Twilight Sparkle Walks Into a Princess

by ArtichokeLust

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Adventure, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character
Length: 1700

Twilight Sparkle partook in a few too many drinks before going to bed. In her drug addled sleep, she staged a bizarre heist, accidentally glimpsing some of the greatest secrets of Princess Luna.

Warning: This story is a low level memetic hazard. A memetic hazard is transmittable information that causes distress and remains in the mind for an extended period of time, possibly long enough to effect decision making.

I wonder if I'll get good enough to make medium or high level memetic hazards some time.

Twilight Sparkle partook in a few too many drinks before going to bed. In her drug addled sleep, she staged a bizarre heist, accidentally glimpsing some of the greatest secrets of Princess Luna.

Will she be able to handle the information?

Published 2014-10-09 22:20:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-09 22:20:06 UTC

magnanimous

A grate alicorn sped through the air possessed by hatred and lust for power.

*BZAP*

The alicorn shot off its horn, which was incredibly poainful. “AAAARGH”

“HahahahA!” Celestia breathed into the alicorns ears. “You cant defaet me wuth no smithy spells.” She grabbed its waist and spun it around on its back hooves. “You nead to lern how ta’ dance!”

Shadow Mahjong, a jet black alicorn with a blood red mane and tight, japanese eyeballs. He woke up from a drugged sleep and stiffened stretched muscles, snapping bones that could be heard throughout the museum. He swallow, annoyed at his wear state. He lit the hornn, woshing his body in a rede aura, dispelling all the neagative effects of the drugs. Now he was awake.

Shadow rubbed his eyes with a free hoof and swung his head around slowly, taking in his surroundings. There were marble pillars and marble walls everywhere. There were rows marble stands with various golden tools and coffins around. Right next to where he was sleeping was a coffin about half the size of any of the others.

He was in Canterlot Museum, and it was time to do the deed.

Before he went to work, he trotted around to the front of the display and looked at the plaque below the coffin. It read: “おならの風”, which he knew meant “cutting wind”. This was definitely the one he wanted.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a gray spray can. With a careful application of his hoof and a sweeping motion, the particles filled the air, showing him the laser protection system that was one of the museum’s main bragging points. Fortunately, he was prepared.
Shadow pulled out a small mirror out of his other pocket and balanced it delicately against the coffin so the laser would reflect harmlessly out the window.

Shadow stepped back and observed his handiwork. Was this really all it took to get into the museum with the most security on the planet? Would he really get through with just smoke and mirrors? Earlier, in his drug addled stupor, he thought it was a great idea, but now... Not so much.

...Well, C’est la vida!

He stepped forward and lifted the top off of the sarcophagus, making sure not to disturb the mirror that was still reflecting the lasers. Once it was off, he turned around and lowered it to the ground, softly so it wouldn’t make a noise.

He put his hooves in the edge of the sarcophagus and pulled himself up to peer down at the insides. Yes, there it was, the only egyponytian foal princess.

He didn’t waste any time so guards could catch him: he was there to do work. No, he flung himself up into the sarcophagus and got ready.

Twilight Sparkle trotted lazily into the egyponytian wing of the Canterlot Museum, continuing her nightly check. She lazily swung her head left and right, checking and confirming that sarcophagus A was still here, and egyponytian tool B was still there. But when she was about half way through, she froze.

Cutting Wind’s sarcophagus was completely open, and a mighty stallion was inside it, rising and falling rhythmically with his work. Now that she was paying more attention, the air had a slight dust taste and a very putrid smell. She should have noticed much sooner.

But as she looked at the stallion dedicating himself to his work, she realized she didn’t want to stop him. Anypony with that much dedication should definitely have something nice to add. But her hooves were shaking in awe, so she took out her pack of cigarettes from her back pocket, pulled one out, and lit it quietly. After a few silent puffs, her shivers slowed to nothing, and she was happy to sit quietly, enjoying the chance to watch a master at work.

And so she sat there, silently, watching for hours, sweating in awe...

Finally, when the stallion got up, signifying his work was done, she just continued to sit there. When the floral scent of preservatives washed over her, she still couldn’t move from her spot.

The stallion gingerly stepped down from the sarcophagus and onto the ground. It was then that Twilight noticed he was not just any normal stallion, but an alicorn, and a handsome one at that.

He was still facing the other direction, so he didn’t notice Twilight as he delicately placed the container back on the sarcophagus. She noticed he seemed to have a calm, loving touch. Finally, he turned around to leave, but froze when he saw her staring at him.

This was Twilight’s one and only chance. She had to calm her pitter-pattering heart before she managed to step forward. Somehow, she managed to smile in greeting. “Hi! I’m Twilight Sparkle” she said.

The stallion stared at her blankly for a good ten seconds. Then, quite suddenly, the corners of his mouth creased downwards, his muzzle wrinkled, his eyes widened so you could see the bloodshot sclera, and his pupils dilated to the size of his hoof.

Before Twilight could ask him what she did wrong, he bent his head down, opened his mouth, and let out a torrent of thick white fluid.

Confused and frightened, Twilight back-peddled as the fluid splashed over her hooves. Unfortunately, she overcompensated and fell backwards. Before she could get back up, the fluid overtook her.

She tingled as the fluid consumed her legs, then her body, then her head, and finally her ear. In seconds, she was completely submersed in the strange fluid.

Terrified and more confused than ever before, she closed her eyes tightly and crouched into a ball. But she could not cover her ears, and she heard so much.

There were words. There were endless, breath taking, awe inspiring words. It was like hearing your favorite book read to you by an expert linguist with the most soothing voice imaginable.

She couldn’t help it, she had to know where those words were coming from. She opened her eyes.

Twilight Sparkle was floating in endless whiteness. While it was strange and new, it didn’t seem to be hurting her, so, cautiously, she opened her mouth as well and took a small breath in. The air tasted sweet.

She just rested there, catching her breath, then slowing it, enjoying the relative calm harmony after the insanity she just experienced. She breathed in, she breathed out, and she repeated...

When both her body and mind were at peace, she noticed the faint words were coming from her right. She turned towards it, and floated towards it on will alone, though she wasn’t sure the will was her own.

In the distance, a small blue dot rapidly approached. Twilight was sure if Rainbow Dash saw something coming at her that fast, she would be desperately trying to dive out of the way. She felt completely safe.

The dot, now a large blue door, stood intimidatingly in front of Twilight. She reached forward to touch it, but a red banner with seven yellow dots in front of it.

She tilted her head. The formation was familiar, but she wasn’t quite sure what to do with it.

“The Virgo Cluster...” She thought out loud.

The ribbon quickly moved out of the way.

Twilight stared at the departing ribbon, then shrugged. She stepped forward and opened the blue door. She saw only static behind it, gray, soulless static, but she was promised knowledge, and she was going to get it no matter what was in the way.

She leapt into the static.

Princess Luna and Princess Celestia led an endless horde of ponies through a barren wasteland. Everywhere around them were clouds in the shape of mushrooms, the sky was black, and the air was hot and unforgiving.

Luna screamed in a mad rage and fired a beam down upon the massive gray vehicle, knocking it over on its side, but barely scratching the surface. The long protruding pole on its top turned and fired back. Luna screamed and fell out of the sky.

Luna and seven other unicorns stood in a circle around a complex and intricate rune. The unicorns lit their horns and the runes started glowing a deep, black purple.

“Come on!” Luna shouted, adding her own power to the mix. “This is our best chance, and we can do this!”

The unicorns redoubled their efforts, and the dark purple magic gained striped, and grids, and dots, and other patterns that were home in only the most complex magic.

Holes opened in the air. Behind one edge was the dead scenery one would expect from this world, but behind others were other environments, other worlds, other stars.

The holes opened and closed, some drifting over parts of whatever poor animal they happened to appear upon and shopping said parts off.

But just as suddenly as it began, it stopped. The complex runes were now covered with detached and twitching animal parts, but the spell still wasn’t finished.

The parts swirled, organizing themselves again and again.

In curiosity, one unicorn unknowingly took a step forward into the circle of runes. Before he could utter more than a strangled yelp, he was tossed among the other parts.

“Twinkle!” Princess Luna shouted. She held out a hoof, but she was too scared to hold it past the circle.

“I’m--” Twinkles body twisted and turned, morphed and rearranged. “--Heh.”

Finally finding a proper configuration, the parts snapped together, building a form that Equestria knew all too well. “Hehehe...” the form shook.

“Hehehahaha!” Twinkle shook and convulsed, then held himself. “HAHA! HAHAHAHAHA!” He laughed at a joke no one else got, tears forming at the edge of his eyes.

And just as suddenly as the chaos began, it ended. Twinkle’s limp body fell to the ground, seemingly lifeless.

In the sky, thousands of monstrous chimeras floated, cackling hard enough to create an endless cacophony of madness. They destroyed everything in their path, including each other.

Twilight woke up, struggling to catch her breath. She was drenched in sweat, but it was worth it.

Now, she knew.

Now, she knew everything.

Author's Note

I cri everytiem