The Nightly Awkwardness of Luna

by Jenbobby

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 3087

Luna was gone for 1000 years and a lot has changed. Can Pinkie help her to adapt?

After 1000 years, a lot has changed. But luckily for Luna, Pinkie's here to guide her through it!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-13 20:39:28 UTC

Princess of the Night

      The language classes worked and I was almost ready to journey the night, but I couldn't do it as Luna, as everypony would just see the crown, not the pony wearing it. I needed to pick a good disguise, nothing that showed that I was the princess, but still a cutie mark in a topic I knew about. I didn't want to give anything away, but if somepony asked about my cutie mark and I made a terrible choice, I could be stuck, I mean what if someone went and asked me to save their dying mare because I had a nurse cutie mark. It could make me a murderer. Also, there was the small matter of T̶i̶a̶ my sister finding out and currently, she hadn't been the most trusting. I mean the elements weren't great the first time and now she was just supposed to trust them again? I feel for her, I really do. Anyway, here's a photo of what I looked like.

      I decided that I would have an astronomy cutie mark, because I know so much about the stars. The cutie mark was no problem at all. The wings and horn though-or should I say lack of wings and horn could be a problem. It would be hard to get used too.

      I gathered some bits and new clothes. Soon, all I had to do was wait until the next night, but I wasn't worried. My plan was foolproof, nothing could possibly go wrong...

      Usually I found that Canterlot wasn't too hard to navigate, what with the street signs posted at every corner and maps for only a bit. But these signs wouldn't lead me to where I needed to go. No, what I needed were the backstreets and alleys, they would have the night. At least, that's what pinkie said...

     After about ten minutes, I found the place. I had gotten a little lost on my way, and had also stopped to buy some white powder off a young stallion. He said that once I had tried it I would never want to stop, but all sales ponies are like that. I hadn't tried any because I thought that my pink friend might like some too and if it was as good as he made out, then I might not leave her any. I was hungry though, so I wandered round for a while trying to find some food. I had to be quick though, or I would be late for pinkie, I was to meet her outside this building at 9, and it was 8:40 now.

      I met another stallion, this one said that he could satisfy my hunger, but only if I gave him 10 bits. This confused me, don't you have to pay different amounts for different foods? Maybe this was another thing that had changed?

      He lead me into a room, where he asked me to close my eyes. I obliged willingly. But then he started muttering about screaming. I began to tremble. What if this wasn't a restaurant? Then I felt something lick my face. I opened my eyes but couldn't see because it was dark. I felt something slap against my rear. I reared up to escape but something tightened around me. It felt like...rope? I needed help and fast, but the spell didn't wear off for another hour and I didn't have my horn or wings. I tried bucking but it was no use. I struggled against the taut rope which held me but it was in vain.

      I have never felt so violated in my life. After the...incident, I cancelled with pinkie and went home. Even after 3 baths and 5 showers I could still feel it on me. It felt sticky.

      I met up with pinkie two days later. We chatted for a bit and she mentioned a place downtown that she liked but I had to decline. I just wasn't ready to face anypony after the stallion.

      I think that sister knows that something is up.

      Celestia's looking at me.

      She's doing it again.

      I have to tell her.

      But I don't want to.

      What if she already knows?

      I can't talk about it.

      I need to talk about it.

      I'll never tell her.

      I'll tell her tomorrow.

Loony is sad. Something happened to her last night and detective pinkie is on the case...

Clue one:

This very yummy moon pie.

(Evidence was tested and tasted fantazing, fantastic & amazing.)

Although tasting good, this evidence wasn't helpful.

  Clue two:

(That rhymes!)

This stallion who claims that he 'tasted the night'. He said that him and her majesty 'did it'. I don't know what this means, but Twilight will know.

To the library!

I will find out why my sister is upset. I wont make the same mistake as last time.

This time I will save her.

Princess of Mistakes

      "...and then he showed me his sandwich." Luna finished. By now, I was sure she had been...to put it bluntly, bucked. I wondered if it was just phrasing though. "...I just couldn't believe how sexy it was!" I mean there had been that problem with translation before, like when she wanted to buy a horn...

"Luna I will send you back to the moon." By now, I was long past bargaining with her. She'd never listen anyway, but I just didn't want her to make a mistake that she'd never forget. Ponies round these parts never forgot. "I will send you, and Fawkes a postcard from the 'Horny Shop'. I am going to buy a fog horn and that is final." She was already sounding a bit off, but I just put it down to excitement. I should have known that pinkie was coming.

I guess I should explain, Luna used to date a mare a little like pinkie. It didn't last though, the pony was only interested in climbing the social ladder and when Luna found out... It was nasty. I'm getting off track though.

So Luna went and came back with one thousand years worth of questions. Questions I had hoped never to be asked.

About the birds and the bees.

      Luna asked me if I would raise the moon, she and pinkie were off into town that night to explore. I should go and do that now. I just hope that pinkie keeps her safe.

      Safer. I hope pinkie keeps her safer. Being within ten miles of pinkie wasn't particularly safe.

      Me and the girls had a laugh last night. It was game night but pinkie couldn't come, and it wouldn't be the same without her. But there was one thing we could do without her...

"Truth or dare Twi?"

"Wha-"

"Truth or dare?"

"Tru-"

"Who's the stallion?"

I was shocked. Did Rarity break a pinkie promise?

"Who's your crush Twi?"

Oh Celestia Rainbow, please don't say Rarity told you pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.

My frantic muttering made everypony look at me.

I fell silent.

"If you don't want to say... I guess I could just let you do a dare?"

It looked like a rope out of here but it was a trap. No-pony can ever complete Rainbow's dares without getting drunk. And revealing it anyway.

I face-hooved. There was no way out of this was there?

"It's Flash."

"Who?"

I breathed a sigh of relief as everypony turned to look at our visitor, but my relief quickly turned to fear as I realised who was with our pink friend.

Her majesty, Princess Luna. The one we shot with a rainbow.

      Twi was freaking out. I needed a distraction, but what? Suddenly, Rarity tapped me, she had seen the crazy-Twi begin to emerge too. I signaled to her with my hoof to cause a distraction.

"Your highness, may I just say that you look simply dazzling in that dress."

"You...like...it?"

Loony was acting off... Then I realised it.

My tail was twitchy.

Meanwhile...

It felt lonely raising the moon. It was almost like Luna was gone again. I sat and cried. And then a scroll landed on my head.

      My tail stopped twitching, and I felt sorry for Celestia.

      I was beginning to calm down. The tea that Spike made had helped alot. I watched quietly as Pinkie's tail stopped twitching and grew still. I watched as she whispered something in Luna's ear. At first I thought that the princess was going to freak out and I began to shake in fear. But then she started to laugh. I calmed down.

"Why did you bring Luna-" Twilight (who was now calm) began to ask.

"I thought it would be funderific if she joined us!"

"-" Twi opened her mouth to say something but my pink friend wasn't finished.

"Especially as it's game night!"

The purple alicorn fainted.

      I read the scroll.

Dear Celestia,

I hope that you don't mind the lack of notice, but we would like to invite you to game night. Then the fun would be doubled!

From Pinkie Pie and your dear sister Luna

xxx

      I contacted Cadence and Shining. They too had received one. I wiped away my tears. I still had a chance of her forgiving me.

      And this time I wouldn't waste it.

      Pinkie came to collect me, and I was giddy with excitement. I couldn't wait! After last night, I knew that a lot had changed, and I was ready for it! The last night hadn't been enjoyable though, but I was sure that pinkie could make it fun. If anypony could, it would be her.

Last time...

He lead me into a room, where he asked me to close my eyes. I obliged willingly. But then he started muttering about screaming. I began to tremble. What if this wasn't a restaurant? Then I felt something lick my face. I opened my eyes but couldn't see because it was dark. I felt something slap against my rear. I reared up to escape but something tightened around me. It felt like...rope? I needed help and fast, but the spell didn't wear off for another hour and I didn't have my horn or wings. I tried bucking but it was no use. I struggled against the taut rope which held me but it was in vain.

      "Sorry about that," growled the stallion, "I just had to take care of-" There was a crash from the kitchen and he galloped away. I heard somepony scream and somepony else yell. He returned, but not after I heard a thump, not unlike the sound of a corpse falling to the ground. "Just had to take care of some...business." He took off my blindfold and in front of me was a sandwich. A very sexy sandwich. It was an odd shape, long and wide. "It's like mine." laughed the stallion. I didn't understand, but I took a bite of it anyway.

And it squirted everywhere. My least favourite food, mayonnaise.

I kicked him in the stallion bits and left.

Princess of Really Boring Scene Setting

Pinkie came to collect me, and I was giddy with excitement. I couldn't wait! After last night, I knew that a lot had changed, but this time I was ready for it! The last night hadn't been enjoyable, but I was sure that pinkie could make it fun. If anypony could, it would be her. I was having second thoughts though.

      Ten minutes later and all my doubts were gone.

      I was extremely surprised when the letter from Twilly's friend came through. Shocked as well, because Princess Luna, the 'molestia' of sociality, had sent us an invite to a very social event. Well, more social than normal. Cadence, being her usual self, didn't wait a single second before writing back.

Aunt Luna and Pinkamena,

Me and Shining would be delighted to come, we'll be there at 9.

Love,

Cadence xxx

      And there was an even speedier reply.

Dear Cadence,

CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pinkie Pie

(Look it's pink!)

      The night began with food. We started slow so that 'I wasn't super-dooper scaryfied when I met everypony'. I told her that scaryfied wasn't a word. She ignored me, and led the way to the Taco stand.

      After hearing about the princess' coming to the castle, Twilight was in panic. They arranged to meet at her place for nine, meaning that she only had... She looked at the clock.

It had stopped.

      I guess that I should mention what happened with the whole 'ask twi about loony' thing. It all began when-well you already know. There was one small problem, however. Luna wanted to tell me and Celestia something first. I knew that it had to be something super secretly secret because she told us to come into the room with her. She quieted her voice, a thing she described as 'harder than it looks'. And then she told us why she now feared the night, and her extra scary time. So I said that I would help her enjoy the night and turn her frown upside down!

      After she told us, there was no need to see twi, which was remazingly (really amazingly) lucky for me, because I needed to plan for loony's nighttime fun!

      Taco's are amazing according to pinkie, but I wasn't sure if they were 'amazing' enough to make up for the hundreds of rules (Including the one about gravity.) we had to break to get them. Pinkie used some complex magic (How? She's an earth pony not a unicorn!) to take us to another world. It was one that was full of strange creatures called humans that walked on two weird hooves that I think pinkie called legs. Pinkie cast another spell (Seriously, how did she do that!) that helped me balance. I noticed that pinkie didn't use the spell, and already had perfect balance. I was very, very suspicious.

      Twilight calmed down when we gave her an envelope labeled 'EXTREME PARTY EMERGENCY SUPPLIES INCASE OF EMERGENCIES!' It contained one party cannon, 12 packs of balloons, a cake recipe & ingredients and lots and lots of confetti. Luckily for us, the ingredients weren't out of date, and me and Applejack got baking. Rarity and Rainbow sorted out the decorations whilst Twilight set up the games.

      The human pinkie began to melt, revealing the only person I had been able to talk to during my......holiday.....on the moon.

      I came out of the portal a little later than loony, and when I got out she was already gone. It was probably the human Discord, he said that he'd meet me here and was probably off pranking Luna. Oh well. Something vibrated in my pocket. I panicked for a second before realising that it was probably just my phone. Dizzy gave it to me last time I came, and I had been using it a lot to chat to him. I looked at my phone. There was one new message!

Meet me at the park, and I'll give you them.

Dizzy xxx

      There was going to be a cost, there always was. I packed my bag with the necessary supplies and set off.

      It turned out to be a lot easier to decorate than any of us could have imagined. We just fired the cannon and the room was decorated! We had to bake the food ourselves, but that was easy, and we still had 2 hours to chill. Me and AJ went to race in the garden while rarity 'beautified' flutters. The coolest part was that twi cast a spell so that AJ could fly with me. It would wear off about ten minutes before the Princess came, but for now it was cool. Now we could race without wings being 'cheating'.

      Discord gave me a thing. He told me to eat it, but I didn't because I don't trust him. It was nothing like I had ever seen before, here is a drawing of it:

      There was a strange smell coming from it, however and it became hard to resist. And just as I was going to take a bite, he and the thing disappeared.

      Stupid Discord.

      "Sonata?"

      "Pinkie, is that you? This isn't your number..."

      "No silly, it's the other Pinkie, from Equestria! I thought we arranged to meet..."

      "Oh you meat tonight!" There was some chuckling across the line as they laughed at the really, really terrible pun.

      "We meat at the park then?"

      "hehehehehehehehehehehahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Some bad puns later...

     "We should probably get going, loony's waiting to meat me."

     "See you there!"

      When pinkie arrived, she was giggling like a little filly and was muttering about meat. I was about to ask her why meat was so funny when Discord reappeared carrying a blue girl.

"Sonata!" Pinkie shrieked.

"Pinkie!" The girl who must be Sonata yelled.

"Meat!" They both yelled in (surprisingly) perfect sync.

Princess of Words

Dear Twillight,

W̶e̶ I am getting better. After o̶u̶r̶ my return to Equestria w̶e̶ I have been much better.  Thank  t̶h̶e̶e̶ you. The rainbow fired at u̶s̶ me made u̶s̶ me feel like

                    As the ponies of today say, "screw this". We just aren't going to bother anymore because it's too hard for us to get used to I's, me's and your's. Only now do we realise how much language hath changed. In our time, it was a time of working together because we had a greater foe. That is why we had no need for I, if thou was alone, thou were dead. And later, when we ruled alongside our sister, we had our subjects and our castle. We originally had our throne as well, but sister said that our rear was too fat to fit so we ended up with separate chairs. But we guess that when we turned into...her, and...had to leave, we weren't two sisters, we were one.

     So very much hath changed since we left, it's not just the language but the technology is miles more advanced, the food is...different and the day is noisy. We stayed up all day once, to see the change and it was worth it. We felt so loved, everypony wasn't just sticking together for survival, they were friends because they could!

      But if the day hath changed, hath the night also?

      We must see, but not before we learn the language.