A Butler Dark as Night

Sombra leaps up to attack Rarity just as Sweetie Belle screams,"NO!"

Sombra freezes mid-leap seemingly defying the laws of physics,but Philosophysics enjoys impossibility, so he lets him float. All three wait for him to fall. When it doesn't come, Rarity asks," Umm... What are you doing?"

"Attacking you!" Sombra snarls.

"Don't threaten my sister!" Sweetie Belle shouts. What follows is a rather amusing scene.

Imagine Sombra in mid-air facing Rarity. He attempts to threaten her multiple time, but just contorts his face into strange shapes. Rarity laughs. She waves Sweetie Belle over who also laughs. Sombra contorts his face more and more in an attempt to make even a single noise. He gives up and hangs dejectedly. Looking up again, she sees Rarity holding her stomach and pointing at him. He glares and then makes a hoof gesture. A gesture that suggests Rarity is something... less than respectable.

Rarity's face hardens. She shoos her sister into the house, closes all the windows, and locks the door. She comes back out with a face that looks like it would make Tartaraus freeze twice over. Sombra gulps.

A long high-pitched scream is drawn out.

Philosophysic's ear twitches. "I have the bizarre feeling I am missing something entertaining right now." He looks up at Falco at another desk quickly. He's busy. Philosophysics quickly ducks underneath and pulls out a small laptop.

He giggles silently and opens it up preparing to watch the show going on right now. "Hello, Shouldn't you be at work?" Falco's blue feathered face glares at him.

"ARGH!!!!!!!"

Rarity drags... something... into the house. Sweetie Belle squeaks,"What is that?"

"That's Sombra, Sweetie. Now watch him, as I go get Twilight and the others please."

Rarity leaves the tied up Sombra alone with Sweetie Belle. Sombra glares at Sweetie Belle who squeaks and hides behind a potted plant. For the first time in a thousand years, Sombra feels something he shouldn't feel. Guilty pleasure.

Well, it's a start...

Sweetie Belle then does something unexpected. She asks," Do you want tea, Mie--Mister Sombra?" Albeit a tad squeaky, but she offers him tea nevertheless.

Sombra just gapes at her. Never did he think that people would offer him tea again. Not since his wi- Not going there. Nobody sane ever offers overlords that cause entire kingdoms to disappear, tea.

"Would you like some scones too? I think we have some in the fridge." Before Sombra can respond, Sweetie Belle goes to the kitchen.

Rarity runs to Twilight's library and knocks on the door. She waits patiently.

Twilight is coming down the stairs to answer the door. Right in front of the door is when Rarity decides to stop waiting. So Rarity bucks the door open, slams Twilight's face, and they both scream in either pain or fear.

"By Nud!" Twilight screams holding her nose.

"Your Nose!"

Spike walks down yawning,"What's going on?" He looks down at the two mares shouting frantically about noses and bleeding. He groans,"One of those days again..." He calmly walks past them and grabs a gem for breakfast. Then he looks for the first aid kit.

Twilight is screaming,"It won't stop!" She tries to stem the flow by bending down and holding her nose. The downward position causes blood to flow more downward. Still... no way should Twilight have stood up and looked like an extra from The Trotting Dead."Is it better?"

Not many know this, but Rarity does not have a fear of blood. She does however highly, very much dislike the Trotting Dead. Not because of the end of the world thing (well, maybe a little), but because of the fact that the well-dressed people die first. Guess who Rarity is.

So she screams. "AHH!!!!!!!!"

Sombra lays tied down in the chair. He thinks about the past hour and what has happened to him so far. He kind of feels bad for scaring the filly now. She was kind to him and she didn't run away screaming!

Maybe he should apologize to-- NO! HE WILL NOT APOLOGIZE!!! He is King Sombra! AND-

Shut up, willya!

Sombra lays still, thoughts suddenly focused in one direction, who is this?"

God! We met earlier. Now you don't have to talk, but I'll play your good conscience here. Just think a question and I, good conscience with slight omniscience thrown i, will answer to the best of my ability and attempt not to throw the balance of the universe to Ragnarok.

"Who are you?"

Seriously, even after a mysterious voice pops in your head, youstill talk out loud? I mean everybody would think that when people get a voice in their head they would try to talk silently to them, but Noooo! They have to talk out loud and make everybody think they're bat-crazy and then they're forever alone... Oh, yeah... I'm Philosophysics! Nice to meet you again!

What do you want?

Good! You're getting the hang of it!

Silence! You answer--

(Chuckle) I'm God! I don' HAVE to answer the questions! You are! So you're a special case! Don't you feel special?

I feel abused.

Well, what do you expect! You only attempted to overthrow Princess Celestia and Luna, my delegated rulers that took Forever! to get them where I wanted them to (Stuck up politicians), enslaved the Crystal Empire with all the cute and shiny ponies in it, and then when everything looked like it would fail, you banished and hid the Crystal Empire to God knows where. (giggle) Get it! Because I'm God.

Silence.

Not funny? I thought it was good. Well, I'm God, till my butler Falco decides he's had enough of my crap and throws me into Equestria. Personally, I might just delegate everything to him and come down myself! As to what I want... Well... That's a toughie...

You mean to say that I was thrown back among the living on the whim of a mad God!

Why, YES! Something like that! I remember now! Well, you escaped choosing the eternal hell door and the white door to being reincarnated to redeem yourself. You broke my very nice door that I could rebuild in a second, but you know, matter of principle. Plus you destroyed my stash of manga! So I got the idea of making you a butler to make you repent and maybe for my amusement?

And who am I indentured to Oh God?

Please call me, Philosophysics! You're indentured to that nice filly whose... whose... bringing you something good to eat! Sorry gotta go! Don't forget you're the butler with a contract that I'll reveal at a later time!!!!!!

Wait what?

Silence. What could have possibly caused God to run away?

Sombra then smells something ungodly. Sweetie Belle brings a platter with a plate of pitch-black scones along with a teapot with steam rising in a toxic skull sign. Sombra squirms to get away from the food of hell. Until a sad, sad little voice pierces through the iron heart,"Do you not want some?"

Sombra speaks,"NO!"

Sweetie Belle looks down cast. This again pierces the iron heart of Sombra. He does the unthinkable and thinks of saying yes. No, that would be suicide to say yes to eating such horrible items.

Sniffles distract him from his thoughts. Sombra looks at Sweetie Belle.

What a dilemma that a man with supposedly no heart should have...