"Friends Don't Write Those Types of Stories About Each Other!"

by Frizzy

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Random, Slice of Life, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 1245

Rainbow Dash writes erotica about her friends. They find out. It's time to have a little talk with our rainbow friend.

Rainbow Dash is having computer troubles, so she has Twilight take a look at it. What Twilight finds about her and her friends is quite shocking and a bit (or a lot) disgusting. It's time to have a talk. Humanized

WARNING: This was probably funnier in my head. And also mentions sex, but does not graphically describe it. No porno here, kiddies.

I wrote this for a number of reasons: I had the idea stuck in my head, thought it was funny, I've been meaning to write something humanized, and I needed to break my writer's block.

UPDATE: Thank you all so much for getting this featured on the "Popular Stories" list! Here's to hoping it get's featured.
ANOTHER UPDATE: Featured on October 6th, 2014! Thank every single one of you!

Published 2014-10-06 06:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-06 06:10:01 UTC

The Whole Thing

Author's Note

I'm warning you again, this was probably funnier in my head.

The Whole Thing

"Thanks for helping me with this, Twi," Rainbow Dash said, placing her laptop down onto Twilight's desk. "It's been acting real slow lately, and it's affecting my gaming."

"No problem, Dash," Twilight replied. "Now then, let's take a look at the problem, shall we? You probably just have a minor virus, which I can take care of easily."

"Thanks a lot. This has been bugging me for weeks now. I'm sure an egghead like you can figure this out."

"Don't mention it. This should only take a couple of minutes," Twilight said, going through some of the files to see if any of them could have caused the problem. So far, none of them seemed suspicious.

Rainbow's phone began to ring. "Hello?" she said, answering it. "Uh huh. Really? Celestia dammit! I'll be right there!" Dash huffed, angrily as she hung up. "Something's going wrong at the office. You mind if I just leave my computer with you while I go sort it out?"

"No problem, Dash," Twilight replied, smiling. "I'll just drop it off at your house when I'm finished here. Then you can go back to playing your games."

"Thanks, Twilight! You're the best!" Rainbow shouted as she ran out the front door.

"Now then," Twilight said, turning back to the screen. "Let's see what we've got going on here." As she looked over the various files on Rainbow Dash's desktop, one in particular caught her eye. "'Twilight and the Royal Family'?" She asked to her herself. "What in the world could that be?"

She clicked on the little icon, and was brought to a Word document. "I know I shouldn't read Rainbow's personal files, but this has mine and my brother's names on it," she said as she began to read.

As the minutes passed by as she read, her face grew more and more horrified and disgusted. "Oh, my Celestia!" she gasped. That was absolutely disgusting! Then she noticed something almost as horrifying: four more documents of similar titles, with her other friends' names on them.

...

Three days later, Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy were all seated in Twilight's living room, each with a pile of papers in front of them. All of them had varying levels of disgust and embarrassment on their faces. "So, uh, Twi?" Applejack piped up, after a few minutes of awkward silence. "You, uh, did remember to tell Rainbow to be here, right? Because after what you showed me on Wednesday, Ah've been a bit... uncomfortable... and Ah have a few choice words I need to have with that girl."

"Yes, Applejack, I did remember to invite her. In fact, she should be arriving just about-" Twilight was cut off by the slamming of her front door. "Now."

"Sup, guys?" Rainbow greeted. "So what's all this about? Some kind of impromptu party?"

No one said anything for a while. "Well..." Twilight began. "I guess I should start. You remember how a few days ago you asked me for some help with your laptop?"

"Yeah!" Rainbow replied. "Thanks for that, by the way. My computer stopped lagging, and finally pwned that annoying twelve year old for Vanhoofer's stupid, annoying face! What about it?"

"Well..." Twilight looked down at her lap, choosing her next words carefully. "I sort of... found some files of interest that pertain to all of us."

"What are you talking abou-" Rainbow began, before trailing off, noticing the stacks of paper in front of all of her friends. "Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit..." she said, facepalming.

"Rainbow... How could you?" Fluttershy asked, tears in her eyes.

"Yes, Rainbow," Rarity said. "How could you write such smut about us? Friends don't write those types of stories about each other!"

Twilight cleared her throat. "Dash," she said, addressing the rainbow haired girl. "My brother and I do not have that sort of relationship! I am sure that Cadence pleases him just fine, sexually. Do you know all of the biological problems there are with that, let alone the social and legal ones!? Do you even realize all of the problems our children would have!? And then the princesses!? Our relationship is purely professional and platonic! And my school uniform was very modest, thank you very much!"

Now it was Pinkie's turn. "Dashie," she said, folding her arms acros her chest. "I am hurt and disgusted that you would even think about me doing something as vile and depraved to the twins as what I read. They're two years old, dammit! The Cakes would have me arrested if they found out about that. I wouldn't be able to throw parties for the town's children anymore. Do you know how much that would hurt me?" Pinkie's hair wasn't a curly mess like it normally was, instead lying flat. Tears were streaming down her face. She sat back down without saying another word.

"Sugarcube," Applejack said, standing up. "I am absolutely disgusted that you would even consider that my family lives up to the 'dumb redneck sibling-fuckers' stereotype. That is all I am going to say about it," and with that, she sat down.

"Rainbow, darling," Rarity said. "A lady does not participate in such brutal acts. Making love should should be a tender, romantic thing. Whips and chains should not be involved in the bedroom, and neither should one's little sister. How would I explain the bruises to my parents?"

Finally, it was Fluttershy's turn. "Rainbow," she began, sternly. "There were several problems with your story. First of all, sexual relations with a horse would be quite painful. I doubt it would be very pleasurable. Second, bunnies cannot impregnate humans. We're just not biologically compatible. And third, bears are wild animals. Trying to do that with them would be very dangerous, even with one as friendly as Harry. Other than that, I thought it was quite good."

"Fluttershy!" her other four friends shouted. "We are here to tell her that she shouldn't write those types of things about her friends, not encourage her!"

"But, I rather enjoyed it," the pink haired woman said. "In fact, I'm actually rather flattered."

"Oh, for the love of-" Twilight muttered, facepalming.

"Wow, guys,"Rainbow said, not making eye contact with any of them. "I'm... I'm really sorry about this. I never meant for you to find those. I'm sorry for writing them."

"We know, Dashie," Pinkie said, hugging the smaller girl. "We forgive you." The rest of the girls joined in the hug.

"Thanks guys," Dash said, sniffling. "Glad to know you don't hate me."

"We could never hate you, sugarcube," Applejack said, smiling at the colorful girl. "Though, we are a mite bit disappointed."

"I'm glad to know I can count on you guys to be my friends," Rainbow Dash said, beaming.

...

Later that night, Rainbow Dash sat at her laptop, typing.

"I walked into my friend, Twilight's house. She said she had that her and the rest of the girls had something they needed to talk to me about. I opened the door, and all of the lights were out. 'Hey, guys,' I said.

"'Rainbow, we saw what you wrote about us," Fluttershy's voice said in the darkness.

"'Yes, darling,' Rarity spoke up. 'And the five of us would like to have a word with you about it,' she purred.

"And then I heard the unmistakable crack of a whip."