She didn’t have any blood in her veins: what she had was raw, unhinged energy that sporadically rushed through her body like a Wonderbolt. That sounded pretty close to right, she thought. It was still very far from perfect, however. Everypony would ask her, “Goodness! Where do you get all that energy?” and she would try to explain the finer points of her bounciness. But it always went way over their heads, even smart-pony heads! Nopony seemed to understand that the only way to understand her sudden explosions of joy was to know that you could not understand them. If they understood that, then maybe they could learn to be as happy as she was.
She only ever met one pony who actually did understand. She couldn’t believe it at first, but whenever she thought back on it, she realized that it made perfect sense. It was, after all, a very nonsensical pony that had found her one day. Had the craziest ideas and the heart of a child, but the most mature and most sophisticated trot. Child and grown-up at the same time! In particular, she remembered the shiny silver buttons that curled down the pony’s clothes. But what originally had convinced her the most was the power that that pony’s words filled her with. Her voice was a fountain of joy, the pony told her. Whatever it was that made her, made her to spread smiles, love, and tolerance to everypony in the world. In that moment, she believed in that pony one-hundred percent, because she could feel that same fountain of joy gushing inside of her. After wiping away her tears, the pony promised her that her life’s purpose would be realized in full if she would just sign a piece of paper. As soon as she signed her name on the bottom line, she was flung into a big, happy, musical dream-come-true. And those rushes of energy started running faster than ever.
From then on, her new path in life became a source of excitement. Of course, she didn’t draw exclusively from just that one source. In her opinion, fun was like fireworks. Fireworks were so much more fun when you had as many different kinds as possible, and when you could set them all off at the same time. Pop! Pop! Ka-boom! Colors flying all over the place!
That was exactly what Pinkie Pie was looking at. Colorful flashing beams bouncing around her living room from the strobe lights in the ceiling. Colorful dancing ponies bouncing underneath them. Balloons bobbing their heads up and down while playful party goers jerked on the strings. Streamers making rainbows between the highest shelves in the room. And all she had to do was look down to see a big glass table covered with all kinds of colorful treats and frostings.
Her tongue shot like a whip into a frosty doughnut hole, and cracked it up into her mouth. She chewed the doughnut happily before eagerly gulping the thing. Pinkie wasn’t sure whether this was her sixth doughnut or seventh. It was important that she kept count because she often ate too much at her own parties, and the other ponies get mad when that happens. She had kept telling herself, “Six, six, six, and that’s it!” before the party, but now that she lost count she had a dilemma on her hooves. No, not really, she giggled to herself. Instead, she reached a hoof out to something other than a doughnut. She picked up a long, straw-like packet from a big cardboard box on the table. She tore the top off with her teeth and tipped it over her open mouth. Sugar poured onto her eager tongue. Pinkie could feel her taste buds tingling like crazy as the powder started to spill over her lips. She guessed that was why the dealer called them “crazy sticks”.
A rush can come from anywhere, although for Pinkie it usually arrived on her tongue. But apart from that, they all follow the same course. A rocket would light somewhere in somepony’s darkest depths, then launch and explode in the brain. Then all those pretty flames would rain down on the body below and ignite all four limbs into an inexplicable fit of dancing. As Pinkie swallowed what sugar hadn’t been dissolved, she felt a new rush trying to catch up with the one caused by the donuts. The sugar worked fast. Her brain exploded twice.
A crazed grin popped on her lips. Her hooves jittered like little jackhammers in her attempt to stand still. But why was she trying to stand still, she asked herself. Unable to answer herself, she flew onto the dance floor screaming like a lunatic. The ponies she landed on flew apart like bowling pins while the unaffected cheered her on over the thumping music. And once again, Pinkie was shaking it like nopony else could. Kicking, swinging, jumping with the blinking of the lights. She was reminding all her nameless friends just who in Equestria she was. Specifically, though, she was trying to kick away all the little ants that start crawling up her legs whenever she gorged on sweets. Ticklish as she was, her laughter would have broken everypony’s eardrums if she let the ants keep crawling all over her. But everypony knows that the best way to get rid of pesky sugar ants was to move your hooves!
Well, since the ants are almost gone, now would be great time to grab a cupcake! Those were Pinkie’s thoughts after half an hour of dancing, as they often were on an hour-by-hour basis, as she erratically sprang between the dance floor and the snack bar. Sometimes it was cake, sometimes mini-tacos, sometimes brownies. Whatever it was, she was constantly refueling herself on food and crazy sticks.
“Another dope party, Pinkie Pie,” cooed some stallion at the bar.
Pinkie spat out another empty stick and, after licking off the sugar sticking to her teeth, spun towards the group of five chilling right next to her. “Really? That’s always great to hear—I mean, nopony ever hates on my parties, but it always makes me happy to see another happy face! Hey, let’s dance!”
She had absolutely no idea which pony complimented her. No biggie, she thought. Like a roulette, she let her eyes spin in circles and waited for them to stop. They fell on some goateed, blinged-out stud who was sipping a milkshake at the bar. Pinkie didn’t hesitate, and she whisked the pony into a frenzied dance beneath the epileptic light show. The surprised stallion found himself being flung back and forth on his hind legs while his pink partner yelled and hooted over the rapid-fire clopping of her hooves.
“Ready?”
“Huh?”
Before he was ready, Pinkie twisted the stud around and then yanked him like a lawnmower. The result was a pirouette that sent him flying off like a tornado, ending with his head crashing into the punch bowl. The whole roomed cheered, and Pinkie beamed.
“Ping pong!”
And Pinkie suddenly popped up from behind the ping pong table, paddle firm in her teeth. She cast a playfully competitive look around everypony in the game room. “Anypony thinks they got what it takes?”
The other ponies, engaged in either billiards or video games, just glanced at her apologetically. A frown almost formed on her lips, but before that could happen she gasped in realization and proceeded to kick open the electricity closet right next to her. The two ponies nuzzling each other inside leaped in terror as Pinkie spun the stallion to the other end of the ping pong table and slammed the door in the mare’s face.
“Hey, man, I was just ‘bout to—,” but the pony ended his sentence with a pained shout as a paddle flew into his face.
“Only gamers talk in this town,” Pinkie said with her game face, “bub!”
The paddle slid off his face to reveal a red, steaming-mad pony. “Awwwwww, it’s on!”
Pinkie grit her teeth like a true competitor. She raised a hoof balancing a little white ball and then let it bounce once on the table. Before it could land a second time, she whacked it to her opponent. But the other pony whacked back, and soon a full-fledged volley erupted on the table.
The game was heating up. A lot of ponies weren’t really acting interested, but a lot of others were gathering around to watch. The rapid plunk-plunk-plunk-plunk of the ping pong ball hypnotized the party goers; Pinkie noticed their eyes darting everywhere the ball went. Balls could hypnotize. That’s why she always had them around in hiding places—in case she needed emergency hypnosis. But it was also the last volley. It was either her or Mr. Closet Pony. There weren’t technically any stakes, but they felt pretty flipping high. Pinkie was smashing dozens of ants at a time for each whack, and they were still crawling full speed.
The stallion got the final whack, and his swing sent the ball on a devastating direct course. However, his hit had gone just a little too low, and the ball tripped over the net as it whistled into Pinkie’s side of the table. Pinkie dropped her paddle, squealing in delight, while the other pony did the same with a restless groan. Then Pinkie appeared next to him, and he reared up in surprise.
“Wow! You did really good! Put’er there!”
She extended her foreleg for a hoof-bump. The stallion, looking thoroughly tuckered out, made a half-smile and reciprocated. That same pink leg quickly dragged his neck into a surprise embrace. “Come on, everypony!” Pinkie shouted. “Give my friend here an applause for his super game!”
The dozen or so onlookers around the table started pounding the floor, hooping, hollering, and yelling “yeah, boy!” at the flustered little pony pressed against Pinkie. When she finally let go of him, he stood there idle for a little while. Then, as the crowd in the game room began to fade back into the background, he slunk back into the closet with the silliest smile on his mug.
“Careful in there!” Pinkie waved as he shut the door behind him. She was glad to see him having fun and all, but goodness not even Pinkie was wild enough to play with electricity!
She was, however, hungry. She sped out of the game room, but before she could hit the bar she slammed into another pony and bounced off like she hit a brick wall. After shooing away the birdies circling her dizzy noggin, she looked up and saw her big scary security guard towering over her. In his enormous teeth, a smaller stallion was hanging by the nape of his neck, viciously kicking the air. The guard dropped the pony on the ground and said, “Miss Pinkie Pie, this ruffian was harassing the guests coming upstairs. I’m sorry for bringing him up here, but I didn’t know whether you’d be against me calling the guards on this punk or not.”
The ruffian in question scrambled onto his hooves and started raving. “You stink, Pinkie Pie! Your music is garbage, and that concert was an embarrassment! It’s a sad day in Equestria when ponies can get famous for making stupid baby music!”
The guard stretched his leg in front of the intruder and eyed him severely. “Hey! You try to make trouble here, you’ll find yourself face-deep in concrete.” He switched back to Pinkie. “I’m sorry, again. I’ll gladly buck his teeth in if you give the word. But, it’s your party, and you said anypony was invited.”
Pinkie had drawn back quite a bit after that stallion’s nasty tirade. He didn’t have to remind her about that one concert, she thought indignantly. Butterflies replaced the fireworks in her stomach. She wasn’t going to let the guard beat him up and make him hate her even more, but she still had to confront him somehow. She straightened herself and put on her best smile. “Okay, cranky-pants. I can’t just let any unhappy pony I run into just stay unhappy.” She plucked a hoof-full of balloon strings and presented them. “Want some balloons?”
The pony just stared blankly at the balloons for a moment. Finally, he reached out and soundlessly accepted the gift, and Pinkie’s heart soared as a grin appeared on his face. But all the sudden, he flung the balloons to the floor and popped them under his hooves. Pinkie’s hopes popped as well. That was an evil grin, she realized in horror. The popping balloons drew the attention of a bunch of surrounding ponies. At that moment, he broke out in a taunting voice, “Oh, look at me! I’m Pinkie Pie! I’m always happy and friendly, and I love to party! That’s the only thing I’m good for!”
Everypony just stared blankly by while the rude stallion blew his tongue. Barely thinking, Pinkie grabbed the nearest priceless vase and shoved it at him. “I know. Balloons get old after a while. But I don’t need this thing! You take it!”
His face pressed awkwardly against the vase, the pony got a good view of its luster. His eyes widened in disbelief. “Uh….” He didn’t say anything more after that. Back up somewhat, he got a leg around the thing and loaded it on his back. “Cool.”
Pinkie saw a shifty but very real smile on his face as he turned and walked towards the front door. The security guard met eyes with her for a moment, and his mouth opened with a barely-audible sigh. He turned to follow the troublemaker out.
Pinkie’s eyes fluttered around her. The other ponies were still looking in her direction, but now their eyes were fluttering in other directions as well. Soon they all turned back to whatever they were doing before, grinning and laughing about Celestia-knew-what. However, there were still some butterflies fluttering inside Pinkie.
At the refreshment bar, she pounded her hoof on the sleek polished wood, and the unicorn bartender knew automatically what she was going to pour. But as she pointed her horn towards the chocolate milkshake lever, Pinkie said, “Hold it! I’m gonna have the fun stuff tonight.”
She nodded and quickly magicked the glass beneath the vanilla nozzle. Pinkie gazed droolingly as the servant filled it up to the brim with cold, creamy goodness. She whisked the treat delicately in front of Pinkie. Then—the best part—the bartender’s magic made the seven most important (and most fun) objects of consumption fly out from the shelves beneath the bar and fall into place on the table. Pinkie clapped her hooves excitedly. Six smaller crazy sticks lay in a neat little row alongside her favorite smiley-faced straw. She lifted her right hoof up and let it hover over them, moving it back and forth.
“I think…this one!” Pinkie scooped up the second stick from the left, raising it to eye level, “will be…pink!”
She bit off the tip of the packet and emptied it into the pure white shake. She immediately reached for her straw and began mixing the sugary concoction. Pinkie was all hopes and smiles until she saw a cyan-colored drink staring back up at her. She tilted back her head and sighed, “Gosh, I just can’t win at this game.” She figured that if she kept choosing pink, she would get pink eventually. But never once out of the billions of times she had played this game did she ever pick the pink sugar first!
Oh well, she thought. Pinkie grabbed the five remaining crazy sticks and nipped them open simultaneously. She poured them all into the bright-blue mixture and stirred vigorously. The end result was a rainbow milkshake that packed ten-times more fun than a regular shake. Pinkie took a moment to admire the pretty stripes of color twisting in the glass. They would be gone in just a matter of seconds once her lips were on the straw.
While she was dwindling the drink down to half-full, she noticed another stallion had plopped himself right next to her. As she glanced at him from the corner of her eye, she saw a particularly desirous look on him. Uh oh, she thought. His mane was draped over most of his face in greasy black cornrows, and a dull iron ring pierced his nostrils. But she knew how to deal with gluttons like this guy. “Bartender!” she yelled. “Let’s have another one for my friend here!”
The stallion glanced in surprise when a milkshake slid in front of him. He turned to Pinkie and smiled. “Thanks.”
“No problem! You looked like you were about to slurp up my milkshake for minute there, but I couldn’t have that! So I got you one.”
“You got me!” He laughed weakly. “I was totally looking at your milkshake.”
“Don’t forget to add the sugar all at once. You need any help?”
The stallion was poking his hoof on the crazy sticks, looking completely lost. “Nah, it’s cool.”
But Pinkie could see his confusion, so she shuffled up next to him and mixed the sugar in his drink for him. He grinned awkwardly, drawing his glass close as his snout reached for the straw. When he took his first long sip, his eyes widened. “Hey, this stuff’s wild tasty.”
“I know!” Pinkie chirped. “It’s like eating a sonic rainboom while bouncing on a cloud—or like riding a chariot into the sun!”
“Yeah....”
“So! I’m Pinkie Pie!”
“I know. Who here doesn’t know?”
“Okay, then who’re you?”
He grinned confidently, showing all the shiny gold in his teeth. “I’m Spider Stick.”
She stuck out her hoof. “Glad you could make it, Spider! Your name is kinda creepy, though.”
“Eh,” he bumped her hoof, “I prefer to think it’s misunderstood.” The two ponies were already really close; boldly, he inched his face a little bit closer. “I got a chariot you can party on if you ever get tired up in here.”
Pinkie drew back on her hind legs, giving him a strange look. “Why would I party on a chariot? That’s a little silly. Chariots are small and cramped. You can’t have a party on a chariot, unless you consider two ponies to be a party. I mean—I guess you technically could, but why only party with two ponies when you can have lots and lots of ponies in a penthouse like this?”
“Whoa, whoa, slow down!” He laughed playfully. “I’m silly? You just called my drink a chariot. Ain’t this a good shake?”
“Oh, that was just a metaphor!”
“Well….” The edge of his lip rose suggestively. “Maybe my chariot’s also a metaphor.”
“And the metaphor had everything to do with the sun and nothing to do with the chariot.”
The stallion’s jaw hung motionless for a moment. He tilted his head sideways. “What?”
“Glad you asked! You see, the sun typically represents life—it’s the sun that makes the grass and plants grow after all—and in traditional societies ponies would put lotsa emphasisis on da lufgibbingproptseswhend….” Pinkie’s lips were flapping significantly faster than the words she actually was trying to say, so fast that she was spitting saliva-filled gibberish at the stallion. She gasped, “Oh, sorry ‘bout that!”
The stallion’s locks were dripping with Pinkie spit, but thankfully he didn’t look mad. Just very confused.
Pinkie tried again and again to explain those silly semantics, but her tongue just kept spitting more and more nonsense. Finally she just slapped her hoof on her forehead, and groaned loudly. “Ya know what, it doesn’t really matter—now if you’ll excuse me I got ants in my pants, so it’s time to go dance!”
She knew it was kind of rude to just run off from somepony like that, but she physically couldn’t help herself. The rush that one got from a rainbow milkshake was enough to make a pony party hard for the rest of the night. During that entire conversation she was feeling rainbows exploding in her brain; the colors were even jumping outside of her body, splattering themselves over everything she could see. Or were those the strobe lights? Oh well! By that point, she was lacking in both ideas and cares. Every part of her being was popping with popcorn. Happily unconscious, she reared up with a crazed whinny and, metaphorically of course, dashed into the sun.
In that big expensive penthouse, pink silhouettes zipped all over the place. Pinkie did not think to wonder what she had become. Like the music, like the lights, like the all sweet snacks. In short, she had made herself a lot like all of those things, only drenched in quicksilver. And so went Pinkie Pie’s fun for the next several hours. A long, crazy, epileptic haze.
Guests always came in and out of Pinkie’s parties. The morning sun was, as always, the last one to show up. And as usual everypony else had gone home. Pinkie was not quite a silhouette anymore when day broke. The light that shone through the big sliding-glass revealed a still-moving Pinkie Pie, chasing her own tail for some unknowable reason. When the sun had risen high enough to hit her eyes, it blinded her, and she flipped onto her side. She exhaled in resignation. That was usually how she knew the party was over.
She wobbled back up and proceeded to check the inevitable damages. The bars and snack tables were all disheveled and crummy, inevitably. Spilled punch on the couch—okay not too bad. There was apple pie lodged in Princess Celestia’s self-portrait—that made Pinkie laugh out loud. And one of the priceless vases was missing. Pinkie was surprised: in comparison with the party she had two nights ago, almost nothing was broken. Probably because there wasn’t much left to break after somepony knocked that marble bust onto the porcelain cabinet. She was somewhat concerned about the missing vase, though. Usually her guards could catch ponies when they tried to steal her things. But the loss itself didn’t faze her; there weren’t very many things she cared about.
Also surprising: there were no ponies sleeping in her living room. She thought there weren’t, anyway, until she noticed a mare snoozing in the front doorway. Pinkie trotted over there and carefully nudged the pony out just far enough so she could close the door all the way.
She breathed a sigh of relief as she heard the door click with closure. She rubbed her hooves together in accomplishment. “Okie dokey! Now….”
Slowly, Pinkie’s hooves fell onto the floor, in unison with the edges of her lips. Red-crackled eyeballs stared up at the ceiling in befuddlement. What would she do? She certainly couldn’t sleep on a beautiful day like this one. Speaking of today, she suddenly remembered—she had to get rolling today so she could make it Manehattan for her next show. But she didn’t want to go right this instant. Suddenly, the look in Pinkie’s eyes cracked and shattered like eggshells. They were exactly as red as before, of course, but this time they beamed with the same chipper as the smile that had just popped on her face.
“I think I’ll just relax for a little, teeny bit.”
She bounced out of her daze and landed on her balcony. She shielded her eyes from the sun for a moment. The morning made sparkles on the star-specked tiles and the potted plants beneath the glass balustrade. She kept her eyes low, looking into the bubbling, frothing hot tub at her hooves. She placed one hoof gently beneath the surface. It stung, but soon the pain changed into pleasure. She climbed into the tub on all fours and finally breathed a soothing sigh as she let the water swallow her to her neck. She spread her front legs out over the brick border and lay back in a lazy posture. For the longest time, she just gazed at Canterlot with her sleepless eyes. So, so nice, she thought dreamily. Though, she really missed having the hot tub filled with boiling fruit punch. Much tastier, overall. But for some reason the ponies at her parties thought it was gross. She ended up replacing it with plain old water.
Her penthouse was so high up! This place wasn’t that much shorter than the actual castle towers. At this time of the morning, she could always expect to hear the sound of silence out here on her balcony. So she started humming a random tune to liven things up a bit. Ooh, she could feel a song coming on this morning! Her ability to write songs was based entirely on her spontaneity. Give her a few notes or some kind of context, and she could make music on-the-fly. She already had her notes, in this case. As to what this song would be about, she let the tune tumble about her imagination until, like a puzzle piece, it found some place to fit.
“Baby Cottonhead!”
Pinkie had no idea what that meant. Not yet, anyway. Regardless, it just sounded so right. Is it about a baby, she asked herself, or something completely different? Does it have to do with ponies? Pinkie chortled; whoever heard of a pony with a head of cotton? So clearly, she concluded, it was about a monster.
“Baby Cottonhead
Napping in the forest bed.
No one loved him,
And No one fed him….”
Why didn’t anypony feed him, she wondered. Of course! Because he had to learn to fend for himself! Poor monster. How would he learn to take care of himself if nopony told him how? She sat there, brow scrunched hard, hoping for more ideas to start buzzing into her brain. But that just didn’t happen. Her head had been feeling so light and fluffy since yesterday, and sitting in the hot tub certainly wasn’t going to fix that.
Then she thought of the monster meeting somepony. Okay, that could work. Then that pony would raise the monster and teach him how to eat and do all sorts of fun things. “Ooh!” clapped Pinkie, “It could be a full-out ballad!”
“Hops out of the woods
And onto a pony, and fortunately,
The pony was good
And took Baby home, like the pony’s own”
Pinkie’s hooves were splashing the water excitedly. “Then there’d be a whole bunch of other verses about all the fun they have together, but then there’d be the part where they get in a big fight and Baby Cottonhead turns into a real monster! And then…they get into an epic battle for all of Equestria!”
Or something else along those lines. Nopony would die, of course; that would give her producers nightmares! She still had to work out the details, of course. She wasn’t in any condition to do that right now, post-party fuzziness and all.
Two parties for two consecutive nights! And they were the bomb, if she said so herself. So much laughing and dancing and happy ponies! Pinkie grinned satisfactorily. It was the least she could do after that disastrous concert at the Canterlot Royal Amphitheater. Her mood darkened as it all came back to her. Since she was in the tub, though, she let the memories come freely. The hot water would burn away the Scaries if they tried to make her cry again. She just didn’t know what went wrong. All she remembered was the booing and her running off the stage in shame. She had never seen so many scary faces looking at her like that before. She couldn’t even make herself laugh, there were so many Scaries trying to choke her. She got better as soon as she started planning that night’s party, of course. But still….
A gigantic splash whipped Pinkie out of her reverie. A very blank-faced alligator head was staring from the other side of the tub.
“’Morning, Gummy!” Pinkie chirped, tickling the creature’s enormous chin. The big lizard rumbled affectionately, rolling its head this way and that. Pinkie giggled. It amazed her how an alligator could grow so big and still be exactly the same. “So…. How are ya?”
Pinkie sat there with an enthusiastic expectancy. After a while, Gummy raised his head to reveal the itty bitty cannon attached to his metal collar. Confetti blasted into her face in flurry. She clapped excitedly, taking the blast for a, “I’m feelin’ swell, thank you!” Much better than mounting Gummy with a laser beam, of all the things for her bodyguard to suggest. The alligator followed up with a toothy grin, and Pinkie instantly felt revitalized.
“Oh, Gummy, you’re such a smiley crocodiley.” That would make a super song title, she thought. But, thinking again, she remembered she already had a song about smiles. She remembered all the chords and lyrics and percussion. Sure enough, she had “Smile” stuck in her head again. It wasn’t a problem, though; it was a great melody for prancing!
Energized by music, she simply could not let herself sit still anymore. “Okay, Gummy, off to the trailer! We’re leaving town right now!” And she bounced out of the tub and bounced some more all the way to the front door, singing aloud the lyrics to her number-one single.
“Come on, everypony, smile, smile, smile--” She froze in mid-bounce and dashed behind the snack bar, however. She stuck her head into the cabinet underneath and pulled out with a mouthful of crazy sticks. She didn’t have very many left on her trailer. Hopefully, when they got Las Pegasus next week, that nice dealer would still be there to sell her more. So, again, off she bounced, finishing her line with a noticeably garbled, “Fill my heart up with sunshine, sunshine!”
A pillar of sunshine beamed through her luxury trailer’s sunroof. It made the bottom half of her feel warm and tingly as she lay sprawled on her back. She was squirming restlessly in the big cozy bed that dominated her private room. It was a long, long, long way to Manehattan. They were traveling on a road in the middle of nowhere, so there was nothing even remotely interesting to look at out the window.
She threw open the big costume wardrobe. All the wild outfits that she could wear at concerts were hung up in here. She dragged her hoof back and forth along the row of fabrics. Playing dress-up was for little ponies, she reminded herself. Well, good thing she was all by herself. The first thing she picked out was the one thing in there that puzzled her the most. She held in her hooves a lovely saddle, white and showy and embedded with diamonds. She wanted to wear this pretty little thing at her last concert, but her producer prevented her. He said it was, “too inappropriate for your younger fans.” She had seen pony dolls come with saddles, for Celestia’s sake! And last time she checked, most of the ponies who hawked her for autographs were older males.
She managed to slip the thing snugly over her back without much trouble. She trotted up to the vanity and took a good look at herself. She threw her head to the side in a graceful pose, holding out a foreleg in lady-like gesture. She twisted her pink form into all kinds of lovely shapes, keeping a hold of a creepy, come-hither look. But as she came down to one particular pose, she couldn’t contain herself and burst out laughing.
Well. That was dress-up. Pinkie dropped onto her haunches and sighed. She didn’t feel like putting on everything in the wardrobe. She didn’t even feel like taking off the saddle. Instead she just stared at herself the way she was. Red-crackles still webbed across her eyes. An itty, bitty star in the corner of her imagination told her that it was time for bed. She admitted that the drive would probably go by a whole lot quicker if she did sleep. But she couldn’t sleep on an empty tummy. Suddenly, she raised a hoof above her head. The look on her face at that moment was a look of epiphany. She resolutely brought that upraised hoof down into the other one and uttered two magic words:
“Ice cream.”
She shoved a waffle cone beneath her soft-serve machine’s chocolate nozzle. The machine hummed ominously as ice cream slithered into the cone. Once the cone was filled to a suitably ridiculous height, she shoved a cookie into it and bit open another crazy stick. Little white, sugary diamonds snowed down on her chocolate mountain. Pinkie’s mouth was wet with anticipation. In an instant she was sprawled out on her couch under the window, furiously lapping up her ice cream.
“Hey!” Pinkie paused in her feasting. Her face, soiled with chocolate and sugar, turned up with a ponderous expression. “What does Baby Cottonhead actually eat?”
Questions and answers started tumbling into existence as Pinkie Pie went back down on her ice cream. Why did he jump out of the forest? “He was hungry! Or lonely? No, he was both!” How did he find the good pony? “Ooh! He saw the…shiny silver buttons on his coat reflecting off the sunshine! And they attracted him!” But how did they become enemies? That was a toughie, she had to admit. How do you just become enemies with somepony that’s made you feel special your whole life? When you feel betrayed! And in this case, the pony told Baby Cottonhead to start feeding himself, but Baby Cottonhead didn’t think he could, so he felt betrayed! She could already hear that verse playing in her mind.
He grew and grew, but the pony knew
He had to leave, he had to show
That he had grown, could live on his own.
But Cottonhead was scared to be alone.
Still the pony threw him out
And the monster gave a shout!
His tummy growled just as loud
And he followed it into town.
But why did its tummy want to go to town? To eat? But what in Equestria did the monster eat?
When the whole cone had gone down the hatch, Pinkie made herself lay back for a moment. Soon enough she was feeling the ants crawling up her legs again. They tickled her, sent her into a giggling fit. Her limbs were so infected with tickles that she ended up rolling off the couch and into the middle of the floor. On her back again, she looked past her four legs swimming in the air and wondered where the sun had gone.
She saw a blanket of grayness in the sunroof. If the trailer was moving, she certainly couldn’t tell by looking up. Was it going to rain? She grunted irritably. Rain would make her have to drive slower, or even stop for a while if it really started to pour. She couldn’t simply stop anywhere now. Not with the ants eating her up like a cockroach (and making her swim like one, to boot!). She imagined her hooves taking a life of their own and prancing off to some random far-off location. Her bodyguards would lose their minds trying to track her down.
She sprung herself upright and leaped back in front the vanity. But instead of looking at herself, she reached at the bottom drawer and flung in across the room. Why? Well, this particular rush made her want to look for something. So she proceeded to pull out every single drawer from bottom to top, tossing them and their contents against the wall behind her When she opened the top drawer, however, she noticed that this one had only a single object inside. She scooped it up, and then threw the drawer. The vanity now completely empty, she examined the object. A shiny silver necklace was hanging from her foreleg. Specifically, she stared at the pendant—a silver draconequus curving its bizarre serpentine body up until its head connected to the chain. It was a strange trinket she had worn on a couple of occasions. “Edgy, yet with a hint of childish whimsy,” her dresser described one time. Pinkie was satisfied to think that that this was what she was looking for. She promptly wrapped it around her neck.
The rumbling roar of the trailer’s engine faded into silence. Pinkie dashed to the window. Clumps of forests and empty hillsides that used to fly by her now slowed to a crawl. It wasn’t like her driver to simply stop out in the middle of nowhere when the weather only seemed threatening. She felt the trailer edge to the right for a moment. Without warning, the whole room tipped sideways, and Pinkie’s left hooves were flung into the air.
The guard at her door knocked loudly. “C-Come in!” called Pinkie while she was regaining her balance. A big blue stallion, donning sun glasses and a shirt labeled security, stepped inside. “Miss Pinkie Pie, your trailer has run into some mechanical problems, so we’ve swerved off the road just for the moment.”
“What?” She flew past the bodyguard in a confusing pink flash. She burst outside and appeared next to the pony who was peering at all the contraptions under the hood.
“Hey! What’s wrong? Why aren’t we moving?”
The mare turned around, looking awfully flustered. “I’m sorry for the delay, Miss Pinkie. It looks like the battery’s died for some reason.”
“Well, can’t you just replace it?”
A pained look came over her. “This is the only one we have. Uh—but we can still start it back up again with some wires. All we need is another power source. Then I can drive this thing somewhere to get it properly looked at.”
Pinkie’s head dropped, ears flattened, a groan escaping her throat. Her hooves were vibrating with all kinds of sensations.
The mare put on a smile. “Oh don’t worry, Miss Pinkie. If I recall, there’s a town not too far from here, right past those trees over there.”
Pinkie perked up at those words. “Ooh! Ooh! I’ll go get help!”
“Oh, thank you, but I think—.”
The driver pony’s jaw dropped when she realized Pinkie was no longer standing there. That was because Pinkie was already deep in the woods running at full gallop. She giggled mischievously. Her bodyguards knew nothing, and by now they wouldn’t be able to catch her. She glanced behind her, and saw her trailer as just an itty bitty rock clinging to an empty ditch. Thinking herself safe, she pressed forward even harder. The trees began to thin, and she could see buildings begin to pop up. She bounded out of the woods and ran across the green. She didn’t skid to a stop until she was just a foot away from a door.
She walked up and pounded on it eagerly. Instead of opening, however, it fell backwards. Pinkie’s eyes bulged nervously. “Oops,” she muttered.
Regardless, she poked her head inside. “Hello! Anypony here?”
The room was naked of any kind of furnishings as far as she could tell. It was super dark in there, but she could see the glimmer of cobwebs in the corners. She shuddered, spiders suddenly creeping into her thoughts.
“Uh…sorry about the door!”
Her tail gave a sudden violent twitch. Pinkie immediately drew up and starting glancing around the room desperately. “Hey! Be careful, something’s gonna—,” but before she could finish, a sudden crashing noise made her leap. Big wooden support beams plummeted into the room, and some powdery-looking stuff began to spill out of the darkness. The entire house started creaking and shaking. “Uh oh.” Pinkie got her head out and fled.
She stood away at a safe distance and watched as the house began to crumble inwards. Roof tiles divided and fell into black depths. Dust poured out of the shattered, moss-ridden windows. Big, long cracks suddenly wrapped tentacles around the building’s foundation, and with a huge crash the house collapsed into a pile of dust.
Pinkie stared uneasily at the destruction. “They should really put out warning signs,” she muttered. “Somepony could’ve gotten hurt.”
She realized something weird. After all that crashing and falling, the only other sound she could hear now was her own voice. Pinkie looked around her. This town had dozens of houses just like one that had tumbled, haphazardly spread out across the lawn. They were big, colorful wooden structures. Well, colorful in the sense that they had been painted with all kinds of colors. Maybe it wasn’t always the case, but Pinkie thought the colors seemed to blend a bit too well with the dour gray sky. Anyway, there were so many houses out here, but they were missing one very important thing.
Where was everypony?
“Hello!” yelled Pinkie. “Does anypony still live here?”
She waited for an answer. But all she got was silence. Everything out there was so still; it was haunting. Pinkie was starting to think this was a ghost town. Sweet Celestia, Pinkie trembled, was this a ghost town?
“Yes!”
“Eep! Ghost! Ghost!” Pinkie screeched, falling onto the ground with her hooves shivering over her head. Wait a minute, she realized, I didn’t ask anypony that second question. Which meant that that yes was an answer to her first question! Her heart unclenched. Pinkie quickly leaped back up and threw her head in every direction imaginable. “Wait! What I actually meant was ‘where are you?’.”
“Uh….” The pony sounded unsure of herself. “In town somewhere…like a block or so away from Sugarcube Corner?”
Pinkie trotted eagerly between the abandoned buildings. The voice hadn’t exactly given her directions she could follow, but she was pretty sure that she was hearing it over this way. She cut through a number of overgrown, unpaved streets. This whole town was a mess. Numerous houses had already turned into dust; everything else looked close enough to it. She popped into one street and saw a whole row of buildings charred black and mostly gone. It could have been a battlefield for some war. Or some monster attack.
“He stomped into town, and took the time
Now nopony knew when or why—,”
Took the time? How was that even possible? “Oh duh!” she responded. “He wanted to confuse the ponies by making them completely unaware of what time it was. So he stole all their clocks so that they couldn’t coordinate their attacks.”
“Terror filled their hearts and made them frantic.
They circled about in a joyless panic”
It was very important that she put the word joyless before panic. In the right situation, a panic attack is a great way to relieve pent-up emotions. It can even be a lot of fun if you were like Pinkie and loved to scream really loud. But when panicking becomes scary, that’s when everypony knows that there’s some seriously bad stuff going on.
“They lost their way, they tried to flee
They let Cottonhead feed.”
Pinkie really wished she could get some happier verses with this song. She wasn’t going to let the Ballad of Baby Cottonhead end on a sad note! Her sugar-induced energy was better at jumbling her imagination than forming competent lyrics, so it seemed.
When she stepped out of one alley, she glanced to her right and found her pony. There she was, standing all by herself on that big lonely lawn. Her snout was deep in the grass, and Pinkie could see her jaw moving slowly and methodically. Was she…grazing?
Pinkie ran down the stretch, excitedly calling out to her. The pony’s head flew out of the grass and snapped to meet her. Pinkie dropped on her haunches in mid-run and let her momentum slide her across the grass. Skidding to a halt, the haze of excitement suddenly left her. In its place came puzzlement at the bizarre creature she was sitting before.
“Hold it one moment,” the pony chirped. An eye patch covered her right eye. Her left eye seemed to be stuck looking upward. But judging by the way she was gritting her teeth and by how that same eye was trembling, she was trying to fix it. Sure enough, the eyeball snapped out of its previous posture. Only, now it was stuck looking down. Regardless, she angled her head just so that her one yellow eye could look Pinkie in the eyes. “Hi there. Um…welcome to Ponyville.”
Both her yellow mane and her gray fur looked in desperate need of grooming. Though to be fair, her fur looked beyond repair. Numerous bright pink scars stretched across her body, including one on her cheek. And there on the side of her head, it looked like her skull had a huge dent in it reminiscent of an aluminum can. Grossed out as she was, though, Pinkie returned the pony’s welcome with a smile. “I’m Pinkie Pie. It’s nice to meet you. So, I was wondering—my trailer broke down, and I need to get to Manehattan, and my driver said she needed some kind of power source to start up the battery and also a place to fix the battery later. So…do you think you could help me?”
“Oh! Hmm….” The strange little pony lowered her head in contemplation. Then she snapped back up. “There’s no mechanics here, but I can get you a thunderhead if you need to jumpstart a battery.”
She broke eye contact with Pinkie for a moment to examine the sky. She had to bend her neck back in a particularly nauseating angle to get that eye of hers to properly look skyward. Out popped her wings, gray-feathered fingers twitching with energy. Pinkie gaped; this was the first time she noticed she was a pegasus.
“Be right back,” the pegasus said. “I see a good one right over there.”
Her wings flapped, and for a moment she was steadily hovering an inch from the ground. She looked ridiculous floating there with her head bent back like it was.
“Okay! Here I go!”
She very nearly took off Pinkie’s head as she rocketed into the sky. Pinkie spun around just in time to see the pegasus crash into another house and out the other side. While the poor pony was floating there trying to shake debris out of her fur, the house she desecrated crumbled into yet another pile of dust. “Um…. Just a little higher….” But contrary to her aims, her wings threw her down into a tree. Pinkie cringed as she heard the pegasus smacking against boughs and branches until she finally slammed into the ground.
Pinkie ran over as fast as she could. “Oh my gosh! Are you okay?”
The pegasus was lying on her side, the eye patch on the upside. “I’m good. Happens all the time.” Slowly, the pony picked herself up again, letting herself rest on her haunches. She turned her head towards Pinkie, this time holding it lower because her pupil had stuck itself to the top of her eyelid again. “I’m sorry. My sense of direction’s never been really good, and these days it’s just gotten worse.”
Pinkie laid an affectionate hoof on the silly pony’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. You tried your best. Do you know any other pegasi that can help?”
She shook her head. “Nope. I’m the only pony in Ponyville.”
Pinkie shot a confused look at the pegasus. “Why are you all by yourself? Doesn’t it get lonely—I mean, I couldn’t bear to be anywhere where there wasn’t at least one other pony I could play with.”
“I would’ve gone with the others, but…well….” She rubbed at the big dent in her skull, looking like she was digging hard for a response. She groaned, “I don’t remember much. I did try to get outta here a few times, but with my sense of direction, plus all the clouds that just never go away, I always got lost and ended up back here.”
The pegasus breathed a wistful sigh. “So…you must’ve been heading somewhere really nice, huh? You’re dressed for a long ride, you know?”
Pinkie wasn’t sure what she was talking about. Then it occurred to her that she was still wearing that fancy saddle. Sure enough, when she twisted her head, she saw it sitting there snug on her back.
“Oh, there’s lots of really nice places in Manehattan,” said Pinkie. “I’m a singer, and I get to sing to other ponies all over Equestria. The saddle’s just a prop, though; I was just testing it. Same with this pretty necklace.”
The pegasus lowered her head almost until it touched the ground so that she could get her eye on level with the silver draconequus. “Ooooh,” she whispered, stretching her head to get an even closer look. She raised a hoof and gave the silver creature a light tap.
Immediately, a crack divided the neck, and the body dropped from the head.
The pegasus drew her neck back and squeaked in exasperation. “Gah! So stupid!” She stomped hard on the grass. She stuck her head down where the draconequus body fell and let an apologetic eye hover over it. She finally scooped it back up, balancing it on her hoof, and returned her gaze to Pinkie. “I’m so, so sorry. It was really pretty.”
Pinkie’s own heart was aching. Not for the draconequus, but for this sad little pony. Here she was with her head all low and mopey. Pinkie still couldn’t believe that she was here all by herself. She was like a grounded raincloud, pouring all her misery over the both of them.
But Pinkie was a famous performer. She performed, and everypony who saw instantly cheered up. So she wore a sympathetic smile, and said, “Hey, don’t fret! We all make mistakes. Besides, it’s still a pretty pendant even if it is broken.”
The pegasus glanced uncertainly at the chunk of silver in her hoof. It was the claws, wings, and body of the draconequus that she held. Her dented head tilted in consideration, and the edges of her lips quivered. Pinkie was consciously rooting for a smile, and when the pegasus finally looked back at her, a tiny grin parted to say, “I guess you’re right about that.”
As she stretched to present the broken pendant, however, a remorseful grimace trickled beneath her scars. “Can you fix it? I’m not much of a fixer.”
Pinkie gently pushed away the pegasus’ hoof. “You know what? We’re friends now. I think you should keep it. I mean, I can always get another one. I might even have another one somewhere.”
The pegasus gave her a weird look. She didn’t reply at first. She cautiously lowered her upturned hoof and let the pendant slide safely onto the grass. “Thanks…. Are you sure?”
“Yeah!”
“Not just about the necklace—I mean…. How can we be friends if we’ve only just met?”
“’Cause it’s better to have friends than not-friends, silly!”
The pegasus opened and closed her mouth. She stared at Pinkie uncertainly, unconsciously scratching the dent in her skull. “I guess….” Then out of her mouth came a fit of giggles that made Pinkie’s heart explode. “It’s great to have a friend again.” But then she did the unthinkable and replaced her giggles with a sigh. “But you can’t stay here. You have a bunch of other ponies you need to make happy, right?”
As if Pinkie would actually let the pegasus mope here all alone forever! Why did she keep resisting her attempts to make her happy? “I know! You should totally come away and go on tour with me! It’d make me so happy to get you out of this miserable place.”
“You’d do that?”
“Of course I would.”
The pegasus wrapped her hooves around Pinkie’s neck and started jumping up and down, squealing, “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” Then she fell on her back, panting, beaming. Pinkie was beaming too.
But once again, the pegasus’ frown returned. “Oh…but you’re stuck here because your battery’s dead.”
Pinkie’s smile died too. “Oh…yeah….”
The pegasus rolled until her back hit the tree trunk. She curled up beneath it, sighing in defeat. “Oh well. At least the grass is always green.” She stretched her snout towards a nearby clump and took a big bite out of the stuff.
Pinkie’s heart ached. Poor thing! Just living off grass like an animal this whole time. “Hey, don’t you worry,” Pinkie reassured. “Even if we can’t get that cloud, I’m sure somepony’ll come look for us after a while. I’m famous, so that’ll definitely happen!”
“Really? I’ve never heard of you,” said the pegasus.
Pinkie tilted her head confusedly. “Really? But my album’s been number-one for a pretty long time now.”
The pegasus shook her head. “Sorry.”
Sorry is just this pony’s favorite word, Pinkie grunted inwardly. “It’s okay. You know, you never told me your name.”
“Oh…. Well, I…kinda forgot that too.”
“You don’t know your own name?” Pinkie asked. “So what am I supposed to call you?”
“I don’t know. Whatever you want, I guess.”
Pinkie made a mental note to come up with a good name for this sad little pony. She had to think really hard to make it a good one. Actually, she already had a few good ones in mind, but she didn’t want to start that conversation right at that moment. She wanted to ask what was really bugging her.
“So…what happened? I mean, clearly there were ponies living here before, and you were there with them. So why did they all leave? Do you remember anything at all?”
“Well, in short…they left because they were unhappy.”
“Why were they unhappy?”
“I think….” She brought her hoof under her chin. “It had a lot to do with the forest.”
Pinkie looked off past the lawn towards a huge, dark expanse of trees that stretched beneath the mountains. “That forest over there?”
She nodded. “Yeah. The Everfree Forest is full of all kinds of scary stuff, so it makes sense. Monsters and stuff like that.”
“So a monster scared everypony away?”
“Well…maybe.” The pegasus shuffled uncomfortably. “Don’t take my word for it. If I just explain everything I remember, you probably wouldn’t believe a word I say. It really doesn’t make much sense the way I remember it.”
“Just try. I’m sure at least some of it is true.”
“Well…I know it started with something from the forest. But the thing was…nopony thought that that thing would do something like that.”
“Did the…thing have friends in Ponyville?”
“Kinda…not really, but I know there was one pony that…uh….”
The pegasus rapped her hoof against her forehead as if she were trying to rattle out the right words. While the poor pony was busy mumbling questions to herself, Pinkie was struck by a theory of her own that she was pretty certain could fall in line with the pegasus’ story.
“The thing was adopted by somepony,” Pinkie blurted. “It didn’t have any friends, but everpony knew it because everypony knew the pony who adopted it. Am I right?”
“I don’t know if you can really call it an…it, Pinkie,” said the pegasus. “He or she sounds better. I mean…. I think he was treated much better than an object.”
“Well, of course! I mean, he was adopted, so whoever did the adopting had to be taking good care of him.”
“I guess so.”
Pinkie waited expectantly for the pegasus to realize the rest of her story. She sat there with legs all in jitters while her storyteller just rubbed her head for answers. It was hard to wait; this story had set off firecrackers to her curiosity.
“Since we’re calling it he now,” the pegasus spoke again, “then I guess I can say that one day he got very greedy. And his pony….”
“Wouldn’t feed him anymore.”
The pegasus opened her mouth, but no words came out as a doubtful look came over her at the last second. She started mumbling to herself again, but in the end she shrugged in resignation. “Well, after that is when he did what he did.”
“Which was…?”
“Bad stuff! Why do you need to know everything?”
“Because I need ideas for my ballad!”
“Okay…. Well, I don’t know one-hundred percent, but I know that he came into town, and when he left, everypony was miserable.”
“Why would he make everypony unhappy?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it was an accident.”
“I don’t know about that,” Pinkie said with suspicion. “This he sounds pretty sinister, if you ask me.” Then she remembered that street she passed by with the charred buildings. “Did he breathe fire on them?”
“I don’t think so…. Oh, but there was definitely fire. Big balls of fire.”
“Hypnosis,” Pinkie muttered. “It must’ve hypnotized those ponies into being super happy, just so it could take away their smiles.”
Sweet Celestia! That was it! Baby Cottonhead ate smiles! Brilliant! But at the same time, she had never heard anything nearly so cruel and unusual. Did that actually happen here, she asked herself. Her poor nameless pegasus didn’t really seem certain of anything.
The pegasus tilted her head and shot her a look of befuddlement. “Also…he made the sun go away. We were all so confused.”
“And every clock disappeared, and nopony knew when or why for anything.” Pinkie covered her mouth in horror.
The pegasus tilted her head uncertainly, almost looking like a nod. “I don’t know about any clocks, but, yeah, we had no idea what to do. Everypony panicked then.”
“Fun or scary?”
“Huh?”
“Was it a fun panic or a scary panic?”
“Oh, it was very scary!”
Pinkie could feel the Scaries quivering in the depths of her throat. Her whole body still tingled with ants she never shook off. Why was this story so similar to her ballad? Why did it actually explain her ballad? The Scaries had stuck their fingers between the cogs in her brain, pushing them up and down like a baby’s toy.
“By that point,” the poor pegasus concluded, “Nopony wanted to stay anymore. And they all moved away.”
“Wow.” Pinkie grinned nervously. “Are you sure you never heard of me before? Or heard even one of my songs?”
“I’m positive.”
Of course. She was the only one who knew that song.
“What does that have to do anything?” asked the pegasus.
“Oh! Well…um…because I wanted to know if you’d be interested in coming to a concert! I mean, I know some ponies have really particular musical tastes.”
The pegasus giggled. “Not me. I haven’t heard music in forever.”
How long was this pony going to keep bucking her heart? “I swear, when we’re outta here, I’ll throw us the biggest, funnest party that’ll just make you forget any of this ever happened!”
She chuckled. “Cool. The last time I really had fun was at a party.”
“Neat!”
“Yeah. It was a going-away party. The whole town was throwing it for this one pony. It was just a couple weeks before all the bad things happened. I remember because of that, and because it was when the leaves were turning all the different colors for fall, and we had the party outside.” She sighed. “I can’t remember if it was a September or October.”
“Does it matter?”
“I don’t know.” She forced a laugh. “I think it should. I don’t remember what happened in September or October until I know for sure which of those months had the party.”
Pinkie laughed as well. “What did you do at the party?”
“Oh, I definitely couldn’t forget that party. There was all kinds of food there and games too. Dancing, a piñata, pin the tail on the pony. And best of all, I didn’t break anything while I was there.”
“Ooh, did you roll around in the leaves and have a leaf war!”
“Uh-Huh! The ponies all hid in the big leaf piles, but the pegasi flew over them and blew the leaves right off ‘em.” She giggled. “Those ponies didn’t stand a chance when we pelted them from the sky.”
“Hey! Don’t underestimate us earth ponies. They still lured you guys to the ground and pelted you from the trees!”
“I know. But still, good times. Wait a minute. Were you at that party too?”
Pinkie’s lips parted soundlessly, her eyes darting in random directions. “Uh…I don’t think so. Maybe? I’ve been to lots of parties, so I guess it’s possible that I went to one just like the one you described, but not necessarily the same one.”
“Well, I couldn’t give a name or face to anypony there that day, to be honest with you. Not even the pony we threw the party for. But gee, it was sad to see her off like that. Off to Las Pegasus to do…something, I don’t know. But she said something in front of the whole town that really got us going. It was…something like….”
Pinkie’s eyes bulged as an image popped into her head. Dozens of ponies were staring at her with tears in their eyes. They were smiling, but she knew that they weren’t happy. Sunshine made the fallen leaves seem as bright as fireworks. As that image flashed inside of her, she whispered, “Please don’t be sad, everypony. I’m going to make all of Equestria a happier place.”
The pegasus’ jaw dropped. “Hey. That’s exactly what she said! Pinkie Pie, how did you—.”
Pinkie couldn’t hear her. That first image was followed by another image. And another, and then another. They popped one after the other, coalescing into a cheery, colorful little cartoon inside her head. She didn’t understand. These images were happy as candy, but they roused her fright like peals of thunder. She could feel something cold like rainwater crawling inside her neck. Finally, like lightning, realization struck.
“Pinkie? Are you—,”
But whatever the pegasus wanted to say was drowned out by Pinkie’s ear-slitting screaming. She was standing on her hind legs, spinning in horror with her fore legs pressed against her skull. “I remember! I remember! I used to live in Ponyville! That was my going-away party after I went off to be famous! I knew that all those horrible things would happen because I made a song about it after it happened. I could have warned them, I could have stopped it, but I didn’t! And now….”
She fell on her back, kicking and growling frantically. “Why did I forget? How could I forget that I had friends here?”
“Wait, Pinkie!”
The pegasus’ face popped in front of her, and Pinkie froze. With a sickening crack, the dent in her skull popped back to normal. “I’m sorry for not recognizing you before,” she continued. “I’m also sorry…for all of this.”
“No. No! None of this is your fault! It was me!”
“No, you made me remember, Pinkie. I’m the one that made everypony want to leave.” She giggled awkwardly. “And the party actually was in October.”
But Pinkie’s lips were flapping in protest. “B-b-but you told me—the monster, the smiles, the fireballs—I knew that too, but I didn’t tell anybody—I—.”
“This is how it happened,” the pegasus interrupted. “I was just standing around minding my own business when these two ponies came running into town. They were talking all scared and stuff, and then one of them shouted ‘Shoot! I dropped my muffin in the forest!’ I’m not a great cook, you see, so I thought, ‘Ooh! Muffin! I bet I can find it!’ so I could keep it for myself.” She reached behind her head and made an embarrassed giggle. “But…then I found out why those ponies were running—the forest was on fire. I tried to fly away, but I ended up catching my tail on fire. Then I tried to find the river, but instead somehow I flew into the weather factory and broke the cloud machine. Then I fell into Ponyville and caught a house on fire. The fire grew, and the clouds got really scary. Everypony panicked and thought it was the end of the world.”
“But…when you told me about it the first time, it sounded exactly like this song I was writing. There was no way that was just coincidence. But this story you’re telling me now…. Were you adopted? Did nopony love you? Did you eat smiles?”
The pegasus’ head reared back in laughter. “Oh, Pinkie. I bumped my head when I fell out of Cloudsdale, so I felt really silly for a long time. But…you did get some of the story right.”
Pinkie rolled on her side, and deep concern filled her eyes. “Do you remember where they all ran off to?”
“No. Sorry.”
Pinkie started kicking while frustrated squeals flew from her throat. “I still knew that they’d lose track of time and get all hopeless. If I had been there, I could have made them stay, and they wouldn’t have run away.”
The pegasus bent her head and again met eyes with Pinkie. “I’m sure they’re all fine wherever they are. And, hey, you made me a happier pony by helping me get my memory back.”
Pinkie could see the gratitude present in that scarred little face of hers. She couldn’t see her teeth, but there was a newfound hopefulness in that smile she wore. Why couldn’t she have had that smile before, Pinkie lamented. Pony smiles in turn made Pinkie smile. But finding out all the smiles she had to destroy just get that one…. She broke her gaze with the pegasus and buried her face in the grass.
“Pinkie?” the pegasus spoke. “I know you probably hate me now. That’s okay. I know I made a big mistake. I swear, I’ll—I’ll…I’ll try to get that thundercloud down here.”
Pinkie had to turn her face up again after hearing that. More than that, she sprang back on all fours and burst, “I don’t hate you! Honestly, I can’t think of anypony I really hate, least of all you.”
It was true. Sure, she was completely confused about whether she should be angry or not, and if she should then whether she should be more angry at the pegasus or herself; but she couldn’t bring herself to actually hate the pegasus. Beneath those nasty scars and that eye patch was a pony that just screamed… “childish whimsy.” Pinkie was reminded of those words when she noticed that the pegasus was carrying the draconequus body in her teeth. Suddenly, Pinkie’s hoof was drawn to her necklace, and she idly felt at what remained of the pendant—the head of the beast.
“I’m just feeling a little down, is all.” She punctuated her declaration with a reassuring grin. “It’s just that I can’t stand making anypony unhappy. Just the--being around unhappiness just…just…..” Deflates her. Sometimes, worse than that.
“Can’t you be happy for me, at least?”
“How in Equestria can you be happy? You just found out that you scared away everypony and burned down Ponyville!”
“Because now I actually know why I’m unhappy.”
Pinkie’s head dropped exasperatedly into her hoof. “How has getting rid of that bump on your head made you make even less sense?”
“You know what, Pinkie,” the pegasus went on, ignoring Pinkie’s groans. “I bet everypony’s probably just fine. You don’t need to worry about how happy they are.”
“How do you know?”
“I don’t know. It just makes sense.”
How was Pinkie supposed to explain why, even though it did make sense, it still didn’t mean everything was peachy? How was she supposed to explain the whole reason Pinkie Pie existed at all, and how that reason was thrown into question when she found out that she had friends that were miserable because she let them?
Pinkie didn’t realize how stiff she was until the pegasus laid an affectionate hoof on her shoulder. Her muscles twitched at the sudden touch. The Scaries tugged at her limbs as much as they did her thoughts, she realized. The pegasus looked especially determined when she said, “I’m your friend, Pinkie. All we’ve got is each other in this place. We can make each other happy again, no problem!”
“Yeah! That’s…that’s….” Pinkie couldn’t do it. Her fake smile died the moment it was born. “I don’t know if I can.” How can anypony be comfortable being happy, she screamed inwardly, when there probably dozens of sad and homeless Ponyvillers out there somewhere?
“Pinkie Pie?” the pegasus began. “Would you feel better if I were happy?”
“Of course!” Pinkie piped. “You’ve been unhappy way, way, way, way too long!”
“Well, the only way that’s going to happen is if you become happy. One-hundred percent.”
“So, for me to happy, I need you to be happy, but for you to be happy you need me to be happy.” Pinkie’s voice bordered on taunting. “No offense, but that just sounds like some big ole’ unhappy circle to me.”
But the pegasus shook her head. “I know how we can both get happy at the same time.”
The pegasus reached for her eye patch. She flipped the strange thing open to reveal not an eyeball but a big silver button. Pinkie looked at the object in wonder. First of all, this was not a button for clothes: it was a button that somepony would press on a machine. A big shiny silver button. The allure of that shine surprised her. It promised joy. It promised purpose. It promised a rush that hinged on whether or not you were brave enough to press it. This scarred little pony looked even less like a pony now than she did when Pinkie first found her. Now, she looked like something beyond that. The button glinted with still life, as did the headless draconequus hanging in her teeth. Even the color of her fur complemented what she had become: what was gray but a dirty silver?
“Go ahead,” the pegasus urged. “We’ll both be better off.”
“Why does your head have a button?” Pinkie asked. “What’s gonna happen if I press it?”
“You’ll forget we were ever unhappy.”
“Will you be okay?”
“If you press the button, that won’t be a problem.”
Pinkie still wasn’t sure she should make this decision so quickly. But that pegasus’ stare demanded it. She was determined; maybe she really did want this. Or was she mistaken? No! If she hesitated, if she tried to think, the Scaries would try to strangle her. She had to act on this new rush of energy that the sight of this button had given her. Happily unconscious, her hoof drove into the button.
She heard a loud click echo from somewhere unknown. Then she heard the sound of support beams breaking apart. She rounded from the pegasus and stared up at the sky. Beyond the cloud blanket that was hiding the true sky, she could hear things falling apart. She wanted to run away screaming, but the Scaries were keeping her frozen stiff. Suddenly, a white powdery stuff began to spit out of the clouds. It began in explosive bursts over a few spots in the sky, but soon enough, it started snowing. Pinkie forgot to close her mouth in her terror. However, when the powder landed on her tongue, her senses went crazy with the taste of sugar. Her mind was still a little hazy, and the taste of sugar made it feel a little lighter now. She hadn’t slept in who knew how long, but she couldn’t let herself do it on an empty tummy! So she opened her mouth wider, and the drizzle turned into a blizzard. Her red eyes burned in it. Her sweet tooth embraced it. Eventually, it buried her alive.
Bleeps and bloops on a screen told her that she was still alive. She saw that to the right of her. To the left of her, a forest of barely-inflated “Get well” balloons shrouded the countertop on the wall. She was seeing both images simultaneously.
The back of her head felt snug against a pillow. Her mouth opened wide, and a big, heavy yawn boomed into the sterilized atmosphere. Two questions slinked into her thoughts: where was she, and where the heck did her party go?
By the looks of things, she guessed that she was in the hospital. She had never had to be in a hospital before. She felt things poking out of her all along her forelegs. Were those needles? Pinkie saw at least three tubes twisting a trail towards her body from some baggy next to the beeping screen. She shuddered. She did not at all want to think about any weird objects getting inside her. Now what would happen? She was awake now, so she guessed she should try to get up. But she realized that she was too tired to move any part of her body. She sighed. Hopefully somepony would come in soon and tell her she could get up. She didn’t want to go back to sleep now that she was awake.
She tried to pretend that the black, blinking screen was invisible. Focusing on the balloons, she wondered who had sent them. There were so many, but they had obviously been there for a few days now, the way they were drooping. She felt horrible thinking about how worried her friends must have been. Would her friends even know she was here? What hospital was this anyway? She was pretty sure this wasn’t the Ponyville Hospital—that was the only other one she had ever visited.
All her confusion made her wince with a headache. She wanted to scream. She was more accustomed to having a head that felt like cotton than having it feel like lead like it did right now. She felt a chill crawling up her body. She wanted to curl up under her blanket, but she still couldn’t overcome her body’s numbness. The two images were irritating her, even those lovely balloons. She tried to not to think about those ponies. I’ll just look up at the ceiling, she told herself. She tried, but she couldn’t move her eyes straight either.
