Chapter 1 - Enter, Stage Left
Trixie and Twilight, Sitting in a Tree
Chapter 1 - Enter, Stage Left
It was the most perfect day Spike could ever remember in Ponyville. The sun was out, the birds were singing, Twilight was sleeping in after a long night of studying, and nothing at all could possibly go wrong.
Spike peeked out the window while wearing a pot on his head and carrying a stout wooden spoon. There was something terrible about to happen. He could feel it in his scales.
Outside, the shouts of happy foals filled the air, and the distant sound of music could be heard from the small carnival that had set up in front of the town hall. If he squinted a little, he could just make out the sign that advertised ‘Free Ice Cream And Balloons.’
It was worse than he thought.
A sharp shudder shook the library as a heavy object burst through the front door, pinwheeled across the floor in a flurry of paper, and smashed into the library couch with a terrible thud.
“Mail call,” shouted Derpy, somewhat muffled from the remains of the couch on her head. “I’ve got a couple letters here for you. Somewhere.” After digging out the letters and placing them in Spike’s claw, the mailmare staggered out the door and flapped up into the air, somehow managing to remove two muffins from the library kitchen in the process. Spike placed the letters on the book check-in table and opened them up with a single swipe of his claws.
“Oh, no!” he groaned. “A letter from the Equestrian Revenue Service. We must owe… a refund?” He looked at the hundred and twelve bit refund check and trembled. It was far worse than he thought.
Somewhat later, there was a quiet knock on the doorway and Applejack looked into the library to see Spike under a tin washbasin in the middle of the floor, still clutching his wooden spoon.
“Spike, are y’all feeling all right?”
“Applejack! You need to take cover. Something horribly awful is going to happen.”
Applejack pushed her Stetson back on her head and chuckled. “Heck, no, Spike. There ain’t nothing bad happening today. Matter of fact, we was cleaning out the shelves at the farm, and we found a couple leftover jars of Zapapple jam for every one of our friends. That’s darned lucky, if you ask me.” Ignoring the moaning dragon, Applejack put the jar of jam into the kitchen and trotted out the door, taking a muffin with her. “Y’all just need to relax a little, Spike. Come out and see the carnival.”
“Relax,” muttered the dragon from inside his tin turtle shell. “Easy enough for you to say.”
“Hi Spike!” The sudden introduction of a pink nose to the inside of Spike’s inverted washbasin made the little dragon jump nearly straight up in the air and cling to the library ceiling fan.
“That looks fun, Spike. But you forgot to turn the fan on.” Less than a minute of violent rotation later, Spike picked himself up off the floor and thanked his draconic ancestors that he had a natural coat of armor, or he would have been killed years ago. Pinkie turned off the ceiling fan and began to bounce around him.
“Guess what? Guess what? I got a hoof-itch, tail-twitch, and you know what that means?”
“A party?” he hazarded.
“Yes! Somepony new is coming to Ponyville, and I get to throw them a PARTY! Isn’t this fantastic?” Pinkie bounced out of the library, pausing only to pick up the door and stick it back in the doorframe.
“Now that’s not ominous,” muttered Spike, climbing back under his washbasin and waiting for the end.
There was a rumbling noise.
A thunderous burp.
And green smoke billowed out from under the washbasin. Spike came out coughing, holding a scroll.
Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,
It is such a beautiful day today that I thought I would visit Ponyville this afternoon for no reason at all. There’s no need to make a fuss over my trip. I just wanted to spend some time with my favorite princess and maybe get just one slice of cake that my sister has not hidden from me..
Your friend,
Princess Celestia
P.S. If you hear anything about a Royal Diet, it’s a lie. I’m allowed to have as much cake as I want.
Spike flipped the scroll over and began to write.
I, Spike the Dragon, being of sound mind and will, do hereby bequeath—
A peal of thunder rolled through the library.
Spike looked out the window. Still sunny. No clouds. Chirping birds. Distant music.
The sound of pouring rain came from the library front door. Small trickles of water leaked in under the sill where he was supposed to have installed weatherstripping instead of reading comic books.
Spike looked out of the window again. Still sunny. No clouds. Chirping birds. More music.
He turned back to his will, hoping to get it done before the eventual end of the universe, only to draw up short as a series of pathetic knocks sounded from the library front door.
“We’re closed!” he called, trying to remember how to spell amethyst and finally deciding just to eat them all before the end instead.
The knocking continued and Twilight called out from her bedroom. “Spike! Somepony’s at the door!”
“I know that, Twilight!” he called back. “Do we have a notary public in town?”
The knocking continued. Twilight called out again. “Spike! Get the door!”
“All right, all right,” he grumbled. “Maybe they can witness my will.” He stomped over to the library door, kicked a rug over the damp spots where the rain had run in, and opened up the door.
Standing in front of the library doorsill was a woebegone blue unicorn, her pointy hat squished into a flat soggy disk on her head. Rain poured off her purple cloak, bearing with it the dissolving remains of a few glittery stars that left sparkly tracks down her sides and across the puddle she was standing in. The Great and Powerful Trixie was soaking wet, so wet in fact that if she had been thrown into a lake, she could have emerged dryer than she was right now. Even her tail had been drenched into a rat-like plait, hanging down to the ground and dragging in the mud. It looked much like her mane, separated on each side of her head in a thick white stream of rainwater that arched from each shoulder and brought a cold shudder down her soaked coat.
She looked up at Spike with deep blue eyes, her bottom lip trembling. “Please, kind dragon. I seek Twilight Sparkle for—”
-SLAM-
“Who was it?” called out Twilight Sparkle.
“Nopony important,” replied Spike, going back to his will.
“I am too!” The knocking resumed, only louder.
“You turned me into a basketball,” shouted Spike.
“You got better!” replied Trixie. “Now open this door!”
“Go away!”
Twilight Sparkle stumbled out of her bedroom with a yawn. “Spike. It’s rude to leave somepony outside when they knock.”
“It’s just Trixie.” Spike rolled his will up and stuck it in the desk drawer. Perhaps it would weather the upcoming armageddon better there. “I’m going to make my last breakfast. You want anything, Twilight?”
Twilight Sparkle was not listening. Her eyes had lit up, an extravagant grin had swept across her face as her hooves were doing little tapdances of joy on the library floor. “This is great!” she squealed. “Trixie came back!” Happy wings took Twilight on a quick circle around the top of the library while she giggled. “We can talk about magic, and do each other’s manes and hooves, and she can be my very bestest of friends. Isn’t this great, Spike?”
“Yeah, great,” said Spike as Twilight fluttered to a landing in front of the damp door.
“How are my wings? Is my tail straight? Do you think I should go get my crown? Why are there books all over the floor?” Twilight spun in circles as familiar panic set in.
“Fine, yes, no, and you put them there last night.”
There was more hammering at the door. “The Great and Powerful Trixie was not done with her monologue, you ungrateful lizard!”
“Go ahead and start,” shouted Spike. “I’ll be in the kitchen making breakfast.”
With a blast of alicorn magic, books flew around the library, each seeking a landing spot on a shelf somewhere before Twilight Sparkle yanked open the door and stood there gawking at who it revealed.
If anything, Trixie had become wetter, to the point where even her blue coat seemed to be dissolving in the rain. She blinked sorrowful eyes as she gazed at Twilight, the tears and sniffling nearly drowning out her voice.
“Oh, Twilight Sparkle. Trixie is so glad to see you. The Great and Powerful Trixie did not know where to turn in her time of trouble. Just as Trixie reached her last bit and descended to the lowest point in her otherwise spectacular career, Trixie discovered a secret that shattered her life forever!”
She flung out a hoof and clutched it to her chest. “The Great and Powerful Trixie is… pregnant!”
“Well, don’t look at me,” said Twilight Sparkle.
“Well, don’t look at me either,” said Spike. “I’m taken.”
“Well, it sure wasn’t me,” said a voice from outside and above.
“Rainbow Dash,” said Twilight, sticking her head out the doorway and looking up. “What are you doing stomping on a raincloud above Trixie?”
“I couldn't find a thunderhead,” said Rainbow Dash, looking over the edge of her cloud. “Don’t worry about it, Twilight. I’ve got Cloudkicker and Thunderlane out looking for one. And Flitter says she maybe able to find something with hailstones in it once this one runs out of water.”
“Do you see what the Great and Powerful Trixie must go through?” Trixie shook a hoof at Rainbow Dash, who responded by stomping on the raincloud and making it pour even harder. “Everywhere Trixie goes, she is mocked and disparaged. Only Twilight Sparkle ever understood Trixie’s sensitive nature, which is why Trixie has turned to you as her last resort in the time of — what are those?” Trixie pointed at Twilight’s wings.
“These?” Twilight fluttered her wings and smiled. “I’m a princess now. You see, Princess Celestia gave me a book that Starswirl the Bearded—”
“I’m out of here!” Trixie turned and stomped away, only for her tail to be captured in a purple magical aura. Drawing four squelching furrows in the mud as she was dragged, Trixie struggled to no avail as Twilight pulled her into the library, talking all the while.
“Oh, no! Please, don’t go! Princess Celestia will wonder why I didn’t make you a friend and she’ll be all disappointed in me. I mean now that I’m a princess, I’m not her student any more, but I’m still a bearer of the Element of Magic, even though we had to give it back to the Tree of Harmony, and you’re really good with magic, so maybe I thought we could have a totally platonic and friendly relationship that I could write her letters about and we could do things together but not in bed or anything that I wouldn't want to put into a letter even though I don’t put everything into my letters except what happens when I make new friends and I want you to be a friend so please won’t you stay?”
“I’ll get the towels,” said Spike, trudging to the bathroom.
“Me?” Trixie dripped on the rug with one hoof to her chest. “Well. Maybe. Not that Trixie deserves a place inside your humble hovel. Trixie can just sleep outside your back door on a patch of wilted grass. Eat out of your trash can. Wear whatever cast-off bits of clothing you throw out. When the time comes for Trixie to deliver her foal, Trixie will try not to let her pain-filled cries of agony disturb your studying.”
Rainbow Dash’s voice filtered in from outside. “Hey, Thunderlane found a good hail cloud.”
“Or the basement,” continued Trixie. “Cold, dark and damp, just like Trixie’s future.”
“Do you want me to pile some newspapers in the corner down there for you Trixie?” Spike paused with the stack of towels in his arms. “I think we can find some nice musty ones if you want.”
“How dare you think we would shut poor Trixie down in the basement, Spike!” Twilight rubbed the towels all over Trixie, carefully cleaning and drying with mathematical efficiency and totally missing the startled blush when she was drying Trixie’s tail. “She’s a friend, and friends don’t have to sleep in the basement.”
“Trixie does not want to displace your loyal servant from his little basket,” sobbed Trixie with one hoof across her forehead. “Maybe a dark corner of your bedroom where Trixie can rest her back, which has been horribly mistreated by months of having to sleep outside in moldy piles of leaves and stones.”
“Oh, no!” said Twilight. “Does it hurt?”
“Only when I breathe,” Trixie wheezed. “What I really need is a SomniCoil Two Thousand mattress with extra firm cells and a thaumaturgically stabilized cloud core. But where, oh where could Trixie possibly find one of those?”
Twilight gasped. “Why, I’ve got a mattress just like that on my bed! The same model and everything!”
“Yeah,” said Spike with a suspicious glare. “It’s really convenient, like somepony snuck into the library while we were gone and checked it out.”
Trixie gasped, holding a hoof to her chest. “Trixie would never lurk in wait outside Ponyville with binoculars and spy on Twilight Sparkle until she left the library so she could examine her bedchambers and sniff her pillow, relishing the soft sweet scent of the innocent young unicorn who has bested Trixie twice in magical prowess. By the way, you’re almost out of shampoo.”
“Don’t worry, Trixie,” said Twilight, wrapping the towel around Trixie’s head and passing her sodden hat and cloak over to Spike. “We’ll get you all tucked into my nice warm bed while Spike gets your clothes cleaned and dried. Does that sound nice?”
“Trixie does not deserve your kindness and generosity, Twilight Sparkle. It is no wonder that Princess Celestia chose you to become a princess while I languished in the darkness. I just have one request.” She lifted a fairly small bag, all patched with heavy fabric, and clutched it to her chest. “Please, may I bring my few pitiful physical belongings into the library? Perhaps I can sell them to pay for my lodging within this magnificent estate.”
“I wouldn’t think of it!” gasped Twilight Sparkle. “Why, you can stay here as long as you need, and I won’t take a single bit. That’s what friends are for!”
“You are so kind, Sparkle.” Trixie stifled a brief sneeze into one of the towels wrapped around her. “Once you get me tucked in, do you think you could make me some tea? Oolong, gently brewed, with lemon and honey if you have it. And some crisps. Perhaps a biscuit or two.”
“Of course. Would there be anything else you need? Anything at all?” Twilight beamed, the warmth of her friendship filling the library.
“I have a few things out on the library steps. If your lizard could bring them inside so they don’t get any more damp.” Trixie floated her patched bag over to Spike with a weak smile. “Just bring them up to my room.”
“You mean Twilight’s room,” grumbled Spike taking the bag and heading for the library door. He opened the door, looking out into the dwindling rainstorm at the huge pile of heavy chests and crates sitting damply to one side. “Packing a little light, aren’t you?”
Unfortunately, the target of his remark had already been borne away to the library bedroom and Spike turned to his task with a sigh.
“I sure hope this doesn’t last for long.”
