Rainbows and Mirrors

Chapters

Part 1 - Alone
Part 2 - “Oh, my.”
Part 3 - What She Wants

Part 1 - Alone

Fluttershy sighed, gazing down at her hooves passing each other, over and over, by a will of their own. The air was warm; it was late spring and promising to become a cheerful and bright summer. Soon, this year’s baby birds would leave their nests and learn to fly, and she would watch and cheer for them, just like she always had since she’d moved here. It was the time of year that Fluttershy looked forward to the most.

This year was different from the years before. Spring was not only on the outside, for her to see and enjoy; it was also happening inside of her at the same time, and its entrancing and invigorating hooves had finally reached her very heart. It hadn’t been until some days ago that she’d realized it, but Fluttershy was hopelessly in love. It had taken control of her every waking thought: whenever she closed her eyes, she saw a soft, red coat that her hooves felt the sudden need to brush through, an unkempt blond mane falling over a muscular neck and, of course, dreamy, green eyes she felt like sinking into whenever she found the courage to take a quick glance at them.

Yes, Big Macintosh was strong and handsome; but more than that, his calm and gentle nature was what she was falling for. They were a perfect match, she just knew it. If only … um …

When Fluttershy looked up, she found herself in front of the Golden Oak Library, home of her dear friend Twilight Sparkle, and after a moment of disorientation she remembered why she’d come here. More briskly than she would’ve expected of her timid self she knocked on the door. The tapping of little feet reached her ears and announced the prompt answer. As the door swung open, she was met with a pair of big reptile eyes looking up to her.

“Hi Fluttershy. Come in!” Spike said, stepping aside in order to let her enter. “What brings you here?”

“Oh, hi Spike. I came to return a book, if that’s okay …”

“I’ll get Twilight for you; Celestia knows that pony needs a break from her work …”

“Um, you don’t need to. I-if she’s busy, I could always -”

But before Fluttershy could finish her sentence Spike was already on his way upstairs.

“Twilight, Fluttershy wants to see you!”

“Give me just …“

“She’s waiting!”

Fluttershy could hear her friend groan, before a second later she appeared in a door upstairs.

“Hey, Fluttershy, nice to see you!”

“I hope I’m not interrupting …” Fluttershy stuttered while Twilight Sparkle walked down the flight of stairs.

“It’s quite alright – I’ve got to admit it feels good to stretch my legs for once – I kind of lost track of time over those multi-inductive transformation spells, you know how fascinating they can be.”

Fluttershy, who had no idea what her friend was talking about, nodded.

“So, how can I help you?”

“Oh, I just wanted to return this book.”

Fluttershy reached into her saddlebag and pulled out a large tome bound in green leather. On its spine, bold yellow letters spelled the title, “The Big Book of Birds.” It was quite heavy, and she struggled to pull it out of her bag.

“How did you like it?”

“It waf vewwy intwefting,” Fluttershy answered through the book in her mouth. A purple aura wrapped around it and took it from her, and it floated across the room, shelving itself where it belonged. “Thanks for the suggestion, Twilight – I only hope I’ll be able to see some of those beautiful tropic birds for myself one day.”

A quill came to life and hovered above a checklist. “Let’s see … Baking Muffins for Dummies … The Mare from the End of the Street … ah, here it is.” Twilight checked the returned book off on her list. “Glad I could help. So, how are you doing?”

But before Fluttershy was forced to think of an answer, they were interrupted by a knock. Dutifully, Spike dashed past them to answer the door.

Fluttershy’s heart jumped like a baby bunny as standing in the doorway was, of all ponies, Big Macintosh.

“Howdy.” His deep, syrupy voice sent shivers through Fluttershy’s whole body.

“Why hello Big Mac, come on in,” Twilight smiled. “Are you doing the deliveries today?”

“Eeyup.” The stallion of Fluttershy’s dreams passed the door, a big package swaying back and forth on his back.

“How’s it going at the farm?” Twilight asked. “I guess Applejack not coming herself means she’s busy?”

“We’re doin’ just fine Twilight, thank you. Just have an awful lot to do with cutting down wild growth this year.”

He acknowledged Fluttershy with a nod when he walked past her, and her cheeks spontaneously ignited. Fortunately, Twilight was too busy to pay attention to her; she opened the package and counted the apples, apple pies, and jars of applesauce inside, going through another checklist.

“Thank you so very much. It was nice to see you – just tell your sister not to overdo it!”

“Eeyup.”

It wasn’t until after he had left that Fluttershy remembered that she needed to breath. As she gasped for air, Twilight noticed her with worry.

“Are you feeling alright?”

“Y-yes … w-why wouldn’t I …”

“If you say so.” Twilight turned towards the package again, lifted some of the deliveries with her magic and levitated them into the kitchen. “Nice of Big Macintosh to come by, wasn’t it?” Twilight remarked, leaving the room. Spike took a lug of apples himself and hurried to catch up with her.

“Mhm,” Fluttershy mumbled.

“Spike, would you mind putting all these things away? The kitchen is your territory, after all.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

“Well,” Twilight continued from the kitchen, “I can certainly understand why half the mares in Ponyville seem to have a crush on him. He’s quite sweet, isn’t he?”

Fluttershy found herself unable to respond. Did Twilight know?

“It’s ironic, actually,” Twilight said, coming back. The noise of crashing pans and a suppressed scream came from Spike in the kitchen.

“Ironic? Why’s that?”

“Well,” she began, but hesitating at first. “I guess it’s not really a guarded secret, even if he doesn’t talk about it much. Big Macintosh isn’t actually into mares, he’s into stallions.”

Fluttershy’ legs suddenly turned into jelly. She eeped and, before she knew it, had landed on her rump. Twilight’s words echoed from one wall of her head to the other.

“He’s … into stallions?” she yelped.

“Fluttershy?” A worried look appeared on her friend’s face when Fluttershy didn’t respond. “Is that a problem? I mean, I’m into stallions, right, so in all honesty I don’t see what the big deal is.”

Fluttershy, only managing to regain so much control over herself, did the only thing that she was capable of at the moment: she got up and ran out of the door. The weather outside was still lovely – but inside of her, it had changed into a furious storm.

Twilight never saw the tears running through her coat.

Fluttershy woke up on her sofa. The sun was shining onto her forehead through the half open curtains, a warm, comforting touch. A glance at the clock told her it was noon. Yawning, she rubbed her eyes with her hooves. Her sleep hadn’t been particularly pleasant and part of her was glad to be awake. Most of her wasn’t.

It had been three days since her talk with Twilight, and she’d spent them hiding away in her cottage. On the first day, she’d cried her eyes out. She didn’t recall much more. On the second day, Harry the bear had gotten to know of her misery and had come over to comfort her. He’d bear-hugged her as tightly as he had dared, but even that hadn’t helped. Now that the third day was over, she’d calmed down, and just asked herself one question over and over again:

Why did it have it to be him?

Of all ponies she could have got a crush on, it had to be the gay one. Not that she could blame him, of course; if anything, the big mistake had been on her part, as she had just assumed that he was straight. Fluttershy could’ve lived with observing Macintosh from afar, dreaming of him in secret and hoping that one day he would notice her. But knowing that he just wasn’t able to ever feel the same way about her – about any mare? She couldn’t even fantasize about him now without feeling guilty.

The harsh noise of impatient hooves rapping on her door finally snapped her out of her thoughts. She considered if she should see who was there – actually, she rather just hoped that they’d go away.

“Fluttershy! I know you’re in there, dang it. Talk to me!” It was Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy’s ears twitched; her friend was worried to death, she couldn’t just ignore her. So, finally, she forced herself onto her legs and swayed towards the door.

“Um, I’m sorry, I was asleep …”

“It’s the middle of the day, Fluttershy! What’s going on with you?”

“I’m fine …”

“No, you’re not. I hate to say it but you look horrible, and you haven’t shown yourself for days. I can’t watch this any longer!”

Fluttershy winced, and her friend’s features softened. “Look, I want to help you, okay? You know that, whatever it is, you can tell me.” Rainbow gave her a reassuring smile. “And I promise I won’t laugh or anything.”

Fluttershy nodded softly and pushed the door open for her to enter. Even if talking was just about the last thing she felt like doing, having Rainbow worry about her just made her feel even more awful than she already did. Their friendship was a very special one; it had been ever since they’d first met back in flight camp. She still didn’t understand how it had come to that; Rainbow was so cool and athletic and popular and everything else Fluttershy wasn’t. Why would she even bother?

But still, Rainbow had always been there for her. Even though great empathy was among the traits that she wasn’t known for, if there was anypony Fluttershy would entrust with her heart and soul, it was her.

Readying herself, Fluttershy settled on the sofa again. She could sense Rainbow Dash’s weight on the padding as the mare sat down beside her, and a hoof comforted her head, petting her slowly. Fluttershy found a certain peace in that, her mind just tracing the slow movement of the touch.

“Okay Fluttershy, let’s talk.”.

Fluttershy nodded. “I kind of, um … there is … this is about B-Big Macintosh.”

“Did he say something rude to you?” Rainbow’s eyes flashed fiercely for a moment, and Fluttershy could feel her tensing up next to her. She quickly shook her head.

“No, it’s not like that!”

“Good for him!” Rainbow Dash relaxed slightly and went back to petting Fluttershy, sighing. “So let me guess … you have a crush on him?”

Fluttershy blushed and nodded.

“And? What happened?”

“I-I found out about him.”

“What? Does he have somepony else?”

“No. He’s gay.”

For a second Rainbow seemed like she was about to laugh in spite of her promise; deep inside her eyes, however, was sympathy.

“Wow, that sucks. I know how you feel, trust me. Just don’t let it get to you like this, okay? I’m not saying that you’re wrong to be sad, but if you do nothing all day but think about him that won’t make it better. Do you know what I mean? You’ll get over it eventually. I mean, it’s not like he’s the only pony on this planet, right?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Fluttershy sniffled. “Nopony will ever love me anyway.”

“Now wait just a second! Because that’s you talking serious crap. You must be the nicest and cutest pony I could ever imagine.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“No, I’m serious. Look …” Rainbow Dash shook her head as if trying to dislodge some thought. “If you wanna know the truth, I kinda might have had a little crush on you some time ago.”

Fluttershy looked up to her friend, not believing her ears. The pegasus had let go of her and just sat there, blushing.

“Yeah … secret out. I mean, I wasn’t trying to pursue that or something, okay? Because I’d really rather have you as a friend. But it still counts, right?”

“Don’t worry, it’s alright,” Fluttershy ventured. She didn’t want Rainbow Dash to feel uncomfortable because of her. Still, she wasn’t quite sure how to feel about this news – she certainly hadn’t expected it.

“You won’t take this too seriously, will you?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I mean, we’re still friends, right?”

“We’ll always be friends.”

Fluttershy turned towards her friend and, fighting down her insecurity, hugged her tightly.

Rainbow Dash stayed, and soon they were chatting just like they would on any other day. Fluttershy had to admit that it felt good to have somepony to talk to; to just have Rainbow around and pretend that nothing had happened. At the same time, though, she couldn’t help but wonder how her friend really saw her. Was this the reason why she’d always cared about her that much – a simple crush? If so, Fluttershy must have disappointed her gravely, never returning those feelings. She was a waste of time.

“Um, Fluttershy? Are you listening?” Rainbow asked, and Fluttershy snapped out of her thought.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t hear my super awesome story about how Spitfire totally flew over the Trotlantic Ocean all on her own?” Rainbow Dash was trying her best to sound huffy, Fluttershy could tell, but there still was a hint of worry in her voice.

“I’m fine, where were we?”

“I was just getting to the part where she fought the black thunderstorm.”

“The one that almost ripped her into pieces? Oh, my.”

“Exactly. So as I was saying, Spitfire fought the storm with all her will, knowing all too well that she had to make it out of the impact zone or her strength wouldn’t last long enough to …”

Fluttershy tried to listen, but her thoughts kept drifting away. She knew the story anyway.

No, Rainbow didn’t think of her as worthless. She’d told her that so many times that by now that Fluttershy believed it herself. When she was afraid and self-conscious, Rainbow always gave her courage – that was, in fact, how they had first met.

Fluttershy was sitting in a quiet corner of a cloud, just outside the training fields, crying.

She came here frequently, usually after class, when she had embarrassingly failed another exercise. Today had been an especially bad day; it had been the final day of their obstacle flying unit, and the teacher had wanted to see each student do a complete run of the course – with the whole class watching. Not a surprise that Fluttershy had been the laughing stock; she could barely keep herself in the air when she was concentrating, but being the center of attention? So, in the end, she’d run off to where nopony would find her. Or so she thought.

Fluttershy hadn’t noticed the filly approaching her, too distracted with her own misery, until a flash of rainbow colors caught her eyes. Looking up, she encountered a smile.

“D-did you come to make fun of me, too?”

The other filly shook her head. “You shouldn’t let them bully you like that. I know the whole flying business isn’t easy for you, but that doesn’t mean you’re worth less than everypony else.”

Fluttershy sniffed. “That’s easy for you to say; you do the course in ten seconds.”

The filly puffed her little chest. “Flat,” she added. “But that still doesn’t change a thing. I’ve noticed you; you’re always nice to everypony, and they treat you like some sort of punching bag. That’s just not fair. I mean, you try your best, don’t you? Who could ask for more?”

Fluttershy looked up in wonder at the filly. She wasn’t used to acts of kindness.

“I know you have a hard time, but don’t worry; I can take care of them for you if you want. Name’s Rainbow Dash by the way.”

“I’m F-Fluttershy …”

“Cool. So, Fluttershy, I know we just met, but do you wanna be friends?”

She smiled as she remembered that moment. Nopony had ever wanted to be her friend before. Rainbow Dash had kept her promise; the next day, when Fluttershy showed up in class, she had stood up against the bullies and made them stop their teasing. From that day on, she had never failed her. And it was obvious that she still cared about her.

“Fluttershy!” the present version Rainbow Dash woke her from her thoughts. “You’re not really listening, are you?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I meant to listen, I was just …”

“It’s okay. I can go if you want to be alone.”

“No! I mean … please stay with me.”

Rainbow smiled. “Alright. And I think I know just the thing to cheer you up: a picnic! The weather’s great and I know that Pinkie’s dying to plan one anyway; she must’ve been talking about it for weeks.”

“Oh … I don’t know …” Fluttershy wasn’t too comfortable with the idea of leaving the safety of her cottage yet, even though she didn’t want to disappoint Rainbow.

“Come on; you can’t stay in here forever. I bet you we can get the whole gang together this afternoon – it’ll be fun!”

Fluttershy hesitated. Of course, Rainbow Dash was right. And these ponies were her very best friends, weren’t they? They always had a good time together.

As scary as the outside world was, as long as Rainbow was there watching out for her, she could take it. So, finally, Fluttershy nodded her agreement.

Fluttershy was glad that Rainbow had convinced her to come. It was a beautiful day; everything shone bright in the sunlight and a soft breeze helped putting up with the heat that came with the summery weather. As she lay down on the checkered blanket and looked up, it felt as if she hadn’t seen the sky for months.

The voices of Applejack and Pinkie Pie reached Fluttershy’s ears, the two being absorbed in a discussion about the proper way to make apple pie. Rarity was lounging on the sofa that she’d brought with her and was probably asleep after a night of hard work – Fluttershy couldn’t tell through the opulent sunglasses that masked her eyes.

Rainbow Dash settled down next to Fluttershy and reached for a bowl of cookies that Pinkie had brought. Her head eclipsed the sun, so that the border of her mane was illuminated in rainbow colors, while her dazzling smile moved closer to Fluttershy.

“Want one?”

“Oh, thank you.” Fluttershy sat up and took the cookie hoofed to her, nibbling at it with growing appetite. It was delicious and, like everything Pinkie baked, very sugary. Fluttershy’s stomach made a quiet growl. She hadn’t really eaten much the past few days.

“Those are good, eh?” Rainbow pushed over the bowl so that Fluttershy could help herself. With watery mouth she nodded and grabbed another one. Again she was glad that she’d agreed to go.

Some minutes later, the last member of their group of friends appeared. Twilight panted, hurrying up the path that lead here from Ponyville.

“Sorry I’m late, everypony. I had to reschedule what I’d scheduled for today and that took more time than I had scheduled.”

“Don’t fuss over it, sugarcube,” Applejack reassured her, “we’re happy you could make it on short notice. This wouldn’t be the same without you.”

The others agreed. Twilight smiled and put down her saddlebags, settling with the rest of them. Pinkie continued explaining to Applejack her way of telling if a cake was ready, which apparently involved a broken alarm clock she’d inherited from her grandma, a spoon, and a deck of playing cards, and it didn’t take long for Twilight to voice her doubts about the scientific credibility of the method.

Fluttershy for her part just enjoyed hearing her friends talk. The thought of Big Macintosh felt somewhat distant out here; it was hard to be lonely in the circle of her closest friends, especially on such a magnificent day. Fluttershy closed her eyes and sighed, making a mental note to thank Rainbow Dash for setting this up. It was such a relief to know that she could feel happy again.

She must have dozed off, because when Fluttershy opened her eyes again, all the cookies were gone, and the sun had progressed on its journey across the sky. Twilight was packing a basket, and as soon as Fluttershy stood up, Applejack pulled away the blanket she’d been lying on. Rainbow Dash was standing a bit aside with Pinkie and Rarity, laughing about something Pinkie was saying.

Fluttershy yawned and stretched her neck. “Is the picnic over?”

“I’m afraid so.” Twilight stepped beside her. “But it’s been fun, hasn’t it?”

Fluttershy nodded her silent agreement.

“Well …”

Applejack folded the blanket and went to stuff it into her saddlebag.

“So, I wanted to talk to you, Fluttershy. I’ve been a bit worried after, you know, how you ran away the last time we saw each other.”

Fluttershy shifted on her hooves; she wasn’t sure what she should say to reassure Twilight, but she could never tell her about Big Mac – it was still too fresh for her to talk about it to anypony. Rainbow Dash was only an exception because … well, Fluttershy couldn’t name a reason, she just somehow felt a lot more comfortable about sharing her private matters with her.

“What can I say,“ Twilight went on, “I was surprised, to put it mildly. I’ve always thought of you as an open-minded pony, Fluttershy, so it was hard to believe that you have such an issue with homosexuality. There’s a bit of a problem with that – I don’t want to judge your views, but I also have to hold on to what I think is right. Do you understand what I mean?”

Fluttershy blinked: what?

Applejack, who had overheard their conversation, barged in. “Just to get this straight, Twilight, she ain’t standin’ alone. Now don’t get me wrong, Ah wish no harm to nopony but, what them fillyfoolers and coltcuddlers do, it just ain’t natural.”

Heads turned towards them.

“Okay, I think we have a misunderstanding here …” Fluttershy tried to object, but nopony seemed to listen to her.

“Actually,” Twilight insisted, “I think it’s perfectly natural. Homosexuality is documented in over 1500 species, not only ponies.”

“Quit it with your fancy numbers. It’s not healthy – where would it get us if-n everypony started fillyfoolin’ ‘round? The love between a mare and a stallion is still unique. It gives our families integrity, and a reliable family gives us strength; that’s how it’s always been and always will be.”

“Seriously? You, of all ponies, should know best that strong family bonds can correlate with a number of things other than that – what about friendship? What about the love between siblings? Or would you say that your family is weak just because it’s not centered around a married couple?”

“No, but that’s a special case. The Apple family’s been strong and healthy for centuries, and we put up great efforts to keep our traditions alive. That’s how we manage to always stick together, and it’s also why in our family you won’t find none of ‘em gays.”

Fluttershy gulped – poor Big Macintosh.

“You’re not making sense, Applejack. Some mares like other mares and some stallions like other stallions, and that’s got nothing to do with tradition, it’s simply who they are. You can’t take it from them.”

“Rarity, you’re on our side, right?” Applejack requested. The pony in question lifted her sunglasses.

“Why would I be, dear?”

“Don’t you think it’s uncouth and all that?”

“It appalls me, Applejack, that you believe me to be so narrow-minded. Can you not see that love is a beautiful thing, regardless if shared between ponies of the same or the opposing sex?”

Twilight gave Rarity a thankful smile.

“No, Ah just see how it’s messin’ everything up! Think about this: if Rainbow here was that kinda fella – no offense sugarcube – how could Ah know she’s not into me? It would be so weird! What if she’s got lewd thoughts about me? What if she’s staring secretly?” Applejack casually lay a hoof around her friend’s neck; Fluttershy seemed to be the only one noticing Rainbow grimacing.

“But she’s your friend! Surely her sexuality wouldn’t change anything between you, would it?” Twilight questioned.

“It would creep the hay outta me! And now excuse me, Ah got business to get back to.”

Twilight grunted as Applejack stamped off.

Rarity patted her back. “Twilight, dear, don’t let it ruin your day. It was wonderful to catch up with all of you.”

Fluttershy was still frozen on the spot. She knew she should say something, but the whole situation felt so awkward to her that she didn’t manage to get out a single word.

“Well, I’ll be on my way, then,” Rarity announced. “Those dresses are not going to make themselves.”

Twilight nodded. “Yes, of course. Take care!”

Pinkie turned towards Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. “You staying any longer?”

“I don’t think so,” Dash mumbled.

“Okie dokie lokie! See you later then!”

They parted, only Rainbow Dash staying with Fluttershy until their friends were out of hearing range. Fluttershy wanted to explain herself, wanted to tell her friend how it was all a misunderstanding.

“I’m sorry, Fluttershy, I never knew it’s like that; guess I shouldn’t have been all rambling like stupid, but still, I can’t change what I am. This is kinda not so cool, you know.”

“But …”

“No, Fluttershy, I don’t want any buts or ifs. It doesn’t matter. Don’t worry, I’d never want to be with you anyway.”

And with that the pegasus darted off, leaving Fluttershy alone.

Part 2 - “Oh, my.”

For the rest of the day, Fluttershy backed off to her cottage, secluding herself again. After what had happened at the picnic she didn’t want to risk running into her friends – especially not Rainbow Dash. Even though she knew, of course, that she needed to speak up to her sooner or later. It was simple enough in theory; just find her, tell her the truth and they’d be good again. What held her back?

It was the look; the look that Fluttershy had received from her friend had burnt itself deep into her mind, eyes becoming a pair of glaring daggers in her memory.

Rainbow Dash hated her.

Of all things, this was too much to take. Fluttershy managed to make it through each day on her own because she’d learned to stand up tall and be brave, but she learned all that from her. She could believe in herself because she knew that, for whatever reason, Rainbow believed in her – and now, ultimately, she had become the one pony that she couldn’t turn to.

This time, Dash wasn’t there to comfort her.

Fluttershy sighed. All the complaining in the world wouldn’t get her anywhere. And she couldn’t blame herself for everything that happened, Rainbow Dash had told her often enough that that wasn’t good for her.

“You tried your best, didn’t you? Who could ask for more?” she asked herself, repeating the filly Dash’s words from when they had first met. And it was true, she hadn’t done anything wrong. It wasn’t fair that she was the one hurting just because her friends didn’t care about her enough to listen what she’d had to say. Also, even if Fluttershy had missed her opportunity to speak up, she shouldn’t have to, because Twilight shouldn’t have come up with the suspicions in the first place.

And Rainbow Dash. Just leaving her like this, after all these years. Her best friend. How could Rainbow so easily abandon her?

As the day went on, Fluttershy’s misery turned more and more into frustration. The misunderstanding wasn’t the real problem: she could work that out somehow. What bothered her more was that Rainbow had let her down after promising she never would.

Fluttershy had to face reality: a lot had changed since flight camp. She might always stay a timid pony at heart, but she wasn’t without any confidence of her own. Fluttershy wasn’t an anxious little filly anymore; she wouldn’t let anypony do something like this to her.

She didn’t depend on Rainbow Dash.

The next day when Fluttershy woke up, she felt like a sack of oats was sitting on her back, weighing her down. She forced herself out of bed for her morning round of feeding the animals, barely managing to stand on her hooves; the night had been mostly sleepless for her.

After every last mouse and squirrel had gotten something to munch on, Fluttershy half-heartedly made breakfast for herself. Food was running short, so if she didn’t want her little friends to starve she was left with little choice but to go into town today. Swallowing the last of her cereal, she decided she might as well go right away, before the streets became too busy.

In Ponyville, Fluttershy couldn’t help but be reminded of Rainbow Dash at every corner. That park was where they’d hang out sometimes a lot in summer. They’d sit on a bench and Rainbow would tell her of her awesome future as a Wonderbolt, sometimes whole afternoons, looking into the sky with a longing glaze. There was nap spot number fourteen, the tall chestnut tree in a quiet corner of the street, where Fluttershy would find Rainbow sometimes when searching for her. There were cracks on the wall of that old building, remains from Rainbow crashing into it after a stunt going wrong.

Fluttershy couldn’t stand it; it was as if her surroundings were mocking her, teasing her for being dropped by her friend. She hurried to finish her shopping as quickly as possible and then rushed out of town. Only once she’d passed the all-too-familiar wooden road sign did Fluttershy slow down and look back. The colorful buildings that made up Ponyville were holding so many memories.

Then, suddenly, something eclipsed the afternoon sun. Fluttershy turned her head to see what that something was; only to crash right into the wall of red hair that had appeared in front of her. She jumped back, stumbling over a bag that she had dropped.

“Oh I-I’m so sorry, I d-didn’t look where I was going and …” She fell silent when she looked up and recognized Big Macintosh.

“You alright, Fluttershy?” he asked.

“Um, yes … and you?”

“Eeyup.”

She nodded softly, trying to get her head clear for a second. Under his collar, she could see the enormous chest muscles close-up, formed by many years of work. She’d never been this close to him – here he was, the stallion she had dreamed of. Strangely, she wasn’t intimidated.

“Well, I bet you’re super busy …”

“Nope.”

“Okay.”

They stared onto the ground awkwardly.

“Like me to walk you home?” Mac offered. Or did he actually? Fluttershy wasn’t sure if she could trust her ears.

“Um, sure … if you want to …”

He smiled and picked up her bag from the ground, then made a gesture down the path.

“Oh! How kind of you, thank you.”

As long as they walked, the calm pace of their hooves on the muddy road was the only thing breaking the silence. The stallion had his eyes half-closed, only giving Fluttershy a quick look every now and then. She was relaxing a little, just walking alongside him. It felt like years ago that she’d half fainted in his presence – maybe it had been but a silly crush after all.

When they arrived at the cottage Fluttershy thanked him again, which he brushed it off with a vague gesture.

“You look sad,” he remarked. “Wanna talk about it?”

Would she? She was not entirely sure.

“Um … if you want to hear it.”

Mac turned towards her and smiled reassuringly. Alright. Fluttershy took a deep breath.

“For some reason my friends believe I’m homophobic and now Rainbow Dash hates me because she’s a lesbian.”

She earned a long, surprised look.

“And I also know that you’re gay, and I totally support you. So, please, don’t believe them – I couldn’t take you hating me too.”

“Shh … Ah couldn’t hate you.” He carefully placed a hoof on her shoulder. Fluttershy could have sworn it melted under his touch. “And your friends … Ah suppose they won’t hear you?”

She shook her head.

“We gonna make ‘em hear, Ah promise. It’s all gonna be okay.”

Fluttershy nodded, near to tears. “T-Thank you.”

“It’s alright. And it’s always good to know who Ah can talk to – not everypony is that understanding.” Mac sighed. “Take mah sis …”

“How do you even keep it a secret from her?”

“Ponies won’t what see they don’t wanna. It’d be harder of course if Ah got mahself a coltfriend …“

Fluttershy’s ears perked up. “Is there anypony you like? I-if you don’t mind me asking, that is.”

“Maybe?” He looked down at his hooves. “Ah’ve been wantin’ to ask him out for some time but … Ah don’t think I can.”

“Of course you can. Don’t be shy!”

Big Mac smirked. “If you say so.”

He stayed a little longer, and Fluttershy made them both some tea. They sat down and drank, chatting about the weather and gardening and animal care and everything else that wasn’t Rainbow Dash. Big Macintosh was a good listener, and too soon it was that he had to return to the farm. Still, for Fluttershy, the time that they had was enough. She was happy, quite strangely; she did still feel drawn to the stallion in a way. He was just that sweet and, she couldn’t deny it, really attractive. But she still didn’t regret being just friends.

Actually, she could use a new friend.

Driven by a whim, Fluttershy got up from her sofa and walked over to the big mirror. She stared at the yellow pegasus, and it stared back at her until she couldn’t stand it and looked away.

She knew now that she was never meant to be with him. That realization felt good, like a huge weight that was taken from her. Only, who was she then able to see herself with?

Fluttershy looked at her optical twin again. Sometimes, she wondered if she was the one trapped in a mirror, and her mirror image was the real her. It probably didn’t matter, though; they both were used to standing in a corner and silently watching.

Thoughts went back to Big Mac. He was so cute when he was talking about that stallion he fancied. Fluttershy suddenly asked herself how many other ponies that she knew might be gay without her knowing.

Rainbow Dash was, of course; she’d nearly forgotten about that. But actually, had it been a surprise that she liked fillies?

“No,” Fluttershy told the mirror image that was looking at her expectantly. “Deep inside you’ve always known, haven’t you?”

She’d just never really thought about it, and they hadn’t talked about the topic, either. Now, Fluttershy wondered about Rainbow’s perspective. How did she see the world? What was it like to be a lesbian?

Fluttershy could see beauty in a mare; all mares could. And each one of her friends was beautiful, in her own way. Standing out the most, obviously, was Rarity; with the elegant curls of her mane and her stunning outfits and the cute faces she sometimes made. Nopony in their right minds could deny that. But really, even Rainbow Dash, who despised fashion and makeup and didn’t care much about looks – even she had a special kind of appeal. Or, especially her. Fluttershy could imagine her figure standing right beside her in the mirror; on the first glance she looked cool and almost a bit inapproachable, but that was just scratching the surface. In fact she had a lovely face with bright magenta eyes, cute perky ears and that muzzle that she used to scrump in the most adorable fashion. Her steeled body was bold and muscular, but also elegant like that of a dancer; and her wings, oh, her wings were truly gorgeous.

“She’s so beautiful.” Fluttershy’s mirror image nodded in agreement. But only for a second; then she stopped herself. She had enough of Rainbow Dash, and this certainly didn’t help. And it wasn’t like she felt anything for her.

“Because you don’t. You’re not even interested in mares.”

Admittedly, though, she’d never really thought about that. She could try and imagine herself with a mare – hypothetically, anyway.

In fact, it didn’t feel all that wrong.

The mirror Fluttershy blushed.

“Stop it, stupid,” she whispered to her reflection.

Perhaps, she even imagined a specific mare. Hypothetically.

This didn’t mean anything, of course. Yes, it would be nice to have somepony who cared about her, with whom maybe she could cuddle so she wouldn’t feel lonely anymore. Especially after what had happened. Somepony whom, unlike Rainbow Dash, she could trust. But that still wasn’t necessarily the same feeling she would have towards a stallion, was it? This was probably just her subconsciousness trying to compensate for her disappointment.

“No, you’re right; it can’t be.” She went over it in her head one more time.

“And just for the record,” she added, “in Rainbow’s case it wouldn’t matter, would it? Don’t you remember what she said?”

Fluttershy did; she could hear the words loud and clear in her head. I’d never want to be with you anyway. She was foolish for even considering it.

Regardless, for a reason that Fluttershy couldn’t explain, those words stung more than they should have.

She sat in front of the mirror until long after midnight.

The way to Sweet Apple Acres was a familiar one for Fluttershy. It lead up north along the border of the Everfree Forest, a trail winding through ferns and tall grass. Spruce and pine kept watch over the sandy path, and the birds chirped down their greetings from the treetops when they recognized Fluttershy. It was ever so lovely.

She’d followed the path often before, but on this particular day, something was different: she wasn’t planning to meet Applejack at the farm, but Big Macintosh.

The whole morning she’d been thinking about whether she should go. On the one hoof Fluttershy was eager to talk to him again; she had enjoyed their conversation so much and still had a lot of questions. But then on the other hoof, she didn’t want to spoil their freshly blossoming friendship by clinging to him to a point where she was a bother; after all, they had talked only one day ago. It was a tricky decision, but in the end, she convinced herself that at the very least he wouldn’t mind her asking. She certainly didn’t want to go with her other plan for the day, which was talking to Rainbow Dash.

Soon enough Fluttershy reached the orchards, where the sweet scent of apple trees filled the air. They were filled with little green marbles; young apples that were promising to grow and weigh down the wide, leaf-covered branches very soon. As far as the eye could reach the trees were standing tall, trunk next to trunk, heads raised to the sky. Fluttershy liked the orchards; they were a peaceful place, with no worries surpassing next year’s harvest.

With a heart much lighter than she’d had when she’d left her cottage, she finally arrived at the farm. She crossed the front yard and, since nopony was outside, knocked at the door. It was Applejack who opened. Fluttershy was still a bit anxious about her because of the debate, but she tried her best not to let that show.

“Fluttershy, what a nice surprise. What brings you here, sugarcube?”

“Oh, um … I actually wanted to see if your brother had any time?”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Well, then let’s see if we can find him for you. Should be ‘round here somewhere.”

She stepped outside and lead Fluttershy around the building, who followed hesitantly. Now she did feel like a bother.

“Beautiful weather, ain’t it? Though, if them pegasi go on like this Ah’ll have to have a sincere talk with that Rainbow Dash ‘bout trees that need water.” Applejack knocked at the barn door and glanced inside, but nopony was there.

“Oh, you see,” Fluttershy explained, “the spring showers always consume an awful lot of resources; that’s why sometimes, in late spring, cloud delivery is delayed just a little bit. It’s so Cloudsdale won’t run out of stock, like some years ago when we had that really dry summer, remember?”

“Is that so? Huh, Ah guess then we’ll have to make the best out of it. If it weren’t for the plants bein’ so thirsty Ah wouldn’t mind havin’ some sunshine in the first place.” She chuckled, while they surrounded the barn. “Ah’m sure it’s the perfect weather for you gettin’ on a date with mah brother, though.”

Fluttershy choked. “But – it’s not – we just –”

Applejack grinned, for all the wrong reasons. “Sorry sugarcube, Ah didn’t wanna be nosy; I’m just happy for y’all. See, Ah’ve been worried about Mac, seeing how he never brought himself home a mare … and Ah’ll be happy to have you in the family, Fluttershy. Oh, Ah cain’t wait for the day Ah’ll be the aunt of your sweet little foals …”

“Applejack! We’re not dating! We’re really just friends, is all.”

“Sure you are, ‘n that’s why you came all the way from your place to see him, right?”

“But I also come all the way here to see you sometimes.”

“That’s different; he’s a stallion, you’re a mare … see where Ah’m coming from?”

Big Macintosh, who was standing behind them, spoke up, making them both jump. “Nope.”

Applejack ducked her head. “Oops. Hehe. There you are.”

Macintosh looked over to Fluttershy with a half-pout, half-smile.

“Applejack,” she tried to reason, “ I get that you care about us being happy and I appreciate that, but don’t you think you might be assuming a teensy tiny bit too much?”

“Then you’re not … oh.” Applejack’s head dropped. Fluttershy almost felt sorry for her friend; after all, she had only meant the best for them. But her empathy only lasted for another second, until Applejack spoke up again. “Well, what ain’t now can always come to be some day, right?”

“Sis, Ah appreciate Fluttershy here an awful lot, but Ah won’t court her. And …” He stopped.

“And?”

“And no other mare neither. Sis, Ah’m gay.”

Applejack stepped back, shaking. “You’re kiddin’!”

“Nope.”

She looked over to Fluttershy. “And you … you knew all along? And you’re okay with that?”

“Of course I’m okay with it; it’s part of who he is, after all.”

“What’ll Granny say if she hears of this? And think of ‘lil Applebloom: they’ll never stop bullying her in school if she’s gotten a gay brother. In the end, you’ll make her ashamed of being part of this family!”

“The only pony Ah see bein’ ashamed of me is you.” Big Mac voiced quietly.

“That’s – Ah – this ain’t about me!”

“Yes it is. Applebloom’ll be fine. Granny’s prolly gonna try talk me out of it but Ah don’t care. Ah didn’t choose who Ah am, but you can choose to accept it or not.”

“Oh yeah? Well one thing’s for sure, you better not dare come here with a stallion or Celestia help me. And we’ll have a family meeting this evening.” Applejack threw a last disapproving glare back on Fluttershy, then she stepped off, muttering to herself.

Big Macintosh didn’t move, his gaze frozen. A tremor went through his whole body, and his big eyes filled with tears. Fluttershy was at his side in a heartbeat. She had to stand up on her hindlegs to reach a foreleg around his neck; Mac shuddered and buried his head in her chest, sobbing.

“There, there. You were very brave. I’m so proud of you.” She slowly stroked his mane. “I’m sure Applejack just needs time to adjust; she can be stubborn, sure, but she’s not a meanie.”

“Fluttershy … Thank you.” He tried to regain control over himself, wiping at his eyes. “It was about time something happened. It helps a lot having you here.”

For minutes they remained like that, Fluttershy holding Big Macintosh close until his body stopped shaking and his bulky chest was heaving calmly and evenly again.

“Ah’m sorry Ah got you into this. You sure came for something other than havin’ to put up with this mule of a sister Ah have?”

“It’s no problem. I just came to talk a bit.”

“What about?”

“Oh, nothing important. Maybe it’s not the best time …”

He looked at her in anticipation. Fluttershy sighed.

“Okay. After yesterday I’ve been wondering … how did you come to know that you’re gay?”

“Ah just always fancied colts, so Ah figured as much. It wasn’t easy coming to terms with it, though, since Ah’d been taught that Ah’d want to be with a filly. Never dared say anything to nopony. But then, one day, Ah was havin’ a sleepover with mah cousin Braeburn in Appeloosa. Ah learned from him that there were more of us, and that it wasn’t something bad. Ah went there a lot that summer.” He smiled, distracted from the present’s problems for a moment.

“So, you never had any doubts about yourself?”

“Eeyup. It ain’t the same story for everypony, though. Some have always been aware of it, like me, but Ah know ponies that never questioned being straight until they’re adults. Why do you ask?”

“Oh, um, for no reason. I’m just curious about you, since, um … At least I think we’re friends now. Are we?”

“Eeyup.” He smiled and hugged her again.

And Fluttershy sighed, thinking about Rainbow Dash.

On her way back, the argument replayed in Fluttershy’s head. Applejack’s reaction had been even poorer than what she’d expected. She’d told Big Mac that his sister would eventually come to reason, but regardless, Fluttershy was worried. Applejack didn’t know that Rainbow Dash was a lesbian. What if she found out? What would this do to their friendships? And of course, Fluttershy was not okay at all with how she’d acted towards Big Mac.

She was so distracted with her thoughts that at first she didn’t even notice the visitor prowling around her cottage until a movement in the corner of her eye made her look up.

“Hey Fluttershy.” Rainbow Dash laughed uneasily. She was standing near the entrance and looked like a dog that was caught making a mess. “You’re back. I’ve been looking for you; just wanted to see if you’re okay, since nopony’s seen you.”

Fluttershy cocked her head. So Rainbow Dash did still care about her?

“I mean, uh … some of the others were a bit worried, and since I was doing some flight training around here anyway I thought it wouldn’t hurt to check on you, right? But, hey, they’ll be so relieved to hear that you’re doing fine.”

Right, her friends worried about her. Not Rainbow. Something inside Fluttershy felt like breaking.

“Rainbow Dash? Can we talk?”

The mare looked at her with the same cold stare that Fluttershy had already seen. “I don’t think I wanna hear it.”

Why did Fluttershy still care about what the mare was thinking of her? She wished she could just pretend they never knew each other; then, maybe, she wouldn’t hurt so much.

“Rainbow Dash, it’s not like you think. I never had anything against gays or lesbians or anypony.”

The mare stopped herself and knit her eyebrows.

“Wait, you don’t? But Twilight said –”

“I have no idea why she thinks that, but it’s not true.”

Rainbow Dash looked taken aback. “Then why didn’t you say anything when she came up with the whole thing?”

Fluttershy didn’t know. She should have been able to. Just like she didn’t know why this conversation was putting her more and more on an edge. Again, there were a lot of things she didn’t understand about herself recently.

Fluttershy tried to stay calm, fighting down tears. “I tried to say something, but you wouldn’t listen – nopony would listen. But I still thought you knew me better than that. I thought my best friend wouldn’t be so quick to just ditch me.”

That seemed to do the trick of making Rainbow Dash think.

“So … you’re okay with … oops.” She ducked her head. Even her eyes, usually so brassy, didn’t dare meet Fluttershy’s anymore.

“I’m so sorry,” Rainbow whispered. “You’re right, I should’ve known better.”

Part of Fluttershy wanted to forgive her; wanted to tell her that it was okay and bury her face in her mane and hug her forever and ever. But the rest of Fluttershy was too angry and too offended to let that happen.

“I’m afraid that sorry won’t do this time,” she said instead. “Not after you’ve let me down like this.”

“Fluttershy, please! I was just scared. I couldn’t take the thought of you being homophobic, so I snapped and … you can’t just leave me alone like this. Y-you wouldn’t, right?”

“But it’s … exactly what you did to me.” Fluttershy took in a deep, shaky breath. “Maybe you should think about that.”

Rainbow Dash stared at her in horror. As soon as she managed to break from her shock, she fled in a rush of feathers and tears.

Fluttershy stood there, frozen, and looked after her friend. She had just made Rainbow Dash cry. As she finally managed to move, she too began to feel tears searching their way down her cheeks. She got inside and collapsed on the floor. Even if what she’d said felt like the truth, she had never wanted to push Rainbow Dash away – it wasn’t meant to be this way. Suppressed whimpers escaped her throat.

A mere hoof’s width from her nose was the mirror. Fluttershy risked a look; the yellow pegasus mare that glanced back was a stranger, a mere excuse for a pony, degenerated to a miserable pile of tear-stained, sobbing hair.

“Oh, Fluttershy …” Her mirror image reached out a hoof to meet hers at the glass, giving her an apologetic look for being such a terrible sight.

So, this was how everything ended?

“You still have Big Macintosh,” she reminded herself. But that thought suddenly felt shallow. He could make for a great best friend, but he wasn’t Rainbow Dash.

She remembered when they were only fillies. Every morning, Rainbow would pick her up and walk her to school. In the beginning, it had been to protect her from a group of bullies who would show up and stop Fluttershy so she couldn’t get to class in time; but even later, they’d never give up what had soon become the best part of their morning routine.

“Rainbow Dash! You came all the way out here. Isn’t this a detour for you?”

“It’s cool. You ready to go?”

Rainbow flew some circles that made Fluttershy dizzy from just looking.

“Um, yes … If you are, that is.”

“Great! Then let’s get going or you’ll be late again!”

She touched down next to her friend, and pushed her forward.

After they walked for a minute, Fluttershy couldn’t stop herself from bringing it up again.

“Really, you shouldn’t have to get up earlier because of me. You live so far out anyway …”

“Fluttershy, when I say it’s cool I mean it, okay? I’m just making sure there’s no reason for the teacher to call you out again.”

“But you work so hard on your flying; I’m you sure need a lot of sleep.”

“It’s alright, I always take lots of naps. Just take it and say thanks, that’s all I need in return.”

“Thank you.” Fluttershy walked closer, about to hug the filly, but then hesitated.

“Oh, I’m sorry, do you like hugs?”

“Well … usually not but, it’s okay, I could make an exception for you.” Without further warning, Rainbow pulled Fluttershy into an unexpectedly tight embrace.

“Eep!”

Fluttershy smiled warmly at the memory. It had taken a while for them to get used to each other’s quirks but, in the end, Rainbow had always been there for her; she’d always gotten out of her way when Fluttershy had needed her. Even if she had failed Fluttershy once, she didn’t deserve to be rejected just because of that.

“You really overreacted, Fluttershy,” mirror Fluttershy told her.

“I know,” she replied. “I was just so upset.”

“But why? Why couldn’t you just take the apology and go back to being friends?”

Fluttershy didn’t have an answer to that. She only knew that she’d possibly destroyed what little was left of their friendship. It wasn’t often that Rainbow Dash cried. In fact, Fluttershy had caught her doing so only one single time, after losing the Best Young Flier’s Competition for the first time. Fluttershy had been in the crowd, waiting for her friend to join the other participants at the award ceremony, but Rainbow had never appeared, so Fluttershy had had run off to search for her.

The sobs were muffled through a chunk of raincloud, but still audible. Tremors ran through the cyan ears. Fluttershy approached Rainbow Dash carefully.

“Rainbow? It’s me.”

“Leave me alone.”

She stopped at that, not sure what to do. It was obvious that her friend needed her, but approaching her against her will – should she do that?

Fluttershy waited, but Rainbow Dash said nothing more.

“Can I come closer, please?”

When there was no answer, she decided to take the risk. She nudged the crying filly’s shoulder and, suddenly, found herself in a feathery mess, a muzzle pressed against her chest. She sat down and lay her foreleg around Dash’s shoulder.

“I know how much you wanted to win and I know you trained really hard for this. But in the end, you were the youngest pony ever competing; nopony expected you to even have a chance.”

“But I could’ve blown the competition away if I got the Rainboom right this time. It sucks that I could pull it off once and then never again.”

“I know.”

Rainbow sniffed. “And I wanted to see Spitfire so much. She’s, like, the greatest pony ever! Have you seen that inverted loop she does in her routine? And she pulls that off just in a breeze.”

“I know, I’ve been to the show with you. And I’m sure you’ll get there one day. But you’re still a filly. You tried your best – nopony can ask for more than that, remember?”

“I’m Rainbow Dash. I can do better than my best! I have to if I want to get into the Wonderbolts, anyway.”

“But if you keep pushing yourself so hard you might get hurt!”

“I’m not scared.”

“But I am! Oh, what would I do if something happened to you?”

Rainbow Dash looked at Fluttershy for a moment, then rested her head on her shoulder.

“Please,” Fluttershy said, “don’t be too hard with yourself. I think your performance was just lovely, and Princess Celestia looked really impressed, too.”

Rainbow sighed. “You’re right. I’ll just train until I get the Rainboom right and then, when I come back, I’ll be awarded as best young flier for sure!”

“That’s the spirit! And remember, you can always come to me if you’re having a hard time; there’s no need for you to hide yourself away.”

Rainbow Dash grinned and nearly crushed Fluttershy’s ribs with a hug. “You know what? Actually, Spitfire isn’t the greatest pony ever. You are, Fluttershy.”

Tears had begun to roll down Fluttershy’s cheeks without her noticing. She couldn’t imagine living without Rainbow Dash. She needed to get her back.

She wiped at her face and sat up. This was not how it ended. After all the time they’d spent together. The fights they’d fought side by side and the joy they’d shared. No argument in the world could keep them apart, not if she could help it.

And for the first time, Fluttershy realized something. She literally craved for the mare. She wanted to be close to her again, and closer even.

To hear her voice talking to her calmly. To snuggle up to her.

To feel her breath against her nose.

And then …

Her cheeks burned. The mare in the mirror reddened.

“Oh, my.”

Part 3 - What She Wants

Fluttershy was walking down the road to Ponyville. Birds came flying up to her to chirp her their greeting, but she didn’t pay them any mind. Through her head went only one question: how had she fallen for Rainbow Dash? She’d spent most of the night thinking about that question, but the only thing she’d gotten out of that was a headache and not enough sleep.

This wasn’t fair. With Big Mac it had been different; she hadn’t even really known him at the time – she still barely did – and even though she’d been heartbroken, the memory of it felt shallow in comparison to what she was going through right now. Rainbow Dash wasn’t just some good-looking and likable pony for her to lose her heart to; she was also her best friend. Or, used to be anyway, Fluttershy wasn’t quite sure where they sat now.

But she couldn’t change the way she was feeling, no matter how hard she tried. She wasn’t sure if she’d rather talk to Rainbow or seek distance – but then, the latter would mean giving up on everything they’d had, and Fluttershy just couldn’t bring herself to do that. That was why, as soon as her animals had been taken care of in the morning, she’d left to search for Rainbow and put things back in order. Somehow.

She’d hoped to find Rainbow Dash at home – actually, she’d half expected her to be still asleep – but the cloud house had been empty, with no sign of its resident. Which meant one of two things; she was either out for training, or in town.

As Ponyville came nearer, Fluttershy saw the branches of the giant tree that was the library peeking over the rooftops. It had always been one of the first things that would come into sight; peeking into a blue sky, shaking in a storm, or even wearing a crown of snow. It had been but a week ago that Fluttershy had come here last, right before all the trouble had started. Now, she felt like somepony else entirely. Whether that was a good or a bad thing she wasn’t sure; either way, things had been easier before.

She set her eyes on the door. Fluttershy had always envied Twilight a little for living in a tree like a squirrel, or a little bird. When she’d just moved to her cottage, she would hide in between the library’s sweeping branches until the robin family that used to live here and the jay from across the street would come and convince her that it was safe to go on. She wished she could go back to that habit, but she knew well enough that she would only embarrass herself.

Just as she reached the door it swung open, and Applejack almost ran into her.

“Whoops, sorry.”

“Applejack!” After what had happened the last time Fluttershy had seen her she was more than a little anxious, but Applejack was smiling towards her as warmly as ever.

“Fluttershy, what a coincidence. Ah’ve just talked to Twilight about, well, recently. You see …” Her ears drooped a bit. “Ah’ve done an awful lot of thinkin’ and Ah reckon Ah’ve made quite a fool out of mahself. You know, even if mah barn door ain’t swingin’ that way, it was wrong to say others couldn’t feel differently – Ah really should’ve seen that when y’all were tryin’ to tell me. And Ah’m sorry that you had to be part of that argument with mah brother; Ah’m making it up to him as soon as Ah see him, promise.”

“We all say things we regret,” Fluttershy replied, with a hint of bitterness. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Thank you. So, Ah guess Ah’ll be searchin’ for –” Applejack’s eyes narrowed. “Pinkie, what in tarnation are you doin’?”

Fluttershy turned around, to spot a certain pink pony who had apparently just materialized behind them and was watching them with a giant bag of popcorn in her hooves.

“Don’t mind me, go on with what you were about to say.”

“And what exactly was I about to say?” Applejack asked.

“I can’t tell that, silly, that would be a spoiler!” She tossed some popcorn into her mouth and looked at them in expectation.

None of them moved.

“Oh come on, you’ve got to tell her about your feelings!”

“Pinkie, what in the name of Celestia are you talkin’ about?”

Pinkie cocked her head. “Wait, you’re not secretly in love with each other?”

“For pony’s sake! We’re both as straight as an espalier apple tree and you know that!”

“Um, you are, anyway,” Fluttershy remarked quietly. “But still, it’s not like you think, Pinkie.”

“Yeah, what she –” Apple began, then stumbled. “Wait a sec, what do you mean?”

Fluttershy’s wings cramped and tucked up uncomfortably to her sides. Heat rose into her cheeks. Suddenly, the door to the library opened, and Twilight stuck out her head. “Could you guys please move this somewhere else? Ponies are trying to work in here!”

Pinkie looked between her and Applejack, a mischievous smile forming on her face.

“Pinkie, you quit that nonsense this instant,” Applejack grunted.

Fluttershy said nothing.

“Okay, maybe that wasn’t it,” Pinkie Pie mused. “But something is going to happen, I just know it! My pinkie sense has been given me the strangest combinations lately.”

“Would you mind telling me what’s going on?” Twilight demanded. Applejack just shrugged. Pinkie had returned to her popcorn.

“Um …” They looked at Fluttershy. Finding herself in the sudden center of attention, she shrunk down a little, but stood her ground.

“Fluttershy,” Twilight asked, “do you have something that you want to tell us?”

She took a deep breath.

“I like mares.”

Pinkie’s chewing intensified.

“That’s, um, good for you I guess?” Twilight stuttered. You could virtually hear the gears working inside of her head.

Applejack had grown pale, staring onto the ground. “Shoot, Fluttershy. Ah really had no idea, no wonder you were so sensitive about the topic. Ah promise, if you find yourself somepony, and if it’s some nice ‘n purdy mare or not, Ah’ll be happy for you. You’re mah friend after all.”

“It’s okay, Applejack, I’m glad you feel that way.” She stepped forward and hugged her friend, which Applejack gladly returned.

“But right now,” Fluttershy continued, “I really need to talk to Rainbow Dash. Does anypony know where she is?”

Applejack and Twilight shook her head.

“Oh, I know where she is!” Pinkie cheered. “She’s right above us, searching for you!”

Fluttershy looked up and was just able to catch a glimpse of a something before it touched down right next to her, accompanied by an audible thump and a flash of rainbow colors.

Rainbow Dash was catching her breath. The strands of her mane were loose and tangled after the flight, and her coat could need a brushing or two as well; in her hooves she held a bouquet of lilies, which had also suffered a little from the high speed. But Fluttershy only briefly took notice of that; she had her eyes elsewhere, getting lost somewhere in the elegant curves of her wings, or was it the soft feathers, or the radiant colors of her mane, or … Fluttershy realized she was staring and got a hold of herself.

“See –” she began just as Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to speak. They both stopped and looked at each other awkwardly. The faint noise of popcorn being chomped reached Fluttershy’s ears.

Rainbow Dash’s hoof picked the ground, then she coyly offered the flowers to Fluttershy. “I came to apologize. Like, for real. I-I know this isn’t gonna make everything okay again, and to be honest, I don’t expect you to forgive me. I know I messed up and gave you a really hard time, and I deserve everything you said to me but … I know you like flowers so I just hope that these make you feel maybe a little better.”

Fluttershy took the lilies and smelled them, hiding her face behind them so nopony could see how flustered she was. The white petals were covered with dewdrops from flying through the clouds, making them sparkle in the sunlight. Even after a rough flight, they were still beautiful.

“I like them. But you didn’t have to, really; I was upset, and I-I shouldn’t have been so hard on you.”

“Don’t blame yourself, I was the one who messed up.”

“We both did.”

Rainbow’s eyes teared. “Does that mean t-that you can forgive me?”

“Rainbow Dash …” Fluttershy clutched the flowers. Stay put. “Rainbow Dash, I think I love you.”

In the distance, a piece of popcorn dropped onto the floor.

“A-Are you serious?”

Fluttershy nodded. “I’m so sorry, I know you said you don’t want me. It’s okay if we just …” Her vision got blurry, reducing the pony in front of her to a palette of rainbow colors.

“You know I’m usually not one for the mushy stuff and, actually, screw that, ‘cause this is so worth it.” Fluttershy felt a pair of forelegs wrapping around her neck, pulling her close.

“What are you –”

“I love you too, duh.”

“But you said –”

“Yeah, and I lied. Dumb idea, come to think of it now, but I was too afraid to lose you, especially when I thought you were …”

“I know. I was afraid, too.”

“You didn’t give in to it, though. Even if you hid yourself away for a couple days and all that, in the end.” She squeezed Fluttershy tightly, then drew back to look her into the eyes. “You’re a much braver pony than I am.”

“Brave? I’m afraid of my own shadow!”

“I know! And I know that sometimes it’s hard for you to just go outside. But somehow you put up with all that and I have no idea how you do it. Really, you’re amazing, Fluttershy.”

A warm sensation poured down Fluttershy’s back. Rainbow Dash thought she was amazing.

Rainbow Dash loved her.

“Now just tell me this isn’t a dream,” Rainbow pleaded. “I don’t think I could take waking up right now.”

Fluttershy smiled and, before the other mare knew what happened, leaned forward, searching for Rainbow’s lips with her own. The world around them disappeared as she closed her eyes, leaving behind nothing but the two of them. This was certainly no dream – the contact of their bodies felt too real, and so did the warm taste of the lips locked with hers.

It took some time for Fluttershy to remember they weren’t alone. She slowly opened her eyes and, being the brave pony she was, ignored the voice inside of her that told her to run away. Instead, she nestled against Rainbow’s side, comforted by a large blue wing.

Blame it on coincidence or on the mysterious and magical connection their destinies shared, but in that exact moment, a mountain of shopping bags floating towards them announced the arrival of the one pony missing in their round: Rarity.

“Why, are we having some kind of get-together I forgot about?” Her gaze fell upon Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash and her eyes grew wide with excitement. “Oh. Ooh! This is marvelous! I must admit even I did not expect it to happen that fast.”

“W-what do you mean?” Fluttershy stuttered.

“Oh darling, it was just obvious! I don’t mean to sound supercilious, but what was going on with you two was there for everypony to see who possesses a sense for romance.” Fluttershy looked around, but apparently Rarity seemed to be the only one of her friends with a sense like that.

She turned towards Rainbow Dash again, who was searching for her gaze.

“Fluttershy, you wanna go? I kinda feel like having some privacy.”

Fluttershy nodded. The prospect of being alone with Rainbow Dash in some nice, quiet place made her heart jump in her chest.

This was what she wanted.

They took leave of their friends, each of which hugged them tightly before releasing the couple to fly away. Fluttershy had never felt so light when taking off. She could only think of Rainbow Dash. Of the mare that made her brave. The one pony that she knew would always be there for her. Her marefriend.

Rainbow Dash was what she wanted.

Author's Note

So we seem to have reached the end of my first horsefiction. I've actually written it a long time ago (spring 2013), but never touched it until some months ago, when I found that it was actually worth putting some editing work into. And that I did!

I'd like to thank my proofreaders; Mr Desavlos for the patience with my language quirks and sudden revisions as well as all the things I learned, and TheEarthSheep-Senpai for putting up with way too many ellipses, pushing me towards the right path for this story, and generally blowing me up with comments. Arigatou! It's been fun working on this one with you guys.

For me, though, this is not an ending - it's a beginning. So many ships, so little time ...

I hope this has been a pleasure to you, dear reader, as much as it's been to me, and I hope I'll see you around!