War & Pink

by AutumnHeart52413

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Fluttershy, Tragedy, Pinkie Pie
Length: 3172

Rainbow Dash accidentally gets herself caught in one of Pinkie Pie's Treat-Wars

Today is Pinkie Pie's birthday, and Rainbow Dash decides to congratulate her friend up front with a (not-so-well) home-baked cake. Out of surprise, however, she accidentally throws it into Pinkie's face, setting off an all-out war between the two.

Published 2014-10-15 01:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-15 01:40:01 UTC

War & Pink

Rainbow Dash walked down the streets of Ponyville carrying a box on her back. Her rainbow-colored mane glistened in the early morning sun as she trotted somewhat groggily down the empty street. She yawned and stretched out her wings. It was probably six o'clock, but she wanted to get to her friend’s place as early as she could so she could surprise her.

Sugar-cube Corner came into view within a few minutes. Pinkie has been a close pony ever since Dash moved to Ponyville. She was a zany, silly, and fun pony, and loves throwing parties for any occasion. It only felt right for Dash to return the gesture today.

The shop itself was closed right now, but Rainbow Dash knew no-pony would mind if she came in anyway. Once inside, she set the box down on a nearby table and opened it up. Inside was a small chocolate cake that she made herself. The face read; “Happy Birthday Pinkie Pie” in sloppy pink icing. When she took the cake out, she realized that the frosting was missing in patches, revealing the black, burnt parts of the cake. Rainbow sighed, she knew she wasn't the best cook, but this was the best she could do. She carried the cake in her hoof and started for the stairs leading to the bedrooms.

“SURPRISE!!” Out no where, a pink face popped out in front of Rainbow Dash, who’s startled hoof jerked up, smashing the cake into the earth pony’s face.

“Gaah!” Pinkie Pie cried out. The frosting stuck to her fur and mane in a goopy mess, pasting burnt bits of cake around her mouth and nose. She giggled and licked the cake off of her face, but stopped abruptly when she tasted it. Her eyes widened, and she nearly gagged.

Rainbow found it hard to hide her laughter. “Sorry Pinkie, I guess you startled me.”

“Did..did you burn this?” She asked with surprise. That was odd. Normally Pinkie would just laugh at the mishap and move on. This time, she just stood there confused, as if she had just done something awful.

“It did burn a little bit,” Dash confessed. “Sorry about that.”

Pinkie backed away suddenly and lowered her head. “I am too…”

“Huh?” Dash froze. “Pinkie, what’s wrong?”

Pinkie grabbed a towel from the nearby and wiped what she could off her face. “I never expected you of all ponies to disgrace me like that.”

“What are you-”

“Save your words traitor,” Pinkie interrupted. “You know what you did, and I accept your challenge.”

“Challenge, what?” Rainbow questioned. “Pinkie, you’re not making any sense.”

“You are to meet me in front of Sugarcube Corner at high noon,” she instructed, “and you’d better be prepared.”

And with that, Pinkie shoved her friend out the front door before she could protest. Rainbow Dash, having no idea what just happened, got up and left. Oh, Pinkie is just being Pinkie, she told herself. No-pony can ever make sense of her anyway.

Pinkie Pie’s boss, Mrs. Cake walked into the kitchen to find a plethora of pies, cakes, cookies, and cupcakes towering to the ceiling. “Pinkie?” She called.

“Yes Mrs. Cake?” Pinkie called from behind a mountain of sweets.

“Dearie, I’m glad you’re excited to work, but…” She took another nervous look at the flood of treats before her. It was only nine o’clock... she could hardly believe Pinkie made all this so early in the morning. “I don’t think we’ll be able to sell all of this by the end of today.”

“Oh, no, this isn’t for selling,” said Pinkie with a smile. “This is ammunition.”

“Ammunition?” Her eyes widened with dread as memories flooded back to her from the last time she acted like this. “This isn’t for…”

“A treat war?” Pinkie completed. “Yep-ers! It’s against Rainbow Dash”

“Oh, no…” Mrs. Cake sighed and put her hoof to her face. “Please don’t make a mess this time.”

Pinkie nodded absently as she took some eggs out of the refrigerator. Mrs. Cake rolled her eyes as she picked up one of the cupcakes. It was a shame such nice treats would be wasted for for such a stupid reason.

“I’m going to sell some of these,” she told Pinkie. “We can’t lose money on the ingredients for these.”

“That’s fine,” Pinkie said as she put a chocolate cake into the oven. She set the timer for 60 minutes, way longer than it needed to be in there, but Pinkie was well aware of that.

Mrs. Cake wasn’t really concerned about money at this point, though. If this war was going to be a messy as the last one, the less ammunition the better.

Mrs. Cake placed a sign on top of the cashier that read; “Buy one get two free!” If today was going to be a regular business day, Mrs. Cake knew Pinkie’s supplies would be effectively shortened.

The bakery opened at about 10 o’clock, and it wasn't long until the room filled up with customers. After a little while, two familiar ponies, Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy, came in the door.

“Good morning, dearies!” Mrs. Cake Greeted.

“Good morning!” welcomed Twilight. “Where’s Pinkie?”

“She’s...busy. We're having a sale on treats today, though.”

“I see that,” said Fluttershy. “Is there any particular reason?”

Mrs. Cake’s face dropped to an exasperated grimace. With a sigh she told them what the pink pony was up to.

“Oh, no. That sounds terrible,” cried Fluttershy.

“Why would she do that, though?” asked Twilight. “They’re best friends, they shouldn't resort to fighting like that.”

Mrs. Cake sighed. “It has something to do with something that happened several years ago, before you two moved to Ponyville. You should go ask her yourself, she’s in the kitchen.”

“Ok, thank you,” said Twilight, and they started towards the back. As they left, an orange earth pony in a cowboy hat trotted hastily over.

“What’s this ah hear ‘bout a treat fight?” she asked.

“Oh, Hi Applejack. Pinkie is going to battle Rainbow Dash.”

“What!?” Applejack’s heart skipped a beat. “Poor Rainbow’s probably got no idea what she’s gotten herself into.” She turned to run out the door. “She’s ‘gonna need all the help she can get”

As she left, some of the overhearing ponies began to murmur excitedly. They remembered how the last fight went, and knew Rainbow Dash must’ve done something nasty like the last guy. They started home to get their baking supplies. This was going to be one hay of a fight.

Rainbow Dash was napping on a cloud in the park when Applejack found her.

“Rainbow, get up, now!” she called.

Dash yawned and stretched at the sound of her name, but it took a while before she noticed her friend. “What’s the rush, AJ?”

“The treat war, Dash!” she called back angrily. “What the hay did ya do to make her so upset?”

Rainbow Dash fluttered down to AJ on the ground. “Treat war? Look, I accidentally smashed the cake I made for her into her face, and then she got all weird. I didn’t understand what she was going on about.”

Applejack’s face softened. “I guess you wouldn’t know, then. Was it burnt?” Rainbow nodded, and Applejack sighed. “If you lived in Ponyville as long as I have, you would know that Pinkie’s treat fights are serious. ‘Yer gonna get creamed if you go out on your own!”

Those words caused some of the nearby ponies to take notice, and they began to gather around.

“A treat fight?”

“It’s been forever since the last one.”

“Rainbow will never make it on her own.”

Applejack took a look about the growing group. “If Rainbow’s gonna get through this, she’s gonna need some serious help. Who’s with us?”

The surrounding ponies cheered in agreement and ran for their baking supplies. They were ready to defend Rainbow Dash at any turn.

“Can’t I just try to talk to her?” Dash asked. “I’m sure we can sort something out!”

Applejack shook her head. “At this point, it’s too late. She won’t listen.” Rainbow’s hooves began to quiver. Why was everyone being so serious about this? It was as if this were a real war! Applejack noticed Rainbow’s angst and put a hoof around her back.

“Don’t worry, sugarcube. Pinkie might be a good baker, but you and I are the the sharpest shooters in Ponyville. We can win this.” She put her hoof down and started towards the apple orchard where she lived. “Come on, you can help me cook over at Sweet Apple Acres.”

Dash nodded and followed her friend. What had she gotten into?

Pinkie Pie trotted out to the front of Sugarcube Corner pulling a wagon filled to the brim with sweets. It was 5 ‘till noon, and she had gathered a crowd. Some carried pasties of their own and fell in behind Pinkie, a gesture she took with gratitude. The others found themselves a door or barrel to hide behind.

Twilight and Fluttershy galloped over to meet Pinkie. When they met her kitchen earlier, all she told them was stuff they’d already figured out, and was vague the entire time. She was too busy trying to bake and prepare, she hadn't payed attention to anyone.

“Pinkie!” Twilight called. “I’m sure it was just a mistake! You don’t need to do this!”

Pinkie took a cupcake out of the wagon to hold on to. “It wasn’t a mistake last time…”

“What do you mean?” Fluttershy asked, “What happened?”

Before Pinkie could respond, the clock tower in Town Square rung, it was noon. On the twelfth ring, she could see Rainbow Dash appear on the horizon marching alongside Applejack and an entire army of bakers.

Dash’s team stopped about ten paces in front of Pinkie’s, and a thick layer of silence fell between the two masses. They both stood, staring at each other with determination and patience. After a while, Pinkie spoke the first words.

“So, I see you've decided to show up.”

“Pinkie, we need to talk,” said Rainbow Dash. “I didn't mean to do what I did earlier, I’m sorry.”

Pinkie scoffed. “Oh please, Dashie, take some responsibility.” She glanced off to the side. “You’re as bad as Poppy Seed.”

“Who?” Rainbow asked.

“Poppy Seed was the last pony to challenge me,” She explained, rolling her eyes as if it were obvious. “He was always mean, and he hit me with a burnt cake to try to humiliate me, just like you...and it didn’t even taste good!

“I challenged him to this fight, and once he saw how good I was at it, he couldn’t hold up.” She stepped forward. “He tried to back out, just like you, but I wouldn't let him.”

Fluttershy, whom stood next to Twilight on the sidelines, piped up. “What happened to him?”

“Let’s just say, I haven’t seen him since”

Rainbow Dash stomped. “Pinkie, those were completely different circumstances!” she called. “I wasn’t trying to be mean, I was going to wish you a Happy Birthday!”

Pinkie’s face softened. “Oh…was that today?”

“Yes!” Dash put a hoof to her face and groaned. “You didn’t need to get so fired up over an accident!”

Pinkie dropped her cupcake. She was glad to see that her friend really did care for her, and she couldn’t believe she forgot her birthday! She walked up and prepared to embrace her friend, but the voice of one of Dash’s ponies interrupted her.

“She said fire!” A muffin flew through the air and just barely missed Pinkie’s face. Pinkie’s eyes widened with disgust, her jaw dropped.

“TRAITOR!!” Pinkie screamed. “ATTACK! ATTACK!”

“No, wait! Please!” Dash pleaded, but it was too late. Pastries were airborne, landing mercilessly on it’s targets. She ran from the rain of treats and managed to find cover behind a nearby barrel with only a little bit of frosting on her hooves. She turned to see Applejack had already taken cover here, and was firing apple tarts and pies at oncoming attackers without fail. Her victims fell to the ground and ceased to move, as if they were unconscious. Dash didn’t understand why they wouldn’t get up, but she was too scared to think about that. All she knew was that she didn’t want to get hit.

“Who threw that first shot?!” Rainbow demanded.

“I don’t know, but there’s no backin’ out now.” said AJ

“But, what are we going to do?”

Applejack peeked out from the side to see Pinkie Pie dominating the battle. Dash’s team may have more members, but Pinkie’s skill and abundance of ammunition could destroy them in minutes. Dash’s teammates were falling fast; for every casualty on Pinkie’s team, there were four or five on her’s. They would not last much longer.

“Go straight for Pinkie, don’t worry ‘bout anypony else.” AJ instructed. “Fly up just high enough to where she can’t reach you. I can cover you from down here.”

“Ok, but what about-”
“Look out!” Applejack interrupted. A green unicorn had popped out in front of them and tossed a cake at Rainbow. Before she could react, Applejack threw herself in front of her friend and took the hit, chucking an apple pie just at the right time. The attacker fell to the ground, the pie engulfing her entire face in a sticky mess.

Rainbow Dash froze at the horrible sight. It took her a moment to gather herself together and turn to her friend. Applejack laid on her back, the cake hit her square in the chest.

Rainbow shook her friend by the shoulders. “Applejack...are you ok?”
Applejack coughed a bit before she could answer. Her hooves were shaking, her lips were quivering. Was she actually hurt?

“Heh…” She smiled, but her voice was gravelly. “Look’s like I’m out…”

Tears began to form in Dash’s eyes. “Applejack, please…”

AJ raised a hoof to Rainbow’s cheek, as if to comfort her, but she went limp before she could reach her.

“Applejack, no!” Dash cried. “No, please, I need you!” There was no response. She couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. How could this happen to one of her closest friends? She hugged her for a few moments before she got herself up. This had to end, now. Rainbow grabbed the treats that AJ had left and took to the sky.

Things did not look good for Rainbow’s team on the battlefield. There were only a few ponies left, and even then, they looked like they wouldn’t last much longer. The ground was nearly covered in frosting and downed ponies. Dash took a deep breath and dived.

Apple-treats rained from the sky, hitting dozens of ponies at a time. One by one, Pinkie’s troops fell to the ground, and, just for a second, it looked like they were making a turn-about. The downed attackers allowed her troops to advance! The victory was short-lived, however. Rainbow hadn’t pulled up high enough, and one of the ponies hit her wing with a cake, causing her to fall to the ground.

Rainbow landed with a thud, and her senses were dulled by the pain for a few moments. When they cleared up, however, she found herself on her back facing the blinding sun. Everything was quiet...a bad sign, for sure. She could, however, hear approaching hoofsteps. Dash searched around with her hooves for a treat with panic, but it was in vain.
Pinkie Pie’s silhouette blocked out the sun above Rainbow Dash. She smiled devilishly at Dash’s misfortune and raised a small, chocolate cake above her head. Rainbow closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and prepared for her demise.

BAM! The cake made direct contact with her muzzle. The cake was horribly burnt on the outside, but the inside was goopy and undercooked. The frosting covered her entire face, and she was nothing but a chocolatey mess. Dash opened her eyes.

“Ha!” Pinkie mocked. “How do you like it!?”

Confused, Rainbow got to her hooves and wiped what she could off her face. “What were you trying to prove here?”

“I am the master pastry pony, and don’t you forget it!” Pinkie laughed. “That was fun! It’s been forever since I got to do that!”

Rainbow was horrified. “How could you?” she yelled. “You call this violence fun? Look at all the ponies who got hurt, was that worth your ‘fun’?”

“What do you mean?” Pinkie looked about the fallen ponies and called out, “It’s over you guys! I won! You can get up now!”

With that, the frosted ponies got up and stretched, laughing and chatting as they licked the icing off their faces. The ones who took cover, like Twilight and Fluttershy came out from hiding and joined the others. Applejack came out from the barrel eating one of the apple fritters Rainbow had apparently left behind.

“B-b-but…” Rainbow stammered. “Applejack, I thought you were…”
“Dead?” Applejack laughed. “It was just a cake, sugarcube! That thing couldn’t even hurt a foal.”

“Then why wouldn’t you help me?”

“I told ‘ya I was out.” She paused for a moment. “Well, I guess I was being a tad too dramatic. Sorry about that.”

“It was just a game, silly!” Pinkie giggled.

“But, what happened to Poppy Seed?” Dash questioned. “You said you ‘haven’t seen him since’.”

“He moved to Fillydelphia after I payed him back...” Pinkie gazed to the side. “...good riddance.”

“Why were you so serious then? Why wouldn’t you listen to me?”

“It was all part of the game, duh!”

“So, you were never mad at me? You knew all along I wasn’t trying to be mean?”

Pinkie nodded.
Rainbow could hardly believe what she was hearing. “So you fired...for no reason at all?”

“Yep!”

Dash was speechless. Why did she waste all this time? Why fight without any reason?

Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Oh, don’t be such a party pooper, Dashie. Everypony knew it was a game. It’s not like I would do that with a real fight.”

Exhausted, Rainbow Dash let out a sigh. Reflecting back, she guessed it wasn’t so bad. It was just a game, no-pony was actually hurt, and, in fact, they seemed enjoy themselves. Dash licked some of the frosting from her face and giggled. “Well, I guess the food fight was a little fun.”

“Ya!” Pinkie agreed cheerfully. They both laughed as they cleaned themselves off. At least this hadn’t been a real fight. If it had, Dash could guarantee it wouldn’t be this cheery afterwards. She shrugged the thought and joined the other ponies.

Just then, Mrs. Cake walked out of her store and gaped in horror of the mess before her.

“Pinkie Pie!” she cried. “I asked you to not make such a mess!”

Author's Note

So, this was my try at comedy...and...eh? What do 'yall think?

Anyway, I wrote this for a class, and I decided to make it pony to entertain my watchers during the Hiatus of my other story. I recommend you check that out: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/146721/autumn-nights