Who's Fucking?

“We met… a year ago at the Apple Family Reunion,” an excited yet innocent feminine tone announces. “I immediately noticed Big Macintosh staring at me from across the barn.”

“Eyup,” Big Macintosh replies, nodding his head at the mare of his life. “I couldn’t stop starin’ at her. I wanted ta go over there and get with her, but I was too shy. Then, I got this thought in my head that just wouldn’t go away. It said ‘Big Mac, you need to go introduce yourself… or you’ll be missin’ out on the possibility of a lifetime…”

Derpy smiles and nuzzles into his form. “He came up to me and asked me my name, who invited me, where I lived, and if we could go out sometime… and I just couldn’t say no to him.”

Big Mac smiles and nuzzles her back. “And… one thang lead to another and now…”

Derpy nudges Big Mac. He looks at her and she looks at him. In one final swing, they both announce proudly, “And now we’re fucking!”

The crowd applauds rather joyfully, praising the couple for finally uniting in more ways than one.

“My parents were so happy when they heard I was fucking Derpy,” Big MacIntosh begins, holding her tightly in his forehooves. She sighs while snuggling against his belly. “They were worried one day I wouldn’t be able to find a mare I could stuff my big apple in.”

“See, I was worried your cherry muffin spire wouldn’t even fit in my easy bake oven,” Derpy proclaims, rubbing her hoof against her stallion’s leg. “Luckily, he knows how to plug it in just right.”

“You know your place,” Big Mac says with a smile, petting his marefriend’s mane ever-so-slowly. The two laugh boisterously with the crowd.

Once the laughter subsided, Big Mac continues, “See, if ya didn’t, I would have to rut you until the cows came home, wonderin’ if ya needed any more precious milk for your scrumptious chocolate muffins.”

“I would love that, Biggy,” Derpy replies softly, her eyes glued to her love. “Maybe you should do that next time we fuck next to the cowpen.”

Big Macintosh lets out a suave growl while nuzzling his partner's neck. “You see why she isn’t my normal fuck?” The crowd stares at Big Mac. “My friends were extremely skeptical of her due to her unusual perkiness and roving eyes; no one knew what she was lookin’ at.”

“I dispelled that pretty quickly, especially when I told them he plowed my muffin top so hard that he ripped me a new one,” Derpy states while staring into his green irises.

Big Macintosh laughs loudly, his hearty guaffing echoing loudly in the room. “See what I mean? From the first date I knew that this was the mare I wanted to empty my balls in for the rest of my life!”

Derpy giggles. “You know what Big Mac?”

Big Mac snaps to the sound of his mare. “Eyyup?”

“I still remember the time when we first fucked,” she says seductively, bringing her hooves around him in a nice, innocent hug.

Big Mac grins. “Oh, I remember as well. You were laying right on the hay bale I just finished compacting together,” he explains, pointing at the spot of which they fucked. “You were moaning and calling for my apple rod to pierce your care package.”

Derpy moans rather loudly. “Yes,” she draws out. “I called your Statue of Appbrity and asked for it to ram me to Appleloosa.” Big Macintosh's eyes widen, causing Derpy to laugh. “Apparently you remember!”

The time flashes before Biggy’s eyes, the dirty memory bringing a familiar visitor to the table.

“Macintosh!” Derpy says, her eyes attempting to focus on the long shifter. “It is not the time to bring out your mighty meaty!” She spots the shifter’s quick retreat. “That’s right, we mustn’t show our audience our fucking!”

All the while, Big Macintosh can’t stop blushing, the audience observing his meaty beefer. “I cannot stop thinking of our first fuck Derpy!”

As if he ignited her pot, the mare’s defensive demeanor changes. She looks at him with bedroom eyes, half-lidded and crossed; Big Mac loves that look. “Biggy,” she moans. “You had me stuck in the hay, begging for more.”

The shifter is back, cycling through the various speeds. It stands at full tilt, standing proud for all to see. “D-derpy,” he whimpers out.

She ignores his plea, straddling him. “I kept asking you for more while you gave me a tremendous pounding, smashing my poor chamber of commerce with your giant apple on a large, meaty porker.” She licked the side of his cheek. “You almost knocked the founders off their own member’s list!”

The crowd roars in laughter while the founders of said chamber groan in despair. There was no easy way out of this hole.

Big Macintosh, on the other hoof, couldn’t help but turn pink at the praise he was receiving. He couldn’t fathom it all, but he knew one thing…

It was his turn to make her embarrassed.

“D-derpy?” Big Macintosh asks, trying to keep his composure.

Derpy looks at him, tilting her head slightly to the side. “Yes, Biggy?”

He couldn’t help but smile at her adorable face. “I remember another time that might bring back some…” He pauses to lick ever-so-slowly across her cheek, a red tint showing on her face. “...precious memories.”

She squeals as he pecks her lips. “I remember when you wanted to fuck right outside Twilight’s Library when she was studying for her most important exam.”

The crowd stares onward as Big Mac continues to bring out the juicy details. “You were so ready, you were just begging for me to make you a nice, creamy apple pie right in your muffin delight.”

Big Macintosh sees his lover squirming on him, giving him more reason to continue. “I hope Twilight didn’t hear you moan, because if she did, you know she’ll want all the details for her next letter to Celestia…”

At this very moment an audience member came, the shrill sounds of one who uses dairy as their main supplement echoes throughout the room. Derpy hears the mare’s cry, followed by an even more frustrated grunt of annoyance. “Mac, did someone jus—”

“Derpy, right now,” Big Macintosh says while nuzzling his cheek to hers. “I am thinking of only one thing: a fuck like this, in front of all these ponies, comes around only once, so I better not blow it.”

She smiles, her cheeks still tinted pink. “B-Big Mac,” she says, holding him close.

“I’m not finished,” the majestic red apple says, peering at her partner’s chic form. “I was looking so long for a mare like you that I could plow so hard that you would trot funny for two days straight, and…” He pauses, before kissing her cheek. “I found it, right here,” he finishes, poking his hoof on her belly.

She giggles and kisses him back. “I’m so glad I found you: a muffin pounder that compacts my package into one, unified delight. You make me so warm that I just can’t stop wanting your strong, long mixing utensil inside my warm mixing pot.” Derpy brings her hoof to his cheek. “I’m glad that I never stopped going on dates with you.”

Big Macintosh sighs. “No one should ever give up on a true fuck,” he states calmly.

The lovely couple looks at each other, staring in each others eyes. “The fuck you’re waiting for is out there,” Derpy says enthusiastically, grabbing Big Mac’s hoof in one, swift movement.

Big Mac yelps, surprised by the quick thinking of his marefriend. He turns to the audience and states, “I know I’ve found mine.”

With that, an audience member moans, followed by an unexpected special delivery of muffins raining from above.