Magnum Opus (Great Work)

by Dennis the Menace

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Human
Length: 24780

pending

When one mistake lands him in Secret Service custody, Drake Anderson finds himself chosen by the Royal Sisters as the ambassador for the human race, Drake must travel to Equestria to avoid facing federal charges and finds himself entangled in a race in search for a legend.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-19 03:56:04 UTC

New World

Lyra Heartstrings was much smaller than the princesses. While Celestia and Luna were about the size of an actual horse, she was about half their size, and missing a set of wings. Perhaps having both were exclusive to only the princesses.

"Uh, nice to meet you," Drake said uneasily. He crouched and put out a hand. "I'm Drake. Drake Anderson."

Lyra gasped. "Are you giving me a handshake?" She looked positively giddy.

Drake blinked. Was this a trick question? God, he hated those. "Yes?" he said slowly, preparing himself for an imminent squeal.

She grabbed his hand with both of her hooves and began to shake them excitedly. His shoulder was sore and his hand was throbbing by the time he snatched it back. Lyra giggled and reared up on her two hind legs, throwing her forelegs around his shoulders in a tight hug, completely ignoring his handshake. He looked to the princesses for help to no avail, marveling at the strength of the small unicorn who was proceeding to strangle him affectionately.

"Lyra will serve as your tour guide, so to speak, during your time in Equestria," Celestia explained sheepishly.

"She's also an anthropologist!" Luna chirped.

Anthro-what?

"Are you really from another dimension?" Lyra asked.

"Yes! Now, ungh, get off of me!"

She was like glue. It took every ounce of strength Drake had to physically pry the unicorn from him, holding her by the sides and glaring at her. She seemed oblivious to his frustration.

"Welcome to Equestria!" Lyra cheered.

Drake walked forward, dropping his bags, turning around to get a grasp on his surroundings. His heart raced as his head twisted and turned, trying to take the gorgeous summer meadow in. The air was clean and fresh, devoid of any pollutants. High in the clear, cloudless blue sky, the sun graced the land with its golden rays of light. The weather was absolutely perfect. Rolling grassy hills circled them from every direction and stretched for miles, blanketed in flowers in bloom, their petals soaked in dew, basking in the glory of the morning sun. In the distance, he could see the silhouette of a castle hanging from the side of a snow-capped mountain, a waterfall cascading down its side into a pool. A forest was nearby, thick, but pleasant and not at all foreboding or ominous. Behind him was a sprawling settlement and he could see several buildings of various shapes and forms.

"C'mon!"  Lyra bolted off at a full gallop.

"There she goes," Luna chuckled.

Drake frowned, and scratched his head.

"Well? Go after her!" Celestia teased, giving him a gentle nudge with her hoof. The way she said made it sound as if he was chasing after a potential girlfriend.

"For what?"

"The welcome party! Everypony's waiting for you in Ponyville!" Luna said.

Ponyville? How original.

"Go on without us. We'll take care of your bags."

Drake broke off at a light jog down a wide dirt path and caught up to the mare.

"What's the rush?" he panted, resting on his knees.

Lyra was practically bubbling with excitement as she half ran, half skipped circles around him. "This is a huge deal, Drake! Everypony who's anypony wants to meet the first human in Equestria!" Lyra explained, now trotting ahead. "Say, your name means, 'dragon', right?"

He thought for a bit. "I think so."

"Ooh! Spike would love to meet you, then!"

"Spike?"

Lyra added, "He's a dragon."

Drake choked. Dragon? They had dragons here, in Equestria?

Several minutes of awkward silence followed. Lyra seemed oblivious to this as she enjoyed the scenery. Drake looked around, taking in the sights and sounds of Equestria, until his gaze fell to her rear.

"Hey Lyra," Drake spoke up.

Lyra's ears perked. "Yes?"

Drake opened his mouth and closed it. "Never mind." They were probably tramp stamps. "Heh."

"What?" She was giving him a funny look. "What is it?"

"Nothing. Forget it."

"No, tell me!"

"No!"

"Tell me, tell me, tell me!" Lyra begged.

"Ah, it's stupid," Drake said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "What does the symbol on your," he reddened, "butt mean?"

Lyra wiggled her flank. "It's a cutie mark, silly!"

Cutie mark? He shook his head. He didn't even want to know.

She must have noticed the confused expression on his face, because she told him she would explain later.

"So no tails?"

"Uh, no. We don't have tails. Or fur. Or wings, or horns, or magic."

It wasn't long before they reached a bridge arching over a small stream.

Ponyville was a quaint little town, though little was a matter of perspective. Colorful and active were more appropriate terms. It had a certain character to it. The town was bursting with life. The buildings had thatched roofs presumably made of hay, which Drake found incredibly funny for some reason. Horses ate grass too, right? So their entire countryside was one big pasture! In the background there was a large red farmhouse and rows and rows of apple trees. The two passed shops and restaurants with the most ridiculous names, like Quills and Sofas and some selling exclusively fans!

Funny, he noted. All the signs were in English. They all spoke English too.

They were heading straight to town square.

He could hear the sound of hooves clopping against the cobblestone and chatter echoing through the streets of Ponyville. Up until that moment, the streets had been empty. That is, until Drake rounded the corner of a building and nearly had a heart attack as he came upon an immense crowd of colorful ponies. Stark white Pegasi in golden, gleaming armor and galea stood, stony faced and unmoving, presumably royal guards. He saw them blink, however, as they laid their eyes on him. Ponies of all sizes, shapes, and colors congregated around the town hall. Some had horns, some had wings, and some had neither. The moment they saw him they gasped and began to whisper.

He gulped, smoothing out the lapels of his suit jacket and tugging at the collar of his dress shirt, biting his lip.

They had given him the red carpet treatment, complete with a podium, microphone, and DJ booth on the steps of town hall. They hadn't mentioned anything about a speech!

They stared back at him.

Lyra prodded him, looking at him to say something.

"Hey there every," Drake stopped himself, "pony!"

There were a few awkward coughs. He took a tentative step forward, and the crowd shifted back uneasily. Drake probably seemed a bit intimidating. He was nearly twice their height. He dropped to one knee to make himself seem less threatening.

"Yeesh, tough crowd," he whispered jokingly to the unicorn beside him.

"Everypony, this is Drake Anderson," Lyra said with a strained smile. "And he's a human."

Drake couldn't help but roll his eyes. Maybe he could get them to loosen up if he showed that he was harmless.

"Hey Lyra."

"What?"

"Brofist." He put a hand out, clenched into a fist.

The ponies gasped, a few even fainting.

"Brofist?" Lyra raised an eyebrow.

"Just hit my hand."

Lyra punched his fist with her hoof. "Brohoof," she corrected with a satisfied grin.

He looked back at the crowd of ponies and smiled. But not too big. That'd be creepy. Plus, he didn't want to scare them with his canines. They were probably herbivores. It was then he realized that he wasn't going to get to eat any meat for the entirety of his stay in Equestria.

He should've gotten a steak dinner before leaving.

"What's with all the long faces?"

His audience tittered at his terrible pun. Even Lyra facehoofed.

Drake cocked a grin, feeling a bit more confident. "What's wrong with you guys? Cat got your tongue or are you," he paused, "feeling a little horse?"

Several began to voice their disapproval in the a unanimous groan.

"Make it stop!" Lyra giggled.

The crowd suddenly gasped and dropped to their knees in a quivering bow, including Lyra.

The teenager frowned. "Hey, what's going on? I wasn't that bad, was I?"

"Drake," she hissed, tugging at his pant leg. "Get down!"

"Huh?" He cocked his head. "Why?"

She pointed with a hoof. "Behind you!"

He yanked himself around to face the two princesses standing behind him with an amused expression on their faces. He got the hint and crouched down into an awkward bow.

"Rise, my little ponies," Luna said.

My little ponies? Seriously?

"There is no need to be so formal. 'Tis a most joyous occasion!" she boomed.

Drake felt his eardrums shatter. Dear god, how was she able to amplify her voice that loud? Oh, right. Magic.

"Now where's the cake?" Celestia grinned.

Everypony laughed.

"Inside joke," she explained.

Drake followed the princesses' leads as they made their way down the red carpet. The crowd parted, watching him with awed faces, some in fear, most in intrigue. He stood at the podium, daunted by the sea of ponies that completely filled the square.

Princess Celestia and Princess Luna stood behind him with six other ponies.

He tapped the microphone. "Uh. Hello?" He bit his lip.

He'd have to wing this one. But what was he going to say at a time like this? His experience with public speaking was nil, and any presentation he had in school was poorly prepared the night before and the words he thought up along the way.

Funny thing was he always managed to ace those projects.

He'd already tried his first tactic: comedy. Acting like the class clown wasn't going to work here. Being a smart aleck wouldn't either. And this definitely wasn't the time to be defiant. He was a guest in another dimension. He'd have to watch what he said very carefully, lest he offend anypony.

Drake took a deep breath. "So, I'm Drake Anderson. Like that mint green pony said." He wanted to slam his head against the podium. That was so stupid!

Lyra waved. "Hi everypony!"

A chuckle. He was sweating, wasn't he?

"And I'm a human."

No, really?

"I'm from, uh, Earth, I guess."

What was this, an autobiography? Get on with it, Drake, he thought.

"So Princess Celestia and Princess Luna came to me one day with an offer I couldn't refuse."

He tried to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

"To be honest, I'd been arrested."

A murmur in the crowd. They thought he was a criminal. The guards tensed, their wings twitching.

"But it was all one big misunderstanding," he quickly said. "Anyways, I was given a chance - a chance to go to Equestria. Your world." His words came out haltingly.

Drake wanted to knock himself out right then and there. What was he going to say next? That the sky was blue? The grass was green?

"At first I was afraid of the princesses. I couldn't even imagine that there were other worlds that existed besides, well, mine. In our world, my world, ponies are, well, horses, yeah. But they don't talk."

Faces with blank stares gazed up at him.

"They're taller and bigger and a bit uglier too. Their legs are really skinny and their body is fat, and their face is long. Longer than yours."

He decided to leave out the part where humans domesticated horses, riding them and using them as pack mules.

"They revealed themselves to me and told me that I was going to learn about Equestria. To learn about, well, ponies. Your history. Your culture. Your society. And you get to learn about humans from me, I suppose. And I'm going to bring this all back home so that someday, ponies and humans will be able to interact and share and learn from each other to make our worlds a better place."

Yeah right.

"And that's all I have to say about that." Drake swallowed.

It started off as a rumble that grew and grew. The ground shook as ponies began pounding the ground furiously with their hooves in approval of their human dignitary. No cheers, though. Just acceptance.

He heaved a heavy sigh that he had been holding in all day. He took off his suit jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt, tossing the jacket over one shoulder.

"You did great!"

"Gah! Stop doing that, Lyra!"

She giggled. "Sorry!"

"That was a wonderful speech," Luna said.

"Thanks," he said appreciatively. "I ad-libbed it."

"I'd like to you meet some friends of mine, Drake," Celestia said, stepping out of the way to introduce the six ponies he'd seen earlier. "My faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."

One stepped forward, a unicorn mare with a lavender coat. Her mane was particularly neat and tidy, with a pink streak. Her eyes were a deep violet. A pattern of stars served as her cutie mark.

"Hello, Drake Anderson! It's nice to meet you!" She put out a hoof.

"Drake's fine, thanks." He shook it gently with a nod and a small smile that didn't exactly reach his eyes. He didn't show it, but he was exhausted. He hadn't slept for what, days?

"These are my friends, Drake. I'd like you to meet Applejack."

Applejack. Apple Jack? What he wouldn't give for a bowl of Apple Jacks right there.

A stock orange mare with a blonde, braided mane and tail, green eyes, and freckles tipped her hat. "Howdy."  She had a Southern accent thicker than a Polish sausage. "Nice ta meet you, uh, Drake." She said his name the way one might try a new food. It sounded strange coming from her. Her cutie mark was a trio of apples.

"Uh, yeah. Howdy." He tipped an invisible hat off to her.

"Rainbow Dash."

Drake nearly had a fit. These names were ludicrous!

A cyan Pegasus mare with a rainbow-colored mane puffed out her chest and flared her wings. "Fastest thing on wings in all of Equestria," she said proudly, her voice raspy. Her cutie mark was a rainbow lightning bolt coming from a cloud.

He'd really have to ask what cutie marks were.

"Fluttershy."

A Pegasus with a yellow coat and strawberry mane stepped forward, hiding behind a curtain of pink. A trio of butterflies were stamped on her flanks. Her blue eyes didn't meet his, however.

"Um, hello." Her voice was like a whisper.

"Hi." He put out a hand.

She shrunk back with a whimper.

She definitely was the shy one. It was in her name, for Pete's sake.

"Rarity."

Drake couldn't help but raise an eyebrow as a white unicorn with a curled purple coiffure and a trio of diamonds for a cutie mark (what was that supposed to mean?) stepped forward, extending a hoof, batting her eyes.

He shook it in a gentlemanly fashion.

"Pleased to meet you, Drake." Her voice had a fancy lilt to it. "I am Rarity, proprietor of Carousel Boutique." A shameless plug. "It'd be marvelous if you could swing by some time. I've very interested in human fashion!"

"And finally, Pinkie Pie."

A pink pony with a bouncy mane like cotton candy sprung up in front of him with an explosion of confetti.

Everypony in this town is crazy, he thought, exasperated.

Drake reached into his pocket and fished out a cigarette, putting it between his lips.

"Drake? What are you doing back here?"

"'Sup," he mumbled, jerking his head in acknowledgement.

"What is that?"

It took him a while to realize she was talking about the cigarette. "This?" He held it up for her to see. "I'll show you. Don't tell," he said with a sly grin. "Say, you have a light?"

Her horn glowed, a small flame manifesting itself on the tip of her horn.

Drake blinked. "Whoa." He lit the cigarette.

"What is it?"

"It's uh, tobacco. Rolled up in paper." He explained. "You light it up and you put it in your mouth and you suck in the smoke." He demonstrated, blowing a ring of smoke out from his nostrils and lips into the pony's face. "See? I'm a dragon."

Twilight coughed and wafted the smoke away with a look of horror. "Ugh! That smells awful! That cannot be good for you."

"It isn't. It's terrible. It's tastes horrible and makes me want to throw up." Drake took another puff. "I'm not actually allowed to do this. It's illegal in the human world. I'm underage." He snorted. "But seeing as I'm in Equestria..."

"Then why do you keep doing it? Stop!"

"Because it looks cool." Her face was hilarious. He shook his head. "Besides, this is my last one. I'm quitting. You should've seen Luna's face when she saw me with one of these."

"Princess Luna."

"Yeah, yeah, sure. I'll see you back at the party."

As the purple pony trotted away, Drake stared contemplatively at it. He closed his eyes, letting the awful smell bring him back. He tried to remember his face. A man, yes, sitting in a chair. Reading the newspaper with a cigarette.

"Why did you have to go?" he whispered as he extinguished his last cigarette. Now to wash the taste out of his mouth.

A unicorn mare with an electric blue mane and purple goggles grinned, firing up her turntables. "Let's get this party started!"

Everypony began to slowly sway and dance. Drake tapped his foot and bobbed his head, feeling the beat of the song. He was a terrible dancer, even though it was one of his favorite things to do when nobody was looking. There was no form, no set of moves he had to adhere to. He chose no particular style, and when he realized that they were all watching him, Drake broke out every single dance move he knew. He moonwalked and struck a disco pose. He did the robot and the sprinkler and the running man without shame.

"What in Equestria are you doing?" Lyra laughed as he flailed his limbs.

"Krumping! Oh yeah! Whoo!"

As for all the other ponies, they laughed and danced and cheered him on. Even Twilight Sparkle, whom he pegged for as an uptight bookworm, started busting out the craziest of moves, sticking her opposite legs out and madly headbanging with her tongue out.

The night turned to a blur as he downed more and more sweets. But Drake knew that he was having the time of his life as he led a conga line of ponies.

The clock struck ten o' clock.

"Aw, and it looks like it's time for the fillies and colts to go to bed!" the DJ announced. "You know what that means."

A few cheers and whoops.

"Break out the cider!"

Several ponies began breaking out barrels of cider. He stumbled his way to the bar where Applejack offered a mug. "Care for some Sweet Apple Acres cider?"

"Heck yeah." He swiped a mug from Applejack and downed the entire drink, scrunching his face up at the funny taste. It tasted like apple cider, with a hint of something else.

"Whoa there, Drake, that's," Applejack started," never mind."

"Another."

"Drake, ya do realize that you're drinking..."

"One more." He tossed the mug away.

Applejack sighed and poured him another one.

Drake slowly became aware that he was laying on a soft bed. He clutched at the sheets. His head was throbbing.

"Lyra, what are you doing?"

"Shh! Hee-hee, I wanna take a peek."

"But that's invading his privacy!"

"Oh hush, Twilight. You can't tell me that you aren't a little curious."

Drake shut his eyes tighter, trying to ignore the voices in the back of his head.

"Wow, look at all these clothes!" a bubbly voice exclaimed.

"Oh Lyra, you look absolutely adorable in that jacket!" A loud gasp. "I-de-a!"

"Look at these shades, AJ! They're wicked cool."

"Rainbow, take them off. They look ridiculous."

Drake groaned. "Five more minutes, mom!"

The voices in his head were silenced. He relaxed, burrowing deeper into his pillow.

A soft, gentle voice spoke, "Um, Lyra, he's drooling on your pillow."

"Oh, gross! Ha-ha!"

"Why are you laughing?"

"Good thing this isn't my bed!" A cackle.

"Oh, I don't think Bon Bon will appreciate that, Lyra."

His eyes slowly opened. He saw green. Lots of green. As his vision slowly slid into focus, he found himself looking at Lyra, wearing his black hooded jacket, the sleeves extending past her hooves.

"Good morning, sleepyhead!" she cooed. She poked his nose. "Your muzzle is a lot smaller than a pony's."

Lyra was in his bed.

A scream woke all of Ponyville.

They were all here. Twilight and her friends, and Lyra.

The curtains were torn open, light flooding through and overloading his senses. His world spun. He wanted to puke.

"Somepony turn off the sun," he begged.

"I don't think Princess Celestia would agree to that," Twilight said.

"I can't believe I'm having a hangover," Drake groaned. "Did a herd of buffalo stampede over my head?"

"Not exactly. You tried crowd surfing. And landed. Hard." Lyra winced. "And we might have accidentally bumped your head while we were trying to get you home."

"Has anyone ever told you you weigh a ton?" Twilight bristled. "It took all of our wing power and magic just to carry you!"

"And with all the cider you drank yesterday, I'm surprised you didn't pass out earlier!" Applejack said.

"It was apple cider!" he moaned, clutching his head in agony. "Stop talking!"

"Hard cider! That's what Ah tried ta tell you, but you wouldn't listen!" she accused.

"It's too early in the morning for the cowgirl schtick, honey. I'm not even supposed to drink. Ugh." He rolled out of bed, landing painfully on his back in a tangled mess of sheets. "Oof." He tried standing up, only to fall back down.

Drake slowly steadied himself as he navigated through the low doors, bumping his head a few times, and crawled down the stairs. Drake tore open Lyra's fridge and began rummaging through.

"What 'cha doing?" Lyra asked.

"Looking for stuff," he said gruffly.

"What kinda stuff?"

He found a chicken egg, seemingly pleased with it. He found a bottle of hot sauce and soy sauce in her cabinets, and some salt and pepper.

"What is he doing?" Twilight whispered.

"Shhh."

Drake focused intently on the objects before him. He cracked an egg on the edge of the glass and broke it. He put a few dashes of hot sauce and soy sauce, and sprinkled salt and pepper.

"It must be a human beverage," Rarity noted.

"I wanna try it!" Pinkie declared.

He gulped and tilted the glass back, swallowing the concoction.

"Ewww!"

Drake blinked. "Huh. Didn't taste as bad as I thought it would."

"What in Equestria was that?" the fashionista pony asked with a hint of disgust in her voice.

"A Prairie oyster."

"That didn't look like an oyster to me," Fluttershy said.

"It's supposed to help with a hangover. I saw it on TV."

"What's TV?"

Drake sighed. He was still in his suit. "I need a shower."

He splashed his face with ice-cold water, rubbing his bloodshot eyes. The bathtub was incredibly small, made for ponies. He hummed a tune as he scrubbed his hair with shampoo.

He stopped.

He could hear the sound of brushing. He peeked out from behind the shower curtain and screamed.

Lyra looked at him, her mouth filled with toothpaste and foam. "Mmgfh?"

"Lyra!"

She spat into the sink. "Yeah?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Brushing my teeth. Why?"

"I'm taking a shower!"

"So?"

"I'm naked!" He wanted to scream in frustration.

"Duh," she giggled. "We all are."

Drake blinked.

"OUT!"

He donned a blue polo and black jeans, lacing his sneakers. He glanced up and saw everypony looking at his fingers in amazement.

"Can I...help you?"

"Your hands!" Lyra opened her mouth with an imminent squeal.

"Please don't squeal," Drake cringed. "I don't see what's the big deal. They're just hands." He wiggled them for emphasis.

"But they're so useful! You can grab whatever you want without having to use your mouth," Twilight said, already taking notes while levitating a notepad and quill.

"I guess. But magic is so much cooler! Look!" He never got tired of magic. "I mean, humans are so ordinary!"

"Can humans fly?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Not even. I wish. No wings."

"I think I'd rather be a pony," she decided.

"Me too," agreed Applejack. "All I need are these babies," she said, gesturing to her hind legs.

"My job would be so much easier if I had opposable thumbs," Rarity lamented.

"Having hands wouldn't be so bad if it would help me take care of my animals," Fluttershy said quietly.

"Yeah! And I wouldn't have to burn my tongue all the time when I'm baking!" Pinkie Pie added, sticking her tongue out.

He stood up. "I promise, you're not missing out on much. Being a human..."

"Can you grab a pencil again?"

He picked up a pencil, holding it between his index finger and thumb.

The ponies ooh'ed and ahh'ed.

Oh brother, he thought.

He stood on the balcony of Lyra's house in Ponyville. It wasn't particularly grand or as large as he would've liked it to be, but it was, what was the word. Quaint? That was it. It had a thatched roof, like most of the houses in Ponyville. A front yard with a garden and a gated fence.

He grasped a pencil in his left hand and held a sketchbook open with his right. The tip of the charcoal pressed into the paper, drawing quick, light sketches of the morning scene.

It was surreal.

Sometimes he had to pinch himself to remind himself that it was real every time a pegasus flew by, or a unicorn performed some extraordinary feat with magic.

"That's a pretty picture."

Drake smiled. "Thanks."

"You ready for another day in Equestria?"

"As I'll ever be," he said with a wry smile.

"You get to stay with me and Bon Bon while you're in Ponyville. Isn't that great?"

"Great." He smirked.

"So just be prepared to take notes, because there's a lot of things you need to learn about ponies."

"Don't worry," he chuckled. "Are you sure your, uh, roommate...?"

"Bon Bon? She's my best friend!"

"Yeah. Will she mind?"

"Oh, no. She won't mind at all!" Lyra touched a hoof to her chin. "Maybe. Heh."

A pony with a cream coat and streaked pink and blue mane approached. "Lyra!" she called. "What are you doing up there?"

Lyra waved. "Oh, hi Bon Bon! Have you met Drake yet?"

"Oh, hello!"

He waved back.

"Lyra?"

"Yes?"

"Why is he up there with you?"

Lyra laughed nervously. "Oh, that's a silly question, Bon Bon. Isn't it obvious? He's staying with us."

"WHAT?

The mint green unicorn's eyes bulged. "That's our cue!"

"To what?"

"Run!"

Bits and Baubles

A green glow enveloped Lyra's saddlebag and Drake was bestowed with a handful of coins.

"They're called bits."

"Bits?" He pocketed the bits and turned one over in his hand.

They were about the size of quarters, and twice as thick, made out of gold. Portraits of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were stamped on both sides. Bits were a form of currency accepted in Equestria, although Lyra explained that bartering was not uncommon in places like Ponyville or Appleoosa. He figured that the exchange rate would be about half of a US dollar for an Equestrian bit. The value was inconsistent however, due to inflation and deflation at fluctuating rates. Lyra claimed that there had been a time when a single cherry had been worth two bits!

"What kind of money do you use in the human world?"

Drake fumbled around for a bit and found his wallet, opening it, and presenting to the eager unicorn a dollar. Immediately Lyra seized the bill with her magic, her eyes absorbing every detail. He let her keep it.

For a while the two just meandered around Ponyville. He attracted a fair amount of attention, and ponies would often stop and gawk at the human. He smiled and waved as best he could, despite how tired he was. They passed restaurants and shops selling all sorts of things. The market was bustling with activity as ponies haggled over produce.

They sat down a park bench. Drake sat crosslegged, on account that the benches were especially low, made for ponies. He watched Lyra slowly shift into a sitting position like a human. It was especially odd considering how other ponies simply folded their legs.

"So, there are three types of ponies in Equestria," Lyra explained. "Unicorns, like me, with horns on our heads. That means we can do magic."

Now he was interested. "Magic?"

"Mm-hmm. We can cast spells and levitate objects and things like that." She demonstrated by levitating a rock. "And then you've got pegasus ponies."

"They're the ones with wings and can fly, right?"

"Yeah! Like her!" Lyra pointed at a passing pegasus floating lazily on a cloud.

"Is she sunbathing on that cloud?"

"Looks like it."

"That makes absolutely no sense."

Lyra gave him a funny look. "Of course it does! They can touch clouds!"

Drake's mind was blown. "Touch?"

"Sure! Push 'em around, lay on them, build things. They've got an entire city built outta clouds, Drake! Cloudsdale!"

Drake decided that if he was ever going to be a pony, he would be a pegasus. The idea of sleeping on a cloud sounded as awesome as it probably was. Flying sounded great. He always wanted to fly. He could remember a time he wanted to join the Air Force. There were times when he'd be in class and just look out the windows and up at the sky and imagine himself in the clouds, free from responsibility, free from his problems on earth.

"And then you've got earth ponies, like Bon Bon. They can't fly or do magic."

"Seems like they got the short end of the stick."

"Oh no, Drake. It's not like that at all."

They watched an orange pegasus, a white unicorn, and yellow earth pony play with a ball in the field, laughing and giggling.

"Unicorns can do magic, but we're not very fast or strong."

"Wanna arm wrestle?"

"Hoofwrestle? No, you'll beat me!"

"No I won't." Drake got down and propped his elbow up on the bench.

Lyra blushed. "Drake, this is silly."

"C'mon. Just to see."

Lyra bent down reluctantly. Drake grabbed her hoof and gave the unicorn a devilish grin. "Okay, ready."

"This is dumb."

"Go!"

Drake pretended to strain against Lyra's hoof.

"For real, Drake."

"I am," he grunted, but he smiled and pushed her over easily.

After joking around Lyra went back to their previous conversation.

"Pegasi are really, really fast and lightweight, but they're kinda weak. And earth ponies not be able to fly or cast spells, but they're strong and have their own kind of magic that comes from the ground."

"What about the princesses?" he asked.

"Oh. They're special. Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza are alicorns. They have both wings and a horn."

Mi Amore Cadenza?

"Not only that, but they're immortal! They're an incredibly rare breed of pony."

Godlike?

"So about those cutie marks..."

"Take a look at mine."

He gave hers a quick glance, careful not to look too hard at her flank. "It looks like a harp."

"A lyre," Lyra corrected. She reached into her bag and levitated out a golden lyre, elegantly crafted. She magically plucked a few strings. "A cutie mark appears when you find that special...something."

"What's that?"

"I dunno how to explain it," she said, struggling for words, "that magic. Your special talent."

"So when you discover what your special talent is, it'll appear on your, ahem, flank?"

"Yup!"

This was all so very confusing.

"Wait, so you got your name because you're good at playing the lyre?"

Lyra got quiet all of a sudden. "Uhm. Yeah, sure." She kicked a hoof. "Lyra's not really my name, you know."

"It isn't?"

"I was born as Heartstrings. I changed my name later."

"Oh. So, it's like a nickname."

"That's it!" She grinned. "A...nickname."

"So why Lyra?"

"It sounded pretty," she admitted. "I read it in a book while I was doing research on humans." Lyra glanced away.

"Neat. So you guys have books on us?"

She laughed. "You could say that. More like...legends. Myths. Ponies don't believe in humans. Except me."

Drake didn't say anything for a while and just watched Lyra, watching the way she looked a bit sad.

"I saw humans everywhere I looked. Not in a literal sense. I'd see a shovel or a rake and for some reason, it didn't make sense to me. You had to have fingers to use that kind of stuff. Drawers, and doors, and stuff like that. Hooves don't grab doorknobs or pull out drawers. So I got interested."

"That doesn't sound a bit fishy now that you mention it." Drake shuddered at the thought of ponies using their mouths to grab things. That was incredibly unhygienic and probably didn't taste very good.

"I know, right? So I started checking out books. Asked around. But ah," Lyra coughed, "nopony took me seriously."

"Really?"

"Even with all the evidence right in front of their faces, they still wouldn't believe me." Lyra smirked. "Ponies thought I was crazy. My parents weren't happy when they found out their daughter was wasting her time with legends and myths and folklore."

Lyra had a wistful look on her face.

"Hay, even my own roommate things I'm a few apples short of a bushel."

Drake had kept his mouth shut the entire time. He was never good with girls. They were sensitive and unpredictable, in his opinion. He was always treading on eggshells around them, out of fear of of saying something stupid or awkward or mean.

But as Lyra spoke, Drake suddenly piped up. "Hey, you're not dumb."

"I'm not very smart either. You should meet Twilight. Now that's one smart mare."

"Now I can't have my tour guide being scatterbrained, now can I?" Drake joked.

Lyra giggled.

"Hi Miss Heartstrings!" three voices chirped.

The three foals Drake had seen playing with a ball were now watching him with wide eyes.

"Oh hi, girls! Have you met Drake?"

"Not really. We didn't get to see him at the party last night," one said with an accent. She was a small yellow earth pony with a red mane and peach eyes. She had her mane tied up with a bright pink bow.

"Hello," he said with a wave.

"Hi! Ah'm Apple Bloom! You've prolly met Applejack already. She's my sister."

"I'm Sweetie Bell! Rarity's sister!" Her coat was white and her emerald eyes sparkled. Her purple and pink mane reminded Drake of cotton candy.

"Scootaloo," the orange pegasus said, puffing her chest out. Her voice was slightly more mature and raspy. Her purple mane was styled in a tomboyish crop cut.

"And we're...," the three chorused.

Lyra flattened her ears.

"THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!"

Drake blinked, his ears ringing from the auditory assault. "Cutie Mark...Crusaders?"

"We're on a quest!" Scootaloo said.

"To find our cutie marks!" Sweetie Bell added.

"Wanna help?" Apple Bloom asked.

Drake stammered. "Uh, sure, I guess. What kind of things?"

"Scuba diving, rock climbing," Scootaloo rattled off.

Apple Bloom added, "Bungee jumpin' an' hang glidin'. Things like that!"

Dang. These girls were hardcore.

"Those are some extreme cutie marks you're going after," Drake noted.

"Go big or go home!" Sweetie Bell declared. "That's my motto!"

"No it isn't! You got that from a book!" Scootaloo accused.

The girls arguing became fainter and fainter as they trotted away to some other activity.

"Hey! Wait, you left your ball!" Drake called, holding up their rubber ball.

"Oh, I'm sure they'll be back."

"I guess." He bounced the ball on top of his head a bit.

Lyra stared. "Do humans normally use their head to bounce balls?"

"Uh, no. It's fun, though." He tossed the ball at Lyra. "Catch."

She caught it with her magic. "What kind of games do humans play?" She bounced it a few times before tossing it back.

"Well," Drake said with a hint of pride, "I play soccer on my high school team." He bounced the ball off his chest and juggled it with his knees.

Lyra's eyes widened. "Soccer?"

"Yeah, uh," he said as he juggled the ball with his feet, "you have a ball and two teams, and they try and get the ball into their goal."

"Oh! That's neat."

"Yeah. I think everyone else calls it football, although I guess in Equestria we could call it hoofball. Hey, maybe we could get a game started."

She smiled. "That'd be nice."

"This is Sugarcube Corner, Ponyville's bakery."

"It looks like a gingerbread house."

"Because it's supposed to, silly."

He pushed the door open for Lyra, the bell ringing. His mouth watered at the sight of the pastries on display. Muffins and cupcakes, mmm.

"Wow. It smells amazing!"

"Hiya, Drakey!" Pinkie beamed from the counter.

"What's up, Pinkie?"

"Oh, just workin' and stuff. No customers yet!"

Drake studied the menu.

"Gimme a chocolate cupcake, with frosting."

"That'll be two bits!"

Bits? Oh, right.

He handed her two coins and waited as she disappeared and popped up with a tray with his cupcake.

"Enjoy!"

"Thanks!" He swiped the entire thing and popped it into his mouth.

Lyra groaned. "Gross!"

Pinkie, on the other hoof, applauded. "I thought I could only do that!"

"Not bad," he remarked.

"Ooh, Drakey, since you're here, you wanna meet Gummy?"

"Sure," he said as she dashed off, scratching his head.

Lyra shrugged.

"I'm back!" Pinkie sang.

"Gah! Pinkie! What is that?!"

A miniature green alligator had its jaws locked around Pinkie's head.

"This is Gummy! Gummy, meet Drake!"

It blinked.

"Is that an alligator?"

"Yup! A baby alligator though, and he has no teeth!" Pinkie held Gummy out to Drake with his jaws wide open. "See? Gummy!"

"She's kinda wacky, isn't she?" Drake told Lyra later as they left Sugarcube Corner.

"Oh yeah. She's always like that. But she's pretty amazing too, along with her friends," Lyra said. "They're the Elements of Harmony."

Drake paused. "Elements of Harmony?"

"Yeah! Hey, I know just the place to go to learn about this! To the library!" Lyra said with a triumphant cry.

So Ponyville Library was a tree. An actual tree. Go figure.

Drake was about to open the door before Lyra stopped him.

"Wait, you have to knock!"

"Knock? This is a public library!"

"Yeah, but Twilight lives here!"

Drake rapped his knuckles against the door and waited.

"Spike? You there?"

Spike?

"You said Spike was a dragon?" Drake stammered.

"Mm-hmm. A big, mean, ferocious dragon!" Lyra bared her teeth and swiped a hoof in jest.

Drake bolted. "I'm getting outta here!"

He didn't get very far before his collar was yanked back by Lyra's green magic. "What are you doing? Don't be silly!"

"I'm allergic to dragons!" he lied.

"You're afraid of dragons like Fluttershy?"

"No!"

Lyra gave him a look.

"Okay, yes! I'm afraid of dragons with claws and teeth that breathe fire and can potentially swallow me whole! Yes, Lyra!"

"Coming!" a voice cried from inside the library.

Drake braced for impact until he heard the door squeak open. He cracked an eye open and saw a purple dragon, about the size of his leg, with green spikes. He coughed, dusting himself off.

"Oh, gosh, you must be the human!" Spike said.

He sounded young. He must have been a young dragon. Heh. Lyra didn't mention that. At all.

"'Sup," he said. "Name's Drake."

"Twilight told me all about you."

"Didn't see you at the party yesterday, bro!"

"I was too short," Spike said with an unamused expression. "You didn't see me because I was too short."

Lyra interrupted. "I'm sure you two boys have a lot to talk about, you and your...guy things, but is Twilight here?"

"She went to go have lunch with Rarity. But I could help you find a book, if that's what you need."

"Great! Can you find Drake a book on the Elements of Harmony?"

He led them inside. Drake got a much better look of the interior. The entire thing had been hollowed out, including the shelves, to make space for the numerous volumes that lined them. It smelled like bark, musty, like the pages of an old book.

"Doing some research?" Spike asked as he clambered up a stepladder.

"Something like that, yeah," Drake replied, retrieving the book that Spike had intended to pluck off the shelf.

"Oh, hey, how'd you know it was there?"

"I read."

Lyra butted in. "You can read Equestrian? That's amazing, Drake!"

He paused, cocking his head in confusion. Come to think of it, everything he had seen so far in Equestria had all been in English.

They spoke to him in English. He thought it was the work of the princesses' magic that had allowed him to communicate with them and didn't give it much thought.

English.

"Drake?"

"I'm not speaking Equestrian."

"Yes you are. You just said it, in plain Equestrian."

Drake faced Lyra. "I'm speaking English."

"English? Is that a human language?"

"Yes!" He was getting excited. "These words," he flipped through the pages of the book, "I can read all of this!"

"But...that doesn't make any sense!"

There was a place, far off to the north of Canterlot, with bitter snowstorms and cold, freezing temperatures, hidden in the snowcapped mountains. The realm of griffons, half-eagle, half-lion, majestic and regal in nature. These creatures engaged in trade with the Equestrians, though only few were allowed to see them. It was here in the north that Regnum Grypha (the Kingdom of the Griffons) had been established, under the reign of Rex Bloodwing (King Bloodwing).

Located on the tallest mountain was a fortress-like structure with winding cobblestone streets, built with a utilitarian design in mind. A great, single road ran down the length of the entire city, splitting it into two, leading up to Bloodwing Palace where all the citizens of Grypha would congregate for any particular reason. All streets and alleys branched off from the middle road and each other. Houses and apartments were tightly packed together.

Bloodwing Palace was an elegant, if not foreboding structure, with a predominant eagle and lion motif found everywhere, on statues and busts and paintings and curtains. It was here, in this very palace, where Rex Bloodwing waited for word from his messenger, waiting on the chilly balcony, his feathers ruffled from the icy winds. A jagged scar ran down his eye, which had been covered up with an eye patch. His feathers were tipped with red, a hereditary inheritance from his ancestors, hence the surname Bloodwing.

An eagle came swooping down onto the balcony. The trip had taken less than a day, the eagle having spotted the human upon his entry from the human dimension.

"They have returned. Hmm. It seems that I shall be paying Celestia a visit."

The eagle crooned in response.

"Maybe it's just a coincidence," Spike offered to the clearly distressed human.

"I don't believe in coincidences," Drake snapped. "There's more to this. I just know it."

"It won't do any good just thinking about it."

"I know," Drake nodded.

Spike suddenly piped up. "Hey! You have claws, just like me!"

Drake crouched down, fanning his fingers out. "Not exactly, Spikey."

Spike fanned his four claws out, holding them against Drake's. His claws were somewhat sharp and pointy, and a bit scaly too. "Hey, only Rarity gets to call me that," the dragon huffed.

"He's got a crush," Lyra sang.

"Don't tell him that!"

Drake couldn't help but smile. "Ooh. Spike's got a crush."

The dragon blushed.

"Don't worry, little man," Drake said in a brotherly way, mussing the fins on top of Spike's head, "I'll help you out."

"You will?" Spike was incredulous.

"Oh, pfft," Drake scoffed, "Totally. Gotta help a brother in need. I know all sorts of ways for you to get a date with Rarity."

Spike seemed giddy at the thought.

Lyra seemed less enthusiastic. "You've had a marefriend before?"

"A girlfriend, and yes." Drake paused, deep in thought. "Well, only one. She dumped me. But that's not the point."

That was the point though, wasn't it? There was a reason she'd dumped him. Whatever. That wasn't important.

Night had descended quickly upon Ponyville.

Drake was now back at Lyra's home, reading at the dinner table as Lyra and Bon Bon discussed their day. Bon Bon was cooking up something delicious. The earth pony seemed quite temperamental. Whatever she was cooking though, it smelled good.

"So what do you think?"

Lyra was referring to the history textbook on the Elements of Harmony. It was...interesting. He couldn't imagine Princess Luna as some tyrannical night goddess bent on basking the world in perpetual night. But who was he to argue with their history? The Elements of Harmony was strange on its own. The idea of friendship being powerful enough to vanquish darkness and evil was...silly.

"It's alright, I guess."

"Alright?"

"I dunno, the Elements of Harmony and the power of friendship," Drake chuckled, "It's a little ridiculous."

"Ridiculous?" Lyra said. "The Elements of Harmony is very real, Drake. It has the power-"

"I read the book, Lyra."

The unicorn looked slightly miffed.

"What are you saying? That the magic of friendship is fake?"

"No," Drake quickly said, "no. It's just hard for me to understand. In my world, friendship isn't the way we solve things."

Friendship. It was laughable.

"Really?"

"Sure."

The idea seemed to frighten Lyra.

"Do you mean...?"

"You know." He gestured by punching his fist into his palm. "Humans love to fight. We're pretty darn good at it." Drake glanced at Lyra and saw her face scrunched up in a mixture of confusion and shock. "When we want something, we take it. If somebody won't let us have it, we'll fight. We'll fight and fight and fight."

"And then you solve things by talking it out, right?"

"Sometimes. That's something called diplomacy and politics. And even when we talk it out, there's all this sneaky stuff behind the scenes. Then there's war. There's a loser and a winner, Lyra. The ones on the winning side get what they want and the losers, well, they die."

She gasped.

"That's awful!" she cried.

Drake was nonchalant. "Yeah, I guess." He nearly jumped when Lyra slammed her hoof down.

"Whaddya mean, you 'guess'?! That's murder!"

He didn't understand why she was getting riled up over the topic. "It happens all the time."

That seemed to terrify Lyra even more.

"It's human nature, since the dawn of civilization, since the beginning of time. We fight for food, for money, for resources, for politics, religion, anything that suits us."

Lyra's expression was unreadable.

"Heck, sometimes I think we just do it because we can. I know I do."

"Do you fight?" she asked quietly.

"What?"

"Do you fight?"

"I did."

"Why?"

"I dunno. I fought for all sorts of reasons. Stupid reasons. Not for food or money or anything like that. I just fought because I could."

Lyra was shaking her head.

"Oh, c'mon. It's high school. I got into lots of fights at school. Sometimes they'd start it, sometimes I'd start it." Drake paused.  "We'd just punch and bite and kick until we got separated."

"Why must you do such awful things to each other?" she said quietly.

"You act like there's never been a single war in Equestrian history, Lyra," Drake said calmly.

"There hasn't!"

Drake raised an eyebrow. "You're kidding."

"Not a single war. Not even a little skirmish."

"Not one!" she said with gritted teeth. "We've had two centuries of peace and prosperity."

"Well. That's odd."

"That's not odd. That's wonderful."

Drake gave Lyra a hard look. "Not everything is sunshine and rainbows with humans, Lyra."

He immediately regretting saying that, however. The look on Lyra's face made it clear that she was hurt.

Bon Bon came swooping down with a plate of vegetables. "Dinner's ready," she said with a nervous grin. A mix of steamed carrots and broccoli.

What he wouldn't give for a burger.

"What are you doing?" Lyra asked.

Drake looked up, craning his head. "Sleepin' on the couch."

"No, you're not."

Drake's legs practically dangled over the edge of the couch.

"C'mon, you can sleep in my bed. You'll fit."

"Lyra, I don't think-"

She wasn't having any of it. Drake sighed and dragged himself upstairs.

"I'll sleep on the floor."

Lyra slid under her covers. "You're a guest. Now come on."

"Lyra-"

"Is it because I'm a girl?"

"No."

Lyra gave him a knowing look.

"Maybe a little."

"Drake, I don't know how things work in your world, but I'm pretty sure humans and ponies both like soft beds to sleep on."

He slid into her bed reluctantly, facing away from her. The lights were dimmed and he could feel Lyra's back pressed against his.

"Lyra, I'm sor-"

"Shut up."

Drake said nothing.

"It's okay. It's a learning experience, right?"

"...Yeah."

Hard Work

Drake didn't fall asleep right away.

For a while he just lay there, listening to the sound of Lyra's breathing. An hour passed, yet in his mind it felt like a second. He reached across to her nightstand and grabbed his book, flipping through the pages of notes and sketches. He was a visual person, and though he'd jotted down some points about ponies, he preferred to draw them out in diagrams. He'd gotten their anatomy down quite well.

He considered drawing Lyra as she slept, but that sounded plain creepy. He heard her soft snore and sat up slowly. She remained still, her cute little ears twitching.

He finally closed his eyes, however. He didn't sleep well. It was the kind of sleep where your body felt rejuvenated, but your mind didn't rest. When he opened his eyes, the sun was already up and he became aware that his torso was being crushed.

Lyra's forelegs were wrapped around his waist, hugging him like a big cuddly teddy bear. He sucked in and felt her tighten her grip into a vice. As adorable as this all was, he liked to breathe. He poked her on the nose, but her only reaction was to scrunch her face. He hesitated to touch her. He poked her ear, amused by the way it flattened and twitched.

"Hey. Hey Lyra. Psst. Wake up."

Maybe he could tickle her or something. She looked so peaceful though. She had this dopey grin on her face. Her silvery mane had fallen over her face, tickling her nose. He brushed the strands out of her face, running them behind her ears. The unicorn let out a content sigh. He didn't want to wake her up but...

Drake would have to pull a bait and switch, like in those cheesy adventure movies where the hero would reach for some treasure and have to put a rock on the pedestal or something like that. He grabbed his pillow and prepared to move. Beads of switch rolled down his face and he bit his tongue. He quickly slipped out of Lyra's clutches and replaced her hooves with a pillow. She pulled it close and nuzzled it.

His heart melted at the sight before he kicked himself mentally. Spending time around all these girls was making him soft.

He reached out and hesitated, before petting her head.

When Drake crept downstairs, he bumped into Bon Bon, already up, shifting some thing around the kitchen.

"Oh, good morning."

He stared for a second before responding with a cheerful, "Mornin'."

She stared at him before shaking her head. "Sorry," she chuckled, "I'm still getting used to seeing you around the house."

Drake moved past the mare and opened the fridge.

"You want anything? I could whip something up," she offered.

"It's okay."

He found a chicken egg and examined it.

"Lyra adores you, you know."

"Sorry?"

"I mean the human thing. She's absolutely in love with humans."

"Yeah," he chuckled. "I wonder why."

"You're exotic. Alien. You're new and different. She's really fascinated by this whole thing. I guess she didn't get much of that back at Canterlot."

So that explained it.

He poked a hole in the egg and sucked the yolk and whites out. He caught Bon Bon looking at him with disgust.

"What?"

"Do humans usually eat raw eggs?"

"No. But it's good for protein. And plus, I'm a growing boy," he grinned.

Bon Bon kicked a hoof. "Humans...they eat meat, right?"

He paused. "Yeah. That's right. How'd you know?"

"Your fangs." She shuddered at the sight of him grinning. "Do you eat...ponies?"

It took a while for him to respond. "Oh, no. No no no," he said, shaking his head with a smile.

Bon Bon looked relieved.

"Well, I think at some point..."

She gasped.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Humans eat mostly chicken and steak and pork and fish. Say, you wouldn't happen to know how to rustle up any of those, would you?"

Bon Bon glared. "All those things you said yesterday..."

Drake gulped down a glass of orange juice, glancing at Bon Bon out of the corner of his eye.

"Were they true?"

"Mostly. There are good ponies and bad ponies, right?"

She nodded.

"It's like that. Kinda. But humans..." He paused. "Humans are pretty terrible."

Bon Bon frowned. "What do you mean by that?"

He sighed. "I think...we're the only species in the universe capable of doing horrible things to each other."

"What kind of things?"

He didn't answer.

"Okay...So what do you think of her?"

"Lyra? She's nice. I like her. She's fun."

Bon Bon laughed. "That's a good word to use. Kooky would be another one." She sighed. "The first time she came to Ponyville," she giggled, "she looked so lost, you know? All the way from Canterlot on her own with her lyre and everything. She seemed normal enough and I - well, I took her in."

"That was nice of you."

"Then she started showing her true colors. She kept babbling on and on about these humans. She said her name was Heartstrings but she insisted I call her Lyra. And she'd have all these diagrams and conspiracy webs set up in her room."

Drake smiled at the thought.

"Buuuut she pays rent so I can't complain." Bon Bon put on a huge smile. "Well, it was nice talking to you."

"Sure."

Lyra had woken as he dressed himself in a baseball shirt with black sleeves and jeans, lacing his sneakers.

"Ready to go to work?" she cheered.

"Is this the kind of work that isn't really work?"

"Nope! It's the backbreaking, menial, laborious kind!"

"Oh, joy."

First stop was the Carousel Boutique. It was an elegant establishment, appropriately named for it's carousel-like features. The dressmaker had insisted that Drake bring all of his clothes. He reached up to knock on the door before it swung open.

"Oh, you're here! Come in, come in!" Rarity's voice came from inside.

Lyra trotted in. Drake stepped forward before his head collided with the door frame with a solid thunk!

"Ow! I did not see that coming!" He rubbed his sore forehead and crouched to step through.

Rarity was already there to greet him. "Did you bring them?"

"Yeah. Right down to business, huh?"

"Of course!" Rarity sniffed, levitating his clothes from his arms. "With these I will take the fashion industry by storm!"

She plucked various articles of clothing from his pile. Mostly jeans and shoes and shorts, which didn't make much sense for ponies.

"Humans sure like their clothes, don't they?" Lyra remarked. "You're always wearing them."

"I guess so."

Drake had never paid much attention to fashion. His daily outfit consisted of a pair of jeans and shirt and shoes. He usually tossed on anything that smelled or looked clean, and didn't concern himself too much with appearances.

"We don't have a nice coat like ponies to keep us warm," he explained. "And we wear it for...other reasons."

"But it's nice and sunny out!"

Apparently, ponies only wore things like scarves and hats in the winter, and dresses for formal occasions.

"You can take off your clothes now!"

He flushed. "Humans don't go walking around naked, Lyra. That's the other reason for why we wear clothes."

Lyra raised her eyebrows. "Oh."

"Fabulous!" Rarity sang.

"Rarity, that's my hoodie."

"Is that what they call it?"

"Hate to break it to ya Rarity, but everyone wears them."

"But not everypony!"

Lyra squealed. "Can I have one?"

"Of course, Lyra, darling. Soon everypony in Equestria will be wearing these, uh, hoodies."

Lyra and Drake left Rarity to her devices.

"That wasn't much work, Lyra."

"Not yet, anyway," she said coyly.

Apples. Apples as far as the eye could see. All types of apples hanging from the branches of apple trees, healthy and green, in a massive orchard that spanned an entire hillside. The smell of fresh apples grew stronger and stronger as they approached a red barn.

"Sweet Apple Acres! Get ready to get your hooves dirty, Drake! Well, in your case, hands..."

Applejack was there to greet him, along a much larger, muscular stallion.

"Well howdy there, Drake."

"Howdy," he said, tipping an invisible hat off. "Yeehaw and all that." He was starting to wonder if her accent was fake. As far as he knew, there was no Texas in Equestria.

"I'd like you to meet Big Macintosh, mah big brother."

The red stallion with the auburn mane nodded.

"'Sup, man."

"Eeyup," Big Mac drawled.

A few seconds of awkward silence passed.

"He doesn't talk much, does he?"

Applejack chuckled. "No, not in particular. Now c'mon." She explained. "We could always use an extra set of hooves, err, hands on the farm. Now I don't have any bits to pay you with, we always have some Sweet Apple Acres cider around..."

"No!" Drake blurted. "Um, no, thank you, please."

Applejack chortled. "It was sweet cider anyways. But I'm sure you'll enjoy one of Granny Smith's apple pies."

"Uh huh. What are we doing here today, exactly?"

"Applebuckin'! We're gonna buck these apples right off their branches!"

He saw that several baskets and carts had been set out beneath the trees.

"Buck? You mean kick?"

He watched as Applejack reared up and slammed her rear hooves into the trunk of a tree with a solid thunk. The apples quivered on their stems before plummeting into the baskets set up in an orderly fashion. Drake gaped and shook his head. He'd hate to be on the receiving end of those legs...

"I don't think I'll be able to do that, AJ," he said nervously. He roundhouse kicked another apple tree to emphasize his point, barely shaking a leaf.

"Hmm. That might be a problem..."

Drake's eyes lit up. "But I can do this!" He rolled up his sleeves and took a few steps back before jumping and scaling the apple tree. He sat on one of the branches with his legs dangling and hung upside down. "Ta-daaa! I'm a monkey! Ooh! Eee!"

Lyra clopped her hooves together in applause. "Hooray!"

"Oh brother," Applejack said with a roll of her eyes.

The boy plucked an apple off its stem and admired it, and took a bite.

Applejack protested, "H-Hey!"

He wiped the juice off his face. "Wow, AJ, these apples are really sweet!" And he wasn't exaggerating either. Never before had he taste an apple as sweet and ripe and juicy as the ones of Sweet Apple Acres.

"Now let's get to work!"

"Oh my gosh, I'm getting tired just looking at you climb," Lyra panted as she levitated another basket filled with apples.

Drake sighed, wiping the sweat from his brow. The process of manually picking each and every single apple was tedious and physically exhausting. He had to gather them up in his arms and dump them in the baskets below, and had fallen several times.

"We're almost done, you two," Applejack grunted, pulling a cart behind her.

"So I'm guessing, ungh, that your cutie marks mean that you're good with apples?"

"What made you think that?" she replied with a hint of sarcasm. "The apples on our flanks?"

He set down the basket of apples. "And you're the Element of Honesty, right?"

"Yup. Looks like someone's been doing their research."

"That's because somepony dragged me all the way to the library, of all places," Drake said, shooting Lyra a glare. "Hey AJ. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course. What is it?"

He'd told Lyra that he'd drop the subject, but he was desperate to find out. "You know Equestrian, right?"

"Speak it, read it, write it!"

"Aren't you curious why I can communicate with you?"

The orange mare paused. "Huh. Well, I figured it was magic. That's usually the answer, so I tend not to think about it very much."

"What if I told you that you weren't speaking Equestrian, but actually a human language?"

"And what language would that be?" She eyed the boy warily.

"English."

"Never heard of it!"

"Applejack, look," he said, crouching down and pointing at a sign. "It says 'Sweet Apple Acres', doesn't it?"

"Well, it looks like you humans copied from us!"

"Or maybe...maybe it's the other way around."

"Let's just leave it as magic. Us earth ponies don't have much time to be thinking about all those kinds of things."

He snatched the bottle of apple cider, plucking the straw out. "Bottoms up!" He titled the bottle back, feeling the ice-cold beverage cool him down. The taste was refreshing and crisp. "Ah."

"There's plenty more, Drake."

"Do you do this every day?" he asked.

"No, not every day. A few times during a month. We start kicking things into high gear when the season comes 'round." Applejack smiled. "Heh. I remember last year's season when I tried to buck all the apples on the farm."

Drake choked in his drink. "All of them?"

"Every single one. Except at the same time I had other things to do."

He whistled.

"And I was stubborn as a mule. I wouldn't let nopony help me. I was set on doin' the entire orchard all by myself."

"Did it work?"

"Hay, no!" she laughed. "Didn't sleep, didn't eat. 'Caused a big ruckus around Ponyville with mah," she shuddered, "baked bads. Twilight tried to help and I kept turning her away until I realized there was no way I could do it on my own. And what do ya know, they all came to help."

"Sounds like you've got some great friends," he said wryly.

Friends. Did he have any friends? Not since he'd moved. He had friends, didn't he?

"C'mon, let's go get a snack," Lyra said.

"Go back home to where you belong!" the salespony hollered at him.

"What's her deal?"

"You have to understand, Drake, ponies are..."

"Isolationist?" he offered.

She pouted. "When everything in the forest is trying to make a meal out of you, you tend to be on guard all the time. Things aren't like that anymore, but still...Take griffons, for example. They're our number one supplier of raw materials and help out Cloudsdale! But ponies are always suspicious of them, because griffons used to eat ponies centuries ago!"

"Griffons, huh. Half-lion, half-eagle."

"To the north, in Regnum Grypha. It's hard to communicate with them. They speak this weird version of Equestrian."

"Regnum Grypha? That's Latin, isn't it?"

"Latin? I thought you said you knew English."

"I studied Latin in Catholic school," he said with a dismissive wave, "Regnum Grypha means Kingdom of the Griffons in Latin, Lyra! Where did they learn Latin?"

She shrugged. "Hay if I know. The only time I've ever seen a griffon was when one of Rainbow Dash's friends came around to visit."

He fell silent, scribbling a reminder in his notebook.

"Hey Drake?"

He looked up.

"What do you think I would look like if I was a human?"

The question surprised him.

"Why?"

"Just wondering."

The idea was kinda cute.

He flattened his sketchbook out and scooted over. "Here." He started making quick, light strokes with his pencil. "You'd probably be around, say, sixteen, seventeen, maybe eighteen." He started with her eyes, making them wide and filled with curiosity. He gave her a small nose and ears, and put a huge smile on her face. He glanced over and studied Lyra.

"What?"

"Hold still. I'm trying to do your hair."

She giggled.

"It'd be kinda short, but not too short," he told her as he drew in her hair. "And let's give you a body." Tall and lean, with a slender frame.

Drake felt Lyra put her head on his shoulder, watching him draw her. He could smell the mint from her shampoo.

"Some clothes..." A pair of sneakers and jeans, with a tank top. "And the hardest part: hands." Lyra paid close attention as he began to pencil in her fingers.

"Wow..."

He brushed the graphite dust off his page. "There. Not too shabby, am I right? Lyra?"

"It's...amazing! Where'd you learn to draw like that?"

"Well, I guess having fingers helps. I had plenty of time to practice in class."

"You went to art school?"

"More like pretend to take notes and doodle," he snorted. "You should see my notebook." He set his pencil down. "I could color this for you, if you'd like."

"Oh thank you!"

"I just hope I brought all my colored pencils. I don't think I can color your hair."

"Why's that?"

He rolled his eyes. "Because humans don't have mint green hair, Lyra."

"They don't?"

"We don't have colorful coats like you guys. Some of us are darker than others, but our hair colors tend to stay black, brown, blonde, or red. It's kinda boring. That's what I thought when I first saw everypony standing there at town hall. Ponies are just so...colorful. Just like Equestria."

"I think I'd look very pretty as a human."

"I think you would too."

"Hello, Drake Anderson!"

"Gah!" The boy jumped back.

"You're here, you're here, you're here!" Twilight Sparkle squealed, dragging him inside the library. "You can finally answer all my questions about humans!"

"Uh, Twilight..."

"Tell me everything."

"Everything?" He paled.

"From the beginning! Your civilizations, history, culture!" She levitated a long roll of parchment paper and quill pen, ready to write down whatever Drake had to say.

"Twilight, I'm the wrong person to be asking. If you want to learn about humans, read a textbook, 'cause I sure as hay-"

He frowned. Did he just say hay?

"-heck don't know anything that would be useful."

Lyra added. "Besides, didn't you remember what Princess Celestia said? Drake's here to learn about us, not the other way around!"

He felt bad when the purple mare deflated slightly. "Oh."

Drake quickly said, "But I can tell you some things!"

They spent the next hour or so discussing things like cars, television, the Internet, cell phones, and sports. The two unicorns' eyes grew wider and wider as he regaled them with tidbits of information about electricity, which replaced magic in the human world, and technology.

The griffon watched the human and the two ponies through his crystal ball, listening to the words the boy spoke through the eyes of his many avian spies, a smile spreading across his beak.

Before Drake knew it night descended upon Equestria. He yawned loudly and twisted his back.

"Man, it is late!"

"But there's so much we have to talk about!" Twilight eyes suddenly lit up. "Oh! We could have a sleepover!"

His eyes snapped open. "A sleepover?"

"A sleepover! Did someone say a sleepover?"

He jumped away from the pink pony. "Pinkie, where on earth did you come fro-"

"I'll go get Rainbow Dash! And Fluttershy, and Rarity and..." Her bubbly voice trailed off as she darted off.

He opened his mouth.

"Don't ask," Twilight said lamely.

A sleepover? With a bunch of girls? Guys his age didn't have sleepovers!

"Oh, this is going to be so much fun, I just know it!"

Why him?

Teach An Old Dog

Daybreak. Celestia's sun rose over the horizon, casting a warm glow over Ponyville. The denizens of said town rose parallel to the sun, ready to start their day with zeal.

This feeling was not mutual for Drake.

Did curtains not exist in Equestria? He cracked an eye open and saw that the curtains had been drawn back by Twilight Sparkle, who was currently shuffling some books around with her magic and disturbing the peace. He shut his eyes and flipped over, sinking further beneath the covers.

"Should we wake him up?" A soft, gentle voice.

"He looks exhausted, dear."

"It'd be like waking up a manticore, that's for sure!"

"If he's anythin' like Rainbow Dash..."

"Hey!"

Make the voices stop!

He reached out blindly toward the source of the voices and touched somepony.

"Eeep!"

His hands roamed around Lyra's silky mane, finding her horn and moving down her muzzle.

"His fingers are like a comb," she sighed, before she was cut off by Drake's hand clapping over her mouth.

He lifted the covers wearily and glared at the ponies and growled menacingly. They fell silent and in the blink of an eye, disappeared.

At last.

Drake's sleep was short lived as he felt his blankets being yanked unceremoniously from him. He tugged at them in a futile tug-of-war before they were gone.

"Come on, Drake. It's time to wake up."

Twilight Sparkle.

He grabbed a pillow and clamped it over his head. And that was taken from him as well. He hissed at the purple pony, who was unfazed. Drake rolled over and onto the floor with a painful thud. Seven pairs of colorful eyes gazed down upon him.

"Is he alright?" Fluttershy asked.

Drake groaned. "I've lost control of my life."

Water cascaded down his hair and body. He had received minimal assistance getting into the shower (which included seven ponies and a baby dragon) and was now getting himself cleaned up. It was his third, fourth day in Equestria? He still had clothes to wear. He decided on a plaid shirt over a T-shirt and jeans.

He dug around his duffel bag. Where were his socks? He dumped the contents of the bag onto the bathroom floor. Something metallic collided with the tiles. He frowned. There was supposed to be nothing but clothes. Underneath a pair of boxers he spotted something black.

A gun.

Most people would be frightened at the sight of a firearm. Perhaps he was too jaded already, or had seen or held too many to count. At the firing range, even as defense. A gun was the entire reason he was in Equestria in the first place. He did not regard the weapon with fascination or morbid curiosity. He knew what it was capable of and how dangerous they were. What concerned him more was why the gun was even there in his bag in the first place. It was a SIG Sauer P229 handgun, one he had never seen, held, or owned before. He was more afraid of the consequences of possessing a weapon after both princesses explicitly stated that he was not to bring any with him. He had packed his bags himself!

The Secret Service.

The pistol was standard issue to all agents. Perhaps one of them had planted it in his bags when he was blindfolded. Yes, that was the only possible explanation. But why? Celestia and Luna had spoken to officials, whoever. They had made their stance clear.

Did they give this to him to protect himself? Or to get him kicked out of Equestria?

The former made sense. The latter was a wild guess. Exotic creatures, dangerous and hostile roamed in the Everfree Forrest, in close proximity to Ponyville. Twilight and the others had regaled him with stories of manticores and sea serpents and dragons, brushing the encounters off as something that was seen every day.

There was a knock at the door.

"Drake? Are you alright?"

He scrambled and nearly slipped. "Yeah! Don't come in, I'm changing!"

Lyra muttered something about humans and their clothes before trotting away. He waited until it was silent to examine the gun.

No serial numbers. And it was loaded. The fact that the gun was not registered disturbed him. No serial numbers meant the gun had no owner and couldn't be traced. He reached into his drawstring bag and found his switchblade that he'd brought with him.

If Celestia or Luna found these...

He buried the gun and blade underneath his clothes.

"Oh no you don't!"

Drake was forced to sit down at the table.

"You simply cannot continue to consume raw eggs for breakfast!" Rarity insisted. "Sit!"

Drake examined the spread laid out before him and felt his mouth water.

Pancakes, soft and fluffy with homemade syrup and melted butter on top and assorted berries sprinkled over it. Orange juice, freshly squeezed. It smelled, and looked delicious. Pinkie Pie was currently spraying frosting all over hers. The only thing that would make the meal perfect was bacon. The thought of bacon made him woozy. Crispy and fried, oh yes.

This would have to do.

They all laughed and made conversation around the table. It was all trivial but kept his mind occupied regardless.

"Drake? Are you sure you're alright?"

He looked up. They were all staring at him.

"I'm fine. Really." He nodded. "You think you could grab my backpack over there?" It was hanging on a bedpost.

He unzipped it and reached into a pouch, revealing a small bottle about the size of his palm, emblazoned with fiery colors. Drake told a swig from it and stuck his tongue out in disgust.

"What in the hay is that?"

"Oh, this? It's nothing. Just a little treat to get me started in the day."

He wasn't sure if he should told them about the Six-hour Energy. Sure, Five-hour Energy was good, but it barely gave him a buzz. Six-hour Energy was a little more extreme and loaded with some other stuff. He drank it maybe once, twice a week, only when he really needed it. Really.

He danced around the room a bit, grabbing his things.

"Whatever that 'treat' was, you sure look a lot more awake," Fluttershy noted.

"Thanks."

"So, what's the plan today?" Lyra asked.

"I dunno!" Drake grabbed his ball and juggled it.

"Not in the library!"

"Re-lax, Twilight. He's just excited," Spike said. "Kinda reminds me of a certain pony."

"Who is it? Ooh, I know, I know! Pick me!" Pinkie giggled.

The dragon rolled his eyes.

"How about I show you ponies a thing or two about human games?"

The ponies pondered the idea before agreeing to it. Twilight was mostly interested in her research. Rarity refused at first before being persuaded by Pinkie Pie on the grounds of fun. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were already declaring their superiority at the sport of soccer.

They located a field not too far from the library at the park and helped set up "goalposts", which consisted of nothing more than a few buckets and cones, but it would have to do. Already they had begun to attract attention and now foals and their parents were watching as Drake set the ball down.

"So basically, there's two teams with a bunch of people and one goalie, which is the pony that tries to stop the ball from getting into the goal. You have to use only your hooves and legs and head, and since you guys are pegasi and unicorns, no magic either, to make it fair. Get it? Oh, and no roughhousing."

Although Drake had never really paid attention in regards to the last rule. If he had to count how many yellow and red cards he'd received over the years, he'd run out of fingers.

Soccer was quite easily the easiest sport to explain and play, with few requirements. After Applejack insisted Rainbow Dash clip her wings, he divided the teams appropriately, with Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Twilight on one team against Pinkie Pie, Lyra, and Drake. Rarity sat out out of fear of getting mud on her coat. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were the goalies.

For a second there was nothing but silence. It was just a game, after all. But tensions were high and already ponies were watching. The wind stirred the grass and Drake whistled.

The ponies charged. Drake got to the ball first with his long legs, but made sure to go easy on them. He dribbled the ball rather slowly toward the opposite goal...

...and was rather surprised when he found that the balls was no longer at his feet. Instead, it was between Applejack's legs, who was slowly kicking it towards Pinkie Pie.

Wow. They were good. He would have to step up his game. He tore into the field and sprinted at Applejack and for a while they both struggled with the ball. Drake got a hold on the ball and rolled it towards him. The earth pony finally got the idea and danced around the boy with her four legs.

Not fair.

Applejack shot the ball towards Pinkie Pie.

"Ooh! Ooh! It's coming at me! What do I do?"

"Stop it!" Lyra called.

"Oh!"

Pinkie braced and tackled for the ball, which slipped between her hooves and past the goal.

Cheering and the stomping of hooves. The three fillies Drake had met the other day asked if they could join. Behind them were several of their friends, and other ponies like Bon-Bon and the DJ he had met the other day, dragging an exasperated brown earth pony. A gray wall-eyed pegasus was pulling an orange mare with a poofy mane, and soon there were enough players for full teams.

Drake sat back and watched with a huge grin. Even when he wasn't playing he was rooting for other ponies, hollering as they approached goals.

An impromptu picnic had been set up and soon, ponies were watching and enjoying the game.

"Could we have your soccer ball?"

Drake wasn't sure how to react at first. His first answer was a resounding, "No", clear in his mind as he opened his mouth to reply. The ball was hardly special by any means. It was tattered, yellow, and ugly. He had owned it for several years and it had withstood the test of time. It was his.

But it was just a ball. There were no signatures from any famous stars on it.

But it was his.

Ponies had never played soccer before. What was one ball? He could get another one back in the human world the second he went back. There were millions of soccer balls there. In Equestria, only one. So in the end, he said yes and let the school have his soccer ball. Now it would be enjoyed by all the fillies and colts of the school, and not just by him.

"That was nice of you."

Rarity had commended him on his generosity. And for some reason, that bugged him a bit. Was it really generous? It was a nice gesture, he supposed. He had given the foals his ball mostly because he didn't mind, that was all, right? Or did he do it because he wanted to feel good about himself?

He thought it was pretty ironic that being generous could also have selfish motives. He did feel good about giving them his ball. And he was a lot happier knowing they were going to play with it. Heck, somepony would probably reverse engineer it and make more for the rest of Equestria.

Well done, Drake. A job well done.

Maybe it wasn't too late to teach an old dog new tricks.

"Is something the matter, sister?" Luna asked.

Celestia regarded the parchment in front of her with a mixture of intrigue and disgust. "Rex Bloodwing."

"Remind me again?"

"King of Regnum Grypha."

"Ah, yes, the kingdom to the north. Honestly, how those griffons live in those mountains is barbaric..."

Celestia frowned. "That is not my concern. What I am concerned about is how he managed to find out about the boy."

"Drake, yes. I hear he is doing well."

"Regardless, Rex is coming."

Luna stared.

"Yes, I know. sister. He is due in Canterlot in a week or so."

"But that's when the Grand Galloping Gala is being held!"

"Then so be it. He requests an audience with me and wishes to discuss some matters regarding humans. Not specifically the boy."

"You could simply refuse if you dislike him," Luna chuckled. "Although I can't imagine he is any more unreasonable than any of the nobles in court..."

"The nobles are nothing compared to him," Celestia said. "His methods are underhanded and deceitful. Ponies are easy to read, but not a griffon. And refusing is not an option, apparently."

"Close off the borders!"

"Again, not an option. Ponies would protest and relations would sour between the Regnum Grypha and Equestria."

Luna sighed.

Drake traced his fingers over Lyra's back. The unicorn shivered and squirmed away.

"Ooh, it feels like a spider is crawling up my back! And now it itches!"

The boy rolled his eyes and helped her scratch.

"Right there, yes!"

Drake looked to Bon-Bon, who managed to shrug.

What an interesting day.

Far beneath the surface of Ponyville, deep within the mines resided the Diamond Dogs who scoured the earth for gems. However, on that night, there was one uninvited guest who was not of the canine specie.

"Listen up, ya dweebs!"

The voice was coarse and rough, albeit still feminine. Rover, Fido, and Spot looked up from their piles of gems to find themselves face to face with a feathered creature hidden within the shadows. There were several barks of surprise.

"A griffon? What are you doing here?"

"Shaddup! It was a pain in the feathers to find you in these tunnels."

"How did you get past the guards?" Spot screeched.

"It wasn't that much work getting past your 'guards'," she sneered. "I want gems. A lot of it. And you're going to get some for me."

"Or what?" Rover huffed.

A wicked claw came swiping at the Diamond Dog, who barely dodged it before it tore through the collar of his vest.

"How much are we talking?"

A new day came, which meant brand new opportunities for discovering Equestria!

"Whaddya mean we're not doing anything today?" Drake asked.

Lyra currently lay on her bed with a pillow over her face. She moaned. "Not today, Drake."

"Oh come on, get outta bed." He reached to yank her hooves. "If I can do it, you can too - gah!"

Downstairs, Bon-Bon nibbled at her breakfast.

Drake came storming down, rubbing his sore face. "What's with Mrs. Grumpy Hooves today?"

"It's Sunday."

He stared. "Yes, and?"

"Lyra doesn't like getting up on Sundays. She gets kinda lazy."

"Are you serious?"

"Very. The last time I tried to get her to get up she threw a book at me."

"Yeesh. Hey, don't you have to go to work or something?"

"It's Sunday."

It was Sunday, apparently. And that meant 99% of the shops in Ponyville were closed. Considering the amount of ponies roaming the streets, he was surprised there wasn't a parade going on. It was more packed than usual, with people strolling around the park and foals running around. Ponies didn't have the Internet, so that meant more constructive, creative ways to have fun.

Drake had found himself missing his Internet and video games less and less. Perhaps it was the thought of going on an actual adventure rather than living vicariously through a TV screen. He felt calm. Collected. There was simply more time to enjoy things, take in the scenery.

Dear God, he was a sissy.

After some inquiries, he found out that Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were pranking everypony. Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy were enjoying a day at the lake, and as usual, Twilight was catching up on her reading.

"Which way to the lake?"

The pony pointed at the path that led to the lake behind the hills, which strayed dangerously close to the Everfree Forrest. Even during the day, it was dark and moody.

He ran home and unzipped his duffel bag and dug beneath the clothes and grasped what he was looking for. He held the knife and tested the edge on his thumb. He tucked the gun in the back of his waistband.

Drake gulped, eying the path warily. Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea.

No. He was going to be tough. He was going to be strong.

He took a few steps onto the path and his heart nearly jumped out of his chest when a bush shifted.

A bunny hopped on its merry way.

"Jeez."

It was the edge of the Everfree Forrest. That meant it was safer, right?

A branch snapped.

He bolted.

"Oh, why hello there, Drake! What brings you here?"

"I was going to ask you the same question."

Rarity was currently sunbathing on a towel, soaking up the sun.

"Applejack and Fluttershy are over there, honey."

Ponies could swim?

An orange leg popped up from the surface of the lake with a webbed flipper on the end.

"Fluttershy loves the fish and I thought Ah'd go fer a swim," Applejack called, her voice masked by her snorkel, her mane dripping as she treaded the surface of the water.

"Neat!"

Drake tore off his shirt and kicked off his shoes and dove right in. The water was rather chilly, until his body adjusted to its temperature. He could see all the marine creatures underneath, swimming along.

Three pairs of slitted eyes peeked out from behind a bush.

"Are you sure she won't 'complain' again?" one voice whined.

"Yes! Now shut up! This won't work if you give us away!"

"But couldn't we just snatch another unicorn?" a lower, slower voice questioned.

"Shut up!"

Drake swam around for a bit, floating on his back. He closed his eyes, sloshing around.

A high-pitched scream woke him from his reverie.

Drake sat up in the water and treaded, turning towards the source of the screaming. Three shadowy figures ran off with Rarity, who was being dragged unceremoniously through the dirt. He sprung into action and reached the shore, taking his few precious seconds to get his shoes and shirt on.

"Drake, you hafta save her!"

"I know!"

Oh jeez oh jeez...

Rarity had been kidnapped. Her kidnappers were headed...straight to Ponyville?

If he lost them in the crowd they'd never find her!

He neared the edge of Ponyville and nearly tripped over a set of hooves.

"Watch where you're going!"

It was a sea of ponies. Rarity screamed again, somewhere in the distance. He had to do something!

"Drake!"

He turned to see Twilight with Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash.

"Where is she?" he shouted to RD, who was flying in the air.

The pegasus squinted and pointed him towards the opposite side of Ponyville. She dashed off to help her friend, Pinkie Pie in tow.

Gah, they moved quick! Drake thought.

He shoved and pushed his way through crowds and crowds of ponies. Down winding streets, turning corners, he was barely able to stay balanced. He was still dripping wet.

"RD! Who is it?"

He listened and heard something about a dog.

"They're getting away!"

Too many voices, too much screaming...

Drake drew the gun and fired into the air. The gunshot cracked, causing one of his ears to go deaf with a high-pitched whine. With his other good ear he could hear ponies scream and saw them duck and start to part, allowing him room to run.

Where were they?

There!

Rarity was being held, tied up with a coil of rope and gagged, carried off by three hulking dogs. He looked frantically around for help, but none was there. Where were the others? He nearly screamed with frustration as he ran.

"Hey!"

The three dogs turned. He didn't get a good look, probably because he was running so fast. He held the gun extended in his hand and stopped when he got within distance.

"Let her go!" he bellowed.

"Drake!" The call came from behind him.

"Or what?" the shortest dog cackled.

"Drake, what are you doing?!"

The clops came closer and closer. He had to make a choice.

One of the dogs wearing a red vest lunged at him. He smacked the dog with the butt of the pistol and pressed the barrel to his head.

"I'll kill you," he hissed menacingly, mustering as much courage as he could.

He'd do it too.

"I'll give you five seconds!" he growled.

Would he?

"Five! Four!'

He'd have to. To save her.

"Three! Two!" He cocked the hammer.

"Drake, don't do it!"

"One!"

He squeezed the trigger.

The round sent sparks flying as it hit the ground. They barked and dropped, covering their ears. Drake held the pistol with both hands and approached carefully, threatening the dogs at gunpoint while he fished out his switchblade and flicked it out, helping Rarity from her bounds.

Rarity looked terrified. Of him, or her kidnapers, he didn't know. She was crying as she ran into her friends' comforting embrace.

Drake looked back down at the shaking dogs. Twilight approached cautiously and eyed the gun in his hands warily as she tied the dogs up with their own rope.

He put the gun away and tried to steady his racing heartbeat. He'd almost shot him. Almost. This close. He was lucky he was an amateur and missed.

At point blank range?

He was a bad shot.

The scariest part of it all was that he had wanted to shoot the dogs.

He couldn't. You coward. You couldn't do it.

He turned and looked at the others. They watched him with fear. They saw what he was capable of now. They saw the blood on the dog.

Time moves forward. Nothing changes.

The Chance of a Lifetime

The interrogation room was small and cramped, with metallic gray walls and floor. A single light bulb hung from the ceiling over his head. On one of the walls facing him, there was an obvious two-way mirror shaped suspiciously like a window.

What he didn’t realize was that behind that mirror were two very important creatures watching his every move.

He'd grown tired of trying to stare down the shadowy figures hidden behind the window. A young man of sixteen sat slouched in one of the chairs, boredom written across his weary, impish face. He had spiky brown hair and dull blue eyes. A dirty white baseball T-shirt with black sleeves damp with sweat clung to his toned, athletic body. His jeans were ripped and torn and his black sneakers were falling apart.

He was probably going to jail. Scratch that; he was going to jail. Federal prison. That sounded even worse. What was he thinking, charging into the middle of the street like that? Oh, wait, he wasn't!

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" he hissed.

The door opened and a Secret Service agent stepped in, loosening his tie and removing his jacket draping it over the chair across the table and rolling up the sleeves of his dress shirt. He began to pace around him. The sound of his shoes were solid and heavy. His heartbeat matched the man's footsteps.

An ominous shadow loomed over the boy’s head. He gulped, and looked up to see the man looking right back at him. For a moment he thought he could see eyes behind his glasses.

“You’re in a heap of trouble, kid.”

Tell me something I don’t know, he thought sardonically.

His mind flashed back to the moment where everything went wrong. Where did things go wrong? The moment he left campus, or when he slammed into the car? It had happened in the blink of an eye. His front wheel connected and he was flying, landing on his back, his arms and legs scratched from the asphalt. The streets were suddenly swarmed with agents pointing guns at him, yelling at him to put his hands up and get on his knees. After that, he suffered the humiliation of being pinned down as they cuffed him, reading him his rights.

“Do you have any idea what the penalty is for threatening the president?”

Threatening the president? Was that what it was?

The burly man crouched down, forcing the teenager’s eyes to meet his own from behind his sunglasses. He didn’t like the fact that he couldn’t see his eyes behind his reflective lenses. The boy cast his eyes down in defiance.

“You’ve just committed a class D felony. Do you know what that means?”

The boy shook his head numbly.

“We’re talking up to five years in federal prison.” He let that sink in. “Now I’m assuming that you know basic math. How old did you say you were?”

“Seventeen.”

“And seventeen plus five is?”

“Twenty-two,” he mumbled.

“Twenty-two years old. Five years of your life spent behind bars, minimum.” He paused. “Not to mention the twenty-five hundred thousand dollar fine.”

The boy set his jaw. They couldn't imprison him, right? He wasn't eighteen yet! He still had time.

“Have anything to say for yourself?”

There had to be some kind of juvie for kids who committed federal crimes.

The boy mumbled something incoherent.

“What was that?”

“It was an accident!”

The man frowned.

“I swear I didn’t know the motorcade was scheduled to be there!” he protested, jumping out of his seat.

“Sit down,” the agent commanded.

The young man did as he was told. “You act like it’s a crime.”

“Being underage without a license in possession of an unregistered firearm near the president is a felony. You've managed to violate four laws just by carrying that thing around."

He tried to placate the man. “I know this looks bad. But i-it isn’t mine!”

“We found your grubby fingerprints all over it,” he stated flatly, “How does a kid like you even get his hands on a piece?”

"I found it lying on the street," he lied.

"Do I look like a simpleton?"

Yes. "No."

“Where?”

“A convenience store, downtown.”

“And may I ask why were you robbing this store?”

"Who said I was robbing it?" When he realized that he wasn't fooling anyone, he said, “I was strapped for cash.”

There was a knock at the interrogation room door. The man snatched a manila folder from another agent and shut the door.

“Drake Anderson.”

The boy’s eyes flicked toward the man, aware that he was being addressed personally, following the agent as he circled him in a predatory manner.

"Mr. Anderson, it says here that you’re currently attending St. Anne’s-Belfield Boarding School in Virginia. What on earth are you doing all the way in D.C.?” He tossed the file onto the table and pulled up a chair and straddled it.

Drake said nothing, refusing to make eye contact.

“I’m waiting,” he demanded impatiently.

“I wanted to visit the president." He smiled cheekily.

“I hope that was a joke, for your sake.”

His face fell. “I was riding around. That's all." A half-truth.

"The truth."

"A little field trip. Got sick of school. Left."

The man was unfazed as he began thumbing through his papers. “How did you get here?”

“I took a train."

“So this was premeditated.”

“I guess. Well, I mean, not really! I accidentally fell asleep on the train.”

“Do you have a ticket?”

Drake shot back, “You already went through all my stuff.”

“Yes or no?”

Drake sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t exactly buy one.” The seats weren't that comfy either...

The man studied him and sighed. “And then?”

“I stole a bike.”

“Really?”

“Hey, I needed a way to get around!”

“Let me guess. Didn’t go as planned?”

He shrugged. “The guy came back after I picked the lock.” Maybe he shouldn’t have said that. “I start pedaling off. I go down the street and think I’m in the clear and I see a bunch of black SUVs in a line and people crowded on the sidewalks.”

“You didn’t think to stop in front of the presidential convoy?”

“No. No, not really.” He shook his head. “I wasn’t thinking,” he admitted.

“Your C average certainly explains why,” he quipped. "And I see you have quite a history of getting into trouble."

He glared at him. “I fall and nearly get run over, and all of a sudden you guys come out of nowhere pointing guns and manhandle me into the back of your van. And now I’m stuck here.”

“Do you know why you’re here?”

“Yes. You just told me. Class D felony. Five years. Quarter million fine.” Drake closed his eyes and slumped in his seat.

The agent continued to drill him, and he shook his head tiredly to all the questions. How had he gotten into this mess? The man's voice slowly turned to a drone in the back of his mind. His eyes snapped open.

He had a terrible idea.

He leaned forward in his seat. “Don’t you think people are going to start asking questions about that poor, innocent boy you arrested?”

“Your point?”

“Remember the last time the Secret Service decided to go interrogate little boys? Back in '07, I remember. You guys got a lot of flak for it.” Drake shook his head disapprovingly. “I’d be a shame to see something like that happen again.”

“What are you insinuating?” His tone was getting dangerous.

“You let me go, and I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

“This is not a negotiation!” the agent roared, slamming his fist on the table. "Who do you think you are?!"

Bad idea.

“You think the Secret Service can be intimidated by some punk?!”

"I want a lawyer!" Drake shouted back, feeling a bit brave.

The intercom crackled to life. “That’s enough.”

It was as if all the air in the room had been sucked out. The agent tossed his jacket over his shoulder and left the room.

Drake sat there for a very long time, resting his head against the cold, metallic table. Why did he run? Would running away really solve anything?  It sounded like a good idea at the time. He was surprised to have even gotten away with it in the first place. Then it was just a game to see how far he could get, how long he could last on his own.

He heard footsteps approaching. Two of them. Judging by the sound, high heels. Two women.

The doorknob twisted and slowly creaked open.

"May we come in?" a soft, gentle voice asked.

"Uh, yeah, sure," Drake said slowly. "You don't need my permission."

Two women in white and black evening gowns entered the interrogation room. And they appeared to be siblings. Drake’s eyebrows rose. One had long flowing hair, dyed with pastel colors. She was clearly the more mature of the two. The other had hers styled in a crop cut and dyed blue. Their skin was like porcelain. Their eyes were an unnatural shade of magenta and jade. In a word, they were both gorgeous. A little too much makeup, though. He made sure to remember what they looked like.

“Drake Anderson?”

He stood up, muscles tensed. Were they here to drag him off to jail? Maybe he could make a break for it...

“Who’s asking?”

They looked pretty wimpy. He could take them. He'd hit a girl. Maybe.

The woman in white said in a soothing, matronly voice, “The charges are cleared. You’re free to go.”

“Really?"

The woman in black answered in a much more authoritative voice, “Yes. But we would like you to stay.”

Drake frowned. What more did they want? Were they going to interrogate him some more?

He shrugged. “Sure, I guess. Got nothing better to do anyways.”

“Come with us."

He was led down a winding maze of dimly lit halls, armed guards watching his every move. Their movements were robotic. Stiff. Unnatural, as if they weren't accustomed to their body, or something.

They entered a food court, where it was about time to close.

“I’ll get you something to eat,” the older woman told him.

“Thanks,” he grunted. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!"

She winced.

Luna pulled up a chair and sat down, placing her hands in her lap. She beckoned for Drake to come. He stood with his thumbs hooked in his pockets.

Celestia brought two glasses of wine and a bottle of root beer and a plate of salad. “Won’t you sit?”

“When I’m good and ready,” he replied curtly, examining his fingernails and picking at his ear. “Look, no offense, ladies." He saw Luna's lip twitch slightly and smirked. "But I don’t even know you two.”

“Easily remedied.” The woman clad in white stuck out her hand. “I am Celestia.”

The woman in black offered hers as well, eagerly crying, “Call me Luna!”

What strange names. He mentally scribbled down their names.

He didn’t shake their hands, instead brushing them aside. He reluctantly sat down, reaching for a wineglass and pouting when it was snatched away. Drake dug in immediately. They said nothing for minutes. He was uncomfortable. The way they watched him, studying him, scribbling something down on their pads occasionally with red quill pens.

He asked with a mouth full of food, “So uh, what’s with the getup?”

“Pardon?”

He wiped his lips. “You know. The hair and dresses. You guys going to a costume party, or what?”

They looked at each other and smiled again, swirling their wineglasses, observing him. They said nothing for minutes. It was as if they were communicating telepathically. He hated being out of the loop.

He narrowed his eyes. “Look, what do you want?”

"Hmm?"

"I'm not dumb. You said you wanted to talk to me." He bit his lip. "So? Talk."

Luna sighed, “We might as well come out and say it.”

Celestia said, “Drake Anderson, we are not from your world.”

He swallowed, letting the words sink in. Perhaps what she meant was that they came from two different walks of life. Yeah. That sounded stupid enough to be something an adult would say.

“Okay.” He snorted and rolled his eyes.

The two shot each other furtive looks.

"Okay?" Luna ventured.

“Yeah. Okay." He paused, and then resumed eating. "I hear that a lot from grownups.”

“Oh no, no, you misunderstand, Drake." Celestia smiled.

“No, no, I get it.”

Luna grabbed his hand and squeezed it firmly. Her hands were so soft and dainty.

And his hand felt like it was being crushed.

“We mean to say that we are extraterrestrials.”

He snatched his hand away and stared. “What?"

“Aliens.”

He stared for a very long time. He squinted, waiting for her expression to break, expecting her to say, "Just kidding!" She didn't. Drake played along.

“Ha-ha, that’s a good one, aliens.” When they didn't say anything, he cocked his head. “Wait, wait, you’re serious.” They nodded slowly. “Jeez, you’re actually serious about this.” He laughed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Oh man."

It is way too late for this crap.

He clapped his hands together, slouching in his seat, reclining with his hands behind his head. Might as well get comfortable.

"So what planet are you guys from? Venus? Mars?”

“Equestria."

Equestria. The name sounded so ridiculous Drake wanted to laugh. It sounded like it belonged in a children's television show.

"And where is this? Somewhere in the middle of Asia? Africa?"

"A land in an alternate dimension.”

His jaw dropped. Is this girl serious? “An alternate dimension?” he cried. “You don’t say!”

“Yes. We are a race of peaceful ponies.”

They were nuts.

“Ponies?” He nearly spat out his drink, coughing. “Ponies. You mean, like, horses? That go neigh and eat hay?”

“Not quite.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Drake tried to imagine talking horses. He was unable to prevent a smile from spreading across his face. “Okay then,” he snickered, flicking a tomato around his dish.

Luna frowned. “You do not believe us.”

He gulped down his drink and slouched. “Of course not! Whatever gave you that idea? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard! You expect me to believe that?”

They glanced at each other.

“Perhaps we should show him.”

“I agree, sister.”

“Show me what?”

"Our true form."

"Oh boy, here we go. What do we got? Holograms? Cloaking devices?"

There was a bright flash of light that blinded him instantly. He shouted and covered his eyes.

When his vision returned, right before his very eyes stood two winged unicorns in all of their majestic glory decked out in regalia.

“What?” he breathed.

Their alabaster and midnight blue coats seemed to shimmer with brilliance. Their ethereal manes and tails undulated with pastel and inky colors. Their graceful wings were folded against their bodies. And their sparkling fuchsia and teal eyes were lit with amusement. It was as if his brain stopped working, unable to comprehend the existence of such aliens. He sat there on the cold floor, gawking at them like an idiot.

Aliens were real. Equestria, talking ponies! The whole thing!

He stood up slowly and blinked several times and rubbed his eyes to make sure they weren’t an apparition. A hallucination. He slapped himself once. Twice.

Ow.

Had they drugged him? Was the salad poisoned? He felt numb. What was going on? His head swam with all these thoughts.

He warily approached the two godly creatures, who remained perfectly still and nonthreatening. He extended a shaky hand and placed his palm on Luna’s snout. It was warm. And wet.

She scrunched her nose up and giggled, “That tickles.”

Drake recoiled. “You talked!”

Luna rolled her eyes.

“But – but you’re a horse!”

She furrowed her brow. “A pony, and the Princess of the Night, Drake Anderson. You would do well to remember that,” she said tersely.

He pointed a shaky finger and stammered, “You’re not supposed to talk! This doesn’t make any sense! Horses don’t talk and they definitely don’t come in your colors! Oh jeez…” He cradled his aching head in his hands. He could taste the salad he just ate coming back up…

They let him catch his breath. His heart was racing.

Celestia interrupted. “We have proposition for you, Drake.”

It took a while for him to get his bearings. His eyes were glazed, staring off into space, shaking his head slowly. He licked his lips and nodded. “I – I’m listening.”

“Would you like to come to Equestria?”

His head spun. “Huh?” Drake squinted and cocked his head in confusion.

“We have elected you to be an ambassador for the human race,” Luna answered.

His eyes widened as understanding began to set in. “Wait, what?”

Celestia said. “You shall be the first, and only human to ever visit Equestria.”

“And your human government will simply have to accept our terms, whether they like it or not,” Luna added.

“I’m sure your parents will accept you being a foreign exchange student. That doesn't sound too farfetched, does it?"

A species exchange program sounded more appropriate.

He tried to stand up, but his legs felt like jelly. Where was the bathroom? He nearly collapsed until Luna caught him with her weight, his arms brushing against her silky coat. She gave him a smile as he held onto her back. He could feel muscle and bone and warmth. He flinched and moved away from her, his skin tingling with a sensation that sent shivers up his spine.

Yep. Definitely real.

“Wait, wait, hold on a second here. Why me?” His mind conjured up thoughts of dissection. “What do you want with me?” he shouted, slamming his hands onto a table.

She was unfazed. “We have our reasons," she grinned.

He hated it when people tried to be all mysterious.

"We were being transported to your nation’s capital when we witnessed your arrest. Pure coincidence, really.”

Transported to D.C. To talk with the president? Why not Area 51? Coincidence. No. Drake was many things, but he was not a complete idiot. There was something more to this.

Luna admitted, “We were interested, to say the least. When we learned of why you were arrested, we requested to witness your interrogation. At first they were wary, but we managed to ‘convince’ them to let us watch.”

“Why me? Why?” Drake wailed to nobody in particular, his arms outstretched to the ceiling.

Celestia said, “Interest. We were searching for a potential candidate to come to our universe. You seemed to fit the bill.”

"No," he snapped. "You're lying."

"That's a very," Luna's eyes flashed, "bold accusation to be making in your position."

He swallowed. One look was all it took to chill him to the core.

"You gotta have an angle. Look, I appreciate you bailing me out, but I – I can’t do this!"

"You owe us, do you not?" Luna gave him a sly grin and clucked her tongue. "We could just hand you back to your government."

"You can’t do this to me!"

"Of course we can!" Luna scoffed with an insufferable giggle.

"I’m not qualified to deal with all,” Drake gesticulated, “all of this!” His voice cracked with the last word.

They regarded him sadly.

"It is only an offer," she sighed. "If you wish to refuse, you may do so and we shall bear no ill will. We will simply wipe your memories of ever meeting us,” Luna said, slowly trotting away with her nose in the air, “and you can go back to living a clueless, pathetic existence.”

“Luna!” Celestia admonished.

She huffed and turned, trotting away.

Celestia gave him a wry smile, which he did not return.

“I apologize for my sister’s behavior. But in a way, she is right. You do owe us." She paused. "And I do hope you’ll reconsider,” Celestia told him, her eyes sparkling.

He said nothing. He clenched his fists.

Could he really do that? Could he really just run away to new world, just like that? The thought of being the first human to experience interdimensional travel through space and time was exciting. But other questions still remained unanswered.

Why did they choose him? He was just some dumb kid. A dumb kid with rotten luck who got into too many fights and aimed to pass in school with low marks. There were plenty of more qualified, capable candidates for this job. Why did they need an ambassador? When did they establish contact?  When would the government tell the press? He could barely grasp the concept of aliens existing, but here they were, giving him the chance of a lifetime and were now walking away because he’d been too afraid to come with them.

Too afraid to break out of his comfort zone.

“Wait!”

They turned, already knowing the answer.

"Okay," he nodded, "okay, I’ll do it.”

The ride home was uneventful. At least he got to ride in a comfy limousine. He leaned against the cold glass of the windows and sighed, closing his eyes for a bit. Everything worked out. It was too perfect. He would be excused from attending school and his parents wouldn't suspect a thing.

"Go home and pack. We leave tomorrow evening," Luna told him.

And what was he supposed to pack?

They had specified several things. No weapons, no drugs, no leather,  no meat products, and no technology. He was there to learn and record what he saw. And maybe show them a thing or two about human culture.

But nothing else.

He wondered why that was.

He doubted Equestria had any Wi-Fi anyways, so he didn't bother with his laptop. Ditto with his phone.

But the guidelines were incredibly vague. And presented plenty of loopholes. What was a drug? What defined a weapon? He certainly wasn't going to wander into any unknown territory without some form of protection. And Drake loved to exploit loopholes.

"Be ready by six o' clock tomorrow." It was the same man who'd interrogated him earlier.

Drake was about to protest, but kept his mouth shut. He was pretty sure the guy was packing anyways.

He stepped onto the sidewalk, looking past the wrought iron fencing that surrounded the house completely.  An elegant brick path winded through the front yard to the porch, wet with dew. He fished a key out from his pockets and opened the front, pushing it open with a long, eerie creek.

"Home, sweet home."

The moonlight cast a shadow that stretched across the floor of the loft. To the right was a flight of stairs. Past the loft was the living room, and the kitchen. The house was spacious and grand, with ornate rugs spread across the floor. Paintings were hung on the wall, possibly in order to create some kind of facade that the owner of the home was actually cultured and tasteful. In every nook and cranny of the house, photo frames stood proudly on display.

They were nowhere to be found. No surprise, really. That was the entire reason they sent him to St. Anne's-Belfield anyway.

Whatever.

Drake blew the dust off one frame, regarding the subjects of the photo with resentment, and set it face down.

His room was exactly how he'd left it. Crushed soda cans spilled from out of a wastebasket. Clothes were strewn across the floor, everywhere but the dirty laundry basket. His desk was an absolute mess, with pencils and pens and sketchbooks spread out. His wall was covered with soccer posters, oh, and a map of the world. Books were stacked high in one corner of the room, instead of on the bookcase. He cracked open a mini fridge and sighed.

He could use a shower.

He let the hot water run, steam misting in the bathroom. It cascaded down his bruised, battered body as he let the filth wash away.

He was having a hard time coming to terms with everything. It was happening. This was all really happening. He had really met aliens. And he was going to their world. He felt like he was in a trance. A dream. Or a nightmare. He was sure the novelty of it all would soon wear off.

As he toweled himself off, he realized that he had no idea what Equestria was like. Was it some kind of tropical paradise? Or a freezing tundra? Or a scorching desert? Did they have modern technology that surpassed theirs? Or was their world some kind of Dungeons & Dragons-esque high fantasy world with a dash of sword and sorcery? Did monsters and fantastic mythical creatures roam free? Did Equestria obey the laws of physics? Of space and time? Probably not. Its existence defied all laws. It was an anomaly. It was scientifically impossible.

That was it. This was impossible.

He tore open his closet and after some digging, found a duffel bag. He began tossing in clothes that he thought were clean, but sprayed them for good measure. Some shirts and jeans and a few pairs of socks and boxers went in. Maybe he would go swimming. Swim trunks. Winter weather? A ski parka would do. Some gloves for any slave work he might be forced against his will to do. Towels, deodorant, toothbrush and toothpaste

Drake thought of other necessities.

He took a bottle of ibuprofen in case the best Equestrian medical technology could do was herbal treatments and folk medicine. A flashlight, just in case Equestria was still stuck in the Dark Ages with candles and lanterns, the kind that he could clip on his belt.

Oh jeez, was his belt leather?

Drake grabbed his Swiss Army knife too. It was more of a tool than a weapon, and the blade was pathetic. He shoveled in some sketchbooks and pencils and a pair of binoculars, and some trail mix for something to munch on.

He juggled his soccer ball. Could ponies play soccer? Eh. Show 'em a game or two.

If he was going to be an ambassador, he might as well dress formally. He dug around in his closet and found a suit. He put on a white dress shirt and black dress pants. He wore the jacket unbuttoned.

Drake rolled onto his bed, sighing, staring up at the ceiling.  He didn't sleep well.

When morning came he was already outside on the front porch, waiting.

He fished out a box and removed a cigarette, placing it between his lips, and flicked his lighter, touching the flame to the tip. The paper caught fire and he inhaled, letting the smoke fill his lungs and warm his insides. He exhaled, a cloud of smoke escaping his lips and nose.  With all the recent events that indulging in a little bit of smoking would be justified, given what he'd been forced to go through in the past twenty-four hours. Drake began to cough violently and spat.

"Ugh. Disgusting."

He hated it. He hated the taste and the smell. The nauseating smoke wafted up to his nostrils as he kept it between his lips, not sucking in. Faint memories of his childhood flashed through his mind. A better place, a better time. Somewhere warm. He couldn't remember much. But one thing that always stood out to him was that distinct smell of cigarette smoke. Drake smirked.

"Same brand."

A car pulled up to the driveway. Luna and Celestia emerged from the vehicle, flanked by Secret Service. Instead of their nightgowns from the previous evening, they donned more practical winter clothes.

Luna's eyes bulged at the sight of Drake, or rather, what was between his lips. As soon as she caught the scent, she lunged at the boy. "You will drop that filthy habit this instant!" Luna boomed as she snatched the cigarette from Drake's hands.

"Hey!" Drake protested. "What gives?"

"Are you not aware of the harmful effects of smoking? This could kill you! Thank goodness we do not allow these in Equestria..."

He snatched it back and took another puff, blowing a ring of smoke in her face. "You've never seen a cigarette in your entire life and now you're preaching to me about lung disease? Give me a break!"

"You don't think we were born yesterday, do you?" Celestia chuckled. "We've been watching the human race for many years. I suspect we know your world better than you do, Drake."

So that explained it. They'd been waiting for the right time to reveal themselves.

Luna plucked the cigarette away from him and hurled it to the ground.

"What? I've only lit up like, two times!"

"Good! And you shall never again! Not as long as you're in Equestria!"

"Why on earth must you indulge in such harmful things?" Celestia murmured, crushing the cigarette underneath her heel.

"It's cold. I'm freezing. I'm antsy. I just wanted to warm up."

She sighed. "Shall we go, then?"

"Uh-uh, no way. Not until I get some answers."

Celestia squinted. "Yes?"

"Why me?"

"As I've said before..."

"No! I want an answer. A real answer. Why me? Why not anyone else?"

"I believe that the young often display profound wisdom when they are needed the most," she replied enigmatically.

Drake stared. "Okay. Could you repeat that, but in English this time?"

"She means that you're a lot smarter than you look," Luna snickered.

Celestia said, "There is more to you than meets the eye, Drake. You just need to see that."

He narrowed his eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about." He sighed. "I've got no choice. Is that how it's going to be?"

"It was either you, or some dusty politician. We already have enough of those back in Canterlot," Luna remarked. "Is this your home?"

"No."

"It's lovely. Your family must be wealthy," Celestia noted.

"Money can buy convenience. Not happiness."

Drake slid into the car and slammed the door.

"Truer words have never been spoken," she murmured.

“Why don’t you tell us a little about yourself?” Celestia offered.

“Where should I start?”

“From the beginning should be good.”

“Well, when two humans love each other very much…”

They laughed.

“And your parents?”

“Oh.” He rolled his eyes, waving his hand dismissively. “They’re just not around anymore.” He snorted contemptuously.

The two were at a loss of words.

"But your file said..."

“I’m very sorry to hear that,” Celestia said with a hint of remorse. “Our condolences.”

“Hah!”

Celestia ventured, “Is something the matter?”

Drake rolled his eyes. “They’re alive and well, believe me, Princess.”

“What makes you say that?” Luna asked.

“Well, Princess, I don’t know, really,” he said, his words oozing with sarcasm, “My mom's divorced, and now she’s married to some rich old guy who’s twice her age and as ugly as her. They're probably on some year-long vacation in the Bahamas, or something.”

The Royal Sisters were rendered speechless by the callous nature of Drake’s words, unable to decide whether or not they were disturbed more how casually he tossed them around, or his attitude towards his parents.

“Oh,” Luna uttered.

“Oh my,” Celestia said uneasily.

“Sometimes I wish they really were dead,” he muttered.

Luna gasped. “You mustn’t say things like that!”

Drake looked away, ashamed. “Sorry. Got carried away is all,” he said quietly. "Won't happen again."

He sank down in his seat and remained silent for the rest of the trip. Celestia and Luna frowned, worry written across their faces.

Drake figured that he would have to be briefed on the responsibilities of an ambassador, or a cultural attaché, whatever that was. His eyelids started drooping the moment they handed him the folder. Go to Equestria and learn stuff. Don't screw up. Humanity's riding on you, boy. Somewhere in the middle of a rousing speech meant to inspire him not to royally screw up, Drake found himself caring less and less. Nothing was happening.

Just talk. Talk, talk, talk. How about some action?

Apparently it was a big deal, because evidently somebody in upper management was pissed that some snot-nosed brat was elected to represent humanity in a foreign universe. When people make your choices for you, you have no choice. But things worked out in the end.

They always did.

So when the time finally came he was taken to this laboratory.

Or, at least, that's where he thought he was being taken. Because it was so secret, he had to be blindfolded.

The tiles squeaked beneath his sneakers. Drake felt a hand squeeze his shoulder and stopped, and waited and listened.

The sound of horseshoes clopping against the floor. Celestia and Luna had transformed. Rapid-fire shuttering of cameras. Not the press. They were recording this.

He felt a breeze. A gentle wind that manifested within the room. Papers went flying. He removed his blindfold and found himself in a massive structure without a ceiling. The wind beginning to pick up speed, making it impossible to stay balanced. He fought to remain standing, shielding his eyes. Thunder rumbled and lightning crackled with fiery intensity outside as the ground began to shake. A light pierced through the heavens, connecting with the floor and began to glow, its luminescence growing brighter and brighter until there was a great explosion of magic.

A portal had been created in the floor. A bright, white light blinded him and he struggled to see. He squinted and covered his eyes.

His jaw dropped. "How?!"

Celestia winked. "Magic."

Drake sucked in and jumped.

The first thing he saw when his vision cleared was unicorn with wide amber eyes and mint green coat and mane with silver highlights. She popped up in front of his face like a jack-in-the-box and pressed her muzzle against his.

“Hi!”

Drake did what any teenage boy would do when encountering such a creature.

Jump in the air and scream like a little girl.

Startled by the pony, Drake was on the ground, his heart racing. The unicorn scrambled over and squealed happily, jumping up and down on her hooves.

“I knew it! I knew you were real! They all said I was crazy, but I knew I wasn’t crazy, and now you’re here and I’m right! Ha-ha! I’m right, and they’re wrong! A human, a real, live human!”

She gave Drake a huge grin that stretched from ear to ear. She had a crazed look in her eye, the occasional twitch adding to Drake’s suspicions of the pony being utterly insane.

“What’s your name?” he asked politely.

She screamed in delight, making Drake cringe.

“Oh my gosh, you talked! To me! I can’t believe this is happening! I’m Lyra, Lyra Heartstrings!” she giggled, but then adding in a rather sultry tone, “But you can just call me Lyra,” and fluttered her eyelashes.

Help.

Revelations

"Doesn't she look adorable?"

Lyra bounced up and down, wearing a black hoodie courtesy of Rarity. And she looked so cute. He'd never say that out loud, though.

"It looks nice," Drake said with a wide grin. "Lemme show you something." He shifted over to her and grabbed her hood and yanked it over her head.

The mint green unicorn squealed. "I can't see!"

"They look great, Rarity," he told her. "You really know how to sew."

The unicorn sniffed. "Of course! I've made one for you as well." She levitated a human-sized hoodie.

"Wow, this feels amazing! It's like silk!"

Drake tore off his jacket, pulling up his shirt slightly, revealing black markings on his upper back and shoulder.

"A-HA!" Lyra tackled Drake onto his belly.

"Hey! What's the big idea?" he asked, his voice muffled by the bundle of cloth he had stuck in his mouth.

"You do have a cutie mark!"

"I already told you, humans don't have cutie marks!"

"Then what's this?" Lyra lifted up the back of his shirt.

Oh jeez.

Drake stammered. "It's a...tattoo."

"A tattoo?"

"Yeah. They're just drawings in our skin."

Rather painful ones, at that, but he didn't want to scare them away. Thank goodness he'd gotten rid of the stud piercings in his ears. They didn't look good on him anyway.

Rainbow Dash said, "Well then, show us!"

Drake cast his eyes downward. "Uh, I can't."

All seven ponies, and Spike, cocked their head in confusion.

"It's a...secret! Yeah, it's a secret, and I can't show you."

"For Celestia's sake," Rarity sighed, yanking at his shirt with her magic.

Drake yelped, trying to pull it back down. Lyra was the first to jump on Drake's back,studying the tattoo on Drake's shoulder. It wasn't normally visible, since he was always seen wearing clothes. What Lyra saw was a strange pattern of curves and lines, aggressive and rather sinister looking.

"What is it?"

"It's a tribal tattoo," Drake said, his voice muffled by having his face against the bed. "You can't tell my mom, okay?"

"Tribal, like Zecora?"

"Who?"

"But what does it mean?" Lyra asked. "And what's a tattoo?"

He shoved the unicorn off him. "Nothing. I got it when I was sixteen. Kinda stupid, but I thought it looked cool. But seriously, don't tell my mom." He grinned. "It's like a...cutie mark. Yeah. It's a cutie mark for humans. Except we get to choose."

"You get to choose your special talents?"

"Not exactly...We just like to draw on ourselves, that's all."

"I'd totally get a tattoo of the Wonderbolts," Rainbow Dash declared.

"So Twilight, what do ponies do at sleepovers?"

"They eat s'mores!" Pinkie squealed with a platter of said dessert in her mouth.

"And hot chocolate," Fluttershy said gently, hovering about the ground.

Drake took a bite of the treat, enjoying its taste. He'd never had s'mores before. Maybe it was because he'd never gone camping. He should've joined the Boy Scouts. It was a gooey mix of chocolate and marshmallow in his mouth. He washed it down with some warm chocolate milk, soothing his insides.

Lyra giggled when she saw his face. "You've got a mustache."

"Since we've all gotten settled, how about telling spooky stories?" Applejack suggested.

Dash nodded. "Yeah! I wanna hear one from Drake!"

"But not too scary, of course," Rarity added, gesturing to the ever-so-timid Fluttershy.

"I'm actually curious as to what sort of literature humans enjoy," Twilight said.

Drake loved horror movies. And video games. He read a Stephen King novel once, but then again he didn't do much reading anyway. He grinned wickedly and told the ponies to bundle up and get comfortable. The lights were dimmed in the library, leaving only the firefly lantern glowing in front of Drake, casting an eerie shadow.

He began to regale the ponies with the most horrifying tales that he knew of. Of course, they were only horrifying to them. To most humans they were rather silly. But after Drake managed to set up some context with the idea of telephones, he told them of a human girl who was babysitting.

"She picked up the phone and listened," he said slowly, ominously, leaning in closer to the ponies' faces and making eye contact. "There's was only the sound of harsh, heavy breathing. Then, a click. They'd hung up."

"How rude," Rarity whispered.

"A few minutes later the phone rang again, but this time, there was a voice."

A soft gasp from Fluttershy. She clung onto Rainbow Dash.

Drake growled out, "'Have you checked the children?'"

Applejack was nearly crushing Rarity with her arms.

"The girl didn't know what to say. So she hung up. She called the police. She went upstairs and found the children still sleeping."

Twilight visibly relaxed.

"Then another call."

PInkie's eyes were wide as she held a pillow.

"It was the police."

Drake remained silent to let it sink in.

"'The calls are coming from inside the house.'"

The ponies gasped and screamed. The lights were on immediately.

"How's that for a scary story?"

"That was so scary!" Fluttershy squeaked.

"It was alright," Rainbow Dash said with a nervous laugh, still sweating a little. "I wasn't scared at all."

Drake rolled his eyes. "I've got some more!"

"No!"

"How about...we do each others' hair?" Rarity suggested.

Spike and Drake looked grossed out. Applejack and Rainbow Dash grinned.

"Pillow fight!"

"Egad, no!" Rarity shrieked, before she received a pillow to the face. "Mmmfgh! Not again!"

"Girls!" Twilight giggled as she swung a pillow.

"Eep!" Fluttershy squeaked and smiled as she was whacked a few times too.

Drake grabbed a pillow of his own and turned around, glaring at a certain unicorn who had just swatted him. Lyra gave him a sheepish grin, slightly apologetic. The boy rolled his eyes and threw his pillow at her, catching her in the muzzle. It was a ridiculous affair. Soon Drake was dominating each pony, playing some form of twisted whack-a-mole. The mares looked at each other and fixed their gazes upon him, having stopped fighting each other.

"Oh, that's so not fair."

"Get 'im!"

Even Fluttershy joined in on the assault. Drake was buried beneath blankets and pillows as the girls all pounded him mercilessly. Drake laughed and shielded himself as they viciously beat them with their pillows.

"Agh, no! Stop!" he cackled.

They all collapsed in a tangled mess on the bed, panting and giggling at the same time.

"So Drake, tell us about your friends!"

He froze.

"Friends?"

"Duh! Your friends! You know, buddies, pals, acquaintances!" Pinkie said.

"Uh..."

Crap. Think of names. People.

Drake began to sweat. They were all watching them, six pairs of eyes wide in anticipation.

"You have friends, don't you?" Pinkie asked, tilting her head.

It was an innocent question. There was no hint of mockery or scorn in the pink party pony's voice.

"Yeah!" He scoffed. "Totally! I had plenty of friends, believe me."

"You 'had' friends?" Twilight ventured.

Drake caught himself. "Have. I meant have. I have plenty of friends."

"What are their names?"

"I forget."

"You forget? How do you forget your friends' names?" Rainbow Dash asked, perplexed. "They're your friends!"

"I haven't seen them!" he quickly said. "Yeah! I haven't seen them in a really long time."

That was true, right? It wasn't a complete lie, more like a white lie.

He gulped and smiled even wider, trying to focus his attention elsewhere. Those shelves were really dusty... Before he knew it he was already making up more excuses.

"All my real friends are back home, in California."

"California?"

"It's a state," he answered. "I moved to Virginia awhile back."

"That must have been rough," Applejack said sympathetically.

Oh, you have no idea.

"But haven't you tried to make new ones?" Fluttershy asked.

No. No, I haven't, and I won't, and...

"Sure! I've tried! But they're all jerks!"

No, they're not. You're lying to yourself. Stop lying.

He sounded ridiculous. Like a petulant child.

"That can't be true."

"It is," he insisted. "I'm the new kid in town. I'm easy to make fun of." He puffed his chest out. "But they stopped after I socked one of 'em in the teeth."

They were taken back. Right, physical violence was something quite new to ponies.

"Oh, but he is all right, isn't he?"

"Who?"

"The boy you hit."

He'd gotten into so many fistfights he couldn't even remember their names.

"I guess? It was nothing. Now a kick to the ribs..."

Even Applejack winced a little. "Now Drake, I'm all for uh, rough and tumble messing around, but don't you think that's a bit excessive?"

"What was the fight even about?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"I dunno. Stupid stuff, I guess. Name calling and teasing, stuff like that. It gets on your nerves."

"Yeah," the pegasus agreed. "I remember being bullied when I was in flight camp."

"Me too," Fluttershy said.

He wasn't all that surprised with Fluttershy.

"So what'd you do, Rainbow? Give 'em a good buck to the face?"

"Hah, I wish!" She shook her head. "Nah. I beat them at their own game: flying!"

"I didn't say anything," Fluttershy said quietly.

"What'd they make fun of you for?"

"I was a terrible flyer. I still am."

The rest of them were quick to contradict her.

"You shoulda slugged them, real hard. Right on the muzzle. Sent 'em to the nurse's office and they would've never messed with you again."

Lyra piped up, "But that's not a good way of solving the problem!"

"Don't tell me you'd actually talk out with them?"

The ponies coughed and averted their eyes.

Peaceful ponies here, Drake. They were worlds apart.

"Just talking about it won't get the message across, believe me. Adults always tell us to walk away or tell the teacher or something dumb like that, but the truth is that that just makes the problem worse."

They remained silent.

"Anyways, I have my old friends. What do I need new ones for?"

You don't have any friends, you loser.

"Drake? Am I your friend?"

His Adam's apple caught in his throat. Lyra, a friend? Well she was nice. She was very nice. And generous. And funny. He though of all the great things that would've made Lyra a great friend to have, besides the fact that she was a pony.

He licked his lips and stammered, "Well, uh, sure, I mean..."

Lyra's muzzle suddenly pressed against his nose. He couldn't look away. She fixed him with her golden orbs.

Drake wanted to say yes. The word was on the tip of his tongue. A friend. He could actually have a friend. But bitter memories resurfaced, the kind that made you feel awful guilty. He felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Images of familiar faces, old friends.

He had friends, yes. But they were gone now. What had happened?

They'd stopped being friends.

But...why?

They were jerks, that's why. There was no question about it in his mind. People were jerks and that was a fact of life. Nobody really cared for each other. Nobody really loved each other. Love was a lie. It was all just a big farce with a bunch of lying, two-faced phonies! All his friends ever did was use him.

And then they abandoned him.

No. Not again. It was bad enough that his friends abandoned him, but his...

The smell of cigarette smoke rose to his nostrils. That wretched man, sitting in his chair, reading the newspaper, smoking a cigarette. He couldn't remember his face or his name.

But he hated that man. That man he'd refused to call...

His father.

"Lyra, we've only known each other for a couple of days," he tried. "I mean, you're nice and all but..." He shook his head apologetically. "No." He shook his head. "No, we aren't friends." He cast his gaze at the floor to avoid seeing her tear up.

"But we can be friends, right?"

Never again. He would never be hurt again.

He stood up and shuffled to the door, shutting it gently behind him.

"He has a lot to learn about friendship, doesn't he?" Lyra sniffed.

"Yes he does," Twilight said with a determined look on her face.

Drake felt lost, both figuratively and literally, that is. Lyra was supposed to get him a map...

But that didn't really matter. He threw on a jacket and left, just like that. He didn't know when he'd come back, or where he was going. What he needed was some time to himself. His canvas shoes padded softly against the empty cobblestone streets of Ponyville. There was not a single pony in sight. He looked up.

He could actually see the night sky for once, filled with billions of twinkling stars. The full moon cast a glow that made him feel comfortable.

Restaurants and shops were all locked up for the night. Well, that is, except for one; a cafe, situated in the far corner near the bridge. There was a single light on and he could see a pony moving around. Drake's stomach grumbled. Maybe there were leftovers.

He approached the restaurant and pushed the door open, the bell twinkling. There was a pony wiping off the tables with a rag. Slicked blue hair and white coat. The pony looked up and opened his mouth before stopping short.

Drake stared, then said, "Hey."

"Good evening, sir. We're just about to close up."

"Got anything for leftovers?"

The pony blinked.

Drake stabbed a fork into his Caesar salad, the lettuce zesty and crisp. He was starting to get sick of salads, but he didn't have much of a choice. It cost about five bits, but he didn't really care that much. The waiter was kinda snooty, but that didn't really bother him.

"Anything to drink?"

"Whatever you got, man."

He finished up. Before he left he remembered to tip the guy. He didn't know how much he was supposed to give, but he guessed that he'd given a generous amount, judging by the way his face lit up.

Still, he left to the park. Normally filled with colts and foals playing with their parents, the playground was silent. He sat down on a bench, closing his eyes for a bit. The playground brought some memories, good and bad. Good, like how much he loved to swing, feeling like he was on top of the world. Bad, as in the first time he'd given a boy a bloody nose.

He wasn't homesick. Not in the least. Right.There was nothing for him back home.

After a while he decided it was getting late. His watch told him it was midnight.

The library was dark.

"They must be asleep," he murmured.

He padded quietly to the door, twisting the knob and slipping in.

Drake was suddenly blinded as the lights went on. He saw that everypony was in fact, not sleeping, and were waiting for him. The others were watching, standing behind Twilight. He glared at Twilight. She gazed calmly back at him. Fluttershy quivered slightly and shrunk back as his eyes fell upon her. He didn't look at Lyra.

"Go back to bed," he finally said bluntly. "It's late."

"Yes, yes it is," Twilight said.

Lyra said, "And we need to talk."

Oh, for the love of...

"Okay?" He faked a yawn. "Could we do this some other time?" He kicked off his shoes.

Twilight knew she would have to approach Drake carefully. There was no telling how he would react to a direct confrontation. Twilight Sparkle decided to go a different route and coax some answers from the human rather than try and confront him, get him started and let him do the talking.

"So tell us about your friends."

His eyes flashed. They'd already gone over this. He faked a smile and said, "Fine."

He doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, Twilight noted. Bringing it up again would end the conversation very quickly. She decided to press her luck.

"I'm just curious, that's all."

"We just want to help you, that's all," Fluttershy said sweetly.

"Keep out of this."

Fluttershy shrank even more. He felt a little bad for being so mean. Instead, he changed the subject.

“Was there something you wanted?” Drake asked irritably.

“Maybe just a quick chat, sugarcube,” Applejack said. "Settle down."

He turned to face the mint green unicorn. "Drop it.”

“Drop what?” she asked sweetly, feigning innocence. "I'm just trying to help a friend in need."

Now he can’t ignore it, Twilight thought.The first step in solving a problem is addressing it. She let Lyra do the talking, seeing as she had spent the most time with the human.

“You’re not my friend,” Drake said firmly to Lyra. “Stop trying to act like you are.”

“Yes I am.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Um, yes.” The mint green unicorn nodded and grinned. “Yes I am.”

Drake gave a frustrated groan. “Why do you keep bringing this up?”

“Because when I see a friend that needs help, I help them," Lyra said.

“And if your friend doesn’t want your help?”

“Sometimes, he doesn’t know that he needs it.” Lyra gave an insufferable giggle. “And in your case, I don’t think you have much a choice.”

Drake was scared, because in that moment he almost wanted to deck her. They must have noticed his fists clenching and the way he tensed, and shifted back. He took a step forward.

"Now you listen-"

Rainbow Dash flared her wings in a sudden display of protectiveness and nudged the boy back with her hoof. "Hey," she snapped. "Back off."

She was definitely the Element of Loyalty.

He loosened his stance, remembering how intimidating he was to them.

"What's wrong, Drake?" Twilight soothed.

He huffed, blowing some air up at his bangs. “Is this the part where we start talking about our feelings?”

"Just tell us why. We want to help you."

"I don't need your help!" he snapped. "Or anyone's, for that matter."

“Ignoring the problem isn’t going to make it go away, Drake,” Twilight said. "Sometimes, it just makes it even worse.”

“What problem? There’s no problem!”

“You’re still in denial.”

“My only problem is currently being stuck here with a bunch of talking ponies who can't keep their nose out of other people’s business.”

"Why don't you have friends?"

"Who said that?"

"You did."

"What? No I didn't. Stop putting words in my mouth."

"I don't think you can put words into ponies' mouths, Drakey! Besides, what would words even taste like?"

The others shushed the pink pony.

"What are their names?"

"You wouldn't even know them if I told you-"

"How old are they? When's their birthday?" Pinkie asked.

"They're um, my age. How am I supposed to remember all their birthdays?"

"Tell me the truth,” Twilight said, “Things aren’t okay, are they?”

“What’s with the third degree?” Drake avoided Twilight’s gaze.

Twilight acted quickly. He doesn’t take well to being confronted. He feels threatened. Keep applying pressure.

"Did something happen to you?"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," Drake said quietly.

"Did someone hurt you?"

The boy snorted.

"Did someone...leave you?"

His eyes flashed. "What did you say?"

"Did someone abandon you?"

"No," he said quickly.

"I don't have ta be the Element of Honesty to spot a liar from a mile away, Drake," Applejack said.

"You aren't going to let go of this, are you?"

The ponies shook their heads.

"Okay. Fine. I'll tell you. It's not that interesting, really. So when I was five, my dad walked out on me and my mom-"

There were seven simultaneous gasps.

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

"Oh no." He shook his head. "No no no, please, Sparkle. The last thing I need is for people to start feeling sorry for me."

"That must have been awful!"

Yeah, it was.

"No, no, not really. He just wasn't around anymore. What, don't ponies get divorced?"

"No!"

The idea was so appalling, he didn't try and pursue the topic anymore.

"It all makes sense now," Twilight whispered.

"Yeah, that's great. I'm going to bed," he bristled.

"You're bitter about your father leaving you, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not."

"To have someone just leave like that!"

"I'd like ta give yer father a piece of my mind!"

You and me both, sister.

"It's no wonder you're like this!"

"Like what?" Drake smirked.

This time, Lyra spoke for Twilight. "Sad."

"What?" He laughed. "I'm not sad. I'm happy as can be."

"You're unable to form meaningful, lasting relationships with other people. I'm not surprised," Rarity suddenly piped up. "How can anyone, when the most important person in their life simply abandons them?"

"You can't trust anybody because you're afraid!" Twilight explained, as if it was really that simple.

It really was that simple, wasn't it? He'd tried to bury it all, push it to the back of his mind.

Drake's eyes were stinging. He blinked a few tears back and bit the inside of his cheek.

"Afraid?" His voice quavered. "Afraid of what?"

"Afraid of being abandoned."

He wasn't crying. What was the point of crying? That last time he cried was when he was seven. Only wimps cried, and he wasn't a wimp.

"Yeah?" Drake's voice betrayed a sob. He hung his head, covering his eyes with his hand. He wouldn't let them see him cry.

"You keep everybody at arm's length out of fear of being left alone again. No friends-"

"No family," he muttered.

"-then you'll never be hurt again."

"Exactly," Drake said, having calmed down, "right. Which is why this conversation is now over and I'm going to bed."

“You should also seek closure.”

He snorted, “Twilight, this isn’t therapy, and you're not my therapist. I’m not traumatized.”

“But you are, Drake! Look how it’s changed you!”

He exploded. “For the better! Who needs people, anyway? Just when you think you know somebody, just when you think you can trust them, bam!” He pounded the chair for emphasis. “They stab you right in the back. As far as I’m concerned, there’s only one person that I can trust, and that’s me,” he said, pointing at himself.

“No friends, no family?”

“When I’m rich and famous, I won’t need friends or family.”

They regarded Drake with a sad, pathetic look.

“That’s incredibly lonely, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, well. I figure I’ll have it all figured out when I grow up.”

“I’m glad you’ve opened up. I’m going to help you, Drake.”

“Whoa, whoa,” Drake protested, “This is my problem. Not yours.”

Twilight trotted over to the human, their faces close, her muzzle practically touching his nose.

“Exactly,” she said in a quiet, soft, firm voice, “wrong. This is our problem now, Drake.”

"And what is the solution to my predicament, Miss Sparkle?" he said sarcastically.

"The Elements of Harmony!"

"I'm sorry?"

"We're going to help you make friends and be a friend, Drake!"

"Good luck. I think it's a little too late."

"I figure we've already taken the first step," Applejack said. "You were honest. And one of the most important things in friendship is being honest with each other."

"Uh huh," he yawned. "What's for breakfast anyways?"

The ponies shook their heads as he left upstairs.

"This is gonna be a tough one, girls," Twilight said.

"It never gets any easier," Rainbow Dash said sarcastically. "Nightmare Moon, Discord, and now humans. I'm gonna hit the hay!"