Shining Armor adjusted his suit as he looked at himself in the full-length mirror on the back of the bedroom door. A tailored white suit and slacks clung perfectly to his wiry, powerful body, despite the years since Cadance had bought him the costume as a joke when he was promoted to Captain of the Royal Guard. The fedora, the buckle of its red band flashing in the dim light of the room, flew through the air from the bed and he caught in in his magical grip, floating it onto his head at the perfect angle.
“So, how do I look?” He asked, glancing back over his shoulder at Fleur Dis Lee. The pale, leggy supermodel gave him a sultry smile, adjusting her Vamponella costume to better conceal her arousal. Not that there was much to adjust, or much ‘costume’ for that matter; it was practically a thong built into suspenders that barely covered enough of her ample breasts to be street legal.
“Good enough that your wife’s lucky I don’t mind sharing, as long as I know ahead of time,” Fleur purred, standing up and sauntering over to him with just enough sway in her hips to promise her costume might slip, but not let it actually do so.
“No she isn’t,” Shining observed, even as he tipped her muzzle up towards his and kissed her deeply. “I am, though,” he added with a cheeky grin. Fleur giggled and pressed her gloved hands into his chest through his suit, claiming another heated kiss that let Shining taste himself on her breath. He couldn’t help but smirk inwardly; how could any stallion object to that taste? Fancy’s loss, and not the only one he’d suffer tonight.
“Get going, Captain,” she rumbled as she finally pulled back. “I have to finish freshening up, before somebody comes to inform me of my tragic loss.”
“You know, he might just go peacefully,” Shining reminded her.
“Mmm... maybe,” she admitted. “But if that’s the case… well, your informant did warn you that he has a shoulder holster, didn’t she? Right behind his wallet too.”
“I think she just did,” Shining chuckled darkly, running a powerful hand up Fleur’s slender arm, caressing her neck against the grain her of pure white fur. His thumb slid out, grazing the hollow of her throat before he pressed down lightly, just enough to put some pressure on her windpipe.
“If I ever even think that you’re trying to set Cadance up like this, you’re a dead mare.” His blue eyes, normally so warm and inviting, were cold and hard as sapphire as he stared into her own pale purple ones. “Do you understand me?” He tightened his grip ever so slightly to make his point, making it difficult for her to breathe. He could feel her pulse racing beneath his touch, but his nose told him that it was more arousal than fear that sped her heart.
“Perfectly,” she whispered. Shining released his grip, letting her step back so that he could slip out of the door, smoothing out his jacket and looking for his quarry.
It was time to put an end to this, once and for all.
~~~===~~~
It was time to end this. She just couldn’t take it anymore, not even for her. Vinyl Scratch, white fur standing out starkly against the neon blue of her Trot lightsuit costume, stood at the door to Fancy Pants’ library, trying the knob.
Locked, damn it. Vinyl almost sobbed, her hand trembling as she tried it again, and again, more and more frantically, as though she could rip the door open through sheer force of will.
She probably could have, at that, if not for how incredibly weak she felt.
“Keep it together, Scratch,” she whispered to herself, wrapping her arms around her middle and thinking. How could she get inside?
One of Sweetie’s old mystery novels came to her, and the DJ almost laughed at the ridiculousness of the idea. But it was better than nothing. She slipped a hand into one of the carefully hidden pockets of her costume, coming out with a spare bobby pin that she’d brought along in case Sweetie lost one, and knelt in front of the door. She lifted her glasses, resting them behind her horn and revealing dull, disturbingly flat, almost glassy grey eyes.
This is going to look so bad if somebody catches you, she thought to herself as she straightened the pin and started to pick the lock. She looked closely at the antique keyhole, hoping that she could get some glimpse of what was going on inside, but quickly switched to listening to the door carefully. Her hearing had been blasted by years of too much music playing too loud all around her, but she still had a musician’s ear for detail, for things that sounded wrong. The pin probing at the tumblers was just such a detail.
This would be so much easier if I could just use magic. Unfortunately, she had no such crutch right now. Scratch paused to wipe her brow of sweat, returning her glasses to their proper place and returning to work. Just a little bit further, and she could fix that. She could feel the magic in the next room, singing out to her, a familiar siren’s song of comfort and an end to the last few miserable weeks. The final tumbler of the simple lock fell into place, and this time Vinyl did let out a sob of relief, pushing the door open, leaving the mangled bobby pin in the lock as she flew to her hooves and darted into the room, following the seductive tune that had drawn her here.
It only took the seasoned addict a moment to find her quarry. She’d hidden enough vials herself over the years to know what made a good hiding spot that was still easy to reach when you needed a fix. She never would have taken Fancy for a zaphead, but right now she didn’t, couldn’t care about the fact that she was stealing from one of the richest, most powerful stallions in Canterlot. A stallion who’d proven to have a very dangerous secret that he surely wouldn’t have trusted to the likes of the trembling DJ in his library. She couldn’t care about Octavia, or the look on the gray mare’s face when she’d said goodbye. She couldn’t care about Sweetie, who had been so proud of her when she’d said she was going to quit, who’d forgiven her, who’d trusted her, who trusted her when she said she was just going to find the little filly’s room and freshen up almost twenty minutes before.
All she cared about was the tiny, one-ounce vial in her hand, rainbow-striped liquid swirling inside of it. The zap shone like a candle in the dark library, its varicolored light radiating over Vinyl’s face and painting her with color. She could already feel the power inside as she fumbled around the room, looking for the kit that she knew had to be there, heedless of the noise she was making as books were dropped, knick-knacks knocked over, cushions flung out of the way. Why would somebody like Fancy Pants have vials of the stuff stashed but not have any way to take it?
Giving up, Vinyl ripped the top off of the vial, inhaling the sharp smell of apple-scented alcohol and raw magic.
This would be better. Sweetie wouldn’t be suspicious because her mood improved too quickly. She wouldn’t be as giddy and light-headed. And she wouldn’t have the hangover afterwards, since her liver could get its say in how things went.
Yeah… this would be better.
“Vinyl!” The pale unicorn cringed as she heard Sweetie’s voice from the entrance to the library.
Well, so much for not getting caught, Vinyl thought sourly, tightening her grip around the glass, hoping to hide the light.
“Hey, honey,” she murmured sickly, knowing that there was no way she was talking her way out of this. Maybe she could just play it off as a prank? No, Sweetie wasn’t that stupid. Only one thing to do.
“What happened in – no!” Sweetie gasped as she saw the vial in Vinyl’s hand, recognizing the bright glow from the doorway. Before she could do anything, Vinyl Scratch had poured the contents into her muzzle, the taste of apples erupting into her sinuses. She clutched at her throat as the blend burned its way down, gasping with her eyes wide behind her shades.
Shit! Too strong!
“Vinyl, what’s wrong?” Sweetie demanded, running over to her older marefriend. “What happened?”
Vinyl coughed, her throat still burning as her body fought instinctively to reject what was hurting it so badly. She’d expected a delay before the drug would kick in, nothing more painful than taking a shot. She’d never gotten anything more than that on the rare occasion she’d taken a hit that way. She knew instinctively why she hadn’t though.
“Sweet,” the DJ rasped, gasping for breath, her shades falling off as another wracking cough doubled her over forcefully.
“I’m right here, honey, what’s wrong?” Sweetie demanded, tears glistening on her cheeks in the LED neon light of their matching costumes. Scratch looked up, and Sweetie gasped at the brilliant rainbow glow coming from them.
“Sweet stuff!” Scratch warned her, just before her horn started to crackle and glow uncontrollably.
Unwilling to run, Sweetie instead lunged towards Vinyl, clinging to her and bracing for the surge of magic to come.
~~~===~~~
Prince Blueblood grinned as he noticed his prey in the main hall of the party. He walked towards a white unicorn guard, wearing the traditional golden armor of his post rather than the more commonplace suit and shades that came with the modern job.
“Well, well, Lieutenant Standing Guard, if I’m not mistaken?” Blueblood tittered, his voice a high falsetto. The guard glanced at him, then did a double-take as he recognized Prince Blueblood, dressed in leather boots and arm guards, wearing a fur cape, and most obviously a very revealing chainmail bikini, the bottom half likely quite uncomfortably filled with the stallion’s sheath, the upper half laden with what looked to be a pair of cantaloupes that had been painted white.
“You’ve got to be shitting me,” Standing Guard muttered after he’d finished picking up his jaw. “Blue?”
“Princess Blueblood, we’re in public,” the ‘Princess’ corrected him teasingly, primping ‘her’ now femininely-styled mane. “And before you ask, no, it wasn’t Bulk’s idea. But he’s around here somewhere dressed as Ponan the Barbarian, and I thought it was fitting. Have you seen him? I wanted to surprise him.”
“Over by the buffet table, but you might just scare him off in that getup,” Standing smirked. “Seriously, that is… horrifying,” he decided not to varnish his opinion any.
“Yes, well, if I do scare him off, I suppose I’ll need some brave Equestrian guard to come keep me from pillaging the entire celebration In retaliation, won’t I?” Blueblood winked and turned around, his cape just short enough to show a seductive sway to his hips as he walked off, flipping his tail back and forth to offer tantalizing glimpses of the flanks Standing knew oh so very well..
“Well, I’m glad to see part of the Royal Guard is standing at attention,” Shining Armor observed wryly as he appeared out of the crowd. Standing jumped at his former Commander’s voice, first making eye contact, and then following Shining’s eyes down to the bulging panels of his armored skirt.
“Sir, you know that the traditional armor didn’t have undergarments with it until the formation of the EUP,” Standing blushed, bringing his ceremonial spear around in front of himself to keep the unruly panels in place. “The Princess did specify that she wanted any guards appearing in it to stick to pre-Banishment garb, out of respect for Princess Luna.”
“Mhm,” Shining smirked, “and I’m sure that your ‘barbarian princess’ there has no ideas about luring you off to take advantage of that little costuming detail.” Standing Guard cracked a grin back at Shining.
“On the contrary, sir, I’m sure she has every idea about doing so. But I’m not entirely convinced that you’re in a position to reprimand me tonight!” He joked. Shining stiffened, his eyes going hard and cold, and his flippant subordinate felt all need to keep that spear in place vanish, his posture stiffening while other parts of him retreated entirely. “I’m sorry, sir, but… well, I did hear that you were seen walking off with one of the maids earlier, and I know about… uhm….”
Shining relaxed slightly, rolling his eyes.
“I was checking on preparations, Lieutenant. Making sure that Princess Celestia was safe. She assured me that Fancy Pants had personally overseen the preparations. Speaking of our host, where is he? I want to make sure he’s thought of all the contingencies a party like this brings on beyond the usual.”
“Last I heard, sir, the Master Bedroom,” Standing replied with a professionally clip. “He was disappearing up the stairs with one of the guests, pink pegasus mare he was calling ‘Pristine’ dressed in a powder blue opera gown. She’d just shared a dance with the ‘Phantom’ that I suspect they were going to continue in private.”
“Did anybody else overhear him?” Shining asked with a scowl.
“I doubt it, sir. I tagged him when we met at the briefing, but haven’t heard anything since… well, my mic’s aren’t that useful through a pile of fabric, particularly not when there’s as much velvet piled on top of it as was in that dress. Thing looked like a period antique. I’ve been on the main comm channel since,” he pointed out, tapping his carefully concealed earpiece.
“Right. Well, I’ll go have a word with Mister Pants about keeping his on when he’s partly responsible for the Princess’ safety,” Shining muttered, turning and stalking off.
Standing let out a relieved breath and relaxed slightly.
Sheesh, he thought to himself. Hate to be that poor sap when the Captain catches him.
~~~===~~~
Fancy Pants straightened his suit as the shower in the linked bathroom ran, looking smugly in the full length mirror that sat next to his antique four-poster bed. He smirked slightly, tracing his fingers around the new notches lovingly worked into the wood by the cuffs he’d been using just minutes before.
Well, not that he’d been using, per se… the mare he’d been using was actually the one using them. But that was a matter of semantics he didn’t have any particular patience for at the moment. Not when he had a party to get back to, before he was missed.
“Almost ready, my dear?” He called out over his shoulder.
“Fancy, we’re not going back down to the party together,” a gentle, amused voice called out from the shower. “It’s bad enough you convinced Miss Skies to leave in your company!”
“I suppose you’re right,” he chuckled, making a few last adjustments before donning his half-mask again. “In that case dear, I’ll see you downstairs!” He turned and walked over to the door, opening it only to find Shining Armor on the other side, badge in one hand, Colt semiautomatic in the other, an insufferable grin on the younger colt’s smug face.
“Fancy Pants, you’re under arrest for conspiracy to distribute a substance banned by Royal Lunar Decree for being injurious to the public at large,” Shining announced. “And you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to say that.”
“Oh, I imagine since you started sleeping with my wife,” Fancy countered smoothly, raising his hands almost mockingly. The smug look on Shining’s face turned to shock, drawing a smirk from the Very Important Pony. “What, you didn’t think I knew? What sort of supposed ‘drug kingpin’ doesn’t know exactly who it is the Captain of the Royal Guard is bedding in his free time? No hard feelings old chap, I can hardly blame you. Rather flattering, as a matter of fact, that the stallion who married the Princess of Love thinks my leftovers are worth risking his honor for.” Two pairs of blue eyes were locked on one another, each searching for the chink in the other’s armor, some hint of weakness that could shift the balance of power.
“Step out of the room and assume the position, Mister Pants,” Shining ordered him. Fancy laughed, rolling his eyes.
“Oh, come, Captain Armor, surely we can come to an understanding. If it’s Fleur you’re after, I already told you, I couldn’t care less. My lawyer’s downstairs; I’ll have divorce papers ready for her to sign before the last round of drinks is served. Of course, she’ll be left with nothing but her rather salacious costume… oh, wait, I bought that for her as well, didn’t I? Pre-nups are such nuisances, but I suppose the law is the law. That is what you’re here to enforce, isn’t it, Captain?” Fancy asked him sarcastically, emphasizing the young stallion’s rank.
“Well, if your lawyer’s downstairs, he’ll be able to review your arrest warrant,” Shining muttered through clenched teeth, tucking his badge back into his costume. “Now, get out here, you scum-sucking piece of filth.”
“My, my, I do believe you’re upset. If it’s Fleur’s finances you’re concerned with, I’ll sweeten the deal. A clean, no-fault divorce, and I’ll write out a check for fifty thousand bits, just to keep her in caviar and champagne until you tire of her. It shouldn’t take long; may I fetch my wallet?” Fancy asked, carefully reaching with his left hand to peel back the lapel of his coat.
“Oh, by all means, please do,” Shining grinned viciously. Fancy hesitated, sensing the change in the Captain’s demeanor.
Well, well… so this *is** a straight up setup. Good taste, Fleur!*
“What’s going on out here?” An all-too familiar voice asked firmly from behind Fancy Pants. Shining Armor glanced to the side, and his jaw very nearly hit the floor as he saw Princess Celestia, still damp from the shower and very much still nude, stepping out into the room. Fancy took advantage of Shining’s distraction, stepping back into the bedroom and flicking his right arm down towards Shining Armor. The Captain refocused as he heard a ‘click’ and the sound of casters sliding along metal.
An instant later, the two stallions were face to face, each with a gun pointed at the face of the other.
“Colt 9 mm semi-auto?” Fancy asked, eying the barrel pointed levelly between his eyes.
“Colt .44, actually, I upgraded after the wedding. Desert Griffon .50 caliber? Seriously?”
“I happen to appreciate fine craftsmanship,” Fancy observed dryly.
“Like I said, seriously?”
The two stallions stood, wondering who it was that would give the other an opening first, while Celestia watched from behind them. Fancy heard a dull crashing from his library down the hall, and raised an eyebrow.
“Seriously? You’re having your men ransack my house already?” Shining wasn’t sure what was going on either, but he wasn’t about to let on. Celestia, on the other hand, was far less amused with the situation before her.
“Oh for My sake, would you two please just put those foolish things away before somepony gets killed?” She demanded, her horn glowing as she caught both weapons in her grip.
Just then, a scream sounded from the same direction as the crashing. Shining and Fancy both looked reflexively, their weapons disabled, only to see a wall of coruscating, rainbow-colored magic tearing the walls apart as it raced down the hall towards them.
When did a simple plan get so ridiculously out of hand? Shining had time to wonder before the sphere crashed into them all.
