Hearts Intertwined By Fire

Nyarth has tried to hide it but when Kojiro and Musashi find out one night, he is forced to face a fear he never wanted to face. When Nyarth runs off, Kojiro informs Musashi on just what Nyarth fears and together, they hope to reassure their hurt friend.

He winced slightly as the skin on his arm split and the gleaming metal slipped into the open wound, the wound of which he had just created alongside many others from other nights. His paw held the small knife shakingly, tears streaming from his blue eyes as he remembered just why he was doing this. This was the only way he could relieve himself of the pain without the others knowing.

The cuts were always small and his fur would always cover them up, but the rare time one was noticed, he would just say that it was because of a fall or trip instead of the truth.

But since when was that new? He was a liar, a manipulator. How they still trusted him, he didn't know. And they, his best friends, were the very reason these thoughts existed. He didn't blame them. No, he loved Kojiro as a best friend. He loved Musashi as the lover he never thought he would have. Then who did he blame?

Who else but himself?

He was more of a failure than the three of them combined. He should have never been born, only to become the center of most of his friends' problems. The pain of his self-hatred was enough to send him over his emotional edge, something that rarely happened. He did this to himself to show himself just how much of a reject and a failure he was.

He wanted to remind himself that no matter how much he loved someone and no matter how much someone else said they loved him too, he was alone and he was unloved and useless. The only reason he was still there was because he was a Pokemon that could walk and talk. That was it. Nobody thought he was special for just being himself. Nobody.

The tears were uncontrolled, his sobs silent as he had grown used to these episodes. The bushes that surrounded him sealed him from the world, the only thing bringing him out of his pit of misery was the knife of which he so carefully cut into his flesh. It hurt and he deserved every bit of the self-inflicted pain.

His black ears were flattened to the top of his head and even his whiskers drooped as he had transformed from his lively and confident self to a broken and useless excuse for a Pokemon. He hated it. He hated all of it.

Wrapping his tail around his shaking form, he wondered if Kojiro and Musashi wondered where he would run off to this late at night. Maybe they wondered but didn't care enough to go in search of him. The thought sent a new, fresh wave of tears into his eyes, shaking his entire being as a choked sob escaped his throat. The blood from his self-inflicted wound dripped from his arm, to which he pulled the knife away and watched the blood drip with blurry, unfocused eyes.

Then, a snap sounded behind him, his sharp hearing snapping him back to reality. He froze, the small knife still in paw as he waited for a sign that the snap wasn't just his imagination. The rustle of bushes signified just what he was fearing all these times. He was going to be caught in the act.

Quickly yet quietly, he tossed the small knife underneath a nearby bush and forced the tears away, using all of his energy to rid himself of them. In doing so, he clutched his bleeding arm to his side, leaving it there and feeling the blood clot in his fur.

He just sat, silently hoping that whatever or whoever it was would turn around and leave and leave him to his 'work'. He hated calling it that, but he was receiving no joy in the pain. But he had to call it work. It only felt right.

"Nyarth, are you there?"

He knew that voice anywhere. Pricking his ears slightly, he couldn't help but let out a small breath of relief to himself to know that it wasn't Musashi. But it was still Kojiro. He was no stranger to the feline. Nyarth knew he had to play his cards right so Kojiro didn't become suspicious of him. Any other time, this would be a piece of cake. Now, he just felt vulnerable and lost. Acting like himself would prove to be a harder task than he had first anticipated.

Gaining control of his voice, he spoke, not daring to look back behind him where he was sure his friend would soon appear as he said, "Y-Yeah, Kojiro?" with a slight strain to his voice. He cursed himself once more for stuttering.

His sharp hearing picked up the approaching footsteps of his friend and then the pause, the pause of which he could feel the presence of someone behind him. He didn't need to look to know who it was.

"Nyarth, what you doing out here?" he heard him ask.

Letting out a forced and quiet laugh, he answered, "I could ask ya da same t'in', Kojiro" forcing his voice not to waver. He still refused to look at his best friend.

Kojiro was no fool. He knew just by the quiet tone of his friend's voice that something was wrong. The simple fact that he didn't look at him was enough to make him begin to worry. But maybe he was just thinking too much. Maybe nothing was indeed wrong with the feline.

Taking a few steps forward, he locked his gaze at the form of his friend, who had seemingly ran off many times each week in the night to do who knows what. Not being able to sleep, he had decided to go looking for the scratch cat, curious as to what he was doing.

"Are you okay, Nyarth?" he carefully asked.

"Neva betta" he responded, a fake laugh slipping from his sore throat.

Now Kojiro was suspicious. The laugh was fake, he wasn't looking at him and he didn't look at his best, now that he continued to look at him.

The blue-haired man was close to saying a remark to the obviously false response when something caught his eye.

Underneath a bush slightly to the side of the feline, was a gleam of metal off of the moonlight that was hovering overhead. Metal wouldn't have been a surprise in a town or something but they were currently in the middle of a forest, so there should be no way that something of that material would be out here.

Curious, he made his way over to it, crouching down to Nyarth's level to grab it. Almost immediately, the scratch cat's head snapped up and fear filled his blue eyes. Before he could grab the metal object, Nyarth had grabbed his arm with both of his paws, pulling back with as much might as he could so that he did not see it. He couldn't see it. He just couldn't.

But he should've known what would happen next, for Kojiro's eyes wavered from the feline's efforts to the wound on his arm, the blood still leaking out of his wound.

"Nyarth, you're bleeding" he stated.

Nyarth froze, his blood running cold and his eyes snapping to his own bleeding wound. He was too shocked to remember just what he was preventing him to do. Kojiro took his chance as he reached down and picked up the object, his own mind going into shock as it was revealed just what it was.

It was a small knife with fresh blood dripping from it. He briefly looked to his friend's wound and back to the knife, putting two and two together. He didn't want to believe it though. There was no way that the lively and happy Nyarth was doing this to himself. It just wouldn't happen.

Snapping out of his shock, the scratch cat released his arm, backing up as his ears flattened back to the top of his head. He spoke, quietly as he struggled to keep his voice steady. "K-Kojiro. I-I can explain..."

The fear, pain, and guilt in his blue eyes made his denial reveal itself to be true. But why and how long had he been doing this?

He decided to ask just that.

"Nyarth, how long?" He spoke quietly and with a small trace of worry leaking into his voice.

'H-Huh?"

"How long have you been... doing this?"

It was then that the emotions in his system bubbled up inside his small body. Tears slipped from his eyes as he forcefully fought against them and he could barely form the words to speak the truth. He was such a wreck right now. "I...I-" he tried but was overwhelmed with a sob of all of his emotions combined. He fell to a stumbled sit and wrapped his tail around his shaking body, the tears coming in uncontrolled amounts. He could barely look at Kojiro and thus, he looked away.

Kojiro was stunned, the simple question obviously holding much meaning, especially for the feline to completely break down right in front of him. He always was the toughest out of them, even beating Musashi most of the time. This... thing he was doing obviously was affecting him more than he could've thought possible.

Moving to the feline's side, Kojiro gently wrapped his arm around him, much like Musashi would normally do and pulled him into a hug, allowing him to cry until he couldn't stand it anymore. It felt like they stayed there for an eternity before Nyarth pulled back, the tears still streaming from his eyes but he was nevertheless, more calm after letting all of that out.

"I-I'm s-orry..." he uttered as he trailed his gaze to the ground. He hated being this vulnerable in front of him but just he couldn't hold it in. At least he could let it all out in a friend, but did he even deserve that either?

Before the thought could linger, he heard the blue-haired man ask the question again. He was not going to lie. There was no reason to.

"Uh... A-A few mont-t's..." he spoke, his voice barely carrying any kind of weight. It was just flat and strained, the complete opposite of who he truly was. But he couldn't help it. He had to just let it all out one way or another.

"So, basically since we left Unova and before you and Musashi... You know, became a thing?" Kojiro reasoned slowly so that the feline did not break down again.

The feline gave a short nod to show that it was right, not wanting to speak anymore.

"But Nyarth... Why?' That was the question and the question itself was not something that the scratch cat was very fond of. How could it if it was causing him to cut himself multiple times a week in the night, left to suffer by himself?

"'Cause nobody loves me!" Nyarth said, almost too loudly as a choking sob shook his entire body.

Kojiro jumped slightly at the outburst. But he did not back down. He needed to understand the reasoning behind the actions of which he was making. "Wh-What do you mean Nyarth? What about Musas-" He didn't get a chance to finish for the scratch cat shook his head and growled softly, a sound that was rarely ever heard from him because of it being too Pokemon and not human.

"Lies. Dey're all lies. Ya an' Musashi dun really love me. Ya just say dat ya do in orda ta get me on yer side. I am alone in dis world. Dis is da only way dat I can remind maself of just how right everybody is" He breathed heavily, tears streaming down his face as his eyes darted around, never once meeting his friend's worried green eyes.

"Widout ma ability ta walk an' talk, I would just be any ordinary nyarth. Ya would be widout me an' maybe ya'd be betta off. I'm useless an' unloved. But mostly, I'm just alone" Nyarth stopped to turn his gaze away, the growl fading to nothing in his throat.

"Nyarth..."

He didn't have time to react as he was pulled back into a hug by his friend, a hug that spoke more words than he could ever speak. Kojiro held onto the feline, not wanting to let go, in fear that he would cut himself again.

He felt unloved, despite everything the three of them had been through. But he wasn't alone. He might've been all those years ago, when the three of them would've ditched each other at any given moment. But now, they would never even dream of doing that to each other. Nyarth was definitely no exception.

"You're not alone" Kojiro stated.

"I-I am Koji-"

'You're not. I love you as a best friend and Musashi loves you... Like that. You're not alone, Nyarth. Don't think like that" Kojiro pulled back to try and meet the blurry eyes of the feline, who briefly met his only to break down once more. This time however, he did grab onto the blue-haired man and he did find comfort in him, not once thinking about how he would push him away and unlove him like he so much feared.

They stayed like that and just when he was beginning to feel better, a snap split the air, one that sounded much like the one of which he had heard when Kojiro had appeared. His sharp hearing listened silently, picking up more movement and then, his heart plummeted into his stomach. He knew who was coming.

Panic slipping into his eyes, Nyarth backed away from Kojiro, shakingly grabbing the small knife in his paw as he struggled to keep himself under control. No. No, she couldn't find out like this. She just couldn't.

But she will. And he was as good as dead now.

"Nyarth, what is-" Kojiro started but he was cut off by the red-haired woman who appeared, her eyes wandering over to Kojiro in the process. Nyarth was rooted to the spot, fear taking hold of him as he delicately clutched the knife to his chest.

"Kojiro, Nyarth. What are you guys doing out here? It's the middle of the night" Musashi stated sleepily, her eyes finally wandering to Nyarth, who had regained control of himself and had shoved the knife behind him and underneath his tail to hide it.

But Kojiro had noticed his action and frowned. Ignoring Musashi's presence for the time being, he reached a hand out towards the feline, quietly speaking to him, "Nyarth, if you want to end this, just tell her"

This caused the scratch cat to freeze, his pupils dilating in fear. "N-No... I-I can't K-Kojiro..." he uttered.

"Kojiro, Nyarth. Tell me what exactly?"

Nyarth jumped at her voice, fearing his next move. Why he decided to try and act like his usual self was beyond him. Maybe he foolishly thought that it would actually work. Man was he dead wrong.

Letting out a nervous and forced laugh, he briefly lifted his arm to scratch the back of his head, looking for a reasonable answer. Normally, he was a natural-born liar. But now... Now everything about him was the exact opposite.

But before he could even begin to answer, Musashi had tightly grabbed his arm, pulling him forward, but not enough to reveal the knife still tucked safely underneath his tail.

She trailed her fingers against his still bleeding wound, just missing the other scars from previous times hidden below his fur. She knew it was blood and her lover's blood no less. He had been hurt by someone.

Having just waken up from sleep and thinking too much on who could've hurt the feline, she released him and looked towards Kojiro, a low, dangerous glint in her blue eyes.

"You know, when I made that promise to rip whoever would hurt Nyarth apart, I wasn't lying Kojiro" she stated.

Getting her message that she thought that he had cut Nyarth, Kojiro took a step back. "I assure you that I did not do that to him"

"If not you then who did?!"

Kojiro pulled his gaze away from his friend, looking again at Nyarth with a sad knowledge. "Tell her Nyarth"

Musashi narrowed her eyes. "Don't try and force him to lie, I know you did it" She stated, taking a stalking step forward.

Fear pricked into Nyarth's heart as his friends began to fight. All because of him. An unloved and useless excuse for a Pokemon. He didn't want this and he wasn't going to let this get into a territory that they would never be able to be brought back from.

Tears dripping from his eyes, Nyarth turned around and grabbed the small knife, gripping it shakingly in his paw. "Mu-Musahi..." he tried.

"Not now, Nyarth. I'm taking care of something"

Narrowing his eyes at the response, he growled softly and jumped forward, landing in between the two and, using all his strength, he pushed them away from each other. "S-Stop! Dun fight 'cause of me. Dis is all ma fault. Dun blame Kojiro for it if it was me who hurt maself ta begin wid" he said.

Musashi stared at him, at his sudden assertiveness. He said he hurt himself. But there was no way he would be able to cut himself in that way on purpose or by accident. It had to be Kojiro. It just had to be.

"What do you mean, Nyarth?" she asked.

Fear once more took ahold of him, causing him to glance backwards, towards Kojiro, briefly meeting his friend's eyes in the process. His eyes were saddened as he gave him a short nod and said, "It's alright, Nyarth. Just tell her"

Reassured by his friend's words and gaining a new self-confidence, he shut his eyes and opened them again, turning his gaze to meet his lover's. "Dis is what I mean" he stated simply as he held onto the knife in his paw and revealed it to Musashi.

He didn't wait for her reaction and, ignoring everything else, he focused on his arm and cut a wound next to one he had already made, which had stopped bleeding by this point. He barely reacted to the pain but he didn't need to break down again, for he was suddenly grabbed again, this time more forcefully.

He let out a small whimper as the knife was pulled from his grasp and thrown to the ground next to him, the handle sticking up out of the ground. His wrists were held tightly by a strong person, who had yanked him towards her as she had crouched down to his level.

He tried not to look at her and instead looked to Kojiro, who had crouched down to his level behind him. He knew that was not what his friend meant by telling her but that was the only way he could assure her that it was all him, and not anyone else.

Staring into his friend's eyes, he fought back the urge to cringe at the saddened and worried look in them, It wasn't a bad feeling but it was a feeling nonetheless.

He was brought back to reality with a sharp pull towards the one he was dreading to meet the gaze with. Biting his tongue, he tilted his head back forwards to meet his lover's eyes. The emotions were mixed, some worried and loving but otherwise angry and demanding. Any other time, he would be intimidated by them. Now, he was downright terrified of them.

"Mu-Musashi..." Nyarth tried, but was cut off with a sharp tug towards her again, creating a soft whimper of pain to slip through his throat in response to the aching pain in her grasp.

He expected her to ask why but no, what she said nearly made his heart stop.

"Stop"

His breath caught in his throat. Everything seemed to freeze as he struggled to process the one, simple word. He looked for a response but couldn't find any. It was like he was stuck in an endless time loop.

He couldn't even react when he felt Kojiro come to his side and gently grab his arm in which he continuously cut himself. He ignored the bloodied two wounds and instead pushed back his fur to look at the scars of which he had given himself.

Time stood even more still.

Then the pressure and pain in his wrists gave way. He reacted on instinct. He reached down and grabbed the knife and fled, tears streaming down his face and his mind in a complete overload. He fled to the most obvious and safe place he could think of. And so, back to his sleeping bag he went, where he curled up and cried silently, the knife clutched tightly in his paw.

Nyarth had nothing else to do. His mind overloading with thoughts and emotions, he did the only logical thing. He shut his eyes and cried himself to a dreamless sleep. Just because it was dreamless didn't make it good. He feared the moment he woke up, fearing the hatred he was sure the others were going to give him for hurting himself in such a way. He wasn't sure if he would be able to take it.

But when he would wake up, he would have to. He wasn't going to run away. He loved Kojiro and Musashi and no amount of pain was going to keep him away from them. Absolutely nothing.

She should've been harsher with him, a part of her knew that. But another part, a stronger part, knew that the way she handled the situation was fine. The way Nyarth had acted the entire time she had shown up. The stuttering, the fear and pain in his eyes, the way he seemed to stop functioning when she told him to 'stop', and finally, how he ran off in tears just now.

The nagging feeling in her mind told her to go after him, a fear in her own mind believing he would up and leave them but it was only then did she notice Kojiro, who had been silent from the moment he had revealed the scars of what Nyarth had done to himself. He moved over to her side and seemed to read her mind, and thus he spoke.

"He won't leave. You know he's not like that" He spoke calmly, though his voice was etched with worry for both of his best friends.

"How... How do you know?" she asked him, her voice soft and calm as she began to recover from her shock of Nyarth's self-torture.

The first thing Nyarth realized when he woke up was that he wasn't in his sleeping bag. The second thing was that the ground shifted slightly when he tried focusing on it. And the third thing made him really wake up.

Someone had picked him up in a way he absolutely refused in being held in, like a child. His blue eyes shot open, his blurry gaze straining against the sunlight that seemed to be beaming directly in front of him. He breathed heavily, as if coming out of a nightmare. Judging by the last night, it might as well just have been just that.

How he knew it had really happened was when he realized that the knife he had used last night was still gripped tightly in his paw, said paw sore from holding it all night. The knife had dried blood on the tip. Any other night, he would've cleaned the blood off of it. He hadn't this time because he had panicked and had gone directly to sleep. This meant that Musashi and Kojiro...

Nyarth gulped before he pulled his eyes open again, meeting the gaze of the one of who had picked him up. His heart should've stopped from both the beauty of the eyes and the fact that he was terrified of the person's reaction, but he felt oddly calm, like he knew nothing bad would happen to him.

"Mu-Musashi..." he simply said, not knowing what else to do.

Musashi should've been angry, but she had talked to Kojiro after Nyarth had fled and learned of his reasoning as to why he was doing what he was doing. Sure, she should've been mad and no one would blame her for being so, but she just couldn't bring herself to do that to him, herself, or Kojiro. She decided to fix the problem peacefully for a change.

"Are you okay, Nyarth?" Kojiro asked briefly as he turned from his side of the balloon to the scratch cat, who had turned his gaze to his friend, searching his gaze for any form of anger. None, just like Musashi. Nyarth was reasonably confused. Why weren't they mad at him?

"Y-Yeah. I t'ink I'm fine" he flatly responded, completely unlike him.

Sharing a quick glance with Kojiro, Musashi let out a small sigh before she leaned down and placed him back to the floor, to which the feline dropped the knife to the ground, kicking it aimlessly to the far corner.

The silence was killing him. He needed to break. He needed to let it out. "I-I'm sorry, Musashi, Kojiro. For-For doin'... dat for so long an' not tellin' youse guys. I-I just sometimes dun feel loved an' I needed ta let dat out somehow" He sadly retracted a claw and lifted it up in front of him. "I guess it wasn't da best option afta all"

He blinked rapidly as tears began to creep into the corners of his eyes. Not wanting to stumble, he leaned against the side of the basket of the airborne balloon and lifted his blurry-eyed gaze to both Musashi and Kojiro who had crouched down to his level, watching him with non-angry and strangely soft eyes.

"We love you, Nyarth"

Spoken in unison, the words made his heart skip a beat, his eyes unblinking as he tried to process the words. They... They loved him. He wasn't alone. He was loved. He was wanted... He belonged somewhere.

He tried to formulate a response but no words would form. He didn't need words apparently for the two got his message and leaned forward, both pulling him into a joint hug, holding onto him as he cried for a different reason. He was happy. No longer did the thoughts plague him on how useless and worthless he was. If he had two best friends, or a best friend and a lover, who loved him this much, then surely he belonged with them, right?

Yes, as long as Nyarth had Kojiro and Musashi, he knew they would forever be the one and only Roketto-Dan.