The Shadows of War

by IpreferpI

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Slice of Life, Anthro, Dark
Length: 58791

Corporal Steel Wing left home as a young stallion. He fought for his country. Most of him came back, but a part of him still died.

EDIT: I could use someone who can do cover art. I know what I want, and I can do a commission swap. Just dont back out after I already do my end, like the other guy >.>

UPDATE: This story is on haitus due to a lack of creative inspiration and general life stuff. I WILL keep writing it at some point, but for now, it is on hold. Sorry!

Fanart! Thanks Rainbowrules!

Even though the Great War only lasted five months in the Gryphany Campaigns, with the full might of Equestria brought to bear against the fascist dictator Bristlebeak, hundreds of thousands still died. The formerly peace loving country of Equestria was forced to arm for war.

After a war though, what are soldiers, still haunted by the memories of what they saw and did, supposed to do when reunited with their families? What are they to do in a society that values peace?

This is the story of Corporal Steel Wing, and his quest to find acceptance in his new life.

Also, A Review by a great fan!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-20 22:26:44 UTC

Major Characters (Spoilers ahoy!)

Characters:

Steel Wing: A former Corporal (E-4) in the Equestrian Royal Army, he came back from the war traumatized with PTST and diagnosed depression. With his ability to fly stripped from him due to nerve damage in his wings, he is in denial about his depression and now has trouble with social interactions. Lives with Rainbow Dash in Ponyville.

Rainbow Dash: Former weather manager at Cloudsdale Weather Factory, former active Wonderbolt, current Reserve Wonderbolt, current Ponyville Weather Manager. Legally in charge of taking care of Steel Wing as part of his therapy. They live together in Ponyville.

Pinkamina Dianne Pie: A resident of Ponyville and a baker at Sugarcube Corner, she has a past relationship with Silver Star until an unknown incident. A party pony by night, she is a genuinely caring person, but can be hurt more easily than she lets on.

Major Maple Leaf: Steel Wings former Company Commander, she was discharged after the war and returned to Manehatten following her dream of living a simple life in the big city.

Orange Blaze: [spoler] Status: UNKNOWN [/spoiler]

Doctor Time Turner: A Doctor of Medicine who was kicked out of Canterlot for lacking bedside manner, he works with Doctor Stable in Ponyville Clinic. Enjoys a challenge, and loves to be called “The Doctor”, although no one knows why. Owns an antique Police Call Booth. He is Steel Wing's personal psychologist, and is overseeing his treatment.

Mister Cake: Brother served in the Great War, killed in action. Looks upon the military with respect, choosing to honor his brothers sacrifice.

Silver Star: Police Captain in Ponyville, his younger brother was killed in the bombings in Brayton. Loathing the military with every fiver of his being, he despises Steel Wing in particular for evading the law and getting a pity punishment from the courts after humilliating him and Brass Button in the first chapter.

LIST OF CHARACTERS WILL BE UPDATED AS  MORE ARE ADDED. THIS IS MORE FOR MY BENEIFT THAN YOURS, AS IT HELPS ME AVOID CONTRADICTIONS.

Chapter 1: Last Stop, Ponyville!

SMASH!

The gryphon hit me across the face with the end of his rifle, spitting obscenities after me as I staggered backwards. To my left, Blaze tackled her own opponent, grimacing as she wrestled back and fourth, each of them trying to gain the upper hand. My moment of distraction cost me again as four lines of searing agony cut across my face from my right ear to my chin, and I howled in pain as I stumbled back another step. Finally, I was able to yank my Colt Revolver out of my hip holster and put two shots into his chest, knocking him over.

Back to the left, Blaze jammed her knife under the SS troopers chin, kicking it backwards. Behind her there was a cliff, the sounds of the raging river far, far below coming up as if out of an abyss, and she stumbled back towards it, a pleading look on her face as she reached out towards me. “Wing! HELP!” she screamed, as her leg began to bleed and finally gave out, causing her to collapse backwards over the cliff.

Without thinking, I jumped forward, heart pounding. I had to save, her I had to! I leaped off the cliff, tackling her midair like a champion, and held close to her. With my face inches from hers, I smiled. “I got you! Just hold onto me!” I shouted, the wind whipping past us. She nodded, eyes squeezed shut. I spread my wings....

And nothing happened. In horror, I could feel the tug of my numb wings fluttering limply in the wind, refusing to obey my commands. Faster and faster we fell, a shrill whistle filling my ears, the bloody river below us racing up to meet us, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

“I'm sorry!” I cried, sitting up, my heart pounding as the train whistle blew, signalling that we were departing from Neigh Orleans. The world whirled around me. Where was I? I was... on a train, heading for Ponyville. That was right... that was where I was going. To start my new life.

My military uniform, olive green with my corporal chevrons on the shoulder, were stained with sweat in the armpits and across the neck. The tie felt strangling, and the cufflinks icy cold against my wrists. On my chest were my medals, ranging from my Legion d' honnuer and the Fleur de Lis, both gained from the Prench campaigns, the Normandy badge, and the Celestial Citation. Prominent above all of them, even in its simplicity, was my Medal of Honor, a small red stripe with the images of the Sun and Moon on it and a golden background. It was supposed to represent a courageous, blazing heart of some sort. Alot of us had gotten them... most of us would gladly trade all of them for the chance to forget why we had them though. I was among that number.

As I regained my awareness of the situation, I saw that many on the train were staring at me. Besides my outburst, I knew that I was not pretty anymore. Four long, puckered scars ran across my face, the result of shoddy first aid that allowed them to fester for a week. A Zebracian shaman had luckily introduced maggots to clean up the dead flesh, and although I would always feel the squirming larvae, I would not have to deal with them removing more flesh surgically. The rest of my body was sound, save my left lung that had been grazed by a bullet right under my collarbone... and my wings.

I simply looked down at my shaking hands, before leaning back into the seat and closing my eyes, trying to drown out the sounds around me. Someones pager beeped.

The machine next to me beeped, signaling the nurse that I was awake. Slowly, consciousness returned to me. The last thing I remembered was slowly fading out, and that I was glad my mother would not see me like this. It hadn’t occurred to me that she would rather have a broken son than a dead one, and that Azure Skies, who I later learned was her filly friend, would be equally devastated at losing one she considered a nephew of sorts.

The hospital bed was warm and comforting, although my back felt funny, and my breath burned slightly. The left side of my chest ached something fierce, and my wings... the wings I had landed on when I fell...

Actually... I couldn’t feel anything from then. Still, I felt no joy right now, and the sight of Bubbles in the bed next to me, bandaged even across the face, only worsened the news the doctors gave to me.

“Corporal Steel Wing... I'm sorry. The shot from the Luger grazed your spine. You are lucky you weren’t killed, and even more that you were not fully paralyzed. It severed the second aviatic nerve to your wings. While your wings are technically fine, they don’t get the signals from your brain correctly. You wont be able to feel feedback, and thus, when you flap your wings you wont know what is going on. There is a chance it will heal in time but... I wouldn’t get your hopes up.”

“What about my hands? Why wont they stop shaking?” I had asked, looking down at them. Every so often, they would start shaking, trembling in a visible manner. The right one was much worse than the left, and I doubted I would be able to fire a pistol very well.

“You most likely have shell shock. It is common among soldiers, you might get nightmares, feel anxious, or sometimes be unable to sleep. As for the trembling, there are medications that can help, make sure to get to a doctor back in Equestria. It says here you are going to... Ponyville, is that right?” At my nod, he continued. “I would look for Doctor Time Turner, or Doctor Stable Eyes. Time Turner, however, would be the better bet. He is unorthodox, but is an expert in many obscure problems.”

I had nodded, and sat back in the bed, staring at the ceiling. For some reason, the news that I wouldn’t fly didn’t hurt so bad. Not as bad as looking to the other side and seing a massive stallion under a shroud, another son that would never see his mother again.

There were thousands of us.

“Mister?”

I blinked, opening my eyes. The right one was still a bit puffy, but it didn’t stop me from seeing the young filly standing next to me. She was holding something in her hands... it was my Medal of Honor.

“Mister, you dropped this! It fell off your shirt...” she said, a bit shy. I looked at it, and then reached out. She dropped it into my hands and looked at her feet. “What happened to your face?” she asked, looking back up. Behind her, her mother, or so I assumed, gasped.

“Leave the poor man alone!” she snapped, and her harsh tone caused me to sit up a bit more straight, remembering being shouted at in Boot Camp. The filly looked back at her mother and then to me, before asking “Are you a sol... a seld... um... did you save us from the griffs?”

Her mother winced, looking at my face finally. Or at least the right side of it, as he eyes kept flicking. I stared at the child, unsure of how to respond. Thoughts raced through my mind. Yes, I fought... I killed a few of them. At least seven... I could still see their faces. But to tell that to a child? I mean, I didn’t save her... I just did my job...

I nodded silently, before saying “My friends and I did...”

She smiled and said “Thank you!” before pouncing back to her mother. I sat back, ignoring her conversation. Mine with my mothers had not gone too well...

“Are you sure?”

She and Azure Skies were in Azure's apartment, staring at me. Azure had only paled when she saw my face, my mother had taken it in stride. She had seen Dads scars, and his body when he came back from the changeling invasion of Canterlot. When a head in a box is all you have of a loved one, a few scars on your face are not that bad I guess. She had just been happy to see me.

“Yes mother. I want to go somewhere else. Everyone at the factory... everyone in Cloudsdale knows me, and all of them treat me either like a cripple or a stranger. I'm sick of it!” I had said, the few possessions I had decided to take with me packed into a bag. My radio, toothbrush, a handmade quilt given to my by my grandmother, and a couple of shirts and pants.

She simply stared, before grabbing me in a hug. “I missed you so much... I prayed for your return, and when I got your last letter I wanted to scream. I am just so happy to have you back...”

She finally held me at arms length, looking into my eyes. Not my face, but my eyes. “You are so much like your father, but at least you came back. If you need to go... then go. Ponyville is a lovely place, but... make sure you do something nice for Hearth's Warming Eve. Even if you cant make it here, don’t spend it alone. I am sure that Blaze will be happy to see you, she sent us a letter asking if you were back yet. Make sure to mail her. And... I am so proud of you. We all are.”

I stood stiffly as she hugged me, awkwardly returning it. One war ago, I would have happily hugged her. Pegasi were very physical creatures, but now... it felt like hugging a stranger. She hadn’t seen what I had seen, and I felt closer to Major Leaf than to her now. I had simply turned and left without saying another word, taking the sky ferry to Neigh Orleans an hour later.

Finally, I was stirred out of my memories by the train slowing down. Even with motor transportation available to regular people, trains and busses were the preferred method of transportation in Ponyville from what I had heard. It had a citywide tram, installed about two years after the Tirek invasion, which was a comfort to me, as the sound of engines was typically associated with rolling tanks.

“LAST STOP! PONYIVILLE! END OF THE LINE!” cried the conductor from the front of the car. All around me, ponies got to their feet. The jostling of the various passengers in my section resulted in a large amount of noise, and my heart began to beat more quickly in response. As people began to file out, I had a brief flashback to the same scene, over a hundred bright eyed youngsters trying to get out in an orderly fashion, being ordered to sit down and get up over and over until we did it at the same time. Those days were a paradise compared to the ones that followed.

Finally, it was my turn. I got to my feet, reaching up and picking up my duffel bag from the overhead compartment, hitching it over one shoulder, and filing out. Slowly, I shuffled forward with the crowd, and when it was my turn, I held out my Military Identification to the ticket checker, who eyed it and nodded, letting me pass. Veterans, courtesy of the crown, rode free on any public transportation in coach or business classes. One of the few benefits afforded to us.

The train station was bustling, typical for an afternoon. It was around thirteen hundred right now, or 1 o' clock in civilian time. Technically, I was a civilian now, but I didn’t feel like it. Where was I supposed to go from here? I had been told that I was to meet the Veterans Affairs coordinator, but this city didn’t have one. No one from Ponyville had been drafted, the nearest office was back in Appleloosa. Looking around didn’t reveal much...

“Mister Wing? Mister Wing, is that you?”

A mare with a silver coat and a pale blue mane smiled as she approached me. “Mister Steel Wing! A pleasure to meet you! Thank you for your service!”

I looked at her, forcing a smile. She flinched, and I dropped the smile, just staring at her. “May I help you?” I ventured, waiting.

She nodded. “My name is Swift Pen. I am a military Veterans Administration officer. I work in-” she started.

“Apploosa, I know, There isn’t an office in Ponyville because no one is moving out here. Can I help you?” I asked. I was dead tired, having been up for nearly seventy three hours now in transit. The trip from Cloudsdale was the hardest bit, after seeing my mom and telling her I wasn’t staying. It wasn’t much of an excuse for my rudness, and I regretted it instantly. “Sorry... I am just tired.”

She nodded, her smile resuming. “I understand. We have an apartment with three weeks rent paid, a temporary affair until you can find work and new living arrangments. Is that all of your things?” she asked, pointing at my seabag and luggage.

I nodded, shifting it a bit. “Yes Ma'am. Thats all I have for now.”

She giggled as she led me along out of the station. “Just call me Penny, all of my friends do. Pen? Penny? See? My parents were braytish, and they use the-”

“Penny instead of the Bit. Yeah, I loved it. Wish someone had told me there was a war going on over there though...” I griped, trying to be cheerful. The day was bright and sunny outside, with only a slight breeze. The light was warm on me, although the breeze managed to get the sweat stains out of my uniform. All around, people stopped for a moment when they saw me, and I looked down at my feet, missing what she said next.

“-Here. Wing? Mister Wing?”

I looked up. “Huh? Oh, thank you. I will be fine from here, Ma'am.”

I shook her hand and she handed me a packet. “In here are your Military Papers, your tax forms, and your first check. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call us or send a telegram. Once again, thank you for your service, Mister Wing!” she said, beaming. With that, she turned and left.

After getting my gear... or possessions, as I guess they were now called, I headed to the front desk. A skinny colt sat there, looking bored, his propeller beanie on his head spinning idly as he tapped away on a game system. Looking up, he gasped. “Geeze! Did you step on a landmine?” He asked. A moment later, a mare came running and smacked him after the manner of an investigator on a popular show. “BUTTON!” she cried, before turning and smiling. “My name is Milono Mash. Forgive my son... I am the Landlady here. I would assume you are Mister Steel Wing?”

I nodded, my cheeks red. “Erm, Thank you Ma'am” I said, before handing over a couple of papers. “I am to be quartered in 511?” I asked, looking them over as I handed them to her. She nodded.

“Correct, sweetie. Here is your key, and we have a spare down here in case you lose it. Will you need any help getting moved in?” she asked, smiling.

I shook my head. “No, thank you Ma'am. I'll be fine.”

She nodded and I headed upstairs. Fifth floor, Room Eleven... There it was. The paint was slightly faded, but for a room that I could live in for free for three weeks, it was not bad. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about getting shelled in the middle of the night.

It only took a few minutes to set my stuff out on the bed, and head to the bathroom. I turned on the light and looked in the mirror.

The face that looked back at me was nothing like the one I saw before the war. It was gaunt, haggard, the mane mussed up, and the nasty scars running along the right side. They stood out, puckered and with only spotty bits of my coat coming back on them. The third one still looked a bit raw, but none of them were oozing anymore. I had been told I was lucky it didn’t hit the eye. I could have been half blind as well as flightless. I looked over my shoulder, and rustled my wings. They responded sluggishly, and I couldn’t feel them at all. It wasn’t that they were numb, so much as they simply weren't there. They moved, slowly, but I couldn’t flap them and even if I could, I wouldn’t be able to feel air currents and would most likely injure myself or someone else.

Sighing, I turned back and got out of my uniform. One hot shower later and a quick trim around my chin, and I was clean and presentable. Forcing a smile in the mirror, I inwardly winced at the horrid grimace it gave me. A swig of whiskey later and I felt much better, however.

Next task... Look around for work... I thought to myself. Easy enough.

Four hours later, I sat in front of a stallion by the name of Green Back. “I'm sorry, Mister Wing, but our job relies heavily on giving a good image to customers. I know you served proudly, but many folk around here are not fond of the idea of a... erm.. person of your skills running around town in the first place. I know it hurts, but I am afraid that we cannot at this time employ you. Should a position more fitting of your skills turn up, such as Security Guard, we will let you know. Until then, Good day!” he said, smiling the whole time.

This was the fifth time today I had heard variations on that. My mood was now sour, and the smell of whiskey on my breath was probably highly apparent. I didn’t have a chance back home, who was I kidding?

I nodded, forcing my voice to remain calm. “I understand sir. Thank you, Sir” I said, standing up and swallowing as I shook his hand.

As I left, I looked outside. The sky was beginning to get a bit dark, and people were getting off work all over town. I really needed something to eat, and then something to drink. Down the road there was a Confectionery shop and Bakery in one, and right now, something fresh out of an over sounded great to me. Anything to avoid K-Rations.

I stuck my hands in my pockets as the air chilled. It got cold fast as it approached Hearth's Warming Eve, and the ice on the rooftops would re-freeze again tonight, and the snow on the ground would harden into pack ice come morning. I had learned this overseas, of course.

The shop was a bit quiet at this time, but as I walked in there were several people in there. A pink mare stood behind the counter, and a yellow stallion stood next to a blue mare behind her, working on pulling some other things out of the oven. I froze in the doorway, however, as people began to turn and stare at me, their conversations stopping.

Finally swallowing, I stood before the counter. The pink mare looked up at me and smiled. “Hi there! My name is Pinkie Pie, but you can call me Pinkie! What can I get for you?” she said, beaming. I was more than a bit taken aback, as this was the first time I had been greeted by such enthusiasm, but my glum mood would not be lifted.

“Something to go please... Bread, maybe some cinnamon buns, and a honey oat cake, Ma'am” I said, standing stiffly. She nodded, grinning, and reached under the counter. “We are about to pull a loaf of bread out of the oven, how about you take a seat Mister Soldier, and we can get it to you super quick!”

I nodded. “Thank you, Ma'am.”

She hummed and turned away, getting to work. I about faced and strode over to an empty table in the corner and sat down, trying to ignore the sounds around me. Of in a corner, two Police Officers were talking, and a small family were finishing eating, occasionally whispering. I looked down at my shaking hands, my heart suddenly beating hard.

“-A soldier?”

“-Has to be... the uniform. Thats not a police officer..”

“-Looks kinda shifty. Look at him, shaking like that...”

“=Never up to any good, Brass. Mark my words..”

“-Face! Monster! Don’t look dear!”

“-Stay away from my family... Don’t worry, I wont let him go near-”

“-Like a monster!”

“-monster.”

“-Monster...!”

“-Monster!”

“.... By a monster, dude? Hello?”

I blinked and looked up, startled. A cyan blue mare with a rainbow colored mane leaned over the table, grinning at me. “Was it a Manticore? A dragon?” she said. I leaned back, breathing hard.

“S-sorry, Ma'am! I didn’t see you there. Can you repeat your last?” I asked, confused. I had missed what she had said.

“Wait... that uniform... you were TOTALLY in the army, weren’t you? Were you?” she asked.

“I-” I started.

“Were were you? Neighpan? Saddle Arabia? Prance? What was it like? Did you fight a lot or what?”

My breath seemed to catch. My chest throbbed, and colors around me seemd to get brighter and sharper, although I was having trouble keeping up. There was a pounding in my ears. The blue face filled my gaze, and I leaned back, feeling the first parts of hyperventilation oncoming. “I- I mean... I was..” I stammered, unsure of what to say.

“Were you part of airborn? Oh! I wish I could have joined! It would have been SO awesome! I was a wonderbolt though so I couldn’t. I wish I could have gone!”

At that something inside me, something primal snapped. I saw Blaze, swearing and clutching her leg. Butter Bar, shot through the throat because of my idiot mistake. Shadow Step, the same bullet having gone through her leg. Iron Hoof, dead to save me. Radio Wave, half his head missing. And Wire Tap, having died to save someone he cared about as well.

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! What the HELL do you know of war? What do ANY of you know of war?” I screamed, looking around the room. My heart pounded, my ears rang, and everyone was staring. The mare stared at me, having leaned back a bit.

“It was NOT awesome! I lost friends! I had to kill people to survive! I had to watch everyone I cared about die in some horrible way! Shot, stabbed, burned! I was on a beach where seven out of ten soldiers didn’t make it one hundred yards! And you presume to say it was AWESOME!” I yelled, and slammed my fists down on the table. There was a thud, and my end of the table went down, causing the other end to bounce up.

It caught her under her chin and she went sprawling backwards, letting out a yelp. The two officers in the corner jumped up. I stood there, panic clawing into my chest. My lungs burned, my ears rang, I could feel blood pounding though my body, giving me a migrane. Images flashed before me, the beach, the town, the snow and blood, and the smokey haze and smell of sulfer in the air.

“Turn around! Hands behind your back!” shouted one of the officers, but I just turned and ran, not hearing his words. Home, home, I needed to go home. I needed to fly! I needed it all to end!

Even without wings, I was much faster than the police officers, the result of long hours of physical training. I could ignore the burning in my legs and chest, the feeling of something tearing. I could ignore the migrane, the flashes of light, the yells of people as I knocked them aside. All I knew was the strangled sobs that I was letting out, and the fear that filled my heart.

I was in my apartment before I knew it, and the window beckoned. It was a forty five or fifty foot drop, from the fifth story. I could fly! I lifted the window sill, and stepped onto it. Even if I couldn’t fly, it would all be over. I could be with my friends. I could see dad again, and ask him what I did wrong. Or I would finally be free, in the blissful black.

Behind me, the voice of that cyan mare shouted “Stop! What are you-”

I didn’t hear the last bit, as I leapt from the sill out into the open. Grinning madly, I giggled, amused by how slow everything moved around me. I fell, slowly at first, before the ground rushed up towards me.

My wings wouldn’t open. The ground moved in on my face, and I closed my eyes. I would finally have peace. In my last moments, I thought I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me, and the faint smell of roses.

Then it all went black.

Although the war is over, many veterans are not coping well. In the first week since the end of the war, there have been seven suicides and ten attempted. The latest was in Ponyville, where a Corporal Steel Wing, a Medal of Honor War Hero jumped from the fifth story window of his apartment at about six in the evening. He was rescued by a local resident and close friend of Princess Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, the local weather manager. Eyewitnesses report that he was running from the police after assaulting Miss Dash, and early results from the hospital say that he is in critical condition. At this time, Miss Dash is not pressing charges, but it remains to be seen if the owners of Sugarcube Corner will sue for damages inflicted on their restaurant when he hit Miss Dash with a table.

Shell Shock and other problems seem to be plaguing former military members, and the question everyone is asking: Are We Safe? Do soldiers have any place in our society  in the numbers we face now? What will the crown do about them? Are your foals secure? And most of all... Is a killer lurking in your neighborhood, disguised as a war hero?”

This is Rumor Mill, reporter for Equestria Broadcasting, Signing off.

Chapter 2: The first step

“Hey Blaze... Do you ever think what we are doing is right?”

Blaze looked over at me. It was cold out, but for once it was warm enough we could clean our rifles without gloves on and losing bits of skin to the frigid metal. Our breath still frosted in the shadows, but our fingers didn’t turn nasty shades of blue, then black, then fall off. Or have to get chopped off.

“What do you mean?” she asked, her muzzle scrunched up in that way she did when she was only stalling for time, thinking hard. “Out here fighting? Someone has to do it.”

I shook my head, pausing as a quick burst of machine gun fire went off far away in the city. This was Rakkal, a city we took almost as an afterthought. We had rolled in with tanks, mostly M4s, and wiped out most resistance. The only ones left were fanatic loyalists. “No, I mean... is it right to take someones life, no matter what? I mean, what gives you the right to shoot someone, to end a life? Who grants someone that power?”

She sat silent, and for ten minutes we scrubbed our actions clean. Finally, just as I was about to ask if she was okay, she said “They killed a lot of us, and we have killed a lot of them. No higher power, nothing greater than Princess Celestia, has stepped down to stop it. If there is something greater, it clearly doesn’t care. When a parent is incompetent, a child must step in. If we are those children, then we have to step in. I guess... we give ourselves that power.”

I sighed at that. The world around was starting to fade, but for some reason that didn’t trouble me. I turned back to her and said “What if I don’t want that power? What if I don’t want to kill?”

She looked at me. “Then you will die” she said simply, getting up and walking into the dark. I simply sat there, thinking. I Liked it in here. Here I was safe.

Here I could think.

A dull throb slowly drew me back to a waking state. Where was I? The smell... alchohol, but not whiskey or beer. Antiseptic... a steady beeping next to me. Hushed whispers. My eyes felt glued shut, as if I had been asleep for a long time. They felt encrusted. With a groan, I tried to roll to my side, but a weight... or a strap across my chest stopped me. There was a slight whispering past my feet, but I couldn’t make it out. My mouth felt dry, my tongue swollen and stuck to the roof of my mouth. There was a tube across the end of my muzzle, over my nostrils.

A hospital. I was in a hospital. Why was I in a hospital? Who was whispering?

Those questions were answered when I finally opened my eyes. After blinking away the stinging pain from the light, I saw two faces at the end of the bed. One was a mare in a business suit, looking bored, and the other was a brown stallion with a brown mane, a bow tie, and a white coat with short sleeves, showing an hourglass destiny mark. He gave a brilliant smile, managing to show every single one of his perfect teeth without looking creepy.

“Where am I?” I tried to say. The sound that met my ears was something more like “wuuuhhhhmmmmyyy...”

Either guessing what I was saying, or understanding it, he walked over next to me. Across my waist was a leather strap, and another one over my upper chest, stopping me from bending my arms above the elbows, although I could lift my hands slightly.

“Mister Wing! You are awake! Good to see you, for a while we thought you were not going to wake up. I am Doctor Time Turner, or The Doctor if you want to be funny, and this lovely mare is Miss Legal Tender, a public attorney. I assume you would like some water so that you may talk?”

I nodded, and a few sips from a provided cup later, my tongue once again returned to a manageable size. I washed a bit around my mouth a few more times, before finally looking up at him again. “Why am I here?” I asked, confused.

He looked at his clipboard. “You jumped from a fifth story window, and only the actions of one Miss Rainbow Dash saved your life. She slowed you enough that... well, you didn’t die. You have been in this hospital for nearly a month though. Magical healing still takes time.

I stared. The memories came rushing back, and I sighed, closing my eyes. I had lost it. It was official, I was a nutter. I had seen it happen to other soldiers, doing everything from digging a foxhole with their bare hands, snapping fingers and ripping the flesh away, to taking a sidearm and blowing their brains across a tree. I guess I was closer to the second category.

“Now, Doctor Stable was, until yesterday, your doctor. However, you are currently unnasigned, although I would like to change that. But first, I need to ask you a few questions to determine if there is any brain damage. What is the date?”

“December Fifth, Year 1005 ALB.”

He blinked. “A-and... the time?”

“Seventeen thirty five.”

He looked at the lawyer, eyebrows raised. “How the HAY do you know that?” he demanded, glaring at me.

I glanced over his shoulder. “It is on the calendar behidn you. I guessed the one that hadn’t been crossed off was the current date, and your watch has the time” I said in a monotone.

It was immensly gratifying to see him do a full facepalm. “Erm, yes. I see that the parts of your brain responsible for problem solving are intact... What is your Name, Date of Birth, and Service Tag?”

I thought for a second. “Steel Wing, December Thirty First, 986 ALB. Service tag 00849 SW.”

He nodded. “That is correct. How do you feel right now?”

Taking a moment to do an internal check, I replied “I ache all over. I feel like I got hit by a train or something.

He shook his head. “No, mentally. How do you feel? Angry, hopeless, happy, upset...?”

“I feel fine. A bit hungry, but I... if you are asking if I intend to jump out a window, no. I apologize for causing trouble...” I said, cheeks reddening. The lawyer behind him cleared her throat and he turned around. “Ah, yes. That brings me to the other matter. You are in a bit of legal trouble too...”

She stepped forward. “Mister Steel Wing, I am Legal Tender, the attorney assigned to your case. You have been charged with two counts of assault, one count of vandalism, one count of evading arrest, and one count of disturbing the peace. As you were tried en absentia, the courts found you guilty on all charges. However, due to your mental conditions, I managed to get you a choice: The first one is that you spend a minimum of ten years in prison, and another five on parole. That is five years in prison with good behavior.”

I stared at her. “I... what? I didn’t...” I said, my mind reeling. Bits and pieces of the scene came back to me. Running, crying, and... and hitting that blue mare with the table. The two cops yelling at me to stop. At that moment, I wanted to melt into the sheets, I was so embarrassed.

“What is the other option...” I mumbled.

“The other option, Mister Steel Wing, is that you submit to treatment. You will agree to go to a psychologist, in this case Doctor Time Turner, and take what medications he prescribes. You will also not be allowed to live by yourself, and you will require a companion. This is to ensure that you do not attempt self harm.”

I looked at Time Turner. “Self... harm? I told you, I wont go jumping out of a window...”

He sighed. “Four broken ribs, three compound fractures wing, left leg, and right arm. Punctured left lung, shattered femur, shattered wrist, four skull fractures. Internal bleeding on the kidneys and liver. Ruptured spleen. Six cracked vertebrae. The worst concussion I have EVER seen, and I was the on call physician for the Wonderbolts for three months. You were clinically dead for two minutes before Doctor Stable brought you back. If Miss Dash had not slowed you down, you would have died. You hit the ground nearly headfirst, and probably traumatized a street full of passing foals. Whether you know it or not, you tried to KILL yourself. That is NOT normal behavior.”

By the end of this, I had shrank down as far as I could with the straps binding me, but he was not done yet. “Based upon your history and all the facts, I believe you have Depression relating to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or what your other doctors may call Shell Shock. That is why your hands wont stop shaking sometimes, although we have some medication that can help that. Between that and not being able to fly anymore, your reaction is understandable. But...” he said, looking me in the eye, “You do NOT get to decide when you make your exit.”

I looked down. “But I feel fine now. I don’t want to hurt myself or anyone else. I'm not depressed, doctor Turner” I replied. Inside, I felt just fine. Life was okay, I was alive, I had NOT tried to kill myself, and all I really wanted was to go home and curl up and go to sleep. Of course, my rent was probably up now.

“Mister wing, if you will sign this form, you don’t have to go to prison” stated the lawyer, pushing her clip board at me. I looked to Time Turner, who nodded, before saying “Doctor Turner... if I go to your sessions and I prove to be fine, do still have to do all this other stuff?”

He shook his head. “On the off chance that you are faking and were able to do so in a coma, then yes. Although the courts would take a dim view of it in that case. Just sign, and we can talk about everything else.”

I looked at the pad. Finally, I took the offered pen, and the upper strap was released, allowing me to sign the paper. With a curt nod, she turned and left. Doctor Turner stared after her, before shaking his head. “Lawyers. Cant stand them, cant live without them. She handles my malpractice suites. Just kidding” he said, reaching down and undoing the waist strap. “You probably feel pretty weak, that is because you have been out for just over a month. Hearth Warming's Eve is coming up soon, and you wont be spending it alone. We want to get you out of this hospital soon so... there is one more visitor if you are okay. I need to take care of another patient” he said.

I nodded at him. I had no idea who it was who would want to see me... I clearly had not done well making any friends around here. The only ones who liked me were idiot foals and one mare that I ended up beaming with a table. Who then had to catch me when I drunkenly jumped off of a window trying to fly.

The question was answered soon, however, as a familiar Cyan mare with a shock of rainbow mane stepped in, looking a bit meek. Her ears were folded back, and her wings drooped, signs of humility as she approached. I simply looked at her once, before dropping my gaze to my lap. My hands both shook, betraying me to the very end. Neither of us spoke for nearly ten minutes.

“Um... I'm Rainbow Dash. I uh... I wanted to apologize for what I said in the shop...” she mumbled, looking at her feet. The silence dragged on for a bit longer.

There were several things I wanted to say, the first one was for her to leave. The second was remorse. I had been a bit rude to her, and hit her to boot. I knew plenty of mares that could hit harder than me, but it was still wrong to get one with a sucker table to the face. That had been very uncalled for. But she hadn’t known, and never would unless I explained it to her. Finally, I spoke up.

“Its cool. You didn’t know... just don’t talk about that anymore okay?” I said, looking up. She looked more than a bit upset, but her ears lifted a bit at that. “Yeah, I was a soldier. I killed a lot of people, and I got hurt badly. But I lost a lot of friends, and you brought it up and I kinda... freaked out. So now you know. Just... drop it okay?” I asked, staring at her. “Water under the bridge.”

A few more seconds of silence, before she nodded. “Alright then. Well, I know who you are, but you probably don’t know me if you were off fighting and didn’t recognize me in the ship. I used to work at the Rainbow Factory as a senior branch manager, before going to the Wonderbolts for a while. And stuff happened. And now I am only a Wonderbolt reservist. And that is my story.

We stared at each other, before she broke out in a broad grin, one that was infectious to boot. The awkward stage had escalated into nervous chuckles, and then giggling. Finally, I coughed twice and calmed down a bit. “Thanks for coming by. I haven’t really made any friends... and I probably have to go back to living with my mom now.”

She tilted her head. “Whats wrong with that?”

I shook my head. “I wanted a new start, damnit! I cant go back home. I don’t belong there anymore. It isn’t even my home, its the home of a fresh faced nineteen year old colt who had never held a gun. I cant go back. I don’t WANT to go back. But now I probably have to because I fell out of a window.”

“Oh...” she said, looking down. “Yeah, they kinda dumped all of your stuff at my house after your apartment got... cleaned out. Milano is a bit pissed right now at you. So I have all your stuff at my place whenever you want it back...”

“What are you doing with it?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“Well, since I kinda... erm... helped you a bit, they thought I might as well hold onto it since they didn’t have an easy contact number for your mom. Nothing's missing, I swear!” she said, guiltily. “Although I did see that photo of you with a bunch of other guys...”

“Its okay. Well, I gotta get out of here tonight, so I gotta call and see if anyone can pick me up from here...” I said, sighing. “Thanks for visiting...”

She paused. “Its alright... Hey, I got an idea...” she said, slowly. “You need to stay with someone, right? I heard the lawyer lady. And I already got your stuff at my place. If you need... you can pitch out at my flat...?” she said, a question hanging at the end.

“That sounds wonderful” said Doctor Turner as he walked in. “You are being discharged post haste. Are you okay with going with Miss Dash?” he asked, looking at me.

I stared at both of them. “I... maybe?” I said, weakly. I tried to sit up, but my back muscles burned as I pulled myself to a sitting position, and I winced as my abdomen cramped. “Sonova... Doc, are there any pain meds I can take?” I asked.

“You are on all of the meds we can give you. There are no more transportation services availible to Cloudsdale, and right now, I would prefer you do NOT stay somewhere that is two thousand feet off of the ground. Accidents and all. Dash has a lovely fog house a measly hundred feet off the ground, and she is a friend to Princess Twilight Sparkle. In addition, she is an element of harmony. She can make sure you do what you need to... yes, she can take care of your physical therapy as well. Miss Dash, are you alright with this?” he said, turning around and scribbling on his notepad.

She nodded. “Alright then! Mister Wing, as part of your treatment I am remanding you to the care of one Miss Rainbow Dash. You will stay at her house, eat what she gives you, run when she says to, and make your couciling appointments on time. If you don’t, then you go back to a court hearing, and then I get a legal warrant to remand you back to my care.”

All of this went by very quickly, and I was VERY hungry, so I simply nodded as Rainbow Dash put an arm across my back and helped me down into a wheelchair. “In that case, lets get you to the front desk and out of here. Miss Dash, you can get him home or do we need an ambulance?”

She shook her head. “I got it. I can take care of him. Least I can do.”

And like that, choices were being made for me. It was a bit comforting, someone above me making the decisions again. Go here, eat this, go there, shoot that, come back, do a hundred laps. If there was ANYTHING I missed about the military, it was the lack of creative thinking.

Two hours, a light meal, and one tram ride later, Rainbow was helping me up the steps to her house. She had brought it down to the ground, and the cloud steps felt nice under my feet. My blasted hands wouldn’t stop shaking! Rainbow either didn’t notice or ignored it out of politeness, the same as my face, as she led me through a short hallway. “In here is the guest bedroom. You can stay in there, and if you need anything just give a holler. I sleep light, but don’t come into my room or I will pay you back for that table. Now you go in and settle on that bed while I get a bottle of water to put by it.”

I nodded, sitting on the bed and waiting. A minute later, she came back with three pills and a bottle of water. I stared. “What are those?” I said, pointing at the pills.

“An anti-depressant, a pain med, and a sleeping pill. Or what we always called a Poor Sportsman Cocktail at the Wonderbolt Academy. All prescribed by Doctor Turner. Now swallow 'em!” she said, holding them out.

At this point, I was too tired to resist her, and I sat back, taking them and swallowing. After she humilliated me by demanding to check, she crossed something off of a lift and got up. “Get some sleep bud. And... don’t do anything foalish, okay? Alot of people were worried about you. Your mom freaked out when she heard, and... well, she visited once. While you were asleep. People care about you, and sometimes it is hard if you are the tough guy. So hang in there.”

As I lay back in the bed, I simply said “You are not good at this comforting thing, are you?”

She turned off the light and said “Not really. Sleep tight.”

The bed was soft and warm under me, and I was out in minutes.

Chapter 4: Memories and Revelations

I scowled, sitting back in the cell at the police station. It was one of four cells in there, and the only one occupied. The conversation played back in my mind readily.

4 hours ago, at around 0900

“Steel Wing? You're under arrest.”

“What for?” I had asked, looking at him. I had just been on my way to Sugarcube Corner to meet up with Pinkie Pie so that she could ensure I didn’t get into any trouble. I was still fresh from my emotional high caused by my counseling, but I was lucid enough to realize I had not commited any crimes that I knew of.

“If you are mister Steel Wing, as I know you are, the Ponyville Police Sheriff's Office... thats MY office, has been warned that, as part of your parole, you are not to be out and about without an escort or handler. As I don’t see Miss Dash around, that means you are violating the terms of your parole. That carries a fine of twelve hundred bits in your case... and I need you to come with us.”

“Officer Star” I started, looking him in the eye. “I am heading to Sugarcube Corner to see Miss Pie. Go ask here, she will vouch for me.”

At the mention of her name, his eye twitched and he pulled out his handcuffs. “Alright, if you don’t let me put these on Brass Button and I are gonna put you away for resisting arrest too.”

It pretty much went downhill from there after I swung at him.

Present

I wiped my mouth. He had gotten in a damn fine left hook, but it was his tazer that really put me down finally. My pants were still wet from pissing myself, and my arm spazzed once in a while. He and Brass Button had had to work hard to get me in the back of the car, and I regretted having resisted now, although I didn’t for a moment regret punching them. Four times. Each.

Silver Star sat at his desk outside, glaring at me as well, both eyes turning a nasty shade of black, while Brass Button was on the phone. Two other officers looked at me, one with sympathy and the other with annoyance. Amusingly, not one person on the street had tried to help Silver Star, and two of them had just walked away after I threw the first punch.

Finally, Brass Button hung up. “That was Princess Sparkle. She says that Miss Dash and Miss Pie will be on their way here, and that he has a royal pardon. Sorry boss.”

At that, he stood up, swearing and looking at me. “You know, you are a lucky son of a bitch. How is it that you can get off of assaulting officers of the law TWICE? Murdering freak is what you are. If it was in my athourity, I would have you thrown out of town with nothing but the shirt on your back. We don’t need soldiers here, and we don’t need violent freaks like YOU” he spat, adjusting the pack of peas to his other cheek.

“Lucky for him, it ISNT” a bold voice came as the door opened. His words bounced off of me, but at Rainbows voice I perked up, standing up in my cell. Behind her, looking pissed, was the pink mare from Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie. Her hair was a lot flatter than I remember, and her hands shook a bit as she glared at Silver Star. Rainbow walked on in and held up a scroll. “Royal Order... Twilight heard about it, and apologizes for his actions. She promises it wont happen again, and commends you on a job well done. As you can see, he is in the medical care of Time Turner for some issues.”

I glowered. “I don’t have ISSUES! That THUG wouldn’t listen to me” I shouted, slamming a fist on the cage. Thus far, I was more annoyed than feeling like curling up, and my stomach had been cramping up the past few hours.

“Hush you! Star, open the cell, or I will get Twilight in here and you can tell HER that you haven’t obeyed her. In case you don’t recall, she is pretty happy to swing her power around since she got back from the treaty signing. Which was last night. And she is pretty cranky. And she signs your budget.

He sneered, before opening my cell. “You're free to go, Mister Wing. Thanks for your service” he said, letting me out before turning to the pink mare. “Pinkie, it-” he started.

The next moment he was staggering back towards his desk following a resounding smack from Miss Pie's hand, and he swore viciously as he held his still raw cheek. “NOPONY breaks a pinkie promise!” she shouted, and stormed out. I just looked at Rainbow, who shrugged. “Lets get going.”

One Walk to Sugarcube Corner Later [/b

“-then you showed up, and I guess you know more after that than I do” I finished narrating, the story of my brief imprisonment now relayed to the two mares walking with me. Pinkie giggles. “Yeah, he is mean now. But he wasn’t always like that.” she said.

I looked at her as we walked through the door and sat down at a table. At this hour, nearly six, there was only one other stallion in here, an elderly gray one with a golf club destiny mark, reading a newspaper. He gave a curt nod at us all, before going back to browsing who knows what.

“Hard to imagine. How do you know him, Miss Pie, if you don’t mind me asking” I inquired. It was hard to imagine this energetic pony knowing that thug of a cop. Rainbow rolled her eyes, but for once Pinkie didn’t start with a long phrase said in one breath. She simply went behind the counter, pulling up three mugs and filling them with apple cider, and bringing over some pastries to munch on. “Well... its a long story, but if you want, I can tell you the short story. I made a Pinkie Promies though..” she said, looking at Dash, who nodded at her. “Go ahead, Pinkie. He needs to know sooner or later, and sooner sounds better. He can take it.”

I looked between them. “Did someone die?”

Both of them winced. “Yeah actually, his brother. Died in an air raid the night before the Landings on Normaredy. Funny thing is that the letter he got was delivered from Gryphany mail. But his younger brother was killed there” said Rainbow.

I stopped, the smirk on my mouth gone as my face went white. One image popped up, that night. A frantic rush through the city, where we had seen one stallion who, now that I think about it, looked ALOT like Silver Star, but with a red coat and a gold mane instead of blue and silver. “Was his brother... red and gold, by any chance?” I asked, a feeling of dread.

Pinkie stared at me. “How... how did you know THAT?” she asked, hair suddenly very flat.

“I.... oh god. Sweet, sweet Celestia...” I said, leaning back. “I think I saw the poor kid... we had to leave him, there wasn’t anything anyone could do for him. He... I...” I said, panic clawing its way into my mind. Then there was a cough from the corner, and I snapped.

Running out of the burning bar, the lieutenant used quick hand signals to put us in formation. Blaze took point with her Submachine Gun, and I followed close behind. Other squads were running, and abruptly the sound of Antiaircraft Artillery started up. The thudding of large 40 millimeter flak cannons was pleasant, and a burning bomber spun out of the sky. Off to our side, there was a faint cry of “H-help...” from under a bit of fallen rubble.

Private Silk jogged over, and I followed. A soldier lay there, face slightly burned, and a long pipe sticking out of his belly. A chunk of building lay over him, and he squirmed feebly. “IRON! WE GOT A LIVE ONE!” she hollared, and Iron Hoof came over, easily tossing the chunk aside. “Help me move him to the sidewalk!” she instructed, and I shouldered my rifle into its sling, grabbing one of his legs. The poor fellow didn’t look like he had much left in him. She snapped her fingers, testing for shock, and he seemed dazed. He muttered something about his squad, and she jabbed him with a morphine syrette. “No good, Lieutenant Bar. He's in mild shock, and we don’t have anything that can fix him. He's gonna dies sir, recommend we move on.”

I just stared at the poor fellow. Not only was he going to die, he was going to die all alone. I felt my gorge rise a bit, but swallowed hard, focusing on the mission. Lieutenant Bar looked down at him. “Sorry we cannot help you. I'll let someone know where to pick you up.”

As the dying soldier protested, we moved off... leaving the poor kid to die. The sobbing... the sobbing as we left...

Choked sobbing reached my ears. It wasn’t until a rainbow obscured my face and I felt a shaking that I looked up. The shroud of war faded and I stared into two very bright eyes, Rainbow's face an inch from mine. “Snap out of it! Hey! Come on!” she said, and my breath hitched. My cheeks were wet, and my throat was raw as if I had been crying. I HAD been crying, as I took a shuddering breath.

“We left him to DIE! Rainbow, that was his BROTHER! I... I should have done something!” I said, pushing her back. Air. I needed air. I felt the panic clawing its way through my mind, but I couldn’t stop it. It was my fault! All my fault! We should have moved him, there wasn’t all that much danger, and the major had already been on her way and... and... and I had taken my first life that night.

Lurching to my feet, I ignored the protests of both Pinkie and Rainbow, pushing out the door and falling to my knees. It was getting towards night out there, and the cool air was soothing to my tortured soul. My skin felt fevered and hot, and I tored off my jacket as I tried to hold back sobs. The face of that soldier... the look of pure, animal terror as we left him to die. We had condemned him as surely as if we had shot him ourselves. Just like Radio Wave... he had no place in that war. None of us did! Sweet Celestia, what was happening to me...

“Hey.... Hey!”

Turning around and looking up behind me, I saw Rainbow looking down. Slowly, she crouched. “Hey... look... whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault.”

“How can you say that?” I snapped, staring her in the eyes. “I was there! We just LEFT him! Never leave a soldier behind! And he was still alive too, we could have saved him or... or at least been there! He died alone!” I said, my voice straining. My chest felt tight, and I coughed. My skin BURNED, and I felt dizzy as my stomach cramped. Once again, I found myself heaving whatever my stomach contents were onto the ground, agony gripping my guts.

“Woah! Wing! Whats going on? PINKIE! Call an ambulance!” she shouted as I rolled onto my back in my own sick. The sky above me stretched on and on, and Luna's moon twinkled at me. “I'm sorry...” I gasped, before surrendering to the black that was closing around me.

Running out, the Lieutenant used quick hand signals to put us in formation. Blaze took point with her Submachine Gun, and I followed close behind. Other squads were running, and abruptly the sound of Antiaircraft Artillery started up. The thudding of large 40 millimeter flak cannons was pleasant, and a burning bomber spun out of the sky. Off to our side, there was a faint cry of “H-help...” from under a bit of fallen rubble.

Private Silk jogged over, and I followed. A soldier lay there, holding an injured hand. One of his feet was missing and he grimaced, looking up. “A bit of... help, please? I need my gun... help me up!”

Silk looked at him. “Missing a limb... he's a gonner sir. Probably be best if we put him out of his misery...” she said, pulling out a pistol and putting it against his head. My heart leaped into my throat.

“NO!” I shouted, jumping forward. Strong arms held me back, and I stared at the scene. “Dont do it! He just needs a tourniquet! SILK! Save him! He has a brother!”

She sneered up at me. “What are you gonna do? You got me killed too...” she said, and as she turned back I was on the roof, looking at the scene through a scope. She collapsed, and I felt the ache in my shoulder of discharged rounds. I wanted to scream, to cry, to make it stop, but my hands simply chambered another round, shooting Butter Bar through the throat, and then unloading the rest of my clip into Iron Hoof. I looked to my left, at my spotter. Radio Wave smiled at me, thumbs up, the back of his head missing. “Don't worry... it doesn’t hurt” he said, grinning. “Enjoy the trip!” he shouted, before pushing me over the edge.

I screamed as I fell down, down, down into a black void. I screamed my lungs empty, my throat raw. I screamed until I felt like I was going to burst. Blaze's voice whispered “Traitor... you rat bastard...”

Butter Bar just sighed. “I was a teacher. Now I cant get around anymore, can I? You always hated me, thats why you signalled that sniper.”

Shimmer Silk spoke in my ear “I was a MEDIC! But you KNEW that was a sick freak in that tower! I don’t have a gun, I don’t help in fighting, is that it? Is that why you told me to break cover?”

Finally Iron Hoof stood before me. He opened his mouth...

And I saw the moon.

Everything went quiet. My voice stopped its piercing cry. I was in the living room of the house I lived in as a child, and I could see my father. He towered over me, grinning as he put on his helmet, mouth silently working as he picked me up and rubbed his muzzle against mine, speaking more silent words before kissing mom goodbye and walking out.

I knew this day. It was-

“The last time you saw him, was it not Steel Wing?”

I turned. Sitting on the couch was a Pegasus mare with batlike wings. It wasn’t Shadow Step, but she was in dark armor. Slowly, I became aware of something. I was in a dream.

“Not quite a dream... you passed out and are about to wake up.”

I stared at her. “Who... who are you?” I asked, a small foalish voice coming out.

“My name is Dream Dancer. I am one of Princess Luna's Night Patrol. I help her police dreams. And I help her by going into Nightmares.”

Looking around, the scene was frozen. There was a picture of my entire squad on one wall, and behind me was a blasted and scorched town, a tree with bodies tacked to it in the center of a clearing. “This... is a nightmare?” that young voice came out as I toddled over to her. She picked me up and set me on the couch on her lap. “It is, little one.”

I scowled. “Im not little...”

She shook her head. “Yes you are. You are a child again, and your mind is fragile. You long ago chose to embrace madness rather than become numb to the horrors of war. You are paying for that now, but as a result, unlike so many other soldiers, you get the chance to start over. To make friends. You chose to become hurt, and now you may choose to heal.”

I looked back at the body of the soldier trapped under the rubble. “Why did he have to die alone?”

She smiled. “He didn’t. Someone chose to stand his vigil after you left, although you would have to ask someone else who that was. He was at peace when he passed. As was Radio Wave. He never felt a thing you know...”

Tilting my head, I regarded her. “How do you know this?” I asked, a bit suspicious.

“It is our job to ensure that we are aware of all things. Those passing on to their final rest go through the dream world.

“Why are you telling me this?” I pressed, still a bit... upset? No... curious.

“Because you are hurt, badly, and you need to put your past to rest. You need to let go. You will not remember this when you wake up, but you need to choose: Do you give in...” she said, and the room went dark, showing me from behind, hanging from a noose in a dark room while Rainbow looked panicked, trying to lunge at me.

“...or do you try to heal?”

Another light illuminated a scene of me with Rainbow, Pinkie, Mom, Azure Skies, Rainy Days, and others that I recognized.

“Make your choice... when you wake up.”

The world around me faded...

My eyes opened. Leaning over me and my now familiar hospital bed was a concerned Rainbow Dash and Doctor Time Turner, looking around the room.

For a moment, I wasn’t sure what to do. I wanted to remain quiet, I wanted to sink back. I wanted it all to end.

The next moment I flung my arms around her neck and buried my head in her shoulder, very foalish noises coming out in the form of wet sobs as I held onto her and she held me back. I didn’t stop crying for a very long time.

Full Spectrum Care (Interlude I)

Rainbow Dash's point of view

I sat there. He was asleep again in his bed after I had gotten him home. I still felt guilty as I looked at him. What could have possibly happened to someone to do THIS to him? He spent two hours after we got him to the hospital and woken up crying. A fully grown soldier... when I was nearly twenty, I didn’t cry like that until my grandpa passed away! But he was hurting badly all the time.

He could try to hide it, but as a former Wonderbolt and a reservist, I was trained to spot the tiny things. He twitched at the slightest movement. When you reached for anything resembling a firearm, such as a broom, he would tense up. When I had been chopping things up for a salad, his eyes had never left the knife unless he spoke. And then his eyes never left mine.

And his eyes... Celestia, his eyes were scarier than Fluttershy using The Stare! They saw RIGHT THROUGH me, like he was always looking at something far away. I thought he was awesome for being a soldier but now... I just felt sorry for him.

Finally shaking my head, I muttered “Get it together, Dash. You promised to take care of him, and you NEVER let your friends down. And if you want him to be your friend, you better not let him down. Lets see...”

Heading out, I closed the door quietly, turning the light off as I did so. Heading back to the kitchen, it only took a few minutes to get together the ingredients for a daffodil sandwich, although I would usually just have a protein shake. Attacking the bread and flower sandwitch with gusto, I munched both on it and my problem.

How to get through to him? I had done two semesters of Psychology in school, along with a full term of health classes as was required to get my coaching degree (A major plus if you wanted to work in the wonderbolts) and had gotten passing marks, but I had NO idea of what was wrong with him. A masters of health indeed! The papers I got from Time Turner were of little use to me.

Still, I glanced over them. Twilight was right... reading was not just for Eggheads. Stuff like this was for freaking brainiacs.

Trauma, paranoia, depression, PTSD, all commonly found in soldiers returning from the war. Wait a minute... says here that while he exhibits antisocial tendencies, he is a bit too proud to shy away from something that scares him. I wonder... Maybe this IS a job for Pinkie after all! She knew how to put together a party for any occasion. I bet she could get a nice quiet one together with all of us... that might help...

Smiling, I knew what to do. It was late, but Pinkie burned the candle at both ends. Although I usually found her annoying, she was of invaluable help when it came to planning... anything really. If she had been in the war, I would have laid good odds on her planing a party that the gryphons would never forget. She had a mean streak in her when you hurt her friends. Or broke a promise. Poor Silver Star...

Heading for the phone, I picked it up and dialed for Sugarcube Corner. It only took one ring before her cheery voice came on, with just a slight edge of sadness.

“Hey Dashie! Whats going on? Is Steeley okay?”

“Yeah, he's all tucked in. Listen, can you plan a party for-”

“Yes.” That was all that came from the other end.

“Pinkie... I didn’t say what for.”

“Silly! You need a party for Steel Wing. It needs to be quiet because bright flashes and loud noises would freak him out and then he would get upset and probably freak out again so badly that he would have to go to the hospital and them Time Turner would be REALLY really mad and take him away and then he would go far away and we would have to travel really far to throw a sorry-for-freaking-you-out party and that is ALWAYS loud and he would freak out again and-” she said in one breath.

“Yeah yeah yeah. So can you do it? I was thinking... Hearth Warming's Eve is in a few days... I was thinking we could ask AJ if we can hold a big but quiet party out at her place. All of us gather out at Sweet Apple Acres, enjoy some sweet... delicious... cider...” I said, mouth watering. I LOVED AJs cider so much. There was never really enough of it though.

“Dashie? Are you drooling over cider again?”

I paused. “No.... okay, yes. But I bet he will like it too. So is it doable?”

There was some silence. “Dash, we have known each other for years. I can plan ANY part. And the party will be LEGENDARY.”

I paused, staring at the phone. “Pinkie?”

“LEGENDARY! Night dashie!”

The phone clicked dead, and there was the beeping tone of the disconnect. Pinkie was always a spaz. But she knew how to cheer people up ninety nine percent of the time. It was the other one percent that was my worry. Still, Applejack and Big Mac would probably be willing to help. Assuming that everything went well, this could go a long way to getting Steel Wing to talk about his problems, if that would help. If not, then I would just have to try something else.

I would get this. I was Rainbow Dash. I always won.

I stared at the defeated remains of the sandwich. It really was a good meal to think over. Still, my bed called. Tomorrow was a busy day. Looks like it was going to be Hearth Warming Eve at Sweet Apple Acres.

My bed called to me now though, and I would need to look at the problems again with new eyes tomorrow.

Chapter 5: Trials and Tribulations

0200: Wake up and cry.

0245: Rush to the bathroom, throw up.

0315: See something familiar, usually orange, freak out and cry like a foal again.

0400: Go back to sleep with Rainbow Dash sitting next to me.

0600: Wake up, sit up hard enough to fall out of bed. Cry again.

0700: Counseling. Pour guts out to Time Turner. I hate that guy.

0800: PT with Rainbow Dash. Feel humiliated at managing to hardly pull five miles per hour.

1000: Go to Sugarcube Corner to hang out.

1200: Lunch! Pinkie makes something delicious, and I eat it.

1500: Rainbow Dash gets off of work. We head home.

1700: PT again. Ugh.

1730: Bedtime. Bid Rainbow goodnight, but then cry self to sleep.

Thus was the routine I had been following for the past four days. In three more days was Hearth Warming Eve, and I had already told mom that I couldn’t make it to Cloudsdale. It was currently near Manehatten, and that would take me nearly a week to get there. She told me she was happy with her new partner, Azure Skies, and that they had been dating for a few weeks now. It was a bit weird, as Azure was one of my friends, but it was better than some guy friend telling me he had shacked with my mom.

The morning of December twenty second dawned bright. For the first time since I had arrived in Ponyville, it was very sunny out in the morning. I sat up, and for the first time, I was happy. Birds sang outside, I didn’t have counseling today, Rainbow still had to work but that would mean that either I would stay home or that I would get to spend the day at Sugarcube Corner. With my diet and exercise, I had already gained seven pounds back of muscle, and you couldn’t see my ribs anymore. Whatever was in my meds was AMAZING. Thank sweet Celestia for medications!

I smiled as I sat up and looked out the bright window. Heading out, the kitchen was empty. Rainbow Dash no doubt was sleeping in today, as I had not awoken her that night. The kitchen held an arcanotech coffee maker, and I set about mixing the morning brew we usually both enjoyed. Next was to look over my meds. Carefully I set them out on the counter so that when Rainbow Dash came out she could verify that I took them. I had taken them on my own once and she had been upset, but that blew over when I broke down again. Lifting a mug of steaming caffeine to my lips, I sighed happily and looked out the window. I had been feeling like a foal all week, but today I was a stallion. Today I could take the morning. Today-

“Morning Wing. Whats up?”

I turned, dropping the mug and staring. Blaze stood in the hallway with her back to Rainbow's room. My head spun. She cant be here. Its an illusion. I’m hallucinating. That's not her.

She advanced, and blood began to pour out of her mouth as she gasped, leaning forward. I caught her, and the walls around me changed to canvas. All around us were the sounds of battle as she looked up at me, her dull eyes reflecting the light, although no light of her own could be seen in them. Her lips moved.... “Why... you traitor...”

“ITS NOT MY FAULT!” I yelled. “Its not my fault! She said it wasn’t! Stop it!”

I backed away, and she fell down. A hand landed on my shoulder, a massive spade of a hand. Turning, I saw Iron Hoof there. Blood ran in rivers down his front from many bullet holes, and his eyes were missing. In one hand he clutched a gryphon head, and he grinned at me. “At least mine meant something. Your worthless ass couldn’t do shit there, and I saved you. Pity I wont ever go home, but hey, at least you get to go back. Have fun, you traitor.”

Turning in a circle, hundreds of copies of Blaze, Radio Wave, Wire Tap, Shining Silk, and Iron Hoof surrounded me. Murmers reached my ears as tears fell down my face. Looking down, I was holding my canteen upside down, and blood mixed with whiskey spilled out. It puddled on the ground, forming a face... the face of the burned foal in Saint Feathersburg. Pitifully, it looked up. “Why did you kill us? We couldn’t fight...”

Finally, there was just one more. “I hope my brother shoots you. You left me.”

“STOP IT! PLEASE STOP!”

I sat up, tears in my eyes. Rainbow sat next to me, grabbing me around my shoulders and pulling my head into hers. “Shh, its okay. What was it this time?” she asked, tiredly.

Unable to respond, I just held onto her as if she were a life raft. I sniffled, eyes red. The clock read zero four hundred behind her, and I felt sick. Still, I gripped her hard, and she rocked back and fourth a bit, sighing. “Its allright. I'm here. I gotcha. Just lean on Dash, okay?”

I nodded. “I-Im s-s-sorry... I c-c-cant s-stop.... I-Im n-not a foal...” I said, over and over. Some mornings I could nearly belive it. But I wasn’t going to let go or refuse to feel it.

Finally, after what felt like eternity but was just ten minutes, I was able to draw a few deep, shuddering breaths and lean back. Wiping my eyes, I gave her a watery smile. “Th-thanks... I-Im so sorry...” I said, but she shook her head, the dark rings under her eyes stretching out a bit.

“I had a bit of an idea of what I was getting into at the hospital, and I don’t HAVE to keep you here. But I am NOT gonna let you go until you are all better. You slept nearly four hours at once this time... might as well get up though. How's your stomach?”

“Fine... I don’t think I'm gonna toss cookies this time.”

“Legs?”

“No cramps.”

“Arms?”

“Hurts from pushups.”

“Lungs?”

“Burns a bit, but less each day.”

“Wings?”

“Not a thing. I can still move them a bit though” I said, looking over my shoulder to confirm they rustled. I could move them fine. I could even get a foot off of the ground, but then I couldn’t feel the air currents properly and would crash to the side. The nerve damage had yet to get any worse though.

“Alright... if we get lucky, maybe that will heal up too. Pinkie Pie will be gone today, heading out to Appleoosa for a delivery, and the cakes are out of town too. I think this is the first time in two years Sugarcube Corner is closed on a weekday... hmmm...”

I looked at her. “Im gonna get dressed if we are getting up, okay?” I asked. She nodded, but didn’t move. A moment later, I flushed a bit. “Um Dash... may I do so in privacy?”

She nodded. “Oh, sure! Sorry! If you need any help, let me know as usual, okay?”

I nodded, but let her leave. Finally pulling myself into my raggedy tee shirt and shorts, and then a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt on over that, I stashed a pair of mitts into the chest picket and walked out, yawning. Dash was brewing coffee int the kitchen, the phone on her shoulder. “-yeah. Okay. Sure, if you can just stop on by, we are both up. Half an hour? Big Mac? Okay. Hey, tell Applebloom to tell Scoots I would like it if she can have my treadmill fixed by next week. I love the little squirt, but I NEED that treadmill. Thanks! Bye.”

She hung up and looked at me. “So... take a seat, Wing. I got some good news and some bad news.”

I sat down, sighing. “Last time someone said that to me was four months ago, and they were telling us we had to switch to eating sauerkraut two meals a day with turnip stew the third, but at least we could eat. PLEASE tell me it is better than that?”

She snorted. “Yeah, a lot better. I found a place for you to stay, so that you don’t get harrassed by Silver Star, but it's out at Applejacks. You don’t know her yet... She is one of my friends, runs an applefarm.

“Hey... I know that name... Applejack... Applejack... Does she have a relative named Bad Apple in the army?”

Dash shrugged. “Dude, she has so many relatives all over Equestria, I bet she has like ten cousins in the army, and probably three of them are called Bad Apple. You have to ask her. Anyways, no breakfast here, you're gonna eat out there with her. Might spend the night there too... I think I gotta work late tonight. Don’t worry, you'll be fine. Just pack an overnight bag in case, I can tell her about your meds and stuff. She lives about half an hour out of Ponyville by truck, but Big Mac will be coming by to pic you up. He is qualified for medical care on animals, and knows plenty about first aid too.

I sighed. “Alright. I can pack.”

Half an hour later, she and I were out front of her house, shivering in the cold. It was a FREEZING and dreary morning, and at four forty five it was nearly pitch black but for the streetlights. I knew farmers started early, but this was crazy. Besides, it was winter. What did they do during winter? Grow snowbanks?

There was a low rumbling noise on the cul de sac, and an old farm truck sputtered along. It had a wide front cab with small back seats, fit for storing extra cargo, and a wide flat bed in back with what seemed to be handmade wooden fencing around it to help store extra loads, in this case what seemed to be empty wooden crates that smelled strongly of apples.

Rainbow nodded. “Thats them. C'mon.”

We walked forward, and the truck stopped. The wind blew a bit of snow at us, and the tips of Rainbows ears were a bit frosted as the side window rolled down and a yellow mare just out of fillyhood with a red mane and a large pink bow poked her head out. “Whatter y'all doin out in the cold? Its freezin' out here! Miss Dash, this here Steel Wing?”

She nodded. “He has his bag and stuff. Wing, got clothes?”

“Yes.”

“Towels?”

“Yes.”

“Meds?”

“Yes.”

“Toothbrush?”

“Yes.”

“Toothpaste?”

“Yes.”

“YOURS, not mine? Mine is the blue one.”

“Yes, I have the demeaning pink one.”

“Blanket?”

“Yes. And water bottle in case I get ill.”

“Alright. Good to go. This is Applebloom, promising alchemist, and the red one is Big Macintosh.”

The red one nodded. “Eeyup.”

The side door opened and the young mare scooched over. “Pleasure to meetcha! Like she said, Mah name's Applebloom. Ah been studyin natural chemistry, or Alchemy as y'all in big cities call it. Zecora been teachin' me!”

I closed the door and Big Mac turned the heater up on full blast. It rattled, and an old song played on a cassette player before he turned it over to the radio. Getting going, the truck rattled along the road back out of Ponyville. I turned to Applebloom.

“Zecora? That's a zebra name... probably from Zebracity, or the Plains Lands. What is her tribal symbol?”

She stared at me. “Ah don’t know, but she has a funny cutie mark.”

I shook my head. “Zebras don’t HAVE cutie marks. They have tribal symbols. When born into a tribe, the mark on their flank shows what tribe they are in. What does hers look like?”

She smiled. “Some sorta sprialy sun lookin thing. Pretty mysterious.”

I looked back again. “Well, not zebracity. She's from a small clan in the lower Plains Lands. Her tribe was wiped out years and years ago. But that means she probably knows more about alchemy than anyone else in Equestria. I'm surprised she is teaching you... they refused to share even the most basic of knowledge with us in our field hospitals, although I saw one bring a dying soldier back to full health in less than sixteen hours with some sort of brew. They work miracles. Two guys I know owe them their lives.”

She stared at me before Big Mac spoke up. “Ah don’t really like talk of the war 'round the farm. If'n ya don’t mind, Ah'd ask ya to keep that away. Ah don’t mean no disprespect, and ah thank ya fer yer service, but the war hit our family hard. We lost some cousins. So just... don’t go spoutin' war stories in the homestead, okay?”

I looked at him and gulped. He was nearly as large as Iron Hoof, but he looked nothing like him. His build was quite a bit more lean, but he still looked like he could crush a skull in one hand. “Um... sure. I didn’t mean to offend, Mister Macintosh.”

He snorted. “Big Mac. Ah don’t like Mister Macintosh unless yer sellin' something. Then ah get to shootcha. We get back, Applejack should have breakfast ready.”

I nodded. Obviously war was a sore subject, but I didn’t have much else to talk about. The scene outside was still dark, and with the overhead clouds, it was not likely to get very bright today. The gas lights would be on all over town all day, just like they had the past four days. Each day had been nearly the same. I would get up, cry, eat, cry, and then settle down to help Pinkie Pie in the store or stay at home reading. I was somewhat interested in going to school, and from what mom said, I had quite a bit saved up in the bank now thanks to the investor she hired. I had nearly ten thousand bits in my account, and some extra locked up in stocks in something in Canterlot. She had bought some war bonds in my name and I had that money slowly rolling in as well. I was not hurting for money for the time being, but eventually I would need to get a job. Not for many months though.

The red farmer turned the wheel and we left the paved roads of Ponyville, turning onto a slushy gravel and dirt road into the blizzard. With sure deftness, he maneuvered us down the path and past two barns until a driveway came into view, at the end of which was a farmhouse. It was a large homely place, looking to be nearly a hundred years old at the least, a homestead from the pioneer days when Ponyville had been founded.

Pulling the stick into park, he settled it in a garage next to the house and turned the truck off. With a thankful gasp, it surrendered its engine spark and went silent. Outside, the wind raged until the garage door dropped and we got out. Big Macintosh climbed out the drivers side while Applebloom followed me out the passenger side. The interior of the garage was filled with farming tools and an old cider press, but it had a door to the house directly from here. Applebloom smiled at me. “Make sher to wipe yer boots at tha door.

I nodded. Big Mac went in first, and then I wiped my boots, walking in. I expected the house to be creaking due to the wind and snow, but inside it was warm and cozy. I smelled wood smoke and heard a merry fire crackling, and I couldn’t help but smile, remembering time with Grandpa Steel Harness, the only earth pony in my family line. He had been a tool maker, and worked mostly with metal things like shovels and rakes. From him, I knew a bit about farmer folk. They were willing to give anyone one chance, but if you messed it up, it took a lifetime to get their trust back, if you ever could. But you would never find a more loyal friend in times of hardship.

Applebloom lead me inside following Big Macintosh, and there was a table set with four places and an assortment of oatmeal, hayshbrowns, and applejuice. In there, there was an orange mare with a felt hat. She looked up and smiled, walking over and holding out her hand to shake. “Mah name's Applejack. Pleased as punch ta meetcha!” she said, grinning.

I looked at her hand before shaking. “Steel Wing. Pleasure is mine... you're Rainbow Dash's friend?” I asked, gazing upon her. She nodded.

“Tha Element of Honesty, that's me. Dash told me thach yer um... well... ah don’t mean to pry, but yer okay, right?” she said, looking a bit nervous. I shrugged.

“If it is after six in the morning, usually I'm fine. Just a bit hungry now is all...” I said, smiling. “Dont worry... I'm not gonna freak out over every tiny thing.”

There were about four minutes of quiet as the apples finished setting the table and I stood awkwardly off to the side before I was invited to sit down. Taking my seat, I sat a bit too rigidly, drawing their gaze before I took a deep breath and relaxed a bit. “Thank you all for inviting me over for breakfast” I said, looking at them. “I cant really go out and about because of Silver Star.”

At those words, Applebloom winced and Applejack scowled. “Darn ruffian. He used to be fine and dandy till... eh, thats a story for another time” she said, spooning some oatmeal into a bowl.

I shook my head. “I already heard the story... but thanks” I said, smiling at them.

Breakfast was pleasant, if a bit quiet for a while. The food was excellent, all of it tasting very fresh. “This is really good... beats army food by quite a bit.”

Applejack looked up. “Yeah, ah heard that the army food is pretty bad. I'd think they'd give yall good food ta keep yer spirits up.”

I snorted, choking for a minute. “Actually, we had a funny theory about that. One of my buddies, Shadow Step, came up with a theory aided by me.”

“Whats that?” inquired Applebloom.

“Well, we thought that if the food was bad enough, it would keep us fighting hard so that we could go home sooner and be done with it. Our Commanding Officer agreed with us. I guess it worked because it only took half a year to force the gryphon surrender...”

She nodded. “Well, ya don’t have to eat that stuff anymore. Yer welcome ta eat here anytime!” said the yellow mare, smiling up at me.

I smiled back, and enjoyed a quiet breakfast. It was going to be a pleasant day.

After breakfast, I helped clean up. Big Macintosh had to take the truck back out and finish the last zap apple delivery of the year, but when he got back, we all gathered in the living room. I sat on one corner of the couch, turning the pages to a Daring Do novel borrowed from Rainbow Dash. It told of her adventures hiding from Gryphons while seeking the Immortal Chalice, something that could supposedly turn one into an alicorn. The Gryphons wanted their claws on it to grant eternal life, but she wished to put it into a museum. Personally, I probably would have just locked it in a trunk and thrown it into a volcano, as it seemed likely to start another war no matter who got their hands on it.

Eventually though, as heroes always do, she swiped the Chalice from her opponent, eliciting a cry of “Curse you, Daring Do!” and a salute from her. The final page of the book was a personal note from A.K. Yearling to Rainbow Dash, and I frowned at it. “Hey, Miss Applejack... does A.K. Yearling know Dash?”

Applejack giggled. “Does she ever! We all helped her out on one a' her adventures! Ah ain’t really supposed to spread that story around but... we had a lot of fun there. Stoppin' ahouizoutle, and fightin' Inka ponies.”

I leaned back, sighing. She glanced up from her book, the fire crackling between us in the hearth while Big Mac slowly whittled away on a wooden... something. “Something the matter, Sugarcube?”

I shook my head. “No... well.. I guess so. I mean, why are you all helping me? I haven’t done much other than complicate things around here, and I know that I'm not much to look at and that I don’t really get along well with people anymore... but... why did she take me in? Why did she help?”

Big Mac cleared his throat and said “Applebloom... can ya go check out in the barn, see if we got enough hay? Ah think we mighta miscounted.”

Applebloom looked up, but I saw the look in Macintosh's eye, and she nodded and left. Finally, Applejack cleared her throat. “Ah don’t know how much of this ah should be tellin' ya, but... about six months ago, just three weeks before tha start of that war, Rainbow up and got herself fully accepted as a front line flier fer tha wonderbolts. Her lifes dream! And then she hooked up with Soarin. Don’t get me wrong, we all thought it was gonna go good. But it didn’t. Ah cant tell ya tha details, but she and Soarin were NOT a good couple if ya ask me.”

Big Mac nodded. “Eeyup.”

I stared back and forth. “What happened? Did they just not get along?”

Big Mac scowled and the room seemed to get colder. “He hit her. He was bad to her in front of civilized company, insulted her at tha gala, and made a right plot of himself in front of all of us with her.”

I felt confused. “What's that got to do with me? I mean... I know thats bad but... I was kinda having a hard time myself the past few months... sorry if I seem a bit insensitive.”

Applejack shook her head. “Ah understand. But Rainbow is proud. She didn’t say nothin to nobody. She just stopped talkin to us for a month. Then she up and shows up at Raritys place, dislocated wing, bruises all over, crying her eyes out. Ah ain’t never seen someone hurt so bad by someone they loved. But she finally told the story. Twilight told Celestia, and Soarin was investigated. He got charged with several counts of assault, and Rainbow stood up to him and told the full story in court. The next two months were hard... we did our best, but she only got better slowly. A month ago she was finally her old self, racing, and having a grand old time with us.”

Big Mac nodded. “Eeyup.”

I looked down. “So she is better now... but why help me? Why get into another relationship of any sort? Why let a stranger live in her house?”

Applejack sighs. “Ah don’t know. I reckon she sees that yer pretty dinged up yerself, and not just on tha outside. Ya got a good heart, and ya listen. Ah see these things. Ah heard your story from her as well, and ah think she just wants to help someone else heal. She is just as stubborn as me, and she gots a heart of gold. She wants to help.”

I looked down at my hands. They were trembling slightly, and I put them in my lap. “I didn’t know...”

Why is she so nice to me... I throw up pretty often, I cant stop crying in the mornings, she isn’t sleeping too well... but she just keeps on with it. Why do that? It's not like I’m worth that much... just a broken toy soldier...

“Hey, whatever ya got on yer mind, stop it. Rainbow cares for yah, and so do we all.”

I nodded, looking at her and forcing a smile. We all went back to reading for a bit before Applejack said “Shoot, I recokn I better go get Applebloom before she gets lost in this weather.”

Both Big Mac and I absently nodded, and I pulled out the next book in the series. They were really good bocks. It wasn’t until after Applejack left that Big Mac looked at me. “Ah need ta talk to you as well.”

Surprised, I looked up. “What? Did I do something wrong?”

He shook his head. “No. And ah wanted to make sure you don’t. Applejack and I both lost our parents when we was young. Applebloom never really got to know 'em at all, she was just a tiny foal. And now she's taken a likin' to ya. So ah gotta ask yah to promise ta not do nothin hairbrained. If ya hurt Rainbow or yerself, she ain’t gonna like that. We just lost Granny Smith last spring, and ah don’t think she can take another one. We all need our friends, and ah don’t wanna haveta pull her out of tha bar again.”

I looked at him, and nodded. “After how much everyone has done for me... I don’t think I'm gonna turn it down. Thanks for the help” I said, nodding at him. “It really means... I don’t know what... what... what is that?”

Halfway through talking, I became aware of a sound outside. For a moment, I couldn’t make it out, before I heard it more clearly. Past the howling of the wind was another howling, and a screaming. Big Mac looked at me, confused, before his eyes widened. “Timberwolves!” he yelled, jumping to his feet.

I didn’t know what those were, but they sounded bad. I chased after him as he ran to his room and pulled out a hunting rifle, what looked to be a Whinneychester 30-06 with iron sights. A box of ammunition was grabbed and he ran past me to the door. I beat him to it and threw it open, going out and looking across the fields.

It was getting on towards noon, but it was still very dark out. The dull gray light from the sky hardly illuminated anything but... there! On the edge of the forest a few hundred yards away, there were two shapes running from a small pack of four legged silhouettes. They were nearly invisible against the woods... nearly being the key words. I stared as the crys of “HELP! TIMBERWOLVES!” reached us.

Big Mac swore and started running, heading towards them as they ran towards us. My wings may be trashed, but my eyes were fine. I could see them, all six timberwolves, and they were gaining quickly on Applejack and Applebloom. Big Macs hands were shaking and his face was white as he yelled “AHM COMING! SIS! RUN!”

It took all of a moment for me to see the shape of things. My blood calmed down, and the world around me went silent. In exactly ten seconds, the wolves would catch up to Applebloom. The remainder would run down Applejack in a few more seconds, and we would still be nearly a hundred and fifty yards away. But I could make it. I could make the shot.

I turned to Big Mac and grabbed the gun and ammo, yanking it out of his hands. He cursed and turned to me as I ripped open the box and pulled out six bullets, the exact amount that would fit into the internal magazine of the gun. Rapidly pushing them in, my hands were rock steady as I pulled back the bolt, slid it forward, and chambered a round. Time slowed to a crawl.

At two hundred yards, in dim lighting and fair wind speeds, with nothing but iron sights, this shot is impossible for even a Pegasus. The wind would knock the bullet off course, and that was assuming the gun was sighted for that range. I knew that this would most likely be dead on at one hundred yards, so I sighed past the orange mare and lifted slightly. A moment later, Big Mac yelled “YER GONNA HIT MAH SISTERS!” in a panic. I sidestepped his swing, and fired.

There was an explosion of wood behind Applejack, and I fired again. Miss! Another shot and another wolf fell back, limping. Applebloom finally came within fifty yards and dove to the ground. I fired past where she would have been, half the magazine empty as a gryphon hit the ground. The remaining targets kept charging, and I smelled sulfur in the air overhead as I lunged forward, muzzle stretched back in a snarl. They were chasing one of our guys!

With a scream, I ran forward, the rifle going back and fourth while my equipment rattled on my back. It was freezing out, and the three remaining soldiers charging at me jumped and lunged as one of my allies ran past. I lifted the rifle and fired, and he went down, bursting into wood fragments.

Wood?

The next minute I was blinking as I heard “WING! GET BACK HERE! DAMMIT BIG MAC DO SOMETHING!”

I looked back just as two somethings tackled me. With a snarl, I returned my attention to the fight at hand. I mentally swore. I would NOT fall prey to a vision of the past, not now! Not when the yellow filly lying in the snow a few feet away was in danger of being eaten by timberwolves!

Horrible breath filled my face as I kicked one wolf away and the other snapped mere inches from my throat. Holding the rifle across it, I rolled us over and lifted it, smashing the butt of it down over and over again. Finally, it stopped moving and fell to pieces, wood bits littering the ground. The other one rolled a few times and got up, warily circling me. It stopped and looked back and forth between Applebloom and me. I swear I saw a feral grin on its face.

“Don't even think about it...” I warned. It lunged, not at me but at Applebloom. We both raced, it to latch its jaws on her throat, and me to cycle the action. Unfortunately for me, my destiny mark revolved around me killing, and I was very, VERY good at it. Two inches from its mark, I pasted its head across the snow, wood splinters peppering the landscape behind the filly. Four more timberwolves looked at us from a few yards away, the stragglers of the pack, before I leveled my rifle and shot in their direction, the last bullet serving to scare them off. They ran away, their branchlike tails between their legs.

I fell to my knees, gorge rising in my mouth as the rifle tumbled into the snow. Horror ran through me, and my hands shook like leaves in a gale as I stared at them. There was blood running down my arm from a small scratch, and a moment later I heaved onto the ground, tears streaming down my cheeks. I could smell the burnt gunpowder, and I crawled over to Applebloom just as Big Macintosh and Applejack came over. I rolled her over and looked at her, and she blinked up at me. “Ya... saved me...” she whispered.

Ten minutes later were were back inside, where I sat shivering on the couch. Every pop on the fire sounded like an artillery cannon to me, and the flickering lights were belching tank muzzles. The scrape of the rocking chair that they were patching Applebloom's scratches in were the screams of the wounded, but in my mind, one thought reigned:

I had saved a life. Maybe I would become worthy of Iron Hoof's sacrifice.

Chapter 6: Decisions, Decisions

“You know what the funny thing is?”

I looked at Blaze. I knew this was a dream. Dream Dancer sat off to the side, keeping an eye out. The Nightmare Watcher was dressed in a uniform as befitted the circumstances, and the rifle across her lap was only part of the disguise. Blaze, however, was unaware of this, as she was only part of the dream.

“What?” I asked, looking at her. Blaze smiled at me.

“No matter what, we were always friends. Bitter cold, soaking wet, it didn’t matter. You and me, we are both so alike. Both working factory lines, both saving up to go to college... both of us got drafted for the same shitty war. But in the end, there is one difference between us, and one thing that I just cant get over...”

Nodding, I looked down. “You weren't there at the end. You had to go. I had to stay. You didn’t have someone else die to save you.”

She got up and nodded. “I wasn’t there. I hope you can forgive me for that. And I hope even more... you can forgive yourself. It wasn’t your fault...” she said, fading as she walked away. I looked over at Dream Dancer. She nodded once and said “It's time for you to wake up. Keep trying... you are healing slowly.”

The world around me faded.

I awoke slowly. For a moment I was confused, as my surroundings were not Rainbow Dash's spare bedroom nor the hospital. Both of them I was rather familiar with, but this time, it took me a few moments to figure out where I was. I was in one of the two guest rooms in Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack's place.

Slowly, I recalled the events of yesterday. I had saved two lives, risking my own. I didn’t feel heroic... despite their thanks, and the look of gratitude in Big Macintosh's eyes, I had only done what anyone would have done. I did what I was trained to do. I put others before self, and I did so without thinking. The thought provided no comfort to me however, only a hollow sense that maybe I for once had not messed up badly. Maybe I could earn the goodwill that had been shown to me.

Looking out the window, I could see that it was dark out. The day after tomorrow would be Hearth Warming Eve, and there was a lot to do. Decorations needed to be set up, pies needed to be baked, invitations sent out, and I had been told under no uncertain terms that I would be attending this particular social gathering. According to Applejack, when you save someones life, you owe it to them to let them seek to repay you. Four times I had begged off, but had been rebuffed. It was easier to give in than fight it, and I had reluctantly agreed to comply only after she said it would be a small, quiet gathering. My biggest problem was securing gifts.

It was about seven in the morning, although my tired mind still recalled it as Zero Seven Hundred, or One Past Late. It was an ironic twist of speech, in the Equestrian Army it refered to the start of the day being at Zero Six, no matter the light, and that you needed to be fifteen minutes early no matter what. That means that one hour later was one hour PAST late. Whatever idiot came up with this system had been cursed bitterly every day in boot camp, and many weeks afterwords. Griping was healthy, however, and when the enlisted men were happy officers tended to get nervous. It meant we were up to something.

I Headed out to the kitchen, but as I walked through the living room a soft cough startled me. Whipping around, I saw the young yellow mare, Applebloom, sitting in a chair with a mug of hot coco. She looked tired, and dark circles under her eyes spoke of a lack of sleep. She blushed at me. “Ah, sorry. Ah didn’t mean to startle ya.”

I sighed, going into the kitchen and pouring myself a mug of chocolaty goodness. Thinking for a minute, I dumped a marshmallow in it, glad that Rainbow was not around to give me a disapproving glance at eating a chunk of pure sugar. Walking back over, I stuck another chunk of wood on the fire and sat down. “Its fine... I startle easy I guess. You don’t seem to have had much sleep.”

She looked at me, mouth open, before closing it. “Ah guess not. Mah sister and brother got to bed allright, but ah couldn’t sleep. Ah never been chased by... by timberwolves before. Ah kept thinking they were gonna get me whenever ah closed mah eyes. Ah know its silly but.... ah've never been so scared in mah whole life!”

Taking a sip, I looked across at her. For once, I knew EXACTLY what someone else was feeling, having felt it many times before. It was the only aspect of combat I had really gotten numb to, the constant terror. You learned to get over it by making jokes, or playing cards, or doing any of a million other things, pretending it didn’t bother you until it actually didn’t. The knowledge that each moment could be our last kept us lively for a bit, but then when each moment proved to NOT be our last, it got old quickly. Still, I nodded at her.

“I know what you mean. And no, It is not silly at all. Its called Fight or Flight. At least, among gryphons it is. It is an instinct to either turn and defend yourself, or to run away. Us ponyfolk lean more towards the flight instinct.”

She looked at me. “But y'all didn’t hesitate to start shootin! And then ya went hand to claw with them!”

I smiled, looking into the cup. I smiled only to hide a grimace as a moment of the smell of the timebrwolf crept into my memory. “Thats because I was trained. Camp Hoofington, just outside of Coltifornia. Ponies go in Here, Soldiers exit THERE. Alot of good people learned how to fight there.”

“So why didntcha run though? There was six of 'em and only one of you!”

“Well, yeah, I kinda wanted to. But you were in danger, Applejack too, and a lot of my old stuff kicked in. I don’t really like to talk about it, though...” I said, triying to stop my hands from shaking. Besides the embarassment, a lap full of burning liquid was not top on my list of priorities for the morning. Digesting my medication was. Still, the meds were doing their job, and I was slowly calming down. And talking about it was supposed to help.

She took a sip of her own before saying “Sorry... me and mah big mouth sometimes don’t get along... ah don’t mean to pry.”

“Its fine. It took me a lot of training to get to be able to do that. I got knocked down a lot, but I got taught how to get back up. I didn’t always jump at shadows...” I said, trying to smile at her. I wanted to say something, to help, but for the life of me I didn’t know what. She was young, but I had been too, at the start of the war. She had to be... sixteen? Seventeen? “Look, being afraid is natural. What you went through was scary. Hell, I was scared! But you learn to work past it eventually. I’m not gonna tell you all my stories though... your brother would gut me alive.”

“Eeyup” came the sleepy reply as the large red farmer walked past, yawning. He silently headed to the kitchen after the duosyllabic utterance, heading for the coffee. “Applebloom, don’t bother him fer details. What'd Granny Smith teach ya about mindin' yer own business?” he growled, taking a deep draft of the piping hot liquid.

“Its fine, really. Not as bad as what Rainbow did when we first met” I said, nodding at him. “Morning. So, what's the plan for today?” I asked, looking between him and Applejack as she came in, glaring at Big Mac and nudging him aside to get at her share of the coffee. Eyeing it, she snapped “Big Mac, what'd ah tell you about refiling it after usin' it all?”

He looked back and forth warily. “Eeemmmm... sorry? Ah was about ta do that.”

She sighed and got to work. “Alright, ah got my shopping sorted out fer now, 'cept for Rarity. She's so fru-fru, ah don’t know what ah'd get her. Probably fancy imported mud. She wont touch nothin local.”

I chuckled. “I know a couple of guys in Zebracity. They might be able to shove some from the Sacred Pits of Zerina into a Holding Vessel, and ship it home.”

At that, Applebloom snorted into her mug, spewing hot coco across the rug. Howling with laughter, she doubled over as I grinned. Big Mac looked confused, and Applejack raised her eyebrows. I looked at her.

“The Sacred Pits of Zerina are the erm... well you see, FERTILIZER is a sacred part of Zebra culture. And the best stuff comes from the Sacred Pits. And a Holding Vessel is pretty much just a bucket.”

For a moment, Applebloom and I held our breaths, before Applejack put two and two together. Chuckling, her brother and her shook their heads. “Yah mean you can get somma yer buddies to ship home a pail of-”

“Yep. “

At that, she broke out laughing too. Everything was fine after that, and breakfast was sorted out shortly.

The weather had settled outside, and I was getting ready to go. As I was pouring over my duffel bag in the spare bedroom, looking through my clothing, I spied my Army jacket. I still had a full uniform, a dress uniform, and a few other odds and ends from my time in the military. Thankfully, nothing in there sent me into a psychotic breakdown, and I was able to get my jacket on without help, although it took a few tries to stuff my senseless wings through the holes. I cringed as I heard a few feathers snapping. There was no way I could take care of that myself, but with how bad my face looked, I figured no one would care about a few broken primaries, and it wasn’t like I could fly anyways.

As I turned around, pulling my gloves on, there was a knock on my door and the voice of Applebloom saying “Can ah come in?”

I walked over and pulled the door open. She stepped back, eyes flicking to the chevrons on my shoulder before saying “Oh, yer ready ta go? Mah sister said I was ta go out with ya. Rainbow Dash is workin' right now, gotta make sure the weather's gonna be perfect for Hearth Warmin' eve tomorrow. So... can ah go out with ya for yer shoppin?”

After a few moments of consideration, I nodded. “Yeah, sure. I don’t really know my way around anyways, I assume you know where things are here in town?”

She nodded energetically. “Ah can get tha truck, unless ya think you can drive it” she said, smiling at me as we headed for the door. I shook my head.

“Nope. Never learned until I went into the army, and even then, all I learned how to drive are jeeps. I don’t much like driving, although I don’t mind riding along.”

As we headed out, Applejack called “Y'all take care now, ya hear? Dash'll have my flank if ya get in trouble here.

We both nodded, and were on our way, Applebloom taking the drivers seat and myself loading up in the passenger seat.

The drive to Ponyville didn’t take long, with the weather being a bit clearer today. I imagined that the Pegasi Weather Teams in charge up top would probably settle for sporadic clouds and light snowfall so that Luna's moon could gleam ouside for Hearth Warming's Eve night. All in all, I did actually find myself looking forward to it. Even though I would most likely not know most of the individuals there, I looked forward to meeting Rainbow Dash's friends. She had helped me a lot, and I owed it to her to do my absolute best to make sure I didn’t ruin things for her.

Finally, we pulled into the parking lot for Golden Bits Bank, Ponyville's first and largest bank. It was a very cold morning, and the front of the bank was inviting. There were two trucks of the type used to haul delicate things, totally covered. To my eyes, they looked like they were the type we used in the army when you were concerned about bullets spraying at you. Whoever owned those, they were probably being used to bring in money for the busy shoppers.

Walking in, the bank was a bit lively, people in lines to get their money. Yesterday was delivery day, so it made sense that everyone would be here now. With it being the last minute to buy gifts, everyone would be in that extra rush, so I stood at the end of one of the lines for a teller. I was a bit nervous, hoping that my account had enough in it to get the gifts I had in mind. I waited nearly half an hour as the line inched forward.

That was when something pricked the back of my mind. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something seemed... off. It was mostly little details that stood out to my hyper-awareness. A janitor that had been cleaning the same spot for the last ten minutes, checking his watch. It was nowhere near a standard shift change time. There was a mare with a violin case, she didn’t carry herself like an artist. Her eyes were hard, and calculating as she kept looking around. Two stallions, looking to be twins, each with an identical duffel bag. It only took another five seconds for it to click. Delivery day was yesterday, and there were two armored vans outside today. Two vans, four people acting oddly. Then the clock ticked to noon.

As the two stallions reached into their bags, my heart nearly stopped. As with the wolves, time seemed to stretch on and on, lengthening until my heartbeats were seperated by hours instead of moments. I heary myself yelling something at Applebloom as I shoved her down, and sprinted at the two stallions, pushing protesting people aside just as the stallions each pulled a Thompson Submachine gun from their bags, loaded with a drum magazine, my mind noted.

There was a curse from a security guard somewhere behind me and a gunshot, followed by a yell. Meanwhile, the two stallions turned in my direction just as I tackled both of them, forcing them to the ground, one under each arm. Screams erupted around me as time resumed to its standard rate of movement, and I wrestled the gun from one, smashing him across the chin and knocking him out cold as the other one drove his fist into my side, swearing.

“NOBODY MOVE! GET DOWN!” came the mare's voice, and a shot pinged off the tile next to me. Driving my knee into the fork of the other stallions legs, I ripped his gun away too, rolling behind a table and kicking it up, providing me a bit of shoddy cover. The other stallion rolled on the ground, vomiting and groaning from his agony.

“COME OUT! GET OUT HERE OR I START SHOOTING!” screamed the mare. I ignored her for the moment, looking up high to where there was a mirrored ceiling. My mouth curved up in a grin as I saw the instant tactical advantage. Usually only Pegasi looked up to identify threats. I still had it. Still, although I could see them, taking them out would be more difficult. For the time being, I had to stay put as another shot rang out and a bullet glanced off the marble next to me. From the sound of it, it was an M1911, a standard service pistol I was well familiar with. She had fired... two shots? Or was the first one hers as well, making it three? Where was her accomplice, the janitor? Were there others? A million million aspects of the field of battle filled my mind.

The first thing to do was take stock of what I had. I had two Tommy guns, each loaded with what I assumed were full drum magazines of either forty eight or sixty rounds. I could see the enemy fairly well with the mirrored ceiling, and there were roughly twenty or thirty civilians, including Applebloom in the line of fire. I had them panicked, meaning they would be both prone to mistakes unpredictable. Taking the initiative was not always a good thing. Where was Applebloom?

Scanning the ceiling, I tuned out the yelling as I looked for her. There were two yellow mares in the crowd... but... There! A ribbon in red hair, that was her right behind the janitor, who was now hefting... something nasty. Was that an automatic rifle, or a carbine? Despite the “A gun is a gun is a gun” motto most soldiers had, this time it was important. An Automatic rifle could tear me in half, whereas I could risk a single shot fired by a lowly crook. Unless he was an ex soldier like me... so many things to consider. Then my mind kicked in, and I started to think.

For the first time since getting out, my mind was clear and calm. I knew what I had to do, I had a MISSION, and I had clear objectives and knowledge of my zone of operations. Two tangos, both armed, and about fifteen or twenty feet from me. A plan formed in my mind. The first threat was the janitor. I needed to do this without killing, as I couldn’t make a mess in front of civillians. The easiest way to do that would be if I could fly. I used to fly fast enough they would not have had a chance to nab me, but I could hardly get off the ground anymore. The moment I poked my head out from behind the table, they would splatter me across the wall. The solution was obvious as I slowly stood up, hands up and empty, looking at them. “I surrender!”

The room was dead silent as everyone stared at me, and the mare narrowed her eyes. “Get down! Get down now and lay down on your face!” she said, as I slowly walked from around the table.

Looking at her, I nodded as I said “Just don’t hurt anyone. I won't stop you... just leave them out of it okay?” I said, slowly laying down. “Just don’t hurt them...”

She sneered. “Yeah, whatever. Shifty, cuff him! Use the cuffs off that guard.”

The janitor, Shifty, nodded and came over while she pulled the recovering stallion twin off the ground. “Go and empty the tills, then get your brother out to the van” she said as Shifty cuffed my hands together behind me. Applebloom was leaning against the wall next to me, and looked afraid, her eyes wide. As Shifty walked away, I leaned over to her. “You okay?”

She didn’t react, and I nudged her. Her head whipped around, and she said “Whatter we gunna do? Ah heard tha janitor one say they were gonna shoot us when they left!”

I nodded. “Yeah. Don’t worry though... we're gonna stop them. But I need a hair pin.”

She looked at me sideways, before we looked back at the robbers that were emptying the tills. She pulled a pin out of her pocket and pressed it into my hands, and I began employing the most useless skill that had been taught to equestrian soldiers: How to pick locks on manacles and cuffs. The gryphons didn’t bother with prisoners, they either shot or ate us. Sometimes did one and then the other. I had never been good at it, but luckily, these were simple.

Applebloom nervously bit her nails as she watched me work, and I could see that she was on the verge of panicking. I had to calm her down.

“Shh, don’t worry. When I tell you to, you need to make a clicking noise. I cant really do one good, but I heard you making one when your brother wouldn’t give you what you wanted for dessert. Just do a double click.”

She didn’t reply, so I shouldered her a bit. “Hey! Remember what I told you? Fear is good. It tells you when you are in trouble. But you gotta learn to work past it. I need your help. If you don’t, people here are gonna get hurt. Are you with me?”

She gulped and nodded. The cuffs silently came off, and I nodded at her as I shifted them to make them still look like they were secure. The next second, if I hadn’t known it was her, I would have thought someone was sliding back the action on a pistol.

Instantly, I put a guilty look on my face and adjusted my hands as all three of the robbers turned around, guns up. “What was that! Who did that!” yelled the mare, looking around nervously. I had been right, my stunt earlier had her panicking a bit. I fought back a grin as I looked up at her. Moments later, she walked over. “You got a gun or something?” she said, standing over me. “Fucking soldiers... get up!” she commanded.

I slowly rose to my feet, keeping the popped open section of the handcuffs hidden, and tried to look innocent, or rather, fake trying to look innocent. She lowered her gun a bit and reached forward to pat me down. Just as her buddies glanced at each other, I made my move.

Stumbling forward, I knocked into her, sending her back a couple of steps and putting her right between myself and her cohorts. Dropping the act, I pulled my hands free of the cuffs and grabbed her right hand, snapping it shut around it, and ducking to the left, using her to counterbalance me as one of her friends raised his gun, trying to get a shot off. She cussed and yanked hard, pulling me aside just as he fumbled a shot and it plinked off the tile behind me. Pulling back, I jumped forward, causing her to prone on her rump as I threw my gun at the one who had his up, twisting and spinning, sending her into the other one. With all immediat threats disabled, I took a moment to re-evaluate the situation, and found it to my liking.

First, I kicked the one lying by himself, sporting a lump on his forehead, in the ribs hard. With him groaning, I pulled on the handcuffs, slapping them around the ankle of the one the mare was tangled with. I had been taught that in an emergency, doing that to prisoners was sometimes more effective than putting each of them in seperate manacles, as either one trying to get up would be confounded by the other one being connected to them oddly. A moment to admire my fine work was all I had before my world flipped, two strong hands throwing me to the side. The fake janitor was up and moving, and as I looked at him, he picked up the handle of the mop, breaking off the head of it and twirling it. I recognized it... it was the same things we were taught with pugel sticks.

“Good job, comrade, for messing up my retirement” he rumbled, standing there and waiting for me to getup. About then was when I noticed the one detail about him that would have been useful: A slightly less faded patch on his jacket (Which was, as it happens, the same color as mine), where it looked like some chevrons had been removed. Three at least, maybe more.

Getting up, I shook my head a bit, and recalled my hand to hand training. “Hey, I just wanted to make a withrdrawl from the bank so I could go shopping for friends. Why rob a bank right on the holidays?” I asked, trying to use a bit of banter to deflect his attention.

He didn’t fall for it, instead coming at me with one end of the stick, a blow that would impact me on the side of the head if I didn’t dodge. Luckily, hours of sparring with Blaze had taught me to dodge when something is about to hit you. I ducked under it, and put my arm up on his as I moved in, giving me a better understanding of how he was moving. With one hand on his arm, I could easily predict and, to a degree, control where his weapon moved.

Grinning, he said “What were you? Mud Grunt?”

I nodded as I wrapped my arm around his then, locking it, and punched at his gut, something he easily blocked. “Yeah... First Infantry. What were you, a deserter or a traitor?”

He grunted as I landed a stinging slap on his thigh, before he twisted hard, causing me to cry out as he reversed the armlock and twisted my arm behind me, hard. This was what we in the trade called a “Submission hold” due to the fact that you either submitted, or got your arm broken.

“AUGH! DAMMIT!” I swore as I stomped hard on his foot. The pressure released as he howled in pain, the sound of a few crunches indicationg crushed toes as I broke free, grabbing the stick on the way and snapping it over my knee, tossing the bits away and facing him, rubbing my shoulder. “I fought a gryphon tougher than you! At least she left me something to remember her by!” I snarled, fury rising up in me. I stepped forward to press my attack... and my Snipers focus betrayed me. A hand wrapped around my ankle, causing me to fall forward. Instantly, I was wrapped in two VERY strong arms, and he grinned into my face, inches from me. “I was in the rangers, runt!” he bellowed, before twisting me around... and freezing. Behind us, there were at least ten officers with guns out, two with rifles, all trained on us. As our blood settled, the sounds of the sirens outside became apparent, and Silver Star scowled.

“Stand down! Let him go and get down!”

Never before had I been that happy to see the man, even if this was only the third time I had seen him. But that didn’t help as the hold around my neck tightened. He was a ranger, and that meant he didn’t know how to lose... and my vision was moving from the “Swimming black dots” to the “Everything is going gray” stage. I had to do something fast... so I did all I could think of. I collapsed.

The shift in weight was just enough to throw him off, and a moment later there was a single shot and he fell off of me, howling in agony as he clutched a red hole in his shoulder. The police cleaned things up after that pretty quickly.

A few minutes later, I was sitting off to one side as police detectives took pictures around the bank, and Silver Star was glowering at me, but doing his job. Applebloom was talking to him, telling him what had happened, while I tried to be as invisble as possible. My heart was still pounding, and as I looked down at my hands, they were once again shaking uncontrollably. Even when I balled them into fists, they shook like rattles. My breathing was a bit pained, and noises seemed a bit loud to me. Everoyne else had been sent away after quick questioning, and most had left without trying to make a withdrawl from their accounts.

Finally, Silver Star walked over to me. “The report Applebloom gave to me checks out. Unfortunately, Miss Bloom is NOT authorized to handle you, so thats a citation for breaking your parole again. Of course” he said, sneering, “I doubt you will get in any trouble. Princess Sparkle always loves her broken toys. So, mind telling me what you were doing in the bank?”

I looked up at him and swallowed a couple of times. My nerves were acting up, and I felt a bit ill after the fight I had been in. Why had I been at the bank? “I was gonna make a withdrawl from my account so that I could go shopping for presents.”

He looked at his notes, scribbling something. “Presents for who? Not like you have any friends” he said, scorn in his voice. At that, my heart fell. I had friends! Didnt I?

“HE DOES TOO!” came the indignant voice of Applebloom. “Ah call him a friend! So does mah sister and Rainbow and lots'a others! Just cause YOU don’t have any friends don’t mean-” she started, before a soft voice cut in. “And Me, Mister Star. I would call him a friend to this bank. A bank, which I might add, makes a generous donation to the police department every year to ensure that things like this don’t happen.”

Looking up, I saw a mare with a bright yellow mane and a white body, the mark on her upper arms gold on scales. Even I recognized her. This was Miss Golden Bits, the owner of the mint in Canterlot and the manager and owner of most of the banking system. Without a doubt, she had nearly as much influence on worldly affairs as any princess, due to the fact that two words from her mouth could easily crash or fix the economy for years to come. And she was smiling at me.

Walking right past Silver Star, who sputtered, she knelt a bit in front of me. “What is your name, Soldier? You WERE a soldier, right?”

I nodded, looking into her golden eyes. Finding my voice, I said “Y-yes ma'am.”

She smiled again. “No need to be formal. Thank you for stopping the robbers in my bank, and doing it WITHOUT making a mess” she said, shooting a dirty look between Silver Star and the bloodstain on the floor. He huffed and walked away as Applebloom watched us. “On behalf of the bank and myself, I wish to thank you for rendering assistance. Without you, they probably would have robbed this bank and made off with a few thousand bits at the least, more if they got the vault, and a good many ponies would have gotten hurt.”

Staring at her, I just nodded dumbly. “Nothing to it... I just did what anyone... would have done, I guess” I said lamely.

She giggled, a soft sound like running water. “Oh, no need to be modest! Thank you again. But there IS a mare outside who is trying to get inside, and I think she will be wanting to see you. Expect to hear from me in the future, Mister Wing!”

She left, going over to talk with the police again as Applebloom pulled me up. “C'mon, lets go. Ah think its Rainbow outside. And ah think she looks a mite upset...” she said as we walked out the door. At the bottom of the steps to the bank, Rainbow stood, glaring at me. I had stormed a beach less terrifying than her. I could feel my earlier energy fading, and a sense of drowing surrounded me. Still, I forced it aside as I walked out.

The cool air helped a bit as I walked down towards her, and finally I was before her, my heart beating at a normal rate, and she stared at me. The moment I opened my mouth, however, smacked me, hard. With a sob, she grabbed me up, leaving me dizzy as she pulled me closer.

“I heard on the radio about the bank! Dammit, don’t EVER do that to me again! Applejack told me you were going to the bank and I heard gunfire inside when I got here to meet you!”

Shocked at her reaction, I just stood there while reporters and cops stared at us. Finally, Rainbow pulled back and looked me in the eyes. “I can't leave you alone at all, can I? Don’t ever do that again...” she said, reaching down and holding my hands.

For a moment, I just looked at her. Silver Star's words echoed, that I didn’t have any friends. My own, that no one could care about me. Applebloom's eyes. My actions to save her, twice. And the fact that someone cared enough about me to slap me for being in danger.

A moment later, I had both arms around her and tears going down my face, with a smile etched across it. There were snapped pictures, but for a moment, it was just her and me, and for the first time since a foxhole had taken the last one from me, I had someone I could rely on totally and completely. I could count on her to have my back. I silently let tears of joy fall down her back as we held each other.

Chapter 7: Hearth Warming Eve

Snow raged outside the barracks. I sat off to the side while all around me, soldiers with the same faces all cleaned their rifles. I knew this day... it was a few months ago, about a week after we had taken Saint Feathersburg, and the Gryphons were launching a minor attack to take it back. We had had a days warning, and for once, had plenty of time to get ready. It had been an easy battle, but we still lost a couple of guys.

Across from me, Dream Dancer hummed as she cleaned the action on a pistol. Neither of us said anything for a while as soft music played from a radio off to the side. It was a song I recognized, but in the dream, I couldn’t place it. The soft jingle played while the soldiers all silently went about preparing.

Finally, she opened her mouth and spoke. “Princess Celestia and Princess Luna heard what you did at the bank, you know. Even if you wont remember this when you wake up, I thought you should know here. You saved a lot of people. That's what is special about you.”

I looked up at her. My hands smelled of gun oil and grease, but for me, that was a comforting smell. Ironic, the one smell that you really associate with guns, other than sulfur, and it was one of the few that really gave me peace of mind. “What, that I am really good at hurting people for a good cause?”

She snorted. “No, dumbass. That you took your skills as a soldier, and found a place to apply them. You helped people. Applebloom owes you her life at least once, possibly twice, and Applejack will never forget what you did for her family. You saved the friend of a young mare named Scootaloo, who is VERY important to Rainbow Dash. Applebloom is also the friend of Babs Seed, a mare in Manehatten, who started a chapter of a club there. The members of that club, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, all know Applebloom as well. Beyond that, Sweetie Belle, younger sister of Rarity, is a good friend of the young mare, and would have been devastated. By saving one life, you kept alive the fragile connections that bound them all together” she said, and around me the soldiers were replaced by the smiling faces of some people I knew, and others I didn’t. Glowing threads connected them all to Applebloom and Applejack. “If you hadn’t been there to save her, if you didn’t have the ability to make that shot... see how much the room would dim?”

Looking around, I nodded. The enormity of the deed dawned on me, but still, I didn’t feel like a hero. “Any other soldier could have done the same.”

The Ex-Ranger from the bank appeared, a toothy grin as he laughed in his handcuffs, and she looked at him. “Yet not all of them would. Like I said, you allowed yourself to become broken rather than change. Now, you are part of this web, and each of them will help you get better. You will not be the same young colt you were before the war. You will be someone else, someone who has a purpose, and someone who matters to the people that get to know you. You were spared from your first test, when you jumped out that window to die. You were saved, and you owe that to this mare here” she said, tapping on the silent and still figure of Rainbow Dash, who stood there with her usual cocky smirk and half lidded eyes, looking as if she was on top of the world.

The scene changed, and I could see below us the battlefield as it would look twelve hours from when we started the first scene. Soldiers on the walls shot at gryphons down below, the charge ending in less than twenty minutes. The question nagging at me finally made its way out of my mouth.

“Why me? Why am I the one to have to do this? When I got back, all I wanted was do drink my sorrows away, but that was denied to me. I would have been much happier... if... if I was...” I said, a lump in my throat. I knew what I was about to say, and it hurt badly. “I mean... being dead cant be so bad. I would get to see my friends again... its not fair.”

She smiled sadly at me. “It really isn’t fair, is it? Yet if you let go now... Rainbow would not be the only one you left behind. Your mother, your soon-to-be SECOND mother, your friends at the factory, the other friends you made in Ponyville... Look! The web you have woven around yourself!” she cried, and I looked. Sure enough, golden light connected me to dozens of other people, all of them smiling at me. A strange warmth grew inside of me, and I looked at them fondly. Up in front was the Cyan mare, and right next to her was Orange Blaze.

“I guess... I don’t really have the right to leave them behind, do I?” I asked, watching as the dream dissolved around me.

“That's the easy way out. How about you live for your friends, okay? The time for dying passed you by a while back. Don’t just survive out there... LIVE.”

Everything faded slowly, and as usual, sorrow clenched my heart. No matter how many new friends I made, I could not forget the once I lost.

I woke up with a strangled cry, the last vestiges of a forgotten dream clinging to me as the usual scent that followed Rainbow Around clung to me, her arms around my shoulders as I breathed hard. “Shhh, hang in there. Take this” she said, and a couple of pills found there way into my trembling hand. A glass of water followed, and I managed to get it down, spilling only a bit in the lap of the wool blanket that covered me. Slowly, my nerves calmed and my hands stopped shaking slightly, and I was able to look around. My breathing returned to normal, and I saw Rainbow sitting back, smiling at me. “Morning there... Next time you see Doctor Turner, you really do need to tell him about these nightmares, okay?”

I slowly nodded, smiling back at her shakily. Still, this morning I felt a bit...hopeful. It was the day of Hearth Warming Eve, and there would be a feast. I hadn't managed to get anything in the way of presents, but Applejack had assured me that that would be fine. Nobody was doing much in the way of gifts this year, as there was a bit of a shortage in stuff after the war. Instead, we had all agreed (and by All I meant that Pinkie Pie had insisted until it was allowed) to have a quiet dinner with the extended group of friends. I didn’t know all who were involved, but Rainbow assured me that it would be fine. Still, there were preparations to be made.

Outside, as I had predicted, it was light snowfall. The clouds were of a special variety made for this one time of year. They were slightly translucent, so that even when bunched up it would let plenty of light through, creating a very warm (metaphorically speaking) and happy atmosphere with plenty of light, even as it snowed. The weather team here was pretty good, but I did privately wonder what Cloudsdale would be like. My mother would probably be cooking the sweet potato pies, the steamed vegetables, cinnamon buns, and tons of other wonderful things.

Finally, I managed to get myself up and out of bed. Rainbow excused herself so that I could get dressed in privacy, and I pulled on a set of decent clothes, nothing too formal (Pinkie Pie had been adamant about the casual atmosphere), and got a pair of loaned slippers on. Stifling a yawn, I went to the bathroom to get my teeth brushed and take care of other morning things and take mental inventory of what had happened up to this point.

Rainbow Dash and I had showed up here after the bank incident yesterday, and Applejack had been nearly as upset as Rainbow. Applebloom plead my case, pointing out that I had saved her and a lot of others (thanks in no small part to her bobby pins, but I had insisted that I had not done all that much. In the end, they were satisfied by my apologies and settled down. Pinkie Pie had showed up a few hours later to get some early decorations put up, and a mare named Scootaloo had crashed here just before bedtime, exhausted and telling Rainbow that she had finished some work for her. The young Pegasus had just smiled tiredly at me and gone to sleep.

Finally, after finishing flossing, I headed out. The kitchen was abuzz with activity as Applejack and Applebloom worked to make food enough to feed twelve people. Dishes were set out on the table, and as I walked in and looked around, I tried to figure out a way to make myself useful.

“Anything I can do to help?” I asked, looking around as Rainbow mixed flour and eggs together for some cake mix. Applejack looked over her shoulder, having been transfering some applesauce from a bowl to another, larger bowl that was more of a vat.

“Sure thing! Can ya help Big Mac set up the dining room? Just ask Pinkie Pie for directions, she's in charge of that. Rainbow! Not that fast!” she said, looking back at the mare in question. “Stiring faster will NOT make it any cooler!”

As Rainbow pouted, I headed to the large dining room. One thing I had learned about earth ponies was that no matter what they did, they ALWAYS had large dining rooms, as they tended to have extended families over for holidays. Pinkie Pie was in one corner, in a coat and hard hat, looking over a clipboard. Scootaloo was putting out some flowers as Big Mac set up a second table off to the side. I approached Pinkie Pie. “Anything I can do?” I inquired, looking at her.

She nodded, not looking at me. “Looks like we need... two more barrels of cider brought in from the Garage. Also, if you can go and let Sweetie Belle and Rarity in!” she said. A moment later, there was a knock on the door and she giggled. “Pinkie Sense NEVER lies!” she said, before pulling a pencil out of her mane and scribbling. I looked at Big Macintosh with raised eyebrows, and she shrugged. Heading down the hallway, I opened the door. In came two white mares with purple manes, both looking fairly fashionable. The taller one had purple diamonds on her upper arms, while the smaller one had a single purple musical note and a microphone. They both smiled, and I returned it as I let them in. Once they wiped their feet, they turned to me.

“I am Steel Wing” I stated, smiling at the taller one and glancing at the shorter one. The taller one smiled back.

“Delighted to meet you, dear. I am Rarity, and this is my sister, Sweetie Belle. Now, if you don’t mind-” she started, before there was a thundering of feet as two mares ran down the hallway. Sweetie Belle gave a shreik and jumped at them, and they all hugged each other as I looked on, bemused.

“Hey, we all came of age this year, right?” asked the orange Pegasus excitedly, do which the other two nodded. “You know what that means...”

Rarity sighed and plugged her ears, while I looked on, a bit nonplussed. A moment later, it was all explained by the words “FORMER CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CIDER DRINKERS! YAAAY!” and a series of high-fives. Rarity rolled her eyes as they walked off, chattering away. I felt a bit miffed that Sweetie Belle had not greeted me back, but it was the holidays. I was in too good of a mood to take offense at that sort of thing. As Rarity and I walked back towards the dinging room, I asked “Are they.. always like this?”

She giggled. “You should have seen them before they all go their Destiny marks. They STILL call them cutie marks... but everyone is entitled to foalish tendencies once in a while” she said, just as there was another knock on the door. It was getting on towards ten, and it made sense people would be showing up around now. As I headed back to the door, Rarity got to whatever task she had in mind.

I opened the door, and outside stood a yellow Pegasus mare, and behind her, Princess Twilight Sparkle. They both smiled as they came in. Looking at the Pegasus, I smiled and said “Name's Steel Wing. Pleasure to meet you, and happy Hearth Warming Eve” as I held out my hand. The mare looked at it, and at a gentle nudge from the princess, smiled back. “Fluttershy... Rainbow told me you were nice. It's good to meet you...” she said in a quiet voice. A voice from the kitchen called “Fluttershy? Is that you? Get in here, ah need yer help with the salad mix!”

Fluttershy smiled again at me and went off, heading for the kitchen. Finally, I turned back, standing there uncomfortably. Everyone knew that Princess Sparkle did not like to be addressed as such, but I had yet to meet her, so I didn’t know exactly HOW to address her. Eventually, I settled on “Erm... Thanks for stopping the war?”

For a moment, she only stared at me, before she burst out laughing. For nearly twenty seconds she laughed, before pulling herself up straight again and smiled. “Geeze! All I did was sign the paper, from what I hear it was YOU who stopped it. So, you're the one I had to bail out of jail?” she asked, still smiling. That brought some pink to my cheeks as I looked down.

“Erm.. thanks... for that. Silver Star and I don’t get along...”

She nodded, face sobering up a bit as we headed for the dining room. I couldn’t belive that I had opened with such a stupid line to the Princess of Friendship! I fully expected to be banished somewhere, and then put in a prison in said place I had been banished to. I felt like a buffoon. Still, she nodded and said “No one gets along with him anymore. If he doesn’t clean up, I think that I will have to ask Ivory Scroll to let him go... I know he lost his brother, but if he can't do his job, then he is just putting everyone in danger. The incident at the bank... I still can't believe that happened. Thank you, by the way, for what you did. You put yourself in danger to save others.”

I toed the ground again. “It wasn’t anything, really. I saw a chance and took it. Besides... if you don’t mind, I would rather not talk about it. I kinda just wanna eat. But thank you anyways, Princess.”

She sighed. “Just Twilight will do. After what Rainbow has told me, I think you are just as much a friend to me as you are to her. Anyone who protects my friends is good in my books.”

Preparation continued afoot, and finally, the table was being set. The larger table played host to most of us, while Scootaloo, Applebloom, and Sweetie Belle, along with a small dragon hatching (I had to do a double take) named Spike sat at the smaller one. They were all engaged in gossip relative to the teenagers of the day, and despite the fact I was only a year or two older than any of them, I didn’t really know anything that they were talking about.

Finally, we were ready to go, and we all sat at the tables. Steaming heaps of food were all across it, and the wonderful smells of the baked and cooked goods wafted through the air, enough to chase off the legendary wendigos that were the bane of the holiday. Twilight sat on the end of the table opposite of Applejack. On Twilights left sat Fluttershy, with Big Macintosh next to her, and Pinkie Pie next to Applejack. Across from Pinkie Pie sat Rainbow Dash, with me next to her, and Rarity on the other side of me. Finally, after the jostling of chairs, Applejack cleared her throat.

“Happy Hearth Warming Eve to y'all. Before we all eat this here food, ah think we should go around and say somethin' we're grateful fer. Hearth Warmin' Eve's all about friendship and harmony and other neat things that make one all warm an' fuzzy inside, and I fer one am darn grateful fer Steel Wing. He saved mah chops as y'all heard, and mah sister.”

Pinkie Pie thought for a moment as my cheeks flushed, before smiling. “I'm happy that even when things are really bad, like during a war, we all still have friends to count on. Even when they aren't around anymore, you can still rely on what they teach you! Like cake recipes, or funny noises, or kumquat recipies, or-” she said, before Big Mac cleared his throat.

“Ah'm happy that we got ourselves another good harvest, some good friends, and some good cider this year. Ain’t take much else to make fer a good life” he said.

Fluttershy cleared her throat, looking nervous as we all waited, looking at her. Finally, she said “I'm really happy Discord is okay, even after the Tirek thing... He really helped out a lot during the war and I was scared for him, but now he is okay... so I guess I am happy for that...”

Princess Twilight looked thoughtful. “I'm happy that we all have a new friend here too. Like Applejack said, Hearth Warming's Eve is all about Friendship and Harmony, and I think that the more friends you have, the better life is. Rarity?” she asked.

Rarity smiled. “I am grateful that the war is over, and I can go back to making scarfs instead of boots. It always felt horrible, profiting off of war. Nopony should make a living off of others dying... oh, no offense!” she said, looking at me with horrified eyes.

I shrugged. “No harm, no foul. I didn’t get paid THAT much” I said, smiling. Her remark, unintentional though it was, stung a bit, but I didn’t want it to get in my way. “I'm happy I found someone to care enough about me to keep my head on straight” I said, nudging Rainbow, who stopped staring at the cider in front of her for a moment. “Thanks Dash. I owe you” I said, smiling at her.

Rainbow nodded back, smiling. “I'm happy that dunderhead here didn’t make a mess of anything today... ouch!” she said, wincing as I elbowed her. “Fine, fine. Well... I guess, to be honiest, I'm kinda glad you hit me with tat table. I mean, I really am happy to have made a new friend too. After Soarin, I kinda fell apart a bit, but I'm back to my old awesome. So... cider time now?”

The crusaders all said their bit, and with that Applejack said “The prayer... We give thanks for this bread, we give thanks for these beets, We give thanks for our friends, now lets get them eats!”

There was the normal laughter at that sort of thing, and we all dug in.

I helped myself to a liberal amount of stuffing, and piled high with some little bread puffs whos name eluded me while Rainbow poured herself a mug of cider and got one for me too. My hands were shaking a bit, and I frowned as I concentrated on getting a fork of food to my mouth. Noticing it, Fluttershy looked across at me. “Are you okay?” she asked, concern in her voice.

I nodded. “Some sort of issue from being a soldier. It only gets bad when I get a bit scared, but other times it just springs up. Nothing to worry about. So you work with animals?” I said, hoping to change the subject. What followed was a short speech on how the Animal Care Center, Ponyville Chapter worked. She did everything from tending to wounded animals to working on waking them up during Winter Wrap Up. I was a bit surprised really, but when she explained her Masters of Science in Veterinary Medicine, it all made quite a bit of sense. I remembered the name now, Fluttershy was regarded in Cloudsdale as one of the worst fliers to come out of it, yet the most succesful Pegasus to fail flight school. She had made something of a name for herself as a vet, and was known for her ability to work with any animal.

She nodded, smiling. “I take care of all sorts of animals. Ever since Ponyville got bigger, though, people wanted an animal shelter, so I opened one up in town. It was hard being around so many other people, but thanks to my friends” she said, smiling around before continuing, “It got easier, and now I get to be around other people who like animals all day!”

To my left, Rainbow was leaning across and whispering to Pinkie Pie. Finally, she turned to me while Fluttershy chattered to Princess Twilight. “So, you having fun? Nothing too... erm.... it's not too much?”

I smiled and shook my head, taking a bite of sweet potato and swallowing. “It's great. Nice and quiet, just like at home. The food is great! Did you plan this, Miss Pie?” I asked, turning to Pinkie Pie. She nodded vigorously.

“Sure did! Rainbow here called me and said that you don’t like loud crowded things, and so I thought 'what kind of party is quiet?' but then I remembered that Twilight has books on all sorts of parties so I was like 'LIGHTBULB' and went there and got a book on quiet parties and all sorts of special decorations and-” she said, before I just put out my hand on hers, smiling.

“Thanks. It really means a lot to me that all of you are helping.” At my words, they all looked at me, and I cleared my throat. The cider was getting to me a bit, and my cheeks felt a bit warm, but I knew what I wanted to say.

“I wanted to say thanks to you, to all of you, for putting up with me. I know I can be a bit difficult at times, and that sometimes my face looks a bit... unnerving, in the wrong light... but it really means a lot to me. I hope I can get a lot better, and I wanna pay you all back for your help.”

There was a bit of silence, and then Twilight cleared her throat. “Well, thanks for that. Anyways, if everyone is done with this course, how about dessert? Good Dessert and good company makes for a  good Hearth Warming Eve!”

There was a clattering of plates, and we all started to make room for dessert.

Two hours and several hard drinks later, I leaned back in the living room. I was sitting on the rug off to the side of the fire, and we were all gathered in here in varying states of sobriety and wakefulness. Outside, it was getting dim due to increasing clouds with all of the Pegasi having gone home for the holiday, and the snow was falling freely. Everyone was quietly chatting, and I sat off to the side, smiling into the fire. The warmth was comforting, and the red and orange in it reminded me of my best friend. Privately, I wondered how Blaze was doing. I hadn’t gotten any letters from her, but... who knows.

That thought faded away into the alcoholic mist permeating... permeating? Fermenting? It was having some sort of effect on my mind, and it was about time to go home. Soon enough, it would be dark out even though it was only getting on towards sixteen hundred. If I remembered right, Fluttershy had volunteered to drive those who were too inebriated home in her van, one that I had seen parked out there with the “FlutterCare Animal Services”. She really was such a nice person... it really reminded me of poor Radio Wave. THAT was a good kid...

Yawning, I leaned back as Rainbow Dash giggled at a joke and got up. “Allright, Happy Hearth Warning Eve, Applejack. Hey, thanks for having us over, but we gotta get going. You up for taking me and him home Fluttershy?”

The yellow Pegasus nodded and stretched. She seemed to be fairly happy right now, and it was likely she would come back to make a couple of more trips. For now, I left the room and grabbed my bags.

I stopped when I set everything on my bed to organize it. On the pillow was a small box wrapped in brown paper and done up with bailing twine, a little tag on it that read “To: Mister Wing, From: Applebloom. Happy Hearth Warming Eve!”

Wonder what's in this... I wondered to myself, as I pulled on the string and opened it. The string came undone and the wrapping came off easily enough, and the box inside was blue cardboard. It was when I opened the box and saw what was in it that made me smile. A small chunk of dark wood, the kind from the Timberwolves, carved into a chess piece, a Knight, and painted up with silver armor and a musket. That filly.

Heading out with the piece in my pocket, I nodded at her with a smile as she looked at me, and we exchanged a silent thank you to each other before she turned back to her friends. Rainbow was waiting for me at the door, and Fluttershy was getting the van started. Twice I had to catch myself on Rainbow as I stumbled on the uneven paving stones, and the world did seem to sway just a tiny bit on the way out.

The van smelled of critters, but the drive home was short enough for me. All I really wanted was to get back to the familiar guest bed, and show Rainbow what I had figured out for a present for her. Next to me, she turned her head and looked out the window sighing. After a bit, she turned to me and looked me in the eye. “Have fun?” she asked.

I nodded. “You have pretty nice friends. I never knew all that many people growing up, and certainly not the variety you hang out with. Hard to believe that so many people with so many interests all have each other in common.

Fluttershy spoke up from the front. “A year ago I still didn’t really talk to anyone. But between Discord encouraging me to mix up my life a bit, and Rainbow encouraging me, and everyone else helping me to fit in, I didn’t decide to move out of Ponyville when it got bigger. A bit of trust and faith goes a long way” she said.

A moment later, another voice, a deeper male one, replied to her. “It most CERTAINLY does, dear Fluttershy. How was your Heart Warning?”

I started, eyes widening as I saw a serpentine figure in the front of the car, but Rainbow put a hand on my shoulder and leaned forward, her rosy cheeks flushed a bit more than they were a moment ago.

“Dammit Discord! Don’t sneak up on people like that! I thought you were supposed to be nicer now!”

He turned around, his yellow and red eyes with mismatched pupils staring at first Rainbow, and then me. Finally, he slithered out of his seat and behind us. That did NOT help my nerves as Fluttershy groaned and Rainbow glared, but the Draconequis just smiled. “So this is the Steel Wing I heard so much about... back from the war? Congratulations on winning, by the way! Jolly good work you did there I presume?”

The sight of that face and those eyes inches from my own, and his casual disregard of personal boundaries started to get at me. A moment later, I swallowed twice and said “So, Discord? Appearing out of nowhere uninvited? Rather predictable. We had a few stories about you. Supposedly Luna asked you to lead the attack on the Solomare Islands, due to your strategic genius? How'd that work? Heard you got sent packing.”

A moment later, Rainbow guffawed. The LEGENDARY defeat of Discord on three occasions by a Neighponeese admiral had been broadcast all over, as three times Discord had been forced to retreat before firing a shot to avoid loosing an entire fleet. He had redeemed himself, but after his boasting about being able to win the entire eastern front in a week had been proven false, most had regarded him as an ineffectual commander at best. In front, Fluttershy sighed again as Discord scowled, his cloths switching to an Admirals uniform and a white flag appearing in his hand. Even half drunk, I managed to get one in on the Lord of Chaos.

“Now now Discord, if you can't play nice I wont rub your back when we get home. And you DID boast a lot about that... how about you just go home and we can have a nice, quiet evening there, okay?”

“But FLUTTERSHY....” he whined, before she shot a stern glance at him through the rear-view mirror, and he vanished. The rest of the ride home was uneventful, and I worked at calming myself down.

Eventually, we pulled up on the sidewalk next to Rainbow's cloud house, and we both got out of the side. I was hoping that my letter had gotten out and back on time, but single afternoon delivery was sometimes a bit of a stretch. If Golden Bit had come through on her promise however....

The question was answered as Rainbow stopped on her front porch, bending over a box. “What's this? Single Day Delivery, to Rainbow Dash? I didn’t order anything!” she said, looking a bit puzzled.

I took the box and said “It IS for you. I ordered it last night, and Miss Bits promised to make sure it got here on time. It's a present for you. I was hoping it would get here... I think you will like it. Sort of a thank you and an apology for worrying you at the bank” I said as Fluttershy drove off.

We both went in, and I stood by, yawning and stretching while Rainbow set about opening the package. I knew already she would love it, and I was not disappointed as she let out a bit of a “Squee” sound, grinning as she pulled out a Gryphon Luger, complete with three magazines (No bullets), delivered from my storage unit that my mother had put it into when I mailed it to her. Complete with it was a cleaning kit and some other odds and ends for maintaining it.

“How did you know I wouldn’t hate guns? I haven’t told anyone but the other girls about that!” she said, looking up, wide eyed. I just smiled a bit. The truth had not been hard for me to figure out.

“Easy. Every time you saw a picture of one, your eyes lit up, and I already know you are a bit... fascinated with the military. I checked into it, and you are allowed to own a firearm since you are in the Wonderbolt Reserves. Happy Hearth Warming Eve, Dash” I said, looking at her.

For once, she just smiled, before getting up and wrapping me in a hug. We both stood there as the snow fell outside, the world silent and at peace. “Happy Hearth Warming Eve, buddy” she said, chin on my shoulder.

Chapter 8: Shoot for the Stars

To: Mister Steel Wing, Corporal (Dschg.)

From: Office of Veterans Affairs (Forwarded from Office of Intelligence, Army)

Re: Request for Information, Orange Blaze

Mister Steel Wing,

We regret to inform you that at this time, we must deny your request for information regarding the whereabouts of one Staff Sergeant Orange Blaze. Her current location and status are classified Top Secret under Royal Order 2365.21, Denial of Information Act of 937ALB.

We understand that you two were close, and that this time of year is a hard time to be denied information about friends or loved ones. However, providing this information would constitute a breach of national security. Please do not send further requests for information. We have received and reviewed all [11] Requests, and any further will constitute harassment of government officials.

We here know that you served your country proudly, and well, but Staff Sergeant Orange Blaze is still in active service, and on a mission. However, if you wish, you may send letters to her to the address provided below, and we will forward them to her whenever possible. Be aware that letters will be screened before being forwarded.

Sincerely yours,

Paper Work, Office of Equestrian Intelligence.

I sighed, setting the letter down. Over the past two weeks since Hearth Warming Eve, Dash and I had agreed that I should try to get into contact with her, and I had sent a letter every day like Pinkie Pie had suggested. We were still cleaning up after my birthday party... I had turned Twenty yesterday, and Rainbow Dash had congratulated me on making it. Her humor, while in poor taste, was understandable, as a few weeks ago I was so messed up that I could not have hoped to make it on my own. My face in that paper back then was a reminder that the whole town knew that a crazy veteran had tried to pull a jumper. Still, today was to be a bit packed.

First, I had a most curious offer: Golden Bits had requested that I apply at the bank as a security guard or consultant, and although I had insisted that I was only a soldier, she said that my background as a sniper meant that I knew how to size up a situation, and that all I really had to do was look over bank plans she sent to me, and isolate security breaches. That meant I had the awesome resposibility of looking at secret plans for banks that had not been constructed and make sure that nopony could break in. I could look at guard plans, floor plans, electrical plans, all sorts of things. Rainbow had flipped her lid at that, congratulating me on that offer.

The amazing thing was the money. Golden Bits had started with an opening offer of twenty thousand bits a year for my exclusive services put on retainer, and an additional five thousand per plan I consulted on, as well as a standing day job at the local bank branch if I so wanted as a guard shift manager. She had evidently politely declined to keep paying the police department to keep her bank secured by them, and had decided to hire some gunpony freelancers. My first job as a consultant would, if I accepted, be to check them out and make sure they were legitimate.

Secondly, I needed to go to the police station firing range with Rainbow Dash so that I could teach her how to shoot. But that brought another issue... I needed to talk to Applejack. Applebloom had spoken to me about wishing to shoot, and to be honest... I wanted to teach her. The look in her eyes told me she was going to learn one way or another, and better a... well, not to toot my own horn, but better a professional do it than she learn bad habits from someone else. Still, even with how reasonable Applejack could be, and Big Mac being a gentle giant, it was NOT a conversation I was looking forward to.

I also needed to go and visit the hospital to get a refill on my medications, but that could wait till tomorrow if need be. Those meds were important, and despite my distaste at needing them, it beat drowning in alcohol and jumping out a window. I had friends who took care of me, it would be selfish of me to lose the progress I had made. It was a mission to me, my personal war.

Across the breakfast table from me, Rainbow Dash was fiddling with the Luger. I had yet to make sure she knew to handle it safely, and as such, I made sure the bullets were under lock and key. MY key. I had seen people smarter than her blow legs or fingers or arms off with dumb weapon practices. When she noticed me looking, she looked back at me. “What? Something funny here?”

Blinking, I forced a smile. “Naw, its fine. You just keep playing with that, you're gonna wear it out before you get a chance to use it. Hey, I DO need to get going... are you sure I can be out on my own? I don’t want to get in trouble with Silver Star again.” And I don’t want to get you dragged away from work... not on my behalf. Again” I thought, but I kept that to myself. No need to bring it up.

She looked thoughtful for a moment, before nodding. “Should be fine. Just head down to the bank when it opens, and do your best. You SURE you're ready for a job? I mean, you can take your time easing into things. Remember what Doctor Turner said? Take it easy.”

I snorted. “Actually, he told me to do what I think I needed to, he just sounded a bit uncertain I could do it. I charged into enemy fire several times, I think I can handle at least an interview. It is just a consulting job where I get to look at paper all the time, and maybe a job where I sit in a corner all day watching the floor of the bank. I think the worst I will get is a migraine” I said, rolling my eyes.

She sighed, putting the Luger down carefully, and looking across the counter at me dead on, her eyes meaning that she was serious. “I know you are a bit tired of just hanging around all day but... Dammit, I don’t know. I don’t want you to get hurt anymore. You did plenty already, you were in the war! You should just take it easy, pick up a hobby or something. You don’t NEED to do this.”

For once, I opened my mouth but didn’t reply offhand. She was right... my veterans checks were doing enough to pay for the food I consumed and more than enough on the side that I COULD move out to a cheap flat on my own where I legally allowed to. As it was, it had furnished my bed with a new blanket and gotten me two new sets of decent clothing, one of which I was wearing now. I could take it easy, and... why shouldn't I?

You don’t want to sit around. Blaze clearly isn’t... dammit, you have done plenty of sitting around already. You can't hide from life forever, and you sure cant hide behind Rainbows wings. Like your Drill Sergeant would have said, get out there and make something of yourself.

With that thought in mind, I got up. “I have an interview to get to... but thanks for your concern. I do want this job, Dash. I think you have been taking care of me long enough. If I don’t do SOMETHING, I'm gonna go stir crazy in here. What is it now, a month or so? Time Turner said I am doing great, well ahead of whatever schedule he had put out for me. He said I am progressing faster than most patients, and that whatever friendship you guys have given me has helped. But I can't rely on that forever. I want to DO something, not just wait for things to happen. And I am tired of people thinking of me as the crazy ex soldier. I would prefer them to think of me as the crazy bank guard.”

She shrugged, and sighed. “Whatever you gotta do. Hey, good luck with it, not that you'll need it. You got this in the bag” she said, although her smile looked forced to me. Still, I headed out, pulling my jacket on to protect against the bitter cold. It would be another month or two before Winter Wrap Up, and with any luck, they might do it a week or two early. I REALLY didn’t like the cold.

The walk to the bank was not terribly long, and although I got a few sideways glances, I arrived exactly one quarter of an hour early, or as I considered it, right on time. ALWAYS arrive early. The bank was closed, it would not open for another two hours, but my interview was scheduled to begin as soon as the interviewer got here, whoever that was. Miss Bits had taken an interest in me, but she had not yet told me who would be checking me out.

Finally, the Tram pulled up in the road, and off of it came three figures: Two mares, each dressed in a harsh business suit, and one stallion who was... at first glance, he was in a suit of his own, but I could make out faint shapes under his jacket, the details grabbing my eyes. There was undoubtedly a sidearm tucked into his jacket, probably a snub-nose revolver from how small it was, or a single shot holdout. Regardless, I found myself standing up straighter, not quite at attention as they approached. One of the mares looked at me, and made a “hmm” noise, before going to the door and unlocking it. The other mare, a drab brown with a black mane, smiled at me. “Mister Wing?” she asked, her voice sounding like she smoked far too much. The smell of tobacco hung around her... I knew soldiers that smoked three packs a day and didn’t smell THAT bad. She was saturated.

Forcing a smile, I nodded, and held out a hand. She started to reach for it, but then hesitated. My heart leaped to my throat, and a look down confirmed the worst: It was trembling like a leaf in a gale. Or a breeze, it wasn’t that bad this morning. Still, it would be a major inconvenience if I was required to do a sidearms test. Did they do those at an interview?

A wave of panic flooded over me, and I forced my smile, heart pounding. “S-sorry ma'am. Just a bit nervous... Doctor Turner says that it isn’t anything serious.”

She looked hesitant, but a stern look from the stallion and she took my trembling hand, shaking it firmly and beckoning me to follow them inside. As we walked, I could see that the minor damage to the inside had been cleaned up, and she started speaking. “My name is Pen Stroke. I am to interview you today. I am given to understand that you stopped a robbery here just before Hearth Warming Eve?”

I nodded, my cheeks coloring a bit. It was a bit embarrassing, I had only done the decent thing. I guess people like inflating stories, the current rumor was that an elite team of Royal Commandos had stormed in, guns blazing, to kill and/or arrest nearly fifty heavily armed gunponies that were dead set on destroying a bank that was really a secret meeting place for all four princesses. Of course, that was only a rumor.

As we went to her office, the stallion parted ways with us and remained behind at the front desk. She led me inside, where she took a seat and pulled out a typewriter, feeding in paper and then looking up. “Feel free to take a seat... and you're not in the military any more, Mister Wing. You don’t have to stand at attention” she said, smiling in a more friendly manner.

Flushing even more red, I forced myself to relax, let my shoulders droop a bit, and to unclench my hands. The shaking seemed to have stopped for a while, but knowing my luck, it would show up at the worst possible moment later. Still, I remained standing for the time being. It was easier to think while standing up. As I stood there, she looked through a few papers, and on the back of one I recognized the Equestrian Royal Army stamp, and from the color of the paper, it was probably my discharge papers.

Finally, she looked up. “Alright. It says here you were a sniper attached to an infantry rifle platoon throughout the war. Most of your service record is... spotty, to say the least, but it seems that you are highly skilled at combat. Is this fair to says?” she asked, looking up at me.

I nodded. “Yes Ma'am. I was trained for long range combat, but I am not really supposed to talk about some of what I did. Everything in that report is all that matters though, I guess.” I was a bit conflicted, as I KNEW that some of what I did was a bit classified, even they were some of the worst kept secrets in the military.

She nodded again, and sat back. “Alright, you are being evaluated for the position of a security consultant. The company would like to pay a retainer to keep your services exclusive to us, and that means that you will have to sign non disclosure agreements, and sign confidentiality reports. You pass our criminal background check, even with the... incidents listed by the Ponyville Police Department. Miss Bits already put a note in here to disregard any reports other than felonies listed by Silver Star, and you don’t have any of those. Is there anything you do not understand here?” she asked, pushing a few forms across the table.

I looked at them. The first was an NDA, and the second was something that more or less stated that I was required to protect their secrets and not tell people of the weaknesses I found in bank security. Everything seemed straightforward, and I shook my head. “I think I understand everything, Miss Stroke. So what about the Security Guard position Miss Bits mentioned?”

As I signed, she shook her head. “We still need to look into that, but we will be sending you profiles of the guards we intend to hire should you be taken on for this job. Okay, you signed here and here... that looks good” she said, peering at the paperwork I had just signed. Finally, she took them back, peeled off the carbon copy underneath, and put it in a separate folder, looking at the clock. “Alright, we will be opening soon... I think that is everything. You are currently staying with Miss Dash, is that correct?”

I nodded, and she continued. “You should hear back from us within the next week or so. I wouldn’t worry, you are a shoe-in for this job. Miss Bits was very pleased with how you handled the situation, and apparently your eye for detail should come in handy here. So for now, let me offer you an early welcome aboard” she said, smiling. Reaching out, she took my hand firmly and shook it once more as my heart settled down. I had done something right! All by myself!

I was still beaming as I walked out the front doors of the bank (Having also made a withdrawal from my account to get myself some lunch or what have you during the day) and waited on the sidewalk for the tram to come by. The day was clear out, but thick snow still covered everything, lending the world a quiet, clean air. Ponies tended to stay at home, being with families... At that, my heart twinged. I should visit mom... I left so suddenly... I thought. That darkened my mood a bit as I climbed on the tram and showed my military ID.

The ride out to the edge of town was going to take a while, as the tram made a circle of the outer edge of the city, and it was heading three quarters of the way around to get to the exit to Sweet Apple Acres. As I sat on the mana-powered vehicle, a very elderly stallion looked up from a faded photograph at me. I don’t know what sparked it, but he looked at his watch, and then made a motion for me to come over. I was a bit taken aback, but after a moments hesitation, I moved up a seat next to him. He smiled at me, and put the photo into his pocket. As I went over, I couldn’t help but think he was oddly familiar, but I had no idea where I had seen him before.

“Whats your name, young fellow?” he asked, squinting through thick glasses. His voice was surprisingly strong for a stallion of his age, although his arms were a bit frail. He had to be past eighty, but there was something about his eyes... though slightly dulled by cataracts, they held a fierce alertness. He was, I noted, a unicorn.

“Erm... Steel Wing, sir. Can I do something for you?” I asked, trying to be polite. To be honest, I didn’t really want to talk, my stomach was churning at the thought of the earful I was about to get from two thirds of the Apple Family, and the squeals of excitement from the youngest should I succeed. Still, it usually didn’t cost anything to be polite, and could gain quite a bit.

He leaned back and shook his head. “No, I don’t think anyone can do anything for me anymore. I'm just down here to visit my wife's tombstone once more... probably going to join her sometime this month. Waiting for a heart attack any day, nothing any medicine can stop. Lifetime of abuse and some issues with chemicals.” he said, giving a wan smile. THAT comment sure got my attention.

“Ah... Sorry sir... I know it must be a bit hard...” I said lamely, not sure what to do in this circumstance. Pull it together!” my brain screamed. Try not to mess this one up. What can you do to comfort him? Probably NOT what Rainbow would do...

To my surprise, my dilemma was resolved when he leaned back and gave a hearty chuckle. “No, not really. But you know what WAS hard? Coming back home after the Dog Wars. Don’t worry about not remembering... before your time, laddie. Hard coming back after seeing all the killin' and the violence, isn’t it?” he said, eyes twinkling.

Finally, I realized what it was that I saw in him. The shoulders, how he held his head slightly cocked, something we never stopped doing after hefting heavy rifles all day, the slouch in his spine from standing up at attention too often... and the wear and tear on his body. A scar on his arm... These thousand tiny details told me that this stallion was a war veteran, a survivor of the last bloody conflict. There had been no draft, but when Brayzill had requested help agains the Diamond Kingdom, Celestia had offered rewards for anyone who would sign up for the army. A small war, it had only lasted four months for our involvement, but had seen over twenty thousand casualties. The biggest problem down there had been that the Diamond Dogs had created a new kind of weapon (For its time), chemical based weapons like Mustard Gas and some other nasty things, like Chlorine Gas and Mana Burn. Our war had been just over six months, and several million dead due to bullets and only a small amount of chemical attacks, none of them near where I had fought. Still, the look in his eyes was that of...resignation. A stallion who knew his fate, had accepted it, and calmly awaited it. I had seen it in the eyes of every mare and stallion on the boat with me heading towards a beach that was built like a fortress.

After a few minutes, I simply nodded at him. “It... it is hard. But it is easier when you make a few friends, and they support you. How did you... get back?” I asked, looking at him.

He sighed. “I got married to the love of my life. She took me in, she helped me get past my shell shock, and in the end, even though I couldn't summon a shred of magical energy since a gas attack, she married me. I had nothing to give, but that was okay for her. Us soldiers have something nopony else ever will. We appreciate all the little things that civillians take for granted. Each day we wake up is a blessing, and waking up next to someone you love is even better. Whoever you get together with... they will see that. They will see that all you want is the little things. A job, a house, a warm bed. That's enough for me... and I'll wager that is enough for you too lad.”

I sat back. In less than twenty minutes, this old stallion had imparted a bit of wisdom on me I doubted I would forget anytime soon. THAT is what Rainbow saw in me? It was true... I wanted this job, not for the money but for the sake of having it. The house over my head... I was grateful for it. My friends... I would never take them for granted. It was true. Being so close to death so often for so long... it really gave a new perspective on things. Still, soon enough the tram stopped on the road leading out to Sweet Apple Acres, and I got up. Looking out to make sure it was my stop, I looked back. “Thanks for-” I started, only to see something curious.

The stallion was gone. All that was in his place was an old faded photograph, showing a unicorn stallion in an old fashioned uniform with his arm around a pegasus mare, both supporting a small blue Pegasus filly that was strangely familiar. I recognized all three of them and a smile touched my lips even as others looked at me oddly. The back of the photo read “Steel Horn and Ivory Wing, daughter Blue Cross. Taken 923ALB.”

Sometimes you didn’t need to know what happened for it to be important. Probably best not to mention this to Doctor Turner, though. I tucked the photo into my pocket and left the tram, still smiling, feeling contentment in my heart.

No no NO! Fer the last time, there's no way, no how that yer gonna get it inta Applebloom's head that shootin' is a good idea! Thats what she gots Big Mac and me for!”

I winced. This was going approximately according to prediction. The moment I had broached the subject of learning to shoot, Applejack, the only one here at the moment, had gone big sisterly on her little sister and had her arms crossed. Big Mac was taking Applebloom to a Crusader meeting, whatever that was, but should be back soonish with her. “I understand, Applejack. But Rainbow Dash agreed with me that it would be a good thing to learn, and if she doesn’t learn from someone who knows how to shoot... I have seen people a lot smarter than her lose important bits due to stupid mistakes! I know you don’t like guns, but if it weren't for them, I... I don’t even want to think what would have happened with the Timberwolves!”

THAT stopped her short, and she opened and closed her mouth several times before just shaking her head. “Ah know you mean right by it, but... Applebloom nearly got drafted, ya know. Her and Scootaloo both. Apples ain’t meant to go out there and be winnin wars...”

I scowled, crossing my arms. The hike here had not been easy on my weakened body, and I was a bit crossed at how stubborn she was. This was a family affair, but I HAD to make her see reason on this. “Except your cousin, Bad Apple. He is the one that taught ME to shoot... sort of. But he taught us all about proper rifle practices when not in combat.”

Once again, she was lost for words before the door behind us slammed open and Applebloom came in, followed by Big Macintosh. At the sight of me, Applebloom's eyes ligt up, but the fire in Applejacks eyes extinguished hers and she quietly headed for the kitchen while Big Mac looked between us. At his raised eyebrows, Applejack said “Wing here things he oughta teach Applebloom how ta shoot. Can you believe that? Is there ONE good reason why Applebloom should get ta handlein guns?” she said, exasperated at my calm logic.

The room went silent for a moment, then Big Mac set down a barell and nodded. “Eeyup. Ah sure cant be here forever, and you cant either. She gotta take care of herself sometime, and Steel Wing here's the only one offerin ta teach. Thats unless ya wanna ask Silver Star, and ah don’t like that fellow one bit.”

Finally, Applejack threw up her arms and stormed off. “FINE! Yall just go out there and knock yerselves out playin with them deathsticks! Don’t come cryin ta me when Applebloom gets inta a bad spot with em!”

When the door slammed behind her, I turned to Big Mac, who just sat down in his chair, pulling off his boots. I stood there awkwardly, until I stated sheepishly “Sorry... I don’t mean to be causing disruption, but I do think Applebloom should learn to shoot. I'm gonna be teaching Rainbow, since I got her a Luger of her very own, and... well, with all the nasty things in the woods...” I said, but he cut me off by shaking his head.

“She needs ta learn, but not right now. Ah gotta get this sorted out with AJ, and Applebloom don’t need to be workin on somethin new right now. She gots her studies to focus on. Ah know you care, and ya only wanna do right by her, but just keep those thoughts to yerself for now, alright?” he said, looking at me with serious eyes. Finally, I nodded, feeling a bit down. What had started with hope had been dashed, but for now, I needed to let it go. Pushing a point with him would be useless.

The walk back to Ponyville was not all that bad today, as even with nearly a foot and a half of snow the sun shining on me both lifted my spirits and the temperature. It was nowhere near as bad as the negative thirty in Gryphany, and I could see drops of water on the end of icicles, signifying that it was getting near to the end of winter. I sighed and ruffled my numb wings, wishing that I could feel the cold air through the feathers. It really wasn’t fair. Then again, that was SOP for my life.

Finally, I got back to Rainbow's house. The front door was locked, but the spare key she had given me solved that problem. Glancing over, I saw the clock read 1400. Between my traveling and walking and arguing, I had missed lunch altogether, although I still felt a bit queasy from my nerves. The incident on the bus... that bothered me a bit, but mostly it was a source of comfort. Always nice to know a loved one is watching over you. Sometimes I woke up, shaking of the fragment of a dream, and thought that it was nice to have someone to talk to. That was silly, as it was hard to hold a conversation in your sleep.

Rainbow would be home soon, an early day off according to her, but as a manager I would bet bits to banana bread she had scheduled her day off on her own. She used to be the weather manager at the Cloudsdale Weather Factory, if what I half remembered was true, so it made sense she would have traded for at least an equal position here. What was she doing right now? Probably making sure to schedule a rainy day on the harvest parade next fall... the thought brought a chuckle to mind. She was a prankster, but usually in harmless fun.

One Lettuce and Tomato sandwich later, I was sitting in front of the Television, watching while someone did a gag reel on Princess Celestia, the mare playacting as her waving cardboard wings around and spouting how she was best princess. Personally, I favored Luna, as the night was calm and gentle. At night, it was harder for enemies to spot you, and it was easier to sleep. Ponies like me were meant to rest and find peace in dreams, and she must care quite a bit as my nightmares had all but stopped. Thank the Dark Princess for small miracles.

As I was watching Princess Fakelestia do her third cartwheel to a laugh track, the door clicked and opened, and Rainbow Dash came in, popping her neck. “Wing, you here?” she called, hanging up her company coat on the coatrack, and walking into the living room.

“I'm here” I replied, looking back at her. Though her face was a bit tired, her eyes were bright and focused. “Ready to get going?” I asked, smiling and pointing at the Luger on the counter, rigth where she had set it this morning.

Her eyes lit up again at that, and I swallowed a lump. Though I knew we were not going into combat or a whole war, gunfire still made me... tense. At the least. Just the THOUGHT of it was... NO! Focus. This is for the mare that has taken you in, taken care of you, put up with your issues, and spoon fed you life itself. Get a grip, you charged a beach once without flinching. Okay, SOME flinching... Now get ready to-

“-Go? Hello? Equestria to Major Tomato? Anyone home?”

A tap on my forehead startled me out of my thoughts, and I smiled. “Sorry. Got lost in thought” I said, rubbing my forehead, and looking up at her. She had a zipped up case, presumably holding the Luger I had given her, and she was grinning at me like an idiot. Her smile went ear to ear as she said “Lets go! This is gonna be so awesome!”, face lighting up like hearth warming eve all over again. I could not resist her charms, so finally we were on our way.

We got a few strange looks, me carrying a very long box, and her a small cloth case, both of them clearly meant for firearms (Indeed, mine was marked “Special Applications Rifle, Mark I, Anti-Personnel/Anti Material” and emblazoned with the “Royal Army of Equestria” symbol. In a twist of irony, they had kept my helmet, but let me keep my rifle. The reasoning I had been given was that this rifle was being phased out of service, but another soldier may need the helmet. At least I was allowed to keep my boots. Nobody would want THOSE again.

I knew it was going to happen, but we finally got off of the tram next to Ponyville Police Academy and Central Station. Office of over two hundred police officers to patrol a city that had, at last count seventy thousand ponies, they were always stretched to their limit. That did not stop a familiar pony with a silver six sided star for a  destiny mark and another with a shiny brown button on his arm from approaching, scowling at us, hands a bit too close to their sidearms for my comfort.

“Miss Dash... Mister Wing. I need to ask you to stop there. Carrying of firearms on Government property is illegal for civilians under Federal Code twenty three twenty three point eleven, statute of reasonable limitations on civilian self defense. What the HAY do you two think you are doing here with guns? Wing, I thought you would know better” said Silver Star, scowling at us. At least they both knew better than to flat out arrest us, as Rainbow Dash was one of the former elements of harmony.

Rainbow, for the first time since I met her, seemed a bit nervous. “Hey Wing.... you said we could use the range here...”

Silver Star grinned. “'Fraid not, Miss Dash. If you take two more steps, you are on federal property with firearms, and that is a felony. Two years MINIMUM. How about you two turn around and go- why the HAY are you smiling?” he demanded, looking at me.

I stepped forward twice, holding up my wallet with my ID. Oh Celestia, I had been waiting for this!

“Under Federal Law, Regulations regarding Veterans and Militia, Code Twenty Three Twenty Three point Seventeen, those who have served a full tour in the Royal Infantry or Royal Marines Infantry are entitled to carry firearms onto government property as long as they are accompanied by current active duty or reserve personell. That regulation was made after the Minotaur invasion so that ex-soldiers could enter ranges and practice, with the noted example being police shooting ranges, so that we can keep up our combat skill in case we are called back to duty.”

He turned red, then a shade of purple similar to Princess Sparkles. “You... Dammit, where is your military escort then?” he demanded. I looked at Rainbow Dash, who looked at me, confused, and then her eyes brightened. “Oh! Second Lieutenant Rainbow Dash, Reserveist in the Equestrian Air Force, Performance and Demonstration batallion, Reserve Wonderbolt! Ha!” she crowed, pulling out her own identification, and passing it over. A moment later, a much larger stallion walked over.

“Something wrong, Captain? You don’t want MORE demotions do you?” he said, as Silver Star ground his teeth in frustration. Every once in a while, everything just went my way. This was one of those whiles. After a moment, the larger stallion took our Identifications, looked at them, and handed them back. “Firing range seven, clean up your brass. Get going, you two” he said. Silver Star's protests were cut off as we headed towards the building, following the signs to the range in question while Rainbow walked next to me.

Finally, I turned to her as we entered the small range and asked “Second Lieutenant? You are a commissioned officer?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. They said it was not for combat, but a... what was it? Professional Comission? The same kind they give surgeons and math guys for research or something? I don’t have any clue. I never had people to boss around, that's for sure. Say, does that mean you get to call me ma'am?” she said teasingly.

I shook my head. “Not a chance. I got out, remember? You try giving me an order, and I will show you a cool hand gesture I picked up my second day of boot. So do you get a salary?”

She nodded. “About two hundred bits a month.... not much, but sometimes I get to go and show off for Canterlot nobles. I got to kick a cloud over one of them once... Prince Blueblood. Rarity made me promise, and after how he treated her, I wasn't gonna say no. So... what do we do now?” she asked , pulling out the Luger and examining it.

I cleared my throat. “Okay, some rules. I am teaching you how to handle a firearm, despite the fact I am probably going to not sleep well tonight. I don’t mind, everyone should know how to defend themselves, and guns ARE starting to get more popular. The first rule is that you treat every gun as if it is loaded. Even if you can see the bolt open or the chamber clear, or you know it is empty, or you can see that the damn thing is half melted, assume it is loaded and treat it as such. Got it?”

She opened her mouth as if to make a smart remark, but then her eyes moved down to my hands and she nodded. “Got it...” she said, a bit quietly.

“Second rule: Do everything I say, when I say it, no questions. If I tell you to something, it means it needs to be done. If I say we are done for the day, we are done, and if I say that you need to drop the gun, you drop it instantly. Got it?”

She nodded again, and I kept going. “Third rule... assume everyone around you who is holding a gun is an idiot who does not know the rules. If the muzzle of their gun is aimed at you, move. And then punch them in the face for being an idiot. The next one is the most important to remember.”

She looked down at the Luger and then carefully set it on the firing bench, looking a bit more somber. As it was, I could not have hit the broadside of a barn right now, and my heart was pounding. My throat felt dry, and I coughed once, before looking down and back up at her.

“When you fire a round... it is gone. You can never take it back, and even you cannot outrun the consequences of that shot. When you shoot someone or something... a piece of lead weighing a few ounces will leave faster than even our eyes can follow, and it WILL ruin something's day. Never shoot if you have not identified a target, never fire over a hill, never fire if you do not know what is beyond your target. Dash... Trust me on this. If you ever shoot someone by accident... you wont ever forgive yourself. I know.”

It was quiet, other than shots from other ranges in other buildings, before she asked “Did you accidently shoot someone?”

I nodded. “Squadmate, Orange Blaze. I wasn’t watching where my gun was pointing in close quarters and... I hit her in the leg. I took her right to be in the last battle away... I needed her badly. Listen, Dash, guns are not bad things. People are bad. No gun has ever killed a person, but even without guns, people will find a way to kill each other. Just learn how to handle a gun right, and be smart, and nothing bad will ever happen. Now, what are the rules?”

She looked startled at the pop quiz after my sobering remarks, but then thought. “Treat every gun like it is loaded, do what you say, assume everyone else is an idiot, and make sure you always know what your shot is gonna do.”

I nodded. “I got the same lecture my... third? Second day? Early on in boot. Alright, I got you about four boxes of ammo for that, so we have a couple of hundred rounds to burn through today. Let's see if we cannot get you to sharpshooter.”

Finally, we were starting. I showed her how to load the gun properly, check to make sure nothing was jammed, and then pulled out a set of earplugs, putting them in and making sure she did the same. After that, I said (a bit loudly) “Just take a few shots down range to get a feel for the gun! It is gonna kick up a bit, like if you cupped your hands and someone punched it! Don’t worry though, its a tiny thing! Point it downrange at the target and just pull the triger a couple of times, but wait between shots! Fire when I give the order!”

She nodded, and she looked a bit nervous. Despite her seeming to like guns, it was clear she had never handled one. Evidently, firearms certification was not a part of Wonderbolt training. She took a stance, and I reached down and nudged her leg a bit. Moving it back until I was satisfied that she was not going to fall over when she flinched, I stood up. “Fire!”

I saw her jerk the trigger twice, and then she made the mistake I was waiting for. She closed her eyes as her finger tightened, and I yelled “Stop! Finger off the trigger!”

She gulped but complied, and looked at me. “What? Did I do something wrong?”

I nodded. “You closed your eyes. I know that it's a loud noise and flash, but please, for the love of all that is royal and holy, keep your eyes open. You will not hit your target if you do so with your eyes closed. Also, squeeze the trigger slowly, don’t jerk it or you will throw off your aim. Other than that, two clean misses.” I smiled, looking down range. One shot had hit the dirt below the circle target, the other had plinked off the pole, a shot that would be amazing if were not a total lotto. She snorted.

“Sure, how about YOU do better when the target is that small!” she said. The fire of competition was in her eyes, but I shook my head.

“Another time... okay, here... mind if I correct your stance?” I asked, before coughing again. There was quite a bit of dust or smoke in here... the air was pretty dry.

She grinned. “Correct what you need to. That's an order” she said, and I demonstrated the gesture I had learned. She guffawed at my extended digit, before I moved in and looked at her. Her stance was actually pretty good... shoulders squared, not slumped, legs apart a bit... curvy rump, level with her shoulder blades... toned arms holding the gun... I felt a hot flush in my cheeks.

Rainbow was quite a looker, but I had a job to do here. Besides, I was her roomie... I moved in behind her, and looked her over, suddenly feeling a bit awkward. For reasons I could not comprehend, even after hours spent in the company of nude females in communal showers and changing rooms, and a total lack of libido since getting back, I realized that Rainbow Dash was REALLY good looking with that gun, and my cheeks burned a bit.

“Um... am I good? Hey, you just gonna keep staring?” she said, and I started a bit. A second later, I moved behind her and stood on my toes a bit to look over her shoulder.

“Y-yeah, thats fine. The rear sights can be adjusted, but I made sure they are in line. Keep the front site centered between the rear ones, and the tops level, then bring that point in line with your target. Your target is the center of the circles, the Bull's Eye. So named after General Ram Bull, the only minotaur to serve as an advisor to Princess Celestia in a time of war, and who could hit a small target at long range with an old musket. Bit long winded but his stuff is still in our learning books.”

Rainbow nodded, and looked down the barrel of the gun. Noticing her breath, I leaned in, saying “Here, breathe slowly. In, out, in... hold, and fire. In, out, in, hold, and fire. Keep aligned, and fire when I-” I said, before she fired.

Instantly, my heart stopped as I stumbled back, the unexpected shot startling me. Reaching out, I tried to catch myself, but ended up grabbing Rainbow's shoulder. Not enough to support me, the grip only served to off balance her, and the gun fell from her hands onto the ground. A second later my world rotated oddly as I went stumbling over the ammo box, Rainbow caught me, and we both went to the ground rolling.

When we stopped, I was on top of her looking down, and she was looking up into my eyes. It was like something out of those movies we saw in the big tents, only my heart was pounding from fear rather than anything else, and my eyes were still wide.

Finally, she broke into a grin. “Oops! Hehe... sorry?”

It was an accident... accidents happen. Like what happened to Orange Blaze. THAT sure was a GREAT accident wasn’t it? You KNEW this was a mistake, Wing you idiot! NOPONY should use guns, and you least of all nowadays, yet you take her here, teach her to fight, and soon she's gonna go off to the next war and you will lose your friend, and be right back in your bottles. And trying to fly again. Steel Wing, you are an idiotic maggog and you should have died in the mud with the rest of them.

She looked like she was going to say something before I got up, feeling numb inside, and grabbed the Luger off the ground, ejecting the magazine and pulling back the slide, emptying the chamber. Checking it was open and clear, I closed it up and placed it back in the bag. Trying to form words, I eventually got out “W-we... we're done here today. Lets go home.”

Turning around with the bag over my shoulders, she nodded as I coughed again. I felt a headache coming on, and all I could think of as I looked at her was how PERFECT she was, and how she was the last person in Equestria I wanted to lose right now.

Rainbow looked devastated, but my heart still beat hard. The shock of the surprise round had rattled me, and the magazine of ammo I was tucking into the bag rattled just as hard. I didn’t speak a word until we got home, where I drank a glass of water and went to bed, ignoring her troubled gaze. I didn’t want to talk to anypony right now... but I did need to write a couple of letters. Letters were easy, because when you got a reply, you could ignore it for a  while. You could wait to open it.

Dear Mom,

I know I haven't written to you since Hearth Warming Eve, but things have been a bit busy around here. Living with Rainbow Dash has been... difficult, sometimes. Moreso for her than for me, I think. At times, she is loveing and caring. Time Turner says I shouldnt hide anything from you in my letters, but... it is hard for me to admit sometimes I wake up, and I cant stop crying like I did when I was a little colt, but she holds me and I feel a bit safer. Quite a bit of the time she reminds me of Orange Blaze, but unlike Blaze, she's here for me now. I can't believe Orange Blaze is still in the army... we both promised we would get out and never go back, but I got back and she is still out there. I think I might want to re-enlist. They can't turn me away, not right now, not with a war still going on in Neighpan. It was a lot easier in really, and at least then my dreams would be no worse than being awake. I hate sleeping now, I hate it so much.

Tell Azure Skies I said hi, and thanks for taking care of you while I was gone. I do miss you, and I promise I will come visit when things are cooled down, but I can't do anything right now. I guess I know a bit now why dad was always so intense when he was home... he may have only been National Guard, but he was still a soldier, just like me. And Grandpa. I guess blood runs in our family, but I really wish at the same time I had never been picked. I feel all jumbled up and you always know what to say. What should I do? Should I go back in? Please write back soon... I need your help mom.

With Love,

Steel Wing

I leaned back. Was it too much? I didn’t know. My thoughts were a jumble, and my chest felt hot and cold. Leaning over and coughing a couple of more times, I tried to shake off my headache as I set pen to paper again and started writing.

From: Corporal Steel Wing (Dschg.)

To: Office of Intelligence, Army.

Re: Letter to Ssgt. Oragne Blaze.

Dear Orange Blaze,

I guess you never came back home, did you? I don’t mean to be rude, and I know you can't talk about what you are doing, but WHY? For the love of all that is holy and right, why the HAY did you stay in? I've been worried sick wondering where you are, and I found out this morning that you are overseas again, or in some hole in the ground doing stuff for the Office of Intelligence. I don’t know how much of this letter will be covered in black ink, but... I wish you would come home. I found a new friend, Rainbow Dash, but I wish you had been here when I got back. I also hope you can forgive me for shooting you...

I still have nightmares, or at least I did up until this week. Sometimes now they are not all that bad, but other times they are really bad. I see you sometimes, but usually it is that beach. Do you dream of the beach too? Or Saint Feathersburg? How can you go back in after that?

Stay safe out there, and... just come home again someday. I lost enough of my friends... WE lost enough of OUR friends, I can't lose you too. Your dad and family need you. I hope you had a happy Hearth Warming Eve, and I hope New Year's is okay as well.

Your friend,

Steel Wing

Chapter 8.5: Full Spectrum Care pt.II

Rainbow Dash's POV

After we got back from the range, I was still a bit upset.

Dammit Dash! Everything was going great! Turner trusted you to make this happen, and you blew it. Probably set him back again. You had one thing to do, ONE thing! Get him out of his comfort zone and expand said zone, and you had to jump the gun. LITERALLY!

I wanted to facepalm at my mental pun, and the horrible circumstances that surrounded it, but at the moment all I could focus on was watching Steel Wing put away the guns, locking the cabinet, and carefully tucking the key into his jacket pocket. Poor guy didn’t know that I had a spare key, and that the lock was magical... I could open it or seal it thanks to Twilight, just in case anything bad happened. I didn’t want to think about it, but as his ward, I had to. I would NEVER let my friends down.

Except today apparently. Celestia knows I try, but sometimes my pride gets the better of me and I end up doing something dumb, or worrying too much, or making a foal of myself. That would have been a clever idea of his if I had'nt come up with the same one, but... at least he was starting to think hard again. Personally, I was a bit surprised he had been offered the job by Miss Bits, but Twilight had sent her a letter too telling her that he could probably actually DO the job. If he did... that actually didn’t sound like a bad gig.

He went off to his room, closing the door behind him, and I heard a bit more coughing. Sounded like he might be getting a cold, which wasn't surprising considering his poor health overall and the cold air outside. I really needed to go out... a couple of drinks sounded nice, but I needed to go the hospital and talk to Time Turner. He should be getting off work around now, it was the end of the day, but he had told me to talk to him if anything should change or there be a problem. He also told me how to recognize a backslide into depression or anxiety, and I think I just saw that. Steel would not be out of his room till dawn, at the earliest, so I had plenty of time.

Sighing, I pulled on my coat and left, closing the door and locking it, stuffing the key into my pocket. So much of Steel Wing's life was structure without him knowing it, and truth be told, I felt a bit guilty about it. Everypony deserved a chance to determine their fate and life, but... dammit, he was so fragile. He couldn’t fly, he couldn’t be alone for more than a few hours without breaking down, and he still woke up crying sometimes, and all I could do was hold him and try to calm him down.

Despite the cool air, my cheeks felt a bit warm. He was weak, vulnerable, and broken, but he was also sweet and kind under whatever shell he had around him. What the HAY had that war done to him? I had talked to his mom just before Hearth Warming Eve, I had to leave him with Applejack again so I could make the time, and I had a good picture of what he used to be like. A bit like me really, loves flying and competing, but stuck in a dead-end job to make ends meet. Then he was drafted, and his own mom didn’t recognize her son when he came back! She said he was so broken he couldn’t stop shacking, and broke a few things while packing. She was worried, and it took everything I had to convince her not to force him to come home. Legally, she could, as he was a Cloudsdale citizen, and Cloudsdale was still technically a Pegasi City-state that could order extradition, but that would be a mess, and the last thing I... er, HE needed, was for him to go through a legal tangle.

And that thing with applejack! I loved her as a sister, I loved competing against her, but that stunt with the timberwolves! I was SO furious when I got back, and she couldn’t see why! He could have DIED there, or worse, snapped. He was one major incident away from being taken to Broadhoof Mental Institution in Manehatten, and that could have pushed him over the edge. Applejack, I love you, but if that EVER happens again, I swear I will slap you silly with my wings.

Then the bank. When I heard that on the news, I came back as fast as I could, only to find he had reverted to combat instincts and somehow taken out four heavily armed opponents. That was the first time he had really scared me. I saw some of the moves that were recorded. He was a blur, and that guy he had fought had been nearly better than him. The worst part though was that it was too fast for him to have been thinking about it. He fought like I flew... by instinct. And no pony should naturally have instincts like that. His were not practiced looking ones, but the moves of someone who just knew how to take someone else down from hard experience. The way he effortlessly handled a gun when not freaking out, that was terrifying as well. The military said that he could hit any target they threw him at, and that he had over seventy confirmed kills. He had killed seventy gryphons... and he was living in my house.

As I approached the hospital, the thought that occurred to me was the one that finally gave me a bit of ease. He is so good, so strong, but he leans on you. He trusts you, even though he is broken and miserable. And the way he looked at you earlier... The thought brought a new flush to my cheeks. He wasn’t that bad on the eyes, in a rugged... I can kill anything, sort of way.

Inside, I checked in at the desk, and was quickly referred back to Time Turner's office. As I walked in, Derpy Hooves walked out, smiling with her wall eyed gaze, and left. Time Turner was at his desk, coat on, just packing files into a briefcase, and looking at a picture of a blue phone booth or something of that sort.

He looked up at me. “Miss Dash? Something I can do for you?”

I nodded. “You know how you told me to take Steel to the range? Or... that I should let him take me? It didn’t go so well...”

He looked at his watch, and then sat down. “What went wrong? Did he have an Incident?”

I shook my head, a bit uncertain. “Maybe? I messed up. I startled him with an accidental discharge, and he lost it for a few minutes, before giving up and going home. He wasn’t talking to me on the way back, and when I left, it sounded like he was writing. Probably mail.”

He leaned back and sighed. “Well, shoot. No pun intended, of course. I am going to be out of town for a couple of days, I have a date. He NEEDS to have his boundries pushed if he is to make any progress. What is the status on the job?”

I considered. “I think he is going to enjoy it, if he gets it. Mostly work from home, and it makes quite a bit of money. Just troubleshooting floor plans for security, easy stuff. It wont be as cool as MY job, but hey, to each their own. Still, he really didn’t react well today... and I'm an athlete, not a doctor. I'm doing my best to take care of him...”

He smiled. “Just keep doing what you're doing. Keep nurturing him, make sure he takes his meds, and hopefully we can undo some of the damage and pain he went through. Maybe go see his mother with him? He needs help Miss Dash, and you promised to do so. You are a lot more caring than you let on, and even I can see the lookin your eyes when you see him. He isn't Soarin, and perhaps forming an emotional attachment would be good for him.”

At that, I stopped dead, cheeks flushed, tail on edge. THAT had hit a bit close to the mark. “I... what? What are you talking about?”

He rolled his eyes. “Miss Dash, you are doing fine. Here are the meds he will be needing for the rest of the month, and I have a date to get to with Miss Derpy. Make sure he makes his appointments, and whenever you get frustrated by me, just remember I have no failed cases, even if Canterlot threatened to pull my medical licence due to pissing on too many nobles. Dash, you are doing fine, and don't be afraid to express YOUR feelings too. Just take things slowly.”

That seemed simple enough, even if my heart was fluttering a tiny bit. He was tiny and delicate and needed a lot of help, but at least he would be around for a while. My feelings were a bit muddled on the matter, as relationships were not of too much interest to me after Soarin, but... should I go after him? Life was all about chasing something worth having and despite him being so messed up... he did have a bit of a charm.... maybe I should ask Rarity. She always knew about complicated emotional things like this. Finally I smiled at Doctor Time Turner.

“Alright. Have fun on your date, and take care of Derpy. Sometimes she gets into accidents, and doesn’t seem to realize something is wrong, but don’t let that fool you. She is ten times smarter than most other Pegasi I know. Night doctor!”

He and I both left each other at the front of the hospital, and I went back home. There were the faint sounds of wimpering from his bedroom... the sounds of another nightmare.

Carefully opening the door, I went in to see what I had expected: His eyes were screwed shut, hands shaking, and every so often flinching, face pale. What did they do to him... dammit!

Finally, I pulled a chair up to the bed quietly and ran a hand through his mane. His tattered ear twitched, and I would have giggled at that, if the circumstances were different. This wasn’t cute though, it was heartbreaking. But there was another question to be answered here... why did I feel a hot flush looking at him?

I knew that I would do whatever it took to protect him. He had protected all of us, and most people either spat on him or just turned away. I would not do that. He was now part of MY flock, ability to fly or not.

Chapter 9: Two of a Kind

I coughed. My throat was parched, so dry I felt like I had swallowed half the Saddle Arabian sands, and my head pounded. Gritting my teeth, I forced myself back into full wakefulness, shaking off the remnants of whatever dream I had been having, and sucked in a breath of air. That was my first mistake.

The sudden stream of air passing through my desiccated throat triggered a coughing storm. By the princesses, my throat and lungs were on fire! Groaning, I rolled over... and froze. In a chair next to the bed, there was a very familiar Cyan mare with tricolor mane was just blinking awake, her eyes inches from my own. A second later, she yawned and sat up, rubbing her eyes, and I made my second mistake, following suit.

The room spun around me, and the light stabbed into my eyes, waves of nausea rolling through me, and forcing me to clench my jaw as I sat still, trying to stop the world from its merry go round. I ached all over, and my lungs burned so badly! Dammit, the last time I felt this bad I was in a hospital after being treated for gunshot wounds.

Rainbow looked at me and rubbed her eyes. “Morning Wing... sorry if I startled you there. You were having some sort of bad dreams so I stayed in here in case you needed me... you okay?” she said, still looking a bit drowsy.

I nodded, although the motion sent my head spinning again, and I felt like throwing up again. I forced a smile, grimacing at her and clamping down on my rising bile. She stretched her arms up and stood up, and rubbed her eyes. “Alright... I'm gonna go make breakfast then. Come on out when you want to... We got a lot to do today.”

She left and I slowly got out of bed. My shoulders ached, my bones ached, the base of my wing sockets ached, I could swear that my tattered right ear ached! My blood pounded in my ears and... egads... I felt like puking again.

Erg... dammit wing, pull it together... you're gonna be fine, just keep it together and get some chow in you... a bit of food always makes the stomach feel better... I thought, grimacing and getting up. The cool breeze felt like an icy blast on my face, and my skin felt like it was burning off of my skull. THAT brought to mind flamethrowers... and a pang of longing for Blaze.

The next ten minutes were spent looking between pants and sweatpants, and debating weather standing on one leg long enough to pull on regular pants was a good idea. Four minutes after that, I was shuffling out of my room in an army sweatshirt, sweatpants, and bare feet. The cold air felt good on my flushed skin, and I headed out for the kitchen and the smell of food, even though my stomach was churning.

Rainbow Dash was flipping a pancake over, a small stack next to her spread across two plates, and smiled at me as I entered. “Morning! Hey... you SURE you okay? You're a bit flushed...”

I just grunted. I did NOT feel very good... but maybe after eating things would get better. Rainbow finished cooking the last pancake and gave a bite to Tank before carrying the plates over to the table as I sat down, pouring myself a glass of Orange Juice. The pancakes were fluffy and perfectly brown, Rainbow's signature dish. The syrup on top was some sort of strawberry thing, fresh off the stove. Despite my stomach gurgling warningly at me, I ignored it, smiling across at her and taking a bite and starting to eat. “I'm fine... just a bit under the weather” I choked out.

She looked down as I ate quietly, one small bite after another. My stomach gurgled and groaned, and the room seemed to get brighter. It was gray outside but... the room kept getting brighter and swaying... swaying....

With a groan and a crash, I fell out of my chair, clutching my cramping stomach. Rainbow yelped and just about jumped over the table as I tried to pull myself up. Come on... you got this... aw shit, who are you kidding I thought to myself, just as I doubled over, trying to keep the few bites I had down already inside me. I felt a hand on my back, and then a cool hand on my forehead as she helped me towards the bathroom.

A moment later, past the pounding in my ears, I heard her swear soflty. “Sweet Celestia! You're burning up man! Aw crap...” she said as she got me into the bathroom, and I made a beeline for the toilet.

Two minutes later she was sitting on the edge of the bathtub while I had my head in the bowl of the loo, finishing expelling what my body was heartily convinced were invading bits of wheat and strawberry. My head swam, my ears pounded, and a second later I keeled over on the floor, curled up. I am not ashamed to admit I was whimpering about then, it hurt REALLY badly.

Rainbow sighed and pulled me up gently. “Come on, lets get you to the hospital... looks like you have some sort of stomach bug or something. You didn’t get your shots this season did you” she said, shaking her head. I didn’t dare to reply, keeping my mouth clamped shut as she took me through the side door of her house, into a garage that I did not know she had. Inside was a cyan blue hotrod with a lightning bolt on the hood and tail fins... very stylish, and somehow totally what I could see her in. Bundling me into the passenger side, she went around and started it, turning the heater on as it was still a bit chilly. Winter Wrap-Up was not for another couple of weeks, and until then, the land would continue to heal in preparation for another year.

She pulled out onto the nearly empty road. It was about zero seven hundred, maybe just a bit after, and I leaned back in the seat, trying to breath past congested sinuses as she hauled me to the hospital. I tried to avoid coughing overmuch, as every time I did I felt like heaving again, but thankfully, mercifully, we arrived. She parked, got out, circled around to the other side, and then helped me out and up the stairs to the hospital, trying to hide a grimace at the mess I had made of my shirt. As I looked over at her, I didn’t know if it was my addled mind or the fact she was willing to put up with it, but she looked like an angel right now.

Finally, we were in the doors. The nurse behind the counter, the one I had first met when I had showed up here for counseling, looked up at us. “Can I... oh crap. What's going on with him, Miss Dash?”

Dash held onto my arm for now as she explained my symptoms and what she thought was going on, and the nurse listened as she picked up the phone next to her desk, punching in two or three numbers. A moment later, she said “Doctor Turner to the front desk, you have a patient.”

Less than ten minutes later, I was sitting on an examination table with my shirt off, Rainbow sitting in the corner trying to hide her... shock? Awe? Some sort of startled reaction at my scars. Despite living together, I had managed to keep my chest and back relatively concealed for the last couple of months... she knew I had them, but I don’t think she had actually seen them.

“What are your symptoms, Mister Wing?” he asked, pressing an ice cold stethoscope against my bare back, right on one of the hairless patches, causing me to wince. He moved it around, listening to my breathing as I tried to recall all of them.

“I'm having a bit of trouble breathing, I hurt all over, and I threw up a couple of times. I started feeling ill yesterday...” I said, before coughing again. “I also have a migraine and I keep felling dizzy...” I finished, before closing my eyes for a moment against the light.

After a few moments, he looked over his clipboard and studied it for a bit, and then took a bit of blood before leaving me and Dash in here. I sighed and lay back on the cot. It was surprisingly comfortable, despite being in a hospital. It wasn’t as good as the actual beds, but it worked nicely. Finally, Dash spoke up.

“I think I'm gonna call in some time off. If you are this sick... well, I'm sure not going to leave you by yourself. Hey, you feeling any better?” she asked. I just shook my head and kept silent.

About twenty minutes later Doctor Turner came back, looking over some papers. “Alright, good news or bad news?” he asked, smiling broadly at us.

“Good news if you don’t mind... I could use some to soften the blow...” I muttered, opening my eyes. He flipped one more page over as if to check something, before nodding.

“Hard to believe, but you are NOT sick. Not even a bit. Just allergic to two of your meds, and suffering mana overburn from the third. Turns out you still have so much magic in you from Doctor Stable healing you, the pills put you over the edge. That accounts for the fever and aches, the allergies for the coughing and headaches... well. Not a single pathogen in your system.”

Rainbow stared at him and sighed. “He's been on these meds for over a month! Why are we just seeing this now?” she asked, really more of a statement or an order for information than a request. Her eyes were hard, and she looked a bit skeptical.

“Well... Up until recently, his body was handling it fine. Something probably happened recently, like the pollen starting to come out again, that set him over the edge. And that brings me to the bad news...”

I sighed. “What is it? Some sort of nasty meds to counter the other meds?”

He shook his head. “No, I am proscribing a new set of meds that should do about the same stuff, but work off of different chemicals. The bad news is that I am going to be sending you home with a high-grade antihistamine, and you are going to be stuck in bed for a few days. The antihistamine I am giving you is called Meradrenalil, and I think... your new meds will be... Cavadenazine for the depression, Corderal for anxiety, and a tranquilizer for sleep at night.... maybe... Dash, don’t the wonderbolts use Kiravin for going to sleep right after a workout?”

She nodded, and he jotted it down, pulling several bottles out of his pockets and looking at them, before scribbling on three of them and handing them over. “Alright, you need to remain in bed for at least two days. Get up if you need to, but you are not to leave the house. Dash, I am holding you to that. This bottle” he said, holding up a large bottle that looked like the pink stuff you take for allergies but filled with green stuff instead, “Is the Meradrenalil, and it has some side effects. The first is that it acts as a sedative. Wait to start the Kiravin until after you are done with this. Other side effects can be a bit of... well, a lot of people describe it as 'dislocating' but the medical term is 'intoxicating'. Take one dose every four hours until you run out. That means waking up in the middle of the night too. The only other major effect is a bit serious with your lung injury. It can affect breathing and for you, that could be a problem. The relaxant could act on your diaphragm... Dash, I am sending home a dose of epinephrine. You need to stay with him at all times, and if he passes out or stops breathing, jab this into his heart and dial emergency services.”

I gaped at him, but he shook his head. “This is a chance with ANY med you have, okay? You suffered a nasty rupture in your lung and as a result it is always expanding and contracting oddly. There is very little anyone can do for you. You survived a war, I doubt a vial of green liquid given by a certified doctor is going to be what gets you. Besides, you are legally obligated to take this. Or go to prison, get me to write up a warrant to remand you to my custody, and then I get to have an orderly jam it down your throat. Popper at the desk is a lot stronger than she looks.”

His logic was sound, and I just shut up. He gave Dash one more med, for the migraine, and then sent us on our way after making sure I took my first dose of the antihistamine. Sitting there for a bit longer, we waited while he filled out some more paperwork, then got the nurse to go and make sure my record was updated. Once he was satisfied, he looked back at dash. “Remember, twenty four hour supervision. Keep him safe, Miss Dash.”

Irritated at them talking as if I wasn't there, I notified them with “I'm right here... and I can hear well enough thank you.”

Dash giggled, but to her credit nodded. “Alright, we good to go?” she asked, and he nodded.

Ten minutes later, we were out the door and driving back home. The trip was as uneventful as the first, with the sun just creeping over the horizon. Celestia was raising it to drive back the dark of the night, and hopefully soon it would be raising over a scene that didn’t involve three feet of snow. While winter was nice, I had gotten the rare pleasure of experiencing it twice. Thankfully, this one did not involve red snow, just the occasional patch of yellow where a foal had decided to mark his yard.

Once we got back, I shuffled from the garage area to the connecting door, grimacing at the jarring pain that accompanied every step I took. With any luck, the meds would help me with the migraine too. Dash escorted me inside, where we headed into the kitchen so she could look at the meds I needed to take. Setting them out in a neat row, she examined each one carefully and put three of them into a dish, and loaded up a syringe. “Alright, here are your meds, and a shot for the migraine. Then we can get you into fresh pajamas, and get you back into bed, okay? And... sorry for laughing at you... my bad” she said, ears going down.

“Not a problem” I replied, taking the meds she offered and washing them down with a glass of apple juice. The stuff Applejack made was really the best, and far better than what they CLAIMED was juice in the military. We called any colored beverage bug juice, but that was mostly a borrowed term from the gryphons who actually made colored juice out of bugs. Nasty.

Once that was done, I suffered the indignity of pulling my sleeve up and forcing myself to look away as she hunted for a vein in my arm. “This is like ibuprofen on steroids... meant to reduce cerebral blood vessel dilation caused by concussion or migraine. I actually use it quite a bit, and I have been told plenty of times it has no reactivity with antihistamines, since I get nasty allergies in spring. Headache should go down in a couple of minutes... there” she said, finding the spot and injecting. Truth be told, I still trusted her more than Doctor Turner. To him, HOW someone got better seemed more important than their recovery, and a patient getting better seemed to just be a side effect to his research. He did have a way of keeping unruly patients in line though, I guess. And evidently he did have a heart, as that cross eyed mare in the picture on his office wall attested to with little pink hearts.

After a couple of minutes, my migraine did subside to a dull throb and I was able to stop squinting against the white glare coming in from the windows. My stomach was very slowly settling down, and she looked at me expectantly. “All better?” she asked, smiling her usual smirk. I nodded, smiling tiredly through my fatigue at her. Even this early in the morning, after this start I was pretty worn out. My stomach still ached in the muscles from throwing up.

“Alright...” she said, looking at me. “Bed or shower first? Personally, I recommend shower, you do kinda smell a bit like... breakfast” she said, her muzzle scrunching up a bit. You could always count on her to be a blunt sledgehammer to Rarity's scalpel of precise political correctness. “You might wanna get in and out before the meds decide to kick in, okay?”

I nodded. It was a reasonable line of logic, and as I got up, she assisted me down the hallway on wobbly legs. Collecting towel, bathrobe, and demeaning pink tubed toothpaste, I headed into the bathroom while she went back to the kitchen, presumably to get something to eat or drink, as I had rudely interrupted her this morning.

SHOWER SCENE BEYOND HERE. NO CLOP THOUGH, SORRY

The warm water was perfect on my hand, and as I pulled off my somewhat soiled shirt and pants, I looked forward to the refreshing shower. Still, it was mostly the mare that was on my mind. She was quite a looker, with her toned abdominals I had seen a couple of times while we were working out. She tended to wear shirts that did not cover her belly, and she was sporting a good six pack down there. Compared to what I looked like now, she was like those little squares of chocolate that you break into perfect rectangles.

While I was slowly getting back into decent shape, I was not totally back up to where I was in the army. The magical healing and the month spent in a coma in the hospital, as well as nearly that long in the army hospital and on the ship back home had not done wonders for my body, and I had been told that the healing may have taken nearly a year off of my life. That... actually did not trouble me at all. The whole war, I had been living on borrowed time. We all had been. My mind still slipped back to that night, the night that we were bombed in that Braytish city. I already forget the name of it... but I will never forget the sight of that poor colt with the bar through his stomach, begging us not to leave him. But left him we did... and poor Silver Star had to live knowing that his younger brother died alone and afraid on a street made of rubble.

The warm water rushed down over my bare shoulders, a comforting torrent that washed away both grime and my sense of guilt for a few moments and allowed me some time for thought.

There was nothing any of us had could have done. My nightmares about such things were now few and far between, and I was grateful for that. Although I could hardly remember any of my dreams, I couldn’t help but think that they were helping me somehow. Every time I woke up from a dream I didn’t remember, I always had some realization or just simply felt a bit better. The times I didn’t, I had a hand on my back and a surprisingly soft spoken blue mare whispering consolations into my tattered ear.

And back to that mare... she saw past my scars, she saw past my ruined face and into my heart. For once, I think someone understood me, and understood how I hurt. I did hurt, I hurt badly, and often. I still flinched at loud noises, but when that DJ across the street had decided to light off firecrackers, Rainbow had gone over and let her have it. She would have made a great drill sergeant, my mind had noted at the time, even as I was cowering under the table. I had thought that they were shelling us with artillery again...

Speaking of artillery... the bombshell that had been the letter about Orange Blaze still shocked me. How was she still in the service? We had both promised that we would get back home, have a few drinks, and never touch a gun again as long as we lived. How could she just...

Suddenly, seething hot anger tore through me. How the HELL could she just up and go back in? I had lost enough friends in the war! Radio Wave on the beach, Wire Tap in that damn bunker, then Sikl and Bar both to a sniper that was MY FAULT! Then I lose her in a foxhole because I shot her in the leg! And now, I find that she is gone, and I am probably going to lose her again because the crown needed her for some super secret misison, and who knows if I will ever see her again? None of this was fair! Why couldn’t things go back to how they were before Bristlebeak decided he wanted the whole bucking world in his claws? What gave him the right? Why did so many have to die to stop him?

I never really got to finish that thought, as a moment later the room wobbled, and I found myself on the floor of the shower, staring up at the ceiling while my head ached and stars danced over my face. In a fraction of a second, I was snapped back to reality by the dawning comprehension that I had not only dropped the soap (as we had been told not to do in the showers), but stepped on it too (generally not a good idea under any circumstances. Ever.)

The end result was Rainbow Dash bursting into the bathroom, staring right down at me and shouting “Hey! The hell happened? You okay?”

The next couple of moments were her helping me up, not showing the least bit of concern at my lack of modesty, and setting me down on the toilet and looking into my eyes carefully. I just stared back at her, my previous anger melting in those large amethyst eyes. My head was starting to feel just a bit fuzzy, and I shook it to clear it up for a bit. What followed was a short and sad story about me falling down in the shower.

Finally, I got dried off and into a bathrobe, a bit too tired to worry about my indiscretion, and she helped me get up. My legs really were a bit wobbly, and I had to concentrate on one foot in front of the other as she steered me to the one room I had not been in yet.

As she led me into her room, she said “Sorry but... after the shower, and with what the doc said, you're sleeping in here. You don’t mind... do you?” she said, looking at me with raised eyebrows. I just shook my head, although I couldn’t hide a slight burning in my cheeks.

“Alright... I'll go and get your pajamas then. I can't leave you alone when you're getting changed... just sit on the bed for now” she said, before husting off and coming back with my long johns.

Turning away from her as she averted her gaze, I pulled off the bathrobe and sat down again to avoid falling over, and pulled the bottoms on. As I started to go for the shirt, she spoke up again, a bit more softly.

“You have a lot of scars all over... how did you get so many? I mean... I know it might be a bit of a sore subject but... when I saw them in the doctors office, and again just now... how can you have been injured so many times and still be... okay?” she asked. At that I stopped. What could I say? That it was nothing? That they were only scratches?

Something inside me spoke softly though, a velvety voice like that of a dream. This... this wasn’t the time for bravado or just brushing off something. After all that she had done for me, I owed this one thing to her. I could return a small favor by just letting her know a bit of what had happened...

Pausing in putting the shirt on, I pulled it back off and stood slowly, turning around. For once, she could see me full on from the front and in direct light, and her face paled a bit. Two long, jagged scars ran across my chest, one of them on the upper torso, and the other in the center of the abdomen. Several pockmarks littered my entire front side, like craters on a the battlefield where I had gotten them. My right shoulder was a tiny bit lumpy, and there was a pattern of missing fur and burn marks across the left side, just under the armpit. The worst, although she had already seen it, was my face. In this new light, I guess she just saw it again, and for once, the brash yet caring mare was struck silent.

“So... what?” I asked, looking at her before sitting down on the bed with a sigh, staring at her. She slowly walked forward, looking at me.

“How... how did you get all of these?” she said, reaching towards me. I flinched a bit, and she recoiled. “May I... please?” she asked.

For once... I nodded. I trusted her absolutely in this moment, and I was like a foal. I knew she would not harm me.

She reached out and traced the long, jagged scar on my belly first. “What was this one?” she asked, looking into my eyes.

“That one... took away my flying. It and the one up top, the other one, are actually field surgery scars. They don’t have time to do a neat nip and tuck, so it ends up being a bit nasty. That one got infected, so they had to re-cut and drain it to make it heal properly.”

She grimaced, but then stared at the expanse of pockmarks. “What are all of those? I mean... those can't be bullet wounds, some of them are over important things.”

I nodded, heart beating a bit quickly as I attempted to recall just when and how I got most of them. “Most of them... well, a mortar does most of its damage by flinging bits of stuff all over the place. Blaze and I were up on the wall at Saint Feathersburg, and a mortar landed about fifteen feet from us. We didn’t catch any shrapnel, but a lot of the hot stones that were shattered landed on me while I was just sitting up from being asleep, and burned through my uniform.”

She nodded, and her hand moved over my ribs and to the burn marks under the armpit. I twitched, and she looked like she was going to giggle, but stifled it. “Sorry... are you a bit tickelish? How did you get this here?”

I shrugged. “Second day in Saint Feathersburg, we were hunting for an SS trooper that was hiding out in the place, probably a buddy to a... a sniper...” I said, a lump in my throat. This one was painful...

“He... we found him in a warehouse just after dawn. I had taken off my uniform jacket since it was soaked in sweat and blood, and I was roasting in the hot air in the place. He came out of nowhere with a burning iron, and slammed it into my side. It took us twelve guys to put him down... he was so big...” I said, more to myself than to her. The memory of him... he had to be nearly eight feet tall of rippling muscle, and he had broken five ribs of mine, and killed six others by the time the second reload of an automatic rifle had brought him down. He had been shot nearly fifteen times, and had been able to kill half a squad in close quarters. That was only the fifth worst day of my life though.

For a moment, as I remembered, we both sat in silence. She looked at me before saying “I see that one all the time but... you never told me what really happened. How did you survive your... that one? That one looks so bad...”

A lump formed in my throat as I thought back to the night before the Worst Day. Opening my mouth once, and closing it, I had to open it again before I could start.

“It was the night before the assault on  Talonskrach, a Gryphon town overlooking the Reighn River that was going to give us the ability to move large amounts of equipment and armor into central Gryphany. Even the threat of us moving in on their capitol was enough to force a surrender, but right then, we had to make that threat. They had bigger guns in that town, so we couldn’t get our mobile artillery into place before their scouts zeroed it and blew it up. Thus, we had to do it the old fasioned way... and go in all on foot.”

“Blaze and I were in a foxhole at night, just before an artillery attack. We were under a blanket, since it was really freaking cold out, and we had a canopy of sticks to hold it up, and some snow on the top of it that had fallen during the last couple of hours. A small burner in the bottom and some soup, and we were set for the long haul. We had been talking about something... I don’t remember what exactly, but we were not paying attention, and some Gryphon soldier who was walking a patrol, and who made it past four sentries and a few other holes just steps on the cover of ours, and falls in.”

“The whole thing was confusion, and Blaze and I were trying to figure out what idiot had fallen into our foxhole, when he started screeching in Gryphanic, and we fought with him... I acciendently shot Blaze in the leg while going for my gun and he... he got me across the face...” I said, looking down at my hands. For once, they were not shaking much... a slight tremor, but nothing compared to my voice as I looked back up to her.

“I... I didn’t know what to do...” I said, my eyes growing wet. “I was scared, and I was confused and cold and hungry and I wanted to go home! There was a town over the hill with tanks and guns and soldiers who wanted to kill me and my friends, and I was tired and angry, and then it all happened so fast! She should have been there with me in that last fight! She should have been with me and she would have gotten out and we would have been fine!” I said, voice rising. “She should have BEEN there with me! We at least could have died together! We would have had each other! She told me she would be with me the whole way and help me! We would protect each other and I couldn’t protect her and she left me! Dash... she LEFT me! I survived the storms of war, but I am still living in their damn shadows!”

There was nothing for a moment but my heavy breathing, and then she flung her arms around me and held me tight as I felt the first warm tear drop onto her shoulder. A moment later she pulled back, looked me in the eye, and then kissed me full on the mouth. I was totally stunned as she pulled back and said “Wing... I will NEVER leave you. You are not a soldier anymore... you are my friend, and you are the new security consultant at Golden Bits Banks. You are a Hero! You saved my friend Applejack and her sister. You saved a bunch of people at a bank from a robbery! You were kind to everyone at Hearth Warming Eve! Wing, you are an amazing person, and you have come so far since you got back! I won't EVER forget what I did to you back in Sugarcube Corner when you first arrived. You were scared, and hurt, and alone. I used to be like that before I met Twilight. I was always showing off, trying to prove I was better than everyone else. Two years ago, she gave everything to protect us from Tirek, and showed me that it isn’t what you do or get from others that makes a good person... it is what you give back. And you have given more than anyone has a right to ask... but I am going to ask for one more thing...”

I nodded, tears streaming down my face. Inside, I was even more of a mess. Rage, sorrow, confusion, envy, and a tiny bit of hope warred within me for control of what was left of my face. Slowly, I nodded again.

“Come back. Leave Gryphany and Braytan and Prance. Leave all of it behind... you are here now. Stay here, with me. You don’t owe anyone anything anymore... you gave everything you had. Just stay here...” she said, pulling me close and patting me on my back as she slowly pulled us down on the bed. A moment later, I was crying like a foal all over again as she pulled the blanket over both of us and I slowly drifted off.

For once, they were not tears of despair or shame. It only took me a few months to realize I had a friend... someone who finally cared about me.

Someone who wasn't going to leave me.

Chapter 10: Surprise

Something was wrong.

The ocean waves crashed around us. In the boat were my friends... Butter Bar hummed nervously, leg tapping on the ground over and over as he flicked a lighter on and off, over and over again. Sergeant Bubble Popper grinned at him and pulled out his Cigar, accepting a light and leaning back, well at ease. Shadow Step giggled, stuffing a rocket into the back of her launcher and slipping the whole thing into her sleeve, in blatant defiance of regulations. Iron Hoof hefted his BAR, inspecting it before he too put a sleeve over it to keep the saltwater and sand out. Those were a lethal cocktail for rapid-fire guns like his.

On my side of the boat, Silk inspected the contents of her pack and then grimaced as a soldier next to her heaved and threw up on the floor of the boat. My own nausea rose a bit, but I choked it down. Radio Wave smiled at me, but said nothing. The kid was eager to go, and I was glad to have him by my side. Always stay with the guy who can call in an airstrike or some one hundred and thirty three millimeter naval artillery.

Finally, Major Maple Leaf and Wire Tap sat three from the front. Much as she wanted to be first out, all six soldiers in those rows were unicorns who could cast kinetic barriers... but they knew they would die here. Two of them were in their middle ages, and all of them were 'volunteers', most of them willing. Their job was to shield us for the precious few seconds it would take to bail out of the front of the boat, and with any luck, they would help us by creating small bits of mobile cover up the beach.

“CLEAR THE RAMPS! THIRTY SECONDS!” shouted the coxswain, grinning as he maneuvered the boat towards the shore. All around us, the sounds of bullets and mortars zinging and banging reverberated in the walls, and a huge spray of water soaked all of us, causing Bubble Popper to curse a blue streak as he jammed the sodden cigar butt into his jacket and check the sub-machine gun he was carrying one last time. Next to me, Orange Blaze smiled and took my hand. “We're gonna be alright, as long as we stick together” she said, and I smiled and nodded back at her, although something still seemed off. Still, I used my own zippo to light her flamethrower. She swung it around, teeth set in an un-equine snarl as the engine revved down, and there was a jarring thunk.

The world slowed a bit as the ramp rapidly fell away, and the unicorns in front were mowed down before more than four of them had time to get shields up. The last two's shields flared, flickered, and then winked out as bullets found their marks, one of them screaming and thrashing in the bottom of the boat. There was still nearly thirty yards of water between us and shore!

Bullets filled the air, bullets on all sides. Orange Blaze swore and grabbed me. “Over the side! Over the side! I'll get you out of here!” she screamed, over and over as she bodily picked me up and threw me. For a moment, she was black as night with a dark mane and bat wings. Then I blinked, and she was orange again. A full moon filled the sky, and the land was bathed in an ethereal light as the sounds faded and dimmed.

As I stood in knee-deep water, the field around me shifted, sand and blood and water and bodies rushing past as I suddenly stood behind the sandwall. Major Leaf looked over at me, and pulled me down. “DAMN FOOL! Tell Radio Wave to tell command, Omareha is NOT open! They are NOT go for bombardment!”

I looked over. I knew what I was going to see before I saw it, and I was not dissapointed. Radio Wave grinned at me, his blank eyes one of the few parts of his head still looking about right. The back of his head was blown off, brains scattered to the winds as his radio lay smoking. My heart stopped... I had seen this already! Where though? What was happening?

Maple Leaf cursed and shouted “BANGALORES! CLEAR THE WIRE!” as she looked back. “TELL HIM TO... aw shit! She said, seeing him past me. “Damnit! You were suppoesed to keep him alive! Get your ass in gear, you're the first one over the wire!” she shouted, shaking my shoulder. I nodded numbly, not comprehending.

Finally, Bangalores detonated, blasting the wires to pieces and clearing the obstacles, allowing us to charge. As per my orders, I jumped up, sprinting as hard as I could up the muddy slope between the two bunkers, machine gun fire spraying at my feet until I was out of their line of sight... still, rifles peppered the ground around me.

Behind me, the rest of Ninth squad ran, all of us with flat footed determination. Up top, we split up. Major Leaf, Wire Tap, Iron Hoof, and myself all went left, while everyone else went right. Other soldiers were pinned on the beach, and for now it was up to us. Leveling my rifle, I sighted up the hill. On the top, right where I somehow knew it would be, there was a machine gun post... but it was silent.

Suddenly, there was a squawk and a curse, and Iron Hoof was wrestling with a Gryphon. He dispatched it handily with a single haymaker, and nodded the rest of us to go in.

I ran through the doorway to the bunker, and out into a street. Up ahead, there was a bell tower, and friendly soldiers were out in the open. Pausing to catch my breath, I looked behind me. There was a burning beach through the door, and for a moment, I questioned it... but I had just come from there, so it made sense. But still, I knew what was going on... and this time, it was a bit more obvious as I saw Shadow Step, Butter Bar, and myself all standing in a group. Fires burned all around, and there was a tree with bodies tacked to it. I was in Saint Feathersburg, and I remembered this massacre all of a sudden...

With a sudden sense of dread, I jumped forward, trying to shout, but my legs were glued in place, and my mouth would not make words as the other me saluted Butter Bar, and then froze, eyes wide. Not a second later, a shot rang out, and Butter Bar and Shadow Step collapsed into the mud as the fake me dove for cover not a foot away from me. I heard something, it sounded like muffled shouting, but the words were indistinct as the wrong me waved at Silk, and she came running, only to be shot over and over again. Her body twitched in the mud until a tank came and blew the sniper to pieces and I fell down, down, into the dark.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to DIE right now. I was so sick, I felt like I would never be clean of the blood on my hands. Finally, I sprawled outside of a foxhole, a cover over it concealing it. I was still silenced, and could only look on as a gryphon stumbled in. There was shouting, a curse, a shot, and a scream from Orange Blaze as she held the gryphon as hard as she could, until the wrong me put a shot in his brain, dispatching him and clutching his face.

The shells fell hard and fast, and I was in the town, Kreigskratch. The wrong me lay on the ground, things moving so quickly, and Iron Hoof was shot over and over and over as he charged the commando. There was a laugh from her as she grimaced and sat up just enough to fire two shots into the wrong me, who collapsed, bleeding on the ground, and clutching a gut wound.

I wished he would have died on that day. Then I was back in the boat.

The beach... the sniper.... the forest... the town.... beach, sniper, forest, town, beach, sniper, forest town... over and over I saw it. Over and over, I was a mere witness to the horrors of war, the storms that raged in my mind all the time. Over and over I saw them mowed down, sometimes slightly differently, sometimes the same wounds and the same screams, but always I watched, in silence, watching myself go through the scenes over and over. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t cry out, I couldn’t blink. I was damned to a living hell, forced to see my nightmares over and over and-

It froze. Everything just stopped, just as the SS trooper shot the fake me again. Bullets hung, suspended in mid-air. The moon hung over us, and I became slowly aware that I could move. The scene quietly faded into inky blackness, all outlined in blue and twinkling stars.

I don’t know how long I wandered that void, but it was peaceful and serene... not the horrors night was so commonly associated with, but the time of rest and peace, a private winter, able to renew and refresh the fertile land that was the subconscious. Slowly, I began to realize something.

I was in a Dream, and I had been in a Nightmare... and a figure slowly approached me. Dream Dancer walked out of the mist, smiling wanly, and sighing as a small table and two chairs materialized. She motioned me over, and I came over, sitting down, a sense of serenity filling me. For a moment, the horrors of war were forgotten. We simply looked at each other for a while, until she spoke.

“I'm.... sorry. I was not able to get into your nightmare... it was so powerful. The memories you held there are burned into you... I had to ask Princess Luna herself to break the walls around it for me. I may not be the strongest Dreamwalker, but I am not weak... I have visited you so many times, you are my personal patient, the same way you are the patient of Doctor Turner, yet even he can only grasp a tiny fraction of what is going on in your head.”

I sat there, looking down into a cup that had appeared. Looking back was the reflection of a very foalish face, albeit with my scars. In a small voice, I asked “I thought they were supposed to go away... why didn’t they go away? The nightmares? I thought we defeated them already...”

She sighed, and rasied her hand. The scene changed again, and we were in the living room at my mom's old place. We were on the couch, and I was on her lap as she ran her hands through my mane, plucking at snarls and smoothing it out in the same way my mother did when I was that age. For a moment, I gave the obligatory squirming, but finally let up. “I don’t now. Your case is very rare, perhaps unique. There are some things Magic Theory cannot explain, things where science is making leaps and bounds, but have not caught up yet. There are some things we simply do not know... but threads of fate are all around you. Your past brought you here, and what you do now will take you into the future. Why do you think you keep going back to war?”

I looked up at her as she reached down and dabbed at my cheeks. A brief struggle was quickly put down before I answered, and said “I... I still feel bad. I should have done things better... I should have stayed closer to Radio, and I should have shot the gryphon in the bunker first” I said, voice cracking. I knew that, I knew both of those, just as I knew I should have avoided saluting Butter Bar.

“I know a lot of things I should have done... and they would all have come home. But the few I have, I don’t even see anymore! Bubble Popper, I know he is doing fine, but what about Butter Bar? I still think about them... why can't I let them go? If I let them go, then would the dreams go away? But... if I do let them go... who will remember them? Radio Wave doesn’t have a family left, and Wire Tap gave up everything when he went into intel... they have no one left for them. How can I let them go?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. I don’t have those answers. I had done as much as I can for you, and I will be here to ease your suffering in your dreams, but you are carrying around a lot of guilt, and you are still carrying the memory of your dead comrades. You need to let go, no matter how much it hurts. Someday, you WILL see them again. Everyone makes the trip eventually, save for those few cursed never to cross the gates of the celestial realm and enter the Well of Souls.”

I looked up at her, tears in my eyes. I hurt inside, I hurt badly. I had been here dozens of times now... I had faced the same images over and over... I had let others into my heart, what was left for me to do? “What else do I have to do?!?” I asked, looking up and practically begging her for her help. Finally, she sighed.

“I know this is hard, but you need to wake up now. The only one who can help you is within arms reach, and I suggest you take her help. For now, you cannot keep facing your fears in your sleep. You need to face them during your waking hours, and you need to consiously come to terms with what you have done, and more importantly... you need to come to terms with what you failed to do. If you had made several different choices, things would, of course, be different. But the past is the past, and there is nothing you can do about it. While you will not remember this dream, I will ensure that you remember what you decide to do. Will you tell Rainbow, and finally trust her with everything, or will you continue to bear this weight alone? You chose to become fragile, you chose to feel everything. You can no longer do this alone.”

I looked at her, thinking hard. Rainbow had made it absolutely clear that she would sitck by my side, and had done so even though most nights it was like raising a foal, with me waking her up at odd hours either screaming in terror or just crying for hours on end. Even though she had to tread lightly as the slightest noise would wake me up in fear, she had kept doggedly on my case. She made sure I did my running and other physical exercises, she made sure I attended my counseling with Doctor Turner, and she cooked healthy meals. Since Blaze left, she was the one who had filled my life... and I flushed a bit as I realized that I trusted her with more than my mind.

I trusted her with my heart, and that was even more vulnerable. I looked back at Dream Dancer and nodded, one small affirmation that I would finally reveal all to my keeper. She smiled, and nodded back as the dream faded and I began to wake up.

Gasping, I sat up in bed, heart hammering... and as my eyes lit up on the slowly blinking and yawning Rainbow Dash, I grabbed her arm and whispered “We need to talk... I need to tell you everything.”

Later that morning

I lay in bed while Rainbow paced. We had been talking for the last three hours, since I woke up, and I had finally told her my entire story. From my days at the Weather Factory to my draft... my boot camp, how I got my Destiny Mark, how I had been so happy. I had told her that I was the best sniper in recorded history, and I had told her of the bombing I had been through in Braytain, and how I had seen Gold Star, the younger brother of Silver Star the sheriff, and she had held me as I broke down and cried at how helpless we were.

She had sat in silence as I haltingly described landing on the beach, how the air was so thick with bullets and blood that it was nearly impossible to see in front of your own hooves, and that I had relied heavily on Blaze to get me through the following day. She only stopped me once, to ask about Radio Wave. For an instant, I wanted to stop, but something in me forced me to rethink, and I told her a bit about the colt who I had taken a liking to. She had turned a bit green as I described how he had lost half his head right next to me, but had kept listening.

Only once, she had to get up to use the bathroom and get me a glass of water and my meds. The antihistamine helped a bit as it kicked in and let me calm down, and I told her about how I had started to have feelings for Blaze. I didn’t know if it was my imagination, but I thought she tensed up a bit at that. Her wings settled though, and she nodded, commenting that she would guess anyone who had been through such things together would develop feelings after a time, and let me tell her about our next major event.

As I described the outrage and fury that we all felt at Saint Feathersburg, she just gaped as I described what they did to us with their surprise attack, the minefield, and then our retaliation. She seemed to be a bit satisfied that we had gotten our revenge, until I told her of when we went into the city and found it abandoned, all the inhabitants slaughtered by us. The little burnt foal that had looked at me with pleading eyes, the civilians tacked to the tree, the single burnt out WESPE that was all we had earned for our crime... and the sniper.

I told her how guilty I felt over Butter Bar getting shot, how Shadow Step had screamed in the mud, how we had dragged them to the side, and how I had gotten Shining Silk killed by calling her out. She recoiled in horror as I told her how the sniper had shot her over and over again, taunting us until the tank arrived and blew him away. I told her how satisfied I felt as I watched pieces of the gryphon fall with the rubble, and how we had all walked over to look at what was left of him in the mud.

Finally, I told her how I had accidentally shot Blaze in the leg as we struggled with a gryphon in the foxhole, and she held me as I broke down once again. For nearly half an hour, I sat upright with my head on her shoulder while she sighed, patting my back and murmuring consolation into my ears. When I could continue, I finally told her about Kreigskratch, and how we took the town at horrendous losses. I told her how Iron Hoof died to save me, and that I could never earn that. I told her how I got shot, and how I lost my wings.

I told her EVERYTHING, and at the end of it, she just looked at me, sitting there before getting up and pacing a bit, which was where we were now.

She stood there, looking back and fourth, and my heart slowly sank as she looked at me. After nearly five minutes, she sighed.

“I'm sorry... I never realized that... I mean, I know a lot happened, but I never guessed it was that bad. If I had known, I would never have talked to you like that in Sugarcube Corner...”

Wiping my runny eyes, I looked at her. Something that had been genuinely bothering me finally came to mind. “Wh... what did you all hear about the war? You had to hear something... how could you not know how bad it was?”

She sighed and sat back down on the edge of the bed. “Well... a lot of the news we were getting was about how heroic you guys were. War Hero and Captain Equine dressed up in army cloths and went all over Equestria, talking about how you fearlessly marched through enemy lines, protecting Equestria with some fancy shields and high minded ideals... I mean, I guess I knew that it couldn’t really be like that. I don’t think anyone can punch a tank and make it explode, and I am pretty sure that no one has actually... how was it put... 'socked ol' Bristlebeak on the nose'... some of it sounded a bit far-fetched.”

Despite my poor mood and the fact I had spent the last three hours pouring my heart, soul, and history out in her lap (thankfully breakfast not included), I only stared at her for a few seconds before we both burst out laughing, mine starting with nervous chuckles, and her honking snorts filling the air. We both grinned as I tried to remember the tune.

“When you March on out, hear our belts and packs Rattle...” I started, looking at her.

“When you feel the urge, grab a gun, head to Battle...” she continued, before we went together.

Equ-es-tri-a, now's the time, going gone!

Support your troops, save your tin, buy a bond!

Build us tanks, build us guns, build us bombs!

Support your troops, save your tin, buy a bond!

Remember, there at home is where you are!

So keep it up! Do your part! Win the war!

We both finished what had to be the worst commercial ever made. The rhyming was terrible, the tune got stuck in heads for weeks after it played, and stations got angry calls all the time for airing it. Whatever horrible disk jockey thought it would be a good idea was... actually a genius. People bought lots of war bonds, and thanks to them, the army was well funded. We both smiled at each other as I sat back, feeling much more relaxed. Probably because of my meds, but at this point I would take what I could get.

Finally, she stood up and checked the clock. “It's about seven thirty... I'm gonna go make breakfast. Think you can hold anything down?” she asked, leaning over and pressing her nice, cool hand against my still warm forehead. I nodded, looking up at her.

“I think I'm fine... if you have to, you could go out and do stuff today... I'll probably just stay here and sleep. I still have a bit of a headache, but I feel much better, and I don’t hurt all over. I actually feel kinda good... all warm and fuzzy” I said, grinning like a dope.

She giggled. “Is someone a bit stoned? Wish I could get some of whatever you have, but... eh, drugs really are not my kinda thing. These toned thighs and abs ain't gonna stay that way if I start making dumb choices!” she proclaimed, planting a foot on the bed and posing, flexing said thigh and causing a warm flush to fill my cheeks. She really was toned. I may have been... and am getting back to being a bit strong, but she had the kind of muscle tone that came from not only working out, but using the  muscles in practical exercises. Instead of just doing wing-ups, she clearly flew. Alot.

As she left to make breakfast, I lay back in bed and finally looked around her room. Last night, I had not done much exploring, and this morning I had other things on my mind. Up above the bed was a large poster featuring the Wonderbolts. Every Pegasi that lived in Cloudsdale knew all their names by heart. Spitfire, Fleetfoot, Soarin, and as of a year ago, Rainbow Dash. This poster, however, had two that I didn’t recognize. Spitfire and Fleetfoot were in there, but Soarin and Rainbow were missing, presumably because of Rainbow having left the main roster, and... well, it still wasn’t my buissness what was going on with Soarin. Still, I felt a twinge of rage at the thought of him having abused Dash so badly that she came home beaten and bruised to her friends. It was hard to believe that my friends and I had gone off to lay down our lives and sanity to protect jerks like him.

I knew that it always hurt worse when it was a loved one doing the abusing, but I had never had to live with that sort of thing. My family was great, and my dad always loved me. I remember being mad at him for a while when he died during the Canterlot invasion, but I couldn’t stay mad knowing he had protected others. I like to think it was some of his warrior blood that made me strong when I was drafted, but in the end, it was the strength of those around me that lent me the focus and determination to keep moving forward one muddy, bloody inch at a time.

I must have been lost in my thoughts for a while, because shortly she came back in, carrying two plates with hashbrowns and hay bacon. While some ponies did take to an omnivorous diet, most notably Lunar Pegasi, I was not among their number. No matter how much protein you could get from meat, I preferred my greens, as did nearly eighty percent of the equine population. As she sat down on the bed next to me and set my plate on my lap, she looked at me and smiled. “Eat up... long day of doing nothing today. We get that crud out of your system, and you can be right as rain again. I got a couple of days off lined up, so don’t you worry about being a bother okay?”

I nodded, grateful to her. As we ate, I spoke to her about my childhood, how I grew up with my dad in the Royal Guard, how he made it up from being regular grunt to being a Royal Scout, and eventually being responsible for guarding Princess Celestia herself. He was even one of the ones that brought Twilight Sparkle to Ponyville before she became princess, and had gotten a thank-you that had made him very proud. Everyone in Canterlot knew that Princess Sparkle had been Celestia's student, and that gave her a significant spot in the hierarchy. From there, the topic continued to stray around as we ate.

Finally, as I cleaned my plate, she looked back at me and sighed. “Sorry to hear about your dad. I loved mine, until he passed away. Heart problems... that is one of the reasons I work out so much is to keep mine healthy. My family had a long and proud tradition of overcoming various medical problems. Poor sight, stubby wings, cardiovascular disease, and some other nastier ones. As far as I can tell, I only ever got one problem...”

She paused, and after a few seconds I ventured “If you don’t mind, what is it?”

She opened her mouth, and then there was a knock on the front door of the house, three crisp knocks. Rainbow sighed and shook her head. “I got it. Some other time, okay?”

I watched as she left. It didn’t seem that I had struck a nerve, but she seemed a bit upset at whatever the problem was. Hopefully it wasn’t too bad. Meanwhile, I heard her opening the door, and then there was silence.

“Hey... Wing, I think you better take this...” came Dash's hesitant voice.

Grimacing, I got out of bed on somewhat aching knees and pulled a bathrobe on, heading out of the room and down the short hallway to the living room, to which the front door joined.

That is where I stopped dead, staring at the figure in the door. The room spun around me, and I felt a bit dizzy as my blood pounded in my ears.

This can't be... it's another hallucination. It's a dream... a nightmare... not possible....

“Hey, Wing! How ya doing?” said Orange Blaze.

Chapter 11: Old Friend

The world around me reeled. Memories flashed before me like screens in a film, all of them flashing by in quick succession.

Blaze, in the changing room at boot camp.

Blaze, grinning with me in training.

Blaze, storming a beach with me.

Blaze, holding me while I cried.

Blaze, shot and bleeding in a hole in the ground.

Blaze, standing there in the door, smiling at me like nothing was wrong.

Rainbow Dash held the door, standing a bit off to the side while I gaped at Orange Blaze in the doorway. Her smile slowly fell as she looked at me. My own mind was still trying to comprehend what was in front of me. Over three months, I had no contact with her, other than a letter saying that everything about her was classified now. No calls, no letters, not even a word of mouth message back to let me know she was alive and not... something else. Something like me maybe... or something like Radio Wave.

After a moment, she finally stepped forward, looking at Rainbow. “May I come in?” she inquired, and Rainbow nodded. Entering, she took a few slow steps towards me, and I finally stopped staring and started seeing.

She was dressed in a uniform, black and crisp with red trimming and a gold chain on one shoulder. Master Sergeant chevrons were on her shoulder, and she had a saber at her side, one that looked very combat-ready, but the thing I noticed most was the way her right sleeve didn’t move quite right... a tiny lump and a glint of metal told me she had a concealed weapon. I had only a moments notice before those arms were wrapped around me, and her familiar smell filled my nostrils. She still went without any perfume.

I looked up at her, tears in my eyes. “Where have you been?” I asked, my voice slightly hoarse.

She sighed. “We have a lot to talk about... Miss Dash, any chance there is a bit more food?”

Dash nodded, and we all sat down once Blaze had some coffee and biscuits. Blaze sat quietly for a bit while I got changed into sweatpants and a hoodie, coming back and sitting on the couch next to Rainbow. Blaze's eyes looked a bit odd at how close we sat together, but I couldn’t care less. Right now, all I wanted to know was what she was doing here. Finally, she started speaking.

“Look, I would apologize... but right now, I don’t think that would solve anything. For the record, I am sorry about being out of the loop, but there were things going on that I couldn’t leave. I joined up with the Office of Secret Intelligence right out of the hospital. They were pulling soldiers out with various specialties, and since I marked very high in hand to hand and recon, they asked me to join up. I just... I dunno, I was out of it still and I agreed. Still, I'm glad I did. It's got a lot of purpose behind the program, making sure that a war like this never breaks out again.”

I shook my head. “Blaze... we promised we would be there for each other once we got out! We promised!”

She sighed and took another sip of coffee. “Wing... I thought about that promise every day for the last few months. I have had trouble sleeping, especially after I saw what happened to you in the news... and I realize something. We do need each other... that is why I came here to ask you to come and teach marksmanship at Reigngly Intelligence Academy. You would be perfect!” she said, grinning.

There was a moment of silence while, for an INSTANT, I considered her offer. Blaze and me, side by side, watching eachother's backs. Blaze and me, kicking ass together. Blaze and me... together again... Then Rainbow stirred next to me, and I blinked. “What? No! Blaze, I shot you in the leg, not the head! What the HELL is wrong with you?” I said, getting up. I could feel my heartbeat accelerating, and the rushing sound in my ears as my blood pumped faster. The cold tingle of adrenaline spiked my veins, and my breath hitched for a moment as I felt the stirrings of panic. What was I panicking about?

Blaze looked at me and sighed. “Hey... calm down. I just came out here to offer you a chance at doing something for your country. I mean, I know you already did, but this would be VERY important. With the scout training we got, we could do recon and stuff, stop threats before they ever happened, knock off bad guys before they really become a problem. Remember the mission to Redwing Manor?”

I could hardly hear her over the pounding in my chest, but at the words Redwing Manor... I remembered all right.

“Corporal, take the shot whenever you think you have it! Do NOT miss! If you cant hit him from here, we need to go down there!”

I lay prone, the rifle propped up on a small rock, rain dripping off the end as I squinted at the room. The light came on, and I saw a gryphon in the room. Two of them... one large one, with red wings, and the other a bit smaller, who was getting out of bed. As I adjusted my aim, the larger one grabbed the smaller one in an embrace and pointed at the door. My shot was blocked by her, however.

“Ma'am, the civilian, I think it is his wife, is between me and him. I don’t have a clear shot” I said, my heart beating quickly. “I cant get him!”

“Corporal, will that shot go through her and still kill him?” she demanded. I hesitated, and she said “TAKE THE SHOT!”

Time slowed to a crawl. She was a civilian! This wouldn’t be collateral damage, this would be murder! I adjusted the crosshairs, trying to center his head, but at this range there was a five inch spread. I had to aim for the chest... and they wre overlapping. In a moment, they would be heading for the door...

“Ma'am, I-” I started, but the major glared. “Take the shot, corporal. One life versus thousands, take the shot NOW! That's an order!”

Gulping, I centered the crossairs and let my breath out. My finger squeezed the trigger gently, and the rifle kicked against my shoulder.

She collapsed, dead along with her husband. I had murdered them both... they never had a fair chance at fighting back.

I shook my head. “No... Blaze, I am NOT going back. There is nothing in this world that will make me go back to war! I gave EVERYTHING I had, so did you! Blaze, we did enough! We did MORE than enough! Hoof saved my life at the cost of his own, and he told me to earn it! He told me to earn his sacrifice! Remember Radio Wave? He was so excited to do great things, and he died a stuipd, pointless death on a beach!!”

My voice was rising, and before I knew it, I was standing up. Blaze looked at me in horror as I kept going, pacing back and fourth. “I am NOT proud of what we did! You didn’t look down a scope and have to shoot through an innocent civilian to kill someone that never had a chance to defend themselves! I was a sniper! I murdered people! And what about-” I said, looking at her.

Blaze stood up too, face hard. “Dont even say it! Don’t you DARE-” she started, before I went chest to chest with the much larger mare, looking up at her. I would NOT back down, not this time.

“What about Saint Feathersburge? Tell me you don’t still have nightmares about that!” I shouted, my vision getting blurry. “Tell me you don’t remember that! Tell me you don’t remember-”

I didn’t finish as, with a snarl, she swung at me. Her fist connected solidly with my jaw, and I went over backwards, tumbling over the couch as Rainbow swore and jumped up. “The HELL!” she shouted. This wasn't her fight though... this one was mine. I would not run from my past again.

In an instant, I was over the couch and tackling her hard. She rolled over backwards and we both hit the front door, which buckled under the impact and broke open backwards, dumping us into the street.

“We made a promise!” I shouted, before she kicked me off and I rolled backwards, settling into a fighting crouch. “We promised each other we would be together after the war! WE PROMISED!”

She came at me, a quick left-right combination that we had been taught in basic. I blocked both, and replied with a kick to the chest. She caught it, and went to twist it to knock me down. Hours of sparring together had taught me how to defend, and I jumped, using her hands as leverage to maneuver myself up and over her, flapping my numb wings as hard as I could until I broke free of her and straddled her head, bearing her to the ground with my knees locked around her head. She thrashed, before slamming me down hard and breaking free.

“Yes, we did! But things changed, Wing! They changed! I was in the hospital when it hit me... we are GOOD at fighting! You and me, we were a great team! We did great things together, and we could keep doing them!” she said as she stood up. Both of us were breathing hard, and for a moment I was about to charge her again.

Then, just as suddenly as it had started, the fight left me and I slumped. She was beyond reason... she had gone mad in her own way. “Blaze... what happened?” I asked. “Why... never mind. Just leave...” I said, as Rainbow finally came out, heading towards me slowly.

Blaze scowled. “We both saw shit over there. Difference between you and me is that I stayed tough. I kept going. You gave up.”

As Rainbow put an arm around my shoulders, I looked at Blaze and shook my head, sorrow in my chest as I looked at one I used to call my friend.

“No Blaze... made a harder choice... I moved on. I stopped doing what was easy, and now I am doing the hardest thing I have EVER done... just leave.”

She looked pissed, and turned to leave, climbing into an army truck that was parked next to the curb. As she left, Rainbow looked at me and held onto me still, and I rested my head on her shoulder.

Some people, I guess, still had it worse than me. Still, somehow I knew this would not be the last I would ever see of her... and I prayed, right then and there, that someday she would come home.

Chapter 12: Getting Better

Four ponies crept along in the dark. The Manehatten Mane Bank was their target, and the truck they had gotten out of was empty, although with any luck it would be full by the end of the night. They had this one chance, this ONE shot to make the score of their lives. The bank held over twenty million bits, most of its value in gold ingots, and provided loans to all of the largest businesses in town. It was freshly completed, and each of the thieves had a different skill and goal.

Eye Spy, an intelligent and cunning individual who had a background in electronics and security, knew the surveillance systems used in this type of building quite well, and had a method for tapping them and shorting them out without ever showing his own face. Years of his ideas being overlooked in the field of security had made him bitter, and other than the money, he was doing this out of pride.

Red Wire was an ex-miner with a knack for explosives. He knew EVERYTHING about anything that exploded, burned, or made bright flashes. Limited college and academic success had ensured that he would always only be a low level person in his company, even though he was the best explosives expert they had, and this contributed to his need for money.

Spell Check, an aging professor at a small university, was knowledgeable in the ways of spell breaking and bypassing complex enchantments, having studied all his life. His need for money was due to his low standing at the university, and the bills that came with his ailing health. The need for funds for his grandchildren to go to college was his sole driving motivation.

Speed Chaser was an ex-racer, a Pegasus professional driver who had spent some time in the army as a combat driver who transported officers to and from the front line, and upon his discharge, had entered hotrod racing in Los Pegasus until a fiery crash had ended his career. Missing two fingers on his left hand, he was refused the chance to return to the professional or even private circuits, with bitterness and alcoholism driving him deep into debt. His job was to make the getaway successful, and to keep an eye out on the front door.

All four of them knelt outside the front door. Spell Check kept an eye out. Years of staring at textbooks and intense focus on magic had given him a trained eye, and at his hand motion they all sank into the shadows until he whispered “Just a cat. Spy, pick the lock.”

Eye Spy nodded and knelt, inserting a lockpick and a turner, concentrating. Twenty seconds later, there was a faint 'click', and he whispered “Go go go! Get inside, I'll disable the alarm! Wire, get the guard!”

Spy ran forward and spun around, tearing off the cover of the security panel while Wire slipped into a hallway. A moment later, there was a THUNK and a sigh, and Wire came back, carrying the unconsious guard back and stealing his card. “Guard taken care of. Spy, the alarm?”

“Here it is... and here it goes” he said, smiling. “Alarm taken care of. Chaser, Wire, you guys got the kit? Get to the vault” he said, turning back to the alarm. “I'm gonna set the alarm to go off after we leave. Should draw the police off.”

Wire and Chaser nodded, heading into the back. After finishing the alarm, Spy got up, nodding to Spell Check. “Alright... you SURE you can crack the enchantment on that vault?”

Check sighed and nodded. “These old bones aren't worth much else. Professor's salary isn’t enough to leave much for my kids and grand-kids. Wish it was possible to do it decently but...”

Wire nodded. “Sorry old man, but honest means will only get you so far in life. Lets go” he said, heading back to the giant steel vault in back.

The vault in question had a 2-ton door with an interlocking mechanism. It was state-of-the-art, bleeding-edge technology with arcano-tech enchantments. It required both the casting of a spell and disengaging the lock at the same time. Failure to do both would render the vault impossible to open until someone from the company came out to manually open the vault using a code even this team could not get ahold of.

Fortunately, the professor and Red Wire had the tools they needed to do both. The professor had helped research the spell used on the vault-

“Hold on!” said Golden Bits, staring at the floor plan. “That's a stretch!”

Off to the side, Rainbow guffawed. “Yeah man, even for you! You spent three weeks on that map, and THAT is the best you have?”

I sighed at both of them. I had cracked two banks, but this one stumped me. From every angle, that vault was impregnable. I had even sent a letter to Princess Twilight asking about spellbreaking, and she admitted that she had no idea how to crack the 'hypothetical' spell I had sent her. If the princess of magic could not do it, I had no idea who could.

“I guess so, but if they don’t have an inside man, there is frankly no way to get in. At least, not a way I can see. Getting to the vault is easy, but getting inside is impossible... or close to it. Unless you are a unicorn with raw power at LEAST equal to the Princess of Magic, you are not cracking that vault.”

Golden Bits giggled and looked up at me. “That is what I was hoping to hear. I doubt that any vault is truly safe, but since very few have access to the power of Discord, and of them even fewer would plan to rob a bank, I dont think we need to worry overmuch about it. So, just to put it on the record, what is your final assessment of this vault?” she asked, head cocked to one side.

I stared back at the plan, before looking at Rainbow and shrugging. “Secure. Doubt anyone is getting in anytime soon. I'd put my money in it.”

She nodded, taking the plans back and rolling them up. Putting them into a tube, she handed them to the suited security guard behind her and got up. “Miss Dash, Mister Wing, thank you for letting me come over and for your... interesting... take on Chowder” she said, the corners of her mouth twitching, and Rainbow wincing. That had not been her best meal, as she had accidentally used slightly sour milk, and the chowder would surely come back to haunt us later. “I look forward to securing your services in the future” she said, as we shook hands. With one more nod at Rainbow, she and her guard left, and I sat back down, rubbing my head.

Finally, I looked up at Rainbow, who was twiddling her thumbs and staring at her shoes. For a couple of weeks, I had been wanting to ask this, ever since Blaze had left, but the time had never felt right. I had come to the conclusion that it would never be the right time, and that there is no time like the present. I was not getting any younger, and at the rate I got into fights, I would not make it to thirty.

She looked up just as I opened my mouth, and I found myself entranced by her eyes again, those beautiful orbs promising security and love... those magenta eyes that had watched over me both in sickness and in health, the eyes that gazed into my heart, seeing the true me behind all the scars and the mutilations visited upon me by the ravages of war. A heart that now skipped a beat...

“Didja lose something over here?” she asked, one of her ears up, and one of them down. Her muzzle scrunched up in a curious manner, and the corner of her mouth quirked up. Once again, I blushed, the words I had worked on first bottling up, and then spilling out.

“Wanna dinitme?” I gargled, cheeks reddening again, and she giggled.

“I don't know, is it fun?” she teased, still looking at me as I mentally facepalmed.

“Erm, since some of the pans are still dirty, do you wanna go out with me? Erm, to dinner? You know, to eat?”

She tittered again, and I inwardly groaned. Great idea, remind her of the cooking mishap.

After a minute, she nodded. “Sure! Where were you thinking?”

I sat back, thinking. “How about... that little pasta place? The Neightallian restaurant. They make great salads and pasta dishes, at least that's what one of the bank tellers was saying to me yesterday. I think it might be... nice?” I said, more of a question than a statement as I looked back into her eyes.

Alot of people, a lot of the guys I hung out with in the army and even before then, they would go on and on about breasts, or hindquarters, or hips or curves, all the bits below the shoulders. Many would talk about tails or manes, but for me... it was the eyes. I loved the eyes in a person, and someone with clear, sharp eyes, eyes that didn't just look, but saw everything they gazed upon, those kinds of eyes spoke to me. And those were the kinds of eyes she had.

She smiled, nodding. “Sure! I'll go and get something to go out. Lets get a move on” she said, getting up and heading to her room. In preperation for my work today, I was already dressed fairly nice, but for once... I wanted to do something special for Rainbow. The restaurant we were going to was pretty nice, not SUPER classy, but nice all the same, and it had a decent dress code. So for tonight... I smiled to myself as I headed for the spare room.

Rainbow was faster than most ponies at a good many things. Running, racing, flying, anything athletic really. Apparently she could get ready to go much faster than most females are reputed to do so, as fifteen minutes later she was coming out, dressed in a white shirt and slacks, pulling on a section of her mane to get it to go straight.. and stopped dead. She blinked twice when she saw me standing by the door, softly smiling, and I stood there.

I had dressed up in my Dress Uniform, the soft hat perched on top of my head between my ears, and green shirt and pants decorating the rest of my body. My black boots were shined to the point that if I were to look down, I could count my teeth in them. On my chest, my medals and ribbons hung, each telling of something I or my unit had done, my campaign ribbon, and the purple heart. Above all of them was a gold and silver medal, inscribed with the Old Equestrian rune for Honor. It was shined, and her eyes gravitated to the Medal of Honor on my chest.

Slowly, her eyes rose... and I thought I saw the faintest red on her cheeks, but it might have been the light from the slowly dimming sky. Finally, she swallowed twice and said “That's... your uniform. You put that on for... me?” she asked, approaching. I nodded, smiling at her as she came closer, before offering her my hand. “If I may have the honor of escorting you, m'lady?” I said, trying not to choke on my words.

She now clearly blushed, and I looked down too, until she walked forward and took my hand, nodding. “S-sure... That uniform looks really nice on you. L-lets go, huh?”

I nodded, holding her hand as we headed out. The day outside, darkening towards evening, was a hallmark of mid spring. Birds chirped overhead, telling each other about the worms they had collected, or the other birds they had chased off, or their young. A few wispy clouds hung overhead, the kind we Pegasi used to let the ground bound know that we had a storm in the works. There would probably be a thunderstorm tonight, judging by the teams in the sky that were assembling clouds off to the edges of Ponyville.

Soon enough, we arrived at the Neightallian restaurant, where we walked in the front door. A unicorn stallion met us, standing behind a small wooden podium with a book. It was not a reservation-only place, but you could reserve a private booth if you had the bits. I stepped forward, glancing at Rainbow, and then to him.

“Table for Two please... in a corner, if you have one.”

He looked down at the book, his horn lit up as he looked a bit distant, and then smiled. A moment later, an earth pony mare came over, dressed in a suit and smiling broadly. “This way please!”

Rainbow squeezed my hand as we walked in, and my pulse quickened. It was at this moment that my brain realized this was a DATE!

The familiar panic began to rise, but another glance at Rainbow set me at ease. She looked happy, much happier than usual. Finally, the mare led us not to a corner table, but a private booth in the back. Rainbow glanced at it, and then at the waitress. “Um, we don't have a reservation... and we don't really have the bits for this either...” she said, ears going flat.

I nervously began to mentally calculate my funds until she tittered. “Nonsense! A Wonderbolt reservist and a decorated war hero showing up here? Front Door notified the manager, and she insisted that you get the private booth! Also, your meal is on the house, including dessert... Mister Wing. Five Star will be out shortly, make yourselves comfortable!”

The last name gave me pause, but I would be damned if I let ANYTHING get in the way of making this night the best night of my life. I stood to the side, letting Rainbow in first, and then sat across the table from her. The menu in front of each spot showed a list of excellent pastas and salads, and a selection of Pizzas that catered, to my surprise, both to ponies and to Gryphons. There was a Pepperoni pizza... bluh. Rainbow and I both looked at them, before she looked up. “Hey... lets get the giant pasta bowl. We can split it... if ya want to” she said, looking down, seeming a bit abashed for a moment. This was unlike her... was she just as nervous as me?

I nodded, and looked at the waitress. “Um, the giant pasta dish, and maybe a light ale?”

Rainbow looked over their list, humming, before looking up. “Black Dragon Vodka, please. Make it a double.”

I did a double take. Black Dragon Vodka was favored by the denizens of Siberia and Sailors for two reasons... it was sour enough to pucker your stomach, ensuring you wouldnt heave overboard, and it was strong enough to clean ANY engine part, or provide emergency fuel for a gas powered boat. It was rumored that the Gryphons had experimented on it as a suitable source of fuel for rockets and flamethrowers. That stuff was HIGH test... and MUCH stronger than anything I had ever had before.

“Erm... Dash? You sure that's a good idea?” I asked, and she grinned at me.

“Hey, I'm just a civilian, and you're a soldier. I would think you should be the one getting the heavy stuff!”

She held that grin, before suddenly blushing as she clapped both hands over her mouth. “I didn't mean anything by that! You don't have a drinking pro-” she said, looking horrified at her faux pas, cheeks burning red.

I just held my look, before shaking my head. “Only reason I would use Black Dragon Vodka would be to set something on fire. Still, you held my head out of the loo often enough...” I said, remembering my week of illness.

Finally, the Waitress had our orders, and departed. Rainbow and I did what most people probably do on their first date... sit quietly and stare at either the ceiling, the floor, or the table, with the occasional quick glance at each other.

Just as I looked up to talk, a MASSIVE pegasus approached. He was bright green, with a short dress shirt and a hat. His upper right arm showed five stars on what seemed to be a dinner plate, and he smiled. “Welcome to the Pasta Place! I'm Five Star, and I was surprised to hear you two were visiting my humble restaurant!” he said, his deep voice booming. “You are Mister Wing and Miss Dash, right?” he said, squinting.

We both nodded, and I stood up, holding out my hand. “Thank you for the booth, sir, and everything else. I didn't expect the VIP treatment when I wanted to take Miss Dash here out for dinner.”

He shook my hand and smiled. “Well, it's the least I can do to make up for my son's horrible behavior. Yeah, I'm Silver Star's father. Well, partially for that, and partially for what you have done for your country. My brother was military, I was a cook in the army, and well... I hear what you did. Just my way of saying thanks, son” he said, before turning to Rainbow Dash. “You there, little lady, you hold onto him. Boys like him are hard to come by, and you wont ever find anyone else as loyal, 'cept you of course. You two kids have fun tonight!” he said, nodding at her before leaving.

The whole thing left me a bit flustered, and as I sat down, my mind reeled a bit. That was the first time someone had not only not freaked out over my face and past, but rewarded me for it! The whole thing left me feeling... a bit confused.

Rainbow grinned at me. “See? Some people around here have a bit of respect for you! You aren't alone, you know. Keep that chin up, sunny days ahead for you!”

As our food arrived, I thought about it, and smiled. “Of course there are sunny days... any day with you is sunny” I said, reaching under the table and taking her hand. There was a spark, and I knew... I wanted more than a friend from her. There was nobody else I wanted to spend my days with.

Prologue and Summary (Heavy spoilers)

Corporal Steel Wing, discharged from duty after the war, used to be a Line Manager at the Weather Factory in Cloudsdale.He dreamed of saving up enough bits to go to Canterlot University or some other college, get a degree, and get a job that payed enough bits to support himself and his mother. His father, a Royal Guard serving Princess Celestia in her Solar Guard in Canterlot, fought and died in the Changeling invasion of Canterlot about four years before the start of this story. He and his mother have been trying to stay afloat since.

The job at the weather factory, although not fun, was not altogether terrible. His boss, Rainy Days, was kind enough to get him promoted to line manager, and good natured enough to not give him TOO hard of a time about the fact that Wing lacked his destiny mark.

During the past few years, Equestria has minded its own business, ignroing the unrest across the sea as Bristlebeak became a tyrannical dictator and sought to conquer the known world, allying himself with Neighpan, and launching an attack on Icelock.

Needing bits, Steel Wing accepted a recruiters offer to sign up for Selective Services in case of a draft, and get the reward of Fifty bits for his risk taking. The risk turned out to be the worst one of his life. His mother, Blue Cross, and his mothers friend, Azure Skies, both very dear to him, had to watch as he was conscripted into the Equestrian Royal Army.

Steel Wing attended ERA Basic Combat School in Camp Hoofington. Under the stern guidance of the Military Drill Sergeants, he and his fellow draftees, along with a few who volunteered, started the four week journey to becoming the most basically trained soldiers in history, learning only the bare minimum of how to shoot, how to work together, and how to follow orders.

It was there that he met Orange Blaze, a former foundry worker, who rapidly became his best friend. Her outgoing personality made up for his shyness, and her easygoing nature helped him relax in his stressful new environment. Also friends of his, Radio Wave and a medic named Shining Silk became his first army friends. They were joined later by Sergeant Bubble Popper and Iron Hoof, along with Lieutenant Butter Bar, and Warrant Officer Wire Tap.

In Basic Training, he finally earned his destiny mark: He was the most skilled sniper in the entire second company, possibly the finest in the army. He rarely missed his shots, and never twice. His mark was a Crosshairs behind a Rifle and Knife, signifying his aptitude with the Weapons of War. He was initially pleased with it, showing that he had a good chance of serving well and going home.

His time getting to know his fellow soldiers was both a boon and a curse. Storming the beaches of Normaredy, Radio Wave and Wire Tap were both killed in action. For the first time, Steel Wing had to confront the fact that in war, good people, even on the winning side, still die.

In Saint Feathersburg, he bore witness to a horrible massacre. Civilians chained up next to an artillery battery, forced to be in the path of incoming shells, were slain en masse by a retaliatory strike from equestrian soldiers. A sniper took out both Butter Bar and Shining Silk, killing the latter and crippling the former for life. Steel Wing never got over the guilt from that day, blaming himself for the death and injuries of his comrades. Nevertheless, he marched on.

In his final battle, months later, he and a number of other soldiers were responsible for assaulting the town of Talonskrach, in preperation for moving massive amounts of soldiers across the Reighn River and into the heart of Gryphany. This mission was his most costly, in terms of his sanity. Depression and anxiety caused him to lose focus several times in the battle, and killing a soldier with his bare hands left him traumatized. Although he was physically very good at war, his mind was not properly suited to mass murder. Losing Iron Hoof was the final blow, but the ringer was a shot that crippled his wings, rendering him ground bound. For a Pegasus, that is like an earth pony losing legs, or a unicorn snapping their horn. Left permanently scarred and crippled, he was sent back home, where he made plans to settle in Ponyville. With any luck, he could live out the rest of his days drunk and alone, as per his wishes at this point.

Medals:

Medal of Honor: Awarded for service above and beyond the call of duty, issued to most of the survivors of Seventeenth Platoon. Individual reasons vary, but his storming of a hut and killing five soldiers on his own was enough to merit this award.

Celestial Unit Citation: Given to his unit for their courage and steadfastness in the face of overwhelming odds on Normaredy, it was given to nearly every unit that stormed that beach on the fateful day.

Fleur de Lis: A Prench Award, given by the Governor of Prance to all that served in freeing her from the enemy. A campaign ribbon.

Legion d' honnuer: Given across the board to the Equestrian Military that served in the opening days of the Prench Liberation. Although he did not see much fighting in prance after those days, he still warranted that award.

Iron Heart Ribbon with 2 Hearts: Signifying he survived two separate Wounded in Action instances. The first was when he was raked by claws, the second was for being shot in Talonskratch.

Great War Ribbon: For serving in the Great War.

Sniper-Commendation: For scoring a Sniper- Marksmanship on his rifle qualification, and showing he is allowed to be issued precision weapons.

Chapter 3: By the Dawn's Early Light

It was a game of cat and mouse. In this case, I was the cat and mouse, both at once. My target and opponent was the same. The city sprawled in all directions, with roofs and cover all over the place. Below me, a gulf between my building and the one across the street stretched into blackness. The sky was dark, but I knew that the Gryphon sniper's eyes were just as good as mine.

Plink!

A round ricocheted off the stone next to me. I swore quietly, before rolling aback to the side. The barrel of a rifle stuck through a window, but as I drew a bead just behind it it vanished.

“Take the shot! DAMMIT TAKE THE SHOT!” Major Leaf screamed at me. All around me, my squad dove for cover as rounds hit the are around us. Radio Wave screamed and went silent as he was hit twice, the first in the leg and the second between the eyes. Wire Tap swore and staggered off of the roof, falling to an unseen death far below. My heart stopped and tears filled my eyes. “I can't see him!” I yelled, frantically searching the roofs. All of them looked the same! This wasn’t right!

“You are WORTHLESS MAGGOT! Take the shot!” she yelled. Her eyes were cold and hard, staring right at me as a shot hit next to her. “Take it now!”

I looked down the scope. In a clearing in the town, under the oppressive fog of war, a soldier held a small child. At this range, even I couldn’t see if the soldier was shielding it or threatening it. Wrecked vehicles burned all around, making it look like the worst depths of Tartarus. Still, I couldn’t make out the target! Was that an equestrian uniform or a gryphon uniform?

“TAKE THE SHOT OR BE DAMMNED!”

I took the shot. The soldier, so far away, twitched and fell. The landscape around me seemed to zoom in, and I was no longer on the rooftop anymore. I was suddenly standing in front of the child and soldier. The foal was not moving anymore, but was lying dead with a look of terror on her face. Numbly, I reached forwards and rolled the dead soldier over...

“You rat traitor...” said Blaze, looking up at me. “You got us all killed.... I hope you burn....”

I woke up, gasping. Nausea overwhelmed me and a moment later I rolled out of the comfortable bed and onto the ground, retching. It was dark out, Celestia having not yet raised the sun, and the quiet was horribly loud in my ears. I heaved twice, finally depositing what little was in my stomach on the floor, before I curled up. I wanted to stop existing. In could hear the screams of war in my ears, and for a minute I thought I smelled sulfur.

There was the soft thudding of feet outside my door, and a light came on. A mare was silhouetted in the frame, stopping and staring for a moment before rushing in. “What gives?” she cried, coming over, before stepping in my sick and swearing. “Aw crap. You okay?” she said.

I barely heard her. Flashes of war kept running through my mind until finally there was a soft touch on my shoulder and I looked up, only to see that blue face. She was looking down at me with concern. I thanked my lucky stars that I was not crying like a foal, but for the love of Luna I could not stop shaking. My hand.... they just kept trembling.

Finally, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Looking up, I stared at her. “I'm... alright. Just... just a bad dream...” I said, pulling myself up shakily, and putting my hands behind my back. Rainbow Dash stared at me for a while, eyes glinting in the light up above us, the reflection of the window in them.

“Dude... you were yelling about something called “Mortar” a minute ago, and you just puked on my floor. What gives?” she asked, taking my arm and pulling me onto the bed.

My heart was still racing, and I had to blink a few times until my vision fully cleared. “Sorry... look, I don’t want to talk about it. Living in a war is bad enough once, and I am really grateful for you taking me in so I don’t have to go back home and make mom deal with it, but... I REALLY don’t want to talk about it. I'm fine. Just a bad dream.”

Finally, she nodded. “Alright... but be careful. I know what stress can do to people, I have known twilight for nearly five years now” she said, looking up at the clock and sighing. “Look, its four in the morning. Go get cleaned up and pitch on the couch, I can take care of the mess in here. And try not to wake Tank up, he gets jittery and flies into things.”

Tank, her flying tortoise, was not pleased to see me as I went out. He grumbled but retreated back into his shell as I sat down on the couch. What was WRONG with me? I couldn’t get the visions out of my head. Radio Wave... I missed him so badly. I remember meeting him on the train, and getting screamed at for socializing with him. And he had to get himself blown up on that damn beach! His death was so... pointless! The sight of him, blood pouring out his ears with the entire back of his head blown off was still as vivid in my mind as my hands shaking in front of me were right now.

I knew something was wrong though. I had tried to jump out of a fifth floor window... I DID jump... and I couldn’t help but have the nagging feeling that I might have wanted to do it... it would have made my problems go away...

Two hours later, I was seated at the table across from a yawning Rainbow Dash. She stifled another one, and glared at me. “Take the pills.”

I glared back. “No. I don’t need these meds. Give them to someone who actually needs them.”

For a moment, she was silent, before saying “Look, we have two options here. Either you take them-” she started, before I cut her off.

“Or I go to prison, I know. Doctor Turner explained it to me.”

She grinned. “Nope. Either you take them, or I cram them down your throat. I had to take care of Rarity for a week, and she refused the meds because she thought they were too... er... garish, whatever that means. So either you take them, or I prove that I am the better Pegasus.”

I looked at her for a bit longer, but the look in her eyes held no mercy. It was black and cold, and it was my future if I refused the mare. Finally, I took the meds. One was an antidepressant, another was a stimulant to counteract the pain meds, and the third was a high grade semi addictive pain medication that started with a V. Luckily, I would only need the other two for another week or two at most. The final med was some sort of experimental thing to help me deal with the PTSD, a sort of combination magical memory suppressor and anti anxiety med meant to stop flashbacks. Doctor Turner had told me it was experimental, but showed promise, and as I had waived my rights to refuse treatment, he had happily wrote his colleges at Manehatten Medical University to tell them he had a Guinea pig here. This was my first day with the new med, but I did privatly hope it helped with the flashbacks. Even I could not deny that I was having them, as the events of the morning showed, but the warm glow of the pill as it went down was not very comforting.

Dash smiled on the other side. “I ALWAYS win. So, lets go over your schedule for the day and mine. I am gonna drop you off at Doctor Turners place for your counseling, and then I gotta go do my work in the Ponyville Weather Team. What's next?”

I thought. “Then I go to Sugarcube Corner so that Pinkie Pie can keep an eye on me until you get off. I need to try to not freak anyone out, and just do my best to stay out of the way.”

She nodded. “I should get off work around three, so when I get there, you and I are gonna go back home so that we can do your physical therapy. A few weeks ago you had great tone, but now you're all scrawny” she said, prodding my arm. “I thought you army guys were supposed to be like Angel Ohs sculptures!”

I sighed. “Remind me not to look under your mattress. At least not without eye bleach. I'm ready to go anytime, Miss Dash.”

She shook her head. “Nuh uh! You are NOT calling me Miss Dash. NOBODY calls me Miss Dash. Its Dash or Dashie or Rainbow. Miss Dash makes it sound like I’m... I dunno, a lawyer or something. I’m an ATHLETE. Got it?”

I nodded. “Sure...Dash... so time to go?”

She nodded, and off we went. The morning was cool, the sun not up yet at zero six hundred. The moon shone brightly in the sky, moving towards its decent on the horizon as the faintest licks of red light lapped away on the opposite side, a reminder of Celestia and Luna's age old dance. Our wait for the Tram was not all that long, and before we knew it I was hobbling off of the mercifully short ride and waving back at her. “See you at Sugarcube Corner at three!” I called, and she nodded as she left.

As I faced the clinic, I couldn’t help but wonder what provoked Dash to just come into my life like this. I had hit her with a table! Why did she let me into her home, take care of my messes, and put up with the fact I could hardly move without assistance? I was weak, physically and mentally now, and of not much value to the flock. I couldn’t even fly... at that thought, a solid lump rose in the back of my throat.

“Hey mister! You gonna stand there all day staring at me?”

I blinked. I was in front of the check-in desk, where a tired mare sat behind a steaming cup of coffee. Smiling, I cleared my throat. “Erm, sorry. Co-er, Steel Wing here. I have a Zero Six Thirty with Doctor Time Turner.”

She nodded. “Right, the soldier. Hey, I don’t mean it badly, just... take a seat sir. He'll be right with you. Thanks for your service” she said, smiling in a friendly manner, although I could see her eyes kept glancing to my right side. I simply nodded and sat down on one of the seats, waiting.

Ten minutes later, she looked up at me again. “Doctor Turner will see you now. Go on in. Only door on the left of the hallway” she said, hitting a button and making the door to the back of the building open up.

Getting up, I marched my way through, down about six feet of sterile smelling hallway before turning a left and knocking thrice upon the door. “Permission to enter?” I asked, automatically seeking clearance to enter a room before doing so. There was a chuckle from inside as the door opened. “Come on in! Good to see you not hooked up to a breathing tube. Get in here and take a seat upon the table, and pull off your shirt, lets do a basic checkup before we get to talking.”

I nodded and complied. The setup inside was different from a doctors room that I was used to. Instead of the checkup table, there was a comfortable couch that had a reclining back. It was currently down, turning the couch into a short table. Pulling my shirt off, I winced at the strain on my back. Some of the skin was stretched tightly from the stitching that pulled two bullet holes shut, and they had had to take skin off of my back to patch burn wounds from the exploding building on my legs. Luckily, nothing had hurt certain sensitive parts of the male anatomy, a fact for which I was immensely grateful.

He nodded at me and pulled out a stethoscope, putting it on my back. “I need you to breath in as far as you can and hold it for five seconds, and then let it out over the course of another five seconds.

I complied, and he ran me through several other exercises, measuring my lung capacity, reaction to dust, and a couple of eye checks. Finally, he smiled. “You are healing fine. A bit of a hitch in your breathing and a very minor heart murmur, but all in all you are making a fine recovery. Still, that kind of abuse on your body is really gonna take its toll when you get old. I am going to give you another medication for blood pressure and one for the heart murmur, but I think everything is going to work out just fine... if you keep up with PT with Miss Dash, I think you are going to be back in fine physical shape in a few months. Give it a year, and you will be just about as good as you were right out of boot camp. So... ready to talk?”

I shrugged. I was not feeling much about the whole talking thing. I felt fine, inwardly. The only thing that was really getting to me was people getting on my case about feelings. I just needed time to think things over without everypony asking “How do you feel” every few minutes. “I’m fine, doc. Really. I just need some time to sort things over in my mind. If I have that, I think I can go back to not being a bother to everyone else. What Miss... er, Rainbow is doing is really polite, but I hate to be a burden on her. The whole reason I went into the army, other than the draft, was to make Moms life easier. The money helped, and she didn’t have an extra mouth to feed. The sooner you give me my clean bill of health, the sooner everyone else will be happy.”

He scribbled on his paper, the scratching of his quill slightly annoying, before looking up. “You are really amazing you know that?”

I stopped. That surprised me. “What, that I made a speedy recovery?”

He laughed. “Haha! Goodness no. That you are even more proud than Miss Dash! People care about you quite a bit, Miss Dash included, but within ten minutes of talking I know EXACTLY what is wrong with you. You DO have depression, and you DO have PTSD. But what you have the biggest problem with, is your pride. You don’t want to admit there is anything wrong with you, because then you would be weak. You would be like the soldier in the news the other day who went and shot up a mall, or the one that hung himself.”

Instantly, rage boiled up inside of me. His laughter made it sound like this was a game to him. “No, Doctor. What I mean is that I am PERFECTLY fine. I have nightmares just like everyone else, and they all saw the same shit I did. They spent a month making me able to kill, and I got my destiny mark in being able to take a life, and yeah, maybe that messed us all up a bit. But I don’t see them all in counseling. Blaze is gonna go back to college, Bubbles from what I heard, when he gets out, is going to go back home. So why should I be special? Why should I be different?”

He looked down at his paper, writing for nearly three minutes. My temper slowly started to rise, and I ground my teeth. There was NOTHING wrong with me. I was fine, I was still just perfectly alright. He had NO right to treat me like this! “I am NOT just some experiment for you to run, Doctor Turner.”

He looked up finally, and nodded. “No, you are not. But you are a patient of mine, and legally obligated to do as I tell you. Thus far, here is what I have noticed about you. You march whenever you walk. You talk in a clear, precise voice. You look directly in the eye when speaking, even when it is something uncomfortable. When you get stressed, your hand twitches towards your hip, and you flex your right index finger. You knock three times before entering and ask permission to do so if it is in a professional area. And you have the stubborn attitude of a ten year old colt.”

That was it. His calm voice did nothing to sooth me, and I jumped to my feet. “Shut up! I am NOT depressed. What do you WANT from me, Doc? What are you PLAYING at?” I shouted. Outside, I heard a yelp and a crash, but my eyes were fixed on the doctor in front of me, who just calmly regarded me. “Why do I have to do this stupid counseling?!?”

Finally, he stood up. And he was several inches taller than me, and an earth pony to boot. “What I WANT, Steel Wing, is to figure out how to make sure you are not a menace to society. If you are freaked out by what you see in the mirror, imagine how everyone else feels” he said, his voice low. “when they see you. You are horrid and disfigured. But you are STILL A GOOD PERSON. Rainbow Dash sees that, or she would have kicked your flank in Sugarcube Corner. She feels TERRIBLE for that. Do you know she blames herself for you jumping? She hates that she pusehd you. She, I think, said that she felt like she might as well have pushed you out the window. She offered to pay your medical bill before the VA office footed it. I am not cheap to see. She never hesitated before telling me to take your case. So before you go belittling everything and everyone around you, how about you STOP and THINK about it. People care about you, Steel Wing! People want to see you get better! So you have two options. Option one” he said, holding out his hand, showing a note that clearly read a clean bill of health, “Is that you take this. Leave here, and leave Ponyville. Go somewhere else, start over, and enjoy your life. IF you can tell me that you wont end up jumping in front of a train instead of jumping on one.”

My anger faded as he spoke. Slowly calming down, I sat on the couch thing again and looked up at him as he stood over me. Despair filled me as he stopped speaking. No matter what I thought, no matter how I spun it in my mind... I could see myself jumping in front of that train. And not even my mind could convince me that that was a normal pony reaction. I thought of that time, so many months ago, when I looked into a mirror, brushing my teeth, listening to the radio in the morning. Where was that colt? Where was that young, eager face, fresh out of flight camp? Where had he gone?

“What... what's option two?” I asked, staring up at him.

“Option Two is that you give Rainbow a chance. Despite being brash, I am sure you have already seen her motherly side. She has mellowed in the last year, especially since some of her personal issues messed with her life dream. Ask her. You are not the only one who have had your dreams scrapped. She was going to be a Wonderbolt. Was actually going to try to get back in, but she decided to take you on instead. So you keep taking your meds, you listen to her, you meet her friends, and make sure that you don’t give in to your depression. It IS real, and it is IMPORTANT that you TALK to people.”

I slowly nodded. I was shattered. I didn’t know what to think. This doctor had reduced me to nothing in less than four minutes, when it had taken the army four weeks to do that in boot camp. I felt like crying right now, but I held it in. Plenty of time for that later, when I was alone. In a dark room. By myself, or with a bottle of whiskey to keep me company.

“And I would suggest you don’t take up heavy drinking, either. I know that look. Now get going, your time is up. We will meet again in a week” he said, helping me up off the couch. “Just take it easy.”

It was clear to me as I left, heading down the street in the early morning light towards Sugarcube corner, that he probably was kicked out of Canterlot for a lack of bedside manner. I knew a boot camp that could use someone as harsh as him.

My thoughts were interrupted by a hand on my shoulder, and a firm voice saying “Mister Steel Wing?”

I turned, looking at two familiar police officers. “Um... yes?” I asked, swallowing the lump in my throat.

Silver Star smirked at me. “You're under arrest.”