Three years. Three damn years have gone since Jake shoved up in Equestria. How did it happen you might ask. Well let me tell you right away!
Time travels 3 years into the past...with Dr.Who theme in background.
And here we go! Now where is he...
Ah-ha! There he is! Can you see him down there? Not there! There! Yes, right there! The guy being chased by a flock of ponies. How did this happen?
Oh, I don't know...
Its surely not because he is a troll and more annoying than Rarity's whining!
You can hear him right? Shh, listen!
"HAHAHA!!!" Jake laughs as he runs away with a furious pack of ponies behind him.
"Come back here!" shouts one random mare in the pack while trying to catch up to him, just about to show him just how strong pony hooves are to the face.
"Yeah sure! Like that will ever happen!" Jake shouts back while putting on some more speed to stay ahead of the pack.
Little did he know back then that ponies have way more stamina than humans.
But you know. Some of us have to find out stuff the hard way.
Or in his case... The hard, hard way.
Still running like no tomorrow, Jake can begin to feel his legs burning.
With him looking down, he sees that they were literally burning!
"AAAH! FIRE, FIRE, FIRE!!" he screams, while running. Turning his head back, he can see a purple unicorn with it's horn glowing. From her horn, She casts out a fireball! I kid you not!
Eyes wide, Jake jumps to the side, and manages to miss it by mere inches!
Still running, Jake can feel something very unpleasant, and painful.
Which is his nut hair burning. Painful, I know.
"AAAH! MY NUTS! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Jake shouts at the pack while trying to put the fire out, which is him punching and smacking his burning nuts.
With the fire out of the way, he is still running, him putting Usain Bolt to shame!
Spotting some kind of a weird farm in the distance, he decides to make it his new way point!
Yay~
After some more shouting and running, he is at the entrance of the farmhouse. With him going into Chuck Norris stile, he kicks the door open with all his might.
Unfortunately, there was someone, or rather somepony that was right behind the door, who's name is Applejack.
No? No bells ringing? Maybe the Element of Honesty sound familiar? Yes, I can see the gears spinning in your head.
Then how bout' this? Western accent and apple possession.
DING, DING, DING!!! That is the correct answer! The yellow farm pony! Congratulations! You won nothing!
Don't be sad. We all know that you never win.
"Whu?" Applejack says as she dizzily looks around to see just what happened. With her vision blurry and eyes like Derpy, she sees Jake who is currently barricading the door with every furniture and tools he sees.
"And just what are ya doin' hitting me in the head like that?!" Applejack shouts at Jack who suddenly stiffens at her voice.
Turning around slowly, Jake awkwardly laughs.
"Eh hehe, um... heh...heh...he..." He awkwardly continues as he slowly backs away from the orange pony.
"Well? Ah'm waiting! Tell me or ah buck ya into next week!" Applejack threatens ans she advances up on him.
Quickly looking around, Jake spotted a back door. An escape!
"Wow! Look!" Jake suddenly says while pointing behind the orange pony, who turned around to look at what he was pointing at.
Seeing the golden opportunity, Jack makes a run for the door. Throwing the door open, Jake continued his running.
When suddenly...
"COME BACK HERE!" roars Applejack. Looking behind himself, he can see the back door exploding into splinters when Applejack kicks it.
Now horrified, Jake runs like never before. But he was no mach to the earth pony!
Some seconds later he finds himself tackled to the ground by an orange blur that turns out to be Applejack, who turns around and says:
"Payback pardner"
And with that, Jake got kicked in the face.
And that is how Jake came to this place! I know, it's a touching story.
Time travel, activate!
Back in the present...
So here we are!
You are confused? Why what- Ohh, I see. So you wanted to know how this all started?
Ok, sure here is a quick recap starting.... *GASP*
So Jake was home eating pizza, then 'poof' Equestria. So he ended up at Rarity's and managed to piss her off, which is him tripping and ruining a 'Royal outfit' that she has been working on for the last few months. With her pissed, she chased him through Ponyville and in the direction of Fluttershy's. Running inside, he asked for help, which he got. Then he saw acute bunny! Picking it up, Jake brought it close to his face. Which caused the bunny to get pissed off.
So the bunny bit him, he threw the bunny away when he flinched and Fluttershy saw it. She got pissed and chased him out.
He ran away into town where he pissed off more ponies.
with half the population hating him, he ran into a tree-library! where he was greeted by a very friendly purple unicorn.
With him inside, she asked Jake some questions and stuff. When she had to go do something Jake saw something.
Something that just digs his grave deeper.
A letter. Opening it Jack saw that it was for Princess Celestia. Grabbing a quill and some ink, he began to add some touches to this "friendship report."
So anyways, long story short, Twilight sends the letter, gets a reply, gets pissed and goes into berserk mode.
So there you have it!
So back to the matter at hand.
So jack was walking in the halls of Canterlot castle, when suddenly he sees something shiny in the distance. Running over to it, he sees that its a lantern! Not just any lantern, nono. This was better. It was like in that Disney movie, Aladdin. With the Gin and stuff.
Looking around for the possible owner, he sees no one. With an evil smirk he rubs it and...
'Poof' nothing happens.
Frowning, he tries again.
And again.
And again...
Nothing happens, so he puts it down and walks away.
Then suddenly.
*YAWN* "Hmmm, who awakened me?" Came the voice of the Gin.
"Yo momma," answered Jake back with so much sarcasm, that you could almost taste it.
"Yeah what ever, so whacchu want son? Money? Immortality? Or some other bullshit like that?" Asked the Gin.
"Hmm... Ah, ha! Make a switch that turns Celestia's and Luna's magic on and off!" Jake wished.
"Sure, granted!" With a snap of his fingers, a switch was in my hand. It was on, 'on' right now.
"K. So whats the second wish?"
"Uh. Shape shifting abilities with the correct voices!" Jake replied.
"Granted. So what is the third wish?"
"I want super strong magical abilities!"
"Granted, kay see ya around mate." He then snapped his fingers and disappeared in a blue cloud of smoke that sucked itself into the lantern.
'Alright, lets have some fun!' He thought evilly.
Celestia was done with her day court and is about to take a her well earned time off. Seeing her room's door, she picks up her pace to a trot. A guard steps aside to let the Princess into her room.
Celestia closes her eyes as she is about to enter her room, but instead of stepping inside she face plants the door.
Celestia is very surprised, this has not happened earlier before, looking up to her horn she charges it up and sees the yellow magic aura around it.
With a shrug, she just blames her fatigue as to why her magic did not work. She tries again, and thus face plants again.
Now getting pretty frustrated the Princess puffs out her cheeks, and tries again. Nope, face plant.
Looking to the right, she sees the guard that was stationed to watch her door trying it's best to not laugh out aloud.
Getting really embarrassed, she quickly dismisses the guard who quickly left while snickering and chuckling all the while. some seconds later the Princess can hear the guard laughing his flank off.
This time looking at her door, she tries again. Much to her relief, it opens. Walking inside quickly to avoid embarrassing herself even more, she quickly kicks off her royal regalia; the shoes, necklace and crown.
With a foalish amount of glee, she jumps into her bed and snuggles up under the blankets. Lighting up her horn she quickly lowers the sun.
Closing her eyes, she falls into dreamland, which is currently manipulated by a certain human.
It was time for dinner... or in Luna's case, breakfast.
Lazily lifting her head from the dining table, she raises the moon. Luna is a completely different pony before her coffee. She is lazy, easily irritated and often just ignorant and grumpy. Closing her eyes, she decides to take a quick nap before coffee arrives.
Little did she know that it was just the amount of time Jake needed to get away from her sister's room.
With him hidden under the table, he patiently awaits her waking.
Some minutes pass and he can hear the hoof steps of a servant who is currently carrying a tray in her magic.
"Your majesty, your coffee is here." she gently tells Luna, who jolts awake and happily levitate the coffee mug of the tray and dismisses the servant.
Levitating the mug to her lips, she begins to carefully sip from her warm drink.
'Click!'
Her eyes cross in pain es her magic hold on her mug ceases, and spills the extremely hot coffee all over herself.
"......."
Jake waits to her reaction with held breath.
"......."
Actually getting a little concerned, he carefully pokes his head over the table to get a look at her. What he sees next will stay with him for the rest of his life.
Luna had a blank, thousand mile look, and her eyes were constantly twitching.
Slowly hiding under the table he tries to stay as silent as he can.
"......AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! HOT, HOT, HOT!!! AAAAAAAAAH! IT BURNS!!! AAAAAAA!!"
The guards run into the dining hall where Luna was currently running around like a chicken without a head all the while, screaming in the Royal Canterlot Voice.
Running to the sink, Luna uses her magic to lift up a flowerpot and begins to fill it with water. With the flowerpot filled with water, she is about to dump it on herself. Lifting the pot, she readies herself and is about to dump it on herself.
'CRACK'
The flowerpot falls to the ground ans her magic suddenly ceases to hold it.
Luna just stands there while blankly looking at the broken flowerpot.
Not longer available to hold it in any longer, Jake laughs his ass of.
"AHAHAHAHAAAHAHAA!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE WHEN- PFFFF HAHAAAHAHAHA!!!" Falling to the ground, he laughs like no tomorrow. Completely to his oblivion, Luna charges up her horn and points it at him.
'SWOOSH!'
Where the human once was, was now a big black scorch mark on the ground.
Every guard is staring at their Princess in horror. For some minute everyone is quiet and does not dare to make a single sound. When suddenly a guard carefully asks.
"Um, your Majesty? What happened? Where is he?" He asks Luna.
Turning around, Luna simply answers.
"I finally got to send someone to the moon." With that said she quickly runs of to find some water to fix herself up with.
Now where is her dream... Can you look over there? I'll look over here!
What? You found it? Ok, stand next to me! There is no knowing about what horrors are beyond that door!
Ready, Ok, give me a sec! Ok, ok, I'm good now. So on three! ok?
One.
Two.
Three!
...
You see that? I would not even wish that dream upon even my worst enemies!
Celestia is currently being strapped down on a chair while sitting in a fancy restaurant. And no that is not the worst part! Nono, the worst part... OH it give me shivers!
She is... she... ahg! It's just sooo bad! She is forced to have a romantic diner with Blueblood, who is currently batting his eyes at her!
Poor, poor Princess! But who cares! I don't! Heh come, lets get outta here!
THE END?
