Nicolas Cage Goes Trick or Treating

by AuTiSm

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Human
Length: 1123

Nicolas Cage goes trick-or-treating in Ponyville. Things don't turn out as you'd expect..

Nicolas Cage goes trick-or-treating in Ponyville. Things don't turn out as you'd expect.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-18 03:20:09 UTC

HOW'D IT GET BURNED?!

"Nightmare night, what a fright." Nicolas Cage said unenthusiastically to his first victim.

"Ah hello there!" Said Applejack, struggling to hold back her laughter. The sight of a five-foot biped in a crappily made skeleton costume holding out an empty grocery bag was definently a first for her.

"I'm here for all the candy." Nick said bluntly, holding out his empty bag.

"Alright, let me fix yer' somethin' good." Applejack said, reaching into a bucket that stood against the wall next to the door. "Here ya go. One fresh apple straight from the farm!"

Nicolas eyed the demon fruit cautiously, twirling it in his hands. Without warning, he threw the apple in her face and grabbed her by the neck. "YOU'RE TRYING TO POISON ME YOU COMMUNIST FOOL!" He yelled, slapping Applejack in the face as soon as he finished the sentance. "HEATHEN. THESE FRUITS ARE THE WORK OF THE DEVIL!" He slapped her again.

"Ah'm sorry sir..." She said, trying to buck him, but his arms held her to far for her to reach his chest. "Let me go..." She struggled.

"Alright." Nicolas cage responded, dropping her on her hooves. While Applejack struggled to regain her breath from the chokehold, Nick Cage took the bucket of apples outside and set them on fire. While the fire burned the apples, Cage began his ritualistic dance to purge the apples of the soul of the devil.

Another job well done.

With his search for candy bearing no fruit, Cage took to more drastic measures. He ditched his skeleton costume for a more appropriate outfit given what he was about to do. He approached his target, Sugarcube Corner. Instead of opening the unlocked doors, Cage kicked them down and raised his gun up in the air and began to wave it like a mad man. "ALRIGHT EVERYONE LISTEN UP, GIVE ME ALL THE CANDY!" He screamed and began to tear the building apart.

"Take the money and go!" Mr. Cake said, throwing money at the skimask wearing intruder while hiding behind his counter.

This didn't work as Cage was in predator mode, he broke the glass food display cases and began to wolf down the sweets. In a matter of minutes, the store was empty. And Cage happily skipped off to the distance.

Luna had enough of this, the savage creature known as 'The Cage' was ruining Nightmare night! She would have to take matters to her own hooves. And if it meant a face to face meeting with this unholy creature, so be it.

Nick's spidersenses began to tingle as he saw a strange block dot in the sky coming towards him. How did he manage to see a single black dot in a pitch black night? Because he's Nicolas fucking Cage, thats how. The dot came in astonishing speeds and within seconds, Cage was face to face with Princess Luna her self.

"This has gone on far to long Cage, surrender and we will let you live." Luna said sternly, while never taking her glare off of Cage.

"I sensed you coming, I guarantee you will be no match for me." Responded Cage.

"Then so be it..." Luna replied, pulling her light saber out using her magic and turning it on, revealing it to be a double-bladed red lightsaber.

"Two can play at that game, fool." Cage said as he unclipped his blue light saber that was attached to his belt and turned it on. That was when all hell broke loose. The two opened with a barrage of lightsaber attacks as none seemed to have the upperhand in this climactic battle.

As the battle raged on, Arnold Schwarzenegger, dressed in a poorly made Rainbow Dash costume held together by duct tape, sensed a disturbance in the force. He used his super Austrian burly man abilities to jump ten miles and landed in the middle of Nicholas Cage and Luna, who were starting to charge at each other with their lightsabers. Arnie pulled out his purple lightsaber as he proceeded to cut Luna in half.

Cage smiled at the sight of his Austrian pal, and deactivated his lightsaber and brought Arnie in for a friendly hug.

"WE KILLED THAT PONY ON HER FAVORITE HOLIDAY." Arnold said in his famously sexy voice. This turned Nick on. "WE SHOULD HIDE THE BODY, OR PRINCESS SEMEN FUR WILL KILL US."

Nick nodded in agreement. "I have a perfect idea where to hide it." Nick said.

Morgan Freeman sat alone at the Ponyville KFC, it was his off hours at the restaurant and it certainly was a pleasant time away from cooking fried chicken. He sipped the bottle of coke he was holding. He noticed someone walking into the restaurant. It was James Earl Jones, his best buddy. He smiled at the sight of him and James returned it. Setting his coke on the table, Morgan Freeman approached James and brought him in for a friendly hug, which quickly changed to an all out tickle fight.

"You're pretty good." Morgan Freeman said in between deep voiced giggles.

"I had practice." James said, tickling his belly button.

The deep giggles had increased as Morgan's belly button was tickled. "Mmmm..." Morgan mummbled while reaching for James' armpits, causing James to shriek like a girl. A very deep voiced girl, but a girl nonetheless.

The two continued to moan in an oddly sexual way when suddenly, the lifeless halves of Princess Luna's body broke through the large glass window and landed in front of them. The two ceased their giggles. And on top of that, royal gaurds broke through the door.

"There are the killers! Get them!" Said one of the royal night gaurds.

Morgan wasn't going to go down without a fight, he reached for his belt and brought out his nunchucks. After doing a demonstration by flipping them around like a mad man, he motioned for James to bring out his weapon as well. And James did, pulling out his M4 carbine.

"Come get some motherfuckers." Said Morgan. In response to the threat, the gaurds charged at them in full speed. James didn't hesitate to start shooting them, causing blood to stain the floor. Morgan was approached by two gaurds with spears, he quickly swung his nunchucks and disarmed them, leaving them open for the major can of whoop ass Morgan unleashed.

The few gaurds who survived the beat down ran for their lives, only to be shot by James Earl Jones. With that out the way, Morgan and James continued their deep voiced tickle fight, knowing full well that the gaurds would return. But they were ready, Morgan thought as he continued to laugh in his deep voice.