Puff Puff Pass, It's Magic Grass!

by Zanem-Ji

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Spike, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia
Length: 4196

The Mane Six have come across a strange substance, at the request of Princess Celestia. It's up to them to figure out what it is and how it works. But after they do, things take a turn for the worst...just kidding, they take a turn for the aweso

What is it? Where did it come from? Nopony knows, not even Canterlot's top scientists. But what is known, is that Celestia needs the help of Twilight and her friends to figure out just exactly what this strange substance is. But after a dragon's little observation, and a shy pony's suggestion (and secret little ability), the Mane Six end up reaching Cloud Nine.

(Rated T for drug using, cursing, flirting, and stupidity...ing)

Published 2014-10-09 04:20:11 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-09 04:20:11 UTC

Okie Dokie Tokie

It sat on the table, surrounded by them. They all stared at it with unwavering interest. A hoof reached out to touch it. The bag crumpled and crinkled from it’s touch.

“Um…so…what is it?” Applejack questioned.

“That’s what I’m supposed to figure out.” Twilight replied. “Celestia sent this to me to experiment on it and see what happens. She said that the Canterlotian scientists have no idea what it could be, and so she gave this to me to investig-Rainbow, what are you doing?!”

Dash had her hoof halfway inserted into the small bag, “Uh…nothing?”

“Get your hoof out of there!!”

“But I just wanna touch it!”

“NOOO!!!”

“How are you going to ‘experiment’ on it if you don’t take it out of the damn bag?!”

Twilight snatched the bag from Dash’s grasp, “You don’t know what it is, so why would you even want to touch it?!”

Dash crossed her forelegs and let out a huff as a response. Twilight rolled her eyes and placed the bag back down in the middle. She rubbed her chin as she focused back on the strange item. Rarity rubbed her temple in frustration,

“Twilight, can you please just do something with it so that we can stop staring at it like a bunch of idiots?!”

The Alicorn grabbed the bag with her magic and levitated it in front of her, “Fine, if only to satisfy your foolish need to see something.” She turned away from them, and started to trot, “To the lab!”

The rest of the group groaned and rose from their comfortable seats, to follow their friend/princess to a place she had deemed her ‘paradise’. Vials and beakers bubbled with elixirs, potions and poisons glowed vibrantly, and various plumes of smoke floated about the room. Fluttershy let out a tiny cough,

“It’s a little..um…hazy in here, Twilight.” She waved her hoof in front of her face, “Do you think you we could leave the door open?”

Twilight shrugged, “I guess. No harm in doing that.”

Fluttershy turned a walked back up the stairs, while Twilight commenced to placing the bags contents onto a petri dish. As soon as the door opened, a teenaged Spike lumbered into the room,

“Twilight, we ran out of cuprite cookies and sapphire salt, so I’m gonna run down to the market…” he squinted at the group, “Why are you all down here?” his eyes lit up with mischievous excitement, “Are you about to summon a ghost or something?”

Twilight shot him a glare, “No. We’re trying to figure out what this is…”

Rarity leaned towards the dish, “It looks like it could be some type of plant…”

Spike walked up to the table, towering over the group as he picked up the dish, “It looks like the stuff that gets put in smoke sticks.”

The group turned to him. Twilight arched an eyebrow,

“How do you know what’s in smoke sticks?”

His eyes quickly shifted around the room, “Oh well, you know, I do a lot of reading, just like you. So, yeah…” he turned and bounded up the stairs, “Okayseeyalaterbye!!”

The door slammed with a heavy thud, throwing the room back into a dimmer shade of light. Fluttershy turned her gaze to Twilight,

“Would you happen to have any rolling paper?”

“I do, but why do you need it?” Twilight questioned.

“Well…maybe we use it in a smoke stick.”

“You want me to burn it?!” Twilight sputtered out. “You want me to just destroy the substance?”

“But…um…what if that’s how it’s supposed to be used?” Fluttershy replied quietly. “Spike did mention that it looks like the same plant that goes in smoke sticks.”

Twilight scratched the back of her head, “Well...I guess we could try it and see what happens. But only a little bit!! I don’t want to destroy all of it.” she summoned a few sheets of rolling paper, and set them on the table next to the bag. The ponies looked around at one another,

“So does anypony know how to make a smoke stick?” Dash questioned.

“Ah don’t smoke. Ah need healthy lungs tah do mah job.” Applejack replied.

“I don’t know how to make them. I don’t smoke that often, and if I do, I usually just go buy them.” Rarity stated.

“Can’t smoke when working in the kitchen.” Pinkie answered. “And I love baking!!”

All eyes turned to Fluttershy, who was sheepishly rubbing her hooves together. She looked up at them,

“I-I do…” she grabbed a sheet of rolling paper and a small amount of the contents in the bag. “I use my most of my bits taking care of my animals, and it’s cheaper to make your own smoke sticks instead of purchasing already made ones…”

She dropped the ground up plant-like substance and sprinkled it into the paper. She carefully rolled it up until she had a small strip of the paper left then licked the edge to stick it to the rest of the paper. She smiled at her perfectly rolled smoke stick, and handed it to Twilight,

“Here you go.”

Twilight pulled it into her magic grip, “Now what?”

“You light it up, egghead!” Dash shouted.

Twilight turned and summoned a Bunsen burner from one of many lab tables and held it to the smoke stick. A quick spark set it ablaze. Her eyes shifted nervously around at the group as she slowly put it to her lips. She took a slow inhale, feeling the warm smoke fill her mouth. After about ten seconds, she started to have a coughing fit as the smoke hit the back of her throat, flaring up into a powerful burning sensation. Applejack got a worried expression on her face,

“Ya alright, Twi?”

“I’m…*ACK!*…I’m fine…” Twilight quickly replied before her fit started up again.

“Maybe somepony more experienced to do it.” Dash suggested.

“Let me see it.” Rarity ordered, as she took it from Twilight’s magic grasp with her hoof. She placed it to her lips and inhaled. She lasted longer than Twilight, but she too, ended up in a massive coughing fit.

“Good gods…” she stated in a wispy voice, “This…this is a powerful smoke stick.”

Twilight reached for it, “Let me…let me try again.” She took it and did another drag. She lasted longer this time, coughing a little before blowing the rest of the smoke out. She smirked a little and passed it to Fluttershy. The group leaned in her towards her,

“How you feeling, egghead?” Dash asked.

“Pretty good actually…” Twilight responded in a slightly drawn out tone. “You just…you just gotta inhale a little bit at a time. Let the smoke fill your face…”

Pinkie scratched her head, “Huh? ‘Fill your face’? What does that mean?”

“I see what Twi’s talking about…” Fluttershy stated, before letting out a tiny giggle. “It’s like…if you-you let the smoke fill you deep, deep into your soul…” she started rubbing on her chest, “SO DEEP DEEP DEEP!! IT FEELS SO GOOD!!”

Dash sized her up with a smirk on her face, “’Shy…uh…you’re really feeling yourself, huh?”

Shy let out a soft moan, “Oooh, yes I am…and it’s soooo much fun…”

“Whatever that stuff is, it’s got a quick reaction.” Applejack pointed out.

“Fast and fun?! I WANNA TRY!!!” Pinkie shrieked before snatching the smoke stick from Twilight. She quickly popped the end to her mouth. She effortlessly took a big drag, only letting out a minuscule cough. The rest of the smoke billowed from her nostrils,

“Look, I’m a dragon!!” she squealed out, letting the rest of the smoke spill from her mouth. Applejack gawked,

“Pinkie, Ah thought ya said ya didn’t smoke?”

Pinkie shook her head, “Dash asked if I knew how to make them, not if I smoked.” She took another drag, “This stuff makes me feel…fluffy.”

Fluttershy’s ears perked up, “I wanna feel your fluffy goodness.” She reached over and started rubbing on the pink Earth Pony’s shoulder, “You’re so soft.”

Dash was about to say something, but Twilight’s chortling in her ear made her flinch.

“What the fuck are you doing?!”

“I’m checking out your aura.” Twilight giggled. “Just chillax…”

Dash leaned away from her, as she felt Twilight’s monstrously dilated pupils bore into soul. Applejack laughed at the scene playing out before her, until she felt a piece of herself suddenly leave body. She did a complete 180,

“Gimme back mah fuckin’ hat.” She commanded in a dangerously low tone. Rarity twisted one of her violet curls around her hoof,

“But darling, don’t be so disgruntled.” She tilted the Stetson up a little bit, batting her eyelashes, and making the farm pony swallow her anger. “You know you think this hat looks fantastic on me…”

Applejack’s eyes went wide, “Uh-Ah-guh.”

Rarity leaned forward, giving the Apple a sultry smile. Pink suddenly flew into her field of view, as a torrent of giggles poured into her ears.

“TRY THIS SHIT!!”

Before Applejack could protest, Pinkie jammed the rolled up substance into her mouth. She gasped, and in doing so, inhaled the fumes of the burning plant into her mouth. She was almost instantly filled with a warm, tingly feeling, as the smoke seeped into her lungs. She held her breath for about half a minute before exhaling.

“Yeeeeehhhhhhaaaaawwwwwooooooo…..”

“Applejack?” Dash looked over at her, “Applejack!!”

Fluttershy gently plucked the stick from her grinning lips and hovered over to Dash. She leaned in close and smiled sweetly,

“Dashie…you should try this…you’ll be feeling amazing in…” she licked her lips and moved her face closer so that it was only a few inches away from Dash’s, “ten…seconds…FLAT…”

That was it. It was all the Pegasus needed to hear to get her to try the stuff. She parted her lips a little to let Fluttershy gently place it on them. She closed her mouth and sucked in, the smoke pouring down her throat. She wanted to cough, but Fluttershy slowly shook her head, “Hold it in. Let it fill you with it’s awesomenesssssss…..”

Rarity snickered and looked over at the normally shy pony, “What are you, a fucking snake? Hissing over there and shit…”

The Pegasi ignored her, as Dash slowly blew the leftover smoke out. Applejack grabbed the smoke from her and took another drag. One by one, they took turns puffing and passing the smoke stick to one another,

“So like…what should we call this stuff?…” Dash questioned as she slowly scratched her head,

Twilight smiled, “I feel like I’m so much more closer to you girls…I mean…I love you, but now that I can see how beautiful your souls are...it just makes me love you that much more…”

“It’s freaking magical.” Pinkie added. “Let’s call this Magic Grass….” She clacked her hooves together, “And this the Magic Stick!”

There was a heavy pause in the room.

“That sounds kinky.” Fluttershy blurted out, before bursting into a fit of giggles.

“It’s making us connect like joints in the body.” Applejack pointed out as the smile on her face grew ever larger, “Let’s call this thing a ‘joint’.”

“Oh, wow....that's deep. You're so smart..." Rarity whispered in awe. "Well, pass the joint, Jackie.” Applejack got a sexual smirk on her face,

“Anythin’ fer ya, Sugar…”

“Mmmmm...sugar…I could totally go for some sugar.” Pinkie said dreamily.

“You always want sugar, you fatty.” Dash teased before rubbing her stomach, “I could go for anything though…”

“I’ve got a ton of snacks at my house…” Fluttershy pointed out. “I’ve never told anypony, but the critters that stick around my house steal food for me all the time.”

Under normal circumstances, Twilight would probably question why they did it, and told Fluttershy to return the food immediately. But as of right now, that food was going to be of great use to them. She got up,

“I’ll just throw this magic grass in my saddle pack and we can head over to her place.” She attempted to use her magic to grab the back, but her powers kept appearing as a lavender wispy mist.

“Oh, fuck this.”

She grabbed the baggie with her teeth, and clumsily climbed up the stairs, earning a round of laughter from her friends. They each struggled to rise to their hooves, stumbling and giggling at one another before they headed upstairs and out the door. When the door to Twilight’s library opened, the world appeared so much brighter to them. They couldn’t help but smile at it’s brightened beauty.

Rarity trotted to the front of the group and took in a big whiff of air,

“It’s absolutely wonderful out here!”

Applejack scooted over to her until their cheeks were touching, “YOU’RE absolutely wonderful out here.”

“I feel like I’m walking on air…” Fluttershy said dreamily as she hovered above the ground and began trotting. Soon Dash hovered right beside her, then Twilight. The trio giggled and smiled at each other, before Dash bumped into something. She quickly shook her head and turned, only to begin a round of amused chuckling,

“Whoa!! Pinks, how are you standing in front of us…in the air?” she squeezed her cheeks together, “That is so…AWESOME!!”

Pinkie waved a dismissive hoof, “Oh you know, I just used the power of friendship, and all that good shit.”

Twilight stared at her intensely, “I think I’m in love with you.”

Pinkie stared back for a moment, before letting out a snicker, “Twilight, shut up.”

Twilight let out a giggle, “Okayyyy….”

The group continued their walk. Rarity and Applejack were slowly walking behind their flying (and Pinkie, with her physics-defying ass) friends, chatting and waving at the ponies that were giving the friendliest smiles that they had ever received. What was really happening though, was that all of the town’s citizens were staring at them in shock and awe, wondering how the four ponies in front of the two, were floating in midair without the use of their wings or magic.

-MLP-

It seemed like Fluttershy’s forest friends caught wind of their caretaker and her friends acting weird, because when the Mane Six entered the house, it was spotless and virtually animal free, save for the Fluttershy’s pet bunny, Angel. They all took a seat, practically melting into the couch and love seats that the living room had to offer. Dash suddenly jumped up,

“Yo ‘Shy, make some more of those joints. I’m gonna grab the snacks. Where are they?”

Fluttershy smiled and rolled her eyes, “Where the hell is food usually at, Dashie?”

“Usually in Pinkie’s stomach, ‘cause she’s a fucking fatty.”

Pinkie shot her a fake glare, “Go get the food, Rainbow Douchebag.”

Dash smirked and flew to the kitchen. Fluttershy immediately got to work and made three large joints. Applejack was busy smiling at Rarity,

“Ya know, ya look might purty with that hat on ya head.”

Rarity giggled, “I think I’d look better with YOU on my head.”

The room instantly filled with jeers of a sexual nature, as Applejack’s face flared up to a shade of beet red.

“Now now, ya startin’ tah make me feel a lil’ silly.” Applejack chuckled out. Twilight leaned over close enough to where Applejack couldn’t ignore her,

“What, Twi?”

“You need to get it on in that. Smash. Just smash until you collapse.”

“And knowing that you’re such a strong pony…” Rarity rubbed on her chest, “I know you could go for a while...”

Her face when from beet red to the shade of a boiled lobster. She sputtered, and sputtered, and sputtered some more. Fluttershy picked up one of the fat joints and gave it to Applejack,

“Here You and Rarity can share.”

Rarity shot a little spark of magic to light up the joint,

“I’ll be taking that, thank you!” she stated with a lazy smile.

“And this one is for you and Twilight.” Fluttershy pointed out as she passed another joint to Pinkie.

“No way, you got Frito Hays?!” Dash shouted from the kitchen. “Fuck yes!!”

“You wanna bring them in here?!” Pinkie shouted back.

“Come get them, ya pink puffball!!”

Pinkie leaned over and placed her head on Twilight’s shoulder, a fedora suddenly appearing on her head,

“Hey baby doll, why don’tcha hold onto this joint for me” she asked in a Manehattan accent. “Just until I take care of our prismatic problem in the kitchen.”

Twilight looked at her in confusion as she took the joint from the Earth Pony, “Uh, where did you get this fedora from?? And did you just use the word ‘prismatic’?”

Pinkie ignored her and rose from her seat, trotting into the kitchen to take care of Dash. Fluttershy had somehow lit the remaining joint, and had a drifting, yet thoughtful look on her face. Twilight fired up her joint and took a deep inhale, reacquainting herself with the feeling of a sweet, sweet euphoria.

“This shit is on point.” Applejack pointed out from nowhere, her head lolling around on her shoulders before she laid it onto the back of the couch, “Flutters, whatcha doin’ hun?”

Rarity and Twilight followed her gaze, to see that Fluttershy was crawling around on the ceiling. How she got up there so quickly, nopony knew, and nopony cared.

“I’m freaking SpiderMare…” her reply was so calm and full of confidence that it made them chuckle.

“We got snacks galore, dudettes.” Dash announced as her and Pinkie walked out of the kitchen on their hind legs, carrying loads of food treasure in their forelegs. They dropped the food onto the table,

“We got Frito Hays, Wheetos, sunflower seeds, FunnyYuns, CHOCOLATE MOTHERFUCKIN’ CAKE!!” Pinkie shouted the last part excitedly, “We got ERRY-THANG!!”

They immediately dove into the food, smoking and scarfing like it was the end of Equis. It wasn’t long before they were fading deeper into their colorful world.

“Alright…alright…what if…what if the whole world was covered in zombies?” Twilight started. “How would you survive in it?”

Applejack raised a hoof, “Well, what kind of zombies are we talkin’ about here?”

“What?”

Applejack fumbled with her hooves, searching for the right words, “Well, like, are they crawlers, or sprinters?”

Dash snickered, “What the hell is a ‘crawler’ and a ‘sprinter’?”

Applejack rolled her eyes, “Dude, don’t act like ya don’t know the different types of zombies…” she lifted one hoof up, “Ya got yer crawlers; them fellers that move real slow-like.” She lifted her other hoof, “Then ya got yer sprinters; the ones that haul ass all the time, an’ ya almost never get away from ‘em.”

Twilight tapped her chin, slowly and thoughtfully, “I guess…I’d go with…the sprinters.”

Rarity grinned hard and looked over at her, “Seriously? Why?”

Twilight shrugged. “I dunno. Keep shit interesting I guess.”

“Yeah, but then you gotta worry about fuel.” Pinkie contradicted.

“Fuel?” the Alicorn arched a brow, “Fuel for what?”

“You know, for the car. You gotta have a car to get away from the sprinters”

The group stared at her for a moment. Rarity was the first to speak up,

“Pinkie…darling…what's a car?”

Pinkie looked around at them. A thick silence filled the room once more. Fluttershy floated down from the ceiling,

“YOU KNOW TOO MUCH!!”

Pinkie screamed out and laughed, as Fluttershy slammed into her. She placed her lips on her stomach and blew a raspberry, causing the pony to shriek out with more laughter.

“Quit it, Fluttershy!!” Pinkie screamed out in between her laughs, “You’re gonna make pee on myself!!”

Fluttershy immediately stopped as Angel hopped into the room. He began squeaking and chittering at her. She nodded at him, “Oh yes, I’ll take care of that later on today.”

Angel began making more squeaks, before he felt the eyes of all of his owner’s friends looking at him. He looked around at them, confused and mildly annoyed.

“Holy shit, was I the only pony that heard him?” Rarity asked in disbelief.

“It’s like…we’re all like Flutters…” Applejack responded.

“I can finally understand him!!” Dash shouted. “Hey, hey!”

Angel looked over at the cyan Pegasus. She snickered and smiled at him,

“You know…there’s something I’ve always wanted to tell you…”

His little pink nose twitched as he gave her his undivided attention.

“FUCK YOU, YOU DEMONIC RABBIT!!”

He let out a snarl that made him sound like a true ‘demon rabbit’, and lunged at the Wonderbolt worshipper with all the force his little body could muster. They rolled around on the ground, Dash guffawing as she felt furry little paws raining down upon her body.

It was like a fuzzy massage, and she was fucking loving it.

“THIS FEELS AWESOME!!” she shouted.

“I’ll save you!!”

Dash frowned as Twilight lunged at the snow colored monster. Twilight raised a hoof to strike him down,

“NOOO!!”

Fluttershy slammed her body into the mare, causing them to smack into the empty love seat. They threw punches, they kicked, they roared, they clawed at each other’s face. It was a fight that would surely end their friendship.

Or so they thought.

The other four ponies laughed, as Fluttershy and Twilight were actually lightly patting each other, helplessly flailed their legs, and rubbing their hooves ever so gently on each other’s faces.

“Dammit ‘Shy, how are you this strong?!” Twilight roared out,

“It’s because you turned me into a Vampony!” Fluttershy replied, as she opened her mouth wide. Her crooked fangs popped out and she leaned towards her lavender neck.

“Flut-Flutters?!” Dash’s eyes went wide. “What’cha about to do?”

Fluttershy didn’t reply. Instead, she dug her fangs into the fleshy neck of Twilight. She let out a moan of pain and pleasure,

“That hurts so good…”

Fluttershy giggled, “Girls, she taste like purple!!”

“You can taste colors?” Rarity looked over at Pinkie, and pounced.

“That tickles! Why does everypony want to touch me?!”

“I want to see what pink taste like!” Rarity exclaimed. “I’m sure it tastes marvelous, and I’m going to find out!”

And so she did. She clamped down and ‘om-nom-nom’d on Pinkie’s mane. Dash and Applejack looked on as their friends nibbled on each other. Applejack was too mesmerized by the scene playing out before her, to notice that Dash was slowly moving in on her flank. She let out an ‘EEP!!’ when she felt teeth bite down on her butt. She looked down,

“Dash, what the fuck?!”

“Youf tafte life orangfes!!”

“Ah taste like oranges?”

Dash nodded, teeth still clamped down.

Applejack gave a slight wiggle, “Okay, quit bitin’ mah ass!!”

Dash obediently let go, a friendly smile on her face, “Okay, now eat me.”

Applejack snorted, “Ah’m not gonna eat ya out!” she leaned closer, “Ah’d rather do that tah Rares…”

Dash rolled her eyes, and whipped her mane in front of Applejack’s snout, “See what I taste like, idiot.”

Applejack complied, and nibbled a bit of Dash’s mane. The result was instantaneous.

“That’s what a fuckin’ rainbow taste like?!” she licked her lips. “It’s delicimazin’!!”

Rarity looked over at Applejack and batted her eyelashes, “Oh my, Jackie. What a delightful and clever combination of ‘delicious’ and ‘amazing’.”

“You know what else is delicimazing? If you stuff Wheetos and sunflower seeds into a tofu burger. It's fucking awesome.” Twilight announced, as she and Fluttershy shared their strange concoction of a burger.

“You know, you girls are just…fucking amazng.” Pinkie declared. “I love you all to death, sooooooo much, and I feel like all warm and fuzzy with you all around.”

“Ooh, let’s get even fuzzier and hug!!” Rarity suggested.

“Fuzzy hugging and cuddling...” Dash clacked her hooves together, “Fuggles. We’re gonna call them fucking fuggles.”

“YAY! FUGGLES!” the others shouted in unison.

And they fuggled. They fuckin’ fuggled like nopony ever fuggled before.

-MLP-

Celestia wore a proud smile on her face as she watched the scene of intense ‘fuggling’ play out on her mirror. She was interrupted by a light knocking on her chamber door,

“Who is it?”

“Auntie Tia, it’s me!” The Princess of Love replied, before inviting herself into the room. Her ears perked up with interest as she saw the scene on the mirror,

“Are you spying on Twilight and her friends?”

“Yes…" Celestia replied somewhat sheepishly. "I gave her a little special treat for being such a good student and saving us over and over again…”

Cadence smiled as she saw the blood shot eyes, listened to the outrageous laughter, and smirking at the touching going on between the Mane Six.

“No way…they look high.” She looked over at Celestia, “Did you give them weed?”

“Twilight and her friends needed it. They’ve had a lot thrown on their plates, and I just wanted to reward them with a good time.”

Cadence chuckled, “Nice….” Her small smile suddenly disappeared. “Wait, where’d you get it from?”

Celestia was about to reply, until they heard Luna screaming from down the hall.

“WHO HATH TAKEN MY BRUCE BANNER?!?! THAT SHIT IS MOST TROUBLESOME TO ACQUIRE!!!"

Author's Note

For those who don't know their strains, Bruce Banner is a type of marijuana strain (currently the strongest in the world, with a THC level of 28.something percent). Basically, it's some powerful shit.

I should probably say something positive since this story is about drugs.

...Um...hmmm...

Stay in school kids.