Love me Tender

by PanzerAssaultPony

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Lyra, Romance, Original Character, Comedy, Bon-Bon, Random, Sex, Human, Iron Will, Main 6
Length: 15553

Lyra knows humans are real but nopony believes her.

Lyra's addiction to humans knows no bounds as she tries to not let the neigh-sayers get to her. For years many different ponies have been telling Lyra that humans are not real and she should stop wasting her time. Of course she was used to this and tends to ignore them but when Princess Twilight Sparkle herself confronts Lyra on this matter she looses her temper and challenges Twilight to try and summon one if they are so fake as she claims. However what will Lyra do when Twilight actually successfully summons one?
Will Lyra?
A. Bounce around like Pinkie Pie while screaming YES YES YES YES?
B. Brag to everypony about how wrong they were?
C. Try to rut the human's brains out?
D. All of the above?
Rated M for a reason because clop will appear.
Set after season 4 finale.

Published 2014-10-07 20:50:08 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-13 09:16:47 UTC

Love

It was another peaceful day in Ponyville (when somepony isn't trying to rampage through it) and two roommates where out on errands.
"Bon Bon! Why do I have to go out with you on my day off?" Lyra groaned rather loudly while pouting like a child.

"Come now Lyra you've been lazing about when you're not working so it's time to get out of the house." Bon Bon stated rather firmly as if she was a scolding parent. Without another word the pair trekked onward passing the sugar cube corner towards Princess Twilight's newly built palace that now stands where the library once was. Twilight and all her friends host the newly dubbed "Friendship Court" every Saturday and is open for all the residents of Ponyville to attend. Since Ponyville doesn't have any nobles Princess Twilight doesn't have need to host the court everyday or even for long.

Passing the threshold into the palace both Lyra and Bon Bon could see royal guards standing vigilant at evenly spaced intervals while a few more ponies got in the rather short line to see the Friendship Court. After about ten minutes of waiting and slowly inching forward the pair was finally given their turn. A guard in bleached armor promptly shouted next and then waved Lyra and Bon Bon over signaling them to follow. Upon entrance to the main hall six thrones could be seen placed in a circle around the emblem of friendship on the floor. Seated on their thrones the former bearers of the elements of harmony waited patiently as the two roommates made their way over stopping atop the emblem facing the lavender princess.

"Thank you for choosing to visit the Friendship Court and we all hope we can solve whatever problem you might have." Princess Twilight Sparkle solemnly announced while turning her gaze from her friends towards Bon Bon and Lyra.

Giving a light bow towards the Princess, Bon Bon cleared her throat and begun in earnest, "Thank you your majesty. I come here today to ask for your help in a most stressful problem."

"Yes?" the mane six asked in unison.

Taking a deep breath to steel her nerves Bon Bon continued, " My roommate Lyra has a extreme obsession with humans." This of course made Lyra's eyes go wide and pupils shrink to pinpricks as Bon Bon told everypony about her vice.

"BON BON WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!"

"What do you think I'm doing? This is an intervention!" Bon Bon all but screamed to her roommate. "You never socialize with anypony and barely get out of the house because your always nose deep in some book about humans and frankly Lyra it has to stop!"

"Why do I have to stop!?! It's not like my hobby is hurting anypony!" The mint unicorn defended.

"That is what I originally thought too but I've seen the constant fights you get into with other ponies and even a griffon one time because you got all upset that they said humans aren't real!" Bon Bon chided.

"Even so they didn't have to be so mean about it." Lyra retorted.

"That doesn't matter because your not a filly anymore Lyra and should put down foolish fantasies! I've had it up to here with humans!" Bon Bon argued back.

The both went back and forth bickering until Rarity was red in the face and screaming, "ENOUGH BOTH OF YOU! If you two don't wish to be thrown out then you best stop yelling at each other so we can debate the issue like true ladies." Bon Bon and Lyra looked away from each other and fiddled with their hoofs as they suddenly became more interesting.

"Now why don't we start over and calmly go over this issue with humans." Twilight said in a soothing yet regal voice.

The collective silence was broken when somepony asked, "What's a human?" Rainbow Dash inquired with a perplexed face. Bon Bon facehoofed as Lyra instantly perked up at the chance to "educate" somepony on her wonderful humans.

"A human is a bipedal primate that uses it's forelegs along with hands to complete various tasks that we ponies would have a hard time doing without magic. They stand on their rear legs upright like a minotaur but instead of hooves they have feet which helps them keep their balance. Also another known fact is that humans can...."

"Lyra humans are mythical creatures so none of this can be facts." Bon Bon interrupted.

Rather miffed bar the interruption Lyra responded, "How would you know if they aren't real Bon Bon?"

Seeing a chance to interject Twilight speaks, "How would you know that they are real Lyra?" Silence follows as the mint unicorn looks at the floor trying to think of a retort. "Having a hobby is fine but being a fanatic about it isn't good for anypony. I agree with Bon Bon that this obsession is causing you to push everypony away and will only hurt you in the end."

This gains the others agreement as all eyes turn towards Lyra. Crestfallen she looks to the Princess, "You don't believe humans are real either?"

"I'm sorry but the fact is that humans are a figment of our imagination and never existed." Twilight solemnly spoke to Lyra.

"PROVE IT!" Lyra screamed in defiance.

"Now wait a gosh darned apple picking minute here! You don't speak ta Twi like that or I''ll give ya a good buck to ya face." The cowpony Applejack threatened. Lyra's ears flattened against her head and looked at the ground while Applejack tried to bore a hole in Lyra with her gaze until Twilight spoke up again.

"How am I supposed to prove it? There's no remains or evidence that Humans ever existed." Twilight tried to explain.

Thinking for a minute the Unicorn spoke again, "Well that means that they were never in Equestria but that doesn't mean they don't exist. Since you are an alicorn you should have enough magic to try and summon one right now."

"But if humans aren't real then how could Twi be able to summon one? If that's ok with you....." Fluttershy softly interjected.

"If humans are real then Twilight could summon one then that would prove to everypony that they are real and if she can't then I'll accept the fact they aren't and will give up this human obsession." Lyra stated which caused Bon Bon and the man six to huddle up as if they were a hoofball team.

"What do ya think Twi? Should you try to summon this human thingy and set her straight?" asked the cowpony.

"I don't know Applejack there's just so many variables that could go wrong." answered the lavender Alicorn.

"But still it would help the both of them out. I think you should do it darling." Lady Rarity encouraged right before Pinkie Pie added.

"I agree and if she gets all sad and frowny then I can throw her a 'Sorry humans aren't real happy cheering up party!'" Dash, Fluttershy and Bon Bon nodded in agreement which promptly settled Twilight's next course of action.

Twilight closed her eyes and flared up her horn while concentrating on summoning a human, or at least trying too. The others saw this and backed up giving their friend the needed space. Twi's face contorted either from pain or concentration as lightning started to manifest from her horn to the top of the chamber. The skies darkened and the winds howled against the doorways. Ponies cringed as the weather team was powerless to stop the sudden increase in stormclouds. One last lightning bolt struck through the stained glass near Princess Twilight causing an ear splitting boom to ring forth creating smoke inside the chamber blinding all in it. As the storm left as fast as it appeared and the smoke followed suit. With the smoke gone they were able to see again and then everypony noticed something sprawled out on the floor.

Bon Bon was the first to say, "Oh buck!"

Author's Note

Well here I am trying my hand/hoof again at writing stories. Let me know what you think and if you didn't like it or want to rage at it. Could you at least tell me what I did to make it so. Well cheers people/ponies and see you next chapter.

Me

Author's Note

Well I'm back for round 2 people/ponies and have some more pain for your brain errr.... I mean a new chapter for your enjoyment. First I would like to set the record straight with a few things before I begin. 1 Equestria Girls never happened obviously because otherwise it would just complicate it. 2 Lyra's obsession wasn't known to Twilight because she never really interacted with Lyra that much if at all. Sorry it took so long but I had finales to do but I now have my AA college degree!!!!!!! :D

Me

"It worked? It actually worked!" Lyra exclaimed rather ecstatically. Knocked out and lying face down on the floor was none other than a real genuine human. Lyra couldn't help but squee loudly and jump all around the room with such reckless abandon that could rival Pinkie Pie herself. "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I can't believe that a real live human is lying right in front of me!" "SQUEE!" Seeing Lyra bounce off the walls with a huge smile plastered to her face, Pinkie Pie could not help but join in.

"Oh my gosh your right! I need to throw you a 'We're sorry' party and the human a 'Welcome to Equestria' party!" The human in question was still unconscious and whatever clothing it had was now burnt strips of linen barely covering it's nether regions and left it's upper half bare. About a couple meters away sat a funny looking saddle bag that looked rather unharmed. Ignoring the two bouncing mares for now Twilight made her way over to this saddle bag and started to rummage around in it with her magic. The first thing that she pulled out was some sort of grayish tablet looking thing with the word 'acer' on the center of it. Not knowing what it does or what to do with it, Twilight put it to the side. There were a couple of other items just as alien as the 'acer' stone, eventually Twilight did find something she recognized, she too 'SQUEED' at her finding.

It was a book, that much was clear from the recognizable pages and smell of paper. The book had no hard cover, the front had an illustration of some fancy looking suit and tie, something akin to what Rarity would make. The book as titled read 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. "Ooh just think I can't wait to find out what I can learn from reading this book! It's going to be so exciting!" Twilight said while trying to get into the book while trotting away. As soon as she opened the cover another voice pulled her back into reality.

"What are we gonna do with this here human?" Applejack inquired to the group while pointing a hoof down to their unconscious visitor. This got a collective sigh from everypony as they thought of what to do. Rainbow Dash was the first to speak up, the arrogance is strong with this one.

"Well whatever we do, we can't let her out of our sight or else she might cause a panic." Lyra stopped bouncing midair, falling to the ground with a heavy thud and turned to correct Rainbow Dash.

"Actually Rainbow Dash this human is a male."

"No it's a female, I'll admit that it kinda does look like a male." The cyan Pegasus retorted with a look of irritation. Lyra gritted her teeth and closed the gap between Rainbow and her, staring right in her pupils before responding.

"No your wrong! Look at it's body frame. It's too blocky in most area to be a female human and I should know!"

"Oh yeah!" Rainbow argued back. Switching her gaze from Lyra to the human she flew over to it and rolled it onto it's back. Then with pointed to it's upper chest with a hoof, "If this human is a 'male' then why does he have teets?!?" The human did indeed have teets, everypony couldn't help but stare at them as Rainbow victoriously smirked. However when Lyra looked at them she burst out laughing and giggling, confusing everypony but Pinkie who joined in on the laughter.

"Silly filly! All humans both male and female have teets." Lyra continued to giggle a bit as they all had a look of shock upon their facial features.

"That's a good one Lyra but there's just no way that guys can have teets!" Rainbow tried to deny but Lyra just rolled her eyes.

"Well then why don't you prove it if you're so sure Rainbow Dash?" Lyra goaded while smiling the biggest shit eating grin of all time.

"Fine I will!" Rainbow all but yelled at the top of her lungs, while lunging towards the human once again. What was left of the linen went flying through the air with great speed, now uncovering it's closely guarded treasure. Everypony blushed as Dash came face to groin with something that she said wouldn't be there. The human can now be called without a shadow of a doubt male. "Eaaaaahhhh!" Dash screamed and backpedaled away with a face so red even Bag Mac would be jealous.

"My my my Dashie. He's only been here for five minutes and your already trying to get in his pants." The purple haired seamstress teased.

"Well technically she was getting him out of his pants." The lavender alicorn corrected. Applejack just gave her a flat look like she had just made the worst pun ever.

"Your not helping Twi. We should probably move the little feller before he wakes up. I don't know about y'all but he's in for a mighty surprise when he.......... what's everypony doin?" Everypony besides Applejack and Rainbow dash were huddled around the sleeping human, ogling at his privates.

"It's so small. How does anypony even feel that?" Twilight asked.

"Humans have no sheaths Twilight, they still get bigger when aroused so don't worry." Lyra happy answered.

"It's so uncouth for a lady to stare but I just can't look away." Rarity commented.

"I know, it's a big discovery and must be documented!" Twilight all but yelled while gathering her ink, quill and parchments in her magic grip. With a reckless fever the Alicorn wrote page after page of information about what was in front of her until she needed to continue to the next phase. "I need more data, Applejack can you please touch it for me?"

"I aint gonna touch it! Rainbow you touch it." Applejack said while pointing a hoof to Dash.

"Me?! I'm not going to touch it either! Pinkie you touch it." Rainbow deflected to Pinkie Pie.

"Okie Dokie Lokie!" BOOP "Hee hee hee it feels so soft!" BOOP BOOP "Come on girls you got to try this!" Lyra's ears perked up at this.

"Okay." BOOP

"Lyra! You should know better than to poke somepony's genitals, especially somepony you don't know!" Bon Bon all but yelled at her roommate with a voice that could rival the Royal Canterlot Voice.

"Well she offered and I've always wanted to do that." The mint unicorn chided with a pout. BOOP

"No not you too Princess Twilight!" Bon Bon exclaimed with a horrid face. BOOP

"You are right Darling it is soft and squishy." Rarity commented while copping a feel herself. Since Twilight herself had touched the human the rest of her friends followed suit and did the same. Even Rainbow Dash and Applejack chanced a touch or two. Then all eyes turned to Bon Bon as she stood there petrified because of what just happened. Her ears flayed back and her gut sank as the others smiled deviously at her.

"It's your turn now sugar cube." Applejack said with a big ole evil grin. Bon Bon tried to backpedal away but Twilight's magic stopped her.

"We all would feel bad if you were left out of this learning experience." The princess said with her own patented Twily smirk. The others pitched in their two bits as well trying to get the stubborn earth mare to take a feel, except Fluttershy. Bon Bon was flushed with embarrassment and it showed on her face as she tried to get out of this situation.

"But .but ..but.. I don't feel at all comfortable about touching that things..." Bon Bon tried to explain before she was interrupted by Lyra

"Oh come on Bon Bon, just join the herd and touch it!" Lyra peer pressured Bon Bon until she sighed in defeat. Reluctantly she inched forward to what needed to be touched. Extending a hoof outward closing in on her target slowly but surely until. BOOP Bon Bon let go of the breath she didn't know she was holding and looked to the others. They smiled even larger indicating that they knew something she did not.

'Why is everypony smiling like they won the lottery? I don't feel anything soft but rather hard....' Bon Bon thought before turning her gaze back downward and saw what she was touching was now hard, very hard. Flustered and embarrassed Bon Bon quickly removes her hoof and backpedals away with a massive blush upon her facial features. Now normally a few of them would laugh at Bon Bon's reaction but Lyra and the mane 6 were too busy admiring human cock. It was like it had some sort of power that made anypony who looked at it unable to look away.

"Look! The tip looks like a mushroom! I wonder if it tastes like one." Pinkie wondered before taking a hearty swipe across it with her tongue. "Noperoonies it does not but it's really salty though!" Again like before everypony followed suit and gave a tentative lick or two, Bon Bon just gaped at what she's currently witnessing and can't help but slowly inch her way forward to the group again. As they licked a little more vigorously the human groaned deeply, startling everypony.

As for our human friend who was disoriented and confused as fuck, his thoughts were as follows 'Last thing I remember is getting struck by lightning and passing out. So if I died then that would mean I'm in heaven right now. Well I think it's heaven because last time I checked they don't give blowjobs in hell.' Slowly opening his eyes he sees colorful equines licking and prodding his hard dick like it's a cat toy. Now our little human was stunned, he didn't know what to do and college sure as hell did not teach you how to react when pastel ponies poke your junk.

After a few moments his body started it's whole fight or flight scenario and he did what most people would do in this situation.

He ran like a bitch.

Tender

Not much goes on in the daily life of an equestrian guard, you get up really early, do some PT before breakfast, then stand still for a long time if you don't get a patrol or some other shit duty. Since the forming of the 'friendship guards' nothing exciting has happened since so you could say everything was routine up to this point. The point of even having guards in the first place is to have a task force ready for a quick response to anything but nothing could have prepared them for the sight of a running naked human.

Now if this was the Day or Night guard then they probably would have stopped the streaker but Twilight's guards just stood there unable to comprehend what's happening in front of them. It wasn't until a running, screaming princess appeared that they finally gave chase. Her friends followed just behind their friend and Applejack grabbed a rope between her teeth while shouting, "Come here ya little varmit!"

Everypony but Lyra, Bon Bon, Rarity and Fluttershy joined in the pursuit of the human, Bon Bon because she was still stunned at what she did and Lyra because she couldn't stop smiling. Rarity and Fluttershy didn't join the chase because they felt a bit ashamed at what they just did to the poor thing.

Breaking away from her daze Bon Bon looked at Lyra then frowned before saying, "Now look at what you did! We have a freaked out human running around town probably scaring everypony by now."

"I know isn't it great!" Lyra responded with glee.

"Just how is this great?! We have a serious problem here and it's your fault!" The earth pony tried to scold her roommate but the mint green unicorn's smile just couldn't be broken.

"It hasn't even been 20 minutes and my little human is already out there disproving all the ponies who doubted me, I think I'm in love!" Lyra said with the most love struck expression Bon Bon had ever seen. This sent up too many red flags and she tried to put a stop before she went too far.

"No No No Lyra! Listen too me you got to...." Bon Bon was unable to finish because Lyra sprinted fulled speed out the castle leaving her roommate sighing and shaking her head. "Of course Lyra had to convince Princess Twilight to summon a human when we all are so close to estrus. Celestia help us all."

As for our human friend you could say he was not having a good day. He got home late from work last night and got very little sleep before he had to wake up and go to his morning classes. Having to walk to school cause his car wouldn't start left him swearing like a sailor and very irate. The gods must have hated him because even though the weather forecast was for clear skies dark clouds rolled in and started pouring heavy rain. About halfway to the campus it started thundering and then he was struck by lightning which was painful. After waking up to molestation by colorful ponies, he is now running with the mother of all hard-ons and he doesn't know why.

This made running rather uncomfortable, when he ran it felt like he had a jousting lance attached to his groin. He tried slapping it a few times to make it go away but it just bounced like a weeble wobble. If our human friend wasn't fleeing for his life he probably would take care of it but survival took priority.

Escaping the weird tree shaped castle was, surprisingly easy. Escaping the chasing ponies isn't. Equines could outrun any two legged creature without a doubt but were not able to maneuver quickly. Normally he would have gotten away by now but these fuckers had wings! WINGS! Between the orange pony with a rope, the guards and the flying blue one, freedom is almost a long gone dream. The rest of the pursuers just passively followed instead of trying to catch the human which was a relief.

Outside the tree castle there is a village of medieval style buildings with countless more pastel ponies. They were startled by the 'lancing' human and his chasing posse. Shocked doesn't even describe how the citizens of ponyville looked as the gang passed on through. A certain mint green unicorn wasted no time in gloating as they passed certain ponies.

"Hey look at what I got everypony! A real live human!" Lyra yelled at the other ponies as the chase passed them. "I was right and you were wrong! In your face Caramel!"

Rainbow dive bombed the human sending the both sprawling out on the ground, tripping some of the guards while the rest piled on trying to catch the primate. In a cartoonish way a cloud of dust was thrown up obscuring everyponies' sight as they poked in and out of it trying to get their mark. The human managed to crawl out of the fight while the others still assumed he was in the cloud with him. As the dust settled they all were comically intertwined with one another and their target was nowhere in sight.

"Aggggghhh! I can't believe we lost him. Well I still have his stuff so he will have to come get it eventually." Princess Twilight Sparkle huffed out of frustration before returning to her castle and laying down with the nice book she found. As for our human friend he managed to hide away under a stall that sold bed sheets and managed to snag one for his modesty. The guards having recovered from their impromptu wrestling match all scattered to search for their quarry.

When the coast was clear of pursuers he tried to leave from his hiding place but luck definitely wasn't on his side because the owner returned to the stall. It was a young mare with a tan coat and long brown mane. Now that the human wasn't being chased he noticed that most of these equines had tattoos on their butts which was weird because there's no way that's natural. This particular mare had a tattoo of a milk bottle on her ass. He was brought out of his thoughts when he saw her lift a hoof and extend it backwards to her nethers.

"Oh my god this chick is rubbing herself in public!" The human thought as he got a got a good look at the show. He brought his focus back to trying to get out of the stall without being noticed but unfortunately this mare had a couple customers. The really freaky part is that this mare kept going while conducting her business and her customers either didn't care or were none the wiser. This mare even came a few times and managed to stifle her moans which meant she's done this before.

Stuck being a voyer and unable to escape the human noticed that it was little more cramped under the stall and felt something fuzzy up against his skin. Turning his head slowly to the right he sees the pink pony from before with the biggest smile adorning her features.

"Hi there!" The party pony practically yelled in his face startling both him and the clopping mare. The stall owner looked under it and saw Pinkie Pie and a weird creature. She immediately blushed as the human took off with Pinkie bouncing after him. Lyra and the others caught sight of this and resumed chasing.

Obviously not in the best of shape and hungry our human friend lost a bunch of energy and the guards caught up with him. Not looking were he's going, he collides with something big tall and furry and ends up bouncing off of it while whatever it was remains upright. On his back and looking upward he sees what he crashed into was none other than a minotaur of mythology. Puzzled and a bit curious the taur just looks at the human. Not long after the human got to his feet a rope zipped through the air and closed around him.

"Ah fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkk!" He yelled when he was caught.

"I've got chu now!" The orange cowpony yelled through gritted teeth and powerfully yanked the human off his feet. Once again landing on his back, Applejack wasted no time hog tying him down as the guards held him down. "WOO WEE! For a two legged critter ya sure do run fast."

"Ya but it's still not as fast as me!" Rainbow said while landing next to the group just as Pinkie caught up as well.

"Well no duh Dashie nopony is as fast as you but now that we have our new friend here we can through him a big 'welcome to ponyville' party! Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh I just thought of how we can do it!" The party pony blabbed on about how awesome the party's going to be while the human just yelled profane things until one of the unicorn guards just gagged the poor guy. Then as they were loading him onto the back of one of the guards a voice loudly rang out in righteous anger.

"BY THE GREAT HORN WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT POOR BULL!!!"

The group turned to see an angry minotaur practically screaming at them. Right then and there both Applejack and Rainbow Dash face hoofed while saying in unison.

"Oh buck it's Iron Will."

Baby

"YES! SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS THANK YOU!!!" I tried to scream but came out gargled because of the linen strip these equine jerks gagged me with. I'm happy as can be that this stranger, this minotaur is sticking his neck out for me.

"By the horn I know you mares get crazy when you go into estrus but this is bucking crazy." My savior known as Iron Will said to the crazy ponies. I swear if I wasn't tied up right now I would totally hug this guy, no homo. These armored ponies put me back onto the ground and begin to argue with Mr. Will. You know, for a magical land filled with colorful ponies the armored ones all look the same. Even so this was definitely my chance to make a get away.

Kicking my feet a bit, I was able to slip through the rope enough to were I could flatly lay on my stomach but not enough to have my hands or feet unbound. Crawling like a world war two soldier I make my escape away from these insane equines. Narrowly avoiding a few stomping hooves I managed to get to an ally way thankfully unnoticed, or I thought at first. Apparently the green unicorn pony saw the my pitiful escape and was now right in front of me. If this pony had alerted the others then I was so fucked, apparently it showed on my expression and the pony quickly responded.

"No no no it's ok, I'm a friend." The unicorn said in a soft soothing tone. Well at least I now know it's a her. As if to prove her point she removed the gag from my mouth, which was great because it tasted terrible. "See, isn't that much better? My name is Lyra. What is your name?" I've been here for about half an hour and I've been kidnapped, molested, chased and tied up like a calf at the Texas rodeo, so seeing a bit of normalcy from a pony is a bit stunning. Of course not answering the nice pony is probably not a good idea so I might as well give her what she wants.

"Smith, my name is Smith." The green unicorn that I now know as Lyra smiled at my response. She seemed to be really interested in me because she was looking all over my body, as if she was an Belgian diamond merchant appraising me like a jewel. Speaking of jewels, Lyra definitely was looking at mine a rather long time until I caught her staring. I'm not sure what to make of her just yet but I might as well test the waters as the saying goes. "Ehem, Lyra was it? If you are a friend as you say you are, then if you would be so kind as to untie me?"

"Of course Mr. Smith I would be happy too." Making good on her word she lit up her horn and the rope magically untangled itself from my naked form. Magic, who would have thought it right? Finally free from my restraints I stood to my full six foot height and straightened the bed sheet so now it covers my squishy bits.

"Thank you miss Lyra for your assistance." I say in earnest which makes Lyra turn deep crimson red in the face.

"You very welcome." Lyra says while fidgeting with her hoof and mane rather nervously. "Excuse me Mr. Smith, would you be my friend?" At first I thought of the cons of such a thing but when her facial expression began to darken with sadness and her lips quiver, I could not help but say yes. Apparently Lyra wanted to be my friend so bad that her mood just turned joyful happy in a heartbeat. She stomped her hooves with a huge smile on her face then jumped at me like a face hugger from aliens. We both collided and she hugged me so hard I could swear teddy bears would get jealous. "My very first human friend! I'm so happy!" Lyra exclaimed as I freed myself from her death grip. This sent up a few red flags because I never told her what I was.

"Lyra, how do you know that I'm a human?" I asked.

"Humans here are considered mythological creatures and we have books and stories about you all. Lyra finished with a calming smile. Well I just saw a minotaur and they are mythological creatures back home so I guess it would be the opposite for us in magic pony land. However it's still disconcerting that people, or I guess ponies in this case would think that I'm not a real creature and that just hurts my ego. I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard a someone yell out quite loudly.

"HEY! WHERE DID HE GO!!!"

Well that was my cue to leave because I didn't want to get captured by those fuckers again, bitches be crazy. I feel sorry for leaving Lyra behind but hopefully she wouldn't be mad about it and help them hunt me down out of spite. For about five minutes I dodged my way in and out of ally ways narrowly avoiding my pursuers with many close calls. Luckily I managed to get clear and started for the edge of town, or so I thought. I noticed a couch floating in mid air with some weird creature atop it with popcorn in one err claw and a soda in a drink holder. The creature itself was like a child pulled apart many different animal figurines and just slapped random pieces together. That was really freaky and I tried to pay it now mind but the bastard whistled really loudly, which got the attention of ponies, armored and unarmored. He pointed downward to me and then was on the run again from these guard clones. I could hear that freak laughing in the distance along with popcorn crunches, I swear if I get my hands on that fucker.

Anyway, I had to sprint towards the edge of town but ended up getting encircled by the clones on all sides. Surrounded and quickly loosing ground I was left with no other option but to use the most sacred and holy of battle cries. Steeling my nerves and pumping out my chest, I charge the clones with reckless abandon.

"LEEEEEEEERRROOOOOOOOYYYY JEEEEEEENNNNKKIIIIIIIIINNNNNSSS!!!!!!!!!!

Surprisingly I caught them all of guard, I guess the last thing they expected me to do was charge them head on. I managed to get clear of the first rank and file only to be tackled by the second right around the corner. Even though I'm taller than these ponies that doesn't mean they aren't heavier or stronger than me. These bastards were heavy and the armor didn't help either, luckily before the they could tie me again another form charged my aggressors, knocking them off me like a linebacker. It was Iron Will the minotaur, he had come to my aid once again. This guy must have some serious honor to help out a random stranger like me but either way I'm grateful and I told him so.

Our escape was short lived as more clones closed in on us and a lot of them had wings or horns which made it extremely difficult for the both of us to get away. It wasn't long before he was tackled to the ground and when I turned to give him help, he waved me away while shouting at me. "Forget about me! Run brother! RUN!"

To this day I wish I could say that I escaped, that I got away, but I was dive bombed from above by the blue Pegasus which allowed the others to catch up and restrain me. I was then brought to the entrance of the tree castle where I saw both Lyra and Iron Will tied up just as I was. Iron Will I could understand why, because he helped me escape but Lyra, she didn't deserve this and I felt bad because of it.

It was not long before we were taken into the fortress of pseudo oak and individually placed into guest rooms with guards stationed at the doors and the windows magically sealed. I personally was expecting some dank, dark prison cell with dim lighting and an irate guard, but I guess I've seen to many movies. The room was nice and spacious with a king sized bed and even had a just as big bathroom. At this point I'm dirty, tired and smelly so I might as well take a shower or something before I'm sentenced for whatever crime I 'committed'.

The bathroom was a bit weird but functioned mostly the same. After a rather long warm shower I toweled off with towels much smaller than the ones I'm used too. Normally by this point I would put on some clothes but since I woke up without any it's kind of hard to. Throwing my hands up in frustration I leave the bathroom and make my way over to the bed and just flop atop it. I closed my eyes to get some sleep but the door to the hallway opened and a mare wearing a variant of the maid uniform walked in. Then with a neutral expression, she spoke these words to me.

"The Princess will see you now."

Author's Note

I couldn't sleep so here's another chapter for you all. I know I'm miles away from writing a decent story but with your help, it's a step in the right direction. Thank all of you for reading and responding.

Ain't

Author's Note

Back again baby and ready for almost anything. First off I gotta give Newborn Cretin major kudos cause he gave me an idea. Also another thing is that I'm kinda surprised that nobody/nopony commented on the parts with discord or button's mom.

Ain't

"The Princess will see you now." The pony maid said to me with the most neutral face I've ever seen. So after all that crazy shit they've done, they choose now of all times to be civilized? Well fuck you too.

"Well who in their right mind would want to see her? Not me that is for sure, why don't you just step aside and let me go." I told the bitch but she just frowned and called in the guards. Now outnumbered and unarmed I had no choice but to 'follow' this maid with the clones kept my pace with spear point. We went through many different hallways until we reached a central chamber with six thrones arranged in a circle like King Arthur's round table. Both Lyra and Iron Will were already in the chamber, thankfully not in restraints. This was the very same room that I had ran from before and of course seated atop the thrones was miss high and mighty herself with friends.

We locked eyes, ever watching the other for any movement or weakness. Princess Purple just sat there with a look as if she was studying me. Of course when this all was happening an awkward silence prevailed, even made some of her totties nervous and fidgety. She just continued to start until I couldn't take it anymore and then proceeded to yell.

"If you've come to hear me beg, then you'll be sorely disappointed." Not the phrase they were expecting me to say. Princess Purple looked a bit off guard but regained her composure as quickly as she lost it.

"No pony is here to hear you beg human. Whatever gave you that idea?" Purple spurgle asked in an almost genuine concerned voice but nobody is going to fool me.

"Oh I don't know maybe it's because YOU FUCKING KIDNAPPED AND MOLESTED ME!!!" I saw all the ponies physically flinch and their ears flattened against their head because of the sheer volume of my voice.

"I assure you that it wasn't our intent for this to go so far. We all thought that humans did not exist and shouldn't have been able to summon one." Princess Purple tried to calmly explain to me but I wasn't going to believe this horse shit, I know it's not the best time for that phrase.

"But you did. Congratulations Princess, you've managed to not only summon the mythological human but also piss him off!" By this point I'm letting loose all my bottled rage and couldn't care less about the consequences, that's how angry I am. Before I could continue ranting I was interrupted by the white unicorn with the over styled hair.

"Now darling I know you're upset and you have every right to be. However you should really calm yourself because we're trying to start over and apologize." Really now, they want to apologize now after they treated me like an animal? They want me to forget everything they've done and be civilized, not going to happen.

"After everything you bitches have done, you want me to calm myself? After you struck me with lightning, played with my junk like it was a toy and having your little clone guards chase me up and down your broke back town and you still expect me to carry on like a pork chop? I don't fucking think so." I would have continued ranting but apparently screaming at them was not the wisest of ideas. Their ears laid flat against their heads, lips began to quiver and eyes began to water. I swear it's like a defense mechanism or something because all my righteous fury is being melted away by those sad little punims. They're trying to weaponize cuteness! RESIST RESIST! Fortunately I wasn't the only one who thought they did wrong cause once again Iron Will proves to be a bro.

"I know it's not Iron Will's place to question Equestrian Royalty but I'm with the human on this one."

"I understand that we've done wrong by you and for that we, I am sorry." Normally I would say that it was a half assed apology but the crestfallen look on her face said otherwise. Well even if they all are truly sorry, I'm probably gonna be sore at them for a long while. Either way I still have to figure out where to go from here so I'll have to give to receive.

"Lets just say that I believe what you say and forgive you, what would happen from then on?" I truly had no idea what to expect for an answer but it's still a good question to ask. Princess Purple look a bit deep in thought until her face lit up with the 'eureka' expression we all know so well.

"I think it goes without saying that we should do all we can to try and return you home. It would be the wisest course of action." Now that would be an interesting notion, to return home. However my previous life wasn't really much to begin with and if I have to leave the same way I got here, then count me out.

"Ya no thanks."

"What do ya mean no? Don't ya want to return home to your kin?" The southern accented orange pony asked me.

"Well that's just it, I have no kin waiting for me back on earth and I was renting a home so I didn't have much in the way of possessions. I'm still ticked that getting struck by lightning destroyed what decent stuff I did have." All the ponies and even Iron Will looked at me with pity. I swear when you tell someone that you never really had a family and they think your some special needs kid that needs loving. I was about to tell them I don't need no pity but Purple Spurgle caught my attention when she lifted up my old backpack with her magic.

"Are these what you're referring too?"

"OH FUCK YES!!!" I yell while bull rushing over to my backpack, snatching it from her magical grasp. The contents where remarkably undamaged but the outer parts of the backpack were a bit singed. It contained my acer laptop and charging chord, my Iphone and chord, my various school supplies and pocket knife. Strangely the fifty shades of grey book had disappeared but I couldn't care less. I was about to drop the issue until I spotted a book wedged between Princess Purple's throne cushions. With the biggest shit eating grin I could muster I asked her a simple question. "Did you take a book called Fifty shades of grey?"

Hook, line and sinker. She started to fidget nervously and her hoof suddenly became more interesting. Now personally I don't care about the book but I just want to mess with her a bit before I tell them that. "Yes." Princess Purple said almost inaudibly with a red face. I tried to keep a straight face but ended up bursting out in laughter and rolled on the floor. This confused the hell out of everybody but for some weird reason the pink one joined in the laughter.

"HA HA HA HA!!! Whoo! I needed that. I don't care that you took the book, I was being forced to read it for English class but since I'm not going back I don't need it anymore, so keep it. But there's the issue of where I'm going to live now." Lyra's ear seemed to perk up at this and quickly blurted out.

"Well you could always stay with me!" That's what I was afraid she'd say.

"You're one of the ones who molested me to begin with so hell no." Just like that her mood did a 180 and she's sad again. Jesus I swear these ponies suffer from mood swings or something. I was about to say something else but I stopped when I felt an overly large hand atop my shoulder.

"You could stay with Iron Will, I'd even give you a job too." This guy never ceases to amaze me.

"A job and a place to live? You're too kind." I said which made the minotaur smile even larger.

"Don't worry about it, us bulls got to stick together. Especially since females outnumber males in this world." Iron will said with hearty laugh and a heavy pat on my back.

"You do know I'm not a bull right?" I asked.

"I know but you're a guy aint ya? We minotaurs call all guys bulls, the ponies will most likely call ya a stallion so might as well get used to it." The minotaur answered. Giving a light shrug I then extended my hand for a shake and began the introductions.

"Well since you're going to be my new boss and landlord I might as well properly introduce myself, I'm Smith." The bull grabbed my hand with his a shook with such ferocity that I thought he would dislocate my shoulder.

"Nice to meet ya Smith! Iron Will is my name and training ponies is my game!" This guy is definitely full of energy aint he? Either way it's still gonna suck having to start over from scratch but I'd rather do that then get zapped again.

"Well hopefully I get paid soon because walking around nude is starting to bug me." As soon as those words left my mouth the white unicorn's expression just lit up like a fat kid with a cupcake.

"If you need clothes I could make a few sets for you darling." So apparently this one was a fashion designer or something, which is weird considering I haven't seen ponies wearing clothes. Still I didn't want her charity and tried to tell her so but she quickly cut me off. "Ah bip bip bip bip! I won't hear another word of it darling. I'm going to make you those clothes and that's final. Besides think of it as a formal apology for what we've done." Well ok then. I've learned that's it pointless to argue with women when they've made up their minds because they just throw a wall up and you don't get through.

The rest of our conversation was rather boring. All the ponies introduced themselves officially and in one form or another and they did indeed all have weird names, I guess my name is just as weird to them as theirs is to me. After the whole meet and greet was over with, we went over the do's and don'ts of Equestria and some general information that I needed to know etc. etc. After we wrapped up, I just had one more thing to say to the ponies before I left.

"I'm still going to be crossed with most of you for awhile, but I'd say you've taken a step in the right direction."

I said my piece and walked away.

Nothing

"Come on Smith, hustle hustle hustle!" Iron will yells at me for probably the hundredth time this week. I better start from the beginning so you can understand. So after I got randomly summoned to this 'Ponyville' and chased all around it's medieval features, I lucked out in not only getting a place to stay but also a job. Now, I thought it would be something menial and boring like my old 9 to 5 jobs but no, instead I have Iron Will running me ragged all over town again with other mares and stallions as well.

You see, there's a reason why my boss decided to come to Ponyville just as every single mare goes into heat. He and his goat partner Buckleg had this idea of a running marathon of endurance where every stallion would try to outlast Iron Will and his crew to win the grand prize, from sun up to sun down. So each participant pays an entry fee of 10 bits per day and if the lucky bastard doesn't get caught and we do, then he gets 1000 bits. If the runner is caught, then .....

"YAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Yep, there goes another one. When the mares catch a runner they like then they pretty much rape him on the spot, even some other mares join in on the fun as well. I would stop to salute our fallen but if I did then they would catch me too. Anyway I was told that normally when mares go into heat it isn't pretty and most of the guys go hide until it's over and I can't blame them. This is one of the more scarier things I've done, and that's saying something.

So not only are we getting money from these poor daredevils, we're also getting sponsored by mares and other female contestants. That's when Iron Will got the idea to call it the 'mare'a-thon, I know it's such a bad pun that I almost hit my head upon a brick wall. Anyway so for the past 3 days I've been running in this 'mare'a-thon and my body is sore as can be. Yeah life is just peachy.

Now, since many of the different species here have different attributes we've had to split them into 2 different groups. Me and Iron Will are running with the ground group and a Pegasus named Bulk Biceps is flying with the sky group, though I think he would be better off running because his wings are tiny compared to the rest of him. Another thing to be aware of is that sometimes mares chasing the sky group will get frustrated and dive bomb those of us stuck on the ground. I'd call a foul but since they aren't actual contestants we're unable to do anything about that, not like anyone would object because it means less participants.

So here I am, running once more and mentally swearing every other step along the way. I know I wished for something different to happen in my life back on earth but this is madness!

"Run Smith Run! Move that flank or you won't make bank!" Iron will yelled at me for the hundred and 1th time. I just gave him my 'are you serious face' and retorted.

"You've been seeing Zecora again haven't you?"

"Just keep moving Smith. We got only one more hour until we're done for the day." My boss says with the biggest blush ever.

I did it! I actually got the stoic Iron Will to blush! Whip out your champagne bottles fellas because we're gonna celebrate. Before the whole 'mare'a-thon, first thing Iron Will did was take me to this alchemist zebra for a physical. Sure Zecora was a bit weird with the way she spoke, but she genuinely cared for my health and have to respect that. The whole time I was there Iron Will was fidgeting like a school girl with a crush. I didn't think nothing of it then but with the way she was looking back at him, it was obvious where Iron Will was disappearing too after the day's run. I guess even zebras go into heat the same time mares do, probably whatever deity that rules this world has a weird sense of humor.

Before I could even celebrate that this torture is almost over, everybody picked up the pace until we were all sprinting. The last hour of the 'mare'a-thon is always the worst because it's the females' last chance to catch themselves a mate. Never thought I would ever see the day where females do the chasing. While most mares would want to catch themselves a mate right off the bat, there are some who stick to the end to try and catch themselves the crème of the crop. These mares would probably snap me in half because by that point they're tired and horny as fuck. As they say on an old show I used to watch, 'Death by Snu Snu!'

The hour of pain began with a bunch of Pegasus mares dive bombing our runners. A few magenta flying mares dove straight for us and almost grabbed ahold of me but managed to snag two poor guys next to me. Unfortunately I'm not the greatest runner nor the fastest, so naturally I'm at the back of the pack and almost literally have mares breathing down my neck. I no longer can see Iron Will which means I'm fucked, literally if I don't run faster!

Ponies can outrun humans any day of the week in a straight run but cannot maneuver as good as us. So if I stayed trying to keep up with the pack them I'm screwed so I took a sharp turn down an allyway hoping to loose some of the pursuers, I didn't. A few of them decided to follow me but that's where they made a mistake. Reaching the road again I take another sharp turn headed towards the stalls. I zigzagged back and forth creating an obstacle course for my chasers and one of them fell behind. The other two were still on my heals and gaining. I leaped over a couple of the stalls like a man possessed and another fell behind when her hoof got caught.

I'll admit at this point I got cocky and started to toy with my last chaser. I actually wanted to look back and see who was chasing me but in my own stupidity I hit a clothes line before I could see behind me. I was scared at what just happened and cursed under my breath. I was about to get up until I felt a hoof on my back. I turned over and saw a mare standing over me.

It was Lyra.

But

Smith's Pov

Tired, sore and out of breath, I just laid there on the dirt looking upwards to the pony standing above me. That pony was Lyra and she too was panting because of the long sprinting we just did. When my brain finally caught up with me and registered who had caught me, I was relieved. In fact I was down right hysterically happy that Lyra was the one to catch me. I suppose I should explain why huh?

You see, for the last few days that I've been running for my life in this 'mare'a-thon, I haven't really done all that well. I wasn't the most physically fit person before I came to this world and had a bit of a chub. Now throw me into a crazy female dominated world where I spend most of my hours running, you could probably guess how that turned out. The first day was definitely the worst, Iron Will woke me up way to early and barely fed me anything before telling me to start running as we headed over to Zecora's for my checkup.

By the time the actual 'mare'a-thon started I was already tired, hungry and sore all over. Since the point of the 'mare'a-thon was to run away from lust crazed females you can be damned sure I tried my best to escape. But like all things, it had to come to an end. The first time I fell behind the group and the chasers closed in for the kill, or in this case I guess it would be 'closed in for the rape'. I tried, I really did try to outrun them but unfortunately I'm not built for speed like these ponies are. I was tackled swiftly and harshly to the ground, face first.

I was scared. Thoroughly and utterly scared as I dreaded what was to come, but it never came. When I worked up enough courage to turn over onto my back, I saw Lyra standing over me then just like she is now. At first I thought she was going to do what she did when I first got here but the look on her face told me otherwise. She was genuinely concerned about my well being and fawned over me like an overprotective mother. Now calm and collected I saw the chasers moved on leaving Lyra and me behind. I guess they ignored me because Lyra had claimed me and probably thought she was having her way with me. Anyway I was happy I didn't have to run anymore and Lyra was actually rather pleasant to talk with while we both cooled off.

We didn't really talk about anything important, just the usual things about who we are and what we like to do, that sort of thing. Eventually when the group did a full lap, Iron will would somehow find me and put me back into the race. It was definitely hell. However each and every time I was close to being caught Lyra here would swoop in and save me. I really appreciated what she was doing for me and even offered to pay her for her troubles, but she declined every time saying that there's nothing she wouldn't do to help out a friend. The feels got my right in the chest every time, I feel bad that she's running constantly in this event just to save me. I also feel bad that I judged her a little harshly for what she had done before as well. All in all what I'm trying to say is that she is a good girl, err mare.

"You ok Smith?" Lyra called out to me, breaking my train of thought.

"Yes I'm fine." My response seems to comfort her as she gives one of the biggest smiles I've ever seen. Like a lady she extended her hoof out to me which I grasped and got pulled back onto my feet. Once the direction had been picked we both started walking. Since Lyra had supposedly 'claimed' me, our path was pretty much free of barriers as we walked onward or she trotted along I don't know.

"Smith?" My companion said grabbing my attention as I stared into her golden eyes.

"Yes Lyra?" I replied. Lyra herself wasn't able to maintain proper eye contact and was constantly looking downward or elsewhere, anything but me. It's clear that she is a little more than uncomfortable but weather it's because of me or what she's about to say I have no idea.

I'm starting to get concerned as she fidgeted even more, with her hair, with her hooves, you name it. Usually when I talk to Lyra she's a rather confident outgoing mare but now she seems timid and it's really throwing me off. I would press the issue but then again it would be rude to press the issue especially if it didn't involve me. After a full minute and a half the awkward silence is broken as she finally speaks up. "It's getting rather late and I was wondering, if you would like to.....go to dinner with me?

"I'm sorry what did you say?" I replied, unable to make out the last part she said.

"I...um...." Lyra tried to speak but was squirming more than a worm on a hook. I could tell she was really nervous about what ever it is she's trying to tell me but once again I don't try to push the issue. "I said...if you would want to.....go to dinner with me?

"Huh?!?" I said while my brain tries to process what she just asked me.

"I asked if you wanted to go to dinner with me. I mean, we've been running for hours since lunch and it's now dark so I thought we both could go to a restaurant or something for dinner." Once again Lyra says to me, unsure of how I'd respond but a little less timid and uncertain than before.

"I would be fine with that however I still haven't gotten paid from Iron Will yet so I have no money." This didn't deter Lyra, in fact it just made her smile even bigger. Like a switch on her personality had been flipped and now she was the confident Lyra I've come to know these past few days.

"Oh that's fine! I'm sure you would do the same for me Smith so I'll happily treat you to dinner." Normally as a guy I'm obligated to say no since I'm the one who's supposed to pay for the meal. But since this clearly is a matriarchal society the roles are probably reversed. It might be a hit to my pride but it would be rude to decline her offer since she seems so determined to be a gentlemare I guess the term would be here.

Eventually my stomach growled it's opinion and Lyra giggled in response, I guess it's two on one now so I agreed to dinner. Lyra's expression lit up like a kid unwrapping a Christmas present and leapt forward, nuzzling my leg before taking my shirt in her mouth dragging me along with her.

After a short walk (more like a tug and pull) we arrived at our destination. The restaurant Lyra had chosen was called 'A Mare's Flower' and it looked fancy. One look at the name and I had an unbearable urge to smack my head upon the brick wall because of it's hidden meaning. Later I had found it is called that because they serve actual flowers grown by three local mares.

"Smith could you please wait here while I go use the little fillies' room?" Lyra asked me innocently. Like the gentleman I agreed and waited outside while she walked up the stairs into the restaurant.

Lyra's Pov

After finishing my business in the little fillies' room and sprucing up a little I head back to the main lobby. A mare's flower is one of the most fanciest restaurants here in Ponyville that just opened up recently. It's so popular right now it takes a day in advance just to make a reservation but luckily for me and my date, I was able to make one for us yesterday.

All that running around surely has left me hungry and I can only imagine how famished smith is, you know stallions. Cantering up to the pony behind the podium and clearing my throat to get his attention. He looks at me with disinterest while saying, "Do you have a reservation?"

"Yes I do. Reservation for Lyra Heartstrings."

The stallion looks down at the book atop the podium and flips through it rather slowly until eventually he stops to read the bottom half of a page through his monocle. "Ah yes, Lyra Heartstrings table for two. Everything is in order I'll show you to your table."

"Could you wait one minute please?" I tell the posh colt but he doesn't respond and just looks at me rather irritably. Taking that as my cue I head back outside where I left Smith only to find him staring off into Luna's starry sky. "Thank you for waiting, you're a true gentlecolt." His attention now turns to me as his piercing gaze now rests on me. Oh how that look of his riles me up, it's like a predator watching his prey before the pounce. I'm sure we'll both like it if he pounced on me. No Lyra! Don't think like that! You can't go get hot and bothered now, it'll drive him away. Or will it?

"You're welcome. Are you sure you want to eat here? It looks rather expensive." Here I am treating Smith to dinner and he's worried if I'm spending to much. Oh sweet Celestia I could skip dinner and embrace him now! No Lyra you need to control yourself! I was brought out of my inner ramblings when he opened the door while saying, "After you." Luna's teats help me this is torture, oh so lovely torture.

Smith's Pov

The restaurant was indeed fancy on the inside as it was outside. Little fountains and potted plants along with marble floors. To our right were the bathrooms and to our left was the seating area but with pillows instead of couches. Since we were going to be eating I quickly went and washed my hands in a sink that was barely off the floor. Clearly hand washing and hoof washing don't hold the same amount of urgency. I made my way back to Lyra as we both approached this snobby pony guy behind the podium. He took one look at me then to Lyra before motioning us to follow him without saying a single word. The little bastard was definitely sizing me up or something.

We had a short table near a window with a lit candle and folded menus. When I say short I really mean small like a kiddie table but a little more wide. Instead of chairs we have large fluffy pillows upon the floor, makes sense since ponies aren't built like us humans. I would have pulled out the chair for Lyra but you can't really do that with a pillow, I at least waited for her to be seated first before I sat down on mine cross legged. I figured I might as well show some manners since she is paying for my meal after all.

It was after I looked at the menu that I had realized that this wasn't going to be like a typical restaurant, I had forgotten that these ponies were vegetarians so goodbye steak, which is probably a good thing because steaks are expensive at these types of restaurants. Well at least they have pasta otherwise I would be rather upset about eating only salad because half of the menu is flowers and the different dishes they're cooked into.

A mare dressed with a shirt and bowtie trotted over to our table and introduced herself as Cloven Hoof, she was our waiter and asked for our orders. I ended up getting the 4 cheese pasta with assorted breads and sauces while Lyra ordered some casserole with a rare flower in the middle. Cloven asked if we would be interested in any of their wines, but before I could say no Lyra spoke up and ordered one. Normally I would have spoken up about this since wines are usually expensive but since Lyra was paying for something she clearly wanted, I used the ancient art of shut the hell up.

Half an hour passed in pleasant conversation before our meals arrived. The smell of cooked flowers was a little nauseating but luckily not so much. Our dinners were consumed in relative silence because that's just how delicious they were. Add on top of that the entire bottle of wine Lyra ordered and it wasn't long until both of us left full and happy. The alcohol had left me feeling warm and tipsy but not enough to be really drunk or anything, however I don't know if it was the same with Lyra. So there we were, meandering along the streets now bathed in moonlight. Eventually we had happened upon a park and both layed down in the grass.

Before when I would talk to Lyra, she would tell me about her world and what she knew about certain things. Imagine my surprise when I find out that the sun and moon are moved about by two princesses similar to the one who had brought me here. I was skeptical at first but since I'm in a world were magic is real I pretty much believed Lyra's word for it. Every night there would be new constellations and arrangements, something new every night to suggest someone continuously working on the night sky.

In my own inner ramblings I fail to notice that Lyra had snuggled up to me, she was warm and her fur was pleasantly soft. She let out a content sigh before nuzzling my side. I know this should have sent a lot of red flags up but I just couldn't bring myself to break myself away from her embrace. 'Perhaps this is what friends do here in Equestria' my brain tries to come up with an excuse so I wouldn't have to leave this comfortable position.

In my own way I accept that I'm cuddling with a pony and the more important fact, that I like it. Like I used to do with my cat back home, I reached my fingers up and started to scratch her behind the ears. Lyra was definitely startled at first but basically melted to my touch and purred in content not unlike my old cat. So there we were, underneath the starry sky cuddling and I was giving Lyra the best and probably only scratchies she's ever had. After a couple of minutes her breathing started to get hard and labored and her whole body started shuddering.

I was concerned that she might be getting sick or something and stopped scratching to ask if she was alright. Before I could even speak she climbed atop and pushed her lips onto mine. Shocked. I was completely and utterly shocked at what was happening and mine brain could not register that a pony was kissing me. It was passionate, it was pure. I couldn't do anything until she broke the kiss and nuzzled my face while sighing contentedly.

"Lyra...........what.........why?" I try to say, my brain still rebooting from the crash Lyra gave me. Lyra still with labored breaths looks down at me with a tender expression, her golden irises looking deeply into my own she says.

"Because Smith. I want you."

Author's Note

Damn that was the longest chapter I've written for this story yet. I would like to give a shout out to Ocean Stardust and DominiusTWD because they both pretty much guessed right about what was gonna happen. Kudos peeps/ponies kudos.

Mammals

Author's Note

Hey everyone/everypony I'm back from the holiday madness with your long awaited chapter. Sorry for the wait but hopefully this makes you all happy and fulfilled. This is the largest chapter I've written for this story so I'm rather happy with it.

Merry Christmas ya filthy animals!
Happy Holidays ya filthy animals!
Merry Hearth Warming ya filthy animals!
Cause we're all mammals.

Mammals

"What did you say Lyra?" I squeaked out while my brain tried to wrap itself around the current situation.

This obviously wasn't the response Lyra expected because she became even more nervous than before, constantly looking at everything but me. After a few awkward moments she said again. "I want you Smith. I want you to rut me."

Silence returned and the situation now clicked in my head. I had forgotten the important fact that Lyra herself was also a mare. Before you yell at me about how I could forget that she's a mare. I knew that she was one but I had forgotten that she herself could be affected by estrus. I had seen mares afflicted with heat, chase down and rape stallions and pretty much any other sentient creature with a Y chromosome. Yet Lyra herself hadn't acted like that and even saved me from other mares but, has she only down so to keep more for herself? Such thoughts are paranoid and corrosive but I can't really dismiss them, not after what I've seen.

Lyra all the while looks at me expectantly, awaiting my answer. Seemingly having made up my mind I untangled myself from her and stood up, facing away from her, staring off in the distance while saying. "I'm sorry but I can't do this."

I physically flinched at the sound of her starting to cry. I expected many reactions but I never expected her to actually cry.

"Why?" She asked me in a voice that clearly conveyed her sadness. "Why can't we rut? We're both mammals so we should be compatible for each other."

"Because I feel that you only want me because I'm a male or worse yet, a human." There are few things I've ever regretted saying in my relatively short live and those words definitely make the list. That phrase I've uttered pierced Lyra's heart deeper than any sword could and I instantly regretted it.

"I'll admit it was true at first but now I truly only want you Smith because it's you." She said all choked up with tears and I just stood there unsure of either to comfort her or walk away.

"Smith. Look at me." Like a moth to the flame I follow her voice, turning around to see her tear streaked face as her golden irises shine through the tears like a beacon. "At first I did only want you because you were a human. I've always wanted you because I hoped you would be different from stallions. It was because of me that you were taken unjustly from your life back on earth and unjustly thrust you upon ponyville and all it's problems. But when you forgave me and even offered me friendship, I was truly happy."

I could see the smile upon her features as she tells me all this, confirming that she's being honest and cannot help but smile myself. Then her smile faded and was replaced with a somber frown.

"Then estrus hit and threatened it all. I was afraid of this Smith. I was afraid that in my heat I would end up driving you away. So I did try everything I could to hold myself back but with you running in the 'mare'a-thon just made it worse. I couldn't stand the thought of another mare forcing herself upon you, so I did everything I could to secure your freedom. But every time we would talk afterwards I would end up hot and bothered because of your scent. Still I reigned myself in out of fear of what could happen if I didn't. I really did try to suffer in silence for your sake but it's getting the better of me."

"I can't close my eyes without seeing your face and my body shudders at the thought of your touch. This morning before the running started, a stallion offered to satisfy my heat but when I was easily able to decline that's when I realized it. I only thought of you Smith. I don't think you know this but when in heat mares are slaves to their desires and are almost unable to deny sex, especially if given freely. There is only one exception."

"What?" I muttered, brainlessly enthralled in her confession.

"Love." She answered. "When a mare is in love during estrus, she'll only desire the one she's in love with as opposed to any other pony. What I'm trying to say Smith is that I love you! I don't love you just because you're a human but because it's only you!"

As I stood there dumbfounded Lyra leaped forward, hugging me with her forelegs and knocked us down to the grass. I haven't been in ponyville for long but having a pony confess that not only does she love me but that she suffered in pain, just for me is astounding. Despite recent events I couldn't help but hug her close to me and use my thumbs to dry her tears. Lyra can't help but smile and nuzzle my neck as she lays in my embrace.

Still given her confession there is still one thing nagging in the back of my head and I ended up asking her. "What did you mean that you hoped I was different from stallions?" Lyra stopped nuzzling my neck and her golden eyes looked into my own and said.

"You haven't been here long so I guess you wouldn't know. Since there are more mares than stallions here in Equestria, relationships are different then they would be back on you're world. Mares end up competing with each other in order to get a stallion all to themselves or will share them amongst themselves. Because of this, a lot of stallions end up arrogant or control freaks because mares fight over them. Don't get me wrong there are a lot of nice stallions out there but most of them are already taken. All of the Stallions I've dated have in one way or another have had big egos because of this and didn't put much effort into the relationship but expected me too. The last Stallion I've dated was three years ago. He was nice at first which drew me to him all the much stronger, however I found out that he had lied to me about having a herd. When I confronted him about it he told me that I needed to join his 'collection' and tried to force himself upon me. If I wasn't a Unicorn he surely would have been successful."

"I ended up running away from Canterlot after that and moved to Ponyville. Even after the move I was still depressed about the whole thing and ended up being a shut-in, much to my new room-mate's chagrin. I ended up going to the library after the daring doo series failed to cheer me up. I looked through a lot of books unable to decide what to read but then came upon and old dusty tomb hidden beneath the lowest shelf. It was a beastiary with images depicting the mythical creatures within. I skipped through it's dusty pages with relative disinterest until I stopped on a page with a picture of humans. The text didn't reveal much except general information but it was enough to gain my interest. Soon there after, I was scouring all over for texts about humans and was rather pleased with what I found. Stories of human knights slaying dragons to rescue the beloved princess, solders fighting for 10 years to free a beautiful woman, lovers who were forbidden to love from families who hated each other. I was enchanted by these stories of human males going to preform these great deeds all for the love of 1 human female which is something most stallions today cannot say they did for a single mare. I realize I was selfish to thrust my fantasies upon you unfairly Smith, but I really do love you."

After she finished explaining she buried her face on my shoulder and started to shake, as if to indicate her fear of my response. All I did was hug her tighter and tell her that everything was going to be ok.

"Lyra. Look at me please." I say soothingly so she needn't cry again. "I don't know if I can say the same about Love as you can, but I am rather fond of you. I'm sorry that you had to suffer for me even when you shouldn't have too and if I ever run into that bastard I swear I'm gonna geld him for what he tried to do to you." Lyra just giggles and snuggles deeper into my embrace. "You've done so much for me so, perhaps I should do the same."

"What do you mean Smith?" Lyra asked. I smiled fondly at her before planting a kiss upon her lips. It took but a second before she returned the kiss with just as much affection. "Don't make a mare a promise that you can't keep." She says while looking at me through half lidded eyes and a sultry grin. I didn't even have to reply as I kissed her again.

Unlike our first kiss, this one was more of carnal desire and lust. Kissing a pony is different but still uniquely pleasant which enabled me to continue. While our tongues were exploring each other's mouths we were exploring the other's body as well. Her fur was rustled and my clothes seemingly disappeared in our intense make out session. A musky smell prevailed through the air and got stronger with each caress, each kiss. Soon I'm aroused as well, my member hard and ready. Before I knew it I'm found on my back and Lyra is moving closer to my member with her mouth open. I then realize I'm about to make a rookie mistake.

"Hold on Lyra." I say which stops her advance.

"Why? What's wrong?" Lyra askes in a hurt tone.

"Nothing is wrong but this should be about pleasuring you, not me." She gives me a confused look before I explain. "I'm a guy so I'm gonna cum regardless, that's a given. I can't say the same for women or mares however." Before Lyra could reply I sensually kissed her while laying her down on her back. Slowly breaking the exchange I began to trail Kisses down her neck and soon her barrel. She must have thought I would stop at her teats but imagine her surprise when I continue downwards.

"Smith what are you......!?!" My lovely sweet unicorn tries to ask but is promptly cut off with a lick from down under. "AH!!" She exclaimed after another lick. The musky scent from before definitely came from down here because it was definitely strong and getting stronger.

With each lick I'm rewarded with a lovely moan from my lover and then I make her gasp by going deeper. Like a worm on a hook she's wiggling, unable to bear the sensations. I decided to take it up a notch and trailed my fingers through her body, touching, caressing, squeezing, until I bring them down and locate her little buzzer. I swore half of town heard the scream of pleasure she let loose when I started to ring the doorbell so to speak. Not long after I felt two legs cross behind me locking me in place while one of her hooves pressed my head deeper into her flower.

"YES....!!!! I'M CLOSE KEEP GOING!!!!!" Lyra screamed between her moans and I will not lie, she sounded sexy as hell. Not wanting to disappoint, I redoubled my efforts. Not long after that, Lyra threw her head back shrieking in ecstasy and pretty much came on my face. She was left panting in the afterglow of her orgasm while I wiped my face on my discarded clothes. "Oh sweet Celestia! I've never even heard of a Stallion who would do that. Please rut me now Smith."

Lyra visibly tried to get up but I stopped her, saying there is no need for her to get up. "You want to rut dolphin style? But stallions don't like dolphin style." Frowning at this I kissed her passionately once more before saying.

"Lyra when are you gonna stop comparing me to stallions. I'll treat you like the princess you deserve to be so you needn't worry." Lyra genuinely smiles before pulling me into another make-out session with a renewed vigor and a lustful hunger. After all the caressing and kissing, I find my member at the gates of her nether lips which is spewing forth it's juices in anticipation for the coming union. Not to keep my lover waiting I begin to prod my tip at the entrance. She's thoroughly wet and her flesh yields to my advance and accepts my length like a velvet glove. Soon I've gone in deep too the hilt and Lyra visibly sheds a single tear. Before I could ask she assures me that it is a tear of joy and soon tells me, no demands.

"RUT ME SMITH! MAKE ME YOUR MARE!!!!!" Not needing any more encouragement I begun to withdraw until only the tip remains inside, only to slam in back to the hilt. Grinning like an idiot I hump backward and forward with increasing fury, drawing the moan of my lover, stroking my ego (and my dick as well) further. I also kissed and fondled Lyra all up and down her body, further adding stimulation to the experience of our joining.

"See Lyra. In this position it makes it easier to caress your sexy body and kiss your beautiful lips. Those stallions are really missing out." My lover only giggled before pulling me into a kiss while hugging me with her forelegs. Her hind legs wrapped around my waist which she used as leverage to meet my thrusts halfway.

Schlick Schlick Schlick

Her flower just gushed and gushed liquid down our legs but we did not care and plus it provided natural lubrication. As a wise man once said all things must end, soon too this must follow.

"LYRA I'M GONNA CUM!!!"

"INSIDE! I WANT IT INSIDE!!!" No sooner than she said that, I rammed myself to the hilt and came as hard as Eve Online's learning curve. Lyra herself became the pony equivalent of Niagara falls as her juices flooded the grass below. After riding our orgasms out we collapsed upon one another. "Luna's teats that was divine."

"If you're swearing upon one of your princess's tits then I've done my job well." Lyra just giggled and snuggled closer as we looked at the night sky together.

Little did we know that there were 2 figures silently observing from across the park. One tall and one long.

"Oh by the horn! The poor calf did get caught!" Iron Will exclaimed dramatically.

"Calm down you fool, she clearly loves him like I love you my bull." The other figure which was Zecora said while shaking her head at Iron Will.

"Ah well, I guess Iron Will doesn't need to save him again like the last few days." The minotaur said while crossing his arms and letting out a snort.

"Iron Will leave them be, and come spend the night with me." Zecora said in a suggestive tone and flicked her tail at the bull while swaying her hips.

"BUCK YEAH! You know what Iron Will likes!"

"Come back to my hut, then give me a good rut." The Zebra suggested before walking seductively back to her home with the Minotaur watching every movement in anticipation. It looks like I wasn't the only one to get lucky that night.

Later I learned that estrus was a 2 week long deal and obviously every mare got horny again. I still had to do the 'mare'a-thon thing but each day I got faster and more stamina. Lyra actually ran with me instead of just watching from behind and luckily it kept the other mares from making a move because they thought Lyra was gonna rut me. Well they were technically right because once night fell we fucked like rabbits until we got exhausted.

No stallion ended up winning the grand prize because there were 2 mares that eliminated the fastest of the stallions. No Pegasus Stallion could ever hope to match the speed of Rainbow dash. Skittles liked to toy with her prey so to speak and when she found one who could potentially challenge her. She delighted in outdoing him until he tired then took him to her cloud house which visibly shook afterwards.

The other was the cowpony mare Applejack. Now she's probably more scary than rainbow dash because she would actually throw a rope at the poor bastard. Rape is one thing but to add bondage on top is just too much. In a way I guess it isn't rape because the stallions signed a form saying that they understand they could be raped at any point during the contest.

Pinkie Pie pretty much threw an Swingers party or as she called it a 'Rut Party'. Some stallion called Cheese sandwich invited me to come but I told him I couldn't because of the 'mare'a-thon. There is one thing I know is a definite must not. I will not be eating anything made in the sugar cube corner for at least a few weeks because that's were the party was.

I heard that Rarity had some Stallion stay with her during this time but I don't think I care enough to ask if it was true or not.

Fluttershy, I have no clue what she did during estrus but I don't want to know. Why you ask? Because you should always be wary of the quiet ones.

Now miss Princess Sparkle herself was the most hilarious out of all of them I've heard so far. At the start of her heat she basically locked herself in the castle and kicked all of her guards and maids out. The funny part was that she spent all that time 'clopping' while reading the 50 shades of grey. If that doesn't make it in the top 10 funniest things in ponyville I don't know what's wrong with you.

I'm sure the others did their own thing but I don't know much of the residents. Iron Will kept disappearing at night and returned in the morning for the 'mare'a-thon. Slowly but surely all the mares came down from their estrus cycles and concluded our little event. Me, Iron Will, Bulk Biceps and Buckleg the goat made enough bits to buy a plot of land within ponyville and build a gym.

Me personally I didn't want to own a gym but since I get 1/6 of it's profits I guess I could put up with it.

1/6 Smith
1/6 Iron Will
1/6 Bulk Biceps
1/6 Buckleg
1/6 Maintenance and Equipment
1/6 Taxes and other fees

Unfortunately I didn't even get to vote on the name of the gym either.

Iron Smith's Bucking Biceps

Some time after the heat had passed I began seeing Mares with slightly bigger bellies around Ponyville. Mares are fertile during their estrus cycles so I guess it's only natural that some of them would get pregnant. Well I guess it makes it easier for the foals to get along if they're relatively the same age.

I was brought out of my thoughts when something patted my leg and I turned to see Lyra had finally gotten off of work. I happily greet her and give her a hug and kiss which she returns with less passion than me. I broke the kiss and asked her what's wrong because she's usually a lot more happy too see me than this. Lyra looks at the ground, her hooves, local decorations, anything but me and constantly fidgets in place.

"Lyra." I call her name while cupping her chin and kissing her lips. "It will be ok, I'm here for you. Don't be afraid to tell me anything Lyra because I love you." Now it's her turn to bring me into a kiss with the enthusiasm that was missing from the previous one. Upon breaking the kiss I could clearly see the smile that was missing earlier.

"Smith. That was the first time you said you loved me. I'm so happy!" I tell her that ya it was and I really meant it. With speed unknown to Rainbow Dash she captured my lips for a second time. For what seamed like an eternity of bliss we embraced until parting for air. "With your love I feel like I can do anything so I'll just come out and say it. Smith I'm pregnant."