It was at this point when I noticed that my vision was starting to get a little bit hazy. A sort of milky fog had begun to overtake my sight, and a distinct ringing had begun to fill the void that was once my sense of sound. I could no longer hear the birds chirping, or the rabbits hopping, or even the soft sound of breathing that was coming from the white mare standing in front of me. In fact, she was no longer there.

Oh wait. There she is. I guess I just couldn’t see her through the fog.

The fog that was getting thicker and thicker by the second, and was slowly turning a dark shade of crimson.

As the fog grew in intensity, my heart rate began to speed up. Soon, my lungs were no longer able to breathe in the oxygen rich air, and I collapsed to the ground, my chest heaving and my eyes rolling to the back of my head. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I screamed.

Human. Human. Human. Human. That’s what I fucking am. I’m a fucking human, not a god damn fucking pony. Fuck this shit. Fuck this world, and fuck the people, the ponies, the everything that lives in it. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I refuse to accept this reality. I refuse!

Fog. Fog. Fog. Everywhere is fog, and it’s filling every corner of my mind. My body, too. I can feel it. I can feel the fog inside my body, and it hurts. Oh, how it fucking hurts. It feels like I’m burning from the inside out, and the fire that is burning, is the very same fog that I’m seeing. Or, more accurately, not seeing.

I believe that I may be going blind. I think that the fog has eaten away at my eyes, leaving nothing behind. I can no longer feel the air, and I can no longer hear the sound of my own heartbeat. It’s just me and the fog, and the pain. The pain is everywhere, and yet I no longer feel it. I’m numb. I can’t feel anything. I’m not even sure if I’m breathing, or if I’m even alive. Am I alive? Yes. No. Maybe. Who knows.

I woke up a few hours later, once again on the same couch as before, and once again with the white horse. I bring a hand to my forehead to wipe away the sweat, and then I realize… I have my fucking hand back! Hell to the yes, bitches!

I quickly jump to my feet, and start inspecting my body. Everything seems to be the way it should be. My legs are where they should be, and I only have the two. My skin is no longer blue, but is the same pale white that I remember. I have my hair, which is black and greasy. I have my beard, which is also black and greasy. And most importantly, I have my dick, and what a dick it is. Long, thick, and a bit on the smelly side, but a dick nonetheless.

However, there is one aspect of my body that is not quite right. You see, my hands, while indeed human, appear to be slightly off. Not physically, mind you, but rather in the way that they feel. It’s kind of hard to explain, but it feels like the bones in my hands have been fused together to create some kind of weird skeleton. It doesn’t really affect the way that my fingers move, but the sensation is very bizarre.

“Ah, you’re awake.” Spoke the white mare, who seemed to have moved from her position in front of the couch to the opposite side of the room. “How do you feel?”

“Like shit. Though, at least I’m a human again, which is a definite improvement. How long was I asleep?”

“Three days.”

What the fuck? “Did you say three days?! What the hell happened to me?! Why was I out for three fucking days?!”

“To be absolutely honest with you, I have no idea what happened to you. You were somehow able to force your body back into its original human form using a type of magic I’ve never before seen. Normally, such a feat would be impossible, and yet you somehow managed to pull it off. However, in doing so, you lost consciousness, and have been asleep since then.”

“And how the fuck did I manage to use this supposed ‘magic’ of yours? I’m a human, not a pony. Humans don’t use magic, or at the very least, we aren’t supposed to. We’re only supposed to do magic tricks, not actual fucking magic.”

“Magic is not exclusive to ponies, Mr. Finn. As I said before, this is an alternate dimension, not an alternate planet. Therefore, everything in this world is similar to that of your own, with only a few minor differences. Magic is one such difference, as is the fact that the dominant species in this world are not humans, but rather ponies.”

Okay, I have to admit, she has a point there. If this truly is an alternate dimension, then it stands to reason that magic would be accessible to anyone, not just ponies. But that raises an important question. If I am in fact a human, and therefore have no natural ability to manipulate magic, then how was I able to cast a spell? And, for that matter, how the hell did I manage to knock myself out for three fucking days? Did I overdose on magic or something?

Celestia was silent, and her expression unreadable. Though, if I had to hazard a guess, I’d say that she was trying to figure out the exact same things as me. I suppose I could always ask her, but I get the feeling that I won’t be getting an answer anytime soon. At least, not from her.

Instead of asking Celestia, I decided to ask the other pony in the room. She was yellow, and had a pink mane. Oh, and she was also a Pegasus. Yeah, that’s right. A Pegasus. A fucking flying pony, that’s what I’m asking. And yes, that does mean that I’m talking about the same pony that was in the room when I initially woke up. You know, the one that I had completely ignored.

And I’ll tell you why. Because, compared to Celestia, this mare was insignificant. She was a small, timid, and frankly, weak looking creature. The type of creature that you could push around without having to worry about any sort of retaliation. The type of creature that wouldn’t fight back. Not even when being beaten half to death. That’s the type of pony she was, and that’s exactly why I chose to ignore her. Well, that and the fact that she’s yellow. Seriously, why the fuck is she yellow?

“Mr. Finn, please. This is no way to behave. This is Fluttershy’s home, after all.” Celestia spoke, her tone of voice carrying a hint of annoyance. Yes, just keep reading my mind. I totally love when you do that, you stupid long faced horse creature. I bet you don’t even know how to use a computer. You’re probably more familiar with stone slabs and chisels. Or, maybe even hieroglyphics. You know, what with the whole Egyptian theme you have going on with that sun cutie mark of yours. And seriously, what the hell is a cutie mark anyway? Is that like a tattoo or something?

“Mr. Finn-”

“Shut up, will you? I’m trying to think here. You know, actually use my brain. You should try it sometime.” After saying this, I turned my attention back to the yellow pony. “You. Pony. What’s your name?”

“Flu-Fluttershy. M-m-my name is-is Fluttershy, Mr. F-Finn.” The pony known as Fluttershy replied. Okay, I have to be honest here. That was pretty damn cute. I mean, just listen to that stutter. It’s adorable. I could listen to her talk all day. Hell, I might even consider marrying her. You know, if she were a human, and not a talking pony.

“That’s a lovely name. Now, can you answer my question, or do I need to beat the answer out of you?”

“Uhm, what-what question, Mr. F-Finn?”

“I was wondering how I was able to cast a spell, and how it was that I managed to knock myself out for three days.”

“O-oh, well, uhm. W-well, I-I’m not really sure, b-but, uhm. Maybe it has s-something to do with, uhm. W-well, your magic, m-maybe?”

“My magic? What the hell are you talking about, pony? Humans don’t have magic.”

“Oh, but, uhm. Y-you do, Mr. F-Finn.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Well, uhm. Y-you see, Mr. F-Finn. A-are you sure, you-you’re a h-human?”

“Am I sure that I’m a human? Are you serious? Of course I’m a human, you stupid yellow horse. I’m a fucking human. I have a dick. See, look. It’s right here. And, if that wasn’t proof enough, I also have hands, and a mouth, and ears, and eyes, and a nose, and a whole bunch of other human things. I’m a human. I have been a human, and I will continue to be a human until the day that I die. Which, hopefully, will be soon. I’m getting pretty sick of being a human, if you know what I mean. Not that I’m implying anything about suicide or anything like that, but you get the idea.”

I looked down at my body. I was still wearing the same clothes that I had been wearing the first time I had woken up in this world. Though, they were now covered in sweat and other various bodily fluids, not to mention that they were also rather wrinkled and tattered. I needed a shower, and a change of clothes. And, if possible, a nice big meal, with a cold beer to wash it all down. Oh, and a cigarette. I could really go for a cigarette right now.

Celestia, however, had a different plan in mind. She wanted to continue our little conversation, which is something that I was not in the mood for. So, I did what any sane man would do in my situation. I ignored her. I ignored her, and continued to examine my body, and the clothes that adorned it. And that’s when I noticed it. My shirt had a picture of a cartoon unicorn on it. A cartoon unicorn, that was wearing a top hat and monocle, and was holding a cane in one of its hooves. And, beneath the unicorn, were the words, ‘I’m not crazy, I’m a teacher.’

I couldn’t believe it. This was the same shirt that I had been wearing when I had first woken up in this world, only now there was a unicorn on it, and a message beneath it, where there hadn’t been one before.

I couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer absurdity of it all. I had somehow managed to transform myself back into a human, and then knocked myself out for three days. And now, my clothes were changing on me. Either this world was slowly driving me insane, or I was already insane, and had only just begun to notice. Either way, I found the situation to be hilarious, and so I laughed. I laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and eventually, I began to cry.

Author's Note

Next chapter will be at least 10k words in length.