The Mares of Diomedes
Admiral Biscuit
Abderus stumbled through the strange forest. His clothes were stained and tattered, and he had a slight limp from getting his foot caught in a root and tumbling down a shallow ravine. He'd been lucky that had been all—some kind of creature had been chasing after him. It had been mostly obscured by shadows, preventing him from determining what it actually was, but, then, even a determined chipmunk could have given him a run for his money. Now—after two more days alone in the wilderness—if he saw another hostile creature, he would most likely just lie down and wait for the end.
He staggered into a clearing straight out of a high fantasy movie. There was a small pond filled with crystal-clear water, surrounded by berry bushes. His stomach growled at him. He'd found a few of these bushes scattered through the woods, and the berries were delicious and filling. Abe broke into a shuffling run, nearly hugging the first bush he reached. He grabbed handfuls of the sweet, sweet berries and jammed them into his mouth, ignoring the leaves and twigs which came with them.
After he'd destroyed the first bush, he ran his hands through his scraggly hair, then went down to the water's edge and dunked his head in, drinking deeply. Then he flopped on his back, sliding up among the thick growth around the pond, so he wouldn't be too easy to spot.
Abe told himself that he'd only wait there for a little bit, before getting on his way again. The night before, the wind had been blowing out of the east, and he'd smelled some woodsmoke. If he was lucky, there was a settlement that way; if not, woodsmen were camping and had already moved on. Either way, there was some kind of civilization nearby. All he had to do was find it.
He jolted awake to crunching and munching noises near him. He cautiously boosted himself up, trying to avoid rustling the leaves too much. There—about two hundred feet from him—he could see a sky-blue head topped with a brilliant rainbow mane dropping in and out of the bushes. Is that some kind of odd horse?
Abe leaned forward to get a better look. Both ears swiveled in his direction, and her head popped up. Even from this distance, he could see her red-colored irises very clearly.
If it's a wild horse, it'll run away. If it has an owner, it will probably flee toward him. Either way, I'll know more than I do now. Abe shook the bush to keep her attention, and then slowly stood up when the pony showed no signs of bolting.
His plan immediately unraveled for an unexpected reason: as soon as he emerged from his hiding spot, the blue pony bolted straight up. Faster than he could believe, she was a good hundred feet in the air, looking warily down at him.
As if I needed any more proof that this isn't Earth, he thought. I can still follow the direction she flies in—she's probably not smart enough to lead me off course.
Instead of zooming off into the distance, she made a broad circle of the clearing, her eyes on him the whole while. Once she'd examined him to her satisfaction, she dropped down until she was about five yards away from him.
Abe made no aggressive moves. He kept his hands down at his sides, mentally cursing his impulse to get her attention. As quick as she could move, if she wanted to get him, he wouldn't make it to the trees before she caught him.
She moved to his left side and Abe watched her warily. When he saw her nostrils flare, he realized that she was getting his scent—she'd moved downwind. She was smarter than he thought.
His eyes were drawn to the brightly-colored brand on her hindquarters. Such a thing implied ownership, but it was odd that she was unshod. Unless, as a flying pony, shoes weren't needed.
"I give. What are you?" Abe didn't understand the words at first, nor their source. He had never been addressed by any animal other than a parrot.
"Yo." She darted forward and tapped a hoof lightly on his head. "Cat got your tongue? What kind of creature are you?"
"I'm a man," he said, wondering if he was hallucinating the whole thing. He hadn't had problems with the berries before—or had he? Had he really been chased through the woods?
"I'm Rainbow Dash. Fastest flier in all of Equestria." She puffed out her chest as she spoke. "What are you doing in the Everfree?"
"I wish I knew. I was—"
"Wait." She held up a forehoof—a very human gesture—and squinted at him. "A man? Like, a human?"
Abe nodded. "I've been lost in the woods for almost a week. Is there a village or a town around here?"
Rainbow licked her lips. "Ponyville's over there. Uh, but it's a long way. You'd probably get lost. I can take you to my house. It's closer."
Before he could protest, she darted behind him and wrapped her hooves around his chest. Abe shouted in pain as the crushing vise around his chest pulled upward. For a brief moment his feet were off the ground before she let out a hard breath of air. "You're heavier than you look."
"I can walk."
"Not to my house." She flew around in front of him again, and she had a look of disappointment on her face. Rainbow dropped to the ground long enough to examine him once again, tap her hoof a few times, and then her face lit up. "I know! Wait right here. I'll be back."
He watched her shoot into the sky, stop to check that he was obeying her, and then disappeared over the trees, leaving a rainbow contrail behind. Okay, now I know I'm hallucinating.
☠ ☠ ☠
The sun hadn't moved all that far before she was back. She dove down into the clearing, quickly found him, and landed next to him. "My friend's on the way. We'll get you back to town, don't worry. I've got to help her find this place."
Abe watched with a bemused look as she took to the sky again. Over the next several hours, she'd keep appearing to check on him, before flying off eastward again. At least I know which way town is, he thought.
Abe heard them before he saw them. His safety was at hand, so he stood up. A orangish-tan pony in a cowboy hat was pushing her way through the ferns, with Rainbow hovering right at her shoulder. As soon as the orange one saw him, she broke into a gallop, catching the blue one by surprise.
"Whoo-ee! Paint my flanks and call me Sally, you weren't kiddin'!"
"I told you, Applejack." Rainbow snorted. "He's too heavy to go to my house."
"You was gonna take him all for yourself, weren't ya?"
Rainbow shook her head vehemently. "He can even speak Equestrian, isn't that right, Abe?"
"Yes?" Abe was getting a Planet of the Apes vibe from these two, and he didn't like it one bit. If they started whispering to each other, he was running for his life.
"If that don't beat all." The orangy mare ran a hoof across her forehead, before looking back at Rainbow. "Ya weren't plannin' to bring him back to the farm, were ya?"
"Well. . . ."
"No way. Granny'd have my hide if'n she found out. Plus, what were you gonna do about Big Mac?"
"Distract him?"
AJ chuckled. "How? You gonna give him a wink? His sniffer's as good as Granny's."
"I don't know. We've got to do something."
"Take him to the library. Twi'll know what to do."
"Fine." Rainbow crossed her hooves and glared at Applejack, her wings beating slowly. "I'll go get her. You stay here with him and keep him safe. Safe."
"Cross my heart and hope to fly." To Abe’s bemusement, she touched her right hoof to her breast, before lightly touching it to an eyelid.
Rainbow nodded. "I'll be right back." She zoomed off into the sky again, quickly disappearing over the trees.
☠ ☠ ☠
The three ponies examined Abe from every angle.
"We can't let anypony in town see him. We'd have a mob on our hooves."
"I know. That's why I wanted to take him to the farm."
"I told you—"
"Girls, calm down. There's a solution." Twilight looked up at the sky. "We take him into town after dark."
"Do we have to wait?" Rainbow stared at the sun, her brow furrowing.
"Little bit of patience'll do ya good." AJ declared. "Besides, we can get him all the way to the edge of the forest; that'll take 'till nearly nightfall."
"Come on, Abe," Twilight coaxed. "Follow us. As soon as you get to my house, I'll let you have a nice hot bath, and clean your clothes for you."
☠ ☠ ☠
True to Twilight’s prediction, the journey through the woods took most of the afternoon. Much to his surprise, they didn't ask him too many questions after learning that he was alone.
He was burning with questions of his own, but he didn't want to be too loud and attract some predator. He was reasonably certain that the three mares would keep him safe, but he figured that if something really big or scary showed up, they'd run and leave him to his own devices.
Twilight stopped them near the edge of the forest, close enough that he could once again smell the woodsmoke, but he couldn't see anything through the dense foliage. As the sky darkened, Twilight lit her horn, providing a pleasant illumination.
"Can you just teleport us there? I've been in the woods all day. I'm so hungry."
"If he's too heavy for you to lift, he's probably too heavy to teleport." Twilight turned to the pegasus. "I'm afraid to experiment with this. He's a unique specimen."
"Just mare up and wait a little bit longer,” Applejack suggested. “If you're peckish, you can eat some grass. It'll help fill your belly."
"Rainbow, you scout ahead," Twilight ordered. "Stay close, make sure to check alleys. AJ, you take rearguard. I'll stay right next to Abe."
"What about Spike?"
"Shoot. Wait here."
Abe jerked back as a magenta whipcrack flashed through the clearing. Twilight vanished, but the other two ponies didn't seem bothered at all.
Two minutes later, she was back in an identical flash. "Okay. I gave him a stack of bits and told him I wanted him to research baked goods as a favor to me. He'll gorge himself there."
"You could'a just sent him to Rarity's."
"She's out of town with Fluttershy. Some kind of fashion thing in Baltimare." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "They'll be gone all week."
"It don't seem right, to. . . ." Applejack motioned at Abe. "You know."
"We can't leave him out here for a week," Twilight said. "They’ll have a chance when they get back."
"Let's do this." Rainbow darted through the trees, quickly disappearing into the darkness. After a minute, Twilight followed, and Applejack brought up the rear.
The glow from the unicorn illuminated the woods well enough that Abe was easily able to avoid the small obstacles in his path. Before too long, they were on the edge of town. Twilight looked around for Rainbow, then waved a hoof at Abe. "Walk alongside me, and keep quiet. If we're lucky, nopony will notice you."
"What happens if they do?" he whispered.
"It could get ugly," she admitted. "I'm not going to lie to you; there are ponies in this town who are very reactionary, and they could work up a mob in short order. We want to avoid that."
"I don't know." Abe glanced back at the woods. "I could just stay there, and you could bring me food and water."
"No way. We're lucky you're still alive. All sorts of monsters live in the woods. Just follow next to me and you'll be fine."
Abe nodded and fell in beside her. He couldn't help gawking as they passed through the outskirts of town. It looked like a medieval village, or some strange Disneyland. He wanted to touch the buildings to make sure they were real, but was wary of her warning, especially when she pulled him into an alleyway long enough to let a pair of ponies walk by on the main street.
He kept his silence until they finally made it to Twilight's home. Once the door was securely shut behind him, Abe looked down at Twilight. "How come you built your house to look like a tree?"
"It is a tree." She squared her shoulders and looked directly at him. "Historically, the Earth Pony tribe would gather under the tallest tree in their grazing range to hold their meetings. They—"
"He's falling asleep on his feet," Rainbow protested. "Lecture later. Right now he needs a bath."
"You're right. Follow me." Twilight led Abe down a hallway to a small alcove, mostly filled with a steel tub. "Will you need help?"
Abe shook his head. "I can manage on my own."
Twilight focused her horn at one of the pipes and grunted. The faucet began glowing. "That one's hot water; the other is cold. I have all kinds of shampoo and soap over here, and stacks of towels. If you don't want to wash your clothes in the bath, you can set them off to the side and I'll clean them for you." She turned her head and made the shutters on the window close. "You'll want your privacy, I'm sure. If you need anything at all, just call out."
"Thanks!" Abe waited until he heard the door close to begin filling the tub, and he looked back suspiciously several times, making sure that its re-opening hadn't been masked by the running water. Finally, he stripped off, opening the door just long enough to glance into the hall and toss his clothes out.
He was hardly surprised at the lack of a lock on the door; none of them had been wearing clothes, after all, and the tub was easily big enough for three or four of them together. He vaguely remembered that there were cultures that used to bathe socially.
The bath worked wonders on him. Tense muscles relaxed, his head cleared, and his skin and hair felt squeaky clean. He ran a hand over his chin—all he needed now was a good shave, and he'd be as good as new.
That, and dinner.
Once the water had cooled, he climbed out of the bath and began drying himself off. With a towel wrapped around his waist, he leaned out into the hallway. As promised, his clothes were back, neatly folded and spotless. Even his shoes were antiseptically clean.
He walked back into the living room. There were now four ponies; the latest arrival was a bubblegum pink mare. Her blue eyes widened when she saw him, and she broke into a huge grin.
"You ain't throwing a 'human' party for all of Ponyville," Applejack said before either of them could say a word. "Think for a moment how that'd go."
Her grin faltered before returning full-force. "Did you have a nice bath?" she asked.
Abe nodded. "Thank you." He scuffed a foot on the floor. "I don't suppose you have something to eat?"
"Where are my manners? Pinkie, would you show Abe to the kitchen?"
"Yuppers!" Pinkie began bouncing lightly on her hooves. "Right this way, Mr. Human."
Abe glanced into a cupboard. "Do you have any—" Just out of the corner of his eye, he saw the pink mare swinging a cast iron frying pan, but he couldn't move fast enough to avoid it. It smashed into his temple, cracking his skull and knocking him to the floor. He wasn't quite unconscious, but he was unable to resist as she grabbed a pant leg with her teeth and pulled him back into the living room.
Twilight lit her horn and pinned him to the floor, while Applejack produced a hammer and pounded nails into the wood, then looped short ropes around his arms and legs. Pinkie sat on his legs for good measure, while Rainbow just prowled around him, her tail flicking eagerly.
“What . . . what are you doing?” Abe slurred.
“Shush,” Rainbow said. “Twi, shouldn’t we—”
“I’m on it,” Pinkie said, and after receiving a nod from Applejack, hopped off his legs and bounded across the room. She nosed a book aside and pulled a silk scarf from the shelf, trotted back and began to shove it into his mouth.
“Why are you doing this?” Abe managed to shout before Pinkie jammed the scarf all the way into his mouth, forcing his jaw open. He tried to push it out with his tongue, but it was firmly lodged.
"Rarity would hate this," Twilight said conversationally as she began cutting off his pants with a pair of field-held scissors. Abe continued struggling, his writhing increasing as the scissors moved closer to his crotch. Twilight ignored him.
Once she'd cut up the outside of both his pant legs, Applejack folded the fabric between Abe’s legs, while Twilight began on his shirt.
"You missed some clothes," Rainbow mumbled, pointing to his briefs.
"I'll get back to those when I’m finished here."
"Hurry, Twilight." Pinkie pulled a book out of her mane and began flipping through pages. "It's not nice to make him panic."
"I know," the unicorn snapped. "I don't know any good stunning spells. There aren't any in any of my books." She pulled the front half of his shirt off and leaned against his bare chest. "His heart's racing.”
Abe bucked and twisted in his restraints, trying to get loose or push the unicorn back away from him.
"Don't worry. This will be quick." Twilight leaned down and made two snips on his underwear, leaving him mostly naked.
"Human on the half-shell," Pinkie whispered. “His skin looks so smooth.” She ran her nose over his belly.” Abe frantically turned his head side-to-side, trying to see what the other ponies were doing.
"Let me get some pictures." Twilight levitated a camera off her shelf and waited as the girls crowded around Abe. He winced as it flashed. “Now one with just you, Rainbow.”
The pegasus nodded and landed next to him, putting her forehooves on his chest. She crouched down, making sure her face would be in the frame right next to his.
"Rainbow found him," Applejack said. "So it's only fair that she gets to go first."
"Where do I begin?" Rainbow ran a wingtip gently up Abe's thigh, across his chest, and up his neck.
"Anywhere you want," Twilight whispered breathlessly.
Rainbow stepped gently over him and lowered herself until her chest was touching his. She slid down, far enough that she could press an ear against his breastbone, and stayed there with a goofy smile on her face.
Abe writhed under her, trying to pull himself loose from his bonds. Her short fur was tickling his chest and legs as she slowly slid up and down his body, her eyes half-lidded in pleasure. He tried to force down his panic and think logically, wondering if he could just go with whatever they had planned and escape later, once they’d had their perverted fun.
"I'm going to do it." Rainbow tensed her muscles, took a deep breath, and darted downward, grabbing a mouthful of flesh. She yanked her head back, tearing a chunk loose. The three other mares watched expectantly as she chewed it and swallowed. "Oh, man. It's so good." She darted back down and ripped another strip loose, working her head from side to side to get more. Under his gag, Abe screamed, his whole body lifting off the floor.
"I've never had it fresh." Rainbow wiped some blood off her muzzle. "Come on, don't be shy."
Applejack jointed in next, concentrating on his right leg. She ripped a mouthful of his thigh out, swallowed it, and went right back to the torn flesh, taking smaller bites without lifting her head. Pinkie moved close to Rainbow, sticking her muzzle right into his armpit, while Twilight positioned herself opposite Applejack, keeping her head clear of Rainbow's hind legs. The librarian winced as a spurt of blood hit her eye, and paused long enough to blink it clear before lapping up the life-giving nectar.
"It's so rich," she muttered, holding a hoof over the severed vein. "AJ, lean over here and try this."
The farmpony complied, sticking her face against his thigh and lapping up the fresh blood.
Twilight’s nose wrinkled. “I think he just wet himself. AJ, did you get any on you?”
Applejack stuck her head up for a moment. “Don’t care.” She stuck her head back against his leg, lapping up the warm blood. Twilight joined her, the two ponies feeding cheek-to-cheek.
"Don't let him bleed out yet," Pinkie warned. "We haven't even got to his heart. It’s the bestest when it’s the freshest."
"I'm working on it," Rainbow said. She bit into a rib, eliciting a fresh bout of struggling from Abe. "These things are tough."
"I could get a saw."
The pegasus pulled her head back, cracking the rib. "It’s better this way. A couple more and I can get in there."
"I'll give you a hoof," Twilight offered, reluctantly relinquished her position next to Applejack. "Just give me a moment."
The two mares gnawed and snapped the ribs out of the way, until they could clearly see Abe's still-beating heart. His muffled screams had petered out as he weakened, but he was still taking in huge breaths, and Twilight was momentarily obsessed with the idea of poking a hole in a lung with her horn, just to see what would happen. She reluctantly tore her gaze away and looked up at his face.
Abe’s eyes were bulging, and his cheeks were streaked with tears. He had a pleading look on his face, and she wondered for a fleeting moment if he could possibly survive if they stopped right now. She gently brushed his muzzle against his cheek, flaring her nostrils to take in his scents, and dragged her tongue roughly up across his nose and left eye, greedily lapping up his terror sweat.
"You're only going to get one shot at his heart," Pinkie warned Rainbow.
"I know." Rainbow eyed the opening. She stuck her muzzle down into the bloody mess. "I've got my tongue on it. Feels so weird." Rainbow moved back. "All of you—just put your tongue on it. I just want you to feel it, before he dies."
"Are you sure? I don't think he'll last much longer. He's lost a lot of blood."
Abe’s face was pale, and his breathing had devolved into short gasps. His left hand clawed futilely at the rope which held his arm, while his right was splayed out, uselessly, the tendons severed by Pinkie.
"Do it."
The three mares took their turn, before Rainbow got back in her superior position. They'd all wanted to be the one to do it—but it was Rainbow's right—she'd found him, after all. Still, the pegasus hesitated once they were all done, long enough for Twilight to take a quick picture.
"I'll probably never get the chance to do this again," she said regretfully, before ducking her head under his breastbone. "Here goes." She worked as much of the organ into her mouth as she could, before biting down and pulling back. A spray of blood burst from his chest as she tore his heart apart, the muscle still twitching in her mouth as she swallowed it.
Rainbow did a quick victory loop in the room while her three friends took their turn.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing, Rainbow thought, looking down at the torn carcass in the center of the room. Her friends were streaked with fresh blood. Was this what it was like before ponies drove humans to the brink of extinction?
After the quartet had eaten their fill, Pinkie produced her copy of To Serve Man, and Twilight and Applejack began butchering what was left, and put it in the ice chest for later. They could stretch it out for months. Rainbow trusted that her friends wouldn't eat it without her. Of course, they'd have to share with Fluttershy and Rarity, when they got back. Then, Pinkie could hold her party, but it would be a small affair, with only the girls invited.
Author's Note
A One-Shot-Ober fic
