Realization.
"Please! It doesn't have to be like this! I have the elements, there's no backing out of this! There is no way you can win this! Just please...come back to me sister..."
"So naive... So I come back, then what? Watch as your glory over shines mine? You don't have the guts Celestia! You still see me as your little Luna, you always have, well not anymore! Tonight, And for all nights, I will be the ruler of Equestria!"
She was right. She had to see her in the way she should have seen her all along. Not as her sister, but as the enemy. She had to. She had to do her duty, to be loyal to her duty as the ruler of Equestria. So, she did what she had to.
"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry...it didn't have to end like this...I'm sorry..."
And with that she had vanquished the demon that was not her sister, but the enemy.
The enemy let out a final cry of distress. And then she was gone.
She was gone.
Celestia let out a cry of relief. It was finally over. After all the fighting it was over. The enemy was gone. She would be gone for a thousand years. A thousand years without the enemy.
But of course, that was the enemy wasn't it? She had lost her sister long ago, the dark entities consumed her, she knew that, but in the end, she was her sister. She wouldn't see her sister, for a thousand years.
One thousand years.
Pain, realization, and despair flooded her systems in one go at first with such intensity, she almost puked. She was gone. Gone. Away from here, away from her. She would never see her sister again. Not until, a thousand years was over. How would she be able to wait that long? The emotions and thoughts that came were uncontrollable to the conscious mind and flooded.
She couldn't even imagine herself in such a situation. The few months of nightmare moons's upbringing, was Tartarus for her. How could she survive a thousand years? With Luna by her side, that would go by in the blink of an eye, without her? It just couldn't happen.
Such was the psychological state of Celestia, biologically, she was showing signs of sadness, despair in its most purest, raw, and painful form from which it manifested itself in Celestia. In the few moments that Luna was gone, she cried. Only tears. She did not make any sound. Her face cringed up uncontrollably, crying out for a word, a sound, but nothing came.
She started to claw at the air as if trying to grab something, but her hooves remained empty.
The pain of immortality was only just bearable with somebody, always there to be there by your side, but now, she would have no one. She would have to mourn the deaths of her little ponies alone.
With every thought, came a new cringe of pain that attacked her, and made her want to scream. Yet, she couldn't, she didn't know why.
She remembered how they used to prance around the fields in the summer, having dandelion seeds cover them from head to toe when they had their brakes. She remembered how in the fall, they would jump into the piles of leaves left over from the running of the leaves. How in the winter, they had their annual snowball fights, and in the spring go over to the animal shelter and care for the animals. Maybe have Luna get bit by the alligators again every so years. She remembered her foolishness, and it prolonged her suffering.
Celestia had brought up these memories in an attempt to make her feel better. It did not. It had brought up more pain, more suffering than before. Every new thought had brought suffering and tears. She wanted to scream, but she couldn't. She still hadn't known why, but she did not linger on the thought.
Perhaps this was what loss did to a pony. No, she had felt loss before, she has felt it countless times. Being an immortal had made her experience so much loss. But this was different. This wasn't the loss of just anypony, this was the lost of her sister. The one who was always by her side. The one who would stay there no matter what. She had lost the one thing that stayed constant in her world. And she thought it would stay forever. That is what she thought.
Her ideas, concepts and memories of Luna, were brought up, then reintroduced, then forgotten, then reintroduced again. A vicious cycle that only made it more painful the more she existed. All in the matter of a few minutes.
She tried to stand up, but she just couldn't. She felt like the entire world was on top of her. She just stood there crying, trying to shout something, reaching out to try and grab something, looking for something.
Then the logical part of her kicked in, as the confusion of her state started to get to her and she tried to quantify her state.
This is just a weird release of random hormones and neurotransmitter that are the appropriate reaction to this type of stimuli, she thought as the memories of her scientific studies came to mind.
This made her feel a little better, until that phrase came back up again in her mind, a thousand years. She just couldn't take it. She couldn't mentally nor physically accept it. There had to be a way to get her back.
She jumped up used her magic to try and get the elements to bring her back. She used her magic, but the elements didn't work.
"C'mon, c'mon! Bring my sister back! Bring her back! I don't want to be alone for a thousand years, I want my sister! I want my Luna! Give her back to me!"
But the elements remained unresponsive. She kept, shouting at them, shaking them, until eventually throwing them at the rubble. Until she realized, that she couldn't use the elements anymore. For whatever reason, she couldn't, she had no connection with them. Perhaps they have realized the threat is over and that it was okay to remain dormant, or maybe Celestia simply couldn't control them anymore because she had exhausted her magic. She cried so much, that now she could barely see the elements at all. She called out the phrase she was so desperately trying to form.
"Luna! Don't go!" She cried out before finally allowing herself to cry out in agony and let all the sadness flood her systems as she stood there alone.
Whatever the reason she couldn't use the elements,she realized she couldn't do anything. She was gone now, there was nothing she could do. Nothing at all. She never even got to say goodbye.
{h}
The construction for Canterlot had gone smoothly that day. They have finally finished her castle. She had designed her own bedroom, filled with suns and rays that almost lit the room with simply their figure, and then she had designed another room. Her Sister's. The wall paper was filled with stars, and moons. She made them in memory of her sister. She stepped inside and looked at her new bed. It was big, and comfy. She brushed her teeth, and took off her royal jewels, and prepared for bed. Before she did, she walked into her sister's room. She was hesitant.
It wasn't that she hated the room, it was beautiful. And reminded her of her sister. She just hated sleeping. When trying to sleep, her mind was left to wander. And when left to wander she would face her reality with brute force. And again, that idea sprung to life. One thousand years. She was already doing terrible with herself, barely able to keep the land calm. She wouldn't be able to do it alone.
And again, every night, she wouldn't be able stop herself from crying. Of course, now, in a proper bed, she was able to rest more easily. But, the tears still flowed. Now she only kept quite as to not distress the guards. And she would weep, and weep, and weep, until she she could weep no more. And she would weep like this for the next 985 years or so.
Then, you would think, how was she able to sleep through the nights? A little word called patience. Because, she knew, that despite it being a thousand years, a thousand years wasn't forever. So after all the crying, she would simply think one phrase. One phrase until she drifted off to the other realm of consciousness where she would see her sister in her memories. Until then.
Author's Note
Another one? Really? Aren't we done with these? Yah, but this was more for me then anything. Despair, and sadness are emotions that were recently experienced by myself. And, this was my best to try and describe it. So, hoped you enjoyed it!
