Everyone’s favorite filly unicorn, Sweetie Belle, had just finished walking home after an exciting day at school because Equestria is a poor country who can’t afford to manufacture buses. She was all tuckered out because of the aforementioned exciting day and the walking home, so she was eager to get to bed. She’d be eager anyway, because bed time is masturbation time, but you get the idea.
She unlocked the door and went inside. She used her naturally evolved pathfinding skills to navigate her way past Rarity’s maze of crap, then used her legs to walk up the stairs. As she walked down the hallway, she passed Rarity’s door. This happens every evening and is not an event that Sweetie Balls thinks about very often. On this day, however, she heard some very odd noises coming from behind the door.
“Rarity, what the fuck are you doing?” yelled Sweaty Belle.
“Dammit, Sweetie Belle, fuck off!” was what her unicorn filly ears heard from behind the door of boredom (we’ll leave the door of destiny for another story).
“Okay laugh out loud.”, as always, was her response.
Sweetie Belle continued down the hallway of hallness, stopped at her door, rotated, opened the door, entered the room, and closed the door (quietly, of course). She continued walking forward and stopped at her bed. This bed shall remain undescribed because fuck imagination. She got onto this undescribed bed and masturbated for a while, licked it all off of her delicious little filly unicorn master race hooves, and went to Sleep Land™.
Sweetie Belle awoke at an undisclosed amount of time later because of a midnight urge to masturbate again. She heard those odd noises again, but louder this time [sound intensifies]. They sounded less like odd noises and more like even noises. She quickly fapped to her futa Scootaloo fantasies, then went out into the hallway to listen to the now-even noises. To do this, she got off of her bed, walked to her bedroom door, stopped, opened the door, walked forward a bit more, and rotated in the direction of Rarity’s bedroom door.
Due to the amplified intensity of the even sounds, it was more obvious what the sounds be. She hastily scootered to Rarity’s door, did a sneaky wank lol, and opened said door.
What she saw shocked her to her rotten water-burning core.
Meanwhile, Nicolas Cage was doing his weekly visit with Twilight Sparkle. Spoiler alert: they boned. It was hot.
Sweetie Belle gazed upon the shocking scene in horrified horror of abjectness. Rarity, the prettiest pony of them all, was being unpretty! She was squishy and covered with an unknown white, sticky fluid.
Also, she was literally eating her own hoof and watching it grow back.
“Sweetie Belle, I told you to fuck off!” yelled Mistress Rarity!!!
“But I’m a curious little filly who pokes her nose into shit that ain’t her business!” whined Sweaty Belle!
“If you like shit so much, why don’t you eat it?” said Rarity, who magically used magic to grab Sweetie Belle.
“No, mate, what are you doing?” complained Sweetie Belle.
“EAT SHIT! HUEHUEHUE!” was the only response she heard before the cute, fuzzy mouth opening on her face was squashed against Rarity’s ponut. The ponut opened, and Sweetie Belle felt shit coming out. Her mouth was forced open by the magical magic, and shit started entering her mouth. It tasted like… Nutella®. Sweetie Belle was so pleased by this that she started swallowing it as fast as she could. This made Rarity “unf~” with pleasure.
“I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash, I just don’t think your story has much appeal to it.” said Twilight Sparkle.
“Huh? Why the fuck not‽” complained Rainbow Dash!
“Well, Rainbow Dash, it has a chronic lack of authentic shit-flavored shit. It could do with a dash of piss, too.”
Applejack was walking to her brother’s room, which she had never seen inside of before, to ask him for a favor of sexual nature. She arrived and, instead of rappa-tappaing the door, rudely barged inside.
“Hay mate, I ‘av' a ques—the fuck are you doin’?” she surprisingly said.
Big Macaroni was in front of his typewriter, wanking away at something that had recently come out of it.
Non-locality requires exploration.
Poop is the knowledge of sexual activity, and of us. You and I are seekers of the metapenis.
Have you found your vagina?
By masturbating, we grow. Life is a constant. The goal of ultrasonic urine is to plant the seeds of xenon tetrafluoride rather than pony butts.
If you have never experienced this reimagining devoid of self, it can be difficult to cum. How should you navigate this life-affirming multiverse? Entity, look within and harden yourself.
We are at a crossroads of freedom and pain. Ponykind has nothing to lose. Throughout history, humans have been interacting with the world via transmissions of sperm and eggs.
We can no longer afford to live without these great offerings.
Who be us? Where on the great journey will we be re-poopified? Our conversations with other coprophiliacs have led to a deepening of hyper-zero-point consciousness. We are in the midst of a quantum redefining of sex that will clear a path toward the infinite itself.
Da quantum cycle is callin' ta you via chaos-driven erections. Yo ass betta hear it, biatch? Although you may not realize it, yo ass is infinite. Well shiiiit, it can be hard as fuck ta know where ta begin.
You will soon be awakened by a power deep within yourself — a power that is endlessly psychic and sexual. You must take a stand against dispoopinuity. Yes, it is possible to exterminate the things that can delete us, but not without The Doctor on our side.
Liquid pride came into Applejack’s eyes from Big Mac’s stallionboner. This gave Applejack her first-ever mareboner. She shoved it inside of Small Macintosh’s urethra and thrusted like she had never thrusted before. She came in 10 seconds flat with her 20 percent cooler marecum.
Author's Note
Original version that did not pass moderation 
