The one with the punchlines.
“Morning Big Mac! Brr! Sure is cold today.”
“Eyup. And it’s not very warm either.”
…
“Hey, Big Mac! You were over at Berry’s place last night?”
“Eyup.”
“Thought so. I guess it got a bit late, aye? I heard Applejack giving you a scolding around four in the morning.”
“Oh…eh…no, that wasn’t me. She yelled at the dog.”
“Oh…poor mutt, I heard she threatened to take away the keys to the barn from him.”
…
“Hello Miss Applejack!”
“Well, howdy, Mr Trenderhoof! What’s bringing ya’ll back to Ponyville?”
“Oh, just taking some days off. But I must ask you, I’ve been looking around a bit and…how come that cow of yours hasn’t got any horns?”
“Oh…well, Mr Hoof, it’s actually pretty simple. Some cows have horns, some haven’t. But it this case, this cow has no horns because it is a pig.”
…
“Wow, big Mac! You got some fancy clothing on!”
“Eyup.”
“Ah…big date with miss Fluttershy, aye?”
“Eyup.”
“How’s it going?”
“…slow”
“Alright. Let me give you some advice. Kiss her when she least expects it.”
“ ‘kay.”
The next day
“Man, Big Mac! That’s a nasty black eye.”
“Eyup.”
“Miss Fluttershy hit you?”
“…eyup”
“Didn’t she like you kissing her when she least expected it?”
“When? Horseapples…Ah thought ya said where…”
…
“Morning Carrot Top!”
“Morning, Applejack!”
“Looking a bit under the weather today?”
“Yeah…I think I’m catching a cold. My hooves are freezing!”
“Well, ah sometimes have that problem too. But ya know what ah do? Ah just stick them over to Raritys side of the bed and then ah feel warm like a newborn filly.”
“Well, I might as well try it. Is Rarity at home now?”
…
“Hey Big Mac! You know what they call Stallions that does things with mares?”
“Eyup.”
“And you know what they call Mares that does things with Mares?”
“Eyup”
“But do you know what they call Mares that does things with animals?”
“…enope.”
“Farmers!”
…
“Morning Carrot Top! Busy with sowing?”
“Yep. I’m trying my hooves on Brassica this year.”
“Oh, tough one there, Brassica. Ah’d say yer might wanna use some more fertilizer on it, and don’t plant them in those thight rows.”
“Applejack, you really are one of those damns messerschmidts.”
“Whaddaya mean?”
“The kind of pony who thinks she knows everything.”
“Ah, ya mean a besserwisser.”
…
“Well, Big Mac, I had a really good time tonight. Thank you”
“Well, Fluttershy… It was mah pleasure.”
“…”
“…”
“Well…here we are… at Sweet Apple Acres”
“Eyup.”
“So…”
“So…”
“I guess I go home… se you next Saturday”
“Wait! …uhm…”
“Yes, Big Mac?”
“Will ya…let me kiss ya if ah give yer five pounds of potatoes?”
…
“Hey, Carrot Top, Ah’ve been thinking…”
“Oh, hi Applejack. Didn’t see you at first. What’s on your mind?”
“Well, it’s a bit personal…”
“Fire away. I don’t mind.”
“Well… Yer don’t have any siblings, do ya?”
“Nope. I was the only foal in the family.”
“Well, Ah been thinking… ya see, that’s mighty…Well, that’s a bit strange. Most farmponies have a lot of foals. Ah mean, we are three at Sweet Apple Acres and ah know mah dad had three brothers.”
“Yeah, but you see… when it came to my father it was this way. If it couldn’t be done with a plow…it wouldn’t be done.”
…
“Morning, Big Mac! Damn, that’s quite a fire in that barn over there.”
“Eyup”
“That’s some serious bits they’re losing in that fire.”
“Eyup… but they can take it.”
“You know who owns it?”
“Eyup. It’s me.”
…
"Things going alright with you and Miss Rarity, Applejack?"
"Eyup. Ahm actually thinking about popping THE QUESTION to her."
"Marriage, aye? Well, good for you."
"What about yer, then?"
"What?"
"Why don't ya find somepony to make happy?"
"Nah, I don't think I'm the marriage type. Not even if they made a lipstick that tasted like carrots."
...
“Morning Miss Fluttershy!”
“Oh…morning Carrot Top. Please, just call me Fluttershy.”
“Alright Fluttershy. Hey, you looking mighty happy today!”
“…mhmmm…”
“Had another date with Big Mac yesterday I take it?”
“…mhmmmm…”
“…You didn’t have a roll in the hay, did you?”
“…yes…”
“Oh, lucky you! SO, how was is?”
“well…uhm…oh…you know… a farm pony really can handle a pitchfork the way a mare likes it.”
…
“And then ah said to him ‘Ya can’t teach an old dog to sit, and ya can’t teach an wolf to eat lettuce”
“Yeah, some people. They just can’t accept reality, they just have to try and change it and…Howdy, Mr!”
“Yeah, Howdy Mr! How can we help yer?”
“Yes…Well…I…Uhm…Pouvez-vous m'indiquer le chemin pour Ponyville? “
“…”
“…hmmm…Können Sie mir den Weg nach Ponyville gezeigen?“
“…”
“¿Me puede mostrar el camino a Ponyville?”
“...”
“Pah...”
“Sorry we couldn’t help you!”
“Yer know what, Carrot Top? Maybe one should learn one of those fancy foreign languages?”
“Now what good would that do?”
“Well, Ah think it could be useful.”
“Didn’t you see that guy? He knew three languages, how much did that help him?”
…
“Howdy Applebloom! Helping with the chores today, are you?”
“Eyup! Ah’m painting the fence.”
“Yeah, I kind of see that. …Why are you painting so fast by the way? Want to be finished early to go crusading?”
“Enope. Ah got to finish painting before the bucket is empty!”
…
“Hey, Applejack! How is harvesting going?”
“Oh, Pretty good, Carrot Top, thanks for asking! Ah think we doubled the crop from last year. How’s it going for yerself?”
“Oh, I’m doing good as well. I actually had to hire some extra farmhands.”
“Oh. Well, that is a bit of a gambit, hiring extra. Are they hard workers?”
“Well, one of them is. But the other guy must be the laziest pony this side of the river Tacos.”
“Okay, how so?”
“Well, I was coming out of my house yesterday, and he was sitting on the ground, moaning. And I asked why he was making so much noice. ‘Ahm sitting on mah bits’ he said.”
“Mah bits? Ya mean he was sitting on his dong?”
“Yeah. And then I said, Why aren’t you moving if it hurts?”
“And what did he say?”
“Hah. He said ‘No…ah guess one have to get used to it.’”
...
“Hey, Big Mac! Are your cows smokers?”
“Enope.”
“Ok. Then your barns on fire.”
…
"Carrot Top? Do yer know what Princess Luna said to Discord when they were sitting at the same table at the Grand Galloping Gala last week?"
"Can't say I do."
"Oh. Ok."
"So...what did she say?"
"Who?"
"Well...Princess Luna?"
"How the buck should Ah know? Ah was asking yer!"
...
Author's Note
Yeah, that just happened.
Please don't drop the microphones on the floor.
