A quick note before we begin. This is essentially my journal. Soaring Starlight is my OC, and I'm writing this to get through an extremely confusing time in my life that I'm hoping turns out well. I'm writing this as developments evolve, and the end to this story will change depending on how my story ends. I'll answer most questions given, as there are a lot of metaphors that relate to things that have happened to me in my life.
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One day, it struck me like a bolt of lightning, paralyzing me in a state of helpless thought. I've been trying to fight it, to make it go away - but it won't leave me. It sits there, like an unwanted tumour in my head, attempting to draw my attention back to it. I've tried resisting, but I always get dragged back to the thoughts. The thoughts that I can do nothing about.
I'm lonely.
I sit here, staring out my window, frozen in a stasis of self-pity and desperate hope. I watch the moon shine its faint light over the countryside, shrouded by the night that matches the color of my midnight blue mane. The stars twinkle ever so brightly over the land, the land which I can't help but think contains that one special pony. Someone I can confide in.
I'm living alone in my house for the time being. My parents passed a while back, but I refused to be taken to an orphanage when they came for me. I know that I'm barely considered a teenager, but I know how to take care of myself. I always have. So eventually, they gave up, and left me to fend for myself. I was able to claim a small job as a cashier at one of the local shops, which gives me enough money to sustain myself and pay the bills.
True isolation. After I had gotten over the passing of my parents, I began to embrace the changes that it brought about. I had always enjoyed the night, and would often climb up to the roof and stargaze, something my parents had always discouraged for multiple reasons. In the daytime, when I wasn't attending work or school, I took walks in the forest. I had always enjoyed nature, but was never the outdoorsy type; I very much enjoyed reading, and would never really get out much.
To this day, I attend school. For someone like me, it's not exactly a necessity. I've always had an innate intelligence that was apparent from the day that I was born. I learned to walk, speak, and even fly far before any of my younger friends, much to my parents' delight. I take a lot of pride in my intelligence, as it's all I have to my name. I've never accomplished anything big, and I was extremely surprised the day my cutie mark appeared: a blue star, a sharp contrast to my black coat.
As the years went on, I've drifted away from my friends. They're more... acquaintances now. I'll never forget that one moment that I lost my childhood innocence. On the first day of school in one of the later grades, I was blown away by how rude ponies were being to each other. Little did I know that this was simple camaraderie, and simply how my friends had begun to greet each other.
I slowly began to understand that that was not how I wanted to be. I retreated within myself somewhat, preferring solitude to the company of my "friends." I could only find escape in the company of myself.
But now, a voice in my head is calling for something. You're lonely, it says. I have to agree with it - for years, I've relished in the company of myself. To me, I was always a puzzle piece from a different box then that of the other ponies I met. I'm in the wrong crowd, a place where I don't belong. Although, it seems like I fit everywhere. I can drift from group to group, leaving smiles on ponies' faces wherever I go. I'm the entertainer in ponies' eyes, nothing more.
But I am more, and I know that. And it seems that nobody realized that. Again, I'm in the wrong box of pieces. I may be somewhat of an egotistic, but I feel like I'm beyond these ponies. I need to find my box of pieces.
I give the stars one last look, a farewell to my only friends, and lay down in my bed. I let out a sigh. Am I too young to have these thoughts? I'm not even out of my first years of school yet, and I'm already requiring this companionship. I've speculated to myself on whether or not age matters in a thing like this. I'm not really sure, to be honest.
The ponies at school were already in relationships - they had found their other pieces. But the thing is, they're never perfect fits. Something gets in the way - something always does.
I've nothing but utter contempt for them. My approach to life has always been to better the lives of others, but I've started to give up. I'm losing steam, in a way. Nothing excites me anymore, save the time alone that I'm able to gather. And even this is losing its allure. I'm alone too much. I know that only the strength of one thing can keep me going; true companionship.
I need someone that will understand. I'm not wishing for a lot, but it truly does seem like too much. I have so many things inside of me that I'm almost full to the bursting with emotions. Hopes, dreams, opinions; all needing somebody intelligent enough to listen. And now a new emotion has emerged, one much more volatile and needy; loneliness.
I've started to lose hope that the piece is out there. Maybe I was tailored to be a standalone, a display piece only created to brighten up ponies' days. To this day, I realize that I've tried to act as such. But I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being the one that takes the fall, and laughs it off. I need a hand to pull me back up for once.
I've noticed that I'm about to fall in to unconsciousness. Tomorrow, I'll skip school and work. I'll wander town, looking for my crowd. I'm really not sure if this is the correct course to take, but it seems right. What else can I do? That missing piece won't come to me.
I've learned that.
This chapter is a work in progress, and is currently developing.
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I never visit town, save for necessities such as work, school, or supplies for home. But today I left house without a destination, so I was bound to go through it at some point. I visit most of the hangout spots in the area, watching the different groups from afar. It's always fascinated me how our social structure as younglings is shaped.
On this bright summer weekend, I watch the popular ones walk around and trash talk each other behind their backs. I watch the outsiders band together and play some simple sports, or stand awkwardly in a circle. And I see the others walk around alone, just like me. Perhaps they are cut from the same puzzle that I am - the thinkers.
Eventually, I wander over to the park. The fountain sprays mist on my face as I walk by, calming me somewhat. I didn't realize that I was so troubled. And why am I so tense? This is only a simple walk. Leaning against a tree, I sigh. Nowhere for me. Nobody for me. I decide to head home, calling it a day, when I notice a small group of ponies gathered on the outside of the park in a field.
I noticed the way they're acting. Carefree, laughing and... happy. One occasionally breaks off from the group, looking rather dejected, but a small group of friends quickly comes to cheer them up and reunite them with the main group. I'd never seen them around before, and there seemed to be ponies of all different ages and backgrounds. Odd that I had never met any of them before.
I begin to approach, and attract quite a bit of attention from the crowd, who becomes very excited and comes to greet me with open arms. After a while of sitting near the back of the group, I begin to start pitching in to conversations a bit more, and start to learn a lot about these new ponies.
The thing that blows me away almost immediately - everypony who was talking to me was... intelligent. I feel more at home here than I do back at that hut back on the hilltop where I sleep. I forget all about my loneliness in a whirlwind of happiness and pleasantries. After a couple hours, I notice that some people here have already found their other pieces. Slowly that feeling starts coming back, the feeling of isolation.
I tell them about my problem, and they comfort me as best they can. I appreciate all of the kind words and advice, but I know that only one thing will calm me though; my missing piece. Needing to be alone once again, I say my goodbyes and call the day off, heading back to my house as the sun sets. As my twinkling friends rise and greet me, I smile somewhat, knowing that I still have something that cares about me. Even if they are millions of miles away, they still do care about me.
