Dolphins Can't Swim In Rivers
The full moon shone brightly down on Ponyville, basking the quiet little town in a bright silvery glow. A lone pegasus mare trotted through the streets, her creamy yellow coat shining brightly in the moonlight. Her name was Leaping River, and she was finally getting home after a late night meeting of the Rage Reviews club, a club of ponies dedicated to finding horrifyingly bad stories and tearing them apart with sharp, critical reviews.
Tonights meeting had been rather special for Leaping, for they finally had gotten around to reviewing the latest fad book in Ponyville called The Pursuit, a fic that had enraged many of the group’s members. The group finally agreed on giving it a 200%, the highest rank for a book ever. Only the leader of the group, Sweetie Belle could give authorization for this level, and only one other fic had gotten this much hate. Leaping was happy that the fic had gotten the rage level it deserved but she was still quaking with rage over how such a terrible piece of garbage could of had been so popular.
As she walked along, she never noticed that she was being followed stealthily by a blue unicorn. The blue unicorn continued to follow the unsuspecting mare until she turned into an alleyway before making his move. “Leaping!” he called out, jumping out of the shadows. Leaping froze in place, knowing full well who the voice belonged to.
“Dolphin… what the buck are you doing here?” she growled, not bothering to move. The stallion behind her, one Dolphin Drake had been a pain in Leaping’s flank for several months now, responsible for writing a terrible fiction that involved homosexual rapists and religious soapboxing.
Dolphin chuckled, walking forward slowly. “Oh nothing Leaping, just enjoying the view.” he replied slyly, slowly walking forward.
Leaping knew full well what Dolphin meant, and she was not amused in any way. Leaping was quite an attractive mare, with a pretty blue mane and wondrous green eyes, but the best thing about her was her flanks. Her deliciously round flanks drew eyes of both mare and stallions alike, something that really annoyed Leaping at times. Some ponies even say that her flanks rivalled the Princesses in roundness, which was quite the feat.
“Dolphin, stop looking at my ass you sick pervert.” she barked, turning to face the annoying stallion.
Dolphin only grinned, shaking his head lightly. “But Leaping… your flanks are so round and delicious looking. Oh how I’d love to stick my meat in between those cheeks.” he exclaimed as he stopped.
Leaping snarled, crouching low. “Don’t make me beat the shit out of you Dolphin. I’m already pissed.” she growled.
Dolphin’s grin only grew wider as he saw Leaping change stances. “Oh no… you won’t beat me up Leaping. I’m here to get what you’ve been denying me all these months!” he replied smoothly.
Before Leaping could react, a envelope of magic had wrapped around her, yanking her in the air and turning her around so that her ass was facing him. “Dolphin! Put me down you fuckwad!” she shouted, struggling violently against Dolphin’s grasp.
Dolphin laughed, feeling his dick poke out of his sheath. “Sorry Leaps, but you’ve denied me long enough. Time to finally get a piece of that ass!” he replies with glee as he pulled Leaping towards him.
Leaping struggled even more, completely disgusted and also afraid of what was about to happen. That sick fuck was going to rape her… oh he is so going to die. However, before Dolphin could get too close, a brick hit him in the side of the head, causing him to lose his focus. Leaping dropped to the ground, quickly turned herself back around with a flap of her wings and landing on her hooves before slamming Dolphin’s jaw with her hoof.
Dolphin stumbled back, cursing loudly as he tried to recover. He attempted to lash out at Leaping, only for his hoof to be grabbed by a red magical aura, and spun around. Standing behind him was a weird mix between a fox and an alicorn mare.
“How bucking dare you try to rape Leaps?” she snarled, sending a hoof flying into his face. Dolphin cried out, quickly begging for mercy as the fox pony continued to pummel him.
Leaping watched with amusement as Dolphin was pummeled until a gray unicorn stallion with an orange mane walked up to her and sighed. “You okay Leaps? Sorry we took so long getting here; we saw Dolphin heading after you but didn’t think much of it until you started screaming at him.” he explained, taking a seat next to Leaping. Leaping nodded, also taking a seat.
“I’m fine Otto, just a bit shaken that’s all.” she replied coolly.
Otto returned the nod, shifting himself just a little bit. “That’s good. I’m glad we came in time to stop the fucker… as much as I’ll admit your ass is amazing, nopony should be forcing themselves upon you like that.” he stated. Finally, the fox pony dropped the now unconscious Dolphin, panting rather heavily as she plopped down on her butt. Leaping smiled, getting to her hooves.
“Good job Raven, you did a wonderful job beating the shit out of the fucker” she exclaimed. Raven nodded, taking a few moments to regain her composure.
“Thanks Leaps… he deserved it after what he tried to do.” she replied.
Leaping walked over to the unconscious Dolphin, looking down at him for a few moments before kicking him hard in the dick and turning around. “Well… I’m going home now. Thanks for the rescue guys.” she breathed out before spreading her wings and taking off for home. Otto and Raven watched Leaping fly off, lingering around for a few moments before saying goodbye to each other and heading off towards their homes, leaving the unconscious Dolphin lying in the street under the moonlight.
A priest happened to be walking by, looked at the unconscious unicorn at his feet and said, “You’re definitely going to hell for that.”
Author's Note
I regret nothing.
