The Story of Mr. Finn

by MysticGuitar

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Celestia, Sex, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Human, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 8703

Mr. Finn was a seventh grade teacher for a bunch of ungrateful brats. Thugs, as he called them. His view on the world couldn't be lower, so you can imagine his surprise when he's sent to the magical land of Equestria. A land of Harmony.

Mr. Finn was a seventh grade teacher for a bunch of ungrateful brats. Thugs, as he called them. His view on the world couldn't be lower, so you can imagine his surprise when he's sent to the magical land of Equestria. A land of Harmony. A land of magic. A land of ponies.

It's also worth pointing out that this story, while considered a comedy, really isn't all that funny. I'm going for a darker kind of humour that may not be appreciated by every individual out there.

Published 2014-10-16 01:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2024-12-15 03:01:12 UTC

The Second Chapter

I'm currently lying flat on what appears to be a sofa, and can hear the sound of two muffled female voices coming from the other room.

Unfortunately, their conversation died well before I could properly listen in, forcing me to redirect my attention to my surroundings. That is when I noticed that I had a small audience of various animals looking at me with curious eyes. There were birds flying freely through the air, while some of them perched on nearby household items. There were also quite a few squirrels scurrying around the floor, and climbing up the walls, only to vanish a moment later into a hole or nest. There was also a small rabbit sleeping on the rug directly in front of the sofa, his back leg kicking every so often to the soundless rhythm of life.

As I was sitting there in relative silence, I noticed that everything had an unusual visual appearance. The colours were full of life, while still maintaining a realistic aesthetic. It was as if my perception of the world was five hues higher than normal, giving everything a surreal clarity. It reminded me of an old painting I once admired of a single red rose sitting in a field of black, white and gray. A canvas of death, with a rose representing the only source of colour. Of life.

The sound of movement behind me captures my attention. It took but a glance at the approaching pony for me to remember the events that had only recently unfolded. Up until that moment, I had placed a mental barrier to block the rather traumatizing circumstances I found myself in. But now that barrier is broken, allowing a flood of unwanted memories to flow freely through my mind.

My vision began to blur, though before I could fully leave the world of consciousness, I felt a surge of energy overtake me, sharpening my mind and warming my body in what I can only describe as a heavenly embrace of joy.

"Mr. Finn, there is no reason to fear, I assure you." Spoke a voice of a calming authority. It felt sincere, and perhaps even pure. It took me a moment to realize that I had heard this very voice once before, and that this voice was the reason I had been transported to the land of impossibilities. The voice belonged to a young child named Celestia. No, wait. That isn’t quite right. She wasn’t a child at all, but rather a large white horse with a mane that billowed in a nonexistent breeze.

Darkness began to overtake me again, only to once again be replaced by the surge of energy.

“Mr. Finn,” Celestia began with a mild giggle, “you truly have nothing to fear from us.”
Celestia began to move closer to the sofa, of which she was now standing in front of. Upon seeing what I can only assume was my frightened human form, she stopped her advance, and sat down elegantly on the rug, a warm smile placed upon her equine face.

This seemed to disturb the little white rabbit that had been sleeping soundly a moment before, as the rabbit got up out of his resting position, and proceeded to make various gestures with his front paws, before hopping away and into another room.

Celestia took notice of the rabbits actions, which in turn caused the second voice to speak up for the first time.

“Oh my, Angel! That is no way to behave around Princess Celestia. Now come back here and apologize this instant, mister!” Said the voice, her body still hidden behind the sofa from my view.

My brain simply could not comprehend what was going on around me. While I technically remained conscious, my mind went into a state of shock, causing me to stare off into the space in front of me.

After a long pause in my mental facilities, I began to regain control, and with it, was able to actually formulate a shaky sentence. “Fairy tales…”

“Mr. Finn-” Celestia began, drawing in my attention. She was smiling warmly at me, almost like how a mother would smile at her young child. “I know you may be scared and confused, and I greatly apologize for this massive inconvenience. However, please know that I brought you here for a reason, which will present itself to you in time.”

To be quite honest, I wanted to say something in response. I truly did, but I just couldn’t control my nerves long enough to utter a proper sentence. Sure, I already technically said fairy tales, but that was more of an automated thing. It just came out. Now that I’m expected to actually reply back to a talking horse, well… every time I got close to formulating sound, everything within me constricted. It was like a battle within my mind, and the side of fear was winning.

I’ve never once even dreamed of having an intelligent conversation with a fucking horse, so sue me for my initial reactions. Seriously, this is just too much. Not to mention the fact that I’m not even on the same fucking planet. Or at least, I assume I’m not. I really don’t know where I am.

Of course, that’s when my mind decided to think about my family, and the Netflix session I would clearly never have. My two boys, my beautiful wife. I even thought about my pet cat, for whatever unknown reason. To be honest, I absolutely despised that feline bastard, and yet I found myself thinking about her.

It was at that moment when I realized that I was crying.

I’m not sure how long I had been crying for, but it was clearly long enough to leave a wet stain on my shirt. Up until now, I was crying silently. However, now that my mind has been made aware of my endless stream of tears, my crying has become rather loud. I just wanted to drown out everything around me with my tears, so I held absolutely nothing back.

Celestia was looking at me with a saddened expression of her own, opting to stand up and continue over to the sofa.

Once she was at the sofa, she sort of just sat there. No words were said, no actions were taken. She just sat there, allowing her presence to comfort me. I could even feel warmth radiating from her body, almost like the sun itself was trying to cheer me up from the inside out.

We sat like that for what felt like hours, until finally I could cry no more.

My eyelids began to feel heavy, and I soon found myself losing consciousness. But just before I could fully fall asleep, I felt Celestia wrap her wing around me, providing just enough additional warmth to actually make me do what I thought I would never do again.

Smile.

Author's Note

Hey guys, I'd like to thank y'all for reading, and for being so supportive in chat.

Ending this chapter on a bit of a sad note just felt right to me. Hopefully you guys feel the same way, and enjoy the direction I'm taking this thing.

Anyway, if you like what I'm doing with this story, please be sure to let me know. I should have a new chapter online by November 8th. That should give me enough time to allow my Halloween sugar rush to die down.
Though, to be honest? I suck when it comes to sticking to schedules. So, the third chapter could be published sooner, or later. Who knows? I'm not a psychic. :rainbowlaugh:

Like, follow, fav, and Spike.

The Third Chapter

“Why did you leave us, Dad? Why did you leave us behind?” Asked my youngest son, tears streaming from his eyes.

“Yeah Dad, why the fuck did you leave us? Seriously, don’t you fucking love us anymore?” Said my older son.

“Kids, that’s no way to talk to your father.” My wife spoke this time, love clearly evident in her voice. I knew she would never- “Besides, haven’t I told you two already? We’ve moved on to a better life. Your father was an insignificant stain, and we should all be grateful that he’s finally gone.”

The room started to spin, with voices circling around me.

“He’s not worth loving-”
“We never loved you, Dad-”
“You’re just a stain-”

“Wake up”

I awoke with a start, a heavy pressure pounding inside of my chest. I was sweating heavily, as made evident by the soaked sofa cushion, and taste of salt in my mouth.

“It was only a dream.” I said with a sigh, before realizing that I was not the only person in the room. Well, I suppose technically I was the only person, as the other form of life was that of a horse.

Celestia was sleeping soundly by my side, and had her wing wrapped around me like a blanket. Though, this time I didn’t freak out. I actually enjoyed her presence, as it gave me a sense of safety. Of security.

As if sensing that I was thinking about her, Celestia stirred herself awake; her large purple eyes opened to look directly into mine. A smile soon appeared on her face, likely because I was looking at her not with fear, but instead curiosity.

"Good morning, Mr. Finn. Did you sleep well?"

"I - ugh pfft!" I began to say, but the cat on my tongue got the better of me. And I don't mean that in some metaphorical way, because there was literally a kitten laying on my face. It jumped from some unknown location, and landed on my face with an audible thud.

After a short meow, it jumped off of me, and walked away.

"I slept well." I said, answering Celestia's earlier question, and drawing her gaze away from the kitten on the floor. Though, to be honest, I have no idea how or why I was suddenly able to talk to her without fear, or even hesitation. It was almost like my fear was swept away by my dreams.

My dreams...

"Where am I?" I asked while scratching an annoying itch on the back of my head, only to discover that the itch was caused by a blue jay, which had been pecking at me.

"You're in Equestria, Mr. Finn. More specifically, you're in a small cottage just outside of a town called Ponyville."

"Right. And, how the hell did I get here? On that note, where exactly is here?"

"To answer your first question, I brought you here using a type of teleportation magic." Celestia looked at me for a reaction. I just nodded my head, as at this point, the concept of magic didn't bother me. I'm not sure why, but I had come to accept it.

"As for your second question, I'm afraid that this isn't an easy thing to answer. You see, this is technically an alternate dimension to your own, which is why you are seeing so many things that are familiar to you, yet also seem to be very different."

No words. None. I couldn't think of a single thing to say to that, even though I kept opening my mouth with broken expectations.

I mean, how am I supposed to reply to something like that? The very idea of it seems so absurd and illogical. Though, talking with an intelligent magical horse seems just as absurd and illogical. Not to mention the fact that it's a horse with wings and a horn. An alicorn, if I remember the lore correctly.

My heart rate increased to a point where it feels physically painful to be alive. However, before I could pass out, I felt a warm surge of energy, followed by a giggle from Celestia.

"While I understand how you may feel, you must try to remain claim, Mr. Finn." Said Celestia. Oddly, the simple fact that she was here seemed to calm me. I don't know why, or even how. I just know that I like her, and want to be near her for as long as possible.

Except, I also don't want to be here at all. A part of me just wants to run the fuck away.

Something grabbed Celestia's attention from behind the sofa. With a smile, Celestia nodded her head, which was soon followed by the sound of footsteps. (or perhaps hoofsteps would be more accurate?)

"Mr. Finn, I would like for you to meet miss Fluttershy." Said Celestia with a warm smile, though she wasn't smiling at me, but rather the yellow pegasus that was now standing next to the sofa.

The first thing I noticed was just how small this yellow-coated animal was, at least in comparison with the rather large Celestia. Though, aside from being fairly small, I must admit that this creature was unusually cute. She reminded me a bit of a timid deer. A deer that just so happened to sport a pink mane and yellow coat, but still a deer nonetheless.

"H-hello Mr. F-f-fin." Spoke the horse with a rather adorable stutter. Wait, adorable stutter? That isn't something I would typically use to describe anything, let alone an alien horse. So why the fuck did I just say that?

I felt another warm surge of energy, which seemed to be originating from Celestia. At least, that's where it felt like it was coming from.

However, this time the energy was replaced by a coolness, almost like a river of ice had just entered my mind, numbing my thoughts and any negative emotions I may have had.

I noticed that the world around me was becoming a bit of a blur. Sounds were being muffled, and my sight was being distorted, almost like I was looking through a thin sheet of glass that was frosting over by a cold winter night.

Through my frosted eyes, I was able to see Celestia looking at me, a smile upon her face. Fluttershy was seemingly no longer here, or at least she wasn't visible to me in my current state of mind.

Honestly, I felt like I had been drugged.

Author's Note

What's that, a cliffhanger? OH NOES!

Seriously though, sorry about the short entry. I suppose you can consider this the first story arc, which I will hereby cleverly call the "Welcome To Ponyland Arc Thing" because that name is more or less accurate.

Future entries should be slightly longer, though I can make no guarantees. It all depends on what's going on in the chapter, and if a longer (or shorter) entry makes more sense. I don't want to write super long chapters just for the sake of having a higher word count, especially if the story itself could have been told in fewer words. Honestly, that's all I'm aiming for here; a good story that's fun to read, and engaging.

That said, some chapters will be over 10,000 words, while others may fall in at just over 1,000. (like this one)
I swear, it isn't lazy writing! It's just storytelling. :rainbowwild:

Anyway, please remember to rate, fav and comment! Also, here's Spike! (yes, I'm going to mention Spike in virtually every chapter, simply because of how awesome he is)
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/221043/spikes-imaginary-adventure

The Second Dream

The darkness ahead of me shimmered, almost as if it were a mere optical illusion hiding an oasis of light.

Moving forward proved to be an easy task, and these darkened halls of despair allowed me the time I so desperately needed to think about my current life, goals, and new surroundings. They lit up a new opportunity for me, a new direction to walk. A new river, and a new stream of possible outcomes.

Beyond this path stood the tall and proud night sky. Each star twinkled to the beat of my heart, some brighter than others, but all equally wonderful and magnificent. There was no dullness here, nor was there pain. It was as if I had stepped into a whole other world, one filled with darkness that had the same warming properties of light, yet none of the brightness.

Soon, the star filled walls that surround me morphed into blurred images. These images became ever more clear as I continued down the path, and it took me but a moment to recognize the images as my own memories from the life I had once lived.

To my left stood a lone apple tree, surrounded by tall brown grass that billowed happily in the warm summer breeze. The sky was a light blue, and had the most perfect of clouds hovering above and beyond the grassy fields. This was the perfect summer afternoon, but most of all, it was one of my happiest of memories, for that very tree, on that very day, was when and where I met the love of my life, to whom I later married.

The visual representation of my memory soon darkened, only to be replaced by the night sky a moment or two later.

However, I knew somewhere deep within my mind that this was not yet over. That I would see more of my past before I would be allowed to live my future.

“Trust in me, young human. Trust in the Night Sky.”

The Fourth Chapter

No, correction. If I were drugged, I’d likely be happy right now. Instead, I am feeling like absolute shit. Like there’s fucking ice water running through my veins.

Struggling, I managed to bring the world back into focus, and gave the white horse thing my most stern of all glares. The very same glare I’d give to a misbehaving student who was trying to discretely masterbate under his desk, while paying no heed to the actual lessons that I was attempting to teach to the ungrateful youth. It’s the same glare I gave to my lovely ex girlfriend, before I married the love of my life, when I caught her stealing what little I had, and pawning them off so she could pay back a loan from her second husband.

And just like with all those other times I gave my teacherly glare, this time too, it was entirely ineffective.

“Mr. Finn, please. This is all for your own good.” Spoke the white horse, unaffected by my deathly glare.

“What the hell are you doing to me?! Stop it, now.”

“I’m sorry, but this must be done. As you’ve no doubt realized, I am indeed casting a spell on you. This spell is to ensure that you remain sane and coherent, which under the current circumstances, is no easy feat. I transported you to a different land, and this was against your will. Interdimensional teleportation can unfortunately take a toll on one's subconscious, which is why I have been casting relaxation spells on you, to cloud your mind, and ease your transition. It also helps surprisingly well as a conversation starter, as it gives a sense of inner warmth and acceptance to whomever it’s cast upon.” Said the white horse with the billowing mane. I was silent throughout her entire explanation, and listened carefully to each and every word. Logically, everything that she said had made total and complete sense, at least in regards to my mental state. I’m sure being thrown from one dimension to the next could cause quite a few mental breakdowns, and Celestia was simply trying to avoid that, for my own sake. But still, this entire situation was just beyond crazy, and if she hadn’t of stolen me from my own dimension, or wherever the fuck it is I came from, none of this would be needed. I’d likely still be teaching a bunch of ungrateful little fucks, and living my life as a normal and relatively sane teacher, if such a thing can truly exist.

And yet, here I am. A land of magic. A land of ponies. The fact that I am now in an entirely different dimension, brings up a rather important question, doesn’t it?

“Why am I here?”

I honestly wasn’t entirely certain if I had asked that question before, or whether or not I had received some form of answer. The question carried with it a weight, like the simple act of asking lifted some kind of previously unnoticed burden. But this question wasn’t of a philosophical nature, no. It was a literal question of why and where I am in space and time.

Okay, so perhaps it was somewhat philosophical as well, though that was definitely not my intent.

Celestia looked at me with a soft smile, and when our eyes met, I could see a wealth of deep knowledge and understanding hidden within them. “Mr. Finn,” she spoke, “to be entirely honest with you, I don’t really know why I brought you here, simply that you are an important part to Equestria’s future. So in short, what you do here is why you’re here.”

Wait, what? Did she seriously just answer my question, while also not quite answering my question? That’s a rare talent, and one that I both respect, and despise. At the same time, no less. It definitely warrants a glare.

And unsurprisingly, she’s once again totally immune to my teacherly glare, which I’d be mostly fine with, if it hadn’t caused her to giggle at my expense. I swear, I even felt myself physically deflate, and could hear an unusual whooshing of air as my mood turned its tail towards depression.

No, hang on a moment. That wasn’t in my head. I literally heard myself deflate. I even felt lighter, almost like a bunch of hot air had just escaped through my ass, or wherever it was hot air usually escaped from. My entire body was also unusually tingly, and felt like a bunch of tiny insects were crawling around under my skin, causing my hair, and subsequently my fear, to rise.

If only it were bugs…

“What the fuck is happening to me?!” I screamed out in fear. “Why am I blue?!”

At this point, the horse known as Celestia decided to frown for a brief moment, and looked at me with deep concern and, for whatever reason, curiosity.

Author's Note

Okay, so I've been sitting on this chapter for almost two years. Figured it was about time I published it, and make my dramatic return to fimfiction.
I'm not really sure if people still want to read this, though if ya do, let me know in the comments. I'll definitely continue it if there's some kind of demand for it, though my life has been very busy lately, and I can't promises frequent updates.

I'm also going to test a shorter chapter system for a while, between 500-3000 words per chapter, just so I can get the creative juices flowing again. If everything works out fine, I'll try to hopefully write more in my off-time. But like, I've been super busy with pro gaming lately, that I've had no time to really write much of anything. Seriously, pro gaming is like, 5% actual gaming, and 95% studying game strategies and tactics. If I knew how much brain effort I'd have to put into this shit, I'd have gone into some other profession instead.

The Fifth Chapter

It took me a good ten minutes or so, but I eventually calmed down enough to think rationally. Or at least as rationally as I could, given the situation that I was currently in. Though, that wasn’t the only reason it took me so long. You see, I actually had a bit of an issue with trying to keep my balance. It turns out that I no longer have feet, but rather have these strange looking appendages. I believe they are called hooves, or at the very least I hope they are, as that sounds better than whatever else they might be called.

Speaking of hooves, I seem to have acquired a few more than I would have liked. I went from having two legs, to four, with the two new legs originating from my ass. It also seemed that my ass had grown a tail, which was now flapping around in an attempt to balance me. It took me a few minutes of staring, and several minutes more of touching, to fully convince myself that this tail was in fact my own, and not that of some unknown creature that had attached itself to me. And it was a good thing too, because I was seriously considering ripping the damn thing off, if only to get it to stop moving.

“Now that you have calmed down, I would like to ask, how do you feel?” Said Celestia. Her voice was once again calm and controlled. She was also sporting a wide smile. I don’t know what the fuck she’s smiling about, but I wish she would stop. I’m not sure if it’s because of the teeth in her mouth, or the fact that she’s an equine, but that smile of hers is starting to seriously creep me the fuck out.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. She just asked me how I felt. What a stupid fucking question. Seriously. How the fuck does she think I feel? I’ve gone from being a human, to a talking pony. I’m blue, my eyes are green, and my mane is fucking pink. If she wanted to know how I felt, all she would have to do is take a look at me. The answer would be pretty damn obvious, even to an equine such as herself.

“Oh, come on, Mr. Finn. Is it really that bad to have a pink mane?” Celestia said this, and then proceeded to laugh. And no, it wasn’t a normal laugh either. She was laughing at me. Well, okay, maybe not at me, but she was certainly amused by something.

Though, I suppose the real mystery here, is how the hell can she tell that my mane is bothering me? Unless, of course, she’s reading my mind. Which is exactly what she’s doing, based on her reactions, as well as the fact that she seemingly knows that I hate being laughed at.

Okay. It's time to get serious. I want answers, and I want them right now.

Celestia stopped her laughing, and instead just continued to smile at me. “I’m sorry, Mr. Finn. I truly am. However, I can assure you that I have not cast a spell on you to turn you into a pony. This is a result of you not being from this world. In other words, your body is rejecting its previous form. Think of it like a seed. A seed from a foreign land, planted here. It may have initially sprouted as a sunflower, but overtime, the seed will grow to become an oak tree.”

“I’m not a fucking plant.” I replied. Though, the comparison did make an odd sort of sense, at least in regards to my physical transformation. But still, the fact that I’m a pony now, is just… ugh. Why me?

“I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do to reverse the changes. Though, perhaps if you were to return to the world you came from-”

“No. Don’t you dare finish that thought. There is no way in hell that I’m going back to that shit hole. You hear me? I’d much rather be a pony in a land of magic, then go back to that fucking school. You have no idea how bad it was, Celestia. The students, the board, the fucking parents, the other teachers, hell, even the fucking principal. They’re all fucked. Everything and everyone is fucking fucked. No, I will not, and I repeat, I will not, be going back. I’d much rather be dead.”

Wait, that's not like me, is it? Sure, my life as a human thing wasn't all that grand, but to basically say that I wanted to just give all of that shit up? To live here in magical horse land forever? That seemed... uncharacteristic of me, didn't it?

Celestia, who was no longer smiling, stood in front of me in silence. Her eyes were closed, and her ears were flat against her head. She appeared to be in deep thought, and was seemingly oblivious to the world around her.

After a brief period of time, she reopened her eyes. Her eyes were no longer a bright purple, but were now a dull grey. And yet, despite their lack of colour, I could see the immense depth that was held within, and could feel the vast knowledge of time itself.

A cold chill began to crawl up my spine, which in turn caused my entire body to shiver. It felt unnatural, and was very similar to the feeling I had earlier, when she had started to cast a spell on me. Though, this time I knew without a doubt that she was not the cause of it. She wasn’t the one casting the spell. I am.

Author's Note

Sorry for the short chapter. Future ones will be longer. Slowly trying to get back in the swing of things.

Having said that, what length of chapter do you prefer? Like, how many wordicles do you people want?

The Sixth Chapter

It was at this point when I noticed that my vision was starting to get a little bit hazy. A sort of milky fog had begun to overtake my sight, and a distinct ringing had begun to fill the void that was once my sense of sound. I could no longer hear the birds chirping, or the rabbits hopping, or even the soft sound of breathing that was coming from the white mare standing in front of me. In fact, she was no longer there.

Oh wait. There she is. I guess I just couldn’t see her through the fog.

The fog that was getting thicker and thicker by the second, and was slowly turning a dark shade of crimson.

As the fog grew in intensity, my heart rate began to speed up. Soon, my lungs were no longer able to breathe in the oxygen rich air, and I collapsed to the ground, my chest heaving and my eyes rolling to the back of my head. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I screamed.

Human. Human. Human. Human. That’s what I fucking am. I’m a fucking human, not a god damn fucking pony. Fuck this shit. Fuck this world, and fuck the people, the ponies, the everything that lives in it. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I refuse to accept this reality. I refuse!

Fog. Fog. Fog. Everywhere is fog, and it’s filling every corner of my mind. My body, too. I can feel it. I can feel the fog inside my body, and it hurts. Oh, how it fucking hurts. It feels like I’m burning from the inside out, and the fire that is burning, is the very same fog that I’m seeing. Or, more accurately, not seeing.

I believe that I may be going blind. I think that the fog has eaten away at my eyes, leaving nothing behind. I can no longer feel the air, and I can no longer hear the sound of my own heartbeat. It’s just me and the fog, and the pain. The pain is everywhere, and yet I no longer feel it. I’m numb. I can’t feel anything. I’m not even sure if I’m breathing, or if I’m even alive. Am I alive? Yes. No. Maybe. Who knows.

I woke up a few hours later, once again on the same couch as before, and once again with the white horse. I bring a hand to my forehead to wipe away the sweat, and then I realize… I have my fucking hand back! Hell to the yes, bitches!

I quickly jump to my feet, and start inspecting my body. Everything seems to be the way it should be. My legs are where they should be, and I only have the two. My skin is no longer blue, but is the same pale white that I remember. I have my hair, which is black and greasy. I have my beard, which is also black and greasy. And most importantly, I have my dick, and what a dick it is. Long, thick, and a bit on the smelly side, but a dick nonetheless.

However, there is one aspect of my body that is not quite right. You see, my hands, while indeed human, appear to be slightly off. Not physically, mind you, but rather in the way that they feel. It’s kind of hard to explain, but it feels like the bones in my hands have been fused together to create some kind of weird skeleton. It doesn’t really affect the way that my fingers move, but the sensation is very bizarre.

“Ah, you’re awake.” Spoke the white mare, who seemed to have moved from her position in front of the couch to the opposite side of the room. “How do you feel?”

“Like shit. Though, at least I’m a human again, which is a definite improvement. How long was I asleep?”

“Three days.”

What the fuck? “Did you say three days?! What the hell happened to me?! Why was I out for three fucking days?!”

“To be absolutely honest with you, I have no idea what happened to you. You were somehow able to force your body back into its original human form using a type of magic I’ve never before seen. Normally, such a feat would be impossible, and yet you somehow managed to pull it off. However, in doing so, you lost consciousness, and have been asleep since then.”

“And how the fuck did I manage to use this supposed ‘magic’ of yours? I’m a human, not a pony. Humans don’t use magic, or at the very least, we aren’t supposed to. We’re only supposed to do magic tricks, not actual fucking magic.”

“Magic is not exclusive to ponies, Mr. Finn. As I said before, this is an alternate dimension, not an alternate planet. Therefore, everything in this world is similar to that of your own, with only a few minor differences. Magic is one such difference, as is the fact that the dominant species in this world are not humans, but rather ponies.”

Okay, I have to admit, she has a point there. If this truly is an alternate dimension, then it stands to reason that magic would be accessible to anyone, not just ponies. But that raises an important question. If I am in fact a human, and therefore have no natural ability to manipulate magic, then how was I able to cast a spell? And, for that matter, how the hell did I manage to knock myself out for three fucking days? Did I overdose on magic or something?

Celestia was silent, and her expression unreadable. Though, if I had to hazard a guess, I’d say that she was trying to figure out the exact same things as me. I suppose I could always ask her, but I get the feeling that I won’t be getting an answer anytime soon. At least, not from her.

Instead of asking Celestia, I decided to ask the other pony in the room. She was yellow, and had a pink mane. Oh, and she was also a Pegasus. Yeah, that’s right. A Pegasus. A fucking flying pony, that’s what I’m asking. And yes, that does mean that I’m talking about the same pony that was in the room when I initially woke up. You know, the one that I had completely ignored.

And I’ll tell you why. Because, compared to Celestia, this mare was insignificant. She was a small, timid, and frankly, weak looking creature. The type of creature that you could push around without having to worry about any sort of retaliation. The type of creature that wouldn’t fight back. Not even when being beaten half to death. That’s the type of pony she was, and that’s exactly why I chose to ignore her. Well, that and the fact that she’s yellow. Seriously, why the fuck is she yellow?

“Mr. Finn, please. This is no way to behave. This is Fluttershy’s home, after all.” Celestia spoke, her tone of voice carrying a hint of annoyance. Yes, just keep reading my mind. I totally love when you do that, you stupid long faced horse creature. I bet you don’t even know how to use a computer. You’re probably more familiar with stone slabs and chisels. Or, maybe even hieroglyphics. You know, what with the whole Egyptian theme you have going on with that sun cutie mark of yours. And seriously, what the hell is a cutie mark anyway? Is that like a tattoo or something?

“Mr. Finn-”

“Shut up, will you? I’m trying to think here. You know, actually use my brain. You should try it sometime.” After saying this, I turned my attention back to the yellow pony. “You. Pony. What’s your name?”

“Flu-Fluttershy. M-m-my name is-is Fluttershy, Mr. F-Finn.” The pony known as Fluttershy replied. Okay, I have to be honest here. That was pretty damn cute. I mean, just listen to that stutter. It’s adorable. I could listen to her talk all day. Hell, I might even consider marrying her. You know, if she were a human, and not a talking pony.

“That’s a lovely name. Now, can you answer my question, or do I need to beat the answer out of you?”

“Uhm, what-what question, Mr. F-Finn?”

“I was wondering how I was able to cast a spell, and how it was that I managed to knock myself out for three days.”

“O-oh, well, uhm. W-well, I-I’m not really sure, b-but, uhm. Maybe it has s-something to do with, uhm. W-well, your magic, m-maybe?”

“My magic? What the hell are you talking about, pony? Humans don’t have magic.”

“Oh, but, uhm. Y-you do, Mr. F-Finn.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Well, uhm. Y-you see, Mr. F-Finn. A-are you sure, you-you’re a h-human?”

“Am I sure that I’m a human? Are you serious? Of course I’m a human, you stupid yellow horse. I’m a fucking human. I have a dick. See, look. It’s right here. And, if that wasn’t proof enough, I also have hands, and a mouth, and ears, and eyes, and a nose, and a whole bunch of other human things. I’m a human. I have been a human, and I will continue to be a human until the day that I die. Which, hopefully, will be soon. I’m getting pretty sick of being a human, if you know what I mean. Not that I’m implying anything about suicide or anything like that, but you get the idea.”

I looked down at my body. I was still wearing the same clothes that I had been wearing the first time I had woken up in this world. Though, they were now covered in sweat and other various bodily fluids, not to mention that they were also rather wrinkled and tattered. I needed a shower, and a change of clothes. And, if possible, a nice big meal, with a cold beer to wash it all down. Oh, and a cigarette. I could really go for a cigarette right now.

Celestia, however, had a different plan in mind. She wanted to continue our little conversation, which is something that I was not in the mood for. So, I did what any sane man would do in my situation. I ignored her. I ignored her, and continued to examine my body, and the clothes that adorned it. And that’s when I noticed it. My shirt had a picture of a cartoon unicorn on it. A cartoon unicorn, that was wearing a top hat and monocle, and was holding a cane in one of its hooves. And, beneath the unicorn, were the words, ‘I’m not crazy, I’m a teacher.’

I couldn’t believe it. This was the same shirt that I had been wearing when I had first woken up in this world, only now there was a unicorn on it, and a message beneath it, where there hadn’t been one before.

I couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer absurdity of it all. I had somehow managed to transform myself back into a human, and then knocked myself out for three days. And now, my clothes were changing on me. Either this world was slowly driving me insane, or I was already insane, and had only just begun to notice. Either way, I found the situation to be hilarious, and so I laughed. I laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and eventually, I began to cry.

Author's Note

Next chapter will be at least 10k words in length.

The First Chapter

"They say that life is like a river; flowing freely and effortlessly down a path with no visible end. While it is really nothing more than a metaphor, it is one that seems to hold a deeper truth."

"Life, just like a river, is capable of many things. A river sharpens every stone of which it touches. Life deepens every bond of which it holds dear. "

" However, this is about neither life nor river, but rather the fish swimming to find a new tomorrow. Yes, that too is just another metaphor, but just like the one that came before it, this new metaphor holds a deeper truth. You see, without the river, there would be no life, and without life, there would be no fish. And, uh.. "

I paused, looking at all of the young faces in the classroom, each shining a bored expression toward the front of the class. Towards me.

This was supposed to be my day off. I had planned on spending today at home with my family, perhaps watching a movie or two on Netflix. Instead, I was stuck teaching a philosophy course to a room full of idiots. And no, I'm not using that term lightly. The students in this class were truly moronic, preferring to spend their days skipping class, playing mindless video games, or watching pornography on their computers. Two of which they enjoyed doing while in class itself.

To say that I didn't want to be here would be one hell of an understatement. These kids were only seventh graders, and yet they act like total punks. They turn everything into some kind of sexual joke that only they see the humour in. To make matters worse, I'm fairly certain that most of them are sexually active. Seriously, this entire school system, perhaps even society as a whole, is fucked up beyond repair. I'm not even allowed to voice my concerns with the school board, given the bullshit policy of essentially ignoring your students needs. As long as I sat in the front of the class, reading or demonstrating the various lessons for the day, the board was happy. The students have no obligation to learn a damn thing, and as long as they stay within a certain distance of their desk, they can do damn near anything they want. They can bring gaming machines and laptop computers, and watch videos or listen to music.

So, you can imagine my delight when the final bell decided to ring, signifying the end of the school day, which meant peace and silence within a soon to be empty classroom.

After all of the students had left for the day, I took a quick glance around the classroom. Noticing that a couple of papers were sitting on top of an empty desk, I made my way over to them, thinking they were related to the class that just ended.

Upon picking up the stack of papers, five used condoms decided to fall out from between the pages, making a slight mess of white on the floor below. Unfortunately, one of the condoms managed to land on my left foot, which was bare given the no shoe policy that the school enforced in all classes. To make matters even worse, the sperm was still fairly warm, indicating that it was only recently produced.

While walking over to my desk in search of something to clean up the disgusting mess, one of my students decided to enter back into the classroom. She stood near the doorway for a good while, her gaze cycling between my angry form and the mess on the floor. After a few short moments of silence, she decided to speak up.

"If I'm interrupting your personal time, I could always come back later."

Smirking up at me with her playful eyes of purple, this young child began to make her way further into my classroom, ignoring my anger.

Stepping over the mess of both paper and semen on the floor, she slowly, almost elegantly, walked to the end of the classroom, before sitting on top of an old wooden desk.

"Do you know who I am, Mr. Finn?" She asked while adjusting her position to something more comfortable, her eyes focusing in on mine with a raw intensity. Or perhaps it was a sense of curiosity?

Looking at her more closely, it became clear that she was not a student from my class. She also seemed to be dressed in formal clothing, which was another indicator that she was not from my class, or perhaps even this school. Every student I've seen thus far wore inappropriate pieces of clothing, with girls wearing practically nothing, and boys wearing clothes two sizes too large.

This girl, on the other hand, was wearing an elegant white shirt that seemed to reflect light, even though there was very little light in the room to reflect, giving her an unusual - almost unnatural - glow.

Her pants shared similar properties to the shirt, though while the shirt was just a plain white t, her pants had what appeared to be the design of a sun on each leg.

Her eyes were a bright shade of purple, which I would have considered to be odd if not for the fact that half of the girls attending my class wore decorative contact lenses. However, her eyes had a more natural colour, either indicating that they were high quality lenses, or that her eyes were truly purple.

Honestly, she looked almost like an angel. A young 12 year old angel that had somehow managed to sneak her way into my school of hell.

I sighed heavily, my anger having been replaced by curiosity.

"I can't say as though I do. You're not a part of my class, are you?"

"No, I'm afraid I'm not. I'm actually not even a member of this school. To be honest with you, I come from a very far away land." She said, smile having never left her face.

"A far away land, you say? Do you mind if I ask why you're here, miss-"

"Celestia."

"Celestia? Such a peculiar name. Anyway, Miss Celestia, how did you get here? Are your parents waiting for you nearby?"

"Would you believe me if I said magic?"

With a chuckle, I shook my head. "Magic only exists in fairy tales."

At this, the smile on her face seemed to beam with delight.

"Well then, welcome to a fairy tale, Mr. Finn."

After she had finished her sentence, the walls and objects within the classroom had begun to glow an almost golden colour of white. A tingling sensation could be felt in the air, like a faint static electricity.

Soon, I noticed that my surroundings had begun to slowly blur in the intensity of the light, casting unique shadows, and creating a sense of vertigo as the various objects around me appeared to be moving further away in a tunnel vision-like effect.

Darkness overtook my sight, only to return again a moment later, giving me my first glance at a new world. I was no longer standing in my classroom, and instead found myself on a small grassy hill overlooking what appeared to be a village of medieval design.

The village consisted mostly of small stone and straw huts, with only a handful of unique architecture to stand out among an otherwise traditional medieval design.

Just beyond this village appeared to be a large and well maintained apple orchard; rows upon rows of trees outlining the land as far as the eye can see.

Further yet, though in a slightly different direction, loomed a large mountain, with what appeared to be a castle resting, almost floating, at the mountains side.

While I continued to stare at my new environment in awe and general confusion, I eventually noticed that there was a large horse standing almost directly beside where I stood. Except, she wasn't your typical horse, oh most certainly not. She was a fucking unicorn Pegasus, her wings were folded elegantly by her side. Though, the fact that she had a horn and a pair of wings wasn't the most peculiar thing about this specific horse. Rather, it was her billowing mane, which seemed to be blowing in a nonexistent breeze. Not to mention the mane itself consisted of multiple colours, and seemed to have an ever changing flow that defied all sense of logic.

"Fairy tales" I muttered silently under my breath, hoping that the sound of my voice, albeit weak, would help snap my mind back to reality. Instead, I only made things worse for myself by speaking.

You see, right at that moment, the horse standing beside me started to giggle.

My heart began to beat at an uncomfortable rate, causing my vision to slowly blur into a veil of darkness. The last thing I remember, was my body falling to the grassy field below where I stood.

I had fainted.

Author's Note

This chapter was really intended to be more of a test, so to be quite frank, it was hardly my best.
If you find yourself enjoying what you've read, please consider contributing to the comment thread.

Also remember to follow and like. Now here, my friend, is a story of Spike.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/221043/spikes-imaginary-adventure

ps. I have absolutely no idea why I wrote this in a rhyme.

The First Dream

I found myself within a large corridor. The walls were lined with what appeared to be star-covered tapestries, each depicting a different constellation.

I began to travel down these darkened halls, hoping to find some form of light beyond the darkness. Every so often I would catch a glimmer of light just out of my field of view, only for it to twinkle and dissipate the instant I looked its way.

It was almost as if these walls were taunting me. Like the darkness itself was casting shadows with the purposeful intent to lure me through its shadowy domain.

Still, I felt like I wasn’t the only person trapped within these darkened corridors. I could feel a second presence watching my every move. It was almost as if this new presence was analyzing me; trying to decipher my very reason for existing.

It had power over me, and it knew that. Yet, it never made any kind of move against me. It didn’t want to, for this was its world. It had no reason to kill me, or harm me, or disrupt the darkness around me. It had no reason, so it just watched. It observed. It didn’t interfere.

And yet, I felt oddly at peace. Even though my current surroundings should have downright terrified me, I wasn’t afraid. For some unusual reason, I knew that nothing bad could happen here. That the worst was now behind me. That this thing couldn’t reach me.

“The darkness will fade to light, just you wait. You’ll see with your own eyes, and hear with your own ears. You’ll understand the truth. You’ll understand. Just move forward. Trust in me.”

And so, I moved forward. Forcing my way through blankets of darkness in search of a light. In search of myself, and whatever I represent.

Author's Note

This is a sidestory of Mr. Finn's internal nightmares and the mental stress of living within an alien world.