The Epic Adventures of Fluttershy's Cousin

by Pterry

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Adventure, Sex, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Original Character
Length: 3759

Fluttershy's cousin Mika has strange and wonderous adventures in the land of Equestria.

Fluttershy's inexplicably Japanese cousin thinks it's just another ordinary day of being a hooker. But when she follows the skeleton of her friend to uncover an insidious plot to make everyone in Equestria a faggot, she realizes that today is anything but normal.

I'd like to thank my friends from Ponychan for helping me write this. It's full of OCs but there's no preliminary reading required; we just kind of made up these characters for this story, so don't worry there's no inside jokes or anything like that.
This is one of those funny troll stories, so it's NOT SERIOUS xD.

Published 2014-12-09 05:30:08 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-09 05:30:08 UTC

Requiem for a Rape Snake

Miharu was conscious of what seemed like billions of rape snakes slithering across and inside her body. They crawled up and down her vaginal walls, causing a constant stream of rape-induced sexual arousal to course through her body. She knew from watching lots of tentacle rape porn, the national pastime of her homeland Japan, that when she came the rape snakes would crawl into her womb and lay their rape snake eggs. She tried to think unarousing thoughts, but all she did was prolong the inevitable. Miharu came with the force of six million suns. The rape snakes left, and after Miharu's many orgasms had ceased, she noticed that she was tied down to some kind of table. She really hoped this was unrelated to the tests she had heard Angel's skeleton refer to. Miharu strained to see the room beyond her huge swollen belly. Primson Gown was clopping madly in a nearby cage- forced hyperimpregnation was also her fetish. Her cage was coated in a thick layer of spooge. An eight-foot cock hung suspended by chains nearby, with Silent Dust hanging limply from the base. Angel's purple tinker fairy thing was wedged deep within her urethra.

And than Soaring Sky came from behind and raped her. As Soaring Sky was raping her, she realized that the narrator had been unclear as to who she was. Was she Miharu? Primson? Meghan McCarthy? She concluded that she did not exist, and so with a poof it became apparent that Soaring Sky was raping the air.

Meanwhile the towering Princess Lily lumbered into the room, followed by a blue unicorn. This blue unicorn had stripes, and so it was apparent that he was a mixed breed abomination resulting from a mother who was depraved enough to waste her glorious unicorn genes on a filthy zebra.

"My name is Blue Shuffle," it said, "Now while the Princess here is doing some tests, you all better shut the fuck up and stay the fuck still. Or else I'll blast the bass cannon while you're asleep, and nobody wants that."

Soaring Sky continued to hump the air incessantly, much to the azure ziggercorn's annoyance.

"Hey! You cut that out or you'll really regret it in a few hours when you go to sleep!"

No-one really gave a shit though, so Blue Shuffle spread his hindquarters and offered his ponut to the rape-happy pegasus. Soaring Sky declined, as air was clearly best pone, so Blue Shuffle went to mope emoish-ly. Or he would have went to go mope, had John Cena not materialized from the ground and said "They call it a Royale with cheese." then suplexed him into 1995.

The mention of food roused Lori the fat unicorn, who was being fat in another corner of the lab. She was at this point so fat she could barely move, so they didn't even bother with a cage. A feeding trough in front of her was filled of the remaining bits and pieces of Shadow the ~~Hedgehog~~ Griffin, which she ate fatly. She cut her mouth on all Shadow's edges, but she ate the blood too so that was okay. Her sister clopped furiously, flooding the lab with her marecum. She was also pissing everywhere, because that's how horses cum you filthy fucking casual. Wait, didn't Princess Giraficorn have some actual plot to say? Princess Lily seemed unsettlingly unperturbed by the insanity unfolding around her, including her assistant being time-displaced by a decade. She casually unscrewed John Cena's head with her magic and held it beneath her marehood, releasing a brilliant shimmering cascade of urine into his blank dead eyes as she spoke.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU NIGGER FAGGOTS," Princess Lily said calmly.

The ponies shut shutted? shat? the fuck up, but this was their fatal error. The princess reached for a lever marked "homosexual mind control beam". Oh, who could save them in time?

It was at this moment that a perfect, powerful, blue alicorn princess who was Princess Luna's daughter flew in.

"Princess Crescent," cried Princess Lily, "You're too late to save these ponies! Leave now that you may not suffer their fate."

Princess Crescent responded by using her mary sue powers to subdue Princess Lily and cause the homosexual mind control beam to disable harmlessly. Miharu thought this was anticlimactic.

"Noooo! You have defeated me and now I must go to prison," lamented Princess Lily, "Curse you, Princess Crescent!"

All the ponies who were not tied down gathered around Princess Crescent, chanting her name and praising her as their savior.

"Now don't call me 'Princess'," chided Princess Crescent, "I may be perfect but I'm also humble."

They followed Princess Crescent out of the rape snake dungeon, leaving Miharu alone and tied down with nobody but John Cena's piss-soaked head and a womb full of rape snake eggs.

It was the sound Miharu heard from deep within the darkened lab. She couldn't see much over her gigantic rape-egg filled belly, but she heard something scurrying around the lab. No, two somethings. Two somethings who were probably faggots.

The two somethings were indeed faggots. They turned out to be Diamond Gamer, a gaymer gurl who thought uploading videos of herself playing video games to youtube counted as art, and her older sister Xethon Skull, a pony so edgy she actually wore edges as jewelry. Xethon was constantly angry and depressed because she was a retarded emo. Dismond was constantly smug because she had earned her cutie mark before her older sister and to that very day she still taunted her pathetic sister over that fact. Miharu would normally have been quite glad to see other ponies so quickly after being abandoned, but it was at this moment that the rape snakes inside her womb hatched.

The rape snakes burst forth from Miharu, engulfing her would-be saviors with their scaly rape. Their cries for salvation would have gone unanswered if not for an extremely edgy pony flying by the rape castle at that moment. Black Lullaby, a dragon-winged, shaggy abomination with fangs and red splotches, flew in and took all the rape snakes inside of her gaping vagina and trapped them there. She used her edges to free Miharu. As a show of her might, Black Lullaby proceeded to rape Xethon Skull and Diamond Gamer into a coma, and then she turned to speak with Miharu.

Miharu grabbed her by the throat and cried, "Back the fuck off!?!?!?!?"

Miharu cut her hooves on Black Lullaby's throat edges, and watched as her blood slowly trickled down her forehooves. Black Lullaby passed the fuck out at the sight of blood like the edgelord poser she was, and Miharu raped her repeatedly in an attempt to rouse her. Edgy though she may be, Miharu was still all alone in some sort of nazi experiment rape dungeon lab, and a companion would have been nice. Alas, all the rape accomplished was Miharu cutting herself on Black Lullaby's clitoral edges, so Miharu kicked her a few times for good measure then walks off, alone, to face new dangers and shit.

Then Miharu realized she had Ebola.

Epilogue: The End of Days

Miharu was going to die of ebola, that much was certain. After the things she had seen, Miharu was certain that there was no hope for ponydom. The only thing to do was to spread ebola's hemmorhagic love as far as possible, but first she had to get outside. Fortunately, Miharu found some creatine in John Cena's urethra. She poured the illicit supplement on her vagina for maximum absorption, and the transformation began.

Her muscles began to expand and multiply unnaturally, her skin stretched to its limit, and her veins popped out of her skin a full six inches. Miharu used her unnatural muscles to clobber her way out of the rape dungeon and into the world outside. The sky was bright blue, the grass was brilliant green, and the ponies below were completely unsuspecting of the bloody and gruesome death that the autistic hulk above them was planning. With a roar that would make Godzilla weep in pride, Miharu leapt down into the midst of the ponies below. Using the sheer POWER given to her by John Cena's urethra-creatine, she grew three massive horsecocks and began to anally annihilate all who dared come near her big-dicked glory.

And so Calypso Rosea Telemachchus flew in to do battle. Calypso was fully convinced that she was unable to die, and so in a truly fearless feat she ripped off one Miharu's horsecocks. Miharu's blood and semen splattered all over the delusional mare, almost certainly infecting her with the deadly ebola virus.

Miharu's severed horsecock flopped about phallicly, then engorged itself like some kind of dick balloon before giving birth through it's urethra to some fucking German Pegasus named fucking Katana Von Richtofen. Fucking fuck, really? Katana's not a goddamn name. Anyways, in a fit of genius Katana shoves her gigantic horsecock mother up her anus, which fills with so much semen it pushes clear through her digestive tract and she starts puking cum uncontrollably. Clearly this is a mare with a brilliant well thought out plan.

Meanwhile, a fat groaning mass of flesh named Lori Thundersnatch Von Hurricane moaned rotundly, being incredibly fat. Too fat to move or even eat by herself, she simply lay there as her sister Primson fed her the last of Shadow the Edgy Griffin's charred bits (one of his scrotal edges). Lori swallowed, then belched deeply, finally fat enough for the first time in her fat fucking life. Primson had worn her vagina off completely from extreme chaffing, but continued to mercilessly rub her bloody hoof against the open gash on her pelvis. Lori's stomach groaned, then rumbled, then started convulsing violently. She could feel something moving inside her, struggling, clawing its way through her insides. Something…
…edgy

Shadow the Griffin exploded triumphantly out of Lori's anus.

Shadow quickly rallied an army of black and red alicorns, commanded by himself, Silent Dust, and Pain Suffragentice who was Black Lullabye's ultra-edgy husband. The army of edge moved in to confront the hulking, doubly-futa'd Miharu. This was the fulfilment of the ancient prophecy that told of a great battle which would soak the land with spaghetti.

The huge army of edge raised their edgy body parts and spaghetti-bowl shields with a battle cry. "I'M GOING TO CUT MYSELF LATER, BUT NOT AS HARD AS I'M GONNA CUT YOU NOW!"

With that, the edge-army advanced upon the double-cocked beast, who was about to rape some mare. But surprise- the "mare" was a trap! While Miharu recoiled, as that was not her fetish (And thus Beacon, the bisexuallyest of all trappones, avoided being raped, which is really a tragedy as surprise sex is his fetish. He still got Ebola though, and he committed sudoku as he feared a nerd might be nearby), the entire edge army got one massive, collective boner. It was truly a bonding moment for all of them. Too bad they were all probably going to die.

Seeing Shadow the ~~Hedgehog~~ Griffin streak above edgily, Katana took careful aim with her asshole, then let out a mighty fart, propelling the severed horsecock that birthed her out of her cum-soaked rectum and into the air. Shadow caught it heroically with one of his edges, holding the phallus above him like his Excalibur. He had his weapon. He had his army. He had his edges. Now he had to strike, before Ebola claimed them all.

It was now that Pandora, great goddess of shit, descended upon Equestria with the intention of halting the battle before all the land was destroyed. Unfortunately this was also when thousands if rape snakes, bred for several generations within Black Lullabye's womb, burst forth from the rape dungeon. These rape snakes had ebola from being inside of Miharu, and prolonged exposure to the disabled homosexual mind control ray had made them all gay. These were no ordinary rape snakes: these were homosexual ebola rape snakes. They descended upon the great goddess of shit, so as to fulfill part of the ancient prophecy: Scaly noodles will pleasure her as she drowns in diseased marinara.

Having devoured and defiled the Shit Creatrix, the gay Ebola rape snake hoard spilled forth, raping all in their path. Most of the edgicorns died, but no one really cared about them anyways. Silent Dust, however, had an ace up her cunt. The purple-maned changeling had, through sheer force of her humping miraculously revived the skelepone Angel, and now the two set forth to trap the rape snakes within Angel's gaping anus. Wave after wave of gay Ebola serpents get sucked within the void, and when finally the last of the rape snakes disappeared into her ponut a great sense of purpose filled Tess Opal-Quartz, the purple shit-fairy that also was there. She leapt forth into Angel's asshole, plugging it tight and sealing the gay ebola rape snakes forever. They tried in vain to induce ass pregnancy, but were trapped deep within Angel's shit.

"This is my hole," Tess the shit-fairy says contently. "It was made for me." Later she got sucked through Angel's digestive tract and turned into a noodle-pony, but that's another story.

The creatine in Miharu's system wore off. Her muscles shrank and her horsecocks withered away. She was now totally helpless.
Silent Dust sauntered over to her fallen enemy, intent on gorging on Miharu's semen vomit, but was stopped by another changeling who also for some reason had a cutie mark. This was Heart Blaze, and she used her power of weed to kill Silent Dust via marijuana overdose. Heart Blaze and Princess Crescent took Miharu to jail, where she remains to this day, her mind utterly broken by the horrors of the knowledge of the real world.

All around her there are autistic ponies with tragic backstories and broken horns and fat neckbeards brandishing fedoras, all ruled by histrinoic teenage girls. Her cousin Fluttershy sends her cow manure every week.

Miharu knows that this is hell.

And that she deserves it.

Author's Note

This work was the collective effort of Ponychan. We all gathered together to write something funny for the brony community, and this has been the result. Everyone there, myself included, contributed literary talents and created the hilarious OCs invented for this story, so I did write the story but so did a bunch of other great bronies! And sorry if it was a little bit icky; that's just le internet for you XD.

The Skeleton Whore and the Giraffe

Miharu Fujiwara had spent a long day of sucking dicks. With a belly full of semen, she was walking home, feeling accomplished. Not only did the work pay well, it was also quite enjoyable work. Suddenly Angel, one of Miharu's many fuckbuddies, ran across the road, her asshole positively gaping.

"Now where's she going?" wondered Miharu. She quickly galloped after the pink and blue whore.

'Miharu followed Angel into the Everfree Forest. As Angel entered a clearing in the woods, Miharu lay down and watched from the brush. Angel was approaching a veritable giraffe, a unicorn of insane height who was probably also ridiculously overpowered.

"Princess Lily," began Angel, "The tests are going well. Soon we'll be able to make everyone in Equestria into a homosexual!"

Just then Miharu remembered her stomach was massively engorged with horse semen, and promptly vomited all over the nearest passerby, a violet-maned changeling named Silent Dust who had a cutie mark for some fucking reason. Naturally Silent Dust found being drenched in regurgitated horse cum incredibly arousing, and she grew a massive erect horsecock. Miharu begged the cum-soaked changeling to keep quiet so she could continue staring into the void of her pink friend's gaping anus under the pretext of spying, but Silent Dust found the lust of her new futa-cock to be unbearable. She launched herself towards the wide open maw of Angel's distended ponut. Angel screamed as Silent Dust tried to jam her throbbing, 4 foot long futa cock into her semen-stained butthole.

At the very last second, the shit-covered head of a violet fairy pony named Tess Opal-Quartz emerged from Angel's ass and began shouting at Silent Dust, "Th-this is my hole! IT WAS MADE FOR ME!"

With all the noise coming from the brush, the insanely tall Princess Lily sent her personal guard, Shadow the Gryphon, over to investigate. Upon finding the orgy, he cut everyone with his edges until they stopped fucking.

"Nothin personnel, kids," he said as he dragged them all with his dual-wield katanas over to the towering Princess Lily.

Miharu remembered that Angel had killed herself months ago. She looked again and saw that Silent Dust was, in fact, balls deep in a skeleton. But none of that mattered now. She was dropped at the hooves of the lanky mary sue Princess Lily, left totally at the mercy of that skyscraper of a mare.

All of the sudden tentacles appeared out of nowhere and went towards Princess Lily's ponut, you could hear the screams for miles, Shadow attempted to cut the tentacles with his edges, but a shotgun tentacle appeared and stuffed itself inside Shadow's anus, the griffon attempted to cut the shotgun with his anal edges, but to no avail. You then heard a blast, and shadow was blown to bits, the only thing left was Shadow's anal cervix on top of the shotgun tentacle, you then threw up, threw up so much that you didn't stop for hours, when you finally came to, you found yourself in a trippy kaledioscope world. You were really confused since the story suddenly shifted into 2nd person. You had no idea who you were. Were you that Miharu bitch? IDK, she seems like sorta the main character so why the fuck not? Okay, you were her. You vomited some more cum whynot.

Miharu was confronted by two young ponies. One was a filly and the other was a trap. These were the Cherries, renowned for their severe autism throughout all of Equestria. They stared silently, expressionless. Fortunately, being Fluttershy's cousin and also a filthy jap, Miharu was used to this sort of behavior. She was certain she could beat these two in an autism-off. Miharu began loudly reciting a clopfic of her marysue oc seducing both princesses and the mane 6 at once. She broke the narrative frequently for pointless exposition drops about various characters' cliche tragic pasts. She began clopping, a steady stream of marinara gushing from her marehood. At no point did she break eye contact.

Unrelated, Silent Dust was still humping a skeleton.

The Cherry twins were determined not to be outdone though. They donned their fedoras and proceeded to do an interpretive dance to a remix of the brony song "Discord". Their dance told the tale of a young artist who wanted to become internet famous by defending the honor of keyboard feminists, and by the time the song was over the siblings were locked in an incestuous embrace. The two tipped their fedoras and sat perfectly still, waiting for a counter from Miharu.

Full of determination and semen, Miharu donned a fursuit of her cousin Fluttershy, complete with anatomically accurate silicone horsecock (not because futa was her fetish, but to demonstrate the fluidity of her gender, and because futa was her fetish). She pulled out a stolen OC plushie and begins raping it while denouncing religion as a tool of patriarchal oppression. She also reminded everyone that shes totes not actually a lesbian lol she's just using graphic gay sex as a metaphor for exploring gender roles. She uses the word metaphor incorrectly. Confident in her victory, she came potato salad all over the plushie.

Meanwhile Silent Dust was just pounding that skeleton's ass, much to the dismay of the purple fairy-thing.
Also, a third thing wa happening! Lori Thunderthighs von Hurricane wandered in fatly, like she did everything else because she was a unicorn with the power to make herself fat. She started gorging her fat face with the burnt chunks of Shadow the edgy Griffin, getting even fatter. Did I mention she was fat? Her sister Primson Gown started clopping to this, as her fat fucking sister being a fatass was her fetish. Alas, the autism-ing contest was far from over—there was still room for one more in this glorious shitstorm. “SILENCE, YE LOWLY KNAVES!” rang a voice like that of a 12-year-old girl with throat cancer’s. A brilliant aquamarine unicorn mare jumped out of the bush, her moderate arctic blue and light brilliant yellow mane waving in the wind like a limp dick. She cast her fierce moderate chartreuse green gaze on the other three competitors simultaneously, sprouting an extra eye to give Silent Dust a moderately threatening stare. The mare opened her mouth, channeling the power of the Royal Whatever-The-Hell-Kingdom-It-Is-She-Rules Voice.

“Thy parl'r tricks art most amusing, but can ye faceth the autistic pow'r of Princess Melody Sugar-Plum Heart-Cleft Von Musica/Mel/Melody… /Sugar-Plum/Heart-Cleft/Double M/M. M/MHC! Turneth down f’r what!”

Partially due to Segar-Plom’s whale-sodomizing voice, Cleft-Heart’s unreasonable amount of terrible aliases, the brown noise that had seemingly come out of nowhere, and M&M’s abuse of patriarchal Shakespearean English, everyone had promptly dropped all their shit, figuratively and literally; even Silent Dust put his necrophilia on hold to take a dump which he had been holding in for a bit on Angel’s skeleton’s ponut. “You fucking shi-” Tess Opal-Quartz began, only to be silenced by Silent Dust’s chocolate-covered futa-cock again. One note of bass nearly indistinguishable from the sound of defecation filled the shit-stinking air, and Silent Dust, under a stroke of genius, began absently smashing Angel’s skeleton at 100 BPM, precisely alternating the accent of his futa-cock hits to create rhythmic tension. Princess Melodica Segar-Plom Cleft-Heart Van Halen, meanwhile, opened her mouth and began to sing.
YOU BETTER BELIEVE I GOT TRIX UP MY SLEEVE

That was when Princess Lily awoke from her cocaine-induced slumber and deigned to join Silent Dust and Angel's skeleton in their spooky scary skelesex. Angel shouted a startling, shrilly scream as her mistress shoved her boner (haha get it BONEr) up her tight princess marehood. The autistic competitors immediately stopped what they were doing and watched intently, masturbating furiously. And when they came it was with the intensity of six million white-hot suns, so that Miharu knew no more until she woke up. And then she knew only the teeming horde of rape snakes that surrounded her.