Shenanigans in Blue

by ocalhoun

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Flim and Flam, Prince Blueblood, Slice of Life
Length: 1762

Prince Flimberlino and Prince Mustachio the Flambulous are here to sell Prince Blueblood some wings.

Prince Flimberlino and Prince Mustachio the Flambulous are here to sell Prince Blueblood some wings, and at a bargain of a price.

A commission for jeray2000, as a prize for winning the contest in The Kingpin.
Proofread by: Wacuire | Sir Crystal Stardust | MrMorpheas
Reviewed by Seattle's Angels

Published 2014-10-17 16:10:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-17 16:10:05 UTC

Two 'Princes' From the East

The audience chamber’s anteroom was crowded with quiet, watchful shadows... or maybe the candles were just burning a bit too low.

“Are you sure about this, Flam?” Flim adjusted his gold-plated headpiece once again, causing his many bracelets to jangle, and he checked to make sure the beaded shawl concealing his cutie mark was in place.

Flam shot him a dirty look. “How many times have we gone over it, brother of mine? I am Prince Mustachio the Flambious, and you are Prince Flimberlino. We don't have any other names.”

“It's just—” Flim folded and unfolded his butterfly wings. “—I'm not totally sure we're ready for this yet. I mean, if he doesn't—”

“We'll have none of that talk now, brother of mine. You know as well as I this prince hardly ever holds audiences. We have to strike while the iron's hot!” Flam's false beard almost came loose in his enthusiasm, but he quickly tucked it back into place, causing his own jingling clamor of bracelets and necklaces. “This is the sale of a lifetime, and we're not passing it up!”

Flim nodded noisily. “You're right of course, brother of mine. Still, I wish—”

Outside the little room, trumpets blared.

“That would be our cue, Prince Flimberlino.”

“You're right, Your Flambiousness.” Flim – with ease born from years of practice – strutted through the door alongside his brother. He never showed the slightest hint of his doubt or concern.

The two of them gave a shallow bow as they approached the throne, as befitting a greeting between royal equals.

As rehearsed, the moment their bow was returned, they sprung into action. Flam rushed up to one side of the throne; Flim swirled around to the other.

Flam whispered into the Prince's ear, “We're very glad, oh prince so high, to hear of your open court...”

“... Your sad affliction, hardly fair, has broken our caring hearts,” Flim finished.

“You see, fair Prince, we don't think you deserve such an unfortunate condition...”

Prince Blueblood's eyes grew wider and wider as the two 'exotic princes' whispered into his ears.

“... You see, wise Prince, it's time your rule came to its fruition.”

The two of them jumped back, joining each other in front of the throne. “Because there's one thing you surely lack,” they chanted together, “one thing that's holding you back.”

“Just one insignificant thing.”

“Just one unfortunate thing.”

They bumped together, back to back. “And that thing is wings!” Together, they unfurled their beautiful butterfly wings.

Prince Blueblood opened his mouth as if to say something, but he never got the chance.

Flim leaned in toward his partner, faux gold chains jingling. “But what could we do about that, Prince Mustachio the Flambious?”

Flam leaned in as well. “Why, I know just the thing, Prince Flimberlino.” He reached into a pocket of his ornately embroidered saddlebags and drew out a glittering blue stone.

They both stared at it as if enraptured by its beauty. “Alicornium!”

“It's the rarest mineral in all the world, known only to our kind!”

“Transforms ponies into flutterpony alicorns like him and I!”

Flam sidled up to the Prince. “But, of course, because it is so exceedingly rare...”

“It's beyond compare!”

“... and it is so amazingly grand...”

“It's important that you understand...”

Both of them leaned in close to the Prince. “That we may need just a bit of compensation. Nothing that would be a problem for a pony of such station.”

“What would you say, Prince Flimberlino, what do you think is fair?”

Blueblood glanced from one to the other.

“Don't forget, Prince Mustachio, this is the last known alicornium anywhere!”

The Prince's eyes went wide at that.

“Well, we would be taking a loss...”

“... a shameful loss...”

“... But I think we could let it go for a mere five million bits.”

Before Prince Blueblood could level his skeptical glare at them, Flim shot a hoof up into his brother's face, making both of them rattle. “Hold it right there, Your Flambiousness! Prince Blueblood is our friend! We couldn't possibly charge him more than two million square!”

They both glanced at Blueblood expectantly.

He glanced at them, but his eyes kept glancing back to the 'alicornium'.

“Just think, my unicorn friend—” Flam nudged him from the left “—of no longer being 'second-rate royal'.”

“Just think, my lordly Prince—” Flim nudged him from the right “—of the authority you so deserve!”

“One one condition.” Blueblood still looked at them through narrowed eyes, but Flim could see the glint of greed. It was as good as sold. Blueblood looked Flim in the eyes. “I become an alicorn first, then you get your money.”

“Of course!” Flam smiled. “Your satisfaction's guaranteed, or you don't pay a single bit!”

“And you won't just be some garden variety alicorn, no sir!” Flim took the 'alicornium' from his brother and held it up. “You'll be a flutterpony alicorn, the only such from here to our far-flung home!”

Blueblood nodded. “Deal.” Of course he did. Flim and his brother never failed on a sale, not once he'd seen that glimmer of greed.

“That's a smart deal there!”

“And at a price that's more than fair!”

Blueblood took the rock in his magical grip. “So... how does it work?”

Flim gestured at it, his bracelets clattering. “First, hold the stone with magic, just as you are.”

Blueblood nodded.

Flam wrapped a hoof around him. “And close your eyes. Think of how you'll go far.”

As soon as Blueblood's eyes closed, Flim lit up his horn. He was glad Flam would be handling the difficult part. Casting the 'allow earth ponies to fly for three days' spell was something Flim had never quite been able to do. But Flam had been able to do it twice – with a day's rest each time – and the third time would be the charm.

Flim's own part was much simpler. He only needed to cast a fire-starting spell on the 'alicornium'. As soon as the wing spell began to wrap around the Prince, Flim triggered his own spell.

The 'alicornium' burst into flame. Of course it did. It was just coal liberally coated with glue and blue glitter, after all.

The flame made Blueblood open his eyes – just as planned – just in time to see the 'alicornium' consume in flame, shedding glittering specks.

One now-familiar flash of light later, and Blueblood sat on his throne, blinking and subconsciously flexing his brand-new wings.

“Why, now you're just like one of us!” Flim cried out dramatically. It was essential that he keep Blueblood distracted for a few moments while Flam recovered. “Now the other royals have nothing on you! The locals will come flocking to see something so new! They'll be so amazed that anything you order, they'll gladly do!”

The distraction was almost unnecessary. Blueblood had eyes only for his new wings. “They're... they're beautiful.”

“And well worth the price.” Flam stepped up again. Expert showpony that he was, even Flim couldn't see any sign of the strain on him.

Flim nodded. “It's only fair.”

“You're right...” Blueblood still didn't take his eyes off his new wings. He lifted up a scroll and quill with his magic, and scribbled out a hasty note. Stamping it with a rubber seal, he floated it over to Flam. “Here, take this to the royal exchequer, and he'll pay you in full.”

“Why thank you, most benevolent of princes!” Flam gave an exorbitant bow.

Flim followed suit. “May our paths cross many times again!”

* * *

Blueblood walked – uninvited – into Celestia's royal audience chamber, strutting as he had never strut before. An occasional flap of his glimmering wings gave his step an unnatural lightness.

“Celestia!” he yelled, interrupting whatever unimportant minutia she might have been debating at the time. “As you can see, I have ascended into full alicorn-hood, as befitting my station.” He stopped dead-center in the hall. “And I have decided that as my royal duties, I will be in charge of the treasury and the royal guard, as well as the city of Las Pegasus.”

Celestia blinked at him. “How did this happen? Where did you get wings like those?”

He shot his very smuggest grin at her. “They're flutterpony wings, given to me with the assistance of two flutterpony princes from the Far East.”

“Blueblood...” She sighed. “There's no such thing as 'flutterponies'. They're just a legend based on early sightings of breezies.”

“How little you know!” Blueblood laughed. “I spoke with two of them mere hours ago!”

“I have seen wings like those before, though...” She stared at him.

“Aha! See, even you admit it now: they do exist!” Blueblood's grin widened.

“It's a relatively simple spell, though it consumes a great deal of energy.” Celestia's brow scrunched in concentration, and her horn glowed. Waving lines of force encircled one of her grey unicorn guards. “Princess Twilight did it once. It's spectacular, but it only lasts for three days...”

There was a flash, and the unicorn guard had shimmering wings to match Blueblood's own.

None of the guards – not even the newly alicorned one – so much as glanced at the new appendages. Blueblood wished he had guards so well-disciplined. He wished he had his own cadre of guards at all! Oh, the things he could get up to if he had his own private reserve of buff stallions answering to his every—

“Blueblood?”

He shook his head. Must have gotten a little distracted there.

“Prince Blueblood, what I'm trying to tell you is that somepony has played a cruel joke on you.” Celestia winced. “If you would like my assistance in removing the wings, I could...”

Blueblood's eyes opened wide. “Two million,” he whispered to himself.

Before Celestia could say another word, Blueblood shot away. He had a couple of 'flutterponies' to catch, and fast!

* * *

Flim ran as fast as he could alongside his brother, their jewelry clinking and clattering almost as much as the cartload of bits behind them.

“So,” Flam panted, “what did I... tell you?”

“You were right!” Flim huffed. “Best scam ever!”

The two of them careened on down the westward road to Las Pegasus, their breathless laughter lost in the wind.

* * *

High above, a temporarily winged prince soared away in the opposite direction, searching for the two flutterpony princes and their mythical eastern kingdom.

Author's Note

Many thanks to my proofreaders!
Wacuire | Sir Crystal Stardust | MrMorpheas