The Adventures of Daniel the Gullible Sexbug
Author's Note
[7:34:34 PM] Didya find one bout me?
[7:34:43 PM] Hmm! Actually...
[7:34:55 PM] Yes.
[7:35:01 PM] Wait, what?
[7:35:10 PM] Mmm-hmmm.
[7:35:25 PM] Tyron wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds.
[7:35:47 PM] Link it
[7:36:00 PM] Tyron wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds.
[7:36:09 PM] It's called "Daniel the Incredibly Gullible Sexbug". XDDDDDDDDDDDD
[7:36:15 PM] ;~;
[7:36:23 PM] PWNED!
[7:36:32 PM] X)
[7:36:54 PM] im gonna
[7:36:54 PM] go
[7:36:57 PM] cry myself to death
[7:37:02 PM] No, wait! I'll write a story about us!
[7:37:13 PM] LuluCalliope wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds.
[7:37:15 PM] I'm gonna hang myself with my tears- wait what
[7:37:24 PM] Writing it now~
[7:37:50 PM] Actually, brainstorming it now.
[7:37:56 PM] Good luck
This was a conversation I had with my boyfriend (Tyron) and our friend Daniel while we played Cards Against Humanity. I had another spark of inspiration similar to the one I had when I wrote "Strum of the Strings"...only I felt really goofy while I wrote it. XD Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this bit of randomness ! And please check out "Taco Quest" if you haven't already!
Daniel's Story
The Adventures of Daniel the Gullible Sexbug
Once upon a time, and what a very good time it was, there was a pony walking down the road to Ponyville. His name was Daniel and he was a Changeling disguised as Tyron, a Pegasus royal guard, and although Changelings weren’t usually in Equestria, this was a special case. Daniel had urgent business at Twilight Sparkle’s new castle and needed an audience with the new Princess of Friendship! As soon as he arrived at the castle, he burst into the throne room and bowed before her.
“Princess...Twilight...I...have...had...a...vision…” He gasped for air in between each word.
“Slow down!” Twilight said, her voice calm, but concerned. “What sort of vision have you had?” Daniel looked at her with worried eyes.
“It’s...about...your friends at Canterlot High.”
Twilight gasped. She considered the portal to the world of...humans...to be her responsibility, and it was her duty to protect all of its inhabitants! “Tell me everything!”
Daniel nodded. “It’s...going to take a while, but….”
It was a regular day at Canterlot High School. Only a week had passed since the Mane Event, the school’s big musical showcase. Things at the school were, for the most part, back to normal. Sunset Shimmer had finally redeemed herself in the eyes of her peers by helping to defeat the Dazzlings. The three disgraced girls still hung around the school as students, but no one went near them. And whenever someone passed them in the hallway, he or she covered their ears. Some did it because they were afraid of being placed under another spell. Some did it because they were afraid of the horrible singing the three girls were left with.
“Oh my gosh you guys!” The school’s most popular pink party planner had pranced through the hallway, into the cafeteria, and over to the table where she ate lunch with her best friends. “Have you heard the news?” She didn’t wait for an answer. She instead fished a flier from her poofy hair and waved it in front of her friends’ faces. “We’re having a Taco-Eating Contest tomorrow! Isn’t that exciting?”
“Sure,” Sunset Shimmer laughed. “It’ll be relaxing compared to the last two events we’ve had here!”
“Relaxing?” Applejack laughed. “Uh, I don’t know about that!”
“No one eats tacos like Pinkie Pie! She once ate a dozen in ten seconds flat!” Rainbow Dash claimed.
“Wow, Pinkie, that’s awesome!” Sunset complimented. Pinkie blushed and squeed.
“Yes, it was quite...unique,” Rarity said as she tried not to cringe from the memory of taco crumbs flying everywhere.
“And so exciting!” Fluttershy chimed in. “If Pinkie’s going to be in the contest, I’ll watch!”
“Me too!” Applejack agreed.
“I’m in!”
“I can’t wait!”
“This is going to be sublime!”
“And totally awesome!”
“Oh my gosh you guys!” A girl with freakishly long blue hair and raspberry-colored eyes dashed down the hall, into the cafeteria, and to the corner table where she ate lunch with her fellow outcasts. She clutched a flier in her right hand. “Have you heard the news? The school is having a Taco-Eating Contest tomorrow! Isn’t that the greatest thing ever?”
“I think you’re the worst thing ever, Sonata!” The purple-haired girl, Aria Blaze, snapped in response. She slumped over in her chair and drummed her nails on the table.
“Oh, yeah? I think you’re worser than the worst, Aria!” Sonata retorted. Aria opened her mouth for another insult, but she was interrupted by the leader, Adagio.
“I think it’s a wonderful idea.”
“You DO?!” Sonata and Aria said in unison. For once, the two of them agreed on something and were surprised by Adagio’s opinion!
“Of course,” Adagio continued with her trademark devious grin. “Don’t you see? Sonata may be an idiot, but she’s always been good at eating tacos!”
“Um...thanks, I guess?” Sonata shrugged, unsure of what to think.
“And once the school witnesses her devouring the tacos at a record-breaking speed...they’ll adore her once more! And that will be enough to make us rule the school again!”
Sonata nodded, a wicked smirk forming on her face. Aria waited a few moments, then shrugged and joined the other two in smiling. She didn’t exactly see the logic in her leader’s plan, but she knew better than to argue with Adagio.
A pink-haired girl wearing a pink outfit rushed down the hallway, into the cafeteria, and to the lunch line. She stood beside the school's drama queen and loner and tugged on her arm. When she was ignored, she blew a raspberry to get her attention. The loner groaned. “What do you want, Fluffle Puff?” Fluffle Puff blew another raspberry and held up a flier for her friend Chryssi to see. “A Taco-Eating Contest?” Fluffle Puff nodded. “You want to participate?” Chryssi thought that these school gatherings were a waste of time and money, but she didn’t have the heart to tell this to her adorable little crush. So she forced a smile onto her face and said, “I’ll go watch if you want…” Fluffle gasped and wrapped her friend in a crushing hug. “Uh, I can’t breathe……you can let go now……”
In the Badlands of Equestria, Daniel jolted away, his body drenched with sweat. He knew that what he had witnessed was no dream: it was premonition of things to come! A prophecy! He had heard many Changelings say many things to him...some said that Daniel was given the name "sexbug" because of his inability to attract a mate for life...the nickname didn't make any sense, but he digressed. In between the harsh insults directed at him, he heard interesting bits of juicy gossip, including one about the gateway to another world...the portal was now in the custody of Princess Twilight Sparkle. This was a desperate time, and so he needed to take desperate measures and pay a little visit to her kingdom of...Ponyville.
“...and so you see, Princess Twilight,” Daniel concluded, “it is of the utmost importance that I go through the portal and witness this glorious event! I have to know who will win this AWESOME EVENT! Will it be Fluffle Puff, the taco-crazed pony of fluff? Pinkie Pie, the Element of Laughter? Sonata Dusk, the most adorable villain ever? WHO?! The fate of Equestria could be at stake here!” He took a deep breath and waited.
Twilight said nothing. All she did was facehoof.
"Uh...Princess?"
"Why did you tell me that you're a Changeling in disguise? This makes everything more confusing!"
"I mentioned that?"
"Yes. You did. Twice."
"...buck a bag..."
