right next to her. So she called herself to order and said, "My name is S-stardust and I-"

"Oooh", said one of the other orcs, scratching his side, revealing a crude axe that was strapped to his belt. "What kind of accident are you?"

Twilight felt the blood rushing into her cheeks. "I'm not an acc-", she started but got interrupted again by Tak who nudged her sloppily with his elbow and slightly shook his head. She had to think fast. "I, uh, well, there was this one spell that... went wrong", she lied, her voice almost an octave higher than usual. Keeping big secrets was a pain in the flank.

The orc with the earrings laughed dirtily and turned away.

Twilight exhaled. She had not noticed she had been holding her breath. Then she saw that other one still had his eyes fixed on her.

"W-what?", she asked, slightly irritated.

"Nuthing", said the orc. He turned away, snickering.

"What's he so amused about?", mumbled Twilight, leaning over to Tak.

The tauren shrugged. "I think he's trying to imagine the spell", he assumed. "Don't think anything of it."

"Yeah", said the first orc, turning to them again, "Don't think, just drink!" He and his comrades laughed again.

"How come you are still this close to being sober?", wondered Twilight very quietly.

"The weight", came an unexpected slur from Priest.

Tak's left eye twitched.

"I bet you're as drunk as us", said the Orc. "I bet you'rrre twice as drunk. Right, Wanathan?"

"Dabú", agreed the second orc. The other orcs rolled their eyes and stood up. It seemed that they already knew what was going to happen.

Tak sat up straight but they just nodded at their comrades and left. Now only Wanathan and the orc with the earrings were left. He started fingering his own axe which Twilight had not noticed until now.

"We could test it", he said slowly. "With a contest."

Tak leaned back. "No", he said.

"Huh?!" Wanathan stood up. "I didn't even say what kind of contest."

"I don't care", said Tak, trying to keep his voice level while his tail started to twitch as well.

"It's an axe-throwing contest!", declared Wanathan, completely ignoring Tak's refusal.

"I said: I don't care", repeated Tak.

"I think you are drunk", muttered Twilight.

"The rules are easy", said Wanathan. "You miss, you drink an inch. You hit the target, you win."

"Come on, Tak, let's get out of here", said Twilight, nudging the tauren.

Tak groaned and stood up very slowly. "Fine", he said. "Let's do this." A crooked smile, then he was standing upright.

The orc suddenly remembered that he was way smaller than Tak, not that it kept him from grinning and waving with the axe in front of the tauren's face.

"I'll go first", said Tak and stretched out his hand. Wanathan handed the axe over. It was rather small; the stone blade had been sharpened by hitting it with other stones at the right angle. It looked worn, several scratches covered it and the handle was bound together with a leather strap.

"Let's go downstairs, then", said the other orc who still had not told them his name.

Twilight looked in vain for a target shield; instead, two puppets stood next to the wall. Spears were stuck in the wall next to them and in the smaller doll's belly. The bigger figure, wooden as its neighbor and as big as a fat human, has a rough dismal expression scratched into its bucket-shaped wooden head. An apple sat on top of it. Someone had almost hit the apple; the largest spear was stuck right next to it.

Twilight pointed at the other doll. "Is that supposed to be a dwarf?" It had an orange something attached to its head and while Twilight thought it looked like an orange ferret she assumed it was supposed to be a beard.

The orcs laughed. "Yep", said Wanathan. "Come on, Shokavis, give the tauren your axe. You get two throws, then we switch, heh?"

"Whatever." Tak aimed at the larger doll and threw the first axe. It spun wildly, then hit the wall beneath one of the doll's outstretched broomstick arms. "Crap", he said.

"You still got the other one", urged Shokavis, giving Tak his own axe. His tone was doubtful.

Twilight decided to go and see how Priest was doing on the balcony and disappeared upstairs.

She found the undead sitting normally again. Twilight sat down and eyed him.

"Magic?", she asked.

"Magic", confirmed Priest. "Cleansing spell. Hurt but it was worth it." He blinked which was his equivalent of a friendly smile.

Twilight smiled back, properly, with her entire face, and took a sip from her still half full glass of orange juice.

"You know what, that elf woman who is helping us with the research - Lady Eventide, right? - she seems kind of suspiscious to me. Don't you think she's planning something?"

"Everybody is planning something", said Priest, bored. He hesitated. "Okay, except Fren. She's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Still a nice girl." He closed his mouth as if he had said too much.

Twilight pondered that. Was Fren a relative of his? Or was she a friend, maybe from Orgrimmar or Undercity? She didn't dare to ask.

A thuck was heard from downstairs, followed by Tak's groan.

Laughter echoed through the tavern. The orcs were having fun. So was her friend, assumed Twilight, despite his complaints. Then why wouldn't that anxious feeling go away?

"Still, something feels off." Twilight sighed and stood up. "Come on, let's leave this place. I'd really prefer to return to the Citadel and hit the hay."

"Fine", said Priest and shrugged. "Makes no difference to me." He got up, still swaying a little. "Whoa", he said. "I need an espresso."

They descended the stairs.

"Looks like Tak needs one, too", added the undead, his tone unchanged.

Twilight froze in midair as she saw what was happening downstairs. "Why is Tak only wearing half of his armor?", she asked slowly. "Did they change the rules?"

Priest hid the visible part of his face behind his hand. "Yes... It's Truth or Dare. Orc version." He sounded as if he was introducing a Dreadlord.

"Orc version?" Twilight carefully stepped closer to the group.

Wanathan, missing one of his boots, grinned and and lowered his axe which he had just retrieved from the wall.

"When you miss the target you take a piece of armor off or reveal a secret. You have to choose before you throw", explained Priest reluctantly, "and once you've got no more armor or secrets to lose, you lose the game. And you are not allowed to quit before that happens."

Shokavis raised a finger. "But! You can fight your opponents when it happens. Then you win the game!"

"Er", said Twilight.

"Hah! A hit!", shouted Shokavis.

Applause came from the small crowd that had gathered to watch the game, and Tak pulled an axe out of the 'dwarf's' face, a smug grin on his face. He took one armguard and put it back on.

Twilight harrumphed. If they had not changed the rules the game would have stopped here, she thought.

"You're next", said Tak, shoving the weapon into Shokavis' open palm, handle first.

Priest crossed his arms and leaned back against this handrail. "This can only end badly", he said. "I wanna see how, don't you?"

So Twilight, though rolling her eyes, allowed a small smile to creep onto her face and stayed where she was. Priest was so rarely interested in anything! This could be a sign that he didn't want to leave Tak alone, who knew? She decided to let this unfurl a bit more and nodded at Priest. Maybe she could learn something about the Horde's culture? After all, this was why she had agreed to spend the evening in the tavern: Curiousity.

Shokavis took a firm stance, aiming for the dwarf. "Armor", he said.

The axe spun through the air, hitting the wall next to the doll's head. He grunted, dissatified. A mutter went through the crowd.

"Pretty close", commented Priest.

The orc took one of his boots and put it aside so nobody could trip over it.

Wanathan threw his own axe. A slightly bigger boot joined the first one after that.

Now it was Tak's turn again.

Twilight leaned closer, struggling not to ready parchment and ink. Her tail twitched, this time with excitement. She forced it to stay still, her smile getting broader.

"They still got good aim for being that drunk", muttered Priest.

Tak hesitated. He had already lost his chestpiece and shoulderplates. He was probably wondering for how much longer he would be able to play. Maybe his plan was to get the orcs more drunk to have less of a disadvantage. The tauren nodded, coming to a conclusion. "Truth", he said.

The crowd cheered.

"Huh. That's rare", said Priest. "Bit dangerous to reveal secrets in a tavern."

"Isn't it because orcs like fighting and doing so with less armor is more of a challenge?", offered Twilight.

"That, too", admitted the undead.

Tak threw his axe - and missed the taller doll's torso by an inch. He scoffed, making a sloppy gesture, like someone who throws waste into a trash can. With force.

The crowd's cheers grew louder, then ebbed away as Wanathan raised his hands.

"Sooo", he grinned broadly, stretching the word like a bowstring. "Truth."

Tak snorted. "Bring it."

"Oh Light, please don't tell them about the portal", muttered Priest suddenly.

"I want to know", said Wanathan loudly, trying to gain attention of the crowd, "I want to know what kind of accident turned her" - he pointed at Twilight - "into a purple horse."

The crowd laughed. A troll even chuckled so hard that he almost choked on his drink.

Priest hissed. "Great."

Twilight could feel her face turn bright red, not with embarrassment but with anger and regret.

"Can't he just say nothing?", she asked desperately.

"No. It's an honor thing", said Priest.

Tak opened his mouth, then closed it again, throwing an apologetic glance at Twilight. The alicorn forced a stiff smile, unable to hide her emotions completely.

"Well, time to spill the beans", insisted Shokavis.

Tak sighed. "It wasn't an accident", he said quickly. "She's actually an ali-"

THUCK.

Tak spun around, staring at the axe that had missed his head by a hair. His eyes went wide.

Shokavis stared at his suddenly empty hand. "What the -", he stuttered.

"Where's my axe?!", shouted Wanathan at the same time, turning around and looking for the thief. There it was, but...

He gaped at the weapon floating a few feet away from him. It was encased in a faint pink aura. A second glance and the orc realized that Twilight's horn was glowing in the same kind of light. She raised her head a little and the axe whizzed past Wanathan, pinning the boot he had taken off to the wooden planks of the tavern floor.

"The game is over. We forfeit", she said. "Tak, please get your armor. We're leaving."

In a matter of seconds the tavern went crazy. Wanathan bowed down, struggling to remove the axe from his boot's heel. Shokavis tried the same with the axe in the wall, grunting and panting. When he realized that it was no use, he swiftly drew a knife. "Looks like we're going to the next phase", he snarled.

But where were the tauren and his two strange friends? All he could see was a purple tail disappearing between two laughing blood elves.

"Out of my way!", he shouted. "Let me through!"

A muscular brown hand grabbed his arm, forcing him around. "Not so fast", said Uda, a half-threatening, half-amused grin on her face. "Did you forget my rule, hmmm?"

"But they -", he protested.

"Didn't break it", she cut him off. "You are getting a choice. No coming here for two weeks - or the wolves."

The laughter of the guests of the Filthy Animal followed the two orcs all the way out of the city.

Author's Note

A little something for the WoW fans among us. Thanks for reading!
Don't forget to rate if you liked it. :)

Trivia:
The supporting characters actually exist ingame. I invented their characterizations based on their equipment. Uda is really the owner of the tavern and greets the guests like above. The drinks are what you can usually get in Northrend.