Princess Luna's missing brownies

by Tavern Tales

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Human, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance
Length: 2369

The princess of the nights brownies have been stolen and someone will pay.

Princess Luna's brownies have been stolen by the infamous thief known only as The Sweet Sneak. Together with her human companion she must battle wits with the elusive criminal if she ever wishes to satisfy her nagging need for chocolate.

Published 2014-10-16 00:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-15 05:04:27 UTC

They were all going to die.

They were all going to be die. This was fact. Each member in his or her own mind was trying to come to terms with it. There would be no mercy, except for maybe a quick death.

“We could run for it,” said the head dishwasher.

“We would at least have a head start,”

“We can not abandon our post. We knew the risks when we took this position. Let us face our final hour with dignity” said the Greasy Spoon eldest mare chef.

“There are so many spoons and knives left to sort,” cried a young filly named Silverware, who was in charge of all kitchen utensils.

“There there little one. I'm sure you'll go first. You wont even have to see the horrors of what will happen to the rest of us.” said the old mare doing her best to comfort the filly.

The group in question was the evening shift kitchen staff of Canterlot Castle. From two in the afternoon to eleven at night it was their task to feed all who lived in the palace. A demanding job, but time and again they had risen to the challenge.

When the princesses had taken it upon themselves to bring a hydra to dinner the staff had worked themselves silly dodging its various mouths and making sure each plate, all twelve of them, were filled. They had put in several hours over time trying to find out exactly what is was diamond dogs ate when the K9 ambassador and his entourage had paid a visit last year. These were minor inconveniences compared to the hell that was about to walk through the kitchen doors.

“Maybe she won't come,” hoped the head dishwasher.

“She has to buy very busy sometime. Can't always take time to visit us commoners here in the kitchen.”

He looked around the various faces of the staff seeking hopeing someone would nod in agreement. His words had not changed their somber mood however.

“Who am I kidding, she didn't help with any of the defenses during the changeling invasion for this. We are so screwed,”

Why were the staff so destitute? Because they had, for the first time, failed in one of the in most important tasks that was entrusted to them.

Each night, after the last bowl had been cleaned and all leftover food had been properly stored. It fell on the them to prepare Luna's midnight snack. Which was a simple pan of chocolate brownies. The princess sympathized greatly with the evening staff and understood that they liked to get home to their families. Thus, this was the only royal decree that she had passed on to them.

“We could tell her we are out of milk,” the dishwasher suggested his mind grasping for ideas.

“You can't have brownies without milk,”

Greasy Spoon walked over to him and put a comforting hoof on his back.

“It is a nice plan dear, but the herd delivered several gallons here this morning. We won't be out of milk for some time.”

“Then get to drinking lady!” the stallion shouted as he ran to the fridge and began guzzling down every glass that was in reach.

“Will be out of milk before she gets here.” he said between gulps.

Greasy Spoon could not believe the way her fellow staff were conducting themselves. Had they no pride? They were suppose to be professionals and that meant facing the consequences of failure. Instead she had one crying into her hooves and another who was about to drown himself in dairy. The rest just stared at the floor. Lost in thoughts of their own mortality.

Greasy Spoon's ears perked up as she heard the distant sound of hooves clopping against the marble floor of the palace. Princess Luna was coming. The old mare gathered herself and walked to the doors of the kitchen with as much grace as she could muster.. Even in the last moments as the eldest she felt it her responsibility to set an example for her younger constituents. She would break the news to the ruler of the night.

“Prepare yourselves. The Princess will be here any second,” Greasy Spoon announced and then added.

“ For more than fifty years I have made meals for the ponys of this castle. In that time I have seen many come and go. You all are some of the finest workers I have seen in that time. In any endeavor we put ourselves to there will come a time when we falter in our task. It was our misfortune that said task was in the service of an occasionally temperamental alicorn. But don't be ashamed of that. Hold your head high knowing you did your best. Know that you will die in service to a great kingdom and hope that others will learn from your own mistakes. Mares and stallions it has been an honor working with you all,” she said in as comforting a tone as was possible.

“To hell with all that,” replied the dishwasher, who had given up on his labor of drinking all the milk.

“If I'm going got die. It will be on my own terms.”

He walked over the sobbing Silverware, pulled her close, and gave a passionate kiss.

“Know that I will always love you. One of my greatest joys in this world has been cleaning your utensils.”

“You never even left a water spot,” She said softly.

“See you on the other side,” The dishwasher said as he broke the embrace of his lover.

The young stallion stood up. Gave a quick nod to Greasy Spoon and the rest of the staff. Then pranced into a quick gallop and jumped out the window to his death.

Greasy Spoon eyed Silverware.

“You too?” she asked

Silverware nodded. A mare in charge of utensils and the stallion who washed them. Greasy Spoon could not believe she had not picked up on that one.

“He knows we are on the first floor right.?” she inquired

“He has a flair for the dramatic,” replied Silverware.

Their attention turned back to the closed doors of the kitchen. The sound of the hoof steps that had been getting closer had stopped. The doors shade of blue as magic pushed them back against the wall. From the darkness of the inner chambers of the palace Princess Luna emerged.

“Hello dear subject of the kitchen. Your Princess is here for her midnight snack.”

“

“

Let the punishment fit the crime.

Chapter 2

Princess Luna stared at the dish that had been sat in front of her. What she gazed at did not please her. Normally the aroma of a freshly baked pan of brownies would be filling her nostrils. Instead the plate was empty save for a few crumbs and a letter that was personally addressed to her. She opened the envelope and read its contents.

Dear Princess of The Night,

HA HA HA HA! I bet when you got up this evening you could just taste those delicious brownies Well in every life a little rain must fall. An sister, your forecast just got real cloudy. HA HA HA HA!!

Figure right about now your feeling mighty victimized. For once your veil of power has been breached. Your air of authority has been challenged. HA HA HA HA!!!

You must have known this day would be coming. For to long you have sat back in your castle and chewed on your fresh baked brownies and laughed while the rest of us have had do without. Did you ever think about the poor little filly who didn't get a pan all to himself. Did you ever think about the little filly that had to share and wait in line behind twenty other ponys. An Celestia forbid you even ask for more. Please Mistress not the BOO BOX AGAIN! I ONLY LICKED UP THE CRUMBS!

Well the revolution has finally come to your doorstep. This time its you who has to stare at the empty plate. This time its you who has the bare cupboard. Tonight you must anguish in your prison of unfilled self indulgence. Haunted by the idea that some where in the dark, another pony is enjoying that which was yours. HA HA HA HA!!!!

Signed

The Sweet Sneak

Luna finished the letter and put it back in the envelope. Four exclamation marks. This was the pen work of a deranged mind.

She had heard rumors of some pony making a name for their self sneaking about and snatching anything sweet that had been put out of eyesight. Luna had never entertained the idea the thief would grow so bold as to come and steal from her.
This act would not go uncontested. The princess would see to that. But first other had to answer for their own transgressions.

“Would any of you care to explain how some pony just walked into this kitchen and waltzed out with my midnight snack,” She asked the kitchen staff. Who for some odd reason Luna was not sure of, seemed to had all congregated at the Exit door while she was reading.

“Its all my fault,” answered a voice from the very back of the group.

The staff did Equestrian Game worthy jumps, dive and dodges to avert the princesses gaze as she looked for the one who spoke. Her stare settled on a younger pony who sat nearest the door. “Silverware” was the name that crept into Luna's mind.

Calmly Princess Luna walked up to the young pony. She sat down beside her subject and looked directly into her eyes. Silverware tried to avert the pincessess' gaze and stared at the floor. Her body shook with the knowledge of what her loose lips had brought upon herself.

“Come child, silence rarely did a guilty heart good. Can you tell your princess how some commoner thief stole her brownies?” she asked the young filly.

“Yes mam I can. I was so scared to say anything before and almost hoped some one else could be blamed. But that was not right. I cant let the whole staff face the punishment for my own mistakes. A wise mare once told me that we are duty bound to face the consequences of our actions,”

From the other side of the kitchen Greasy Spoon smiled.

“I'm listening, my little pony” said Luna

Silverware took a deep breath.

“Well like always. The baker had your brownies ready at 10:35. It is our practice to take them to the window and let them cool for a bit. We rotate on whose job it is to watch them until you arrive. Tonight it was my turn to stand guard and make sure nothing happened to them.”

“An I was doing it. Honest. But my boyfriend finished his cleaning early and came to keep me company and well....,” Silverware's voice trailed off and her cheeks grew red.

“Wait!” cried a voice from the window of the kitchen.

All eyes turned to the portal to the outside world. A leg shot up into view. Then another. They both belonged to the dishwasher who weakly crawled his way back inside.

“It would seem the heavens judged my suicide to be selfish. An decreed that I should survive my fall. If only to live long enough to atone for the sins I committed,” he said to his audience.

“You “fell” all of three feet. We're on the first floor,” quipped Greasy Spoon. Not believing the mellow drama that was unfolding.

The dishwasher limped from his “injuries” and positioned himself defensively between Luna and Silverware. He took the moment to embrace his lover.

“You came back to me,” Silverware said with teary eyes as she shared the dishwasher's embrace.

“Yes my dear. Its my job to clean up messes. Especially the ones that I made.” he replied.

“If it were not for my shameful lusting you would not have wavered in your duty. It is only fitting that we should face the damnation of our sins together.”

“Is your princess to understand that you two abandoned your posts in order to have a night time quickie at the expense of leaving her brownies unprotected?” Luna chimed into the mellow drama.

The dishwasher and Silverware both turned and nodded to her.

“An while you were away. This “Sweet Sneak” to the opportunity to steal my snack?”

The lovers nodded again.

“Your princess is pleased that you have the courage to admit your own wrong doing. However this will not excuse you from your punishment.

“We are ready for your judgment your highness,” assured the dishwasher.

Luna paused. She savored chances like these almost as much as she did her chocolate. Being a ruler of the night she rarely got to exercise her power over her subjects. Since they were usually asleep. She wanted to set a good example and be seen as just and as fair as her sister. What was it Tia always said? Something about letting the punishment fit the crime.

“Your princess has made up her mind then,” she announced.

“Since the two of you have so much sexual energy tonight. It would seem it best for you both if we got it out of your systems. You are here by confined to my personal bed chambers. An in there you shall, without rest, without even a potty break, perform every carnal act that is know to pony kind. You shall keep at your labor until my sister raises the sun tommorow morning.”

Here judgement passed. Luna felt a small sense of satisfaction. It did little to curb the craving for chocolate though. She turned and headed out the doors. Her mind on the present problem of how to get her brownies back. She took a moment to look back and made a motion for the to sentenced pony to follow her. They bowed their heads and followed the princess back into the darkness of the inner chambers of the castle. The doors shut firmly behind them.

“You know?” said the baker to the remaining staff.

“In retrospect, I could have just baked more."

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