Nyctophobia
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Nyctophobia

Year 1001 LE

******

Princess Luna did not have time for this. The fact that she could make time was beside the point. It may be that her sister's well-being was involved, but there were other alicorns and/or princesses around, and she would much rather go over tax reforms than deal with Celestia's current emotional state.

Government paperwork was easier to sleep through.

She didn't even acknowledge the Empire guards standing on either side of the library's entrance before slamming the doors open with her magic.

"-maybe there's some records in the Griffon Kingdom..." Twilight Sparkle trailed off as she recognized the intruder.

Cadance noticed the look on her face and turned around, spotting Luna as well. "Oh, hello Luna. Wh-"

"Celestia is sulking. I have too much to do tonight to deal with her right now, so I am recruiting the two of you. Come along."

"Oh dear, again?" Cadance dropped the tome she was holding onto a nearby table and hopped out of her seat to follow her already-retreating form. Twilight scrambled to her hooves, looking confused.

"What? Princess Celestia is-" She blinked. "Again? what's going on Cadance?"

"Oh, right, you weren't an alicorn last time, so you wouldn't know. So, you know that as princesses, we have a certain image to maintain. However, that doesn't make us immune to bad moods. In fact, the opposite is probably more likely. Either way, it's usually not made common knowledge when one of us is, ah... sulking, or something like that, and it falls to the other princesses to, uh... assist them."

"The idea is for us to care for each other in turn, though it seems my sister is most often the one in need of help. I do wonder how sincere she is being during some of her "crises"."

"Now Luna, be fair. You went through a tough time after your first Nightmare Night, remember? And it was not long ago that Twilight was questioning her role as a princess."

"Hey! I was not sulking!" Twilight huffed.

"What were you two doing in the library at this hour, by the way? It is nearly midnight." Luna changed the subject with her characteristic subtlety.

Cadance patted Twilight on the shoulder, trying to calm her down. "Just studying some history. Although it kinda turned into literary analysis as well. What's bothering Celestia though?"

Luna heaved a sigh, her ploy to postpone talking about her sister soundly defeated. "She barged into my room as I was preparing for my nightly duties, crying. I'll tell you more once we are there. Maybe I can embarrass her into "feeling better", and save us all some time. Now, Twilight Sparkle. I have a very important question for you."

Twilight perked her ears. "Yes?"

"How much force does a non-rigid, two-pound-object moving at two meters-per-second impart during a collision over a distance of three inches?"

After the impromptu pop quiz, Twilight spent some time processing what Cadance and Luna had told her; she was still lost in thought by the time they reached Luna's room. There were no guards posted outside. Apparently, Luna had sent them off after Celestia's arrival. They entered her bedroom to find Celestia huddled on the bed, clutching the blankets in her hooves and staring out the window, moonlight falling across her face. Twilight could see streaks below her eyes where her tears had dried. Twilight felt her heart wrench.

Luna stepped forward, twisted to face the younger alicorns, and gestured with a sweeping hoof. "Behold. My sister."

Cadance glared at Luna before turning her attention to the solar princess. "Auntie Celestia, are you alright?"

"She believes herself a failure despite the peace and prosperity she's maintained directly and indirectly for over a thousand years. Honestly, I cannot fathom how easily her confidence is shattered."

Celestia stirred slightly, but maintained her gaze at the window. "Luna, you may attend to your duties. Princess Twilight, Princess Cadance, my apologies for the disturbance, but you may return to your-"

Luna used her magic to throw a pillow at Celestia.

Celestia scrambled and attempted to catch it, failing miserably. She glared at her sister. "Luna! There is no need-"

Luna threw another pillow at Celestia.

Celestia caught this one with her magic and whipped it back at Luna. Her aim was slightly off, perhaps due to her emotional state, or perhaps because Luna's room was so dark; Twilight wondered if she even knew what the word subtle meant. Luna was unfazed.

"You may not come into my room in the middle of the night, sobbing yourself into near incoherence, collapse into my bed, and then -- when I fetch counsel -- tell us to leave you alone. I have little patience and little time tonight, so Cadance will tend to you. Good night." Luna turned around and made her exit. Celestia winced as the door slammed shut.

"I'm here too, you know..."

Cadance finally managed to remove the pillow that had impaled itself on her horn. "I know Twilight." She looked about for a place to set it before hanging it on Twilight's horn with a grin. "It's just that, well, this is your first time dealing with this, and given the last time, I'm not sure if you being here will actually help. Although, you do make a convenient pillow stand."

Twilight growled as she tossed the pillow aside. She decided to ignore that last comment. "What do you mean? What "last time"?"

"She was a bit broken up after the wedding, actually."

Celestia had been staring at the door, frowning. She snapped back to reality at that. "Cadance, I- yes. And I'm sorry. Again."

"We've been over this, it's okay."

Twilight felt very out of place. "Um, Princess, are you okay?"

Celestia seemed to finally realize Twilight's presence. "Ah, Twilight. You're... here..." She cleared her throat. "I am fine. You two do not need to trouble yourselves now. I can speak with Cadance and Luna later."

Twilight deflated. The fact that her mentor did not want her here stung. Cadance glanced back and forth between the two of them. "Celestia, is Twilight an equal of ours?" The question was not rhetorical: she seemed genuinely curious.

"Of c-" Celestia cut herself off and hesitated before noticing Twilight's dejection, and sighed. "Yes, of course. But-"

"But nothing, Auntie. She's a Princess now as well: I think she can handle seeing you when you are not at your best. We are here to help you, and we don't need to let you wallow in grief for half a day before we do. Come on, let's go to the kitchens for some tea and cake."

The three princesses found themselves in an unoccupied meeting room; Celestia had declined to use her personal office for this. She had also declined the tea and cake, much to Twilight's surprise. Cadance had merely rolled her eyes when she asked for hot chocolate and hay fries instead. Twilight thought she was acting strangely, but refrained from commenting.

She did raise an eyebrow when Celestia started dipping her fries in the hot chocolate, however. Celestia deflected the unspoken judgement in her eyes. "It's not as bad as you might imagine, Twilight."

"She has her comfort rituals." Cadance said, sipping her tea. "I just wish they didn't involve making fresh hay fries in the middle of the night."

"I'll remember to apologize and thank you after I'm feeling better."

"What happened to the whole "selfless martyr" schtick you had going?"

"I left it in Luna's room after you promised me hay fries. Maybe it will get stuck on her now. Then I could be the cynical and aloof one for a change." Cadance gave a loud, sharp laugh at the mental image.

Hearing her mentor joke like this was a bit disconcerting. It wasn't like the little jokes she would pepper into polite conversations; Twilight wasn't sure if it would be better or worse if Celestia wasn't so straight-faced about it. She gave a weak chuckle to avoid seeming rude, but Celestia seemed to pick up on her discomfort.

"Sorry, Twilight. I'm trying to cheer myself up a bit, but I realize you've never seen me without this particular mask. There's no need to worry about feeling out of place; it's only natural. And before you get too far on that train of thought, it's not that I didn't trust you before: we all have masks, and who we choose to reveal which of them to is more than just a matter of trust or friendship."

Twilight smiled weakly. "Ah, you're right princess... I mean Celestia! Sorry!" She ducked a bit, remembering Celestia admonishing her for being overly formal while Cadance was cooking the fries.

Cadance chuckled at her Sister-in-Law's antics. "Let's move along before Twilight works herself up any more. Now, Auntie, will you tell us what's wrong?"

Celestia tapped her hooves together and averted her eyes. "It is embarrassing."

The crystal princess rolled her eyes and put a hoof on her shoulder. "Luna said that you were feeling like a failure. Is that what is bothering you?"

"Well... yes, though I suppose it's more accurate to say that I feel like a failure because of what is bothering me."

Cadance rolled her eyes again. Twilight wondered if it was becoming her automatic response to Celestia. With no response forthcoming, she decided to try prodding her herself. "And that would be...?"

"...I'm afraid of the dark."

Cadance snapped forward in her seat. "What was that?"

Celestia's eye rolling was more impressive than Cadance's. Twilight wondered if eye rolling impressiveness might be proportional to age, or perhaps magical ability. Maybe height. It would require quite the experimental setup to weed out the myriad of potential confounding variables, though.

"I said that I am afraid of the dark." Cadance got our of her seat and trotted straight out of the room, leaving behind a nonplussed Twilight. She sat in a stunned silence as Celestia returned to dipping her fries.

"She-" Twilight opened and closed her mouth a few times. "That was-"

"Don't hold it against her. Truth be told, I have been asking a lot of her lately. She is more than welcome to feel fed up with me. It is a silly fear."

Twilight felt she knew Celestia pretty well. Recent revelations notwithstanding, she had known her for many years, and she knew that she wasn't stupid. She could make mistakes, she could slip, but it was rarely from ignorance, and never from what Twilight would call idiocy. She was a master at effecting her plans from the sidelines, through subtle actions. She was like a butterfly causing a hurricane halfway across the globe a decade later by flapping her wings in just the right way for a few moments.

Celestia wasn't stupid, and there was something else going on here. If Celestia had wanted Cadance to give up on pestering her, that had certainly been an effective tactic. It seemed that even during emotional duress, Celestia was quite a masterful politician.

Twilight almost wondered if it was a test, if Celestia was hoping for her to find out... whatever it was she was hiding. Regardless, this shift in her mindset was enough for her to banish her reluctance; this was no longer an awkward social situation, but a puzzle to unravel and a friend to help.

She took a deep breath. "Dear Princess Celestia." Celestia raised an eyebrow. "Losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend. Being a good friend means knowing how to keep a secret, but you should never be afraid to share your true feelings with a good friend." Twilight coughed. "I don't remember if it matches one of my reports exactly, but it's close enough, I think."

"Yes, I believe I recall a report saying something along those lines. You've come very far, Princess Twilight, and learned so much" Celestia didn't seem to be taking the hint.

Twilight cleared her throat. "Pri- I mean, Celestia. We are friends, right?"

Celestia's smile betrayed nothing. "Yes, Twilight Sparkle. At least, I consider you one of my greatest friends, and it is my hope that you consider me one of yours, and will for many years."

"O-of course! I mean, you are much more than just a friend to me, your also my mentor and teacher! But yes, even though it feels a bit strange to say it like this, I think you are one of my best friends." She paused, psyching herself up for what she was about to pull. "I hope everyday to prove worthy of your trust." She hoped she wasn't arrogant for predicting Celestia's response...

"Oh, my dear Twilight, you have helped to saved Equestria so many times and have personally worked so many wonders. I can think of no test of trust that you have not already passed and exceeded spectacularly. You are far beyond proving yourself in that regard."

"Then why won't you talk to me?" Celestia lost her smile instantly. Twilight bit her lip, afraid she might have gone too far.

After a pregnant pause, Celestia sighed. "I believe I was talking to you. But that isn't what you mean." She rose from her seat and walked over to a window overlooking the statue garden. "You meant to ask why I'm not simply divulging all my inner most thoughts, my secret hopes and fears, correct?"

She fell out of her chair. "N-no! I mean, not exactly that, no... I just-"

"I told you already: I'm afraid of the dark. My fear... overpowered me tonight, for a moment. My state earlier was mostly due to guilt, over being so vulnerable to something so trivial. You and the others have already helped me a great deal."

"I find that hard to believe, Princess. Luna and Cadance left, and I feel like I haven't done anything to help yet."

Celestia turned her head back to Twilight and gave her a smile. "I think you aren't giving them enough credit. Luna did console me when I first entered her room, and Cadance helped me get back on my hooves rather quickly. As for you: this isn't a test, Twilight. You are not going to "fail" if you wish to retire for the night. I've kept you up late enough as it is. Hot chocolate and company are capable of more than you might be guessing. I am fine, now."

Twilight grimaced and looked askance at her mentor. "That's just it, though. I've known you for years, Princess, and I think I see what is happening. You do feel better now, and it's letting you focus enough to hide something. You aren't telling me something, and I think it's important."

Celestia just stared at her, as if daring her to keep going, as if she expected her to back down and begin apologizing profusely at any moment. "Is that so?"

Twilight gulped. "I saw you earlier, in Luna's room; I saw how you looked. And it tore at my heart to see you in pain. I know I have no right to demand that you tell me what is really bothering you, but I want to help you. I don't want you to be afraid, or in pain, or anything like that. Not if there is something I can do to help. I care about you." Twilight stood tall, trying to appear confidant, even though her heart was pounding.

Celestia's features softened. She looked out the window once more. "You truly are an amazing pony, Twilight Sparkle." She spoke wistfully, as if recalling ancient memories. After a moment she turned back and returned to her seat, fixing her gaze on Twilight once more. "I fear I might have lied to you, earlier." Twilight raised her eyebrows. It had been a bit of a shock hearing that, but Celestia seemed to interpret the gesture as sarcastic. "No, I suppose I have been dishonest most of this night. With all of you. I should know well enough how easy it is to lie with the truth, after all."

"What do you mean?"

"I said that you were my friend, and that is true in a sense. However, you aren't a "great" friend of mine. You are my greatest student, my greatest protege, even one of my greatest allies. You are a great pony and a great leader, and I am filled with pride and admiration for you. But you are not my greatest friend, through no fault of you own. It is only recently that is was even possible for us to be true peers, and even though I think you are technically my peer now, it cannot be denied that I have many years of age and experience over you. I cannot truthfully say that you are a close friend of mine."

Celestia waited expectantly. Twilight couldn't read her face, but she knew that the serene expression she wore was just another mask.

"Princess Celestia... can I ask you something?" She merely stared in response. "Yeah, okay, I guess it was obvious. I want to ask... how many "close" friends do you have?"

Celestia glanced away. "None. I used to have Luna, but there are some things I cannot share with her. Not for lack of trust, but for my love for her. There are some things I will not inflict upon her. As for Cadance, she is closer to me than most, but honestly not much more so than you are. I have nopony that I can truly reveal my heart to."

Twilight fidgeted. "Would you like one?" Twilight held up her hooves as Celestia's attention snapped back to her. "I mean- I understand now what you mean about how I'm not a "great" friend of yours, but can't that change? I realize part of it is that I haven't really put forth the effort to be that kind of friend for you, but that doesn't mean I can't start now. I understand if you don't trust me enough yet, but I'm willing to earn that trust. And you don't need to protect me: I will do what I can to help you, no matter what. Please, Celestia, can I be the friend that you need?"

Celestia sighed. Twilight felt her stomach drop. She was going to say no. Twilight was going to feel like a fool and Celestia would still be upset. She- "Okay." She... was going to agree? "Okay, Twilight. You're right, as always. I don't know whether it's pride or modesty when I say how amazing you are, considering I am -- was -- your teacher." She pushed her plate and mug to the side and crossed her forelegs on the table, slumping forward. She did not look very regal anymore.

"There is no question about trust, as I said before. I entrusted you with all of the alicorn magic in Equestria not long ago, after all. And I clearly do not need to protect you; if anything, you are the one protecting the rest of us more often than not. So yes, you win, I'll tell you what has been bothering me, on the condition that you will actually, truly be here for me for longer than tonight."

"Of course, Princess! I mean, Celestia!" She grinned sheepishly. Celestia smirked.

"As I said before, I've been dishonest most of the night. It isn't entirely truthful to say that I am afraid of the dark: it is better to say that I am afraid of what might be in the dark. My fear started when the Elements of Harmony were rediscovered."

"You mean when Nightmare-"

"Yes!" Celestia rarely raised her voice, so hearing her shout like this was a novel experience for Twilight. "Yes. Luna and I have discussed the incident, naturally, but there was much she left unsaid. One thing I did learn, however, was that she was not alone."

"Not alone? What do you mean?"

Celestia took a shaking breath. "Something bonded with her when she became Nightmare Moon. She calls it Nightmare, and she says she learned many things from her. The problem is that I don't know what Nightmare is, where she came from, or what she really wanted. Luna says that she died that night, but I am not as sure, and there could be more such creatures. The only thing Luna knows is that Nightmare was a creature born of darkness." Fresh tears were appearing in her eyes.

Twilight felt a dawning realization. "Oh..."

"Yes. I'm afraid of Nightmare. I'm afraid that something like Nightmare Moon could happen again. It could happen to any one of us, I fear. That's all I have: fears." She choked back a sob. "I don't know what Nightmare or her kind are really capable of. I don't know how they operate. I don't know their goals. I don't know how many of them there are. I don't know their vulnerabilities. I don't know enough to make any plans or prepare any defenses. I don't know, and I think that is what frightens me the most." She was almost whispering now, trying not to cry but failing to hold her tears back all the same. "I am scared, Twilight, and I don't know what to do."

Twilight got up and wrapped Celestia in a hug. The elder alicorn leaned into it and held her tightly. "It's okay."

Celestia whimpered through her sobs. "No, it's not. It's not-"

"Shh. It's okay."

The hug lasted for a few minutes. Celestia managed to regain control of her emotions during that time, and eventually pulled back. "Thank you Twilight, and I'm sorry."

Twilight shook her head. "Don't be. It's okay to be scared, and it's okay to cry. I'm your friend, right? That's what I'm here for." They shared a smile.

Celestia shook her head. "It's not okay, Twilight. I should know what to do." She took another shaky breath. "I am Celestia the Lightbringer, the first of the alicorns, scion of Harmony and guardian of Equestria. I am Alpha Empyrean. I should not be trembling at unseen foes. I should have a plan, I should be enacting some strategy to protect my ponies."

Twilight decided to take a calculated risk. "And what have you done?" She was hoping Celestia's answer would give her something to work with to boost her morale; she desperately hoped Celestia wouldn't respond with "nothing".

"Virtually nothing." Well, at least she didn't drag it out. "Unless you count losing sleep." She slumped forward again and laid her head on the table. "Equestria needs me. I can't spend my time chasing shadows that may not even exist. I don't want other ponies knowing about my concern, either, so I can't delegate research tasks. One way or another, I fear it would cause undue alarm. The past year has been difficult enough, getting Luna and Equestria reacquainted, without Princess Celestia still fretting about Nightmare Moon. Besides, I'm afraid of what I might find, which is a terrible excuse, but it has made it very easy for me to rationalize the other excuses I've just given. It feels like all I can do is wait and watch, and try to be alert for any sign of Nightmare's return."

"What about me?" Celestia raised a questioning eyebrow. Twilight elaborated hastily. "You've given me research projects before. I found the Elements of Harmony again, and completed Star Swirl's spell. I helped discover the Crystal Heart. Couldn't I have helped you research this?"

Celestia chuckled softly. "That would have required me admitting to you that I was unsure of myself. Besides, what little research I did manage turned up nothing. I doubt that anypony, or anyone for that matter, knows anything about this creature. But maybe that's just another excuse to avoid my fears."

Twilight beamed at her. "Well, I'm here now! I'll help you find out more about this Nightmare! You don't have to deal with this alone any longer!" Twilight paused, realizing something. "Can Luna help us? Does she know?" Celestia frowned as she pondered the question.

"I haven't told her, and I am reluctant to do so. I don't want to bring up painful memories for her."

"She might know something that can help us, and it might help both of you if you talk to her about it, but it's your choice. I just want you to remember that it is an option. Either way, I'm willing to help you with this problem. You are right, we know very little about Nightmare, but that just means we need to learn more! I'll get started organizing first thing in the-"

At that moment two more alicorns chose to burst into the room. "Ta-da!" Well, one of them burst into the room; the second, darker alicorn more or less waltzed in behind her. Cadance levitated some sort of small glass or crystal sculpture in front of her. It appeared to be shaped like a phoenix. "I half-expected the lights shop to be closed at this time of night, but apparently the owner was sensible enough to realize that night was probably the time when ponies most needed to buy lights. Anyway, I got this nightlight for you, Auntie!"

Celestia narrowed her eyes. "Why?"

Luna stepped forward and grabbed some of Celestia's fries in her telekinesis. "She wanted an excuse to invade the room after Twilight managed to break through your shell. I am only here to partake of your hay fries." She set about eating the fries and ignoring Cadance's glare.

"A nightlight will help with your nyctophobia, Auntie. Besides, this one is really cool! You just charge it with a bit of magic and you can control the brightness and color. You can even create neat effects like pulsing and things like that, see!" She demonstrated by setting the phoenix to cycle through a rainbow of glowing colors.

Celestia sighed but grinned nonetheless. "Thank you Cadance, it's a very nice gift, even if my pride disagrees." She put a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. "We can discuss your plans later. I am glad to know that you will be helping me with my problem. For now, though, I think spending time with my closest friends is enough." She winked and brought a hidden bottle of champagne out from under the table. "I think we deserve a little celebration."

"Of course you would take any excuse..." Luna brought out four glasses from another hiding spot and started filling them. "To my sister finally returning to normal."

Cadance chuckled. "To Twilight Sparkle saving the day again like the hero she is!" She grabbed one of the now filled glasses.

Twilight blushed and chuckled nervously. She grabbed a glass as well and raised it. "To good friends."

The four princesses proceeded to talk about nothing and everything, simply enjoying each others company. While Cadance and Twilight were busy arguing over some minutia in the nightlight's operation, Celestia leaned over to Luna and whispered. "She really is an amazing pony. Why couldn't she have been born a thousand years earlier?"

Luna bopped her softly on the head. "Don't sell yourself so short, sister. You did help build the Equestria that allowed her to become who she is. Stop worrying and enjoy the night."

And so she did.