Chapters A part of this complete chapter
The crowd outside the castle of friendship was restless with excitement. Ponies from every corner of Equestria were gathered at the foot of the towering palace, all there to see the newly crowned Princess Twilight be recognized as the world's most foremost scholar in the field of amazingness. Standing proudly on the balcony, hovering above the celebrating crowd, was the epicenter of their attention. Smiling ear to ear and standing with utmost face, Twilight was next to her family, friends, and the bowing princesses of the fellow kingdoms, along with a unicorn stallion with a wizard hat and bushy beard.
"Twilight Sparkle, for your amazing contributions in the field of being amazing, you are hereby granted the M.I.Ks highest academic honor in the field of amazingness, the right to have Celestia be your second mother, all the books in the universe, and a hug from yours truly," said Starswirl the Bearded while stroking his beard at the sight of the blushing princess. The crowd below stamped and clapped loudly.
“Thank you, Sir Starswirl," said Princess Twilight with a nod to the elderly wizard.
"And furthermore, we have good news for you,” Starswirl announced, “Princesses Celestia and Luna are announcing their retirement and we are giving you control of all of Equestria, my queen!" He took a low bow, and as he did, the crowd followed suit, along with her friends, her family, and the princesses, with smiles on their faces. Twilight was dumbfounded and could only express the emotions tumbling in her in one way.
"Squee! Thank you so much everypony! My first rule as queen of Equestria is to make it illegal to mishandle books!"
"YAY!" shouted the crowd.
“And it will be punishable by six months in Tartarus,” said a grinning Twilight.
“Yay! Again!” shouted the crowd.
Waving at the crowd, Twilight felt the hooves and claws of her friends and family, picking up her and throwing her into the air while chanting her name.
“Twilight! Twilight!”
“Thank you everypony, thank you. Yes, I do deserve this!”
“Twilight! Twilight! Twilight!”
“Twilight!” shouted an average (if possible) Pinkie Pie to a still sleeping Twilight Sparkle.
“Thank you everypony, now let me tell you about my plans for the new library system…”
“TWILIGHT!” shouted Pinkie through a megaphone, causing Twilight to spill over from her bed in a tumble of sheets and pillows.
“What the-” asked a sleepy-eyed Twilight from beneath the pile of linen sheets. “Pinkie? What are you doing in my room? How did you even get in here?”
“Well, you don’t have any windows anymore, except those fancy ones--speaking of which, you should get those cleaned--but that’s not the reason why I’m here. The reason I'm here is super duper important! My unkie’s visiting me today!”
“That's great Pinkie, but why did you have to come tell me at..” Twilight glanced at a nearby royal clock. “Five-thirty-five a.m?”
“Oh! Well, that's simple, silly. Rainbow Dash is coming here, and I wanted to be first.”
“Wait, Rainbow Dash is coming here?” asked Twilight with a puzzled look.
“Nope,” replied Pinkie turning her attention to a bouncy bed.
“But, you just said-huh?!” Twilight would have continued if not for a blue spark in the sky heading towards her room from outside. It was pointed directly at her bedroom balcony. “What the...ahh!” screamed Twilight as she was picked up and thrown to the other side of the room.
“I overslept, I overslept, I overslept!” yelled a frantic Rainbow Dash as she madly shook Twilight, “I overslept!”
“Wwwwwhhhhaaaattttt ddddddiiiiiidddddd yyyyyyoooouuuuu oooooovvvvveeeerrrr sssssslllllllleeeeeppppppp fffffffoooooorrrrr?!” said a shaking Twilight.
“Oh! I know, I know!” said Pinkie doing a perfect flip from the bed. “Daring Do is coming to Ponyville!”
“Yes!” screamed a joyful Rainbow Dash, throwing her hooves up and dropping Twilight to the floor. “Daring Do is coming here, here to Ponyville!” she shrieked in a clear ‘fanfilly’ fashion.
“Oh yeah, I forgot A.K.Yearling’s coming here to do a book signing for her new novel,” said Twilight, picking herself up and taking off the blankets still on her.
“How could you forget!” shouted a distraught Rainbow Dash.
"Well, I am a Princess, I have a lot of responsibilities-wait, what day is it?" asked Twilight rubbing the leftover sleepiness out of her eyes.
“It's my uncle’s visiting day, Twilight,” said Pinkie as she backflipped on the bed.
“No, I meant what is today, Saturday?”
“No, egghead, it’s Friday!” shouted Rainbow Dash.
“But wait, Daring doesn’t doesn’t arrive till Saturday. Why are you saying you overslept, Rainbow Dash?” asked TwIlight.
“Well duh, to get in line first for tomorrow!” said Rainbow Dash, rolling her eyes.
Facehoofing at the reply, Twilight said‚ “Well, why did you come to tell me, then?”
“Well, I kind of need you to, umm, get me to the front of the line,” said Rainbow Dash with a blush and nervous chuckle.
Pinkie gasped as she hopped out of the bed, “You can’t do that, Dashie! Other people want to see her too, and it wouldn’t be fair if you got to cut to the front just because Twilight's a princess!”
“She's right Rainbow Dash, it just wouldn’t be right of me or you to head to the front just because I’m a princess and your friend,” stated Twilight with a hoof to her chest.
“Ugh! Fine, I guess I’ll just have to head down there now and get a good spot,” said Rainbow Dash, turning to leave.
“Wait, Rainbow Dash,” said Twilight, “Since you're here, how about I make you and Pinkie some eggs before you go. I mean, you’ll need some food If you're gonna stay in line all day and night.”
“Yeah, and you’ve got to meet my uncle first, too!” said Pinkie as she donned a chef’s toque.
“Are you kidding me?! I don’t have time fo-” Just then Rainbow's stomach growled violently. “Ehhh, well I suppose I could have a bite,” she said with a blush.
“But what about my uncle?” asked Pinkie with puppy eyes.
“Fine, Pinkie, I will say hi to your uncle,” said a grinning Rainbow with a roll of her eyes.
“Yay!” shouted Pinkie lunging into Rainbow Dash and causing them both to fall. “Owie.”
All of a sudden, the room’s front door flew open, turning their heads to see who it was, they were greeted by the sight of a sleepy Spike.
“What's going on?” said Spike with a fast yawn, “I heard banging sounds.”
“Oh, that was us,” said Twilight heading over to her assistant, “Sorry Spike, did we wake you?”
“Actually I was just heading to the bathroom when I heard the noise-wait we?” asked Spike before noticing Pinkie and Rainbow. “What are you guys doing here?”
Twilight then explained to Spike that Pinkie had come here to tell her that her uncle was coming here before Rainbow had come crashing in to see if Twilight could get them at the front of the line for the Daring Do book signing. At the mention of Twilight’s offer to make eggs, Spike had one thing to say:
“Can I have a gem omelet!?”
“Okay,” giggled Twilight at the dragon’s appetite.
After getting ready for the day, Twilight headed down to the castle's kitchen, where she was greeted to the sight of Pinkie muzzle-deep in a bowl of oats and milk, Rainbow Dash reading “Daring Do and the River of Gloom”, and finally Spike making a gem-filled omelet. Seeing Twilight, Spike asked her what kind of eggs she would like.
“I’ll just have a hay omelet, please, Spike,” she said before sitting down at the kitchen table with her friends. “So Pinkie,” she asked her as she chewed on her oats, “What's your uncle like? Is he anything like Maud?” Remembering Pinkie’s unusual sister made Twilight chuckle nervously.
Looking up from her bowl before licking oats and milk residue from her coat, Pinkie smiled a huge smile at Twilight, “Of course not, silly! He's the best uncle ever, not the best sister ever!"
"Which side of the family is he on?" asked Twilight.
"My mom's," replied Pinkie as she made a napkin swan.
"Oh, he's your mother's brother?"
“Yep, and only sibling, younger by thirteen years,” said Pinkie, pausing long enough to blow bubbles into the milk, “He's also a writer!”
“What kind of stories does he write?”
“Oh, you know, adventures and funny stories,” said Pinkie with a prideful tone in her voice before turning gloom. “But he doesn’t let me read them.”
“Why not?” asked Twilight with a puzzled look.
“I don’t know, he says they aren’t for fillies,” replied Pinkie with a sigh. “Said they were too boring for a mare like me.”
“Huh,” replied Twilight, turning her attention to Rainbow Dash, who was ear deep into her book. “So, Rainbow Dash, what chapter are you on?”
“What?” said Rainbow looking up from the book. “Oh, I’m on chapter fifteen, where Daring is escaping her bonds from the evil mad Dr. Glass. Here I’ll read you a bit,” Clearing her throat, Rainbow began.
“Struggling against her bonds, Daring saw that she was in a tight knot.
“Huh, seems Glass knows how to tighten his ropes better than last time, dang it,” thought Daring to herself. “Still though, none the wiser about the problems of leaving a bound pegasus with her wings open.” Moving around, Daring eventually was able to stretch her wing and bring the tip to her mouth. “Okay, this is gonna sting,” she said before plucking a feather from her wings. “Ousch!” said a muffled Daring looking to see if anypony heard her. “Ohay, ow I o I haw it aroun here..ere it ih!” Her sight fell on a toolbox with a padlock on it.
“Bet there's something sharp in that toolbox,” said Daring to herself, hopping over to the toolbox, “Okay, here I go!” She proceeded to rock side to side in the chair, causing it to fall over on Daring’s right side. A muffled sound of pain aside, Daring saw that luck was on her side for this lockpicking. Taking the feather Daring adjusted the tip till she was able to pick the lock.
“Wait, how does a feather pick a lock?” asked Spike, bringing the omelets to the table.
“Oh, Spike, thats just artistic license. I’m sure what really happened was different,” said Twilight cutting up her omelet.
“Shush, you two!” said Rainbow, “Now, where was I? Oh yeah!”
Having succeeded at picking the lock, Daring used her head to push open the toolbox, and fortunately for her, there was a cutting tool just in the right position. Moving the chair around, she was able to set the blade against the rope, rubbing one against the other for a while. Soon, she was able to cut the rope, releasing her hooves and enabling her to untie her other bonds. Getting up from the floor, Daring was about to sneak out when she heard a stallion from outside about to come in. She suddenly thought of a better plan.
“Hey, what's with all the noise?!” said the mook charging into the cabin. He saw the sight of Daring groaning in her seat with her hooves behind her back. “Heh, looks like the little girl's tired. How about a little kiss girly?” chuckled the mook as he leaned in close.
“How about a kick?” said Daring with a smirk, throwing her hooves on the pony’s shoulder before kicking him under the torso.
“Owww!” said the mook wincing in pain on the ground.
“And one the forehead?!” shouted Daring before knocking the mook out. “Now to find the key.” She rushed outside.
“End of chapter fifteen,” said Rainbow closing the book with an awed expression. “Wasn’t that awesome?!”
“I agree, that was amazing‚” said Twilight from the edge of her seat.
“Me too!” said Pinkie as she helped Spike gather the dishes.
“Me three, if a little unbelievable,” said Spike while getting a bottle of apple juice.
“Artistic license, Spike,” Twilight reminded him.
“Yeah, yeah.”
Looking at the clock, Pinkie shrieked, “Oh my gosh! It's already eight! Uncle Humble’s train arrives in ten minutes!” said Pinkie running to gather the dishes.
“Wait!” shouted Twilight, “Your uncle’s name is Humble? As in Humble Pie?”
“You know him?” asked Rainbow, wondering why Twilight was showing the same display of fanfillying Rainbow herself had hours earlier.
“Are you kidding? Next to A. K. Yearling, Humble Pie is Twilight’s favorite modern author!” said Spike.
“I love his book, ‘The Adventures of Con Colt’!” said Twilight in excitement, “Rainbow, Spike get cleaned up! I’m gonna head out to go get Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity!”
“Rarity said that Applejack and Fluttershy were helping at the boutique today,” stated Spike.
“Okay, I’ll head there, then. Pinkie, are you coming?” asked Twilight to a Pinkie-shaped dust cloud. “Pinkie? Where’d she go?”
“I’m telling you, dear, it looks fabulous on you,” said a smiling Rarity turning to face a purple-faced Fluttershy.
“Can’t breathe,” choked out Fluttershy as she fell down before Rarity. Applejack rushed to her aid by ripping off the corset.
“Are ya alright, sugarcube?!” asked a concerned Applejack.
“I-I think so,” replied Fluttershy.
“Sorry about that Fluttershy, but Applejack did you really have to tear the corset?” asked Rarity levitating the ripped clothing.
“It was choking her,” Applejack said flatly, helping Fluttershy up.
“Well, fashion is never easy,” replied Rarity, putting on her glasses to start sewing up the tears in the cloth. “Sorry again, Fluttershy.”
“Oh, it’s alright, I was happy to do it,” said Fluttershy with a smile.
“Thank you, now Applejack, take that box with my new fashion style and go try it on, please.”
“Remind me why I’m helping y’all with your dresses?” said Applejack.
“Because, you’re my friend, you silly mare, and the clothes must be made for an agile person such as yourself,” replied Rarity trying to sew the last thread in. “Now head to the kitchen, I want to be surprised by your appearance.”
“Fine,” grumbled Applejack before heading off to the kitchen.
“Ding-dong,” rung the front door.
“Oh, I wonder who that could be?” said Fluttershy, her attention focusing on the front door.
“Would you mind getting that dear? This last thread is a bit tough,” asked Rarity squinting her eyes to focus on the needle.
“Okay,” Fluttershy flew to the front door. Cracking it open, she greeted the visitor, “Umm, hello can I help-ahhhhh!” Fluttershy squealed as she whirled around on the spot. The cause: a pink blur rushing inside.
“Fluttershy! Rarity! Applejack! I have somthing to tell you!” screamed Pinkie in the center of the boutique.
“Pinkie! You scared poor Fluttershy and pushed her out of the way! Say you're sorry,” scolded Rarity as she put down the finished thread.
“I did?” said Pinkie turning around to a dizzy Fluttershy. “Oh, I did! I’m sorry Fluttershy, are you alright?”
“I’m fine, but was the boutique always pink?” replied Fluttershy, her head shaking side to side.
“Well, other than the curtains, no. But that’s not what I’m here to tell you. I have something big to tell you, it's abou-”
“What is with all the darn noise? I’m trying to put on this old thing,” said a voice that belonged to Applejack.
“Applejack, it's just Pinkie. Are you done putting the outfit on?” asked Rarity.
“I’m almost done, hold your carts...okay, coming in,” said Applejack trotting back to the room. Before the three mares stood Applejack in a white, black-buttoned shirt; upon it was a light peach-colored long coat with a dark blue hood.
Fluttershy, having recovered by this time, looked awestruck, “Wow.”
“It’s so peachy!” said a giddy Pinkie.
“Applejack, you look amazing!” said Rarity with a tone of pride in her voice.
“It ain’t something I’d wear for farming, but I’ll admit, it’s more comfortable than I expected,” said Applejack. “Still, who would wear this? I get that them Canterlot folks like odd clothes. But why this?”
“Applejack,” said Rarity, “I just make the outfits. I don’t know what they're for, besides I don’t even know if it is for a Canterlot citizen. All I got was a letter saying that it was to be dropped in the town's post office, and that I would receive payment then. Now please take it off and put it carefully back in the box, if you would.”
After Applejack put the shirt and cloak away, everypony’s focus was now on Pinkie.
“So Pinkie, what did you have to say?” asked Applejack.
“It’s my unkie Humble’s visiting day!” shouted Pink throwing confetti in the air.
“You have an uncle named Humble?” asked Fluttershy meekly.
Borrowing Applejack’s brother’s word of wisdom, Pinkie replied, “Eeyup, my uncle Humble Pie!”
“Wait!” shouted Rarity, pushing Fluttershy and Applejack away and shoving her muzzle against Pinkie’s, “Your uncle is Hu-Humble Pie!?”
“You know him?” grumbled Applejack, annoyed at being pushed.
“Why of course I do! I love his book, “The Mind of an Artist”! And of course, “The Wood Stallion's A-,” stopping herself, Rarity quickly remembered that particular book was for more mature audiences. She continued with a heavy blush, “Ehhh, well the point is I love his books. And you say he's coming today?”
“I believe so,” said Pinkie with blank expression before giggling, “My uncle taught me that.”
“When's he arriving?” asked Fluttershy.
“Oh, in five minutes,” replied Pinkie, relaxing. After a few seconds, realization finally hit her, causing her to scream, “Everypony, head to the train station!”
“Pinkie, I’m sure your uncle will arrive when you get there. Right Rarity?” asked Applejack to a Rarity-shaped cloud of dust. “Rarity? Pinkie did you see where Ra-” Applejack stopped asking when she saw the remnants of a Pinkie-shaped dust cloud. “Come on, Fluttershy. Let’s head out,” grumbled Applejack.
“Oh, I’m just so excited, I could burst!” said Pinkie before exploding--her cannon of confetti seemed ready for her uncle’s arrival. She and Rarity stood at the train station’s platform.
“I know how you feel darling. Your uncle is a fantastic writer,” said Rarity putting makeup on, “I love his description of Captain Star’s rugged fetlocks, his gentlecolt’s mane, his golden spyglass--,” Rarity stopped herself when she saw ponies looking at her. Blushing intensely, she tried to move the attention to somewhere else. Fortunately for her, Twilight, Rainbow Dash and, Spike were trotting to the platform. Everypony turned their focus to the newly crowned princess and proceeded to bow.
“Thank you everypony, but it’s really not necessary to bow. Just go about your business,” said Twilight causing everypony to stand upright again. “There you are Pinkie, and good morning Rarity.”
“Good morning, girls,” said Rarity.
Spike coughed slightly.
“Oh, don’t think I could forget you, Spikey-wikey‚” said Rarity, pinching Spike’s cheeks causing him to blush.
“Mo-morning Rarity,” stuttered Spike.
“So Pinkie, where's this uncle Humble of yours, anyway?” asked Rainbow, still reading her book.
"Hmmm," said Pinkie before gasping. “There he is!” she shouted and pointed at a locomotive heading towards the platform.
“Come on Slit, I know you had a hard time back there but you can’t plot revenge on Miss Railrunner, she was just doing her job,” said Humble to Slit’s blank face. “Look, I understand that a cage is no place for a sentient creature like yourself to be trapped in, but in fairness, they did say you got a little rowdy.” The alligator just licked his eye while standing. “Besides, Miss Railrunner was nice enough to let you out early.” There was a sudden ringing sound, and looking out the window Humble saw the town of Ponyville past the train platform and on it was his niece speeding around the platform along with her friends.
“Well, would you look at that Slit? We got a royal welcome from Princess Twilight. How’s my mane?”
The alligator just looked at him, expressionless.
“Good, let’s head out.”
Behind him, Stale and Lemon watched him get his luggage. “Yes, let’s,” said Stale.
“You watch too many projecto films,” grumbled Lemon.
“Unkie Humble!” screamed Pinkie, her voice drowning out the whistle of the parting locomotive as she lunged for the stallion coming off the train.
The intense huggles he was receiving made a joyful smile come to Humble’s face. “Pinkie!” he yelled, wrapping his hooves around his niece to return the hug, “It's great to see you again!”
“No!” yelled Pinkie, causing Humble to remove his forelegs and step back with a bewildered look.
“What do you mean, my dear? Isn’t it good to see you uncle Humble again?”
“Nope,” replied Pinkie with a smile.
“Oh,” said Humble, looking hurt.
“It's even greater to see you than you seeing me!” said Pinkie before giving him another hug.
“Oh, Pinkie, you rascal,” said Humble, quickly messing up Pinkie’s mane and making it even puffier.
“Ummm, Mr. Pie?” said the gentle voice of Twilight, “It’s nice to meet you, my name is Twilight Sparkle.”
Turning around, Humble saw the newly crowned princess. “Aww, Princess Twilight Sparkle, a pleasure to meet you,” he said, holding out a hoof.
“Please, Mr.Pie--” said Twilight after shaking his hoof.
“Please, call me Humble.”
“Please, Humble, there’s no need address me so formally. I’m just like everypony else,” said Twilight gently.
“Well, if you insist. And you must be Fluttershy, a pleasure to meet you,” Humble said, putting his hoof up for her to shake.
“Oh, very nice to meet you,” mumbled Fluttershy, giving Humble an equally soft hoof shake.
“Girl’s a little meek, isn’t she?” Humble whispered to Pinkie, “She always like that?”
“Oh, don’t worry, unkie. She's just a little nervous around new ponies,” whispered back Pinkie.
“Well, I guess I should give her time to adjust,” whispered Humble again before turning his attention to Applejack. “Miss Applejack! It’s great to finally meet Babs’ cousin!”
“Wait, you know my little cousin Babs?” asked a puzzled Applejack.
“Why of course, every time I time I buy apples at her stand with my friend, she always regales us with the adventures and escapades of her two favorite cousins.”
“Well then, any friend of my cousin is a friend of mine,” said Applejack, shaking his hoof.
“Well that's good to know,” Humble said before turning to Rarity, “And you!”
“M-me? You know me, Mr. Humble?!” she said with a hint of a squee.
“Well, of course! You must be the beautiful and extremely talented trendsetter, Rarity,” he replied, taking her right hoof into his before giving it a small kiss, “Because you fit the description perfectly, my dear.” He accompanied his smooth talk with a flirty wink.
“My, aren’t you a gentlecolt?” giggled a blushing Rarity.
“Oh, brother,” grumbled Spike.
“And you must be Spike, the savior of the Crystal Empire! It's a pleasure to meet you,” said Humble. “In fact, Pinkie told me you're a lover of the “Power Ponies” correct?”
“Yeah, what of it?”
“Spike! Be polite,” scolded Twilight.
“Oh, it's alright, Twilight‚” said Humble before looking back at Spike. “Here, my friend,” said Humble, pulling out a small bag. “My friend Coil and I collect the comics, as well.”
“Wait, you know Coil?” said Spike, remembering the stallion from Powcon.
“Well yes, he’s my best friend. And when I heard you live here, I decided to give you my own issue,” Humble said, taking out a mint-conditioned “Power Ponies” comic book. “This is a golden age issue of the series. I thought this would help me be friends with you, is it working?”
Humble gave the comic to Spike, and the little dragon stared at it for a good few seconds, as if he’d discovered gold, before tackling him in a hug. “Thank you so much!” he said happily.
“Oh, you’re quite welcome, son,” Humble replied, returning his hug. “And don’t you worry,” he whispered, “I was just joking around with Miss Rarity.”
“Aww, man,” mumbled a blushing Spike as he separated from Humble, “Does everypony know!?”
Humble then met the last of the group, “Hello there. My, oh, my, Pinkie, you didn’t tell me you had the world-famous future WonderBolt, Rainbow Dash, in your group!”
“I thought I did,” said Pinkie, trying to remember.
“Huh?” said Rainbow looking up from her book, “Who are you?”
“Rainbow Dash! Were you reading this whole time!?" said Applejack, glaring at her friend.
“Oh? What are you reading?” Humble asked, trying to see the cover through Rainbow’s hooves.
“Just the latest book written by the most awesome author ever,” she replied.
“‘Most awesome author’ you say? What’s the book called, though?” Humble asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Da-” she stopped for a second before speeding around the confused group, “Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!”
“Rainbow Dash, what's wrong!?” shouted Twilight.
“Sorry guys, but I gotta head over to Bargain Barns before the line gets too long! I’ll talk to you guys later. Nice meeting you, Pinkie’s uncle! Bye!” She burst off into the sky, leaving a vanishing rainbow trail in her wake.
“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight cried, “Ugh, I’m so sorry for my friend’s behavior Humble, Humble?
“Da?” asked a confused Humble as he watched Rainbow Dash fly away. “Pinkie, hun?” he then turned to her.
“Yeah, unckie Humble?” Pinkie replied.
“Where is your friend headed off to, again?” said Humble.
“Oh, well she's off to the Dar-Slitty!” shouted Pinkie, who had just seen Slit lick her right hoof, “It’s so great to see you again!” She picked up the adult alligator by the torso and swung him around while hugging him. She suddenly gasped, “Oh, I forgot to bring Gummy!” said Pinkie to Slit, her eyes next to his.
“Well then, Pinkie, we should head to your house. I promised Slit here that we would see his cousin.”
“That is a great idea!” cheered Pinkie.
“If you all would excuse me and my niece, I had a long ride here and would love to put my things away.”
“Of course Humble. We’ll talk later, if that’s alright,” replied Twilight.
“Sounds good to me. Coming along Pinkie, Slit?” said Humble.
“Coming! Come on Slitty!” Pinkie yelled to the bellowing alligator.
“Well, he seems pretty nice,” said Applejack when the three were out of earshot, “I’m kinda surprised. He’s more like, uhh…”
“Like who, darling?” said Rarity.
“Honestly, I don’t know,” Applejack said with a shrug, “Not as, ehh, distant as Maud.”
“And not nearly as energetic as Pinkie,” said Fluttershy.
“He’s more, more… oh what’s the word I’m looking for?” said Rarity.
“Humble?” chuckled Spike while the other looked at him oddly. “What? He kinda is.”
After leaving the train station, Humble trotted, Pinkie hopped, and Slit waddled on the main road through Ponyville in silence, until Humble started conversation.
“So Pinkie, how have you been doing?” asked Humble.
“Well, I became a superpony, a flutterpony, and a salespony, and Maud visited recently!” said Pinkie.
“Oh, how’s Maud doing?” said Humble, “I heard she's getting a rockderate in rockology.”
“She's doing super-duper! Boulder, too!” said Pinkie.
“Well, that’s nice. I should see how she is doing on her rock poetry. She has really improved quite a lot finding rhyming words with ‘rock’, and her free verse has improved as well,” replied Humble.
After a few minutes of trotting, hopping, and waddling, the three eventually made it to town.
“Welcome to Ponyville unkie Humble!” shouted Pinkie before exploding--her cannon showered confetti all over her uncle.
“Well, it certainly lives up to its name, in that it has ponies and is a village,” he said, blowing a strand of blue confetti off him. Pinkie then began dragging him off, and Slit followed close behind.
“And this is where I live!” shouted Pinkie with glee, letting go of Humble to point at a pink and yellow building. “Sugarcube Corner!”
As Pinkie rushed into the building, Humble looked around for Slit, and saw him sitting in a fountain with a bird in his mouth. “Slit, you can brush your teeth later! Come on!” he said, gesturing for him to follow.
After bellowing for the bird to leave, Slit crawled out of the fountain and started heading over to Humble, just when a pink filly with a tiara and a grey filly with red glasses trotted by.
“And that’s why I get to be at the front of the line tomorrow,” giggled Diamond Tiara before tripping over a rough object.
“Diamond, are you alr-ahhhh!” screamed Silver Spoon before she galloped away.
“Silver! Where are you going?! What did I tri-” Diamond Tiara’s eyes turned wide at the site of a full-grown alligator staring at her, teeth gleaming as it licked its eye. “Ahhhhhhhh! Crocodile! Silver, wait for me!” she screamed before running in the direction of her friend.
Slit just stood there while Humble stood shocked. After a deep hiss, Slit waddled over to Humble, bellowing on his way into the store.
“I know, Slit, I know. That filly thinking you're a crocodile… how very racist… well, I’m sure she’ll learn someday,” he said passing through the front door.
Humble entered a store that smelled of mouthwatering pastries. On his right stood a light-orange stallion with a bowtie sweeping while at the counter behind a cash register stood a blue mare with a purple mane-do reading a book. The stallion stopped sweeping when he heard the door whoosh closed.
“Huh? Oh, hi there!” said the stallion trotting over to Humble while the blue mare, surprised by the sudden sound, closed the book and headed over. “You must be Mr. Humble Pie, Pinkie's uncle right? I’m Carrot Cake,” Carrot said putting out his hoof.
“Please call me Humble, Mr. Cake,” he said shaking his hoof.
“As long as you do the same for me,” chuckled Carrot.
“Call you Humble?”
“Nah, Carrot,” chuckled Carrot before noting his wife. “Oh, and this beautiful mare here is--”
“Cup Cake,” she said, shaking Humble’s hoof. “And you can call me Cup Cake dearie.”
“A pleasure to meet you both. Now I should warn you not to be afraid of what's at your feet. He's a perfect gentlegate,” said Humble pointing down at Slit nuzzling against his back hooves.
“Oh, don’t worry, we’re used to alligators,” said Cup. “But, um, does he, umm--”
“He what?” Humble.
“Bite?” said Carrot.
“Slit? Oh no, he's perfectly well-mannered.”
“Does he need any food?” asked Cup, “I have some artificial fishes if he needs them. We usually have them for Gummy, but I’m sure we have more than enough for the sweet thing.” She started petting Slit, who licked her hoof.
“That would be wonderful, but how about we wait for Pinkie t--‚” Humble was interrupted by his bouncing niece, hopping down the stairs with a brown-coated colt, an orange-maned filly, and a toothless alligator on her back. The foals were giggling, but the alligator was as still as a rock.
.
“I’m back!” shouted Pinkie, putting the foals and Gummy down, “Gummy look! it’s your cousin Slitty!”
The smaller alligator headed over to his bigger cousin and both of them stared at each other before Slit bellowed.
“Aww, they missed each other,” said Pinkie. “Pumpkin and Pound Cake, say hi to my unkie Humble and Gummy’s cousin Slit.”
The two foal siblings trotted over to Humble and Slit. Standing still, the stallion and alligator were attacked with foalish hugs.
“Awww, honey go get my camera. I wanna take a picture of this!” said Cup to Carrot.
“Okay, I think I left it behind the counter,” he replied heading over to see if it was there.
“So, your room is all ready for you upstairs. Do you need help with your luggage?” asked Cup.
”Oh, that very polite of you, but I only have the one bag. I can handle it,” replied Humble.
“Well, if you're sure. Welcome to Ponyville!” said Cup with a smile.
“Okay, you four,” said Carrot returning with the camera.”Get close to each other and on the count of three, say cheese.”
Getting close onto the ground, Humble felt a tug of his mustache. The source: a cute, drooling Pumpkin. Smiling, they all looked up.
“Okay, one...two...three!” said Carrot, pressing the button down.
“Pwheese!” said the foals.
“Cheese!” said Humble.
Slit said nothing, but he gave his best smile ever: the corners of his mouth curved upward.
“Got it, and it’s perfect,” said Carrot looking at the developed picture.
“Well, if you would excuse me, I must go put my things up in my room. Come along Slit,” said Humble as he trotted upstairs, with Slit following close behind.
“Hurry up, unkie Humble! I still gotta show you around town!” Pinkie yelled from downstairs.
Humble entered a medium-sized room with a king-sized bed snuggled away in the left corner of the room, with a nightstand next to it. It was covered in blankets and neatly made pillows, and the smell of lemon fresh from a recent cleaning floated in the air. There was only one window facing out on the left side of the room, but in all honesty Humble was just glad to be able to sleep in a real bed instead of a train car seat.
“Well, Slit, looks like this is where we’re gonna stay for the week,” said Humble unloading his luggage.
Slit merely stood still as he unpacked.
“Oh, okay, you can go play with your cousin and the foals,” said Humble as Slit waddled back downstairs.
“Now where is that razor of mine? Oh, there it is,” he said. Taking the razor out, Humble noticed a small, dim hexagonal object at the bottom of the bag. “What’s this?”he said pulling it out and revealing a small bronze compass with an engraving carved into it with the words, “To my friend”, etched in bronze. “I remember this. I got this as a gift when I went to the the clubhouse with Daz-” said Humble before a torrent of memories returned to him. “With Dazzle.”
Ever since that day at the park in Manehattan, Dazzle and Humble tried to contact each other in the city of New Fleureans (or New Horseleans for tourists). Eventually, they saw each other on the streets, soon after Dazzle became the third best friend Humble ever had.
On a bench just outside the New Fleureans swamp, sat a nine-year-old Humble waiting for his friend Dazzle to come (he’d heard that Coil had been bedridden after electrocuting himself, so after Humble made sure his friend was alright, Coil told him to just go alone, and he agreed...with a smile). So sitting here while Slit was with Coil to keep him company, he did what anypony would do...be bored.
“Ugh, where is Dazzle?” Humble said, looking around. “Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. I mean, why did Coil have to electrocute himself on the weekend?!”
After a few more minutes of looking at a rock, Humble was about to fall into a deeper boredom when heard a familiar angelic voice.
“Hi, Humble!” said Dazzle, walking to him wearing her trademark headwear and mane pulled back into a small bun. “You ready to head on in?” she said out loud.
Humble just stared at the picture of beauty before him. With his eyes paying attention to her new haircut, Humble could only say one thing, “Um, nice buns?”
“What?” asked Dazzle with a blush on her face.
“The mane cut, I mean! Y-you tied your mane back into a bun!” he said quickly while blushing. Nice going perver t said Humble’s inner self.
“Oh, thanks,” she said, her soft blush remaining.
“So, um, the swamp?” asked Humble, wanting to change the conversation.
“What?” asked Dazzle, snapping back into reality.
“The swamp? Should we head in?” said Humble with a puzzled look.
“Oh yeah, let’s go in,” said Dazzle, nodding.
After heading inside the swamp, Humble and Dazzle trotted on over to the clubhouse. On the way there, Dazzle noticed something odd. “Hey Humble?” asked Dazzle.
“Yeah?”
“I was just wondering, where’s Slit?” she said with a tilt of her head.
“Oh, h-he's keeping Coil c-company for me, yeah,” stuttered Humble; the cute fashion of Dazzle’s tilted head made him nervous.
“Oh, that’s nice,” she replied.
After a few more minutes of trotting, the two of them reached the clubhouse. It was just an average treehouse they made with the help of Dazzle’s grandad, with its furniture amounting to three chairs and a table. A bunch of maps and books were thrown all around the room as the building stood firmly in place of an old pine tree’s branches.
”So what do you want to do today?” asked Humble, sitting down on one of the chairs.
“Hmmm, well I found this in my grandpa’s drawer yesterday,” Dazzle said, pulling out a small bronze compass with a small iron chain. “He told me once that it was enchanted to bring good fortune to who ever holds it in the direction it points,” said Dazzle holding it by its chain, “So lets see where it points to.” She opened it up, and the compass pointed in the direction she was pointing it towards. “Or maybe he was just joking,” Dazzle grumbled.
“Well, I’m sure we can find something to do,” said Humble.
All of a sudden, a terrifying noise shook both the swamp and foals to their cores.
“What was that?” asked a nervous Humble.
“I don’t know,” said Dazzle with a curious tone, “It’s coming from the direction the compass is pointing at, hmm, let’s go check it out!”
“Are you sure that's a good Idea? I heard there are monsters out here,” said a sweating Humble.
“Don’t worry. You forget, Dazzle the adventurer is here. I’ll protect you from any monsters,” she replied. Oh my Celestia, I just love how meek he gets when nervous Dazzle thought to herself.
“Well okay,” said Humble, “If you say so.”
“Great! Let’s go!” Dazzle said, grabbing Humble’s hoof and causing them both to blush before they climbed down and galloped toward the source of the noise. After awhile, the pair came upon a small clearing in a foggy lagoon with the sound of frogs croaking in the distance.
“Do you see anything, Humble?” asked Dazzle.
“Nah, you?” he replied.
“Nope,” said Dazzle.
”Well, I see something‚” said three voices in unison.
Turning around slowly both foals saw before them a two-headed creature with the body and head of a tiger, another head that was of a goat, and a live snake for a tail--a chimera.
“Three delicious foals,” growled the tiger head.
“Enough for all of usssss,” hissed the snake.
“You beh-eh-ehtter be go-oh-oh-ood,” bleated the goat head.
“Umm, Humble?” asked Dazzle, not even looking at the colt.
“Yeah?”
“Run!” screamed Dazzle, causing both the foals to run.
“Get bah-ah-ah-ack here!” yelled the goat head before the chimera gave chase.
Galloping as hard as their legs could carry them, the two foals rushed for the safety of the city.
“Come on, I think we almost los-oomph!” yelled Dazzle, falling to the floor of the swamp after being tripped by a root.
“Dazzle! Are you alright?” asked Humble as he rushed back to help her.
.
“Yeah, I think I sprained my ankle though,” she said with a pain-filled grunt. “Good thing my hat’s alr--” she stopped when she noticed her hat had been dislodged from her head and landed a few feet away. Dazzle screamed, “My hat!”
“Don’t worry, Dazzle! I’ll get it!” said Humble, rushing for the hat while keeping a close eye on his friend. Just when he reached for the hat he felt a paw scrape him.
“Ouch!” shouted Humble, looking at his scraped, bloody hoof. Looking at the source, Humble saw the chimera emerge from the fog.
“Thought you could escape ussss?” hissed the snake, causing the other two heads to chuckle, “Think again.”
Looking back to see if Dazzle was alright, Humble turned his attention to what the chimera was standing on--Dazzle’s hat. Glancing back at Dazzle, who stood paralyzed in pain, Humble fought his fear and eyed the chimera with an angry gaze.
“Get off,” whispered Humble nervously.
“What?” asked the chimera, leaning in.
Getting bolder by the second, Humble specified. “Give me back my friend’s hat,” he said, raising his head to meet the chimera's gaze.
“Oh, thissss hat?” said the snake picking it up in its teeth.
“Yes, give it back,” Humble said, staring at the snake, “It’s not yours.”
“Thisssss should be a good bone bowl, hahaha--!” said snake before it cried out in pain. While it was laughing, Humble did something he never had done before: fight.
Dazzle watched, amazed at the sight of Humble grabbing and stretching the snake before climbing on top of the tiger’s body and twisted the snake around the goat before poking the tiger in the eye. “He's so hot when he's angry!” screamed inner Dazzle before being shushed by outer Dazzle, “This isn’t the time!"
Unfortunately for Humble, the tiger bit his foreleg and the goat (having not been tied properly) was able to hit him with a horn, causing him to tumble forward to Dazzle’s hooves.
“You're gonna pay for that!” screamed the chimera as a whole after the snake untangled itself from the goat.
“D-don’t come any closer!” said Humble, breathing in pain, “Don’t worry Dazzle, I’ll hold them off.”
Dazzle just stood amazed at Humble’s integrity.
“Lookssss like thissss isss the end for you two,” said the snake. And it would have been if not for the sudden sound that followed.
“Get the buck away from those kids!” shouted a pegasus mare whom the two foals recognized as Dazzle’s older sister, Arrowhead. She proceeded to punch and kick the chimera all over its body while another voice was heard.
“You are in so much trouble, Artemis!” shouted another pegasus, a stallion, from out of the sky whom the two recognized as Dazzle’s older brother. Ace. He flew to help his sister with beating up the chimera.
“Run away!” shouted the chimera trying to escape the angry siblings only for it to see an odd alligator shaped creature with tentacles in the fog. “Monster!” shouted the chimera, running off into the fog.
“Trissst!” bellowed the creature as it emerged from within the fog, revealing itself to be a young brown colt holding a bunch of pool noodles, along with Slit standing upright. “Oh hey guys!” he said before sneezing. “Did you hear me say trissst?”
“Coil?” said Humble before he was picked up by the collar by an angry Ace.
“You little bucker!” shouted Ace to Humble while Dazzle tried to stop him. “You almost got my sister killed! I’m gonna--”
“Ace!” shouted Arrowhead who pushed Ace aside and grabbed Humble, putting him on the ground. “Cool off!”
“She almost got --”
“I know! Dazzle what were you thinking?” said Arrowhead.
“I just wanted to have some fun with Humble,” said Dazzle looking down. “Grandpa said I could.”
“Ugh,” groaned Ace, facehoofing, “I really gotta talk to gramps about his giving too much freedom to you. Had we not found Sick McGee over there bringing you guys his magnets,” Ace pointed at Coil, who was chasing dragonflies, “you two would have been killed!”
“Listen, what’s done is done,” said Arrowhead firmly, “now say bye to your friends, Dazzle.” Arrowhead then grabbed Ace, brought him over to a rock and argued with him.
Dazzle and Humble turned to each other and just stared for a while.
“Umm, Dazzle?” said Humble.
“Y-yeah?”
“What just happened made me realize something,” he said, looking down as a bunch of repressed emotions started to surface.
“What?” asked Dazzle with a concerned tone.
“Th-th-that I wouldn’t be good enough for you,” he said with a sniffle.
“What? Y-you mean l-like coltfriend and fillyfriend?” said Dazzle with a blush.
“Yeah,” Humble said with a tear coming down his red-hot face, “I’m too much of a coward.”
“Humble.”
“Too much of a baby.”
“Humble.”
“Too much of a loser.”
“Humble!” said Dazzle, putting her hoof on Humble.
“What?” asked Humble, about to break down.
"You stood up against a monster just over my hat. You tried to protect me even when you were against three-to-one odds…. or one-to-one with three heads,” said Dazzle, “That was the most bravest thing anypony has ever done for me.” She finished with a blush, “Besides, I shouldn’t have run off like that and dragged you with me.”
“Dazzle?” said Humble, looking up and wiping his tears.
“Wait, I just want to say this,” said Dazzle before planting her lips on the grey colt’s cheek.
At first, Humble was taken aback, but melted from the kiss.
"Omph!" said Dazzle as Humble gave her a kiss on her cheek as a return of affection. “He's kissing me back! He's kissing me back!” squeed Dazzle’s inner self.
After a few seconds, Humble lept back.
“Umm, I’m sorry,” said Humble, blushing intensely.
“No, no, it's alright,” said a quiet and awed Dazzle. “In fact, let’s do it--I mean, go somewhere tomorrow...coltfriend.” She gave a cute giggle.
His eyes widening, Humble said, “C-coltfrie--”
“Artemis, come on!” shouted Ace, unaware of what had just happened.
“Ugh, coming!” said Dazzle before looking back at Humble. “Here, take this,” she said, handing him the small compass.
“But, it's your grandfather’s!” said Humble.
“Yeah, but it brought me some good fortune today,” said a blushing Dazzle. “You deserve some too.”
“I already got it,” said Humble with a grin.
“You did? When-oh!” said Dazzle blushing like a red light. “Umm, well, bye!” she said before flying off.
“Artemis!” yelled Ace before looking back at Humble. “Stay away from my little sister, kid.”
“Ace!” shouted Arrowhead, causing Ace to fly off. “Ugh, that bonehead.” She looked at Humble calmly, “You alright kid?”
“Yeah,” said a still-awed Humble.
“Good luck,” said Arrowhead with a wink before flying off.
“Than-wait, what!?” shouted Humble, realizing too late that Arrowhead may have seen what had happened. Still blushing, Humble finally remembered about Coil. “Oh! Thanks, Coil, for saving us!”
“Ewwww,” said Coil, who had seen the kiss between his two friends, “You got cooties! Don’t worry, a toaster bath should sterilize you right up! It did for me.”
“Oh,” said Humble back in the guest room. “Coil, you always were such a funny stallion to be around,” he said looking at the compass. "The only reason I keep you is because you’re good for Coil’s experiments," he growled, putting the compass away.
.
“Unkie Humble!” shouted Pinkie, bouncing into the room. “Let’s go! I gotta show you around Ponyville!”
“Of course you do, and there isn’t anypony I would like better to have as my tour guide."
And so with that, they left Slit in the care of the Cakes and proceeded to head to their first destination, Sweet Apple Acres.
Meanwhile, Stale and Lemon looked on at the unsuspecting duo from a table across the path to the farm.
“Should we follow them?” said Lemon.
“Nah, he ain’t going anywhere,” said Stale. “Let’s head to the inn.”
After they left Sugercube Corner, Humble and Pinkie trotted down the street while Pinkie told him all about the local landmarks.
“That over there is where I got gum stuck on my right hoof!” said Pinkie pointing at an alley. “And that’s where the the Pony Tones practice,” she pointed at city hall.
“Very interesting,” said Humble, trotting alongside his niece before an aroma of mouthwatering smells hit his nostrils. “Mmm, Pinkie?”
“Yeah, unkie Humble?” said Pinkie from atop the house where she once got stuck on a piece of gum.
“What is that wonderful fragrance?” said Humble, taking another whiff, “It smells delicious.”
“Oh!” said Pinkie jumping off the roof before grabbing Humble and dragging him to another beige shop two blocks away. “Welcome to Sweetie Drops!” she said, throwing her hooves in front of a shop that looked like all the other buildings, with the exception of a sign saying “Sweetie Drops: We Are Sweet” on it.
“Huh,” said Humble before noticing a mint-green unicorn mare with a harp for a cutie mark sitting idly on a bench a few hooves away. “Well hello, miss.”
“Hi,” said the mare with a smile and a raised hoof “My name’s Lyra Heartstrings, what’s yours?”
“Humble Pie,” said Humble, shaking the mare’s hoof, “Pinkie’s uncle.”
“Hi Lyra!” shouted Pinkie, glancing at a balloon cart going by before resuming. “Whatcha doin’?”
“Just sitting,” replied Lyra.
“Hmm,” said Humble looking at the mare’s odd position, “A peculiar way to sit for a pony.”
“Well I’ve seen minotaurs do it and I just thought ‘hey why not?’ And I did it,” said Lyra with a chuckle.
“I see,” said Humble, his curiosity on the subject quenched, “So do you own the store here?”
“Sweetie Drops?” said Lyra with a grin. “Nah, my wife Bon Bon does. Come on in and I’ll get you guys something,” she said with a wave of her hoof before they all went inside the store.
The store was truly worthy of the name Sweetie Drops. The shelves and stands were filled to the brim with both domestic candy and exotic candy, and not just counting the barrels of taffee. At the back of the store stood a beige mare with a purple-and-pink-streaked mane and three pieces of wrapped candy as a cutie mark.
“Hi, Bonnie,” said Lyra, nuzzling her wife affectionately.
“Hi, honey,” said Bon Bon, returning the nuzzle, “Hello Pinkie.”
“Hiya, Bon Bon!” said Pinkie as she scoured the store for her favorite types of candy.
“And who are you, sir?” said Bon Bon with a hopeful smile, “Did you just move here?”
“Actually, I’m Pinkie’s uncle,” said Humble with his hoof out. “You must be Lyra’s wife. I came in when I smelled a delectable scent.”
“Oh, you must have smelled my award-winning blue toffee,” said Bon Bon, shaking his hoof before bringing out some blue-colored toffee. “I didn’t know Pinkie even had an uncle. My name’s Bon Bon. What’s yours?”
“Humble,” he said with a smile, “Humble Pie.”
“Wait, Humble Pie?!” said Bon Bon with widening eyes. “As in the writer of ‘Ice Barrels’?!”
“Ah, you know my work,” said Humble with a bow, “I’m guessing you’re a fan?”
“Well--”
“Are you kidding me!?” said Lyra, jumping in, “Sir, I have to thank you for writing that long book,” she said putting her mouth near Humble’s ear. “She made me read the whole thing like it was homework, can you believe that!?” she whispered before talking normally. “That book gave Bonnie the best ideas for our foreplay--”
“Okay, here’s your candy!” said Bon Bon, loudly and nervously, shoving a bag of assorted candy into Pinkie’s and Humble's hoofs, “If that will be all, have a nice day!”
“But wait, we didn’t pay,” said Humble as he and Pinkie were being pushed out of the shop by Bon Bon.
“Stop it, that tickles!” giggled Pinkie.
“Consider it a welcome to town gift!” said Bon Bon before rushing her customers out.
“Well, that was fun!” said Pinkie, and she began bouncing right up the street.
Before Humble and Pinkie continued their walk to Sweet Apple Acres, Humble could have sworn he heard yelling from inside the sweet shop:
“I should throw you out for that! That was inappropriate!” That sounded like Bon Bon
“I wouldn't mind you throwing me,” Lyra’s voice replied. Bon Bon just groaned back.
Continuing their trot to the farm, Pinkie kept asking Humble about Manehattan.
“So the pigeons do dance?!” said Pinkie while chewing on some gum.
“According to Coil, yes,” said Humble, taking a bite out of his candy.
“How is uncle Coil anyway?” said Pinkie.
“Oh, he’s doing fine, you know with him inventing stuff,” said Humble as they started to come upon scattred apple trees.
“Hmm, excuse me Pinkie,” said Humble reaching for a low branch with an apple on it. “Just gonna take a bite.”
“No!” yelled Pinkie, jumping for the apple, “Donnnn't!” For some reason, she said it in slow motion.
But the damage was already done when Humble picked it off and took a bite.
“Hmm, a little sour,” said Humble before turning around. “What were you saying...Pinkie?” said Humble as he looked at Pinkie upside down with a rope around her right foreleg. “Pinkie!” said Humble helping his niece down, “Are you alright?”
“I think so,” said Pinkie, shaking her head, “My forehead felt sweaty, which means there was a trap ahead.”
“Who would put a trap under an apple tree?” said Humble before he was answered by the appearance of three fillies jumping out of the bushes and “tackling” him.
“Got you, apple thief!” said Scootaloo, jumping onto Humble’s back, “No escaping this time.”
“Huh?” said Humbler looking at the small pegasus pulling on his mane.
“He’s trying to escape!” shouted Apple Bloom.
“Take this!” said Sweetie Belle, hitting Humble with a small spell that just tickled his cheek.
“Oh no, I’m being attacked! Police cute-ality,” joked Humble as he gently shook the fillies off of him.
“You're not getting away again, thief!” shouted Apple Bloom while Pinkie just watched while eating popcorn, “No more apples will be plucked!”
“Apple Bloom,” groaned Scootaloo, “That was my line.”
“Well, you stole my ‘got you, apple thief’ line,” said Apple Bloom, trotting over to Scootaloo. “And Sweetie Belle stole my hitting action.”
“I’ll have you know Twilight happens to think my phii-pyhis-my magic is getting stronger!” said Sweetie Belle, joining the huddle.
“Please, Sweetie Belle,” said Scootaloo. “Your magic barely made a scratch.”
“Oh, like you could have done better?” said Apple Bloom, “If I’d have been the hitter, I would have bucked him so hard--”
“Umm, excuse me?” said Humble, drawing back the attention of the arguing fillies, “I believe we’re introducing ourselves. I’m Pinkie’s uncle, Humble Pie,” he said, taking some popcorn from Pinkie.
“Humble Pie?” said Apple Bloom in a curious tone, “Do y’all know my cousin, Babs Seed?”
“Ah!” said Humble putting his hoof out, “You must be the famous Apple Bloom?”
“Yep,” said Apple Bloom smiling while shaking the stallion’s hoof, “How’d ya know?”
“Babs is always talking about her cousin’s Cutie Mark Crusaders adventures,” said Humble, “And these two fillies must be Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.”
“Yep, I’m Scootaloo,” said Scootaloo.
“And I’m Sweetie Belle,” said Sweetie Belle.
“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, girls,” said Humble as he, Pinkie, and the girls started trotting on the road. “So would you mind telling me why there was a rope trap under that apple tree? Pinkie got caught in it.”
“Oh no!” shouted the three fillies.
“Are you alright, Pinkie!?”
“We’re sorry!”
“Really sorry!”
“It’s alright, sillies,” said Pinkie, “I always get stuck in traps with your sisters.”
“I told you we shouldn’t have tried to get our cutie marks as apple thief catchers!” said Sweetie Belle to Apple Bloom.
“Hey, if we didn’t try to find the varmint that’s been stealing from us, we wouldn’t even have a chance at them!” said Apple Bloom.
“Girls, enough fighting. We’re almost at the farm,” said Humble looking at a sign that said “2 miles to Sweet Apple Acres, partners!”
“So, Mr. Humble,” said Apple Bloom.
“Please call me Humble,” said Humble with a chuckle.
“Alright, Humble,” giggled Apple Bloom at the use of an adult’s first name, “How’s Babs doing?” Apple Bloom remembered how her cousin had gotten her cutie mark.
"Oh she's doing fine. Still helping her family sell apples though till they can afford to send her to barber school."
After a while the group arrived at the front gate to Sweet Apple Acres with the sight of an elderly green mare in a blanket snoring on the front porch.
“Granny Smith!” shrieked Apple Bloom.
“Huh-wha--!” said Granny Smith, awaking with a jolt. “Oh, howdy there, Apple Bloom, what’re y’all doin’ with that handsome stranger over there?” she said looking at Humble, who suddenly grew nervous at the word “handsome”.
“That’s Pinkie’s uncle, Humble Pie,” said Apple Bloom as Humble waved. “We’re just showing him around the farm.”
“Well, do let me know if he needs an older mare to show him around,” said Granny Smith while Humble slowly slipped behind Pinkie.
“Okay,” said Apple Bloom, not understanding a thing her granny just said, “We’ll just be going.”
“Bye, dearie,” said Granny Smith. “Come up and see me sometime, handsome,” she said to Humble with a wink.
“Uhh, let’s go girls,” said Humble as he motioned to Pinkie and the fillies to move.
The group continued to trot around the fields while Apple Bloom occasionally asked for information about Babs, until they came upon a bulky, red-coated stallion fixing a bench.
“Big Macintosh!” shouted Apple Bloom, causing Big Mac to drop his hammer.
“Eeyup?” he said turning around to the sight of Humble, the three fillies, and a candy-munching Pinkie.
“This here is Pinkie’s uncle,” said Apple Bloom, nodding at Humble.
“Eeyup,” said Big Mac putting his hoof out.
“Humble Pie, at your service,” said Humble shaking the strong hoof. He saw Mac’s project and continued, “Handy with tools, hmm?”
“Eeyup.”
This was followed by a few moments of silence.
“A stallion of few words aren’t ya?” said Humble.
“Eeyup,” said Big Mac turning back to his work.
“Well, I see you have things to do. It was nice meeting you,” said Humble as he and the group left.
Apple Bloom stayed behind. “Big Mac, won’t ya ever say more than one word to strangers?” she asked.
“Nope,” said Big Mac nailing in a bent nail. Apple Bloom just rolled her eyes before leaving.
As the group continued to walk, they eventually came upon Applejack working in the fields.
“Hiya, Applejack,” said Apple Bloom as they approached the farmer.
“Oh, howdy, y’all,” said Applejack, bucking the tree and causing its apples to plummet to a barrel underneath, “Oh, Humble. I see ya met Apple Bloom and her friends.”
"A good day to you, Miss Applejack," replied Humble.
“Sis, we didn’t catch the thief!” said Apple Bloom looking for the offender in other trees.
“Yeah, all we caught was Pinkie,” said Sweetie Belle before throwing her hoof over her mouth.
“Ugh, girls how many times do I have to tell y’all that I will handle it?” said Applejack facehoofing, “And not to keep putting traps on the farm?” she added, no doubt remembering the time they thought of using muffins as bait. Since then, Derpy had been reluctant to deliver the mail to the farm.
“Umm, eight?” said Apple Bloom with a blush.
“Well, just don’t do it anymore,” said Applejack, “So Humble, I was wondering if you could help me with this tree?”
“I don’t know,” said Humble pawing the ground nervously, “I mean, I never bucked an apple tree before.”
“Come on, it’s easy,” said Applejack showing Humble the tree, “Just put your hooves back and give it a good kick!” She demonstrated, kicking the tree and causing some apples to fall. “See? Easy.”
“Well, I don’t know,” said Humble, rubbing his neck.
“You can do it, unkie Humble!” Pinkie cheered.
“Come on, Humble,” chanted Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom.
“Yeah, don’t be a chicken!” shouted Scootaloo, just as a passing chicken looked at her with a glare. “Uhh, no offense….”
“Well...alright,” said Humble getting in the stance Applejack showed him, “Here I...go!” He gave the tree a hard buck, and only a small number of leaves coming down.
“Phhh,” stifled the giggling filles until Applejack gave them a glare.
“I don’t know what I did wrong,” said Humble with a sigh.
“It’s alright, unkie Humble,” said Pinkie, giving him a hug.
“Yeah, bucking isn’t something that just happens in a day,” said Applejack giving him a sympathetic smile, “I’m sure you’ll be able to buck by the--wait, what’s that darn sound?”
The rest of the group heard what sounded like a scream increasing in volume. Seconds later, a black-maned, grey-coated mare with a music note symbol for a cutie mark came galloping out of the Everfree Forest, hounded by a group of petrified wood timberwolves.
“Help!” screamed Octavia as the wolves were catching up to her, “Somepony help-whoah!” She tripped over a rock and went tumbling to the ground.
“Don’t worry!” shouted Applejack getting ready to charge. “I’m com--huh!?” She stopped as Humble galloped past her and ran toward the wolves.
“Unkie Humble!” screamed Pinkie.
“Humble, no!” shouted the three fillies.
“What’s that dang fool doing!?” shouted Applejack as she was getting ready to charge again before her question was answered.
Just when it looked like Octavia would be an early lunch for the petrified timberwolves, Humble launched himself into the air and brought himself down on the pack with lighting speed, shattering the timber wolves into pebbles with a series of hind kicks and hoof punches.
“Wow!” said an awed audience of Applejack, the three fillies, and a candy-eating Pinkie.
When the danger was over, Humble just panted heavily before noticing Octavia looking up at him in amazement.
“Miss Octavia?” said Humble, “What on Luna’s moon are you doing here?”
“Humble?” said Octavia, trying to get up only to fall down, “Could you help me? I think I broke my hoof when I tripped.”
“Sure,” said Humble helping her onto his back. “Nice to see you again.”
“Unkie Humble!” said Pinkie latching herself on to her uncle.
“Owch!” shred Octavia when Pinkie accidently hit her.
“Sorry,” said Pinkie with a blush. “You saved Octavia, unkie Humble.”
“Well--” said Humble before being interrupted by a swarm of fillies.
“That was awesome!” shouted Scootaloo, “Not as awesome as Rainbow Dash, but still!”
“You were like this,” said Sweetie Belle doing a series of air punches. “And they were like this,” she said before whimpering.
“How did ya do it?” asked a giddy Apple Bloom.
“Yeah, how did you do that?” said Applejack. “I’ve never seen anypony do somthing like that to a petrified timberwolf before.”
“I’m quite curious too,” groaned Octavia.
So as the group walked out back on the trail to Ponyville to get Octavia to a hospital, Humble explained how he defeated the wolves:
“So you see, since I was born and raised by a family of rock farmers, I learned how to destroy rocks very easily. Those timberwolves were petrified, so I was able to defeat them pretty easily”.
“So, why can’t Pinkie do it?” said Applejack. “When she got trapped in a bunch of rocks, Maud had to save her.”
“Oh, that’s easy, silly,” smiled Pinkie, “My rock-smashing hoof was stuck.”
“And you helped Octavia when she got hurt at a history fair?” said Applejack.
“Yep,” said Humble, “Of course, my two other friends helped as well.”
“Well, I still say that was awesome Humble,” said Scootaloo, giving a nod of approval to the stallion, “Now come on, guys, you said we could try to get our extreme sports cutie marks if Apple Bloom’s idea didn’t work.”
“Oh no!” said Applejack as the girls ran off, “I gotta go stop those girls, I’ll see ya later Humble,” she said, and began galloping after the fillies.
“See ya,” said Humble, waving goodbye.
“Well, that was a most interesting story, Humble,” said Octavia on Humble’s back.
“Speaking of stories,” said Humble, “What were you doing in timberwolf territory in the first place?”
“Oh! W-well I, umm, was mapping,” said Octavia, a bead of sweat forming on her brow.
“Mapping for what?” said Pinkie, bouncing behind them.
“For a friend,” said Octavia quickly, “Oh look, we’re at the hospital.”
“Well, here ya go, Miss Octavia,” said Humble, giving the mare over to some attendants. “Try to be careful next time when your mapping.”
“I will, Humble,” Octavia said as she was rushed inside, “And thank you.”
“Well, that was interesting,” said Humble as he and Pinkie trotted away, “What’s next Pinkie?”
“Fluttershy’s Cottage!” said Pinkie, and they started on their way.
At an inn across town, Lemon Squeeze and Stale Crumbs were haggling for a room. “So that will be forty bits for one room with two princess sized beds?” said the innkeeper in the wood-covered lobby.
“Yes, sir,” said Lemon while Stale was in a chair, reading a magazine. The Canterlot model, Fleur Dis Lee, was on the front cover along with the words, “A Mare’s Fancy Lifestyle: An Inside Look at Fleur Dis Lee’s and Fancy Pants’ Relationship”.
“Okay, here you go,” said the innkeeper, giving him the room keys, “Do you need a town map?”
“No, I think we’ll--”
“Aye!” said Stale, pushing Lemon aside, “Where can a stallion find a nice pastry shop around here?”
“Well, sir, there are quite a few available,” said the innkeeper, “But if I had to recommend something, I’d go with Sugarcube--”
“I want that one,” said Stale.
“Well, sir, it’s just down the street,” the innkeeper said, pointing out a window. A few buildings down was the shop, a picture on it of a pink mare with a puffy mane holding a cupcake.
Stale thanked the innkeeper, and he and Lemon went upstairs to their paid room. “Ah, this is the life!” he said jumping onto a luxury bed. “The perks of a hit stallion.”
“Shhh,” said Lemon as he put his special device in the corner of the room, “Remember Pike doesn't want anypony to find out about us.”
“Yeah, yeah,” said Stale turning on a shiny projector pointed at a white screen. “I still can’t believe this place has projectors!”
“Well, this is a five star inn,” said Lemon as he looked out the window for any ponies following the duo. “Say, aren’t you supposed to be scouting the area for exits and such?”
“Ugh, fine,” groaned Stale, turning the projector off, “And just when I was about to watch Ice Breaker.” He grumbled some more as he left the room.
“Hmmm, I better do some target practice, ” thought Lemon to himself as he got out his metallic device.
“Oh Angel,” said Fluttershy to her stubborn pet, “Please eat your carrots, for me?” The rabbit merely shook his head, held up a cookbook, and pointed at a picture of an elegant carrot salad inside. “Angel, you know I can’t always do that, now please eat your vegetables,” said Fluttershy with a look that came close to resembling “The Stare”. Sighing in defeat, the rabbit started nibbling on the stem of the carrot. “That’s a good bunny.”
Fluttershy turned to the sound of the doorbell. “I wonder who that--ahh!” she screamed as her door was thrown open.
“Fluttershy!” shouted Pinkie, jumping into the air before doing a perfect landing, “I’m here! Sorry about rushing in!”
“Oh, hello Pinkie,” said Fluttershy, coming out of her safe room (a trashcan), “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to show unkie Humble all of your animals,” said Pinkie as Humble came through the doorway.
“Sorry about that, Miss Fluttershy,” said Humble closing the door, “Pinkie always did like throwing doors open.”
“It’s true!” said Pinkie, putting her front leg around Fluttershy, “I’m not allowed to do it at Sugarcube Corner though, ever since I saw Mr and Mrs. Cake tickle each other.”
“That's alright. I’m just so happy you're here to see all these cute wittle creatures,” Fluttershy smiled as she began petting a baby hedgehog, “But I’m having some trouble with my more feathery friends--” She was interrupted as a swooping pigeon came in through the window. “Duck!” she screamed, diving into her safe room.
“Quack?” said a duck sitting in a corner of the room.
“Why?” said Pinkie before she was answered by the pigeon turning tail and aiming for her mane. She jumped, squealing, into Fluttershy’s safe room after her, “Ahhhh--this is fun!”
“Omph!” said Fluttershy being squeezed against the inside of the trashcan.
“Sorry,” said Pinkie before popping her head out of the can and noticing Humble was still in the pigeon’s path of destruction. “Unkie Humble, duck!”
“Quack?” said the duck.
Just when it looked like the frenzied pigeon would put a dent in Humble’s vacation, Humble did what he would always do when attacked by a pigeon.
“Coo!” Humble called in a very birdlike manner.
“Huh?” said Fluttershy looking through a hole in the can. The pigeon that had been doing airstrikes on the room had now calmed down and sat itself on Humble’s outstretched hoof.
“Ohhhhhh!” shouted Pinkie, jumping out of the safe room. “He was like “coo!” And you were like “coo!” And then he calmed down! How did you do that?!”
“How did you do that?” asked Fluttershy, coming out of the safe room, “I have to get very close to angry birds to use my stare.”
“Well, you see, after knowing a certain pigeon-obsessed friend of mine since we were colts, I have learned a few things on calming angry pigeons,” said Humble, remembering when Coil petted a baby pigeon and was attacked by its mother, “Hmm, it seems this little guy got a small splinter in his talons.” Humble gently took the splinter out while the pigeon calmed down even more and flew peacefully away.
“Oh no,” said Fluttershy, “I thought Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were fixing that fence.”
“See? I told you this darn fence has a lot of splinters!” said Apple Bloom taking one out of her hoof, “Ouch!”
“Well, it wasn’t my fault we agreed on painting Fluttershy’s fence,” said Sweetie Belle, trying to wipe some paint off of her face.
“Stop complaining!” said Scootaloo, who was covered in white paint. “At least you don’t look like a Princess Celestia cosplayer!”
“Well, well.”
The three Crusaders turned to see Diamond Tiara trotting down the road with her friend Silver Spoon.
“Look, Silver Spoon, it’s the cutie mark lamers!” she smirked, causing the two to laugh out loud.
“What do you want, Diamond Tiara?” groaned Apple Bloom, “We’re kinda busy painting this here fence.”
“Yeah!” said Sweetie Belle, rubbing her face on the grass, “And ‘lamer’ isn’t even a word!”
“Like I care. I just wanted to drop by and say that I’m going to be first in line to see A.K Yearling,” said Diamond with a superior sneer.
“What?!” shouted the three fillies.
“Yeah,” said Silver Spoon, “Since Diamond’s dad owns the store where it’s happening, we get to go first.”
“So have fun painting!” Diamond laughed, “Maybe you can paint yourselves some cutie marks, blank flanks!” She and Silver Spoon then turned to leave.
“Hmmm,” thought Apple Bloom before a devious grin came to her face, “Oh, we’ll definitely have fun....”
“What?” said Diamond Tiara, turning around along with Silver Spoon.
“We’re gonna have the most fun painting this here fence,” replied Apple Bloom while her friends just looked at her with puzzled looks.
“Wait, Apple Bloom,” said Scootaloo, before Apple Bloom shooshed her.
“Now Scootaloo, I’m sure Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon have something else to do then helping paint this here fun fence,” said Apple Bloom while giving a swish of the brush. “I’m sure they aren’t gonna miss any of the fun we’re going to have painting this fence. In fact, we’ll be having a lot more fun than they will!.”
“Now, wait just a minute!” said Diamond Tiara as she grabbed a brush with her mouth, “Me and Silver Spoon can have just as much fun as you painting some stupid fence!”
“Yeah!” said Silver Spoon as she and Diamond stated painting the fence.
“Apple Bloom,” whispered Scootaloo, “What are you doing?”
“Yeah, we were brushing that,” said Sweetie Belle.
“I just didn’t like them bragging about them cutting to the front of the line,” said a smiling Apple Bloom as Diamond Tiara unwittingly got some paint in her mane. “Besides now we don't have to paint the fence. I saw it in a book by Humble.”
“What book?” said Scootaloo.
“You know, the one with the colt who cons everypony,” replied Apple Bloom.
“Ohhh,” said Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, finally understanding what Apple Bloom had done.
“But wait,” said Sweetie Belle, “What if our cutie marks are in painting?”
Looking at each other for a second, the three fillies joined Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon in finishing the fence.
“Owie!” cried Diamond Tiara, “A splinter!”
“Hmmm,” thought Humble sitting down for a snack.
“What’s wrong, Humble?” said Fluttershy, offering him some tea.
“Nothing, my dear,” said Humble, accepting the tea, “I just have a feeling somebody tried to do a trope in one of my books and failed spectacularly at it.” He took a quick sip.
“So, umm, Humble, I’m quite a fan of your books, well, um, book, not to say the others aren’t good but-eep!” said Fluttershy, hiding her face behind her mane.
“It’s quite alright, my dear,” chuckled Humble at the mare’s shyness, “Which book are you a fan of?”
“I’m a bit embarrassed to say which one,” said a blushing Fluttershy.
“Come on,” said Humble with a grin, “I don’t discriminate against fans.”
“Well, I liked your book about the little dragonfly who is very shy, but meets a toad who is very open,” said Fluttershy, smiling.
“Oh, you mean my foal series, Flying Lilypads ?” said Humble, returning her smile.
“Oh…. Angel was right then, when he said it was a foal’s book,” said Fluttershy with her face down.
“Oh don’t be so hard on yourself dear,” said Humble, picking Fluttershy’s muzzle up, “I like to read foal books, too.”
“You do?” said Fluttershy.
“Of course. Coil makes me read them to him all the time….”
“Story time!” said Coil Sparks jumping into bed with his pigeon pajamas and his stuffed toy pigeon Coo by his side.
“Yep,” said Humble, getting his reading glasses, “So, what story do you want to hear today?”
“Hmmm,” thought Coil thinking of a story, “Oh! How about ‘Good Morning Luna’?”
“Alright,” said Humble picking up the book. “Goodnight moon, goodnight dear sister, goodnight royal guards, goodnight dear citizens, goodnight….”
After only a few more seconds of reading, Coil had fallen asleep.
“My favorite is The Starving Parasprite ,” said Pinkie, “I like the pictures of the food!”
“I remember,” said Humble while Fluttershy giggled, “Every time I came by the farm, you would always have me read it to you, along with my other stories.”
“Aww,” said Fluttershy, “That’s so adorable.” Just then, Angel hopped up to Humble and looked him over before nodding in approval and hopping away. “Oh, Angel seems to like you.”
“Well, I learned a lot about animals when I was young,” said Humble, taking a bite out of a cookie. After a few more minutes of talking (along with the occasional feeding of the animals), Humble had decided he had to get going. “‘Well, thank you for the tea, Miss Fluttershy, but I think Pinkie’s itching to have me meet Miss Rarity again,” Humble said as Pinkie scratched herself with a stick.
“Mmmm, barky!” said Pinkie.
“Oh, it’s alright,” said Fluttershy with a smile, “it was nice talking with you.”
“And you as well, dear,” said Humble at the front door, before turning to his niece, “Well, come along, Pinkie. Unless you don't want me to see Miss Rarity again.”
“Um-uh,” said Pinkie, trotting over to Humble with a mouthful of sugar cubes, “Wye, Fwutterhy!”
“Bye,” said Fluttershy as she waved at Humble and Pinkie as they went out the door. “Now where are you, Mr. Duck?” she said after they left, “it’s your bill cleaning day.”
“I guess you were right, Pinkie,” said Humble as they neared the boutique, “Miss Fluttershy just needs to get to know a pony before opening up to them.”
“Yep,” said Pinkie, smiling as she ate her last piece of candy, “But Rarity is always open for business!” she said knocking on the boutique door.
“Go away!” screamed the muffled voice of Rarity from behind the door, “We’re closed!”
“But Rarity! It’s me, Pinkie! And my uncle is here, too!”
“Pinkie and Humble?” said Rarity as she cracked open the door, “One moment.” After unlocking the door, she let them in.
“Wow,” said Humble at the sight of a roomful of clothes of all colors and materials sprawled everywhere, “Were we interrupting something, Miss Rarity?”
“Hmm?” said Rarity before noticing the mess, “Oh my! I’m so dreadfully sorry about the mess, Humble.”
“It’s alright,” chuckled Humble while helping Rarity with her supplies, “So what is the deal with all the clothes?”
“Yeah,” said Pinkie trying to untangle herself in yarn she had tried putting away, “You’re not usually a busy pony unless it’s important.”
“Oh, but darling,” said Rarity, helping Pinkie get untangled, “This is important. I need a sturdy figure to model for my new designs but my model, Caramel, tripped on a chair and broke his foreleg! My clients need the designs by Tuesday!” She started sobbing a bit.
“Oh, hon,” said Humble patting Rarity on the head, “I’m sure you will find another model in time for your deadline.”
“Thank you, Humble,” said Rarity giving a sniffling smile. “But where am I going to find---say….” she stopped, looking Humble over, “what size are you?”
“Huh?” said Humble, taken back by the question.
“Ohhh, unkie Humble!” Pinkie turned away from making silly faces in the mirrors, “You get to model for Rarity!”
“What?!” said Humble, panicking as if he was being cornered, “Now, wait just a mi-”
“Humble, I just need you to put on a jacket and uniform,” pleaded Rarity, “Pinkie is simply too small in frame, and Applejack is too busy!”
“No! I’m not some object you can--”
“Pwease?” said Rarity with her best puppy eyes.
“Pwease?” said Pinkie doing her best Sweetie Belle impression.
There was a long pause in which Humble seemed to struggle against relenting. Finally, he sighed in defeat, “Ugh, fine.” Pinkie jumped for joy in response.
“Thank you so much! Here are the outfits, you can get dressed over there,” said Rarity, giving Humble a box before pointing at a folding screen in the corner of the room.
“Alright,” said Humble, trotting over to the screen, “I better not look ridiculous!”
“I assure you darling, you will look ravishing!” said Rarity as she and Pinkie waited for Humble to get dressed.
After a few minutes of waiting, eventually Rarity and Pinkie heard Humble speak, “Okay, I’m coming out in the uniform first, to get the weirder of the two done with.” Humble trotted out to the modeling platform in dark green boots, making loud thumping noises as he went. On his torso was a long, royal-blue-colored coat with crossed bars of white, over an equally white undershirt, connected by buttons of brass on each bar. Atop his mane stood a towering hat with the symbol of equestria on it. Pinkie merely looked at her uncle with awed eyes while Rarity examined her design for any flaws before deciding what it was in her own words.
“A total disaster!” whined Rarity, “A dark stain on my otherwise perfect career!” She rushed to her freezer and produced a huge tub of ice cream.
“What are you talking about, silly?” said a shocked Pinkie, “Unkie Humble looks fantastic!”
“Really?” said Rarity through tears as she began digging into her comfort food, “Humble, what do you think?”
“Well, it’s a little rigid,” said Humble.
“Y-y-yes….?” sobbed Rarity, taking a bite out of her ice cream.
“But other than that, it’s quite nice,” said Humble, calming Rarity a bit.
“Oh, thank you, dears,” said Rarity, subtly licking a smudge of ice cream off her muzzle, “I just hope my clients think so, too.”
“Speaking of which, who are these clients of yours?”
“Well, you see,” said Rarity putting away her ice cream, “I got a letter from Princess Celestia a few days ago...”
Rarity turned to the sound of her doorbell ringing. “I wonder who that could be,” she said as she went to open the door. On the other side stood the mail mare of Ponyville, Derpy Doo. “Oh, Miss Doo, what can I do for you?”
“I’ve got a letter for you,” said Derpy, stuffing her face into her mail bag. She came up with an envelope between her teeth.
“Oh? From who?” said Rarity while taking the letter.
“I don’t know,” said Derpy, “I remember a guard pony coming up to me and saying it was state business, and when I tried to ask questions, he shoved a muffin in my mouth.” She rubbed her stomach and grinned, “It was delicious! Well, gotta go. Bye-bye!” And with that, she flew off to continue her work.
“Hmmm,” said Rarity, closing the door, “I wonder who the message--oh my Celestia! It’s from Celestia! I’d recognize her royal seal anywhere!” She tore open the letter and began reading out loud:
. “Dear Rarity…
I have seen the castle guards, along with a letter from the Crystal Empire with details of their own castle guards, and have concluded that the present guard uniform is inadequate for certain situations that we have recently encountered. We would like to ask you to please make a more suitable uniform for the guards of all our Equestrian nations, to make them lighter (to avoid heat stroke) while at the same time finding a way to keep them equally protected from enemies. You shall receive a generous amount of bits enclosed with this letter for any supplies or other necessities needed to make this project reach success.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
P.S. Perhaps something in blue?”
After Rarity read the letter, she looked up in amazement, “To design the new guard uniforms!?” she said to herself, “I must not fail!” A gleam in her eyes that had never been seen before in them appeared, determined to show the world that you can fight like an unstoppable force and still look suitable for tea.
“And that’s why I have to make sure they are perfect!” said Rarity laying on her fainting couch, while Humble and Pinkie sat on the guest fainting couches she paid for with the extra money.
“Wow,” said Pinkie, “These couches are comfy!”
“So, Miss Rarity,” said Humble, looking up at the ceiling, “I mean no disrespect, but wouldn’t it be easier for Princess Celestia to get a designer from Canterlot?”
“Well, I asked myself the same thing,” explained Rarity, “But the day after that first letter came, I received another saying that all the other designers are busy with private projects for the nobles. Besides, she said she wanted a uniform made from one of the Elements of Harmony.” That last part was spoken with a hint of pride.
“Huh,” said Humble, “Well better get that other outfit on,” He trotted back behind the screen, only to emerge a few more minutes later dressed in a dark grey suit with small gemstones in the stitches. It shimmered brightly in the light of the room.
“You look gorgeous!” said Rarity, marveling at Humble’s new look, “In fact, I want you to keep it as a gift from me.”
“Unkie Humble, say yes!” Pinkie gasped, who was also admiring the suit, “You look so fancy!”
“But Miss Rarity,” said Humble, “I couldn’t. This is for your client, after all.”
“To be honest, darling, I just wanted to make your size just right,” said Rarity with a giggle.
“Wait, how do you know my size?” said Humble, sounding a little creeped out.
“It’s in the back of your book,” said Rarity, taking out her copy of Ice Barrels before flipping to an author note with a picture of Humble on it. At the end of the note were the words: “He is five hooves across and four hooves high”.
“I thought I told Coil not to send that to the publisher,” said Humble, facehoofing, “Oh well, I suppose the suit is rather comfy, and it does look rather nice on me.” He looked at himself in the mirror for a few seconds, nodded, and said, “I’ll take it.”
“Oh, thank you darling!” said Rarity giving a nod of approval, “And do be sure to tell anypony that asks who made it.”
“I will,” said Humble, getting his other shirt, “Well, I’m afraid we have to go now, if we want to make it in time for supper. It was a pleasure to meet you again, Miss Rarity. Come on, Pinkie.”
“Bye, Rarity!” said Pinkie bouncing out the door with her uncle.
“Goodbye, Humble,” said Rarity getting back to work on finishing her designs. Minutes after Pinkie and Humble left, the front door of the shop was thrust open again.
“Rarity!” yelled a paint-covered Sweetie Belle as she, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo walked in, “What does painting poisoning look like?”
“So, Pinkie,” said Humble, trotting along in his new outfit, “Whose--woah!”
“Twilight’s castle!” shouted Pinkie as she dragged her uncle off to the shimmering structure in the distance.
“So, any exits we can use?” said Lemon while eating an apple he’d just bought.
“A few,” replied Stale, who was reading a Canterlot newspaper with the headline, “Prince Blueblood Makes Plans to Invest in Manehattan Institute of Knowledge” on the front page. “I don’t think the cart is gonna work, though.”
“Why not?” replied Lemon, throwing away the apple core.
“All the trails lead away from Manhattan. And before you ask, no, we can’t use the train or we’ll get caught.”
“So what are we gonna do?”
“I got a plan. See this?” said Stale, taking out a map, “I bought this at the Bargain Barns store down the road. It’s a map of the river system.”
“The river? Isn’t that a little risky?”
“It would be if I didn’t know a few shortcuts I overheard from a river guide. This one area here is narrow, but deep enough for a boat. And it’s hidden among a long row of trees.”
“Hmmm, but wait,” said Lemon. “How are we gonna get a boat for it?”
“Don’t worry, I rented us one,” said Stale, “All we gotta do tomorrow is what Pike wants, and it’s smooth sailing from here to Manehattan.”
“So why are we not going to use the front door again?” said Humble as he secured himself in Pinkie’s party cannon. “This seems a little risky.”
“Because this is so much more super duper fun!” said Pinkie aiming for Twilight’s library balcony. “This is how I got in last time! Don’t worry your silly little head.”
“Well if your sureeeeeee!” said Humble as he was launched into the air all the way up before crashing onto the balconys ledge. “Huh, that wasn’t so ba-omph!” he said when Pinkie crashed on top of him.
“Thanks for softening my landing unkie Humble!” said Pinkie getting off Humble.
“No problem,” groaned Humble getting up before trotting to a glass door. “Wow,” he said looking at the rows of books inside the room along with a startled Twilight who was interrupted from her reading. “She sure does like reading alright.”
“Pinkie?” said Twilight who opened the door to see what the noise was. “Humble? What are you guys doing out on my balcony?”
“We wanted to see the best princess in Ponyville for our end of the tour trip!” said Pinkie.
“Pinkie I’m the only princess in Ponyville,” said Twilight letting them in.
“Then that just makes you even better!” said Pinki jumping upon the ladder on the book shelves. “Wheee!”
“Sorry about us dropping in like this Miss Twilight,” said Humble closing the door. “But Pinkie insisted we use her cannon.”
“Ugh, I thought I told her to stop doing that,” groaned Twilight. “Oh well, you're here anyway, so how about I give you the grand tour?”
“That sounds nice,” replied Humble looking at a few novels.
“Well first things first,” said Twilight guiding Humble around the room. “This library contains some of the most valuable books of our time, only the royal Canterlot library has a bigger collection than this, oh! I forgot to mention, nice suit.”
“Thanks,” said Humble. “Miss Rarity made it for me.”
After awhile of showing Humble around the library (while Pinkie swung on the ladder) Twilight eventfully moved out of the room to the hallway which was covered in rugs imported from Canterlot to make the castle feel more homely. The wall were decorated with paintings of famous figures of Equestrian history, the founders of Equestria, the princesses and other renown ponies. They then reached a series of corridors that looked quite important looking.
“Say what’s this?” said Humble opening a door to a circular room while Twilight just jumped up in shock.
“Wait!” Twilight shouted but by then it was too late. Humble had found the mirror. “Oh no.”
“So this is the portal you use to go back to this Canterlot High anytime you want?” asked Humble touching the mirror.
“Uh, yeah?” said Twilight with bewildered expression. “How did you know-Pinkie?!”
“Yeah?” said Pinkie who was making ripples in the mirror.
“Did you tell Humble about what happened?” said Twilight with glare.
“I might have told a teensy itsy bitsy bit to my family,” said Pinkie with a blush and smile.
“Pinkie!” scolded Twilight. “You know that this is a state secret!”
“I’m sorry,” said a deflated Pinkie.
“It’s alright Miss Twilight,” said Humble calming the mare. “I haven’t spoken a word about this to anypony, my lips are sealed.”
“Well, alright,” said Twilight with a softer expression. “I’m sorry I yelled Pinkie, I just don’t want anypony to panic over the portals existence.”
“It’s alright,” said a reinflated Pinkie.
“Good now how about we see if Spike feels like making us some of his famous nachos!” said Twilight trotting out of the room.
“Pssst,” said Pinkie to Humble. “Thanks unkie Humble for not telling Twilight I told you about the time she thought the world was ending."
“Anytime kiddo,” said Humble with a wink.
After leaving the room the three ponies headed down the hallway downstairs to a massive living room where Spike was sitting on a couch while watching one of his favorite movies, “The Sentials of the universe” currently at the scene where Galaxy Duke was dancing to some music while investigating a ruin.
“Spike!” said Twilight causing Spike to jump up in shock. “I thought you said you were making lunch.”
“Well I was, but then I saw that their was a special delivery for us,” said Spike pointing at a open box. “It said “dear Princess Twilight, we at Travel studios want you to have this free copy of “The Sentinels of the universe” on behalf of your service” And I thought, “Hmm, I really like that film” and well, here we are.”
“Spike!,” gasped Twilight. “You can’t shrug off your duties, right Pinkie? Pinkie?” But all that was left was a Pinkie shaped cloud of dust.
“Ohh!,” said Pinkie planting herself next to Spike. “I love Green Leaf, “I am Green” Funny!”
“Oh Celestia help me, Humble can you please tell your niece to-Humble?” said Twilight before hearing more laughter.
“I love how nopony remembers his codename!” chuckled Humble to the giggle niece and snickering dragon.
“Hey it’s not weird to have a codename!” said Spike before more laughing.
“Ugh,” said Twilight facehoofing. “Guys-”
“Hey Twilight,” said Spike. “Can you make some nachos?”
Facegoving again, Twilight got out the pepper jack.
“Mmmm, well thank you for the meal and movie Spike but we must get going,” said Humble as Pinkie bounced around outside.
“Must you leave?” said Twilight with a hint of disappointment. “We still haven’t discussed your pieces of literature!”
“Don’t worry Twilight,” chuckled Humble. “I’ll be here for a week, we can talk tomorrow. Come on Pinkie we got to get home for supper.”
“Yay, supper!” said Pinkie bouncing down the road with her uncle as the sun was setting.
“Hey Twilight?” said Spike waving goodbye.
“Yeah?”
“You burnt the cheese.”
“Mmmm, I’m stuffed,” said Humble rubbing his stomach.
“But unkie Humble!” said Pinkie. “We haven’t had dinner! You can’t just have no food at the Cakes!”
“Well,” said Humble pondering. “I guess I could make room for one more muffin to-”
“Look out!” said a grey coated pegasus mare with a blond mane as a box missed Humble by a inch. “Sorry!” she said scooping it up quickly before flying off.
“Umm, it’s okay?” said Humble as he and Pinkie watched Derpy Hooves fly off.
“Excuse me!” said a panting Doctor Time Turner. “Did-you-see-a-mailmare-going-this-way?”
“Yep!” said Pinkie. “Derpy went that way!” she said pointing in the direction the mare went off in.
“Thanks!” said the doctor as he galloped in that direction.
“Well,” said Humble with squinted eyes. “That happened,” he said when it looked like the event was over only for a purplish grey unicorn filly and a orange maned mare with carrots as a cutie mark came galloping up to the duo.
“Hi Miss Pinkie!” said Dinky.
“Hi Dinky!” said Pinkie ruffling the fillie's mane. “What you and Carrot Top doing?”
“Chasing two foals,” groaned Carrot looking around.
“Don’t be silly Miss Carrot, we’re chasing mommy and the doctor not foals,” said Dinky with a smile.
“I’m guessing your talking about the mailmare and a brown stallion who just rushed by?” said Humble. “They went that way.”
“Thanks, come on Dinky we can still catch them in time for Sugarcube Corner!” said Carrot before picking up Dinky and galloping off while Dinky waved from behind.
“Huh,” thought Humble. “Well that was...interesting.”
The two finally arrived back at Sugarcube Corner just as Celestia’s sun shoned its last gleam and the street lights flickered on with the buzzing energy in them making a almost harmonious sound.
“I wonder how Slit was today,” said Humble as he and Pinkie went inside the pastry shop only to find the place in a very odd fashion: quiet with only a brown coated, propeller hat wearing colt sitting in a corner stall while playing on his Gamecolt.
“Hello!?” said Pinkie scouring the kitchen for the Cakes. “Anypony here!?”
“Oh Pinkie and Humble,” said Carrot Cake coming from outside the backyard. “Your back, Cup Cake is just playing with Slit, Gummy, and the foals. I was just watering some of our flowers.” As he said that the sound of giggling could be heard as the three looked up to see the sight of a balancing Cup Cake and a pair of giggling foals while two reptilian animals played around her hoofs making it harder for her to trot down. “Oh hi honey, Humble and Pinkie are back,” said Carrot taking Pound Cake making it easier for Cup Cake to trot down.
“Oh? And how was your tour of Ponyville?” said Cup Cake putting Pumpkin on a high chair. “I hope it was alright.”
“It was-” But before Humble could begin, Pinkie did it for him.
“It was amazing!” said Pinkie throwing Gummy in the air before catching him. “We got free candy from Bonbon, I got stuck in a trap set by Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo, unkie Humble failed at bucking only for him to save Octavia, who he knew, from petrified timberwolves, we got attacked by pigeons at Fluttershy’s place only for Humble to speak birdy and fix it, we found out that Rarity is doing a super duper important job for the guards, unkie Humble got a new suit, unkie Humble got launched by my confetti cannon into Twilight’s castle, we told him about that portal that we weren’t supposed to tell anypony, we watched “The Sentinels of the universe” with Spike, Twilight made us nachos, a bit burnt though, Derpy almost crushed unkie Humble but she said she was sorry!” said Pinkie finishing.
“I thought you got a new suit,” said Carrot Cake.
“You saved Miss Octavia from petrified timberwolves?!” said an awed Cup Cake. “Nopony got hurt did they?”
“Well Octavia got a broken hoof, but she should be fine,” said Humble calming Cup Cake. “When you been born into a family of rock farmers and a rock specialist you learn a few things about how to break rocks.”
“Wow,” said Carrot Cake giving Pound Cake a bottle of milk. “Sounds like you had quite the day.”
“Indeed,” chuckled Humble. “By the way how was Slit?”
“Oh he was a perfect little guy,” said Cup Cake as Slit bellowed in approval. “He and Gummy played quite a bit with Pumpkin and Pound Cake.”
“Hmmm, speaking of perfect family, Pinkie?” said Humble looking at a Slit imitating Pinkie. “I got something to tell you.”
“What is it unkie Humble?” said Pinkie getting up. “You did have a good day right?”
“Of course in fact that is what I want to talk about,” said Humble putting his arm around Pinkie. “I want to thank you for showing me this wonderful town my equally wonderful niece,” he said ruffling Pinkies mane making it poof up.
“Aww,” said Pinkie hugging her uncle. “I had a great time too.”
“Dawww,” said Carrot and Cup Cake.
“But there is something I’m surprised at,” said Carrot.
“What’s that dear?” said Cup Cake.
“I’m amazed that Pinkie didn’t make a party for Humble.”
….
…..
….
….
“Wait here!” said Pinkies voice has she rushed off into the night.
“Wait Pinkie what about your uncle?!’ shouted Carrot.
“Have fun!” was the last thing Pinkie said as she rushed off to get guests and party supplies.
The couple looked back at Humble who was just looking bewildered as a giggling pair of foals and one quite and one bellowing alligators surrounded him.
“So uhh, what’s the entertainment for tonight?” said Humble with a chuckle leaning back on a chair.
“What should we do?” whispered Carrot while he and Cup Cake huddled to make a plan for entertaining Humble.
“I don’t kn-wait!” said Cup Cake as she whispered something to Carrot.
Clearing their throats and with Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle trotting in, Carrot began.
"So," Carrot said as Cup Cake turned off the lights and shined a flashlight on him. "What do you call a knife and a fork mixed together?"
"I don't know," said Scootaloo with a shrug. "What?"
"A knork!"
Crickets chirped as everypony just watched Carrot sweat.
"I don't get it," said Button Mash in his corner booth before seeing Sweetie Belle and blushed with her blushing too as more ponies came in.
"Here let me try." getting on stage Lyra did a mic check before doing her first joke. "Okay, what has a blue mane, pink hair and tastes like-owww!" she said as a blushing Bonbon dragged her by the ear offstage.
"Umm, is this how it usally is here?" said Humble to Apple Bloom.
"Usally it's more fun, but why'd Miss Bonbon take Miss Lyra off the stage?"
"I'll tell you when your older."
After a few more ponies got to the spotlight, some doing good others bad, the room was now filled to the brim with the citizens of Ponyville. Pinkie then made he announcement.
“We wanted you to have a great first day!” said Pinkie jumping into her uncle's arms. “So I got the parts of town that didn’t go to the Bargain Barn-” At the mention of the store a few ponies left mostly foals whose parents apologized along with a few stallions and mares whose friends apologized. “-And brought them here!” said Pinkie as Humble just smiled. “Now let’s party hardy!” she said hitting a button on a boombox while the sound of various genres entered the ears of the guest causing them to dance like they never danced before.
While Humble was in the corner of the room talking with Twilight about his books, Miss Cheerilee trotted up to him. “So you're the famous author Humble Pie? Writer of the books “Ice Barrel” and “The adventures of Con Colt?” she said with a giddy tone.
“That’s about right ma’am,” replied Humble taking a sip of his cider. “And you must be Miss Cheerilee the teacher, correct?”
“Uh huh,” nodded Cheerilee. “I heard you're here for a week-”
“A week!” said Granny Smith. “Well how about you come stay with us handsome? You can stay in my room,” she said with a wink while Humble just whimpered up to Twilight.
“Granny!” shouted Applejack grabbing her grandmother. “He’s staying with the Cakes!”
“Well ya can’t blame a mare for trying darn it!”
“Umm,” said Cheerilee while Applejack and Granny Smith argued about age and love. “Anyway I was wondering since you're here for the week, if you would mind coming into the school and talking about your career to the kids?”
“I don’t know,” said Humble. “I mean I suppose a quick visit woul-”
“Great!” said Cheerilee trotting back to the dance floor.
“Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into now?” said Humble putting his muzzle in between his hooves.
“I’m sure you’ll fine,” said Twilight patting Humble on the back. “Just mention you're busy so they don’t start chanting Humble time.”
“My lady,” said Stale who was drinking some cider at a corner booth with Lemon. “This is some of the best darn cider I’ve ever had!”
“Why thank you mister,” said Applebloom who was passing drinks out.
“Huh, well thanks girl but I think your friend need some help,” said Stale pointing at Sweetie Belle who was helping put out a pancake that was on fire with Scootaloo.
“Oh no not again!” cried Rarity across the room who rushed to help her sister.
“Hahahaha,” laughed Stale in a buzzed state.
“Really?” groaned Lemon. “Your getting drunk right now?”
“Oh don’t be a lightweight party bucker Lem,” said Stale. “And drink with me!”
“I don’t feel like-argh,” he said gargling on the cider Stale was pouring down his throat with a pitcher.
After a few more hours the party started to die down as the guests said their goodbyes and went home.
“I can party for a bit longer,” said a tired looking Spike laying on Twilight's back. “Whoo-zzzzz.”
“Thanks again for inviting us,” said Twilight leaving the shop. “See you tomorrow.”
“Bye!” shouted Pinkie who took off her lamp hat. “Did you have fun unkie Humble?”
“I sure did ya little party pony,” said Humble tickling a giggling Pinkie.
“Well I think these two have had enough fun for the night,” said Carrot holding a tired looking Pound Cake while Cup Cake held a equally exhausted Pumpkin. “Goodnight Humble, night Pinkie,” he said as the two parents went to put their foals to sleep.
“Night, well I gotta go brush my teeth and how about I tell you a story?” said Humble as Pinkie rushed to her bed. “Hehehe, still the same pinky filly.” After brushing his teeth, Humble was heading to Pinkies bed when he heard a cry coming from Pound Cake and Pumpkin’s nursery. Trotting inside he saw the sight of Pinkie desperately rocking the foals. “What happened?”
“Unkie Humble!” said Pinkie. “I was trying to say my usual quite goodnights, but I stepped on a rubber ducky and now I can’t get Pound Cake or Pumpkin to sleep!”
“Shhh,” said Humble in a soft tone. “Here let me hold them.” After Pinkie gave the two crying foals to Humble, he sang them a lullaby.
“Shush little child, sleep right now, dream of rocks cold and round, sleep little foal, cry no more, dream of cotton and not sorrows galore, hush my friend sleep tonight, your eyes are weary and not quite merry, sleep little foal, sleep little child, sleep and dream of candy sweet or sour, sleep my little one lay your head, and when you awake you’ll be quite glad,” Humble sang as a smiling Cup Cake and Carrot stood in the doorway.
“Aww, that was nice,” said Carrot putting the two sleeping foals back in their cribs.
“Where did you learn it?” said Cup Cake.
“My parents sung it to my sister who would would sing it to me when I was little and when I took care of Pinkie I sung it to…..her,” said Humble as he looked at his sleeping niece. “And apparently it still works.” After dragging Pinkie to her room, Humble went to his guest room to finally get some well deserved shut eye. “Well Slit this was quite a good day we had,” said Humble putting on his robe while Slit just waddled onto the bed. “And plenty of more days of it,” he said turning off the light. As he closed his eyelids the last thought he had in mind before going to Luna’s realm was that of two words.
“I’m sorry.”
“Humble!” cried out an older Dazzle as she smoothed out her strawberry colored stripes on her outfits lower parts making extravagant loops and shapes in her cream colored dress that was below her golden mask that had intricate symbols of Amaponian in origin carved into it, at the bottom of her grandfather’s houses stairs. “We’re gonna be late for the festivals if we don’t get going!” she said petting Slit who was nudging her.
“Coming!” said a younger looking Humble as he came down from the upper hallways in a green and red overcoat that almost covered his muzzle with its collar. Atop his head sat a tricorn hat of orange and red with golden like thread making seams on the hat giving it an illusion of waves, and under the headgear was a mask of grey with sparks of silver finishing the outfit completely. “You sure are in a hurry tonight honey.”
“Well of course I am,” said Dazzle fixing a button on Humble’s overcoat. “It’s Mince Vendredi! I even got my best shoes on,” she said giving her clinking silver hoofwear a peek from under her dresses hem.
“That it is!” said Dazzle’s grandpa coming in from the kitchen with his huge set of noblestallion clothes decorated with Prench symbols clinging tightly to him. “The day of food, drink, music, and just plain getting screwed!”
“Grandpa!” shouted Arrowhead who was dressed in a swirling ballgown of pink and blue with a mask that resembled that of a stork while Dazzle just groaned and Humble snickered. “Please don’t be so couth!”
“Oh come on,” said Dazzle’s grandpa. “I’m meeting with my board so we get tanked, what are you kids doing?”
“Well sir,” said Humble as Ace and Coil came in from the tailor shop with their costumes on. Coil had a black long coat that gave him a crow like appearance which was finished with the crow mask on his muzzle whilst Ace had an old Prench guard uniform on with its metal slits showing only his eyes and uncovered muzzle. “Me and Dazzle are going to go do some gambling at Le plateau d'argent and then have some dinner at the restaurant overlooking the bay.”
“Oh! You mean the pretty place with those amazing banana salads!?” said Coil as he got Slit’s mask on, a custom made bronze mask paid for by Dazzle’s grandpa. “That place is so fancy.”
“I hear it’s very hard to get a table there,” said Ace. “How did a cheapsak-”
“Ahem!” coughed Dazzle’s grandpa with a glare at Ace.
“I mean how did you get into such an exclusive place?” said Ace with a sigh.
“I’ll I know is when I called a few months ago they said that they would be open to one more couple,” said Humble with a shrug. “Oh , umm, Coil, I need your help with a loose thread,” said Humble nodding towards the hallway.
“Okie dokie,” replied Coil as he and Humble went to the secluded parlor of the house. “So where’s the loose thre-omph!” said Coil as Humble planted his hoof onto Coil’s mouth.
“Shhh,” said Humble before looking into the hallways to see if the coast was clear. Shutting the door he looked back at a confused Coil.
“Humble why are we in the parlor?” said Coil before he was answered by Humble.
“I got it,” said Humble quietly with a smile.
“What do you mean you go-oh my Celestia, you did not!” said Coil with a giddy voice. “Can I see it?!”
“Yeah, yeah, just keep your voice down,” said Humble as he put his hoof into one of his overcoats pockets taking out a small purple velvet box before opening it to reveal a shining ring of gold with a diamond on top.
“Eeeeee!” squealed Coil in a shrill voice. “It’s beautiful! When are you going to do it?”
“Tonight at the restaurant,” said Humble putting the box away. “I’m finally gonna do it.”
“My little Humble grown up,” sniffled Coil before hugging Humble. “I’m so happy for you!”
“Well if you are let’s hurry before they get suspicious,” said Humble as he and Coil left the parlor and returned to the front room. “So anything else-huh?”
“Enough chit chat!” shouted Dazzle grabbing Humble’s hat and putting it on herself. “There’s a whole city out there celebrating, come on!”
As the group split up with Dazzle’s grandpa going to a bar to meet up with some business partner in his own words, “to get hard cidered” and Coil going to the main carnival area where a bunch of bird shows were going on, while Arrowhead went to go play some games and Ace went to see some friends of his, Humble and Dazzle went over to the Le plateau d'argent to get a lot of bits.
The Le plateau d'argent was New Fleureans (or New Horseleans to the tourists) oldest and most spectacular casino. Built by the first Prench colonists to arrive in the city (after the Prench revolution burnt many of the brothels and bars down during its duration) the enormous two story structure took up two blocks worth of space with its many Prench influenced architecture along with the many diners full of normal Equestrian food, Gryphon empire food for the more feathery and daring members of the community, along with Prench-Zebronian food that caused a horde of mouthwatering patriots to scamper to the buffet, but the couple coming to the establishment didn’t care for the food. They cared about one thing only: bits and having fun with each other.
“Welcome!” shouted a greeter at the entrance of the casino to Humble and Dazzle. “And do enjoy your time at Le plateau d'argent, we have a special on poker for Mince Vendredi.”
“I never get sick of this place,” said Dazzle taking a deep breathe before coughing. “Ugh, soap residue.”
“So what do you wanna do first?” said Humble looking around at the many slot machines and tables. “Blackjack, poker, or slots?”
“Hmm, so many choices,” thought Dazzle looking for a good game. “How about some roulette?” she said pointing at a table with a bunch of ponies around it.
“I don’t know,” said Humble nervously. “I don’t think I’m that good at-”
“Woohoo!” shouted Humble as he gathered his thirteenth winning from the game to the cheer and grumblings of the crowd surrounding him. “Well I think that’s enough for me tonight.”
“Well then come on!” said Dazzle grabbing her colt friend. “We don’t wanna miss the other attractions!” she said as they galloped out of the building.
“That was so fun!” shouted Humble running off into the street as Dazzle trotted up from behind.
“Yeah,” said Dazzle with a small smile. “fun.”
“Hey look!” said Humble pointing at an oncoming series of floats in the image of various figures and foods. “The parade, come on!” he said grabbing Dazzle and bringing them to the front of the crowd. “Wow!” he said at the display of parade floats rolling by and by. They all had something to do with New Fleureans or Equestria, the first few were of the founders of the city, the next few were of Celestia accepting the colony into the borders of Equestria, and finally the others were fantastic custom floats. “Hey, there’s your grandpa!” shouted Humble as he pointed at a luxurious looking float with a huge amount of dancers and the logo of the M.I.T on it, but what really brought it to attention was the sight of the elderly pegasus dressed as the emperor of Prance flinging bits and candy to a cheering crowd.
“Enjoy!” shouted Dazzle’s grandpa while laughing. “Drink, eat, get sugar addicted!”
“He really does seem to be having a good time-huh?” said Humble as he felt Dazzle’s head lay onto his shoulder while Dazzle just looked at the parade. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah,” replied Dazzle in monotone. “Just a little tired is all.”
“Wanna go rest for a second?” said Humble with concern.
“No I think I’ll-whoah!” said Dazzle being lifted by her grandpa with Humble leaping and holding onto her. “Grandpa! What are you doing!?”
“Just helping you two lovebirds have a goodnight,” said Dazzle’s grandpa before announcing to the crowd, “Attention my citizens of New Fleureans! I welcome to the stage my grand filly Princess Dazzle and her colt friend Duke Humble! Who wants to see these two dance!?” The crowd responded with an enthusiastic cheer of yes.
“Grandpa, I don’t think Humble wants to-whoah!” said Dazzle as she was grabbed and twirled around by a smirking Humble before being dipped. “-Dance,” she said with a shocked tone. “What are you doing?”
“Giving the crowd a show,” said Humble as he and Dazzle started to dance.
“B-but I don’t know how to dance, you know that!” hissed Dazzle while Humble just chuckled.
“Then you're about to learn,” said Humble stretching both his and Dazzle’s hoofs. “Follow me.” The pair went forwards, backwards, and side to side to the approving cheers of the crowd. Eventually after stepping on Humble’s hoof for the seventh time, Dazzle finally got in tune with rhythm and no longer had to be led. “That was amaz-ommm,” said a dipped Dazzle as Humble gave her a passionate kiss to the applause (and wolf calls) of the crowd.
“Give it up for Humble and Dazzle everypony!” shouted Dazzle’s grandpa as Humble and Dazzle trotted off into the crowd before continuing on with his parade float.
“That was pretty fun,” said a giggling Dazzle as she and Humble came to a set of party games where a huge crowd of ponies had come to watch an annoyed Arrowhead desperately trying to toss a set of rings on a pole.
“Oh so close,” said the stallion in charge of the game stand while he laughed at Arrowhead’s attempts to beat his game. “Better luck next time.”
“Ugh,” groaned Arrowhead. “Oh hi sis, you too Humble.
“Hi Arrowhead,” said Dazzle. “What you doing?”
“Well I’m trying to play this carny’s rigged game!” said Arrowhead to the stallion who just snorted. “So I can win that bear!” she said pointing at a huge stuffed albino teddy bear with a cuddly smile sewed on it. “But this game is impossible!”
“Miss ain’t my fault you can’t throw a ring on to a pole,” said the stallion. “But hey, if you wanna have another shot-”
“I’ll take it!” shouted a determined Arrowhead throwing down a few bits on the counter to the amusement of the stallion and nervousness of Humble and Dazzle. Taking up one of the three brass rings with her mouth, Arrowhead slowly aimed at the pole and flung the ring only for it to hit the pole and rebound onto the cobblestone.
“Aww, tough luck,” snickered the stallion while Arrowhead just groaned
“Argh,” growled Arrowhead. “This game’s impossible!”
“How about I try?” said Humble.
“Go ahead,” groaned Arrowhead trotting to her sister.
“Best of luck to you sir,” said the stallion with a gleam in his eye. Aiming for the pole Humble tossed the ring with a gentle throw, unfortunately the ring missed the target completely and just ended up hitting the table the pole was on. “Hahaha, nice try!”
Putting his head low in embarrassment Humble felt a hoof on his shoulder. Looking up, he saw Dazzle with a small sympathetic smile before she gently pushed Humble to the side. “I’ll take the last ring,” said Dazzle picking it up with her mouth, the cold metal warming to the touch of her tongue.
“Go ahead missy,” said the stallion as Dazzle put her hoof firmly on the ground, locked her eyes on the pole before flinging it with great force just for it to ricochet off the pole.
“Oh well,” said the stallion. “Guess ya’ll have to pay ag-huh!?” The ring that Dazzle threw had ricochet off the pole only for it to hit a wall and then land perfectly on the pole. “B-b-b-but how did you-”
“I’ll be taking that bear now,” said Dazzle pointing at the teddy bear with a smirk as the crowd around the stand cheered.
“Ugh, fine,” said the stallion handing the bear over to Dazzle. “Now get out of here.”
“Here ya go sis,” said Dazzle, giving the toy to her sister.
“Thanks Dazzle,” said a smiling Arrowhead. “And thanks for trying at least Humble,” she said before getting a devious idea, planting a small kiss on his cheek to the shock of Humble and anger of Dazzle. “Have fun you two,” she said with a wink before galloping off.
“Oh, she really angers me someti-omph!” said Dazzle as Humble locked muzzles with her.
“Come on,” said a smirking Humble while Dazzle trotted with him in a dream like state.
After a while of trotting and looking at stands, the two eventually came upon the sight of a giant tent with the sign on it saying, “Come inside to see the future!”
“Huh,” said Dazzle. “So this is what grandpa’s using to get more publicity for his company, Wanna head in?”
“Sure,” said Humble as they went inside the tent to see the sight of dozens of ponies in labcoats and jackets walking around behind a glass screen while using test tubes all awhile Coil argued with Slit at the entrance of a smaller tent.
“Come on man!” said Coil. “I just need three bits!”
Slit merely bellowed in response.
“What do you mean I can’t spend all our money on ridicu-oh hey guys!”
“Hi Coil,” said Dazzle. “What are you and Slit arguing about?”
“You're not trying to convince him to open his mouth to attract pigeons again are you?” said Humble. “You know officer Rice told you that you’re not allowed to do that anymore.”
“I’m not,” said Coil in his defence. “I want Slit to give me some of his bits to see that!” he said pointing at a small tent with the words, “A dream of the future!” on its flaps.
“Oh, that’s the exhibit grandpa’s company put up,” said Dazzle. “In fact they’re pretty much sponsoring this whole festival.”
“So could I have some bits please?” said Coil with puppy eyes.
“Fine,” said Humble paying the attendant in front of the tent the bits. “Let’s head in, I wanna see this.”
The four headed on into a small dimly lit room with a projector in the middle of the room directed at a huge white screen.
“Ohhh, movie!” said Coil planting himself in the front as the others found their seats just when the projection reel started turning.
“Hello!” said a projection of Dazzle’s grandpa. “My name is-”
“Hi Mr.-” said Coil before being shushed by some ponies in labcoats. “Fine, sheesh.”
“But you probably already know that,” said the projection. “Anyway I want to tell you about the history of my company, the Manehattan institute of knowledge and its history.”
“Humble?” whispered Dazzle.
“It all started a few years after my grand foals were born-”
“Yeah hon?” replied Humble, scooting closer to Dazzle. “What’s wrong?”
“Our dinner reservations,” said Dazzle. “They’re for seven forty-five.”
“And?”
“It’s seven forty.”
“Oh no,” said Humble nervously. “Coil we’ll meet you back at Dazzle’s house later, we got to get to our dinner.”
“Ok,” said Col watching the movie intently as Dazzle left the tent. “Wait Humble! Good luck,” he said with a smile.
“Thanks,” said Humble smiling back before rushing off to get to the restaurant in time.
The Le palais de salade was the most refined and exclusive eating establishment in southern Equestria, the only way a common pony could get a reservation is if they were to put a table down when they were born and could then only eat at it when they were on the edge of death, which did leave the advantage of not having to pay the bill. So it was no small wonder that Humble was able to get a table in his lifetime as he and Dazzle trotted up to the restaurants' doorway that resembled that of l'arc de victorious in Prenchs capital. The inside of the building was caked in marble floors and fine cherry wood pillars, the greeter was a gryphon with a slim mustache and a size too small suit on, giving a blank stare to the couple as they came in.
“Welcome to le palais de salade,” said the gryphon in a thick Prench accent as the clothing stretched on him. “Do you have a reservation?”
“A Mister Humble and Miss Dazzle,” said Humble as the greeter scanned the list of reservations.
“Lets see….oh! Monsieur Humble and Mlle éblouissement, we did not expect you till-” he said looking at the clock. “Uhh, a few minutes ago.”
“Sorry,” said Humble scratching his neck while he and Dazzle blushed. “Long trot.”
“No worries,” said the greeter closing his book with a gentle slam. “Follow me if you would.” The greeter led the couple past a bunch of nobles, some of whom the duo recognized.
“Isn’t that Lily Colportent?” said Humble pointing at a slender mare with a light blue mane and a olive branch on her cutie mark. “Isn’t she one of the ambassadors of Prance?”
“Must be here for the festivals,” said Dazzle with a shrug.
Eventfully the two were brought outside upon a great balcony where a lone table with two chairs along with a bouquet of flowers were held in a well designed vase filled with ice water that stood before the entire view of the harbor with all the lights from the parties glowing onto the building as it waited for them.
“Here is your table,” said the greeter. “Would you like something to drink before you eat?”
“Yes please,” said Humble sliding a chair open for Dazzle before seating himself. “I’ll have the agua ardiente, and what will you have sweetie?”
“I’ll have the gocce di melata,” said Dazzle as the greeter wrote the orders down.
“Of course,” said the greeter. “I’ll be back momentarily with your beverages, and thank you again for dining with us,” he said with a bow before heading back inside.
“So,” said Humble with a coy tone. “What have you’ve been reading lately? Finished that book you told me about recently yet?”
“Oh you mean “The legends of Amaponian culture?” Almost,” said Dazzle as a mare in a suit returned with their drinks. “I’m still on the part about rituals.”
“Oh?” said Humble with a smirk. “What kind of rituals?”
“Oh you know,” said Dazzle smiling. “The usual, dancing, eating, sacrifices,” she said taking a sip of her drink. “That sorta stuff.”
“Mmmm,” said Humble. ‘Sacrifices,” he said before earning a playful punch from Dazzle. “What? I was kind of expecting something more...extoic.”
“Oh?” said Dazzle with a sparkle in her eye. “Like what?”
“Oh just maybe a fertility ritual,” said Humble as the greeter returned with a menu.
“Are you two ready to order?” said the greeter licking one of his talons.
“I think so,” said Humble. “I’ll just have a banana salad and some bread.”
“And you madam?”
“Same here,” said Dazzle as the two gave the greeter their menus.
“I’ll be back shortly with your food,” said the greeter with another bow before disappearing.
“So what did you say about fertility?” said Dazzle.
“Oh, just the kind of rituals that have to do with it,” said Humble.
“Well there our stories you know,” said Dazzle leaning closer onto the table. “Good ones too.”
“Oh well, why don’t you tell me them?” said Humble leaning in as well.
“How about I show you instead?” said Dazzle with a seductive look.
“I’d like that,” said Humble chuckling. “But before that, I got a little gift for you.”
“Oh?” said Dazzle as Humble pulled out a long black box before giving it to her. “What is it?”
“Well you’ve been saying you want a new one-”
“Oh Humble it’s beautiful!” said Dazzle holding a dark emerald notebook with blank pages. “I needed a new one! The last one got ink spilt all over it.”
“Well I just wanted you to have something to wr-get down!”
“Huh?” said Dazzle. “What do you mean-” But before she could finish she saw what he was talking about, a beam of energy had shot out from a spot on the other side of the bay the balcony overlooked and was coming right at the couple. Quickly Humble jumped onto Dazzle knocking them both down just has the energy beam would have hit her, unfortunately the beam rebounded off the wall leaving a small amount of residue before hitting one of the pillars supporting the balcony causing it along with Humble and Dazzle to fall into the cold, dark, lake below. Searching for breath the two held onto each other and propelled themselves upwards past the sinking debris before breaking the surface and swimming to the nearby shore where a crowd awaited them.
“Let me thru!,” shouted Dazzle's grandpa, pushing his way thru a crowd of bystanders as the staff from the restaurant was putting coats on the wet and cold Humble and Dazzle whilst the manager, a stallion who looked like the waiters but more formal, tried to calm the situation.
“I’m so sorry!” the manager said in a southern Equestrian accent. “But be assured we will find who did-monsieur-”
“What happened here Mr. Bluegrass!?” said Dazzle’s grandpa with a flaring nostril. “Are my children hurt!?”
“We’re fine grandad,” grumbled Dazzle before sneezing while Humble gently patted her on the back.
“I don’t know what went wrong,” said Humble. “We were talking and next thing I knew there was a giant beam of energy coming right at us.”
“Humble do you know where it came from?” said Dazzle’s grandpa.
“It came across the bay,” said a heavily Prench accent. Turning around, Dazzle’s grandpa saw Lily Colportent quickly bowing before her only for her to do it at the same time. “It’s good to see you again my friend.”
“You as well your duchess,” said Dazzle’s grandpa with a smile. “You say the beam came across the bay?”
“I saw it when I was powdering my nose, I was about to warn them but it was too late.”
“Hmmm, Humble?”
“Yes sir?” said Humble looking up.
“Can you take Artemis home?” said Dazzle’s grandpa. “I gotta get to the bottom of this.”
“I’m fine gra-choo!” said Dazzle sneezing. “Ugh, nevermind.”
“Don’t worry dear,” said Dazzle’s grandpa patting her on the mane. “You and Humble just get home.”
“Alright, come on Humble,” said Dazzle trotting past the crowd with Humble following close behind before being stopped by Dazzle’s grandpa.
“Humble I want you to know I wish you luck,” he whispered into Humble’s ear patting Humble’s pockets where the ring box was.
“How did you kn-”
“I’m old my lad, I know a few things now get going!” The elderly stallion said. “I’ll send your banana salads tomorrow!”
As the two left the crowd behind Humble had to think on how to fix the situation. Originally he was going do it at the restaurant when the fireworks went off but now he had to improvise.
“I guess we better get home,” said Dazzle as she trotted in the direction of the house before Humble had a brilliant idea. “By the way thanks for saving me earlier.”
“No problem, but wait!” said Humble grabbing Dazzle. “How about we do one last thing tonight?”
“Like what?” said Dazzle. “I’m kinda sick.”
“I know so how about we take a walk in the swamp?” said Humble smiling. “I heard it’s good for the sinuses.”
“The swamp?” said Dazzle. “Really?”
“Oh it’ll be fun!” said Humble. “Please?”
“Well...I suppose a small detour wouldn't hurt.”
Great!” said Humble dragging Dazzle to the swamp entrance. “Come on!” he said as they galloped into the swamps.
“Humble where are we going!?” shouted Dazzle as they went deeper into the forest. “I thought we were going to take a small trot, not a race!”
“We’ll we can if you can beat me!” said Humble laughing.
“I’m not gonna race you at night!” replied Dazzle.
“Is that quitter talk I hear?” said Humble knowing Dazzle hated being called a quitter.
“Oh it is on!” said Dazzle catching up to Humble.
As the two raced further into the humid lagoons and rivers of the swamp, Humble eventfully saw the spot where he was leading them.
“Just a few more sprints,” thought Humble as he saw their destination. “And there-whoah!” he said tumbling to the ground as Dazzle pounced on him.
“Looks like I won,” said Dazzle smirking to Humble who was faceplanted into the soil.
“Lomph thefre,” said a muffled Humble.
“What?” said Dazzle getting off him.
“Look there,” Humble said wiping the soil off his muzzle before pointing at a small dark pond that had a lone fire fly buzzing around the reeds.
“A firefly?” said Dazzle. “What does a-huh?” she said before hearing a soft gentle whistle emitting from Humble. “What are you-”
“Shhh,” said Humble snuggling up to Dazzle. “Look.”
“At wha-oh my Celestia,” said Dazzle looking at the sight before her, what had once just been a single firefly now was joined by hundreds if not thousand of other fireflies slowly ascending from the roots of the cyprus trees and the long red reeds of the grass gathering above the couple in a show of light as if a thousand torches danced and buzzed with their brightly lit fires and did somersaults in the night sky. Dazzle merely marveled at the beauty. “It’s beautiful,” she said as she watch one of the fireflies crawl on her hoof before flying off to rejoin the light show.
“Yeah,” said Humble looking at Dazzle. “It sure is.” But then he remembered what he had come here to do. “Um, Dazzle?”
“Yeah?” she said still looking in awe at the buzzing aurora.
“I love you.”
“Oh that’s nice-what!?” she said blushing furiously before turning to face Humble. “Um, umm, um, I love you too.”
“No,” said Humble putting his hoof in his pocket. “I really love you. You are the most amazing pony I have ever met.”
“Oh, Humble,” said Dazzle with an oddly sad smile. “You the most amazing pony I’ve ever met.”
“I’m not done yet,” said Humble taking out a piece of paper. “The beauty that you hold is like that of gold, your mane is black like midnight, your hoofs carved in slender but firm ways as the finest ship is built, your eyes twinkle with that of one seeking daring adventures, you saved me from a fiend and became my friend, long have we lived side by side, you knowing of my gentle constitution and me knowing that of your thrill seeking ways, you are my friend, inspiration, love and my soul.”
“Humble,” said Dazzle with tears welling up in her eyes. “I have to say-”
“Just let me say one last thing Dazzle,” said Humble, his heart beating fast like lightning. “Will-” he said taking out the velvet box. “-You Dazzle-” he said showing it to Dazzle who was openly weeping. “-Please be my wife?” he said opening the small box to the gleaming ring of gold and diamond as it reflected the light of the fireflies on both ponies faces. Humble stood there for a second wondering if he had made a grave mistake but was calmed by the next word that Dazzle said.
“I will,” she said with a bitter cough.
Humble felt fantastic as the words entered his ears and he felt like jumping for joy...only to be brought down again.
“Not,” said Dazzle with a flat voice.
“Huh?” said Humble staring into his pony of desires eyes only to be stabbed with a icy dagger of rejection to the heart breaking it into fractured pieces that could not be mended. “B-b-but-”
“I’m sorry,” said Dazzle galloping off into the darkness of the swamps as the light shone from the flying insects disappeared from her body. Humble merely stood there for a few minutes his eyes as wide as they were when he heard the dreaded rejection. He would leave the spot a different stallion than he was before deep inside and all that remained at the spot was the small buzzing of the fireflies and the last gleam of a sinking velvet box as it sunk into the dark waters of the rivers.
Humble awoke from his dream feeling drops of sweat coming off his robe and rustle through out his coat as he looked up from his sleeping daze to see Celestia’s sun peeking in from outside. He also felt the hot breath of Slit who looked at Humble with his snout poking Humble in the stomach.
“I hate that dream,” said Humble with a groan. “You sleep well boy?” he said petting Slit who just licked Humble’s side tenderly. “Come on, lets go see if Pinkie is up.” But before he could get up, a one mare band consisting of Pinkie (with Gummy on top of her head) came marching in with a small flag on Gummy’s hat saying, “Good morning!” while blowing in the wind from a fan being pushed by Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo.
“Good morning unkie Humble!” shouted Pinkie doing a final snare drum roll. “Do you know what today is!”
“Not really.”
“It’s your second day in Ponyville!” Pinkie said blowing a trumpet that had been stuffed with confetti. “Since Mr. and Mrs. Cake are taking a morning trot with Pound Cake and Pumpkin-”
“We’re here to make sure it’s one awesome day for you!” said Scootaloo.
“First we’re gonna make the best breakfast ya’ll ever had!” said Apple Bloom. “With a secret ingredient.”
“It’s eggs!” whispered Pinkie to Humble who just nodded in response.
“And then we’re taking you to see the most awesome author ever!” said Sweetie Belle as Humble got up from his bed.
“Oh? Ehhh,” Humble said while stretching. “I do believe Miss Dash said something similar at the train station.
“Yep,” said Pinkie. “A.K Yearling is coming to town!”
“A.K Yearling!?” said Humble with a shocked expression. “The writer of the Daring Do series?!”
“Yep.”
I’ve been trying to get in touch with that mare for years! I always wanted to do a co book with her,” said Humble. “This would be a perfect opportunity to see that goal come true, where is she going?”
“At Barnyard Bargains,” groaned Sweetie Belle.
“What’s so bad about that? I like their products,” said Humble making his bed.
“Yeah, but since Diamond Tiara’s dad is Filthy Rich she gets to go first in line for the autographs.”
“Well then we better get going if we are to even have a chance,” said Humble fixing his mane. “You five head downstairs, I gotta get ready for my meeting with Miss Dash and Miss Yearling.”
“Okie dokie,” said Pinkie as she bounced downstair with the three fillies and alligator following behind her.
“Hmmm,” said Humble thinking to himself. “Should I put on my fancy or classy cologne?”
Meanwhile downstairs in the store’s kitchen a flour covered Applejack was currently whisking a mix of apple bread while Rarity was sleeping on her fainting couch.
“Oh Captain,” giggled Rarity. “I don’t believe I’ve ever heard of a figurehead that grows at night and-oh my, heehee.”
“Oh for Celestia’s sake,” groaned Applejack putting some apple slices in the mix. “Rares will ya please stop sleeping and start sweeping? There’s a lot of flour from when Apple Bloom spilled the sack.”
“Oh Star,” moaned Rarity as she flustered under her sleeping mask.
“Rarity!” shouted Applejack.
“Huh?” said Rarity waking up. “Oh Applejack dear, is the bread rea-oomph!” she said as a broom was tossed at her.
“Rarity stop dreaming and please help me clean up the flour,” said Applejack putting the mix in the oven. “I promised the Cakes we would clean up after ourselves.”
“Ugh, fine,” said Rarity getting off the couch before sweeping. Whilst this went on a more shady business was happening in another section of the kitchen that was more private, a great and terrible thing was occurring, a mistake so atrocious ponies in Ponyville feared even the slightest mention of it: Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo had found an unattended bag of pancake mix.
“So I’ll I gotta do is put eggs in here,” said Sweetie Belle looking at a cooking book in a small corner of the busy Sugarcube Corner kitchen where nopony would see the three girls do the devious culinary torture they were doing. “And there!” she said looking at the non burning yoke of the egg floating in the bowl with the pancake mix. “Girls I did it!”
“That’s great!” said Scootaloo who was busy putting out a small fire from a previous egg attempt. “And it only took ten tries!”
“What’s it say to do next?” said Applebloom who opened a window to get the smell of burnt egg out.
“Hmmm,” said Sweetie Belle looking at the cook book. “It says to….put three cups of water in it!”
“Okay pouring,” said Apple Bloom pouring some water into a measuring cup.
“Girls?” said Applejack coming into the section of the kitchen. “Do you know where a first aid kit is? Rarity got a splinter while sweep-Apple Bloom!” she said at the sight of Apple Bloom cooking.
“Shhh, not while I’m pouring,” replied Apple Bloom.
“But you girls know you not supposed to cook without an adult around,” said Applejack as Apple Bloom finished her pouring. “And you know the Ca-wait a darn second,” she said taking a whiff of the air. “Is that...burnt yoke!?”
“Um, no?” said Sweetie Belle with a blush.
“So not only are you cooking, but you’re cooking-” Applejack said looking at the pancake sack. “-Pancakes and eggs!”
“Just a couple,” said Scootaloo nervously.
“You three know what happened last time,” said Applejack. “Not counting last night.”
“In my defence that was mostly Sweetie Belle’s fault,” said Scootaloo.
“Hey!” shouted Sweetie Belle offended. “You were the one who made the heat too high!”
“Well if Apple Bloom had been there-”
“Now wait just a second!” said Apple Bloom. “I was helping Granny Smith with her chair-”
As the three argued, Applejack merely groaned in annoyance while Pinkie came bouncing in from outside of the back room from getting fresh butter for the bread.
“Why are you fillies arguing?” said Pinkie who continued bouncing.
The three filles explained to a nodding and smiling Pinkie while she just listened to their incoherent words.
“Applejack!” shouted Rarity from inside the front kitchen. “Where is the doctor!?”
“I told you Rarity!” said Applejack over the three filles arguing. “You don’t need need a doctor for-”
“Hello?” said Time Turner coming inside the store with a safari outfit wearing Dinky following behind him. “Mr. and Mrs. Cake? I’m here to fix that wall clock. Oh, good morning Miss Rarity.”
“Good morning doctor,” said Rarity sniffling before heading into the back kitchen.
“Huh?” said Humble coming downstair in his pinstriped business suit and brown tie. “What are you doing here?”
“I’d ask you the same thing,” said Time Turner as Carrot and Cup Cake came back from their morning trot with the twins giggling at the sight of Time Turner.
“Morning Humble, oh Time Turner,” said Carrot. “I forgot you were coming today.”
“Well I would have come later but-”
“Awww, babies!” said Dinky fawning over the giggling twins.
“And what are you doing here Dinky?” said Cup Cake ruffling Dinky’s hair.
“Well I promised Derpy-”
“The doctor told mommy that he would take me to see A.K Yearling!” said Dinky hopping around.
“What she said.”
“And Humble why are you so dressed fancy?” said Carrot as Humble adjusted his tie.
“Same reason as this little filly,” said Humble patting Dinky on her helmet. “To meet Miss Yearling.”
“Well Mister, uhh,” said Time Turner.
“Humble Pie, uncle of Pinkie Pie,” said Humble putting out a hoof. “But please call me Humble.”
“Time Turner,” replied Time Turner shaking Humble’s hoof. “But please call me the doctor. Well Humble would you like to come with us? We seem to be going the same way.”
“I’d be happy to, but I think I should wait for the girls to finish that breakfast they promised me.”
“Wait a second,” said Carrot. “Which gir-”
“Rarity, on the bright side Pinkie got ya splinter out,” said Applejack coming out as the others came out with Rarity still cradling her hoof. “Oh hi ya’ll.”
“Hi!” waved Dinky before readjusting her helmet.
“Howdy Dinky,” said Apple Bloom as she cleaned herself up at the sink next to a sniffling Rarity being consoled by Pinkie.
“Good morning girls,” said Time Turner. “How’s that breakfast coming along?”
“Wait a second Pinkie,” said Cup Cake. “You only said Rarity and Applejack were going to help you make breakfast for Humble.”
Yep,” said Pinkie. “But then Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo came by and I thought, “hmmm, if I have more ponies helping then the breakfast will taste even yummier!”
“I don’t know girls,” said Carrot to the three fillies. “Remember last time you three made breakfast? Not counting last night’s breakfast dinner or the pancake festival.”
“Sheesh, is that all ponies remember about us!” said Scootaloo. “Mayor Mare got the money to fix up the town ha-” as she spoke a huge light flared from inside the kitchen. “Oh no.”
The group rushed into the kitchen where they saw that the eggs had been engulfed in an inferno.
“Fire!” shouted the three as they rushed to get a hose while Applejack galloped into the burning room with a pail of water.
“Wait!” said Rarity galloping into the room with Applejack. “My book!” shouted a muffled Rarity. “Turn the down the flame, turn down the fl-ahhh!” screamed Rarity as she rushed out to the front kitchen and to the sink levitating a flaming book into the water.
A second later the fire was extinguished by Cup Cake with a fire extinguisher from under a counter with the broken glass having said, “In case of fillies break.”
“Well that happened,” said Humble as the fillies came back with a hose only to find a sobbing Rarity holding her charred book of Ice Barrels along with a glaring Applejack and a smiling Pinkie.
“I thought ya’ll said the stove was off!” said Applejack. “You almost burnt the Cakes house down!”
“Well Rarity came in crying over a splinter,” replied Apple Bloom.
“Yeah, we couldn’t turn it off with the distraction!” said Sweetie Belle. “Also don’t insult my sister.”
“Oh, Applejack dear,” said Cup Cake. “It’s alright, the whole room’s firepro-”
“And you three destroyed my book!” said a tear stained Rarity.
“Rarity it’s alright,” said Carrot. “I’m sure the book can be repai-” he said as the book crumbled into ash before blowing away in the wind. “-ered, uhh, hehehe,” Carrot chuckled nervously.
“Waaaaaaa!” wailed Rarity collapsing on the ground.
“Should I hug Miss Rarity?” said Dinky.
“No I’ll handle this,” said Humble laying next to Rarity before poking her in the stomach. “Hey, Miss Rarity?”
“Y-ye-yes?” said Rarity looking up.
“Listen, I’ll tell you what. I’m the author of the book right?”
“U-uh huh.”
“Then I’ll get you a new one that’s signed by me,” said Humble with a smile. “Would that’d be ok?”
“O-ok,” said Rarity getting up.
“That a girl,” said Humble helping her up. “Now girls even though Miss Rarity did distract you, you should know a good chef never lets a busy kitchen stop them from burning food alright?”
“Alright,” said the three fillies with their heads down.
“Good girls, now Carrot and Cup Cake is their anyway I can repay you for this? It was my breakfast after all.”
“Oh that’s alright Humble,” said Carrot. “The stove only got a little burnt, nothing we can't fix.”
“Well then, I think we better get going girls,” said Humble. “Rarity, Applejack, Carrot, and Cup Cake will you be joining us?”
“I gotta get back to my shop darling,” said Rarity. “I still have that order to fulfill.”
“And I gotta sell apples at the stand today,” said Applejack.
“And we gotta take these two to the barbers for their haircuts,” said Carrot nuzzling Pound Cake and Pumpkin.
“Now Sweetie Belle, you be good for Pinkie and Humble alright?” said Rarity.
“As well as you Apple Bloom,” said Applejack.
“We will,” replied Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle in unison.
“Ok, well I’ll see ya’ll later!” said Applejack as she left the store.
“Me too,” said Rarity leaving the shop.
“So are you six ready to go?” said Humble as they all nodded. “Then lets go! See ya Carrot and Cup Cake!” he said as they left the building.
“Have a good time!” shouted back Cup Cake.
“See you Pound Cake and Pumpkin!” said Time as the two foals giggled in reply.
As the seven traveled down the road Scootaloo realized something.
“Wait a second!” said Scootaloo causing the others to stop in place. “Humble we promised you a great breakfast!”
“Hmmm,” pondered Humble before getting an idea. “How about this? You three can spend some bits on the way at Sweetie Drops and we can all have some candy.”
“Yay!” shouted Pinkie and the four fillies.
“I could go for some of that topphe,” said Time as they came to the store.
Meanwhile, across town Octavia Melody was resting in her bed after the events of yesterday with her injured foreleg resting on a pillow.
“Mmmm,” moaned Octavia pleasantly as her blankets kept her nice and cozy from the chilly winter morning. “Why yes conductor, I know where my cello is. Oh? The crowd wants to hear me only? Well I mustn’t disappoint,” she said dreamily. “Alright, a one, a two, a three-” And just when she was about to play her imaginary cello an explosive series of wubs emitted from outside.
“Yeah! These babies are gonna shake the crowd!” shouted Octavia Scratch over the booming speakers. “Octy!” she said as Big Mac loaded up the cart for her latest gig at Barnyard Bargains. “I need you for something!”
“And just when I was about to start,” groaned Octavia getting out of bed along with getting her crutches. “Well I might as well get ready,” she said brushing her mane and putting on her black velvet bowtie.
“Octavia!” shouted Vinyl again. “Get your butt out here!”
“I’m coming Vinyle!” said Octavia. “Well no point in having any orange juice,” she said as she descended the stairs and came outside. “Vinyle what do you want?”
“Well first you could stop being such a buzzkill,” said Vinyl putting a set of records in the cart before hopping on it herself. “And come with me!”
“Broken leg?” said Octavia pointing at her bandage.
“Please.”
“Vinyl-”
“Pretty Please.”
“Vin-”
“Pwetty Pwease.”
“Now VInyle-”
“Pwetty Pwease with a cello on top!” said Vinyl showing her magenta eyes with a hint of sparkle
“Ugh, fine but only for-whoah!” yelled Octavia as Vinyl signaled for Big Mac to grab her crutches and throw her on the cart. “Ouch.”
“All right!” said Vinyle getting comfortable in the cart. “Get on Mac!” she said slapping Big Mac’s flank causing him to go a deeper shade of red.
“Uh, eyeup?” said Mac before starting the trot to Barnyard Bargains.
“Oh Vinyl,” said Octavia facehoofing. “Must you always sexually harass every stallion you see?”
“Pffft!” said Vinyl spitting out her soda. “Ha! You said sex!” she said before laughing.
“It’s nice to know that I have such mature friends,” said Octavia looking at the pass scenery.
“Aw, come on Octy,” said Vinyl slapping Octavia on the head. “You always are so uptight, in fact after this gig I;m gonna take you to a bar and get you a lay!”
“Vinyle I appreciate the thought, but I can handle my own relationships.” said Octavia putting her hair back in order.
“Please Octavia, without me you would've never gone to prom.”
“And then I wouldn’t have had to wait for you to stop throwing up in the bathroom from the spiked punch,” said Octavia with a roll of her eyes.
“Hehehe, still worth the buzz,” said Vinyl leaning back. “Just trust me, I’m gonna find you the best one nighter ever.”
“Oh, I’m sure you will,” said Octavia resigning herself to her fate. “I’m sure you will.”
Meanwhile on the other side of town,
After passing a few houses, Stale and Lemon finally found themselves at their destination.
“So Pike said to meet the contact here?” said Lemon looking at a huge old mansion in front of them with a mailbox in the shape of a bank saying, “Rich” on the lawn in big golden letters.
The house itself was plastered with light purple outer walls and egg shell white arches with it’s crystalline glass windows gleaming in the sun almost blinding the two mercenaries. The dark red door (which had carvings of plus signs in four squares) stood formidably as the two stallions trotted up to it. As Lemon knocked gently on the door, a small whistle emitted itself from Stale.
“Wow, now this is a house,” said Stale admiring the architecture as Lemon knocked again, a little harder in touch. “Small rose garden over there-oh nevermind, already got one.”
“Stop imagining you dream house,” said Lemon knocking harder. “We got job to do.”
“Well you're never gonna get a reaction from this Rich guy without pressing the doorbell,” said Stale, pushing Lemon to the side roughly. “These kind of folks only listen when you get down and kiss their arse,” he said pressing the doorbell.
All of a sudden the right side of the nearby wall opened up to the sight of a punch of miniature wooden ponies with instruments and behind them sat a choir of foals.
“What the buck is this?” said Stale as he and Lemon stared at the odd display before being answered by the display itself.
One of the wooden ponies holding an instrument, a mare with a mini snare drum, started to gently play before quickly being accompanied by the catchy melody of the other wooden ponies with their violins, cellos, and flutes. As the duo stood dumbstruck in a state of confusion the small wooden choir of foals behind the small sympathy started to sing with the song’s tune.
“Welcome to ponyville, welcome to our house,” sung the choir. “This great city is very great and it has a lot of cake, we hope you enjoy your stay.”
“There is a lot to do in this small village,” sung one of the fillies in a foreign accent. “Like going to the Barnyard Bargains and spending lots of cash.”
“But there is no place like this house,” sung the choir before a small compartment let out a overweight wooden stallion with a funny mustache go right to the center of the display.
“Like the Rich’s house!” the overweight stallion bellowed in a deep baritone.
The display quickly got back to it’s original stance and closed upon itself before reemerging with the wall. A few seconds passed till Lemon spoke up.
“Well...that was unique?” said Lemon wiping his open eye.
“Thank you,” said a voice from the house.
Quickly turning to the source of the voice, Lemon found himself standing in front of Filthy Rich who stood in the doorway with his green bathrobe that had a cursive R inscribe on the bottom of it while Filthy was holding a cup of coffee.
“I had it hoofmade while on a business trip in Saddle Arabia, my daughter just loves it to pieces,” said Filthy taking a sip from his coffee.
“Sir,” said a posh looking stallion in a tuxedo with a submitting aura emitting from him. “I’m sorry I did not answer the door, mistress Diamond and mistress Silver demanded I help them with their outfits.”
“It’s quite alright Top,” chuckled Filthy. “Please go prepare us some breakfast if you would.”
“Right away sir,” Top said before scurrying off.
“Now then, where were we?” said Filthy turning back to Lemon.
“Umm, are you Mr. Filthy Rich?” said Lemon as Stale was still trying to process what he had seen from the doorbell. “Our client told us to contact-”
“Please boys, I’m quite aware of why you are here,” said Filthy.”We can discuss more over some breakfast. Now do come in,” he said heading back inside.
“Huh, well we better head on in Stale, Stale?” said Lemon looking at his partner.
“What the buck was that!?” shouted Stale coming out of his trance.
The inside of the Rich residence was even more luxurious than it’s exterior counterpart. White walls were decorated with paintings of far way landscapes, from the low scorching sand dunes of Saddle Arabia to the high frightenly cold peaks of Ponet. Concave sections of the hallways had sculptures of Richs from the past. So as the two stallions stood outside Filthy’s bedroom door, waiting from him to get dressed, the two were quite stunned.
“Amazing,” said a awed Lemon.
“Fancy marmalade,” said Stale. “So, uhh, Filthy-”
“Please,” said Filthy from behind his bedroom door. “Call me Rich,” he said emerging in a business suit.
“So Rich, how long did it take for a family like yours to accumulate such an enormous amount of bits?”
“What do you mean by a family like mine?” said Filthy with a raised eyebrow.
“Well you gotta admit the whole rural rich stallion seems a little odd,” said Stale eyeing a golden vase as Lemon looked at some paintings.
“My friend, you’d be surprised by the advantages of being the middle stallion for region quite well supplied in apple related products,” chuckled Filthy. “But yes, before my grandfather Stinkin Rich became rich he was simply known as Stinkin Money.”
“Doesn’t sound too different from your name now.”
“Aww, but follow me,” said Filthy leading Stale over to the hallway of sculptures. “This is why we changed our names,” he said showing Stale a sculpture of a burly stallion with only the muzzle a blind mother could love. The stallion had a loose hanging jaw open, a large scar making a X on his face, and finally he had a partly torn ear.
“I’m not an art critic, but even I know ugly when I see it,” said Stale examining the statue closer. “And this boss is ugly.”
“Yes,” said Filthy with a sigh. “This is my oldest known ancestor Blood Money.”
“Whoah, whoah!” said Stale jumping back. “You're telling me this is the infamous bandit leader of the red spears, Blood “Blacksmith” Money?!”
“Unfortunately yes,” said Filthy scowling at the statue. “A dark stain on my family's history to say the least.”
“I heard stories of what he did to the Trottingham, taking all the stallions in the city and nailing spikes into their hoofs before making them gallop a mile to only die from blood loss.”
“Yes, yes, but let us not talk of such dark deeds done in a more uncivilised time,” said Filthy leading Stale away from the hall. “Mister Squeeze!” he said to Lemon who stood at the center of the living room.
“Huh?” said Lemon turning away from a painting he was looking at. “Sorry, is there something wrong sir?”
“I was about to ask you that, had I known you were a fan of art I would’ve shown you my Prench work.”
“Oh I’m not one for art sir, it’s just this painting,” Lemon said pointing at a painting that resembled the one from Pike’s building. “I think I’ve seen a similar painting before at Mr. Pike’s office.”
“Oh yes,” said Filthy trotting to Lemon’s side. “Our mutual business partner loves to give these out to his friends, I myself find it quite...vexing.”
“Hmm, well sir I suggest we think about our pla-”
“Daddy!” shrieked Diamond Tiara as she and Silver Spoon came into the room wearing safari outfits decorated with gemstones. “When are we going!?”
“One second princess,” said Filthy. “Daddy has to talk to some business partners, you just go with Silver and play for a bit longer okay?”
“Fine,” groaned Diamond. “Come on Silv, lets go roleplay the scene where Daring fights Dr. Glass.”
“Fine, but this time I’m Daring,” said Silver Spoon as the two fillies galloped back to Diamond’s room.
“Speaking of daddy,” said Stale. “Will Mrs. Rich be joining us?”
“Oh no, I’m afraid my wife is currently visiting her family in Canterlot,” replied Filthy. “How about we head to my study where we can discuss this operation more privately?”
Filthy Rich’s study had a similar design as Pike’s except Filthy’s was twice as large and didn’t have the same elderly feeling about it with it’s bottles of fine cider and spirits in cherry wood cabinets instead of items from distant countries.
“So the target should be in the crowd around this area,” said Filthy as he pointed at a location on a map of the land surrounding Barnyard Bargains.
“And I’m to draw out the second target with the first one?” said Lemon.
“Correct, and then you Stale-”
“Hmm?” said Stale as he was drinking some crystal empire wine in a loveseat. “Yeah?” he said gulping down the liquid.
“You are to grab Mister Pie and bring him to the escape transport which I hope you did acquire.”
“Course I did, got the boat and everything!” laughed Stale before Lemon took the bottle of wine to keep him from getting too buzzed.
“Boat?” said Filthy confused. “I thought you would have thought of a land route.”
“Nah,” said Stale getting up. “All the roads leading to Manehattan from here are closed for maintenance. Besides, the river’s faster anyway.”
“Well if you're sure,” said Filthy relieved somewhat that Stale had thought it through. “Once that is done and Lemon has neutralized the targets I will take care of the rest, sound good?”
“Sounds good to me,” said Lemon with a nod of approval.
“Me too,” said Stale.
“Then my friends, may the-”
“Daddy!” cried Diamond Tiara from outside the room. “Lets get going!”
“Coming princess,” said Filthy. “Gentlecolts, I'll see you there,” he said leaving the room.
“I'm still worried Stale,” said Lemon.
“Aww, stop being so anxious , this will be like stealing-”
“-Candy!” said Time as he ate his fourth piece of blue toffee he got when the group had gone to Sweetie Drops. “Such good candy.”
“I know right!” said Pinkie after wiping the chocolate off her muzzle. “Mmmmm!”
“Applejack never lets me eat candy at breakfast,” said Apple Bloom eating her raspberry taffy.
“And Rarity never lets me eat candy at her house,” said Sweetie Belle licking her lollipop.
“I still like mommy’s muffins but this tastes great!” said Dinky eating her homemade store bought gummy bears.
“Thanks Humble!” said Scootaloo, sucking on her jawbreaker.
“No problem girls and doctor,” said Humble who had bought some licorice. “And don’t worry about sisters, mommies, or bits. As long as I’m here you can enjoy everything you want!”
“Yay!” shouted Apple Bloom before noticing a familiar friendly face next to a distant tree. “Hiya Zecora!”
A screeching halt was what Humble did when he heard that name. “Zecora!?”
“Greetings little one,” said Zecora trotting over to the group preparing for her next rhyme. “Have you’ve-Humble!?” she said noticing the stallion before jumping onto him with hug.
“Zecora!” said Humble returning the hug. “It’s been so long! How have you’ve been?”
“Oh, good,” said Zecora. “I learned how to make potions from my mom’s village, just like I said I would!”
“Well that’s fantastic news. I always knew you-why are you guys looking at us like that?” said Humble to the others whose jaws had hit the floor. “Why the long face?”
“Y-y-y-you can speak normally!?” said the others. “Why did you always talk in rhyme then!?”
“Rhyming?” said Humble before looking back at Zecora who was blushing. “Zecora have you’ve been rhyme speaking again?”
“Um, well you see it is true,” said Zecora returning to her previous rhyming dialogue. “I have been rhyming and no pony has had a clue.”
“Oh you little rascal,” said Humble ruffling Zecora’s mane. “Still the same poetic mare I foalsat aren’t ya?”
“You foalsat Miss Zecora?” said Dinky.
“Yep, I foal sat her while her mother and father went on dates. I would always read her favorite book, “The big book of rhymes.”
“He speaks right, he as read had for me and I have enjoyed it since I was three,” said Zecora.
“Ohhhhh,” said the group finally understanding.
“So Zecora would you like to come with us to see A.K Yearling?” said Time.
“I would gladly come to join with you if I had not to be home by two for stew,” said Zecora.
“I think the event happens at nine o'clock, surely you can come by at least for a bit,” said Time.
“Yeah come on Zecora, for me?” said Humble smiling.
“I will come now you will see, since it fills you with so much glee,” replied Zecora.
“Great!” said Humble slapping Zecora on the back. “It’ll be fun!”
The expanded group proceeded to continue on their way to Barnyard Bargains with Time starting up a conversation with Humble.
“So Humble I read your book, “The adventures of Con Colt,” said Time.
“Oh? What did you think?” replied Humble interested in meeting another reader.
“I liked it, reminded me of something…..familiar,” said Time with a chuckle.
“Well glad I could brigh-omph!” said Humble as he trotted into Pinkie. “Pinkie, why’d you stop?”
“We’re here,” whispered Pinkie at the sight that was in front of her, a horde of ponies, donkeys, griffons, and a few minotaurs were moving back and forth in the area surrounding Barnyard Bargains with banners and stands, all Daring Do related, servicing hundreds.
The view that really astounded the group, however, was the sight of what had to possibly be the longest line in the history of Equestria with creatures all entangled in a mess of talons and hooves. With tents scattered around the place, the group realized that meeting Daring would be harder than they thought had it not been the sight of a certain element of loyalty waving at them from the front of the line.
“Rainbow Dash!” shouted Scootaloo before galloping to her idol along with the rest of the group tailing her.
“Hey no cutting!” said a stallion right behind Rainbow Dash.
“Bu-”
“No cutting!”
“Whoah!” said Rainbow Dash to the stallion. “These guys are with me Noodle, they’re cool.”
“Hmm, if you say so Dash,” said Noodle letting the group pass in front of him.
“You know that stallion Miss Dash?” said Humble.
“Your Pinkie’s uncle Humble right? Yeah I know him, we’re in the same Daring Do fan club.”
“Ohhh, there’s a club?” said Pinkie bouncing around Rainbow Dash. “Can I join?”
“Can I too?” said Dinky.
“Can we!?” said Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo at the same time.
“Sorry squirts and Pinkie, but the “Daring Do is the bestest author in the history of forever fan club” is a hardcore Daring Do fan organization,” said Rainbow Dash to the disappointment of the fillies and Pinkie.
“What makes it different from any other fan club?” said Time as the group left their spot with Noodle watching it for them. “What do you guys do, tie yourself up and pretend you're escaping from temples?”
“Pffft, no!” said Rainbow Dash buying a lemonade. “That’s the “Daring Do roleplay society.”
“So what do you do?” said Humble as Pinkie took the fillies to play some games and Zecora went to a face painting stand.
“We write fan fiction,” said Rainbow Dash looking at a replica of Daring’s compass.
“You write fan fiction? Hahahah!” cried out Time before tumbling to the ground.
“Yeah so what!?” said Rainbow Dash offended. “What’s wrong with writing stories about your favorite characters?”
“Hehehe,” said Time wiping a tear. “I’m sorry Miss Dash, but I’m afraid fan fiction is merely a bunch of ponies in dark rooms typing away and giving out badly written stories about two characters having an intimate non canon relationship.”
“That’s not true!” said a red faced Rainbow Dash. “I’ll admit some of us may write a bit of shipping but it’s not like we do it all the time! Come on Humble defend me here!”
“I’m sorry Miss Dash, but I’m afraid I have to agree with the doctor a bit,” said Humble as Time giggled to himself. “While fan fiction can be nice, it also deters what the author originally intended, at least in my case. I can’t tell you how many poorly written fan stories have been written with original characters who are apparently related to my main characters that appear out of nowhere and can consist of overly powered abilities or too popular personalities that make any conflict moot.”
“Well that’s just-uh-just-argh!” said Rainbow Dash grabbing her mane and pulling it hard.
“Hi Humble!” said Twilight. “Hi Rainbow Dash, doctor.”
“Hi,” said Time wiping the last of his giggling tears.
“Hi Twilight,” said Humble while Rainbow Dash just mumbled hello. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m gonna do a speech about the importance of reading,” said Twlight. “And what better place than at a Daring Do convention!?”
While this happened Sweetie Belle was currently trying to win at a arcade game called, “Daring’s river journey!” but could not get past the final boss...of the first level.
“You lose!” said the machine as the image of Daring collapsed on the ground as the countdown started. “Insert more bits to play.”
“Agghhhh!” groaned Sweetie Belle. “This game’s impossible!”
“Sweetie Belle!” said a colt’s voice from behind Sweetie Belle.
Turning around, Sweetie Belle came muzzle to muzzle with Button Mash who was wearing a Daring Do vest.
“Button!” said Sweetie Belle before nuzzling her colt friend. “What are you doing here?”
“I asked my mom to take me,” said Button pointing at his mother Love Tap who was eating some grilled corn. “Also, umm, I thought you’d be here.”
“Awww,” said Sweetie Belle her heart fluttering before being interrupted by the sound of the arcade machine having reached zero.
“Game over!” said the machine before going back to the intro.
“Dumb toy!” said Sweetie Belle. giving it a small kick. “Ouch.”
“What’s wrong?” said Button concerned.
“This thing won’t let me win!”
“Stand aside miss,” said Button entering his suave gamer mode by putting on his father’s mustache. “And let a stallion handle this.”
“I thought your mom said not to wear your dad’s mustache?” said Sweetie Belle stepping aside.
“Please don’t tell her I took it!” cried Button starting the game. “Oh it’s starting!” he said as the game quickly did the intro showing Daring trying to get the diamond of fire before her enemies could only for the diamond to be quickly stolen by a goon.
“Hit the snake!” said Sweetie Belle clinging to Button.
“I know!” said Button quickly kicking the snake.
He continued to go through the level till he reached the final boss of the first level.
“Take out the hydra!” shouted Sweetie Belle.
‘I know!” said Button. “Again.” As he made Daring jump up and down, kicking and punching, Button was finally able to beat the hydra with it falling into the chasm below. “Yes!”
“You did it!” said Sweetie Belle giving Button a kiss on the cheek before going full red face along with a stunned Button. “Ummm.”
“Ummm,” said Button. The conversation would have gotten more awkward but the two were spared it and quickly turned their attention back to the game that had rung a bell signalling the start of the second level.
Watching from afar, Humble signed at the sight of the two young lovers before quickly turning to the product in front of him: a helmet.
“It looks just like Dazzles,” thought Humble while rubbing his hoof on Dazzle’s compass in his pocket. “In fact even Daring’s cutie mark resembles-” he would have continued if not for Pinkie launching herself onto him.
“Unkie Humble!” said Pinkie swinging around on Humble.
“Pinkie, what are you doing?” said Humble swinging his niece before lowering her softly onto the ground. “ I thought you were with the girls.”
“Scootaloo is doing the rope swing thingy, Apple Bloom and Dinky are doing knot tying, an well you looked sad,” said Pinkie. “So I wanted to cheer you up with my world famous “Pinkie Pie’s hugs are great hug!”
“Well I appreciate it hon, but I’m just in a kinda grumpy mood today,” said Humble sitting on a nearby bench and taking out the compass.
Pinkie gasped at the mention of a kinda grumpy mood, immediately she did the one thing that came to mind.
“You know what always cheers me up when I’m grumpy?” said Pinkie.
“What?” said Humble.
“Taking pictures for family photo albums!” squealed Pinkie before grabbing Humble and taking out her camera.
“Wait Pinkie-agghh!” shouted Humble as the camera’s bright flash blinded him, causing him to trip and fall.
“Unkie Humble!” said Pinkie helping Humble up. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah I think so,” said Humble adjusting his tie. “I’m just glad the c-co-oh boy,” he said noticing that Dazzle’s compass was missing. “Where did I put it!?”
“Put what unkie Humble?” said Pinkie not knowing what was going on.
“My compass! Where’s my com-there it is!” shouted Humble spotting the compass being kicked by hoofs and talons deeper into the crowd. “Come back!” said Humble going after it.
“Unkie Humble, wait for me!” cried out Pinkie, following her uncle.
While this took place, Stale and Lemon were standing next to the west side of the Barnyard Bargains building.
“So you know what to do?” said Filthy. “We only have one chance at this.”
“Don’t worry, Lemon is gonna take out the targets while I nab our stallion,” said Stale.
“And you’ll take care of the target while I take care of the other?” said Lemon to Filthy.
“Yes, now I have to make sure Miss Yearling is ready. Gentlecolts I hope to see you when this is all over,” Filthy said before heading into the building through a side door. “Aww, Miss Yearling-” he said as the door shut tightly.
“Wish me luck Stale,” said Lemon grabbing his metal case.
“Yeah, yeah, just make sure to hit’em good,” said Stale heading toward Humble who was chasing after the compass.
As this happened Vinyl was playing another record for the mosh pitting audience.
“Aww yeah!” said Vinyl nodding her head to the wubs while Octavia adjusted her wubproof headphones so she could read her book. “Drop it!”
“Ehhh,” sighed Octavia looking up from her book. “Vinyl, please do try to be more...quieter,” she said spotting Lemon trotting past the crowd to a nearby building. “It can’t be, Vinyl?”
“Yes, yes, yes!” Vinyle said shaking her head wildly.
“I’ll be right back!” Octavia said sneaking away. Limping toward the direction of Lemon, Octavia had nerve wracking thoughts race through her mind. “What is he doing here!? Do the rest of the brotherhood know?” thought Octavia dipping behind a nearby tree where her equipment was stored. “Better get geared for this,” she mumbled, moving a rock to reveal a small hole underneath with a metal box in it. Taking the box out Octavia quickly opened it to reveal a pair of odd looking armbands and a white robe with a red sash on it. “Not this time,” said Octavia quickly putting on the outfit.
Meanwhile, Lemon stood upon a small store’s roof overlooking the crowd and the targets.
“This will do nicely,” said Lemon to himself taking out his special device, a metal cylinder object that was about his length and in the shape of a seven including a small slime bowtie shaped piece of metal that had strange xs crossed into a glass inside it that allowed a pony to see object closer from a distance. “Yes this will do,” he said aiming at the target.
“And that is why books are important!” shouted Twilight awakening the sleeping crowd who just clapped in response.
Simoustanly, Apple Bloom and Dinky were waiting for the others to join them at the front while noodle was using the restroom.
“Where are they?” said Apple Bloom scouting the area.
“Mmmmm,” said Dinky with a shrug.
“Hey guys!” said Sweetie Belle as Scootaloo followed her. “Guess who I saw!”
“Oh! Daring Do!” said Dinky hoping she got it right.
“Nope, Button!”
“Ugh,” groaned Scootaloo and Apple Bloom.
“What’s wrong?” said Dinky. “Button’s nice.”
“Sweetie Belle and Button are dating,” said Scootaloo while Sweetie Belle just blushed.
“And everytime they go near each other Sweetie Belle gets clumsy...er,” said Apple Bloom with a roll of her eyes.
“At least I can keep hold of a map!” said Sweetie Belle.
“Darn it Applejack, I thought you didn’t tell anypony about that!” said Apple Bloom to herself.
“Well, well,” said a voice all four filles feared. “If it isn’t the cutie mark lamers!” said Diamond Tiara as Silver Spoon giggled.
“What do you want Diamond?” groaned Apple Bloom.
“Don’t you remember?” said Diamond as Filthy went up to the stage’s podium. “I get to go to the front of the line thanks to daddy.”
“Thank you Princess Twilight!” said Filthy as Twilight took her seat. “Ladies and gentlecolts,” said Filthy into the microphone.
“But that’s not fair,” said Dinky.
“What did you say?” said Diamond. “I couldn’t hear you over your mother dropping her packages onto a tree!”
“It is my honor to introduce a mare you all know,” said Filthy.
“Y-you take that back about my mommy!” cried out Dinky with a sniff.
“Poor little Dinky Doo, having a mother like Ditzy Doo!” chuckled Silver.
“Not even having a daddy,” snickered Diamond.
“Hey stop bullying her!” shouted Scootaloo standing next to Dinky.
“Yeah!” said Sweetie Belle.
“A mare with a mind for words!” said Filthy.
“And where’s your dorky colt Button Mash?” said Diamond with a smirk. “Wasting his life playing those awful video games of his?”
“You take that back!” said Sweetie Belle as Scootaloo and Dinky restrained her from beating up Diamond Tiara.
“A.K Yearling!” said Filthy as the crowd cheered and stamped in approval.
“Hahahaha-omph!” said Diamond as Apple Bloom punched her right in the snout.
“That’s it!” said Apple Bloom. “I’m sick of ya’ll making fun of us!”
“Thank you Mr. Rich,” said Yearling as the situation caught her attention. “What the-”
“I’m gonna destroy you!” said Diamond as she lunged at Apple Bloom.
“Hey you fillies!” shouted Yearling as she galloped off the stage and over to the autograph area. “Stop figh-opmh!” she said as one of Diamond’s flying hoofs hit her square on the snout causing a small golden pen to come of her ear and rolled into the crowd. “Buck!” she said galloping into the shocked crowd.
While Yearling chased her pen, Humble chased after the compass as the crowd kept kicking it in the way of others or moving objects.
“Aiming at target,” said Lemon lining up the scope with the target. “On the count of zero,” he said as Octavia ascended above him.
“What are you doing?” thought Octavia wondering what the strange device Lemon held was.
“Three,” said Lemon checking the wind.
“Almost got it!” said Humble dodging a passing Big Mac carrying a board of wood. “Where is it-huh?” said Humble noticing a pen rolling to his hoof. “What’s this?” said Humble looking down at the pen and noticing the writing on it. “Wait a s-ouch!” Humble said hitting somepony. “Sorry about...that,” said looking at a familiar cutie mark.
“Two,” gritted Lemon, aiming with his mouth.
Yearling raced past the screaming fans to catch up with the runaway pen. Just when it seemed she would get it, she ran into somepony. “Omph!” she said hitting the ground with her cloak coming undone. “What did I-huh?” she said looking at what appeared to be a familiar looking compass. “It can’t be,” she said looking up to meet a pony who she had not seen for ten years.
“Humble,” said Yearling to a stunned and wide eyed Humble.
“One,” Lemon said using his cybernetic targeting system.
“Dazzle,” said Humble looking at Artemis Knightly Yearling.
“Zero,” said Lemon letting go of the string.
.
A day earlier
The dimly lit room was soaked in the smell of lemon soap and peppermint with a hint of vanilla giving it the smell of a Las Pegasus casino’s gambling floor. The glass windows where the size of Celestia herself as they let in the blurring and blinking lights of the buzzing city below, shining on the elderly face of the stallion looking at them.
“Awww,” said Pike as he laid back into his office seat on the top floor of one of Manehattan's highest skyscrapers. “How relaxing,” he said taking out his white oak soap pipe.
“Mr. Pike?” said Typo Fixer poking her head inside the room. “Your eight o’clock is here.”
“Thank you Typo, you can take the rest of the night off,” said Pike getting up.
“All right,” said Typo with a wave of her hoof as a stallion with a combed back white mane and a striped vest on his white body coat that made the lightbulb shaped cutie mark stand out came in.
“I see you haven’t been using my lights as much of late,” said Light Wizard carefully making his way through the room before taking a seat on the chair opposite of Pike.
“I prefer the dark sometimes." Pike shrugged as he watched the lemon scented bubbles rise up only to pop on impact with either the ceiling or the chandelier dangling above the two stallions. “It’s calming.”
“Hmm,” said Light blowing a stray bubble away. “So you wanted to see me?”
“Yes,” said Pike getting up to pour himself a drink from his liquor cabinet. “I want to talk about your progress-drink?” he said holding the dark brown liquid in it’s crystal bottle shimmering in the lights.
“Whiskey? Didn’t know you like the stuff,” said Light as Pike took that as a yes for the drink.
“I don’t usually have it,” said Pike picking up a ice cube from his freezer. “But I’ve been craving hard liquor a lot recently.”
“I see,” said Light having his whisky without a ice cube as the warm hard alcohol ran down his throat. “Aww, so progress? We’ve been doing good so far.”
“The trial runs have been successful?” said Pike taking a seat on one of two loveseats that looked out into the city.
“We had a few problems at times,” said Light sitting on the other loveseat. “But nothing we haven’t been able to fix.” he said taking another sip.
“Good,” said Pike. “Good.”
“I’m guessing this invite isn’t just about our progress?” said Light looking at a traffic jam.
“No it isn’t, I’ve sent our two bounty hunters along with some allies to help get a vital piece for you,” said Pike looking at the outline of a large cloud heading towards the other skyscrapers.
“Mercenaries?” said Light with a raised eyebrow. “I wasn’t aware Equestria even had those.”
“They’re well hidden, but since when have I not known to be resourceful,” said Pike with a smirk.
"Yes, well as long as you think it's a good idea-"
“I do, now then I think it’s time we meet with the prince,” said Pike getting up.
“Oh no, must we? He can so insufferable at times,” said Light getting up as well.
“Now Light, he is a powerful ally or at the very least convenient,” said Pike before hearing the sound of thunder from outside. “Oh, it’s raining,” he said getting his umbrella. “Don’t wanna get damp.”
Present
The emotions running inside Daring’s veins were intense as she looked at Humble, the stallion she ran away from years ago. They would have exploded in an action of galloping if the sound she heard hadn’t woken her from her trance.
A thunderous explosion shot through the lawn as the crowd stood with skipped hearts until the sound of a cry came out.
“Ahhhh!” screamed Time Turner crumbling to the ground while clutching his chest as he felt a searing heat causing agonizing yet dull pain. Dinky, who had ran away crying from the stand, stood in bewildered horror at the sight of blood gushing from his deep wound and landing on her. Members of the crowd rushed to help him only for another explosion to do it in for them, causing them to panic. They all ran from the doctor and trampled each other as consecutive explosions where heard, but this mattered not to Dinky who was quickly picked up by a nurse from the medical tent in a catatonic state as the doctor was put on a gurney and into a medical wagon.
“Why you-” said Apple Bloom trying to grab Diamond Tiara as the explosions were heard from the autograph stand. “What was tha-ahh!” she screamed as ponies ran into her and Diamond.
“Hey get off me!” said Diamond Tiara being swept away with a screaming Silver Spoon.
“Apple Bloom!” said Sweetie Belle before she too was swept away in the sea of cries and shouts.
“Sweetie Belle!” said Scootaloo trying to hide from the stampede under a table only for a minotaur to trip on it causing her to be knocked unconscious by the table’s metal seats.
As all this happened Rainbow Dash had been talking the hooves off of a ice cream vendor.
“And then he just said it was a ridiculous shipping, can you believe that?!” said Rainbow Dash as the crowd behind her grew more agitated.
“I don’t get paid enough for this,” groaned the stallion selling the ice cream as the explosions where heard.
“Everypony run away!” screamed a mare as the line dispersed into chaos. Rainbow Dash stood confused till she saw Twilight galloping around to calm ponies.
“Twilight!” said Rainbow Dash. “What’s going on!?”
“I don't know!” said Twilight on stage as another explosion was heard. “Everypony, please calm down!”
“I’m gonna go find the others!” said Rainbow Dash before flying off.
“I’ll meet you at Sugarcube Corner!” said Twilight trying to calm the crowd. “I gotta help evacuate.”
Meanwhile, Pinkie had been following Humble only to be distracted by a face painting stand.
“Ooooh,” said Pinkie as she looked into a mirror, a image of a pink mare with butterflies on her muzzle looking back. “Neato! What do you think Zecora!?”
Zecora looked at Pinkie revealing to her the pattern she chose, a symbol of the sun on her forehead.
“You look clever my friend,” said Zecora with a smile. “Butterflies I have heard are the new trend.”
“I like your starfish-wait what’s that panicky sound?” said Pinkie as the crowd stampeded past her and Zecora. “Where’s everypony going? What about the autographs!?”
“Pinkie! Zecora!” said Rainbow Dash flying to them. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you two, have you’ve seen the girls!?”
“I have not seen a little one, but-Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle!” shouted Zecora as she saw the two fillies being thrown in the air by the running ponies. Quickly she ran past Rainbow Dash and jumped into the path of destruction.
“Zecora!” screamed Pinkie.
A second later Zecora jumped right back out of the crowd with a lightly scratched Apple Bloom and a confused Sweetie Belle.
“Where did we go?” said Sweetie Belle. “And where’s Scootaloo and Dinky!”
Humble watched as Daring vanished into the crowd with her struggling to get past ponies to move toward Humble.
“She’s back,” thought Humble over and over in his mind. He quickly broke out of this trance when he saw an unconscious Scootaloo lying next to a knocked over table. “Scootaloo!” he said rushing to the fillies side briefly forgetting about Daring. “You're gonna be okay!” Humble said as he saw a trickle of blood coming from a scrape on Scootaloo’s forehead.
“Humble?” groaned Scootaloo as she woke up. “What happened?”
“You got knocked unco-omph!” said Humble as he was hit in the head with a branch by Stale.
“Got ya!” chuckled Stale in a black mask. “Lets get you to the river,” he said putting Humble on his back and galloping away into the chaotic crowd.
Scootaloo watched as Humble was taken away, too weak to do anything.
“Humble…” moaned Scootaloo as Rainbow Dash descended on the filly.
“Squirt are you alright!?” said Rainbow Dash picking up Scootaloo and flying to the rest of the group. “Where’s Dinky and Humble!?”
“Humbles-” Scootaloo said before passing out again.
“You just rest squirt!” said Rainbow Dash turning her attention back to the others. “We gotta gotta find-Dinky!” she said spotting the filly sitting on bench with a faraway look as Nurse Redheart sat next to her with a blanket for Dinky. “Kid are you alright?”
“Shh,” said Nurse Redheart hugging a shaking Dinky. “The poor dear has been through alot, we sent a message to her mother to come get her at the hospital. You six need to get out of here-”
“What about the squirt?” said Rainbow Dash showing the unconscious Scootaloo to the nurse.
“Hmmm,” Nurse Redheart said examining Scootaloo. “She seems to have a small concussion,” she said bringing Scootaloo over to a cot. “We’ll contact her parents to come and get her. Now please go before somepony else gets hurt.”
“Who else got hurt?” said Rainbow Dash.
“The doctor,” whispered Dinky. “The doctor.”
Ten minutes earlier
“Got ya,” said Lemon with a smirk as he saw Time Turner hit the ground. “Now all I gotta do is deal with you!” he said turning onto his back to see nothing. “Huh? Where did you-whoah!” he said dodging a punch from Octavia.
“What did you do!?” snarled Octavia pushing out her hidden blade.
“Huh, thought I killed you already,” said Lemon dodging a swipe. “This time I’ll make sure of it!” he said taking out a smaller firearm, shooting it repeatedly. Fortunately for Octavia there was enough cover to balance out her physical disadvantage, jumping behind a chimney post as Lemon reloaded she thought on how to get out of the situation.
“Hmmm,” Octavia said noticing a loose brick next to her. “That’ll do.”
“Bam-bam-bam! Damm it!” said Lemon as he was hit with a brick. “Is that all you-ahhh!” he said being kicked in the muzzle by Octavia and flying back off the roof and onto the ground.
“Got ya,” said Octavia smirking. “Now time to-what!?” she said not seeing Lemon on the ground. “How did he recover so quickly!?”
After falling, Lemon had quickly gotten up and jumped into a nearby bush to hide from Octavia’s sight. Looking out from the bushes he saw Stale pulling a wagon with a object under a blanket. “Good,” said Lemon with a smile before making a run for it.
“Where is-there!” said Octavia seeing Lemon gallop to the docks. “What is he doing?” she said before jumping into a cart of hay.
“For a skinny guy you sure are heavy!” said Stale putting Humble into the electric fishing boat he rented. “There!” he said throwing Humble roughly onto the floor. “Now where is Le-whoah!” he said as Lemon crashed into him. “What the buck are you running for!?”
“Assassin,” said Lemon jumping into the captain's seat.
“An assassin? Who wants to kill us?”
“No, The Assassins.”
“Oh those ones,” said Stale grimacing. “Well lets hurry then!”
“What are those two doing?” said Octavia hiding behind a tree. “And what was under that blank-Humble!” she said noticing the unconscious stallion tangled in the sheets. “They’re foalnapping him! Not on my watch!” she said galloping to the boat fast enough for her cast to break.
“We got-there she is!” said Lemon seeing Octavia coming at them.
“Get out of the way!” said Stale shoving Lemon to the side. “Punching it!” he said pulling the boats forward lever to super fast causing the boat to immediately flying down the river just as Octavia was about to reach the boat.
“Celestia damn it!” said Octavia stabbing the ground with her knife. “They got him!” she said as the boat went beyond the horizon vanishing from her sight.
Daring (after getting separated from Humble) had tried to find Humble in the town only to find to her panicked mind he was nowhere to be found.
“Damm it!” hissed Daring, knocking her head against Sugarcubes Corner’s west wall. “Why is he even here?!”
“Excuse me?” said a voice causing Daring to fall back in surprise. “Are you alright!?” said Carrot helping Daring up. “I’m sorry for-oh my Celestia,” he said with wide eyes. “Y-y-your A. K. Yearling.”
“Umm, yeah,” groaned Daring. “I’m guessing your a-whoah!” she said as Carrot grabbed her and brought her inside.
“Honey!” said Carrot as Cup Cake looked up from her book. “Guess who I found!?”
“Is that A. K Yearling!?” said Cup Cake rushing to the author’s side. “We’re huge fans!”
“I see that,” chuckled Daring nervously as the couple took selfies with their camera while standing next to her. “But you see-”
“Oh I gotta get the twins!” said Cup Cake rushing to get them. “They just love your books!”
“That’s nice, but-”
“You must stay for dinner!” said Carrot taking one final selfie.
“I appreciate the offer-”
“Humble would love to talk-”
“Wait! You know Humble Pie!?” said Daring,
“Why yes,” said Carrot with a hint of pride. “In fact you could say we’re the best of fr-ahhhh!” said Carrot as Daring choked him.
“Where. Is. He?!” growled Daring into a purple faced Carrot.
“I-don’t-know!” gasped Carrot as Daring released him.
“Aggghhh!” groaned Daring, hitting her head on a table as Cup Cake came back with the twins and alligators.
“Carrot, what did you do!?” said Cup Cake as Carrot got up.
“Nothing! All I did was mention Humble-”
“Oh you met Humble Miss Yearling?” said Cup Cake as Daring moaned yes. “Well what a small world. Anyway, would you mind signing our copy of Banana Temple?!” said Cupcake holding a small foals book with Daring holding a banana with an A on it.
“Ugh, fi-Slit!?” said Daring noticing the alligator as he licked her hooves. “What are you doing here!?” she said picking him up and swinging him around.
“You know Slit?” said Cup Cake as Poundcake reached unsuccessfully for the book.
“Umm, no?” said Daring dropping the gator with a blush. “So anyway, have you seen Mister Humble? We lost each other-”
“Aww,” said Cup Cake as Poundcake and Pumpkin hugged Daring’s leg. “They like you! Now come on sweeties let’s go play in the game room,” she said taking the twins and alligators to a room down the hall.
“Make room!” shouted Pinkie as she rushed in with the girls (excluding Zecora and Scootaloo) trotting behind her and Cup Cake coming back. “We have hurt fillies!”
“Girls, what happened?” said Carrot noticing the smeared paint and scrapes on the Pinkie’s muzzle. “I thought you all were at the convention.”
“Excuse me,” said Daring trying to cut in. “Bu-”
“Oh my Celestia, it’s you, it’s you, it’s you!” said Rainbow Dash grabbing Daring into a tight hug. “Again!”
“Oh no,” grimaced Daring. “Not you.”
“Y-your A.K Yearling!” squealed Apple Bloom.
“Eeeeeee!” screamed Sweetie Belle before fainting.
“Oh no!” said Pinkie. “Sweetie Belle as that concussion thingy too!”
“Wait a second!” shouted Cup Cake. “First, Sweetie Belle is fine,” she said putting Sweetie Belle on cushion. “She just fanfillied to much. Second, where is Dinky and Humble?”
“Humble’s not here and Dinky’s with Zecora,” said Rainbow Dash taking selfies with Daring who just struggled. “Somebody needed to take her to the hospital with the nurses.”
“What!?” said Carrot and Cup Cake in shock. “What happened!?”
“Well we were waiting for Yearling,” said Apple Bloom doing a squeal. “And then I fought Diamond Tiara-”
“What!”
“Um, nothing?”
The couple only looked at Apple Bloom disapproval.
“Ok, I fought Diamond because she made fun of Dinky and Button,” she said pawing nervously at the ground.
“Apple Bloom, when your sister hears-”
“Oh no!” said Apple Bloom jumping into the air. “Applejack is gonna be worried!” she said galloping out of the store
“Carrot make sure she gets home safely!” said Cup Cake.
“But I wanna talk with Year-” Carrot stopped as he noticed the piercing glare Cup Cake was giving him. “I’ll be right back,” he signed.
As Carrot left the store, Sweetie Belle awoke from her fanfilly coma.
“I just had the weirdest dream,” said Sweetie Belle as Cup Cake helped her up. “I kissed Button Mash, Apple Bloom was fighting Diamond Tiara, there was all these noises and then I met A.K…Yearling,” she said looking at the waving author. “Oh Celestia it was real! I’m a huge fan!”
“Thanks kid,” said Daring. “But I think you have another problem.”
“Sweetie Belle,” said Cup Cake with an intimidating look. “Why was Apple Bloom fighting with Diamond Tiara?”
“Because she made fun of Dinky’s mom and Button!”
“Sweetie Belle, I understand what she did was mean-”
“She even made fun of Dinky’s dad!”
“Wait what?” said Cup Cake taken back.
“I know right?” said Sweetie Belle with a shrug. “She talked like as if Dinky didn’t have a dad, weird right?”
“Yeah, um, how about you let Rainbow-” Cup Cake said before looking at the hyperventilating Rainbow Dash while Daring scooted away from her. “-Pinkie take you home?”
“But-”
“Oh it will be fun!” said Pinkie bouncing in. “We can get more candy!”
“What about Button?!”
“I’m sure Button is fine Sweetie Belle,” said Cup Cake calming Sweetie Belle. “You just head home.”
“Well...ok!” said Sweetie Belle galloping out the door with Pinkie bouncing after her.
Pinkie then popped her head back in to say one final thing, however.
“Wait what about unkie Humble!” said Pinkie realizing her uncle was still no where to be found.
Daring was about to speak up but was cut by Cup Cake.
“Don’t worry Pinkie, just make sure Sweetie Belle gets to the carissuel and then we can go look for Humble ok?” said Cup Cake calming both Daring’s and Pinkie’s nerves.
“Okie dokie!” said Pinkie before galloping back outside.
After the two left and Rainbow Dash fainted from hyperventilating, Daring finally gained enough time to speak up.
“Umm, excuse me,” said Daring cutting into a groaning Cup Cake. “Is everything alright Mrs.-”
“Please Miss Yearling, call me Cup Cake,” said Cup Cake taking out a teapot. “Tea?”
“Yes please, thank you, I wanna talk about Humble,” Daring said hovering past an unconscious Rainbow Dash.
“A nice young stallion isn’t he?” said Cup Cake getting a green tea packet. “He was so excited about meeting you.”
“That’s nic-wait, he did?” said Daring shocked that Humble would want to see her again. “But how did he know-”
“So are you doing it?” said Cup Cake putting the pot on the stove.
“Huh? Doing what?”
“The book of course dear,” said Cup Cake with a chuckle. “He was like a colt on hearth warming eve when he heard that you were in town, talking about how he wanted to do a book with you and stuff.”
“Oh, umm, did he by chance tell you anything about me?” said Daring leaning in.
“Just that you were a great author.”
“Oh,” said Daring disappointed. “Did he even talk about last time we met?”
“Last time?” said Cup Cake taking the teapot of the stove as it whistled like a train. “He said he never met you before.”
“He must have not known it was me,” muttered Daring under her breath. “That would explain a lot.”
“Did you say something Miss Yearling?” said Cup Cake pouring in the boiling water into two small tea cups. “Also would you like some green or black tea?”
“Black please, I was just thinking to myself,” said Daring putting a packet of tea in her cup. “Just thinking.”
Meanwhile at the Ponyville hospital,
Dinky Doo laid quietly on the hospital bed with her damp fur from the sponge bath some of the nurses gave her to wash the blood out seeping soapy water into the blankets, but the soggy sheets were not the first thing on Dinky’s mind. No, all she wanted was to be held by the warm grey hooves of her mother while she fell gently to sleep. She only stared upwards at the ceiling with the image of the doctor’s wound fresh in her mind.
“Hmmm,” said Doctor Horses as he looked into Dinky's room through the door window. “Nurse Redheart?”
“Yes Doctor? said Nurse Redheart as she returned from emptying the more elderly patient's bed pans. “Is something wrong?”
“Where is Miss Doo’s mother?”
“Miss Zecora said she would tell her about Dinky-whoah!” said Nurse Redheart as a gale came cracking down from the mountainside like a hurricane. “What’s happening!?”
“I don’t know!” shouted Doctor Horses over the wind while clinging tightly to a bolted down bench.
All of a sudden the front doors of the lobby ripped right open making the storm of wind come down harder.
“Aghhhhh!” roared a red, correctly aligned Derpy Doo as a wind whipped Zecora and Carrot Top trotted steadfastly through the blowing Derpacane. “Where is my Muffin!?”
“MIss Derpy!” said Doctor Horses as he used a climbed up the floor. “Please calm do-aughhh!” he said being grabbed into a bone crushing hold by Derpy as she hovered above the terrified staff members.
“Where. Is. Dinky!?” she shouted to the whimpering and slightly wet M.D.
“There,” Doctor Horses whispered pointing at the room Dinky was in. “But she’s a bit sho-ahh!” he said being thrown to a nearby bamboo plant.
Derpy shot right to the door before gently opening the door as her eyes returned to their pre overprotective mother mode and were replaced with the gleam of tears welling up as Derpy rushed over to Dinky who had heard the noise and was under the bed whimpering only to break into tears at the sight of her mother.
“Mommy!” shouted Dinky pouncing into her mother’s returning embrace.
“Muffin!” cried out a sniffing Derpy as she hugged her daughter tightly. “Are you alright?”
“I-I-I s-saw the d-doctor’s owie,” sobbed Dinky into her mother’s fur. “It was-the doctor! Is he gonna be alr-alright?”
“Shhh,” said Derpy rubbing her muffin’s back. “You and the doctor are gonna be just fine.”
As Derpy comforted her daughter, Nurse Redheart gently closed the door to give the two some privacy.
“Well,” she said turning around. “That went better than I expected.”
“I’m so sorry Doctor Horses!” said Carrot Top as she and Zecora got him out of the plant. “But on the bright side she didn’t put a lollipop up your nose like when Dinky cried when she got her flu shot.”
“I remember, I still smell lemon when I give vaccinations,” said Doctor Horses putting his stephoscope back on. “But it’s okay.”
“Are Dinky and the doctor ok?” said Carrot with a concerned face. “I heard from Zecora about what happened.”
“Well I’m quite-oh you meant Mister Time Turner,” said Doctor Horses blushing. “Actually Miss Zecora, if you could tell us what happened there it might shed some light on both of their conditions.”
“A noise of thunder I did hear, but I not a sight of origin was clear,” said Zecora with a downward look.
“Huh?” said Doctor Horses confused. “I’m sorry I don’t understand.”
“Ugh, I went with Pinkie, Pinkie’s uncle and my foalhood foalsitter Humble Pie along with Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Time Turner to the Daring Do convention where I heard an explosive sound, but couldn’t find out where it came from and we found Dinky in a traumatic state-” Zecora said, stopping in mid speech as she noticed the drop jaws of the entire lobby. “Yes I can speak normally too, I just prefer rhymes. Anyway, we found Dinky with Nurse Redheart in a shaken state.”
“Nurse Redheart,” said Doctor Horses turning to her. “Did Dinky say anything to you?”
“She was in shock when we found her and Mister Timer Turner, I was cleaning her up when Miss Zecora and her friends came up with a unconscious Scootaloo-,” said Nurse Redheart.
“Oh my, what happened to Scootaloo?” said Carrot Top with her hoof over her mouth.
“She suffered a mild concussion but we were able to heal her right up. She went home a few minutes ago,” said Doctor Horses writing into his patient notebook.
“Well that’s good,” said Carrot Top relieved. “Sorry for interrupting, what did Dinky say Nurse Redheart?”
“She said only the doctor when Miss Rainbow Dash asked who else got hurt.”
“What?!” said Derpy as she closed the room door behind her. “I got my muffin to go to sleep, but what’s this I hear about Time Turner being hurt?!” she said hovering right in front of Nurse Redheart.
“Well we don’t exactly know,” said Doctor Horses.
“What do you mean you don’t know!?” said Derpy grabbing the M.D by his collar. “This is a hospital isn’t it!?”
“Miss Derpy, please calm down,” said Nurse Redheart as Carrot Top tried to bring Derpy to the ground. “Mister Time Turner is quite alright, he’s in surgery right now and we just can’t have you disturbing the surgeons.”
“Surgeons?” said Carrot Top as Derpy let go of the doctor and sat in a nearby chair with her head down. “How bad can you get injured at a Daring Do convention?”
“Well to be honest we aren't quite sure ourselves,” said Doctor Horses cleaning up himself up. “He seems to have a piece of metal in his lower kidney area. He was barely conscious even though we told him he would go into surgery, he suffered a fit so violent we had to sedate him.”
“That egghead freaking out over a cut?” said Carrot Top sitting next to Derpy and rubbing her back. “That’s not like him, of course now that I think about it he seemed to heal himself always saying how he had a bunch of bandages in that blue shed of his.”
“Weird you say,” said Zecora resuming her rhyming. “If he came to me, I’d heal him anyday.”
“A blue shed?” said Doctor Horses putting the words into his notebook. “Have you ever seen what is in it?”
“Does that matter?” said Derpy sharply. “My muffin and one of my best friends are hurt and you care about his gardening tools!” said Derpy blowing her nose into a tissue.
“Please Miss Doo, Doctor Horses is just filling out a report so the guards can find out why anypony would want to hurt your friend,” said Nurse Redheart calming Derpy a bit.
“Well fine, it’s always locked and he hates it when ponies try to open it,” said Derpy putting her head onto Carrot Top’s shoulder. “He says lots of delicate clock tools are in it and he doesn’t want anypony to break them.”
“Interesting,” said Doctor Horses while writing more in his notebook. “Does the shed have anyway thing strange about it?”
“Well it doesn’t look like a shed,” said Carrot Top. “Kinda more like an outhouse with glass windows, a lantern on top, and the words “Police box” on it.”
“Police box?”
“He says he got it from a Trottingham police auction.”
“I see,” Doctor Horses with a nod. “Thank you for being cooperative ladies, now if you can excuse me I must see how Mister Time Turner is doing, Nurse Redheart I’ll need your help,” he said trotting down a hallway to the surgery section.
“Don’t worry Miss Doo,” said Nurse Redheart looking into Derpy’s eyes with a sympathetic smile. “Dinky and Mister Turner will be alright.”
“T-thank you,” said Derpy with tears welling up again as Zecora went to get a glass of water for her. “M-may I stay? Just to make sure my muffin sleeps well?”
“Of course,” said Nurse Redheart before trotting away just as Zecora returned with the water, handing it to the distraught mother.
“It will be alright Derpy,” said Zecora just in time for Derpy to spit out her water.
“You can talk normally!?”
Meanwhile in Dinky’s room,
“Aggh,” moaned Dinky in her sleep, waking up due to a loud sound. “Huh?” said Dinky looking out her room’s window into the midday air to the sight of a blue pony. Rubbing her eyes, Dinky looked out again to see only Big Mac trotting back to Apple Acres with a muzzle down Apple Bloom in tow. Deciding it was nothing, Dinky went back to the gentle dream of baking muffins with her mother she was having.
Back at Sugarcube Corner,
“And that’s why those three fillies aren’t allowed in the pancake contest anymore,” said Cup Cake finishing her story to a bored out of her skull Daring.
“Uh huh,” Daring said rolling a grain of salt across the counter while sipping at her third cup of tea. “That’s nice, but like I was saying shouldn't we go look for Mister Humble by now?”
“Well you seem to be in a hurry,” chuckled Cup Cake while Daring just rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry Miss Yearling, Pinkie should be back-”
“I’m here!” shouted Pinkie, bouncing in with a detective outfit on. “Can we go look for unkie Humble now?
“Sure Pinkie, let me just put away these dishes,” said Cup Cake putting the tea cups into the sink. “That’s Pinkie Pie for you, always ready for anything.”
“Why does that Pinkie mare keep saying unkie-wait a second!” thought Daring as she slowly realized who Pinkie was. “Pink coat, poofy mane, balloon cutie mark, last name Pie, ability to do weird things!? she finally came to the realization on who Pinkie was just as Rainbow Dash awoke.
“Huh?” groaned Rainbow Dash waking up. “Where am-you!” she squeed before hugging her idol.
“Your Pinkie!” said Daring ignoring the blood cutting hug of Rainbow Dash.
“That’s my name!” said Pinkie. “Do you remember me from when Rainbow Dash went all crazy and rescued you!?”
“Wait rescued?” said Cup Cake confused. “When did you meet-”
“Your Humble’s niece!” interrupted Daring as Rainbow Dash finally let go.
“Yep,” nodded Pinkie. “Which is why we gotta find unkie Humble. Wait how do you kno-”
“What do you mean find Humble?” said a distraught looking Rarity trotting in. “Pinkie you left Sweetie Belle with me in such a hurry I was-A.K. Yearling!” she said noticing the author.
“Please don’t tell me you another fanfilly,” moaned Daring. “I already got one on my hoof,” she said showing Rainbow Dash who was petting the hoof that made, “Daring Do and the river of doom.”
“It’s a pleasure to see you again,” said Rarity with a nod.
“Again?” said Cup Cake still confused.
“I’m back!” said Carrot as he entered the building. “Applejack was on her break so I left Apple Bloom with Big Mac who passed bye. Did I miss anything?”
“Apparently the girls have met Miss Yearling before,” said Cup Cake.
“Really?” said Carrot grabbing a seat. “When?”
“Oh, went we found out she’s Daring Do,” said Rainbow Dash trying to nuzzle a no longer struggling Daring who just sat shocked long enough for Rainbow Dash to nuzzle her real quick.
The room went quiet with the only sound being dropped tea cups shattering to the floors and jaws going through the solid ground.
“W-w-what?” whispered Cup Cake as Rainbow Dash realized with what she just said and slid off Daring onto the floor with wide eyes.
Umm, nothing?” said Rainbow Dash blushing.
Moments of silence passed by, looking like they wouldn't be broken till the sound of Twilight, Applejack, and Fluttershy entering through the door.
“Pinkie! Where’s Apple Bloom?” said Applejack looking at the small pupils of the room. “Ya’ll ok?”
“I’ll destroy you!” shouted Daring leaping at a screaming Rainbow Dash.
“Wait!” said Twilight grabbing hold of a mid leap Daring with a levitation spell.
“Arghh, let me go Princess Twilight so I can rip the wings off this big mouthed-”
“Miss Yearling!” said Twilight cutting Daring’s curse short. “I need you to calm down and explain what you're doing here, where the girls are, and why you are trying to rip Rainbow Dash’s wing off.”
“Ugh, fine,” signed Daring in defeat. “Can I please be let down?”
“Of course,” said Twilight deactivating the spell as Daring floated softly to the floor. “Now then, my first question is where are Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Dinky, Time Turner and Humble? Rainbow Dash told me the last two were with them.”
“Well darling,” said Rarity breaking out of her shocked trance. “Sweetie Belle is currently at the boutique, but she told me Apple Bloom was missing when she woke up.”
“Do you know where she is Pinkie?!” said Applejack with a worried tone.”I’m awfully worried about her since Twilight told me about the explosion while on my break.”
“Mr. Cake said Apple Bloom went home with Big Mac,” said Pinkie shocked by the announcement of a not so secret secret.
“Is that true Mr. Cake?” said Applejack worried.
Carrot only stood with pea sized pupils before shaking his head.
“Huh? Oh yeah, Big Mac has her. Dinky, Scootaloo, and Time Turner are at the hospital. I don’t know where Humble is, now what’s-”
“The hospital!?” gasped Fluttershy as the others grew worried as well. “Are they alright?”
“Scootaloo got a concussion but I don’t know about Dinky or the doctor, now you just-”
“What do you mean you don’t know how Dinky and the doctor are!?” said Twilight.
“Well Zecora took her to the hospital and the doctor was already go-”
“What do you mean you don’t know where Humble is!?” said Rarity shaking Carrot before Daring could. “He still hasn’t signed my book and I’m worried for him and the girls of course.”
“Ok, so wait let me get this right,” said Twilight getting everypony’s attention. “Dinky, Scootaloo are at the hospital with their parents and Time Turner as well?” Carrot nodded. “Ok, and you don’t know where Humble is?”
“I don’t know where he is but-” said Carrot, still being held by Rarity, before being interrupted.
“Stop!” shouted a voice from a dark corner of the room. Looking at the corner the group saw emerging from the shadows a apple juice drinking, headphone wearing Button Mash. “I can’t wait here for Sweetie Belle and defeat the bandit leader with all this talking!” he said taking another sip of his juice.
“Button?” said Rarity dropping Carrot. “What are doing here?”
“I was waiting for Sweetie Belle. I got worried when I couldn’t find her so I came here to wait for her. I came in when Mrs. Cake was talking about pancakes or something, don’t tell my mom though! She thinks I'm playing on my Ponystation!”
“Umm, you didn’t happen to hear anything shocking earlier did you?” said Daring nervously.
“Nope,” said Button returning to his game before realizing who he just spoke. “Wait, you’re A.K. Yearling!”
“Oh no,” said Daring facehoofing,
“Can you sign my copy of, “Daring Do and the river of doom!?” said Button holding the book up.
“Sure kid,” said Daring taking out her golden pen.
“Oohhh,” said Pinkie with wide eyes at the glimmering writing utensil.
“Ohh indeed,” said Rarity looking at the golden shine of the fountain tip. “Darling where did you get that?”
“What’s that writing on it?” said Twilight noticing a glimpse of the words carved into the pen.
“It’s nothing!” shouted Daring causing everypony to jump back. “I mean, it’s nothing. Uh, here kid,” she said handing the autographed book back to Button.
“Thanks! Miss Rarity?” said Button. “Where’s Sweetie Belle?”
“She’s at the carousel, but you are not going there. Mr. Cake-”
“Why me!?” said Carrot.
“Because your a gentlecolt, will bring you back to your mother.”
“Awww, can I at least stop by to visit Sweetie Belle, please?” said Button with wide eyes and a quivering lip.
“Well...alright! But only for a quick second,” said Rarity with a smile.
“You're the best! Come on Mr. Cake!” said Button galloping out of the shop with a pouting Carrot following behind him.
“Ok,” said Rainbow Dash seeing the situation had calmed a bit. “So can I get autograph too?”
“We don’t have time for that Rainbow Dash!” said Pinkie remembering why she was wearing her detective outfit. “Unkie Humble here I come!” she said galloping in the direction of Barnyard Bargains.
“I’m coming too!” said Daring rushing with her.
“Pinkie, Yearling, wait!” said Twilight. “Mrs. Cake we’ll be right back. Come on girls!” she said as the group rushed after Pinkie and Daring leaving a still shocked, pea sized eyed Cup Cake standing still in a empty restaurant.
“What the buck!?” said Cup Cake suddenly before blushing.
As Cup Cake regained her dignity two curious foals were listening in from the other room while playing geometrical death challenge or better known as putting blocks into their right shapes.
“Whaaa bagga (did you hear that sister?)” said Lord Taku aka Poundcake. “Bffffft (Not only as the doctor and our new grey friend along with the not so eldery ones have been hurt, but our mother has swore)”
“Mama bugg (indeed, our mother swearing is not the only thing we need to worry about)” said Lady Chatku aka Pumpkin. “Loop crig (we must investigate...after our nap of course)”
“Rusy (duh)” said Poundcake as he and Pumpkin curled onto the ground before slipping to sleep.
The area that surrounded Barnyard Bargains, once a place of Daring Do memorabilia, the smell of foals spending their parents money, and significant others spending the others cash, was now a place of horror. Overturned stands were scattered as far as the eye could see along with burnt corncobs and broken helmets. The once proud banners were now covered with words that were poorly written and scraps of bad fanfics littered the green ground.
“My Celestia,” said Rarity as she and the others trotted through the carnage.
“Oh my,” said Fluttershy in agreement.
“Indeed,” said Filthy Rich trotting from behind a Daring Do stuffed doll stand.
“Mr. Rich,” said Twilight. “I was looking everywhere for you, have the guards found anything?”
“I’m afraid not,” said Filthy with a shake of the head. “My princess and her friend are back at home safely, she did however, receive some nasty scrapes from Miss Apple...Bloom,” he said noticing Applejack.
“What?!” said Applejack. “Are you telling me my little sis got into a fight!?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“I am so sorry about-” said Applejack before Filthy interrupted.
“It’s quite alright Miss Applejack, my daughter cracked when I asked her why she didn’t yell for help,” said Filthy with a sign. “She fought as well, fillies these days.”
“Well I can tell you that Apple Bloom will still get a stern talking to.”
“As will my Diamond,” said Filthy. “But back to the other matters, Princess Twilight?”
“Yes Filthy?”
“Have you’ve seen Miss Yearling? She disappeared after the explosions happened.”
“She’s-” just when Twilight was going to explain that Daring was with Pinkie the author in question came galloping up. “-Here?”
“Miss Yearling,” said Filthy as the mare caught her breath. “I was worried-”
“Mr. Rich! I need you to help me,” said Daring just as Pinkie came down a hill with a limping Octavia who was no longer wearing her robe or blades.
“Oh dear,” said Filthy seeing the injured mare. “What happened?”
“We found Octavia on the ground near a bush!” said Pinkie as she and Octavia reached the others. “Tell them what you told us about unkie Humble!”
“Unkie Humble?” said Filthy confused.
“Pinkie’s uncle,” said Rainbow Dash.
“Awww.”
“I saw Humble foalnapped,” said Octavia as Fluttershy and Pinkie helped her sit down. “And-
“Octy!” said Vinyl Scratch running up to the group as she was chased by guards. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”
“I’m sorry my majesty,” said one of the guard with a bow as the other one chased Vinyl around a dizzying Fluttershy. “She ran right past us when we told her that the area was off limits.”
“That quite alright sergeant Rock Fuzz,’ said Twilight. “She’s with us.”
“Of course your majesty,” said Rock as he nodded for the other guard to stop chasing Vinyl and they walked away.
“Yeah!” shouted Vinyl. “Dont mess with me you-”
“Vinyl!” said Octavia with a glare. “Please stop annoying the guards.”
“Annoying them!?” said Vinyl gasping. “I was worried sick about you! I couldn’t find you when the mosh pit when from mosh to smash!”
“Please Miss Vinyl,” said Daring. “Your friend was just telling us something important!”
“Hey your A.K.-”
“Miss Octavia please continue!” said Daring not in the mood for another fan.
“Well as I was saying, I had gone to use the bathroom when I heard the sounds,” said Octavia as everypony nodded. “And when I was trying to get back to you Vinyl, I saw Humble unconscious in a bunch of sheets with two stallions on a boat by the river.”
“Two stallions?” said Filthy. “What did they look like?”
“Well one of the stallions was a yellow coated, target shaped cutie mark unicorn with an eyepatch and the other was chestnut colored earth pony with a scar on his muzzle and spoke with a Trottingham accent along with a bat shaped cutie mark.”
“Humble’s been foalnapped!?” said Rarity throwing herself onto a bench. “Ow! This is not fainting material!”
“Hmmm, I see,” said Filthy nodding. “Well don’t worry Miss Pinkie, I will do everything in my power to get your uncle back.”
“T-thank you,” sniffed Pinkie before hugging Filthy. “Thank you Filthy!”
“Please,” said Filthy with a crack in his mask starting to show. “Call me Rich, now then Princess Twilight the press corps want to know about what happened. Miss Yearling they want your statement too-”
“Tell them I’m fine and to let me think!” growled Daring.
“Yearling, Humble’s going to be fine,” said Twilight patting Yearling and Pinkie on the shoulder before she trotted away with Filthy to a crowd of press ponies.
“Then why do I have this nagging feeling in my gut?” muttered Daring. “Miss Octavia?”
“Please, call me Octavia,” said Octavia as Vinyl helped her up. “Makes things easier.”
“Octavia you said Humble was kidnapped on a boat right?”
“Yeah.”
“Miss Yearling what are ya’ll doing?” said Applejack. “You heard Filthy, he and Twilight are gonna find Humble.”
“I just wanna see if there’s anything the dockmaster knows about those stallions, anypony else wanna come?”
“I’ll come!” said Pinkie raising her hood.
“Me as well,” said Octavia.
“Well, umm, maybe I should stay to warn-tell Twilight,” said Fluttershy meekly.
“I gotta get back to my family,” said Applejack. “But tell me about what ya’ll find,” she said galloping towards Apple Acres.
“And what about you guys?” said Daring to Rarity and Rainbow Dash.
“Well I for one am not gonna let my book be left unsigned!” said Rarity trotting over to Daring.
“I’d be crazy not to go on an adventure with you Yearling!” said Rainbow Dash flying over to them.
“You can come, but no messing around. That means no fanfillying!” said Daring to a disappointed Rainbow Dash.
“Fine,” said Rainbow Dash with a sigh.
“And I’m coming too!” said Vinyl. “Even though I have no idea what you’re all talking about.”
“Then it’s settled!” said Daring as the sun hovered over them. “Lets head out!”
The group screamed yay before galloping towards the docks leaving Fluttershy alone.
“Umm, good luck?” she said flying over to Twilight.
The group galloped into town, passing ponies before remembering one small detail they forgot.
“Look!” shouted a filly. “It’s A.K. Yearling!”
“Sign my books!” said a stallion.
“Sign our books, sign our books, sign our books,” chanted the surrounding crowd as they made the group go into a corner.
Darling's eyes grew as the horde of fans closed in. “They’re everywhere!” said Daring.
“Huh,” said Pinkie. “Forgot about that, run!”
The girls galloped and galloped from the chasing crowd, when it looked like there was no hope Octavia remembered something important.
“There’s a alleyway just up the street!” she said throwing a trashcan into the street that only momentarily halted the oncoming horde. They quickly ducked into the alleyway when they went around the corner as the crowd rushed past them.
“I think we lost them,” said Rainbow Dash looking to see anypony had saw them.
“Eeee!” screamed Rarity causing the rest to jump.
“What’s wrong!?” said Daring.
“I got trash water on me!” said Rarity showing a drenched hoof.
“Is she serious?” said Daring to Pinkie.
“Yep,” said Pinkie with a smile. “She got trash water on her hoof.”
“No I mean-you know what? Forget it, it doesn’t even matter as long as that mob is trying to find me,” said Daring looking around to see if anypony had heard them.
“If only there was a way to get past them,” said Rainbow Dash.
“Maybe I could distract them with my awesome skills!” said Vinyl.
“You don’t have any of your equipment Vinyl,” said Octavia.
“Oh yeah.”
“Hmm, I got it!” said Pinkie. “Rarity can make you a disguise at her store!”
“That’s not a bad idea actually,” said Octavia. “But even getting there is gonna take a miracle.”
“Don’t worry your silly little head,” said Pinkie patting Octavia. “I got an idea, Yearling can I have your glasses?”
“My glasses? Why would you need my-huh?” said Yearling as Pinkie took them and ran into the confused crowd.
“Attention everypony!” said Pinkie putting a mustache on.
“Who’s she?” said a mare.
“The better question is, what has she got!?” said Pinkie holding the glasses up high as Daring realized what Pinkie was doing. “I have the original, the first, the real deal, A.K. Yearling’s glasses!”
“Oohhh,” said the crowd getting their wallets.
“The bidding starts at one bit!”
“Genius,” said Daring with a smirk. “Come on Miss Rarity, take us to your shop while Pinkie handles the crowd.”
“Alright,” sniffed Rarity as she lead them past the mob and into the store.
Meanwhile upstairs in the boutique’s guest room,
“He loves me, I love him more,” said Sweetie Belle dreamily picking the petals off a flower with the signed book Button gave her on the nightstand. “He loves me, I love him more. He lov-”
“Sweetie Belle!” said Rarity from downstairs.
“That sounds like a disguise emergency scream!” squealed Sweetie Belle. “Bye Button,” she said giving a small picture of Button having brain freeze a kiss. “What do you need Rar-oh my Celestia,” she said seeing A.K. Yearling at the foot of the stairs.
“Oh not again!” said Yearling as Sweetie Belle jumped off the stairs and pounced on Yearling bringing her into a hug.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” said Sweetie Belle joyfully.
“Umm, you're welcome?” said Daring confused.
“Sweetie Belle! Why are you hugging Miss Yearling?!” said Rarity with a scowl.
“Because this,” said Sweetie Belle dancing over to Rarity and handing her the book Daring signed.
Opening the book Rarity read aloud.
“To fan, your awesome-A.K. Yearling,” said Rarity. “Where did you get this?”
“Mashy gave it to me,” said Sweetie Belle doing a twirl around Vinyl.
“Mashy?” said Rarity before realizing what had happened to her sister. “Button gave you this!?”
“Button? Isn’t that the colt whose book I signed?” said Daring. “He got you this?”
“Hmmm,” said Sweetie Belle. “He has such a way with words.”
“My little sister is in love!” squealed Rarity.
“Am not,” giggled Sweetie Belle.
“Are so.”
“Am not.”
“Are so.”
“Am not.”
“Are-”
“Enough!” said Daring realizing where this was heading. “I’m sorry to interrupt this, but I really need a freaking disguise so we can find Humble!” she said breathing hard as everypony looked at her.
“What happened to Humble?” said Sweetie Belle. “Is he alright?”
“He’s fine,” said Rarity chuckling nervously. “Umm, how about you go upstairs and, uhh, read my diary!?” she said taking out from a drawer a book titled diary in cursive.
“Oh, the new one’s out!” said Sweetie Belle taking the book. “Thanks Rarity!” she said rushing upstairs.
“Nice sister,” said Daring. “I got a older-omph!” she said as Rarity threw a bunch of dresses at her.
“Makeover!” screamed Rarity as Daring’s eye grew wide.
“But-” before Daring could finish she was thrown into onto a platform surrounded by mirrors.
“Now then I need complete and utter silence when I work,” said Rarity shoving everypony into another room. “Please do not destroy anything,” she said closing the door behind her with the last image being Daring with please help me look on her face.
“I wonder how their kiss was,” said Vinyle.
“Who’s?” said Rainbow Dash.
“Button’s and Sweetie Belle’s.”
“How do you know they kissed?”
“Pfffft, I know a kissy face when I see one,” said Vinyl proudly.
“And I unfortunately know how she does,” groaned Octavia taking a seat on a couch.
Meanwhile inside the other room, Rarity was asking Daring a million questions.
“So which color do you prefer?” said Rarity holding up two rolls of silk, one black and the other lime green.
“Huh?” said Daring confused. “What do you mean?”
“I myself would go with a silver to match your mane,” said Rarity measuring Daring’s head. “And we must get rid of this...attire,” she said ripping off Daring’s clothes.
“What are you doing!?” said Daring. “Those were my only pair of clothes!”
“Now, now darling. When I’m done with you, you’re gonna look magnificent!” said Rarity with a gleam in her eye while Daring stood in fear.
Two and a half hours ago
The boat the two bounty hunters and Humble were on was storming down the great Equine river.
“Are they gone!?” said Stale over the roaring water.
“They were gone three minutes ago!” said Lemon clinging to one of the boats seats. “Turn it down!”
“FIne,” groaned Stale pulling the lever upwards to a sudden stop causing the waves to crash into the boat making it lurch forward.
“Woah!” said Lemon hitting his head against the chair. “Ughh.”
“There, you happy?” said Stale to a sprawled across the floor Lemon.
“I hate you,” said Lemon getting up quickly after realizing their package might have gone overboard. “Is that Humble fella still on board!?”
“Yeah, yeah, he’s right there,” said Stale pointing at Humble who was starting to wake up.
“Huh?” said Humble rubbing his head. “Where am I?”
“A cruise ship,” chuckled Stale. “Come on typy,” he said pulling Humble up.
“Who are you two? Where’s Scootaloo?!” Humble said as Lemon and Stale dragged Humble across the boat.”
“Name’s shut your trap,” said Lemon opening a door. “And I don’t know what a Scootaloo is.”
The boat that Stale had rented was a large electrical river boat with a small cabin that held two beds and a hull under the floorboards perfect for their captive.
“In you go!” said Stale pushing Humble roughly into the dark dank hull.
“For Celestia’s sake Stale!” said Lemon grabbing some rope. “Don’t you know you don’t leave a bounty with their hooves free?”
“Course I do,” snorted Stale as Lemon tied Humbles hooves behind his back. “And I also know you gotta blind’em,” he said tying a rag around Humble’s eyes. “There!” he said trotting backward to admire his work. “The guy’s all ready for some good old S&M.”
“Umm, excuse me?” said Humble. “But why are you two foalnapping me?”
“Lets just say you must’ve rubbed somepony the wrong way,” said Lemon finishing his knots. “And there we go, don’t want ya screaming,” he said putting a final rope around Humble’s mouth.
“Come on Lems,” said Stale heading towards the doorway. “Let’s get some fresh air while the writer starts thinking about his new book,” he said with a chuckle as he and Lemon trotted out of the room and shut the door tightly.
“Awww,” said Stale breathing in the forest air. “Smell that? Enjoy it while it lasts, the forest ends down a few knots and after that it’s all grassland till we reach Manehattan.”
“If we can, come here,” said Lemon motion for Stale to meet him at the controls for the boat. “See that?” he said pointing at the magic tank’s meter which was in the red zone. “We’re low on magic thanks to your “brilliant” plan of pushing the freaking lever to super fast, were gonna have to make a stop.”
“Buck that, just use some of that magic of yours,” said Stale pointing at Lemon’s horn.
“I can only use basic levitations skills or did you forget that?” said Lemon facehooving. “Listen we’re gonna have to stop at a dock to refuel, let me see the map.”
“Fine,” said Stale taking it out and laying it across a crate.
“Hmmm, there!” said Lemon pointing at a small refueling station. “We can stop there and refuel.”
“And why we’re at it get something to eat,” said Stale rubbing his stomach. “Haven’t eaten all day!”
A muffled sound from under the hooves caused them to pause.
“Let him struggle he ain’t getting free,” chuckled Stale.
"Amph!” said Humble into the damp muzzle on his muzzle. Remembering a technique Coil used when he accidentally tied himself up, Humble relaxed his jaw and was able to use his tongue to roll the muzzle out.
“Oh, I hope Scootaloo’s okay. What have I gotten into?” he said to himself struggling against the ropes binding him. “Just wanted to visit my niece-aghh-these ropes sure are tight. They must be professionals at this sorta thing, if only I could get this blindfold off then maybe I could see if there’s anything useful around.” But Humble couldn’t budge the the blindfold.
“Hmm, if I can lean against the wall I might be able to slip this off,” he said scooting the chair around the room till he came to a wall. Leaning against it he was able to push the poorly tied blindfold off himself. “Pffft!” he said blowing a strand of the rag off his mouth and blinked his eyes open to a dark humid room with a bunch of empty barrels with the words, “Molasses” on them along with a bunch of rusty tools in the corner.
“Jackpot!” Humble said seeing the tools. “If I can scoot over there I can cut these ropes off like Daring...did,” he said remembering the reunion with Dazzle. “Dang it!” he cried delivering a violent jolt that caused the chair to tip. “Uh oh,” Humble said falling down. “Ahh-omph!” he said hitting the ground with a thud. Looking up to see if anypony had heard him he signed with relief when a few moments passed with nopony entering before returning to his anger.
“What is she doing here?! That-b-b-b-b,” But try as he might Humble just couldn't say the word. “-Mare, I bet she has something to do with this!” he said scooting towards the tools while his face was dragged along the sticky floor till he finally reached a old saw. Flinging his body up he carefully lined his hooves up with the saw. “Aghhh!” shouted Humble as he felt the pain of the the blade cutting into him. “Ok,” he said breathing heavily. “Again.” This time he was able to line the blade correctly with the saw and after a few minutes was able to break free.
“Ah ha!” said Humble joyfully as he flipped the chair upwards so that he was laying on his back. “Now let’s see the damage,” he said taking a look at his cut. “Not as bad as I thought, now just gotta get these off,” Humble said sawing of the ropes holding his legs. “And there! All free,” he said getting up. “Now I just gotta open the door.” But when Humble tried to open the iron gate he found that it was locked. “Of course,” he signed kicking a barrel. “Ouch! Ugh, dang it, dang it! I can’t believe I got foalnapped in the middle of the day just when I learned my ex is alive!” he said kicking a punch of tools before a shine of light from one of the porthole windows made somthing glitter near his hooves.
“Huh?” said Humble seeing the sight of a grey silver feather. “That’s it!” said Humble coming up with a plan before hearing a coo. Looking up Humble saw a pigeon flying away from the partly open porthole. “Thanks little buddy,” said a smiling Humble taking the feather to the lock. “Lets hope this works.”
Meanwhile back at the boutique,
“I still prefer classic,” said Octavia as Rainbow Dash kept asking her how two musicians can live in the same house and not start to like each other’s genres.
“Trust me, I’ve tried everything,” said Vinyl while drinking some soda. “But she even won’t listen to a little Corpserodent4.”
“Isn’t he a different genre than dubstep?” said Rainbow Dash.
“Meh, still a fellow disc jockey,” said Vinyl crushing the the can against her forehead but aiming too high that it caught onto her horn. “Octy it happened again!” she said trying desperately to reach the can.
“Vinyl just levitate it off,” said Octavia shaking her head.
“Oh yeah,” said Vinyl taking the can off. “Forgot about that.”
After a few more minutes of boredom Rainbow Dash was descending into a deeper sense of boredom, one so deep that the only thing that could keep her from leaving was the fact that her idol was behind that door and a fashion magazine about the wonderbolts uniforms.
“Ugh,” said Rainbow Dash throwing the magazine down when it just came to Fleetfoot talking about how her hooves felt in their new shoes. “Are they done yet?”
Just then the room door opened into a puff of smoke and out came Rarity brushing her mane.
“It took a long time,” said Rarity with a bow. “But I present to you: Mistress Dazzle!” she said as Daring came out.
“Wow,” said Vinyl her jaw wide open.
“Awsome!” said Rainbow Dash with twinkles in her eye.
“Awesome indeed,” said Octavia equally impressed.
Daring had come out in a poma silver colored straped dress that when it hit the light would bring out the silver highlights in Daring’s mane which had been styled into a bun with ear rings of grey stones hanging on them.
“I feel itchy,” said Daring scratching her mane but before she could Rarity swiped at her paw.
“No!” Rarity shouted. “It must stay perfect. Perfect.”
“Umm, okay?” said Daring slightly disturbed. “So are you sure this is enough to get past the crowd?”
“Why of course darling,” said Rarity before noticing a small box on the dining table. “Oh no!” she said rushing to it.
“What’s wrong?!” said Octavia jumping up.
“I forgot to deliver the package!” said Rarity while holding the box that had the longcoat from yesterday inside.
“What’s in it?” said Vinyl taking a quick peek before Rarity glared at her. “Just wanna check, geez.”
“So what is it?” said Octavia curious about the box’s content as well.
“It’s my latest client’s product,” Rarity said opening the box and taking the long robe out as Octavia’s eyes grew wide at the sight of the familiar attire.
“Who asked for this?” said Octavia her eye twitching.
“How many times must I say this,” moaned Rarity with frustration. “Sometimes I just make the outfit instead of knowing what’s it for. But this outfit still is missing the symbol that the client requested I stitch on the hood.”
“And just out of curiosity what does this symbol look like?” said OCtavia scratching her mane nervously.
“Oh like a triangle with a curved bottom, why?” said Rarity seeing Octavia’s nervousness. “Is something wrong?”
“What do you mean what's wrong? Why would you think something's wrong? I’m not acting suspicious! Your acting suspicious! What’s a longcoat!?” said Octavia finding herself in a corner by being stuck between a vanity desk and stand.
“Umm, well Octavia dear it’s a coat you see that has a tail to it,” said Rarity. “And that’s why it’s called a longcoat.”
“Oh,” said Octavia coming out of the corner. “Um, that’s interesting.” A few moments of silence passed.
“Well,” said Rainbow Dash breaking the silence. “I think we should get going.”
“Let me just finish this stitch and done!” said Rarity having quickly stitched the symbol on during the silence. “Alright, Sweetie Belle! I’ll be back in a bit!”
“Ok!” said Sweetie Belle from upstairs before returning to her sister’s diary. “Today Miss Cheerilee was wearing the most scandalous hat.”
“Okay, you three ready to head out?” said Daring as the others nodded. “Let’s do this, I just hope Pinkie has the crowd under control.
“I got a five hundred bits, a set of teeth, and a scooter,” said Pinkie still auctioning off the glasses.
“Five hundred and two bits, a slice of peach pie, and a nice smelling hat!” said a mare.
“And I got a five hundred and two bits, a slice of pie, and a nice smelling hat.”
“Pinkie whatever are you doing?” whispered Rarity to Pinkie.
“Auctioning!” she whispered back. “Going once, going twice-”
“Twenty thousand!” said voice from behind the crowd. Turning around after a gasp everypony saw Filthy Rich standing with a scowling Twilight.
Everypony decided that twenty thousand was out of their price range and trotted away grumbling.
“Going once, going twice, sold to Filthy!” said Pinkie as Filthy groaned inwardly.
“Thank you Miss Pie but I believe those belong to Miss Yearling, speaking of which where is she?”
“Cough,” said Daring with a blush.
“Miss Yearling? Well I can barely recognize you!” Filthy said giving the glasses back.
“Well that’s the plan Mr. Rich,” said Rarity with a hint of pride in her voice. “I present to you Mistress Dazzle!”
“Dazzle?” said Twilight confused.
“It was my mother’s maiden name,” said Daring. “But what are you doing here Princess Twilight? I thought you and Mr. Rich were taking care of the press.”
“Well we were doing that, but when it was over we couldn't find you,” replied Twilight as Rainbow Dash and Pinkie whistled. “Luckily Fluttershy was able to tell us what you were doing,” she said pointing at Fluttershy who was hiding behind a tree. “That’s when we saw Pinkie auctioning Yearling glasses. So could you please explain why you girls left?”
“We’re trying to find unkie Humble,” said Pinkie jumping off the crate she was standing on and taking her mustache off. “But you were to busy talking to the camera ponies.”
“Aww Pinkie,” said Twilight nuzzling Pinkie. “You have to understand I’m a princess now and I have responsibilities.”
“I Know but, my unkie Humble,” said Pinkie nuzzling back.
“I know and since I’m done with the press I think I can spare a few moments to help find your unkie Humble. I already have some guards looking for him-omph!” said Twilight as Pinkie brought in into a hug.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” said Pinkie jumping up and down with Twilight.
“Mo throme,” muffled Twilight.
“Huh?” said Rainbow Dash.
“No problem,” said Twilight gently pushing Pinkie away. “Now how about we head over to the docks, Mr. Rich are you coming?”
“I’m afraid I must return home, I have to let my investors know that there is no issues,” said Filthy with a nod and started trotting toward his house but not before noticing the hood of Rarity’s longcoat slipping out of it’s box his eyes widening at the sight of it.
“Um, excuse me Miss Rarity,” said Filthy calmy. “But might I ask what who that outfit is for?”
“Outfit?” said Rarity before seeing the hood slipping out. “Oh my! Thank you Mr. Rich, my client would be horrified if they found mud on it.”
“And whose they?” said Filthy curious.
“For the last time I don’t know the owners,” said Rarity with slightly annoyed. “Oh, Before I forget again Mr. Rich, I’m terribly sorry about how Sweetie Belle, umm, encouraged assaulting your daughter.”
“Don’t worry, it’s all in the past,” Filthy said trotting away.
“Well,” said Twilight. “Now that that’s over lets head out. Come on Fluttershy!”
“Coming,” said Fluttershy as she flew to her friends who were on the road down to the docks. “I’m sorry about telling on you girls.”
“Aww, don’t worry about it Fluttershy!” said Pinkie happily. “We forgive you, right Rainbow Dash?”
“Huh?” said Rainbow Dash. “Oh right, we forgive you.”
“Oh thank you,” said Fluttershy with a smile as they descended the hill towards the port.
The Ponyville docks was a medium sized port built solely for the increasing trade that had been flowing in ever since news of castles popping out of the grounds reached tourists and citizens alike. But this day instead of the transference of Hayburger toys from Ponet and water from lakes was instead a closed off area where there was a royal investigation going on.
“Ugh,” said Rarity as the smell of sweating damp ponies hit her nostrils. “What is that smell?”
“I think it’s that crate of air fresheners,” said Twilight pointing at a crate marked air fresheners.
“Sweat damp ponies,” read Pinkie reading the contents. “Neat!”
“Who would in their right mind buy that?” said Rarity gagging.
“Oh!” said Fluttershy noticing another open crate, this time full of carrots. “I’m sure nopony would mind if I took one for Angel,” she said reaching for the carrots.
“Step back!” said a blonde maned stallion guard who had a white coat and a spear with a sunrise behind it for a cutie mark.
“Eeep!” said Fluttershy as the guard galloped toward her before stopping right in front of her.
“So what do we have here?” growled the stallion. “A thief? Or perhaps a accomplice towards todays crime?!”
“Eepp!” said Fluttershy as tears started welling up in her eyes as her friend heard her cry came galloping towards her.
“First Lieutenant Bright!” shouted Twilight as the stallion jumped in front of her.
“Stay back my majesty! We have found a possible accomplice to the crime!” growled Bright as he bared his teeth at Fluttershy who merely whimpered with quivering lips.
“Fluttershy?” said Pinkie rushing past Bright and holding Fluttershy. “Fluttershy it’s ok, I know you didn’t want too! Did they threaten you if you didn’t help foalnap unkie Humble!? I’m so sorry!” she sobbed into Fluttershy's mane.
That was the breaking point for Fluttershy.
“I admit it!” cried Fluttershy as the others stood shocked. “Rainbow Dash told me that you wouldn’t mind if we stole money from your purse mommy!” she said before breaking down into sobs as Twilight sighed with relief before glaring at a whistling Rainbow Dash.
“What?” said Rainbow Dash. “I was seven and the cost for seeing the wonderbolts was five bits.”
After calming Fluttershy down, Bright apologizing and Fluttershy accepting, the guard explained who he was.
“First Lieutenant Bright Sky, leader of her majesty Princess Celestia’s royal solar guard at your service,” Bright said shaking Fluttershy’s hoof. “I’m sorry again about scaring you miss, it’s just been a stressful day what with the foalnappings, riots, and-”
“Me,” said a mare’s voice.
Turning around the group saw a bat pony mare behind them with a messy violet mane and guard armor which partly covered her cutie mark of a sword with a crescent moon behind it pointing upwards.
“Hello Bright,” said the mare smirking.
“Comet,” said Bright with piercing eyes. “What are you doing here?”
“Is that how you greet a lady?” chuckled Comet . “Where are my manners? Greetings Princess Twilight,” she said bowing. “I am her majesty Princess Luna’s head bodyguard and leader of the lunar guard, first lieutenant Comet Tail.”
“A pleasure,” said Twilight nodding.
“Don’t trust her Princess Twilight,” hissed Bright. “She’s a viper.”
“Aww, well aren’t you a mares stallion Bright,” chuckled Comet as Bright snorted. “Don’t worry your silly little head, the only thing I will do is showing the best of what the lunar guard has to offer.”
“The solar guard is the best of the best!” retorted Bright.
“Umm, excuse me?” said Daring grabbing both guards attentions. “But why are two different types of guards in the kingdom of friendship?”
“Well Celestia and Luna decided that until I’ve assembled my own, that both of their respective guard leaders will help me make up one,” explained Twilight. “But have you two found anything yet?”
“Please tell me you found the boaty my unkie is on,” sniffled Pinkie.
“My men found the boat’s owner,” said Bright as he walked them past a couple of regular guards. “A elderly stallion by the name of-”
“Get your shiteface out of my liquor!” said a gruff elderly voice.
“Wait I know that voice,” thought Octavia sniffing the air. “Hard liquor, sea spray, old timey swear words? it can’t be,” said Octavia running behind beyond the group. “Wave Crasher!?” she said looking at a elderly stallion with a wrinkly blue coat, a rough looking beard and mane of white, and finally a cutie mark in the shape of a ship’s wheel.
“Well squeeze lemon on me and call me the griffon emperors dinner, if it isn’t little Octavia Melody!” said Wave getting up and hugging Octavia tightly as the smell of his onion sandwich hit Octavia. “It’s great to see you again!”
“It’s good to see you too Wave,” gagged Octavia. “You could really use a mint.”
“Octavia, you know this stallion?” said Twilight.
“Yes, I-”
“Aye!” said Wave. “Her father and I were shipmates on the Wolfbane.”
“Octavia I didn’t know your dad was a sailor,” snickered Vinyl while Octavia just groaned.
“Mister Crusher,” said Bright. “If we could please get back to where we were.”
“Aye, I will once those two landsuckers,” Wave said pointing at two solar guards drinking from a jug. “Stop drinking me liquor!”
“Best of the best huh?” said Comet with a smirk while Bright groaned.
“Hmm,” said Fluttershy worried.
“What’s wrong Fluttershy?” said Twilight.
“Well me remembering stealing from my mom made think of how Derpy is doing.”
“And the little muffin realized that he was home, the end,” said Derpy finishing her story to Dinky who just laid happily by her mothers side on her bed at their house. Dinky was let go into the care of her mother and afterwards was brought home safely while they waited for any news on Time Turner to appear.
“That was a nice ending,” said Dinky hugging her mother. “I love you mommy.”
“I love you too muffin,” said Derpy kissing Dinky’s forehead. “Now you just get some rest.”
“Mommy?” said Diny tugging on her mother’s fur. “Will Scootaloo and the doctor be fine?”
“Scootaloo’s safe at home and the doctor will be right here when you wake up,” said Derpy smiling. “Now go to sleep.”
“Ok momm-zzzz,” said Dinky as Derpy giggled before turning on the night light and closing the door behind her.
Downstairs sat Carrot Top who was watching television with Zecora.
“I still don't know how the egghead can afford this,” said Carrot Top. “But I like it!”
“Why does he fight?” said Zecora confused at show they were watching. “Does he not know might does not make right?”
“Come on Zecora,” said Carrot. “It’s just a show and-oh Derpy,” she said seeing Derpy coming from downstairs. “How’s Dinky?”
“Yes how does the little one fair? She seemed so scared,” said Zecora.
“I got her to go to sleep but I’m still worried about the doctor,” signed Derpy. “I mean he’s never had surgery before.”
“Aww, I’m sure he’s alright,” said Carrot Top patting the seat next to her. "Come on and watch some television with us."
"Well I suppose watching a bit wouldn't hurt," Derpy said sitting down next to her friends.
As the mares watched the intro to a show play the blue shed outside stood motionless awaiting the return of it's master.
“And that’s when I said, “if you’re gonna use butter, don’t stuff it up there all at once!” laughed out loud Daring’s grandfather to a listening seventeen year old Humble Pie in a baby blue tux and black bowtie as they sat in the former’s living room waiting for Daring to put on her outfit for prom as a bouqet of flowers sat on a coffee table.
“I, uh, didn’t know dairy products could fit there,” chuckled Humble nervously as he quickly checked the grandfather clock in the corner. “So, uh, how’s the business been doing?”
“Oh, the M.I.T?” said Daring's grandfather as he ate a cracker. “Pretty good, pretty good, we just got a new cappuccino machine in the Fillydelphia branch headquarters.”
“Oh, that’s nice,” said Humble stretching his neck to see if Dazzle was coming down yet only to hear the sound of the doorbell ring. “That must be Coil.”
“I’ll get it!” said Arrowhead as she came downstairs in a green and yellow dress that had a v shaped dip in the front. “How do I look?”
“Like a watermelon,” said Ace as he trotted past her.
“Ace!” said Arrowhead as she fretted over the dress.
“Ace!” said Dazzle’s grandfather. “Don’t listen to him honey, you look like the most beautiful melon ever.”
“Thanks grandpa,” said Arrowhead as she opened the front door to a black tux and bowtie wearing Coil with flowers in his hoofs.
“Hiya Arrowhead!” said Coil holding the flowers out for Arrowhead. “My mom said you would like these!”
“Aww, that’s so sweet,” said Arrowhead taking the flowers. “I’ll go put these with the rest, do come in,” she said gently putting them into a closet with the sign, “gifts from colts” on it.
“Hiya Coil,” said Daring’s grandfather who Coil waved back.
“Hi Coil,” said Humble as Coil sat down on a couch. “So how was your mom with the news of you going to prom?”
“Oh, she reacted ok,” said Coil. “But she did insist on me taking this bottle of apple juice and only having it to drink,” said Coil taking a sip out of it. “Mmmm, apples.”
“Well then, how about you boys talk while I check on Artemis, kay?” said Daring’s grandfather before a gentle hoof came down upon his shoulder.
“How about I check on her grandpa?” said Arrowhead with a smile. “I think this is more of a sisterly job,” she said trotting up the stairs.
“Hmm, ok,” said Daring’s grandpa sitting down. “How about I tell you boys about the time I put hot sauce in the one of our factories water coolers?”
Meanwhile in Daring's room,
“And done!” said Daring as she finished putting on her eyeshadow and pouted her lips in the mirror.
“Nicely done,” said Arrowhead startling Daring, causing her to fall to the floor with her sapphire blue dress. “Hahahaha!”
“Shut up!” said Daring throwing a pillow from her bed at Arrowhead who dodged real quickly.
“Whoah! Watch out sis.”
“What are you even doing up here?” said Daring checking to see if her combed mane was ruined. “Isn’t Coil coming soon?”
“The guy’s downstairs with gramps...you alright?” said Arrowhead slightly concerned.
“Yeah, why?” said Daring as she drew a heart breaking in the mirror with lipstick. “Why would you think something’s wrong?”
“Umm, how about we talk for a sec?” said Arrowhead trotting over to the bed and climbing ontop of it.
“Sure,” said Daring trotting over to her sister. “What ya wanna talk about?”
“Come on Dazzle,” said Arrowhead chuckling. “Isn’t it obvious? You're having a problematic romantic oh my.”
“A what in the who now?” said Daring with a tilted head.
“Or P.R.O.M,” said Arrowhead.
A few seconds passed in silence.
“Gramps gave me a acronym book,” said Arrowhead with a shrug. “I had a doctor appointment and nothing else to read.”
“Oh, well I can tell you Arrow I don’t have any “P.R.O.M” problems,” said Daring folding her arms. “I’m just concerned with my appearance is all. Does my mane look good?”
“It’s grayscale like always,” said Arrowhead ruffling Daring’s mane till Daring pushed her away.
“Arrow stop, do you know how long it took to get my mane like this?”
“Too long,” said Arrowhead with a smirk before seeing Daring’s face turn downward. “Aw, come on I was only joking.”
“It’s not that,” signed Daring as she trotted back over towards the mirror.
“What’s the matter?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Nothing like a certain coltfriend?” said Arrowhead trotting over to Daring who didn’t respond. “Is that what this is about? A colt?”
“Hey, he’s a stallion!” said Daring.
“Oh? And how would you know?” said Arrowhead smirking.
“Well-wait not like that!” said Daring lighting up like a volcano. “I-I-mean his age, umm.”
“Relax,” said Arrowhead slapping Daring on the head. “I know you and Humble wouldn’t do anything like that, you’re not daring enough. So how about you tell me what’s on your mind?”
“What if he laughs!” said Daring burying her muzzle into a pillow.
“At that piece of celery on your teeth?”
“What celery!?” said Daring rushing to the mirror to find the wayward vegetable.
“Joking! But seriously, what do you mean if he laughs?” said Arrowhead before starting to brush Daring’s hair into a nice style.
“You know,” said Daring looking around to see if anypony would hear them. “That I can’t... dance,” she whispered softly.
“Pfffft, please Dazzle,” said Arrowhead tying Daring’s mane into a nice bundle with a black mane clipper. “Do you really think Humble, the colt-” she said before a nasty look from Daring stopped her. “-Stallion that utterly adores you and most likely restraining himself to worship you at your hooves, cares that you can’t dance?”
“Well, yes,” said Daring as Arrowhead finished. “I mean weren’t you nervous when you went to prom with your date?”
“Yeah, but my date was just a stupid old crush, your’s I can tell is much more.”
“You think so?” said Daring as Arrowhead nuzzled her.
“Yes, when Humble sees you tonight he won’t be examining your dance skills, he’ll just be enjoying spending time with you.”
“Thanks sis,” said Daring nuzzling Arrowhead.
“Course he might just wanna get into your stable too,” said Arrowhead with a chuckle as Daring just expressed a flat face. “Kidding, kidding.”
“Why can’t you just let us have a special sister to sister moment?” said Daring as she playfully punched Arrowhead who just giggled.
“Now where would the fun be in that?”
“Dazzle! Dazzle’s sister! Can we please get going now? I promised my mom I would be home in two hours!” said Coil from the bottom of the stairs.
“Coming Coil!” said Daring before looking back at Arrowhead. “By the way Arrow, thanks for agreeing to take Coil as a date.”
“No prob, I understand the little guy needs some popularity boosting,” said Arrowhead with a shrug. “Might be a good lay too.”
“Arrow! He’s too naive and young for you to take advantage of him like that!”
“Sheesh, you and Humble act like parents to him when he’s around other ponies. I was only joking,” said Arrowhead smiling. “Course when he gets older-”
“Arrow!” said Daring with a frown. “Don’t have “that” with Coil!”
“Joking! lets get going, I wanna have some non spiked punch,” said Arrowhead as she and Daring left the room and headed downstairs.
“And that’s why milk is now available to everypony,” said Daring’s grandfather as he finished his story.
“That’s...nice,” said Humble as he saw Daring coming downstairs. “Wow, Dazzle you look am-amazing.”
“Hehehe,” giggled Daring as she blushed from the compliment. “You look nice too Humble.”
A few moments passed before Humble spoke.
“Oh! I, umm, g-got this for y-you,” stammered Humble giving Daring the bouquet of flowers.
“Oh, they’re love-what’s this?” said Daring noticing what appeared to be a golden stem before closer inspection revealed itself to be a golden pen with the words “It’s always an adventure with you” inscribed onto it. “Oh Humble, it’s beautiful,” said Daring as she kept back a sniffle and blushed when Arrowhead winked at her.
“Told ya he’s a keeper,” whispered Arrowhead.
“Well then,” said Daring’s grandpa getting up. “I think it’s-bringggg! Bringgggg!”
“Bringggg!”
“Huh!?” said Daring as she shot up from the guest bed to the sound of the alarm clock on the nightstand going off. “Oh, it was only a dream,” she said hitting the snooze button.
“What’s in the dream silly?” said Pinkie from under the bed.
“Oh, just the time I got my golden pen,” said Daring as she headed over to the mirror to get ready for the day. “...Ahhhhhhh!” she screamed so loud that it made the house shook.
“What’s wrong!” said Carrot and Cup Cake as they slammed the door open while still in their pajamas.
“Why is she in here!?” said Daring pointing to Pinkie who was waving.
“Pinkie what are you doing in miss Yearling’s room?” said Cup Cake. “You know it’s not polite to watch ponies when they’re sleeping.”
“But why do you do it with Poundcake and Pumpkin then?” said Pinkie bouncing around the room.
“Well, umm, because their foals?” said Carrot.
“And they sleep like babies?” said Pinkie.
“I guess so.”
“Then I was watching Daring because she was sleeping like a baby!” said Pinkie as she dropped her logic bomb upon the group.
“Well she’s got a point there,” said Carrot before glares from Cup Cake and Daring made him reconsider his direction of talking.
“Anyway, why were you really spying on me?” said Daring, narrowing her eyes at Pinkie.
“I wasn’t spying silly,” said Pinkie patting Daring on the head to her chagrin. “I was about to wake you up when the alarm went off.”
“Okay, and the fact that you were under my bed?”
“I wanted to surprise you!” said Pinkie while Daring facehoofed.
“Listen kid, I appreciate the thought-wait a second. What time is it?” said Daring as she a terrifying thought dawned upon her.
“Oh it’s eight-thirty,” said Carrot checking the alarm clock.
“.......”
“We’re gonna be late for the train!” said Pinkie as she too realized the problem. “We have to get going!” she said before racing to the bathroom with an equally fast Daring behind her as they brushed their teeth, combed their manes, got packed, brushed Gummy and Slit’s teeth all under three seconds and while Daring rushed to eat breakfast, Pinkie decided to say goodbye to the Cakes.
“Hngggg!” said Carrot and Cup Cake as Pinkie hugged them. “Pinkie-”
“I’ll miss you so much! Tell Poundcake and Pumpkin I’ll miss them too when they wake up.”
“Pinkie!” said Cup Cake as the couple got out of the hold. “It’s only eight-thirty. Some guards came by and told us the train won't leave till nine-thirty because they’re making sure it’s safe for Twilight.”
“They are?” said Daring as she gulped down some oats. “But we need to get too Manehatten now! I’m heading to the station, you coming kid?” she said marching out the store.
“Yep!” said Pinkie as she got the luggage, Slit, and Gummy. “Lets go! Bye Mr. and Mrs. Cake!” she said as she bounced along Daring as they headed over to find the others.
“Have a good time in Manehattan Pinkie!” said Cup Cake as she and Carrot waved goodbye.
“Bring me back a t-shirt!” said Carrot before getting a confused look from his wife. “What? I want people to know I heart Manehattan...sorta.”
Meanwhile at Carousel Boutique,
“Alalalallalalaa!” sung Rarity as she washed her mane before the sound of the bathroom’s clock interrupted her singing. “Oh my, I must hurry if I wanna join the girls on time!” she said getting out the shower and setting the blow dryer to fast mode. “Aww, much better,” she said combing her mane and coat before checking to see if there was any pre plague in her pearly white teeth. “Perfect! Now just to put on my make up on,” Rarity said as she pointed the brush towards her eyelashes with the aiming of a master archer. “Careful, careful, and t-”
“Rarity!” said Sweetie Belle bursting into the bathroom door.
“Sweetie Belle!” said Rarity putting away away the makeup. “How many times have I told you to knock before entering, it’s a good thing I’m used to it or I would have eyeliner down my face.”
“Sorry,” said Sweetie Belle rubbing her neck. “But I was wondering if I could borrow some of your makeup.”
“Now Sweetie Belle you know I only let ponies borrow my beauty products if it’s only an emergency,” said Rarity rubbing her lipsticks from the griffon territories like they were a baby in need of soothing.
“But it is an emergency,” said Sweetie Belle getting onto the ground at Rarity’s hooves. “Please?”
“Now what emergency is so great-wait a second what are those behind your ears?” said Rarity as she plucked two plastic cards from Sweetie Belle’s ears.
“Umm, nothing?” chuckled Sweetie Belle nervously.
“Ponystop cards?” said Rarity reading the words on the card. “Good for thirty bits worth of products? Now why would you have-oh!” she said as realization dawned upon her while Sweetie Belle coughed and blushed. “I see,” Rarity said with a smirk. “You want to look good for Button don’t you?”
“Maybe,” said Sweetie Belle pawing gently at the floor. “I thought with Apple Bloom being grounded and Scootaloo resting that I thought, I don’t know, say hi to Button?”
“Awww,” said Rarity pinching Sweetie Belle’s cheeks. “That’s adorable.
Meanwhile back at Twilight’s castle,
“Hmmm,” said Spike as Twilight was packing their stuff for the train.
“What’s wrong Spike?” said Twilight. “Did I forget your toothbrush?”
“No. I just have the strangest feeling Rarity was pinching cheek that’s not mine...also why are you packing?” said Spike confused.
“Oh, yeah,” said Twilight remembering that she forgot to tell Spike about what had happened. “Umm, Well you see Humble got foalnapped-”
“What?!”
Back at Rarity’s,
“Did you hear that?” said Sweetie Belle. “I think I heard Spike shout what.”
“Must be a bird,” said Rarity waving it off. “Anyway Button huh? Ok Sweetie Belle, as your big sister it is my responsibility to help you with your crushes so go ahead and take the makeup you need.”
“You're the best!” said Sweetie Belle rushing over to the drawers. “Oh! Can I try red!?”
“No,” said Rarity darkly. “It’s not your color, how about a light pink?”
“Ok!”
After doing a heavy design makeover project the new and improved Sweetie Belle stared slack jawed at her appearance.
“I’m beautiful!” said Sweetie Belle admiring herself. “And to think all you did was a tiny bit of blush!”
“No job is too small for me,” said Rarity with her hoof to her chest. “Now you be good for mom and dad while I’m gone, ok?”
“ I can’t come with you after saying hi to Button?” said Sweetie Belle confused. “But you said that I could go with you on your next adventure!”
“I’m sorry Sweetie Belle but you’re far too young to go with me. Besides, it’s not an adventure just a trip-wait a second, didn’t mom and dad ground you for two days for fighting?” said Rarity with a glare. “Are you even allowed to be here?”
“Umm, well you see,” said Sweetie Belle nervously. “it’s funny because I, umm, please don’t make me go home!” she said begging at Rarity’s hooves. “I don't get that much free time away from Apple Bloom and Scootaloo to even say hi to Button!”
“I’m sorry Sweetie Belle,” said Rarity shaking her off. “But I just can’t let that happen,” she said turning around briefly to zip open her first vanity luggage. “Now head ho-huh?” she said noticing a note where Sweetie Belle was.
“Dear Rarity,
Pinkie taught me how to write super fast a few weeks ago and I’ve decided to test my skills along with my vocabulary book you got me for hearth warming eve by saying that YOU CAN”T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!
love, Sweetie Belle
P.S red is my color!”
“Ugh,” groaned Rarity as she put the note in a drawer. “That filly needs to learn that there is more to life than silly things like colts,” she said returning to her packing before gasping. “She took my red lipsticks!” Rarity cried. “Noooooo!”
As Rarity cried over her missing beauty products,Rainbow Dash was getting ready for the day just as carefully,
“Ehhhh!” Rainbow Dash yawned getting out of her bed and heading to the bathroom to get ready. “Meh,” she said looking into a reflection of her frazzled mane and crust covered eyes. “Good enough,” she said getting some breakfast.
Meanwhile, Fluttershy was setting up the arrangements for her animals while gone,
“And Harry the bear likes it when you hug him from the side and then turn softly to the front,” said Fluttershy to a list reading Bulk Biceps.
“Yeah!” said Bulk Biceps.
“Good, now you be good for Bulk Biceps Angel,” said Fluttershy nuzzling the frowning rabbit. “Well I’m all packed, thank you again Bulk,” said Fluttershy as she flew out with small bag of luggage.
“Yeah!” said Bulk Biceps from the porch as Big Mac passed by on his morning trot and headed back to the farmhouse to find Applejack eating at the kitchen table.
“So Big Mac while I’m gone helping find Humble, I need you to make sure Apple Bloom stays inside unless she’s doing chores alright?” said Applejack bitting some leftover apple cobbler from last night.
“Eyeup,” said Big Mac getting a slice of toast.
“Good, speaking of Apple Bloom, where is she?”
Just then the sound of one of the upstair’s door opening and shutting rang throughout the house along with the sound of hoovesteps down the staircase till the appearance of a flat faced Apple Bloom still in her pajamas appeared.
“Morning Apple Bloom,” said Applejack only to receive a silent reply. “So I’m going today.”
“What’s going on?” said Apple Bloom.
“Well-”
“Big Mac what’s going on?” said Apple Bloom with a hmph while Applejack just rolled her eyes.
“They’re going to rescue that Humble feller from being foalnapped to Manehattan,” said Big Mac as he put some butter on his dry toast while Apple Bloom and Applejack stood with their jaws wide open.
“What!?” said Applebloom shocked at the news. “What do you mean-”
“Humble got foalnapped!?” said Sweetie Belle poking her head inside the kitchen window. “How did that happen!?”
“Darn it Big Mac, I didn’t want them worrying about this!” growled Applejack. “And Sweetie Belle what in tarnation are you doing outside the kitchen window?”
“I was heading to see Button but then I wanted to see if Apple Bloom knew where you and Rarity are all going since she won’t tell me,” explained Sweetie Belle as Apple Bloom helped her inside. “But I didn’t think Humble was foalnapped!”
“Is he okay? Can we come and help?!” said Apple Bloom to Applejack before remembering that she was giving her the silent treatment. “I mean, hmph!”
“Huh?” said Sweetie Belle confused. “Why are you-”
“He’s been rustled,” interrupted Applejack. “And that’s why ya’ll are staying here. I’m not letting my baby sister getting foalnapped while we go rescue Humble who is going to be perfectly fine.”
“You never let me go on your adventures,” muttered Apple Bloom.
“Now ah gotta head to the train station,” said Applejack putting on her saddle bags. “Now give me a hug goodbye.”
“Hmph!” said Apple Bloom looking away with her arms crossed.
“Ah, come on Bloom,” said Applejack getting close to her sisters face. “Does my little sis not want her hug?” she said nuzzling Apple Bloom who was desperately trying to get away.
“No!” said Apple Bloom pushing Applejack away.
“Fine, but don’t you be trouble for Big Mac or granny,” said Applejack as she started walking out the door. “Sweetie Belle you can have my cobbler,” she said trotting out the door. “Bye everypony!”
“Bye Applejack!” said Sweetie Belle with her mouth stuffed with cobbler.
“Hmph!” said Apple Bloom again.
“Eyeup,” said Big Mac trotting over to get an apple while Apple Bloom watched him till he left the room to go do his chores.
“Pssst!” said Apple Bloom to Sweetie Belle who was drinking some apple juice. “Sweetie Belle!”
“Yeah?” said Sweetie Belle looking up. “Is somthing wrong?”
“No, well maybe, I don’t know,” signed Apple Bloom. “It’s just Applejack!” she said throwing her hooves up into the air.
“What’s wrong with you two? You always hug Applejack when she goes on a trip.”
“Ugh, she grounded me for fighting Diamond Tiara even after she found out what she said about Dinky’s dad! Can ya believe that?”
“Tell me about it,” said Sweetie Belle putting away her dish. “My parents grounded me for two days-”
“Two days?!” shouted Apple Bloom. “Applejack grounded me for a week and called me immature!”
“What!?” said Sweetie Belle shocked. “But you’re the most mature of us all!”
“I know right? I mean even Scootaloo didn’t go into chimera infested swamps!”
“Hey!” said Scootaloo from outside the window with a bandage on her head where she had bled. “I could if I wanted too, but I was too busy distracting Applejack!”
“Scootaloo what are you doing here?” said Sweetie Belle helping her in. “I thought you’d be in bed from yesterday.”
“Well my parents wanted me to stay inside because they didn’t think it was “safe” for me outside because of my concussion so I snuck out Apple Bloom,” said Scootaloo frowning.
“I’m Sweetie Belle.”
“Oh yeah, so why are you here Sweetie Belle?”
“You won’t believe this! I came here to find out why Rarity and the others are going on trip when Big Mac said Humble got foalnapped and taken to Manehattan!” said Sweetie Belle freaking out.
“What?” said Scootaloo freaking out as well. “Humble got foalnapped and Big Mac spoke!?”
“Eyeup,” said Apple Bloom. “And she who not will be named is going off to rescue him.”
“She who not will be named?” said Scootaloo confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Applejack! She thinks I’m immature because I got into a fight with Diamond Tiara!”
“Even after she heard the stuff that snob said?”
“Even then!” said Apple Bloom putting away her dishes. “She just doesn’t understand, even after I did the whole pie cart thing she still thinks I’m immature and both her and Rarity think me and Sweetie Belle are too young to go on their adventures!”
“Tell me about it,” said Scootaloo sitting down at the table. “Everytime I ask Rainbow Dash to with her on her adventures she either laughs it off or tells me I’m too young.”
“If only their was a way to convince them that we are mature and perfectly capable of going with them,” said Sweetie Belle hitting the table.
“Wait a second! That’s it!” said Apple Bloom perking up. “I know how we can get them off our backs!”
“How?” said Scootaloo putting her head down on the table. “Nopony will even let us leave our houses.”
“I’ll explain on the way,” said Apple Bloom washing her hooves.
“Where are we going?” said Sweetie Belle as Apple Bloom stood in the doorway.
“We’re going,” said Apple Bloom with devious grin. “To Manehattan.”
As the two other fillies widened their eyes, Daring had arrived at the train station to find her attempt to hit the two guard leaders halted by the most dreaded thing ever: the press.
“Miss Yearling!” said a stallion with a feather topped hat as Daring waded past the mob of paparazzi who saw her as she and Pinkie trotted towards the train station. “Is it true that you know Humble Pie?”
“Miss Yearling!” said a mare with a camera. "Is this a publicity stunt for your new book?”
“Please stay away from me,” growled Yearling as she pushed past the crowd with Pinkie posing for the pictures every step of the way till they came to a guard who was standing at the foot of the platform. “Excuse me, but I’m here for the train to Manehattan.”
“Sorry miss, but the train station is being inspected by security,” replied the guard stoically.
“Ugh!” groaned Daring. “Are you kidding me!”
Just then the crowd of ponies started taking pictures in a different direction.
“Hey where’s everypony going?” said Pinkie as she balanced on ball. “You haven’t seen me balance plates!”
“Princess Twilight!” said the same stallion from earlier. “Has there been any new evidence to suggest that Humble Pie and a Mister Time Turner are connected?”
“I can assure everypony,” said Twilight as she and Spike moved through the crowd. “That we are doing our best to find the connection on why somepony would hurt Mister Time Turner and foalnap Humble Pie,” she said reaching Pinkie and Daring. "Now please clear so the other passengers can board please.
As the press left, Daring watched as Twilight sighed with relief.
“So,” said Daring getting up. “Are we going now?”
“Not yet, we still have to wait for the girls. Oh, there they are now!”
“And I had to buy a whole new set of lipstick!” said Rarity as she trotted along with Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack.
“We know,” groaned Rainbow Dash. “You made us wait twenty minutes so you could find the right shade.”
“Howdy Twilight, Pinkie, Spike, and Miss Yearling,” said Applejack as they approached them. “How did ya’ll sleep?”
“Like a baby,” said Daring flatly. “Can we go now?”
“Hold your carriage Miss Yearling,” said Night Comet as she trotted out of the train. “We still have to make sure everything is ready, besides we’re still loading Miss Rarity’s fainting couch.”
“And my music equipment,” said Vinyl as she and Octavia came forward pulling a cart full of their stuff. “I’m gonna need to have the right tech if I wanna beat those snooty east coast Manehattan djs.”
“Um, what are you talking about?” said Rainbow Dash. “You guys aren’t coming.”
“What!?” said Octavie as Vinyl spat her soda out. “But I was the one who fou-saw the foalnappers and helped Wave talk with us!”
“I think what Rainbow Dash is trying to say is that we appreciate your help Octavia, you too Vinyl,” said Twilight trotting over to them. “But we can handle it from here.”
“But why is Yearling going then?”
“Well, umm, we know Miss Yearling can handle herself,” said Twilight remembering who Daring was. “But we can’t allow, umm, normal citizen like yourselfs with no combat experience come along with us.”
“Aww, we can handle ourselves,” said Vinyl hitting a wall. “Ouch!”
“But-” said OCtavia.
“Don’t worry, Humble is going to be fine,” said Fluttershy with a smile.
“Speaking of hooves,” said Cloud coming out of the train. “Lets move them, we’re getting ready to leave and the other passengers have boarded already on the other side of the train.”
“Well I guess it’s time to go, come on everypony,” said Applejack as she trotted inside with the other’s following her.
“Bye everypony!” said Pinkie as Slit and Gummy waddled behind her.
“Don’t worry, we’re the guards. We’ll handle it,” said Midnight to Octavia and Vinyl before closing the door.
“Well I guess we gotta go-what are you doing?” said Vinyl as Octavia trotted behind the train.
“Sneaking onto a train,” said Octavia as she climbed the ladder to the roof.
“Cool! Help me up!”
“Vinyl, you can’t come,” said Octavia with a sigh. “It’s much to dangerous for you.”
“But-”
“This is not open for discussion!” said Octavia form the top of the caboose. “I’m sorry but go home!”
“But-you know what? Fine!” said Vinyl with a frown. “I didn’t want to go on your stupid adventure anyway,” she said turning around and trotting away.
“Vinyl-” But by the time Octavia turned around after opening a ceiling latch, the disc jockey was gone. “She just has to be so complicated,” she grumbled before jumping into the hatch and into an empty crate. “Well might as well get comfortable, It’s gonna be a long trip.”
Meanwhile outside the train,
“So can you tell us about your plan to get us to Manehattan now?” said Scootaloo as Sweetie Belle trotted behind her with Apple Bloom at the front.
“It’s simple, we’re gonna board the train, arrive in Manehattan, and find Humble before anypony else does! That will make everypony believe we're mature and able to take care of ourselves.”
“That’s great!” said Sweetie Belle.
“Why thank you Sweetie Belle, and it only took me three secon-”
“Oh no, the plan is flawed, what I mean is that’s great!” said Sweetie Belle pointing at Button who was playing with his gamecolt on a bench. “Button!”
“Huh?” he said looking up. “Hi Sweetie Belle!”
“Oh no,” said Scootaloo facehooving. “They’re gonna slow us down with their mushy talk!”
“Sweetie Belle we don’t have time for Button right now!” said Apple Bloom. “We gotta go.”
“Where are you guys going?” sid Button.
“To Manehattan, wanna come?” said Sweetie Belle with a smile.
“Sweetie Belle!” shouted Apple Bloom and Scootaloo. “Don’t tell him where we’re going!”
“Sure!” said Button causing Sweetie Belle to beam while ignoring her friends. “We can see Gamecon when we get there! Mom won’t take me since she got banned from it when she got into a fight with the creator of Only one Left over the ending to the game.”
“I’m still conflicted over that,” said Sweetie Belle with her head down.
“Um, Sweetie Belle?” said Apple Bloom. “Can we talk with ya for a sec? Alone?”
“Ok, one sec mashy!” said Sweetie Belle trotting over to her friends while Scootaloo slightly threw up in her mouth. “What is it?”
“You told him where we’re going! Now we have to bring him or else he’ll tell...everypony,” said Apple Bloom as she realized what was going on. “You told him on our purpose!” she hissed.
“This is because of the no boys rule for the Cutie Mark Crusaders isn’t it!?” said Scootaloo. “I won that case their and square!”
“First off you bribed Pinkie with cookies and Miss Derpy with muffins, second we're taking him!”
“Fine!” said Apple Bloom. “But he better not slow us down!”
“Button you can come!” said Sweetie Belle to a nose picking Button.
“Ok!” he said getting up. “So, um, how are we getting there?”
“Yeah I’m wondering that too,” said Scootaloo.
“Just follow my lead and let me do the talking,” said Apple Bloom as they came to the stallion guarding the train.
“Halt!” said the stallion. “What are you four doing here?”
“Oh, you weren’t told?” said Apple Bloom with faux surprise. “Our parents are on the train already.”
“But my mom’s at ho-ouch!” said Button as Sweetie Belle pinched him.
“Sorry mashy,” said Sweetie Belle.
“Hmm, well how about you take me to them?” said the stallion as he led the four to the section of the train filled with the regular passengers. “Where are they?”
“Uhhh, there!” said Apple Bloom pointing at a couple in the corner of the cabin.
“I should probably tell them I found you-”
“No!” said Apple Bloom halting the guard. “They, umm, have blindmutieeitis?”
“Yeah! If you tell them we were outside being young, they’re gonna go blind and mute for ten hours!” said Scootaloo.
The guard stood there for a minute before finally signing.
“Yeah, my cousin has that too. Alright, well be safe,” said the guard exiting the train.
“Huh, that was easier-oh for Celestia's sake they’re playing video games while sitting next to each other!” said Scootaloo while Button and Sweetie Belle ignored her. "You guys are in public!"
“Get used to it,” said Apple Bloom as she took a seat. “It’s gonna be a long ride,” she said feeling the train’s whistle and the jolt of it starting it’s journey as Ponyville left their view.
Humble sat thinking of a way to escape with a growling stomach and sleepy eyes from having rested on the cold floor of the floor after Stale and Lemon had come back from the diner and gone to bed without feeding him. But try as he might nothing came too him.
“I still can’t believe that a cup of coffee cost five bits from that place last night,” said Stale coming out of the cabin, startling Humble from his thinking. “That’s just plain riverway robbery!”
“Well maybe you should’ve read the prices better,” replied Lemon as he started the engine. “I’m gonna go adjust my tech, you keep watch,” he said heading back into the cabin.
“Yeah, yeah,” said Stale looking out into the river as he lifted the anchor and started sailing down the river again. “Ehhh,” he signed taking out a old soap pipe he had “borrowed from Filthy when he wasn’t looking but instead of putting liquid lavender inside the pipe he instead took out a small bottle filled with a dark green liquid he had acquired while doing a job in Prance. Pouring the mysterious emerald colored water into his pipe he lit a match and started smoking it.
“Yeah!” Stale said puffing out a small green cloud. “That’s the stuff!” he said as Humble listened with curiosity before the sound of the river drowned out any further investigation.
“Wonder what he’s so excited about,” said Humble taking one last look at his surroundings before wondering how he could get out. “Hmmm, think Humble. What would Coil do?”
“Butter yourself up!” said a image of Coil in Humble’s mind.
“Don’t have any butter, how about Pinkie?”
“Use your imagination silly!” said a image of Pinkie.
“Hmm, ok. Con Colt what would you do?”
“Convince them it’s fun to be tied on up,” said a image Con Colt.
“Well even though they do look like they might have that kind of fetish, I don’t think they’ll fall for it,” said Humble before thinking again. “Think Humble, think! Ohhh-Aghh!” he shouted tripping over a barrel. “Ouch!” he cried out in pain. “ How can I not see that-wait a second, that’s it!” Humble said looking at the rooms walls. “I’ll sneak out and lock the door behind them when they come in, but wait then how do I escape the boat? I’ll be spotted by anypony-not unless I use the barrels!” he said getting under one. “I think this will work quite nicely.”
So Humble sat still in the barrel hearing the sound of the river and the occasional swearing from Stale till after hours of sitting a slimmer of light came from the porthole.
“Huh?” Humble said getting out of the stick container and dragging himself over to the window. “Wha-eh!” he said as a gleam of light blinded him. “What is that?” Humble said looking off into the distance to see the shining tip of the head of Manehattan reflecting the light of the morning sun. "Well I guess I'm home," he said as the door opened...
“Ermmm,” Time Turner said as he awoke on the hospital bed. “Where am I?”
“In a bed, egghead,” Carrot Top said as Dinky, Derpy, and Doctor Horse smiled around Time’s bed.
“It’s great to see you awake!” Dinky pounced onto Time and wrapped him in a hug.
“Huh? Dinky? Derpy? What are you girls doing here?” Returning the hug, Time Turner heard a snort from Carrot Top. “Oh, you too.”
“Don’t you remember, Doctor?” said Derpy, hugging him too. “You got injured at the Daring Do convention.”
“Well things are a little fuzzy-ow!” A sharp pain hit his head
Dinky looked up. “Are you alright, Doctor?” she asked, holding him tighter. “Don’t worry, my hug will heal you!”
“Hehehe, it's alright, Dinky. I’m just achey is all. But, um, if you could stop hugging me so tightly I might feel a teeny bit better.”
“Ok!”
“Well that achey feeling is probably just the morphine wearing off,” Doctor Horse said. “I’ll see that the nurse refills it for you so you can rest.”
“Rest? What are you talking about? Can’t I leave today?”
“Nope” Doctor Horse trotted over to a screen, pinning pictures of a skeleton onto it. “Here are your x-rays.”
Dinky tilted her head at the x-ray picture. “It looks like what Pipsqueak was last year for Nightmare Night.”
“As you can see, this area right here...”Doctor Horse pointed at at a crack in the ribcage. “...Was damaged by a blunt force impact.”
“impact?” Time Turner grew more confused by the second.
“Don’t you remember?” Derpy bit her lip as Time Turner shook his head. “What’s the last thing you do remember?”
“Well, I was at the Daring Do convention listening to A.K. Yearling when I felt something weird, and after that, nothing.”
“Hmm.” Doctor Horse tapped his chin with a hoof. “Ah! I know what went wrong, I thought it was just a gleam, but see right here?” he said, pointing to a small crack in Time Turner’s skull. “It appears that you must have landed head first, resulting in a mild concussion .”
“So why can I remember some things but not other things?”
“Like what?”
“Like for instance, um, Derpy, I have a screwdriver, right?”
“Yep! You always keep it close.”
“Exactly, but now I can’t remember why I even have one.”
“What about the shed?” said Carrot Top.
“Shed?” Time Turnersaid. “What shed?”
“You know the ‘don’t-touch-it-or-the-universe-will-explode’ shed?” she said. “It’s blue, has windows, any of this ringing a bell?”
“I don’t remember anything about a blue shed.” Time Turner frowned. “But back to the matter at hoof, why can’t I leave?”
“Well due to a odd infection in your upper chest area we are taking you to a specialist in Canterlot.”
“Canterlot?” Time Turner said. “So I have to go to this specialist to get rid of it?”
“Pretty much.” Doctor Horse shrugged.
“But don’t worry Time. Dinky and I are going to go with you,” Derpy said much, to Dinky’s delight and the other adult’s confusion.
“You are?”
“Yep!” Derpy smiled brightly. “I’m gonna stay with an old friend there.”
“Well if you’re going, I guess I have to come, too.” Carrot Top put her hoof on Derpy’s shoulder. “You always get lost in big cities.”
“Well, I guess if nopony here minds, well why not?” Time Turnersaid. “I’d be happy to have to you come with me, Derpy!”
“I bet you would.” Carrot Topsnickered.
“What?” Derpy and Time Turner said.
“Oh, nothing,” Carrot Topsaid with innocent eyes. “I’m gonna take Dinky to get some frozen yogurt from the cafeteria, wanna come, Doc?”
“Well I’m kinda injur—”
“I meant the real doctor,” Carrot Top said to Time Turner’s chargin.
“Oh I’m afraid I have to see other patients.” He then left the room.
“So long doctor!” said Dinky hugging Time before trotting out with Carrot Top.
Realizing they were both alone with each other caused the fog of awkwardness to roll into the sterile room.
“So, umm, Derpy?” Time blushed. “How have you’ve bee—Omph!” Derpy hugged him and wept.
“I-I’m sorry!” she cried out. “It’s all my fault!”
“Rib broken!” Time choked out..
“Oh, sorry!” Derpy let go of her hold. “You alright?”
“Yeah I’m fine,” he said, rubbing his side. “But what’s this about your fault?”
“If I hadn’t asked you to take my muffin to the convention, you wouldn’t have been hurt! It’s all my fault! She sobbed into her hooves.
“Now, now, don’t be sad.” Time patted Derpy on her mane. “You had no way of knowing this would happen. I mean, when was the last time something like this happened in Equestria?”
Blowing her nose, Derpy looked up with a chuckle. “Yeah, I guess you’re right, but I’m still gonna be with you all the way.”
“How’s Dinky doing?”
“She saw you get hurt.”Derpy laid her head onto the bed. “The doctor says she’s doing well, but I had to change her sheets last night after she had a nightmare.”
“Aww, I’m sure she will be alright.” Time stroked Derpy’s mane.
“Maybe, but I asked Doctor Horse if there was any foal therapists in Canterlot.”
“What did he say?”
“There’s a few but it takes time to schedule appointments.”Derpysighed. “I just want my muffin to be happy,” she said with a sniffle.
“Don’t worry, everything will be okay. How about you and I go join the others for frozen yogurt?”
“Alright.” Derpy wiped traces of tears from her eyes. “Let me get your wheelchair.”
After the Manehattan Express left the Ponyville station, the seven friends and Daring went to the royal cabin, which was really just renamed first class cabins.
“Oh, this will simply not do!” Rarity said as she looked at the main room. “Bronze silverware? Red drapes with blue walls? It’s a travesty!”
“Calm down, Rares.” Applejack put her luggage down next to a coffee table. “It could be worse.”
“Miss Rarity,” Railrunner said. “If you’ll follow me, I can take you to your cabin.”
“See? You’ve got your very own cabin.”
“Well, I suppose that is a benefit— What the?” Rarity said as Railrunner showed her the room that was the size of an ordinary walk-in closet. “My closet is bigger than this! And are those—”
“Bunk beds!” Pinkie bounced into the room. “Great news, Rarity! We’re roommates! I call top bunk!”
“Oh Celestia, no.” Rarity cringed, then gave a sharp glare to Applejack.
“Uh, sorry?” Applejack rubbed her neck.
“Now, girls, it’s only for tonight.” Twilight came out of the room she was sharing with Fluttershy. “I think we all just need a little snack.”
As the rest of the girls trotted over to the kitchen car, Rainbow Dash quickly glanced around to see if anypony was looking, before glancing back into her much larger room filled with fainting couches and a large, comfortable-looking bed.
“That will teach you not to make us spend twenty minutes getting lipstick.” Rainbow Dash giggled, then hurried to catch up with her friends.
Apple Bloom watched the scenery roll by outside the train’s window.“So Dinky’s gonna be alright?”
Scootaloo nodded.“Yeah, my parents said that he and the Doctor are gonna be fine.
“Good, but now I’m worried Button is gonna explode if he doesn’t use the bathroom.” Apple Bloom pointed at Button, who was squirming nervously in his seat.
“Alright.” Button stole a quick glance at Sweetie Belle.” “Time to say it.”
But what if she laughs? thought Button’s inner gamer. She’ll dump you like those girls in that sim game!
“That’s because we spent too much sim money on flowers instead of chocolates! Now shut up!”
“Shut up what, Button?” Sweetie Belle asked.
Oh no, you were thinking aloud! Button’s inner gamer shouted.
“Um, nothing. Sweetie Belle. Say, I was wondering something.”
“Yeah?”
“Um, would you like to, umm.”
Oh my Celestia! thought Sweetie Belle’s inner filly. Is he finally gonna say it?
“Would you move into my minecraft house?”Button said, waiting to hear the sound of rejection.
He did! inner Sweetie Belle squeed.
“Of course I will!” Sweetie Belle hugged Button to the sound of “awws” from around the cabin and the sounds of Scootaloo loudly gagging.
“Trust me, folks, it gets annoying.”Apple Bloom groaned. A sound from behind startled her.
“Tickets, please!”Railrunner trotted into the cabin with her ticket clicker.
“Dang it!” hissed Scootaloo. “What are we gonna do, Apple Bloom?”
“Don’t ya worry, I got a plan.”
I don’t have a plan! Ok, calm down Bloom, you can do this. Apple Bloom looked around the cabin for any escape routes.
“Well?”
“Umm-”
“No!” Button blurted. “My Joyboy! Where is it?”
“I think it fell under the seat,” Sweetie Belle said, helping him look for it. “But it’s too dark down here. I can’t find it.”
“That’s it!” Apple Bloom said. The light bulb above her blew up in a surge.
“Ahh!” a stallion screamed seeing if he got any sparks on him.
“Everypony calm down,” Railrunner said, trying to prevent a panic.
“Perfect! Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, Button, get under the seats!”
“But the floors are sticky!” Button whined.
“Just do it!” Scootaloo said. She and the others got under the seats just as Railrunner reached them.
“Hmm, I thought I heard a noise.” Railrunner checked the light bulb. “Hmm, okay everypony listen! Everything is gonna be alright! I’m gonna talk to the guards,” she said, leaving the cabin.
“It worked!” Apple Bloom said from under the seat.
“Ahh!” screamed Scootaloo.
“What’s wrong!?”
“Something’s touching me!”
Apple Bloom groaned. “That’s me Scoots.”
“Oh.”
Looking up, Button’s eyes sparkled at what he saw. “Cool! Free gum...and a bit!” He put the bit under his hat and the gum in his mouth.
“Yeah, he’s a keeper alright,” Scootaloo said.
Sweetie Belle blushed.
Meanwhile, in the first class dining car, Rarity finished the pre-lunch toast.
“And that is why I deserve a bigger room…. Ah, no offense, Pinkie.”
“No problem!”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Can we eat now?”
“Why, of course.”
“Oh, thank Celestia!” Daring dug into her hayburger.
Thinking this would be the best time to ask her idol more questions, Rainbow Dash spoke up. “So, Yearling—”
“Call me Dazzle.” Daring wiped ketchup off of herself.
Awesome!
“So what can you tell us about yourself, Dazzle?” Twilight asked, taking a bite into her hayburger.
“But Twilight, we already know about the daring and the doing,” whispered Pinkie loud enough for Dairng to hear.
“She’s right, what else would you possibly want to know?”
“Well I’m curious about your past.”
“Oh, you wouldn’t want to know that.”
“Oh, please? We would ever so like to know.” Fluttershy bit into her salad.
“Well alright, you see my mother’s name was Dazzle, and when she and my father vanished the—”
Tthe other mares did a spit take.
“What do ya mean your folks vanished?” Applejack said, shocked at the announcement
“I can never imagine a thing like that,” Fluttershy said with her hoof on her muzzle.
“Now, now, don’t get all riled up.” Daring frowned.
“But, darling, your parent—”
“Are not here,” Daring said, causing the others to drop it. “Anyway, I was raised by my grandfather alongside my older siblings in New Fluereans.”
“Huh?” said the group, never having heard that name.
“Oh sorry, New Horseleans for you tourists.”
“Oh, I’ve never been to New Horseleans,” Rarity said with a sparkle in her eye. “I hear some of the best Prench designs come in there.”
“Well I wouldn’t know much about that,. I was busy playing in swamps with Humble—” It was at that moment Daring realized she had said too much but she also knew she would need to continue or risk arousing suspicion. “Humbleness? Yes I played in swamps with humility.”
“I play in swamps too!” Rainbow Dash said wanting to impress Daring. “Right, Fluttershy?”
“Oh, I don’t know, Rainbow Dash. When I asked you if you wanted to give throat messages to the toads and frogs you said you were busy helping Applejack two weeks ago,” Fluttershy replied.
“Ya’ll never helped me! All you did was sleep in one of the trees!”
“Um, well you see, uh, hehehe.”
Rainbow Dash tried for twenty minutes to convince Daring of her ficticious work ethic.
Hmm, something’s weird here, Pinkie thought as she went back to her cabin after finishing her lunch.. “I should investig—Oh! Her butterknife-sharp attention was distracted by the only thing that could break her attention —not counting birds, parties, foals, clouds, clowns, and frowns— for what she saw amazed her: a bit.
“Oh, shiny!”
As this went on for a few hours with Pinkie finding change here and there, a pony in the caboose had just awoken from her cramped nap.
Octavia had been trained in her childhood by her father to be the perfect assassin. He always said the same things at the end of each lesson: never take the life of an innocent, always hide in plain sight, and never compromise the brotherhood. These tenets made up her order’s sacred creed and her pride in her father. But now, as she laid inside a crate, the only emotion she felt was annoyance.
“Well, this is nice,” she said sarcastically, looking out through a hole in the crate. “Now what to do?” Her growling stomach provided the answer. “Okay, well I’m famished, I knew I should've eaten breakfast this morning. What to do, what to—”
The door of the caboose opened to Railrunner talking to Cloud and Midnight.
“So please tell us what happened again, Miss Railrunner.” Midnight took out a notepad.
“Well I saw the two stallions go to the bubble pipe section after I punched their tickets, and as I trotted past a chair earlier, one of the light bulbs blew up.”
As Night wrote this down Bright asked his own questions.
“And do you know anything about the stallion Humble Pie?”
“Who?”
“You know, the one with the alligator.”
“Oh, him. Guy thought he was a comedian or something.”
“Hmm.” Night finished her scribbling. “Well we appreciate you at least trying. You can return to your station.”
“We should head back too, Midnight,” Bright said before all three ponies left the room.
Octavia held her breath till the door finally closed and breathed deeply in relief as the feeling of her rumbling stomach reminded her about her food situation.
“Well there’s not enough hay in these crates to make a good meal.” An idea struck her. “That’s it! If I can sneak to the kitchen car, I can grab something to eat.” She lifted herself out of the crate and opened the back door to the caboose to the chilly night and, realized she should have brought her luggage aboard as well.
“Brrr!” she said, wrapping her hooves around herself, happy that the train blocked most of the wind. “Note to self, when traveling in on a train as a stowaway in the winter, bring a scarf.”
Down a few cars, the Cutie Mark Crusaders and their plus one were being in the state of starved and bored, the latter being only Apple Bloom and Scootaloo.
“Ugh.” Button put down his joyboy. “I’m hungry!”
“Me too.” Scootaloo looked out the window. “Apple Bloom, do you have any food?”
“What makes ya’ll think I got any?”
“Well you and Applejack are always making something apple related,” Sweetie Belle said..
“Well, I suppose if I had a few apples I could make us something.”
“But where would we find any?”
“Food!” Get your food!” Railrunner said as she came down the aisle with a cart of snacks. “Freshly made in the gallery!”
“Hmmm, I got it!” Scootaloo said as the cart and Railrunner disappeared. “We’ll sneak into the galley!”
Back on top of the train, the wind whipped at Octavia as the it chugged through a snow covered forest causing snow to hit Octavia.
“And I thought it was bad the first few seconds!” Putting a hoof in front of her, she marched forward, coming to the first space between the caboose and the next car. She saw the gravel from the railroad being kicked up by the sheer speed of the train as it rushed under it in a river of stones. “Okay, Octavia you can do this.”
Climbing back a few steps, she got in her pre-jumping position. “One, two, three!” Galloping forward as the air roared in ears, she saw a problem in the form of the Appleachian mountain’s tunnel.
“Oh Celestia,” she said, jumping off the caboose and onto the next car. “Better hurry!” Jumping car after car she saw that her time was limited.
“Just a little further. . .There!” she said, backflip onto the bridge between the gallery and passenger car just as her view turned pitch black except from the light inside the train. “Time to eat.”
Her eyes widened at the sight before her when she opened the door. Wooden stoves, fridges, cabinets that were stacked with items used in only the finest of meals... but what really caught her attention was what stood in the middle of it:, a bowl of chocolate pudding.
“Oooh!” Octavia said, rushing to the bowl with a gluttonous sparkle in her eyes. “And it’s all mine—”
A sound of a spoon falling stopped her victory dinner as she saw Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Button staring right up at her with their faces full of frosting.
“Miss Octavia?” Button said, drooling at the sight of the pudding. “Can I have some?”
“Miss Octavia, what are you doing back here?” Scootaloo gnawed on a carrot.
“Um, well you see—Wait a second! What are you four doing here?”
“Oh, nothing.” Sweetie Belle blushed. “Just you know, uhh—”
“We were eating all the food even though we’re not supposed to!” sobbed Button as the grueling interrogation got to him. “We ate cookies, candy, ice cream, peas that tasted good, and a haybuger in the refrigerator! And-and we aren’t supposed to be on the train in the first place! Just please don’t tell my mom or she’ll take away my Joyboy and not let me see Sweetie Belle!” Button finished his sob story into Octavia’s now-damp coat.
“Seriously?” moaned Scootaloo.
“All right, Miss Octavia, you got—” Apple Bloom stopped when she noticed something on Sweetie Belle. “Sweetie Belle, what’s that brown powder on your hooves?”
“Powder?” Glancing down, Sweetie Belle squeaked, quickly lying down to hide her hooves. “Umm, nothing?”
Just then, a bright orange glow showed from the right side of the fridge as the fire burning from a poorly made cake spread to the counters.
They screamed.
Not again! Button thought, remembering the pancake festival.
The passenger side door of the car opened, revealing Railrunner.
“What’s going on here—Fire!” Rushing to a nearby fire extinguisher, Railrunner put out the fire as three of solar guards bursted into the room.
“Hold yourwelf!” a still-buzzed solar guard said. ‘We herf screamin.”
“Oh no,” Octavia said as the guards surrounded them.
Rarity came in. “Excuse me, I know we just ate but the mini blueberry pies you made was just so scrumptious I have to have another...one?”
Sweetie Belle waved nervously while chucking at the sight of her sister. “Hi, Rarity.”
Looking around the burned kitchen. Rarity’s eyes widened before being covered in a blanket of blackness as she fell onto her fainting couch.
“Excuse me, everypony,” Twilight said as she came into the kitchen. “I heard shouting and wanted—” She saw the sight of the burnt kitchen and the stowaways in the middle of it. “Oh no.”
After Twilight explained things to the guards, Octavia, the three fillies, and Button were allowed to stay on. Unfortunately this meant that instead of being imprisoned they would suffer a much worse fate: a lecture.
“I can’t believe ya’ll!” Applejack trotted back and forth of the crowded living room car as Octavia, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Button held their heads down. “I mean really, sneaking onto a train?”
“But—” Sweetie Belle was shot down by a glare from Rarity. “Nevermind.”
“I mean I can expect this sorta thing from these youngins, but you, Octavia?”
Twilight stepped forward. “She’s right Octavia, what were you thinking, stowing away on the train after we told you we had the situation handled?”
“I’m sorry for not listening to you, Twilight, but I’m going to help you find Humble whether or not you want me too.”
“So are we!” Scootaloo said.
“You go, Squirt!” Rainbow Dash said from the coffee table. “Fight the power!”
“Rainbow Dash, stop telling Scootaloo to do stuff! Now, you all listen. You're going home the second we get to Manehattan! I mean Button and Scootaloo, do you know how worried your folks must be?” Applejack said.
“A-and her name is Scootaloo,” Scootaloo’s father said. A guard wrote the information down as Scootaloo’s mom cried quietly in the corner of the City Hall’s lobby.
“And my baby boy’s name is Button Mash,” Love Tap said as her husband rubbed her back. “He likes video games and—”
The officer put his hoof up. “Ma’am we just need to know their names, colors, and cutie marks.”
“And what about our Sweetie Belle?” Hondo Flanks wiped his eyes.
“Will our Sweetie Belle safe?” Cookie Crumble patted her eyes with a handkerchief.
“Yes Ma’am, I’m sure you kids will be fine.”
“Eyeup,” Big Mac said even though a bead of sweat was rolling down his forhead
“Oh no!” Button panicked. “What are we gonna do?”
“Calm down!” Apple Bloom said. “I’m sure your parents—”
“Not another word from you, missy!” Applejack said. “Oh, I bet Big Mac and Granny are gonna give you such a talking too!”
“No!” Apple Bloom shouted, causing taking Applejack aback. “I’m going to my room!”
“Ya’ll don’t have a room on this train!”
“Well-well, I’ll go to this one!” she said, slamming Rainbow Dash’s door behind her.
“Ugh! I’ll be right back!” Applejack trotted over to the room and went inside.
“So,” Rainbow Dash asked Octavia, “how was the pudding?”
Applejack walked around the room, stepping around fainting couches until she came to Apple Bloom curled up on Rainbow Dash’s bed.
“Apple Bloom?”
She heard a small sniffle from Apple Bloom. “Go away.”
“Apple Bloom—”
“I said go away!” Apple Bloom threw a pillow at Applejack, who dodged it. “After all it’s what you want to do anyway.”
Trotting over to the bed, Applejack got onto it and rolled over to Apple Bloom’s side. “What on Celestia’s green earth are you going on about?”
“You know.” Apple Bloom rolling towards the wall. “Ya always go on adventures now, you never bring me along, and you never help when Diamond Tiara makes fun of me or my friends. It’s like you don’t even care.”
“Aw, Bloom.” Applejack snuggled up to her sister. “I do care, and I’m sorry that I don’t seem to help ya when that filly hurts your feelings. Tell you what, I’ll talk to Filthy—”
“It’s not just that!”
“Well what else is it?”
“You act like you’re supposed to be them!”
“Act like-oh.” An anvil of realization drop on Applejack.
“Yeah.” Apple Bloom turned around and snuggled into her sister’s hooves. “I didn’t even know them that much.”
“I know, I know.” Applejack stroked Apple Bloom’s mane. “And I’m sorry if I act a little harsh at times, but I want you to be a strong mare.”
“I know.”
A few seconds passed as the sisters just laid there, hugging each other with only the sound of breathing and the chugging of the train.
Apple Bloom finally broke the silence.
“Applejack? Were they nice?”
“The nicest.”
“Pretty?”
“The prettiest.”
“Liked apples?”
“I think that’s a given.” The two girls chuckled at this.
“Do ya think they would be proud of me?”
“Aw, Sugarcube, they’d be the proudest of you.”
“You think?”
“I know.”
“....I’m sorry.”
“...Me too. Now you ready to come back out?”
“Can we just stay here for a while longer?” Apple Bloom looked up with a small smile.
“Of course.” The two sisters looked out the window and stared at the passing scenery in silence, comfortable with being next to each other.
Meanwhile back in the living room section...
“Please, Rarity!” Sweetie Belle laid right next to her sister’s hooves. “Please let me come with you to Manehattan!”
“No! The second we get there, I am sending you, Button, and Scootaloo back!”
“I’m afraid that’s gonna be a problem, Miss Rarity,” Cloud said as he came forward. “I was just talking to Miss Railrunner and she told me that the next train to Ponyville won’t come to Manehattan till a few days from now.”
“A few days?” Rarity fell onto her fainting couch but only slightly fainted before reawakening and bolting right back up. “So I’m just supposed to bring my sister and her friends to Manehattan?”
Fluttershy trotted up to help calm the situation.
“I can foalsit them, Rarity.”
“Oh, thank you for offering, but I couldn’t do that to you,” Rarity said with a half-hearted smile.
“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll make sure they’re safe from any dangers.”
“Well be good for Fluttershy!” Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Button said with innocent-looking puppy dog eyes.
“Well if you’re sure...” Rarity wasn’t fully convinced, but she was enough to agree to Fluttershy’s deal. “Alright.”
Twilight enjoyed that the situation of the smaller stowaways was resolved, but the more mature one required attention.
“And Octavia, I suppose we can allow you to come with us—”
Octavia perked up at this.
“—But you will have to pay for the pudding.”
“Wait a second,” Rainbow Dash said. “Where are they gonna sleep?”
“Oh!” Pinkie bounced up and down with her hoof up. “They can sleep with me and Rarity!”
Rarity’s fainted again before bolting up. “Certainly not! I mean, um, what with Button and all.”
“What’s wrong with Button?” Sweetie Belle glared.
“Huh?” Button looked up from his joyboy. “Somepony say something about me?”
“Well it’s just that, um, he’s a gentlecolt and sleeping with one of us is rather, erm, ungentlecoltlike,” Rarity said with a cough.
“Aww, don’t you worry about that!” Bright said with a chuckle. “The lad can sleep on one of our empty cots.”
“Oh yes.” Night smiled wryly. “Because nothing is safer for a colt than to sleep in a room full of intoxicated ponies.”
“Why not?”
“Duh, because it could send a bad message for our youth.”
“Night’s right, Bright,” Twilight said. “I don’t think Button’s parents would like it if he slept in the same room with you and your guards.”
“Aww, the squirt can sleep on my bed.” Rainbow Dash spun Button’s propeller hat. “I’ll just sleep on Rarity’s fainting couches.”
“I knew you took my room!” cried Rarity. “But it does sound like the best plan for him.”
“Wait, why does Button get to sleep-over with Rainbow Dash?” said Scootaloo worried.
“What do you mean squirt?”
“Well it’s just that I thought I was your number one fan.” Scootaloo pawed at the ground.
“Tell ya what kid,” Daring, who had heard the commotion from her and Applejack’s room, said. “Ya sleep wherever they tell you to, and I’ll give you a sneak peek at my next book.”
“Oh my Celestia! It’s A.K. Yearling!” said Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo said. Button was busy fighting the fifth-level boss of his game.
“Wait a second!” Rainbow Dash flew up to Daring. “Can I see it too?”
“Only if you take the kid here onto another one of those couches.” Daring smiled, then gasped for breath as Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo hugged her.
“Thank you, thank you!” the two said in unison.
“Yeah, yeah. Listen— it’s been a weird day so I’m gonna head off to bed, okay everypony?”
“Good night, Dazzle,” Twilight said as everypony waved bye to Daring, who slipped into the room where Slit was waiting for her on the left side of the room’s bed. As she went over to the bed she felt the emotional exhaustion getting to her, Daring got under the sheets with Slit moving to the ground next to the bed.
“Oh Slit,” Daring said, putting her glasses on the nightstand. “I hope Humble is fine.”
“Damn fog,” Stale said as he sailed up the coast to the Manehattan harbor. “At this rate I’m gonna hit a sailboat! Lemon!”
“Yeah?” Lemon momentarily stopped his gun cleaning. “What do you want?”
“You covered the boat’s name with a sheet right?”
“Yeah.”
“Well then go check up on Typy! I gotta steer this boat to the closet sewer entrance.”
“Alright.” Lemon trotted down stairs.
“Well I’m home.” Humble turned to the bent feather. He picked it up. “Coil will want you—Huh?” The sound of hoofsteps came from above. “Oh no!” Rushing to the barrel, he dove in just as the door opened.
“Wakey wakey, Mister Humble, we got a busy—Huh? Where are you?...”
Okay Humble, you got one chance at this.
Humble slipped past the door and closed it with a loud thud, locking it.
“Huh?” Lemon said twirling around. “Why you son of a—Let me out!”
“Sorry.” Humble galloped up-stairs, while holding the barrel until he came muzzle to muzzle with Stale.
“What the—Omph!”
Humble rushed past him and jumped off the boat with the barrel over his body, right into the icy waters.
The darkness of the water caused it to go pitch black inside the barrel. Down and down it went in to the abyss of the bay, the cold feeling like ice daggers being thrust in Humble’s lower body. “How deep is this river?” Humble said. His voice shook the barrel. What felt like an eternity was eventually put to rest as Humble felt the sandy ocean floor touch him. “Now I just gotta go...to the shore.” In his rush to get off the boat, Humble had made the mistake of not looking outward before jumping to see what direction the shore was, and with his air supply limited, it wouldn’t be long for the barrel to become a casket. “Humble, just calm down. All ya gotta do is wait-no that won’t work-huh? Did something just—Ahhh!”Humble’s barrel was pelted by a school of salmon. The barrel tipped over, and Humble was doused with piercing cold water that made his mane stand up. “Ohmgh!” He found himself under a blanket of darkness and fins before a net surrounded him and the fish. They squirmed around his body as it soared up to the surface and just when he felt like he couldn’t take any more, he dropped onto a wooden deck surrounded by stallions.
“Oy Navi!” said one of the stallions to an older one. “We got a swimmer caught in the net!”
“Now why would you swim in Manehattan Bay at this time of year, lad?”said the stallion as the world went black.
The snow fee of town. Curvy golden lines covered the walls, and the corners of the rooms were rounded by columdns. The floor was made of grey and white tile, and the tables were glass with water vases on them. The restaurants biggest window had the view of Manehattan Central Park with the trees and grass covered in a blanket of snow, but the four stallions at the table beside the window ignored it.
“Hehehe.” Mister Pike drank wine alongside Light Wizard, Prince Blueblood, and Fancypants. “I must say, lads, you three are quite humorous.”
“Yes.” Blueblood took a sip of his wine. “I suppose we are. Say, Fancypants?”
“Yes, my friend?” Fancypants looked up from his pasta. “Is something the matter?”
“Oh no, I was just going to ask how Fleur is.” Blueblood took a bite out of his breadstick.
“She’s good. In fact, she’s currently visiting her mother in Prance.”
“Oh that’s nice. Light, has anything happened to you?”
Light’s ears perked up. “Well, if you must know, your aunt has asked me to conduct a important experiment with the sun.”
Blueblood and Fancy Pants eyes widened a little at the mention of an experiment with the sun.
“The sun, you say?” Fancypants found the idea interesting. “And what would you have to do with the sun?”
“Well, apparently, we have found that another way to acquire conditions needed to conduct electricity.”
“Another way?”
“Yes.” Light wiped some alfredo sauce off his muzzle. “We believe it is possible to use the sun’s rays as a power source.”
“Interesting.” Blueblood took one last sip of his drink. “Well, gentlecolts, as much as I enjoy our time together, I must return to my place of residence.”
“Oh, come now, Blue,” Pike said. “How about staying for dessert at least? I hear there’s going to be muffins.”
Blue Blood's eyes widened suddenly before returning to their normal state. “Um, no thank you. I’m not much of a muffin pony.” With that, he trotted out of the restaurant.
“Oh well. How about you, Fancy?”
Fancy Pants looked down at the muffin in deep thought. “Um, I’m not a muffin pony either. Say I must get going—”
“Aww, you too?”
“Don’t worry my friend, I’ll be at the event.” Fancypants left, leaving Light and Pike alone. Pike’s face hinted at a smirk.
“What are you smiling at?” Light said, wondering what there was to be happy about.
“Oh nothing, Light, just the sight of a plan in motion. Speaking of which. I do believe we should get going. I have a discreet conversation I need with you. Waiter! Bill please.”
After Pike paid and tipped the waiter, they trotted outside, where the chill of the winter’s night confronted them.
“Brrr!” Light wrapped his hooves around his white coat, trying desperately not to freeze as Pike just stood there with his grey long coat open. “At this temperature my salvia’s going to freeze.”
“Pfft!” spat Pike. His spit hit the ground frozen and shattered on impact. “Huh, I guess your right.”
“It’s time’s like this I wonder why Celestia doesn’t bring the sun closer to us!” Light said, rubbing his hooves. “I hate the cold!”
“Oh horseapples!” Pike slapped Light on the back. “I love the cold! It calms the head and straightens the mind.”
“It also kills the nerves and freezes foals,” muttered Light as the two trotted up the street. “So what did you want to talk about?”
“Not here, let’s head to Central Park and talk.”
Light looked up. “Central Park? At this time of night? In this weather?”
Pike glanced at his hooves to see if they were purple yet. “Yes.”
“But we could get hyperthermia! Mugged!”
“Then we could die from the freezing cold and have our bodies desecrated. What’s your point?”
Light snorted. “I simply do not understand why we can’t—Omph!” Asnowball hit him. “What the—- Omph!”
“Come on, Light!” Pike laughed, throwing another snowball. “I thought you were supposed to be good at this!”
“Sir, I am much too mature to fight such childish games.” Light hmphed.
“That’s not what I heard from the newspapers about you and Coil’s street fight a few weeks ago.” Pike snickered as Light’s blood circulated to his cheeks.
“Um, I can explain that sir. You see—Omph!”
“Come on! try me with your best shot!” Pike said doing a little jig.
“Oh fine I’ll—”
“Nah, nevermind.” Pike put the snow down. “Lets continue on with our conversation.”
“Oh, um, alright. what did you want to talk about?” Light said as the two went under the gate entrance of central park.
“Wait.” looking around to see if anypony was following them, Pike sighed at the sight of no followers. “I want to talk about Templars.”
“Oh, them. What did you want to talk about them for?”
“I need you to become one,” Pike said as if asking a person to gently step aside.
“What? But sir—”
“No buts, Light. Listen, as long as they have the power, we need to rub up to them.”
“But sir,”Light whispered, looking to see if anyone else was there. “What about allying with the Assassins?”
“Aww, the brotherhood would never do it. But the order, on the other hoof, would.”
“Well I’m still not sure, It seems like a gamble.”
“I know it does, but we must do it,” Pike said with a dour grimace. “So will you?”
Light thought for a few seconds before nodding. “Yes. I’ll do it.”
“Splendid! Now then, we can talk about a lighter subject — such as that wristband I gave you.”
“And what happened next, grandpa?” said a seven year old Daring under the covers of the bed, surrounded by posters of jungles.
“Well, my dear, the little timberwolf realized he was home. The end.” Daring’s grandfather closed the book he was reading from. “Good night, child.” Giving Daring a nuzzle, he turned around but was stopped by Daring’s voice.
“Can you please read one more?” she begged.
“Oh I don’t know.”
“Pwease?” Her lips quivered.
“Well alright, silly, but first you gotta do one thing.” He smiled.
“What’s that?”
“Wake up.”
“Huh?” Daring bolted up from her bed. “Oh, it’s you,” she said to Pinkie’s smile.
“Yep, silly, and guess what!” Pinkie smiled wide.
“What?”
“We’re here!”
“Ehh?” Applejack said from her bed. What’s going on? Pinkie, why are ya shoutin?”
“Ehhh!” Apple Bloom stretch. “What’s with all the ruckus?”
“Just this.” Pinkie slid the drapes of the cabin’s windows open to reveal a snowy landscape with the city of Manehattan in the distance.
“Wow!” Apple Bloom rushed up to the window. “It’s beautiful.”
“I’ll say.”Applejack watched the landscape rush by.
Daring, however, was too busy squinting to see the coast of Manehattan to notice the beautiful view, “Hmm, huh?” She felt Pinkie poke her. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m just wondering why you're over here being all frowny.”
Daring looked away from the window. “I’m busy seeing if that ship’s out there.”
“Ohhh!” Pinkie’s curiosity was peaked. “So kinda like ‘I Spy’?”
“Huh?”
“Oh let me try! Hmmm, I spy with my little eye something...white!”
“Is it snow?” Daring trotted out of the cabin.
“Yep!”
“Hi, everypony!” Button, who was sitting at the table with Sweetie Belle had a bowl of non-burnt cereal with the cabin’s drapes closed.
“Hey, kid.” Daringpoured herself a cup of coffee. “What are you and, umm, what’s your name again?”
Oh my Celestia! thought Sweetie Belle. A.K. Yearling wants to know my name!
“S-Sweetie Belle, Miss.” Sweetie Belle held her eyes downward.
“And you, kid?”
“My name’s—”
“His name’s Button Mash!” Pinkie tried to get a sip of Daring’s coffee, but Daring kept it out of her reach.
“Oh right, you're the kid whose book I signed right?” Daring held her hoof against Pinkie’s forehead.
“Yef!” Button said with a mouthful of honeyed oats.
A yawn interrupted the conversation as Rarity came out, all sparkly and clean from the restroom. “Button, darling, don’t talk with your mouth full. It’s not polite, isn’t that right Pinkie?”
“Whaf yof say?” Pinkie said, chewing a muffin.
“Nevermind. Anyway, where’s Twilight? I thought she said she was taking a trot.”
“Right here, Rarity.” Twilight came out of the bedrooms room with Fluttershy, Octavia, Scootaloo, and Rainbow Dash behind her. “Good morning, everypony. Did you sleep well?”
“Like a foal.” Rainbow Dash flew over to a toaster with sourdough bread. “Isn’t that right squirt?”
“Huh?” Scootaloo rubbed the bags under her eyes. “Did you say something, Rainbow Dash?”
“Scootaloo, what happened?” Spike said as Apple Bloom and Applejack came.. “You look like Twilight when she stays up to read.”
“I couldn’t sleep with Rainbow Dash snoring last night.” Scootaloo got onto the booth.
“Then why aren’t Button or Octavia tired?” Spike waved a claw at them.
“Oh, I slept with the mix tape Sweetie Belle made for me. Ninety three thousand oats on the wall...” He went back to his game, still singing.
“And when you live with Vinyl as long as I have, you learn to adapt to loud noises” Octavia put a bag of tea into her cup.
Rainbow Dash pouted. “Hey I don’t snore that loud!”
“Dash, you kidding?” Applejack poured herself some oats. “Once, you snored so loud you caused a small earthquake and helped clear a good section of the orchard.”
Daring looked down at Scootaloo, who moaned with her muzzle into a bagel. Looking back at her coffee, she signed.
“Hey kid?” Daring poked Scootaloo to see if she was awake. “Kid?”
“Huh? Scootaloo wiped some cream cheese off herself. “Oh. Morning. Miss Yearling. Do you need something?”
“Here, try this.” She pushed the cup of coffee in front of Scootaloo. “Well, go on, drink it while it’s nice and hot.”
Scootaloo looked down into the cup at the brown liquid., hen the aroma of it hit her nose, she gagged. “Are you sure this is legal for me to have?”
Daring chuckled. “Of course, kid.”
“Can I have some?” Pinkie eyed the coffee with a fierce desire.
“No!” shouted both Daring and Twilight.
The room stopped and looked at them.
“I mean, you see, Pinkie, coffee was recently made illegal for any baker’s assistants to have,” Twilight said, glancing around.
“What? I don’t remember any law-Omph!” Twilight shoved a another gem muffin into Spike’s mouth just in time.
“It’s called the ‘no expresso for the baker’s apprentice law,’ and you know how important following the law is.”
“Alright.” Pinkie looked down when she realized she would not get coffee.
“Oh, it will be alright, Pinkie.” Fluttershy nuzzled her. “I’ll make you a nice hot chocolate.”
“Okay!”
Scootaloo went back to staring at the weird smelling beverage in front of her. Hmmm, well, I suppose one sip wouldn’t hurt. Right? Picking up the cup she took a gulp. The first sensation as it hit her tastebuds was one of bitterness and a high temperature. She would have spat the drink out if not for another sensation: the vanilla creamer making the flavour bearable, but then a sweet, sticky taste hit her as drips of carmel were absorbed into her mouth. Drinking the entire cup, she thought it couldn’t think it could get better, it happened. The caffeine buzz was slow at first, but then exploded into a world of colors and sounds as she felt time slow down to a near halt. She entered the blissful caffeinated high only coffee could provide.
“Um, kid?” Daring looked into Scootaloo’s eyes to see two constricted pupils. Scootaloo’s mouth had a drip of drool running down her face and the cup fell from her hooves, hitting the ground with a thud. “What the—”
“C-c-c-co-coffee.” Scootaloo got up from the booth.
“Huh?”
“Coffee!” she grabbed Daring by the head and shook her, all the while saying in a fast paced mantra, “Coffee! Coffee! Coffee!” She let go of Daring.
“Um, squirt?” Rainbow Dash flew over to Scootaloo. “You alright?”
“WhyIneverfeltbetter!” Scootaloo cackled madly. “ Ifeelgreatcoffeecoffee!”
“Um, I think you may have had a little too much.”
“Well at least she’s not as bad as Pinkie was on coffee.” Daring put away the cup.
Twilight’s ears perked up. “What did you say?
“What?”
“You said she’s not as bad as Pinkie. How would you know what Pinkie’s like on coffee?”
Daring’s pupils shrank as she realized her mistake. “Well you see... um.” But she couldn’t think of an explanation. Come on Daring, she’s gonna figure you out!
Just when it looked like Daring would have to come clean, she was saved by the sudden entrance of Midnight.
“Morning, everypony, Your Highness.” Midnight bowed. “We are about to pull into Manehattan Central.”
“Oh, letmesee!” Scootaloo rushed to the window to see the passing of the Buckylin Bridge be replaced by the sight of a marble building.
“It’s huge!” Sweetie Belle stared out of the window.
“It’s also one of the oldest train stations in Equestria.” Twilight remembered her studies in the timeline of Manehattan. “Built in-blah blah bla blah.” The sound of her history lesson fell on silent ears as the group stared at the inside of Grand Train Station.
Tiled floors reflected the fluorescent lighting onto the beige stone walls and rows of newspaper stands stood under them. Music filled the air as a symphony of harmonicas, guitars and the occasional bucket drum echoed through the space.
“Wow!” Pinkie said. “It’s freezing!”
And of course, the ice-cold weather pierced everypony to their bones.
“Well that’s ‘cuz you forgot your scarf.” Applejack tossed a polka-dotted scarf at Pinkie.
She wrapped it around her neck. “Aww, nice and toasty.”
“Please do be careful with that,” Rarity said, directing a group of guards carrying her couches out of the train. “That’s the fall collection.”
“Ugh, my head,” groaned a hung-over Lunar guard.
“Here you go, you guys!” Pinkie wrapped Gummy in a blanket (enchanted to make sure the reptiles stay warm) until only his nose poked out and put Slit into a bigger blanket.
“I’m freezing!” Button wrapped his hooves around himself.
“Oh, I know!” Sweetie Belle rushed to him. “I once read that contact with another pony—”
“Hahahaha!” Rarity laughed as she levitated a bag over to the two. “Don’t be silly, Sweetie Belle, Button can just wear one of my scarfs.”
“Nice!” Button opened the bag, and Sweetie Belle pouted. “They’re...pink.”
“And purple,” Rarity said.“I hope they’re not to big for you.”
“Uh, no. It’s just—” memories of his mom reminding him to be polite made Button change his sentence. “—That I, uh, think Scootaloo wants one!”
Scootaloo looked up with wide eyes. “What?Ididn’t—Omph!” A most girly scarf was thrown into her muzzle. Spitting it out, she looked at it. “Ugh,really?”
Rarity was taken back by this.
“Imean,Really?” Scootaloo said with enthusiasm.
Rarity beamed and looked away as Scootaloo face turned back into a frown.
“So, Twilight,” Spike said, putting on his winter beanie. “What are we gonna do now?”
“Well, first we gotta get you all to your accommodations,” Cloud said as he came out of the train. “You’ll be happy to know, Your Majesty, that you and your friends will be staying at the Mane Fair hotel in the penthouse.”
Spike scratched his head. “I don’t remember that hotel having a penthouse.”
“From what I heard, the M.I.T. bought it, renovated it, and added a spa,” said Twilight.
“That means Fluttershy and I wouldn’t have to miss our spa days!” Rarity said with a smile.
“Wait, wait, wait.” Octavia cut into the center of the group. “Shouldn’t we be looking for Humble and those thugs?”
Daring spoke up. “Yeah, you said they’d come by boat. For all we know, they could have arrived already.”
“Don't get your tail up into a twist,” Midnight said. “We’re going to go to the docks with the police just right after we—” the lights above flickered for a moment “—get you to the hotel?”
The lights flickered again before going out and making the station go dark.
“Ugh,” a stallion with a guitar said. “Must be another spark.”
“Another what?” Daring said as the emergency lights flickered on.
“A spark, ya know, as in Coil Spark?” The name exploded Daring’s mind. “Stallion’s always doing weird things in that apartment of his down on Trough lane.”
“Coil Sparks?” said Twilight tapping her chin. “Isn’t he that—”
“Uncle of mine!” Pinkie jumped in front of Twilight. “I forgot he and Unkie Humble live together here!”
“Like those boys in Rarity’s romance novels?” Sweetie Belle said, making Rarity blush.
“I, um, well you see, uh, I can explain!” Rarity waved her hooves.
“Sure you can.” Applejack snickered to Rarity’s increasing embarrassment.
“Heck if I know.” The guitar stallion shrugged. “All I know is the guy lives a couple blocks north of here—”
Daring burst out of the station fast enough to even impress Rainbow Dash.
“Where does she think she’s going?” Apple Bloom said.
“I don’t know, but follow me!” Rainbow Dash waved for the group to follow her.
The group rushed out the the station, leaving the guitar stallion to groan. “Tourists.” He then went back to playing.
Daring flew through the Manehattan air, passing many ponies navigating the busy sidewalks and airspace.
“Hey, I’m flying here!” a yellow, pegasus, stallion yelled as Daring flew in front of his flight path.
As Daring neared the apartment section of the city, a thought dawned on her.
Wait a second, she thought in midair. I don’t even know which apart—”
Rainbow Dash crashed into her, sending the two tumbling down into a snow bank next to a red apartment building.
“What are you doing?” Daring said, throwing Rainbow Dash off her. “I was thinking!”
“Whoa! Chill out, I was just wondering where you’re going,” Rainbow Dash said as the others caught up to them.
“I was trying to find Coil!”
Twilight saw that she had to calm the situation. “Dazzle, I understand you're upset. but you need to calm down. Please.”
Daring looked at the princess for a second before sighing. “Fine.”
“Good, now can you please tell us why you flew out like that?”
“I was trying to find this Coil guy, because he might know something about Humble being foalnapped. But I don’t know which apartment he’s in.”
Pinkie giggled. “Oh don’t be a panicky pony. Uncle Coil sent me a postcard of their apartment.” Plunging her hoof into her mane, Pinkie searched it ‘til she gasped and pulled out a crumbled picture of an apartment building. “It’s...this one!” she said, pointing at the apartment in front of them.
“Oh,” Rarity said as they looked at the building. “Well that’s quite convenient.”
Earlier that day,
The alarm clock of Vinyl’s room woke her up to the sight of her usually clean room in a mess.
“Huh? That’s weird, usually Octy—” Remembering the events of yesterday, she frowned. “Oh yeah. Pffft, who needs her? I can make my own clean room!” Putting her hoof to the floor, she felt something mushy. “Hey a slice of pizza!” Gobbling it up,she began her day.
On her way down the stairwell, she saw the pictures of her and Octavia hanging out. “So what if she doesn’t want me to come with her on her trip? I can have fun by myself.” Ten minutes later, she was bored out of her skull. “Ugh!” She threw a copy of Playfilly aside. “Even porn is boring!”
The doorbell rang.
“Coming!” Vinyl opened the door to Derpy smiling in her mailmare uniform. “Oh, hey Derp, whatcha need?”
“Got a letter for you!” she said, putting her head in her mailbag only to get it stuck.
“Here, let me help.” Vinyl pulled hard on the bag, and after a few moments was able to dislodge Derpy’s head.
“Thanks Vinyl, here’s your mail,” Derpy said, giving her a bunch of letters.
“Thanks, hey, I hope the Doc gets better.”
“Thanks Vinyl, I’ll be sure to tell him that later. See ya!” She flew off.
Closing the door, Vinyl checked to see what arrived.
“Junk, junk, bill, junk, oh my new copy of Disc Jockey monthly!” She opened it to the section on how to make your wubs sound better, and a small letter to dropped out of it. “Huh, what’s this?” She tore the envelope open and read.
“Dear DJ-Pon3, aka Miss Vinyl Scratch,
“I represent the M.I.K: the Manhattan Institute of Knowledge. We have accepted your offer to play at our announcement party. You will be given a first class ticket on board the next train to our city, which should be by tonight if this letter has gotten to you. If you wish to come, you are to present the ticket inside this envelope to the train’s staff and they will take care of the rest. You will be staying in a first class room at the Mane Fair Hotel. Hope to see you play,
TF.
Vinyl stood slack-jawed. “Oh yeah, Manehattan, here I come!”
“Awww,” Filthy said. “Lemon flavored.”
He was in the Rich house pipe room, a fancy little space with red walls and mahogany bookshelves. He sat on the only chair inside the room, a red velvet armchair with a tabl next to it for drinks.
The door opened, revealing Top Hat.
“Sir, a stallion is here to see you.”
“Tell him I’m busy.” Filthy snuggled in deeper into the chair.
“Sir, he seems very determined to see you. He told me to tell you the father of understanding guided him to you.”
Filthy almost choked on his pipe. “Um, nevermind, Top. Send him up, please.”
“At once, Sir.” Top bowed and headed back downstairs.
A few minutes later, the pipe room opened again to a new visitor.
“Enjoying yourself I see?” A dark green stallion stood in the doorway. He had a smug look that was not helped by the coal dull vest he was wearing ontop of his buttoned, white shirt . His cutie mark was of a chart with its arrow going up.
“Aww, Emerald...” Filthy got up, chuckling. “It’s been too long. Didn’t the Grandmaster send you on a mission to Saddle Arabia?”
“Yes he did.” Emerald looked out the room’s window and sighed. “In fact, that’s what I here to talk about.”
Filthy frowned. “Did something happen?”
“Yes. You know Kyle?”
“The griffon? Yes.”
“He was found dead a week ago,” Emerald said grimly.
“What? How did he die?” Filthy grew more anxious with each word.
“Apparently, when he was doing one of his daily flights he had a heart attack.” Emerald looked over some books. “Dead before he even hit the ground.”
“Did The Assassins kill him?”
“Hard to say. If they did, they did it with excellent timing. He fell into a canyon full of spikes so any piercing he received would be accounted for as natural.”
Filthy cringed. “A ghastly fate, but it still doesn’t explain why you're here.” A terrible thought came to Filthy’s mind. “They haven’t found out about me, have they?”
“Not to our knowledge, no, but the Grandmaster has sent a message to come back to Equestria.”
“Why?”
“We believe we have found a another one of the Pieces of Paradise in Equestria. Or, at the very least, a way to locate one.”
“Have our enemies figured this out as well?” Filthy put his head between his hooves.
“Possibly. Kyle was the one who knew what the writings we found in Poma were about.”
“And with his death goes our chance to find it,” groaned Filthy as Emerald nodded. “Now what do we do?”
Emerald shrugged. “Until new orders are given out, our job is to gain more foothold over Equestria.”
The memory of the robes came to Filthy. “That might be harder than it seems.”
Emerald’s ears perked up. “What do you mean?”
“About two days ago, I saw a package of assassin’s robes. Apparently they’re heading to Canterlot.”
“Canterlot?” Emerald said, he took a step back. “We must alert the Grandmaster! He could be in grave danger.”
“I already sent a letter a day ago. With luck, it will reach him in time.”
“These assassins.” Emerald looked up. “What are we gonna do about them?”
“Actually I think I might have a way to handle them,” Filthy said with a smirk. “I recently met two gentlecolts.”
After Humble had escaped them, Stale and Lemon got onto a floatup raft and rowed to the sewer entrance they were told to come to.
“Bucking shit!” Stale growled as Lemon followed him into the sewer entrance. “That little shit got away!”
“Yeah, I know, what are we gonna do?” said Lemon turning his flashlight on. “We can’t just go to Pike and tell him we lost that Humble guy.”
“Hmmm,” thought Stale trying to think of a way out of it. “Oh I don’t know, but what I do know it that this is all your fault!”
“My fault?”
“Yeah, if you had been more careful we would be in the clear!”
“This coming from the smokehead!” sneered Lemon.
“One eye!”
“Scarmuzzle!”
“Sour dandy!”
“That doesn’t even make any sense!”
“It’s because your names lemon and you're a wimp!”
“Oh for the love of Celestia.” Lemon facehooved. “Lets just get on with this, the sewage is getting into my coat.”
“Like I said, sour dandy.”
Meanwhile back at Filthy’s,
“Mercenaries? You want to hire mercenaries?” whispered Emerald as Filthy poured himself a glass of orange juice.
“Yes, but please don’t mention it around here” hissed Filthy seeing if anypony heard him. “I don’t need my daughter finding out about this!”
“Finding about what daddy?” said Diamond Tiara as she came downstairs in her star dotted purple pajamas. Fortunately for the two she hadn’t heard a word of their conversation.
“Um, about the new puppy I’m getting you!” said Filthy. “But only if you’re good for Miss Dinky.”
“I don’t even know why I have to go apologize to that blank-” But a glare from Filthy stopped her. “-I mean filly,” she chuckled nervously.
“Because you were not nice to her, now get dressed. Top Hat will take you over there.”
Diamond Tiara tilted her head at this. “You mean you're not coming?”
“Sorry princess, but daddy has buisness. You just go get dressed.”
“..Ok,” said Diamond half heartily as she trotted back upstairs to get ready.
“Nice kid,” said Emerald taking a bite out of a bagel. “So what was that all about?”
“Oh, just foal stuff.”
“Well I must get going,” said Emerald wiping crumbs off his muzzle. “The Canterlot train should be coming in a bit.” But just before he left he turned around. “Oh, I almost forgot, Green’s messengers told me at my ships dock to tell you he needs you in Van Hoover in a week.”
Filthy spat out his orange juice. “A week!?” But my wife won’t be home for two weeks, what about my daughter?”
Emerald only shrugged. “Sorry but that’s all they told me, see ya.” he said closing the front door.
“Oh Celestia,” groaned Filthy. “What am I gonna do?” Opening the window he called out. “Top Hat!”
“Yes, master Rich?” said Top Hat from the rose garden where he was cutting the shrubbery of a dollar sign.
“Are you by chance staying here for the week?”
“I’m sorry sir,” said Top trimming the dollar. “But I have to go to the natinoal butler convetnion this week.”
Oh, I gotta find a good foalsitter, but who?
“Daddy! I’m ready to go!”
“Hmmm,” said Filthy as an idea emerged. “Diamond on second thought how about I take you?”
“Ehhh,” moaned Humble as he awoke to find himself in a bed inside a small room. “Huh? Where am I?” Suddenly the room’s door opened up to the older earth pony stallion from yesterday. His coat was the shade of turquoise and he had a rough looking beard along with a cutie mark of a map and boat. “Umm, hello?”
“Hiya kid, name’s Navigate” said the stallion in a eastern Manehattan accent. “What yours?”
“Umm, Humble, say there wasn’t a boat nearby when you found me was there?”
Putting his hoof to his head, Navigate thought. “None that I saw, why?”
“Well you see I got foalnapped by two stallions.”
“...Huh, thought you just fell over drunk,” said Navigation as he pulled out a grey sweater from a drawer. “Well I guess you could go to the police in Manehattan, here,” he said tossing a scarf. “Don’t want ya to get cold and stiff.”
“Thank you,” said Humble putting the sweater on.
“Oh, and we found this here feather on you.” Navigation hoofed over the the feather that Humble had used on the boat. “Thought it was important or something.”
“Yeah thanks.” Putting away the feather Humble realized something. “Just out of curiosity where are we?”
“Why you’re on the Net, the best salmon catching boat in the country.”
“Salmon?” All of a sudden the stench of fish hit Humble’s nostril causing him to gag. “Oh salmon. I’m gonna close this porthole okay?”
“Sure lad, but your gonna wanna see Manehattan. We should be coming in now.”
Trotting out the room Humble came to the outside of the boat where a bunch of ponies were throwing fish into ice boxes as the boat entered Manehattan harbor.
“Hmmm, what to do now.” Humble leaned against the boat’s railing. “Well I got out of those two’s plan but now I gotta get back to Pinkie or at least send a letter telling her I’m fine.”
The boat docked and after saying his farewells to Navigation, Humble trotted through lower Manhattan's dock district which was unfortunately also a part of the fishing district.
“Hey!” shouted a stallion to a mule. “Need a twenty pound flopper!”
“Got it Hook!” said the mule wrapping the fish up in a newspaper causing one of the pages to blow away in the wind and land on a pile of snow next to Humble.
“Hmm,” said Humble picking the newspaper up. “Let’s see what I’ve been-huh? Writer foalnapped?” He then read the rest of the paper. “Humble Pie, writer of the book The adventures of Con Colt and the series Ice barrels was foalnapped two days ago-wow news travels fast-at a convention for A.K.-” Suddenly Humble remembered the reunion with Daring. “Oh for Celestia’s sake why does she have to be Daring’s creator!?”
“Humble?” said a voice Humble recognized. Babs Seed came running out of an alleyway and hugged Humble.
Looking down Humble forgot about his anger which was replaced with curiosity “Babs? What are you doing here?”
“Doing that,” said Babs Seed pointing at a sack of apples. “Folks wanted me to make a delivery to a Mister Hook?” she said reading a note.
“That’d be me!” shouted the stallion catching fish. “Need’em for lunch!”
“Twenty bits,” said Babs as he got the change. “Anyway, Humble what are you doing here? Heard ya got foalnapped.”
“Does everypony know that?”
“You kidding? Coil’s been shut inside you guys apartment for a day. Didn’t even feed the birds,” Babs said, kicking a can. “So are ya gonna tell the police about being foalnapped?”
“I will, I will, but first I need to rest.” Humble put his hoof up against his head. “I got little sleep and I need somthing to eat.”
“Wanna come by my stand?” Babs and Humble stopped when they came to a crosswalk.
“No thank you, I’m just gonna head back to the apartment and get something to eat there,” said Humble as he and Babs crossed the street. “Anyway nice seeing you Babs.”
“See ya Humble!” she said trotting away.
Twirling around to the direction of his apartment, Humble found himself inches away from a life board cut out of Daring in front of a bookstore. The cut out had the words “Reading is an adventure!” on it.
“Hmmm,” breathed Humble with frustration. “Just what I need. Another freaking cut out of her.”
“Know what ya mean friend,” said a stallion sweeping the porch of the bookstore. “Dang kids keep stealing her so I gotta keep buying new ones.”
“Well don’t bother pal, she ain’t worth it,” Humble muttered, heading down the street when suddenly a voice was heard.
“Humble?” said Light Wizard as he signalled his cart’s driver to stop.
“Oh hey Light,” said Humble with a small wave. “Nice seeing you again.”
“Humble I heard you got foalnapped! How ever did you escape?”
“Timing, patience, and salmon. Anyway I know you probably have a bunch of question but I really got to get home see ya!” Humble galloped away
Dang it! thought Light as he signaled for the driver to keep going. Pikes gonna freak!
After trotting for awhile and at times being stopped by neighbors, Humble eventually reached the apartment building he lived in. It was a small six story building with Humble living on the fourth floor and the kind of building where the managers office had a screen in front of it to protect them from drive by eggings or muggings where the thieves would spit. in the middle of the small office was Brown Sugar, a short brown stallion with yellow mane and a key as a cutie mark.
“Humble?” said Brown looking up from his magazine. “Weren’t you foalnapped or something?”
“It’s a long story Brown,” said Humble as he headed up the stair ways to his front door.
“Well I hope Coil is alright.” Humble knocked on the door to the sudden sound of an object crashing. “Coil?”
A second later the door opened up to a skinny stallion with a light brown coat, a mustache that resembled a comb and a combed back black mane. His cutie mark was that of a circle of purple electricity.
“Humble!?” cried Coil, grabbing Humble into a hug and swinging him into the room while kicking the door shut. “You're alive!” he sobbed with joy.
“Umm, yeah Coil I’m alive say-”
“When I went to get my bread from Babs I saw a newspaper saying that you got foalnapped!”
“I know-”
“And while you were in Ponyville with Pinkie!”
“Yes thats-”
“By the way how is-”
“Coil!” said Humble with a raised voice causing Coil to stop. “Please just calm down, everything’s fine, I’m gonna go to the police and tell them everything. I just need something to eat first.”
“Okie dokie,” said Coil heading over to the fridge. “So how was Pinkie?”
“Oh she’s good...say Coil?”
“Hmm?” said Coil as he brought over a bag of bread along with things to put on it. “Yeah?”
“Did, um, Daz-nevermind.” Humble signed as Coil just shrugged and continued making them sandwiches. After eating Humble excused himself to his bedroom under the excuse of being too tired to go to the police at that moment. “Eehhh,” he said collapsing muzzle first onto his bed. Turning sideways he followed the brown and light brown stripes of his walls as they climbed upwards to the ceiling.
“Humble pull yourself together! You got to get to the police to let Pinkie know you’re alright!”
“Oh, Pinkie. I hope she’s okay,” said Humble sitting upwards. “Those two thugs had better not hurt her or I’ll, I’ll.”
Your’ll what? You don’t have a violent bone in your body!
“Well I hate fighting.”
Yeah and going places.
“I like my typewriter.”
Boring! So your what? A nice guy? Heh, no reason didn’t Dazzle left you
Humble’s eyes widen at the thought. “And what does that mean?”
Please! Look at yourself! You have it all, a hero as a family member, a nice apartment, a good writing career but the only thing you don’t have is ambition.
“And what does my lack of determination have to do with me not being with that mare?”
Your a wimpy, boring individual stupid. I mean what happened to you?
Humble’s eyebrow was raised at this. “What do you mean what happened to me?”
“When you were younger, like five bucking years ago, you wanted to travel the world. You would stay out at night going into the swamps, fight with sticks, and have fun. What happened?”
“You know what happened,” said Humble closing his eyes. “You know what happened.” A second later he opened his eyes to the sound of the doorbell ringing.
“Humble!” said Coil from outside. “I’m busy drawing a pigeon! Can you please get that?”
“Alright.” Getting up Humble realized something. “The compass! I left it on the ground!” trotting towards the front door he opened it. “Hello can I...”
Dazzle stood there in the doorway just shocked along with the other mares, Spike, and guard captains. “Oh no,” she said before she and Humble fainted.
“Where is she?” Humble walked back and forth on the B platform section of the train station at New Fleureans while Coil Sparks was reading a Power Pony comic book on a nearby bench. “Dazzle said her train would pull in around now.”
“I don’t know, but get this!” Coil opened the comic to ad section on the back. “It says here that if I send twenty bits to the prince of the Griffon Empire I get a free bag of bird seed!”
Humble just facehooved. “Coil, those are just scams ponies put up to trick ponies with, besides Dazzle told me that the griffon empire has a princess not a prince...at least not anymore.”
Coil looked up from the ad. “What do you mean not anymore?”
“Well Dazzle told me that a few years ago the prince was, well, taken out.”
“Like to dinner?” Coil hopped off the bench.
“No, as in taken out.” Humble put his hoof to his neck and slided it across.
“You mean they tickled his neck?” Coil gasped. “With his own feathers?”
“...Yes Coil, they tickled his neck. Anyway, what’s going on in the world of the Mareval comics?”
Coil’s eyes widen. “There’s a new member!” Flipping over to the third page, Coil pointed at a picture of a small colt in superhero clothing as the rest of the Power Ponies stood over him looking down with Mistress Marvelous saying in a speech bubble, “well team, it looks like we have a small problem.”
“Who is he?” Humble tapped on the picture of the colt. “A new superhero?”
“Apparently his name’s Humdrum and he’s going to be the teams new sidekick!” Coil went back to the comic.
“Hmm.” Humble looked over his shoulder and gasped as he saw the sight of a train chugging to the platform. “Dazzle’s here!”
The train chugged to a stop and with a last poof of opened its door to a swarm of ponies coming out.
“Come on Coil!” Humble galloped into the crowd while Coil put away his magazine. “Dazzle? Dazzle are you here?” he said, stepping through the hive of travelers.
“Humble!” said a voice from behind. turning around Humble was tackled by Daring in a big hug. “You came!”
“Um, well yeah. I wouldn’t miss it.” He saw that Daring was wearing a green cloak hiding her flank. “Hey what’s that?”
“Huh? Oh yeah, it’s called, um-”
“It’s called get your hooves off my sister,” said Ace as he pushed Daring and Humble away from each other.
“Thanks for all your help Ace,” said Daring’s grandfather as he came out of the train with Arrowhead as he held two sets of bags. “Why not let your old, weak grandpa carry the luggage?”
“I can help you with that!” said Coil as he came up.
“Good lad.” Daring’s grandfather tossed the bags onto Coil making him collapse. “See Ace? Some ponies still know how to treat their elders.”
Humble and Daring ran over to Coil to see if he was alright.
“Here Coil let me help you.” Humble pushed one of the heavy bags off Coil’s torso with Daring taking off the other one.
“Thank...you,” Coil panted.
“Anyway, we should probably get back to the house.” Daring’s grandfather took out his bubble pipe and lit it. “You can come with us boys if you like.”
The group left the train station and started walking down the road to the manor while Daring told Humble and Coil all about her vacation.
“And then we got to go see the catacombs!” Dazzle said showing them a picture of skulls.
“What’s a catacomb?” Coil raised an eyebrow.
Daring’s grandfather saw this as a good time for a history lesson. “Well you see Coil, back in the medival times of Prance, the capital built quarries in the city, so when the Prench revolution came around two hundred years later the city’s leaders decided that to instead of expand cemeteries they should instead put the bones of the dead in tunnels under the city. And that is what a catacomb is.”
“Ooh, so what’s a revolution?”
“Well a revolution-”
“Gramps.” Ace facehooved. “We’re home.”
“So we are. Would you like to come in boys? I’ll have Timothy make you some sandwiches.”
“Ok!” Coil and Humble went into the house.
Entering the doorway Daring decided this would be a good time to show the two boys her surprise. “Hey guys I gotta show you something!” she said taking off her cloak.
“What?” The two colts turned around to see the sight of Daring with a cutie mark of a compass.
“Wow!” Humble rushed over to see it. “How did you get it?”
“She got it when we were in the catacombs.” Daring’s grandfather ruffled Daring’s mane.
“Gramps stop.” Daring swatted his hoof away. “But yeah he’s right, I got it in the tunnels.”
*****
“And this ladies and gentlecolts is another set of skulls,” said one of the attendants of the catacombs as the crowd listing oohed and awed.
“Neato.” Arrowhead took a picture with her camera.
“Indeed.” Daring’s grandfather took a picture as well. “Say where’s your sister?”
A little deeper in the catacombs was a hovering Daring as she observed a set of skulls.
“Hmm, why do these skulls have funny triangles on them?”
Looking around to see if anypony was there she tapped her hoove one one of them. All of a sudden the sound of gears filled the room as the wall of skulls turned sideways to reveal a dark room filled with swords.
“What the-”
“Stop right there!” The attendant rushed to Dazzle as her grandfather followed close behind. “What do you think you're...doing.” She stared at the room full of swords.
A glimmer of light briefly filled the room before Daring’s grandfather gasped.
“Well would you look at that.” He pointed at the newly cutie marked Daring. “Seems someone is going to get a party.”
*****
“And that’s how it happened.” Daring bit into her peanut butter sandwich as Humble nodded.
“That’s cool, reminds me of the time Coil got his cutie mark.”
*****
“Coil are you sure this is a good idea?” said Humble as Coil put up his lighting pole.
“Of course it’s-Bzzzzzzz!”
*****
“After the doctors took my cast off I saw my cutie mark right there!” Coil bit into his sandwich.
“And you know what getting a cutie mark means?” Arrowhead took hold of the kitchen’s drapes. “Cute-ceañera.”
“Oh, can I come?”
“You're already there.” Arrowhead pulled open the drapes to reveal a bunch of ponies (and one well-dressed griffin) wearing party hats under of banner saying, “happy cute-ceañera!”
“Wow!” Coil rushed outside and was amazed at what he saw. “And is that what I think it is? Ball pit!” He did a leap into it.
“Wow indeed,” said Humble as he went outside with Daring and Arrowhead. “How did this happen so fast?”
Daring’s grandfather stopped talking to some ponies over by the deviled eggs. “I can explain that, you see the second Artemis got her cutie mark I sent a bunch of letters home to all of your schoolmates and invited them here, now if you’ll excuse me.” He ran toward the ball pit and swan dived in.
“I can’t believe this.” Daring trotted with Humble through the party to a nearby table.
“I know it awesome!” Humble bit into a cupcake.
“No I mean, why on Celestia’s green earth would grandpa invite her.” She pointed at a purple coated and white maned filly who was wearing a dress and chatting with a bunch of posh looking foals. “Sugar Plum.” She sneered the name loudly (while Slit hissed it sharply) enough for the fillie to stop her chatting and look towards the two. She smirked.
“Well, well.” Sugar Plum walked over to the them while Daring just groaned. “If it isn’t Artemis.”
“What do you want Sugar Plum?” Daring glared. “Your not here to make fun of us again are you?”
“Why my dear, I wouldn’t dare think to agitate you if it were not for your company.” Sugar Plum nodded towards Humble. “And said company's sidekick.” She pointed to Coil who was doggy paddling through the ball pit. “They simply are not one for your social standing.”
Daring gritted her teeth. “And you are?”
“Well me and the others.” she waved her hoof over to the table where a bunch of foals were gossiping and brushing their manes. “We’ll welcome you with open hooves once you lose these fools.”
I’d rather be eaten by Slit thought Daring.
Humble just looked confused at the filly. “What are you talking about? I mean sure I’m not rich and-”
“Shush blank flank.” Sugar Plum pushed Humble to the side and got a cupcake and muffin. “You see these?”
“Um, yes?”
“This is me.” She pointed at the well decorated cupcake.
Humble didn’t like were this was going and neither did Daring.
Sugar pointed at the muffin “And this is your friend Toil—”
“Coil.”
“Whatever, anyway he is this. A bland, dry, disgusting abomination—” Humble and Daring’s eyes sharpened at the insult of their friend and Slit hissed “—of a pastry made and eaten by the poorest of peasants, as were I, the cupcake, am beautifully crafted by the finest of ingredients and skilled chefs.”
“And what does insulting my best friend have to do with me being a blank flank,” Humble growled.
“Well its quite simple deary.” Sugar put down the pastries and picked up a small pebble. “This is you.”
“Well my family are rock farmers.”
“No you simpleton it means you are a boring, small, rough, filthy piece of earth.” Sugar threw the pebble at Humble’s snout, it breaking on impact.
That was the breaking point for Daring.
“Listen to me you little snob.” Daring go in front of Sugar’s face. “You can insult me, you can insult the way I dress, the way I act, but you do not get to insult my coltfriend. Got it girly!” she poked Sugar on the chest.
“Hmph! Another reason you're not ready for our circle Artemis, you’re as uncouth and crude as ever. Now if you’ll excuse me I am going to take a dip in the pit of balls. Oh, I hope those two idiots in there don’t contaminate it.” She looked at Coil and Daring’s grandfather who were splashing each other with balls. “Good day.”
Daring was about to hit her when a gentle hoof stopped her.
“Dazzle don’t,” said Humble with pleading eyes. “She’s not worth it to pay attention to, unlike you.”
Daring slowly put down her hoof with a blush growing on her face. “Heh, sorry. It’s just that she infuriates me so much!”
“I know.” He rubbed her hoof. “But I think that she’s going to learn a lesson quite soon.” He looked to where Slit was supposed to be to see only grass. “Hey, where did Slit go?”
Meanwhile over at the ball pit,
“That filly, how dare she say such things to me!” Sugar put her hoof into the ball pits just as Coil surfaced.
“Hi Sugar! Wanna play hide and seek?” He tossed a ball at her which she quickly dodged.
“With you? Please, now be a good fool and go play over there.”
“Ok!” Coil took a deep breath and went under the balls. Sugar just rolled her eyes before slowly sitting into the ball pit.
“Aww, now this is relaxing.” She felt something rough rub her forelegs. “Huh? What’s that? Dipping her head down she screamed. “Ahhh! Mommy!” Suga ran out of the ball pit so quickly she tripped on her dress and tumbled into a table where the cake fell on top of her head.
“Pfft.” Daring held back a snicker before flying off into full blown laughter which was ignored by the other party goers who were trying to calm down the furious cake covered filly. She stopped however when Humble glared at her.
“Now Dazzle it’s not polite to laugh at another's misfortune.”
Daring sighed. “Your right.”
Humble looked away for a second before a smile wiggled it’s way onto his face. “Course it was pretty funny,” he chuckled.
“I bet she’ll be remembering that one for awhile,” snickered Daring as the two foals enjoyed each other’s company for the rest of the party. As the party ended with the guest going home (with Coil getting pink eye and Sugar still with frosting in her coat) Daring said her good nights to Humble.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Daring hugged Humble who only returned it half heartedly. “What’s wrong? You love my hugs.”
“It’s not that, it’s just, well, what Sugar said about how I’m not worthy of you.” Humble kicked a nearby can. “What with me being a blank flank, poor, trash—”
“Humble let me tell you one thing right now, I don’t give a bit what that filly thinks.”
“Yeah, but still, I’m the only one in class who doesn’t have a cutie mark.” Humble looked back at his flank and sighed. “What if I’ll never get it?”
“Humble relax, my grandpa said Arrowhead had the same problem when she was your age.”
“What he say to her?”
“That it will reveal itself eventfully.” Daring noticed how this wasn’t doing much for Humble so she got an idea. “Say tomorrow is show and tell right?”
“Yeah?”
“Maybe your cutie mark will show itself tomorrow!” She smiled.
Humble snorted. “Yeah, maybe.”
“Trust me, here.” She kissed him on the nose. “For luck.” She giggled as she closed the door.
Humble spun around with a goofy looking expression on his face and sighed. “I should be more self pitying more often. What do you think Slit?”
Slit spat out a red plastic ball.
But still I feel like I need to get a cutie mark He started walking out of the lawn. “What should I do?”
Humble thought his situation over as he trotted up a road with a post identifying it as Trout path. He kept on walking it till he came to a small farm with only rocks surrounding it.
“Humble?” A mare’s voice called out as Humble closed the gate to the farm behind him. “Is that you sweetie?”
“Yeah mom.” He walked to the porch of the farm’s modest looking house and looked up to see a middle aged, white coated mare with a yellow mane in a funny fashion.
“Well go clean upyourself.” Humble’s mom pointed upstairs. “Suppers almost ready.”
As Humble marched up the stairs, he kept thinking Sugar Plum’s words. a boring, small, rough, filthy piece of earth.
Dinner didn’t do much to improve his self esteem,
“So I was thinking about visiting Cousin Crystal at his farm in the north to help him with his crops,” said Humble’s father, a strong looking stallion who looked like a gruffer and longer maned looking Humble. “Anypony wanna come?”
“Isn’t he the one that’s looking for that empire or something?” Cloudy Quartz, Humble’s older sister, said.
“Yep,fool thinks he’s going to find the capital of the Crystal Empire.” Humble’s father bit into his salad. “The stallion’s mean well, but nopony seen that lost city for ages.”
“Huh.” Humble poked at his plate of radishes.
“Humble why aren't you eating?” Humble’s mother took a sip of her water “Didn’t you enjoy seeing Dazzle again?”
“How is she by the way.” Humble’s father looked up.
“Fine. Say mom?” Humble put down his fork. “How did you get your cutie mark?”
“Well honey, when I was about ten I was doing my job of hauling rocks from the forest as usual when I found this really big rock, next thing I knew I got my cutie mark.”
“and you pa?”
“Well—”
“Oh, I can tell you that dear,” chuckled Humble’s mother. “It was a few days after I met your dad, you see your grandfather didn’t like your father at first.”
“Not my fault, the guy wasn’t impressed with my rock smashing skills.” Humble’s father flexed.
Humble’s mother just waved it off. “Anyway, one night when your father was visiting me late, he kept throwing pebbles at my window to get me to open up. I unfortunately made the mistake of teasing your father too long and he got impatient so he threw a rock.”
“To this day I still say I thought it was another pebble.” Humble’s father took a bite out of his bread.”
“The point is as your father galloped away from your furius grandfather he didn’t notice that a picture of a rock had appeared on his flank.”
“Huh, and you Cloudy?” Humble looked to see his sister only to find a note. “What’s this?” Humble read it.
Sorry bro bro, I know you probably want to hear about my cutie mark but while dad and mom got distracted I snuck out to see Igneous. Tell them I’ll be back in two hours.
Humble’s mother giggled while Humble’s father grumbled.
“What does that mare see in him anyway?” Humble’s father bit into his clobber. “Stallion doesn’t even have a proper rock collection.”
“Dear, he’s not so bad. Kinda reminds me of you.” Humble’s mother took another sip of her water.
“Please, like that stallion is going to marry our daughter. Next, you’ll be telling me our grandchildren will be pink.”
“Alright dear I’ll drop it, but Humble sweetie. Why did you want to know about our cutie marks?”
Humble looked down and sighed. “Am I good at rock farming?”
Humble’s father and mother looked at each other nervously.
Humble’s father coughed. “Um, well son, you can, um, kinda pound rocks into dust rather into pieces when I ask you too.”
“But that doesn't mean we are angry.” Humble’s mother looked at her husband who nodded in agreement. “What brought this on?”
“It’s just well, I don’t have my cutie mark, I’m already thirteen, and I’m not good at rock farming!” Humble put his head down on the table.
“Oh son. it don’t matter to us if you’re good at rock farming or not.”
“We'll always love you and be proud of you no matter what your cutie mark is.”
Humble looked up with a sniff. “But what if I never get my cutie mark? What if I’m always a blank flank?”
Humble’s father snorted “First off you will get your cutie mark. Second if that ever did happened we’d still love ya and be proud to call you our son.”
Humble just sighed. “But what if Dazzle won’t?”
“Oh sweetie, Dazzle doesn’t care if you have a picture of anything on your flank.”
“Yeah she just likes it.” Humble’s father snickered till a glare from Humble’s mother made him go back to eating cobbler.
Humble looked at his mother with tired eyes. “You think?”
“I know, I mean she just loves hearing about your stories you always tell.”
“Yeah…” Humble’s eyes widened. “Yeah. Good night everypony!” Humble quickly gave pecks on the cheeks to both his parents before rushing upstairs.
“What you think he’s doing?” said Humble’s father putting away his dishes. “Aw, he’s probably-ahhh!” Humble’s father slipped onto the floor and the dishes came crashing on his head.
“Dear!” Humble’s mother rushed to her husband’s side. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, but who keeps leaving these plastic balls everywhere?”
*****
“Mmm.” Humble sat at the desk of his small, dimly lit room. A chewed on pencil in between his lips, eraser shavings stuck to his tongue as he looked at the empty paper before him. “Pffft!” He spat the pencil out. “Blegh, dang erasers. Ugh.” Groaning he tilted the chair back, a bit too far. “Ahhh!”
“Humble sweetie! Are you alright?” shouted Humble’s mom from downstairs.
“Yeah ma, just fell.” Getting back up he looked at the still blank parchment. “Oh, for Celestia’s sake, why can’t I write a good story? Usually this works!” Sighing, he looked at a picture of a owl on the cover of a book on birds Coil got him. “What should I do?”
“Who!”
Humble’s eyes widened. “Huh? Did you just speak?”
“Who!”
“Well, you”
“Who!”
Realizing the sound wasn’t coming from the book Humble looked toward the direction of the noise, Humble saw a barn owl staring back at him outside on his window sill. “Um, hello.”
“Who!” The owl extended it’s wings showing a row of odd silver feathers. “Who!”
“Well who to you back.” Humble chuckled at the bird’s vanity.
The owl pecked at the window pan in a semi-rhythmic fashion only interrupted by the occasional who. As Humble bobbed his head to the bird’s song he was struck by a force of inspiration.
“That’s it!” Taking the pencil back into his mouth he wrote down on the paper his unfolding story. As the night progressed further and further the owl watched Humble's brainstorming at work and as Humble put the paper away for tomorrow the owl took off left. But Humble could’ve sworn he saw it smiling.
The next day at school,
“And that’s why I have two hundred and fifty dresses.” Sugar Plum had just finished her show and tell by giving an explanation as to why her family was wealthy to a three quarters asleep class.
“That was very, um, interesting Miss Sugar.” Miss Spot, the classroom’s teacher, yawned quickly. “Would anybody else like to go?”
“Oh, oh, pick me please!” Coil waved his hoofs in hopes upon being picked.
“Alright Coil, but please don’t remind us of the pigeon’s reproduction.”
“Okay!” Coil galloped up to the front but didn’t see Sugar’s hoof out as she returned to her desk making him tumble to the ground. The class giggled but was silenced by a glare from Miss Spot. Sugar merely smirked while Daring growled softly from her desk.
“She thinks she’s so much better than everypony else. Right Humble? Humble?” said Daring as she saw Humble under his desk’s cover mumbling. “Humble?”
“Huh?” Closing the cover Humble looked up. “Oh, sorry Dazzle, I was doing something, what is it?”
“Nevermind, say did you decide what you’re going to do?”
“Yep!” Humble took out the paper he was working on last night and waved it in front of Daring. “All done.”
“Cool, what is it?”
Humble looked to the front of the room before smiling. “You’ll see.”
“And that’s why I think we should have a carrier pigeon coop on top of the school.” Coil finished his show and tell to a confused class.
“Um, Coil that was very nice.” Miss Spot nodded for him to get off the stage.
“Thanks Miss-Whoah!” Falling down again he quickly got up as Sugar whistled. “I’m okay!”
“Well then, I think we have time for one more presentation. Anypony?” Miss Spots looked to the foals and spotted Humble raising his hoof. “Oh, Humble how about you?”
“Thanks Miss Spot.” Humble walked to the front of the classroom and saw the entire room’s eyes staring at him. Daring merely gave him a smile.
“You can do this Humble!” shouted Coil who was quickly shushed.
“So Humble, what do you have for show and tell?” Miss Spot awaited an answer.
Looking down at his paper Humble coughed. “Um, a story.” The class leaned in at the mention of a story. “Once upon a time…”
*****
There lived an odd looking crow by the name of Arno. Arno was your average crow except in the fact that he had little friends and messy feathers on top of his head. His best friend was an equally lonely green pigeon named Claude. Arno and Claude would spend their days in swamps and grasslands trying to do tricks through the branches. One day as they played tag among the trees Arno saw another bird soaring above them. This bird was a beautiful looking hawk with eyes shimmering like ruby’s and feathers of gold topped with a silver patch on it’s head.
“Who’s that?” Arno said, looking at the hawk doing circles above them.
“Hmm?” Claude stopped his morning bread crumb search and looked up at the hawk. “Oh, she’s new from what I’ve heard from the frogs. Apparently her names Bonnet or something.” Spotting a juicy worm, he went back to eating.
She’s amazing thought Arno as the hawk disappeared into the trees. “Um, Claude? I’ll be right back.” Arno took off in the direction of the hawk leaving Claude to his breakfast. “Where is she?” Arno scoured the tree branches till he heard a shout from below.
“Ow!” cried the hawk named Bonnet as she got hit on the head by a angry nut throwing squirrel. “Why you little-” A growl from her stomach made her smirk “-delicious morsel.” She flew right at the squirrel as Arno watched from behind some bushes till Bonnet slurped up the squirrel in one gulp. “Hmm, a little furry, but good enough.”
“By my griffon descendants, she’s amazing!” Arno would have continued his innocent stalking if not for Bonnet disappearing. “Hey, where did she-”
“Enjoying the sight pervert?” Bonnet smirked as Arno’s blood ran cold.
“Um, h-hello.” Arno looked up at the bird towering him. “Um, sorry about that.”
“Aw, it’s okay.” Bonnet spotted Arno’s odd head plumage. “So what’s your name puffy?”
“Huh? Oh, my name’s Arno.” Arno chuckled nervously.
“Nice to meet you Arno, name’s Bonnet.”
“Oh, I knew that.” Bonnet looked at Arnor with a weird look. “I mean I heard your name! It’s not like I spied on you.”
“But you just did.”
Arno had no comeback to the accusation since it was true so he decided to change the subject. “So, um, Bonnet. Would you like to, I don’t know, go see a light show?”
Bonnet grinned. “Are you asking me to mate with you?”
Arno regurgitated. “What!? Um, not that I wouldn’t like too, I mean not that I want too. It’s not because your attractive or anything, because I like you just not because of your looks, which are fine, but , um.”
Bonnet tried her hardest not to burst out laughing before deciding to take pity on the stammering crow and brought him close to her. “Sure puffy, why not?” she whispered in his ears with a seductive tone causing Arno’s feather’s to stand up. “I see somebody’s excited.” She chuckled. “I’ll see you at the lagoon.” She took off leaving Arno to just be wide eyed at what happened.
“Um, sure.” Arno just stared up as Bonnet left him with one last show of her feathers. “Oh boy.”
That night outside the swamps nightly light shows,
“Do I look good?” Arno was staring into a puddle of water while Claude stood next to him.
“Yep.” Claude spied a bread crumb and pecked at it. “Just go in there and break a wing!”
Arno breathed deeply. “Okay.” Taking off he flew up into trees where he had seen Bonnet waiting. “Sorry if I’m late,” he said perching onto the branch Bonnet was on. “Wanted to make a good impression.”
“No problem, so you wanna eat?”
“Sure.” Arno cawed loudly and a second later a hummingbird flew up to his face.
“WhatcanIgetyoumate?” The hummingbird held a piece of bark to his beak.
“I, uh, think the lady should get to decide first.” Arno glanced at Bonnet who snickered slightly causing him to blush.
“Why thank you sir,” Bonnet said in an exaggerated fancy accent. “I’ll have a the snake pasta please.”
“Ofcourse!” The hummingbird pecked at the bark, writing the order down. “Andforthegentlefowl?”
“I’ll just have a worm sandwich please.”
“Gotit!” The hummingbird pecked at the bark again before taking off.
Arno looked back at Bonnet who tilted her head at him.
“So,” Arno said. “How long have you’ve been in the swamps?”
“A couple days, I originally came here for the warmth but I think I’m gonna stick around for awhile. You?”
“Oh I’ve always lived in the swamp.” Arno didn’t know what to say next.
“I see.” Bonnet yawned slightly.
Oh no! thought Arno seeing the yawn. She’s getting bored! Think of something Arno.
“So, eh, those feathers of yours.” Arno pointed at the bronze colored wings of Bonnet. “They are quite unique.”
“Oh, these old things?” Bonnet opened up her wings. “Yeah I guess so, I got them from my dad’s side. He was a red tailed hawk you know.”
“Huh, my uncle’s a peacock.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, my mom used to say I got my colorful personality from him.” The two birds laughed at this.
“Hey, you're pretty funny.”
She thinks you're funny Arno! Don’t blow this.
Arno thought of another way to continue the conversation. “What’s the highest you ever flown before?”
“That’s a good question.” Bonnet perked her head up in thought for a few seconds. “I’d have to say the time I got caught up in a snowstorm.”
“You got caught up in a snowstorm and survived?” Arno wanted to hear this story.
“Yep, you see I was migrating when I decided to try a shortcut through the mountains I heard about. I was flying in a valley when I felt the first bit of snow pelt my wings…”
Arno listened intently to the story, only stopping to ask questions when things seemed to have got too unbelievable.
“...Next thing I know I’m on top of the region's highest mountain looking at a beautiful sunrise.” Bonnet had just finished their story when the hummingbird returned with their food.
“That sounds amazing, the most exciting thing I ever did was doing two loops in between a curled tree branch.”
“Well you know-” Bonnet looked sound shyly “-if you want to go this spring I could use the extra company.”
Arno almost bit through his wing. “Um, I, uh, yeah sure. Why not?” He smiled.
Bonnet smiled too, but was interrupted by the sound of a loud raven. “Attention creature’s of the swamp I have terrible news. Apparently the cook didn't realize that the fireflies were tonight’s entertainment and put them in the stew.”
“That would explain why my mouth is glowing.” A redjay pointed at his litup mouth.
“I’m afraid the show is canceled.” The audience groaned and croaked at this turn of events.
Bonnet sighed. “Well it looks like our date’s come to an end.”
“No!” Arno shouted aloud. “I mean, uh, I have another idea.”
“Like what?”
“Just follow me.” Arno go up and flew around the tree. “Well come on.”
Bonnet looked down in thought before smiling. “Aw, why not?” She flew off with Arno into the swamp.
“Heyyouforgottopay!” the humming bird shouted at the two.
After flying for a bit Arno descended down into a cave before noticing that Bonnet wasn’t coming in. “Is something wrong?”
“It’s nothing, I just don’t like closed spaces.”
“Aw, come on. You fought through a snowstorm.”
Bonnet still looked hesitant and looked up to the moon. “Well, alright. But only for a bit.”
Arno cawed inwardly. “Ok, then. Lets go.”
The both flew into the dark cave till they came upon a small ledge where Arno flew down onto.
Bonnet was confused. “So what do you want me to see-” The sound of Arno whistling stopped her as her eyes grew wide at the sight before her. The walls of the cave turning into a bright blue and seemed to be wriggling. “Are those?”
“Glow worms, yep.” Arno was crushed by a sudden hug from Bonnet before she flew off and gobbled up dozens of the creatures. “A light show and dessert in one.” He chuckled at his joke before he heard a sudden rumbling. “Um, Bonnet?”
“Yeaf?” Bonnet said with her beak full of glow worms. “Whaf if it?”
“I think we should-” The sound of a staglite falling spoke for him. “Earthquake.”
The two flew out of the small room of glow worms and through the cave. When it seemed like they would escape, Arno heard a shrill scream.
“Bonnet!” He flew to the hawk who’s wing was crushed under a fallen rock. “Are you alright?”
“Arno get out of here!” Bonnet looked around the collapsing cave. “Go!”
“No! There has to be some way.” Arno was hit on the head by both a small rock and idea. “That’s it!” He put his beak next to Bonnet’s crushed wing. “Um, I’m really sorry about this.”
Bonnet realized what he was going to do and rolled her eyes. “Ugh, just do it! Oh!” Bonnet felt a wave of pleasure go through her body has Arno pulled her wing out under the rock. “You really are a pervert aren’t you?”
“Come on!” Arno helped Bonnet up and held onto her while both used their free wings to escape the cave just as it caved in.
“Woah!” Bonnet looked at the former entrance to the cave. “Now that was exciting, right Arno? Arno?” She saw Arno looking at a puddle murmuring to himself. “Arno are you alright?”
“I’m sorry!” Arno collapsed in tear at Bonnet’s talons. “I’m sorry that you almost died and I violated you!” He would have continued sobbing if not for the feeling of Bonnets beak on him silencing him.
“You did nothing wrong and like I said that was exciting. Same time next week, babe?” Bonnet giggled at Arno’s expression. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Giving him one last kiss she flew off into the night sky with Arno still awe stricken on the ground.
Claude, who was looking for more worm, spotted Arno and flew down to him. “So did the date go ok?”
Arno thought carefully, thinking back to how the entire night went with the canceled dinner, him embarrassing himself at times, the collapsing of the cave, and the reluctant preening he did, and how Bonnet implied there would be more dates. He said the one thing that would summarize the whole thing.
“It was beaking awesome.”
*****
“The end.” Humble finished his story to a focused class and teacher. “Was it bad?”
The class started clapping loudly with the teacher clapping as well with only Daring noticing the one thing nobody else did. The sight of two pony faces, one sad the other smiling, with a pencil cut down the middle of them appearing on Humble’s flank. And she too quietly said the one thing that would summarize the whole story.
“Bucking awesome.”
*****
Humble awoke to the sound of his alarm clock.
“Mmmm, ehhh!” He yawed before looking around to see Slit by the foot of the bed. “Huh, guess it was all a dream boy.” Slit didn’t respond. “Let’s go see how Coil’s doing.” Getting up he looked down to see he was in the same sweater he got from Navigation. Oh buck me.
The sound of the door opening followed by the squeal of a niece interrupted Humble.
“Unkie Humble you're awake!” Pinkie hugged him tightly as he just stood their thinking. “Those baddies didn’t hurt you did they?”
“Pinkie, where’s A.K. Yearling?” Humble remembered how Daring fainted with him.
“Oh, she’s taking napin Uncle Coil’s room-” Humble gently nudged her to the side and trotted toward the living room where the rest of the group was.
“So do you have any pigeon friends Miss Fluttershy?” Coil was pouring milk into everypony’s glasses.
“Oh. indeed, I have eleven of them-Humble you're awake!”
The group rushed to the still stallion.
“Sir, my name is Cloud Skipper. I am the captain-Woah!” Midnight pushed him roughly to the ground.
“Sir, don’t listen to that idiot. My name is Midnight Blossom of her Majesty, Princess Luna’s royal guard. We have a few questions for you.”
Humble didn’t reply.
“Humble, are you alright?” Rarity noticed how the stallion had a faraway look. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Humble?” Scootaloo poked him rapidly. “It’smeScootaloo. I’malrightsee?”
Humble still didn’t reply.
“We don’t just stand there parter. Tell us what’s the matter?” Applejack followed Humble’s gaze to Coil’s bedroom door. “Oh, I’m guessing Pinkie told ya about Miss Yearling. She’ll be alright-”
Humble moved past her and opened a kitchen cupboard with a groan. “Coil?” he said softly. “Where is the hard cider?”
“Oh, I poured it out. Got sour.”
“I see...I’ll be right back.” Humble took a green coat off the coat rack and shuffled out the door without another word.
The group just stood confused and bewildered at what they just witnessed with Rainbow Dash speaking up first.“Um, what just happened?”
“I don’t know darling, but something’s not right.”
“I’m gonna go after him, anybody else wanna-” Octavia, Pinkie, and Coil raised their hoofs. “Alright, the rest of you just stay here and see why Miss Yearling fainted.” As they left the room Coil took one last look at his bedroom.
“Why does she seem so familiar?”
Downstairs,
Humble ran across the street to a liqour store only to find his journey blocked.
Humble read a note on the stores bars. “Not open at nine a.m? Oh, for the love of—”
“Unkie Humble!” Pinkie took hold of his muzzle. “What do you think you're doing?”
Twilight reached them with the rest. “Humble you shouldn’t run out like that. You’re in danger.”
Humble snorted. “I think I can handle myself. Now if you want to do something useful, help me open this lock!” Humble hit the lock with his hoof.
Pinkie gasped. “Unkie Humble! That was very rude!”
Humble looked downed and took a deep breath. “Your Majesty would you please take my niece back home? I need a second.”
Pinkie deflated at the idea that her uncle didn’t want her around. “But—” She felt a hoof on her shoulder and looked into the soft eyes of Coil.
“Come on sweetie, lets head home. We can have brownies.” That put Pinkie back in a good mood.
“Okie dokie! I’ll save you one Unkie Humble.”
Humble didn’t reply.
“With, em, ice cream?” Pinkie sighed and turned around. She trotted back to the apartment with Coil following her.
Twilight watched the two enter the building before turning her attention to Humble who was struggling to open the lock. “Humble are you alright?” Humble didn’t seem to hear. “Humble I said are you alri—”
“Twilight, I appreciate your concern, but can I just say one thing and I mean this with no malice?”
“What?”
“Please be quiet.” Humble went back to the lock while Twilight just stood stunned.
Taking a deep breath, Twilight looked at Octavia. “Octavia maybe you can help?”
Octavia looked at Twilight like she asked her to kill somepony...which in her case was normal. Gazing down at Humble struggling with the lock she spoke, “alright, I can help.” Getting down next to Humble, she gently pushed him aside and took out two pieces of metal from her mane, aiming carefully she inserted them into the lock.”
Click! The padlock fell into the snow.
“Better?” Octavia looked up at Humble who nodded and went inside the dark building.
Twilight stood confused. “Um, Octavia, that’s illegal.”
Octavia shrugged. “Not if we get a royal pardon and pay for the drinks it isn’t.” She went inside leaving Twilight to ponder the criminal act she had just seen.
Humble jumped behind the bar table to scour the shelves of alcohol for his type of poison. “Lets see, Bloodshots, Grapebuster, ah! Apple cider.” Humble took the bottle from the shelf and got two shot glasses. “Drink ladies?”
“No, thank you,” said Octavia and Twilight.
Humble shrugged, and popped the cork of the bottle. He sipped at the bubbling foam occasionally till it dissipated leaving the brown liquid inside. “More for me.” He tilted the bottle into his mouth and guzzled it as Octavia and Twilight pulled up booth chairs to the countertop. He put the bottle down. “Aww, that does the trick.”
Twilight decided to try again. “Um, Humble?”
He looked up. “Yeah?”
“Would you mind telling us what happened up there?”
Humble looked at the wall for a second before taking another sip of the cider and pierced his lips in thought. “Tell me Twilight and Octavia, have you two ever had something you felt so, so strongly about? Like you knew it was going to come true?”
The mares looked surprised for a second at the question.
“Um, yes?” Octavia thought of her music career.
“Hmm, not really.” Twilight thought on how many times she had freaked out on small to larger things. “Why, have you felt strongly about something once?”
Humble nodded slightly. “I have indeed.” He took another swig of the bottle. “You know the only story I never told was how I got this.” He pointed at the pencil between the two faces. “It’s quite a tale.”
“I bet it is.” Twilight tried leaning for the bottle but a look from Octavia stopped her.
“It all began, well, it really began fifteen years back, but I think we should start in the middle.” He took another sip. “It all began when I was waiting for my fillyfriend...yes, my filly friend.” Octavia and Twilight leaned in but a belch from Humble made them lean back. “Excuse me, anyway where was I? Oh right, well my fillyfriend had just come home from a vacation from Prance, and get this, she got her cutie mark in the catacombs.”
Now Twilight was really interested. “The catacombs of Prance?”
“Know any other?”
“Well, there’s the ones in Poma-” A stare from Humble got her back on track “But, do continue your story please.”
“Well like I was saying, she got it in the catacombs…”
*****
Daring stirred in her sleep, a slimy, wet feeling ran across her cheek caused her to wake up to the sight of Slit licking her face. “Erm, stop Slit.” Putting him down on the floor she looked at her surroundings, the room was covered in wires, pictures of pigeons, and a dartboard of what looked like the inventor Light Wizard on the wall. “Where am—” The memories of seeing Humble in the doorway came flooding back. “Oh Celestia, no.” She put her face into her hooves, a second later a knock was heard at the rooms door.
“Hello, Miss Yearling?” Coil came in with a bowl “Are you alright? I brought you some cream corn.”
Daring didn’t know what to say to the stallion so she chose to greet him in her charmful way. “Who the heck are you?”
“Oh, my name’s Coil Sparks-”
“Coil!” Daring couldn’t believe her eyes as she saw the stallion that had been the pigeon obsessed colt from her youth had now become the pigeon obsessed stallion. “Is that really you?”
Coil recoiled from the shout. “Well I hope I’m me, I think a lot so sometimes so I forget who I am.” He put the cream corn on the nightstand. “So your names Yearling?” Daring nodded. “What a coincidence! I had a friend with the same last name!” Coil’s ears drooped. “That is till she went and broke my best buddy’s heart.”
Daring’s ears went up. “Really? And, um, what did your best buddy say about this mare?”
“He doesn’t like to talk about her.”
Daring frowned. “Really, Coil?”
“Yeah?”
“What was this mare’s name?”
“Oh Artemis, but we called her Dazzle. It’s weird.” Coil put his hoof to his chin. “Her initials where A.K. Yearling too.”
A few moments passed by before Coil’s eyes widen to the shape of platter plates.
“Oh. My. Celestia.” He walked slowly over to Daring. “Dazzle your back!” He flung his arms around the mare. “I’d knew you’d come back!”
Daring didn’t know what to make of the situation, so she just hugged Coil back. “Um, what do you mean you knew I would come back?”
“Oh, don’t be coy with me. Boop!” He said touching her snout. “You're here to be Humble’s special somepony again!” He practically squealed right then and there. “Oh, the gang’s back together—Huh?” The sound of a contained squeal came from behind the door. “Who’s there?” Coil opened the door to the sight of Pinkie dancing. “Pinkie?”
“I can’t believe it!” Pinkie bounced past Coil and pounced onto Daring with wide arms. “I thought you looked familiar when we first met, Auntie Dazzle!” Pinkie nuzzled Daring who’s expression was full of fear. “Oh, just wait till the other’s hear about this!” Pinkie got off Daring and galloped towards the living room.
Oh, ponyfeathers thought Daring.
Pinkie slid into the room where Rarity was in the middle of a game of chess with Midnight.
“Archer to E7, checkmate.” Rarity moved the archer forward and looked at a bewildered Midnight with a smirk.
Midnight didn’t know what to say, luckily Pinkie interrupted her defeat.
“Everypony I just found out A.K. Yearling is my long lost Auntie Dazzle!”
Applejack and Rainbow Dash almost choked on their fruit punch. “What?”
Fluttershy, Button, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom all looked up from their puzzle with shock. “Really?”
Pinkie nodded. “Isn’t that right Auntie Dazzle?” She looked to see only Coil waving at her. “Where did she go?”
Coil hummed joyfully as he trotted over to Pinkie. “Well sweetie, Auntie Dazzle left us this nice, rapidly written note before flying out the window.” He read the note. “Am going to go now, must get ready for a special event. Tell Humble that I won’t bother him, signed Dazzle. Aww, isn’t that sweet? Dazzle doesn’t want to bother Humble.” Nopony spoke. “What? Did I not read it that good?”
Back at the bar,
“And geth this!” a heavily drunk Humble slurred to a fully captured audience of Twilight and Octavia. “She says she’s sworry, runs off, and twat’s it!”
“Oh, Humble.” Octavia put her hoof onto Humble’s who quickly took another sip. “I didn’t know.”
“Humble?” Humble looked at Twilight who had a small tear spot on her fur. “I-I can’t imagine what to say right now, I never heard of that kind of thing happening before. But what does this have to do with you leaving?”
Humble held the cider bottle upside down to see if their was anything left, but grumbled when only a last drop came out. He put the bottle down and stared at Twilight, sobriety briefly rushing back to him. “Twilight, the reason I told you about this is simple.” He got up slowly and trotted over to the window. “That mare? That Miss Yearling?” He pointed at Coil’s open window. “She was my first and last love.”
“He’s-ugh-heavier than-ugh-he looks!” Octavia said as she and Twilight leaned Humble against the wall outside his apartment. The two had carried the author up the flight of stairs after he collapsed from his drinking at the entrance to the apartment. “So what are we going to do?”
Twilight stopped short of opening the door and sighed “I don’t know, I still can’t believe Miss Yearling did that. I mean turning a pony down is one thing, but doing it after being together for so long.” Twilight opened the door. “It’s like something out of Rarity’s romance novels.”
“Well, I’m sure Miss Yearling will be happy to explain, but what about the other—”
Rainbow Dash zoomed into the hallway. “Guys! You won’t believe what we just found out!” Rainbow Dash closed the door and pushed the two to the center of the living room. “It’s amazing, it’s impossible, it’s-”
“Inconceivable!” Rarity threw her hooves onto the counter. “Miss Yearling is Pinkie’s aunt!”
“We know.”
Rarity straightened herself. “You know?” She ran up to them like a giddy schoolfilly. “Tell me, tell me, tell me!”
Twilight was about to speak when she noticed Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Button Mash. The first three looked up in anticipation, but, Button was too focused on his Gamecolt. “Umm, Rarity?”
“Yes?” Rarity had the spark of gossip gleam in her eye, but paid attention when Twilight nodded over to the foals. “Oh, um, Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy looked up from her puzzle. “Yes?”
“Would you mind taking the foals to the hotel?” Rarity mouthed the words, “Grownup business.”
Fluttershy nodded in part before walking over to the foals. “Come on everypony, we’re going to go now.”
“But this sound important!” Sweetie Belle pouted.
Fluttershy’s defense had been hit like a creature in Button’s video games, a hit that Rarity noticed. Looking towards Button she smiled in a devious manner. “Well, I could always tell Button’s mom you foalnapped him—”
“On second thought, lets go!” Sweetie Belle barked at everypony else to go with Fluttershy, who also quickened her pace until they all went out the door.
Just as the five were about to leave Button noticed Humble on the floor, “Uh, guys? There’s a homeless stallion here.” But everypony else had already gone down the other flight of stairs. “Um, here.” Button put a bit on Humble before galloping after the rest.
Rarity walked over to the kitchen table with a hum, “Now that is taken care of,” Rarity put her hoof against her ear. “Tell us all about it!”
*****
Humble awoke in the hall with a nasty headache accompanied by a dry, furry taste. “Ehh, feels like I’ve been eating cotton.” He got up and noticed he was outside his apartment. “How did I get home?”
“What!?” shouted the group from inside. The sound of rushing hooves came to a halt when Rainbow Dash slammed the door open with everypony from the living room behind her. Rainbow Dash quickly picked up Humble and shook him.
“Why didn’t you tell us that you and A.K. Yearling were exes?”
“Rainbow Dash, stop!” Pinkie pulled Rainbow Dash off Humble. “Unkie Humble are you alright?”
“Ohhh.” Humble rubbed his temples as his blood circulation returned to normal. “Yes sweetie, but please don’t yell. Now where is Daz-Miss Yearling?” He furrowed his eyebrows. “I want that mare out of my apartment right now.”
“But Humble you can’t do that!” Coil said as Humble got up.
“Celestia’s mane, I can’t!” Humble stormed past the group before realizing what Rainbow Dash had said. “Wait, a second how do you all know about my—” He glanced over to Twilight and Octavia who had a nervous grins, Humble frowned, “...I see, well then I’ll be happy to explain everything to you all after I’ve dealt with—Omph!” Humble went muzzle first into Cloud Skipper and Midnight Blossom. “Who the Discord are you two?”
“Mr. Pie—” Midnight was pushed to the floor.
Cloud got in her place. “Mr. Pie, I am lieutenant Cloud Skipper of her Majesty Celestia’s Royal Solar guard. I have a few question for you concerning your foalnapping.”
Humble looked at him for a second. “Umm, okay? But first let me deal with the mare trespassing in my bedroom.”
“You mean Miss Yearling? I’m afraid she left here about two hours ago.”
“What?” Humble ran past Cloud, slammed open Coil’s door, and looked around. “Why that cowardly succubus!”
“Hey!” Everyone turned to Rainbow Dash, “You can’t call Yearling that!”
Humble looked down and breathed deeply. That mare just comes and goes doesn’t she? t hought Humble. “It doesn’t matter,” he mumbled.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Humble shut the door and looked back at the guards. I’m not done with you yet Yearling! “Alright officer, I’m ready to go.”
“Wait!” Pinkie ran up to Humble and grabbed hold of his muzzle “Unkie Humble, you just got back! You can’t go just like that!”
“Now, Pinkie.” Twilight moved up. “Humble has to go tell the police about everything that happened to him.” She softly put her hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder. “He’ll be alright.”
“Don’t you worry hon.” Humble pushed Pinkie away gently. “I’ll be fine.”
Pinkie looked up with sad eyes, but grinned nevertheless. “Alright, Unkie Humble. I’ll see you at the hotel.”
“Hotel? I thought you all where—Wait, what are you all doing here anyway?” Humble looked around to see that most of the ponies he had met at Ponyville where in his living room.
“Well, we couldn’t just let ya get foalnapped like that.” Applejack shook her head. “Just wouldn't be right.”
Octavia coughed and smiled, “And I do believe I owe you a favor for saving my life.”
“Also, you never signed my copy of your book.” Rarity pulled from her bags a hardcover book with a picture of a barrel stuck in a iceberg under the words “Ice Barrels.” “Um, would you mind?”
“Sure.” Humble took the book and quickly wrote his name before giving it back to Rarity who held it tightly. “Well that explains you ponies, but I could’ve sworn I heard Scootaloo—Scootaloo! How is she?”
“The squirt’s fine. She and the other kids left with Fluttershy already. ” Rainbow Dash flew up. “But what I really want to know is how in the world you made kissy faces with A.K. Yearling!”
“Enough!” Everypony jumped slightly at Humble’s sudden shouting. “I don’t want to hear that mare’s name in this house—”
“Technically, it’s a condo,” Spike corrected, but stopped when Humble glared at him. “But I could be wrong.”
“But why not? Was it because she dumped you?” Rainbow Dash went closer to Humble.
“And right when you proposed of all the times.” Rarity patted her slightly mascara-stained eyes at the memory of Twilight and Ocativa’s tale. “The humiliation must’ve been horrible!”
Twilight glanced back to Humble, and the grim frown on his muzzle. “Um, maybe we should go?”
“Yes.” Humble took a step forward. “Perhaps you should,” he practically growled. “Where can I find this hotel of yours?”
“Oh, it’s that one!” Pinkie pointed out the room window to the Mane Fair Hotel in the distance.
“Good,” Humble said with a snort. “Well then, everypony, I suppose I’ll see you later. Guards?”
“This way, Mr. Pie.” Midnight Blossom and Cloud Skipper walked out the door with Humble in tow. The ponies in the room looked out the main window as Humble was put into a police carriage and driven away.
“Well, that went better than expected,”said Spike simple. Everypony else, except Pinkie and Coil, rolled their eyes at him.
*****
Being a former special forces guard left its mark on a stallion. Sometimes it was mental, other times physical. In Lemon Squeeze’s case, it was both. He had been a archer in the past, so he was used to waiting long periods of time for a target to appear, however, waiting for their contact to arrive accompanied by the constant complaining and swearing of Stale was making him honestly prefer being forced to lay in a bush of poison ivy for twelve hours.
“Where is that bucking bloke?” Stale slumped beside Lemon as the two waited on a stone bench in the seventh avenue subway station. “He said he would be here by four o’clock and it’s six-bucking-three!”
“Maybe he got held up in traffic,” groaned Lemon as he stared at a poster advertising the M.I.K.’s newest product, the Weeder 3000, with a picture of a slack-jawed stallion saying, “Mah weed is gone!” “That or we got the wrong station,” he added.
“Nah, Pike told us the contact would be here.” Stale put a hoof into his coats pocket and pulled out two brass horseshoes.
Lemon glanced at the pieces of metal. “What are you doing?”
“See there?” Stale pointed in the direction of the only other living souls in the area. Four unsavory figures were looking at them in the corner of the station: a female griffon wearing a red beanie,a mare with a poorly bright blue-dyed mane, a mule with a toothpick in his crooked, yellow teeth, and a minotaur in a t-shirt harboring a picture of Celestia in a suggestive pose. “Bucking kids, think they’re so tough just because they can spit farther than they can throw.”
“Let’s not try to draw attention to ourselves,” hissed Lemon as he got a dirty look from the mare. “I don’t want to draw attention to ourselves—”
“Too late.” Stale hammered the final nail into his hoofs as the four thugs walked over with the griffon in front. “What can I do for you, miss?” sneered Stale.
“You can start by telling your friend here to throw over his case.” The griffon pointed at Lemon’s iron briefcase that held his bow. “Or else me and my friends are gonna lose our manners.” She nodded at the other thugs, and they chuckled.
“Now just who do you think you are?” Lemon was about to get up and show a lesson to the mare when Stale pushed him down.
“Listen bitch,” said Stale getting up in the griffon’s beak. “You and your little friends here can go find a nice piss-stained mattress and go buck yourselves.”
“Is that right?” The griffon showed her talons which were reinforced with steel covers. “Well how about I just take it?” The griffon threw her claw at Stale’s muzzle, but Stale ducked and rammed his head right into the griffon’s stomach. “Shit!”
“How about no?” Stale’s lips curled into a disturbed smile as he took hold of the griffon’s wings and threw her into a column before she could even flap. Stale turned his attention to the rest of the gangbangers. “Who’s next?” The mule ran up to Stale and somersaulted over him, he took his kicking pose, but before he could finish it, Stale took both of his legs and twisted them, earning him a blood curdling scream from the hybrid as he collapsed from the pain. “Come on! This isn’t even har—Whoah!” Stale dodged a knife slash as the poorly dyed mare circled hi, swinging a pair of knives like a deadly ballerina. But even she couldn’t stop the hitpony. “Here you go girly!” Stale slid under the mare and bucked her into a turnstile throwing her out of the station. “That’ll teach you to mind other ponies—Aw, shit.” Stale jumped back as the minotaur threw a trashcan at him.
“You die!” shouted the minotaur with smoke coming out of his nostrils. “You go—Ahhhh!” The minotaur shook violently.
“What the—?” Stale watched as the minotaur fell to the floor revealing a frowning Light Wizard holding a taser.
“Really, Mister Stale?” Light stepped over the groaning minotaur, “This is most uncivil. Luckily nopony else was here.”
Stale clinked his hooves together. “Who the buck are you?”
“My name is Light Wizard. I am an associate to Mr. Pike.” Light put away the taser. “I was sent to bring you to him along with your ‘friend’, but I see he’s not here.” Light frowned.
Lemon got up and rubbed his head. “Um, well you see Mr. Wizard, our friend—”
Light put a hoof up. “Spare me the details, Mr. Squeeze, I saw Humble trot by my carriage on my way to work this morning.” Light put his hoof to his forehead and groaned. “Mr. Pike will not be pleased at this change of events.”
“But Mr. Wizard, we can explain—”
“Enough,” snapped Light. “You can explain to Mr. Pike when we arrive at his office. Now come along, a carriage is waiting to take us.”
As the three started to walk out of the subway station, Stale heard the griffon groan.
“Heh, one second guys.” He walked over to the griffon and picked her up. “Ups-a-daisy!” The two other stallions watched as Stale dragged the griffon to the tracks. A rumble was heard as the sound of an oncoming train came rushing towards the station, aligning the griffon with the track so that her head was in the way of the incoming object, Stale chuckled. “That’ll teach you.”
He turned around and noticed the disapproving look on Light. “Really Mister Stale?”
“Oh, fine!” Quickly, Stale pulled the griffon back just as the train came through. “You owe me one, though.”
The carriage ride was full of silence and bored looks until it came to the front steps of a gigantic skyscraper. The tower thrust up into the sky, sending a long, wide shadow over the city. Ponies in business suits rushed in and out of the row of revolving glass doors at the top of the steps, hauling papers and briefcases.
“Um, this is kinda of public, don’t you think?” said Lemon as all ponies came out of the carriage. “I mean, what if the spears come here?”
Light sighed. “I’ve made arrangements so that you two can travel throughout the city without being hassled, now come along.”
The three went past the doors and into a wide, open lobby. A chandelier with metal rectangles hung above a circular desk, where receptionists were busy typing away and reading letters from the chutes that ran in the building’s walls. Light flashed them a passcard before going past a turnstile. He lead Stale and Lemon to an elevator where he asked the attendant to take them to the highest floor of the building. Stepping out they entered a smaller lobby with a similar chandelier and a familiar mare.
“Good afternoon, Miss Typo,” Light said to the typing mare, “I’m here to see Pike.”
Typo Fixer didn’t look up. “He’s right in the middle of his exercise, Light. Head on in.”
Stale shot her a flirtatious grin. “A pleasure to meet you again love.” The resulting silence just made him snort.
The three walked past the desk and entered its conjoining room, where they were met with a room full of light so bright, it seemed the sun had made its new home there.
“What the buck?” Stale covered his eyes as the sun’s rays shone in through the office’s glass walls.
“Oh, hello friends,” said a spandex-clad Pike as he uncurled himself from his yoga position. “Mr. Crumbs and Mr. Squeeze! What a pleasure to see you again!”
“A pleasure to see you too, sir.” Lemon squinted at Pike to make out his shape. “Is there a way you could darken the room a bit?”
“Oh, certainly lad.” Pike clapped his hooves together, and a second later, the clear view from outside was replaced with a blank, peach-colored wall.
Lemon poked at the walls, expecting plaster, but felt only hot glass. “How did you do that?”
Pike stretched his legs before jumping into his desk’s chair. “Neat, right? These walls are actually an enhanced form of glass from Saddle Arabia. They can change colors and hues to make the room go from crystal clear to pitch black. Saved me a ton of bits on colored windows.”
“That’s real nice, boss.” Stale pulled out his pipe and lit it. “But, eh, how about we get down to the, er, business?”
Pike beamed with joy, “Aw, yes, Humble! Where is he?” Pike looked at both stallions; neither responded. “You did get him, didn’t you?”
Light coughed before taking a step forward. “Actually, sir, this morning as I was going to get coffee, I saw our good friend Mr. Pie trot by.” Pike’s eyes went wide and a frown appeared on his face.
“We can explain!” said Stale and Lemon in unison.
Mr. Pike looked down in contemplation, the action bringing a thick fog of tension into the room. All three stallions waited for the elderly pegasus to respond in aseries of shouts, swears, and potential termination of employment, but were surprised when all he did was shrug.
“Oh, well.” Pike took a sip out of a glass of water, “These things happen. I trust you did, however, take care of Mr. Turner?”
Stale looked at Lemon, who just shrugged. “Uh, yeah boss. The bucker’s in the hospital as we speak.”
“Good.” Pike got up from his chair and went over to a nearby coffee table, where a metal briefcase lie. “I must say, Lemon, you are a very good marksstallion. The guards were fools to let you leave.”
“Thank you, sir.” Lemon caressed his bows case. “But if I may ask sir, what did that special vial you gave me do to him?”
“Oh, it was just a little concoction I learned when a relative of mine was among the zebra tribes.” Pike brought the case over. “I trust there wasn’t anything else?”
The memory of Octavia came back to Lemon, “Actually, sir, yes, it seems that The Assassins are involved.”
Pike looked up. “Yes, I know of them. In fact, our dear Light here is to become a member of The Templars.”
Light’s eyes widened and he sputtered. “Sir! That’s private information!”
Pike waved him off. “Oh pish posh, we’re all friends here.”
Lemon squinted his good eye at Pike. “So you're a Templar too?”
Pike shook his head slowly. “Oh, Celestia, no. I’m far too busy for such business.”
Stale played with his pipe. “Yeah, yeah. This is all real interesting. But I’d like to get paid and leave this country before the spears find us.”
Pike grinned. “Of course, Stale.” He rolled the combination to the briefcase. With a click, the box opened and revealed five golden bars. “I believe this should be enough...for now.”
Stale took the pipe out of his mouth. “Whad’ya mean for now? Aren’t we done?”
Pike closed the case and gave it to Lemon. “Well, that’s up to you. You see, my friends, I’m hosting a party in two days and I’d be very much obliged if you’d come.”
Lemon blinked his good eye. “Um, sir, we appreciate the invitation, but we’re, uh, kind of wanted now.”
Pike chuckled. “My dear boy, you underestimate me. I have more than enough influence to make that problem go away.”
“You do?”
“Why of course, I could even change the country’s train schedules to my comfort if I wanted to.”
Stale rubbed his muzzle in thought. “So what would we be doing there? Not talking to no bucked up rich dicks and their bloody whore wives?” Light glared at Stale whilst Pike only snickered.
“Well, that’s the big question, now isn’t it?” Pike sat down in his chair again. “I’d like to introduce you to other members of The Templar order, I hear they could use some help with their Assassin problem.”
Stale and Lemon looked at each other for a moment.
“Can we have a moment?”
Pike took another sip of his water, before nodding. “Sure.”
Going to a secluded part of the room, both stallions huddledup.
“I don’t know about this Stale,” Lemon said, glancing to see if the other stallions were watching (they were discussing the weather). “Don’t you think it’s kinda suspicious to have a non-Templar ask us to help them, and to shrug off our losing their package?”
Stale snorted. “Listen Lem, I could give a rat’s ass on what they do behind closed doors, but I know a good deal when I see one.” Stale looked over to Pike who was showing a yoga move to Light. “Besides, Templars pay good money.Remember that job we did for that plothole from Vanhoover a couple months ago here?”
Lemon nodded. “How could I forget? It’s when I saw that assassin bitch.” Lemon looked down in thought for a moment before picking his head up. “But the pay was good.”
Stale smirked heavily and blew some more bubbles that popped on the glass ceiling. “And if two thousand bits can be gained from one assassin without killing them, think about how much they’ll pay to have us finish them.”
Lemon tapped his chin before smiling deviously. “We’ll do it!” he shouted to Pike.
Pike smiled brightly. “Splendid! Now you’ll need a place to stay, I’ve got a fine suite in the Mane Fair Hotel if you're interested.”
Stale took a blow from his pipe and shrugged “Sounds good to me, tired of sleeping in cots anyway. But you sure we won’t be bothered by any spears?”
Pike started to giggle, “Oh, Stale, my boy! I assure you there won’t be any trouble with the law, I’ve already sent a message to our guard friends to not trouble you two.”
Lemon took a step back and paused. “You bribed the Equestrian guard? How in Celestia’s lifetime did you—”
“Questions can be answered later!” Pike got up and started pushing both mercenaries out of the room with surprising ease. “Now I want you to enjoy your time at the hotel. I heard the spa is divine! You will see your drivers downstairs.” As he pushed them out into the lobby, both turned to him and attempted to speak, but shrugged it off and went towards the elevator. Pike closed the doors and looked back at Light. “Well, I think that went well.”
Light nodded. “I suppose. But sir, if I may?”
Pike started his walk back to his yoga mat. “You may.”
“Why aren’t you concerned about Humble escaping?”
Pike clapped his hooves together and the walls shifted back into a clear view. He got on the mat and into a lotus position. Pike had a look of tranquility on him. “Because he needs to be out.”
*****
“Oh my Celestia, this place is amazing!”Sweetie Belle and her friends ran throughout the enormous penthouse, with Fluttershy catching the occasional toppled vase. “I mean watch!” Sweetie Belle jumped onto a bed and pressed a button on the nightstand, a second later she started to moan in pleasure as the bed vibrated. “Thisssss iiiisss tthhhee lllifffee.”
“Yeah, and watch this!” Scootaloo pressed another button, this time on the kitchen counter. Sapphire Shore’s new single, “Shake that Mane” started blasting throughout the rooms.
“That’s alright and all, but lookie here!” Apple Bloom pressed a button with the word “Apples” on it, and a second later, a ding was heard at the door. “I’ll get it.” Apple Bloom opened it up to the sight of a silver platter on a cart pushed by a griffon.
“Mademoiselles Apples.” The griffon took the lid off the platter and revealed dozens of apple products ranging from apple cider to apple pies.
“Those are all cool, but watch what this one does!” Button pressed a button and a loud sound from the kitchen sink was heard. “Oh, nevermind. That’s just the garbage disposal.”
“Um, maybe we could stop pressing all the buttons?” Fluttershy smiled meekly as she rushed to shut off the garbage disposal. “How about we all just play a board game?” Another ding was heard from the front door. “Oh, I wonder who that could be.” She opened the door to the other girls.
“Thanks again, Fluttershy, for taking care of the youngins.” Applejack put her bags to the side of the room while everypony else came in. “They weren’t too much trouble, were they?”
“Oh no, they were angels—”
A large crashing sound came from inside the kitchen before Button shouted. “Sorry! I was trying to get the plates on the top shelf!”
“Now listen up, everypony!” Applejack herdedthe four children together. “This ain’t no vacation, remember that. We’re here on important business.”
Rarity put her bags over on the couch. “Fluttershy, are you ready for our spa time?” Rarity got her book out. “The receptionist told me it’s divine!”
“Rarity, I’m trying to make a point!”
“Now, everypony listen to Applejack. The reason we came here was to help Humble.” Twilight put her stuff down. “So let’s all remember to just—” Twilight stopped when she saw room’s huge library. “Well, maybe we could have some relaxation time.”
*****
Diamond Tiara had grown up with only the best. The best accessories, the best food, the best (in her opinion) friend, and the best news, which made what she heard the (relative) worst thing that happened to anypony ever.
“You can’t do this, daddy!” Diamond clung to her father’s foreleg as he struggled to get out of Derpy’s front door. “You can’t leave me with them!”
Derpy chuckled. “We’ll take good care of her, Filthy. Right, muffin?” She looked down at Dinky, who smiled and nodded.
“Yep, mommy!”
“Agh!” Filthy pried Diamond off him. “Thank you again, Miss Doo,” he said to her before turning to Diamond. “Now you be a good filly for them, princess, alright?” Diamond tried desperately to squirm out of his grasp as he planted her back on the doorstep.
“But daddy!” cried Diamond shuddering at the thought of being among what she considered peasants. “They don’t even have a butler!”
“Yes we do!” Dinky pulled out a toy bear wearing a bowtie. “His name’s Mr. Tea.”
Diamond’s right eye twitched before she looked back at her dad. “This has to be illegal.”
Filthy glanced upward for pity. “Now listen, Diamond, it’s only going to be for two weeks, alright? Besides you might learn something.”
“Pffft, like what?”
“Well, um—” The sound of a carriage bell saved Filthy. “Love you sweetie. Mwah!” Filthy galloped into the carriage, and barely a second later, it left behind a cloud of dust as it went over the horizon.
Diamond sighed and look up to see Derpy smiling at her. “What do you want?”
Derpy pointed toward the house. “I baked some muffins for you. Would you like some?”
Diamond was baffled by the statement. “You baked muffins? By yourself? Don’t you have somepony to do that for you?”
“Course, I do. My little muffin.” Derpy stepped to the side, allowing Dinky to tackle Diamond in a hug.
“We’re gonna have so much fun!” Dinky nuzzled Diamond (who was desperately trying to get away). “Especially when we get to Canterlot!”
Diamond stopped struggling when she heard the city name. “Canterlot? You’re going to Canterlot?”
“Yes, didn’t your father tell you?” Derpy waved for them to come inside. “We’ll be staying with a friend there. Now, I gotta help Carrot Top in the backyard with the doctor’s shed. You girls play nice.”
“A friend?” Diamond thought this over. Canterlot is mostly made up of nobles though, how could these two possibly know anypony—Ahh! Diamond fell to the floor with a thump growling at her attacker: Mr. Tea. Getting up, she looked over herself. “Oh no! Now I’m filthy!”
“Whafta tafking abouf?” Dinky sprayed crumbs into Diamond’s face as she ate her muffin and swallowed it. “We clean up everyday.”
Diamond couldn’t believe her fate—she would not stand for it. “Okay, listen up! We’re gonna lay down some rules—” A growling sound interrupted her, “—but first, you're going to make me a meal.”
“Okie-dokie!” Dinky pranced into the kitchen while Diamond followed behind her. Opening the fridge, Dinky pondered on what to make. “Hmmm, we got muffin mix, your muffin, lettuce, soup, muffin mix, radishes, a half-eaten hayburger, muffin mix, and a can of beans! What would you like?”
“I’ll have a radish salad.” Diamond waved her hoof at Dinky to cook before taking a seat on the counter. “And do hurry.”
“Okay!” Dinky got the lettuce out along with the radishes and put them in a bowl. “Here you go!”
Diamond looked at the bowl with a puzzled look. “Why is the lettuce still a ball? And the radishes are not cut!”
“Mommy doesn’t own any knifes.” Dinky went over to another drawer and pulled out a pair of safety scissors.
Diamond’s interest was peaked. “Why not?”
“She says she can’t see that well and doesn’t want to get an owie.” Dinky started cutting the lettuce with the scissors before doing the same to the radishes. “There we go!”
“Finally!” Diamond put her head down to chomp and felt only air. “What the—Hey!”
Dinky stopped putting half the salad into her own bowl and looked up. “Yeah?”
“Why are you stealing from me?”
Dinky giggled. “I’m not stealing, silly. I’m taking my half.”
“You already had a muffin!”
Dinky grinned. “And you still have yours too, but mommy says I need to eat my vegetables, too. Besides, it’s fun to share!”
Diamond stared at Dinky with a frown. “It’s fun to what?”
Dinky giggled again, much to Diamond’s annoyance. “Share! You know, where one pony gives some of their things to another pony.”
Diamond still just stared at her. “And what do they get in return?”
“They get their own share, as well!”
Diamond shook her head and put her hooves to her forehead. “So let me get this straight. You give some of your things to another pony, and in exchange you have less than you started with?”
“Yep!”
“Why in the world would you want to do that?” Diamond took a bite out of her lettuce. “It makes no sense.”
“Because it’s nice to give stuff to other ponies!”
Diamond snickered. “Yeah right. My daddy tells me that he earned his business on one lesson: don’t let anypony slow you down.”
“But I thought your daddy was born rich?”
Diamond stopped eating her radishes. “Well, uh, he, uh, you wouldn’t understand. It’s too adult for you.”
“Okay!” Dinky went back to munching on her salad.
Diamond looked down and saw that she had already finished hers. “Hmm, huh?” Dinky put a big slice of her radishes into Diamond’s bowl. “What you’d do that for?”
“You looked like you wanted more.” Dinky ate the last of her lettuce. “Well go on, eat up.”
Diamond looked down at the radishes, but shook her head. “Eh, you can have them. I don’t eat anything that hasn’t been washed.”
“But I did wash them.” Dinky waited for a response, but got none. “Okay, more for me!”
*****
Humble sighed as he came out of the police station, and was met with a mixture of light and dark as the city’s sea of lamps turned on. He had been in the station for seven hours, seven hours of filling out forms, answering questions, shaking his head at a line up of ponies who looked like Stale and Lemon, until the guards had let him go on the condition he come back tomorrow. “Well,” he said, waiting in line for a hayburger at a cart. “That was awful.”
A stallion in front of him looked back. “What was?”
“Oh, sorry. Just talking to myself.” The stallion looked back at the cart, leaving Humble to his thoughts. Probably better if I think, rather than talk. Humble waited for his turn, and after getting his burger, looked up at a nearby street clock. “Dang, I was in there longer than I thought. Well, I’ll just head to the hotel tomorrow. I’m sure the girls will understand.” Trotting down into the subway, Humble glanced at a group of injured thugs thugs tending their wounds in the corner of the station. Kids these days. Getting on the subway, Humble sat between a zebra and a mare.
“You are Humble Pie, if I may pry?” said the zebra.
“Yeah?”
“Well, might I say, you ruined a good day with your wandering away.”
“I’m guessing you we’re at the convention in Ponyville?”
The zebra nodded.
“We’ll sorry about that, then.” Humble heard the name of his street over the speakers and got off before anything bad happened. Sheesh, it was just a convention, he thought. Humble went into the lobby and waved at the night lobbyist, who didn’t look up from her book. Wonder what she’s read—Aw, come on! Daring Do and The River of Gloom? Humble marched upstairs, muttering about weak writing, until he came to his front door. Getting his keys, Humble saw the bit Button had left. “Hey, free money.” He picked it up and while he examined he turn the door knob. “Maybe my luck’s starting to...change.” Humble stared at the sight of Daring holding a briefcase in her mouth , her eyes wide as saucers. Closing the door without looking back Humble frowned. “What are you doing here?”
Daring relaxed a little and put down her luggage. “I left my stuff...you look different.”
Humble squinted his eyes. “I haven’t shaved in a few days, on account of me being dragged on a boat and thrown into a hull. But what I really want to know is why you’re here.”
“I already told you.”
Humble gritted his teeth. “Please! I know why you're really here. You're here to look innocent after you paid for me to be foalnapped!”
Daring was taken back by this, but quickly took the offensive. “Where did you get an idiotic idea like that?”
Humble took another step forward, he felt his nose starting to fill up but ignored it. “Don’t play dumb. I just happen to get foalnapped a few moments after I see you in the first time for fifteen years? Sound kind of suspicious.”
“Yes, Humble, I paid for your foalnapping, risked exposing who I was, and looked for you.” Daring snorted. “Just because something sounds like it does, doesn’t mean it is.”
Humble grimaced. “Like saying you’re sorry?”
Daring’s ears drooped. “You’re still on that?”
Humble suddenly started shouting. “Of course I’m still bucking on it! You left me in a swamp!”
“Oh, so just because you brought me to dinner and gave me a good light show, you think you own me?”
Humble felt a swollen feeling in his eyes, but suppressed it for a bit longer. “We had been together since we were foals. Had we lived together we would’ve been common law husband and wife, for Celestia’s sake. And owning you? Artemis, if anypony was dominant in our relationship, the obvious answer was you! I would have followed you to the ends of the freaking earth! But I guess that’s all I was to you, huh?” Humble turned around and took a deep breath. “A load too heavy for you and your grand adventures.”
“Well, maybe I didn’t want you on my adventures.” Daring took a step forward, feeling a sting in her eyes. “Maybe I wanted to be alone, you ever think of that?”
Humble didn’t have a good comeback, but something else came to mind instead. “Wait a second, you took your bags already when you left the first time. What are you really doing here?”
Daring looked to the side. “I thought you’d want this back.” She opened her bags and took out the compass Humble lost. “Here.” She held it out for him, but he just glared at it.
“Stealing things, too?” Humble roughly took it.
“Oh, for the love of Celestia, Humble! You’re acting like a whiny foal!”
“I can act how I want to! This is my place, and you're not welcome here!” Humble looked to see if the compass was still working; the arrow pointed in Daring’s direction. Yeah right. “Damn thing’s broken.” Humble trotted to the windows, opened one, and threw the compass out into the dark alleyway below to Daring’s shock. “Good riddance.”
“What the buck did you do that for?” Daring watched Humble, who just took another deep breath. “Okay, I get it, you're angry—”
“Angry? No, furious more like.” Humble watched the still-lit windows of the other condos for a few seconds. “You still there?”
“Yeah.” Daring looked down. “Why?”
“I’m going to count to five, and by the time I turn around, you’d better be gone. For good.”
“Humble—”
“One.”
“For goodness sakes, Humble, at least let me explain—”
“Two.”
“Wait.”
“Three.”
“Wait a second. You called me Artemis. Not Dazzle.”
Humble stopped for a second, as if in thought, but shook it off. “Four...five.” He turned around to see no sign of Daring.
“Yeah, yeah, right there love.” Stale moaned in pleasure as a masseuse ground her hooves into his back. “Aw, yeah.”
After their meeting yesterday with Pike, Stale and Lemon had been given additional perks, one of which was a free stay at the Fair Mane hotel. So, after Stale had raided the minibar, he had taken the next step for a massage.
Lemon came out of the bathroom to the sight of the rubbing. “You do know it would be better to go to the spa, right?”
Stale snorted. “Yeah, right, like you're to catch me in that place. A real stallion relaxes in private. Heh.”
“Well, while you relax, I’m going to head down there. Try not to spend to much of the boss’ money.” Lemon combed his hair down over his eyepatch.
Stale blew a raspberry. “Pfft, guy’s rich. He can afford a few beers, wine, and brandy.” Stale rolled over onto his back, opening his eyes when he heard the mare gasp. “Something wrong—Oh, sorry about that.” Quickly thinking of ugly things, Stale’s “thing” pulled itself back in.
Lemon facehooved. “Can you for once stop trying to buck somepony?” He left the room without another word.
*****
“So, this is the Mane Fair hotel, huh?” Humble looked at the luxurious building. “The M.I.T. really gave it a makeover.”
“Pfft.” Coil waved his hoof in contempt. “This place is just a big, ugly electronic waste machine. I mean, look at that!” He pointed at the now electric doors. “All that did was put a doorpony out of a job.”
Humble raised his eyebrow. “Why so touchy? I thought you liked simple things like that?”
“Not when they’re powered by Mr. Stealy Pants over there.” Coil pointed at a poster of Light Wizard holding a lightbulb with the words “It’s Fun to Learn” on it in big blue letters. “Look at him, all smuggy and stuff.” Coil looked down as they entered the lobby. “It should be me on there.”
Humble glanced at his friend with a grin. “Come on, Coil, you made some famous things, too. Like that machine that can call birds!”
Coil perked up. “You mean the Pigeonator? Yeah, but it’s only in it’s blueprint stage...you know, someone wanted to buy it from me.”
Humble pressed the elevator button. “Really? Who?”
“Some ponies with business suits, but I just couldn’t.”
Both of them entered the elevator. Humble pressed the top button. “Why not? Sounds like you could’ve made a lot of bits from it. Celestia knows we need some.”
Coil leaned against the elevator’s side. “Yeah, but they wanted me to change it.”
“Change it? Change it how?”
Coil glanced side to side, as if he was looking to see if someone was listening, before leaning in. “They wanted a death ray,” he whispered in a grave tone.
“A death ray? Now why on Celestia’s green earth would they have wanted such a monstrosity?” The elevator dinged, signalling their stop.
“Didn’t say.” Coil looked at the lights above them and sighed. “And it wasn’t a death ray, exactly. More of a… death tower.”
“Well, whatever it is, I’m glad you didn’t make them one.” Humble looked at room doors until they came to the one they were looking for. “Ah, here it is, 101.” He reached for the handle. Instead, it quickly opened on its own to Rarity, Fluttershy, and Octavia.
Rarity smiled. “Humble, you're here! If you're looking for Pinkie, she took the children to the arcade.” She noticed Coil. “Nice to see you again, Mr. Spark.”
Coil’s muzzle grew a big grin. “A pleasure to see you again, too, Miss Rarity. Almost as an afterthought, he added “And, of course, you too, Fluttershy and Octavia. Where are you three heading?”
“Oh, the spa here is to die for. It’s almost as good as the one in Ponyville.” Rarity leaned in. “I finally convinced Octavia here to come along with us.”
Humble looked over Rarity to see Octavia mouthing, “help me” before smirking. “Well, I’m sure you three will have a good time. Might I suggest getting Octavia to try a mud bath?”
Octavia's eyes grew wide. “Now wait just a—”
“That sounds like a perfect idea!” Rarity announced with glee. “It will do wonders on that coat of yours, darling.”
Octavia gritted her teeth. Fluttershy giggled. “Thank you for your suggestion, Humble.” Octavia’s tone dripped with sarcasm. “Let’s get this over with, shall we?” As the three left, she shot a dirty look at Humble, who mouthed, “payback.”
*****
“Howdy! What’re you two doing here?” Applejack stopped kicking the soccer ball she was guiding out the hotel doors and smiled at Humble and Coil. Rainbow hovered next to her and waved. “If y’all are lookin’ for Pinkie, she’s in the arcade.”
“Thanks, Rarity told us. Where are you two going?”
Applejack was about to speak when Rainbow Dash swooped in and grabbed the ball. “I’m going to show this pony what real sports are.”
Applejack rolled her eyes at the comment. “Rainbow thinks she’s the better soccer player.” She grinned. “I’m gonna prove her wrong.”
Humble felt his legs tire from standing still. “Well, you have fun with that. See ya.” He watched the two fillies leave before heading into the hotel and up to Twilight’s lodgings.
Knocking on it gently, Humble put his ear to the door. “Twilight? You here?” Silence… until a faint rustling came from somewhere within the room. “Miss Twilight? You in there?” When no reply came, Humble peeked into the room. He was greeted with total darkness. “Um, hello?”
Coil turned on the light switch. “Hello!” From the deep within, a groaning sound was heard. “Zombiepony! Run away!” Coil jumped behind the couch.
Humble rolled his eyes. “Coil, there’s no such thing as zombieponies—”
“Actually…”
Humble turned around to see a corpselike Twilight with a lantern highlighting her features.
“In some dark—What are you doing?” Twilight asked. “Why do you have my copy of ‘A Dissertation of Physical Magic’ brandished like a weapon?”
“Go back to Tartarus from whence you came!” Humble threw a book at Twilight, but missed by ten feet. “Maybe I should’ve done a sport for high school after all.” He quickly turned around and joined Coil behind the couch. “Don’t come any closer or we’ll… um… Any ideas, Coil?”
Coil put his hoof to his chin. “Maybe we could throw more books?” Humble rolled his eyes.
Twilight looked between the two in confusion, until she caught her reflection in the mirror to the left. “Ahh!” She stumbled back into a bookcase, causing the books to fall on her.
“What is going on?” Spike came out from the kitchen room holding a pot of coffee. “How is an assistant supposed to make coffee with all this noise ?”
“Spike! Get over here!” hissed Humble. “There’s a zombiepony !”
Spike stared at them for a second, tumbling to the floor in a fit of laughter he said, “That’s not a zombiepony! Twilight just hasn’t slept! She was too busy reading last night.” Spike walked over to Twilight, who had fallen under all the books. “This should wake her up.” He opened Twilight’s muzzle and poured the coffee into it.
“I thought I said no sugar?” Twilight sat up and rubbed her head. Spike flipped on the rest of the lights, revealing her crusted eyelids. “Sorry about that, everypony. I forgot to use my sleep in a bit spell.”
Humble breathed with a sigh of relief before getting out from behind the couch. “Sorry about throwing a book at you, Twilight. It’s okay, Coil, you can come out.”
Twilight’s horn lit up, and a second later her body look rejuvenated. “Ah, much better. So, what are you two doing here?”
“Well, I thought I would check up on you all. It’s the least I can do for you coming to my rescue.” Humble looked sideways. “Sorta.”
Twilight floated the books back into place. “Thanks Humble. Did you ever find the ponies who hurt you?”
Humble frowned. “Not the two who abducted me, but what I want to know is why on earth you invited Miss Yearling to ‘rescue me.’”
“Humble, don’t be sarcastic.” Coil headed for the kitchen. “It’s not healthy for a pony.”
Twilight sighed. “So that’s what this is about. Listen, Humble, I’m sorry about bringing her, but she honestly seemed to care about you.”
Humble trotted over to the couch and fell onto it. “Please, if she cared for me, then she would’ve wrote to me to at least explain.”
Spike walked over. “If it helps, I know how you feel.”
“You mean you were crushed horribly by someone you knew you loved since you were a kid and had already kissed them but were rejected after you gave them the most amazing night of their life?”
Spike rubbed his back. “Um… I reluctantly helped Rarity with her crush...?”
“Oh, sorry.” Humble got up and rubbed his neck. “You okay?”
Spike shrugged. “Eh, I do it kinda every week. I know she tried to impress you once in a letter.”
“Wait a second... Did she use the name ‘Marshmallow’ by any chance?” Humble grinned.
“Yeah. Wait, you got that letter?”
“Yep. In fact, I based a character in one of my books on that letter.” Humble’s eyes widened for a second. “And I left the draft in my baggage.” Humble facehoofed. “I had over thirty thousand words typed in that.”
Coil sat next to Humble and smiled. “On the bright side, you forgot about Dazzle!” Coil instantly realized his mistake. “Just made you remember, didn’t I?” he asked, sucking air in through his teeth.
Humble wrinkled his nose. “You know what, I keep hearing there’s a nice arcade here, and I might as well spend some time with Pinkie. You guys wanna come? My treat.”
“I’m going to see to go see if there are any pigeons on the roof.” Coil rose and left the room.
“You going to be okay?” Humble called after him, his tone carrying concern.
“I’ll tag along.” Spike put his claw between the couch cushions and brought out a Power Pony comic. “The view might be nice, anyway.”
Humble looked over to Twilight. “How about you?” She was too preoccupied with her reading to hear him. “Well, I guess it’s just me.”
*****
“You go, hot stuff!” Vinyl Scratch slapped the flank of the stallion who had driven her from the train station. “Be sure to write back!” The stallion nodded with a blush before picking up speed and disappearing down the highway. Turning around, Vinyl breathed in the smoggy air. “Manehattan, get ready to—”
“Make way!” said a voice. Quickly jumping to the side, Vinyl saw an orange filly coming to a rough stop with a cart of apple cider in tow. “Watch where ya trot!”
“Hey, wait a second.” Vinyl squinted in the sunlight. “Aren’t you Applejack’s cousin?”
Babs took a defensive position. “You know me?”
“Yeah, I remember seeing her little sis Apple Bloom following you.”
“Alright, yah, I’m Babs, but who are you?”
“Fans call me Dj-pon3—”
“Wait! The Dj-pon3? I’m a huge fan!” Babs quickly tore a piece of paper from her order clipboard. “Can I get yah autograph?”
Vinyl smirked. “Sure kid, anything for a fan.” Scrawling her name on the paper, Vinyl gave it back. “See ya!” She galloped inside the hotel.
Babs looked down at the autograph. When she was certain nopony was looking, she squeezed it tightly. “Now then. How am I gonna get this up the steps?” she asked aloud, looking at the cask of apple cider.
*****
“Oh my,” Rarity moaned as the griffon rubbed her hoof. “This is paradise! How is your massage going Fluttershy? Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy’s massage was being administered by an elderly mule, who was quickly jabbing Fluttershy in her joints, causing her to experience a light show in the center of her mind and a state of pure bliss. “Ohhhhhh,” she managed to utter in response to Rarity.
“I do agree, darling. Octavia? How is your mud bath going along?”
Octavia sighed beneath her avocado face mask and cucumber slices. “It’s actually not as bad as I thought it would be, to be honest. Not that I would come here again, but not bad.”
“Excuse me,” said a stallion’s voice. Octavia thought she recognized it, but shrugged it off. “Is this mud bath over here taken?”
“No, it’s all yours,” replied Octavia.
“Thanks.” Lemon eased his hoof into the mud and slipped it. Immediately, spa attendants bombard him with avocado and cucumbers, covering his face entirely except his eyepatch.
Rarity thought it strange to see a stallion in such a feminine environment. “Might I say, you're quite unique to be coming into a spa. Your friends didn’t dare you to, did they?”
Lemon chuckled at the question. “Nah, miss, I came here by my own free will.”
Octavia snorted. “Why on Celestia’s green earth would you want to come here?”
“I take it you didn’t?”
“Does it count if you're being emotionally blackmailed?”
“I only whined a bit, Octavia,” said Rarity as she got her horn chiseled. “And besides, it’s good to try new things.”
Octavia fidgeted. “You sound like Vinyl.”
Lemon’s ears perked up. “Who?”
“Just the most vulgar pony alive.” Octavia sighed. “Always trying to push me to ‘enjoy myself.’ I can get as much joy playing my violin as she does bringing back home the random stallion.”
Rarity’s cheeks grew hot as the conversation turned into more intimate matters. “Is that so—”
“Tell me about it, sister.” Lemon signaled for his horn to get chiseled. “I have to deal with my co-worker, who probably makes your mare look like Luna in terms of etiquette. Guy always thinks with his parts rather than his brain.”
“Oh my.” Rarity’s mind could barely stand the juiciness of the gossip she was hearing. Like all good things, it ended with Octavia’s prying.
Octavia relaxed more into the mud. “What do you and your co-worker do, um—”
“Lemon Squeeze, and we’re sorta... freelancers.”
Rarity decided to take some gossip, even if it was less meaty. “What do you freelance in?”
“Oh, um...” Lemon thought on what to say next. “We work in... fixing problems.”
“Hmph, wish you could fix my roommate,” said Octavia, rolling her hoof in the mud.
“Ha! If I could fix anybody like that I’d do it to my co-worker.”
“What’s his name, anyway?”
“Stale Crumbs.” Lemon lifted his forelegs up before settling them again in the mud. “He used to be my und-information broker when I worked as a guard.”
Rarity’s interest was as rejuvenated as her coat. “Unafraid to walk into spas and a former guardspony? My, Lemon, how you do not have a filly friend is beyond me. Perhaps Octavia here could help?”
“What?” Octavia blushed heavily under the mud.
“I appreciate the offer, miss, but frankly, despite everything, I just can’t leave the idiot while I go frollicking in fields with mares. Er, no offence.”
Octavia sighed. “None taken, and nor I, Vinyl. Just between you and me, I have to open her cans for her. But back to you, Lemon. You say you were a former guard?”
Lemon grinned. “Not just any former guard, the best damn one ever, pardon my Prench. Was the greatest markstallion in the entire organization, better than those in charge. Captain Shining Armor was a pretty good captain though. A bit clumsy but dedicated and focused.”
“Oh, you served with the prince?”
“Heh. Lady, I taught him how to hold a spear properly. Pitied the kid, I guess. ‘Course, before I could even scold him, he was being coddled by the princess, the pink one. He and the princess love each other a lot...and I mean a lot. The stuff in their love letters, sheesh. Even caught the two doing their ‘business’ in the barracks once.”
Rarity shot up and put her hoof to her muzzle. “No!”
“Swear on my honor, miss. ‘Course, he still was the better leadership choice than those two fools Cloud Skipper and Midnight Blossom.”
Octavia remembered the guard leaders. “Aren’t those two in control of the Solar and Lunar guards?”
Lemon snorted. “Pfft, glorified bureaucrats if anything. Oh, sure, when it’s a direct order from the princesses themselves they’ll get on it like that—” Lemon splattered the mud “—But when it’s a crisis like bandits, they’ll give it to us, regular guards.”
Rarity went to the salon section of the spa. “You keep saying you're a former guard and something about bandits? I didn’t even know Equestria had those.” She took a sip out of her complimentary drink.
Lemon chuckled. “ ‘Course you don’t! It’s probably the biggest lie this country has. Safety. Feh, ain’t nothing safe about Equestria and the guards know it!” he barked.
Octavia was taken back by the sudden shouting. “I thought you said they had a good leader?”
“We did and even then it wasn’t enough—” Lemon scooted up a bit “—listen, compared to the rest of the world, Equestria may seem like a paradise. We don’t have crimes like, say murder...that much.” Lemon’s voice turned grave.
Octavia shifted uncomfortably. “I take it you have seen some?”
“A few here and there, mostly merchants and nobles. In fact, there was a recent attempted one in this city a few months ago on a business pony by the name of Green Bucks.”
Octavia sat up quickly and started getting out. “I see. If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to go.” Octavia looked over at Lemon ,but his back was turned. “I’ll see you guys later.”
Rarity looked up from a magazine. “Are you alright, Octavia? You’re shaking like Opalescence when she gets scared.”
Octavia rubbed the mud off her coat. “I, um, must be having an allergic reaction to the cucumbers is all. I’m going to go lie down in the room. It was nice talking to you, Lemon.”
“A pleasure, miss.”
Octavia took one last look at the stallion. Why does he seem so familiar? She shrugged it off and took her leave.
*****
Pinkie stared at the dark abyss before her, waiting for her enemy to strike from below. “Come on.” A bead of sweat rolled down her muzzle and dripped onto the sticky floor. A popping sound shocked her to action as the creatures came out in droves. Quickly picking up her weapon of power, she slammed it down upon the beast, only for another to take its place. “Take this, and this!” She slashed up and down with the brutality of a timberwolf devouring its preys after not eating for days. Eventually, the creatures retreated back into the darkness. as Pinkie breathed heavily.
“WINNER!” The whack-a-mole machine jetted out three tickets as the text scrolled across the marquee screen. “NEW HIGH SCORE!”
“Yipee!” Pinkie threw the mallet into the air. Humble chuckled, having watched the scene play out. Pinkie did a victory twirl. “Who’s got the high score? I got the high score! P to the I to the—Unkie Humble!”
Humble simply smiled. “Well, it seems somepony’s having a good time.”
A sudden cry came from across the arcade.
“Just three more minutes!” Button reached for the joystick. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo dragged him by the hindlegs as the screen flashed “TRY AGAIN” over and over.
“No!” Sweetie Belle let go of Button. “You said you would play with ‘Prance Prance Revolution’ with me!”
“Why am I even doing this?” Scootaloo wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead. “I got better things to do than being in you two’s mushy conversation.”
“But I want to play—” Button noticed Humble staring at him. “Hey, it’s that hobo I was telling you about!”
Scootaloo looked up at Humble and smiled. “Humble, you're alright! What are you doing here?”
Humble trotted over to Scootaloo, grinning ear to ear. “I’d ask you the same thing. It seems your injury got better.”
“Pfft, it was just a scratch.” Scootaloo thumped herself on the head before groaning in pain.
“Well don’t hit it, and it’s good to see you Sweetie Belle and—Who are you?”
“I’m Button Mash.” Button looked under the whack a mole. “You didn't happen to see any bits lying around, did you?”
“Not that I can—oh, wait a second.” Humble unwrapped his white scarf, causing a bit to drop on the floor. “Found that one yesterday. You can have it.”
“Thanks!” Button picked it up and galloped off to another machine.
“Ugh, he never wants to dance anymore!” Sweetie Belle took off running in Button’s direction, leaving Scootaloo alone with Pinkie and Humble.
“So,” Humble spoke. “Where’s Apple Bloom?”
*****
“Hngg!” Babs struggled to push the kegs of cider into the elevator. “For Celestia’s sake, mom and dad need to get someone else to do the deliveries!” Pushing the button for the elevator, a voice rang out.
“Wait!” Apple Bloom rushed into the elevator just as the doors closed. “Sorry, don’t want to be—Babs!” Apple Bloom wrapped her hooves around the city pony.
Babs returned the hug with a confused look. “Cuz? Whatcha doin here?”
“You know Humble?”
“Yeah?” Babs hit the seventh floor button.
“Well he got foalnapped and then we decided to come and rescue him but now we found him!” Apple Bloom’s hooves hit the barrels. “What’s this?”
Babs groaned before tapping the barrels with her hoof. “Just a delivery for the hotel. Does Applejack know you're here?”
Apple Bloom frowned and looked up at the buzzing lights of the elevator. “Yeah,” she groaned. “She and Rarity found out we hitched a ride here.”
“We?”
“Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle are here too, along with Button Mash.”
Babs looked dumbfounded at the last name. “Who’s Button Mash?” The elevator stopped, but both fillies were too busy to notice.
“Oh, he’s Sweetie Belle’s coltfriend—”
The doors opened as Stale came in, frowning.
“Damn mare. Just because I ask if she does ‘extra services’ she bucks the table over and leaves.” Stale noticed the barrels of apple cider. “Well, well, what do we have here?”
“Don’t even think about it, bucko!” Babs voice caught Stale’s attention. He looked down at her. “I had to walk six blocks to deliver those and I ain’t lettin no pony take ‘em!”
Stale snickered. “Oh, I’m so terrified—”
The doors opened up to the tenth floor. Cloud Skipper and Midnight Blossom looked at the three and the barrels.
“Mind if we come in?” Cloud shuffled past Stale and into the corner, while Midnight moved behind Apple Bloom and Babs.
Midnight pressed the fourteenth floor button. “I told you it was the fourteenth floor they’re on, idiot. What penthouse is on the tenth?” Recognizing Apple Bloom, she raised an eyebrow. “What are you doing here, kid? Shouldn’t you be with that sister of yours?”
Apple Bloom looked up. “I was just using the restroom downstairs. The arcade’s had a big line.”
Babs looked at both guards before leaning towards Apple Bloom. “You know these guys, cuz?” she whispered.
Apple Bloom nodded as the elevator reached the twelfth floor. “So, once you're done with your delivery, wanna come to the penthouse?”
“Sure! I’ll see you later, cuz.” Babs went to the front of the elevator and tugged on the rope, pulling the small wagon into the hallway toward one of the hotel’s bars.
Stale sighed with relief and moved past the guards. “Yeah, this is my stop, too.” He started galloping towards towards the bar with great speed.
“Now what was that all about?” said Cloud, looking at Midnight.
“Must’ve been in a hurry to get drunk.”
*****
“Well, that was dreadful.” Octavia decided to get some fresh air after escaping the spa. She took the elevator up to the roof, stepping out to see Coil feeding birds. Spike sat on a ventilation shaft, invested in his comic. “Hi Coil, whatcha doing?”
Coil looked up with a smile. “Hiya Octavia! Just feeding some feathered friends.” He threw some more bread crumbs down. “They really like sourdough.”
“That’s nice, Coil, but, um, would you mind if I have the roof to myself for a bit? I need some alone time.”
“Okie dokie! Spike!”
Looking up, Spike realized this was his time to go, and he followed Coil into the elevator. “The birds in the park need some bread anyway.”
The second the door closed, Octavia turned her attention to the building’s griffon-shaped gargoyles. Taking a deep breath, Octavia started walking onto one of them and looked around. From high above the city, she could see all of Manehattan’s West Side. From the most elegant shop to the darkest alley, she could see it all. Turning her focus to surveying the other side, Octavia came muzzle to muzzle with a pegasus stallion. Dressed in a white robe similar to one she owned, only this one had a blue sash on it, along with holes for flight use.
“Enjoying the view, I take it?” Stormbreaker hovered in the air . “It is a nice city.”
Octavia rolled her eyes and pushed Stormbreaker off the gargoyle. “I’m surveying, Storm.”
Stormbreaker flapped his wings and chuckled. “Can’t take a joke, can you?”
Octavia snorted as she trotted over to the other gargoyle. “What do you want? How did you even find me?”
Stormbreaker hovered over to the other gargoyle. “Please Octavia, we had you tagged the second you got off the train. Needed to see what you’re here for.”
Octavia stopped surveying at the East Side of Manehattan and stared at Stormbreaker. “And why are you alone? Isn’t Rolf supposed to be helping you?” The sound of the elevator coming up caughter both ponies’ attention.
“Indeed I am.” A grey mule with a balding head and an outfit similar to Stormbreaker’s, dyed brow with its hood down, stood in the elevator. “It’s good to see you again, Octavia.” He walked over with a slight limp. “I see you got here first, Storm.”
Octavia grinned. “It’s nice to see you again, too, Rolf. What’s it been two, three years?”
“Four, if you don’t count letters. How’ve you been?”
Stormbreaker did a loop around one of the gargoyles and sat on the top of the elevator shaft. “Yeah, you still playing that guitar of yours?”
Octavia groaned. “It’s called a bass, you fool, and yes, I still am.”
Rolf adjusted his hidden blade. “And that friend of yours, uh, Record Player, was it?”
Octavia sighed and looked across the city towards the M.I.T. Towers. “Vinyl Scratch, and we’re kinda having a spat after I didn’t let her come with me to Manehattan.”
Rolf put his hood up as the cold air started to chill his bald head. “Sorry to hear, but I actually want to talk to you about that. What are you doing here?”
Octavia looked towards a small building with a snow pile on top of it. “Remember that mission
I did a few months back when you guys needed extra help?”
Stormbreaker snorted and jumped off the elevator. “You mean the one you messed up?”
Octavia shot a dirty glare at Stormbreaker. “I’ll have you know that the reason it failed was because somepony didn’t get their information right!”
Sensing a fight about to happen, Rolf got between the two. “Enough. What happened, happened. Octavia, what does that event have to do with you coming to Manehattan?”
Octavia thought for a second before sighing. “Remember how I said I took care of my wounds myself?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I wasn’t being completely honest. I was found by two stallions who brought me back to their apartment and cleaned me up.”
Stormbreaker’s mouth dropped to the floor. “You mean you comprised us?”
Octavia shook her head. “No, no, I was able to convince them I got it from a history fair, but recently, one of the stallions, Humble Pie, came to Ponyville to visit his niece, Pinkie Pie.”
Rolf scratched through his hood. “The Element of Laughter? And Humble Pie, the author? I know he was abducted recently...”
“We found him yesterday. He’s in the hotel arcade, last I heard, but what I really want to talk to you about is who abducted him. It was the same pony who hit me with an arrow.”
Stormbreaker sputtered his lips. “Pfft, and I keep telling you that nopony could hit a moving target in the dark with that kind of precision.”
Octavia frowned. “Just because you competed in the Equestrian Games in Ice Archery doesn’t mean you know everything about it.”
Rolf saw that they were getting off track. “Storm, please take this seriously. This could severely hinder our mission.”
The mention of a mission made Octavia’s ears perk up. “Mission? What mission?”
Rolf and Stormbreaker looked at each other before nodding. Stormbreaker took a step forward. “We think we found the Grandmaster.”
Octavia almost fainted from the news. “The Grandmaster? But how?!”
Rolf put his hoof in his robes, pulled out a bunch of documents, and gave them to Octavia. “We found this on a Templar courier.” Octavia scanned the papers. “They talk about a gathering of high ranking Templar supporters to happen in a week.”
Octavia looked up with a frown. “And when did you find these?”
Stormbreaker pointed at the M.I.T. Towers. “About five days ago. The event happens in two days at the Manehattan Institute of Knowledge product announcement party.”
Octavia gave back the letters. “And your mission was?”
“Identify all Templar agents, including the Grandmaster.” Stormbreaker put the letters away. “Which, with you here, is going to be a lot easier.”
Octavia went over to the south side gargoyle and looked out toward Manehattan’s harbor, where she could see a bunch of yachts docked. “I don’t think I’ll be able to do that.”
Now it was Rolf’s time to sputter. “What? Need I remind you how long we’ve been waiting for an opportunity like this? If we succeed we’ll know the identities of dozens of high ranking Templars!”
“I know, but someone has to make sure Humble doesn’t get taken again.”
Stormbreaker groaned. “Why?”
“Because something weird is going on. Time Turner was the stallion they hurt at the Daring Do convention, yet they abducted Humble. Why?”
Rolf’s expression softened. “You think the Templars are after him?”
“Somepony is… Tell you what, if I can stay here and keep watch over him, I’ll help you guys when the time comes.”
Rolf and Stormbreaker looked at each other for a second and nodded. Rolf took out a pipe and started smoking bubbles from it. “Alright Octavia, you’ll find all you need here.” He took out a yellow folder and gave it to her. “Schedules, clues, and your invitation.”
*****
“You sure she’s here?” Humble asked Sweetie Belle, Pinkie, Button, and Scootaloo outside the penthouse door.
“Yeah, she said she was tired and after using the bathroom would head up here,” said Sweetie Belle as all four headed on in to find Apple Bloom talking with Babs while Midnight stood on one side of the room, Cloud sitting out on the balcony. “Babs?”
Babs looked over and Apple Bloom and grinned. “Well if it ain’t Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo-” She noticed Humble “Nice to see ya again, Humble.”
Humble smiled and walked over to the filly. “Nice to see you again, too, Babs. What are you doing here?”
“Making a delivery when I ran into Apple Bloom. What are you doing here?”
“Visiting Pinkie.” He pointed at Pinkie, who was having a staring contest with a fish trophy.
“Babs!” Sweetie Belle pushed Button to the filly. “I want you to meet Button Mash!”
Babs jumped down from the couch and walked over to the colt before staring at him. “So you're the colt Sweetie Belle’s dating?” She looked up to the propeller on his hat. “Nice hat.”
Button smiled. “Thanks.”
“Well then.” Humble rubbed his hooves together. “Anypony wanna order room service?” A loud cough was heard as Humble looked up to see both Cloud and Midnight looking at him with a frowns. “Something wrong?”
Cloud was about to speak when Midnight beat him to it. “You were supposed to be come to the station this morning. Let’s go.”
Pinkie stopped her staring contest and jumped in front of Humble. “But Unkie Humble was going to take us to see a movie!”
“Well, you can see your movie tomorrow. For now, your uncle has to come with us.” Midnight trotted to the door with Cloud stepping out first. “Coming?”
Humble sighed and looked at Pinkie with a sad smile. “We’ll do it tomorrow, I promise.” With that, he left the room.
*****
“Oh, that is some good shit.” Stale threw the glass mug down onto the counter, almost hitting the coaster. “Hey!” The bartender looked up from his cleaning. “Get me some of that cider, and don’t tell me you don’t have any. I saw that filly bring in the barrells!”
The bartender rolled his eyes and took the glass. “Hardplot.”
Stale stiffened and grabbed the bartender, whose expression was now one of fear. “Whatcha say mate?” Stale blew hot air from his nostrils.
“Um, nothing sir.” The bartender glanced around to see if someone was going to help, only to see that everypony else in the room was too scared to do anything.
Stale let go of the bartender and snorted before sitting down on his stool. “That’s what I thought. Now go bring me my cider, with extra foam.”
The bartender meekly nodded. “Yes sir.” He scurried to the taps and refilled the glass. “Here you go.”
Stale stared at the mug and smirked. “ That’s more like it. Now scat.” The bartender nodded and went to the other side of the bar. Turning around, Stale saw that the room was staring at him. “You want some?” He showed his brass horseshoes casings everypony to go back to their meals. “Heh, I love restaurants.”
“I know, dude!” Vinyl grabbed the stool next to Stale, who was sipping his drink, and got comfortable on it. “The only thing this place is missing is some phat beats.”
Stale put down his cider and smiled. “I’m guessing you like music, Miss-”
“Pffft!” Vinyl waved a hoof. “Just call me Vinyl. Or,” she said, putting on a seductive look, “the mare who’s gonna rock your world.”
Stale chuckled at the flirting attempt. “Sorry, Vinyl, but you seem a little young for my tastes.”
Vinyl was taken aback by the rejection, but an idea came to mind. “Is that so? Hey, um-” Vinyl squinted to make out the bartender’s name tag. “Cock?” She fell to the floor laughing as Stale chuckled as well.
The bartender rolled his eyes. “It’s Cock Tail.” A dirty shot from Stale made him reconsider his attitude. “Miss.”
Vinyl got off the floor and wiped her eyes. “Okay, Cock. I’m gonna have the strongest thing you have.”
Cock Tail grabbed a rum bottle with a picture of a stallion dressed up as a pirate and the words “Captain Booty” on it. He was about to reach for the shot glasses when Vinyl stopped him.
“Nuh, nuh, nuh. The whole bottle ,” she said with a determined look. “And two shot glasses.”
Cock Tail shrugged and gave the bottle of liquor along with two shot glasses over to Vinyl before going back to the end of the bar.
Stale's curiosity was rising along with something else. “What’re you doing, love? A bit much for one mare, don’t ya think?”
Vinyl looked at him with a grin. “Oh, this isn’t just for me. Tell you what. If I drink more shots than you, I get to be on the top.”
Stale’s reluctance was about non-existent as he thought the proposition over. “Fine, but if I win, you gotta do head.” He tapped his hoof before snickering. “And swallow.”
Vinyl chuckled sinisterly. “Oh you are so going down.” She popped the bottle’s cork and filled the two glasses with the clear substance. “You ready, boy?”
Stale snorted. “I was born ready.” Both took their glasses and emptied them in one gulp as the liquid burned down their throat. Stale’s throat felt on fire. “You done?” He was surprised to see Vinyl already filling the glasses again.
Vinyl looked up with a sinister smile. “Not by a longshot.”
The two drank all throughout the day. Patrons were amazed to see the ponies take so much liquor and not go blind. At 7 P.M. with eight distilled rum bottles (and one wine) strewn about the floor, both ponies started getting tired.
“You done yet, you saucy little thing?” slurred Stale to Vinyl, who was cackling.
“You’re drunk, Stale!” Vinyl took another shot of rum. “I think you've had too much.”
Stale huffed in indignation. “I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough you-you... Um, what’s the word I’m looking for?” He took another swig at the glass.
Vinyl thought for a moment before gasping. “Bitch?”
Stale stopped his futile attempts to grasp the glass and stared at Vinyl in amazement. “You swear? I didn’t think anypony in this damned country did.”
Vinyl laid her head down on the counter in a dream-like state. “Yeah. When you live with my roommate as long as I have, you need to say buck once and awhile.”
Stale slammed his hoof down on the counter, earning him an “Eeep!” from the bartender. “I know what you mean! My bloody partner in crime is an ex-guard, so he likes to keep things ‘professional.’ ” Stale snorted at the word. “Bucking stick in the mud if you ask me.”
Vinyl leaned back, nodding. “Tell me about it! It’s always ‘Vinyl, why did you leave your discs around the living room?’ ‘Vinyl, stop playing while I’m practicing!’ ‘Vinyl, stop using my bed for you and your buckbuddies.’ ” She threw her hooves up. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, Octavia is my best friend, but for Celestia’s sake, she is such a tight wad!”
Stale looked up from his mug. “Yeah, I know the feeling. My bud may be as tight as a griffon’s asshole, but he did help me clean myself up.”
Vinyl nodded and took hold of her glass, raising it to eye level. “To our best friends.”
Stale nodded and lifted his glass as well. “May they never find that stick in their plots!” Both took a sip of their drinks and smiled for a moment before falling backwards into unconsciousness as their alcohol limits were finally reached.
*****
The cold air of the winter night whipped at Daring. Looking down from the balcony, she saw the street full of taxi carriages, frustrated drivers yelling at each other to move along. She took a deep breath and looked up to the moon above. “I remember when Humble and I used to look at you when we had sleepovers in the clubhouse.” Daring grinned at the memories. “Ace would stand outside with Arrowhead watching for trouble while Coil would bother him with talks of gadgets and stuff. Humble and me would just look at your craters and talk about who had the greyer hair.”
“And I would explain to you that the moon isn’t made of cheese,” said a voice, startling Daring.
Twirling around, she breathed in relief. “Oh, it’s just you, Grampa… I said it was made of clay, not cheese.”
Daring’s grandad chuckled weakly as he took a blanket off Daring’s bed and wrapped it around himself. “Of course, my sweet. It was Ace who thought it was cheese... Mozzarella, to be exact.”
Daring shook her head with a smile. “You told me this already, Grampa.”
“Did I?” He put a hoof to his head. “I must be forgetting stuff again. Probably a good thing I came now, then.” He shuffled over to the room’s fireplace, holding his hooves out toward the roaring flames. “I was wondering if you’d still come to the party. It would help the company a lot for my most creative granddaughter to come.” He took a seat in an armchair and shivered slightly. “Would you mind coming in? The cold rattles these old bones of mine.”
Daring sighed and entered the room, closing the balcony behind her. “I don’t know, Grampa, it’s just with all that's happened recently, I don’t think I’m up for talking to a bunch of nobles.”
“Oh.” Daring’s grandpa looked down. “I was really hoping to show you could show how a real mare acts, with grace, wit, and a tough underhook if need be.” He snickered at his joke.
Daring rolled her eyes and put another blanket on him. Giving him a kiss on the muzzle, she relented. “Alright, I’ll come, but only for a while.”
Daring’s grandpa smiled softly and yawned. “Thank you, sweetie.”
“How about I go make you some corn soup and get your bed ready?”
He looked up to Daring, his big, wide eyes gentle, the expression on his face bringing a feeling of melancholy. “That sounds perfect.”
“Okay, you just rest and I’ll be right back.” Daring trotted over to the door and into the hallway.
Looking at the roaring fire, Daring’s grandpa smiled as the flames reflected off his eyes. “Perfect.”
Octavia looked at the outside of an elderly looking, five story building. The exterior of the structure was covered in a washed out shade of blue paint that was starting to chip away, revealing the red brick underneath. The windows of the shop had iron bars on the outside, contrasting heavily with the softer image of the vases that held a series of bouquets. The store’s door had words painted onto it identifying it as “Barb’s Fauna.”
“This is the den?” sighing, Octavia twisted the doorknob and the calming aroma of tulips and roses hit her, along with an undercurrent of fresh manure. “Hello?”
The interior of the shop was much more fanciful than one would have expected. Behind a green counter, white columns with plants growing out of slots carved into them, rose from the the floor and soared, reaching a height of twenty meters before connecting with the ceiling.
“One minute!” a feminine voice replied from behind one of the columns. A loud crash was heard as a pot of soil hit the ground and shattered. “Damm it!”
“Need any help?”
“No, thank you.”
A female griffon, the owner of the voice, revealed herself. Her most striking feature was her missing left hind leg.
“Be there in a sec.” The griffon flew down onto the linoleum floor and swept the soil into a corner with her wings. “Sorry about that, are you Octavia?”
Realizing this had to be the guard to the sanctuary calmed Octavia. “Yes, are you Barbs by any chance?”
The griffon perked her head up. “Yep, and before you ask, I lost the leg on a mission in Prance.”
Octavia glanced side to side. “I wasn’t going too.”
“Sorry, most ponies do, anyway, you’ll find the entrance to the tunnels in the backroom at a grey sunflower. Just say the first tenet and you’ll be allowed in.” Barbs went back to cleaning up the soil.
A grey sunflower? Octavia was about to ask what Barb meant but shook it off and just decided to go along with it. Walking past the columns, Octavia eventually passed under a doorway into a medium sized room with the only feature being an alcove on the northern walls where a grey sunflower in a red vase bent over towards the only lightbulb in the room.
After glancing around to check for witnesses, Octavia leaned in. “Nothing is true, everything is permitted.” Nothing happened. “Barbs, are you sure this—Huh?” Glancing down Octavia saw the sunflower start to shake before coming to a halt. “What the—” The sunflower flashed upward as its stem crystallized right before Octavia’s eyes, snapping the flower in half. The alcove column parted, revealing a staircase leading into a dimly lit hallway.
Barbs poked her head into the doorway. “Say something?”
Octavia just stared at the staircase as a gentle breeze emerged from it and caressed her cheek. “Um, nevermind.” Looking down towards the dark passage, Octavia took a deep breath and walked in. As she trotted through the tunnels she could hear the sound of movement from the streets above. I wonder how old these tunnels are? Octavia thought as she took a left. Must’ve been built with the—” A strong, vile odor hit Octavia’s nostrils; making her gag. “Oh Celestia, what is that smell?” I must be under the sewers. Ugh. Trying her best to ignore the smell, she continued on her way.
After a few more minutes of trotting she came upon a wall with her order’s symbol carved into the wall with words etched in iron under it: او که افزوده دانش ، غم و اندوه افزوده. Octavia saw that a slit was in the middle of the words. “Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me, guys!” She started knocking on the wall. “It’s me, Octavia! I don’t have my hidden blade!” Soon, the hallway began to shake, causing Octavia to step back. The shaking stopped and the wall split apart. Octavia could barely see past cloud of dust. The dust settled to reveal Rolf standing in the doorway to a brightly lit room.
“Sorry about that Octavia,” said Rolf as he scratched at the stone floor. “Forgot that you didn’t have your gear.”
Octavia breathed deeply. “It’s okay Rolf, let’s just get me refitted.”
“Sure, but first we gotta take care of something.” Rolf waved for Octavia to follow him into the sanctuary.
The sanctuary had been built during the pre-boom days of Manehattan, but it had been repeatedly revamped as well, giving it a feel that was somehow both archaic and modern. The floors were as cold as ice, the only comfort being the occasional rug. The place had old rusty torch holders along the walls in rows but they were seldom used; the building had electric lighting. Octavia saw that it also had full training facilities; she could glimpse ponies sparring as Rolf led her along.
One of them, a young looking mare with a green mane whispered something to one of her sparring partner. Octavia listened closely. “Isn’t that Octavia Melody? I thought she wasn’t allowed back in the city after she messed up that mission.” Octavia growled , but Rolf nudged Octavia, having also heard.
“Hey, you alright, kid?” He said, his age briefly showing. “You know, if you ever need someone to talk to I’m here, alright?”
Octavia’s face softened at the offer. “Thank you Rolf, but I’m quite fine. Just a little tired is all.” She glanced back at the gossiping mare, only to see that she had returned to her match. And a little bit frustrated.
The two continued their walk as if this had never happened. They passed a group of ponies who were writing down messages for the carrier pigeons and others talking about the latest news, finally reaching a balcony from which the other rooms could be seen below. On the balcony, Stormbreaker was currently on a chair, at a wooden table.
Noticing Octavia, Storm rolled his eyes. “About time you got here,” he said, flying out of the chair. “Ready to discuss the plan?”
Octavia noticed that a bunch of papers where sprawled out on the table. “What are these?” Picking one up she saw that it a building’s blueprint. “Is this the M.I.T. building?”
Storm’s eyes widened, he roughly grabbed the blueprints from Octavia. “Be careful! Do you know how hard it was to get one of these?”
Octavia smirked. “Let me guess, you had to put that pretty mouth of yours to work?” Out of the corner of her eye, Octavia could’ve swore she saw Rolf grin. “Fine, I’ll be more careful, so what’s the plan?”
Storm shrugged. “Not much to be honest. It’s a costume party and few templars know what we look like so our clothing shouldn’t look out of place, we also forged this.” He took an envelope from the table before giving it over to Octavia. “It’s an invitation to the event.”
Octavia looked puzzled as she examined the letters. “But there’s only one. If you are going to be there, then why do you need me?”
“Because of this.” Rolf tossed a flyer onto the table.
“The Manehattan Orchestra?” Realization dawned on Octavia as she looked at the two assassins. “There’s only one problem. I play for the Ponyville orchestra not the Manehattan.”
Storm blew a raspberry. “You talk like we’ve never done something like this before. We bribed one of the cello’s to take the week off. And we got you to take his place.”
Octavia tapped her chin. “But what does—”
“Are ya’ll starting without me?” The three assassins turned to see Cherry Jubilee leaning on a wooden post. “And to think I brought ya some cherry pies,” she said grinning.
Rolf groaned, Octavia swore she heard him mutter something about allergies. “Cherry you're late.”
Octavia looked up at the light above her as she processed this new arrival. “Cherry you're the frontier den master. What are you doing in Manehattan?” She frowned when Cherry chuckled.
“Oh, it’s good to see you too, Octavia.” Cherry started swaying her hips over to the table with Storm watching them with his full attention till Rolf glared at him. “As for why I’m here, it’s because the M.I.T. is one of the most powerful companies in Equestria, but only because they have the support of us business tycoons.”
Rolf noticed Octavia was still lost. “Cherry’s going to go undercover at the party as trying to get a contract with the M.I.T.” A chuckle from Cherry got his attention.
“Oh, Rolf. You say like I’m not gonna get that contract.”
Rolf frowned and walked over to Cherry. “Remember why we’re here.”
“Actually.” Octavia raised her hoof. “I’m still kinda confused on what we’re trying to accomplish here, I know we’re supposed to identify Templars but I sense there’s something else?”
Rolf nodded. “There is. We just got this message from our brothers in Van Hoover. It seems that Mr. Green is coming to this party.”
The name rung in Octavia’s ears and made her frown. “Why?”
Rolf shrugged. “Probably just there to see the Grandmaster. But this does provide us an opportunity.”
Storm tilted his head. “Like what?”
“We kill Green after he’s talked to the Grandmaster. That way we can get rid of him and know the Templar leader’s identity.”
Octavia thrusted herself towards Rolf. “I’ll do it.”
“Remember, we need him to identify the Grandmaster first.”
“I know.”
Cherry yawned as she put her hoof on Octavia's shoulder. “Well honey before we do that, we’re gonna need to equip you.” She raised an eyebrow. “I’m guessing you didn’t bring your hidden blade?” Octavia shook her head. “Well don’t worry, cause we got plenty of spares along with a robe right in your size.”
Octavia grinned and nodded. “Sounds good, by the way. Did anyone here order a robe from Miss Rarity?”
Storm smirked. “You mean the element of generosity? Not my kinda style.”
Rolf rubbed his bald head. “No, why?”
“She showed me a custom robe of hers that looked like ours, but more colored.”
Cherry started laughing to herself to the others frighten looks. “Oh, Mentor, you old posh stallion.”
Rolf’d face grew confused. “What’s the Mentor have to do with this?”
“Well I don’t like to gossip—”
Rolf put his hoof up to her face. “So don’t. We don’t need to get involved in the Mentor’s personal life. Now does everybody know their jobs?” All three nodded. “Good, also one more thing before you all go.” He looked to see if the other members were watching him before he leaned in and spoke in a hush tone. “Remember that Humble fellow?”
Octavia’s eyes widened. “What about him?”
“Well get this. I recently received a letter from an informant of ours that tells me that the Templars are thinking of hiring mercenaries. Precisely two particular mercs.”
Octavia saw where he was going. “You think the two stallions who abducted Humble are going to be at that party.”
Rolf nodded. “Yeah, now I don’t know what the Templars want with a writer, but since you seem to know that Humble fellow pretty well Octavia, I was hoping you could ask him about them. Without revealing us of course.”
Octavia looked down in thought. That’s not gonna be easy. “Just how do you propose I do that?”
“I’m sure you will come up with something. Now if there’s no more business to attend to I hereby declare this meeting adjourned.”
*****
“Come on! That should’ve been a goal kick!” Stale threw his whiskey bottle at the suite’s HD tv, it missed and hit the mantle instead. “Bucking prick!”
Lemon looked up from tending his bow. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong? That’s what’s wrong!” Stale pointed at the tv where a soccer game between the Trottingham Kickers and the Van Hoover Dragons was taking place with the score twenty one to twenty three respectively. “Bucking referee's gotta be blind or something!”
Lemon rolled his eyes and just went back to adjusting his bow. “You really get worked up over sports don’t you?” All of a sudden a vodka bottle hit the wall behind him. “What the Tartarus was that?”
Stale glared at him sharply before snorting. “Sports? This is hoofball—The real kind. Isn’t nothing more important...except money, mares, and liquor.”
“Speaking of money, I got a message from a courier when I went to the ice machine. Seems Light wants to meet us at his lab or something. Says it’s important.”
Stale took one big gulp of cider before wiping his muzzle and belching. “Sounds good, where’s his lab?”
*****
“This is his lab?” Stale’s eyes widen as he looked at the enormous structure before him. He and Lemon had taken a carriage to the lab only to be brought twenty kilometers out of the city to Light Wizard’s Appleachian lab. The lab was at the very least half a kilometer long as it sat on the top of a hill in the forest.
“Apparently,” Lemon said, paying the taxi driver. “Come on, lets head in.” The two stallions walked up a dirt path where they found a courtyard brimming with ponies in lab coats either eating lunch or talking about their experiments, in the center of it all was Light Wizard talking to a mare and stallion who looked strikingly similar. Both had dark orange manes and baby blue coats. The only difference seeming to be their genders and that fact that the male had a cutie mark the head side of a bit while the female had the tails side.
“You have a good point Dr. Heads on why the time—” Light stopped talking as he noticed the two mercenaries, looking back at the two blue ponies he nodded to them. “—As I was saying the time just isn’t right on the clock. It’s at least—Oh, Stale and Lemon.”
“It’s good to see you again sir.” Lemon glanced at the two blue ponies. “We aren’t interrupting anything are we?”
“Oh no, Stale and Lemon, this is Dr. Heads.” Light nudged towards the male blue pony. “And his sister Dr. Tails, they’re in charge of the facility's physics division.
Stale’s face grew a smile as he swaggered over to Dr. Tails. “Well, hello there, miss—”
“You have a odd shaped bump on your head,” said Dr. Tails in a casual tone. “Perhaps a injury of sorts?”
Stale stepped back. “What did—”
“But, what was the cause I wonder?” said Dr. Heads taking a sip of his coffee. “And when?”
Stale frowned. “Now just a min—”
“No, the injury looks to natural. Something from his childhood most likely.” Dr. Tails sipped her carrot soup. “A foal’s head is quite easily to misshape when the bones aren’t settled.”
Stale’s anger reached it’s boiling point. “Buck you!” He would’ve punched the two scientists had Lemon not gotten between them.
“Calm down Stale, remember, we need this,” Lemon said, smiling slightly when Stale put down his hoof.
“We meant no offense,” said Head patting his sister’s muzzle with a napkin to get rid of the soup. “We merely observed.”
“Well you can observe this!” Stale took hold of the table and flipped it over. The entire courtyard stopped and looked at the stallion. “Nerds!”
“Mr. Stale,” Light rubbed his temples. “How about we just get to business instead of flipping my facilities furniture. If you’ll excuse us, Doctors.” Heads and Tails nodded before walking away with Stale growling at them till they were out of sight. “Now, if you’ll two follow me, I can show you why you're here.” Light led them into the building where even more ponies in lab coats were busy shuffling around.
“Doctor Wizard!” A young mare with a purple hairdo and a beaker for a cutie mark ran up to them. “I—have—something—”
Light held up hoof to stop the mare’s hyperventilation. “Wire, calm down and tell me what’s wrong.”
“The solar project’s cells are melting again!”
“What? Ok, listen where’s Wheelie?”
“Right here sir!” A glasses wearing stallion said in a nasally voice. “Something wrong?”
“Wheelie, I need you to take these two stallions to sector seven. Once there, let Miss Orange Flow handle things.” Light twirled around to Stale and Lemon. “I’m sorry gentlecolts, but your gonna have to go along without me. Wheelie here will take care of you. Come on Wire!” Light started running into a corridor with Wire following behind him.
“So!” Wheelie turned to Lemon and Stale. “Ready to go?”
As Wheelie took Stale and Lemon to sector seven, he gave them a history lesson of the facility much to the annoyance of Stale.
“When will this guy shut up?” Stale whispered to Lemon.
“Soon I hope.”
“Here we are!” Wheelie stopped in front of an elevator with a giant seven painted on it. “Let me just type in the password. Wheely turned to a keyboard on the wall and after a few seconds of typing the elevator's doors opened. “If you’ll just take this you will meet Miss Orange Flow. She’ll tell you more.” Wheelie started walking off.
The two shuffled into the elevator that immediately closed once they were in. Stale took out his pipe and lit it up. “So, what you think they’re gonna show us?”
Lemon shrugged. “Maybe some people who want to hire us?” The elevator stopped and opened its doors. “Whatever they have it’s gotta be importa—”
“Hello.” Stale and Lemon turned to the source of the voice, a tangerine colored mare with a red button as her cutie mark. “You must be Stale Crumbs and Lemon Squeeze, I’m Orange Flow, if you’ll just follow me.”
“Sure miss.” Stale took an eyeful of the mare’s swaying rump. “So, what’s the stuff ol’ Lighty wants to show us?”
“Well if you two are going to be working with the company as ‘private contractors’ you're going to need the right equipment.” Orange took a left into a room full of odd looking metal objects tied together with a metal case on the only table in the room. “For you Lemon, we have this.” She took a key out of her orange mane and opened the case to reveal a alien looking device.
Stale took out his pipe and snorted. “What the buck is this?” The object in the case was a long piece of metal with a odd shaped opening on the back of it and a what appeared to be a small eyeglass attached to it.
Orange just smiled. “It’s called a sniper rifle.”
The two stallion looked at each other with confused looks. “What’s a sniper rifle?”
“A gun.” Orange saw that the two were still confused. “Lemon, if you will, please take hold of the gun.”
“Um, okay?” Lemon levitated the gun out of its case. “What now?”
“Now, align the scope, the thing on top, right there” Orange pointed at the eyeglass part. “Now you see that target over there?” She nudged her head towards a pony mannequin with a target painted on its side. “Now just align the crosshairs of the scope with the target.”
“Ok.” Lemon put the scope against his good eye and put the crosshairs in between the bullseye.
“Now, pull this thing here, the trigger, back.” Orange pointed at a weird shaped button.
“Ok—” A burst of thunder hit everypony’s eardrums as the gun fired and hit the target right in the bulls eye. “Holy shit!” Lemon dropped the gun. “What the Tartarus was that?! Stale did you see that?”
Stale just stared at the pierced target with awe. “Bucking awesome.”
Orange smiled to herself. “I’m glad you liked it, Mr. Wizard himself created it. The gun uses small pointed bullets, like these.” She held up two pointed metal objects.
Lemon just quickly picked up the gun. “Amazing! This thing is absolutely amazing!” He looked up with excitement in his eyes. “And it’s all mine?” Orange nodded. “Buck yeah!”
“You’ll be given a full guide on the use of the gun along with protoype models of other guns we have made and proper maintenance on them on your way out. We’ll also send you to a private shooting range if you need to practice.”
Lemon looked up. “You mean there’s more?”
“Of course! The rifle in sniper rifle isn’t just there for no reason. We also have close combat guns like shotguns, pistols, and more firepower packed weapons for heavily armored targets.”
Stale couldn’t take it anymore. He felt like he was gonna burst if he didn’t get something just as awesome. “What you got for me?”
Orange grinned. “Follow me please Stale, lets give Lemon some time with his new toys.” The two left with Lemon not even noticing as he fondled his gun.
After the closed the door Stale jumped in front of Orange. “So what’s for me? A gun too!?” A chuckle from Orange made him frown.
“Not quite, you have a more melee approach to things as we’ve seen, so we got you this.” Orange took another key out of her mane and opened a door at the end of the hall. “I give you, The Saddle.”
Stale’s eyes widened as he saw what appeared to be a steel saddle dangling in front of him. “What the buck is this?”
Orange started to walk around the saddle . “This is The Saddle. An item that combines both magic and technology to give it’s wear increased endurance of that of four times the average earth pony, and the strength of four minotaurs. Try it on.”
“Um, ok?” Stale took the saddle of its hooks and slid it on his back. The second he did so the saddle wrapped two stripes of leather around him. “What the—” A sharp pain in his lower back made him yelp. He could feel liquid being pushed into his bloodstream, as the color in his eyes started to change to a dark red, they stung and his breathing quickened in pace. “I feel fanbuckingtastic!” Stale roared. “I feel like I could do anything!” He glanced at the metal door to the room. “Heh.” He threw himself at it, he felt like a rock going through paper as the door burst off its hinges and into the hallway. “I think I’m gonna like this.” He said smiling.
*****
I can’t believe I paid fifty bits for that Thought Humble as he and Pinkie came out of an eastside Manehattan cinema. “So what did you think of the movie Pinkie?”
Pinkie bounced up to him while humming the (in Humble’s opinion) annoying tune from the movie's big princess number. “It was fantastic! I mean could you believe that song that princess sung?!”
“Oh, I can.” Humble shivered in remembrance. I mean the cold’s nice, but you don’t need to sing about it! The two family members walked up to a nearby pretzel cart and as they waited Pinkie started tapping her hooves together. “Something wrong hon?”
Pinkie stopped and looked up at Humble, her eyes as innocent as a child who stole a cookie. “Yep, um, Unkie Humble?”
“Yeah?” Humble took his pretzel and gave Pinkie hers. “Something wrong?”
“I was just wondering.” Pinkie looked down in hesitation. “Why—Nevermind.” She took a bite out of her pretzel and chewed it up quickly.
Humble saw that something was getting under Pinkie’s skin and guessed what it was. “It’s about Miss Yearling isn’t it.”
Pinkie shook her head. “No, no!...Well, yes.”
Humble sighed. “Listen, hon, I just don’t wanna talk about her okay?”
“But—”
“Hey look!” Humble pointed at the one thing that could save him. “A balloon cart!”
“Ohhh!” Pinkie’s eyes grew wide at the variety of colors.
“Here’s ten bits, you go buy as many as you want.” The second Humble gave the bits over to Pinkie he was left coughing in her cloud. “Dang, when that mare wants a balloon—” He stopped when he saw a sign for an advertisement for the Manehattan museum of history. I remember how Dazzle would always talk about finding things to put in museums. Humble shook his head. “Come on Humble, you shouldn’t think about her. Find something to take your mind off her.” Looking for a distraction he saw a shop with a bunch of typewriters in the window. He sighed. “Wish I could get one of those.”
“Whatcha talkin about Unkie Humble?” Pinkie said, clinging her three red balloons. “You already have a typewriter thingy.”
Humble snickered. “Used to, more like. Dang thing’s breaking down a lot these days...hey do you mind if we head back now? It’s late and I gotta get some writing done if I’m gonna meet my deadline.” He saw Pinkie’s face drop a bit. “What’s wrong?”
Pinkie shrugged. “It’s nothing Unkie Humble, it’s just, well I’ve got a tingling feeling under my hoof.” She pulled up her right leg and pointed at the middle of it. “And I just feel like you shouldn’t head back yet.”
Humble smiled and nuzzled Pinkie. “That sense of yours just knows how to ruin my sleeping schedule doesn't it? Okay then, where do you wanna go next?”
“Hmm.” Pinkie put her hoof to her chin and thought it over. “How about...ice skating?”
Humble choked on his pretzel before gulping it down. “I-ice skating? I don’t know Pinkie, these old bones aren’t exactly made for falling down.” But a puppy face from Pinkie made him reconsider.
The two walked into the Manehattan Central park just when the sun disappeared from behind the tall buildings. The trees lights that were for upcoming hearths warming eve flickered on, their brightness amplified by the mirror-like snow.
“Awfully beautiful isn’t it?” Humble smiled as he and Pinkie went under particularly long branch that looked like it had a snake of colors wrapped around it.
“Yep!” Pinkie stared at a couple of foals making snowponies before descending into a snowball fight. “It sure is.”
The two eventually came to an ice rink in the center of the park, a bunch of ponies skated around on it with a few falling on their plots.
“Ready to do this Unkie Humble!?” Pinkie threw her hoof up in determination.
Humble gulped. “As ready as I’ll ever be.” After paying for the skates Humble started trotting over to the rinks entrance, staring at the wet ice like it was going to swallow him whole. Taking a deep breath, he took a step onto the ice.
“Come on youngin!” cried an elderly mare from behind him. “I ain’t gettin any younger!”
“Come on Unkie Humble!” Pinkie pushed Humble onto the rink fully to his startlement. “There you go!”
“Whoa, whoa!” Humble leaned forwards and backwards trying to balance himself out. “A little more, there!” Looking up his pupils shrunk. He was in the middle of the ice rink, with the railings at least six yards away. Damm it.
“Unkie Humble watch me!” Pinkie sped past him and ripped the ice up from beneath her, splashing Humble.
“Uh, Pinkie hon? A little he—Whoa!” Humble felt the ground beneath him slip, and a second later his underbelly burning as it came in contact with the ice. Brrrr! Desperately picking himself up, Humble heard Pinkie scream with joy as she whipped past him again.
“Unkie Humble look!” Quickening her pace, Pinkie jumped up into the air, doing a twirl worthy of the Winter Equestria Games, she planted her hooves onto the ice in a perfect landing. “Did you see that? Unkie Humble did you see that?”
“Yeah sweetie.” Humble tried to walk himself over to the railing only to fall again. “I—Omph! Saw that.”
“Now you try!”
Humble’s eyes widen and he started to sweat. “I, uh, don’t think that’s a good idea hon. I’m not that good at this.” He tightened his grip on the railing.
“Come on Unkie Humble!” Pinkie waved her hoofs at him. “I believe in you—Hi girls!”
Looking to see who Pinkie was talking too, Humble turned around slowly to see the gang buying their skates. “What are you all doing here?”
Rainbow Dash struggled to put hers on. “Eh, it was a tie yesterday for the soccer game, so we’re gonna settle this in ice hockey.”
Applejack nodded.
Humble just stared at the two mares in confusion. “But this isn’t a hockey rink.”
Applejack and Rainbow Dash looked at each other for a second before smacking their faces. “Rarity, you told us this was a ice hockey rink!”
Rarity just rolled her eyes. “Well if you two had let me finish, you would’ve heard that its only a hockey rink from nine to eleven.”
“Oh, don’t feel bad girls,” said Fluttershy as she pulled herself along the ice skating rink. “This is nice too.”
“Forget that!” Rainbow Dash threw up her hooves. “I’m gonna go read Daring—” A glance at Humble stopped her. “—Book back at the hotel.”
“Well, you go do that.” Applejack got on the ice. “I need some time away from Apple Bloom anyway. Say thanks to Twi for watching them by the way.”
As Rainbow Dash left, Spike noticed that Humble was clinging very tightly to the railing. “Something wrong Humble?”
“What?” Humble looked up, before chuckling nervously. “No, nothings wrong. Just clinging is all.”
Pinkie did a twirl around him. “Unkie Humble won’t do this!” She did another jump and spin. “See?”
“Come now Humble,” said Rarity as she slid smoothly bye. “I’m sure a stallion of your caliber can do that.”
Humble shrugged, and picked himself up when shrugging made him fall. “I don’t see what my self quality has to do with this.”
“Ah don’t be like that.” Applejack turned upside down and skated on her forelegs. “It ain’t that hard, right Spike?”
“Right!” Spike was spinning around till he a blush formed on him. “I mean like hockey, and...stuff.”
Humble looked forward at the far side of the ice rink. How hard could it be? “Alright, if everypony wants me too, here I go!” He sprinted forward with all his weight and as he sped toward the center of the rink he took off, unfortunately due to his angle he went a bit longer than he liked. “Dammit!” Humble cried as he soared over the ski railings and into a snow bank.
“Unkie Humble!” Pinkie quickly got off the rink and ran towards Humble with the others following behind. “Unkie Humble?”
“Hmm?” said a muffled Humble as his flank stood out from the snow bank. “Imf a fiffle thuck.”
“Don’t worry I’ll get you out!” Pinkie pulled on her Humble’s hindlegs to no avail. “Applejack can you help?”
“Sure.” Applejack got behind Pinkie and wrapped her arms around her waist. “On three. One...two..three!” The two pulled and before long a shivering Humble was released. “Whoo, you alright?”
“I’m a l-l-litt-le c-c-cold.” muttered Humble as Pinkie wrapped her scarf around him. “Thanks.”
“Unkie Humble!” Pinkie got up in his face. “You said a bad word!”
“I did?”
Pinkie looked around to see if anypony would hear her. “The D word!”
“Oh, sorry about that sweetie, I’m not used to getting thrown into snow b—Agh!” Humble clutched at his left hind leg. “Celestia damnit!”
The others gasped. “Humble!” Rarity spoke sharply. “A gentlecolt doesn’t swear in front of a lady! Especially in a princess's name!”
Pinkie grabbed Humble’s cheeks. “Stop being a potty mouth Unkie Humble!”
“Sorry about that girls, but I think I sprained my leg.” Humble gently rubbed his hind leg. “Must’ve done it when I took off. Just goes to show I’m not—Oh, hi Octavia.”
Everypony turned to see a light purple coat wearing Octavia waving at them. “Hi Humble, something wrong with your leg?”
“Unkie Humble hurt it when he tried to do a trick I did.” Realization hit Pinkie harder than a cupcake along with the others. “Oh, Unkie Humble! I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have told you to do that!”
“Sorry about that partner. we really are.” Spike and Rarity nodded in agreement to Applejack’s words.
“Ain’t no problem. Mind helping me up?” As Pinkie got Humble up, he leaned on her for support. “So what are you doing here anyway Octavia?”
“I was just going for a walk. Need someone to help you home?”
Humble waved her off. “I appreciate the offer, but I couldn’t do that to you. I think a minute or two on a bench should help.” He looked up at Pinkie who was bandaging his leg. “Pinkie, you and your friends go back to your ice skating. I think I’ll just stay on the bench.”
Pinkie looked up at him with disappointed eyes. “Okay Unkie Humble.”
After getting him comfortable, the gang went back to skating leaving Octavia with an opportunity to talk with Humble.
“So.” Octavia glanced side to side. “Humbl—”
“Listen Octavia.” Humble looked up with nervous eyes. “I’m flattered, I really am, but there’s a number of things that would just not make it work.” Octavia just stared at him big eyed. “I get it, you follow me all the way from Ponyville, probably see me as a cool old man for saving you from that wound, but for a number of reasons, one of them being I’m old enough to be your father, it just would not work.” A moment of silence was all that he got. “I’m sorry, but it’s the truth—”
“Hahahahahaha!” Octavia fell to the ground in a fit of laughter, her tears froze up as they left her eyes. “Haha-you mean you thought I was—Oh, Humble.” She collected herself and pat a frightened Humble on the back. “Don’t get me wrong, you're nice, but trust me when I say I don’t find you, em, that way.”
“Oh.” Humble’s cheeks flared up. “Um, I didn’t, well, actually I guess I did mean it sorta like that. Well this is embarrassing.
Octavia shook her head in amusement, holding in another chuckle as to save the poor stallion any more humiliation. “Listen, Humble. I see you as a good friend, and that’s all...but there is something I do need to know.”
Humble looked up in relief. “What?”
“Why did those two stallions abduct you?”
Humble leaned back in surprise. “Well that was kinda out of left field. To be honest I don’t know why. If you have any questions you could just ask the guards—”
“That’s alright, I don’t think they would know anymore.” Octavia got up. “I gotta head back to the hotel room. Don’t go falling for anymore mares who you barely know kay?” she said with a grin.
“Nether gonna let me live that down now are you?” Humble shook his head. “Goodnight Octavia.”
“Night Humble.” Octavia started trotting away as Humble watched her with squinted eyes.
Why would she want to know about them? A rustling from the bushes made Humble throw his head to the left just in time to see an owl flying away into the night sky.
“One...two...three.”
The numbers kept going over and over in Daring’s head as she stared at a bowl of corn flakes. “Hmm.” Looking up, she examined her surroundings around. She was in a spacious kitchen with fine cherry wood cabinets and two stainless steel refrigerators, one for keeping food cold, the other for keeping food frozen. A bit extravagant in her opinion, but what did she expect? Her grandpa lived here.
“Well this simply won’t do!” said Daring’s grandpa as he came into the room in his fine black bathrobe. Opening the kitchen windows he breathed in the air of the city. Looking down from his penthouse, he saw the masses of ponies trotting forth, to what he expected, to cafes. “Much better! Wouldn’t you say honey?”
“Erh, if you say so.” Daring took another bite of her cereal and let the milk warm in her mouth before being swallowed. For a moment she looked at her bowl before pushing it aside. “You know, I’m not that hungry.”
Daring’s grandpa sighed, walking over, he put his hoofs on Daring’s shoulder. “It’s about Humble isn’t it?”
Darling's eyes widened. “How did you know?”
Daring’s grandpa shook his head and tsked slightly. “Sweetie, I may be an old buck but I’ve known you long enough to guess your secrets. Like that whole Daring thing.”
Daring grinned at the memory. “In all fairness you only found out because I left my hat.”
Daring’s grandpa smiled at the grin. “Sure I did hon, sure I did.” He noticed that there was still a trace of glumness in his grandfilly’s eyes. “Why don’t you just tell him?”
Daring narrowed her eyes. “Tell who what?”
“Why don’t you tell Humble you couldn’t be with him because of that trip?”
Daring straightened immediately and stared forward, the memory of that dripping voice emerging from the corner of her mind.
“And that little grey colt friend of yours.”
“I’m sure he would under—”
“No!” Daring’s voice echoed off the walls and made her grandfather flinch. “He can’t know.”
Daring’s grandfather relaxed and let his shoulders fall. “If that’s what you want—”
“It is.” Daring flew off her seat and into the living room.
Darings grandpa was about to say something when a quick glance at the clock made him say something else. “Dazzle, I’m gotta take care of things at work, do you need anything?”
Daring looked up from her notepad. “I’m a grown mare grandpa, I can take care of myself.”
Daring’s grandpa snorted. “Some ponies would just say no thanks. Alright I’ll see you later!” He flew out of the window leaving Daring alone to type.
“Bzzz!”
“Hmm?” Daring spat out her pencil and walked over to a nearby intercom. Pressing the button she cleared her throat. “Hello?”
“Hello? Who is this?”
“Umm.” Daring thought about how to go about this but just decided to do away with subtlety. “A.K. Yearling.”
“Oh, yes, your grandfather speaks very highly of you Miss Yearling. Is he there by chance?”
Daring scratched her head. “He, just left, said he had to go to work.”
“I see...well do let him know that Fancypants needs to talk with him soon, if you wouldn’t mind?”
*****
Humble let the orange juice swish around his throat before gulping it down. “It just doesn’t make sense.”
Humble had arrived at the hotel at two p.m to have an early dinner with Pinkie and her friends at the hotel’s restaurant only to find that Octavia wasn’t there, further raising his suspicion about the mare.
“What doesn’t Unkie Humble?” Pinkie slurped up her plate of spaghetti, leaving a pasta sauce stained muzzle in it’s place. “The price for this meal?”
“I hardly can believe it myself,” said Rarity patting her mouth after each bite of her sandwich. “six bits for this whole meal?”
“Now that’s a bargain ah can get behind.” Applejack bit into her apple pie. “Ah hate to say it, but this almost tastes as good as Granny Smith’s.”
Humble put his hoofs together and shook his head. “It’s not the food I’m concerned with, it’s Octavia.”
“What about her Unkie Humble? She said she had a cold from being outside yesterday.”
“Well she asked me yesterday about the ponies who abducted me.”
“Well, duh!” Rainbow Dash dipped her carrot into a warm bowl of corn chowder. “She probably wants to help find the ponies who took you!”
Humble looked at his fork and thought. That does make sense, but the way she asked it...Could she be involved? Humble looked up from the fork to see the others not paying him any mind. “Um, you know what, I’m gonna take Octavia’s meal up.” He glanced at a paper bag with a salad in it. “I’ll be back in a sec.”
The table nodded, too busy chewing their food.
Turning around Humble saw something in the corner of his eye. It was a white blur rushing past the room’s windows. “What was that?” Shrugging it off he went inside the elevator, its doors closing just as Stale and Lemon came out of the other one.
“Why are you carrying that still?” Stale staid, pointing at the metal case holding Lemon’s new instrument of death. “You act like it’s your kid and what’s with the hairdo?” Stale glanced at Lemon’s new haircut, he had covered the side of his face with the eyepatch in a set of bangs.
Lemon shook his head as he signaled for a table at the front of the restaurant. “I’m worried somepony might take it, besides, you have that saddle of yours on.” He padded at the mane in front of his eyepatch. “As for this? This is so nobody recognizes me, should’ve done it before I went to the salon. Who know’s who’s recognized me?”
“You heard Light and Pike, ain’t nopony gonna bother us.” Stale turned his head to The Saddle. “At least I covered mine up to look less suspicious.” He rubbed the leather casing on the machine, hearing a clang of metal.
“Hello Gentlecolts, can I help you?” A unicorn mare in a tuxedo said, levitating a notepad and pencil.
“Table for two please,” Lemon said holding the case closer.
Rarity’s ears perked up at the voice. “Is that, Lemon?!”
Stale and Lemon looked past the waitress, their eyes widening as they saw the six mares and dragon in the same room.
“Holy shit,” Stale whispered to Lemon. “It’s those elements of peace.”
Lemon’s eyes turned into pure calm rage, a quiet snort making its way out of him got Stale’s attention. “Harmony.” Lemon’s voice dripped with contempt. “They’re the elements of harmony.”
“Lemon darling, do come join us!” Rarity waved her hoof for them to come forward only to see Lemon’s hesitation. “Is something wrong?”
“How does that bi—” Lemon’s mind finally registered the tone of the voice as the mare he had gossiped with at the spa. “Oh, horse apples.” He looked at Stale only to see empty air. “What the—”
“Is this chair taken?” Stale was staring at the bartender, he had intimated days earlier, with a smirk.
The bartender gulped. “No.”
“Thanks mate.” Stale picked up the chair and went over to the girl’s table before planting himself on it. “So, you ladies know my pal Lemon—Where is that bloody—” Stale looked up to see Lemon just staring at him. “Well don’t be a cat in the cold, come on!”
Lemon just shook his head. Stale, I bucking hate you sometimes. Trotting over to the table he ignored a offer to sit by Rarity in favor of sitting by Spike.
The other girls where confused on what was going on, with Applejack being their voice. “Um, Rares? Who are these fellas?”
“This is Lemon.” Rarity looked at Lemon who was just staring over at a wall. “He met me, Fluttershy, and Octavia at the spa.”
“Hmm.” Stale’s lustful eyes shot a glance at Rarity’s flank. “Maybe the spa isn’t so bad after all.”
Rarity turned her head to Stale in confusion, before gasping. “You must be Lemon’s co-worker, Bale!” This earned a snicker from Lemon.
Stale’s eye burrowed for a second, before turning back to normal. “Stale, Miss Rarity, Stale Crumbs.”
Fluttershy leaned in with timid eyes. “Oh, you know her name?”
Stale nodded. “Aye, and you must be Fluttershy, the element of kindness. I know all of you.” He looked at Pinkie who was using her fork to manipulate her pasta to be like a worm. Especially you.
Rainbow Dash groaned in boredom at the lack of action before her attention was caught by Lemon’s case. “Hey what’s that?” she said tapping it.
Lemon’s eyes shot up wide, before he quickly slapped Rainbow Dashes hoof away. “Never. Touch. That.”
“Whoa, whoa!’ Rainbow Dash held her hooves up. “Just wanna know what’s in it.”
“Rainbow Dash it’s not nice to touch other ponies things,” said Twilight, taking a bite out of her hayburger.
“So, what are you guys doing here?” Stale stared at Applejacks mane, thinking of many things he could do to it.
Pinkie abruptly stopped her slurping and looked up with squinted eyes. “Don’t tell anypony, but we’re looking for my Unkie Humble’s foalnappers.”
Stale fell over in his chair at the reply.
“Oh darn!” Applejack helped Stale up from the ground. “Somethin wrong?”
Stale took his time to regain his balance, and checking to see if his saddle was alright before nodding. “Yeah, I just, I’m a big fan of typys—I mean Humble Pie’s writing. Didn’t hear he got abducted.”
Pinkie gasped. “How could you not?”
Stale looked at Lemon for an excuse. Grumbling about uselessness, Lemon sat up straight. “We just arrived in the country.” He then got an idea on how to take his revenge. “For our honeymoon.”
Stale spat out the ice tea Rarity had offered him. “What!?”
“Oh!” Rarity’s eyes widen. Well that explains why he didn’t find my flirting attractive. Shrugging at her lost she moved on. “But wait, why did you call him your co-worker then?”
Stale stared at Lemon with the burning of a thousand sons. Don’t you dare.
Lemon sipped caressed his case. “It’s slang from where we come from, for true love.”
That earned a big d’aw form the entire table, even Rainbow Dash who quickly stopped when she realized what she had just said.
Stale’s eyes grew wide as saucer plates, his body shaking as the rage boiled in him. “Would you excuse me ladies? Me and my coltfriend—” He spat the words. “—Need to go talk in the bathroom.”
Lemon stopped rubbing his case and looked up. Aw, buck me. Lemon thought on how to save his flank before and idea dawned upon him. “I’m fine dear, but if I may ask what do you girls know about ” he said trying to change the subject. “Would you happen to know anything else about what happened to Humble?”
Pinkie giggled. “Of course, but if you want to know more Unkie Humble can tell you himself.”
The two mercs glanced at each other. “What do you mean tell us himself?”
“He’s here in the hotel.”
Stale and Lemon’s pupils shrunk to peas. “Um, if you’ll excuse us ladies, we have to go.” The two quickly galloped out of the restaurant and into the hallways.
Everypony look at each other before Twilight spoke up. “What do you think that was for?”
“They’re probably going to do adorable stuff with each other,” Pinkie said going back to her slurping.
*****
Am I just over reacting? Humble trotted out of the elevator and into the hallway. I mean maybe she’s just resting is all.
“Howdy Humble!”
Turning his head sideways, Humble saw Apple Bloom along with the other foals carrying small bags, each step emitting a clinking sound from them. “Hi kids, um, what you all got on your backs?”
Button bit onto his bag and shook it, making more clinging sounds. “Miss Octavia gave us these bits and told us to go play in the arcade.”
“Wanna come Humble?” Scootaloo said, picking up her bag after it fell off her.
“You kids go on ahead.” Humble looked down the hall and squinted his eyes. “I gotta talk to Octavia.” Humble walked all the way down to the hall before coming to the suite’s door, reaching for it he heard a muffled sound from within. “Huh?” Creaking the door open slightly he slipped in like a mouse. Humble looked around the room, seeing all sorts of magazines and books spelt around the room along with the fact the balcony door was wide open. But one thing stood out among the mess; a yellow folder on the coffee table.” “What’s this?” Picking it up Humble licked his hoof and opened to see a blue paper with schematics of a building on it. “The Pic de Dawn ballroom? Why would she need—”
A crashing sound from the master bedroom made Humble jump back and drop the folder.
“Damm it Storm!” said a muffled Octavia from behind the door. “I told you to use the balcony!”
Who’s she talking too? Humble put down the folder and started creeping over to the door.
“And miss out on seeing you getting ready?” Storm Breaker said. “Why would I want to do that?”
A muffled slap was heard as Humble put his ear to the door. Who’s Storm? Opening it slightly Humble peered into the room to see Storm rubbing his reddened cheek while Octavia put down a pair of steel gauntlets on her nightstand. Is there another historic fair in town?
“Sheesh Octavia, didn’t need to hit so hard.” Storm eyed the steel gauntlets with curiosity. “They good?” he said, pointing at them.
Octavia picked up on of the gauntlets and turned it around. Humble couldn’t see past her head, but swore he heard a whoosh sound. “They’re alright, but I think the shooting out mechanism is rusty.”
Shooting out mechanism? Humble peered in more but jumped back when Octavia turned around.
“Come on, we can talk in here.”
Oh horse apples, oh horse apples! Humble glanced around the room for a place to hide until his eyes came across a closet. That’ll do! Rushing into the closet, Humble closed it just as Octavia and Storm came in. Trying to look past the blinders Humble noticed that the folder with the blueprints had been left open. Damm it!
“That’s odd.” Octavia knelt down and picked up the folder. “I could have sworn I left this on the coffee table.” Glancing toward the open balcony she sighed. “Must've been blown over, next time I leave you an opening into the room, use it please.”
Humble sighed with relief as Octavia read the folder’s contents. That was close.
“So I called for you because I couldn't get anything from Humble.” Octavia gave the folder over to Storm. “Did you learn anything?”
Storm nodded, flying over to the couch he got comfortable. “From what our informants tell us, told us, these mercs, Stale Crumbs and Lemon—”
Octavia’s eyes grew wide. “Wait, Lemon? Did he happen to be a ex-guard by chance?”
Storm blinked five times. “Um, yeah, how did you know that?”
“Dammit!” Octavia threw her forelegs down earning a loud thump. “He was right there!”
Octavia knows that Lemon? Humble leaned in, making sure his hoof didn’t get caught in the junk stuffed inside.
“Who was right there?” Storm went to Octavia’s side. “Oct, do you know this guy?”
Octavia sighed and nodded. “Sorta, he and I talked about a day ago at the hotel spa. But his face and eyepatch were covered in a mask.”
Humble almost screamed right there. Those two are here!?
Storm smirked. “A spa? Octavia, you never came across as that kind of mare.” A shove to the side was his answer.
Octavia sat down on one of the couches and thought for a few moments. “What else did you learn?”
“The informant also said, that the Stale guy was bragging to some mare while drunk, that they’re apparently going to the party hosted hosted by the M.I.T.”
Why would mercenary's be going to a party? Humble chewed on his hoof as he thought.
“Okay, if they’re here I gotta keep Humble and Pinkie along with the others safe.” Octavia was about to turn when Storm caught her by the tail. “What are you doing?”
Storm just stared at her and shook his head. “You can’t.” The words fell onto Octavia like icicles.
Octavia’s eyes narrowed. “Why not?”
“Because they might compromise the mission.”
Misson? What mission? Humble adjusted himself to get a better look.
Octavia jumped back. “Well we need to send someone to protect Humble at least, he’s an innocent and not particularly strong.”
Humble frowned. I’ll have you know I’ve been jogging.
Storm planted himself on the ground. “Don’t you get it? We have only one chance at this and only so much of us, we have to pull all our assets into finding the Templars.”
Templars?
Octavia narrowed her eyes, taking a step forward. “We can make the time.”
Storm moved forward and into Octavia’s face. “Dammit Oct, we all have mission, and yours is to find the grandmaster and kill Green!”
The word kill made Humble almost tip over. Kill? As in, murder?
Octavia looked down, thinking it over. With a sigh she looked up, the next words sounding like the shattering of a window to Humble’s ears. “All right, I’ll focus on killing him.”
Humble couldn't believe what he was hearing, he desperately tried to stop hyperventilating in fear to no avail. Murder!? Who are you Octavia Melody?
Storm nodded somely. “Thank you, if we have time we’ll see about finding some ponies to go to this Humble;s place if we have the time.” Storm opened the sliding door and was about to fly away when another thought came to mind. “Oh! Octy?”
“Yes?” said Octavia as she was about to leave the room.
“You were traveling with A.K. Yearling right?”
Octavia and Humble’s attention focused in on Storm with Octavia nodding.
“Well she’s gonna be at the party.”
“What?!” Octavia ran toward him. “Well we gotta rescue her! They may try to abduct her!” But a cold stare from Storm made her remember. “I understand, the mission must come first.” As Storm flew of the balcony Octavia made her way to the door and looked up. Please don’t have me made the wrong choice. She closed the door behind her, leaving Humble to digest what he just heard.
Dazzle? Dazzle’s going to be at a party with two bloodthirsty mercs?! Humble couldn’t believe it, no longer was the thought of Octavia being a murder on his mind but rather that of author in potential danger. Jumping out the closet he ran toward the folder and flipped through it. “Come on! There has to be something in—Huh?” Humble noticed on the floor a sealed letter. “What’s this?” Turning it around Humble saw the words invitation written in red ink. “This must be a way into the party!” Ripping it open Humble read the words.
Dear, Miss Key Note,
You are cordially invited to attend the Manehattan of Knowledge’s annual announcement party at The Pic de Dawn. There will be fun and games, along with a variety of musicians and performers. Dress code is stated to be costume.
Love, P.E.
Humble looked up and glanced at the door to Octavia’s room. “Costume huh?” A smile grew on his face as he made his way into the room.
*****
“So just who is this friend of yours?” said Diamond Tiara as packed up her stuff on the kitchen table. Derpy had allowed her to get clothes from her home while she was checking in on Time Turner.
“Oh, he’s a very nice, old stallion.” Derpy scooped up a blob of mayonnaise before spreading it on two slices of wheat and dumping tomatoes and lettuce on it. “In fact you might know his grand filly, she’s quite famous.”
Diamond rolled her eyes. As if.
“Mommy!” Dinky came galloping into the room with her suitcase in mouth. “Are we ready yet?”
Derpy grinned. “Almost muffin, how about you go help Carrot Top with her stuff?”
Dinky noded rapidly. “Okie dokie!” She bounced out of the room leaving Diamond and Derpy alone.
“So,” said Derpy, breaking the silence. “Diamond, your father said your mom’s going to come pick you up.”
Diamond stopped packing and looked up. “He did!? I mean, uh, he did?”
“Oh yes.” Derpy wrapped up the sandwich and put it into a cooler. “You know I don’t actually think I ever met your mother.”
Diamond frowned. She’s too busy for somepony like you.
“What’s she like?”
Diamond broke out of her thoughts and looked up. “Huh?”
“Your mother silly, what’s she like?”
“Oh, well, she’s pretty, smart, and—” Diamond stopped and thought for a moment. She’s, um, she’s—” A growl from her stomach interrupted her thoughts. “Ugh, I’m hungry.”
“Here you go!” Derpy sat a plate down in front of Diamond, laying a sandwich on it. “Enjoy!” Derpy noticed that Diamond just stared at the sandwich. “Is something wrong sweetie?”
Diamond looked at the sandwich like it was some alien object. Taking a bite out of it she found it oddly good. “Um, no, uh, thanks for the sandwich, I guess.”
Derpy ruffled Diamond’s mane causing her to squeak in terror. “Aw, it’s no problem. Now you just back to packing, we gotta catch the train tonight.”
As Derpy left the room Diamond turned her face back towards the sandwich and found herself smiling.
*****
“Good evening Typo Fixer,” Light said as he walked on by the secretary. “Is Pike in there?”
Typo stopped her crossword puzzle and looked up. “He’s getting ready for the party.” She eyed Light up and down. “Where’s your costume Light? Aren’t you going?”
Light chuckled. “Oh, mine’s in the cart downstairs, I’m afraid I lack the confidence to dress up in public.” Opening the door, Light saw the evening sun starting to set on the horizon. “Sir? It’s me Light! Are you in here?”
“One second!” Pike said from behind a dressing screen. “I just need to get this on!” he said, grunting as he pulled his costume onto his body. “Woo! How do I look?”
Light turned from the sun and gasped in horror at the sight before him. “Sir! What are you wearing!?”
Pike had chosen for his attire a skintight latex body suit in resemblance of one of the wonderbolts, except this one was black. The suit showed his entire features making him almost look like something from a erotic novel.
“Like what you see?” Pike said, putting on a pouty face before laughing. “But seriously what’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”
Light sputtered gibberish before he could speak properly. “Sir, the finest and most powerfulest business tycoons and nobles in Equestria will be there! You cannot go out looking like-like—”
“Like a S&M parody of the wonderbolts?” Pike grinned from ear to ear. “You underestimate my ability to pull the impossible off Light, by the way where’s your costume?”
Light saw there was no way to convince his boss otherwise and groaned. “I’m going dressed as Star Swirl the bearded.”
“That’s nice.” said Pike shrugging.
Light noticed the lack of enthrusamism. “What’s wrong with my costume?”
“You do realize practically everybody is gonna dress up like him don’t you?”
“That’s not true—”
“Hello boss,” said Stale as he and Lemon came in, dressed up as two guards. “Nice evening isn’t it?”
Pike’s face brighten up. “Stale and Lemon, I thought I’d see you at the party, what are you doing here?”
“Sir!” Lemon shouted. “The elements of harmony are here along with Humble Pie!”
“What?” Light marched forward. “What do you mean the element of harmony are here? And where did you see Humble?”
“Well we didn’t actually seem as much as heard his niece Pinkie Pie tell us he was here.” Lemon turned to Pike. “So what are we going to do?”
Pike shrugged. “Simple we go to the party, and have a good time.”
“Now that I can get behind.” Stale threw himself onto the couch and opened a cider from the ice chest in front of him.
That answer was not good enough for Light or Lemon however.
“Sir, we have to do something.”
“Mister Lemon’s right sir, unless we take care of Humble we could get caught!”
Pike clapped his hooves together and the walls became peach colored again. “Now listen to me,” he said in a cold tone. “Humble will not be a problem, we’re going to go to a party and have a good time, alright boys?”
“But—”
“Hey you heard the boss!” Stale got up from the couch and trotted over to Pike. “We just gotta relax.” He slid his hoff over an invisible counter.
Light sighed. “Can we at least review what’s going to happen tonight?”
Pike nodded and picked up a folder on his desk. “This is the schedule for the evening…”
*****
“Okay I think that goes one this.” Humble tightened the steel gauntlet around his forelegs and threw the outfits hood over his head. “Now lets see what I look like.” Turning to the only mirror in the room Humble starred. “It’s a little tight around the torso, but then again this is for a mare two sizes smaller than me.”
“Unkie Humble?” Freezing Humble turned slowly around to see Pinkie and the gang staring at him. “Why are you in Octavia’s room?”
Twilight narrowed her eyes. “And why are you wearing her clothing?”
Humble blinked, not knowing what to say. “Uhhhh—”
“Hm.” Rarity started walking around Humble at times examining the outfit. “Why would Octavia have the same outfit as the one I made?”
“Humble I reckon it’s time you tell us what’s going on.” Applejack straightened her hat.
Humble looked down. “Okay, but I think we should all go to the living room to talk about this, you’re gonna need to sit.” Everypony made their way into the living room where after finding a place to sit, Humble went to the center of the room. “I overheard someone saying Octavia is going to kill somepony tonight at a party and Daring may be in danger from the mercs who abducted me.” He shut his eyes expecting gasps but only heard silence.
“Pfft.” Rainbow Dash struggled to hold it in and burst out laughing, the others join in soon. “Oh, that’s a good one Humble, but seriously what’s going on?”
Humble just glanced in shock back and forth. “I just told you what’s going to happen! Octavia is going to kill somepony!”
Twilight frowned. “Okay, Humble it was funny the first time but now it’s getting a little mean.”
Pinkie stuck her tongue out. “Yeah Unkie Humble, Octavia wouldn't hurt a fly.”
“Humble I think your just misheard this pony,” Rarity said, with sympathetic eyes. “But these ruffians who abducted you, are you sure about that?”
“Yes!” Humble shouted, frowning. “And that Octavia is going to make a big mistake tonight! We need to stop both from getting hurt!”
Twilight shook her head. “Humble, I’m sure you misheard her. See she’s right here.”
The words made Humble freeze in terror as he turned around to see Octavia, wide eyed, staring at him underneath the doorway. Oh buck me.
“Humble—” Octavia could barely say the next word before it all happened. Humble leapt past the girls and out the door way shoving Octavia to the side.
“I’m trying to help you Octavia!” shouted Humble as he raced down the hallway.
“Well, what do you think that was all—” Rarity stopped when she noticed Octavia wasn’t there. “Where did she go?”
*****
Humble’s heart felt like it was going to explode as he raced down the hallway. Shooting his eyes back he could see Octavia catching up on him. “Oh, boy.” Looking forward again he smiled as he saw Sweetie Belle and Button coming out the elevator.
“Oh, hi Humble,” said Sweetie Belle as Humble leaped into the elevator and started frantically pressing the number one floor button. “Is something—”
“Stop him!” cried Octavia to the two foals, but it was too late, just as she reached the elevator, the doors were closed. “Oh, no.” Glancing to the side she saw the the staircase. “Guess I got to do this the hard way.
Humble breathed with relief, looking at the number of floor he was on, he saw he was about to reach the third when the elevator dinged. “Huh?” The doors opened to reveal Octavia in a defensive stance. “Dang it.”
Octavia threw her hoof at Humbles face but Humble ducked and ran under Octavia’s arm into the hallway. “Dammit!” Running after him she started to yell. “Humble, I can explain everything! Just stop!”
Humble shook his head and stared at a open window at the end of the hallway. “Sorry Octavia but I gotta get to a party!” Coming to the window he looked down to see a fire escape and a dumpster full of garbage. As he was about to go down the fire escape Humble glanced back to see Octavia right behind him, startling him, he jumped back and fell down toward the dumpster. “Ahhh—Omph!” He found the dumpster only contained soft stuff and sighed with relief, but that ended quickly as he looked to see Octavia leaping from across the fire escape downwards. “Aw, come on!” Scrambling out of the trash he ran towards the street and saw a stallion getting out of a taxi. “Perfect!” Jumping forward, Humble tumbled into the seat to the driver’s surprise. “Well don’t just stand there! Go!”
The cart pulled out and flew down the street leaving Octavia to cough in a cloud of dust. She looked up with fearful eyes. “Oh, no.”
Humble looked behind the carriage until the hotel was out of sight, breathing deeply he got out the letter. “I need to get to the M.I.K. Towers.”
The driver snorted. “Sorry bud, but that whole section of the city is locked down in reservations.”
“Then it’s a good thing I got an invite.”
As the cart rolled onto Main street, two police officers held a hoof up to the driver. “Invitation only,” one of them said.
Humble dug into the long coats pockets and gave the invitation over. “Here you go.”
The officer read the innovation, glancing at Humble oddly. “Your Miss Key Note?”
Humble’s pupils shrunk. Damm it! they were expecting a mare. “Um, I haven’t gotten my medical records done yet?”
The officer stared at him, his eyes narrowing as he looked up and down Humble who was sweating like crazy. “Alright, have a good time,” he said with a shrug. He and the other officer parted ways.
“Thanks.” Humble wiped the sweat from his forehead as the cart went past the blockade. “Should be smooth—” Blinding flashes hit his eyes making him tumble onto the floor. “What in Celestia’s world was...that.” He looked side to side to see a roaring crowd of Manehattanites behind railings cheering towards the street. Looking forward Humble saw what they were cheering at, a convoy of impressive looking chariots and carriages lined up the street as far as the eye could see, their metal platings reflecting from the flashes of the cameras onto Humble. Confetti was scrawled across the street, and tilting his head to outside the cart Humble saw squadrons of guards leading the vehicles to their destination; The M.I.T. Towers. “Better keep a low profile.” Humble put his hood over his face and waited.
Humble waited only minutes till his cart reached the steps of the towering structure, a red carpet awaiting him as he got off the cart. Taking his first step onto the ground he felt a tug and looked back to see the driver holding out his hoof.
“Yer fare?”
Humble nodded. “Sorry about that, uh.” Humble dug into the pockets hoping for some change and pulled out a hoof of bits. “Here you go.” Giving them over, Humble looked to see the blasting music of the party inside and breathed deeply. “I hope this works,” he said heading inside.
*****
The chattering of nobles and celebrities enveloped Humble as he rode the elevator up. A blue maned stallion and a pink coated mare were on one side, both dressed up as a king and queen respectively while on the other was a stallion who Humble recognized as the Duke of Maretonia talking to Sapphire Shores. Looking back at the two royal dressed Humble was met to the stareing of the pink mare.
“You are Monsieur Pie!” exclaimed Fleur Dis Lee looking over to the stallion next to her she shook him. “Mon amour, it’s that writer I like!”
Fancy Pants caught his head and tried to stop the dizziness. “That’s wonderful honey. A pleasure to meet—” Turning around to Humble his eyes widen before returning to normal. “—Humble Pie.”
“Nice to meet you, uh.” Humble put his hoof to his chin and tapped it. “Who are you?” Humble jumped forward when Sapphire cackled.
“What do you mean who are you hon?” said Sapphire stifling a giggle. “These two are Fleur Dis Lee and Fancypants.” The elevator stopped and the doors opened.
Humble had always been one for festivities, even more so when Pinkie found her cutie mark and insisted on having one every time Humble came to visit. But even Pinkie would be impressed by the sheer work done for this party. The walls of the ballroom were adorned with banners of all kinds advertising the M.I.T.’s products and vines stretching up white, marble columns as red carpets on checkered floors were stomped upon by the variety of invitees. Delegates from foreign countries sat around or danced with members of the wonderbolts, Dukes and Duchesses gossiped about the latest news over fountains of sparkling cider, Humble couldn’t believe his eyes as he saw Prince Bluebloods, himself attired as a emperor from Equestria's past.
Humble gulped as he realized he was in the same room with some of the most powerful ponies, griffons, zebras, and other creatures on the planet. He would have continued staring if not for a small poking feeling on his stomach, glancing to the side he saw Fleur Dis Lee holding a copy of Ice Barrels. “Um, can I help you miss?”
“Would you please sign my copy?” Fleur held out the book and a pen.
Humble shrugged and wrote his name down. “Here you go.”
“Thank you!” Fleur looked to her husband to brag but saw that he was talking to Trenderhoof. “Oh, that stallion and his friends.”
“Um, yeah, listen I gotta—” He felt a object on his back. Turning around he saw Prince Blueblood.
“Oh, sorry about—” Blueblood’s face turned into a disappointed expression followed by a snort. “Oh, I see, Eclipse will let just about anypony in these days.”
Humble glanced side to side as if expecting somepony to explain. “Um, what?”
Blueblood rolled his eyes and took a sip out of his cider. “Well If I have to have conversation with the lowly underlings of our society I might has well tell you to address me properly. I am Prince Blueblood and you are?”
Humble looked up from his hooves. “Um, Humble Pie.”
“He’s that writer I told you about Blue,” said Fleur as she came back with her husband.
Blueblood’s expression seemed to brighten up as the two socialites came forward. “Good evening Mr. Lee, and nice to see you too Fancypants.”
Both ponies bowed with Fancypants lighting a bubble pipe. “A good evening to you too Blueblood.”
“Yes.” Blueblood nodded, he looked back to Humble. “So, Mister Pie, tell us, why are you here?”
“Well, um, I’m here to discuss a business opportunity with Miss A.K. Yearling.” Humble took a of water and gulped it down. “Have you by chance seen her?”
The group giggled to Humble’s confusment.
“Oh, monsieur Humble,” said Fleur waving her hoof down. “How could we not see Miss Yearling? She’s right there,” she said pointing outward.
Humble followed Fleurs hoof to the sight of Daring. Humble’s jaw almost fell to the floor as he saw Daring’s mane tied up into a bun with a stick of metal going through it, she had a red dress with a fringed collar around her showing off a sparkling pearl necklace. The image made his stomach ticklish and his lips wet, he felt like he would fall down at the intenseness of it. She’s beautiful. Humble looked up to see that the others were staring at him. “Um, thank you, I gotta go now.” He took a run to Daring.
“Phlea!” Daring spit out the quiche she was eating. “Who puts peaches in a quiche?”
“Dazzle!” whispered Humble startling Daring.
Daring spun around and her eyes went wide. “Humble!? What are you doing here?”
Humble waved his hooves in the air. “I don’t have time to explain, you’re in danger! Come on!” Humble pointed at towards an empty balcony.
Daring shook her head rapidly. “No! I’m about to do a speech—”
“Dazzle.” Humble took Daring’s hoof into his. “Please just listen to me,” he said with wet eyes.
Daring stared at him, her head feeling a bit heavy and her stomach a little nauseous. “Fine.”
As the two made their way out to the balcony they didn’t notice Stale and Lemon watching them with wide eyes. “We gotta tell Pike!” Running towards the elevator, Stale noticed a familiar mare.
“Vinyl!” Stale ran his hood through his mane, strutting over to the smiling disco jockey, Lemon stood flabbergasted.
“What are you doing you idiot?” hissed Lemon.
“Just talking to this lovely little minx.” Stale licked his lips as Vinyl giggled. “So how’ve you been?”
“Alright.” Vinyl levitated sets of records up. “Just getting ready for the show is all.
“I’ll be sure to catch it,” said Stale with a wink.
Lemon face hoofed at the flirting. “We don't have time for this.
Stale looked back at him with a frown. “Then we’ll make time.”
*****
“So what are you doing here?” Daring leaned against the railing, the moon reflecting over the steep pin in her her.
Humble stared at the image before him, amplified in the moonlight, before shaking his head. “Oh, yeah, listen have you heard about the two stallions who abducted me?”
Daring nodded. “Yeah? Humble what does this have to do—”
“They’re in the building.”
Daring straightened up immediately. “What?! Wait, how do you know this?”
Humble looked to see if anybody was watching them, but only saw the other guests chattering amongst themselves. “I overheard Octavia talking to some stallion about them being here.”
“Ok, but—Wait a second, Humble where did you get that outfit?” Daring noticed how the robe was a little tight for him.
Humble grew a fearful look in his eye. “Octavia was supposed to kill a stallion here and—”
“What?” Daring’s flew right up.
“Shhh!” Humble pointed towards the party. “We gotta be quite.”
“Humble do you know how dangerous this is?! This is exactly why I left you—” Daring realized her mistake and clapped her hoof over her muzzle, but the damage was done.
Humble was taken back. “What? What do you mean this is exactly why you left me?”
Daring bit her lip, her anxiety at it’s climax.
“Dazzle what are you talking about?”
Daring flew down onto the balcony and sighed. “I’m really Daring Do.”
Humble blinked in confusion. “You mean she’s your avatar?”
Daring couldn't help but giggle, the sound breaking the tension slightly. “No, I mean I’m really her, she’s my alias I use when I go on adventures.
Humble was about to speak but stopped himself, shaking his head he coughed. “So that means all those stories with that ahzidal—”
Daring snickered. “It’s ahuizotl.”
“—Are real?” Daring nodded to Humble’s surprise. “...You mean to say that you’ve been putting yourself in danger all these years? Dazzle—Or Daring, why did that make you leave me?”
Daring looked up at the moon and sniffed. “It’s because I couldn’t let you get hurt.”
“Hurt? What do you mean by hurt?”
Daring looked at him with a pitiful look. “I’ve made enemies when I went on those fall trips.”
The words “fall trips” made Humbler remember. “You mean those times you went studying the zebra tribes?”
Daring nodded somely. “It started out innocent at first, I listened to their history and excated some ruins they said I could, but then these stallions came.”
Humble leaned in closer.
“They started herding up the kids of the tribe and were planning on selling them.”
Humble put his hoof to his mouth. “You mean slavery?”
Daring nodded. “Anyway I thought I could stop them, but I-I killed one of theirs by mistake.”
“Oh my.” Humble moved closer and put his hoof on the mare’s shoulder.
“I must’ve strangled him to long.” Daring sniffed again. “I just wanted to get him unconscious but it didn't work.”
“You shouldn’t blame yourself.” Humble put his other hoof on Daring’s other shoulder. “If anything you should be proud of yourself, you stopped them, you did stop them right?”
Daring nodded again, she wiped her eye this time. “But the leader got away, and I still don’t know how they knew, but they threatened you Humble.” She looked up with tears starting to form in her eyes. “They threatened to kill you, so I thought you’d be safer if you hated me and left.”
“Oh Dazzle.” Humble embraced Daring into a comforting hug. “Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped.”
Daring pushed Humble away gently and shook her head. “No, Humble I couldn't get you involved, if anything happened to you...I just couldn’t forgive myself.” Daring gasped as she felt a hoof on her back.
“I’d never let that happened,” said Humble patting Daring.
Daring twirled around and did something unexpected. Grabbing Humble she pressed her lips against his much to his surprise. They enjoyed the warmth from each other’s bodies, the action feeling like decades, before finally letting go to breathe. “I know.”
Humble just blinked and smiled. “So can we try again?”
Daring wanted to scream yes, and continue their meeting in private, but the words rung in her head again
“And that little grey colt friend of yours.”
“No, it’s too risky.” Daring jumped back from Humble.
It was like his world came crashing down again as the words came through his ears. “B-bu-but Daring, we-we could, I don’t know, go somewhere they can’t find us?”
Daring shook her head as the tears started to flow. “No! Don’t you get it? They will find you and they will kill you. I can’t let that happen.” Daring wiped her eyes and put on a determined look. “I WILL not let that happen.”
Humble felt desperate, his breathing growing rapid. “B-b-but—”
“Pleas Humble.” Daring took his hoof. “Please just listen to me, I care for you, so I can’t be with you. I won’t let anypony hurt you...but me.”
Humble was about to protest, but another glance at Daring, her eyes like brilliant roses, stopped him. Alright, mi amore. “If-if-you want it to be this way, I’ll respect your decision.”
Daring wiped her eyes. “Thank you—”
“But please.” Humble clasped Daring’s hooves. “Please, please be happy...for me, and if you ever need help, please, please find me.”
Daring nodded. “I will Humble, for you.”
The two ponies took hold of each other and hugged, both feeling the others heartbreak as they did so.
Humble let go first and looked at the party. “Well alright then, but please leave so you don’t get hurt by those stallions.”
Daring let out a sad laugh. “Humble, my grandfather has the best security in the world, he won’t let me get hurt. Besides if you ever read any of my books, you’ll know I—Oh no.”
“What’s wrong?” Humble Looked to see what Daring was staring at. His eyes met a wine drinking Cherry Jubilee.
“My, oh my, am I interrupting something—” Cherry stopped when she got a better view of Humble’s outfit. “—Um, Miss Yearling?”
Daring rolled her eyes. “Yes, Miss Jubilee?”
“Would you mind fetching your grandfather for me? I need to discuss business with him.”
Daring groaned inside. “Of course.” Looking at Humble she smiled. “I’ll see you after the speech.”
“But—” A hoof on his lips stopped him.
“Don’t worry, you just worry about finding that stallion who needs your help.” Daring bowed at Cherry and went inside.
As soon as Daring was out of sight Cherry thrusted her face towards Humble. “Who are you?”
Humble just took a step back. “Um, um—”
Cherry rolled her eyes. “Just like Rolf to send another, okay listen I saw Green at the buffet, but that dang buffon Blue Blood started complaining to me about the lack of nobles at the party.” Cherry shook her head. “Anyway, I need you to find Octavia and tell her that even if the grandmaster isn’t revealed we need Green dead.”
Humble’s eyes widen. “Um, just out of curiosity, what are we supposed to do again?”
Cherry snorted. “You really must pay attention when your den leader gives you instructions dear, I just learned from Rolf that Green has a paper with top Templar officials names on it. And since we can’t seem to overhear anything about Templar business in this party, this will help us alot!”
Humble tilted his head. “Okay?”
“Good!” Cherry turned around. “Remember, keep a low profile, and make it look like an accident.” She started trotting inside.
Humble waited till she was out of eyesight to breathe. “Oh Celestia, that was close.” He made his way inside. “That mare must work with Octavia, but who are these Templars?”
A well dressed minotaur came down the grand staircase of the ballroom and walked up to a podium with a microphone on a podium. “Attention ladies and gentlecolts!” The party turned quiet and Luna stopped her storytelling with an attentive mare. “I give you, Miss Artemis Knowing Yearling!”
Humble threw his head and saw Daring trotting up to the podium where a spotlight shone on her. “What’s this?” he said, going to the front of the awaiting crowd. “Dazzle?”
“One second Humble!” hissed Daring, putting her hoof on the microphone. Clearing her throat she began. “I’d like to to welcome each and everyone of you for coming tonight.” A series of approving stomps and clapping was her reply. “This company has come far from it’s modest days as a store in New Horseleans. But none of this could be possible without the idea of one stallion, my grandfather.” The spotlight made it’s way to the top of the staircase, the stallion’s white hair glazed with enough hair gel to reflect the light.
“Thank you sweetie,” said Daring’s grandfather, a small blush forming on Daring’s face as she made her way offstage and next to Humble.
“I see your grandpa is successful,” whispered Humble as Daring glanced at a few folks chuckling.
Daring was about to respond when she felt a push against her side. “Hey!”
Mr. Green turned around. “Oh, sorry Miss Yearling, I didn’t see—” Green stopped when he saw Humble, his veins feeling like rivers of ice as he looked up and down the longcoat Humble had on. “Aw, shit!” He started rushing past the crowd, leaving Humble and Daring confused.
“Who was that?” said Humble, to a shrugging Daring.
“Mr. Green, he—”
“Green!?” Humble looked to where Green was going. “He’s the one who’s gonna be killed! I have to warn him!”
“Alright but I’m coming with you!” Daring and Humble started moving past the crowd as Daring’s grandfather continued his speech.
*****
“What, my grandfilly has said is true,” spoke Daring’s grandfather, taking off his sunglasses, to reveal dark red eyes. “This company started with one dream!” He held his hoof up to the seemly tranced crowd. “And that dream was to bring a life of comfort to this fair world of ours, because is that not what we want? A life full of comfort?” The crowd mumbled in approval. “It is, and for the last thirty years, the Manehattan institute of Knowledge, or as most of you prefer, the Manehattan institute of Technology, has tried it’s hardest to achieve that goal of comfort” He stopped and paused for a few moments. “But this is not the only thing we hope to achieve.” Leaning in, he smiled. “No, it is not the only thing, for you see my friends, life is more than just about comfort, it’s about adventure and in the past two years there has been more adventures than the world has ever seen. The elements of harmony coming forth, our own beloved mistress of the night herself returning, the second coming of the crystal empire, the reformation of discord, the ascension of Princess Twilight Sparkle, the defeat of Tirek! Just a few of the many extraordinary events Equestria has seen...but I ask you this, what if we could do better?” Daring’s grandfather let the crowd mumble amongst itself for a few seconds before raising his hoof. “Now when I say better, I mean living better, eating better, being better. For while we have talked about it amongst ourselves, never have we ever announced it. A new age.” The crowd leaned in closer. “And a new age, needs new things correct? Which is why I have three announcements to make tonight. First, the new name of our company, yes the good old one has served us well, but we must adapt. So it is with a heavy heart I say goodbye M.I.T. and say with great joy, hello Eclipse industries!”
A banner from above him came unfolded and revealed a black disc with the name of the company in silver letters. The room replied in shoutings of approvals and stomping.
“Thank you, thank you. Now for the second announcement. The one you all have been waiting for, Light?”
Light wizard walked up the stairs with a prideful look on his face, he was carrying a platter with a red cover on top of it. “Thank you sir.” Facing the crowd he cleared his throat. “ I present to you, the Eclip!” He threw the covering hoof to reveal a metal object underneath, the object looked to be able to latch itself onto a pony’s foreleg, but what really caught the crowd’s attention was the glass screen on it and the small holes on the side of it. “Watch and be amazed,” said Light pressing a small red button on the object. A second later the screen glowed a bright blue and revealed a\ series of squares with numbers in them. “You see, with the Eclip, you can do a dozen things. Miss Fleur?”
Fleur’s eyes widen, but she shrugged and made her way to the front. “Yes, monsiuer wizard?”
“Would you please put this on?” Light held out the device to everypony's confusion.
“But this is much too big for me.”
“Don’t worry, just try it.”
Fleur squinted her eyes at the metal wristband and levitated it, the second she let it touch her foreleg however, the object grew triple it’s size shocking the crowd and Fleur. “Amazing!”
“One size fits all,” Light chuckled. “Now let me put this on.” Light took out another Eclip and put it on his foreleg. Tapping at the screen a few times, Fleur’s Eclip started beeping. “Now press that.” Light pointed at a small, blue side button. The minute Fleur did so, Light put his muzzle near the small holes. “Hello,” he whispered.
The whisper came out as a loud shout from eh Eclip Fleur was wearing amazing the crowd. “Light! What is this device?”
Daring’s grandfather motioned for Light to move to the side and got back on the microphone. “The future your grace, and that’s only the start.” He looked around the room and smiled. “You see my friends, life is a long and hard road, so it is up to ponies like Light.” He pointed at Light who nodded. “and our leaders like the princess.” He pointed at Fleur who was too busy trying to find where the sound came from to notice. “That we as civilization can become better, now you're probably wondering what is my third announcement? Well it’s quite different from those last two, this one is about hope.”
Daring’s grandfather looked to see the crowd had grown confused. Time for the grand finale. “Yes, hope. Hope is a powerful force, when your back’s against the wall and you have no where to turn, hope is always there. But I ask you all, what does hope look like? Sometimes hope comes in the form of a pony, a doctor for when you're feeling sick, an ancient magic for when your country is under threat by a dark force, but sometimes, sometimes hope comes from an unexpected source, sometimes it’s the small things you have to watch and let grow. And we have most certainly grown from our humble origins have we not? Equestria was founded by three bickering tribes who came together when they realized they weren’t so different after all. That all they wanted to do was live in harmony and prosper. Well my friends, despite the many challenges we have faced in the past years, we have harmony, do we not? So the next logical step is to prosper and grow. And we will prosper and grow, for this is not just the dawn of a new day for Equestria, but the dawn of a new world! One where people can be free to live however they want and be in perfect safety. We at Eclipse industries promise to make that dream a reality, no matter how long it takes we will reach that light at the end of the tunnel. We will not let all that we have suffered be in vain, we will prosper and grow! We will not be stopped, not halted, not slowed down! We will guide the world into an era of peace that has no end. Or my name isn’t Eclipse Pike Yearling!”
Pike was greeted to a thunderous applause that swam out into the open air, all awhile the old stallion grew a smile on his face.
*****
“Where did he go?!” said Humble as he and Daring came into the hallways. “Did you seem him?”
Daring shook her head. “This is a big building, we should split up, you go to the west wing and I’ll go the east.”
Humble nodded. “Fine.” Taking off towards the west wing Humble stopped when he heard tumbling from behind a door. “Hmm?” Opening the door, he found himself in a dark room, squinting he made out that it was a bar. “Hello?” No sound was heard. “Must be my imagine—” A loud screech of pain was heard. Turning on the lights Humble saw Green consoling his injured hoof after it got pinched between a chair he was hiding under. “Green!”
“You won’t get me assassino!” cried Green, rushing out of the room from a door on the other side.
“Mr. Green! Wait!” Humble dashed across the room and went out the door to see Storm Breaker pinning Green against the wall.
“This is for my brothers and sisters!” said Storm raising a knife in the air.
“No!” Humble leapt at both of them, pushing both away from each other.
“What are you doing!” growled Storm before the rushing of hoof steps made him glance towards an open window. “Dammit!” Taking a stand, Storm flew out the window into the night.
Humble sighed with relief. “Don’t worry, Mr. Green, it’s all...over?” Humble felt something damp on his left hoof, looking down he gasped as the hidden blade from his gauntlet slid it’s red body back into it’s place on Humble’s bloodied hoof, leaving a small slit in Green’s neck.
“So,” Green said, coughing out drops of blood that splattered against Humble’s shocked face. “You finally did it, didn’t you?” He grew a devious grin on his muzzle. “Not like it’s gonna do you any good, the grandmaster has plans for you...Assassin!”
Humble didn’t respond.
“What? Aren’t you going to give me my last rites or that bullshit?”
Humble kept staring.
“Rot in tartarus you bucker.” Gasping, Green closed his eyes and slumped down, his breathing stopped. He was dead.
Humble felt like he was in a trance as he looked at the dead stallion. Only did the scream of a mare and the shouting of murder from the crowd that had gathered in the hallway made him look up. He didn’t see Pike and Light staring at him in horror, Fluer in horrific awe, or even Stale and Lemon’s wide eyes, but rather stared at Daring who did something unexpected. Flying towards him, she took him up and flew out the window into the night.
Click. Click.
The clock’s ticking didn’t receive any attention from the only living figure in the hallway. The figure was a middle aged Stallion with a gray coat and an equally grey mane that looked like it had been electrified. He wore a white robe that at the moment was spotted in red. The stallion wasn’t supposed to be this kind of pony. He was Humble Pie, writer, uncle to a national hero. Not a murder. But as the blood dripped from his blade onto the blue carpet below he could only think how this all came to be.
The cold air blew in Canterlots' alleyways causing the leaves bundled up in a trashbag to hit a chestnut colored, black maned, bat-shaped cutie mark, swampy green coat wearing earth pony stallion shivering in the cold of the night as he waited for his partner to join him.
"For Celestia's sake!" grumbled the stallion in a funny accent that sounded like what a pony from Trottingham would sound like if they ate pebbles . "Why is it so bloody cold and where is that idiot?" he said, rubbing his hooves together. "If he isn’t here in five minutes, I'm gonna kick his arse all the way to the Crystal Empire!"
As if he had heard the threat another stallion dashed from across the street to the dark alleyway. The new stallion, who was a bright yellow coated and blonde maned unicorn, was panting for breath as he approached the stallion waiting for him. He had on him a grey sweater with an equally grey beanie and his right eye was covered by a eye patch along with a cutie mark in the shape of a target.
"Sorry I'm late Stale," the unicorn panted in a low voice. "The streets were full of guar—" the unicorn was interrupted by a violent slap. "Oww! What was that for?!" he quietly moaned as he gently rubbed his cheek.
"For being bucking late! You realize how much trouble we could get in if we're caught?!" hissed Stale. "And not just by the guards."
"Sheesh, sorry, your highness," the unicorn sarcastically replied. "So, where’s the contact, anyway?"
"Inside, you dolt. Now come on, Lemon! I’m about to freeze my bloody shaft off," muttered Stale while blowing his hooves for warmth.
After they entered the building through an alley door the two looked at the inside design. The building's interior was a series of spiraling halls lit by a bunch of dim lights buzzing from the ceiling, yet it was also kept clean like a renewed painting.
"Kinda cre-ah-ah-achoo!" said Lemon, sneezing. "Dang dust."
"Cover your snout with your hoof next time!" said Stale, wiping any snot that landed on him. Lemon Squeeze and Stale Crumbs then climbed into an elevator on the right side of the hall with a night attendant who wore a blue valet uniform.
"Which floor?" questioned the attendant.
"Top," Stale replied.
The pair hurried through the opening gates into another dimly lit hallway with a dark red carpet covered in symbols of fleurs. Eventually, they reached a single door at the end of the hallway. The two stallions walked into a bright rectangular room and towards a crescent-shaped secretary desk in the middle that stood firmly in front of a back door. A mare with an emerald green mane typed on, not even noticing the two stallions. She wore glasses that were shaped as a ovals.
The room reeked of liquid soap residue left by past visitor's bubble pipes. There was also a comfortable-looking couch sitting on the right side of the room under a painting. The painting was of a sea-pony that laid upon a lone rock at sea looking at a faraway snow covered mountain.
Slowly, Stale approached the desk before clearing his throat and politely saying, “Excuse me, miss,” to the mare.
Looking up to the source of the voice, the mare saw the two stallions in the pale lighting of the room. With a shake of the head to wake herself up, she replied in a east side Manehattan accent, "Is there something you require, boys?"
"We’re here to see Mr. Pike. Our names our Lemon Squeeze and Stale Crumbs," said Lemon nervously.
"Let me see," sighed the mare. They watched as the mare pulled a hidden panel off of the bottom of the desk. On it was what appeared to be a list of appointments. Scanning the list with one of her hooves, she stopped near the bottom at two names. Tapping them she finally said, "Aw yes, here you are. If you could just sit over there for a moment, Mr. Pike will see you in a moment.”
"Of course madam," said Stale to the mare. As Stale trotted towards one of the benches he noticed that Lemon was covered in a thin layer of sweat. "Calm down man, it's just a room," Stale said to Lemon.
"Sorry, I'm just worried is all," replied Lemon. "I've heard of this guy , they say he is well connected.” The stallion shivered before whispering, “There are even rumors that is he has connections in the Royal Court."
"Well don't wor—" Stales began, but stopped as he heard the back door burst open. A brown-coated stallion walked out of the room. His cutie mark was a dollar sign. His blue suit was perfectly accented by the silver streak flowing through his black mane.
"So remember, Rich, don't forget to contact me when you see him," said a stern yet friendly sounding voice with an exotic, elder like tone from behind the door.
"Yes, Mr. Pike, but I still don't understand why you wish to meet Miss A—" Filthy began to reply, but was cut off.
"You just worry about getting the red carpet set up for her Rich," the voice said to Filthy .
"Alright, Mr. Pike. Goodnight, Typo Fixer" replied Filthy to the typing mare before leaving the room.
"Sir, your one fifty-fives have arrived," the mare said to the voice.
"Thank you, Typo, my dear. Ah! My friends, come in, come in!"
"Mr. Pike sir, it is an honor to meet you," said Stale while he and Lemon entered the room and closed the door.
The two stallions entered a medium sized office with walls full of shelves lined with objects. The objects seemed to be from far away places and they were accompanied by pictures of pegasi children who, presumably, belonged to the white maned, dark yellow-coated pegasus stallion sitting before them. The moonlight shown through the massive window behind him, giving his back a shadowy aura as he smiled at the two stallions. He wore a fully colored grey, brightly lit, pinstriped suit that covered the his flank, hiding the cutie mark from the two stallions' curious eyes. His eyes were a light red. The suit smelled of oranges and chocolate, with a hint of aftershave. A bronze plated block simply named the stallion "Mr. Pike.”
Seeing that his guests were uncomfortable, and being the polite old man that he was, Mr. Pike asked them to sit in two wooden chairs facing the desk. “Come sit down, my friends. Get comfortable.” Satisfied, Mr. Pike sat down in his more comfortable-looking velvet chair."A pleasure to meet you Mr. Lemon and Mr. Crumbs. My contacts told me you two are some of the best for this job, is that correct?" asked Pike staring towards them.
"W-well, I wouldn't say the best, but you know we are good at what we do," stuttered Lemon.
"Hmmm, I see. Now my friends, you do know why I asked for you to come here today, correct?” Mr. Pike questioned with a warm smile.
"Yes, sir, you want us find a certain stallion, correct?" replied Crumbs with an attentive look. "And ya want us to "persuade" him to come along with us, right?"
"Good, so you do know what you're doing. Yes, I do want you to find this stallion," said Mr. Pike handing them a picture. "This stallion is the key to drawing out our true target," Mr. Pike said with a grin.
"The true target?" asked Lemon.
Pike smirked as he said, "That's not important right now. I will have others who will inform you on what to do when you see them.” His mouth then straightened. “Now, listen here closely; I require complete secrecy in this task I am giving you. There cannot be a single thread connecting me to you if this goes south, do you understand?"
The pair nodded in agreement.
"Mr. Pike, sir?" asked Lemon.
"Yes, lad?" replied Pike
"What’s our pay gonna be?” he said before being kicked by Crumbs. "Oww, what was that for?"
"It's rude," hissed Crumbs.
With a chuckle, Pike said, "It's alright lad. Do not worry, Mr. Lemon, you and Mr. Crumbs will rewarded quite handsomely after the job. Now listen, I have a meeting to attend in Manehattan. You are to bring the stallion to this location," Mr. Pike stated as he handed over a paper with coordinates on them. “I will send send another helper to take help with the fish we’re baiting.”
"Of course sir. Just one question before we go?" asked Crumbs.
"Yes?" asked Mr. Pike.
"What’s this bloke's name?"
The room felt as if the warmth was sucked from every very corner as Mr. Pike looked at them grimly and said, "This stallion’s name is—”
“Mister Humble Pie!” shouted a young mare to a older looking stallion at the Fillydelphia train station.
“Huh?” said Humble looking up from his journal. “Oh, hi there miss. Do you need something?”
“Mister Humble... oh just give me a sec,” panted the mare.
“Come here,” Humble said, helping the mare down onto the bench he was sitting on. “You look like you just did a marathon, what’s your name?”
“Bell Ringer,” said the mare wiping a bead of sweat off her forehead. “I’m the courier for the hotel you stayed at last night. I'm here to give you the package you left behind,” she said, showing a small briefcase with the words, “If found bring back to Humble Pie.”
“It’s a good thing you told the lobbyist where you were going,” said Bell Ringer.
“A very good thing,” said Humble smiling. “This here, has all my future book ideas. Thanks a bunch.”
“Well it’s just my job-”
“No I insist on repaying you, here,” said Humble, giving ten bits to Bell Ringer. “Will that do?”
“Indeed!” said Bell Ringer as she shot right up with the money. “Thank you sir,” she said with a bow and waved goodbye as she trotted away.
“What a nice mare, right Slit? Slit?”
Just then Humble heard screams coming from the train station bathroom as mares and stallions galloped away from the reptilian creature that had come out.
“There you are, Slit!” said Humble as he trotted over to a hissing alligator. “What were you doing?”
“...” replied Slit.
“Oh, you were just washing your tail? Okay then, wonder what got all those ponies scared. Must be the bathrooms. That’s why I always you say to use the restroom before coming here,” Humble said as he heard a high pitched whistle from behind. “Aww, here’s our ride Slit.”
“...”
“What do you mean, is this the train? You're not trying to avoid this are you?”
“...”
“Now come on, I promised Pinkie I would visit her. Besides, you’ll get to see Gummy.”
“...”
“That’s the spirit!” Humble said, getting his and Slits' luggage. “Come on, we don’t wanna be late,” he said trotting into the locomotive with Slit waddling behind him.
“I agree,” said Stale as he and Lemon put down their newspapers. “We don’t wanna be late either,” They trotted onboard the train.
"After speaking to Mr. Emerald, I entered the doorway of the locomotive (along with Slit) to find myself on board a rather fancy-looking boxcar. It was for instance, a lot more spacious than would be expected from an outside look. Its row of cherry-red wood planks between seats were wider than the stagecoach that I had used to ride to the train station, and would allow a pony to be able to move without touching another passenger trotting the other way. Great for the germaphobes ain’t it?" wrote Humble in his journal with a chuckle.
"The train’s windows had a unique look to them: they had small stained glass squares on the outside of the windows. The pictures seemed to have been made to look like a spiraling, white, oak wood picture frame that filled the glass to the edges, giving it an interesting appearance. The seats looked like a bed to lay one’s body on, with a blue-painted wood back covered in stars that made a dip on the sides before making a hill in the center. I then went over to a seat on the left side of the train and started a process called ‘sitting’ while Slit started a process known as ‘standing still’. It was a comfortable lie; at the very least, far more comfortable than the subway at home with all of the ‘not having to be squeezed until one's face looks purple’ stuff. I put my right hoof over the window to feel the heat of the sunny day being absorbed by the glass," Humble wrote down with his mouth.
“Sir, your ticket?” said a female voice.
“Huh?” looking up from his journal, Humble saw an orange-coated mare with a purple mane in a red velvet suit standing before him and holding out her hoof with an expectant look.
“Your ticket, sir, if you would,” stated the mare without a single crack of emotion.
“Oh! You mean this ticket?” Humble pulled out from his pocket a blue card with the words “Equestrian Railways” printed on it. “What do you need it for?” he asked with a puzzled tone.
"I need to punch it,” said the mare.
“But why, miss, um,” Humble had forgotten that he did not know this mare.
“Railrunner.”
“Well, Miss Railrunner, why would you want to punch an innocent ticket like this one?" he asked with a grin.
“Sir—,” she stopped, noticing for the first time the alligator below her. “Ahhhh! Why is there an alligator aboard the train!?”
“Well, I believe he's doing a dance move. The “Stand and Be Offended by Your Reaction," snarked Humble.
Railrunner was not amused, “Sir, why do you have an alligator with you!?”
“Because he does my taxes,” Humble replied, seeing if his horseshoe was loose.
“Sir, this is not the time to joke, or I will throw you and your alligator off the train!"
“No, really, he does my taxes. The little guy is great with a calculator," he shrugged with a puzzled look.
“Little guy!” Railrunner shouted, “He is as long as two seats!”
“Just more to love,” said Humble, picking up Slit’s torso and hugging him. “Who's my little Slitty? You are, yes, you are,” he said affectionately to the blank alligator.
“Sir, I’m afraid I must take your 'Slitty' and put him in a cage in the back,” said Railrunner.
Humble looked at the train employee with puppy eyes, “Must you?”
“I assure you, sir, he will be well taken care of."
With a sigh, Humble looked at Slit and said with a sad look, “Okay, boy, go with the nice mare. I’ll see you when we arrive."
Slit was taken away by another attendant. For a second, a sad look appeared in his crystal-like eyes.
“Well, now that has been taken care of, can I please have your ticket now?” asked Railrunner with her hoof out.
“But why do you wanna punch an in—”
“Sir,” Railrunner interrupted with a roll of her eyes, “I have to punch more tickets so we can leave. If you would please stop joking and just hand me the ticket."
“Fine, fine, here ya go.” Humble gave the blue card over to her.
“Thank you." She pulled out a paper puncher, punching a hole into the card, and then gave it back to Humble.
“Thanks,” he said to the mare as she left to punch more tickets, “I guess.”
After waiting ten minutes, the conductor’s voice was heard: “All aboard for Ponyville!” A second later, Humble felt a jolt that caused him to fall forward.
Picking himself up and sitting back on the seat he said, “Always hated falling from glory.” Looking out the window, he saw the train station going past the stained glass corners. Soon, the city of Fillydelphia was out of his sight and into it came the mountains.
Slit would’ve loved the view thought Humble with a sad groan, deprived of a chance to see his ancestral home. Pulling the window cover down so that the landscape would stop reminding him of his green friend, he surveyed his surroundings and looked at the other passengers. He saw that there were only five other passengers in the boxcar with him: first was a dark chestnut earth pony stallion with a scar on his muzzle, sitting four seats behind him looking out a window. There was also a bright yellow unicorn stallion with an eyepatch two seats behind the first stallion. For a second, Humble could’ve sworn he glanced at him with his good eye.
Looking at the last three passengers, he saw a family of earth ponies sitting on the other side of the train three seats behind him. A light, grass-colored mare with a calculator for a cutie mark nuzzling with a brownish-purple stallion with glasses and a clipboard for a cutie mark. Snuggling against the two in the middle was a whitish-blue filly, sleeping soundly with the mare rubbing her back as she cooed in relaxation. The way the couple looked so content made Humble feel a familiar emotion for a moment, but he shook it off as something not worth remembering. Thinking he might get some writing done, he decided to pick up on a little bit of a comedy book that he had been putting off he called “Random Sayings.” He decided to start writing the way a good writer always does—by capturing the audience in a wise way.
Clearing his his mind and pulling out a blank piece of paper and pen, he began writing: “It's not how big your plow is that’s important, it's how long it can be used… ”
As he wrote these words of wisdom, the two stallions behind him got up together and walked out of the boxcar, trotting over to the bubble cart. The cart smelled like that of Mr. Pike’s waiting room: soap, cider, and the color red. It was empty, save for the two gentlecolts. With a groan, Stale Crumbs dropped down on a chair “So, that’s the stallion? An alligator-carrying author?”
“Apparently.” Lemon Squeeze looked out the door window they had come through. “So, whats the deal with this guy? Why does Pike want him anyway?”
“Hey, we’re just the nappers; we get paid for taking, not hearing,” stated Stale, taking out a bottle of hard cider and a pipe. Lighting it, he looked back at Lemon, who was still looking through the window. “Will you please stop looking out that damn window? I need your eye if something goes wrong."
“Well, excuse me for wanting to keep us covert."
“Oh, yeah, because there's nothing more covert than a unicorn in an eyepatch looking out a window," chuckled Stale, blowing a bunch of little bubbles.
“Yeah, yeah, keep laughing, scarface," Lemon grumbled and went back to the window. “Still, do you think it's a good idea to kidnap this guy? I mean, he’s related to an Element of Harmony.”
“It ain’t him we have to worry about, it's the other one,” said Stale, taking a swig of cider.
“Yeah, I guess you're right,” replied Lemon, “Hey, what you do think he’s writing about?"
“Probably something to do with a Prench whore," Stale laughed.
In truth, Humble had fallen asleep and was dreaming about a certain somepony he knew. In his dream, there in southern Manehattan's south central park area, was a young eight-year-old colt, grey-coated, red-maned, and blank-flanked, who sat watching his best and only friend (not counting his little alligator) chase pigeons. This grey colt was a child of a rock merchant and a rock teacher, the two of whom were spending time with the family here. His best friend was a light-brown, blank-flanked colt who had been brought with them so his own mother might get better while she laid ill in bed at home.
“Coil, why do you chase pigeons?” asked the grey colt while taking out his pet alligator from his pocket for its daily brushing.
“To hug them!” said his serponian friend as he pranced toward them, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I will hug them all di da.”
“Yeah, well, be careful. You remember what happened last time,” said the grey colt, scrubbing a particularly difficult piece of artificial lion meat from his gator's tooth.
“How was I supposed to know that mama pigeons hate it when you try to pet their babies?” said Coil as he tried to see what it was like to eat bread like a pigeon.
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe when it squawks at you to frighten you off?” said the grey colt, putting the alligator back in his pocket for its nap.
“Oh, that was just a suggestion I didn’t follow,” said Coil, walking over to his friend. “Besides, the baby birds and mother were alright.” Just then, Coil’s stomach growled. “I’m hungry.”
“Well, I gotta use the little colt’s room before we can get something to eat,” said the grey colt, “Can ya wait here for a bit?”
“Sure, I can, but please hurry,” Coil whined and held his belly.
“I’m going, I’m going,” the grey colt hopped off the bench and trotted in the direction of the restrooms. After using the restroom, the grey colt headed over to the sinks, washed his hooves (along with his pet alligator), and went back to Coil. The brown colt was sitting upside-down on a bench.
“Ya ready?” he asked Coil.
“Eeyup—whoah!” yelled Coil before falling over on his face when the bench tipped over.
“Coil!” the grey colt rushed to his friend’s aid, “You alright?”
“Is it the pigeons attacking us?” mumbled Coil woozily, wobbling in his friend’s forelegs.
“Hahahah, looks like the blank-flank babies been having too much hard milk," said a gruff voice.
Looking up, the colts saw two other colts, one a peach-colored pegasus the other a dark green earth pony. The pegasus had a raining cloud as a cutie mark, while the earth pony’s mark was a hammer.
“Who are you two?” said the colt, pushing his dizzy friend behind him.
“My name’s Rain Day,” said the pegasus with a smirk.
“And I’m Pipeline,” the earth pony was also smirking.
“Well, what do you want?” said the grey colt nervously.
“Oh, nothing, just those bits you got,” said Rain Day, stepping forward.
“What makes you think we got bits?” said Coil, having recovered from his head rush.
“Come on, we heard you say you’re going to get lunch, and I don’t see no adults around to pay for it," said Pipeline, bumping his hooves together.
“O-okay, we don’t want no trouble. Here’s all our bits," said the colt handing over their money.
“Will you please leave us alone now?” asked Coil nervously.
“Oh, sure, once you hand over that lizard of yours!” shouted Rain Day, pointing at the alligator in the grey colt’s pocket. It was poking its head out, having been woken up from its nap by the shouting.
“Slit?” asked the grey colt.
“Yeah, hand him over” ordered Pipeline, holding his left hoof up threateningly.
“N-no!” shouted the grey colt.
“What did you say?” replied a ticked off Rain Day.
“You can't have Slit, he’s my friend! And Coil’s pal, too! So just leave us alone!”
“Aww, ain’t that sweet. Now give me the bucking lizard!” shouted Rain Day, pushing the grey colt down and grabbing Slit.
“Hey, give him back!” shouted the two younger colts, getting back up before running towards the pair of bullies. Unfortunately, due to their size, they were both quickly pinned by Pipeline.
“Hahaha, what wim—ahhh!” screamed Rain, seeing that Slit had bit his hoof.
“Why you little bucking lizard!” spat Rain before looking at the grey colt. “Just for that, I’m gonna make it go splat!” He held Slit up by his tail.
“NOOO!” yelled the grey colt, struggling to get up.
“Say goodbye to your liza—”
“Hey, dung brain!” a sweet and angelic, yet harsh voice interrupted him.
Looking up from his trap, the grey colt saw… her. A heavenly being stood on top of a hill a few feet away. This being of pure beauty took the form of a dark-yellow pegasus filly with a black as midnight mane, wearing a green vest and a cute little safari hat. On her side was a ball of thick-looking yarn, and while looking at her side, he saw that she too was a blank-flank. In spite of the weight pressed down on him, simply staring at the filly made the grey colt say only one thing.
“H-hi.”
“What do you want, girl!” shouted Rain Day at the filly, with Slit still trying to get out of his grasp.
“Put the alligator down and back away from my fellow blank-flanks!” shouted the filly.
“Or else what, girl?” Pipeline mocked.
“Yeah, you gonna throw your dolls at us?!” said Rain Day, preparing to throw Slit down.
“Something like that, if you don’t give up," the filly smirked.
“Ha, I ain’t afraid to fight no girl," said Rain Day.
“And we aren’t giving up, either. Now get the buck outta here, blank-flank," snarled Pipeline.
“I’m giving you to the count of three to stop what you're doing," the filly warned, “One… two… ”
She would have said three, if not for Rain Day throwing Slit in the air.
“Slit!” cried the grey colt.
And just before the alligator fell back to the ground, a flash of yellow grabbed him in its forelegs and landed safely, tucking him away in a sand bucket.
“I told you to drop him, not to throw him in the air,” growled the filly.
The grey colt could not believe what he saw next as Rain Day ran towards her. As it looked like his hoof was about to make contact, a Princess Celestia doll hit him in the gut, causing him to fall down. Seeing the commotion, Pipeline got off the grey colt and Coil to help attack the filly. He quickly helped his friend up, and the two ran toward the filly, but by the time they got there, they couldn’t even move. When Pipeline had gone to attack her, she dodged his punches and was able to trip him before flying like a flash and wrapping them up in her yarn. Seeing that they were trapped, the pair looked up at the flying filly.
“Please, don’t hurt us anymore!” cried the bullies.
“Start hoppin’,” growled the filly.
“Yes, ma’am,” they said in unison before hopping away, tied up.
Once they were gone, the filly looked back into the bucket, grabbed it by the handle, and brought it to the colt.
“Here ya go, mister,” said the filly before getting a good look at the colt before her—and she suddenly felt her heart race. The cause: the handsome creature before her with his dark-grey mane and his moon-grey coat that surrounded his twinkling eyes, and beneath him were pinkish hooves. And he had a nice flank, too. Blushing at this last thought, the filly handed the bucket back to the cute colt and said the only thing she could, a stunned look on her face: “Here’s your alligator.”
“Thanks…. Coil, take Slit over to the food cart. I’ll be there in a minute, I just want to thank this cu—I mean brave filly,” said the equally-stunned colt, blushing hard.
“Okay. Thanks again, ma’am,” said Coil with a smile and a wave, taking the pail with Slit in it over to the hay burger cart on the other side of the park.
For the next few seconds, the two foals said nothing, the wind being the only sound while they stared at one another in equal curiosity.
Speaking up with dry lips, the grey colt was able to finally stammer, “Um, th-thanks for saving Slit.”
“Y-your welcome,” replied the filly. “Wait, the gator, you mean, right?”
The colt nodded quickly.
It was silent for another few seconds, neither foal knowing what to say, and absolutely terrified of the other.
“So,” spoke the colt, “Where did you learn to fight like that?”
The filly giggled—the cutest thing that the grey colt ever heard.
“My grandpa taught me,” said the filly. “I live with him in New Fleureans. We’re visiting here to see a museum.”
“Really? I live in New Fleureans, too. I'm just visiting family with my friend Coil.”
“Really? Maybe I'll see you there when I get back?”
“Umm, yeah, I’d like that.”
“Well I ,um, better get going. Grandpa’s probably worried,” the filly said, starting to get off the ground.
“Wait!” yelled the colt causing the filly to hover back down, “Um, how old are you?”
“Hey, you should never ask a lady her age,” said the filly with a grin.
“Well, are you older than seven?” said the grey colt, blushing.
“Ugh, yes. Eight-and-a-half, you?”
“Eight and three quarters,” replied the grey colt before bringing up something that he found odd, "Say, you said you live with your grandpa. What about your parents?"
The filly turned sad for a second before looking back at Humble with a sigh. "My dad and mom disappeared when I was three, so my grandpa takes care of me and my older brother and sister."
"Oh, I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to make you sad," said the grey colt, looking away.
"It’s alright," said the filly with a shrug, "I don't even remember them much, except this hat they gave me,” she said giving the safari hat a tap. "Well, I really gotta go. Maybe I'll see you around Fleureans?" she said, turning around.
“Wait! Um, listen would you like to, umm, maybe go get some lunch with me?” asked the grey colt. “And my friend, I mean. A-and with Slit, my pet alligator,” the colt blushed so hard, it made his hair look grey by comparison.
“I don’t know… ”
“I’d be paying of course,” said the grey colt quickly.
“Well, why not. I never say no to a free meal,” chuckled the filly. “I suppose my grandpa can wait a few moments, but before we go, can you tell me your name?”
“Only if you tell yours me first,” the colt replied with a smirk.
“Ugh, fine,” said the filly. “But don’t laugh.”
“I promise I will not laugh,” said the colt, giving a scout’s salute.
“Okay, my name's… A… ,” the filly mumbled something the grey colt couldn’t quite hear.
"Sorry, didn't hear that, can you speak up?"
"My name’s… Ar… ," mumbled the filly again.
"I'm sorry, can you say it one more time?" asked the grey colt putting a hoof to his ear.
"My names Artemis!" shouted the filly, causing the grey colt to tumble over in surprise.
After a few seconds, the grey colt fell to the ground and laughing, while the filly blushed hard, looking hurt. “Hahahahah… I’m sorry, I promised not to laugh, and I broke it,” he said in an ashamed tone.
“It’s alright,” said the filly with a sad look, “My friends call me by my mother’s maiden name, anyway.”
“What's that?” asked the colt with a curious look.
“Dazzle,” the filly smiled.
“Well, Dazzle, my name’s Humble,” said the grey colt, “Humble Pie.”
“That’s a nice name—sir, wake up!” yelled Dazzle.
“Wait, what?”
“Sir, wake up!" she yelled again.
“What do you mean?”
“Wake up!” repeated Dazzle before vanishing.
“No, Dazzle, wait, don’t leave!” yelled Humble as the ground under him cracked open, swallowing him whole.
“Don’t go… ”
“Sir, wake up!” yelled Railrunner.
“Huh?!” said Humble, waking right up. He looked around for Dazzle, but could only see the inside of the train, and Railrunner shaking him awake. Putting the dream in the back of his mind, Humble asked, “What's wrong?”
“Sir, we are almost arriving in Ponyville,” said Railrunner.
“Oh, how long was I asleep?”
“About four hours,” said Railrunner before trotting away to see if any other passengers were sleeping.
Humble looked out the window to see the Everfree Forest rush by and, in the distance, the town of Ponyville.
Rivals in the dark and in the light
The boat rental office was a modest looking place.There were light green walls with fine yellow sander wood going half way up them and pictures of ships at sea hanging from new looking nails hammered tightly in with a small space for the painting’s wires. Two separate rooms with both of these features were the layout of the building with a sofa in the lobby and a old looking desk that had holes in it inside the main office as the smell of saltwater stained shells lingered in the air. It was a perfect former sailor’s place of business.
“Aye,” said Wave as the group looked at the interior. “It’s not much to look at but every piece of it was taken from the remains of the Wolfbane,” he said rubbing the wooden section of the walls. “This here was part of the poop deck.”
“Pffft,” said Vinyl. “Poop.”
“Why is it called a poopy deck Mister Crash?” said Pinkie with her hoof raised.
“Well you see las-”
“Ahem,” coughed Cloud. “I don’t think this is the time for a naval lesson sir, if you could please recount what happened.”
“Hold your carriage lad,” chuckled Wave. “We got all the time in the world.”
“Sir please,” said Daring jumping into the conversation. “We need to find the pony who got foalnapped.”
“He’s my unkie.” pleaded Pinkie with Pinkie eyes.
“Aww, there, there miss,” said Wave patting Pinkie. “If it means so much to ye let old Wave tell ye what he know,” he said starting his tale. “It all began when I was wiping me poop deck.”
“Pfft,” said Vinyl again.
“May ye sink to the depths of the sea of sorrow!” I shouted into me toilet while flushing it. After washing my hooves I heard the front door’s bell ring. “A customer!” I said coming into the store to see a stallion-”
“Did this stallion have a scar on his muzzle?” said Cloud.
“And a chestnut colored coat?” said Midnight.
“And a Trottingham accent?” said Daring.
“Yes I believe he did, now stop yer interrupting!”
“Hello laddy,” I said to him.
“Yeah, hi yourself mate,” the stallion said in a thick Trottingham accent. “So you rent out boats, right?”
“Last time I check this fine establishment rents boats out aye,” I said using my eloquent vocablistics. “So what kind are ye looking for? I got rowboats, paddleboats-”
“Got any very fast boats?” the stallion said interrupting me. “Preferably one with a storage space,” he said looking at a bunch of me maps.
“Aye, I got just the thing,” I said pointing out the window towards a old molasses shipping boat with the scratched off name of “Syrup” on it’s stern.
“It fast?” said the stallion looking at the boat.
“Aye.”
“Fast enough to get me here in less than two days?” the stallion said pointing at me map of Equestria, specifically at the city of Manehattan.
“Aye, might I ask why you need to get to Manehattan as fast as a swordfish?”
“Lets just say I got a little present for someone,” the stallion said with a smirk before throwing a bag of bits onto the counter. “This enough for the boat and this?” he said holding a map of the river system.
The golden glow of the bits shined on me face life a thousand suns it did. “Aye,” I said with a smile. “That’ll do, just get the boys to fuel it up for you.”
So after that the stallion said farewell and took the boat down stream.
“And that is what happened,” said Wave taking a swig of his drank.
“Thank you for telling us Wave,” said Octavia with a smile.
“Aye, drink?”
“No thank you.”
“Hmmm, I see,” said Cloud rubbing his chin. “We all ready asked the dock handlers if they heard anything else from the stallion but all they said was that he swore to make them work faster.”
“But now we got them,” said Blossom looking at the map Stale had took notice of. “If they’re heading towards Manehattan they will have make their way to the port. Hmm, was the boat electric or magic powered?”
“Magic,” said Wave.
“Then they’re probably gonna have to refuel at a stop soon."
“But by the time we send a contact to any of the boat stops they will most likely be gone,” said Cloud. “I think a better idea would to catch them at the Manehattan docks here,” he said pointing towards the river that jetted out to Manehatten bay.
“With all due respect Cloud that is stupid,” said Midnight while Cloud growled. “You do things your way we’ll do things our way.”
“Now lets calm down,” said Twilight seeing another spat about to happen. “Maybe we should-”
“I’m gonna need some of your men to head towards Manehattan, mine don’t fly well at night,” said Cloud.
“What?!” said Midnight turning around. “Not on your life.”
“Oh yeah?” snorted Cloud.
“Yeah,” said Midnight pawing at the ground aggressively.
“Wait!” shouted Twilight catching both of their attentions. “Here is what's going to happen, Cloud you will send out your pegasi to go to the docks on the way, if they head out now they can make it before nightfall.”
“But Princess-” said Cloud before a glare from Twilight shut him up.
“And you Midnight will send your pegasi to Manehattan's police to warn them.”
“But-” said Midnight before she too received a nasty look. “Fine.”
“Now both of you please work together, dismissed!” Twilight said as the two guards bowed and went through the doorway both of them struggling to go out first till they went out at the same time and parted ways grumbling.
“Uhhh,” groaned Twilight collapsing on the sofa.
“Drink?” said Wave offering her the bottle.
“No thank you,” she said, polity pushing the cup away.
“More for me than,” Wave said jugging down the liquor.
“Twilight is unkie Humble gonna be alright?” said Pinkie who had remained quiet this whole time. “What if the meanies who foalnapped him hurt him!?”
“They better not,” muttered Daring. “So what’s the plan?”
“What do you mean darling?” said Rarity confused. “The plan is to wait for the guards to get Humble.”
“What!?” shouted Rainbow Dash speaking up. “Did you see those two?! They can barely stand each other much less solve a foalnapping!”
“They did seem mad at each other,” said Fluttershy.
“Yeah what’s up their plot hole?” said Vinyl sitting down on the couch.
“Maybe Twilight knows,” said Rarity.
“Now girls you know I can’t discuss national secrets,” said Twilight.
“A national secret?” said Rarity with her eyes lighting up. “Do tell!”
“Come on Twilight, what’s the worst that could happen?” said Pinkie giddy to hear a secret. “But lets make it a Pinkie promise!”
“Well I suppose if its a Pinkie promise,” said Twilight. “Ok.”
“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” said all the girls.
“I don’t know,” said Daring despite knowing the promise.
“Come on silly,” said Pinkie.
“Well let me try then, cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” said Daring doing it perfectly.
“Wow I haven’t seen anypony do it like that!” said Pinkie. “At least not for a long time!”
“Huh?” said Wave. “I moved here three months ago and haven’t been in town much.”
“That’s alright,” said Pinkie. “Just do what we did!”
“Um, okay? Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye,” said Wave seeing Pinkie gasp. “What’s wrong?”
“Why would you ever want to die and stick a needle in your eye?!” said Fluttershy horrified.
“Now girls it’s just a different version-” But before Twilight could finish Pinkie bounced right up to Wave with a frown.
“Say it right,” Pinkie growled.
“Ok, ok! Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. There happy now?” said Wave nervous of what Pinkie would do next.
“Yep!” said Pinkie returning to her cheerful demeanor. “So Twilight tell us the secret!”
“Ok,” said Twilight taking a deep breathe. “Well you know how my brother was the captain of the guard?”
“Yeah,” said Rainbow Dash as the others nodded.
“Well as you all know there are three sections of the protective pony platoons,”
“Well duh,” said Rainbow Dash nervously. “Everypony knows that.”
“Yeah we know that thing!” said Vinyl.
“Well then as you know they are divided as such; the Equestrian guard that is made up mainly of soldiers, the solar guard which protects Celestia, and the lunar guard which was formed when Princess Luna came back to protect her.”
“What’s the difference between them?” said Rainbow Dash.
“Well the regular guard was considered by most as a step towards the solar guard which they thought was more important due to the abilities the guards receive-”
“Abilities?” said Rarity. “What ever do you mean?”
“Well when the guard was formed after Nightmare Moon Celestia made a special unit called the Equestrian protectors that were given special abilities such as increased speed, strength, senses, etc. Eventually they were nicknamed the solar guard and the name stuck. As for the lunar guard they are descended from a group of pegasi who held Luna in high esteem, in return for their admiration she blessed them with special abilities like the solar guard would have. However, when Princess Luna became Nightmare Moon her magical connection to them caused them to gain bat like features. After Nightmare Moon was banished ponies feared and hated the bat ponies despite Celestia asking ponies to forgive them and to not blame them. But after one to many insult the bat ponies left Equestria for the frozen mountains to the north only to come back when Princess Luna sought them out and made them her personal guards. Not all bat ponies are guards but the majority of them are trained to be,” said Twilight finishing her explanation of the origin of the guards.
“But that still doesn’t explain why those two are so punchy punchy,” said Vinyl swiping her hooves.
“Well the solar guard and the standard royal guard’s first lieutenants were always candidates for the captain of the guard, the leader of the entire protective pony platoon. My brother was the first standard guard in a long time to become captain,” said Twilight with a hint of pride. “But since he and Princess Cadance are now the rulers of the Crystal Empire he had to abdicate, now both the solar and lunar guard outweigh the standard guards and both of them are trying to compete with each other for the position that can only be gained by approval of the Equestrian defence council.”
“There’s a council?” said Rainbow Dash. “Don’t we have princesses for this sorta of thing?”
“Well technically Celestia could choose the next leader but she doesn’t want ponies to assume she would always choose the solar guard so she leaves it to the council, in fact I believe Spitfire is on it since the Wonderbolts are important to Equestria’s defence,” said Twilight. “And that’s why Cloud Skipper and Midnight Blossom dislike each other.”
“And it’s also the reason why we have to take matters into our own hooves!” said Daring sternly. “They are too bogged down in their rivalry to work together.”
“But Yearling they will get there first anyway,” said Twilight. “It just seems better to-”
“Princess!” shouted Night from outside. “We have a problem!”
Rushing outside the group saw all around the docks drunken bat guards and solar guards sprawled across the area with a few throwing up.
“No!” said Wave rushing to an empty crate filled with bottles in the middle of the vomiting sentries. “They drinked all me rum!”
“Still confident in them?” said Daring to Twilight who was biting her lip.
Meanwhile on the road to Apple Acres,
“What am I gonna do with that filly?” signed Applejack as she past the gate and saw Big Mac working on a loose wheel barrow wheel. “Big Mac?”
“Eyeup?” he said not looking up.
“Apple Bloom in her room?”
“Eyeup.”
“Be right back,” Applejack said trotting up the steps to the farmhouse before the scent of cologne hit her. Galloping inside she saw Filthy and Granny Smith talking to each other. “Rich?”
“And then I said, oh! Miss Applejack didn’t see you there,” said Filthy getting up.
“Howdy Applejack,” said Granny Smith. “Filthy here, was just telling me about his vacation to Prance.”
“I didn’t know you went to Prance,” said Applejack shaking Filthy’s hoof.
“I must tell you of it sometime, but on to why I’m here. You know how I told you my princess said some rather hostile things to Miss Dinky?”
“Eeyup.”
“Well I should let you know that Diamond may have said some things about Dinky’s father, umm, being absent,” said Filthy rubbing his neck. “I’m going to go apologize to Miss Derpy after this, but I thought you should know since this might have provoked Apple Bloom. Now while I still strongly disapprove of your sister attacking my daughter, I feel that this should be brought to your attention seeing as it is my fault.”
“How is it your fault?”
“Well I might’ve talked to my wife about, umm, Dinky’s lack of a father and how I thought it was rather unconventional,” said Filthy sweating a bit. “And Diamond may have overheard.”
“Well I thank ya’ll for coming to tell me this Filthy,” said Applejack. “I gotta talk to Apple Bloom now,” she said heading upstairs as Filthy and Granny Smith continued to talk. Trotting down the hallway towards Apple Bloom’s room, Applejack took a deep breath before knocking on the door and heading inside.
“Bloom?” said Applejack poking her head in. “We gotta...what are ya’ll doing?” she said as she looked at Apple Bloom mixing a bunch of chemicals in beakers and tubes from the potion set Zecora got her.
Looking back Apple Bloom yelped before throwing a blanket over the set.
“Umm, nothin?” Apple Bloom started whistling.
“I see,” said Applejack narrowing her eyes. “And what is this?” she said grabbing a piece of paper behind Apple Bloom.
“Hey give that back!” said Apple Bloom, reaching to no avail as Applejack saw what was on the sheet.
A crudely drawn picture of a filly wearing a tiara and what appeared to be a water balloon pointed at the filly with a recipe for a stink bomb the kit came with taped next to it was what the paper showed.
“Nothin huh?” said Applejack heading towards Apple Bloom’s bed. “Come sit by me.”
Apple Bloom sulked over to the bed and climbed atop of it.
“I didn’t hurt nopony,” Apple Bloom said looking down.
“Apple Bloom, you know I hate lying,” groaned Applejack. “Now listen, Filthy Rich told me all about what Diamond Tiara did to Dinky and your friends.”
“You do!?” said Apple Bloom hopeful.
“But I’m still disappointed in ya’ll for getting into a scrape.”
“What?!” said Apple Bloom jumping up. “But she made fun of Dinky’s mom and for not having a daddy!”
“I know.”
“And you're just gonna let that happen?!”
“I wasn’t there and Filthy already said he would punish Diamond, now stop yelling!”
“I can yell if I want too!”
“Not in this house young filly!” replied Applejack as Apple Bloom muttered something. “What?”
“I said yer not my mom!”
“Darn tootin I’m not, but I am your sister!”
“A true sister would understand what I did!” said Apple Bloom standing on the bed.
“I do, but I don’t support what ya’ll still did!”
“So what are you going to do about it?” said Apple Bloom.
“I’m grounding you for a few days, that means no crusading and no potion making,” said Applejack to a shocked Apple Bloom.
“Well-well, I’m going to my room!” said Apple Bloom going out of her room. “You never take my side!”
“Apple Bloom.”
“Don’t say a word,” said Apple Bloom coming back inside and flopping muzzle first onto the pillow.
“Apple Bloom? Apple Bloom?” But Apple Bloom only responded in silence. “For Celestia’s sake Apple Bloom, you act so immature sometimes!” said Applejack storming out of the room and heading downstairs to find Big Mac wearing an apron with the words, “Nopes the word” stitched into it making dinner while Granny slept on her rocking chair. “Did Filthy head over to Derpy’s house?” she asked Big Mac.
“Eyeup.”
“I just don’t know what to do with that filly!” said Applejack taking a bite out of a apple. “She just frustrates me so much sometimes!”
“Eyeup,” said Big Mac checking the texture on an apple pie.
“Hmmm, I wonder how Derpy is gonna react,” said Applejack taking another bite out of the apple. “I’m gonna head to Sugarcube Corner to see if the girls are there,” said Applejack heading out. “I need to vent.”
“Eyeup.”
Back at Derpy’s house,
“It makes no sense,” said Zecora as she watched television with Derpy and Carrot Top as the sunset. “How can he be so dense?”
“They’re comedic relief,” said Carrot Top as the door bell ringed.
“I wonder who that could be,” said Derpy flying over to the door and opening it to the sight of Filthy. “Mr. Rich? What are you doing here?”
“Well I thought you’d have expected me,” said Filthy. “What with my daughter making fun of you and Dinky and with nopony stopping her-”
“What!?” said Derpy. “What do you mean nopony stopped her!?”
“Well,” said Filthy slightly terrified as he saw Derpy’s eyes starting to glow red. “She made fun of, umm, Dinky not having a father-”
“And!?” said Derpy with smoke coming out of her ears.
“And then Apple Bloom hit her,” squeaked Filthy suddenly causing Derpy to calm down.
“Oh dear is Diamond all right?” said Derpy concerned about the fi.
“Umm, yes she’s fine,” said Filthy confused. “Weren’t you just angry with her?”
“A little bit but I’m mostly angry at the fact nopony stopped her,” said Derpy. “My muffin already told me what happened and said she forgives Diamond,” said Derpy with a hint of pride in her daughter's forgiveness. “But she told me somepony stopped them.”
“Well that must have been Apple Bloom,” said Filthy wiping away his beads of sweat. “Listen I have to apologize to you, I may have talked with my wife about how I found the idea of Dinky not having a present father weird and Diamond must have heard. I am deeply ashamed of this but I assure you I’ve grounded my daughter for a week and will give you a basket of the best muffins in Canterlot.”
“Thank you, but don’t be too hard on her ok? Anyway, thank you Filthy for coming by, would you like somthing to eat?” said Derpy opening the door wider.
“Oh no, I’m having dinner at home tonight, but I appreciate your offer” chuckled Filthy. “Well I should get going-”
“Wait!” said Derpy halting Filthy. “Do you know anything about what happened to the doctor?”
“Princess Twilight is investigating with some guards, I believe I saw her heading towards Sugarcube Cor-”
“Carrot and Zecora!” shouted Derpy. “I’m going to go get a muffin, make sure Dinky stays safe!” she said shooting out of the doorway.
“-Ner,” said Filthy as he watched Derpy fly towards the baking shop. “Well that went better than expected.”
Back at the rental boat place,
“All me liqueur!” sobbed a tear stricken Wave into Octavia’s coat as she patted him on the back. “All of it gone!”
“What happened?” said Twilight as she went around some vomit. “How did they all get intoxicated?”
“We found them like this your majesty,” said Cloud as Bloo brought one of her own who was the least tanked.
“Private Locket, explain to the princess what happened!” barked Night as Locket swayed side to side.
“Welllll,” Locket slurred. “Me and the boys were with those sun bastards-”
“Language!” scolded Night like a mother to a foal.
“What did he say?” said Fluttershy and Pinkie while Rarity covered their ears.
“Nothing for you two to hear,” said Rarity with a hmph.
“-Alrighty, anyway those fools started boasting about how they could drink better than us when we found the suspects drinks,” said Locket leaning on Pinkie.
“You smell like Mrs. Cake after she and Mr. Cake have their grown up night,” said Pinkie with smile.
“And you smell like bubblegum. Anywho, one thing lead to another and next thing I know I’m making out with a beautiful mare,” Locket said pointing at a small ship model with the mast being a seapony mare. “Or was it a rabbit?”
“Please tell me your soldiers can still fly,” said Twilight desperately.
“Afraid not las,” said Wave wiping away some snot. “I make me crate drinks extra strong for when I got nothing to do for the weekend. They’re gonna be like that for three days top!”
“Could we use that magic table in your castle Twilight?” said Rarity. “Won’t that help us locate them at least?”
“I thought about it but when I used it there was no sign of them,” signed Twilight. “We have to think of a another plan.”
“Tomorrow is when the next train is heading that way,” said Cloud looking at a train schedule.
“Cloud and I can send our men tomorrow, by the time we get there they should only buzzed,” said Night.
“Now wait a second!” said Daring interrupting them. “I think it’s only fair that since I knew something like this was gonna happen that I should come along!”
“Me too!” said Pinkie. “I’m gonna save my unkie!”
“I wanna come too!” said Rainbow Dash.
“Now girls,” said Twilight. “Maybe we should-”
“Darling if you’re worried about us I think we’ve known each other long enough to know we can handle ourselves,” said Rarity. “I’m coming too.”
“Well if everypony else is doing it,” said Fluttershy. “I’ll come too.”
“Girls are you sure about this?” said Twilight as the group nodded. “Well ok then. Cloud and Midnight I need you two to get things ready, we got an uncle to save.”
“At once your majesty!” said both guards saluting. “Come on men!” they said as their drunk off their plots soldiers swayed with them down the road like penguins.
“Well then I think we all should head home,” Twilight said as Luna’s moon rose. But a small rumble emitting from everypony’s bellies except Wave halted their journey home. “Umm, anypony up for Sugarcube Corner?” said Twilight blushing as all the other blushing mares nodded. “Okay lets get going. Thanks again Wave Crasher,” said Twilight with a bow as Octavia gave a quick nuzzle to Wave before joining the rest of them.
“Keep Octavia safe for me!” shouted Wave before realizing something. “Wait, the government's going to pay for me liqueur right?”
Meanwhile on the Syrup,
Humble had tried countless times to pick the lock with the feather but each time carried the same result.
“It’s too big,” groaned Humble after giving the feather a last try only to throw it to the ground in anger. “What am I gonna do? Whoah!” said Humble falling forward as the boat stop all of a sudden, looking out of the porthole Humble saw that it had turned to night and the boat was currently docked on a small shore. “Wonder what they’re doing,” he said before hearing voices from above.
“So remind me again why we’re putting makeup on?” said Lemon as Stale combed his mane over his eyepatch. “And why are we docked here?”
“Duh, Filthy said that if somebody snitched on us we’re gonna have find a way to move around without being caught,” said Stale finishing the bandage and dying both their hairs orange while getting out his mirror. “And the reason we’re docked here away from the docks is so nobody sees our little friend,” he said putting brown makeup onto his scar making it disappear. “Now come on, I’m starving,” Stale said as he and Lemon leaped off the boat into the wet sand. “Oh here take these,” he said grabbing some coats from the rails. “To hide our cutie marks.”
“Let me just check on the captive,” said Lemon looking into the hull’s porthole where Humble was leaning against a wall while biting the muzzle and holding the rope tightly to make it seem he was still captive. “Alright lets go,” he said as they walked down the unmarked path to a fueling station and a plain looking diner marked with a wooden sign naming the place “Shallow Shores.” As the stallions went in the warm eating establishment they saw a rack of newspapers with the front pages particularly catching their attention.
“Crisis in the kingdom of friendship again,” said Lemon reading the Manehatten times and taking it while Stale got a seat. “Wow, the news is fast these days, this only happened like eight hours ago.”
“What does it say?” said Stale taking a seat at a booth in the corner. “Anything about us?”
“Well you were right to use makeup, look,” said Lemon showing Stale the print.
“A disaster at Bargain Baryard today,” said Stale reading the paper. “As a series of explosions caused the crowd gathering to see famous author of the Daring Do series, A.K. Yearling went wrong with panic and stampeding injuring dozens of fans. A citizen named Doctor Time Turner was severely injured at the start of the chaos.” Eyewitness statement was what Stale read next. “I heard a loud pop and the next thing I heard this guy shouting out in pain,” said bystander Noodle Bowl. Mister Turner’s exact medical condition is unknown at this point due to doctors and nurses refusing to speak to us. An eyewitness who is anonymous has described the suspects of the chaos as two stallions with one being a one eyed yellow unicorn with a target shaped cutie mark and the other a chestnut coated earth pony with a scar on his muzzle with a thick Trottingham accent along with a bat shaped cutie mark. If anypony knows anything about these two dangerous criminals who have foalnapped notable author Humble Pie, writer of Ice Barrels and The adventures of Con Colt, and uncle to the element of laughter Pinkamena Diane Pie, please contact the local authorities,” said Stale finishing the paper. “Huh.”
“Guess you were right to put makeup on,” said Lemon as a mule waitress appeared.
“What’ll it be sugars?” said the waitress in a slight western Manehattan accent.
“I’ll just have a hayburger and water,” said Lemon giving her his menu.
“And for me, I’ll have a cup of coffee with three creams and a Hayburger as well with a side of fries,” said Stale giving his menu as well.
“Sounds good,” said the waitress writing down their order before going behind the counter again.
“So?” said Lemon as Stale played around with a ketchup bottle.
“So what?” replied Stale.
“Well how are we gonna get rid of the package if the spearheads are looking for us?” said Lemon starting to freak out.
“Relax,” said Stale. “We go to the bosses coordinates and get paid.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it,” said Stale as the waitress brought the water and coffee.
Back on the road to Sugarcube Corner the girls were passing Sweetie Drops with Lyra and Bonbon cuddling outside on the bench.
“Awww,” signed Bonbon as she looked at the glittering stars. “I love this time of night.”
“Me too,” said Lyra.
“But not as much as I love you,” Bonbon said nuzzling Lyra. “Oh hiya girls.”
“Hello Lyra and Bonbon,” said Twilight while the others waved. “Yearling this is Lyra and her wife Bonbon, they own this candy shop.”
“Nice to meet you,” said Yearling as Bonbon gasped.
“Yearling? As in A.K. Yearling!? Can I have your autograph!?” said Bonbon getting a sheet of paper and pen out.
“Oh boy,” groaned Daring as Applejack trotted towards them,
“Howdy ya’ll, evening Lyra and Bonbon,” said Applejack as Lyra and Bonbon said hi back. “What ya doin?”
“Oh just spending time with my harp,” said Bonbon giving Lyra a peck on the cheek causing her to blush.
“Awww, that’s nice,” said Applejack at the couples show of affection before turning to the rest of the group. “And how goes the search for Humble?”
“Humble?” said Bonbon her ears perking up. “Did something happen to him?”
“You mean you don’t know?” said Daring astonished that anypony couldn’t have heard the news.
“We we’re busy doing something else all day, if you catch my drift,” snickered Lyra while Bonbon face hooved.
“Oh, like going for a hike?” said Pinkie as the other girls except Fluttershy and Vinyl (who high hooved Lyra) blushed.
“Oh, a nature hike?” said Fluttershy. “Did you go to the Everfree forest?”
“Nah, last time we did it there I got poison joke in my-”
“Anway!” said Bonbon blushing profoundly. “What happened to Humble?”
“Oh, he got foalnapped,” said Rainbow Dash.
“What!?” said Lyra and Bonbon astonished. “How did that happen?”
“Some bad ponies took unkie Humble and might’ve hurt the doctor!” said Pinkie with a sniffle. “But don’t worry we’re gonna head to Manehattan and save him!”
“Ya are?” said Applejack confused. “Why didn’t any of ya’ll come and tell me?”
“Well we thought what with Apple Bloom-” said Twilight before Applejack groaned.
“I’m not in the mood to talk about that filly,” groaned Applejack.
“Don’t tell me you got into a fight,” said Fluttershy worried.
“Afraid so sugarcube, I know what Filthy’s daughter did was wrong and cruel but that doesn’t give ya the right to go hitting somepony,” said Applejack. “Even if it was about Dinky having no father.”
“What!?” said Rainbow Dash, Vinyl, and Lyra. “I thought Time Turner was her dad!”
“Why would you think that?” said Bonbon.
“They always seemed close,” said Lrya with a shrug.
“That poor filly,” said Daring with an angry glare. “How could that Diamond filly say such a thing!?”
“Well,” said Applejack rubbing her neck. “Ol’Filthy may have said a thing or two-”
“Where is he!?” growled Daring. “I don’t care how much he’s paying me! Teaching stuff like that to a foal, I’ll strangle him!”
“Don’t!” said a voice from above.
“Huh?” said Daring as she saw Derpy hovering above them. “Who are you?”
“Yearling this is Derpy,” said Twilight as Derpy descended onto the ground. “Dinky’s mother.”
“Well don’t you worry ma’am,” said Daring with a salute. “I’ll knock some sense into that stallion!”
“Yeah, hit him where Celestia don’t shine!” said Rainbow Dash earning a glare from Twilight. “What?”
“No!” said Derpy causing the others to jump back. “I mean, please don’t hurt Filthy Rich or his daughter. My little muffin and I forgave them already.”
“Muffin?” said Daring. “What does a pastry have to do with this?”
“I mean my daughter Dinky, please don’t hurt anypony Miss Yearling,” said Derpy with wide eyes.
After staring at her for a few seconds Daring signed in defeat.
“Alright I won’t hurt them,” said Daring. “But I think we should get going now, it was nice meeting you Bonbon and Lyra.”
“See ya guys!” said Lyra heading inside.
“Tell Dinky I said hi and to come by if she ever wants a treat,” said Bonbon with a smile before heading in and closing the door.
“Well we better get going,” said Rarity as the group resumed walking to Sugarcube Corner with the addition of Derpy.
“So Derpy what are you doing out here?” said Rainbow Dash.
“Oh I forgot! Twilight have you and the guards found anything about the ponies who hurt the doctor?” said Derpy hopeful on anymore information.
“Yes and no. We don’t know why the injured the doctor, but we believe it was a ploy to foalnapp Humble-”
“Wait who’s Humble?” said Derpy confused.
“My unkie Humble Pie silly,” said Pinkie.
“Wait, Humble Pie!? As in the writer of Ice Barrels and The adventures of Con Colt?” said a awestruck Derpy. “I love his books! So he got foalnapped? I’m so sorry Pinkie,” said Derpy nuzzling Pinkie.
“It’s alright, Twilight is taking us to Manehatten to find the meanies who did this!”
“Yeah, we’re gonna teach them a lesson Ponyville style!” said Rainbow Dash with a smirk.
“Can I come!? I want to give those stallions who hurt my friend and traumatized my muffin a lesson in mail fu,” said Derpy snorting hot air.
“But Derpy didn’t you just say you forgave Filthy and Diamond for hurting Dinky too?” said Fluttershy,
“True, but Diamond was a foal and got punished by her father and Filthy came to apologize, these two are different!”
“Derpy, you can’t come,” said Twilight to Derpy’s confusion.
“Why not!?”
“Because Dinky needs you,” said Twilight putting a hoof on Derpy’s shoulder. “She needs her mother.”
A few moments passed before Derpy spoke up.
“Ehhh, you’re right,” said Derpy with sigh. “I’m just gonna head home...after getting a muffin!” she said flying straight towards Sugarcube Corner.
Meanwhile inside the pastry shop,
“Bawaw wubba(the dread council shall commence!),” bellowed Poundcake to his fellow council members; Pumpkin, Gummy, the new one Slit, and of course councilor One Eye, a teddy bear with a eye missing.
“Gwi (you all know why we are here today),” said Pumpkin to the reptilian and stuffed members.
“...........,” said One Eye.
“Blib(objection overruled. The fact that another one of our councilors is another alligator is no concern to us),” said Poundcake to a disgruntled One Eye.
“........,”
“Lem (no there is no nepotism or racism being done here-).”
“......,”
“Seb (yes I am aware that I and council member duchess Chatku are siblings but-).”
“.......,”
“Poopy (no your a poopyhead)!”
As this debate went on Carrot and Cup Cake were currently finishing their clean up job from the morning’s breakfast.
“There!” said Carrot scrubbing off the last charred egg bit. “Finally done.”
“About time,” said Cup Cake wiping a bead of sweat as she put away the last of the dishes. “I wonder where the girls are.”
A second later they heard the bell ring.
“Oh that must be them,” said Carrot as he and Cup Cake went out to the main room to see the Derpy at the counter.
“Hi Mrs. Cake,” said Derpy getting her bits out.
“Oh hello Derpy,” said Carrot. “The usual?”
“Yep!”
“So Derpy are Dinky and the doctor alright?” said Cup Cake concerned.
“My muffin’s at home sleeping but the doctor is having surgery,” said Derpy as Carrot came back with her muffin.
“Well I’m sure everything will be alright dear,” said Cup Cake with a smile.
“I hope so, thank you for the muffin bye!” said Derpy leaving as the others came in. “Bye guys.”
“See ya Derpy,” said Rainbow Dash as the other girls waved good bye.
“So did you girls find Humble?” said Cup Cake wanting to know how the search went. “Here have some muffins.”
“Oh it’s just the worst,” said Rarity taking the muffin along with the others. “Humble has been foalnapped!”
“What!?” said Carrot and Cup Cake with dropped jaws. “How did he get foalnapped!?”
“Two stallions, a one eyed yellow unicorn along with a chestnut coloured stallion with a scar on his muzzle and a Trottingham accent foalnapped Humble and hurt the doctor,” explained Octavia to the nodding heads of the married couple. “And they’re taking him to Manehatten.”
“Oh that’s terrible!” said Cup Cake trotting over to Pinkie and nuzzling her. “Are you alright sweetie?”
“A teeny bit,” sniffled Pinkie nuzzling Cup Cake back. “But don’t worry, we’re heading to Manehatten tomorrow and finding him!”
“Don’t worry Pinkie,” said Rainbow Dash. “We’ll find those idiots who took your uncle!”
“Well,” said Rarity covering her mouth before yawning. “I think it’s time we to bed if we want to be ready for tomorrow. Goodnight everypony,’ she said trotting off while the rest said their byes as well.
“Thanks again for bringing my little sis home Carrot,” said Applejack as she left the store leaving Daring, Pinkie and the Cakes alone.
“If I may ask Miss Yearling, where are you staying tonight?” said Cup Cake.
“Well I was planning on leaving today after the convention but since I’m staying I’m just gonna find a hotel-”
“Oh, we can’t let you do that,” said Cup Cake. “Carrot how about we let Miss Yearling stay in Humble’s room?”
“I wouldn’t want to be a burden-”
“Oh, you wouldn’t be a burden,” chuckled Carrot. “We insist.”
“But-”
“Sleepover!” said Pinkie throwing confetti in the air.
“I still don’t know,” said Daring rubbing her neck.
“Please,” begged Pinkie and the Cakes.
“Well...ok.”
“Whoo- But before Pinkie could say hoo Twilight interrupted them.
“Oh Pinkie,” she said coming back inside. “I almost forgot, the guards found this,” she said taking out the bronze compass Humble had dropped. “Some ponies said they saw Humble chasing after it when it fell out of his pocket.”
“Where did you get this!?” said Daring, swooping in and taking the compass.
“That’s unkie Humble’s compass,” said Pinkie.
“Well I better get going if I wanna be well rested for tomorrow, bye everypony,” said Twilight leaving the store as everypony but Daring said their farewells.
“He kept it,” thought Daring in her mind. “Why would he keep-”
“Daring can I have my unkie’s compass back?” said Pinkie with shining eyes. “I wanna keep it safe.”
“Huh? Oh, oh sure,” said Daring reluctantly giving the compass over to Pinkie.
“Is something wrong dear?” said Cup Cake with a tilt of the head. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“It’s nothing!” said Daring realizing she yelled. “Sorry, I mean, umm, where is Humble’s room?”
“Upstair and the third door on the left,” said Carrot.
“Ok, night!” said Daring shooting upstairs to Humble’s room.
“Hmmm,” said Pinkie pondering. “Something’s fishy and it’s not just the fishy muffins,” said Pinkie heading upstairs. “Night everypony!”
“Night Pinkie,” said Carrot and Cup Cake as Pinkie went to her room.
“Oh I forgot to compliment Daring on her new outfit,” said Cup Cake.
Meanwhile in Humble’s room,
“It just doesn’t make any sense!” said Daring as she took off Rarity’s outfit. “Why was he here of all days, why was he foalnapped, and why does he still have the compass! Arggh!” she groaned jumping onto the bed before hitting something. “Ouch! What the heck is this?” Daring said pulling out Humble’s journal from under the covers. “Humble’s journal? Hmmm, no I shouldn’t look at it,” she said putting it on top of a shelf. “But then again it might help!” Daring said taking it off the shelf.
Hovering over to the wall she turned off the lights and got under the covers with a near bye flashlight.
“All right let’s see what we got,” Daring said opening to a random page.
“Today I moved in to the condo in Manehatten with Coil-”
“So he lives in Manehatten with Coil now huh?” said Daring before continuing to read.
“-But even the new towering heights of the city are a small filling for the pain I feel. I still think of her.”
“Her?” said Daring reading more closely.
“The smell of her mane with it’s streaks of silver still fresh in my mind, her sweet voice as it threatened those who mocked her, her-” Daring would have continued reading but the words stopped there with only a small dry circle of water embedded in the pages was all that was left.
“Humble,” said Daring closing the book before lying onto the pillow and looking out towards Luna’s brightly glowing moon. “Why did you have to get foalnapped.” she said closing her eyes.
