One Tree in the Whitetail Woodsby SketchbeamChaptersBeginningsMoving InAlex's Journal Part 1Vibrant's Journal Part 1Alex's Journal Part 2Vibrant's Journal Part 2Happy BirthdayTensionThe Whitetail WoodsBeginningsThe Whitetail Woods glistened under the rays of the flickering sun. As the clouds lazed in the sky, they caught the sunlight from above, which gave them a glowing outline as they passed over the leaves of the canopy. Droplets gently sprayed from those clouds, dampening a spot that was well-worn from travel. If an individual happened by however, they would not be able to see anything but the path that led to it. Near the spot lay a green tree as common as the others in the woods, unremarkable in all aspects especially for its lone occupant sitting under it. He had short, black hair that reached down to the nape of his neck. Slender in build, his gangly arms reached out from under him to rest on his head for a few minutes before plopping down near his sides. Water dripped from the tree to rest on the man’s unworn features; he did not bother to wipe those droplets off. Despite being young, his black-brown eyes looked weary and unfocused, as they simply stared into the foliage. Since he carried no umbrella, his blue coat, cap, tie, shirt, and dress trousers were all slightly darker in color and uncomfortably damp. He paid the feeling no mind, except for the wetness in his black socks and shoes. His name tag read Alex Nguyen. Eventually, he shifted his weight forward and stood up, with his waterproof bag at his side. “Well, that is it then. Another day is done.” Today it has been a month since I moved here. “It does not mean anything.” I know. But I was planning to change something about today. “Yet no one has taken you up on the room you posted for rent two weeks ago. What makes you think today is different?” I do not know why but this place has been much more open and friendly then I would have thought. “True, but it seems these individuals in this community do not need housing.” Come on now, do not be like this! The ad has been up in Ponyville for two weeks already. Someone will answer it. “I suppose. But what happened in college could happen again. What then?” Look, you may be downcast now, but the storm will blow over eventually. Even now, you can see the rays of sunlight blasting through the shadows of the clouds above. I bet that if you walk over to town hall right now someone will have at least answered your ad. Putting his hands up in defense, Alex relented, “Alright. Alright. I’m going.” Half an hour later, Alex stood in front the bulletin board of town hall to find his advertisement missing one slip of paper; he gaped at the missing slip as if the ground opened up to reveal a collection of gems before his feet. As he walked back home to read over the personal information the ad instructed potential tenants to leave on his door, Alex took in the sight of his residence. It had one bathroom, one kitchen, and two rooms that were each so small that a regular-sized bed encompassed one-half of the room. The interior of the single-story house was in desperate need of a fresh coat of paint, in addition to a need for plaster; there were water-stained holes near the piping. The rooms were also sparsely populated with furniture, although that had more to do with the spartan taste of the lone inhabitant. On the outside of the house, the conditions were different. Chipped paint, cracked windows, and creaky door repulsed all those who would have entered the residence, if those individuals existed in the first place. Alex lifted the notice pinned to his door and muttered to himself, “Let us see here … wow. My potential roommate wants to move in within the week if possible. That is unreal. I have not even met this individual yet. I wonder if he is strapped for bits or something …” As he opened the door to sit down, he pondered about what to do. The potential for more bits was not a concern, but the readiness of his roommate to move in scared him. But as he reread the notice, the words ‘would like to meet you at the Golden Mondegreen to seal the deal today at 4:00pm’ appeared before him. Oh. That made more sense to him. Yet those words did not comfort him as he was struck by fear again. He whispered to himself, “Okay, okay, it’s just a meeting. Nothing more. All I am doing is meeting someone new to try and make friends with. That was the whole point in doing this. It will just be like college … save one part I hope.” As the clock ticked by, Alex realized he had about four hours until the meeting. “I guess I should put on a good show for any potential tenants then. I will make a stop to the hardware store.” One mare was not entertaining the idea of having lunch, as twelve o’clock rang throughout Ponyville. She was instead too busy panicking to herself. Oh, I hope my landlord is nice. But not too nice. I don’t need to be friends, I just need a place to live. So what matters is that I make a good first impression in our meeting. I mean I’ve met his neighbors already and they’ve told me he seems nice enough even though he just moved in a month ago. She straightened up her suit as she gazed in the mirror. Blue eyes stared back. Her red mane was tied off in a bun behind her crest while her tail stuck out over her dark, blue skirt, unadorned. Forehooves pressed against the lapels of her dark blue business coat, moved over her small, golden pearl earrings, and her white dress blouse to smooth it against her beige coat. Her cutie mark was a wavy fern frond. Every lapel, every piece of jewelry, every article of clothing had to be in place and checked. Vibrant Flourish clutched a set a papers close to her suit. They were every official document she needed to sign the contract with her potential new landlord. In addition, she carried a small satchel of bits for the first down payment. Alright. I’ve practiced my spiel of why I should be a tenant. I have everything I need to make this work. And then in a few years, everything will be complete. I just need to keep my head down until then. Until four o’clock. She thought of the time when she lived in the Manehattan apartment complex a few months ago. She thought of all of the conversation that led to her expulsion. “But I’ve been on time with my payments and everything! You’re kicking me out for no reason!” As the landlord paced around her office, she harshly spat out, “Ms. Flourish … you have been on time. But you are being evicted for a different reason: breach of your contract. It specifically says that you …” “Those claims are false! You’re giving me trumped up charges just so you can kick me out! Ever since you found out that I am a transmare, you have been treating me differently! Don’t you lie to me!” “Ms. Flourish, I cannot believe you would stoop to such outrageous claims with which to back your desire to stay here. However, if you feel so strongly about this then you should seek out the courts to settle this because I will maintain my previous stance.” A multitude of thoughts swam through Vibrant’s head. The main one was that if she fought this, she knew she could win. But she also knew that it would cost money. Money she needed for something else more important. She grimaced and threw out the words, “Fine. If I stop … ‘wasting’ your time, will you give me back my deposit?” “Of course. As I have said before, your breach of contract was caused by behavior, not due to property damage, so I do not think it would be right to withhold your deposit. Here.” A sizable amount of bits clinked together as the bag was set on the office desk. Vibrant wore a puzzled look. “Wait. Really? You’re going to give me back my deposit? I thought that you’d make up some reason to …” “I thought you would stop wasting my time. Take it and leave. You have until the end of the month to move out. By then another tenant will be ready to move in, one who should be able to respect the rules and norms this community of ours endorses.” Vibrant shook those thoughts out of her mind, and then turned to the clock to see it was only 12:30. She sat at her reading table, pulling out a journal and a pencil and paused before writing to think. After I left my parents and Fillydelphia, I wanted to seek out new ponies and places. So what if I was a little naïve, one day it’ll be better. The only thing to do now is to move on. Author's Note It's my first story. Criticize me. Please. I have no idea what I am doing. Moving InHis head slowly nodding further and further into his chest, Alex snapped out of his haze to look at the restaurant clock. It read 3:55. He shook his head and straightened his suit. As soon as he did, the chair next to him squealed and pulled away from the table. “Hello, my name is Vibrant Flourish. I believe you’re the landlord?” Alex briefly glanced at the paper Vibrant put down before replying, “Indeed, and it is very nice to meet you!” As he vigorously shook her hoof, he continued, “My name is Alex and I hope I listed everything you needed in that advertisement. And do not worry about the appearance of the property, since I will be renovating it within the month. So what were you looking to get out of this contract?” “A cheap place to live. It’s why I’m meeting with you.” “Fair enough. Now I know you have seen the house and asked the neighbors about it already, but I am sure you would like to see the inside as well, correct?” “Of course. Lead the way.” “Alright then! It will be a bit of a walk from here, so do you mind if I try to get to know you a little better?” “Alright. I moved out of my parents’ house as soon as I could and got a job. I didn't want to live in the city all my life, so I came here. It’s quaint and quiet; I like it here so far and the ponies here seem welcoming enough.” “That is good to hear! Um, uh, I notice that you like wearing clothing; I have not seen many individuals around here that wear clothing, aside from humans. It is an oddity.” “Yes … well, I feel that clothing helps me present the best of myself.” “I can tell. That suit looks rather fetching on you.” “Now you’re just flattering me. I appreciate it, but there's no need for it. I'm just interested in buying what you are selling.” “Oh. Alright. Well then, uh, we are here. Go ahead and take a look around while I grab you something to drink? What would you like?” “Some milk would be nice, thank you.” “You got it.” As Alex rummaged through the refrigerator, he thought of his potential tenant. Seems a little standoffish, but that is okay. I do not think it will cause any problems, plus she was the only one to answer the advertisement since I posted it. When Alex finished pouring, Vibrant returned. “It's rather small, but it's fine. If I sign the contract now, when would I be able to move in?” “Great, uh, let me check my calendar and I will let you know momentarily.” Vibrant drank from the glass, wondering about her new roommate. He seems nice enough. Maybe a little bit too friendly, but it shouldn't be a problem. I mean, he’s just trying to make a good first impression. Alex then faced her with the calendar. “Would Saturday be a good move-in date?” “That works.” “Good! Do you have any furniture or boxes that I could help you out with?” “No furniture, but if you want to help me with ten or so boxes, do you mind coming to this address Saturday morning? It’s where I’ve been storing my stuff since living in Manehattan.” “Wow. Planning ahead. That is pretty smart.” “Eh, thanks. Anyway, let me just sign my copy of the contact … avd dun. Ptooey! Here. Have a good day and thanks for the drink.” “Sure! See you in a week.” Waving goodbye, Alex’s mind turned inwards. Well, she is going to pay me to move in and I have signed a contract with her. That is about as final as it gets. There are probably better ways to meet new friends, but there is no going back now. As a fresh golden coat of paint dried in the morning sun, two individuals stood outside of a cozy home. Vibrant spoke first. “Wow! This place looks like my parents’ house now. I'm not going to lie, your house was in … bad shape a month ago, but now look at it! Are you sure you haven’t met my parents’ sense of style before?” Alex exclaimed, “Nope! Not at all. It is odd though, that you should mention your parents, since you moved out as soon as you could …” “Yeah … well, I do love them, but we did have a huge argument before I left. I’m over it now, but I’m not sure if they are.” “Sorry to hear that.” “No need to worry about it. Besides, I should be thanking you. Your renovations have really turned this building into more of a home. I like it.” Putting his hands up Alex stated, “Eh, I have been meaning to do it anyway. It would have happened regardless.” “Still, thank you.” “Sure. It is just that I did not think that the concept of a home would be that important to someone who just needed a cheap place to live.” “No. You’d be wrong, since I had a home before this one but after my parents’ home. Circumstances made it so that I couldn't stay however.” “Do you want to talk about it?” “I’m over it. I’ll just let you know that I was discriminated against because I’m a unicorn.” Alex hastily replied, “I do not know what to say to that.” As his face scrunched up in concentration he wondered. That does not make sense. I mean, I could understand if she was a pegasus, or especially an Earth pony or changeling, but a unicorn? They are supposed be better than everyone else, aside from alicorns. “Yeah, I know. It’s pretty stupefying in this day and age, but some ponies are just not knowledgeable. It’s all they need though, just some information.” Alex snapped back to reality at the mention of the word knowledgeable and replied, “Right.” No need to get into a confrontation. All it takes is knowledge, like my parents said, so that others know their place. A gentle approach is best. “Anyway, I am done here, so I will just be cleaning up all of these tools. Home maintenance is real hard work, so the faster I do this, the faster I am through.” “Hey, you let me help you with the repairs but not the cleanup? It’s not happening. Give me those paint cans, I’ll put them back in storage.” “Alright.” As Vibrant trotted back inside, Alex thoughts spiraled into the beginnings of a plan. This is a grand new opportunity! I get to make a new friend and hopefully get them to understand how the world works. It did not go so well in college, but perhaps my roommate is the exception my parents keep talking about. There has just got to be someone out there that is willing to learn. As Alex opened the door, he pondered his plan. My college friends wanted evidence supporting my beliefs, so I will just give my roommate the manifesto of the Equestrians for Equestria Society (EFES) to start out with and then move her onto the articles and books they have cited in their past debates. That will be a good start. He then shouted, “Hey, Vibrant, I’m back from the market. They did not have any of those fruits you liked, so I just kept the bits.” No answer. That was weird, she usually would be home. “Hey, Vibrant, are you even home?” No answer. Oh well. Alex supposed she was out and planned to just leave her bits on her dressing room table. As he opened the door to her room, however, he found out three things. Vibrant was home, Vibrant did not hear him before, and Vibrant was undressed. “Hey Vibrant, what were you doing?” “Alex! What are you doing in here! Get out! Get out!” She hurriedly pushed him out of the room and slammed the door. Vibrant immediately turned to what she thought was obvious. He has seen me without clothing or makeup. My body, my shoulders, my hooves, and my muzzle. What do I do? I just got here! I don’t want to move again. I … Her thoughts were then interrupted by a gentle rapping on the door. “Hey! Whoa! I am sorry, but I thought ponies did not have a taboo against wearing no clothing. What was wrong?” He paused before speaking again. What was wrong? Other than what he thought was obvious? After giving it some thought, Alex stammered, “I mean, you do wear clothing a lot. In fact, you wear clothing every day. Well, I guess that means you do have a taboo against being naked. And … and, uh, that means I should not have been in there. I am sorry. I did not know. ” She did not know what to think. Was he being sincere, or was he just putting on a front? Either way, as her thoughts settled, she knew that she didn't have enough bits to move again anyway, unless she wanted to put off what she had been planning for years—again. “I know it’s weird for me to feel this way, especially since I'm a pony, but just don’t do it again.” “Of course. Yeah. You got it.” As his voice cracked, he managed to sputter out, “I … I am just going to leave your bits by the door because the market ran out of your favorite fruit. I will leave you alone.” As he turned to the front door, Alex quickly grabbed his journal, briskly leaving his abode for that well-worn spot in the Whitetail Woods, but taking care to gently close the door. Author's Note The next few chapters will be in journal format because I didn't know how else to indicate the passage of time. Sorry if it throws off anyone. Alex's Journal Part 111/8/2199 Entry 51 My roommate is a stallion. I do not know what to think. Should I kick him out? That’s what my parents would have said. But according to my college friends, they would have said she is a transgender mare. I should not have gone to that college, even for the cause of the EFES. But instead I took that English class to check a requirement off thinking it would just be a regular class instead of it focusing on LGBT issues. And all of the other classes on the requirement list were full by the drop out date. Still, I made the best of my situation, even made friends. I thought I could change their minds, but voicing my disagreement with their lifestyle choices cost me their friendships. How could they abandon me! All I was doing was speaking my mind. I just wanted them to listen to me. So what about my roommate? I do not know what to do about him. My backstabbing friends would have told me to accept him and my parents would have told me to shun him. I cannot accept him but I cannot shun him either. I know from experience that if I shun him, I will become a pariah in this community, so there is nothing to do. But if he left his parents as soon as he could, it was probably because of his … illness. Maybe I could help him like I tried with my college friends, if I get his parents to come here or something, talk with them maybe. Yeah, I am going back to town and I will figure this out. 11/9/2199 Entry 52 I know why my college friends all left me when I expressed my opinions. I was not good enough friends with them. Once you reach that point, when your friends would do anything for you, that is when you can tell them anything—even things that are the truth, but they do not want to hear. I thought I had friends like that before, but Vibrant Flourish is another chance to get a friend like that. No matter how much I disagree with what he is doing with himself. This time, I have got to do this right though, because having everyone turn their backs on me was the worst feeling of my life. Not even my parents could comfort me. Yet according to my friends, they are the ones who caused all of this. What do they know? Nothing! They did not know that they were my only friends growing up. They took me to protests. They took me to the playground. They cared for me. And they are right. It is odd why others cannot agree because what is right is right—there is no middle ground. Just exceptions. I treated my college friends well because they were the right type of people even though they were different than me; they acted different than all the others of their type. But if they were exceptions, why were they so many of them? What is the point of a rule if it does not hold true most of the time? It does not make sense, really. None of it does. 12/7/2199 Entry 58 I took one of my old college textbooks out from storage a few weeks back. It is a series really. It is called Dysphoria and it is about a transgender mare living life. I have been rereading it for all the good that it did me back in college. I have also been observing my roommate. Did you know he likes reading romance novels, camping in the Whitetail Woods, and rock climbing? I did not know that. It almost makes him seem normal. When I compare my roommate to the protagonist of the book, Evening Rose, his day-to-day life (minus the drama) makes the condition of my roommate seem normal too. The more and more I observe, I see nothing exceptional about his life except of his illness. And to be honest, if it is an illness, I suppose I should not fault his behavior anymore that I should fault the behavior of a sickly child who asks for water. Why not indulge him since I know better? It is not like Vibrant calling himself a mare really affects me anyway; all it did was make me uncomfortable for a few weeks. If I have learned anything, it is that taking a gentle approach towards things you disapprove yields better results. I just need to reach that level of friendship with him. But first I need to understand him better, know the illness first. 1/17/2200 Entry 64 You know how I said that my college friends just happened to be numerous exceptions to the rule? I do not know if that is even true anymore. It is as I have said before, if there are many exceptions to a rule, the existence of the rule does not make sense anymore. After rereading more of my old textbooks again, they are confusing me. What they say makes no sense to me because there are so many people that think differently. The existence of the Equestrians for Equestria Society is proof of that. How could all of those people be wrong? How could my parents, important members of this society be wrong? How could there be so many individuals that act morally but do not believe what the Society believes in? The social hierarchy exists to teach everyone their rightful place, so that an orderly society can exist, so that everyone knows right from wrong. They are plenty of ways to violate this social hierarchy, like not knowing your place, not knowing who you are. According to my friends, they are all wrong. How could two groups with such contradictory beliefs exist when there is only one truth, one moral standard? It is the strangest thing. 2/27/2200 Entry 67 It has been a busy month. I have been delving into my textbooks like there is no tomorrow. I have even started to make a dent in the piles of books from the local library I have borrowed. I just do not understand. Why did my friends abandon me? My beliefs upset them enough so that they cut off all ties with me, but did they not understand that what they believe would be foreign to me? That I might have a different way of thinking about things? Okay, so maybe if there is not one moral standard or truth, then from what I have read, things can be relative. That means there could be multiple truths, right? Why could my friends not realize this? What right did they have to impose their beliefs unto me! They were the first friends I made since my parents. Vibrant's Journal Part 111/8/2199 Entry 101 He knows. I saw the look on his face. It was the same look my parents had when I told them who I am. I should’ve locked my door, but I didn’t think he’d come back that quick. There I was, and he saw everything. But you know what? Even though him finding out my secret was a mistake on my part, what happened in Manehattan won’t happen again. I’m tired of being pushed around. I’ll move if I have to, but I’m staying in Ponyville. I know the housing committee in Ponyville can help and I’ll fight this every single step of the way, even if it costs me a few more years on what I want. But above all, I’ve got to think positive. If I didn’t before, I wouldn’t have made it through college on my own. Who knows? Maybe he’ll just silently disapprove like my parents did, and if that’s the case, maybe I can change his mind about things. 11/9/2199 Entry 102 He hasn’t said anything about it. Like, did he just not see my broad shoulders or something? I don’t think so, but he’s still calling me a mare, so that’s one positive thing. Is he waiting to out me in front of the town? Possibly, but what would he gain? Ponyville has got to be the most welcoming community in Equestria! The Elements of Harmony live here! Does he not care and was just surprised? What is going on in that head of his? It’s hard to read his emotions, since it’s been one month and he still talks to me like I’m a business associate or something. Oh well. At least if was going to blow up about it, he would have done so already. So his calm, formal voice is a good thing, if a little weird I suppose. Maybe I should just confront him about it in a public area, so if things get weird, he won’t be able to say anything too nasty. I should pack some of my things, just in case. 11/22/2199 Entry 106 Wow. I didn’t think it was possible, but I am living with someone who wants to educate himself on something I think he doesn’t know much about. Who would have thought? I’ve been glancing at his reading material lately and some of them are on LGBT issues. Seriously! He even knows about Dysphoria, one of my favorite novels. The weird thing is that he is trying to keep all of this hush-hush. He thinks he’s being sneaky, but I know that he checks out like five or so books on subjects like the history of Equestria or its economics, only to hide the one book like Dysphoria within the other books. It’s just odd to see that behavior from my straightforward roommate. But aside from that, I don’t think I have anything to fear from him but cold glares. Although I wouldn’t be able to tell from that serious face of his! Ha-ha. Maybe I can help him. 1/21/2200 Entry 109 All in all, it’s been a good month. With the amount of bits I’ve made so far, it’ll probably take just a year to reach my goal of transitioning. I even have enough leftover bits to purchase some alchemy reagents! I hope the smell doesn’t bother anyone, but I've been looking to create a brew that’ll allow me to read two books at once. So far, my attempts at this have ended in cross-eyed failure, but I’ll get it eventually. I just need to find my logbook of alchemy changes since I swear I left it on the kitchen table. Maybe my roommate knows where it is? Probably not since he has been checking out so many textbooks lately; it’s probably buried under all of that knowledge. I wonder if that knowledge has been doing any good for him. He knows well enough to call me what I am and he’s been oddly respectful of me in general. Not that I'm complaining mind you. But I find him sitting in a chair more often than not, with a book in his hands, so I guess he’s more confused than anything else. He’s also still trying to hide his borrowing, which is pretty amusing, since he’s taken to swapping the books he doesn’t want me to see with the book covers he’s okay with me seeing. I don’t think he’s noticed me noticing him so keep this hush-hush journal, okay? 2/28/2200 Entry 115 Journal, you know how I said that I didn’t come here to make friends? Scratch that. My roommate certainly needs a friend. He’s just been looking like a train wreck these past few days. So I sat him down today and talked to him about nothing in general, to get his mind off of things. It worked for a bit, until the conversation drifted to which college we went to. He told me that he lost all of his college friends in one day before his senior year, so a year later he walked alone on the graduation stage. None of his parents and relatives were there. They were all busy according to him. When I heard that, I grabbed him and flew kites with him. After a while, I reeled my kite in, cast a wing spell, and chased his kite while I asked him to keep it away from me. I didn’t think he was the athletic type, but he can run! And before long, it was the early evening. At the end of the day, my roommate even thanked me. You’re welcome. 3/7/2200 Entry 121 I finally got that potion to work! I can see so much more now. No book is beyond my reach now, no text will go unread in my presence, especially if it an alchemy textbook. I have so many new ideas for potions and plenty of material to refine old ones now. I should revisit that changeling love coagulation potion, if I perfect it, think of all the good it can do and all of the bits it could bring. Speaking of bits, I found this cheap, but quality sporting goods store in town. I loaded up my saddlebags with as much camping gear I could purchase and signed up for a membership at their in-built gymnasium. I can’t believe they have a rock climbing wall there too! All in all, today was a pretty good day. Even my roommate has been looking a little better now; he’s asked me to recommend him some romance novels. Not sure if he asked me because he expects it of me or because he knows I like them, but eh. I gave him a list and sent him to the library. He seemed okay with my choices on that list, even though I thought he'd complain about some of the types of romance those books had. Maybe I'm doing some good with him. Alex's Journal Part 23/27/2200 Entry 74 You know, for all of his faults, I do respect my roommate. He has never mentioned his illness as a way to gain sympathy with me. He had never demanded that I call him a mare. And in return I give him the indulgence he wants. And despite this unspoken agreement, he goes beyond it. He comforted me when I told him about my friends. At first I was a little startled, but then he yanked me by the arm and we went outside with two kites. It was the most fun I have had in a long while. Since that happened, I have spent more time with him despite my reservations. He did not have to do that for me, but he can tell when someone needs a friend. But the reason I respect him most of all is because he has never wavered in his beliefs. He knows what he stands for since he has his own truth that he follows. Not like me. He has always been firm in his belief that he is a mare. It seems to be more than an illness because the way he carries himself, the way he speaks, and the way he acts shows unshakable confidence. Even I, who disagree, can see that. I wish I was so sure in my own beliefs. The word illness means temporary to me. What he is—it is not temporary. It seems to be simply different. And to be honest, I do not know whether to be scared or intrigued. 4/11/2200 Entry 78 I have been avoiding my roommate for the past week or so. I decided to take a camping trip into the Whitetail Woods so I could think about Flourish's differences. Would you believe that he is now definitely like my college friends? I mean, he is intelligent and can be quite warm if you get to know him. He can be quite the conversationalist if you choose the right topics. He has cheered me up on numerous occasions when I have been feeling down. Those are all great qualities to justify a good friendship. If I hypothetically accept that, I am afraid because of what that means for me. I am still convinced of the possibility of multiple truths, but as I interact with my roommate more and more, my own beliefs are wavering. Does it really matter what he calls himself? Does it really matter that he is a pony? The answers to those questions are no longer as firm as I would like. What does this mean for my parents or the Society? I do not know. But I know that I cannot stay in this forest forever. I guess I should go back soon and apologize for expressing my views on love and marriage. 5/21/2200 Entry 81 Could my parents be wrong? How could it be? I find myself asking that question more and more ever since I read those reports I checked out of the library. Around ninety-five percent of individuals who live in urban, suburban, and rural areas in Equestria would support a transgender, homosexual, or racially different mayor then their own. This includes Ponyville and the surrounding areas obviously. So when I said that there are a multitude of different groups with differing opinions that was true. When I was told the opinions of the EFES make up the silent majority of the population’s opinions, I was horribly misinformed. The majority does not locally rule because they are the majority, but that means a huge chunk of the population believes in what they believe because they think it makes sense for them. Why does it make sense to them? Why did it not make sense to me? Why did my parents lie? 6/6/2200 Entry 86 If I accept the beliefs of my friends and roommate, I know why I cannot make sense of them. I have always thought of myself as a good person. I have never done anything bad. I have never stolen, I have never physically hurt anyone, and I have never verbally hurt anyone. But you see, the last one is not true, if I accept what my friends and roommate believe in. I have been involved in the activities of EFES since I was five years old. I carried signs during our protests. Since then, I have grown into a productive and contributing member just like my parents, organizing events, even planning to open a branch in my local college. And that is the problem it seems. I did some real good in the EFES because I believed in what they believe. I advocated for the restriction of the rights of my fellow Equestrians because they violated the social hierarchy. So to accept the beliefs of college friends is to accept that I have not been doing good things for everyone. I do not know if I can accept that. 6/13/2200 Entry 88 I cannot be a bad person. All of my life, I have been trying to do good for those around me. For my parents. For the Society. There are multiple truths. This is not false. It cannot be. I just cannot believe that I was lied to. All of those decisions though, I made. I remember the pride others had in me because they shared the feelings I had when I accomplished something in the Society. I organized my first rally when I was thirteen years old and one thousand individuals were in attendance. I later staged my first protest at the Equestrian Grand Courthouse of Canterlot when the Changeling Marriage Rights proposal was passed. I was there when the Society put forth its counter proposal with two thousand individuals were in attendance on both sides of the argument. I could remember all of those faces that contorted in fury and pity. They were familiar faces to me, but the faces I could not understand were the ones that smiled at me and everyone else on my side. They wanted to help like I did. 7/15/2200 Entry 90 They wanted to help like I thought I was doing. What was I doing? 8/23/2200 Entry 93 The individuals of this community must never know about my membership in the EFES. I have ended my membership and even tried to bribe the officers to strike my name from their records. But there is always the potential for discovery. Individuals have taken photos of the rallies we have done, and they have seen the protests first-hand. My likeness is out there forever immortalized, somewhere, and I cannot do a single thing about it. My roommate noticed my recent depression and immediately dropped what she was doing and tried to cheer me up. I gave the excuse that I realized something horrible about my parents that I did not think they ever could be capable of. I told her it was nothing illegal however so as not to worry her. I ended up crying in front of her. 9/9/2200 Entry 96 I do not know what to say. Vibrant Flourish noticed my depression getting worse. So she held me while I cried on her crest and told her about my parents. I made up the story that I only found out about their involvement in the EFES last month and that I was ashamed of them. The look on her face when I told her my parents belonged to the Society told me all I needed to know if she found out about my membership. I lied and told her that I had nothing to do with the organization. And now I have to pretend to be happy. If I do not, my roommate will notice and I know she will question my lies until the guilt becomes too much to bear and everything comes spilling out. But I am happy. I just have to think it. I have a wonderful, caring roommate that would do anything to brighten my day. I am not a member of the EFES. I finally understand why my friends from college hate me. I am pretty sure I could pass that English class with flying colors now. I do not know if I will be able to keep this up. Vibrant's Journal Part 23/14/2200 Entry 123 It’s hard to go to sleep when you can hear crying in the night. I didn’t get much sleep last night and I don’t think my roommate did either. I didn’t confront him about it. I asked him instead about how his latest novel was going. We spoke for a while about the characters, but we ended up having a long discussion about the nature of love and how it comes in many forms. He’s still somewhat of a bigot too, which surprised me because he said that certain people should not publicly show their love, that they should keep it to themselves, even if they are married. Huh. My roommate is a bigot who wants to be friends. Isn’t that something? Well I can be his friend, but only out of pity. I just can’t believe that he still thinks that way! How can you expect somepony to care for you if you’re so disgusted with them you can’t even bear to watch them do the most normal of things? What about all of his books, his time reading, and his effort? Was it for nothing? 3/30/2200 Entry 125 I thought he could be different from my parents. From my old landlord. I should have seen the signs that he wouldn’t be. And yet he is different. He’s well-read on the issue at hoof. It’s so much more different than the disapproval of my parents or the indifference of my classmates from college. He has all of that knowledge and he’s still having a hard time figuring things out. If he’s really that confused, I guess pity really is the reason I’m still friends with him. The weirdest thing is that he does seem genuinely happy when we spend time together. When he made his first potion a while ago, the concoction blew up in his face. I thought he would be furious, but he was grinning like a foal in a candy store. I remember when my first potion blew up in my face—my parents were fuming as they scrubbed the gunk off the ceiling for the good part of a Saturday afternoon while I spent it grounded. His parents seem to be the stricter type though. I doubt they would have let him even have an alchemy set or any toys, but he does speak fondly of them. At least they took him on vacations like camping trips. According to him, he’s gone camping many times already, but before he met me, he couldn’t even pitch a tent! It’s just so funny to see him do something so normal. When he first found out about me, I thought he’d be this frothing, seething pit of hate that would only seek to make my life miserable, yet he’s normal at times. 4/23/2200 Entry 131 Alex surprised me. Not once have I ever heard an apology from anyone—it was nice to hear. It was the first thing he said to me when he got back from his camping trip yesterday. I said thank you and I asked him if he had any trouble with the stakes this time. He laughed, said that he didn't have any trouble, and it was because of me that he knows better now. Heh. Then he asked me how I could even tie off the ropes with my hooves. Good question! I told him the answer that my parents told me: magic. No seriously, he just couldn’t imagine not being able to touch things with your forelegs until somepony taught you to use the grip magic everypony has. He was like, but why do you ponies still use your mouths to hold things then? I told him it was out of convenience because your mouth is usually closer to things than your forehooves are. Then he went silent for a bit and after a while said to me that he learned something new today, thanking me for it. You’re welcome. Again. 5/23/2200 Entry 139 I know why pegasi make their homes in the sky. Not because they can, but because they want to! Even if it is temporary, even if it is just at the height of trees, flight is a gift that I appreciate more and more as I soar. I can’t believe I never thought to do this before. I’m getting better at this too, since I came up with a new potion to make my spell wings tougher and stronger—they’re not going to melt in the sun anymore. No more fear. All you need to do is grab your worries, pack them up in a box, and leave them behind as you take off. That’s how you become lighter than air. It’s how you feel lighter than air. It’s how Alex has been able to keep up with me despite my wings as we fly kites. He’s very light on his legs. Of course, that didn’t help us any when we both crashed into that tree. I know he was trying to keep his kite away from me as I started chasing it, but he was staring at me the entire time with a smile. So he wasn’t paying attention to where he was going. And I was focused on the sky and the kite. After he righted himself and helped me out of the tree, we just sat down and laughed. 6/1/2200 Entry 143 I surprised Alex today. The bicycle that shipped from that specialty shop in Canterlot finally got here! Now, I didn’t know how to ride a bicycle until today, but I convinced Alex to teach me when I showed him the one I bought. After today, I can confidently say that I still don’t know how to ride a bicycle. At least he warned me about falling off repeatedly; he’d better be right that my bruised rump is part of the learning process. It just takes practice he said. I smiled back and told him I’d get it down soon. As an apology for my rump, he offered to pay for my lunch, but I didn’t want him to feel sorry for taking the time to teach me something new. Instead, we just had lunch together at home. We started on about the weather and how the pegasi should add more rainstorms every now and then. He thinks the serenity of the thunder and lightning complement the pitter-patter of the rain. When I asked him if that should be the other way around, he admitted he just likes the sound of thunder. During his camping trip, it rained for a few days, so I wondered if he liked that too. After, he mentioned to me he likes it because it’s easier to think for him in the rain. It helped him apologize to me according to him. 7/14/2200 Entry 150 Found a book club that just started up in the beginning of this month. I couldn’t focus on any of the discussion, and only got the time and place the next meeting would be. Alex is looking terrible. He denied anything was wrong when I confronted him and I’m not sure what to do if he won’t tell me anything. I began to wonder if I did anything to upset him, but when I said sorry, his eyes glistened and he choked out that I have nothing to be sorry for. I haven’t seen him so broken up since a few moons back. Are his friends still giving him grief? Is he feeling guilty about something? Did something bad happen to him? Not knowing is killing me! When I tried to get him to fly kites with me, or go bicycling, or work on some potions, he brushed me off saying that today was just an off day for him. It's not just that. 8/23/2200 Entry 157 He cried again. I still don’t know what’s going on and he still won’t tell me. But I’ll be there for him. I am his friend. 9/10/2200 Entry 163 Alex seems happier now, so that’s good, but his mood only seems to brighten up when I’m in the same room as he is because of how he smiles. It seems a little fake to be honest. I don’t want to push it though. Whatever it is, he’s trying to keep it a secret from me. I’m not sure if waiting is the best thing to do here, but I guess it’s all I can do. He did teach me that patience yields good things. I’m glad I was patient with him. I’ve had plenty of times where my frustrations got the better of me, and sometimes they almost won out. But I just can’t forget the moments where we had … when there was clarity. When I just forgot about all my worries and shelved them away in a box. I know he did the same in those moments. I hope he’ll tell me eventually. Happy BirthdayAs Vibrant trotted over to where Alex lay curled up on the couch with a book in their home, she waved at him. No response. She then plopped down next to him and asked, “You know what day it is? Happy birthday! I wanted to do something special for you so if you would just pull your eyes away from the pages, let’s talk about it.” “What did you have in mind?” “Well, you like romance novels as much as I do now, so how about doing a reading session of your current book and then we’ll head on over to the book club to discuss it? Afterwards, it’s cake time!” “A book club? I am not sure about that.” “Oh come on! I’m the only friend you’ve made since coming to Ponyville. You need to get out more. You don’t have to, but I know you’d be happier for it.” Alex cocked his head, “You are definitely trying to guilt me, and on my birthday too,” He sarcastically quipped, “How could you?” Vibrant simply just stared at Alex. “Oh no you don’t buster! You’ve got to give a better reason than ‘I don’t want to go’ if you want to get out of this.” “Alright, alright. I have been meaning to get into that book club, so this seems like a good chance to do so. I like what you have told me about it so far anyway.” “There you go! But I’ve got to ask: why are you so formal? We’ve known each for a while now. You’ve already made a good impression. You don’t need to put on airs for me.” “I want to present the best of myself to others.” Warmly smiling, Vibrant replied, “Fair enough. So anyway let's head out. I hope you like adventure fiction ...” One by one, the lights within the local library winked out, and the shuffling of legs could be heard over the quiet background of the evening. Outside the library, Alex cried out in astonishment. “I cannot believe we spoke of Daring Do for two whole hours.” Vibrant lifted her eyebrow and turned towards Alex. “Hey, what’s wrong with the series?” “No, no, nothing is wrong with it. It is just that I did not expect that much world building or exploration beyond the episodic ancient-temple-that-has treasure-in-it parts.” “Yeah, well, A.K. Yearling did say that she wanted to move it in a new direction after the main series was done. She said that she wanted to create a ‘grand plot’ with the familiar character of Daring Do. I’ve got say that it’s definitely different from her usual books, but it’s refreshing to see. I’m pretty excited for what’ll happen next.” “Well, as long as she continues give off that sense of wonder when Daring explores new locations and cultures, I am excited as well. Thanks for convincing me to come by the way. I met so many friendly people today. Even if some of them were more fanatic about the Daring Do saga than others …” “Ha. Ha. That’s good. Also, don’t worry about Shimmerstone and Glide Fire here. They only froth at the muzzle when we talk about Daring Do and we’re reading a new book next week anyway. Did you get the name of the novel?” “Uh … I cannot remember now actually. Oops? Do you mind assisting me?” “Sure! It’s the Secret of the Burned Locket.” “Let me guess what it is … is it a mystery novel?” “Half-right. It’s a romance-mystery novel.” With a knowing look, Alex stroked his chin. “Heh. I wonder whose suggestion that was? Hmm?” Vibrant huffed out, “If you’re implying what I think you are, then I’ll have you know that it could have been anyone’s slip in the suggestion box. Even yours. I wouldn’t put it past you either.” Alex nervously rubbed his arms while shuffling to Sugarcube Corner. “Well now, it is getting late, so how about we pick up that cake, huh?” Vibrant chased after Alex yelling, “Hey, it’s only seven o’clock! And the cake was my idea anyway! You just wanted to see if I’d like reading the book, didn’t you?” She smiled as she reached the door to the confectionary. There were few patrons within the establishment at this time and only one mare was working the register. “Hiya, you two! I haven’t seen you both in a while. How’s it been?” “It has been going well Pinkie Pie; we are just here to pick up a cake.” As soon as those words left Alex’s mouth, Pinkie’s eyes lit up like candles on a cake. “Ohh! It’s your birthday isn’t it! Are you sure you don’t want a humongous party? It would be kind of on short notice, but I could pull it off just for you.” “Thank you, but my answer has not changed from the last time you asked me. Really, the only reason we are getting a cake is because Vibrant insisted I do so. I never really celebrated birthdays anyway.” Vibrant and Pinkie gasped out, “Really? You must be kidding, right?” “I know the look on both of your faces, so let me explain. Growing up, my family just did not place that much importance on our birthdates. We were more focused on the … group activities we did since I could remember. So we did spend lots of time together, if that is what you are worried about. And I did cherish the time we spent as a family more than the activities … much more let me assure you. “ “Okie dokie lokie then!” Vibrant’s face contorted in confusion. “Wait, you’re okay with this Pinkie?” “Sure as a bug snug in a rug! I know not everypony celebrates in the same way, but the point of celebrating a birthday is spending time with those you care about the most. They’re with you every step of the way. Besides, I know you two have each other, so that’s good enough for me!” “Oh, well that’s a sweet way to put it,” Vibrant giggled out as she pulled out twenty bits and stored the cake in her saddlebags. As the pair turned to leave the shop, Vibrant couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pity for Alex. Those activities he mentioned before … I bet they were related to the EFES. I’ve seen foals, children, yearlings, and nymphs at those rallies on the news. They didn’t know what they were doing, but their parents sure did. No more negative thoughts today though. It’s my friend’s birthday and he is going to enjoy it. 10/7/2200 Entry 99 It has been a great day. I have learned a lot. Vibrant Flourish is a transmare. And the emphasis is on the word mare by her own admission. I support her even though we have never talked about it. I have been pretty confused over the past year, but I have done research to better understand myself and my world. I have come to the conclusion that my parents are jerks and I should never introduce them to anyone. I am still writing to them though. My friends could have let me know that I was a bigoted jerk in a nicer manner, but I do not blame them anymore. And the most important thing I have learned is that I do not want to lose anyone. I am so, so scared of loss. I feel as if the fear seeks to choke me every day and it has gotten worse since my last entry. But I need to be happy. Did I mention that my roommate has convinced me to leave my room? All she had to do was get me to join that book club she has. It will be fine. I have been meaning to make new friends anyway. And my roommate is my closest friend because I find her intelligent in conversation and in discussion and outgoing and kind to all those we meet. If she finds out about my past, all that changes. TensionAuthor's Note Spoiler Alert: This chapter references the Dysphoria series and provides major spoilers for the various arcs. Sorry. Also, I edited the story because the story would be better off with one friend trying to help another. Tension The lights within the local library blazed on as its librarian reshelved books late into the night. Far past the library, the noise of excited chatter passed by the silence the crickets. Vibrant continued, “I can’t believe you made discussion questions for these get-togethers of ours! You’ve put in so much effort to make these meetings work and keep everyone interested.” “Yes, well the current novel that we are reading had performed most of the work in terms of interest. I mean, certain romance novels always seem to draw attention, especially since the couple depicted seem to be ‘unique’ among the novels we have read so far. “Changeling magic has some interesting uses, doesn’t it?” Alex giggled as he answered, “Yes it does. I did not think Shimmerstone could physically blush, but I was wrong when he told us everything in that novel was possible. That revelation should keep everyone interested for a while. And you told me attendance was lagging these past few weeks.” “Yeah, well, that was before you came. Honest! When the book club started, at least twenty-five individuals came. A few weeks ago, only five regulars and I were left. Now, we have thirty members divided into three discussion groups because of you.” “I would like to think it was a team effort between us and everyone really. There is no club without its members.” “Still, I think it’s wonderful. I’ve met so many new individuals that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I couldn’t imagine anyone doing this for me where I used to live. It’s very sweet of you. Thank you.” “Do not thank me. I had a sneaking suspicion about who suggested the novel. All I am doing is bringing her wishes to the light. I completely understand why she would recommend such a novel. It contains imagery and themes that appeal to us all in certain points in our lives. Why deny these harmless indulgences when they are normal and a part of us?” “Was that supposed to be a joke?” “Well, I must confess that I am lacking in the humor department. I am just saying that you are an adult like the rest of us. Right?” “Yup, you’re joking with me! Pffff, ha-ha. You are terrible at this, you know that?” Standing a distance apart from Vibrant, Alex bowed. “I try.” Moving towards Alex, Vibrant lightly rapped him on the elbow. “Don’t change, will you?” 12/7/2200 Vibrant Entry 181 I have a home now. I guess that’s what I’ve been looking for all this time. In Filldelphia, in Manehattan, and in Ponyville. And now I finally have it. All these friends of mine who accept me for who I am. It’s a feeling I have never had before! Even though my parents don’t understand, their disapproval seems so far away now. When I told everypony here, I expected a reaction that was familiar to me … hurtful yes, but known to me. That reaction didn’t happen. Those heavy boxes filled with worry disappeared except for a few. We’ve had a complicated friendship so far, but Alex has grown so, so far from where he started. He was the first individual in Ponyville I met, and at first, I didn’t think much of him. But he changed though. When I told everyone that I was a transgender mare two months ago, everyone clapped for me, I couldn't believe it. Alex told me that I would always have a place here in this wonderful community of ours and that I would always have friends and family no matter where I was. I hugged him and told him there was something in my eye. Then there was something in my other eye. Then I just cried like a newborn foal. That night, I slept like one too. But there’s always a but. I woke up. His crying did it. It was faint, but it was there. When I opened his door, he pretended to snore. When I shook him ‘awake’, he was surprised I was in there and asked if there was anything wrong. I told him he was crying. He said everything was alright. I couldn’t believe what he was doing, so I closed the door and went back to my bed. He’s not doing this to me again because by the end of this month, I will find out what’s wrong. 12/14/2200 Alex Entry 111 By popular vote after pulling it from the suggestion box, our book club is reading Dysphoria. The fifth book will be a whammy for them because Evening Rose dies in that one. Should I even reread the books? If I do not, my friends will know something is off, and my roommate will too. And if I do, I will just be visiting painful memories that will bring everything I have hidden to light. It is going to happen. The fear is everywhere. I just have to play it cool because I know I will cry if I read that book again. And then they will ask why do you cry so much at the death of a fictional character? And in my head, I will think that it is because I am not a good person. That is the truth. Vibrant creaked open the door to her kitchen to find Alex slumped over the dining table. “Hey, I just wanted to ask why you missed the book club meeting ... have you been crying?” “N … no. I just have been reflecting on the novel and the characterization of the main character so far. She has been through a lot. I … do confess that her struggles have touched me to a degree, and I have responded by … sobbing. Not crying technically.” Vibrant drew closer to Alex and embraced him, “Hey, it’s a sad scene but this kind of stuff happens rarely nowadays, okay?” I have never seen someone so affected by this scene before. I wonder if this is reason he was crying before. “You are correct. I cite the exemplary prose of the author to affect me so.” “You know, you don’t have to put on a front. I can tell this is really hurting you. If there's anything wrong, you can tell me about it.” “I am okay, although thanks for being here with me. I simply did not attend because my sobbing would have brought the mood of the meet down. You know how emotional I get when bad things happen to characters I care about.” “Come on Alex, I know you. At least go ahead and cry on my chest. If you let it all out you’ll feel better.” “Thank you for the hug. But I have already sobbed my tears though. I will be there next week though, I promise.” “Are you sure you’re alright? If you say yes, I won’t believe you. You’re my closest friend. I wanna help. Please tell me what’s wrong.” “I … I just need some time to process this okay? Honest. And I really do appreciate you talking to me. It means a lot.” “If … if you say so.” Vibrant could not shake the feeling that Alex was hiding something. But Alex had already left the kitchen. I wonder if has something to do with the EFES? But what else could it be if it wasn't that? Breaking her thoughts, Vibrant yelled, “I’ll be in my room if you need me, okay? Don’t hesitate to knock if you need me.” “I will.” He replied. Alex then collapsed onto his bed and began to write. 12/28/2200 Entry 116 A book a week. We have reached the hospitalization of Evening Rose. I skipped the meeting. I do not care that my roommate and my friends will know. I do not want to burst into tears. If I do in front of them, they will know. How could I ever have thought ill of my roommate? How could I have thought to kick her out just because she was born different? I cannot read the scene again. I am still my past. I am still my past. The Whitetail WoodsThe familiar Whitetail Woods glistened under the rays of the flickering sun. As the clouds passed over the canopy, the sunlight gave them an ethereal quality as the wind gently caressed them and the leaves. Raindrops spewed forth from the storm, dampening a spot that was well-worn from travel. Near the spot lay a green tree as common as the others in the woods, unremarkable in all aspects, except for three individuals next to it. “I found you Alex!” “…” “You were looking for me, Shimmerstone?” “Don’t play dumb with me buster! Everyone from the book club has been looking for you these three days, especially Vibrant, who is right behind you by the way.” “Alex, we’re all worried about you. I’m worried about you. How could you expect us to not help?” “That is true. I am not getting out of this am I?” “No.” “Fine then. What do you want to talk about?” “First, me being a transgender mare has affected you in some way since reading Dysphoria. Second, you knew that I was a transmare the very first month I came here but didn’t say anything about it even though it bothered you. Third, you probably didn’t say anything about it because you were confused since I know you tried to hide reading all of those books. Fourth, you are the first person that tried to understand me, however contradictory that was with who you were." "Did you know how much that meant to me? However long it took, you were the first one to treat me like who I am. My own parents couldn’t even understand how I felt. But you did eventually. I can’t … you have done so much for me, and I owe you so much more than my gratitude. For the first time, I felt at home, with you and everyone else. I have friends who all make me feel that I belong, who all make me feel loved. And now I have a new life, a community that accepts me for who I am, and a cozy home. I don’t know if you’re afraid, confused, guilty, or even angry at your feelings, but I want to help you sort them out. I want to help you to accept who you are. Please let me.” “No … I will not. I do not deserve …” “Don’t you dare lie to me! You taught me that there will be people who will care you if you give them a chance. Give them a chance. Won’t you?” At this, Alex just angled his head down slowly and flatly stated, “You will not want to give a chance after I tell you the truth.” “I … I need to show you something important.” Alex then reached into his bag and pulled out a journal. “I have been avoiding this for months now. Now I cannot avoid it anymore.” He cracked open the book and slowly began to read. Alex hung his head. “So yeah. This is my secret. I know all of you may be surprised, definitely angry. Vibrant, this is what I have been hiding for the past few months.” “I am worthless. Every single day I have to tell myself what is right. None of these good thoughts came second nature to me. I want to accept your friendship, but I do not deserve it. All of these actions that I have taken after I lost all of my friends in college were ones that I took to understand my crumbling world better. It is never enough. I am not a good person. Not a good person. I just cannot hide my past anymore. So … I …” “You’re right you know. You can’t hide your past. Not being able to is a part of who I am as well. But even now, at what you feel is your lowest point, you understand. It doesn’t matter if what you did wasn’t second nature or not. You chose all of these actions because you want to be a good person. You are. I thought you would have known that already, but I’ll remind you for as long as it takes for YOU to know that. “But—” Alex’s eyes moistened as he turned away from Vibrant and Shimmerstone. “You’re feeling as if you can never make up for what you feel are your mistakes. So I forgive you.” “What?” “I forgive you.” “You can’t—” “I can. I forgive you.” “I don’t—” "You do. I forgive you.” “Do you mean it?” “I’ll say those words again and again because I mean them.” Vibrant then trotted over to where Alex sat and embraced him. Alex eventually spoke. “When I read of Evening Rose’s death for the first time … I’m ashamed that it didn’t affect me much. When I read of her death the last time, I thought of you. It made me think of what I did to hurt you. Of how I might not have cared. Please tell me … tell me you’re here. Please.” “I’m here. Nothing will change that.” “Are you sure?” “Yes.” “Then … then the answer to your question was yes.” As they embraced, Alex choked out a couple of sobs while Vibrant kept his head close, nuzzling it.
BeginningsThe Whitetail Woods glistened under the rays of the flickering sun. As the clouds lazed in the sky, they caught the sunlight from above, which gave them a glowing outline as they passed over the leaves of the canopy. Droplets gently sprayed from those clouds, dampening a spot that was well-worn from travel. If an individual happened by however, they would not be able to see anything but the path that led to it. Near the spot lay a green tree as common as the others in the woods, unremarkable in all aspects especially for its lone occupant sitting under it. He had short, black hair that reached down to the nape of his neck. Slender in build, his gangly arms reached out from under him to rest on his head for a few minutes before plopping down near his sides. Water dripped from the tree to rest on the man’s unworn features; he did not bother to wipe those droplets off. Despite being young, his black-brown eyes looked weary and unfocused, as they simply stared into the foliage. Since he carried no umbrella, his blue coat, cap, tie, shirt, and dress trousers were all slightly darker in color and uncomfortably damp. He paid the feeling no mind, except for the wetness in his black socks and shoes. His name tag read Alex Nguyen. Eventually, he shifted his weight forward and stood up, with his waterproof bag at his side. “Well, that is it then. Another day is done.” Today it has been a month since I moved here. “It does not mean anything.” I know. But I was planning to change something about today. “Yet no one has taken you up on the room you posted for rent two weeks ago. What makes you think today is different?” I do not know why but this place has been much more open and friendly then I would have thought. “True, but it seems these individuals in this community do not need housing.” Come on now, do not be like this! The ad has been up in Ponyville for two weeks already. Someone will answer it. “I suppose. But what happened in college could happen again. What then?” Look, you may be downcast now, but the storm will blow over eventually. Even now, you can see the rays of sunlight blasting through the shadows of the clouds above. I bet that if you walk over to town hall right now someone will have at least answered your ad. Putting his hands up in defense, Alex relented, “Alright. Alright. I’m going.” Half an hour later, Alex stood in front the bulletin board of town hall to find his advertisement missing one slip of paper; he gaped at the missing slip as if the ground opened up to reveal a collection of gems before his feet. As he walked back home to read over the personal information the ad instructed potential tenants to leave on his door, Alex took in the sight of his residence. It had one bathroom, one kitchen, and two rooms that were each so small that a regular-sized bed encompassed one-half of the room. The interior of the single-story house was in desperate need of a fresh coat of paint, in addition to a need for plaster; there were water-stained holes near the piping. The rooms were also sparsely populated with furniture, although that had more to do with the spartan taste of the lone inhabitant. On the outside of the house, the conditions were different. Chipped paint, cracked windows, and creaky door repulsed all those who would have entered the residence, if those individuals existed in the first place. Alex lifted the notice pinned to his door and muttered to himself, “Let us see here … wow. My potential roommate wants to move in within the week if possible. That is unreal. I have not even met this individual yet. I wonder if he is strapped for bits or something …” As he opened the door to sit down, he pondered about what to do. The potential for more bits was not a concern, but the readiness of his roommate to move in scared him. But as he reread the notice, the words ‘would like to meet you at the Golden Mondegreen to seal the deal today at 4:00pm’ appeared before him. Oh. That made more sense to him. Yet those words did not comfort him as he was struck by fear again. He whispered to himself, “Okay, okay, it’s just a meeting. Nothing more. All I am doing is meeting someone new to try and make friends with. That was the whole point in doing this. It will just be like college … save one part I hope.” As the clock ticked by, Alex realized he had about four hours until the meeting. “I guess I should put on a good show for any potential tenants then. I will make a stop to the hardware store.” One mare was not entertaining the idea of having lunch, as twelve o’clock rang throughout Ponyville. She was instead too busy panicking to herself. Oh, I hope my landlord is nice. But not too nice. I don’t need to be friends, I just need a place to live. So what matters is that I make a good first impression in our meeting. I mean I’ve met his neighbors already and they’ve told me he seems nice enough even though he just moved in a month ago. She straightened up her suit as she gazed in the mirror. Blue eyes stared back. Her red mane was tied off in a bun behind her crest while her tail stuck out over her dark, blue skirt, unadorned. Forehooves pressed against the lapels of her dark blue business coat, moved over her small, golden pearl earrings, and her white dress blouse to smooth it against her beige coat. Her cutie mark was a wavy fern frond. Every lapel, every piece of jewelry, every article of clothing had to be in place and checked. Vibrant Flourish clutched a set a papers close to her suit. They were every official document she needed to sign the contract with her potential new landlord. In addition, she carried a small satchel of bits for the first down payment. Alright. I’ve practiced my spiel of why I should be a tenant. I have everything I need to make this work. And then in a few years, everything will be complete. I just need to keep my head down until then. Until four o’clock. She thought of the time when she lived in the Manehattan apartment complex a few months ago. She thought of all of the conversation that led to her expulsion. “But I’ve been on time with my payments and everything! You’re kicking me out for no reason!” As the landlord paced around her office, she harshly spat out, “Ms. Flourish … you have been on time. But you are being evicted for a different reason: breach of your contract. It specifically says that you …” “Those claims are false! You’re giving me trumped up charges just so you can kick me out! Ever since you found out that I am a transmare, you have been treating me differently! Don’t you lie to me!” “Ms. Flourish, I cannot believe you would stoop to such outrageous claims with which to back your desire to stay here. However, if you feel so strongly about this then you should seek out the courts to settle this because I will maintain my previous stance.” A multitude of thoughts swam through Vibrant’s head. The main one was that if she fought this, she knew she could win. But she also knew that it would cost money. Money she needed for something else more important. She grimaced and threw out the words, “Fine. If I stop … ‘wasting’ your time, will you give me back my deposit?” “Of course. As I have said before, your breach of contract was caused by behavior, not due to property damage, so I do not think it would be right to withhold your deposit. Here.” A sizable amount of bits clinked together as the bag was set on the office desk. Vibrant wore a puzzled look. “Wait. Really? You’re going to give me back my deposit? I thought that you’d make up some reason to …” “I thought you would stop wasting my time. Take it and leave. You have until the end of the month to move out. By then another tenant will be ready to move in, one who should be able to respect the rules and norms this community of ours endorses.” Vibrant shook those thoughts out of her mind, and then turned to the clock to see it was only 12:30. She sat at her reading table, pulling out a journal and a pencil and paused before writing to think. After I left my parents and Fillydelphia, I wanted to seek out new ponies and places. So what if I was a little naïve, one day it’ll be better. The only thing to do now is to move on. Author's Note It's my first story. Criticize me. Please. I have no idea what I am doing.
Moving InHis head slowly nodding further and further into his chest, Alex snapped out of his haze to look at the restaurant clock. It read 3:55. He shook his head and straightened his suit. As soon as he did, the chair next to him squealed and pulled away from the table. “Hello, my name is Vibrant Flourish. I believe you’re the landlord?” Alex briefly glanced at the paper Vibrant put down before replying, “Indeed, and it is very nice to meet you!” As he vigorously shook her hoof, he continued, “My name is Alex and I hope I listed everything you needed in that advertisement. And do not worry about the appearance of the property, since I will be renovating it within the month. So what were you looking to get out of this contract?” “A cheap place to live. It’s why I’m meeting with you.” “Fair enough. Now I know you have seen the house and asked the neighbors about it already, but I am sure you would like to see the inside as well, correct?” “Of course. Lead the way.” “Alright then! It will be a bit of a walk from here, so do you mind if I try to get to know you a little better?” “Alright. I moved out of my parents’ house as soon as I could and got a job. I didn't want to live in the city all my life, so I came here. It’s quaint and quiet; I like it here so far and the ponies here seem welcoming enough.” “That is good to hear! Um, uh, I notice that you like wearing clothing; I have not seen many individuals around here that wear clothing, aside from humans. It is an oddity.” “Yes … well, I feel that clothing helps me present the best of myself.” “I can tell. That suit looks rather fetching on you.” “Now you’re just flattering me. I appreciate it, but there's no need for it. I'm just interested in buying what you are selling.” “Oh. Alright. Well then, uh, we are here. Go ahead and take a look around while I grab you something to drink? What would you like?” “Some milk would be nice, thank you.” “You got it.” As Alex rummaged through the refrigerator, he thought of his potential tenant. Seems a little standoffish, but that is okay. I do not think it will cause any problems, plus she was the only one to answer the advertisement since I posted it. When Alex finished pouring, Vibrant returned. “It's rather small, but it's fine. If I sign the contract now, when would I be able to move in?” “Great, uh, let me check my calendar and I will let you know momentarily.” Vibrant drank from the glass, wondering about her new roommate. He seems nice enough. Maybe a little bit too friendly, but it shouldn't be a problem. I mean, he’s just trying to make a good first impression. Alex then faced her with the calendar. “Would Saturday be a good move-in date?” “That works.” “Good! Do you have any furniture or boxes that I could help you out with?” “No furniture, but if you want to help me with ten or so boxes, do you mind coming to this address Saturday morning? It’s where I’ve been storing my stuff since living in Manehattan.” “Wow. Planning ahead. That is pretty smart.” “Eh, thanks. Anyway, let me just sign my copy of the contact … avd dun. Ptooey! Here. Have a good day and thanks for the drink.” “Sure! See you in a week.” Waving goodbye, Alex’s mind turned inwards. Well, she is going to pay me to move in and I have signed a contract with her. That is about as final as it gets. There are probably better ways to meet new friends, but there is no going back now. As a fresh golden coat of paint dried in the morning sun, two individuals stood outside of a cozy home. Vibrant spoke first. “Wow! This place looks like my parents’ house now. I'm not going to lie, your house was in … bad shape a month ago, but now look at it! Are you sure you haven’t met my parents’ sense of style before?” Alex exclaimed, “Nope! Not at all. It is odd though, that you should mention your parents, since you moved out as soon as you could …” “Yeah … well, I do love them, but we did have a huge argument before I left. I’m over it now, but I’m not sure if they are.” “Sorry to hear that.” “No need to worry about it. Besides, I should be thanking you. Your renovations have really turned this building into more of a home. I like it.” Putting his hands up Alex stated, “Eh, I have been meaning to do it anyway. It would have happened regardless.” “Still, thank you.” “Sure. It is just that I did not think that the concept of a home would be that important to someone who just needed a cheap place to live.” “No. You’d be wrong, since I had a home before this one but after my parents’ home. Circumstances made it so that I couldn't stay however.” “Do you want to talk about it?” “I’m over it. I’ll just let you know that I was discriminated against because I’m a unicorn.” Alex hastily replied, “I do not know what to say to that.” As his face scrunched up in concentration he wondered. That does not make sense. I mean, I could understand if she was a pegasus, or especially an Earth pony or changeling, but a unicorn? They are supposed be better than everyone else, aside from alicorns. “Yeah, I know. It’s pretty stupefying in this day and age, but some ponies are just not knowledgeable. It’s all they need though, just some information.” Alex snapped back to reality at the mention of the word knowledgeable and replied, “Right.” No need to get into a confrontation. All it takes is knowledge, like my parents said, so that others know their place. A gentle approach is best. “Anyway, I am done here, so I will just be cleaning up all of these tools. Home maintenance is real hard work, so the faster I do this, the faster I am through.” “Hey, you let me help you with the repairs but not the cleanup? It’s not happening. Give me those paint cans, I’ll put them back in storage.” “Alright.” As Vibrant trotted back inside, Alex thoughts spiraled into the beginnings of a plan. This is a grand new opportunity! I get to make a new friend and hopefully get them to understand how the world works. It did not go so well in college, but perhaps my roommate is the exception my parents keep talking about. There has just got to be someone out there that is willing to learn. As Alex opened the door, he pondered his plan. My college friends wanted evidence supporting my beliefs, so I will just give my roommate the manifesto of the Equestrians for Equestria Society (EFES) to start out with and then move her onto the articles and books they have cited in their past debates. That will be a good start. He then shouted, “Hey, Vibrant, I’m back from the market. They did not have any of those fruits you liked, so I just kept the bits.” No answer. That was weird, she usually would be home. “Hey, Vibrant, are you even home?” No answer. Oh well. Alex supposed she was out and planned to just leave her bits on her dressing room table. As he opened the door to her room, however, he found out three things. Vibrant was home, Vibrant did not hear him before, and Vibrant was undressed. “Hey Vibrant, what were you doing?” “Alex! What are you doing in here! Get out! Get out!” She hurriedly pushed him out of the room and slammed the door. Vibrant immediately turned to what she thought was obvious. He has seen me without clothing or makeup. My body, my shoulders, my hooves, and my muzzle. What do I do? I just got here! I don’t want to move again. I … Her thoughts were then interrupted by a gentle rapping on the door. “Hey! Whoa! I am sorry, but I thought ponies did not have a taboo against wearing no clothing. What was wrong?” He paused before speaking again. What was wrong? Other than what he thought was obvious? After giving it some thought, Alex stammered, “I mean, you do wear clothing a lot. In fact, you wear clothing every day. Well, I guess that means you do have a taboo against being naked. And … and, uh, that means I should not have been in there. I am sorry. I did not know. ” She did not know what to think. Was he being sincere, or was he just putting on a front? Either way, as her thoughts settled, she knew that she didn't have enough bits to move again anyway, unless she wanted to put off what she had been planning for years—again. “I know it’s weird for me to feel this way, especially since I'm a pony, but just don’t do it again.” “Of course. Yeah. You got it.” As his voice cracked, he managed to sputter out, “I … I am just going to leave your bits by the door because the market ran out of your favorite fruit. I will leave you alone.” As he turned to the front door, Alex quickly grabbed his journal, briskly leaving his abode for that well-worn spot in the Whitetail Woods, but taking care to gently close the door. Author's Note The next few chapters will be in journal format because I didn't know how else to indicate the passage of time. Sorry if it throws off anyone.
Alex's Journal Part 111/8/2199 Entry 51 My roommate is a stallion. I do not know what to think. Should I kick him out? That’s what my parents would have said. But according to my college friends, they would have said she is a transgender mare. I should not have gone to that college, even for the cause of the EFES. But instead I took that English class to check a requirement off thinking it would just be a regular class instead of it focusing on LGBT issues. And all of the other classes on the requirement list were full by the drop out date. Still, I made the best of my situation, even made friends. I thought I could change their minds, but voicing my disagreement with their lifestyle choices cost me their friendships. How could they abandon me! All I was doing was speaking my mind. I just wanted them to listen to me. So what about my roommate? I do not know what to do about him. My backstabbing friends would have told me to accept him and my parents would have told me to shun him. I cannot accept him but I cannot shun him either. I know from experience that if I shun him, I will become a pariah in this community, so there is nothing to do. But if he left his parents as soon as he could, it was probably because of his … illness. Maybe I could help him like I tried with my college friends, if I get his parents to come here or something, talk with them maybe. Yeah, I am going back to town and I will figure this out. 11/9/2199 Entry 52 I know why my college friends all left me when I expressed my opinions. I was not good enough friends with them. Once you reach that point, when your friends would do anything for you, that is when you can tell them anything—even things that are the truth, but they do not want to hear. I thought I had friends like that before, but Vibrant Flourish is another chance to get a friend like that. No matter how much I disagree with what he is doing with himself. This time, I have got to do this right though, because having everyone turn their backs on me was the worst feeling of my life. Not even my parents could comfort me. Yet according to my friends, they are the ones who caused all of this. What do they know? Nothing! They did not know that they were my only friends growing up. They took me to protests. They took me to the playground. They cared for me. And they are right. It is odd why others cannot agree because what is right is right—there is no middle ground. Just exceptions. I treated my college friends well because they were the right type of people even though they were different than me; they acted different than all the others of their type. But if they were exceptions, why were they so many of them? What is the point of a rule if it does not hold true most of the time? It does not make sense, really. None of it does. 12/7/2199 Entry 58 I took one of my old college textbooks out from storage a few weeks back. It is a series really. It is called Dysphoria and it is about a transgender mare living life. I have been rereading it for all the good that it did me back in college. I have also been observing my roommate. Did you know he likes reading romance novels, camping in the Whitetail Woods, and rock climbing? I did not know that. It almost makes him seem normal. When I compare my roommate to the protagonist of the book, Evening Rose, his day-to-day life (minus the drama) makes the condition of my roommate seem normal too. The more and more I observe, I see nothing exceptional about his life except of his illness. And to be honest, if it is an illness, I suppose I should not fault his behavior anymore that I should fault the behavior of a sickly child who asks for water. Why not indulge him since I know better? It is not like Vibrant calling himself a mare really affects me anyway; all it did was make me uncomfortable for a few weeks. If I have learned anything, it is that taking a gentle approach towards things you disapprove yields better results. I just need to reach that level of friendship with him. But first I need to understand him better, know the illness first. 1/17/2200 Entry 64 You know how I said that my college friends just happened to be numerous exceptions to the rule? I do not know if that is even true anymore. It is as I have said before, if there are many exceptions to a rule, the existence of the rule does not make sense anymore. After rereading more of my old textbooks again, they are confusing me. What they say makes no sense to me because there are so many people that think differently. The existence of the Equestrians for Equestria Society is proof of that. How could all of those people be wrong? How could my parents, important members of this society be wrong? How could there be so many individuals that act morally but do not believe what the Society believes in? The social hierarchy exists to teach everyone their rightful place, so that an orderly society can exist, so that everyone knows right from wrong. They are plenty of ways to violate this social hierarchy, like not knowing your place, not knowing who you are. According to my friends, they are all wrong. How could two groups with such contradictory beliefs exist when there is only one truth, one moral standard? It is the strangest thing. 2/27/2200 Entry 67 It has been a busy month. I have been delving into my textbooks like there is no tomorrow. I have even started to make a dent in the piles of books from the local library I have borrowed. I just do not understand. Why did my friends abandon me? My beliefs upset them enough so that they cut off all ties with me, but did they not understand that what they believe would be foreign to me? That I might have a different way of thinking about things? Okay, so maybe if there is not one moral standard or truth, then from what I have read, things can be relative. That means there could be multiple truths, right? Why could my friends not realize this? What right did they have to impose their beliefs unto me! They were the first friends I made since my parents.
Vibrant's Journal Part 111/8/2199 Entry 101 He knows. I saw the look on his face. It was the same look my parents had when I told them who I am. I should’ve locked my door, but I didn’t think he’d come back that quick. There I was, and he saw everything. But you know what? Even though him finding out my secret was a mistake on my part, what happened in Manehattan won’t happen again. I’m tired of being pushed around. I’ll move if I have to, but I’m staying in Ponyville. I know the housing committee in Ponyville can help and I’ll fight this every single step of the way, even if it costs me a few more years on what I want. But above all, I’ve got to think positive. If I didn’t before, I wouldn’t have made it through college on my own. Who knows? Maybe he’ll just silently disapprove like my parents did, and if that’s the case, maybe I can change his mind about things. 11/9/2199 Entry 102 He hasn’t said anything about it. Like, did he just not see my broad shoulders or something? I don’t think so, but he’s still calling me a mare, so that’s one positive thing. Is he waiting to out me in front of the town? Possibly, but what would he gain? Ponyville has got to be the most welcoming community in Equestria! The Elements of Harmony live here! Does he not care and was just surprised? What is going on in that head of his? It’s hard to read his emotions, since it’s been one month and he still talks to me like I’m a business associate or something. Oh well. At least if was going to blow up about it, he would have done so already. So his calm, formal voice is a good thing, if a little weird I suppose. Maybe I should just confront him about it in a public area, so if things get weird, he won’t be able to say anything too nasty. I should pack some of my things, just in case. 11/22/2199 Entry 106 Wow. I didn’t think it was possible, but I am living with someone who wants to educate himself on something I think he doesn’t know much about. Who would have thought? I’ve been glancing at his reading material lately and some of them are on LGBT issues. Seriously! He even knows about Dysphoria, one of my favorite novels. The weird thing is that he is trying to keep all of this hush-hush. He thinks he’s being sneaky, but I know that he checks out like five or so books on subjects like the history of Equestria or its economics, only to hide the one book like Dysphoria within the other books. It’s just odd to see that behavior from my straightforward roommate. But aside from that, I don’t think I have anything to fear from him but cold glares. Although I wouldn’t be able to tell from that serious face of his! Ha-ha. Maybe I can help him. 1/21/2200 Entry 109 All in all, it’s been a good month. With the amount of bits I’ve made so far, it’ll probably take just a year to reach my goal of transitioning. I even have enough leftover bits to purchase some alchemy reagents! I hope the smell doesn’t bother anyone, but I've been looking to create a brew that’ll allow me to read two books at once. So far, my attempts at this have ended in cross-eyed failure, but I’ll get it eventually. I just need to find my logbook of alchemy changes since I swear I left it on the kitchen table. Maybe my roommate knows where it is? Probably not since he has been checking out so many textbooks lately; it’s probably buried under all of that knowledge. I wonder if that knowledge has been doing any good for him. He knows well enough to call me what I am and he’s been oddly respectful of me in general. Not that I'm complaining mind you. But I find him sitting in a chair more often than not, with a book in his hands, so I guess he’s more confused than anything else. He’s also still trying to hide his borrowing, which is pretty amusing, since he’s taken to swapping the books he doesn’t want me to see with the book covers he’s okay with me seeing. I don’t think he’s noticed me noticing him so keep this hush-hush journal, okay? 2/28/2200 Entry 115 Journal, you know how I said that I didn’t come here to make friends? Scratch that. My roommate certainly needs a friend. He’s just been looking like a train wreck these past few days. So I sat him down today and talked to him about nothing in general, to get his mind off of things. It worked for a bit, until the conversation drifted to which college we went to. He told me that he lost all of his college friends in one day before his senior year, so a year later he walked alone on the graduation stage. None of his parents and relatives were there. They were all busy according to him. When I heard that, I grabbed him and flew kites with him. After a while, I reeled my kite in, cast a wing spell, and chased his kite while I asked him to keep it away from me. I didn’t think he was the athletic type, but he can run! And before long, it was the early evening. At the end of the day, my roommate even thanked me. You’re welcome. 3/7/2200 Entry 121 I finally got that potion to work! I can see so much more now. No book is beyond my reach now, no text will go unread in my presence, especially if it an alchemy textbook. I have so many new ideas for potions and plenty of material to refine old ones now. I should revisit that changeling love coagulation potion, if I perfect it, think of all the good it can do and all of the bits it could bring. Speaking of bits, I found this cheap, but quality sporting goods store in town. I loaded up my saddlebags with as much camping gear I could purchase and signed up for a membership at their in-built gymnasium. I can’t believe they have a rock climbing wall there too! All in all, today was a pretty good day. Even my roommate has been looking a little better now; he’s asked me to recommend him some romance novels. Not sure if he asked me because he expects it of me or because he knows I like them, but eh. I gave him a list and sent him to the library. He seemed okay with my choices on that list, even though I thought he'd complain about some of the types of romance those books had. Maybe I'm doing some good with him.
Alex's Journal Part 23/27/2200 Entry 74 You know, for all of his faults, I do respect my roommate. He has never mentioned his illness as a way to gain sympathy with me. He had never demanded that I call him a mare. And in return I give him the indulgence he wants. And despite this unspoken agreement, he goes beyond it. He comforted me when I told him about my friends. At first I was a little startled, but then he yanked me by the arm and we went outside with two kites. It was the most fun I have had in a long while. Since that happened, I have spent more time with him despite my reservations. He did not have to do that for me, but he can tell when someone needs a friend. But the reason I respect him most of all is because he has never wavered in his beliefs. He knows what he stands for since he has his own truth that he follows. Not like me. He has always been firm in his belief that he is a mare. It seems to be more than an illness because the way he carries himself, the way he speaks, and the way he acts shows unshakable confidence. Even I, who disagree, can see that. I wish I was so sure in my own beliefs. The word illness means temporary to me. What he is—it is not temporary. It seems to be simply different. And to be honest, I do not know whether to be scared or intrigued. 4/11/2200 Entry 78 I have been avoiding my roommate for the past week or so. I decided to take a camping trip into the Whitetail Woods so I could think about Flourish's differences. Would you believe that he is now definitely like my college friends? I mean, he is intelligent and can be quite warm if you get to know him. He can be quite the conversationalist if you choose the right topics. He has cheered me up on numerous occasions when I have been feeling down. Those are all great qualities to justify a good friendship. If I hypothetically accept that, I am afraid because of what that means for me. I am still convinced of the possibility of multiple truths, but as I interact with my roommate more and more, my own beliefs are wavering. Does it really matter what he calls himself? Does it really matter that he is a pony? The answers to those questions are no longer as firm as I would like. What does this mean for my parents or the Society? I do not know. But I know that I cannot stay in this forest forever. I guess I should go back soon and apologize for expressing my views on love and marriage. 5/21/2200 Entry 81 Could my parents be wrong? How could it be? I find myself asking that question more and more ever since I read those reports I checked out of the library. Around ninety-five percent of individuals who live in urban, suburban, and rural areas in Equestria would support a transgender, homosexual, or racially different mayor then their own. This includes Ponyville and the surrounding areas obviously. So when I said that there are a multitude of different groups with differing opinions that was true. When I was told the opinions of the EFES make up the silent majority of the population’s opinions, I was horribly misinformed. The majority does not locally rule because they are the majority, but that means a huge chunk of the population believes in what they believe because they think it makes sense for them. Why does it make sense to them? Why did it not make sense to me? Why did my parents lie? 6/6/2200 Entry 86 If I accept the beliefs of my friends and roommate, I know why I cannot make sense of them. I have always thought of myself as a good person. I have never done anything bad. I have never stolen, I have never physically hurt anyone, and I have never verbally hurt anyone. But you see, the last one is not true, if I accept what my friends and roommate believe in. I have been involved in the activities of EFES since I was five years old. I carried signs during our protests. Since then, I have grown into a productive and contributing member just like my parents, organizing events, even planning to open a branch in my local college. And that is the problem it seems. I did some real good in the EFES because I believed in what they believe. I advocated for the restriction of the rights of my fellow Equestrians because they violated the social hierarchy. So to accept the beliefs of college friends is to accept that I have not been doing good things for everyone. I do not know if I can accept that. 6/13/2200 Entry 88 I cannot be a bad person. All of my life, I have been trying to do good for those around me. For my parents. For the Society. There are multiple truths. This is not false. It cannot be. I just cannot believe that I was lied to. All of those decisions though, I made. I remember the pride others had in me because they shared the feelings I had when I accomplished something in the Society. I organized my first rally when I was thirteen years old and one thousand individuals were in attendance. I later staged my first protest at the Equestrian Grand Courthouse of Canterlot when the Changeling Marriage Rights proposal was passed. I was there when the Society put forth its counter proposal with two thousand individuals were in attendance on both sides of the argument. I could remember all of those faces that contorted in fury and pity. They were familiar faces to me, but the faces I could not understand were the ones that smiled at me and everyone else on my side. They wanted to help like I did. 7/15/2200 Entry 90 They wanted to help like I thought I was doing. What was I doing? 8/23/2200 Entry 93 The individuals of this community must never know about my membership in the EFES. I have ended my membership and even tried to bribe the officers to strike my name from their records. But there is always the potential for discovery. Individuals have taken photos of the rallies we have done, and they have seen the protests first-hand. My likeness is out there forever immortalized, somewhere, and I cannot do a single thing about it. My roommate noticed my recent depression and immediately dropped what she was doing and tried to cheer me up. I gave the excuse that I realized something horrible about my parents that I did not think they ever could be capable of. I told her it was nothing illegal however so as not to worry her. I ended up crying in front of her. 9/9/2200 Entry 96 I do not know what to say. Vibrant Flourish noticed my depression getting worse. So she held me while I cried on her crest and told her about my parents. I made up the story that I only found out about their involvement in the EFES last month and that I was ashamed of them. The look on her face when I told her my parents belonged to the Society told me all I needed to know if she found out about my membership. I lied and told her that I had nothing to do with the organization. And now I have to pretend to be happy. If I do not, my roommate will notice and I know she will question my lies until the guilt becomes too much to bear and everything comes spilling out. But I am happy. I just have to think it. I have a wonderful, caring roommate that would do anything to brighten my day. I am not a member of the EFES. I finally understand why my friends from college hate me. I am pretty sure I could pass that English class with flying colors now. I do not know if I will be able to keep this up.
Vibrant's Journal Part 23/14/2200 Entry 123 It’s hard to go to sleep when you can hear crying in the night. I didn’t get much sleep last night and I don’t think my roommate did either. I didn’t confront him about it. I asked him instead about how his latest novel was going. We spoke for a while about the characters, but we ended up having a long discussion about the nature of love and how it comes in many forms. He’s still somewhat of a bigot too, which surprised me because he said that certain people should not publicly show their love, that they should keep it to themselves, even if they are married. Huh. My roommate is a bigot who wants to be friends. Isn’t that something? Well I can be his friend, but only out of pity. I just can’t believe that he still thinks that way! How can you expect somepony to care for you if you’re so disgusted with them you can’t even bear to watch them do the most normal of things? What about all of his books, his time reading, and his effort? Was it for nothing? 3/30/2200 Entry 125 I thought he could be different from my parents. From my old landlord. I should have seen the signs that he wouldn’t be. And yet he is different. He’s well-read on the issue at hoof. It’s so much more different than the disapproval of my parents or the indifference of my classmates from college. He has all of that knowledge and he’s still having a hard time figuring things out. If he’s really that confused, I guess pity really is the reason I’m still friends with him. The weirdest thing is that he does seem genuinely happy when we spend time together. When he made his first potion a while ago, the concoction blew up in his face. I thought he would be furious, but he was grinning like a foal in a candy store. I remember when my first potion blew up in my face—my parents were fuming as they scrubbed the gunk off the ceiling for the good part of a Saturday afternoon while I spent it grounded. His parents seem to be the stricter type though. I doubt they would have let him even have an alchemy set or any toys, but he does speak fondly of them. At least they took him on vacations like camping trips. According to him, he’s gone camping many times already, but before he met me, he couldn’t even pitch a tent! It’s just so funny to see him do something so normal. When he first found out about me, I thought he’d be this frothing, seething pit of hate that would only seek to make my life miserable, yet he’s normal at times. 4/23/2200 Entry 131 Alex surprised me. Not once have I ever heard an apology from anyone—it was nice to hear. It was the first thing he said to me when he got back from his camping trip yesterday. I said thank you and I asked him if he had any trouble with the stakes this time. He laughed, said that he didn't have any trouble, and it was because of me that he knows better now. Heh. Then he asked me how I could even tie off the ropes with my hooves. Good question! I told him the answer that my parents told me: magic. No seriously, he just couldn’t imagine not being able to touch things with your forelegs until somepony taught you to use the grip magic everypony has. He was like, but why do you ponies still use your mouths to hold things then? I told him it was out of convenience because your mouth is usually closer to things than your forehooves are. Then he went silent for a bit and after a while said to me that he learned something new today, thanking me for it. You’re welcome. Again. 5/23/2200 Entry 139 I know why pegasi make their homes in the sky. Not because they can, but because they want to! Even if it is temporary, even if it is just at the height of trees, flight is a gift that I appreciate more and more as I soar. I can’t believe I never thought to do this before. I’m getting better at this too, since I came up with a new potion to make my spell wings tougher and stronger—they’re not going to melt in the sun anymore. No more fear. All you need to do is grab your worries, pack them up in a box, and leave them behind as you take off. That’s how you become lighter than air. It’s how you feel lighter than air. It’s how Alex has been able to keep up with me despite my wings as we fly kites. He’s very light on his legs. Of course, that didn’t help us any when we both crashed into that tree. I know he was trying to keep his kite away from me as I started chasing it, but he was staring at me the entire time with a smile. So he wasn’t paying attention to where he was going. And I was focused on the sky and the kite. After he righted himself and helped me out of the tree, we just sat down and laughed. 6/1/2200 Entry 143 I surprised Alex today. The bicycle that shipped from that specialty shop in Canterlot finally got here! Now, I didn’t know how to ride a bicycle until today, but I convinced Alex to teach me when I showed him the one I bought. After today, I can confidently say that I still don’t know how to ride a bicycle. At least he warned me about falling off repeatedly; he’d better be right that my bruised rump is part of the learning process. It just takes practice he said. I smiled back and told him I’d get it down soon. As an apology for my rump, he offered to pay for my lunch, but I didn’t want him to feel sorry for taking the time to teach me something new. Instead, we just had lunch together at home. We started on about the weather and how the pegasi should add more rainstorms every now and then. He thinks the serenity of the thunder and lightning complement the pitter-patter of the rain. When I asked him if that should be the other way around, he admitted he just likes the sound of thunder. During his camping trip, it rained for a few days, so I wondered if he liked that too. After, he mentioned to me he likes it because it’s easier to think for him in the rain. It helped him apologize to me according to him. 7/14/2200 Entry 150 Found a book club that just started up in the beginning of this month. I couldn’t focus on any of the discussion, and only got the time and place the next meeting would be. Alex is looking terrible. He denied anything was wrong when I confronted him and I’m not sure what to do if he won’t tell me anything. I began to wonder if I did anything to upset him, but when I said sorry, his eyes glistened and he choked out that I have nothing to be sorry for. I haven’t seen him so broken up since a few moons back. Are his friends still giving him grief? Is he feeling guilty about something? Did something bad happen to him? Not knowing is killing me! When I tried to get him to fly kites with me, or go bicycling, or work on some potions, he brushed me off saying that today was just an off day for him. It's not just that. 8/23/2200 Entry 157 He cried again. I still don’t know what’s going on and he still won’t tell me. But I’ll be there for him. I am his friend. 9/10/2200 Entry 163 Alex seems happier now, so that’s good, but his mood only seems to brighten up when I’m in the same room as he is because of how he smiles. It seems a little fake to be honest. I don’t want to push it though. Whatever it is, he’s trying to keep it a secret from me. I’m not sure if waiting is the best thing to do here, but I guess it’s all I can do. He did teach me that patience yields good things. I’m glad I was patient with him. I’ve had plenty of times where my frustrations got the better of me, and sometimes they almost won out. But I just can’t forget the moments where we had … when there was clarity. When I just forgot about all my worries and shelved them away in a box. I know he did the same in those moments. I hope he’ll tell me eventually.
Happy BirthdayAs Vibrant trotted over to where Alex lay curled up on the couch with a book in their home, she waved at him. No response. She then plopped down next to him and asked, “You know what day it is? Happy birthday! I wanted to do something special for you so if you would just pull your eyes away from the pages, let’s talk about it.” “What did you have in mind?” “Well, you like romance novels as much as I do now, so how about doing a reading session of your current book and then we’ll head on over to the book club to discuss it? Afterwards, it’s cake time!” “A book club? I am not sure about that.” “Oh come on! I’m the only friend you’ve made since coming to Ponyville. You need to get out more. You don’t have to, but I know you’d be happier for it.” Alex cocked his head, “You are definitely trying to guilt me, and on my birthday too,” He sarcastically quipped, “How could you?” Vibrant simply just stared at Alex. “Oh no you don’t buster! You’ve got to give a better reason than ‘I don’t want to go’ if you want to get out of this.” “Alright, alright. I have been meaning to get into that book club, so this seems like a good chance to do so. I like what you have told me about it so far anyway.” “There you go! But I’ve got to ask: why are you so formal? We’ve known each for a while now. You’ve already made a good impression. You don’t need to put on airs for me.” “I want to present the best of myself to others.” Warmly smiling, Vibrant replied, “Fair enough. So anyway let's head out. I hope you like adventure fiction ...” One by one, the lights within the local library winked out, and the shuffling of legs could be heard over the quiet background of the evening. Outside the library, Alex cried out in astonishment. “I cannot believe we spoke of Daring Do for two whole hours.” Vibrant lifted her eyebrow and turned towards Alex. “Hey, what’s wrong with the series?” “No, no, nothing is wrong with it. It is just that I did not expect that much world building or exploration beyond the episodic ancient-temple-that-has treasure-in-it parts.” “Yeah, well, A.K. Yearling did say that she wanted to move it in a new direction after the main series was done. She said that she wanted to create a ‘grand plot’ with the familiar character of Daring Do. I’ve got say that it’s definitely different from her usual books, but it’s refreshing to see. I’m pretty excited for what’ll happen next.” “Well, as long as she continues give off that sense of wonder when Daring explores new locations and cultures, I am excited as well. Thanks for convincing me to come by the way. I met so many friendly people today. Even if some of them were more fanatic about the Daring Do saga than others …” “Ha. Ha. That’s good. Also, don’t worry about Shimmerstone and Glide Fire here. They only froth at the muzzle when we talk about Daring Do and we’re reading a new book next week anyway. Did you get the name of the novel?” “Uh … I cannot remember now actually. Oops? Do you mind assisting me?” “Sure! It’s the Secret of the Burned Locket.” “Let me guess what it is … is it a mystery novel?” “Half-right. It’s a romance-mystery novel.” With a knowing look, Alex stroked his chin. “Heh. I wonder whose suggestion that was? Hmm?” Vibrant huffed out, “If you’re implying what I think you are, then I’ll have you know that it could have been anyone’s slip in the suggestion box. Even yours. I wouldn’t put it past you either.” Alex nervously rubbed his arms while shuffling to Sugarcube Corner. “Well now, it is getting late, so how about we pick up that cake, huh?” Vibrant chased after Alex yelling, “Hey, it’s only seven o’clock! And the cake was my idea anyway! You just wanted to see if I’d like reading the book, didn’t you?” She smiled as she reached the door to the confectionary. There were few patrons within the establishment at this time and only one mare was working the register. “Hiya, you two! I haven’t seen you both in a while. How’s it been?” “It has been going well Pinkie Pie; we are just here to pick up a cake.” As soon as those words left Alex’s mouth, Pinkie’s eyes lit up like candles on a cake. “Ohh! It’s your birthday isn’t it! Are you sure you don’t want a humongous party? It would be kind of on short notice, but I could pull it off just for you.” “Thank you, but my answer has not changed from the last time you asked me. Really, the only reason we are getting a cake is because Vibrant insisted I do so. I never really celebrated birthdays anyway.” Vibrant and Pinkie gasped out, “Really? You must be kidding, right?” “I know the look on both of your faces, so let me explain. Growing up, my family just did not place that much importance on our birthdates. We were more focused on the … group activities we did since I could remember. So we did spend lots of time together, if that is what you are worried about. And I did cherish the time we spent as a family more than the activities … much more let me assure you. “ “Okie dokie lokie then!” Vibrant’s face contorted in confusion. “Wait, you’re okay with this Pinkie?” “Sure as a bug snug in a rug! I know not everypony celebrates in the same way, but the point of celebrating a birthday is spending time with those you care about the most. They’re with you every step of the way. Besides, I know you two have each other, so that’s good enough for me!” “Oh, well that’s a sweet way to put it,” Vibrant giggled out as she pulled out twenty bits and stored the cake in her saddlebags. As the pair turned to leave the shop, Vibrant couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pity for Alex. Those activities he mentioned before … I bet they were related to the EFES. I’ve seen foals, children, yearlings, and nymphs at those rallies on the news. They didn’t know what they were doing, but their parents sure did. No more negative thoughts today though. It’s my friend’s birthday and he is going to enjoy it. 10/7/2200 Entry 99 It has been a great day. I have learned a lot. Vibrant Flourish is a transmare. And the emphasis is on the word mare by her own admission. I support her even though we have never talked about it. I have been pretty confused over the past year, but I have done research to better understand myself and my world. I have come to the conclusion that my parents are jerks and I should never introduce them to anyone. I am still writing to them though. My friends could have let me know that I was a bigoted jerk in a nicer manner, but I do not blame them anymore. And the most important thing I have learned is that I do not want to lose anyone. I am so, so scared of loss. I feel as if the fear seeks to choke me every day and it has gotten worse since my last entry. But I need to be happy. Did I mention that my roommate has convinced me to leave my room? All she had to do was get me to join that book club she has. It will be fine. I have been meaning to make new friends anyway. And my roommate is my closest friend because I find her intelligent in conversation and in discussion and outgoing and kind to all those we meet. If she finds out about my past, all that changes.
TensionAuthor's Note Spoiler Alert: This chapter references the Dysphoria series and provides major spoilers for the various arcs. Sorry. Also, I edited the story because the story would be better off with one friend trying to help another. Tension The lights within the local library blazed on as its librarian reshelved books late into the night. Far past the library, the noise of excited chatter passed by the silence the crickets. Vibrant continued, “I can’t believe you made discussion questions for these get-togethers of ours! You’ve put in so much effort to make these meetings work and keep everyone interested.” “Yes, well the current novel that we are reading had performed most of the work in terms of interest. I mean, certain romance novels always seem to draw attention, especially since the couple depicted seem to be ‘unique’ among the novels we have read so far. “Changeling magic has some interesting uses, doesn’t it?” Alex giggled as he answered, “Yes it does. I did not think Shimmerstone could physically blush, but I was wrong when he told us everything in that novel was possible. That revelation should keep everyone interested for a while. And you told me attendance was lagging these past few weeks.” “Yeah, well, that was before you came. Honest! When the book club started, at least twenty-five individuals came. A few weeks ago, only five regulars and I were left. Now, we have thirty members divided into three discussion groups because of you.” “I would like to think it was a team effort between us and everyone really. There is no club without its members.” “Still, I think it’s wonderful. I’ve met so many new individuals that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I couldn’t imagine anyone doing this for me where I used to live. It’s very sweet of you. Thank you.” “Do not thank me. I had a sneaking suspicion about who suggested the novel. All I am doing is bringing her wishes to the light. I completely understand why she would recommend such a novel. It contains imagery and themes that appeal to us all in certain points in our lives. Why deny these harmless indulgences when they are normal and a part of us?” “Was that supposed to be a joke?” “Well, I must confess that I am lacking in the humor department. I am just saying that you are an adult like the rest of us. Right?” “Yup, you’re joking with me! Pffff, ha-ha. You are terrible at this, you know that?” Standing a distance apart from Vibrant, Alex bowed. “I try.” Moving towards Alex, Vibrant lightly rapped him on the elbow. “Don’t change, will you?” 12/7/2200 Vibrant Entry 181 I have a home now. I guess that’s what I’ve been looking for all this time. In Filldelphia, in Manehattan, and in Ponyville. And now I finally have it. All these friends of mine who accept me for who I am. It’s a feeling I have never had before! Even though my parents don’t understand, their disapproval seems so far away now. When I told everypony here, I expected a reaction that was familiar to me … hurtful yes, but known to me. That reaction didn’t happen. Those heavy boxes filled with worry disappeared except for a few. We’ve had a complicated friendship so far, but Alex has grown so, so far from where he started. He was the first individual in Ponyville I met, and at first, I didn’t think much of him. But he changed though. When I told everyone that I was a transgender mare two months ago, everyone clapped for me, I couldn't believe it. Alex told me that I would always have a place here in this wonderful community of ours and that I would always have friends and family no matter where I was. I hugged him and told him there was something in my eye. Then there was something in my other eye. Then I just cried like a newborn foal. That night, I slept like one too. But there’s always a but. I woke up. His crying did it. It was faint, but it was there. When I opened his door, he pretended to snore. When I shook him ‘awake’, he was surprised I was in there and asked if there was anything wrong. I told him he was crying. He said everything was alright. I couldn’t believe what he was doing, so I closed the door and went back to my bed. He’s not doing this to me again because by the end of this month, I will find out what’s wrong. 12/14/2200 Alex Entry 111 By popular vote after pulling it from the suggestion box, our book club is reading Dysphoria. The fifth book will be a whammy for them because Evening Rose dies in that one. Should I even reread the books? If I do not, my friends will know something is off, and my roommate will too. And if I do, I will just be visiting painful memories that will bring everything I have hidden to light. It is going to happen. The fear is everywhere. I just have to play it cool because I know I will cry if I read that book again. And then they will ask why do you cry so much at the death of a fictional character? And in my head, I will think that it is because I am not a good person. That is the truth. Vibrant creaked open the door to her kitchen to find Alex slumped over the dining table. “Hey, I just wanted to ask why you missed the book club meeting ... have you been crying?” “N … no. I just have been reflecting on the novel and the characterization of the main character so far. She has been through a lot. I … do confess that her struggles have touched me to a degree, and I have responded by … sobbing. Not crying technically.” Vibrant drew closer to Alex and embraced him, “Hey, it’s a sad scene but this kind of stuff happens rarely nowadays, okay?” I have never seen someone so affected by this scene before. I wonder if this is reason he was crying before. “You are correct. I cite the exemplary prose of the author to affect me so.” “You know, you don’t have to put on a front. I can tell this is really hurting you. If there's anything wrong, you can tell me about it.” “I am okay, although thanks for being here with me. I simply did not attend because my sobbing would have brought the mood of the meet down. You know how emotional I get when bad things happen to characters I care about.” “Come on Alex, I know you. At least go ahead and cry on my chest. If you let it all out you’ll feel better.” “Thank you for the hug. But I have already sobbed my tears though. I will be there next week though, I promise.” “Are you sure you’re alright? If you say yes, I won’t believe you. You’re my closest friend. I wanna help. Please tell me what’s wrong.” “I … I just need some time to process this okay? Honest. And I really do appreciate you talking to me. It means a lot.” “If … if you say so.” Vibrant could not shake the feeling that Alex was hiding something. But Alex had already left the kitchen. I wonder if has something to do with the EFES? But what else could it be if it wasn't that? Breaking her thoughts, Vibrant yelled, “I’ll be in my room if you need me, okay? Don’t hesitate to knock if you need me.” “I will.” He replied. Alex then collapsed onto his bed and began to write. 12/28/2200 Entry 116 A book a week. We have reached the hospitalization of Evening Rose. I skipped the meeting. I do not care that my roommate and my friends will know. I do not want to burst into tears. If I do in front of them, they will know. How could I ever have thought ill of my roommate? How could I have thought to kick her out just because she was born different? I cannot read the scene again. I am still my past. I am still my past.
The Whitetail WoodsThe familiar Whitetail Woods glistened under the rays of the flickering sun. As the clouds passed over the canopy, the sunlight gave them an ethereal quality as the wind gently caressed them and the leaves. Raindrops spewed forth from the storm, dampening a spot that was well-worn from travel. Near the spot lay a green tree as common as the others in the woods, unremarkable in all aspects, except for three individuals next to it. “I found you Alex!” “…” “You were looking for me, Shimmerstone?” “Don’t play dumb with me buster! Everyone from the book club has been looking for you these three days, especially Vibrant, who is right behind you by the way.” “Alex, we’re all worried about you. I’m worried about you. How could you expect us to not help?” “That is true. I am not getting out of this am I?” “No.” “Fine then. What do you want to talk about?” “First, me being a transgender mare has affected you in some way since reading Dysphoria. Second, you knew that I was a transmare the very first month I came here but didn’t say anything about it even though it bothered you. Third, you probably didn’t say anything about it because you were confused since I know you tried to hide reading all of those books. Fourth, you are the first person that tried to understand me, however contradictory that was with who you were." "Did you know how much that meant to me? However long it took, you were the first one to treat me like who I am. My own parents couldn’t even understand how I felt. But you did eventually. I can’t … you have done so much for me, and I owe you so much more than my gratitude. For the first time, I felt at home, with you and everyone else. I have friends who all make me feel that I belong, who all make me feel loved. And now I have a new life, a community that accepts me for who I am, and a cozy home. I don’t know if you’re afraid, confused, guilty, or even angry at your feelings, but I want to help you sort them out. I want to help you to accept who you are. Please let me.” “No … I will not. I do not deserve …” “Don’t you dare lie to me! You taught me that there will be people who will care you if you give them a chance. Give them a chance. Won’t you?” At this, Alex just angled his head down slowly and flatly stated, “You will not want to give a chance after I tell you the truth.” “I … I need to show you something important.” Alex then reached into his bag and pulled out a journal. “I have been avoiding this for months now. Now I cannot avoid it anymore.” He cracked open the book and slowly began to read. Alex hung his head. “So yeah. This is my secret. I know all of you may be surprised, definitely angry. Vibrant, this is what I have been hiding for the past few months.” “I am worthless. Every single day I have to tell myself what is right. None of these good thoughts came second nature to me. I want to accept your friendship, but I do not deserve it. All of these actions that I have taken after I lost all of my friends in college were ones that I took to understand my crumbling world better. It is never enough. I am not a good person. Not a good person. I just cannot hide my past anymore. So … I …” “You’re right you know. You can’t hide your past. Not being able to is a part of who I am as well. But even now, at what you feel is your lowest point, you understand. It doesn’t matter if what you did wasn’t second nature or not. You chose all of these actions because you want to be a good person. You are. I thought you would have known that already, but I’ll remind you for as long as it takes for YOU to know that. “But—” Alex’s eyes moistened as he turned away from Vibrant and Shimmerstone. “You’re feeling as if you can never make up for what you feel are your mistakes. So I forgive you.” “What?” “I forgive you.” “You can’t—” “I can. I forgive you.” “I don’t—” "You do. I forgive you.” “Do you mean it?” “I’ll say those words again and again because I mean them.” Vibrant then trotted over to where Alex sat and embraced him. Alex eventually spoke. “When I read of Evening Rose’s death for the first time … I’m ashamed that it didn’t affect me much. When I read of her death the last time, I thought of you. It made me think of what I did to hurt you. Of how I might not have cared. Please tell me … tell me you’re here. Please.” “I’m here. Nothing will change that.” “Are you sure?” “Yes.” “Then … then the answer to your question was yes.” As they embraced, Alex choked out a couple of sobs while Vibrant kept his head close, nuzzling it.
