Dear Diary

by AlphaPinkie

Rating: teen
Tags: Big Macintosh, Human, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 23663

A boy ends up in Equestria and keeps a diary of what happens

A boy of the age of 16 ends up in Equestria and uses a diary to detail his journey through this pastel colored land.

Published 2014-10-13 21:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-02 04:29:42 UTC

Chapter 1 (edited)

Chapter 1 (edited)

Dear Diary,

My name is Connor, and today was far from typical, having found myself in this strange mystical world of colorful sentient equines, and other various creatures that I could only guess came from a Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual. I’m not joking, this place looks like that a twelve year old girl found her brothers Dungeons and Dragons city/world building books, and a monster manual, and just went to town with the pastel.

To anyone who may ever read this, I suppose I should describe the events that lead me to this…heaven…hell, I’m not sure what to think of it yet. I’m getting off track it all started with me showing up to school around nine o’clock, about half an hour late for my first period. I was going to get detention anyway, so I started walking around in the courtyard. It was a rather pathetic courtyard to be honest. It was right in the middle of the school, and there is no grass, tables, or anything. Only cement laying upon that lonely earth. No one ever looked there, and no one ever came out there, so I decided to hang out around there. About an hour later, I notice something in the corner, it was a mirror that someone had left. Me being the curious jackass that I was, I went over to it, and picked it up. It was in perfect condition, other than the dirt that stained the glass, which I promptly cleaned off. I stared into it for a bit, and nothing happened.

That’s when today took a turn for the strange. A tiny beam of light struck down on the mirror, which then reflected onto me. The light got larger and larger, and larger until it reflected a beam the size of my head , and then the size of my torso, then my entire body. My mind was racing, and everything became a blur from there. I think I went into the mirror, and then ended up in a rather…different place.

The air was thick, and extremely humid in the forest that I ended up in. I would have liked to say I braved the forest and walked out unscathed, however that is far from the case. I had somewhat of a panic attack as I looked upon the alien surroundings, and sort of fell down, and laid against a tree hoping that someone would find me eventually. A few hours passed, and what I know now was a probably a little animal growled or something, and I ran with my tail between my legs. About an hour of running, becoming exasperated, and then running again later and I made it out of that forest, which I now know is the Everfree, but I prefer to call it ‘fuckthatforest’.
Upon leaving the woods though, I came to see where I would be living for probably the rest of my days. It was a little color filled town, that I would soon know as Ponyville. I, trying to forget my cowardice within fuckthatforest, started to confidently walk towards that quaint little town. This is about when I broke my record for most amount of panic attacks in a day.

So, I hear two voices, making conversation about a harvest or something, so I go to investigate. Maybe they could tell me where I was, simple plan right? Well, that was when I learned of the primary organism that inhabited this….again, still trying to decide whether it’s a heaven or hell. I saw two, one orange, and one a reddish color. They had these strange marks on their flanks, but I could not make them out, because once I saw those…things, I fell on my ass and started questioning reality. I genuinely thought I was dreaming at that point. Well, I thought I was dreaming since I was in the forest, but then I really did, more so than ever.
They hadn’t noticed me at first, but when they did I must admit it was rather hilarious. They saw me, a man standing in at six feet and two inches, and weighing easily twice their weight if not more, just sitting maybe five feet away from them, shaking my head, and mumbling to myself. I would have been terrified too, but I don’t think I would have screamed like a little girl and ran away. I would have screamed like a man and ran away.
Judging by the sun at least, it was about three P.M when a group of those equines, for whatever reason I’ve never been partial to the name pony, it just seems so sophomoric to me, were conversing about a harvest.

Where was I, oh yes, around three P.M. I had finally managed the strength, mental and physical, to walk closer towards their little town. It was not humid like in the forest, but it was not cold, far from it. It was very warm, comfortable, but it made the few mile walk aggrivating as all hell, especially since I had to walk down a steep hill to get to it.

When I did get there though, I had a wonderful welcoming party of a large bloody stallion charging at me and knocking me on my ass and out cold. Macintosh, you’ve made my shit list, that’s all I have to say about that.

When I awoke I was bound, and tied to an apple tree. My head pounding, and surrounded by three equines. A purple one with wings and and a horn, which I have no word for. One that was just a simple equine, who swiftly introduced herself as Applejack, to which the purple one introduced herself as Twilight Sparkle. Big macintosh never introduced himself, rather Applejack did after a rather awkward silence had occurred.
They questioned me as if I was a prisoner, and to a degree I was. I felt like a damn black guy that walked into Alabama while that really racist cop was on patrol. Got knocked out, tied up, and now being questioned on stupid shit because I’m not a pastel pony.

“What’s your name.” One had asked,

“Where are you from?” another had asked,

“Why are you here, what are you?” I had answered, "Connor, Georgia,

I don’t know, and a human, respectively."

I thought I was paranoid till I met this Twilight Sparkle, I said I didn’t know, because honestly I didn’t, and then she continued questioning my intentions, and honestly I had none, and I still don’t have any…aside from knocking out Macintosh, because that was extremely uncalled for, knocking me out and all that. I would have gone with them, but nah, just hit in me in the head, maybe cause major brain damage, it’ll be fine.
She even used something that I could only guess is magic on me to make me tell the truth, and she got the truth, I had no intentions, I barely even knew where I was. I still don’t, to be completely frank.

When they untied me I started laughing, and allow me to elaborate on why. I’m literally two and a half times the size of Applejack, and about twice the size of Twilight Sparkle, I hadn't gotten a close look at one of these native equines and our comparisons, until now. I’m a bloody giant in this world!
The three started talking, and by the three I mean Twilight Sparkle and Applejack while me and Macintosh starting staring eachother down.
They told me I would be staying with a pegasus called Fluttershy, apparently because she’s good with animals or something. “I’m not an ape.” I said to her, but she ignored me and ordered that I follow her.

I don’t think I hate Twilight Sparkle, but she can rather bossy, yeah, I’m the equivalent of a monster alien that if I sat on a pony I would probably snap its spine in half, but you don’t need to be arrogant to the point of completely ignoring me when I say that I’m not an ape. I mean, this equine bloody called me an animal no more than that of a bear or a rabbit. I know I shouldn’t make a big deal about this, but just fuck.

They led me to Fluttershy’s cottage to which I realized that I would not have comfortable lodgings as I had to bend over quite a bit to squeeze into the home. However once inside I could stand up straight without hitting my head on the ceiling, and even then it was maybe a foot or two above my head at the highest point, let alone that damn chandelier.

Fluttershy was kind enough, although if I hadn't already seen a bunch of talking ponies of a variety of colors and whatnot, I would have thought her to be a bit sickly. Her fur is yellowish, and then a pink mane with what looked to be some butterflies on her flank. The only other strange thing about her would be the complete and utter terror she was feeling whenever near me. I guess it isn’t that strange, I mean if a stone giant walked up to me, no matter how friendly it was, and how many bags of Twinkies it was giving me, I would be scared of it. I tried talking to her, and that ended rather abruptly, when she got scared shitless…apparently she didn’t know I could speak English, well…I guess they call it Equine, but it’s nearly the same thing.

A long story short I eventually just said “fuck it.” And starting writing this in a notebook I had on me. I’m writing this laying within Fluttershy’s home on the floor, it’s nearly midnight and I believe I should retire for the evening, perhaps tomorrow will be a little less…weird. It’s not likely.

Chapter 2 (Edited)

Chapter 2 (Edited)

Dear Diary,

I awoke in that tiny cottage, sorer than I had ever been. I’m making a mental note right now to never sleep on floorboards, I would have been better off sleeping outside, even if there were bears or tigers or lycanthropes or whatever seeks haven in this fucked up world. According to the clock, that looked to be powered by fairy farts or something, it was about nine o’clock A.M when I awoke from my restless slumber. I mean, when I looked at the clock, it had no mechanism that was shown, and when I shook it a little it appeared to be hollowed out. Oh, and something that I didn’t have a problem with yesterday, but is going to kill me today is that damn sun. Fuck the sun and all its shine. It will take me ages to adjust to that damn star in the sky, but if that was my only problem, then I would have been pretty well off, but unfortunately that’s not the case.

As soon as I stood up, and inevitably hit my head on that chandelier that Fluttershy keeps there for those birds and their incessant chirping, I got to see everybody’s favorite equine, Twilight Sparkle. Talking to her is like a drain, even though whenever I try and say something she thinks I’m saying something else. All she does is condescend me, I have a brain, I speak your language…are you deaf? Whatever, but basically she said that she talked to a Princess Celestia about me, and that I wasn’t yet to be completely trusted. Again, I get it, but do you know what they wanted me to go and do to prove that I was to be trusted. They saw my massive size, so they must have thought, “Oh this guy is super tough, and can fight really well.” I can fight somewhat well, but that’s only other humans, and even then I tend to just tackle and knee drop them in the genetailia and then run. However, even more common than that I just ignore my oppressor or walk away. Despite all that I have said to friends and classmates, I really am a pacifist. But, since this is apparently the only way to prove that I won’t go on a homicidal rampage or something, they want me to go out and face a…well I don’t remember what it was called, but when I saw it, it looked like a velociraptor, but about half the size of one. It came up to my waist when I approached it.

It was around midday when I walked into fuckthatforest to hunt this creature with nothing but the clothes on my back and my bare hands. I was fucked from the beginning. With that being said, if I died from the encounter I wouldn’t be writing this, but how I went about this was a matter of pure fortune and infortune. “You’ve always had the luck of the Irish.” They would always tell me. I’m not even Irish! That phrase never meant anything to me, I was never all that lucky, but when I walked into that damn forest, within twenty minutes I found that creature they were speaking of. It stood to my waist, and had razor sharp teeth and talons. This is the part where you would think that I valiantly charged at it, breaking its neck before it could lay a finger on me. Nope, this is far from a fairy tale, I high tailed it to a tree, and prayed that it could not climb, and my prayers were answered when it just stood at the base of the tree, and looked up at me, the longing for my flesh well within its eyes.

That’s when I committed the cardinal sin of tempting fate, and started taunting the damn thing. It looked up at me with hatred in its eyes, or maybe it was hunger…either way it had an emotion in its eyes that would not end well for me. That’s about the time I heard the branch that I was sitting on start to break. When it did break, I fell for a while, but something broke my fall, and thank god it did because I was falling for upwards twenty feet. It was that…dinosaur…yeah, I’m just going to call it a dinosaur. I landed right on its head and snapped its neck with relative ease. Two hundred pounds plus twenty feet equals a dead dinosaur apparently. That’s not to say I walked off without injury. It was actually somewhat severe, I landed and broke my leg on a rock…and the creature itself, and pulled some muscles in my arms. I’m feeling much better now, with the help of magic because in this world Vicodin and Tylenol are apparently not things.

How did I get back to Ponyville? A very valid question. Well, after crawling for about an hour I ran into this annoying ass zebra, at least I thought it was a zebra. The creature had stripes like a zebra, so I’m assuming she was a zebra. Her name was Zecora, and as soon as she started speaking exclusively in rhyme I wanted to ring her neck and cook her over a spit. I mean, who the fuck speaks exclusively in Rhyme, it’s unheard of! Until now I suppose, but I do not approve of this silliness. I asked her why she spoke in rhyme, and she didn’t know what I was talking about. I’m getting ahead of myself though. When I saw her, she was wearing a brown leather hood concealing her face and nearly everything about her. She saw me crawling, and I called out to her for her to help me, and she did. She ended up leading me to this one cottage in the middle of the woods and set me up on a wooden bed from within. She patched me up by putting this weird brew on me. It was cold and had the consistency of cottage cheese, but it made me feel much better, as for my arm, she just put it in a sling and I was walking…with a limp. She said it would be a few days before I would be able to walk and run perfectly again and that I should take it easy. It felt good though for someone to not treat me with complete and utter contempt or unbridled fear. For a zebra that speaks exclusively in rhyme though, she was nice enough, and with her having knowledge of voodoo and the dark arts, so I would assume, she was quite helpful.

That’s when I remembered I had to bring back proof of the kill, a claw, a tooth, something. I am not a lot of things, but one thing I am is an over achiever so I “borrowed” some rope from Zecora and limped over to where that dinosaur...raptor, thing was and tied the rope around its snout, and left some rope left over so I could drag, and god damn was that thing heavier than it looked. It took me at least two or three hours to drag it back to Ponyville, and when I got there I felt like a badass, but in hindsight I probably looked more like a cat bringing a dead rat to its owner.

It was beginning to stink, and left a thin trail of blood behind it. Dragging this beast behind me made me realize something very important. I hadn’t eaten in a day and a half! That raptor was looking rather delicious the more I thought about it, but then the thought that if these beasts were anything like the horses from my world than they would all be vegetarians, and eating any type of meat would be taboo. On the other hand it was not an innocent beast and had been terrorizing ponies at night. I shrugged off my hunger and walked to what looked like town square, and laid the beast down, and sat down next to it. The other ponies that were looking upon me were horrified, but I didn’t get it. This was the thing that had destroyed crops, eaten livestock, and more than likely ate a few ponies that ended up in fuckthatforest. I thought they would have been happy that it had been slain. I shrugged off their gazes, and drifted off to sleep, for I was rather exhausted after all of that nonsense.

When I woke up, it was that purple uni…pega….until I learn what the fuck to call her, I’m calling her a pegacorn, and I have this weird feeling I’m going to feel stupid when I learn what it’s called in actuality. Twilight Sparkle essentially said that I should not just lay out in town square with a corpse, and that I was a lunatic and an idiot, and all of that. However, I did earn some points, because she said she was grateful that this beast had been taken care of. She asked me how I went about doing it as she used her magic or something to pick it and me up. I told her I charged it head on, tackled it and broke its neck. She asked me how I messed up my arm, and I told her I hurt myself dragging the damn thing here. I really hope she never reads this.

Twilight Sparkle seems to be of a very high intelligence, and even wisdom, but she seems to be kind of gullible as well. I am not the best liar, and she believed me, I was kind of surprised when she did. Then I got depressed when she told me that I would be in charge of removing “problems” from the community and that forest. I’m going to talk to her tomorrow that I’m going to need something more than just my bare hands. A sword, a crossbow, a normal bow, a fucking butter knife would be better than nothing.

She also said that I had a long day, and it was the evening and that I shouldn’t go back to Fluttershy’s home since it was way too small for me. Apparently they had made arrangements for me to be staying in Applejack’s barn, and that’s where I’m writing this. On a workbench, in a barn, around ten o’clock P.M. I suppose I should retire, and I have only one thought on my mind. I am going to be extremely sore in the morning.

Chapter 3

Dear Diary,

Before I detail today’s events, I have two things to say. Sleeping on hay is much more comfortable than one might think, also I fucking called it. When I woke up this morning, I could barely move. My leg didn’t feel as if it was broken anymore, because as far as I was concerned it wasn’t. I mean, I could walk on it so it couldn’t be that bad. It still felt like someone had taken a club to it while I was asleep. I had an idea, just don’t move, and go back to sleep, and maybe with some luck no one will come in and make me do shit. Maybe it’s the tendency to procrastinate, maybe it was the fucked up limbs but I didn’t want to do anything today. However, if that was the case it would have ended about here.

Right as I was about to fall into that blissful state of sleep, I got to hear a voice I wasn’t completely sick of, but rather one that reminded me of a few friends back in Georgia. It was Applejack! I think originally she was coming into the barn to get a hoe or a bucket or something, but I think I may have scared her because she started screaming at me.

Turns out Twilight completely forgot to mention to Applejack that I was going to be staying in Applejack’s barn since Fluttershy’s cottage was much too small. I tried ignoring her, but then she thought that the only level headed thing to do was to drop a bucket on my head, and told me to get the “buck” out. Ugh, there’s that weird Equestrian speech coming out again.

See, here is where I made a huge mistake, I just ignored it and turned my back to her. If by some cosmic fart, another human ends up here, and reads this, and Applejack is still around, NEVER TURN YOUR BACK TO THAT CRAZY ASS HORSE. She straight up got a fucking rope and dragged me out of the barn and rolled me down the damn road with my arms and legs bound.

Then…I lay there, in the sun, tied up, and struggling trying to escape those bindings. God damn though was it hot out today, I don’t even think it was eight in the morning and that sun was beating down on me.

That’s when I met an equine that didn’t seem like a complete psycho, no, she seemed like a Victorian age noblewoman. Rarity truly is a fitting name for an equine obsessed with fashion, jewelry, as well as precious stones and metals in general. I didn’t realize this right away, no. It took about five minutes of speaking with her. Although, considering her demeanor, I’m surprised she didn’t just run away. Maybe it’s because I looked awful. I was starved, and dehydrated, and she thought that I couldn’t do anything to her in that state. She untied me, and then we had a lovely conversation about how big a diamond has to be before it becomes tacky. They have to be pretty damn big apparently.

I have two things to say about the one restaurant in Ponyville. There aren’t any seats, which is understandable considering their typical clientele. However, I love my bacon and ribs and all of my meats, and it is one hundred percent vegetarian. Once again, it is understandable, but I need meat, I need protein, or I will become very sickly. I guess I’ll ask Twilight about it later.

What I did eat, was this strange vegetarian sandwich. It was on rye bread, with a bunch of weird vegetables, and a strange sauce. I think it’s a cucumber sauce, but I can’t be completely sure.

Here’s a little information about me, a little tidbit that will allow you to understand some of my stupider moments with some of the events to come. I tend to lose my grip on reality and drift in my mind quite often, causing me to miss everything going on within the outside world. The fact that the reality that I’m in is practically a fantasy world did not make this problem any less prevalent.

So Rarity and I were still talking over this…questionable meal, when it just hit me that I had rolled down a hill, and been sitting on hot ground, and instantly I noticed a ton of new bruises, and with that came a new level of soreness I was feeling.

I was thinking “I’m not doing jack shit today.”

Considering that she was one of the few equines around here that wasn’t completely terrified of me or anything like that I began to ask her a few questions.

“Where exactly am I?”

To which she answered, “You are in Equestria darling.”

“Why aren’t you overly paranoid of me, or just completely terrified of me?”

To which she responded, “You seem like a docile enough…thing. Also, if you meant anypony here any harm, you probably would have shown that by now.”

Rarity truly was a cheery thing, but it was a subtle elegant smile that she always wore. With that being said there was nothing that could have ever prepared me for the horrifying, migraine inducing, and disturbing amount of happiness that one equine possessed, and her name was Pinkie Pie. There were a few times back at home where her company would have been welcomed and needed, however at that moment with my headaches and sore bones, her high pitched words were less like words and more like arrows piercing my eardrums.

On the other hand it was nice to have another equine that wasn’t scared of me, or held contempt for me.

I felt like I needed to get up and start walking around town and stretch out my sore bones and muscles, it’s the only way to fix pulled muscles, so says the voices in my head…and my old physician.

Guess what happened next, no guess…well if you guessed I ran into Twilight Sparkle, you would be wrong. It was that red dingle dongle looking mother fucker, Macintosh. We traded glances, and starting circling each other, keeping perpetual eye contact.

A few ponies…you know what, I need to start calling them ponies that is the only way I’m going to live in this weird ass world. Alright, so a few ponies came out and started watching us, and I made the first move, and something happened that I probably should have expected, but I was not thinking at the time. I charged at him and he just rammed me in the gut and walked away. I really need to stop hurting myself don’t I?

After recovering from that, I did meet up with Twilight Sparkle, and I started letting her have it. I started with saying that she forgot to fucking tell Applejack that I was going to be staying in her barn for the time being and that she tied me up and rolled me down the street. Then I got a little more pissed when I started telling her that I am not a fighter, especially not with my bare hands, and if she ever wants me to take care of any “problems” in Ponyville. I also asked her what the fuck kind of problems she would have me dealing with in this world. For that, she had an answer.

“You will be dealing with any types of creatures, such as that raptor that you had removed, that are terrorizing the people of Ponyville, and if you don’t, you won’t be able to take residence within Ponyville.”

At least I got an answer for that, as for my other questions. Well, first off, Twilight apologized, to which I was shocked that she was capable of such a thing, judging from her demeanor the past couple days. She also said that she had told Applejack that I was going to be staying in that barn. As for weapons, she said that she didn’t trust me with anything sharper than a spoon…I then asked for some rope, and about ten minutes.

When I came back with the stick and rock tied together with that rope, she was not pleased and that look on her face was priceless. She said that she didn’t trust me with any kind of weapon, but I simply responded with…

“But if I do not have a weapon how am I supposed to attack these things? How am I supposed to have a chance against anything bigger than a rabbit or a duck? Humans are a tool using species, and we need things like this to do anything, from building to fighting to everything.”

I was proud of my little rebuttal to her disgust at my makeshift flail, that didn’t make her eye roll any less annoying, and her criticisms and less disheartening. She did eventually agree that I could keep this little tool, but under the condition that I never have it on my person unless I am heading into fuckthatforest, to which I promptly agreed. I was not in the mood to argue with her.

It was later in the evening easily eight or nine o’clock, when I had sat down in the barn and stretched my legs out and started getting relaxed to write this journal entry, when Applejack came in somewhat nervously to apologize. I accepted and she sat down and we began talking, the conversation took a turn for the worse when I took out the flail I had made. She said weapons like that are wrong, and violence should never be the first option of dealing with a problem. She also had the reasonable thought that having that thing around will scare the ever living shit out of any ponies that are wandering around town. I, naturally, said to her that Twilight said that I could never have it on my person in the town. I did tell her why I needed it, and why if I didn’t have this thing, and didn’t have this little makeshift flail I would probably end up as a prime rib at some beast’s dinner table.

“Did Twilight tell you what she’s having me do, so I can be proven useful to this town?”

She replied no, Twilight either forgot to tell her, in which case no harm no foul, and if she wasn’t meant to know, well I hope I don’t get a conjured boot shoved up my ass. I basically said…

“Twilight is having me go out and kill anything that is out there to harm the life here in Ponyville. The bad part is, is that I’m not much of a fighter, so this is very unfamiliar territory. I need this weapon, to do what she told me to do, and she didn’t even want me to have it.”

Applejack cringed when I said the word kill. I have this strange feeling that death is not a common occurrence in this world, so when death occurs it’s a bloody ordeal.

We exchanged goodbyes and she left me to write this entry. It’s about eleven o’clock, and I hope tomorrow is as relaxed as today…I doubt it.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading, and if you would like to leave a comment, they are much appreciated :)

Chapter 4

Dear Diary,

Today was actually somewhat relaxing as many of the ponies within this small hamlet were growing accustomed to my staying here. I even had a lovely conversation with an Octavia about musicians from my world. My favorite classical one easily being Mozart, but after finding out that she played the cello, I perhaps went on for a longer time than I should have, talking about the group “Apocolyptica.” I told her that they were this band that played four electric cellos, and they mixed rock music with classic symphonies and it was glorious. Now that I think about it, I wonder if there is a way to bring music from my world into this one. I feel at least Octavia and possibly Rarity would be interested in Earthly culture. Well, Rarity would be more interested in design while Octavia would find more liking to music and whatnot.

You know something I am just now realizing? I didn’t get woken up at some ungodly hour, or in some horrid fashion. I woke up, sleeping on some hay, which again is extremely soft…more so than I ever would have thought.

So, when I did get up I ended up walking down, at my own leisure to get something to eat.

I was thinking to myself, “This is far too calm.”

The day took a turn for the unfortunate around this point. See, the one time I’ve eaten, which was a rather large meal by the way, was paid for fully by Rarity, since I obviously had no currency here. I tried to pay for some breakfast with some quarters I had on my person from when I first came here. The pony running the place looked at me like I was a madman, and still had the tiny glint of fear in his eyes. It was small though. I suppose after being here for four days now, these ponies have finally realized I mean no harm. That’s a good thing at least.

Where was I, oh yes, procuring a meal from one of the vendors in town square. Apparently the accepted currency of Equestria, or Ponyville at the very least is bits. I would walk around for a while, seeing if I could find any familiar faces, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, anyone really. See, at first I didn’t want to see Twilight, as she has been a less than favorable soul to converse with, but she’s started acting different around me. She’s started acting nice around me. What black magic has engulfed this pony’s mind?! She even apologized for being a paranoid and arrogant bitch…just not in those words exactly.

It was more along the lines of, “I’m sorry for not giving you the benefit of the doubt, and having you go through all of this stuff, and having you nearly risk your life even though I pretty much knew you meant Ponyville no harm.”

Those weren’t her exact words, but it was rather close along those lines. I accepted her apology, and we set forth on a very difficult journey, one that has claimed the lives of many men, women, and children alike…Small talk. It was pretty basic, we exchanged pleasantries, as the moment I saw her, she spurt out that apology. I had two main questions for her, the first being, where can I get some “bits” so I can get a half decent meal. I don’t have a job here, so it makes all of that rather complicated. That’s when she said she would be able to get me a more official job than the occasional head hunting out in Everfree forest. Yeah, I’m done with calling it Fuckthatforest, it’s getting rather old. She said there was a need for some more intellectual ponies as well as ones of a more brutish nature, being that I love to avoid work; I asked what was needed of me if I wanted to work in the fields that would require a decent amount of intelligence. She claimed it to be a rather simple job; they needed someone who could teach literature at the local school.

I genuinely thought she had a tumor, even thinking of allowing me to do anything that would require me to have an IQ more so than a potato, and be around children. Keep in mind, considering my size, and that I am bearded, she probably assumed that I was older than I am.

I asked what kind of literature, and she said that I would be teaching the equivalent of high school level Equestrian literature. That’s about the point where I was really wondering if she had anything wrong with her. I knew nothing of Equestrian literature, and she knew that.

When I asked what the more brutish occupation would be she said, “The apple family could always use another pair of hooves to help out around the place, and since I already lived in that barn, I would be perfect for it.”

Apparently Applejack said to Twilight that they really did need more help around the place, and since I needed money for basic things like food, clothing, and all of that, that they would be glad to pay me for working the fields.

So yeah, I really do need a job, I guess I’ll ask around somewhere else, because there is no way in hell I am breaking my back over apples, and I can’t teach.

The second thing I asked Twilight was what there was to do for fun around here. She said she usually just sits around and reads random books. She claims to read from things about alchemy to magic, and historical stuff, and all sorts of things. She also said she talks to, and hangs around with her friends when she has any free time during the day, which is not typically the case. She then proceeded to ask me what I did most of the time around at my home. I said I read, and wrote a lot, from chemistry, history, fantasy, and lots of topics of varying levels of complexity.

Twilight became somewhat intrigued with that. She asked me any specifics that I have read that may be in her collection. I guess she thought that it was possible through the power of magic and wormholes and shit that maybe books from my world could have ended up in Equestria. I gave her a brief list of some of my favorites: Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, The Art of War, and Silence of the Lambs. She had heard of none of them, let alone seen them. So, pretty much exactly what I expected.

I bid her farewell, and continued to walk along the roads of Ponyville, saying hello to a few ponies as I passed them by. After about an hour of walking around, I found a bakery. The place is known simply as Sugar Cube Corner, and within I found a pony that I was more prepared to converse with. That pony was Pinkie Pie, and unlike last time, her hyperactivity was less annoying and more endearing. I have a strange feeling I’m one of the few beings that thinks that.

She saw me stumble into the building, and within a moment she had run up to me with her two hooves up on me. God damn does she weigh more than you might think. If I were to guess I would say one hundred and fifty pounds to say the least. She wasn’t fat, and she wasn’t that big, but still, holy shit did she make me fall back a little. With that being said, it was cold as a frost giant’s left bollock in there and something warm on my skin was refreshing.

I began talking with her about my predicament concerning me needing some money for necessities, and the first thing she did was ask me when I ate last. I told her it was around noon yesterday, and as soon as I said that she bolted into the kitchen. After about two minutes or so, she came out with a large cupcake. It had pink frosting, and the actual cupcake was chocolate. I know I shouldn’t have eaten that with nothing else, but I was starving and it smelled so good. It tasted amazing as well.

After that, she said something about how she loves baking, and that she was going to host a party welcoming me now that ponies are getting more used to my fat ass walking around. She also said that since I needed a job, I could work over at Sugar Cube Corner, as a delivery boy. I accepted. It didn’t require a ton of physical effort, and I didn’t need to know much, which was also nice. She said that they actually needed something delivered to town hall. They didn’t tell me what it was, and being the paranoid person I was, I assumed it was something shady. I thought it might have been some drugs, illegal weapons, or something of that sort.

Now, when I got there with that brown package, and knocked upon the birch door, I met a Mayor Mare. As soon as I learned her name I couldn’t stop laughing! Mayor, fucking, Mare. What kind of sadistic person would have someone’s surname be “Mare” in a world like this? I have this strange feeling that I am never going to truly get over that.

Where was I? Oh yes, I knocked on that door and met Mayor Mare, and I told her I had a package for her. I handed it to her, and that proved to be ineffective considering she has no fingers, or horn, or any of that. I just wish it didn’t take five minutes of awkward silence to realize that. She invited me in, and led me to a small table within what looked like a kitchen. I set the package down, and took a step back as she walked up to it, and tore it apart with her teeth.

It was at that moment where I felt stupider than I ever had before, because within was just a large slice of gourmet cheese cake on what looked to be a silver platter. She paid me in these weird golden pieces, which I now know are bits. I showed myself out.

It was later in the evening by then, so I hurried back to Sugar Cube Corner, and gave Pinkie Pie the bits. She counted them out and handed me about half, and told me she would find me if there was a delivery needed to made, or if there was anything else she needed.

I went back to that stand to purchase some food, and what I bought was weird. It was this strange fruit that tasted like pork, and was shaped like a grape fruit with an orange color. It was bumpy on the skin, and definitely took some effort to bite into.

I’m now in the barn, just finishing writing this entry, I should go to bed now, I have no idea what time it is, and I’m exhausted. Today was a pretty good day, I wonder what tomorrow will hold for me.

Author's Note

Thanks for all your support with this, and the likes are nice as well. I made sure to read through this, so I think I ironed out any grammar problems. Be sure to like if you haven't already...and want to support the story, oh and also I love reading comments, feel free to :pinkiehappy:

Chapter 6

Dear Diary,

I awoke this morning in complete and utter bliss. It was the first time I had slept in a real bed, and yes, I know I said that those makeshift hay beds I had been sleeping in were comfortable, but that was nothing compared to the guest quarters within the castle. It does make me wonder if I should finally get off my lazy ass and work on building a small cottage in Ponyville. I know I have been sickly lately, and perhaps sleeping in the barn among the beasts would be what’s causing that. That’s my guess, but what do I know? As far as logic is concerned I’m a high school dropout living among creatures, most of which most likely have the brain capacity of the average human...so not much. I shouldn’t insult though, honestly, I have no room to speak.

I mean, one evening when I was back on Earth I spent an hour and a half watching static on the television, thinking it was a television show. I wasn’t stoned or drunk, or anything. I simply watched it, and thought it was a television show. It was not a very proud time now that I’m thinking back to it.

Where was I? Oh yes! Upon waking up, and finding myself in those wondrous surroundings, made even better by the sun gleaming through the windows ever so slightly, I got a message from one of the guards. It basically said, you need to leave and take your damn rat with you. It was more elegant than that, but at that point in the morning, that’s basically what I read. I, being a somewhat decent guest thought that I should obey the guard, and walked down to the stables where my new friend awaited me. That’s about the point when I realized this thing was going to be some trouble. It had destroyed its pen, and injured one the guards tasked with containing it. Severe injuries they were not, however he did end up taking the rest of the day off to rest. All in all though, the Canterlot guard really do not like me. Well, them, and the millions of other people and ponies that do not care for me in our respective worlds. Oh well, if I cared about what other people thought of me, I’d be a mess at the bottom of the Empire State Building.

Upon leaving the walls, riding my giant rat, I came to realize something. There is no way in hell they are letting me on the train with this thing. Hell, they put up a fuss letting me on the train in the first place. They would probably get a firing squad to put me and this thing down if I tried that.

“It would probably be better to walk.” I thought to myself at the time, oh how wrong I was.

Despite how painfully twee this place is, it also has its monsters. Mostly creatures that you could find in a Dungeons and Dragons book. This place may as well be Faerun, except instead of humans and elves and the sort, they have ponies.

The first two hours of our hike went surprisingly well, until William, yes I named the rat William, if you have a fucking problem with that, you can go over to big black bubba at Texas state penitentiary, dressed as a woman, and spend about ten minutes in his cell, started moving slower and slower, and his stomach began growling. I was growing hungry as well, and we decided to go off the tracks that we were following back to Ponyville, and finally get some damn meat to eat. It has been too long since I’ve had meat or any variety.

After walking about a mile east of the tracks, we saw something rather gualing. It was a creature, a gryphon tearing apart a pony who had been walking around the wilderness. It was a bloody mess, and the gryphon was not phased by it. Me and William snuck up on it the best we could, and William was able to get one claw across its wing, tearing up the tissue. The Gryphon was not happy, and before I heard it mumble something in what sounded like actual English, it jumped at me and william.

Thank god for a little something I ‘borrowed’ from the castle. It was a steel shortsword, and I took it because I foresaw an encounter like this. However, I being the opposite of a dextrous individual was not able to draw the blade before that beast dug its claws into my leg, ripping it open in a rather grotesque display. William bit the beasts...genetalia, and the subsequant scream I heard afterwards made my blood curdle, and made me cringe. I then tried to take a swing at the beast with the blade I had stolen, and despite the creatures sharp talons it has a relatively weak exterior, as I was able to easily chop a gash into its side, forcing it to the ground. Was it luck? Hell if I know, but what I do know, is that it was hunger, and rage that drove me to jump atop the gryphon and shove my blade through its heart, and then down its throat.

I was satisfied with my work, and allowed William to eat first. No wonder the princess wanted this rat out of the dungeon. It was tearing the gryphon apart. There was hardly anything left of the damn thing when it was finished.

This is the point where I should have walked away, but I couldn’t let one thing rest on my conscious. I knew that pony was long dead, but I thought I ought to have brought it back to Ponyville, as I thought that perhaps someone there would know who it was. Also, I wouldn’t want to attract more beasts to an area so near general society. I had ignored the pain for too long though, as when I picked up the pony that was dead on the ground, I nearly collapsed from the wound that gryphon had delivered.

I tried crawling, I mean that’s what injured people did in movies and whatnot, it didn’t seem so hard, until I did it, and ended up smearing that crimson liquid all over the ground. After that damn rat stopped giggling it came over to me and let me climb atop its back, and we continued our journey. However, now I have a fucked up leg, and we get to enjoy the smell of rotting pony at all times. Fun!

It was around ten in the evening before we had finally made it back to the town, and out of a realistic fear of William being driven away, I ordered him to stay at a hill away from the road. As for me, I screamed for some help, and quickly out came Rainbow Dash, who started looking me over, and asking questions like, “What happened!? Where have you been?!” Questions like that and the sort. I explained that I had a bad encounter with a gryphon, and then she saw the dead pony that William had left next to me. That’s when I really had to explain.

I basically said, that the gryphon was feeding on it, before I killed the gryphon, and brought the pony’s body with me. There was a strange look in Rainbow Dash’s face. It was a look mixed with concern, fear, and a little bit of disgust.

“You, killed a gryphon by yourself?” She asked, looking at the wreck that was me, covered in dry blood, and with that wound in my leg.

I told her we would speak in more detail tomorrow, and if she could just bring me to a hospital that would be just fucking dandy. She dragged me to the hospital, and thank god I had that sword concealed or else there would be much more explaining to do.

Upon getting to the hospital I was admitted right away, and what they basically did was use something that I can only explain as magic to seal the wound. However, they said I might be in the hospital a few days. Fantastic! Oh well, I guess that means I won’t have to do any work on the town. However, I’ll need to alert someone of William. I need him to be okay.

It’s midnight, and I believe I shall retire for the evening. What the hell is going to happen in the damn hospital tomorrow?

Author's Note

This chapter wasn't very funny in retrospect, but that's what I get for writing a chapter of this while listening to Kontrust.

Chapter 7

Dear diary,

One would think a hospital would be rather uneventful, and in my final few minutes before falling into a deep sleep I thought I would only write a few words about my staying in this building. However, being a human in a hospital built for ponies, interesting things happen.

The day began simple enough. I awoke to the sounds of birds chirping their wondrous song, and the various doctors racing around the hospital to their patients as if they had just snorted a line of cocaine off a passed out hooker’s ass. It was hectic yes, but for a change I didn’t see the hectic part. You see, I’ve always had an aversion for crowds, so I would spend most of my time in the library reading various novels...some less modest than others. It was quiet there, and that’s why I made it my haven, and for whatever reason the same feeling I had in that library I have here. It’s a good feeling, but it was swiftly interrupted by good ole Pinkie Pie. Speaking of someone who is coked up, when she came in, she couldn’t shut her mouth. I know she means well, but I think she may have been better off somewhere where I wasn’t. Ugh, I need to stop being such a cynic. It gets us no where.

There were a couple of good things that came along with her visit. One of those things being a delicious pastry that I would have presumed to be a large crepe, and I would have presumed correctly. However, this was no ordinary crepe. This was the most delicious thing I had tasted in ages! She also started questioning me about what had happened to me. I essentially told her that I promised to tell Rainbow Dash the story as well, and Pinkie ought to just hang around so I wouldn’t have to tell it twice. She agreed, but then she starting telling me an intriguing story.

The setting, a rock farm. All right! No! I haven’t ranted in a while, but who the fuck has a rock farm! I mean, maybe it’s what they call a quarry of some sort, but an actual farm like one where they grow corn, but instead they collect rocks. This can not be an actual thing. However, it went on that one day while she was rummaging around in the fields she found something peculiar. Typically in the rock fields you would find, well...rocks. However, she found something that she claims to have kept to this day. A strange radiating red gem. She claimed it to be the size of a diamond from one those silly James Bond movies, or Batman cartoons, but it was garnet red, and in the shape of well...a diamond. It’s glow even irradiated heat. She had never seen anything natural like that before, and yet to since. I asked to see it once I was out of the hospital, and she happily agreed.

A few hours of mindless chatter passed, and Rainbow Dash came in, carrying a jug of something on her back. I call it something even now, because she never explained what it was very thoroughly. It tasted like alcohol, but very lightly. It was as if they mixed rum and apple cider. Sufficient to say, it did not last long in my hands. I love rum way too much.

After I had started sipping on that wonderful treat, I asked her if she would like to hear the tale of what I saw and did that day. They said yes, and honestly Rainbow Dash seemed to be the most excited to hear the tale, especially after the wreck she had seen me in, and that dead pony that was with me.

I must admit, I did embellish the story a bit. It basically went like this.

It was the middle of the morning, and we had just left the guest sleeping quarters of the Canterlot castle. Me and my partner William were walking along the tracks, as we thought it would be impractical to actually take the train considering our predicament. We didn’t want to scare the other ponies that would have been riding that day. As we walked, William grew hungry, so we decided to go out hunting off the train tracks. You see, William is somewhat of a carnivore, and I’m an omnivore, and we need meat to survive (I can’t believe I actually said that so nonchalantly, but they seemed unfazed by my saying that.) After about a mile of walking, we came across a feral gryphon. The beast had red eyes that could stare through your soul, talons like spears, and a beak that looked as if it could pierce mithril. It’s flesh could be that of plate mail, and its roar would pain anyone who would have the misfortune of hearing it. When we found it, it was dining on a poor pony that was probably just wandering about from a nearby farming community. Me and William charged the beast, and we were only able to clip its wing before it charged me me and him. William was left mostly undamaged, but I ended up talons ripping into my flesh. It was then that I swung my sword at it, and took one of its legs with me. Then, in a furious battle I dove upon the beast and slayed it, with some help from my compatriot. He was a greedy thing though, because he ate most of the gryphon before I could even make it into rations. We then looked upon the poor pony, and we thought it was unfit for it to have such a fate, so we brought it here.

Pinkie Pie looked a little bit off from the tale, I don’t think she was expecting something like that. Rainbow Dash on the other hand seemed a bit impressed, and started asking more questions. Such as, “Do you still have the sword.” As soon as she asked the question, I pulled the shortsword from where I had hidden it on my person. It still had some dried blood on it. She then asked if I had ever done something like this in my world. This is about the time I started telling her a few things I seldom told anyone, ever.

“I was a coward in my old world, I would always shy down from confrontation, and I could hardly speak with anyone out of fear of people ridiculing me for whatever reason. I had friends sure, but for whatever reason I always had this feeling that people hated me, it was not my rational mind talking, but still. I also tended to be a paranoid and careful individual. However, coming here has given me a new lease on the life. I feel like a main character in a Dungeons and Dragons campaign. Also, when you need meat to survive, and you haven’t had it in a week you tend to be desperate.”

Her final question was, “Who is William?”

That was about the time I realized I needed to speak with Fluttershy. I asked Pinkie if she could retrieve her for me, and after about a half hour, she did.

Maybe it’s because I was hospitalized, but Fluttershy seemed to much more at ease with me now than when we first met. I basically told her where William was staying, and told her to feed him something, and make sure he is okay.

Then I got to have the lovely experience of explaining who William is. I told them he was a rat just a bit smaller than a train car, and isn’t very fond of ponies. I explained that he also isn’t the most tame of beasts, and when I found him, he was terrorizing prisoners and guards in the Canterlot dungeon. I also told her that she may want to bring someone who can help contain him, should it become too much for her to handle. She laughed at the notion and explained that she has never failed at handling an animal. I wished her luck, and she walked out.

After a few more minutes of mindless chatter a nurse came in, and said it was time for everyone to leave me to rest. About an hour has passed since that moment, and I truly am exhausted. I wonder what will happen tomorrow, I wonder if Fluttershy will be able to handle William. Probably not.

Chapter 8

Dear diary,

You have nothing to fear, but fear itself. However, one could also be rather anxious around needles with unknown liquids in them, needles that not even the doctors know all the properties of. It was supposed to be some kind of pain reliever, morphine or something of that sort I would guess. Although seeing as most medicine in this world is done with magic rather than science. With that logic though I will never understand why they couldn’t just patch me up and send me out. There are a shit ton of holes in their logic. Maybe it’s so they can make more money while you “recover.” It doesn’t matter where you go, capitalism will always follow.

After eating a breakfast of something that could only be described as gruel, I had a visitor. Twas a familiar face, a pink one that really likes sweets, and tends to talk too much. She had a cupcake in a basket. It was a vanilla cupcake with pink frosting. It had a light aroma, and even lighter taste, but it was nice and relaxing to have something that didn’t taste like it had been shat out by one of the doctors.

“So whatcha doin’?” She would ask, sitting on a stool near my bed.

I’d explain to her that it would be the same thing as yesterday, laying around being a lazy bum, waiting to be able to leave.

I had been pondering something though. I know that magic exists in this world, definitely accessible by unicorns and alicorns, and through certain artifacts. However, could anyone access magic? I suppose the question would be boiled down to is magic a purely genetic thing, going from the blood of unicorn to unicorn, and only transferable to certain items that have the ability to contain magic, and the only unicorns that can transfer the magic are extremely powerful ones, again, the power being strictly genetic. Or, the more probably reality where it’s mana. Mana is essentially the manifestation of magic, it’s in the air, soil, everywhere, it’s essentially energy that just is. Maybe it’s unicorns, being the most studious of the races, that are best at accessing magic, and for pegasi, and earth ponies it simply is more difficult, and doesn’t come naturally so simply they do not practice it.

I asked Pinkie Pie if she would bring me Twilight, and if she could by any chance bring any books on the science of this world, and magic. She asked why, in that simple childish tone, but I just said please, and just like that she was right on it.

I waited around for a while, expecting Twilight, and possibly Pinkie Pie to be the first to burst through those doors. However, it was not, it was Fluttershy. She looked like a mess, some of her fur was shredded, and her main was covered in dirt and twigs. She also was so exhausted she could barely stand.

“So how was William?” I asked with a smirk that she thankfully didn’t notice.

“He didn’t listen to me, not even with the stare.” She said, laying down on the floor.

I laughed a bit, and asked if she at least left some food for him, and made sure he wasn’t too beat up.

She said that he didn’t look injured, but it was hard to tell considering how territorial he was, and she did leave food for him, both last night and this morning. I said I’d pay her for her troubles in any way I could. She smiled and walked out of the room. I didn’t like that smile.

Soon after that Twilight walked in with a few books on the natural sciences of Equestria, a spell tome, and an atlas. I remember this conversation much better than most of the others today, it might have been because of the drugs wearing off, but I don’t know.

“What did you want these for?” She asked curiously as I placed them gently on my bedstand. “I’m always glad to help someone in their search for knowledge, but these specifics.” She was rather confused.

“I simply want to check some suspicions, and also do a little research. I’m most likely to spend a long time in this world, if not the rest of my life, so I ought to do my research.” I cracked open the book on natural sciences. There were many similarities to earth, and not much that I needed in there, I would still page through it later.

“Well if you have any questions, you can ask.” She said, walking out the door.

“Actually I do have a question, what is magic in your world?”

She smiled a little bit, excited that something other than a unicorn would ask anything about actual magic and the science behind it. “First things first, mana. Mana is basically what powers our magic, we unicorns have a unique natural ability to tap into it.”

“So anything that can learn to tap into the mana can use magic.”

“Exactly.”

I smiled, “Go on.”

“Well, there are two major elements to magic. That is the sun, and the moon. The sun governs universal magics, as well as evocation, abjuration, divination, and enchantment. While the moon governs illusion, necromancy, transmutation, and conjuration. Do you have any intentions of trying to tap into the magical properties of Equestria?” She asked, looking at me a little confused, like she had never seen anything other than a unicorn that wanted to perform magic.

“Well, sure. Ever since I was a kid, being a wizard was a dream of mine, and now that my suspicions are confirmed, I think I’ll do some more research into how to tap this mana.”

“Good luck with that, it can take years for non unicorns.”

“Ever even seen a human before try?” I asked looking at her.

“No.”

“Well, we’re about to find out how long it can take aren’t we?”

She left, laughing slightly under her breath, while I looked in the book of many magics to confirm what she said. She hadn’t been lying, mana, the sun and moon, and all the types of magic. It also had some information on how one could tap into the mana of the world. Extreme concentration, and strength of will, an artifact of some sort would be good for someone accessing for the first time. Looks like I have some work to do.

The nurse soon came in, and said that it was time for me to retire, and I swiftly complied. I’m leaving tomorrow, and tomorrow is the day I begin to train myself to become a wizard.

Chapter 9

Dear Diary,

Today is the day that I was finally able to get out of that damned hospital bed, and smell the Ponyville air once more. See the sunshine cascade gently upon my skin, and the birds song ring in my ears as I wish for them all to cram a damn sock in it. I may have said this before, but I am more of a man of quiet contemplation, I hate the hustle and bustle of city life, and even the little things like a bird’s song can make me contemplate chasing it around just so I wouldn’t have to hear it drone on and on.

Walking back to where I was lodging in that barn on the Apple family acres, I ran into a Fluttershy. She looked much better than she did the day before, and even had a light smile on her face. I asked her if she needed anything, as she had a stutter and seemed to be rather timid when trying to speak with me. She said she wanted to take me up on that offer to pay her in whatever way I could. Yesterday I said I didn’t like the look of that smile, and today I REALLY know I don’t like the look of that smile. She said that there was something she needed from the Everfree forest. It was a fruit, one that would help her in something she was making, she didn’t really go into details on what she needed it for. However, she did note that it was rather large and red, and I most likely couldn’t miss it. I agreed, happily on the outside, and on the inside scared to go back into fuck that forest. I know fighting a gryphon is brave, but that forest has some things that are much scarier than a damn gryphon.

I first went to retrieve William. I know he is somewhat sturdy, and can fight, but I didn’t ,and don’t want to risk it in the forests, not until he has some armor on him. I swiftly stuck him into the Apple family barn, and alerted the Apple’s that there was a giant rat in their barn that belongs to me, and he doesn’t like ponies much. He was constrained, but I had never been good with bondage, so, I wasn’t surprised about what happened later in the day.

After dropped off William I started walking down to the forest, my shortsword gripped loosely in hand. I would suppose it would still have been strange to see a human walking around, but now that I had a blade, I would suspect that they were even more anxious.

Upon getting to the end of Ponyville, and nearing the short plain that leads into the Everfree forest I ran into Rainbow Dash. She asked why I was carrying the sword, and I just explained myself. It went something like this.

“Uhm, where are you going with that?” She asked, looking me over and pointing at the blade.

“Fluttershy sent me in to get a fruit from this forest, I have to repay her somehow. William was quite that handfull.” I laughed.

“Well, I’m coming with you.” She said confidently.

“Why?”

“Because you don’t know this forest as well as I do, plus I’d like to see you in action.” She chuckled, “From your story you seemed to be quite the bad pony.”

“Don’t you mean badass?”

“No.”

“Okay, sure, you can come with me, it might be nice to have a traveling companion.”

We started slowly moving through the forest. It was not very hot today, but the humidity more than made up for it in the dense forest. With humidity and heat came bugs. Mostly mosquito like creatures that were interested in sucking blood and could be removed with a simple flick or slap. However, I saw some bigger things in there too, such as a spider the size of a medium sized dog. It was running adjacent to us, turned around, looked at us, and then skittered off. I didn’t show it, but I had never been so scared in my life. Most things don’t scare me. Dragons, I’ll probably die trying to fight one, but they don’t scare me. The undead, again, anything more than a zombie or skeleton will probably kill me, but still not that scared. I don’t care if it’s a tarantula or a common house spider, spiders scare the ever living fuck out of me. Then, seeing one the size of a dog, I’m surprised I didn’t pass out on the spot. I really hope Rainbow Dash didn’t notice I was freaking out a little.

After that encounter, nothing very strange happened, the occasional odd plant, and herb. Some weird looking bugs, such as something that had the body of a bee, but was a bit larger, and had ten legs and one eye instead of six and two respectively.

Then, we got to a clearing, it was a small one mind you, maybe a quarter mile in diameter, but still a clearing. In the middle of it was a tiny pond, and two small rivers seemed to split from that. Just on the shore of the river was a large fruit. You know what? Large is too little, it easily made it to my waist, and was close to Rainbow Dash’s wingspan. I ended up asking Rainbow Dash is she could carry it back to where we entered the forest from and wait for me. She argued a bit, but there was no way I could carry that thing through the forest. She eventually agreed, and I helped her get it so she could carry it, and she was off.

Then it was just me, in the forest. Alone. Then I felt something, something I didn’t much like. It was a stinging sensation, and then my vision began to fade. I assume I passed out not much later, as I awoke near a different clearing. This one having a single cabin on it. I approached the cabin, only to hear a growl come from it. I turned around and walked away.

I kept on walking, making my way back into the forest, hoping that I would be able to find some hint of civilization. Maybe it was not the best idea to send Rainbow Dash away with the fruit. Oh well, I continued walking, and came to what looked to be another clearing, although this one had something extravagant. It was a castle!

It looked like one of the old gothic castles from the days of Victorian England. I approached it, and saw that there was an open door on it, so I simply walked in and noticed that the old place was nearly falling apart. It was getting late though, so I pressed on.

There were a few features of the castle that I adored though. The statues and paintings of who I can only assume are famous philosophers, warriors,and political figures were all built and painted beautifully. The flooring was made of a crumbling, and oft moss covered stone, occasionally covered by some patches of carpet or a tattered rug.

I continued through the castle’s many corridors, and eventually found myself in what looked to be a bedroom. Being the paranoid man that I am, I quickly locked the door and pushed a bookshelf in front of it. I thought that it would be silly for there to be any creatures in this castle, except a few birds and rats, but I wasn’t taking any chances. The bed was covered in dust and rubble. The cleaning of it was not an easy task, as it looked as it had a millennium's worth of rubble on it. Not exactly the best bed on the lot. After cleaning it off I noticed a grandfather clock that said it was around one in the morning. I wasn’t tired at that point, so I looked around the room some more. There was an armoire which upon opening held mostly dust, but there were a couple of things of interest. The first item being a diary of a Princess Luna, I left it be, the second thing I found in there was a sapphire that seemed to be lightly emanating a sky blue color. There was also a lock box I took a look at, but couldn’t find the key. There was also a bag of strange orbs. They looked like something way more technologically advanced than anything that could have possibly been here. They were white with blue veins running around them. It was nearly as heavy as a shotput, and about the same size. I threw the gem in with those, and kept it on my person while I sat in bed to write this entry.

I think I’ll stay in the castle at least another day, firstly to figure out what some of these things do, secondly because I don’t know exactly where I am, and maybe there is a map in the library of this place.

It is two thirty in the morning, and I believe I shall retire for the evening.

Chapter 10

Dear Diary,

I awoke this morning to the sounds of crashing just outside the room in which I was staying. This noise was not to go unnoticed as I swiftly got up, and started to move that heavy oaken bookshelf from the door. The screeching of the wood against the flooring was enough to make me cringe, but not enough to make me stop because after a few more pulls it was moved aside, and the door was revealed.

The door handle was very cold, much colder than it had been the day before. Perhaps it was the same temperature as when I had laid my hands on it the day before, but still there was something off about it. Stepping through the door I saw that something had definitely been walking through these halls. I said “FUCK IT!” and retreated back into where I was staying, and blocked the door. I was not going to fuck with whatever was in there.

Then, I turned my attention to those gems and strange objects I had found the day before. They were in the same position as they were when I slept with them. I started by taking out the gem, and examining it. It didn’t look like anything that I had seen in any book, nor on the internet back home. Its faint blue light making it unique among all other gemstones I had ever set eyes upon.

I started looking through the bookshelf, hoping that I would be able to find some kind of answer to what any of these objects. First I found an old book of spells, a book that I now have by my side as I write this entry. Another thing I luckily found was a map of Equestria. It said I was near the center of the Everfree Forest. The book that I found that was actually helpful in identifying this stone was the Draconomicon. It detailed any information you would need to know about dragons. From the pyroclastic dragon of the planar realms to the simple red dragon which you would see ravage countrysides in movies and television. After paging through it a bit, I found that there was a chapter on draconic artifacts, one of them being this exact gem. It was one of four gemstones that would be apart of the grand draconic crown. A crown that would be worn by a dragon god that would ravage the lands of Equestria and neighboring countries. The blue gem was supposed to represent sovereignty, and would have been the top of the crown. There was a also a red gem to represent power, a green gem to represent agility, and a yellow gem to represent magical aptitude . It said any being that would wear the crown, would have the power of a dragon imbued into them. An interesting concept, but still a bit far fetched. I wonder if the red gem that Pinkie has is the one for power. I’ll have to ask her when I leave this place.

I continued to look at the gem, wondering if just having the gem would make me anymore well, powerful. It made me feel warm, more confident in my stature. I then started reading about the blue gem more in depth. It said merely having it on your person could make you feel more confident and remove thoughts of cowardice. It made you feel like you could take on nearly anything, almost like an old nordic warrior of legend.

To be perfectly frank, that’s how I did feel. It was strange to feel like that, and even stranger to know that it was because of a gem I found in what I am assuming to be Princess Luna’s room.

Then I started searching for a book that might explain the devices that I found. There was a book on old technologies built by ponies during the time of a man, or pony, or something named Discord. They were basically magically imbued devices that could create a stasis in an area that nothing could cross through. It was essentially a means of stopping time in a certain area. I suppose after this Discord was overthrown, they had no use of these things. I took one out, and examined it more closely than I had the other day. There was a small button on which the other lines emanated from. I swiftly put them away, not knowing how large the stasis bubble would be, and how long it would last. All I know is that this must have been made by a very powerful mage.

Then, I heard it, a growling noise just outside of my room. It wasn’t the growl of a dog, nor a bear, no, it was darker, deeper, and sounded like I should be running very quickly about now. Too bad there was no means of leaving, as there were no windows, nor any other exit except for the door that was blocked by the bookshelf. A scratching began to start at the door, then a banging.

I quickly found some string, and made a makeshift necklace and put the gem in it. I prayed to a god that probably couldn’t hear me, nor existed, and pushed aside the bookshelf with my blade in hand.

I slammed open the door smashing a creature of nightmares back a few steps as I stormed out to face it head on. That gem changed me a bit, and even now I’m not sure if I liked the change. The creature was large, at least fifteen feet long and five feet wide, it had what looked like molten rock for flesh, and looked at me with large black beady eyes. It said something, something recognizable, it said for me to give back the gem. Me being the dumbass that I was with that gem around my neck I declined in what I would consider a rude fashion. I stabbed it. I took my shortsword and placed it inside its head. At least as far inside its head as I could, because it seemed to just get pissed and started charging at me.

I was able to parry its first swipe with its claws, but the second struck me on my left pant leg. Pain was an understatement as I had flown back at least five feet, and I was scrambling for one of those orbs that I had pocketed before I went out here to face this creature. I may have had the mind of a brave, but my body was not ready for any form of combat, nor did I have the prowess to fight. Thank god I realized that, or this entry may have never been written. I took out an orb, pressed the button, threw it, and then nothingness.

There have always been arguments about what happens after death, and if it anything like it was being stuck in a time stasis, I think I want to avoid death at all costs. It was nothing but blackness, my mind was nothing. I could see, but what I saw was nothing. Not blackness or whiteness, but nothing. It truly is impossible to describe. I suppose it would be like seeing the transparency layer on a photoshop document, but that’s not accurate at all.

There was something I saw before I woke up though, it was strange. Perhaps it was just my mind filling in the blanks for the nothingness, but I was back at my home. I walked through the halls of my little house, saw my mom and dad, but to them I was nonexistent. My brother was sitting on the couch watching cartoons as he would. Then I stepped into my room to see my parents once more. They were just standing in my room, sobbing. They had no idea where I was, and for all they knew I was dead. I tried telling them I was alive, I was okay, I was actually somewhat happy where I was. They couldn’t hear me though. It broke my heart to see my parents this sad. I also said I hated my dad and my mom was just an annoyance, but now, after being away, and seeing this. I miss my parents, I don’t know if I ever want to go back, but I at least wish I could tell them I was okay.

I walked back to my school, and exactly to the location where I got thrust into this world. I sat down in the center, and for the first time I was sad that I couldn’t go back to school and see my old friends. I missed them more than anything. I was a weeping mess, but I decided there was one last place I wanted to go before I began my life wandering this land of regret.

I went to a nice neighborhood, and walked up to my old girlfriend’s house, she was sleeping, but not soundly. She never slept soundly, but usually more so than this. She had an old picture of me taped to a pillow that she was sleeping with. I couldn’t bear this anymore, and I left.

At first I started walking away, then I started running, and then sprinting. I lost no energy from going this fast, so I kept doing it. I started moving faster and faster and faster and pretty soon I was running at speeds that no human could possibly run, and without breaking a sweat too.

Soon enough I ended up out of my home town and into somewhere different, a place where I could rest. It was a grassy field, and it was completely silent. No birds, no wind, just cool air. In the middle though there was a stump, and a book on the stump. I sat down, and picked it up, looking at the cover it read, “Dear Diary.” I opened it up and started going through the pages slowly but surely, and slowly I remembered a few things. Up until this point I knew I had been away from my parents, but where I had been was a mystery. I honestly thought I had died and went to hell. Reading through this though, I remembered. I remembered being in Equestria, I remembered meeting the Princess’s I remembered those ponies who may have been a bit coarse at first, but befriended me nonetheless. I remembered being in the hospital, and about magic, and the gems.

I remembered everything, and although it was no condolence for my loved ones, at least I knew I wasn’t in hell, or purgatory or something. I got up, and started walking around once more, taking in the scenery. Then it hit me like a brick. Where the fuck am I, and how the fuck do I get out of here. It wouldn’t be until I wrote this entry that I realized where I had been.

Speaking of that, after some more wandering, and doing a few things that I’m not exactly proud of, and aren’t exactly legal, I heard a voice. It was Twilight Sparkle, speaking to me, I couldn’t see her, but her voice was crystal clear. She was saying something like “wake up,” over and over again.

After a few minutes of hearing this every few seconds, something strange popped up. A door, it didn’t seem to lead anywhere, but, being the moron I am, I opened it up, only to find myself groggily waking up in a bed in the castle where I saw that dragon. I immediately sat up and tried to get up, but I was swiftly put down and told to rest. The conversation went a bit like this.

“How’d you find me?” I asked Twilight and Rainbow Dash who were standing around the table in the infirmary where I was resting.

“Rainbow Dash was looking over the forest for you, then she spotted you going into the castle. She came back and got us all.” Said Twilight, checking the bandages around the wound I had sustained.

I was still rather hazy as I asked, “What of that dragon?” I quickly checked for the gem, happy that it was still under my shirt.

“Oh, we sent him from the castle, and he is now in the mountains where many of the dragons roam.” Twilight said once more.

“That was a strange one though.” Rainbow Dash interjected.

“It was pyroclastic.” Twilight and I said in unison.

“What do you know of dragons?” Twilight asked.

“There was a copy of the Draconomicon in the room I was holed up in. I read up on them, plain and simple.”

“Fair enough.” Twilight Said

“So how long was I out?”

“It took us about a week to find you. This place isn’t exactly easy to find, also we didn’t expect you to be here.” Twilight said as Rainbow Dash looked around.

“Well I’m happy you did.”

“About that stone..” Twilight began, pulling it out over my shirt. “You know what that is right?”

“It’s one of the gems of the dragon god or something.”

“Exactly.” Twilight examined it further, “Normally only dragons have these gems, most ponies keep away from them, also they have a tendency to corrupt.”

“I think I know where there is a second one.” I looked over at her, grabbing the gem and tucking it back in my shirt. “Pinkie Pie has one, the one for power and strength. I could be wrong, but from the Draconomicon’s description…”

“Alright, well, you can discuss that with Pinkie for now, we should probably rest, it’s not safe to go into the everfree at night.”

“Agreed.” Intervened Rainbow Dash, coming back to the two.

Rainbow Dash helped me up, and lead me to a chamber where we would be sleeping, it was basically a barracks, and I took one of the bottom bunks on the left side of the room. I very simply wrote this entry, and now I rest. Tomorrow, we go back to Ponyville.

Author's Note

Comment and Like if you want, if not, well I hope you're enjoying it

Chapter 12

Dear Diary

I don’t know if I ought to be scared or laughing hysterically, because I had a rather interesting encounter with Twilight Sparkle today.

She approached me after I had walked into town to find a meal that I could get for cheap.

“What the hay!” She said, storming up to me.

“What do you need?”

“That entry you wrote yesterday!”

“What about it..wait have you…”

“That was so anticlimactic, after everything that had happened the day before!”

“Have you been reading my diary?”

“Uhh.” She said, backing away slowly.

“Why the fuck have you been reading my god damn diary.”

My face grew angry, as Twilight blushed, clearly embarrassed.

“I’m kinda paranoid, and I wanted to make sure you weren’t planning anything, and well...you also aren’t the worst writer I’ve ever seen, why do you write diary entries like that anyway?”

“Well, I just enjoy writing I guess...wait a minute don’t change the topic!”

She took another step back.

“I’m sorry, I’ll stop. You don’t want to do anything malicious do you?”

“I have very few friends in this world, I have one place that I can sleep and not have to worry about being imprisoned, now explain to me why I would throw that away for any reason?”

“Good point.” She replied before retreating at great speeds.

Thankfully that wasn’t my full day though, as I did get a bit closer to those gemstones that will give me what I seek. Honestly I was surprised she didn’t bring anything up about the stones that I talked about in an earlier entry.

After that incident, my day actually went pretty smoothly. I went over to this wonderful place where I could get something that I never thought I would ever find again. Something that I thought I had lost when I was transported to this world. It was good vietnamese food. I can’t remember what they called it, but it was amazing. It was a noodle salad, with rice noodles, cucumber, onion, and some other vegetables. Also, as no restaurant in this place serves meat, they had some strange tofu thing that was actually really good. Bacon is still better though, better by a long shot.

I actually ended up meeting Rarity in this place, and I’m not going to lie I was surprised to see her here. She seemed like the type to keep to more traditional restaurants and not cafe’s like this. She approached me with a look of surprise that I was eating that dish, I suppose it wasn’t very popular. Come to think of it, I don’t think this place is very popular in general. There was a single chef and two waiters, which is par for the course in a cafe, but I was the only other person in this place other than the staff. It wasn’t even that early either, if I remember correctly it was about noon by the time I walked in. I have no idea why ponies don’t eat here. It’s got great food, friendly staff, and isn’t that expensive.

Oh yes, but Rarity did walk in, and upon seeing me she sat down at my table, and started looking through their menu.

“Rarity?” I asked, not believing that she would have walked into a place like that, she just seemed to be too prim and proper to eat in a place like this.

“Yes dear?” She put down her menu.

“What are you doing here?” I looked at her in a confused manner.

“I saw you were the only one in here, and I hadn’t eaten here before so I thought I’d keep you company.”

“Alright then.” I took another bite of my meal that I had only recently taken a bit out of.

“What’s good here?” She asked, perplexed by the menu’s foreign design.

I started looking over the menu, looking at various dishes, I know very little about Rarity, other than, being a pony, she was a vegetarian.

“Uhm, pho is always good, if you like soup that is.”

“I’m not exactly one for soup.”

I looked at her like a mad woman, and then just told her to order the dish that I had ordered. I stopped eating and we started speaking again.

“So, Twilight was telling me about something you have.” Rarity pointed to the chain that I was wearing around my neck with the gem tied to it.

“Oh this?” I asked, taking out the chain, and showing her the sapphire.

Rarity’s eyes dilated upon looking at it, I suppose she loved the look of the gem.

“She said you stole it.”

“It was in an abandoned castle, I simply retrieved it from there with no intention of giving it back.”

She looked at me like a moron, and to be fair, I don’t blame her. That was probably the worst excuse I have ever made.

“So you did steal it?”

“Okay you could call it stealing,” I retorted, “but it was left there in an unlocked room, it was clearly not wanted.”

“She also said there was a dragon roaming the halls. She found you in a stasis bubble with said dragon.”

Around then her food arrived, but she paid no mind to it.

Rarity continued, “If there was a dragon around there, could it be possible that the dragons are looking for it?”

I looked down and gripped the stone, “If they want it, or any of the other gems they can take it from my cold dead hands.”

Rarity was aghast at what I had said.

We started eating in silence, until she spoke up again.

“She said you noted that Pinkie Pie possible had another one of those gems.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you plan on taking it?”

“I plan on asking for it, and obtaining it, I will not steal it.”

Rarity laughed a little, “I doubt she will, that gem is very close to her.”

“I’ll get her to, I need to find those four, and the gem of dragon’s strength is gonna be a necessity.”

Rarity rolled her eyes, and we finished our meals and went our separate ways. She went home, and I started walking towards the bakery.

Upon stepping in, I saw that it wasn’t very busy around, Pinkie Pie was sitting at a table when I walked in.

“Hey there Pinkie.” I smiled at her.

“Hiya Connor!” She said excitedly.

“You know that one gem you were telling me about?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, could I see it, I was reading a book, and it might be more than you think it is.”

“Okay!” She said excitedly, running up the stairs, and coming down a few moments later with a shining red gem.

“May I hold it?” I ask, holding out my hand.

She nervously handed me the gem, and I started to examine it. It looked exactly like the one in the Draconomicon. I took out my chain with the blue gem tied to it.

“Pinkie, you have something very powerful, and very dangerous. It’s one of the gems of the dragon god, the one of power. This is the gem of sovereignty, and when I found this there was a dragon after me. You are not safe with that gem in your possession. Also, I’m trying to find all four, and I need that gem.”

“Hmm.” She said, rubbing her chin, and taking the gem back. “I’ll give it to you on one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“Dashie has been talking about you a lot, and really wants to see you in action or something like that, and whenever you go out into the wilderness for whatever reason, take her with you, she would love it.”

I laughed, “That’s all?”

“Yup.” She said with her tongue hanging out.

I took the gem, attached it to the chain, and walked out with a wave and a thank you to Pinkie Pie.

Come to think of it, it was kind of anticlimactic, but I didn’t care. Then, a devilish smile crossed my face, I wanted to test it.

I walked over to the Apple family acres, and found Macintosh.

“Hey Macintosh!” I yelled at him smacking my lap, “Why don’t you come charge me again, bet you can’t”

He rolled his eyes, and started walking away. I know I shouldn’t have said this, but to be perfectly frank, I was still pissed at how he wrecked my shit when I first came here.

I took a step forward, readied a stance, and said, “I fucked your sister.”

He turned around, looking at me with eyes that couldn’t be more hateful if they were Adolf Hitler’s themselves.

“What did you just say?”

I didn’t think he could talk! I thought he was just a farm hand that was too stupid to form sentences.

“I said I fucked your sister.” I said once more with confidence.

He dug his hoof into the dirt, and then charged at me with all his might. I am so happy I was right about that gem, because I was able to hold me own against him. Mind you, it was difficult, but when he charged I was able to put him in a headlock and put him down. I was finally victorious.

Once I had him on the ground, and I was letting him tire himself out, something happened that I wasn’t thinking about at the time. Applejack came from the home after hearing that ruckus, and rushed out.

I quickly stood up, and stepped away from Macintosh, who quickly stood up and started yelling at her for having relations with me. On the inside I was laughing so hard, but expressionless on the outside. Applejack explained, and long story short I’m writing this entry behind Pinkie Pie’s place, with my only warmth coming from the tattered clothes on my back, and Willard’s fur. This will not be a fun thing to explain away. Rage is an awful thing, but now that that’s out of my system, maybe they’ll forgive me. Hopefully. I need to not get cast away from this place.

Chapter 13

Dear diary,

Today was not what I would call a good day, because there was a lot of explaining to do. I was originally found by Twilight. I was sleeping with my head propped up against William.

“What is your problem!” She enunciated, striking me with some kind of magical force.

“What?” I ask, before realizing what she meant, “Well, you know how when I first came here you guys were less than hospitable towards me?”

“Yes, and that was wrong of me and the others who harassed you, what’s your point.”

She was growing impatient.

“Well, Macintosh was the one who had beaten the ever living fuckness out of me those couple times and I wanted some revenge, now that I have some strength, I wanted to challenge him. He wouldn’t charge me, so I taunted him.”

Twilight rolled her eyes.

“I never laid a finger on Applejack, and to be honest Macintosh deserved what he got considering what he did to me when he first got here.”

“I guess that’s fine, you didn’t really injure anyone, but still, you need to learn that you can’t pick fights.”

“Why are you talking to me like a child?” I ask staring at her like was a moron.

“Because what you did was childish.”

“Fair enough, carry on.” I stood up and stretched.

“There is something up in the mountain that has been causing problems, a dragon.” She said, using some kind of telekinesis to take out my sword.

“You want me to face a dragon?” The blue gem starting shining and a rush of adrenaline.

“I want you to force him out of that mountain without killing him!” She said placing the sword back in the sheath.

I laughed, “How am I to do that, I don’t know what you know about dragons but once they’ve picked a nest they tend to be hard to move.”

“Figure it out Connor, don’t come back till he’s gone.”

“Is this gonna be par for the course, when I do something stupid you just send me to do some impossible task?”

She laughed a little, “It’s one way to teach you to not mess up.”

I’m pretty sure Twilight is a psychopath, I’m not completely sure, I’m not a psychopath, but still. Who the fuck sends someone on a god damn death march into the nest of a dragon. Oh well.

I first went to find Rainbow Dash, since that was part of the deal for keeping this red gem. She was chilling on a cloud above this one lake.

“Hey Connor.” She said in a relaxed manner

“Pinkie said that you wanted to come with me when I went out adventuring.”

“Well uhh yeah, I guess.” She said getting off the cloud and swiftly flying down to the ground.

“Well, come on, we’re dealing with a dragon.” The stones were shining brightly as I spoke every word.

“A dragon?” She said surprised, “Wait...is this about you and Applejack....”

“You heard about that?”

“A lot of people did.” She started laughing, “Everyone is saying that you managed to seduce AJ.”

“You know that didn’t happen right?” I was starting to look somewhat uncomfortable.

“I know that, but you know how rumors are.” She started walking to stand in front of me.

“So you still want to tag along? I asked around before, it will take nearly all day to scale the mountain.”

“I think I’m gonna sit this one out, Twilight might tan my hide if she knew I was helping you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we all talked, and we decided upon something you could do to make up to AJ and Macintosh.”

I sighed, and rolled your eyes, “Let me guess, the dragon was Twilight’s idea?”

“Actually it was mine.” She shrugged, and took a step back.

“Well I ought to get going.”

“Bye, and try to not get yourself killed.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” I gave her a cheeky smirk, and walked off into the woods.

Thank god I didn’t have to walk through the Everfree to get to the mountain. It was simply a short walk through some woods to the north, and up to a mountain. Said mountain was massive though. It was almost as large as Everest, there seemed to be very few points of entry. There was one that I was able to find rather easily though, it was an entrance to a forest, mostly blocked off by some boulders I could have only assumed that the dragon had dropped down. I knew the gem would give me strength, but what kind of strength. Would it be weakened since i was a human, or would I be as strong as the previous king of dragons that bore the gem in his crown. I attempted to move the boulder, and to be honest it did take some effort, and was extremely hard to grip since it was at least twice my height and width. However, once getting a grip, it moved rather easily.

Upon entering the forest, I knew I would be needing to move quickly to get to the cave before sundown, how I had managed that I have no idea. The forest was rather dense, and there was a thick fog that ran through it, engulfing the lower half of my body. There was clearly signs of violence in these woods. Random animals butchered and thrown about, most of them in three or four pieces. I also noticed that there were a few ponies who came to do this before hand that were slaughtered. How they were killed though, it did not seem like a dragon would have done this. There were no signs of fire or acid, or any kind of breath weapon in the area. I walked over to a pony that was mostly intact, and examined it. It seemed to have a few bite marks around the throat, and large lacerations and deep wounds from what could either be massive talons or claws, or some kind of sword. If only I had known what kind of evil was in this forest, I probably would have turned around.

If anyone ever reads this, let it be known that these ponies would like to have you believe that this place is a happy place full of innocence. Fuck that shit. This place is like fucking Atlanta when someone gives a methed out hobo a shotgun. Hmm, that would be a good idea for a movie.

I continued walking eastward, towards where the top of the mountain is, also where the only cave large enough to support a dragon and his horde could be. It was intense, and very creepy. The forest was silent, no birds were chirping, no animals were rustling in the bushes. The only sound was my footsteps pressing against the cold hard dirt.

Then I heard something that worried me greatly. It was a growl, a deep one. It sounded like something you would hear a demon replicate. Then, I looked up to see this monster. It was somewhat humanoid in appearance, but walked on all fours rather adeptly. It had a flesh colored tail that had a large spine on the end. Its claws were like short swords, and it had teeth that stretch out of its mouth. Said teeth were yellowish in color, but were so drenched in blood it was hard to tell. It was about nine feet tall, with a very muscular build.

I drew my sword, and started staring at it, mesmerized by its red, beady, unblinking eyes. It was a beast straight from a nightmare. It swiftly leaped behind me, and licked its lips before making that blood curdling noise once more. I attempted dodging it, but he toppled me onto the ground, his hulking body over me. I thought I was gonna die, but something in me snapped. I let out a battle cry, and punched the creature as hard as I could in the side of the face. That alone skidded it across the ground and smashed it against a tree ten feet away. I stood back up, still a bit disoriented from that beasts pounce, before taking my sword back in hand. I slowly started limping over to it. It quickly stood up, shook its head, and charged. I attempted blocking with my little blade, but it bit right through it. It had some kind of acidic saliva, because after biting through it the blade dissolved in a puddle of greenish drool.

I quickly through another punch at the beast, the gems on my chain glowing brightly, and emitting an immense amount of heat. It connected with it, and pushed him back once more, smashing him against a tree. I charged at it as fast I could, but unfortunately with the limp I had sustained it was not fast enough, because it was quickly up again. It did not charge this time, no, it learned not to assault me like that. It started to pace around me. Continuing to stare at me, it began to walk closer and closer to me. It was nearly on top of me, staring at me. It just so happened that the blue gem was shining brightly through my tattered shirt, and the beast was looking at it. It was not mesmerized for long though, it attempted to drive its filth ridden claws through my chest, but was unsuccessful as it struck the blue gem. Almost immediately the gem let out a burst of raw power, sending the creature back, smashing it violently against a boulder. Suddenly, I noticed that my leg was beginning to feel better as my mind began to go. It was like the only thing I could see was the creature, and the rock it was standing on. I had no idea if I had undergone some kind of temporary transformation. I began walking to the creature, who seemed to be terrified by me. The walk turned to a jog, the jog to a run, and the run to a sprint as I grabbed the creature around the throat. I was in a rage, and I began smashing the creature’s skull against the boulder. It’s screams could have been heard by Princess Celestia in her throne room, but I didn’t care. Five or six strikes at full force, and the creatures skull was smashed to tiny bits, and it moved not an inch more. My vision began to come back fully, and I saw where I truly was. It was the same forest, but apparently I had stepped into some kind of pocket dimension or something, because the place was shining and much warmer. The sun shone through the trees, and the birds chirped. I would have thought it to be a dream if it wasn’t for the beast’s corpse next to me, and my blade’s shattered form not far from that.

I looked over the beast one more, and decided I ought to take those claws, perhaps I could turn them into some kind of Freddy Krueger looking ass claw weapon. Could be fun. I found a sharp rock and proceeded with the arduous task of removing the claws, and sticking them in the bag I had on me. I grabbed one, and tied it to a somewhat short, but thick stick with some tape I had on me.

The claw felt rather light, but it was very awkward since I was using it with a damn stick. I attempted cutting at a tree with the makeshift blade, and it sliced through it was ease. I don’t know if it was that red gem, or just the fact that that claw is so damn sharp and powerful.

I continued walking, and it was rather uneventful until I reached the cave in question. It was atop a rocky cliff that I must admit was a bitch to get onto. Once inside the cave though, it was breath taking. There was gold and gems as far as the eye can see. If I was a person who took it in the ass from men with hairy bums I might have dropped to my knees. Still though, now that I’m here, I wonder once more if Twilight is a psychopath. Isn’t she like extremely powerful, couldn’t she just transport him to some other land, or to space to go hang out with Zenu. She said it was for punishment, but what kind of punishment is sending someone against a dragon! No, I think that she is just sending me to do her work, because she’s lazy, and just wants to sit around eat cake, and fuck herself.

Then, I saw it, the creature that I was sent to dispose of. It was massive, the length of a bus, and nearing the height of a ranch styled house. It had black scales, and its layer smelled of sulfur. It began to walk up to me, slowly.

“Why are you within my domain?” He asked with a booming baritone.

“I was told to remove you from this cave.”

The dragon began to laugh, “Oh, and how do you plan to do that?” He wiped his eye.

“I was hoping to convince you.”

He looked me over, and noticed the two gems shining under my shirt, as well as the claw I was using as a weapon.

“First thing is first, are those the gems of the dragon king?” He put his snout near my face.

I pushed the dragon away from my face, “Yes, they are.”

“Aah, and what is a human doing with those kind of gems?”

“How do you know what I am?”

The dragon laughed a little, “The draconic race is very old, very very old, the original dragons were before discord, and the demigods you call Princess Celestia and Luna. We have seen beyond the stars, and into different realities.” He moved his eyes to the weapon I was carrying. “Is that the claw of a Dretznig? That beast has been killing every creature that dare set forth in these woods. I would have gone to kill it myself, but it owned the forests. Its race, and the race of dragons had come to an agreement.”

“What agreement is that?”

He sighed, “The Dretznig are a rather tribal race, that are extremely territorial. They carry some magical prowess, as they are able to drag creatures into different realities where they can slay them with ease. We dragons and the Dretznig made an agreement that if we didn’t stop them from hunting, they wouldn’t target the dragons, or begin any kind of assault against any major city. If they banded together, and they could, they would be unstoppable.”

I scratched my chin, “Interesting.” I sat down slowly upon the cold ground, So, about you leaving?”

“I fear that won’t be happening.”

“The ponies in the town near here, said you had been causing problems.”

“I have quietly hunted animals on this mountain, not like there is much up here anyway, with that damned dretznig killing anything that attempted to come to my cave.”

“When is the last time you have eaten?”

“Perhaps a few days, I crave meat.” The dragon encircled me, staring at me with hungry eyes.

“That beast is dead, can’t you use the hunting grounds now?” I asked, looking at the dragon with naive eyes.

“That is not the only Dretznig in this forest. There are at least nine or ten.” The dragon scratched his chin and yawned.

“Could it perhaps be the Dretznig that have been causing problems?” I asked, standing back up and stretching.

“More than likely. I do not fight with the Princess’s, there is no point, so I simply do not attack ponies. That one you killed, he very well could have been one of their lead hunters, perhaps with him dead the commotion will die down...for now at least.”

“What do you mean for now?”

“Even if it was a fledgling dretznig, one of them dying by any means other than natural causes is a violation of our contract. If a fledgling died in a hunt that is one thing, but they can tell if someone or something killed it.” He laughed, “A storm throughout the entire world is about to begin. Oh, and on another note did any kind of planar dragon attack you in recent memory?”

“Yeah, some kind of pyroclastic dragon.”

“This is bad indeed. As you may know, the dragon king that held those gems died some time ago, that dragon king is now living in a planar realm. He was sealed away thousands of years ago by the triumvirate, the three dragons that dictate light, darkness, and time itself. Even they were barely able to strike down the dragon king. It was a hellish time. He is trying to come back, but he needs the gems to do so. There is an artifact in a tomb in the land of Griffonia that would allow you to imbue them inside you…

“Wait a minute, if these are gems for a dragon king, shouldn’t they go to a dragon?”

“Well, the king of dragons needn’t be a dragon, but have draconic essence imbued inside of them. That essence is something I can smell inside you. It is very clear. If those gems are imbued inside you, you could become more powerful than the sisters. I fear I don’t know where the other gems are, so you must do that yourself.”

“Alright, anything else?”

“Back to the Dretznig, you must go to Canterlot as soon as you can, and warn the sisters that there could be a threat looming. This could turn out to be nothing, but if these creatures band together, it could be the end to life as we know it.”

I nodded my head.

“Also, you probably should sleep here tonight, going in these woods at night would be suicide.” The dragon finished, walking back over to this horde, and showing me a place where I might lay my head that night.

I’m not sitting here, behind a dragon finishing writing this entry. Today was a heavy day. Back on earth I didn’t think I had a purpose, but here, I might be able to do some serious good. Good night world, a warrior will be born starting tomorrow.

Chapter 14

Author's Note

I did end up planning out this story to a Tee. There will easily be 20+ chapters, and I have two more written currently that are to be edited. If you are still reading, continue on as I upload it, it's only going to get better...or worse. In the case of worse...watch as I throw shit at the bars like a fucking ape.

Chapter 14

Dear Diary,

I’ve lived in hay, I’ve slept in dirt, but sleeping in gold behind the massiveness of an elder black dragon was an experience I had not experienced until I had reached that mountain. I must admit, a little part of me is scared for the future. I pray the Dretznig are none the wiser to my slaying of one of their kind. If they did, as the dragon had said, it could lead to the annihilation of this entire world. Also, having planar dragons trying to take my life, and the stones so that an ancient dragon king can reign over this land isn’t exactly how I planned to live out my days. I had to make it to Canterlot, and hope that the Princesses would believe my tale. I didn’t know they were demigods until I was told. If they are half god, then who is their mother or father? More and more questions are beginning to pop up, and I’m not sure I like that.

Before leaving the dragon warned me to be very careful of dretznig roaming the forest looking to avenge one of their own. I know I was able to fight one before, but, how he described some of the attacks the night before, it sounded like I was indeed fighting a fledgling. Definitely not the hunt master he thought it may have been from the size of the claw I brought back. There is one account that I believe will haunt me for the rest of the life I now live.

In the forest there was a little pony, no older than eight years old, and she had gotten herself lost. The dragon had heard the cry of the little pony, and came flying to perhaps aid it in returning to its home, but quickly the cries turned to screams. When the dragon got there, he saw the tail of a dretznig dart into the thickness of the forest, and the little foal, dead. The poor wretch could barely even be recognized when he got there. Even writing about it brings shivers down my spine.

Walking down the mountain however was rather uneventful, and the only creatures I saw were a few birds and a faun running through the woods, looking for its parents. It’s a shame to think of what very well may become of that poor creature. I kept my weapon drawn at all times, waiting for something to jump at me, it didn’t matter who or what it was, I was so on edge it could have been one of the princesses and I probably would have attempted to chop its head. This forest is an evil place, and I must say the dretznig must be stopped, at all costs.

When I finally made it out of the forest, it was such a relief. I was able to feel sunlight shining on me more directly than I could have ever felt in that place. The grass was much warmer in the fields, and I could even hear the faint sound of ponies playing in the distance. I began walking south towards ponyville, hoping that I would reach it before noon.

I was exhausted, but I had to make it there, and then make my way to Canterlot as soon as possible.

I did make it back to Ponyville however, and with my weapon improperly sheathed, ponies were staring. I waved as my face grew red, I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. I quickly made my way to Twilight Sparkle’s abode, and barged in, hoping that I wasn’t going to be intruding too much. Thankfully, she was just sitting on a small velvet couch, reading a rather thick book.

“Have you ever heard of knocking!” She shouted, quickly hiding her book.

I had been moving at a run nearly all day, so my words came rather choppily, and I may have been panting ever so slightly as I spoke them. “We have a problem.”

“Oh, and what’s that?” She stood, and walked over to me.

“Have you heard of the dretznig?” I asked, hoping she had so I wouldn’t have to go into a long spiel about it.

Her eyes widened, and a nervous sweat began to grow upon her face. “What about them?”

“One attacked me, and I killed it, and apparently me killing one of them could have possibly started a war.” There was a nervous joking tone in my voice.

Her widened even more, giving her the appearance of a female hermaphrodite in a hentai movie getting her dick sucked by Sasha Grey.

“I need to go to Canterlot, warn the princesses.”

“Yes, you do.” She replied, “What you did may have temporarily helped some ponies, but things could very easily get very bad very fast.”

“I’m leaving now.” Those were the final words I spoke before I left her to whatever she had to do. I boarded the train, and from there I saw her out of her home, and talking to various ponies, the last thing I could see was a small panic starting as ponies began rushing to get to their houses, and some even started chasing the train.

I arrived in Canterlot soon after that, and my walk to the city was a quick one, few guards stopped me, apparently Twilight had sent in word that I would be coming, huh, I guess she is capable of helping me.

Upon reaching the capital building, I rushed in, and saw the two Princesses sitting upon their thrones.

I approached them.

“Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, I have grave news.”

“Twilight said you had news to deliver.” Luna said, taking a sip of tea from a moon themed coffee mug.

“The contract between dragons and dretznig very well may have been broken.” I took out my weapon, and showed it to them. “Quite possibly by me. I had to fight it off, and I killed it. According to a dragon I have some kind of draconic essence in me.”

Even the princesses, the demigods, looked worried as I gave them this news. “It had been a long time since the dretznig have left their hunting grounds, and even longer since they banded together for any reason. This is bad, very bad. You said you were able to kill one?” Princess Celestia said.

“Yes.” I replied.

“No pony, no gryphon, no changeling, or dragon, or any other creature has faced a dretznig and lived. Well, that’s not fair to dragons, some have, but it was usually an elder dragon that was able to slay it after it entered its domain.” Princess Celestia said.

“Your point?”

“A war of epic proportions may be ahead of us. We need someone like you who can fight off these beasts. Our armies are nothing compared to even a group of ten dretznig, we would need help to even stand a chance. Would you fight for Equestria?”

“Yes, but there are things that must be done first. These creatures are very spread apart, and if I am to fight I must find the stones of the dragon king.” I said, as Princess Celestia approached me.

“You have those stones?” She asked.

“Yes.”

“You said you met a dragon, and he did not take them from you?”

“That is correct.”

“Then we have no right to take them either, but perhaps you should find the rest of them, the gems of the dragon king are incredibly powerful, and any creature that can obtain all of them could potentially obtain the powers of a god.”

“I need to find these gems, if I have them all, I could fight off the dretznig with relative ease.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” She said laughing, “These beasts will swarm, our only chance is some forms of guerrilla warfare. Trapping them into our walls, and pouncing on them from behind. However, like you said, it will be awhile before the dretznig are able to form an army. In that time, you must find the others stones. There is rumor of one hidden inside a ruin far to the north, but to find it you must pass through Griffonia as well as the Changeling domain.”

“That could take me months!”

“Precisely, which is why you will need something to assist in your movement.”

I wonder what she meant when she said that the Equestrian military would stand no chance. Couldn’t magic stop these things? I suppose ponies with minimal weapons, and armor wouldn’t be able to fight these beasts, but still.

Just like that, Princess Celestia gave me something, a pair of boots. She handed them to me, and upon putting them on I felt very light weight. I attempted to sprint, but before I could hit full speed I smacked my head into a wall. I raised my arm before saying a brief thank you, and passing out.

I woke up in a bedroom somewhere in the castle, and began writing this entry. A war is brewing, and I have this feeling I’m going to be a big part of it.

Chapter 15

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 5

Dear Diary,

Today, well, I don’t know how to describe today’s events. They were far from the norm, and that’s accounting from how far from the norm typical life is here in comparison to life on Earth.

I suppose it would be beneficial to anyone who may read this, if I start from the beginning. It all started when I awoke around nine P.M, it was hotter than usual this morning, as the sun beatted down on me like the heaviest of bass drums, and all the ponies were definitely taking note of it. Most ponies who would normally be out, having fun, or doing their daily activities are inside. As for those who must work outside, they were pretty much jumping from spot of shade to spot of shade. I found myself doing the same, as I made my way back to Sugar Cube Corner to see if they had anything for me to do over there. A guy has to eat doesn’t he?

When I got there, the great, majestic, and probably coked up, Pinkie Pie was waiting around, and not really doing much of anything since no one was within the bakery at the time. However, there was a blue pegasus with a rainbow mane that I had not seen before. I, for once in my miserable semi-antisocial life, decided I ought to introduce myself. Considering the rough temperament of her mane, and how she was conversing with Pinkie Pie, I thought her to be somewhat like well...Pinkie Pie. Just slightly less hyper, and with less of an erratic speech pattern. She seemed a bit more adventurous than the typical pony, clearly energetic, but far more reserved than Pinkie Pie.

When I approached her, I simply said, “Hello.” To which she looked at me with dilated pupils and kinda had a small freak out, before calming herself down. Turns out she had been gone for the past week in some other town, so she wouldn’t have known that I had recently taken residence in Ponyville.

When she finished her initial reaction to having just seen me, she landed, as she had been hovering in the air. She began to walk laps around me, and examining me as a dog would its new owner, and Pinkie Pie introduced us. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, why do I have this aching feeling that these two are more than friends, and I don’t mean best friends forever.

I must admit though, I took an immediate liking to Rainbow Dash, and to be perfectly frank I hope she took a liking to me. It may be that she’s a pegasus which has always been my favorite of the mythological beasts, especially if we are talking about Greek mythology, maybe it’s because she is one of the few ponies here without an extremely high pitched voice. Maybe it’s because she’s a batshit crazy speed demon. I’m deciding on which...probably the latter two.

Seriously though, when Pinkie and her were talking, all Rainbow Dash was talking about was breaking something called the rainbow barrier or something. I suppose that is the equivalent of the sound barrier, and if that is the case, that is very impressive. Any organism on my world that even tried to break that, by moving their body that fast would probably end up killing themselves in the process.

When we spoke though, it ended up being about what I was. I have had this conversation way too many times. I basically told her that I was human, an organism from planet earth, and I ended up here, because fuck knows why. She accepted the answer, and honestly it was rather humorous how I answered her now that I’m looking back on it. We of course spoke about racing, and I got extremely nerdy and started talking about breaking the sound barrier and the physics and math behind it, in a vain hope that she would be able to say, “Oh yeah, I know what that is.” Nope! Are any laws of physics on earth applicable here...aside from gravity of course.

While we were talking, Pinkie Pie had wandered off into the back room and came back with a package that was to be delivered to a Princess Luna in a city named...God dammit! Why the fuck do all the cities in this god damn world have to puns about horses! Canterlot. Fucking Canterlot. I was laughing hysterically when I first heard the name of it, but still. Can we just have one city that isn’t a pun? Just one...please.

So, yeah, today I got to meet royalty, but allow me to elaborate on the situation. When I got on the train that was to go to that city, I ended up having a train car all to myself. Partially a light load, and also, some ponies who hadn’t seen me were absolutely terrified. I must admit, it’s pretty fucking awesome to have a train car all to yourself.

Didn’t make the ride any less long and arduous though. Again, the place was designed for Equines and not for humans so it makes it hard to be anywhere inside comfortably. It also didn’t help that whatever was in that package smelled really good. I did get to see a few things that were of interest. Such as a rather large farm growing some strange looking produce. Also a small town that looked to be a ghost town, but considering how few ponies were out today, I suppose someone could think that of Ponyville.

When I finally got to Canterlot, I saw one of the most gorgeous sites I had ever seen. Massive white walls, and a castle that could rival that of the most glorious kings of my world. I only had about two seconds of looking at it though before a few guards came and attacked me. Did no one send ahead that they were sending a non pony to deliver a package. I would have thought they would have sended me a note, maybe something attached to the package. Nope! Just a blank brown package.

They began to question me, and I felt like I had when I first arrived in Equestria, confused, persecuted, and a little moist. I tried explaining to them that I was sent from Ponyville by Pinkie Pie to deliver this directly to a Princess Luna. They didn’t believe me, and proceeded to take the package from me, and ripped it open, revealing very simply a gourmet pastry that I can’t describe. It was just so alien. It looked red, and was in a pyramid shape, and that’s about all I have words for.

After seeing that, one of the guards started staring at me, and I stared back at him. I tried telling them it was just something from Sugar Cube Corner, but nope they decided they would destroy it. This is what happens when you send an alien to deliver cake. They thought it would be best to drag me to this dank ass dungeon, but I never actually spent any time there, because when they were about to bring me there, Princess Celestia was making a public appearance as she did from time to time. Immediately she saw me and approached me. Princess Celestia was the only pony that I had seen so far that stood to my height, and probably weighed more than me. She had pristine white fur, and a mane that was made from the most calm of the colors on the rainbow. She had a massive wingspan, as well as a horn that easily trumps that of other unicorns. She quickly looked me over, and told the guards to let me go. That’s about the time I remembered that the pastry I was sent to deliver was left, trodden over near the gates at the train stop.

Princess Celestia told me to follow her, and of course I did. Where she led me was not a place that I expected to ever see. It was the throne room! She walked to her seat and sat upon it. There are a lot of things that I heard that I shrugged off, because I don’t see it as important...this I remember, almost word for word.

She said, “Twilight Sparkle told me about you.” She would speak her words in a very motherly tone, one that put me at ease, but was still authoritative. “You had gotten rid of that creature that was making trouble in the Everfree forest, yes?”

I answered her honestly, and said that I had killed it.

“What do you plan on doing within Equestria? I only ask this because if someone as alien as you are would live here, you must be doing something.”

I told her that I was sent to deliver a package from Sugar Cube Corner, but it was destroyed by those damn guards that dragged me in here.

“Well, seeing your current position, perhaps you could be of service to me, personally.”

I suppose she meant because I was wearing ragged clothes, I didn’t exactly smell my best, and looked pretty sickly. Also, being the pervert that I was, I thought that “servicing her personally” had something to do with sex. While she is purely majestic, I don’t do it with horses.

She walked over to me, and simply said that there was some pest in the dungeon of the castle, and that she has been too busy to take care of it, and she has completely neglected informing anyone who could handle this situation for the past two days or so, other than Fluttershy, but for some reason she could not calm the creature.

I agreed, I need the paycheck, or the bits, or whatever the fuck is going to happen after I go down there and get rid of whatever is in that dank dungeon. I could be paid in Slim Jims and Faygo and I would be happy at this point. Well, when I was escorted by some random guard down into the dungeon, I saw exactly what she was talking about, and that guard hightailed it out of this place.

There was but one creature down there, it had fangs the length of of my fore arm, and was easily the size of a car. The creature had thick brown fur, and its eyes were crimson red. It resembled a rat in form, but obviously much larger. I have this weird feeling that either Princess Celestia thinks I am a warrior of some sort, or is just trying to get rid of me. I hope it’s the former.

Unlike that raptor that I had an encounter with the other day, this thing seemed to be much more docile, just hungry. When I approached it, I did so cautiously, of course trying not to upset it as it could probably take my head off with a single swing of that hand which was adorned with razor sharp claws. When I did approach it though, it simply sniffed me and just looked at me. I touched it. Its fur was rather coarse despite its thickness. When I sat down in front of it, it sat with me. Apparently these prisoners had been complaining about it, and so were the guards, because this thing had been terrorizing them. It took a liking to me though. Maybe it just doesn’t like ponies.

Now, I have to say something about this dungeon. Despite how twee this world is, this is one of the most despicable prisons I’ve ever seen. Most of these ponies were starving, and sickly. One pony to a cell, and only a tiny slit to see through, with almost no light. They were all silent, as they were not allowed to speak. I wonder if the queen of this land knows about this, or if she was the who ordered this.

Oh my lord though the reaction to the guards as I led this thing up through the throne room, it was priceless. Princess Celestia started yelling at me for dragging this beast up into her throne room, and scaring the ever living donkey dildos out of all the guards and the ponies in her throne room...the last part of that was not in her exact words, but close enough.

I told her the creature was rather docile towards me, and I asked her if she, by chance had a saddle so that I could ride this thing. Everyone was aghast at the mention of a saddle. I wonder if these creatures were used as beasts of burden at any point. Perhaps, however, a saddle is a sexual thing. I dropped it immediately.

Princess Celestia said that she would have me and this creature escorted out of the city early in the morning tomorrow, before any ponies would be awake. In the meantime Willard, that is what I have named him by the way, is staying in a holding pen, and I am sleeping in one of the castle’s guest bedrooms. It’s been ages since I’ve been able to sleep in a bed, and I believe I will abuse that opportunity now.

It is at least one in the morning, and I hope tomorrow runs smoother than today.

Chapter 11

Dear Diary,

Nothing really interesting happened, we went through the everfree, and went and took a nap in the barn.