Remember Me the Way I Was
“This is one corner… of one country, in one continent, on one planet that’s a corner of a galaxy that’s a corner of a universe that is forever growing and shrinking and creating and destroying and never remaining the same for a single millisecond. And there is so much, so much to see.”
~;~
Dreams are a strange realm. Holders of unknown knowledge, wishes unfulfilled. Some proclaim theirs tell the future, while others say that they’re just your overactive brain trying to calm itself to sleep better. Some don’t even dream at all.
Most of the time, however, dreams eventually fade and the dreamer forgets it as soon as they wake up. The Doctor wishes he was so lucky. Having such an ancient mind, people may think he forgets easily. If only it was that easy. He remembers many things, a lot of them not pleasant; the loss of a companion, the loss of his people… Watching his world burn; knowing it was the only choice didn’t help the wound.
In the few hours of slumber he gets, he always thinks of his companions, both those that remain and those he lost. One mare in particular he grew close and attached to, something he hated doing each and every time. His one promise to himself was never get attached to anypony, what’s the point when all that’ll happen is they’ll age and die while he remains young? But no matter how hard he tried, he still grew attached to each and every one, a piece of his crippled heart going every time.
Then there was the grey mare of his dreams, his one companion that no matter what, was by his side. He tried countless times to get rid of her, to see he was just a madman with a box… but each time, she always came back. Slowly he grew to love her, but was never able to tell her his feelings before time caught up and she too, had to go.
The Doctor moved uneasily in his sleep, the chair grunting in response as a dull blue light pulsed from the TARDIS’s core. Once again, the grey mare haunted his dream, giggling at some joke. The two of them sat in an open field, the sky pitch black. She opened her mouth to speak but only loud beeping came out.
The Doctor tilted his head, confused. “Derpy, are you alright?"
She continued to beep, her body starting to glow. One moment, she was there, and the next, she was gone, shining glowing particles lightly touching the ground where she sat. “Goodbye sweetie~” Her voice echoed across the darkness.
The Doctor started awake and leaned forward. He rubbed his mane and looked at the core. “Just another dream…”
It pulsed darker, the humming of the TARDIS getting louder.
He got up and stretched before he walked over to the control panel. “Oh where are we landing now?” He read the coordinates. “Oh… Ponyville… I haven’t been there in years.” He pulled the lever, the core slowing down as the TARDIS landed gently on the ground. He patted the control panel and walked over to the door, straightening his tie before opening it.
The bright light blinded him as he stepped out. He blinked furiously, getting the spots to disappear. When he did, he saw he was just on the edge of town, the centre not too far away. The town itself seemed to have finally advanced, the wooden houses and roofs replaced with cobblestone and stone houses.
“Wow…” He wandered towards the centre, ponies milling about. The town had nearly doubled in size since he was last here, fillies and colts running around freely. He smiled faintly as a couple ran past him, chasing after each other.
It was just a little before lunch time, ponies lining the street in the marketplace. He walked around, most of the ponies he knew weren’t there, all the shopkeepers replaced by family members. He walked towards the library and paused in shock, nothing remained of the once glorious tree.
“What in the worlds happened here?” He asked a few ponies and they told him of the giant duel between Tirek and Twilight. He thanked them and headed in the direction of her new castle. He stopped and whistled, the crystal castle beautiful in the sunlight. I knew she’d make a fine princess…
“Doctor?” A strangely familiar voice called out.
His ears flicked as a shiver ran down his spin and he turned around, His jaw dropped as the pony that stood before him brought back a flush of memories. No… it couldn’t be… “Dinky?”
The once cute purple filly had grown into a lovely mare, her blonde mane looking just like her mothers. A pair of saddlebags rested on either side of her hips as a hoof flew up to her mouth. Her golden eyes widened. “S-so it is you… D-dad…” Tears threatened to spill out of the corners of her eyes as anger filled them. “Y-you have a lot of explaining to do!”
He took a step back and her horn glowed and he was rooted in place. “Dinky… My Celestia, just look at you. You’ve grown so much…”
She stomped her hoof. “Where is Mom?!” She instantly went straight to the point.
The blood drained from his face as that horrible memory came back, his hearts beating faster and faster. “I… I don’t understand.” He stuttered, fighting against the overwhelming pain and despair.
“Don’t! Don’t you even try and hide it!” A few ponies turned their way, interested in why the usually calm and happy Dinky was furious. Most of them didn’t even recognize the Doctor. She reached inside her saddlebags and pulled out a worn parchment and forced him to look at it. “This… this is all I got from you! A note saying that Mom can’t come home! Why? Amethyst wouldn’t tell me but I know you two talked about it!”
“Dinky… I…” He remembered that note… and that talk. Amethyst was upset; Derpy had adopted her when her parents died. She wasn’t too happy when he had explained what happen… nor was his body after she had beat him up.
“You what? Why won’t you just tell me the truth?”
“Because I can’t!” he yelled and stared at the ground.
She stopped and the note fell. “Why can’t you?”
“Because…”
“Because why?” She pushed and walked up to him. “Dad… please, look at me.”
“I… I can’t…”
“Why? Do I embarrass you? Are you ashamed of me?”
“No!” He looked at her, tears falling. “I’m so sorry for what I did… I did all I could but in the end, I couldn’t save her…”
“S-save her?”
He nodded. “It’s my fault she’s gone…”
Dinky’s magic wavered and he dashed away, pushing his way through the crowd of ponies. “Dad wait!”
He ignored and galloped back to the TARDIS. He slammed the door and rushed to the control panel, gripping it tightly. The door creaked open and he looked. Dinky was crying as well as she shut the door behind her. “Dad, you can’t run forever…”
“Don’t you understand?! I loved her! She was the only pony that could keep up me!” he dryly laughed. “All those adventures, those close calls with death… Then you were born and she vanished. It was so lonely, I thought I was going to go crazy!”
“Dad… please…”
“Please what? Tell you the story how Derpy wanted one last adventure? How I fought against it till I caved in and we went on one final gallop across the universe? That… that it’s my fault that we ended up in the graveyard…” He fell to the floor, his head resting against the control panel.
Dinky’s anger fizzled out. All these years, she’d held it in, waiting for her dad to return. Mom would always tell her extravagant stories of their adventures and how he always returned. How he couldn’t be beaten, no matter the odds. How strong he was, never faltering or giving up. How the stallion in the stories… now reduced to this…
She walked over and sat down next to him, putting a hoof against his shoulder. “Dad…”
He looked up, looking a thousand years old. His brown eyes were murky, pain and sadness overwhelming him. “Dinky… I… “
“It’s okay Dad…” She hugged him.
He was hesitant, sitting there as she hugged him. “But why?” he whispered.
“Because Mom would want me to give you a chance to explain things… and you’re still my dad. No matter how mad I am at you… It were your adventures that helped me get through Mom’s disappearance…” She looked away and wiped a tear off her face. “I’m not gonna lie, when I was little I always hoped you’d take me on an adventure…”
“I couldn’t… it’s too dangerous…”
“That’s what Mom always said…” She sighed and it was silent inside the TARDIS, save for the hum of the core. “Dad… is Mom…” She couldn’t bring herself to say it.
“No… she’s not dead…” He said in a hollow voice.
“Then where is she?”
“It’s hard to explain…” He sighed and pulled himself semi-together, looking his daughter in the eye. “But on our last adventure… The TARDIS malfunctioned and sent us to Manehattan in the future… and it was prey for a species called ‘the weeping angels’... They send you into alternate universes and feed off your life force… Ponies were disappearing left and right and I tried to stop them. But my plan backfired… and Derpy sacrificed herself to make sure I made it out alive. The weeping angels just stopped. Whatever Derpy in the alternate universe made sure the weeping angels in the future didn’t come to Manehattan.”
“So why can’t we get Mom back?”
He shook his head. “When Derpy went back, it became a fixed point in time… If I go back, Manehattan then and now would be destroyed…”
“But I want Mom back!” She started crying again.
“So do I… but I just can’t…”
“Then let me do it!” She quickly got up and looked over the controls. “Don’t worry Dad, I’ll figure it out and then we could live as a family again!”
“Dinky, please…”
“No! I want to see my Mom again!”
He rested a hoof on top of hers. “You can’t… She’s gone…”
She looked at him, looking like she was going to yell. Instead, she fell into his hooves, burying her face into his chest and crying. She knew Derpy wasn’t dead, she could feel it. She knew if the Doctor ever came back, they’d go back and get Derpy… But now…
“Mom…” she choked through the tears. “You missed so much… I had a coltfriend, had a job, graduated second in my class, found my cutie mark… I… I miss you so much… Mommy…”
“I’m so sorry Dinky… it’s all my fault…”
She stopped herself from laying all the blame on him. She remembered how Derpy was, very strong-willed and most of the time, didn’t take no for an answer. She also remembered how she was always told to look on the bright side of things. “B-but at least I actually got to meet you Daddy…”
“Ha, what a good lot I am as a father…”
“Dad, please… I already lost Mom… I don’t want to lose you too…”
“But I’m not worthy to be your father… I’m just a madpony in a box.”
“Dad, what happened is horrible and I don’t know if I want to hug you or punch you… but the fact is you’re alive and so is she,” she wiped her nose, “we just can’t see her… I can feel it in my heart that she’s alive and fine… “
“How? How do you know?”
“I can’t explain it… I can just tell you how I feel… and I think she’d want us to try and work on this relationship.”
“But I blew it… I left a stupid note and ran away…”
“Yes, you made a horrible choice… but you can fix it.”
“How?”
“Let’s go on an adventure… together. Mom always said she felt closest with you when you two went on adventures, maybe that’ll help.”
“Oh no, I already lost one of my family, I won’t lose you too.”
“Dad, either we agree or I’m hitting every button I can push.”
He looked at her, studying her. He could definitely see Derpy in her; her stance, her mannerisms… her eyes. He faintly chuckled and sighed. “Alright… But only one adventure and then you’re coming back.”
“We’ll see…” She said, faintly smiling as he walked over and flipped the globe.
“So where do you wanna go? The past? The future? A different planet?”
“Well… I’ve always wanted to see how Celestia dealt with the Griffons…”
“Interesting choice…” He ran around the control panel, hitting buttons, flipping levers and switches till he cranked a hoof crank. He motioned her over to a lever. “Pull it and the TARDIS will be on its way.”
She hesitated and stared at it. Is she ready for this? Derpy always told her how dangerous and fun it was… Was she sure she could handle it? She nervously put a hoof on the lever and almost jumped when his hoof went on top of hers.
“Ready?” She nodded and for a split second, he was sure a wall-eyed grey mare was standing next to him as he pulled the lever and the TARDIS vanished from Ponyville.
