Chapters View Online
Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten)
Chapter 1: The Grand Equestrian Chess Championship
The Grand Equestrian Chess Championship finals were nearing its end as few pieces remained on the board with still no clear advantage from one side or the other. The nouveau riche watched from the gallery with bated anticipation, pretending to know that for the past few hours that they were connoisseurs of chess that had the authority to ooh and awe at every move.
Bishop Rook’s time clock ticked away as he measured the board with petty disinterest. His opponent was sweating. Rook’s knight took his opponent’s rook and the large holomagic display changed to reflect the new positioning. The gallery awed and whispered over the rather standard move as part of their charade of interest.
Rook saw the spark of advantage in his opponent’s fat eye. He snickered a wicked ‘I got you’ at Rook’s gaunt, blue face. Queen to rook two.
Another whisper from the crowd. The ponies who actually knew something about chess were beginning to see it. The pony on the other side of the chess board sweated with regret. Bishop Rook kept his beady black eyes locked onto the sweating pig. He didn't need to glance at the board. Queen to king four.
This time the crowd’s response was genuine. Rook’s opponent desperately scanned the board for any sliver of hope. His fat, pig face boiled and swelled with sweat. He poured over every remaining piece and every square but the inevitable soon took hold. The ivory king toppled over and the crowd fell silent..
after a moment, the gallery stamped their hooves in applause. Bishop Rook, now crowned as Equestria’s newest chess champion and in record time, politely shook the hoof of his opponent who humbly congratulated the victor on a brilliant game. The ponies of the gallery crowded onto the main floor hoping to get a word in with Canterlot’s latest celebrity and invite him to some charity auction or art opening or whatever. But Bishop Rook had a more pressing engagement to worry about. He coldly vacated the chess hall and ventured into the dark alleyways of Canterlot.
The Griffon woman stood in silence as the stallion sitting behind the desk in front of her played with the small creature in his hooves. The creature’s tiny, yellow, spherical body looked squishy and light. It’s large blue eyes sparkled like diamonds and when they looked into the Griffon’s eye’s, she was overcome with the urge to steal it and keep it forever. She fastened her eagle claws into the carpeting to discipline herself. The tiny creature danced across the stallion’s hoof and cooed playfully.
“Parasprites.” The stallion mused. “Such fascinating creatures.” His voice was smooth and melodic. “They worm their way into the hearts of others with their adorable looks. There they sit unexpectedly. Slowly building up their energy within until they have stored enough to multiply.” The yellow Parasprite heaved a few times and then regurgitated a dripping mass of purple hair and sick. The sickening blob coalesced into a more solid form. A new Parasprite then nuzzled affectionately against its ‘parent’. “But their host doesn't care. What’s just one more? But then it continues. It continues until the host can do nothing but watch as his world is drowned in misery and chaos.” Both of the Parasprites fluttered onto the desk. Now they were both heaving. Within seconds two more Parasprites would be born. A pair of large hooves slammed down on the adorable critters. Their delicate bodies were squished into yellow and purple jelly that splattered across the polished wood. “That is how DISCORD operates. We fill the hearts of others with chaos and disharmony. And it all grows from just the smallest fragment.”
The Griffon watched the uncomfortable display with a patient stillness. “I find the parallel… Amusing.” She said, trying to sound respectful.
A handkerchief pulled out of the stallion’s breast pocket wiped away the mess. “Our organization did not arrange for you to come over from the Griffon Kingdom just for amusement, my dear ‘Element of Kindness’.
The Griffon, ‘Kindness’, smiled apologetically. She couldn't tell if her new boss was angry with her. She could never tell. Always so deadly calm and calculatingly pleasant. An impossible pony to read. Still, ‘Kindness’ was comfortable with her boundaries. DISCORD was not at all too dissimilar from her homeland, she quickly realized. And far more rewarding.
DISCORD. Degenerates Interested in Spreading Chaos, Oppression, Ruin and Disharmony. When the organization’s representatives came to her with the offer of defection, she took it without second thought. It offered her far more than her old kingdom ever could. Unimaginable wealth and power. The freedom to do as she pleased. And all she had to do was to obey the wishes of an intimidating commander. Yes, not too dissimilar at all.
The door opened and another pony walked in. There were far too many ponies within the organization for ‘Kindness’s’ taste. Still the rewards of her work far outweighed the humiliation of having to work and take orders from them. This pony, a Pegasus, had the color of a spoiled blueberry. He was proper skinny and his face was so just as thin. A pointed jaw and sunken cheekbones gave him a very triangular muzzle. His purple mane was both graying and receding despite his youth. An ebony rook chess piece adorned his flank. ‘Kindness’ glared at the ugly pony with disdain.
“Come on in, Bishop Rook.” The stallion in charge ordered politely, “Sit down, ‘Kindness’, while we listen to what plan our ‘Element of Honesty’ has for us.”
Rook bowed in gratitude as ‘Kindness’ pulled out one of the two simple but comfortable chairs to sit in.
“I hope Bishop’s efforts as director of planning continues to be just as successful as his chess.” ‘Kindness’s’ cynicism was not lost on Rook. Her Griffyk accent did not hide her disdain. He noticed her claws playfully tap the edge of her chair as she sat. Rook sat in his chair hopefully out of the range of her claws.
“They will be.” Rook answered back, “According to your instructions I have planned for DISCORD to steal from the Griffons their most sacred artifact: The legendary Griffon’s Grimoire. For this we need the services of one of the ponies currently living within the Griffon Nests and the help from Equestria’s secret services. Of course neither Equestria nor the Griffons will be aware that they are now working for DISCORD.” Rook pulled out a small wooden pipe and puffed it loudly. ‘Kindness’ felt the urge to preen her wings.
“‘Kindness’,” said the stallion in charge, “are you prepared to carry out Bishop’s directives?”
‘Kindness’ sat straight and poised. She puffed out her feathery chest and stared straight ahead-- a Griffon display of pride. “Yes, ‘Magic’! The operation will be carried out according to Bishop’s plan. I have already selected a suitable mare who works within the Griffon Archives in the Griffon Nests where the Grimoire is located. She is capable, cooperative and her loyalty to her Griffon masters is without question.”
Rook rolled his beady eyes at the droll officialism of her speech. He found her accent particularly jarring.
The pony known as ‘Magic’ silently studied his Griffon subordinate. Even after leaving the Griffon Kingdom she continued to act like one. Her beak was smooth, polished and razor sharp. She kept every single one of her feathers expertly preened. Her crest feathers were kept short and her tail fur was worn short as well. “And are you absolutely sure she still believes you’re the commander of the Griffon Kingdom’s military operations?”
“It is most unlikely that she knows I am now working for DISCORD. The King has kept my defection secret to all but a few members of the aerie.”
“For your sake, I hope so.” ‘Magic’ turned towards Rook. His skull like face was turn to the side and he puffed as his pipe without concern. He hung a foreleg over the back of his chair and was studying the blank wall like a piece of art. “Bishop!” ‘Magic’ called out. He didn't raise his voice but spoke sharply. Rook turned back to face ‘Magic’ with sudden interest. “You’re sure sure this plan is foolproof.”
Rook smiled with a disgusting cockiness. He twirled his pipe with his tongue and his sunken cheeks stretched like rubber. “Yes,” he remarked like an annoyed child being pestered by his parent, “Because I have anticipated every possible variation of counter move.”
His condescending smile made the salmon in ‘Kindness’s’ stomach lurch. Rook caught her glaring eye and tutted. He ignored her icy stares and focused his attention on the stone expression of ‘Magic’.
‘Magic’ continued his questioning. “And what makes you think that MARE, the head of Equestrian Intelligence, will so easily fall into your plan?”
Rook leaned back and laughed at the audacity of the question. “For the simple reason that this is so obviously a trap.” He looked around and realized his comrades didn't share his amusement. He would have to spell it out to them in simpler terms. “My reading of the Equestrian mentality is that they always see a trap as a challenge. In any chance there is no possible way they would pass up a chance on getting their hooves on the Griffon’s Grimoire! They have wanted it for centuries.”
‘Magic’ tapped his hooves together and tightened his eyebrows. Rook could see the gears of realization turning in his boss’ brain. “While that could be true…” ‘Magic’ pondered aloud. “...What else?”
“There is a chance that DISCORD could get a chance for revenge for the killing of our ‘Element of Generosity’, Doctor Ironhoof, because the pony that Equestria will most likely send on this mission would be their agent, Con Mane.”
Bishop Rook smiled in anticipation. This was the checkmate he was looking for. He could already imagine ‘Magic’s’ face lighting up at the utter brilliance of it all. But ‘Magic’s’ face darkened into a sour scowl. His veins bulged with a red hot rage. Rook leaned back in his chair. Never before had he seen ‘Magic’ so twisted in rage. Even ‘Kindness’ was disturbed by the sudden transformation. She wilted and hung her head low.
“Let his death be a particularly unpleasant and humiliating one!” He growled. His teeth clenched tightly and pressed his hooves hard against the desk.
Both ‘Kindness’ and her partner understood their cue and stood up. “Good.” Rook said as naturally as he could, “I will put my plan into operation straight away. And there will be no failure.”
And with that, the meeting between three of DISCORD’s top executives came to an end. ‘Kindness’ slipped into her now defunct military uniform and took to the skies towards the Griffon Kingdom while Bishop ‘Honesty’ Rook went home to enjoy a pleasant evening after a long day. ‘Magic’ sat alone in his office, lost in his own bitter thoughts. Thoughts that centered around a tan Unicorn with a jelly donut Cutie Mark.
Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten)
Chapter 2: General Griselda
It was a humid, moonless night. The Pegasi flying the chariot landed and brought it to a stop. The Griffon, wither her uniform decorated with medals and colorful bands, stepped off the chariot and looked around the poorly lit castle courtyard with disappointment. She had hoped that her arrival would heralded by some sort of welcoming. An annoying whining sound bothered her ear. She scratched at it with her hind lion’s paw in hope that it was just some sort of gnat or mosquito. The buzzing only grew louder and she could see some sort of bright object flying towards her from the direction of the castle.
The bright pink object flew towards the Griffon and performed loops and twirls through the air. “Ah, finally! The General has finally arrived! Yay! Yay!” The tiny thing chanted with a squeaky voice. It finally stayed still long enough for the Griffon General to see what it was. It was a pink pony, a young filly by the looks of it. She had curly, out of control hair with purple and white swirls that made it look like ice-cream. As the filly bobbed up and down in mid-air, the General couldn't help but noticed that she had no wings. By all accounts she was an Earth Pony, but she was being suspended by a tiny buzzing propeller attached to a multicolored, childish hat. The Griffon was bewildered by the sight. But what was even more off putting about the over-excited pony was her eyes. They weren't ordinary eyes. Instead of irises, she had large swirls that spun around in her sockets. They were mesmerizing and unnatural. “The General is always SO much fun!” The strange pony continued, “Howdy-Doody, General Griselda! Your beak is looking extra sharp and deadly today!” The strange pony giggled innocently. “My name is Screwball, Mistress of DISCORD Castle! Welcome! Welcome!”
Screwball buzzed around Griselda in circles. The Griffon was tired and impatient and Screwball’s spinning was making her dizzy. She flared her wings in frustration which froze the levitating pony. However, she still buzzed in midair and smiled jubilantly.
“Is the pony I requested ready?” Griselda asked.
“As ready as piping hot muffins out of the oven!” Screwball sang. From literally out of nowhere, she produced a thick manila folder and hoofed it to General Griselda. “Here’s his file! Full of all sorts of chaotic goodness!” Screwball licked her lips hungrily.
Griselda didn't bother imagining what was going through the little oddities’ demented mind. She read the file carefully. ‘Subject name not recorded.’
“I like to call him the Grey Pony!” Screwball blurted out as if she somehow knew what Griselda was thinking, “You know why? Because he’s grey!”
Screwball flew around in a fit of laughter while Griselda continued to read. ‘Total Chaos conversion 100%. No traces of Harmony present in heart. Previous personality, emotions and memories wiped clean. Coat colors drained and Cutie Mark eliminated as side effect. Magically augmented and base abilities multiplied.’
“Excellent.” Griselda said once she was finished. “Where is he now?”
Screwball happily pointed at the castle. “Chained up all alone inside his solitary holding cell, duh! Can’t have killer psycho ponies running through the castle whenever they want. I mean I know I love chaos and disharmony and all but that’d be just silly! I’ll go bring him here, lickety-split!”
Screwball was about to take off at light speed towards the castle, but Griselda grabbed her curly tail and forcefully yanked her back. “No. Take me to his cell.”
“Oooo-Kaaay.” Screwball shrugged and led the General into the castle. “But we’ll have to go through the conversion chambers. The Grey Pony has accepted the corruption better than any pony before. The evil in his heart made it super easy. Still we do our best to instill chaos and eliminate harmony in everypony we can. At least until they become our mindless puppets.”
Griselda was led into the castle dungeons. The damp chamber was filtered with an eerie green light. The air was filled with the most horrifying screams Griselda had ever heard. Ponies of all three races were shackled to numerous cold, hard operating tables, still conscious, as wires and needles were fed into their bodies. They struggled and wailed in agony as the heinous machines pumped and drained heavens know what through their bodies. The walls of the dungeon were lines with glass tubes filled with sickly green smoke. The ponies trapped inside the tubes looked near death. They no longer resembled the brightly colored and jubilant beings that Griselda was used to. Their coats and manes, normally striking and bold, were all dull and muted. None of them had Cutie Marks, or their Marks were heavily faded and transparent. As she passed one of the cylinders, the Pegasus inside awoke and moaned like a banshee as he scratched his hooves against the glass in desperation. Griselda grimaced at the gaunt pony’s horrid wails and sped up her gait. The next tube did not house a pony. Inside was a Griffon. Her claws and wings were bound up and like the ponies, her once proud fur and feathers were faint and pathetic. The Griffon opened her eyes at stared lifelessly at Griselda. The sadness and torment in her eyes pleaded at her kin. Griselda stared at the unfortunate soul with cold eyes before abruptly turning her head in uncaring disdain and continued on with Screwball.
“I hope our work here meets with your approval?” Screwball asked innocently.
“Brainwashing is useful,” Griselda answered, “but there is no substitute for experience.”
“Oh Yes, I agree!” she cheered. “Once a pony’s hearts been corrupted and their coat turns dull, we have them practice on live targets. And thanks to your contributions, we've been able to start running our corruption tests on Griffons as well! Oh it is so much fun! Anyway, this is it! You can see him through the bars all nice and cozy in those metal chains.”
General Griselda peered through the bars of the cell at the large, hulking mass of muscle that was hunched in the corner. The beast was still and showed no sign of life beyond shallow breath.
“Call him” Griselda ordered.
Screwball theatrically cleared her throat and banged on the cell. “Hey, you ugly abomination wake up!” She screamed like a banshee. Griselda was slightly taken aback at the shrillness of her voice. The grey mass in the cell began to lurch. The heavy chains scraped against the stone floor as it stood up on all fours and Griselda was able to appreciate the size of the beast. It slowly sauntered into the light, dragging its chains behind it. The creature was a large Earth Pony Stallion. His coat, mane and eyes were all the same monochrome color. There was no soul in his stare.
The Grey Pony breathed heavily. The breaths turned to grunts and the grunts turned into ferocious roars. The pony came to life in a fit of anger. He wrestled with the chains that bound him. Griselda had never seen such monstrous brutality in even the most war-hungry of Griffons. The heavy metal restraints shattered from his bulging muscles. The anchors were ripped from their stone foundations. Griselda cautiously backed away in fear of the monster. Screwball laughed maniacally. Within a few moments, the Grey Pony calmed down again. He went back to his corner and continued his sulking.
“Yes, he seems powerful enough.” said Griselda, “Have him report to me in the Griffon Nest in twenty-four hours.” The General had seen enough. She couldn't get out of the torture chamber fast enough. Even as she boarded her chariot and flew far away from the castle, the agonizing screams and image of the raging Grey Pony lingered in her mind.
It was a bright and beautiful day. Roseluck could hear the birds singing outside the window of her tiny work room. She finished filing away the last document of the day then stretched her back as she raised herself from her chair. She checked herself in the mirror before leaving the room. She straightened her scarlet mane so it wouldn't stick to her forehead and applied a little extra makeup to her cheeks. She winked at herself and walked out of her workroom carrying the report of all the work she did that day. She gave the report to the Griffon at the lobby and walked outside to the cobblestone streets of Griffon Nest Community no. 7. The other ponies that worked in the archives with her said farewell as they trotted off to their designated living quarters before curfew hit.
Roseluck looked up at the sky. The Great Storm Cloud seemed thinner than usual. The billowing grey roof above her stretched outward as far she could see. However today, she could make out a tiny orb of intense light almost poking through the cloud barrier.
“Celestia is really trying her hardest today.” Roseluck said casually to herself. She caught her mistake and shrank back in fear. She looked around the street. Luckily none of the nearby Griffons heard her. The last thing she needed today was to spend time in correctional.
Roseluck walked in the opposite direction of her quarters. During work that day, she received an unmarked letter from her chief specifically for her. She read the message and it told her to go to the abandoned motel after work hours and to come alone. It had no signature but was stamped with the crest of Skyclaw. She arrived at the hotel and found the room number designated by the message. She knocked and was half expecting to be left out alone. No one had occupied the building for generations as it was closed down after the annexation. But then she heard a voice from the other side of the door.
“Who is it?” The voice was female and spoke in a Griffyk Accent.
“I am Roseluck, milady. Earth Pony, worker class. ID Number 23145. Currently assigned to Griffon Archives.”
“Come in!” The voice ordered. Roseluck pushed against the door and it slowly creaked opened to a dark, dusty room. All the furniture was gone save for a simple desk behind which sat a female Griffon wearing a military uniform. On her beak she wore a pair of massive, round reading glasses. Roseluck carefully trotted inside and closed the door behind her. She was frighteningly aware of every noise she made.
“Do you know who I am?” The Griffon asked. She didn't look up from the paperwork in front of her.
“General Griselda.” Roseluck answered obediently, “Head of Operations for Skyclaw. I saw you once when I was brought in for duty from the internment camps.”
“Did you tell anyone from the archives that you were coming here?”
“No. The message said--”
“Yes, yes, I know. I sent it” Griselda closed the file she was looking at and looked up at Rose. The glasses on her beak magnified her eyes so much she looked like an owl. Roseluck felt the urge to giggle at how silly it looked, but her fear and conditioning kept her in check. Griselda removed her glasses and stared at Rose with her piercing Griffon eyes. “Your work record is excellent. The aerie is proud of you.”
“Thank you, Milady.” Rose stayed polite, but emotionless. It was the proper way to speak to a honorably ranked Griffon.
“Now flip your mane.” The order was so stately sounding that Rose dropped her guard. She stared at the General with complete confusion. “Do it!” The General barked. Rose was hesitant. She thought maybe it was a trap and she would get in trouble for breaking protocol. Eventually she obeyed and flipped her medium length mane to the other side of her shoulder. It felt uncomfortably wrong. “Now turn around.” Rose did as she was told and spun around in a circle. “Pose for me!” the General continued, “flaunt your plot!”
Rose’s cheeks burned red. “Why are you making me…?”
The General ignored Rose’s behavior. She came out from behind her desk and was circling Rose. Rose could feel the General’s piercing eyes examining every inch of her demure frame. “You are rather pretty,” Griselda mused, “for a pony. It says here you once trained for the ballet?.” So referred to the file that sat on her desk.
“Well, yes,” Rose clarified, “But then I grew an inch over regulation height and so…”
“And then you have had three lovers.”
Roseluck had had enough. She felt furless and exposed. “Why are you asking me such intimate questions!?”
General Griselda ruffled her feathers in anger and whipped her lion tail at Rose’s hooves. Rose jumped as the resounding crack and was immediately regretful. “You are not here to ask questions! You forget to whom you are speaking?”
Rose bowed her head in shame to her master. “I am sorry, Milady! I… I was in love.”
Griselda returned to her her stone cold calmness. “And if you were not in love?”
“Well I suppose that would depend on the stallion.”
“Sensible answer.” Griselda said. She grabbed a small photograph from her desk and showed it to Roseluck. “This stallion for instance.”
Rose looked at the photo. It was black and white and so some details were hard to make out. A beefy stallion in a white apron stood proudly in front of a shiny new diner on a street corner. His hair was messy and his muzzle was a bit too round but his smile and eyes were very charming. His cutie mark looked to be a donut. “I cannot tell.” Rose answered, “Perhaps if her were kind and good towards me.”
“Proper.” General Griselda marched across the room around Roseluck. “I have selected you for a most important assignment. It’s purpose is to give false information to the enemy. If you complete it successfully, you will be promoted to Recognized Pony Class. From now on you will do anything he says!”
Roseluck could feel the weight of the Great Storm Cloud pressing against her. “And if I refuse?” she asked.
Griselda turned and glared at her with deadly seriousness. “Then you will not leave this room alive.” Roseluck’s pale yellow face turned as white as paper. She regretted coming to the hotel. How she wished she could go back in time and choose to walk to her quarters instead. She looked to the door but knew she wouldn't be able to escape the mighty speed of a Griffon.
“I will obey your orders.” she said meekly.
“Good! These are your instructions: You are to report to me here, but none of the other Griffons or inferior classes are to know i am here in the Nest. This is classified far beyond their level.”
“I will tell nopo… no one.”
“If you do, you will be killed.” This last statement was punctuated with another whip of the General’s tail. Her feathers prickled and her talons flared. Rose nearly broke down. Her knees buckled in fear and she fought against the tears that were forming in her eyes. Griselda took notice of the pony’s condition. She calmed herself and smiled at the young mare. She put one of her talons around her shoulder and lifted her frightened head up with the other. The Griffon’s lion tail caressed Rose’s, lovingly. “Come, come my dear.” the General spoke softly, “You must be honored that you have been chosen for such a simple, delightful duty. A real ‘Labor of Love’ as they say.” Roseluck shut her eyes tight while Griselda caressed her scarlet mane and laughed the falsest of laughs.
Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten)
Chapter 4: The Game with the Griffons
So it was that Donut Joe once again dusted off his favorite white collared shirt, black dinner jacket and bright red bowtie, slicked back his shaggy brown mane the best he could, closed off the donut shop, apologized profusely to Red Velvet, hopped on the airship and flew to the east towards the booming thunderheads that marked the skies of the Griffon Kingdom.
Joe cradled a half-eaten banana-nut muffin in his hooves while he stared out his window seat. Dark, grey swirls of heavy, wet clouds raged outside leaving sharp, cold droplets on the window. It was a flight that Joe, under the Equestrian given alias of Con Mane, had flown several times before. And even though it had been over a year since he had been in Griffon skies, the thunderheads all looked precisely the same. Naturally, like all creatures blessed with wings, the Griffons could stand on clouds as easily as earth. And like the Pegasi they could move and manipulate the clouds as they saw fit. He recalled visiting the Palace of Bloodbeak several years ago-- truly the finest example of Griffon inspired architecture made entirely of very expensive hail clouds. Unlike the Pegasi, however, the Griffons lacked the ability to manipulate the weather. They could lead the clouds to the sky, but they could not make them rain. Perhaps, Joe thought, that is what made the Great Storm Cloud so intimidating.
Joe fantasized about his inevitable meeting with this Roseluck. He could still see her picture in his mind. Her legs confident as any pony who, like Joe himself, were descended from the old Earth Pony families. He could visualize the petals of the rose on her flank dancing with her strut. It would give her tail a cute bounce, he thought. He liked tails that bounced. Most mares in Canterlot, Joe had noticed, usually had a wiggle or, in Red Velvet’s case, a swagger. But bouncing tails suggested youth, innocence and a disregard to the feminist movement running rampant throughout Canterlot. Joe believed Such a sense of independence tended to make things complicated.
Joe was reminded of another mare he recently met that also bounced her tail. She was an orphan from Janeighca named Sea Swirl. She spent her life in the wild and so had the fortune of never been corrupted by the avant garde ideas of how fillies should act. The last he’d seen of her was when he took her back to Equestria. She had become a property of the state and Joe could only imagine that she had been adopted by now. Oh well. A foal’s niavity can’t last forever.
The turbulence grew worse as the airship made its descent through the thickest part of the storm cloud. The earth below revealed itself as vast fields of yellow grass. Dead but moist. occasionally, a few select acres of green, healthy farmland could be seen fenced in along with uniform buildings. The airship approached a particularly large colony with its own airdock.
“Now landing within the sovereign territory of the Mighty Griffon Kingdom.” Rang the Griiffyk accent over the intercom, “Remember, it is an honor to walk on these grounds and fly in these skies. You are required to obey all Griffon laws during your visit and to stay within the areas which you have been granted access to by your visa. Flying above the Great Storm Cloud and the unauthorized use of pony magic is strictly forbidden. Please enjoy your stay.”
The airship unloaded its passengers into the airdock lobby. Griffon soldiers were lined up throughout the terminal. All the passengers kept their eyes forward and their hoofsteps quick under the Griffon’s heavy gazes.
The lobby was bustling with ponies-- most of them Earth Ponies moving heavy luggage for the passengers. Joe noticed each worker was oversaw by a Griffon soldier. None of the Griffons raised a claw or a wing. The crowded building was naturally filled with the sounds of indecipherable chatter. But unlike the ambient white noise of a typical crowded room this chatter was mostly screeching roars. The throaty gurgles of Griffyk barked orders like thunder.
Traditional Griffon wares and souvenirs lined the little shops, but Joe was resolute on leaving the airdock quickly. Joe left the crowded airdock lobby, but the Griffyk still scarred his ears. Outside the main building, yellow taxi carriages were lined up waiting to make their modest wages. Most of the taxi drivers were Earth Ponies but a modest amount of Pegasi and even Griffons were there too. As Joe glanced up and down the row of taxis, a hoof tapped him on his shoulder.
Joe turned around and was muzzle to muzzle with a handsome chocolate colored Pegasus Stallion in a smart blue tuxedo. His Cutie Mark was the monetary symbol for the bit. He had a blonde mane and dark eyes. He was young. Barely a colt.
“Mr. Mane, Cloak Daggers has sent a carriage for you.” The colt spoke calmly and with purpose.
Joe took a step back. He had learned from past endeavors that drivers approaching him in an airdock was something of which to be wary. “Ok, fine, but first I’m hungry. Do you have a muffin?”
“I prefer donuts, myself.” The colt answered.
Joe kept his eye square on the colt’s. They were still, devoid of deceit. Still Joe continued, “Better still.”
“Until they go stale.” This last statement was what Joe needed. With the password confirmed, Joe removed the black saddlebags that was given to him by MARE-- which now bore his Cutie Mark of a donut with pink frosting and sprinkles-- and strapped them around the colt.
“I’ll fetch the carriage.” The contact said as he trotted off with rehearsed condescendence.
“That’s fine by me.”
The carriage on the outside was simple. black, square, unpolished and unnoticeable. The inside was well upholstered and comfortable but not loudly luxurious. The most conspicuous part of the carriage was the advertisement plastered on the side that read ‘Cloak and Dagger Exotic Rugs and Curtains’. The colt drew the carriage quickly but not too quickly. The street was at one point probably cobblestone. Now it was mostly dirt with occasional patch of unweathered stone that popped the carriage into the air. The buildings were of Unicorn design and mostly worn down. Repairs to the necessary building were obviously done by Griffon design. The sophisticated elegance clashed with the bare practicality. Joe imagined this must have been a beautiful Unicorn city before the Great Storm Cloud crept in however many decades ago.
“It’s going to take me a long time to get used to having the sky constantly covered by storm clouds.” Joe commented. He looked up but couldn't find the sun. He found himself pining for the beaches of Janeighca. “Hell, the eternal night in the New Lunar Republic is brighter than this. How in blazes do those Griffons even see where they’re going flying up there?” The colt didn't answer. “Speaking of which. Those two Griffons have been flying above our carriage since we left the airdock. Is it normal to have Griffons follow you in the Nest?”
The Griffons in question made no attempt to hide their tail. They were close enough to the carriage that Joe could clearly hear the flapping of their wings. They barely flew above the old Unicorn buildings.
“Oh yes, sir.” The colt answered nonchalantly. “Today it’s Storm Team Y-H7 on duty. They are a detachment from SkyClaw. They follow us, we follow them. It’s a sort of… understanding that we have.”
Joe’s eyes remained fixated on the Griffons. One of them looked down on him with a twinkle of hunger in its eye. Joe’s skin crawled up his neck. “Oh yeah, that’s very friendly. How much farther is it to Cloak Daggers’ office?”
“Hold on tight.” was all the colt said in amusement. The colt picked up his pace. He was now galloping down the dilapidated streets. The Griffons kept up their speed effortlessly. The carriage, hopping around on the uneven pavement, entered a market. Both pony and Griffon merchants were attempting to hawk their wares. The carriage turned a tight corner. At the dead end of the road sat a small rug store. Several rugs with exotic patterns sat out on the lines. The colt continued to gallop towards the shop, heading straight towards a solid brick wall. The colt did not slow down. Joe’s body tensed in instinctual panic. He closed his eyes tight and prepared himself for whatever was just about to happen.
Joe horn tingled for just a second.
“Ah, my friend. Come in! Come in! Glad to see you!” Sang an unfamiliar voice. “Welcome to the Griffon Kingdom, for all that it’s worth!”
Joe opened his eyes and he found himself in a large exotic sitting room. It was carved out of local stone and decorated with local color. Bright paintings, rainbow rugs and carved statues depicting Princess Celestia did their best to modify the stark Griffon architecture. Joe hopped out of the carriage-- the room was large enough to hold at least three side by side-- and looked behind him. He faintly made out the pattern of a brick wall but his eyes couldn't focus on it. It was as if the wall was both there and not there. Beyond the not-wall the two Griffons sat on their haunches staring patiently forward.
“Thanks for the carriage ride but my heart could have done without the illusion magic.
The chocolate colt bowed respectfully. “I am sorry for the inconvenience, sir.” He didn't sound like he meant it. “Now if you’ll excuse me.” The colt excused himself from the room.
Joe was left to face the middle-aged, mustard yellow Pegasus that remained in the sitting room. He had a very angular muzzle-- a mark of purebred Pegasopolan heredity-- and his mouth was very wide. His smile was a display of massive, white teeth. He had a curled wisp of a mustache, very very dark blue almost black. His mane was likely the same color, but it was hidden under a black hat with a very wide brim that shadowed his mysterious pink eyes. Stitched into the hat was a large, extravagant, bright red feather. Around his mustard body, he wore a matching black cape that draped over his haunches so that Joe could only just barely make out a Cutie Mark of a pair of classical theatrical masks-- a white comedy and a black tragedy. The stallion took a bite out of a large bar of chocolate.
“That carriage was hardly discrete, Daggers.” Joe barked at his contact, “It has an advertisement for your shop on it. Rather ties you in with me, don’t it?”
Cloak Daggers laughed it off, his deep voice boomed from his great mouth. He theatrically flared his cape and lifted a hoof over Joe’s shoulder with a friendly pat. “You're in the Nests now, my friend. The game with the Griffons is played a little differently here. In day to day matters we don’t make it too difficult to keep tabs on each other.” Daggers offered a bar of chocolate to Joe who accepted.
“Yeah I kinda got that feeling from your driver. He’s a pretty smart colt.”
“He should be.” Daggers smiled proudly, “He’s my son!” Daggers reached over to a small bell that sat on the nearby table and gave it a ring. Almost immediately another colt entered the room. The colt had the same exact coat and mane colors and Cutie Mark. Joe would have sworn it was the same pony if it wasn’t for the fact that this one was a Unicorn that wore a green tuxedo. “Coffee?” Daggers asked Joe.
“Extra black with marshmallows.”
“Two coffees! Extra black with marshmallows!” Daggers repeated the order and the colt bowed and left. “He is also my son. All of my key employees are my sons. Blood is the best security in this business.” He happily took another bite of chocolate.
“You must be doing pretty well for yourself?” Joe started on his own chocolate.
“Biggest family payroll in the Nest. Not bad for a pony who started out breaking chains and bending bars with his teeth in the circus. But enough of my youthful exploits. Let us talk about this business of yours.”
Joe tutted and glanced to the sides. “Well I think I’m wasting my time here.”
“And so do I. My nose is an old friend of mine and it’s telling me something smells.” Daggers chuckled and finished off his chocolate.
“Maybe… But if there’s a chance of getting the Grimoire…” Joe grunted and wrestled with his thoughts. He still hadn't figured out why he was here or what it was he truly wanted. He only mentioned the Grimoire because he felt it was the correct answer. “Now you tell me. Where can I contact this mare?”
“She will make her own arrangements. You’ll just have to wait.” Just great, Joe thought. The door opened again and the Unicorn colt entered levitating two mugs of coffee with his horn. “Ah the coffee is here!” Daggers cheered optimistically. “Thank you. My friend if you want my advice, you should spend a few pleasant days with us here in the Nests and then,” he chuckled. “And then go home.”
The idea was tempting. Joe stared into his coffee and used his horn magic to swirl around the marshmallows inside. Just going home. It would certainly be that simple. And it would certainly send MARE over the edge. Either way, Joe decided, he was already in the Griffon Nests. Might as well make the best of it.
The Claw ‘n’ Paw Hotel. It was a dump. It sat in a square near the center of town that before the occupation might have been bustling. The walls were sunken and the paint peeling. Holes were patched up with grey something that resembled the grey of the storm cloud that hung high above. The lobby was grungy and stripped of all decoration. The tile floor had lost its vibrant color and the fountain in the center of the room poured out a stream of creeping vine as opposed to water. Joe approached the unpolished wooden reception desk and rang an old bell. A young female Griffon appeared and smiled like a receptionist should. Joe noticed she had very pretty eyes.
“Welcome to the Claw n’ Paw. How may I help you?”
“Con Mane.” Joe said, “You have a reservation for me.”
The Griffon taloned through a small registry book and nodded pleasantly. She grabbed a key from a wall of hooks behind her-- very few keys were missing-- and hoofed it to Joe. “Mr. Mane your room is ready. Room 32. I hope you enjoy your stay.”
A Unicorn bellhop levitated Joe’s luggage and led him up to the third floor. The room was surprisingly welcoming. The bedding looked new as did the carpet and wallpaper. A plush chair sat in the corner and the bathroom was fully operational. A fancy chandelier shone brightly on the ceiling with the light being refracted through several dozens of clear crystals. Joe deeply breathed in the violet scented air and walked over to the wall mounted mirror in an attempt to straighten his messy hair. A loud cough caught Joe’s attention and he noticed that the bellhop was still in the doorway.
“Will there be anything else, sir?” The bellhop asked. Joe took out five bits and discreetly dropped them into the front pocket of the bellhop’s bright red uniform. The young Unicorn’s eyes widened in utter disbelief as he stared into the pocket to recount the generous gratuity. “THANK you, sir!”
The bellhop exited the room very quickly with a giant, stupid smile. Joe wondered if he did the right thing. He hoped the Griffons would allow him to keep it.
Joe lifted his saddlebags up onto the soft bed. From a side pocket he took out an expensive looking watch and strapped it around his hoof. The watch had a shiny, black, leather strap and the face was made with fine horsemanship. He approached the mirror again and adjusted his bowtie. Joe turned a dial on the side of the watch and lifted the beeping accessory of towards the mirror. Nothing.
Joe charged his horn and surrounded his magic around the chandelier before relaying the energy towards the watch. Still no reaction. He carefully marched around the room until he approached the bedside table. The watch beeped more quickly. A simple phone sat on the table. Joe lifted it with his magic and he could feel it in his horn. A spying eye spell.
Joe was slowly understanding what Cloaks Daggers had meant when he talked about the game with the Griffons. No pony could enter the Griffon Nests without the Griffons taking notice. They were far too anal retentive for that. Joe knew the Griffons would be watching him like a hawk and the Griffons obviously knew who he is affiliated with. So why hide it? There was no need to pretend. Put the spy in the most obviously lavish room in the hotel and don't even bother to disguise the enchanted phone. The game was indeed different in the Nests. But Joe figured that these Griffons had never played against the likes of him.
“Hello?” Joe spoke into the phone to reception, “This is Con Mane, room 302.”
“Yes, how may we help you, Mr. Mane?” spoke that Griffon Girl.
“I’m afraid the room won't do. The bed’s too small. You got anything else?”
Joe could hear harsh whispering on the other end. No doubt a superior Griffon was listening in on the call through the spell.
“I’m sorry, sir. I’m afraid that’s all we have available.” Joe remembered the large collection of unclaimed keys behind the desk downstairs but didn’t raise an objection. “Well, except for the bridal suite.”
“Well show it to me. I may like it.” Joe called their bluff.
More desperate whispering.
“I’ll send the porter up right away.”
“Thank you.” Joe hung up and proudly awaited the same bellhop to come greedily take his bags.
The bridal suite on the top floor was massive, but poorly furnished and badly kept. Joe used the trace magic detector in his watch to quickly identify the spying spell in the room. It wasn't nearly as powerful as the one in his old room and he could easily counter it. But instead he decided to have some fun with the Griffons by occasionally allowing the spell to pick up some choice phrases that meant nothing.
Luckily the bathroom was still fully operational. Joe took off his suit and drew a bath. The hot water wasn't working and so he used his baking spell to heat the water.
Across the street from the Claw n’ Paw was an almost equally tall building, old and abandoned. On the rooftop sat a Griffon. Her eyes stayed glued upon the silhouette in the bridal suite window. She was the most diligent scout in SkyClaw. She could watch her prey for days without moving. Without blinking. She was the best and she was proud of it. She had been following the Equestrian since he left the airdock. She followed him to the home of Cloak Daggers and then followed him here. It was routine, it was boring, but it was her duty to the aerie.
Her vigil was distracted by the sound of hooves approaching her from behind. With a frustrated grunt she turned around. A pony was approaching her on the rooftop. He was an Earth Pony with a massive frame. His coat was a sickly grey and he oddly lacked a Cutie Mark.
“Inferior pony class,” she barked, “this area is restricted.” The grey pony continued to approach her. His breathing was heavy and coarse. His eyes were listless. There was something odd about this pony and so the Griffon ruffled her feathers and readied her talons. “It is forbidden for worker class ponies to approach Griffons of rank without--”
The pony’s grey eyes exploded with life. He leaped towards the Griffon with speed she had never seen from a pony. She unfolded her wings and held out her talons in defense. Her sharp claws made contact with the pony’s flesh but they wouldn't dig in. His skin was firm and unbreakable. She attempted to take to the skies but she failed under the weight of her attacker. She was pinned to the rooftop by hulking hooves. She clawed and snapped her beak but they did nothing. The pony heaved with ravaged breath and the veins in his eyes pounded with bloodlust. He pressed one of his massive hooves against the Griffon’s throat and slammed down hard. The Griffon’s continuous struggles waned and weakened until life left her eyes.
The grey pony’s breathing calmed. His eyes once again fogged up with lifeless disinterest. Another Griffon flew down and landed on the roof. She looked down on her dead comrade and smiled.
“Good work.” said General Griselda, “Leave her somewhere she will be found. Who can the Griffons suspect but the Equestrian spies? Whatever semblance of Harmony still remains in the Griffon Nests will soon collapse into chaos.”
Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten)
Cloak Daggers sat behind his desk feigning paperwork in an effort to avoid the thick mugginess of the morning. A particularly dense patch of moisture had rolled into the Great Storm Cloud overnight, turning the Nest air into soup. But despite the thickness of the humidity, Daggers found himself wearing a thick autumn cloak-- a favorite of his with red lining.
Something was wrong. He could feel it on the wind. It was as if the powers of Harmony were just fading away. This didn’t bode well as far as Daggers was concerned. Roseluck had still not yet contacted him. His son reported that he was not followed by the usual tail and that made the chill in Dagger’s spine all the more troublesome. He needed to tell Con Mane. Daggers couldn’t help but feel that Con Mane had to leave the Griffon Nests before something terrible happened.
The words on the report he had been writing danced before him. He couldn’t even remember what the report was about. Daggers sat up from his desk and indulged in a bar of chocolate. The good stuff imported from the NLR. Perhaps he just needed a lie down. He was growing old and he worried for this heart. He thought to invite that rather pretty pearl colored filly over for a while. She had recently grown fond of his money and she was good at pleasing him. But deep down Daggers knew it was hopeless. His heart would not keep still.
Daggers made his way to the futon on the far end of the room while exaggerating his aches and pains to nopony. The futon was an Avant Decor or some other expansive make. The middle of the worn, blue seat had sagged from continuous use and weight. Daggers imagined the pearl pony fitting within the recess quite comfortably. Her eyes closed and pining for Daggers’ hooves on her body. No, Daggers thought, his heart certainly wasn’t up for it.
Daggers was just about ready to fall into the embrace of the futon when a massive tremor launched him off his hooves. He safely landed on the furniture as half of his office collapsed in a deafening roar. Daggers coughed and futilely tried to wave away the massive cloud of dust. The western wall of his beautiful home was reduced to rubble. There was no sign of the desk at which Daggers had been sitting just moments before. Only a gaping hole with a clear view of the Great Storm Cloud remained.
Joe could not believe his eyes when he saw the state of Cloak Daggers’ rug shop. There were no ponies or Griffons gawking at the spectacle. He figured the residents of the Nests were either so used to this sort of destruction that they learned to ignore it, or the Griffons had ordered them to ignore it. Joe climbed through the hole in the wall to see Daggers’ Unicorn son clearing the rubble while the Pegasus son tended to his shaken father.
“So tell me,” Joe greeted Daggers lightheartedly, “who won?”
Daggers smiled meekly at Joe and slowly rose to shake his hoof. “I had visitors.”
“A bomb?”
“No. And it wasn’t magic either. No, something rammed my wall with raw power, I’m sure of it. Luckily for me, I was resting on the settee for just a moment.”
“But what could have the power to do this?”
“I think I may have an idea. I cannot understand this sudden beach of the truce. It is quite unlike our Griffon friends to break the peace this way.”
“It’s my fault. My arrival stirred up the pot.”
“It may be because of you… Or there may be another reason. Let’s find out”
Daggers shook the feeling back into his legs and led Joe to another room in the house. A rather large rug of Zebra design hung like a curtain. Daggers slide the rug to the side and pressed against the wall which pivoted to reveal a dark tunnel.
“Another secret door?” Joe was impressed. “How many of those do you have?”
Daggers chuckled heartily, “Well if you knew, they wouldn’t be a secret. Follow me.”
Daggers ordered one of his sons to close the door and rug behind them. Joe lit his horn and illuminated the passage. Large stone steps descended into a massive underground chamber. It was one gigantic catacomb, so large that the other walls and even the ceiling were lost to darkness. Large stone support columns rose out from the still, mirror-like water that covered the entire floor of the chamber. At the end of the stairs, a small gondola with a single punt was moored to a hook. A lantern hung from the end of the boat and Joe lit it with a small heat spell.
Both ponies carefully climbed into the boat and Daggers undid the rope. He punted the boat further into the cave until the stairs left the sanctity of the lantern. The chamber seemed to go on for eternity. Joe felt strangely ill. Lost in an endless void of water, darkness and repeating columns. The air was heavy with moisture and tickled every inch of Joe’s skin. Aside from the occasional phantom drip, the sound of the punt and boat moving through the water were the only sounds to be heard.
“An ancient Griffon King built this place as a reservoir 1600 years ago.” Cloak Daggers explained, “Weather Factories didn’t exist back then so they had to come up with more clever ways to get rain water up into the sky. This reservoir was part of that system. Now I am one of the few remaining commoners who even knows about it. I bet you are wondering how big this chamber is? It runs underneath the entirety of the Griffon Nest. Go far enough and you’ll eventually be under the Griffon’s Capitol cloud city. Luckily for us, we only need to travel a few city blocks. This is my daily exercise. One in the morning and three in the afternoon.”
Joe was mesmerized. He got over the creeping fear of the surrounding darkness. Now the void was somehow beautiful. An underground sanctuary cut off from the political wars and daily struggles of the world above. The steady flow of the punt was therapeutic.
Joe was torn away from his thoughts when Daggers suddenly started coughing. His cough was heavy and full of phlegm. Daggers beat his chest a few times until the cough went away and continued punting. Joe looked up at the Pegasus with concern. “You ok, there, Daggers?”
“It was just some moisture getting caught in my throat. You need not worry.”
The small boat arrived at a small stone dock. Joe tied her up while Daggers took the lantern and led Joe into a slightly elevated cavity in the stone. Mounted in the cavity was a mirror, tilted at a slight angle. It’s glass reflected the darkness of the catacomb.
“We’re underneath the Griffon Archives.” Daggers said, “This magic mirror is a present from the Equestrian Royal Guard. I had it installed while the archives were undergoing massive construction.”
“Clever,” Joe commented, “but wouldn’t the Griffons notice the other mirror in the office?”
“This isn’t a standard two-way mirror, my fiend. It’s magic allows us to see through the wall behind it. Unfortunately, it isn’t the most optimum angle.” On cue, Joe and Daggers’ reflections changed into an image of a simple office. The image was as clear as any window. Because of the angle of the mirror, it looked like Joe was seeing the room through a mouse hole near the floor. Several Griffons were standing around a table but only the ones standing on the far side of the room could be seen entirely.
“You know, MARE was right about you.” Joe said.
“About why I stay in this mad business?”
“Well obviously being a rug sales pony was too boring for you.”
“My friend, I didn't know you were a mind reader!” Daggers laughed with his massive teeth in full display. Daggers turned his attention to the mirror and pointed out the important details and identities to Joe. “There is already a meeting going on. At the head of the table is the Griffon Military Commander. On his left? Gozlovsky, Chief of Security. Opposite him? Guile, one of his agents. I can’t see the other Griffon. The one the Commander is shouting at.”
The Commander’s eyes were red with anger. His beak flashed quickly, his wings were flared and bristled and he was the type of Griffon that talked with his claws. His talons waved around in a pantomime that seemed comical without the luxury of sound. The recipient of his anger was unseen. He must have been standing just outside the range of the mirror.
“Well whoever he is, that Commander is giving him hell for something.”
“It’s too bad we can’t hear as well as see.”
“Tell me,” Joe asked, “does our filly, Roseluck, ever come into this room?”
“Sometimes, with messages.”
The argument within the Griffon war room continued. The Griffon Commander continued to bark at the unseen Griffon. But his look of anger quickly changed into a look of utter panic. A looming shadow enveloped the Commander and the fourth Griffon came into view. Except it wasn’t a Griffon.
“The Minotaur!” Daggers’ exclaimed. Surely enough, on the other side of the enchanted glass, was the towering frame of a Minotaur. Towering a good two heads above the Griffons, his bovine face and massive horns were just barely visible. One of his horns was badly damaged. It was cracked and worn and significantly shorter than the other one. His fur was very short and fine. The corpse grey skin of his impressive muscles bulged beyond the hair. The crest of the Griffon Kingdom was branded into his left bicep. The hair of his lower half was significantly thicker. It was black and thick, especially around the extremities. “So he’s back…” Daggers’ continued, “A mercenary the Griffons use as a killer. Just the monster for ramming down my wall. I’ve had trouble with him before but he stayed out of the Griffon Kingdom for over a year now. Why has he returned? Take a look. You should memorize that face. This monster kills for pleasure.”
The animosity in Daggers’ voice was disturbing. Joe watched as the Minotaur talked back at the Griffon Commander. The Commander looked three inches tall next to monster, in more ways than one. The silent argument suddenly stopped as the Minotaur and the Griffons turned their heads away from the mirror in unison. The door on the far side of the table opened. Due to the angle of the mirror, the table blocked the view of the door but Joe could certainly make out the distinct hooves of a pony.
“That’s probably Roseluck.” Daggers explained, “She’s the only pony who is allowed in there. How does she look to you.”
Roseluck walked around the table in a wide arc-- probably out of respect and/or fear for her superiors-- so Joe did not see her face. When she came back into view she was so close to the mirror that all Joe could see were her legs. Four well hoofecured hooves attached to four slender yet toned beige legs. Her flank sat high and tight on her hindquarters and the rose of her flank followed the gentle curve of her haunches. The tip of a deep red tail with a Unicorn Cut drooped low and grew high off the croup. “Well…” Joe answered with a smirk, “I’d say from this angle, things are shaping up nicely.” The beautiful curves walked out of sight and out of the room. “I got to meet her. Can you get me a plan of the archive?”
“I wish I could.” Daggers said solemnly.
Joe turned to him and pleaded at him with a stern eye. “Oh come on. The architect had to have left a file somewhere.”
“I’ll get onto that.” Daggers was visibly still disturbed. He would not take his eye off of the Minotaur. “I need a little more time to deal with that stinking monster!” Daggers turned off the magic mirror in frustration. “It would be better if you didn't stay at the hotel tonight. Come with me.”
“Alright, but where are we going?” Joe asked.
Daggers turned to him with a cheeky smile. “My friends will take care of us.”
Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten)
Chapter 6: Cloak Daggers and the Minotaur
“Where in blazes are you taking me?” Joe complained after several long minutes of walking through dead countryside. If Joe had known that they would be spending so much time in the humid air of the late evening, he wouldn't have worn his jacket and bowtie. His frazzled mane had long ago stopped cooperating with the comb.
Cloak Daggers, on the other hoof, did not seem to mind the humidity at all. Despite his heavy, black cape, he kept a progressive pace and positive attitude. Even the red feather tucked into the wide brim of his hat seemed defiantly lively. “One of my sons is driving the chariot with two illusions in the back in the opposite direction. The Griffons will be following it for hours.” The Great Storm Cloud turned a pumpkin orange as the sun made its retreat beyond the horizon. The light of the moon did not have the power to pierce the thick blanket. The sky dissolved into a starless night. “I think you will like my friends. I use them like the Griffons use their monsters.” Daggers stopped walking and coughed a few times before taking a drink of water from the canteen in his saddlebag.
The dusty, dead trail stopped at a dusty, dead mountain range. The foothill was tall and steep and was decorated with dead plant life. The pain in Joe’s legs became all too prevalent. Joe looked to Daggers with icy dissatisfaction. Cloak saw the disdain and laughed it off. “Don’t worry,” he grinned, “we are not going over the mountain. We are going through it.”
Daggers hooved up a rock and tossed it at the mountain wall. The rock bounced off, or did it? Joe could have sworn he saw the rock bounce but at the same time he was second guessing himself. He found that the more he tried to focus and analyze the earth, the more his focus and attention were strained. It was a bizarre feeling that he had felt before in Janeighca.
Daggers continued his explanation, “It’s an illusion created by the Breezies’ magic.”
“Breezies?” Joe exclaimed. He had heard many tales of the Breezies. Their existence were believed to be a myth by most ponies or an extinct species by scientists. Joe himself had never encountered any evidence of their existence outside of the ‘eyes only’ files within Mane6 that assured them to be real.
“Not all creatures of these lands obediently rolled over when the Griffons took over. These tiny creatures used their knowledge of ancient magic to hide from the Griffons. They are a secret tribe with a unique culture.” Daggers stepped closer towards the ‘mountain’ and took a final survey of the surrounding area-- particularly the sky. When he was sure that there was nopony else around, he raised his head and shouted, “Orek, Seu-su Meht! ”
The muscles in the back of Joe’s eyes strained as two realities came at war in his mind. He was forced to wince and turn his head away. When he looked back the mountain was gone, and in its place was a massive grove. A field of lush, healthy grass sprawled out before him. Mossy stones glittered with dew and trees that rose to his muzzle bore fruits the size of almonds. Tiny structures decorated the fields. They were houses, only hoof tall. It looked like a village of dollhouses. Throughout the trees and houses, strange objects hung from the branches and hooks. Hollowed out reads and hanging animal bones. The air felt different as well. The grassy field didn't feel humid or heavy. Joe could only describe it as a perfume with no odor. It was alien yet welcoming. Mysterious yet respectable. As Joe carefully stepped into the field of tiny trees and houses, it felt like he was the one who was magically grown beyond his normal size. It was awkward. He tread carefully, afraid to even disturb the blades of grass.
The village was also quiet.Despite the signs of civilization, it was empty and eerie. That is until one creature emerged from one of the tiny wooden houses. It looked pony enough. A head, a body, four hooves and a tail. But it was tiny enough to rest on a hoof. Its legs were long and skinny like a spider. Large, insect like wings with scales of dazzling colors protruded from it’s back. The wings lifted the creature into the air but they did not flutter or buzz. It just glided slowly towards Daggers like the seed of a dandelion. A pair of long antennae sprouted from a delicate mane. As the creature grew closer, Joe could make out its eyes which were massive compared to the rest of its face. They were glowing and attractive. The combination of attractive eyes and wings reminded Joe disturbingly of Parasprites.
Daggers lifted his hoof and the tiny creature landed softly. “Huital, Cloak Daggers. ” It squeaked. The accent was like nothing Joe had heard before. “Nu dat suum-Orai. ” Although Joe could not make out what the creature was saying, the tone of its voice and the pleasant smile on Daggers’ face must have meant something good. The Breezie lifted off and floated backwards deeper into the village. Its brilliant eyes beckoned them forward.
“Follow me, my friend,” Daggers said, “and be mystified.”
Joe was mystified alright. The inner glades of the Breezie village emitted a certain ethereal glow that contrasted with the starless night above. It was dreamlike. Joe was lost in a fog of disbelief. The sole Breezie shouted some more unknown words. It must have been a call of assurance as hundreds of tiny heads curiously poked out of the doors and windows of the tiny homes in fascination. They carefully glided from their hiding spaces and, upon recognizing Daggers, happily surrounded him in an adorable cloud of gossamer wings and squeaky, indecipherable chatter. Then they saw Joe. They all shrunk back with concern. Joe imagined that Daggers was likely met with the same fear and distrust upon his first visit with this delicate creatures. The conversation between Daggers and the Breezies sounded foreboding and the looks on the Breezies faces were anxious at the very least. Joe understood the signs and stayed a clear distance away from the flock of Breezies.
Daggers spoke to the Breezie leader in their language. Daggers seemed to be vouching for Joe from what Joe could tell. The leader ordered the others and they obeyed. They glided over and grabbed Joe by the forelegs. Despite their legs being no stronger than fallen feathers, they pulled Joe to guide him forward. The light touches of their legs and wings and antennae tickled Joe’s skin. He fought against his snorts and giggles. He was afraid that he might offend the little guys and he wasn't sure if his heart could take it.
The look on Daggers’ face when he returned to Joe was far different than the heavenly bliss from earlier. “I just spoke with the Breezie Chief. It seems we have come on the wrong night. The magical breeze that gives these creatures their power has died due to the increasing strength of the Storm Cloud. Tonight they will perform a ritual to try and reinvigorate the pollen that is the source of their power. But as things stand now, the pollen will die and their whole civilization will crumble. And to make matters worse, the illusion that protects their home would vanish and the Griffons would find them.”
“Anything we can do to help the little guys?” Joe asked.
“I’m afraid not.” Daggers shook his head solemnly. “This kind of magic is unique to the Breezies. But do not worry. The illusion spell will only be down for a short time. Now come. We are bidden to the shrine. We shall watch the ceremony.”
Joe and Daggers sat in the very back before a miniature amphitheater carved out of pebbles in a tiny ditch. The hundreds of Breezies sat not only on the stone bleachers but also throughout the tiny trees and on the roofs of nearby houses. At the base of the amphitheater was an old tree stump, withered away into the shape of an altar. A procession of Breezies wafted in from behind Joe without sound. A wing kissed his ear and his flinched in surprise. The Breezies in the parade each carried tiny saddlebags made from the tops of acorns. In each bag was a pile of what Joe could have sworn was gold dust. One by one, the Breezies approached the altar and added their dust to the pile. The pile of golden particles grew big enough to where it was a sizable mound that covered the stump, taller than any Breezie.
The Breezie Chief hovered over the golden mountain and spoke loudly and confidently. Daggers translated to Joe.
Horg-no frok! Nruren-Jubileeh! “The Breezies who have carried the pollen will present it to their altar. Once the blessing is given, the pollen will glow.” Shnor-reising. Hubratra-Raynasor. Sut-Sut Drugh. “The Breezie Chief is giving his blessing now. The pollen must be empowered by the magic breeze. If there is not enough breeze, or if the breeze is too strong, the pollen my die. A falling leaf or even a breath may be enough to alter the strength of the magic. So no matter what happens, do and say nothing.”
Joe immediately held in his breath and watched in silence. He felt another gentle kiss at the back of his neck. The kiss wafted through his messy mane and the corners of Daggers’ cape danced slightly. The breeze picked up. It was cool and calming. The tiny trees of the village swayed from side to side like graceful dancers at the ballet. The wings and antennae of the Breezies all perked up at the touch of the wind. Their wings came to life as they reflected rainbows of light through their polished scales. Joe’s ears were blessed with the sounds of beautiful music. He realized what the bones and hollowed reeds in the trees were. They were wind chimes and woodwinds that sang the sweet melody of the breeze. The entire village was alive with sound and color. It was quiet, peaceful and relaxing. Joe felt like he was in the hooves of a beautiful mare that lovingly caressed his heart. Or perhaps it was more like a mother, singing a lullaby to her scared child. The small mound of pollen on the altar shone brilliantly, just like Daggers predicted. The light grew brighter and brighter until it hurt Joe’s eyes.
And then the breeze dissipated. The music stopped and the light grew still. Joe reveled in the calmness he felt in his heart. He was honored to have witness the ceremony and for the first time since entering the Nests he didn't regret leaving his donut shop. But then his smile quickly faded. Something wasn't right. The Breezies weren't celebrating. Although he could not make out what they were saying, it was clear that the Breezies talked among themselves with fear and concern. Joe turned to Daggers who was equally as confused.
“The spell didn't finish.” Daggers said, “Something stopped it.”
There was a howl in the distance. A blood-curdling howl that silenced the world. Everypony was still as stone. A second howl answered the first, higher pitched and even louder. “What was that?” Daggers asked.
“It sounded like a Timberwolf.” said Joe.
“Timberwolves? There are no Timberwolves in the Nests.You are paranoid, Con.”
As if in snide reply to Daggers’ remark, another howl ripped the air. The source was unmistakable. All in attendance turned their head to the side to behold the sight of a pair of Timberwolves slowly advancing towards them. Their wooden bodies scraped against the sides of the Breezie homes as foul smelling saliva dripped from their gaping maws. Their eyes were a hungry yellow glow. The Breezies immediately squealed in panic and flew off in all directions. One of the wolves licked its pointy stick teeth with a mossy tongue and leaped towards a hovering cloud of Breezies. Joe jumped forward and met the wolf in the air with a powerful punch to the jaw. The wolf’s frail wooden body splintered and broke apart but the wooden fragments quickly levitated and reformed back into their proper shape reforming the wolf.
Daggers’ eyes were wide with disbelief. He kept muttering how impossible the situation was under his breath. He unfolded his wings and took to the skies in an effort to corral the Breezies and guide them to safety. But then the earth shook with a tremendous quake. It distracted Joe from his fight with the wolves. He turned around and saw the towering figure of a transparent, blue bear, taller than even a normal pony’s home. With a single step, the Ursa Minor’s toenail alone leveled numerous Breezie homes.
Joe looked around the village as more and more monsters appeared. A Manticore impaled and uprooted a tree with its tail. And on the other side of the glade, a Cockatrice had turned a small group of Breezies into stone. Breezies tried to escape and find shelter but their homes were systematically crumbled into dust and without their magical breeze they could not fly fast or high enough.
“How?” Daggers cried out, “How did this happen?” The Pegasus was in a daze. Joe rescued a small cluster of cowering Breezies by levitating a Cockatrice and throwing it into another Timberwolf allowing the creatures to float away before it reformed. Joe ran to Daggers and looked him in the eye.
“Daggers, now is not the time for that! The monsters just keep coming! We can’t fight them. We need to focus on evacuating the Breezies.”
A deep booming voice rang out, “I wouldn't bother with that, Agent Mane.” Joe turned his head and he saw the hulking form of the Minotaur mercenary looming over him. Smiling devilishly, the Minotaur snapped his fingers and a Manticore stepped forward with a cage full of Breezies hanging from its mouth. The other monsters had similarly captured the rest of the Breezies. All the cages and crying Breezies were collected at the center of town along with the laughing Minotaur. The Minotaur plucked one of the creatures and dangled it up to his face by its wing, “These little guys are so cute. You know I think I may display them alongside my butterfly collection.”
Cloak Daggers’ face became an inferno of rage. He took off and hovered in front of the Minotaur’s face. “You’re business is with me, Minotaur! My friends don’t have to be involved.”
“The Minotaur laughed, “Oh I’m afraid your little Equestrian friend there is very involved. You’d think the Griffons would just ignore the cold blooded murder of one of their own?”
Joe and Daggers stared at each other in blank confusion. “What are you talking about, horn head!?” Joe asked.
“I’ll deal with you later.” The Minotaur scoffed, “ But first I've got a score to settle with Cloak Daggers!”
“Con Mane!” Daggers yelled out, “you must go and help the Breezies. This is between the Minotaur and me.”
Joe could feel the unparalleled animosity that existed between Daggers and his foe. As much as Joe wanted to help, he knew better than to interfere with another pony’s fight. Joe looked to the monsters. They were loading the Breezie cages onto a series of wagons. The Breezies were crying out for dear life and Joe didn't need a translator to know what they were saying. “Just don’t get yourself turned into custard.” Joe said to Daggers.
“I’ll be fine. Now go!” With that blessing, Joe took off towards the army of monsters. Daggers planted his hooves on the ground and arched his back in preparation. The Minotaur obliged by kneeling down into a runner’s position, his knuckles touching the ground. With a sickly satisfied smile, the Minotaur lowered his worn down horns and pointed them at Daggers. “Well then…” Daggers’ words held a finality about them, “Ole! ”
The two opponents charged at each other with reckless ferocity. Daggers streamlined his wings and transferred his running momentum into a ballistic trajectory. The Minotaur dug his tiny hooves into the dirt and relied on his ancestral roots. The bitter enemies met and, despite Daggers’ attempts to slyly dodge, they collided and the Minotaur’s brute strength sent the Pegasus tumbling several feet away and into the ruin of a nearby Breezie house. Daggers coughed violently as he struggled back to his hooves.
The Minotaur towered over Daggers’ battered frame and spat on the pony. “How pathetic. What happened to you, Cloak Daggers? Where is your old Pegasopolan spirit? You are nothing but a sick, old pony. Have a nice nap, Daggers. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some cute little pixies to collect.”
Donut Joe continued to fight through the monsters on his way towards the captured Breezies. The Cockatrice were easy enough to dispatch due to their light weight and he had managed to fire a laser from his magic watch into the eye of a Manticore. Now Joe found himself being hunted down by a Timberwolf. Joe stood his ground and waited for the Timberwolf to get within range of his magic. Joe cast his baking spell and surrounded the Timberwolf with magical heat. The monster whimpered in pain and before long, his wooden body erupted into flames. The roaring heat of the flaming corpse was enough to keep most of the other monsters at bay. Joe charged through them and made his way to one of the wagons. Joe concentrated his magic on the lock and attempted to open it.
“Signi-frika-tor! ” One of the Breezies cried out.
Joe shushed the Breezie. “Would you stop screaming? I’m here to save you!” Joe tried to concentrate on the lock but the Breezies screeches continued.
“Luk uut bee-hynd jyu !” Joe looked at the Breezie in bewilderment. It almost sounded like it said--
The earth beneath Joe’s hooves lurched and heaved him into the air. Joe flew several feet before he hit the ground. The wagons holding the Breezies teetered in the shock wave and almost fell to their sides. Joe looked up and saw the towering, transparent image of the Ursa Minor. Saliva dripped from its snarling fangs.
Joe looked around frantically. He knew he wouldn't be able to outrun a monster of that size. And fighting it was out of the question. It was not the size of the beast that intimidated Joe. In his prime he had faced Hydras and even Dragons. What made Ursa’s different was their construct. Ursas were comprised of mostly magic and as such physical forms of attack had no effect. Ursas had to be defeated with magic and although Joe was a Unicorn he admittedly was not the most adept in that department. He could levitate and he could bake but he knew he didn't have enough power in those spells to affect a creature of that size. The Ursa’s only weakness was music, and Joe was no Sapphire Shores.
There was possibly one other spell he could try. It was a spell he only used once before on Janeighca. However, he had not tried it since, and he feared what consequences may arise from relying on such power.
The Ursa lowered its head and licked its lips with a sickly purple tongue. Joe could see the Breezie cages through the giant bear’s translucent legs. He could see the sorrow and desperation in their gigantic and alluring eyes. Joe closed his eyes and concentrated on the memories of a Unicorn with a curved red horn and glowing evil eyes. Tiny black tendrils wrapped around Joe’s horn along with tiny green and purple bubbles of wicked energy.
Before Joe could charge the Shadow Magic any further, he was interrupted by the painful roars of the Ursa. The Ursa cried out in pain as its massive frame toppled over, away from the Breezies. It hit the earth with a thunderous crash that shook the foundations of the village.
Joe scanned the area in shock. He looked around for the source of whatever it was that vanquished the Ursa Minor. Then he saw it standing atop the Ursa’s unconscious body. A large stallion stood triumphantly on top of the beast. Joe couldn't make out any of the pony’s details outside of the strange grey color of his coat. Joe also noticed that the grey pony was an Earth Pony, devoid of any conventional magic. Joe’s mouth hung wide open at the impossibility.
Before Joe could extend his thanks to the mysterious figure, he leaped off of the Ursa with startling speed. Joe tried to follow him by going around the beast but that took far too long and the grey pony was already vanished.
Joe turned his attention back to the Breezies. One by one, he super heated the padlocks on the the cages and violently ripped them off. As he freed the Breezies from their cages, he instructed them to meet him at the altar. He feared the Breezies wouldn't understand him but thankfully the Breezie Chief that Daggers was speaking to earlier translated his words which they all answered with a lively "Jrui! ”.
the monsters that remained continued to scour the village for any left over Breezies. They continued to uproot the tiny trees and level the tiny houses. On his way to the altar, Joe was forced to burn down another Timberwolf. He also knocked out, and in some cases killed, as many Cockatrice as he could find in the hopes that it would free some of the petrified Breezies.
Hundreds of the Breezies made it safely to the altar. Their teary eyes all looked to Joe for instruction and hope. He felt the weight of their stares. Their mousy whimpers helped to fuel the adrenaline in his blood. Their frail frames and delicate wings were somehow encouraging.
“Ok everypony! Here’s the plan!” Joe commanded. “Start piling up all the pollen you got onto this altar. I’m going to distract the monsters and start corralling them to you.” After the Chief translated, the Breezies became very distraught. “When I give the signal, blow the biggest breeze you can muster towards the monsters!”
Many of the Breezies cried in panic. The Chief seemed to be trying to encourage them and calm them down. The Chief’s little pep talk worked, as the Breezies all put on brave faces and shouldered their reluctance. “Ticki-nacto yan! ” the Chief cried out encouragingly.
The Breezies scattered. Some flew off with great, fear-induced speed. Other crept away slowly and cautiously. As for Joe, he ran out to the center of the village where the monsters were growing frustrated with their search.
“Hey you big ugly brutes!” Joe called out to the monsters. The several Timberwolves and Manticores turned their heads. “Why don’t you pick on somepony your own size!?” The monsters snarled and lurched their backs. Joe focused on his breathing and drew power from the fear within him. “Yeah that’s right I’m talking to you, sleazeball! You call yourselves monsters? I've seen scarier things after eating hot sauce!”
The monsters barked and roared. They all charged onto Joe, their jaws snapping in rage. Once Joe was confident that most of the monsters were chasing him, he turned and bolted back towards the altar. Joe galloped faster than he ever had since retirement. His slightly out of shape sides began to cringe. But then he could feel the hot sticky breath on his flank and for the first time he was actually thankful that he had a short tail.
Joe made it to the altar. He saw the cloud of Breezies waiting behind a mound of golden pollen, large enough to almost consume the stump. The Breezies all tightened up when they saw the army of monsters behind Joe.
“Now, Breezies, now!” He cried. The Breezie Chief gave his orders and the tiny creatures focused their magic through their wings and antennae. They concentrated on the air around them which began to pleasantly swirl. The still air became a breeze which the Breezies channeled towards the pollen. Upon touching the breeze, the pollen glowed with ethereal light just like before. Joe shielded his eyes and the monsters were also left blinded but still they charged forward. “More!” Joe exclaimed, “Come on Breezies, breeze harder!”
The Breezies concentrated and strained their wings. Several of the Breezies linked their hooves together and tethered their power. As the hundreds of Breezies shared their magic, the light breeze that was normally their specialty became a gust. The gust was just strong enough to lift the pollen particles into the air. A cloud of golden dust flew towards the monsters just as they reached the amphitheater. The dust surrounded the monsters and one by one they succumbed to fits of sneezing. Manticores batted at their snouts as Timberwolves tried to hack out the lumps caught in their throats. Cockatrices cried through irritated eyes which caused even more stone Breezies to be freed. Before long the monsters started to retreat in order to escape the nasty cloud of pollen.
The Minotaur had already returned to the wagons. His snout was fuming with steam at the sight of losing his specimens. A whimpering Manticore nearly toppled him over as it ran off. Confused, the Minotaur looked behind him and saw a cloud of golden dust. His monster servants were running out of the cloud, sneezing and choking. The Minotaur roared orders in hopes of rallying his troops but it was in vain. The monsters were lost in their own sense of panic. “Fall back you mangy beasts!” The Minotaur screamed, “Fall back! I think they got the message.”
The monsters all ran from the village until they were on the other side of where a mountain once stood. The Minotaur was the last to retreat. Before leaving he looked back on his work. Tiny broken houses and scarred earth were all that remained of the tiny town. The burning flames of dead Timberwolves had even migrated to surround some of the other houses and bathed the area with an orange glow. The Minotaur sneered and chuckled to himself before leaving with bitter satisfaction.
“Ain't allergies the worst?” Joe said as the pollen cloud dissipated. Joe half expected celebratory cheers to come from behind him. But then the harsh reality snapped him from the stupor of his pride. The devastation wrought by the invasion of monsters was undeniable. Families wept around the rubble that was once their home. Several Breezies, the Chief included, scurried on the ground in desperation to pick up the individual specks of scattered pollen that had intermingled within the dirt. In the distance, a few Breezies supported Cloak Daggers as he tried to limp to his hooves. He clutched his wings and coughed violently. A shock of realization shivered Joe’s spine and he ran towards Daggers.
“Daggers, you alright?” Joe asked as he took one of Daggers’ legs from the Breezies and heft in over his shoulder.
“My left wing is broken,” Daggers grunted, “But I’ll recover. Did you get the Minotaur?”
“No, he and the monsters ran away.”
Daggers winced in either pain or anger or both. “You fought well.” Joe laid Daggers down on a bed of leaves quickly prepared by the Breezies. “I am just a clumsy old stallion.”
A weak, whimpering roar came from the far side of the village. “They’re making that wounded Ursa Minor talk.” Daggers explained, “Don’t worry. The Breezies can communicate with any animal.”
When the cries of the beast subsided, the Breezie Chief appeared. “Uritru, Daggers. Tono-tia shrur! ”
“So it was me they were after.” Daggers said solemnly as he laid his head against the leaves, “Why would they want me out of the way? And what did he mean about the killing of a Griffon? Tomorrow we will have to find the Minotaur’s lair.”
“You just rest.” Joe ordered, “In the meantime I’ll help clean up the mess.”
“Uti-gah, Con Mane! Fasda-Zi, Fasda-Zi! ” the Breezie chief chanted.
”The Breezie Chief thanks you for saving his life. You are now an honorary Breezie.”
“No, not me.” Joe said to the Breezie, “I have to apologize. I used up the pollen to stop the monsters. I’ll go collect more to replace it.”
Joe couldn't look the chief in the eye. He tried to trot away but the chief tugged at his tail. “Polo-Gohorgen. Riti-Titi. ”
Daggers chuckled weakly and Joe was confused. “He says your heart is as kind as a true Breezie, but he tells you not to worry. You didn't use all the pollen. There is enough left to sustain them for a while longer.”
“But the village--”
“The best way to help them now is to get rid of the Great Storm Cloud. They can always rebuild the village but without the light of the sun, the flowers that make the pollen that supports them cannot grow.”
“As if I didn't have enough problems.” Joe said bitterly. “I’ll make you a splint for that wing.”
Daggers eventually fell asleep as did some of the Breezies. Joe trotted out of the village when nopony was looking. When he was sure he was alone, Joe looked up at the stark blackness above him. Joe realized how much he missed the blue skies of Equestria. The Great Storm Cloud made him feel like a bug trapped underneath a glass jar. Ever since arriving in the Griffon Nest he couldn't shake away the feeling of being watched. The one who trapped him in the jar was playing with him and studying him until it could decide the best way to dispose of him. He could only imagine what it must have felt like for the delicate Breezies.
Joe didn't get any sleep that night. There was no comfortable place to relax in the Breezie village and his whole body ached. After replacing the splint for Daggers’ wing, Joe and Daggers said goodbye to their Breezie friends and left the village. Joe felt some lingering responsibility and regretted not staying to help the Breezies rebuild their homes, but Daggers insisted that they had more important matters to attend to. They returned to the city and dined at Daggers’ house until the evening arrived. After night had fallen, Joe and Daggers met under a fire escape in a dark alleyway that shot off from a complex of abandoned apartments. Most of the buildings were even more decrepit than the Claw ‘n’ Paw. The night was especially chilly and Joe clung to his jacket tightly. He removed his saddlebags and crouched low to the ground.
“You mind telling me why you've brought me out to this craphole?” Joe asked.
“I told you,” Daggers stated with the simplicity of a professor, “we are visiting the Minotaur’s lair.”
“Don’t Minotaurs live in mazes?”
“What is a city if not a maze?” Daggers mused, “Trust me. The Minotaur lives in that building there.” Daggers pointed to the apartment complex right across from the alleyway. It was a tall building with ten floors. At the top of the building was a large billboard for a motion picture that had already been out for several years. The seductive face of the actress Spotlight Stunner smiled brightly underneath the title ‘Call me Swanna’ with the producer’s name ‘Steamed Broccoli’ superimposing itself over one of her eyes. “Twice now that Minotaur has tried to kill me. The third time he will succeed unless I get him first. Which I will do tonight!”
“Not with that wing of yours,” Joe cut him off insistently. “Leave it to me.”
“But I am already too far in your debt.”
Joe smiled. “How can a friend be in debt? Reach into my saddlebag.”
Daggers reached in and pulled out the collapsed pieces of the catapult. The look on Daggers face was priceless. “What is this?”
“Collapsible catapult.” Joe explained as he helped Daggers assemble the catapult. “We can use it to fling me into the building. We’ll catch that monster off guard.”
Daggers stared dumbstruck at the finished product. Fully assembled, the catapult stood twice as tall and twice as wide as any pony. The bucket was shallow and curved to emphasize the trajectory. “How did you fit all of this into your saddlebag?”
“Quiet!” Joe whispered harshly, “There are some ponies coming this way.”
“Those are my sons. They will ring his doorbell. He must have some private escape hatch. When it opens I’ll catapult you in.”
Joe pulled the tense bucket low to the ground and climbed in while Daggers’ sons rang the doorbell. The catapult arm creaked under the heavy pressure. Joe watched the complex carefully. “I don’t see nothing yet.”
“She has a lovely mouth, that Spotlight.” Daggers mused cheekily.
Joe looked up at the billboard and realized that Spotlight’s smile was brighter than before. He realized what was going on when he made out the distinct silhouette of the Minotaur standing in her mouth, back lit by a bright light. “Yeah, I see what you mean.”
The horned shadow squirmed and peered over the sides down at the ponies below. Cloak Daggers squirmed as well. Anger and anticipation itched at his body. “Wing or no wing, I have to be the pony to do it.”
Daggers pressed a hoof down on Joe’s shoulder and pleaded with his bright, pink eyes. Joe could see their unflinching determination. Joe understood all too well how personal their job could get. He recalled times in the past when he could not let a kill go and the regret he felt at those who got away. “Alright, Daggers, if you think you can do it. But once I launch you into the air, that’s it. You’ll have to face the Minotaur on your own.”
“I wouldn't have it any other way.”
The Minotaur’s shadow disappeared into the light and reappeared carrying some indecipherable shape. Cloak’s son still stood by the door of the building, ringing the doorbell. In the bucket of the catapult, Daggers curled himself into a tight ball. Joe painstakingly checked the alignment of the arm so that it was on point with Spotlight’s smile. A breath of finality from Daggers assured Joe that he was ready.
the Minotaur stretched his arms out of the mouth. There was no time to count. Joe pulled the lever and released the catch that held the arm back. The arm released and Daggers flew out of the bucket like the shot out of a wing cannon. Daggers kept his arms legs and one good wing tight against his body. His black cape flutter behind him. Closer and closer he sliced through the cold, piercing air until he could make out the sickly grey fur of the Minotaur and his one broken horn.
A wide-eyed caricature of confusion decorated the Minotaur’s muzzle when Daggers collided straight into his stomach.
The force sent both toppling to the ground. The heavy anvil that the Minotaur was carrying shook the hardwood floor. Daggers and the Minotaur toppled and tumbled across the room. The monster tried to wrestle the smaller creature but Dagger scuttled free and onto his hooves. His cape flapped in triumphant mockery. The Minotaur rested on a knee.
“This game ends now!” rallied Cloak Daggers.
“Cloak Daggers!” the Minotaur huffed from his nostrils, “How’s dat wing treatin’ ya? You shouldn't have come here, you doddering old fool”
“That’s the problem with us old ponies. We are far too stubborn in our ways. I couldn't bare the idea of dying before settling my business with you.” Daggers coughed and clutched his chest.
“You are nothing but a sick geezer, Daggers. Tell me. How long did the doctors give you? a year? six months? less than that I hope?”
“Long enough to take care of you.” Daggers tipped his wide brimmed hat. “If you don’t want me here then why don’t you just kick me out, eh?”
The Minotaur smiled a yellow smile. “With pleasure.” The monster scrapped his hoof against the unpolished wooden floor, his fingertips at point. Daggers was ready as well. He recognized the stance from the Breezie village and this time he was ready.
The Minotaur initiated his charge. Daggers answered by charging forward just as he did before. But this time Daggers held the string of his cape in his teeth. When he was close enough to the Minotaur, he bit the cape loose and dodged to the side. The inner red lining of the cape flew into the Minotaur’s face. All he could see was an ocean of brilliant red. His charge became a stumble as he struggled to remove the cloth from his head although it got caught on his broken horn. The Minotaur was able to rip the cape off and stop his movement just as he reached the edge of the secret escape. His hoof dangled partially over Spotlight Stunner’s chin.
“Daggers!” He spat while turning around, “Where did you go!?”
“I’m right here.” When the Minotaur spun around he was met with a pale yellow blur. Daggers leaped into the air and delivered a solid kick to the Minotaur snout. Daggers felt the sinew buckle and snap. A river of blood flowed from the monster’s massive nostrils. The Minotaur toppled out of the entrance. In his ten story fall, the Minotaur stared up at the sickening smile of Spotlight Stunner and the wide brimmed silhouette in her teeth.
“That pays many debts.” said Daggers to himself followed by a small cough.
Joe watched from the alleyway as the massive monster plummeted and screamed all the way to the concrete below which silenced him for good.
“Such a barbaric sport.”
Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten)
Chapter 7: My Friends call me Rose
Joe was more than grateful to return to the peeling walls of the Claw n’ Paw the following afternoon. After spending the night on a bed of collected leaves and flower petals while exposed to the cool, dry air of the Breezie Village, even his stale mattress and paper thin bed sheets looked welcoming. No mail at reception. Joe entered the bridal suite at the top floor of the hotel which was a multi-room suite that was at least trying to be respectable. A small but cozy coffee kitchen led into a ovular sitting room with several couches and chairs, a coat rack and a wide window view of the poor colony. From the top floor, Joe could see the Nests as the Griffons saw it. Pockets of abandoned dilapidation were peppered around the better kept but equally ugly facilities along the main streets. Celestia was lowering the sun and the light of sunset made the colony look like a wasp hive that had been abandoned and fallen to the ground. Sickly rust colors and grotesque empty holes.
Joe picked up the telephone near the coffee kitchen and rang the front desk. “Hello? I’m going to want breakfast tomorrow at nine. Donuts. Extra Sprinkles and coffee very black. For one. Yup, that’s all. Thanks.”
Joe ran his hooves down his face to relieve the heavy pain in his eyelids. He examined himself in the mirror and winced at the state of his mane which was even shaggier than usual from the flower petal pillow. His muzzle, far too round, sagged as much as his wrinkled clothes. flaking red claw scars lined his body. One in particular completely skewered his donut Cutie Mark.
He slowly made his way to the bathroom-- still a step up than most public facilities in Canterlot-- and drew a bath. Joe stripped himself naked and held a hoof under the faucet to wait for the water to reach the near boiling heat that Joe liked to bathe in. Just as Joe started to wonder whether he would have to use his horn to get hot water, a thud jolted his nodding head awake. Curious, Joe shut off the faucet and listened again. He heard a soft rustle and the settling of springs. A newly alert Joe inched his way out of the bathroom and across the sitting room. He had not bothered to replace his clothing even though the absence of a shirt made Joe feel vulnerable and exposed. The door to the bedroom was ajar-- a warning not worth ignoring since Joe was well aware of his own compulsions.
Through the crack he could see that the bedroom was dark. All the curtains had been closed. Joe readied himself and with a single motion he barged through the door, turned on the light and powered his horn.
What Joe found in his room was not a bloodthirsty Griffon ready to tear at his neck or a slobbering Timberwolf, but an Earth Pony mare lounging on top of the bed sheet. Her creamy legs wrapped and clutched around the sheets. Her off-red tail wrapped under her body and was long enough that the curled up filly was absentmindedly nibbling at the tip. Her pale green-grey eyes, which held an ethereal light, looked at Joe with half-closed curiosity. She wore her mane like a Unicorn and had a rose on her flank which sat on thick fleshy haunches.
“You look surprised.” The filly’s voice was as velvety as freshly melted chocolate, “I thought you were expecting me?”
Joe shook the dumb off his face and approached the bed. A queen size, naturally, that sat below a massive landscape painting of a brilliant white castle. When Joe got closer, she sat up slightly and rested her head against the back wall. She dangled her mouth open slightly and breathed through it softly. She kept her eyes locked on Joe’s movements. Their ability to hold in the surrounding light was amazing. Beads of sweat moistened the backs of Joe’s ears.
“So you’re Roseluck.” Joe said. It was a statement. Not a question.
Joe reached the side of the bed. Roseluck smiled softly and playfully tilted her head away from Joe and flaunted her tender neck. “My friends call me Rose.”
Joe appreciated her figure from her neck to her flank and especially those glowing eyes of hers. “Mine call me Donut Joe.”
He told her his real name with little consideration. Perhaps those shining eyes of her drew the name out of him or he was lost in the sight of her legs in the sheets but it really didn't matter. Joe needed this filly to trust him, even if it meant his identity being exposed to the Griffons.
“Turn that off, please. Magic upsets me.” Her voice was a playful pout. Joe had failed to realize he still had his horn charge. The emerald light dissipated and, as though Joe had payed the price of admission, Rose scooted over across the bed to make room for Joe. Joe continued to stand. Roseluck’s sultry confidence faded. She blinked in uncertainty. Joe could tell that she was no veteran to the flirting game. She was looking for the right words to say, trying too hard to figure out what would impress her target.. Joe was a veteran and he already figured out how to win her.
“I’m sorry. I’m just...” Joe paused to feign coyness, “upset myself is all.”
She was visibly anxious. She probably thought that all she had to do was bat her eyelashes and she would have him wrapped around her tail. It was clear she didn't expect resistance. “You look just like your…” she stumbled over her words. “...Your photograph.”
“And you are one of the most beautiful fillies I have ever seen.” And that was endgame. Joe brought out his smile-- the charming grin that previously won him numerous nights on the town and extra tips at the donut shop. He saw the flush flow into her cheeks as red as her namesake. The sparkling lights of her eyes danced with hesitant joy.
“Thank you but I think my legs are too long.”
Joe climbed into the bed. Without his shirt on, Joe took note of the similarities between the colors of their coats as he held her in his hooves. He drew his face in close until he could feel the shock in her breath. “No their just the right size.” His kissed her passionately. She was resistant at first, but soon she lost herself in Joe’s arms. And he found himself in hers. She tasted like the earth and smelled like rain.
Joe backed away and created distance in the bed between them. Rose’s mouth instinctively clung to his lips and her hooves reached out to him in addictive withdrawal. Joe could see the pining in her bright eyes. He had won the game, now he had to claim the prize. “Do you have it?’
“What?” asked Rose through whispered breath.
“The Grimoire?”
She lowered her eyes in sadness. Lost in her own ecstasy, she probably had forgotten all else. “Do we really have to talk about this now?”
“So it’s still in the Griffon Archive?” Joe remained blunt but soft spoken.
She sighed heavily. “Yes.”
“I need you to get me a plan of the joint. Get them and meet me at the Sky Spirit’s Temple. We’ll pretend to be tourists and make the exchange there.”
Rose took a deep breath. With a fire in her brilliant eyes she leaned in and put her hooves around Joe yet again. “Why don’t you ask me that later?” She nuzzled her head against Joe’s neck. She was enslaved after all. She was a slave to her passions and Joe knew he wouldn't get anymore out of her so long as she could enjoy this fantasy that she was promised. She kissed him on the neck at first and worked her way up the side of his face until she reached his ear which she gave a long lick with her hot tongue. “So it’s true.” she purred.
Joe shivered at the unexpected lick. He looked at her in confusion. “What was that for?”
“You see?” she said while hugging him tight, “I know all about you from your file.”
“Oh do you now? Well I hope you ain't disappointed?”
She pressed their muzzles together and stared into him with her twinkling eyes. “I’ll let you know in the morning.” She giggled softly, “Over donuts.”
They kissed again and fell asleep cuddled together until morning. And Joe knew the donuts would be delicious.
Meanwhile, General Griselda watched Joe and Rose’s embrace with wicked fascination behind the window that was disguised as a painting by the illusion spell. Her wings were flared out in excitement. Next to her, the ticking tape of the video camera clicked and captured every intimate moment.
The heavy Griffyk accent of the tour guide echoed through the massive temple that was carved out of petrified clouds.
“We are now entering the most interesting part of the Sacred Sky Spirit’s Temple. Including these two crystal columns stolen and brought from Saddle Arabia. ”
A mixed group of both Griffons and Ponies followed the tour guide through the temple’s main chamber. The architecture was simple and crude yet stiflingly overpowering in its presence. Typical of Griffon design. The ponies of the group in particular marveled at the beauty of the crystal columns. The Griffons barely gave them a glance for most of them thought the columns’ luminescent beauty clashed with the stark functionality of the superior Griffon design.
“In front of them, this alabaster urn was brought from ancient Pegasopolis. A famous historical pony city-state that the Griffons waged war against millennium ago. ”
One pony from the group, a creamy yellow Earth Pony who wore dark sunglasses and a brown scarf around her head that covered her mane, stayed behind to continue to marvel at the crystal columns while the others went to go look at the urn. She pulled out a pamphlet presumably to read more about the exhibit. She didn't seem to notice the folded square of paper that fell out of the pamphlet and landed at the base of one of the columns. Satisfied, the mare rejoined her group.
“This urn was won in a mighty battle against the Pegasi Commander Hurricane whose forces were decimated by Commander Gregory the Great. ”
A rather stout looking Griffon with a balding crest stood up from the bench he was resting on. He approached the columns and appreciated them through a thick pair of spectacles. As he admired the piece, another Earth Pony appeared next to him. This pony was a massive stallion, a farmer the Griffon assumed, with the most disgustingly monochrome colored coat and mane that the old Griffon had ever seen. Ever prudent, the Griffon casually placed a front talon on the paper that fell to the floor and scrunched it beneath the talon to keep it out of sight.
“It was used as a crude rainbow making fountain before the creation of weather factories. “
The Griffon looked around the temple chamber. The chamber was mostly empty save for the group of tourists that were already at the far end of the room and the occasional lone tourist that was too fascinated by the exhibits to be aware of their surroundings. Only the grey pony standing beside him was close enough to make note of any actions the Griffon might make. The grey pony still stared at the columns and the Griffon silently brandished a sharp knife that was hidden beneath his wing. After making sure that no further ponies or Griffons would enter the chamber, he raised the knife and aimed it at the base of the grey pony’s neck. The Griffon was suddenly caught by surprise because, in the blink of an eye, the grey pony swatted the knife out of the Griffon’s claw and wrapped his massive hooves around the Griffon’s neck. The Griffon didn't even get a chance to call out before the grey pony snapped the Griffon’s neck. The Griffon’s dead body slumped against the crystal column and the folded square of paper fell out of his other claw and on to the floor in plain sight. The grey pony looked at the paper and simply trotted away, leaving behind both the paper and the body.
“After the rainbow making urn, we will find very interesting obelisk over there known for centuries as the sacred Wishing Stone. ”
The next pony to trot up to the columns was a husky Unicorn wearing a suit with a red bowtie. He stepped backwards in shock at the sight of the dead Griffon. He looked around the chamber but the only other ponies in the room were a part of the tour group that was close to leaving the chamber. The Unicorn did not make an alarm. Instead he used his emerald levitation magic to pick up the folded square of paper and placed it in his pocket before casually trotting away.
“Ten of thousands of Griffons have wished here, placing their left claw and right paw on the stone. Why do they do this?... ”
The tour guide’s voice trailed off as he led his group to the next part of the tour. There was was not a single living soul left in the temple chamber. Just a corpse and the surrounding silence.
Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten)
Chapter 8: Slow Cloud Ship to Gregorgrad
“I promise you it wasn't one of my ponies that killed him.” Cloak Daggers said as he laid out the architect’s plans of the Griffon Archives that he managed to procure through dubious favors. The wall in Daggers’ study had been re-plastered but it was not yet painted. One of Daggers’ sons-- the Unicorn-- brought them some coffee and a paper bag of donuts. Other than that the two were alone.
“Well he didn't die of old age.” Joe said somewhat irritably, “All I know is that it saved me a job. He saw Rose plant the blueprints near the column so she was obviously compromised.”
Daggers took a sip of coffee. “And he wasn't killed because of those plans. Otherwise the killer would have taken them.”
“Let’s just say,” Joe said through a bite of glazed donut, “that the Griffon Nest is a rough place.” Joe levitated the folded up blueprints from his coat pocket and flattened them out across the table next to the architect's plans. “Now let’s just see how well these two match up. This is the conference room. That checks. And this here’s the sacred vault. That’s the same. Now she says she works in the same room as the Grimoire everyday from two to three.”
Aside from minute differences in scale and room size, the floor plan of the Griffon Archives matched between the two documents. Joe finished his donut and Daggers, with slight annoyance, swept the crumbs off of the blueprints with his cape. “How is she going to get the book to us?” he asked.
“Oh, she’ll take care of that.” Joe remarked with a healthy chuckle, “She’ll do anything I say.”
Daggers laughed hard enough to cough slightly. “Anything?” He passed Con Mane an incredulous look. “My dear Con, you are not using your head. It all sounds too easy to me. We don’t know if she’s telling the truth.”
“Well I intend to find out.” Joe reached for a fresh donut but unfortunately the bag was empty.
Daggers continued to laugh-cough mockingly. “Where? In the hotel?”
Joe didn't react to the implication. Instead he brushed the idea off completely. “No way is that happening. She won’t go back there again. She says it’s too dangerous.”
Cloak Daggers’ smile was sickeningly wide. His wisp of a mustache was practically curling itself. “The old game. Give the Baby Dragon a small present and the next thing you know he is the master of a horde. My friend, she’s got you dangling.”
Joe laughed at the absurdity of the thought. “That don't matter. All I want is the Grimoire.”
“All?” Daggers mused, “Are you sure that’s all you want?”
“Well…” Both ponies fell into a fit of laughter.
Joe and Rose bought tickets and boarded the airboat. The single deck craft, large enough to ferry about two dozen tourists, flew up into the morbid, opaque billows of the Great Storm Cloud. The airboat scuttled through the middle of the cloud but not high enough to break the barrier. Joe was disappointed. He had hoped to show Roseluck the blue sky for the first time. Instead they were stuck on a cruise through a vortex of darkness. On the ground, the Great Storm Cloud looked like a simple blanket of somber grey over the heads of the Griffon Nests. Now that Joe was able to witness the Great Storm Cloud up close, he could see how the thunderhead got its name. The cloud was a turbulent maelstrom of constant chaos. The clouds clashed and ware and raged at each other every second. Spears of lightning hurdle through the deadly tempest.
The Griffons, or rather more likely the unfortunate Pegasi of the Nests, carved a tunnel of safety through the cloud and manufactured a jet-stream that turned it into a cloud tunnel through which the cruise ship traveled. The destructive clouds and lightning did not penetrate the eye of the cylinder turning the walls of the vortex into a morbid side show of light and darkness. The cruise would travel past the outskirts of the Griffon Capital City of Gregorgrad-- as close as the inferior class was allowed to get anyway-- and Joe had hoped that a luxury trip would work to loosen Rose’s lips. Unfortunately, the swirling walls of various shades of grey with the occasional spiderweb shaped flash weren't much to look at and Rose was bored so they spent the majority of their time in their cabin. Still she clung to her new toy. She never moved more than a few feet away from Joe and whenever Joe glanced at her he saw her sparkling eyes only on him.
The airboat captain announced that they were now in view of Gregorgrad. Joe tried to coax Roseluck outside to take a look but she fought back. She explained that entering the cloud like this made her feel apprehensive and, above all, guilty. She felt as though she had broken a most sacred taboo. With enough coaxing and a very charming smile, Joe was able to convince Rose to walk out onto the deck to see the city.
Outside, the wind from the jet-stream was razor sharp and freezing. In the very, very far distance, through the thin screen of cumulus, one could almost make out what could have been the towering spires of what was probably the Griffon Castle. Joe was once again faced with disappointment. He would have gotten a better look at the city on a postcard. While most of the tourist stayed and gawked at what they must have considered an impressive sight, Joe and Rose sneaked to the other side of the deck. Rose was growing more fidgety by the second and she kept tugging on Joe’s sleeve.
“Joe, we must leave here now!” she kept insisting, “If the Griffons catch wind of me meeting you here…”
“Don’t worry, they won’t!” he assured her.
“But you don’t understand the danger!”
“Then stop acting suspicious.” He barked. Rose was wearing the same disguise she wore at the Sky Spirit’s Temple. Her sunglasses and scarf covered her eyes and hair respectively and, just to be extra cautious, Joe had her wear a simple dress to cover her Cutie Mark. Her scarf flapped violently in the sharp wind. “Just act naturally and we won’t be bothered. Plus, I highly doubt there are any members of SkyClaw on this airboat.” Joe lifted his front hooves over the railing and looked out into the horizon as if he were enjoying the sights-- or lack thereof-- and told Rose to do the same. “Now I need you to prove to me that you ain't lying and that this book of your’s is the real deal.”
“And how do I do that?” she asked.
Joe tugged back the sleeve on his left hoof slightly to reveal the watch he was wearing. It was an expensive watch with a shiny black leather strap and a brilliant face. Joe turned the dial that surrounded the face and a small red light lit up in the center where the hands met. “Speak into the watch. Quietly, but clearly.”
“Alright.” she said hesitantly, “Fine.”
“Now about the book.”
Roseluck huffed. She gave Joe a poisonous glance from beneath her shades. “That’s all you’re interested in isn’t it? Not me!”
“Business first.” He scolded.
“I know…” Her voice was apologetic yet sorrowful. “Once you get what you want…”
“Well I ain't got it yet.” Joe made his voice softer and more understanding, “But if you tell me about the book, then afterwards we won’t always be on the Princess’s time.”
He smiled his assuring smile and Rose couldn't help but smile too. Joe snuggled against her body to not only make her feel better but also to fight against the bitter cold and also to make sure the watch captured her clearly.
“Alright.” Rose said slightly more cheerfully, “What do you want to know?”
“How large is the book?” Joe asked
“About ten kilos. Bound in green leather. Green like your eyes.” She nuzzled her head against Joe’s. He could feel the sweat behind his ears crystallizing in the cold.
“Keep it technical, eh!” He pushed her back slightly. “Is the book written in Griffyth?”
“No. It is written in ancient Clawscript.” She answered quickly without interest. She then wrapped her slender hooves around his body and hugged him tight. “Joe, could we--”
“Not now.” Joe scolded her again, “Talk to the watch. How many pages?”
“Content or addendum?” she asked with irritable indifference.
“Both.”
After the interrogation on the cloud river, Joe transmitted the recording straight to Canterlot. MARE sat in his office along with Miss Raven, taking diction, The Doctor and several members of Celestia’s cabinet. In front of them, a device wired to a tape player relayed the questioning.
Roseluck’s voice answered the question through the speakers. “There are 2400 pages and 160 addendums. The addendums are bound to the inside of the back cover of the book and the book cannot be opened without the proper magic. Oh, Joe, Joe!”she became distracted again. With each of these outbursts, MARE absentmindedly chewed on his pipe and became very attuned to the silent judging of the officials in the room. The Doctor, on the other hoof, quietly chuckled at Rose’s remarks. “Joe, will you make love to me all the time in Equestria?”
“Day and night.” Joe responded coldly. “Now go on about the contents.”
“Ah, yes. The contents. Once when it was being examined I saw some of the pages. It went on about the creation of the Storm Cloud. About how the ancient Griffon King stole the secrets of the storms from Pegasopolis and how to keep the storm churning for all eternity.Tell me, Joe. Am I as interesting as all those Equestrian fillies?”
“Well once when I was with MARE in Appleloosa we had an interesting experience with a--”
MARE shut off the recording. His steel grey face was beet red and his pipe nearly fell from his mouth. “Thank you, Miss Raven, that’s all! That’s all!” he flustered. Miss Raven smiled curiously and obediently left MARE’s office back to her desk. After she sat down, she cheekily flipped on the intercom on her desk.
“Later! Later!” Said Joe over the speaker most likely in response to another one of Roseluck’s attempts at flirting. “Now about that weather spell!”
“Spells. Spells. Spells.” Rose complained, “Joe, come closer. I want to whisper something in your ear.”
“Just go on with what you were saying. No, not that! The Grimoire!”
Miss Raven, who was chewing on the tip of her feather quill with amusement, released a playful laugh. Her enjoyment was interrupted by the sound of MARE’s voice over the intercom.
“Miss Raven, since no doubt you are listening, perhaps you can take this message by Dragonfire?” After a quick flash of guilt and embarrassment, Miss Raven prepared a paper and dipped her quill. Thanks to her special talent, she was able to write down the words just as quickly as MARE spoke them.
Merchandise appears genuine. Go ahead with deal. signed, MARE
Joe read the letter and threw it into the fireplace in Daggers’ office. “Now all I have to do is tell the filly the date.”
Cloak was examining the blueprints of the Griffon Archives. He trotted over to the calendar that hung on the wall. “Hmmm. We will need a day that the Griffons’ won’t expect. Shall we say… the thirteenth?”
“No.” Joe responded. “The fourteenth.”
Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten)
Chapter 9: The Fourteenth
The drab formality of the Griffon Archives could not be understated. A rather cross Griffon sat behind an unpolished four legged desk in the middle of a grey room with grey walls, grey carpet and a clock that ticked away the monotony moment by moment. A queue of Griffons and ponies, all with some dull business or another, stretched out in front of the desk. Those who had already seen reception were relegated to sitting within sagging furniture devoid of magazines or newspapers so that their miserable and meaningless lives were stolen away by the ticking of that clock.
Donut Joe, dressed in his best suit and tie, was nearing the front of the line. The Griffon ahead of him was stressing over some bureaucratic misdemeanor that the receptionist couldn't give any less of a damn. Once the business was either concluded or neglected, Joe was able to approach the desk. On the edge of the desk sat a small wooden block with interchangeable sliding panels that showcased the date for the patrons’ convenience. The panels confirmed that it was the thirteenth day of the month.
The Griffon receptionist’s expression soured and curdled at the sight of a pony approaching his position. Joe imagined that the Griffon most likely detested the prospect of a pony wearing such elaborate dress. Joe amused himself with his own audacity and allowed the annoyed Griffon to squirm a bit before he spoke.
“Um, hello there,” Joe feigned a sickening naivety, “is this the Griffon Archive?” Joe made sure his smile was particularly innocent and stupid.
“That’s what the sign outside says, yes.” The irritation on the receptionist’s voice burned like coal. He added, “You stupid pony.” Which was probably supposed to be spoken under the breath but the receptionist clearly didn't care who heard him.
Joe continued his inane questioning, “I was wondering if I may have a browse through some literature? I love me a good book.”
Joe could see the Griffon’s temples throbbing. “This isn't a library. An even if it were, inferior ponies are strictly forbidden to view the contents of the archives. Now leave the premises or you shall face the consequences.” The threat was void of any real merit or intimidation.
“Ok, ok. No need to get your feathers ruffled.” Joe said in his overly joyful tone. He meandered away from the desk to let the next poor schmuck deal with the crotchety Griffon. He loitered near a far wall and whistled a chipper tune loud enough so that everyone, especially that Griffon, would hear him and focus their attention on him. “Say,” Joe called out to the receptionist whilst he was mid sentence, “is your clock correct?” The Griffon stumbled his words in ire as he attempted to sort out a Pegasus that somehow lost their identification papers or some other sort of oppressive bureaucracy.
“Always!” was his only remark. The clock on the wall ticked away while Joe idly loitered in the lobby whistling to his heart’s content. The Griffon eventually had to draw his attention away from his duty and turned to Joe. “I believe you were leaving, pony?”
“Oh yes, right! Thanks for the reminder!” Joe cheered.
But Joe took his sweet time as he waltzed only slightly towards the exit. Joe waited and focused on the ticking clock until only a couple of Griffon were in line at the desk. Joe made a show out of checking his watch and comparing it to the clock on the wall. He shook his hoof near his ear and wore very confused eyebrows. When the next guest finished their business, Joe rudely cut ahead and addressed the Griffon again.
“Excuse me, “ Joe said, “You did say that your clock is correct, yeah?”
Joe could tell by the twitching of the Griffon’s claw that he would like nothing more than to tear out Joe’s throat. “Griffon clocks are always correct!” The lovely Griffon’s voice screeched and roared in frustration. Joe, still smiling, nodded towards the Griffon and casually covered his ears with his hooves.
Before the receptionist could even raise an eyebrow in confusion, the archives were rocked by a mighty tremor. Loose stone and dust fell from the ceiling and walls as the booming explosion rocked the lobby.
“Really?” Joe smirked through the rumbling, “It seems to me it’s a couple seconds off.”
The few Griffons that remained in the lobby immediately took to the exit. The receptionist instinctively hit the floor and coward under his desk. He started grabbing papers within his drawers and quickly stuffed them into a small briefcase. As sound returned after the deafening bang, the cries and wails of panic filled the air. Several Griffon fled from a nearby iron rod door. Joe, after making sure that none of the Griffons were bothered to pay him any mind, entered the room and into the inner hallways of the Griffon Archives.
The tightly packed corridors of the archives were a turbulent sea of feathers and flying paper. All Throughout the building, the Griffons and pony servants struggled to safeguard the vital paperwork and tomes that were stored within. This of course led to a chaotic storm of grabbing any stack of whatever and rushing it out the building as fast as possible. The lack of any obvious leadership combined with the horribly compact hallways laid course to Griffons squeezing and shoving and clawing their way through whatever got in their way. Smaller ponies were trampled and paperwork flew in every direction imaginable.
It was most difficult for Joe because unlike everyone else in the building who were trying to make their way out, Joe was attempting to get deeper into the facility. In every hallway he had to push against a wave of panicked Griffons. Thankfully most Griffons were too awash in a state of panic to even noticed that a pony was making his way into the restricted hallways.
Joe had studied and memorized the archive’s layouts from the blueprints several times. However, in the heat of the moment, when Joe’s vision was blurred by a snowfall of discarded paper and feathers, his sense of direction failed him. Joe was left to look through every door in every hallway he came across. behind most doors were either abandoned clerk stations or libraries with fallen shelves. In one such library, a Griffon security guard that was more to his senses recognized Joe as an intruder. He called out for assistance but no one came. The guard was forced to rush at Joe himself. Joe wrestled against the Griffon and was able to knock him out with a punch.
Joe ventured deeper into the archives. In every hallway there were fewer and fewer Griffons to push against. Most of the personnel had evacuated which allowed Joe to better collect his bearings. Eventually he reached a corridor he recognized from the plans. A short hallway with only a pair of double doors at the far end. A simple placard beside the door read ‘Authorized Personnel Only. Not an Exit.’
Joe charged through the doors with the bulk of his body. The room was very tiny. There were no windows on the unpainted walls and it only contained two small bookshelves, both toppled over, and a tiny desk cluttered with paper. In the center of the room was a stone pedestal. Sitting on the pedestal was a large and heavy looking book bound in quality green leather. The book was closed and the cover had no writings or markings, but even still Joe recognized instantly just what the book was. At the base of the pedestal, Rose was shrunk into a quivering ball. She covered her head with her hooves and tears dribbled down her eyes. Joe picked her up and looked into her grey-green eyes to calm her down.
“Joe?” She quivered, “What’s going on?”
“Sorry I had to scare ya like this.” Joe said calmly but quickly, “Now pull yourself together, little filly. I take it this is the Grimoire?”
Joe didn't even wait for Rose to confirm. He picked up the book, which was even heavier than it looked and started to cram it into his saddlebag. It took the combine force of both of his hooves and his horn to cram the enormous tome into a compartment that was half its size. Miraculously, the book vanished into the dark confines of the bags along with the folded up frame of a large catapult. Joe couldn't even feel the weight.
“What’s going on?” Rose cried in horror, “I thought the plan was set for tomorrow? Today’s only the thirteenth!”
“Hell of a time to be superstitious!” Joe barked. From beyond the walls of the archives he could hear the wailing of brass sirens and numerous voices. He was impressed, but not surprised, by SkyClaw’s response time. He just hoped he wasn't too late. “Come on. Don’t bother packing anything, just get your tush out of here, now!”
Rose winced slightly at Joe’s barking orders but she obeyed as easily as she obeyed any order in her life and ran down the corridors alongside Joe. To her surprise, Joe ran down a corridor that led away from any building entrance.
“Where are you taking me?” she stopped to ask.
Joe grunted in frustration and grabbed her hoof to keep her galloping. They arrived at the storeroom, or at least what was left of it. The walls were blackened and crumbled away into mounds of debris. A massive, gaping hole was where the floor once existed. The hole led into a dark passage that ran underground and standing in the mouth of the hole was Cloak Daggers holding in his hooves some type of remote with a red button on it. When Daggers saw Rose, he flared his cape with a flap of his wings and tipped his hat to her.
Rose blinked in confusion but Joe practically shoved her into the hole. Rose slid down the dirt and rubble and into Daggers who stopped her with his wings.
“Glad to see you could join us, my dear!” Daggers raved loudly, “I take it you've brought the Griffon’s Grimoire, Con?”
Joe slid down after Rose and lit his horn to illuminate the tunnel. “It’s in the saddlebags!”
“Good, yes, very good!” Daggers cheered, “It won’t be long until all the Griffons in the Nest become ravenous. I suggest we make our exhuant!”
“But where do we escape?” asked Rose, “There is nowhere to run!”
“Do you have so little faith in me, my dear? Trust me I have taken care of that problem as well. But first we must escape the colony.”
Joe charged ahead into the tunnel. “In that case, quit yer yammering and hurry up! On the double, you two!”
Joe led the charge down the dark tunnel which led into the sewers, his horn casting an emerald light on the concrete walls. Pools of stagnant water puddled at their feet and splashed up onto their undersides as they ran as fast as they could through the darkness. Occasionally, low hanging pipework forced the trio to hang their heads low and move more slowly. As they made their way deeper into the darkness, the telltale squeaks of rats echoed through the rocks. Rose gulped down her fear and tread forward. At one junction, Joe’s hornlight flooded an off shooting tunnel and frightened an entire nation’s worth of rats that stormed out of the hole in a stream of panic. The floor of the tunnel became a river of squeaking grey fur, muddy toenails, worm-like tails and beady eyes. Rose screamed loudly and shut her eyes to the filthy rodents.
Daggers apologetically put a wing around her but that didn't stop her from collapsing to her knees.
“Suck it up, we have to keep moving!” Joe barked.
Daggers shot Joe an acidic glance and continued to console the crying filly. “There there, my dear. Yes, I know. This will not do, Con. We must find another way!”
“Dammit all!” Joe spat. Joe looked around desperately. He knew they couldn't go back the way they came. It was only a matter of time before the Griffons found the tunnel and followed them if they hadn't already. Joe then noticed some poorly fastened iron bars sticking out of the stone. He looked up and saw a maintenance hatch that led into the sewers. Joe had hoped to avoid galloping through the streets of the colony but it looked like he had no choice. Joe charged his horn and levitated the heavy metal covering. A bream of daylight shot into the sewers and frightened the rats even more.
Daggers grabbed Rose and flew her up out of the hole while Joe carefully climbed the makeshift ladder. When they were out of the sewers, they noticed that they were only a few blocks away from the archives. The citizens of the colony were all either running frantically or standing in a daze after the explosion that likely rocked most of the colony. In the skies, armored Griffons continued to emerge from the Great Storm Cloud from the direction of Gregorgrad with spears in their claws. Other Griffons roamed the streets, forcing the ponies back into their quarters. Joe looked down at his clothes and his coat. All three of them were covered in mud and filth and smelled repulsive. With discretion not on their side, they had to move fast. Daggers whistled sharply and drew his comrades’ attentions down an alleyway. Daggers took the lead through the city streets in an attempt to avoid any Griffons’ wandering eyes.
They made their way to the train station. The entrance to the station was occupied by many members of SkyClaw. Joe silently cursed their luck.
Daggers commanded silently, “As soon as you can, head for the Friendship Express and hop on. Don't let anything stop you. You must make sure you get on that train!”
“Wait, are you--” Before Joe could finish, Daggers took to the skies. He flew towards the Griffon guards that were busy arguing with the conductor. The Griffons weren't letting the train leave and the conductor was furious as he was behind schedule as it was. Right as the conductor was in the middle of calling the soldiers ‘chicken legged Hydra dung’ the yellow Pegasus flew in and shrouded the faces of one of the Griffons with a rather foul smelling black cloak. Daggers landed and slapped the beak of another Griffon with his tail, leaving a streak of off-colored water plastered across his face. The Griffons screech-roared at Daggers who, after a taunting flap of his flank, took to the skies. The angered and pride-hurt Griffons took to the skies after him. Joe understood and grabbed Rose’s hoof.
“This is our chance! Hurry!”
Joe and Rose made their way into the station. Several ponies of all three races were huddled around the train. Most of them were angry at the conductor and irritated at the long hold up. The train was huffing and steaming and the conductor looked around to see if anymore members of SkyClaw remained. He glanced at his pocket watch with determined eyebrows and yelled out to his passengers. “All Aboard! For the Friendship Express! We’re behind schedule so move it ponies! We’ll check for tickets once we get moving! This train is bound for Buffalo’s Roam on route to Canterlot! All aboard!”
Joe grasped at Rose’s hoof far more tightly than he had meant to. His eyes were on the train. The herd of passengers were being rushed in quickly by the desperate conductor. Joe practically fell onto his round muzzle when Rose suddenly halted her gallop.
“What in the blazes is the matter with you, Rose!?” he yelled. Rose pointed her hoof at one of the windows of the train. Inside sat a rather surly and stern looking Griffon.
“That Griffon!” She screamed in panic, “That’s Guile, a member of Griffon Nest security!”
Joe grabbed Rose again and pulled her roughly. “Never mind about him! We got to get on that train!”
The conductor stood on the platform and halfheartedly looked around once more for passengers. He was about to raise his hoof to signal to driver but Joe called out to him.
“You barely made it.” said the conductor. Joe and Rose hopped on board the train and nearly knocked the conductor over. The conductor sneered at the rude passengers and covered his nose from their foul smell.
The conductor did not waste any more time. He signal the driver and the Friendship Express slowly gained speed. The conductor retired into the train and so did not see what happened next. A small battalion of SkyClaw flew towards the platform. They were chasing a yellow Pegasus who was suspected of attacking the Griffon Archives. The Pegasus landed at the station platform and was surrounded on all sides by SkyClaw. Their spears were at the ready. Cloak Daggers put on a brave face as he searched for a way out. The train was nearing the end of the platform. Daggers grabbed the brim of his hat for courage and guidance as the Griffons readied their spears. But then something caught the Daggers’ attention. The sound of galloping hooves was growing louder and louder. It was even drowning out the train’s engine. When Daggers looked out towards the entrance to the station he saw something large galloping towards them. The galloping hooves distracted the Griffons and Daggers took the opportunity to soar straight up. But just as the Griffon were about to follow the criminal into the sky, the charging mass crashed into the group of soldiers. The griffons were sent flying to the ground as the thing kept charging. The SkyClaw squad leader looked up from the floor and saw what appeared to be a grey colored stallion jump into the door of the speeding train just as it was leaving the station. As the train sped off towards the horizon, the Griffon saw, standing on the lookout platform on the caboose, that yellow Pegasus smiling confidently and waving his wide brimmed hat in the air in farewell.
Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten)
Chapter 10: Mr. and Mrs. Cake
The Friendship Express hummed and chugged as Joe, Rose and Daggers made their way through the luxury cars thanks to the golden tickets prepared by Daggers in advance. The train was wide and furnished with lovely polished Everfree Oak. The carpets were plush and each car had different colored carpeting and if one looked closely they would notice that the fabric was cut into different patterns as well. The other guests on the train were all posh looking ponies with their muzzles stuck high in the air. Most of them were the snobby Unicorns from Canterlot that Joe was all too familiar with. With their powdered wigs and designer saddles. Joe smiled to himself in a silent victory whenever they passed one of these passengers in the tight corridors of the train since they had yet found the opportunity to wash away the smell from the sewers. Still it was best that they got to their rooms on the train as soon as they could since smelling so bad that they could get tossed off the train at any moment hardly aided in keeping a low profile.
“Here is your room.” Cloak Daggers said in front of a door in the car with the blue carpeting. “Mine is right next door.” The three ponies entered the room and Joe was taken in by the beauty of it all. The room was surprisingly spacious. A lovely dining table stood in front of a U shaped couched of quality design. A neighboring sliding door lead to the bedroom which contained another couch that could be easily converted into a bed by the press of a nearby button. Off to the side was a bathroom that everypony took turns to use to wash off their offensive odor. The closet within the main room was already filled with prepared clothing. From this closet, Daggers removed a brand new black cloak and put it on. Joe felt that Daggers certainly felt more like himself in his full ensemble. Cloak reached into his hat and pulled out two blue leather bound passports adorned with the royal seal of Equestria. “Your pictures do not do you justice. I have never in my life seen such a handsome couple! However I could not get the Cutie Marks doctored so throughout the trip you must wear clothing that hides your Marks And Joe you will have to wear a hat. I do apologize for the inconsistencies. It was short notice.”
Joe flipped open the passport. The picture was so blurry that the color of the pony’s coat could have been anywhere from a rough beige to a burnt orange. Beneath the picture was the owner’s Cutie Mark. In this case it showed three square slices of a cake with white frosting. The printed information read ‘Carrot Cake. Earth. Stallion. Confectioner. Eyes: Moderate Pistachio. Mane: Light Brilliant Orange. Coat: Light Brilliant Amber.”
“Mr. and Mrs. Cake? Well I guess that’s pretty fitting.” Joe commented.
“Cupcake. I like that name.” Roseluck beamed.
“You are a pair of bakers from Fillydelphia who went to the Griffon Kingdom to pick up the final ingredient you needed for your entry in the upcoming bake sale in Canterlot: the marzipan, mascarpone, meringue madness.”
“Hey what a coinky-dink!” Joe chuckled, “I’m actually going to enter that contest myself. I’m making an entire city out of donuts. I’m calling it ‘Donutopia’! All I need left are some Super Sprinkles.”
“Try to stick to your cover, Con Mane.” Daggers groaned.
“And do me and Mr. Cake have any foals?” Rose asked as she leaned her head against Joe.
“Nu-uh. No foals!” Joe said roughly as he moved to put on a clean suit and bow-tie, causing Rose to stumbled to the side slightly. He also put on a pair of white slacks to hide his Cutie Mark.
“Not even a pair of baby twins?” she whined
“No!” Joe found an over sized bowler among the close and wore it so that it covered his horn.
“I like big families.” Daggers commented, “My whole life has been a crusade for larger families.”
Joe tutted, “So I've noticed. Rose, Daggers and I are going to go discuss business. Keep the door locked. I’ll knock three times.” Rose simply affirmed with a ‘m-hm’ while she was admiring the beautiful wallpaper. Joe exited the room and waited to hear the latch lock. Daggers and Joe went to platform on the caboose. They stood near the rails and watched the dead grass landscape of the Griffon Nest pass them by.
“I’ll go and see the conductor.” said Daggers said close to Joe’s ear even though nopony else was present and the roaring of the train would drown out any eavesdroppers.
“You sure he’ll cooperate?” Joe asked as he double checked to make sure his bowler didn't look inconspicuous.
“Oh, we've done business before.” Daggers paused to cough. “He’ll stop the train near Buffalo’s Roam where one of my sons will be waiting with carriages. We’ll be there at about six o’clock. You’ll be in Canterlot by tomorrow morning.”
With their plan in motion, Joe returned to his car while Daggers went on ahead to the conductor. Joe knocked three times and Rose took her cue to unlock the door and let him in. The natural light of Rose’s eyes was even brighter than usual. She sat on her haunches on the couch and stared out the window at the passing landscape. Even though the Griffon Nests were ugly and dead and the Great storm Cloud still lingered over their heads, Roseluck stared at it like it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.
“So we really are going to Equestria.” she beamed as if she was trying to still convince herself, “Where the sky is really truly blue and the grass is green and the sun is brighter than anything in the world and the moon and the stars. Oh I've dreamed about the stars.” Joe could see droplets of tears form in the corner of Rose’s eyes. “And then there’s Canterlot. Oh I’ve read about Canterlot in the archives. You know when the Griffons weren't looking. Oh is it as beautiful as all that, Joe?”
Joe couldn't help but smile. The foalish wonder in her eyes was infectious. Joe sat on the couch next to her and put a hoof around her. “Eeyup. Daggers has even prepared a honeymoon for us.”
Rose’s eyes exploded with light. Her smile touched ear to ear. “Honeymoon? But I have nothing to wear.”
Joe chuckled and moved over to the closest. He rummaged through the clothes until he found what he was looking for. The one thing he specifically told Daggers to get. What Joe pulled out was a green dress-- a Hoity Toity premium. The dress was green as spring. It was bare-chested and the brown saddle sat high. The folds of the dress were layered and nearly touched the floor. The foreleg straps were decorated with flower shaped pins and pink butterflies were stitched into the fabric. The tears on Rose’s face welled up into an ocean. Her hoof covered her tiny mouth in fear that she would lose her pounding heart through it. She shook her head in disbelief until she rushed straight into Joe. She locked her slender hooves around him and kissed him passionately. Joe’s ears were sweating but he didn't care. He was having too much fun watching Rose flaunt her femininity for perhaps the first time in her life. She pressed the dress against her skin and her eyes were half-closed in fantasy.
“I shall wear this everyday!” she sang.
“You’d better not.” Joe chuckled as he reached into the closet once more and pulled out a suitcase. “Otherwise you won’t get to try these on.”
Joe opened the case and inside neatly folded was an entire collection of simpler dresses in every color imaginable. Upon seeing the expensive silk before her, Rose seemed to completely forget about the green dress. She let it fall to the floor and rummaged through the silk dresses and rubbed her face in them. “Oh Joe thank you so much!” She cried through tears of joy. She wrapped herself around Joe and kissed again and she kept kissing. He eventually had to push her away playfully in order to breath.
“Don’t mention it. It’s the least I could do to thank you for everything you've done.” Joe picked up the green Hoity-Toity and motioned her to try it on. She was absolutely ravishing! Her dull beige coat came to life against the spring green fabric. Her slender hind legs and firm haunches conformed perfectly to the rounded shape of the dress’ flow so that even though it rode high on the flank, she still looked perfectly proportioned. Her beet red tail poked through the back of the dress and it truly looked like a garden of roses sprouting out of a grassy field. Her eyes became greener in the dress. Joe was lost in the utter beauty of it. He admired every inch of her perfect frame. “Not bad.” He said with a whistle, “In fact I’d say that that dress makes you look damn beautiful!” Rose made an adorable curtsy. “Fit for the Gala! Oh, and before I forget…” Joe reached into his breast pocket and pulled something out. “here!”
Joe held out his hoof towards Rose to show her. Her joyful tears were flowing once again. In Joe’s roof was a small gold ring, lined with sparkling diamonds and one heart shaped sapphire. It’s ethereal glimmer reflected in Rose’s eyes.
“A tail ring?” she blubbered, “Is this…?
“Eeyup!” Joe chuckled, “It’s kinda hard to pass as a married couple if we don’t wear tail rings.”
As per tradition and ritual, Rose closed her eyes, turned away from Joe and bent down so that her flank and tail were raised high in the air. Joe did the honors and slid the ring through her tail to the very base. Joe then produced another, much simpler, ring and did the same thing for Rose. It was significantly more easy for her given Joe’s short tail. With the rings in place, the couple embraced and enjoyed their moment of intimacy.
“Oh thank you, Joe!” Roseluck nuzzled herself deep into Joe’s chest. “Oh we shall be so happy together!”
Joe, sweating behind the ears, smiled awkwardly. “Uh, you do realize it’s just a cover, right? When this is all over, I’ll need that ring back.”
“Aw,” Roseluck pouted playfully. She twirled around and showed off the sparkle of the ring. “I can’t just keep it to remember you by?”
“NO!” Joe barked loudly. Roseluck stepped back in shock. Joe did not mean to be so terse and he was disarmed by the hurt in Rose’s eyes. Rose looked to the ground like a dog that had been scolded for chewing on the furniture. Joe imagined that she had been scolded similarly everyday of her life and was used to taking the blame. Joe felt like Griffon. “No, wait I’m sorry!” Joe whispered immediately, “I didn't it, it’s just…” Joe sighed heavily. He looked to the side in shame. “That ring is important to me. That’s all.”
“Right… sorry…”
The two sat in silence for several moments. The gentle rumblings of the speeding train seem to grow louder in the absence of anything else. They each avoided the gaze of the other. Joe was the first to approach Rose and put a comforting hoof on her shoulder.
“No, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. Forgive me, Rose.” Joe leaned in and rested his head against the back of her neck.
“It’s ok.” she said with a weak smile. The two sat on the couch and huddled together in silence for several minutes. Neither of them brought up the ring or the Grimoire or anything of that nature. They just stayed as they were and enjoyed the other’s presence. Time stopped for Joe. He couldn't even hear the train anymore. He simply sat with a gorgeous mare in a gorgeous dress blissfully cuddled in his willing forelegs. He could feel her steady breathing against his. He could smell the shampoo that she used to clean her hair and he could taste the smell of her breath. It was heaven.
The door knocked three time and the happy couple were forced to separate their embrace. “You’re nearest.” Joe said in that husbandy voice and Rose gave him that wifish look. When Rose opened the door for Cloak Daggers, he was struck by the beauty of the angel in a green dress that stood before him.
“Charming, my dear Rose, charming!” he beamed theatrically. Rose, now once again aware of her own beauty, curtsied before Daggers and held out a hoof which Daggers removed his hat and bent down to kiss. “Let’s go to the restaurant car, Joe, for that drink.”
“You got it. Rose, we’ll finish the fashion show later.” Joe stood up and pecked Rose neatly on the forehead.
“Ok, darling.” She giggled and walked back to the couch but as she passed by Joe, she lifted her soft tail and stroked the underside of Joe’s chin. Joe’s face turned redder than Rose’s mane. She turned to Joe and gave him a stern, but playful glance. “But there are some aspects of this relationship that will have to change.”
Joe tipped his bowler to make sure his horn was covered and followed Cloak Daggers to the restaurant. The maitre d’hotel directed them to one of the pure white table clothed tables that lined the long car. Each table was separated from the other by partition and had a lovely large window. The sprawling landscape outside the train was slowly transitioning from dead grass to grass-less desert. The car was mostly empty although the clattering of silverware from other tables could be heard so Daggers and Joe kept their voices down.
“I've arranged for the train to stop.” said Daggers over a plate of marinated carrots and broccoli with a side of roasted nuts. “We’ll get off here at the restaurant car.”
“No problem.” Joe held a crepe in his hoof. “We’ll meet you there at six o’clock then.”
Daggers looked uneasy. “Make it a little later.” He was whispering more harshly now, “There are some slight complications. One of the Griffon Kingdom’s security officers, Guile. He must have boarded the train.”
Joe recalled back to the Griffon Rose saw in the train window. He knew he should have taken it more seriously at the time and he was kicking himself for forgetting about it. “But ain't no way he had time to contact the Griffon Kingdom before he boarded. They don’t know we’re here.”
“Just in case, I’ll keep him company for the next two hours until it’s time to get off. Perhaps you’d like me to introduce you?”
Joe and Daggers finished their lunch and Daggers led Joe back to the car that came just before their own. This one had green carpeting. Daggers indicated the room Guile was staying in. Daggers and Joe looked at each other and when they both acknowledged that they were ready, Daggers lightly tapped on the door.
“Tickets please!” Daggers said while plugging with muzzle with his other hoof to disguise his voice. The door slid open and the Griffon on the other side barely had time to take in what was going on before he was tightly pinned to the floor by two large stallions. Joe used his magic to tear down the luxury curtains on the window and tied them into ropes. “I’ll tie up his wings,” he ordered, “you get his legs! Just watch out for those talons!”
The Griffon didn't stand a chance to struggle against Joe and Daggers. Before long, he was sprawled on the floor with his wings and legs tied to his body and his beak gagged.
“Do not be alarmed, my friend!” Daggers announced cheerfully, “We will make you as comfortable as possible.” The Griffon answered with an angry muffle. “Now I’m sure Commissar Guile will have a much safer journey. You know, Con Mane, life in the Griffon Nest will not be the same without you.”
“I’ll see you in the restaurant car.” Joe laughed and left the room. Daggers sat on the couch and noticed that Guile had a dish full of chocolate candies resting on the table. Daggers popped some of the candies and watched the bound Griffon squirm in anger. Daggers helped himself to some more chocolate and started to cough violently.
“I have had a particularly fascinating life.” He said when his lungs settled down, “Would you like to hear about it?” Guile gave a muffled sigh. “You would!?”
Knowing that the Griffon, Guile, was in safe hooves with Cloak Daggers, Joe returned to his own room which was just one door away in the next car. He knocked three times and was let in by Rose. She had changed dresses. This time she was clothed in a slimming white silk dress and flaunted her feminine form before Joe. A hoof mirror sat on the table most likely for Rose to admire herself from all angles. Joe didn't blame her since her was doing the same.
“You like?”
“It suits you.” Joe said warmly.
“I shall save everything else for Equestria!” Rose buckled up the suitcase and put it back in the closet.
“It is four o’clock you know?”
Rose sprawled herself out on the couch and made herself look as inviting as she could. “Is this dress against afternoon regulation uniform?”
“Uh, I think we’re having two different conversations here.”
Joe ignored Rose’s cultural remark and happily joined her on the couch. He sat straight on his haunches and Rose rested her head on his lap like a pillow. Joe made an effort to breathe more heavily so he could watch her angelic face bob up and down.
Joe then occasionally heard the sound of very faint coughing. He knew it must have been Daggers. He was both impressed and concerned that his fits of coughing could be heard in a whole different train car. Still Joe knew better than to worry about Daggers. He was happy right where he was. As day turned to evening-- The Storm Cloud was beginning to thin out but it still blocked the majority of the sun’s light--, Rose fell asleep on Joe’s lap and he happily sat there brushing her pretty mane. All the while he continued to hear Daggers coughing from Guile’s room. It sounded as if the coughing may have been getting louder and more frequent but Joe passed it off as just being his imagination with very little else to focus on. Joe looked at his Magic Watch and sighed. Her stirred Rose gently until she woke up with an adorable yawn.
“Rose…” He shook her awake. “We’d better get moving.”
“Why…” she groaned in her drowsy haze.
“It’s almost six.”
“so?”
Joe realized he never got around to explaining Daggers’ plan. “Well, it’s uh… donut time.”
“We’ll have them in here.” She smiled and cuddled up her body tightly against Joe. “We’ll have all of our meals in here.”
Joe held her close. He was ready to agree with her. To say ‘screw Daggers and his blasted dinners. We’re on a honeymoon.’ Joe had to remind himself that there were no donuts.
“Yes, that’d be nice and all but I agreed to meet Cloak in the restaurant car.”
Rose curled into a ball and closed her eyes, ready to fall asleep again. “You can go alone. I will stay here.”
Joe stood up off of the couch and prodded Rose playfully with his hoof. “Now, my dear Mrs. Cake! We’re supposed to be a respectable Equestrian couple!” Joe mimicked the posh accent from back home before dropping it, “Now listen, just do as I say, will you?’
“Yes, Joe” Rose giggled and finally got off the couch. She looked in the mirror to straighten out her man and dress. “Do I look presentable, Mr. Cake?”
“Yes, Mrs. Cake.” They both shared a healthy laugh and just as Joe was about to open the door it slid open on its own. Joe jumped back in surprise only to find the train’s conductor standing there worried with sweat.
“Mr. Cake! Mr. Cake!” he cried in a panic, “You are a friend of Cloak Daggers?”
Joe’s training kicked in. His senses were on high alert. He realized that he had stopped hearing Daggers’ coughing several minutes ago. He cursed himself for letting his guard down for so long. “There was a terrible accident! Please come with me!”
“No donuts?” Rose asked meekly. Joe looked at her in unintended anger and almost lashed out at her for not being attuned to the situation. Joe caught himself and took a breath. He put on a brave face and squeezed Rose’s shoulders tightly.
“Later! Keep the door locked!”
The concerned Rose obediently closed the door behind Joe. Joe didn't even wait to hear the lock. He didn't even bother to let the conductor lead the way. He quickly made his way to Guile’s room and forcefully opened the door.
The inside of the room was a grisly sight. The table was broken, the couch was torn to shreds and there was damage on the walls. still on the floor was Guile the Griffon, but his neck had been snapped and twisted in an unnatural angle and his talons were soaked in blood. Next to him was Cloak Daggers. His cloak and hat were reduced to ribbon. His wings appeared broken and several deep gashes bled out onto the green carpeting. His bright pink eyes gazed out into nothingness.
“They killed each other!” The conductor said sorrowfully. Joe led the conductor out of the room and closed the door. He looked around and made sure that nopony else was in the vicinity. thankfully the car was otherwise empty.
“This must be kept quiet until we get to Buffalo’s Roam!” Joe whispered to the conductor harshly.
The conductor was shaking, “That will be difficult.”
“Cloak Daggers was a powerful pony with many influential friends.” Joe reached into his pocket and pulled out a hooffull of bits that he slid into the conductor’s pocket. “I’m sure they will also reward you.”
“I’ll try.” the conductor just barely managed to say.
The conductor left, most likely to lay down, and Joe went back into the room with the two bodies. Joe bent down over Daggers and closed his sightless eyes.
“Daggers… I’m sorry.”
Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten)
Rose paced around her room impatiently. The rhythmic clatter of the train did little to settle her beating heart. Joe had been gone for several minutes now. The look on his face when the conductor collected him was like nothing she had seen before. Although at first, Rose wasn't sure what to do with this surely stallion and his rough words, she then saw the soft center that hid beneath Joe’s hard exterior. She felt her courtship with Con Mane was no longer a job. She dreamed of the life that awaited her with Donut Joe and she believed that she could mend the mental injuries that she saw plaguing the handsome stallion. But the eyes she had seen a moment ago did not belong to her portly prince. They were just like Griffon’s eyes, and they frightened her.
Rose jumped at the three rapid knocks on the door. As quickly as she could, she opened the door and, before the door was even halfway opened, Joe barged through and practically ran her over. His aura was imposing. He looked twice as tall as before and his chest twice as wide. He still had the eyes of a Griffon, judging her with loathing remorse. Just the sight alone was almost enough to drive Rose to tears.
“Joe,” she whimpered, “what is it? What’s wrong?”
“Cloak Daggers is dead.” Joe’s words were as sharp as an executioner’s ax. He talked quietly, but his words roared with anger. Rose’s lips were dumbstruck. She stared at Joe and desperately wanted to say something but no words came out. All she could do was shake her head in wild disbelief. “Now I want the truth!”
The veins in Joe’s head pulsed hot with blood. He charged his horn and Rose was surrounded with emerald light. She couldn't move against the syrupy pool of magic. The spell tightened its grip around Rose’s chest. It levitated her just off the ground and squeezed tighter and tighter. It felt like a great Buffalo was standing on her chest. Tears streaked from her eyes as she struggled to breath.
“Joe, let go! You’re scaring me!” she cried in panic. Joe approached her and placed her muzzle against hers. His pupils quivered in anger and his breath was hot and sticky.
“I’ll do worse than that if you don’t tell me!” he raised his voice. “You’re doing this under orders, I know. Now what are they!?”
Rose broke down into a torrent of sobs at Joe’s booming rage. “I don’t know what you mean!”
“LIAR!” Joe raised his left hoof on which he wore his watch and smacked the face of the watch square across Rose’s cheek. The impact broke Rose free of Joe’s magic and she sailed across the room and into the closed doors of the closet. She collapsed into a heap on the floor and rubbed her cheek which was now swollen and purple. She wailed and hiccuped and her face was soaking with tears and snot.
The regret and fear she felt vanished and were replaced with hatred and disgust. The stallion before her was no longer the same stallion who bedded her and caressed her. Through her puffy eyes all she could see standing before her was a monster, the same as any Griffon.
“If you kill me I can say nothing!” she shrieked at him in spite, “I didn't know anything like Daggers’ death would happen! I promise I’ll tell you everything when we get to Equestria!”
“No,” the Joe monster growled, “you tell me now!” Joe pulled Rose up off the ground and shook her. Rose struggled against him and in her desperate flailing she picked up the hoof mirror on the table with the intent of using it as a weapon. Joe dodged the swipe and backed away. Rose held the mirror out in front of her as a measly shield.
And that’s when Joe saw the monster. The eyes of a raving lunatic glared back at Joe. saliva dripped from the creature’s clenched jaw. His mane was as disheveled as his suit and bow-tie. Joe’s lips shook as he recognized the reflection. He looked down at the pathetic, sobbing creature on the floor and the disgusting bruise on her cheek. Joe looked down at his own hoof. His watch was out of place on his wrist, off centered by the strike. A whole quarry of stones weighed down in Joe’s stomach. A massive ball of guilt choked his throat. As the color faded from his face and tears formed in his own eyes, he took of series of deep breaths.
Every ounce of Joe’s conscience desired to turn his head and shut his eyes to what he had done. Instead, with a heavy heart, Joe bent down a hoof and tried to gently pick Rose up from the floor. The second he touched her, she flinched in fear and yanked her hoof away. And so Joe left her there. He sat on his haunches and talked to her instead.
“Listen,” He told her remorsefully, “Rose…. I’m sorry. I shouldn't of… Dammit, Rose, I’m sorry. But you do need to tell me, Rose. Maybe they didn't let you in on all of it, but what you do know, tell me.” Rose glanced up and looked at Joe. He tightly clenched his foreleg with his hoof. His chest was being crushed by the weight of his own regret.
“I know I love you, Joe.” she managed to sob out, “I love you.”
Joe’s heart was completely flattened. “Just tell me.” his own words choked him and he could barely speak them.
However, Rose just kept on chanting, “I love you, I love you, It’s true.” like a mantra.
Joe cursed loudly and turned his back on the filly. The hate in his heart swirled and mixed with his regret and rage like blood swirling in water. Unable to trust his own words, Joe solemnly slipped into the bedroom and locked the door in order to clear his muddled mind. Rose eventually made her way to the couch and sobbed herself into a restless sleep.
“Now arriving at Buffalo’s Roam!” The conductor called out. The night was pitch black and freezing. The hissing steam of the breaking train commingled with the crystallized breath of the ponies at the station. Joe slowly meandered through the biting mist with his head held low. He sighed and stared up into the night sky and saw, for the first time in what seemed to be forever, the stars and moon. There were no artificial lights in Buffalo’s Roam and so the entire ocean of stars and their myriad of colors were on full display.
Firefly lamps lined the platform. All the ponies looked like zombies, half asleep and cursing having to be out this late. Several of them held cups of coffee that swirled into the sky along with the steam and breath. The gossamer trail of the coffee steam chilled Joe even more and he clutched at his jacket.
“Excuse me!” a stallion’s voice sounded from behind Joe. Joe turned around and saw a chocolate colored Pegasus wearing a purple tuxedo and a bit symbol Cutie Mark. Behind the pony, Joe could see the backdrop of where the train had originally departed. The distant black shape of the Great Storm Cloud blotted out the stars on the far horizon. It gave the amazingly odd sense of having come so far and not far enough all at the same time.
“Yeah?” Joe asked the colt in a disillusioned husk. His voice lingered at the end of the word so he could amuse himself with his own breath.
“I’m hungry.” The colt said, “Do you have a muffin?”
“I prefer donuts myself.” Joe mumbled.
“Better still.”
“Until they go stale.” Joe sounded particularly irritated.
With the formalities out of the way, Cloak Daggers’ son spoke with rapid interest, “I received the message from my brother! Why did the train not stop?”
Joe looked at the young colt with hard eyes. “I got some bad news for you, son.” Joe’s voice was hard and cold. “Your father’s dead.
The Pegasus’ face twisted with disbelief. Joe could see the fire in his eye. Joe recognized the fire as the same one that burned within himself. “Who did it? Tell me?” the colt demanded.
Joe put a firm hoof on the colt’s shoulder and tightened it as a stern warning. “Well he took care of that himself.” Joe explained, “The other pony, er Griffon, died first. Now listen carefully. I’m going to need some help getting across the border between Buffalo’s Roam and Equestria. Now send a message to MARE in Canterlot. Tell him to send somepony from Station B to meet me in Zebreburg.”
“I will” he said determinedly.
“Thank you.” Joe started walking back towards the train but stopped himself. “Oh! I think you’ll want these.” Joe reached into his saddlebags and pulled out a black cape with red lining and a black wide brimmed hat with a red feather stuck in it, both of which were badly damaged and torn. The realization hit the colt hard as he held the mementos in his hooves. Wrapped inside the cape was an unopened bar of chocolate.
“Thank you.” was all the colt was able to say.
Joe said, “You’re welcome.” as if he were about to continue leaving, but he just stood there in silence until the conductor yelled out from the train’s entrance.
“Mr. Cake! The train is leaving.”
Joe took one final look at Daggers’ son, unsure if the colt was going to be alright. The train hissed Joe into action and he hopped back on board.
Joe returned to the room. Rose was awake and spread out on the couch. She took one glance at Joe and then laid her head on her hooves staring at nothing in despondency. Joe said nothing and returned to the bedroom until the train stopped at Zebreburg.
As the Friendship Express rolled into Zebreburg Station, a scrawny, orange-red Pegasus with thin, straw colored hair danced on his hooves impatiently. He had been constantly checking his watch nervously for the past hour and a half. When the train did finally arrive, he wiped the relief from his brow. His nervous anticipation had caused him to sweat profusely and most of the other passengers on the platform were starting to get offended by his odor.
As the ponies filed out of the train, the Pegasus painstakingly stared at each one in hope of somehow recognizing Con Mane. All he knew of Mane was that he was apparently the best of the best in terms of Mane6 field agents. He was positively squirming at the idea of meeting such a legendary icon of the intelligence business. Out of the crowd of ponies, on Earth Pony in particular approached the Pegasus. He was massive, even by Earth Pony standards. His coat, mane and eyes were all a dull monochrome grey color. That had to be him, the Pegasus decided. A massive girth to take on any foe and a dull color scheme to blend in with the crowd. The Pegasus’ wings erupted with joy when the grey pony silently signaled him to follow him into the bathroom.
Joe was finally able to get off the train. He found himself being blocked in the corridor by a rather rude family of Zebras that were more interested in conversation then letting others pass. Knowing he had little time before the train took off again, Joe frantically scoured the platform for the courier that was assigned by the Station B Chief. According to the chief’s description, which arrived on board via Dragonfire, Captain Dart was a Pegasus, red with gold, and marked with three throwing darts. Joe figured somepony like that would be easy to find, but he didn't see any ponies of any shade of red.
Inside the washroom, Captain Dart went on and on about how much he had heard of and admired Con Mane’s exploits while the pony he assumed to be Con Mane patiently washed his hooves. The grey pony then, still ignoring the constant blabbering of the Pegasus, closed the bathroom door and locked it so that they were alone. The grey pony’s massive frame towered over the scrawny civil servant. The long shadow completely enveloped his skinny frame. Just as the Pegasus was about to go into his own opinions on Con Mane’s retirement, the grey pony shoved him mid-sentence and pinned him to the dirty tile floor. Captain Dart wailed in panicked confusion. The grey pony leaned in and looked closely into the Pegasus’ eyes. Dart found that he couldn't close his eyelids. His eyes were stuck staring intently into the grey abyss that was the Earth Pony’s eyes. Then the grey pony started to change. A flush of color appeared in his cheeks. A sparkle of life twinkled in his eyes. The flush of color spread throughout the grey pony’s body until the pony’s entire coat became orange-red. His grey hair turned into a straw like gold. Most disturbing of all, a pair of grotesque bulges formed on the pony’s sides. The disgusting tumors grew and grew until they popped out of the pony’s body. A myriad of red feathers protruded from the bizarre growths and Dart realized they were Pegasus wings. And finally the pony’s flank, which Dart hadn't noticed until now was blank, shimmered and swirled. The image of three throwing darts adorned the massive pony’s sides. This surreal transformation was the last thing Dart saw as his image faded to black. The grey pony, no longer grey, exited the washroom and left behind the lifeless corpse of Captain Dart, whose colors were bleached grey and his Cutie Mark gone.
Joe was getting impatient. The Friendship express was ready to leave and the conductor couldn't stall any longer. With one final desperate scan of the platform, Joe just managed to spot a red Pegasus with a straw mane exit the washroom. Joe peered in closer and he could clearly make out the darts on his flank.
Not wanting to waste any time, Joe called out, “Hey! Muffins! Donuts! Stale! Over Here!”
The Pegasus heard him and quickly galloped over. Both he and Joe just barely managed to get on the train as it rolled away. After they caught their breaths and shook hooves, Joe was surprised at just how massive the Pegasus was. His build was highly irregular for the typically slim athleticism of the Pegasi. Joe assumed that, like himself, he was probably descended from a healthy Earth Pony line.
“Dart. Captain Dart.” the red Pegasus introduced himself with a surprisingly nasally voice.
“Con Mane, travelling as ‘Cake’.” Joe answered.politely.
“”My card.” Joe took Captain Dart’s business card which he pulled out of a pair of black saddlebags that were strapped tightly to his sides. The card was adorned with Dart’s name and Cutie Mark and read ‘Equestrian Shipping and Handling Services’ at the bottom.
“What kept you?” Joe tutted.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Dart said with a meek but sophisticated voice, “Only got here an hour ago. I must have busted every flight record getting here.”
“What were MARE’s orders?
Captain dart hesitated slightly as he scoured his recollection. “Only to contact you and the filly on the train.”
“Good. Follow me.” Joe led Captain Dart through the train to the car with the blue carpet. Along the way he had to pass by the green car and he couldn't help but shudder slightly as he passed the final door. Daggers body had been secretly moved while in Buffalo’s roam, but still Joe couldn't help but imagine Daggers still lying on the floor in a bloody heap.
When Joe got to his own door he hesitated. He had not spoken to Roseluck since their earlier incident and Joe was unsure if the introduction of another agent would further complicate things. Still he drummed up his nerves and knocked three times on the door. Nearly a minute passed before Rose finally opened the door to let Joe and Dart in. Her face was devoid of any emotion and she still did not look Joe in the eye. The bruise on her cheek thankfully had gotten better, but it was still discolored and swollen.
“This is my wife.” Joe tried to sound cheerful, “Mrs. Cake? Captain Dart.”
“How do you do?” Dart bowed with sophisticated elegance, “I’m so please to meet you.” Dart attempted to take Rose’s hoof to kiss it but she withdrew with a barely inaudible ‘hmph’ and returned to her spot on the couch to look out the window.
Joe chuckled in embarrassment. “Don’t mind her. She’s just… tired. Have a seat through there.” Joe led Captain Dart into the bedroom and they made themselves comfortable on the folded up couch. “So how long have you been stuck working in Buffalo’s Roam?” Joe asked.
“Oh about three years.” Dart asked after some thought.
“Must be boring as all hell.”
“Oh it can get busy sometimes. You know how it is, Old Horse.”
Old Horse? Joe had to shake his head in disbelief after hearing such archaic lingo. As far as Joe understood, that phrase hadn't been popular in over seventy years and Captain Dart, as fit as he was, couldn't be anywhere near that age. But with the oddities of ponies that Joe had met in his travels, he didn't give it any further thought.
“You’re very fit, Dart.” he commented, “Bit beefier than most Pegasi I've met.”
“Yes, I like to keep in shape.” Dart was obviously embarrassed and quickly changed the subject, “So what’s our problem, sir?”
Joe grabbed the saddlebags that were hanging on a hook on a nearby wall and pulled out the impossibly large leather book from within. “Well I can’t risk taking the Griffon’s Grimoire through customs.”
Dart stopped to admire the book. He held out his hoof in hopes of examining it but Joe shook his head and put it back in the bags. Dart seemed to understand. “Yes I know, regulations and all that, Old Horse. Well, there are no more stops until Equestria. We’ll have to jump off.”
“Can you get us across?”
Dart leaned in cautiously. “How much do the Griffons know?”
“We left them out to dry.” Joe chuckled proudly, “They aint gonna be a problem.”
Dart nodded, satisfied with the answer. “We’ll make it. I know this territory like the back of my hoof. That said, do you mind if we get a bite to eat first? I've been on the go since breakfast.”
Joe’s stomach growl in agreement and he hoped that Dart didn't hear it. “Nah, of course not. Leave your saddlebags here and we’ll go to the restaurant car.” Dart dropped his bags and they joined Rose in the sitting room. “Mrs. Cake you go on ahead with Captain Dart to the restaurant car.” he told her, “I’ll join you there in a few minutes.”
“Whatever you say, Old Horse.” replied Dart happily. Rose solemnly obeyed and walked out with Dart. Joe went back into the bedroom and examined Dart’’s saddlebags. He could tell at a glance that they were exactly like Joe’s except with Darts CM embroidered on the side. Joe made sure that Dart and Rose weren't coming back and then he flipped the catch on one of the bags upside down as per The Doctor’s instructions. Joe opened the bag and noticed the tin of hoof polished magically attached to the side. Joe dug deep within the magic bags and found Dart’s identification. Colors and Cutie Mark matched. Further in the bag, Joe felt the sack that contained the pre-Equestrian coins. It seemed Dart’s bag lacked a catapult.
Satisfied, Joe closed the bag, turning the catch back to normal, and left it where he found it.
When Joe entered the restaurant car, Dart enthusiastically waved his hoof in the air. “Oh there you are, Old Horse! I was worried something had happened to you. The waiter is here to take our orders.”
Rose and Dart sat across from each other. Rose sat so that her bruised cheek faced the window away from the other customers. The window faced the eastern horizon and the blinds were closed to block out the morning sun. When Joe sat down beside her, she turned her head and stared out the sightless window, her chin resting on a single hoof. Next to her, Joe could feel her loathing radiating from her body.
“Right.” Joe did his best to show a good face, “I’ll have an old fashioned, extra glaze. How about you, Mrs. Cake?” Rose turned her head just slightly and merely shrugged her shoulders. “Alright, one for her as well.”
“Yes that sounds very nice!” Dart said with extra pep, “Make that three of those will you? Except could you rustle some jimmies onto mine?”
The maitre d’hotel wrote down the orders and left the table. He came back with the oven fresh donuts and three cups of rather disappointing apple cider. The donuts smelled delicious and Dart wasted no time in digging into his donut, which was liberally decorated with candy sprinkles of every color.
“I hope you enjoy your meal, Old Horse!” Dart exclaimed as he tapped Joe’s mug in a cheers. He took a bite of his donut and spoke through a full mouth, “I think I have the answer to our problems! Pretty simple really!”
“Good.” Joe said as he enjoyed the donut.
“We shall reach the border in about an hour and--” Dart quickly waved his hoof to point out a direction but as he did so, his hoof smacked straight into Rose’s untouched glass. The cider spilled over with an amazing clatter, leaving her untouched donut swimming in a pool of yellow fizz. “Oh I’m so sorry, Mrs. Cake! How clumsy of me!” Dart futilely tried to soak up the spilled cider with his napkin, while Rose was distressed over the drink splashing onto her silk dress.
Joe called out for the waiter who politely cleaned up the mess with his own rag, took away Rose’s plate and left behind an entire bottle of cider to make up for the trouble.
“I’ll pour you some more.” Dart offered politely. Dart filled up the mug until a healthy head of foam bubbled at the rim. Rose drank the cider with lackadaisical disinterest. “Now then, I think you’ll find Appleloosa quite interesting. Of course it’s not Canterlot. Anyway, here’s to Harmony!” Dart raised his third and mostly empty glass of cider high.
Joe decided to indulge the Pegasus and raised his mug as well. They both exclaimed “Cheers!” and slammed the mugs together.
After they had all finished breakfast, they immediately returned to the room. Rose was leaning heavily against Dart and stumbled over her hooves. “I don’t feel very well…” she swooned, “My head…”
Rose’s head gave in to gravity but Joe helped Dart to catch her. “The filly’s come over faint.” said Dart.
“Put her on the couch.” Joe and Dart lifted Rose up and gently placed her on the couch. Joe slipped the stained dress off of her body and threw it in the corner. Her Cutie Mark was bare, but Joe figured it hardly mattered at this point.
“What’s wrong with…” Rose started to say until she drifted away again. She had fallen completely asleep and Joe noted how precious she truly looked. Joe stole a blanket from the bedroom and wrapped it comfortably around her. Joe and Dart then retired into the bedroom.
“Exhaustion, I’d say.” Dart commented. Joe looked at him with a stern eye.
“What was it?” he asked, “That stuff you put in her drink?”
Dart smiled innocently. “It’s called ‘Hush Now, Quiet Now’. A Zebra herb. Quick but mild. She’ll wake up tomorrow with a slight headache and some memory loss.”
“And!?” Joe charged his horn and pointed it at Dart. Dart raised his hooves in the air but continued to smile confidently.
“Take it easy, Con Mane. My escape route’s only for one. What are you after, the filly for the Grimoire?”
Joe glared down the Pegasus. “Alright… Well what is your plan?”
While keeping one hoof in the air, Dart pointed his other hoof at the railway map pamphlets that hung in a cubby on the wall. “I can explain it better on a map, alright?”
Joe turned his horn off and passed a map to Dart. Dart unfurled the pamphlet and pointed out the railway that connected the Griffon Nest with Canterlot.
“Now, we’re here you see? In Buffalo’s Roam. The train crosses the border into Equestria at Appleoosa. When we reach these mountains, the steep grade causes the train to slow down. At that point I’ll have a carriage ‘stuck’ on the tracks that the train will have to wait for. To the side will be a flower cart. Hide the book in the flowers. Head through the main road to the sea. There will be a small power boat waiting for you there which you can take all the way to Manehattan.”
Joe leaned in and examined the map more closely. “hm, this jump off point seems to be about twenty miles from here… But wait, how did you arrange something this elaborate in only a single day?”
A loud thud was Joe’s answer. The blow to the back of Joe’s head was powerful enough to also knock the breath out of him. Joe lost all control of his muscles and collapsed onto the ground. He stared up and as his vision failed him, he saw a red pony with a crooked, sinister smile. And then everything went black.
Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten)
Chapter 12: Sprinkles on an Old Fashioned
Joe woke up to a sea of pain. He was sprawled out on the floor of the bedroom. The aches and pains that tingled his body were minutely messaged by the speeding train. A splitting headache pierced his temples. Joe opened his eyes to find that the room was quite dim. He attempted to light the room with his magic but nothing happened. Joe concentrated harder but still his horn would not light. In fact it didn't respond at all. Joe couldn't feel his horn. He touched it with his hooves to make sure it was still there. It was there, but no magic ran through it.
“Disharmonizer.” the deadpan voice responded to Joe’s thoughts, “Your horn will be worthless for 24 hours. Not that that will matter. Now keep still.” Standing on the far side of the dimly lit room, stood an impressive figure. Even in the shadows, Joe could make out Captain Dart. But Dart’s face was emotionless and his eyes were cruel. “Alright now sit up on your haunches. Front hooves flat.”
Joe obeyed the order. He grimaced at the traitorous captain with loathing disgust. “Sprinkles on an old fashioned… Well that should have told me something.”
Dart was unfazed. “You may know your baked goods, but you’re the one on your haunches. How does it feel, Old Horse?”
“Old Horse?” Joe chuckled, “Is that what ponies in service of SkyClaw call each other?”
“SkyClaw?” Dart chuckled back. It started out as a raspy breath, but then it grew louder. His cackling was deadly-- sharp and poisonous.
Joe startled back in surprise as Captain Dart appeared to melt before him. It started with the wings on his side. The wings slid off of his body and the feathers wilted as they landed on the floor with a wet slap before dissolving into the carpet. Then there was his mane. Trickles of golden yellow dripped from his head. The yellow merged and mixed with the orange-red of his coat as that too bled from his body. The colors ran off of his body like mud in a shower, pooling on the floor and leaving behind a sickly grey color. Even his Cutie Mark melted away, revealing the blank flank underneath. Before long, all the color had dissipated from Captain Dart. His eyes, mane and coat were all the same colorless blight. All the while he laughed coldly and menacingly.
“By Celestia…” Joe felt the sickness swirling in his stomach. “You stole another pony’s colors? But that’s impossible. In order to pull that off you’d have to be using the powers of… chaos. Of course! DISCORD! Then this wasn't a Griffon show at all. You've been playing both nations against each other, haven’t you? Then it was DISCORD who killed the Griffon in the temple. You?”
“mm-hm.” the grey pony looked very pleased with himself.
“Daggers and the other Griffon?”
“mm-hm.”
Joe’s blood boiled. The grey pony smiled so wide that Joe could see his moist, grey gums.
“And I take you killed Dart as well to disguise yourself. Just who are you!?”
“Not who you think. My name is Rook and this body is merely one of my pawns, ready to be sacrificed if needed. The real me is sitting comfortably at home. The wonders of this chaos magic.”
“So why go through all the trouble, Rook?”
“I don’t mind talking.” the grey pony said sardonically, “I get a kick watching the ‘great’ Con Mane realize what an utter fool he’s been. We’re pros, Mr. Mane. I’ve been keeping tabs on you this whole time. I've been your guardian angel. Saved your life at the Breezie Village.”
“Ah, yes,” Joe remembered the massive Ursa Minor that nearly flattened him that night, and the single pony that appeared out of nowhere and vanquished it in a single buck, “Thanks for that.”
“I was keeping you alive until you could get us the Grimoire.”
“So you had me deliver it on a platter. That’s brilliant. Go on, I’m fascinated.”
The grey pony’s eyes were bright with life. His voice marveled as he relished in his own pride. “Now that we've got it, you and the filly are expendable.”
“The filly? Isn't she working for DISCORD too?”
The grey pony laughed,. “No. She thinks she’s doing it all for her Griffon masters. She takes her orders from General Griselda.”
Joe felt the pit in his stomach drop further. She was telling the truth and he hit her for it. “Wait. But General Griselda is a Griffon. Head of operations for SkyClaw.”
“Was.” he corrected Joe, “Griselda’s heart has been touched by chaos. She’s one of us now. But the filly doesn't know that.”
Joe looked to the side at the locked bedroom door. He prayed that Rose was still asleep and didn't walk in on them.
“Well then, why kill her?” Joe asked sincerely.
“Orders. That’s only half of it, Old Horse.” the grey pony hoofed up a small grey cylinder that rested on the fold up couch next to him. “Here’s a roll of film. She’ll have this in her saddlebag. And on you? They’ll find a letter. It’s from her. Threatening to give the film to the press, unless you marry her for helping her steal the Grimoire.”
“What film? What in blazes are you going on about?”
He continued his disgusting giggle. “Taken in the bridal suite of your hotel, of course. Something else the filly didn't know about. Poor you.”
Joe was already sick of listening to the smarmy bastard, but he had to keep him talking. “A plan this convoluted and twisted must have come from a pretty sick mind.”
“Thank you.” he sneered, “I do my best. Can you see the headlines? Equestrian Spy murders beautiful runaway slave then commits suicide? It will be my crowning achievement.”
“Now I gotta know. Which lunatic asylum did they get you out of?”
The grey pony’s face snarled with anger. He smacked Joe hard across the face in retaliation. Joe held tightly to his expression in order to not give away how much it actually hurt.
“Don’t make this tougher on yourself!” Rook spat through his borrow teeth. “My orders are of kill you and deliver the Grimoire. How I do it is my business! But it will be slow and painful.” Rook relished in his own madness. Joe was losing control. He had to think quickly.
“How much are they paying you?” he asked. Joe could see the glimmer of curiosity in the Rook’s cold, grey eyes.
“What’s it to you?”
“We’ll double it.”
Rook chuckled in disbelief. “Your word of honor? As an ‘Agent of Harmony’?” Rook brandished a long knife from the same pile he grabbed the roll of film. “The first stab won’t kill you. Nor the second. Not even the third. Not until you crawl over her and you KISS MY HOOF!”
“Can I at least get one last donut first?”
“Not a chance.” Rook growled.
“I can pay for it.”
Once again Rook looked intrigued. “What with?”
“50 pieces of Pre-Equestrian bits!” Joe answered.
Rook’s eyes lit up. He looked Joe and up down hungrily. “Where are they?” he asked with a snap.
“In my saddlebag.” Jo asked calmly.
Rook grabbed Joe’s black saddlebags with the donut Cutie Mark on the side. Joe watched patiently for Rook to open the bag so he could make his move. But just as Rook was about to undo the buckle, he stopped. “You show me!” he said as he tossed the bags to Joe. Joe tried to think of a way to turn the situation around, but all he could do was obey.
Joe unlatched the bag, making extra certain that Rook wouldn't be able to see the special technique. He reached into the impossibly large bag and pulled out the satchel that contained the valuable gold. As a sign of trust, Joe opened the satchel and spread the coins out flat on the fold up couch.
Rook’s mouth was practically watering. His lip quivered with excitement. “Any more in Dart’s bag?” he asked quickly. Joe fought against his smile. It was the moment he was waiting for.
“I’d imagine so.” he answered innocently, “It’s a standard kit. I’ll have a look.” Joe reached for the black saddlebags adorned with the three darts but he froze in place when Rook pointed his knife at Joe’s throat.
“Put your hooves back!” Rook ordered, “Keep them there! I’ll open it.” Rook pulled the black bags in towards him. He cradled them close to his body for a moment with uneven breath.
Joe watched in anticipation as Rook’s shaking hooves undid the latch, oblivious as to the proper method to open the bags. Rook pulled the flap wide open and a swirling black cloud erupted from the bag and straight into Rook’s face.
Rook screamed loudly in terror. His hooves claws at his eyes frantically. Joe could see that the entirety of the grey pony’s eyeballs had turned pitch black. With the blindness potion in effect, Joe sprang into action. He pounced onto the wobbling grey pony and pinned his massive frame to the ground. Rook screamed in utter terror as Joe punched him square in the muzzle. Joe thought of Rose. He thought of her being used and abused and not even knowing it. Joe punched Rook again. An ocean of blood gushed from his nostrils. Joe thought of the Breezies, their village in ruins. Another Punch. Joe heard a satisfying crack. Rook’s screams turned into guttering wails. Joe though of Cloak Daggers, lying in a bloody heap on the train floor. Joe pressed his hooves together and brought them both down towards the grey pony’s face. But Rook held up a thick hoof and caught Joe’s blow. They wrestled their strength against each other.
Rook spoke through his disfigured face. “I’m done playing with you Con Mane. I have other business to attend to. I’ll be back after my dear puppet has torn you to shreds. Our beloved monsters… enjoy yourselves!”
The smiling grimace vanished from the grey’s pony’s face. Joe was staring back at an emotionless husk. The pony’s breathing became heavy. His bloody nostrils flared so hard, blood sprayed towards Joe’s face. The growls coming from deep within the grey pony’s throat were monstrous and animalistic. The monster roared like beast and pushed Joe with the violent strength of an Ursa. Joe slammed against the bedroom door and fell to the floor only to be immediately picked up and slammed back on the floor. All the while, the grey pony roared with murderous intent. Joe could do nothing. the beast was too fast. It was too strong.
The grey pony wrapped his massive hooves around Joe’s neck and squeezed tightly. The force of Joe’s body being flung at it, forced the bedroom door to open. Through his strained vision, Joe could see Rose sleeping comfortably on the couch. He tried to call out to her but he had no breath with which to speak. Joe’s vision faded away. Darkness surrounded him and he could feel his entire body turn numb.
“Joe…” Joe heard a soft voice swimming in the empty darkness. “Joe… I’m sorry I hid the truth from you…”
It was Rose. Joe could clearly hear Rose’s voice. He willed his vision to return to him even as his life was being choked out of him. Rose stirred in her sleep He saw her lips moving, talking within her dreams.
“I forgive you, Joe.” she uttered softly, “You were just trying to protect me. You saved me. Thank you.” Tears streaked down Joe’s cheek. He wasn’t sure if it was from the pressure on his throat, or something else. “I love you, Joe.”
Rose stirred in her sleep and cuddled her face into her hooves. Joe’s heart burned with a raging fire. Life returned to his failing muscles. He grabbed the grey pony’s hooves, and pulled at them with all of his might. Still the grey pony’s massive strength would not let up. Joe kept his thoughts on Rose. He didn't allow her image to fade from his mind. He played her words over and over in his head. ‘I love you. I love you. I love you.’
The words surged through Joe’s body like a spell. He could feel the power they granted coursing through his veins, up from his hooves and into his head. He could hear them echoing inside his mind and all the way into his. His horn tingled with the power, and Joe took the opportunity.
Joe’s horn surged with sparking power. Black tendrils emerged and danced around his horn. The tendrils bubbled with green and purple light. Joe’s eyes glowed with a vibrant green and his irises turned blood red. A haze of purple smoke billowed from the corners of his eyes. Joe could feel the powers of darkness granting him the strength he needed. He pulled at the grey pony’s hooves and they actually started to budge. Joe’s airwaves opened up and he could relish in the coolness of a fresh breath. This invigorated Joe further. He was twice the pony he used to be and it felt incredible. With the strength of a Buffalo, he twisted his body around and decked the grey pony in the jaw. The grey pony flew to the ground and Joe jumped on top of him. Joe wrapped his hooves around the grey pony’s neck and squeezed tightly. Air rushed out of the grey pony’s throat and it felt like releasing air from a balloon. Joe enjoyed the feeling.
The grey pony desperately tried to use his hulking strength to pull the crazed Unicorn off of his but it was only growing weaker while Joe grew more powerful. Joe squeezed tighter and tighter and he even rocked the pony violently from side to side just for good measure.
The grey pony’s hoof fell lifelessly to the ground. The prey within Joe’s grasp stopped fighting. Joe got no more pleasure out of the feeling than if he was hugging a stuffed animal. So Joe let go and allowed the dead animal to collapse on the floor. The darkness around Joe’s horn stopped pulsating and dissipated. Joe’s eyes returned to normal.
He blinked around in confusion. He stood above the dead body of the grey pony with no idea of what had transpired. The last thing he remembered, he was dying and then he heard Rose’s voice…
“Rose!” Joe hurried over to Rose, still peacefully asleep on the couch. The car was silent except for the chugging of the train.
Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten)
The train lurched and almost jerked Joe off of his feet along as well as his thoughts as he stood over the lifeless body. The brakes screamed in agony and came to a dead stop.
Fueled by instinct, Joe grabbed the film left behind by the pony and tossed it into his saddlebag. He double checked the contents of the bags to make absolute certain that the Grimoire was still there.
“Rose, wake up! Wake up or I’ll leave you behind.” Joe shook the sleeping Rose fiercely. His heart raced with adrenaline as he knew he did not have much time. Rose groaned as she fought against the awakening. “Rose, wake up or I’ll leave you behind, do you hear me!?” Joe kept urging.
“Don’t leave me. Never leave me.” she said in a half-sleep.
Left with no other choice, Joe picked her up and rested her on his back. With the difficulty of balancing Rose’s weight, Joe clamored out of the train. The rest of belongings in the room, such as the dresses, had to be left behind. It was still night out but the stars and moon shone brilliantly, freed from the Great Storm Cloud. Joe felt free as well and was sorry that Rose had to be missing it. In front of the train, the conductor was arguing with another pony who stood before a carriage sitting in the middle of the tracks just as Rook said there would be. Joe’s mind raced with blood as he quickly analyzed the situation. He realized DISCORD would be suspicious if Joe or Rose appeared without the grey pony and it would take far too much time to go around the back of the train.
Joe took a deep breath and set Rose on the ground. He tried to shake her awake again but still all she did was groan and slightly stir. Joe cursed to himself and charged his horn. He levitated the comatose Rose just slightly off the ground. He concentrated his mind as he pushed Rose forward and squeezed her body between the thin space between the train and the tracks. He moved her slowly and methodically, but with the knowledge that the train could start moving again at any moment. Near the end of the train’s underside, she startled to wobble. The time Joe spent levitating her was taking its toll. Joe’s temples throbbed and ached horribly. Each moment that passed made it that much more difficult to concentrate. Joe knew he was at his limit. With his last ounce of concentration he shoved Rose with one great push. His horn gave out and Joe watched as Rose’s limp body cleared the tracks and the train and tumbled around on the glistening dew grass on the other side.
Joe had to go next. He looked to the side and was aghast when he saw the DISCORD pony moving his carriage off of the tracks. Joe leaped to the ground and crawled underneath the train. Joe’s size just barely squeezed in between the thin gap. His stomach and belly scraped against the coarse metal, unpolished wood and piled rock of the tracks. His horn and the top of his head bumped against the piping and gear work above him. His saddlebag got caught on the axle and Joe had to yank it off. Joe scuttled forward but it felt as if he was making no progress. The grassy field at the other end of the track stretched farther and farther away. Joe’s elbows banged against the metal, tingling his entire legs. About half-way across, Joe heard the steaming hiss of the engine. The gears creaked and rattled to life. In a panic, Joe crawled faster. He could hear the train huff and puff. The wheel axle churned and Joe noticed his head was level with the heavy wheels of the Friendship Express. Joe closed his eyes in focus and kept moving. His front hoof touched wet grass. The chilling dampness inspired Joe’s muscles. He dug his hoof in and pulled himself forward.
The train whistled loudly and sped off on its way. Joe opened his eyes and looked back to see his back hoof just inches away from the speeding wheels. He shook the shivers out of his body and attended to Rose. She was still fast asleep. Joe wasn't sure whether that surprised him or not.
Joe looked around the field. Just off in the distance, Joe saw a pull cart filled with various flowers. A rather bored looking pony leaned against the cart and mindlessly chewed away at the product. Joe left Rose in the grass as he quietly made a wide turn around the cart to avoid the watch of the pony. The flower pony yawned but stopped halfway when he felt a tap on his shoulder.
“Excuse me?” Joe asked. The pony looked over just in time to see Joe’s hoof collide with his face. The pony was out cold. Joe ran over and picked up Rose again and placed her in the flower cart. “Alright, Rose you just sleep it off in there. You’ll feel better once you wake up.”
“Stay here with me…” Rose moaned. Joe opened his saddlebag and took out the Grimoire. The weight of the book became apparent as it left the strange space of the bag and Joe nearly toppled over. He placed the book on the cart first and covered it with flowers so that nopony could see it. He then placed Rose’s body on top of it. Joe then strapped himself into the front of the cart and galloped away in the direction of the lake that was indicated on Rook’s map.
Rose’s woke up to a powerful heat on her face. The heat tickled her nose and she sneezed. The sneeze was painful as her head pounded with a horrible migraine. Her memories were muddled. She knew she had been on the Friendship Express, but she couldn't remember any details beyond that. A bright whiteness put pressure on her eyes and she couldn't open them. But she did feel the bumpy movement and she wondered how she was able to sleep through such uncomfortable bouncing.
“Ow, my head!” she whined, “I feel like I was run over by a train.”
“That ain't too far from the truth.” Rose heard Joe’s voice somewhere behind her. His voice made her smile warmly. It was a pleasant warmth, not like the intense heat that smothered her body. “You were drugged. But don’t worry you’re ok now. We’re currently crossing the border between Buffalo’s Roam and Equestria.”
Equestria! The name made Rose tingle with excitement. She wanted nothing more than to see the lush, green fields she had always heard about. With no more hesitation, she opened her eyes wide. But instead of lush, green fields, she was met with a burning white and yellow fire that scorched her retinas.
“My eyes!” she screamed, “Something is wrong with my eyes!”
“Nothing’s wrong with your eyes, Rose. You’re just not used to having an actual sun above your head. See all that blue up there? That’s what the sky is supposed to look like.”
Rose blinked a few times and the burning light dimmed. It gave way to two blurry, pastel bands of green and blue. the blue and green bars tightened and gained shape. The green bar became rolling hills that went on forever. she could see the occasional patch of wildflowers growing on the brilliant hillsides. even the dirt road that the carriage was driving on was beautiful. The dirt was brown but it was the most colorful brown she had ever seen. Then there was the blue. Oh the most brilliant of blues. It was the bluest blue that Rose could ever hope to imagine. It looked like a soothing blanket of cool, gentle water hung above her head. But it wasn't all blue. The blue was broken. Patches of white hung in the blue. They were white as snow but far more brilliant. They came in all sorts of wonderful shapes and sizes. She could see bunnies and dogs and even one that looked like a pony. And then there was the orb that hung in the sky. She knew what it was at once. It was small, but brighter than any lamp. Ten Million fireflies had clustered together and spewed out fire like a dragon. She couldn't look at the orb for more than a second but she didn't care. She just kept staring at it and tried to take in all of its majesty. Roseluck’s eyes watered but it was not from the stinging light. She collapsed into jubilant tears.
“So that’s the sun.” she cried, “And the clouds are actually white and really, really small! Oh, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!”
“Beats the crap out of that Storm Cloud, right?’ Joe laughed.
Rose looked into the distance. On the very edge of the horizon, she saw a tiny grey smudge; an ugly stain against the brilliant blue..
“The Storm Cloud… It looks so far away. So tiny.” Her tears burst anew. “Oh, Joe, thank you! Thank you! You did it! You really saved me! You could have left me to be killed by the Griffons but you didn't!”
Rose peered over the front of the cart and happily peered down at the pony drawing it. He looked up at her and smiled brightly. “I’m a pony of my word, Rose. By this time tomorrow we will be safely in Equestria.”
Rose lay on her back in her bed of flowers and looked up at the endless blue above her. She allowed the sun’s heat to touch and caress her body. She wished that time would stop and that the moment would last forever.
But then the sun seemed to hiccup for just a second. “Wait, Joe? What was that?”
“What was what?” Joe asked.
“I thought I saw…” Confused, Rose payed more attention. Then she saw it again. A black shape flew in front of the sun and blocked out its light for just a second. And Rose recognized the shape’s large wingspan. “I did! I did see a Griffon!”
Joe tutted. “That’s not possible, Rose. We’re too far out of their territory. At this point they’d be breaking international law. Well I mean so are we but let’s face it, those Griffons couldn't even spell stealth.” Joe laughed at his own joke but was cut off by a piercing screech/roar.
“I told you, Joe! Only a Griffon could make that sound!”
Joe noticed the pair of shadows circling around their cart on the road. The sudden surge of adrenaline pierced through his spine and into his legs. Instinctively, Joe picked up his pace. Despite his jaunt, the two Griffons above easily kept the cart within their carrion circle. Joe’s eyes were glued to the sky and the ominous pinpricks that soared above them. Another screech, and one of the black dots grew larger. Just as Joe was able to make out the outstretched claws of the Griffon, Joe unfastened himself from the cart and dove to the dirt. He was able to just barely dodge the dive bomb. The Griffon’s claw cut the leather straps and sliced them clean off the cart. A rush of air as the Griffon looped back up to the sky to prepare for another deadly descent.
Rose was covering her head with her hooves. Her body was quaking in fear. She nearly jumped out of the cart when Joe grabbed her. He calmed her with a stern and determined eye.
“Rose, you hide under the cart. Keep the Grimoire with you and guard it with your life.” Joe shoved aside some flowers and revealed to Rose what she had been sleeping on this whole time.
“But Joe--”
“Just do it! Hurry before they attack again!”
Rose hoisted the large book and dropped to the dirt. When she rolled her entire body underneath the cart, Joe looked back to the Griffons.
“So much for a relaxing canter in the countryside.” Joe sighed to himself.
Now both Griffons were diving towards the ground. Joe made sure their attention was drawn to him and he galloped away from the cart. One Griffon got close and pointed its claws straight at Joe’s throat. Just then, Joe saw a large boulder to his right, sticking out of a grassy hill. Joe jumped to the side for the rock just as the talon swiped through the air. The other Griffon hot on his tail, Joe jumped behind the rock and the Griffon was forced to pull up to avoid collision. Its talons scratched against the stone as it changed direction.
Joe took a couple of calming breath, but then the wind was knocked out of him. One of the Griffons adjusted its trajectory around the rock and slammed right into Joe. A mangled ball of fur and feathers tumbled down the grassy hill. Joe wrestled against the Griffon. He could feel the talons scratching at his skin and clothes. He shook his head vigorously to avoid his eyes being pecked at. Joe reached over against the slashing talons and held down a button on his watch. A thin red beam shot from the watch and seared Griffon’s fur. The Griffon shrieked in pain and jumped off Joe. As Joe sat up, he was able to get a clear look at his attacker. It padded out its smoking grey fur with a pair of grey talons from which grew grey feathers. The Griffon angrily glared at Joe with grey eyes and snarled its grey beak. The soulless monochrome body gave Joe horrible memories of the Friendship Express.
The Griffon took to the skies again and rejoined its grey comrade at circling around Joe. They were preparing for another dive. Joe inspected the scars in his fur and the tears in his suit. His bow-tie succumbed to a particularly horrible rip and fell off his neck into the dirt. He growled in anger and quickly removed his saddlebags. He hastily opened the bags (careful not to set off the potion) and pulled out the folded components of the catapult. He unfolded and attached the planks of wood and rope, still mindful of the Griffons as they prepared to strike from the sky. Joe locked back the tension in the arm and looked to the sky. The Griffons were already diving at full speed. He looked around frantically. The only thing around him of decent size was the boulder he futilely hid behind earlier. He focused his horn and concentrated hard. The boulder was perhaps a tad too large, but still Joe forced the rock into the air. He could hear the growing whistle of death above him, but he needed to concentrate. Slowly he hovered the massive rock above the catapult and lowered it onto the bucket. The catapult’s size and weight barely supported the boulder.
Joe’s temples pounded with splitting pain. He ignored it and readied himself next to the lever. He could make out the grey color of the Griffons as they grew closer and closer. Joe’s immediate instincts told him to release the lever but he waited. Closer and closer the Griffons flew. Almost. Almost.
“Bon Voyage!” Joe yelled as he pulled the lever. The arm was released from its tension and the catapult seemed more than eager to get rid of the boulder’s weight. The rope snapped off of its pulley and the arm popped straight up and the boulder flew through the sky. The grey Griffons, dumbed by chaos magic, still continued to fly straight. By the time they noticed that a seemingly small pebble was suddenly growing larger by the second it was too late. The boulder collided with both Griffons. A pathetic yelp echoed through the countryside followed by a sickening crunch as the boulder fell back down to the earth.
Joe inspected his catapult. The wood was splintered at the key joints and the pulley was completely torn from the rest of the machine. Joe decided to leave the broken down equipment and returned to Rose. He hoofed the shivering mare out from underneath the flower cart. She was still shivering with fright and clung onto the Griffon’s Grimoire like it was a lifesaver at sea. Joe shook her back to her senses.
“Joe!” she cried happily, “Are you alright? What about the Griffons?”
Joe smiled and hugged her protectively. “Don’t you worry. I just killed two birds with one stone.”
Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten)
Chapter 14: We do not Tolerate Failure
‘Magic’ tapped his hoof on his desk slowly and repeatedly. It was the only sound Griselda could hear. She kept her beak pointed square at the carpeting. She didn't dare lift her eyes even a centimeter. She knew that, beside her, Rook was doing the same thing. She didn't know which of the two, if either, was being subjugated to ‘Magic’’s piercing gaze. All she knew was that constant tapping. A tapping that was so soft, but her eyes uncontrollably blinked each time.
“Two ponies and a Griffon were found dead on the Friendship Express.” ‘Magic’ eventually broke what seemed like an eternity of silence. “One of those ponies was your agent. What do you have to say for yourself, ‘Honesty’?” His voice was calm and collected, with not a hint of anger.
Still Griselda gulped in relief that ‘Magic’ had not said her code name. She glanced at the side towards Bishop Rook. He did not share Griselda’s fear. His wooden pipe sat complacently from his thin lips and gaunt, blueberry cheeks. “It was Griselda’s choice!” was his confident excuse, “Her ponies failed!”
“It was YOUR plan!” Griselda fired back. She was not going to allow this smarmy Pegasus to throw her under the carriage. “I followed it implicitly.”
Rook smirked at the outburst. “Impossible. It was perfect.”
Griselda growled at his arrogance. The two had devolved into arguing like petty children and daddy ‘Magic’ was perfectly fine with letting them bicker. “Except for one thing. That we’re dealing with Con Mane.”
Bishop chuckled “Who is Con Mane compared to Bishop Rook?”
“Exactly.” ‘Magic’ chimed in. He stared down Griselda like a hatchling with her claw caught in the jerky jar. “What do you have to say to that, ‘Kindness’?”
Griselda’s feathers were drenched in sweat. She could barely speak through the tightness of her throat. “Well, I…”
The mechanical door behind her slid open and she nearly flew into the air with fright, but the freezing shivers paralyzed her spine. She dared not turn around to see what was there. But she could hear it. From behind her, the buzzing twirling of a small propeller grew louder and louder along with the playful childlike giggle of a small pink foal.
“Con Mane is still alive,” ‘Magic’’s calm voice was now far more bitter and hate filled, “and the Griffon’s Grimoire is still not yet in our possession! I have already negotiated with the Griffon Kingdom to return it to them! We have agreed on a price. And DISCORD always keeps to it’s promises. Our organization depends on us keeping those promises. I warned you. We do not tolerate failure, ‘Kindness’! You know the penalty.”
His last words were cold and dark. General Griselda’s entire body convulsed and her beak was chattering. A trickle of tears ran down her cheeks. “yes… ‘Magic’.” Griselda closed her eyes and prepared herself for the fate that awaited her.
But she opened her eyes again when she heard the horrified scream next to her. She looked over and saw Rook clutching one of his wings. Screwball hovered over next to him and was laughing hysterically. Strapped to her tiny hoof was a gauntlet with three sharp claws protruding from it. Rook removed his hoof to inspect the wound. Three slashes ran across his wing just deep enough to draw blood. But then the area around the cuts cracked and splintered. A crusty tumor grew from the wound and encased Rook’s wing. The wing turned into a roughly cut, dull green gemstone.
Rook panicked as the creeping crystal spread to his body. “But, but my plan was perfect. I’m perfect. I don’t… please, no!” Rook screamed at the top of his lungs as his entire body was slowly turning into crystal. He pleaded at ‘Magic’ for mercy but ‘Magic’ just sat there, smiling. A small pink parasprite drifted down from the ceiling and rested on ‘Magic’’s shoulder and nuzzled him affectionately. Rook’s face was the last part of his body to turn into crystal, a horrified expression permanently carved into the statue.
Griselda stared at the petrified Rook with equal horror.
“He will make a lovely addition to my garden.” ‘Magic’ chuckled, “How lovely. But it took twelve seconds. One day we must create a faster working potion. ‘Kindness’!”
Griselda snapped out of her terrified state. “Yes, Lord ‘Magic’!”
“I do not wish to tell the Griffon Kingdom that there will be another delay!” He stroked his parasprite.
“There will be no delays, ‘Magic’. There’s still time.”
‘Magic’ sneered and turned his chair away from Griselda. The meeting was over and his point was made. Screwball continued to laugh and Griselda awkwardly left the room, unable to shake the dread in her heart.
Joe and Rose made their way to the coastline without seeing any other pony or Griffon. Joe still hid the Grimoire in the flower cart just to be safe. When they arrived at the lake, a small fishing boat was moored to a simple wooden post in the dirt. Joe took the Grimoire from the flowers and stuffed it into the saddlebags before helping Rose onto the boat. Rose cast the rope off while Joe attended to the engine. The engine was very impressive. It ran off of lightning which was a difficult resource for even the most skilled of Pegasi to mine safely. However, it was easily the most fuel efficient of the natural resources. Tied to the boat were four large metal barrels that presumably were filled with even more lightning. Joe estimated that there were easily thousands of bits worth of bottled lightning altogether. Joe revved the motor and it started up immediately. He just barely had to throttle the accelerator for the boat to speed away from the bank.
“Where are we going?” Rose asked. It took her awhile to adjust to the frightening speed but when she did, she reveled in the feeling of the cool wind in her mane.
“Manehattan.” Joe answered behind the wheel, “They might be waiting for us if we head straight to Canterlot. Manehattan is a part of the New Lunar Republic which is separate from Equestria. But I got a good friend in the LIA who can get us to Canterlot without any complications. It’ll take us a bit longer but it’s worth it to see that city. You’ll love it. Hey check what’s inside that chest will you?”
rose obediently bent down and opened the wooden chest that sat near Joe’s hooves. “Just some charts.”
“Give me those charts!” The order came out more terse than Joe wanted it to but Rose didn't seem to mind. She picked up a chart with her mouth and unfolded in on the dash so Joe could look at it. “Let’s see here. Ah, we’re already in Equestrian waters and we have plenty of barrels of condensed lightning to power the boat. We should be there by morning, not that it matters in the NLR.” Joe double checked his bearings to make sure he was on course for Manehattan and accelerated the boat.
They continued on for several hours. Joe made sure to keep the coastline in site at all times but far away enough so that prying eyes wouldn't see the boat. Rose yawned as she awoke from a small nap on the floor. She smacked her lips and looked partially disappointed that they hadn't arrived yet. The sun was setting and the sky was burnt orange. Joe was once again amazed at how well Rose’s eyes captured the light. Even in a sleepy daze they looked beautiful.
“Which way are we going?” Rose asked.
Joe pointed ahead towards a collection of mountains in the distance. “The shortest route which is between those two mountains and straight along the coast. We’ll be able to see the Statue of Harmony on the other side of those rocks.”
Rose walked over to the stern of the ship to stretch her back and haunches. Joe took a moment to enjoy the view before turning his attention back to his driving.
“Joe?” Rose sounded concerned, “There are some more boats approaching us.”
Joe turned to the side. Just as Rose said, he could make out five boats very similar to the one he was driving moving towards them at high speeds. They traveled in a V formation and the boat in the front was slightly larger. Each boat had a small contingency of ponies on them. As the boats drew nearer, Joe noticed that the ponies all had very dull colors, faded Cutie Marks and lifeless eyes. That is except for one pony, a small foal that stood on her hinds triumphantly on the bow of the ship with her forelegs on her hips. Each ship was equipped with a miniature catapult.
“Joe, who are these ponies?” Rose asked.
“I’m going to assume they ain't part of a boating club.”
The pink filly at the helm of the flagship put a megaphone to her lips. “Yaaaaargh! Ahoy, me mateys!” She yelled exuberantly into the phone with an forced accent. Joe blinked in confusion. “I be Captain Screwball! Fearsomest pirate to sail the seven seas! In the name of DISCORD, pull yer craft over and prepare to walk the plank!” she followed up with an out of character giggle.
A flabbergasted Joe scratched his mane. “Since when does DISCORD have pirates?”
Screwball growled with anger and stomped her hoof on her boat. Somehow, she was able to hear Joe over the roaring sound of six motor boats. “Hey! Don’t spoil my fun, Mr. No Fun!” She dropped the pirate act entirely, opting instead to scream in a foalish temper tantrum. “Alright all you Grey Coats! Kill them!” she screamed.
Joe took his cue and revved his boat into full throttle. The sudden surge of acceleration knocked Rose off her hooves. The other boats followed suit. Their engines roared and they continued to gain on Joe’s boat.
Joe cursed and tried to feed all the lightning he could into the engine. Despite his best efforts, the boat would not go any faster. The DISCORD boats were all in range. They reversed their spearhead formation and formed a horseshoe around the boat at a steady distance. The ponies on board the boats hefted out large black balls-- each with a badly drawn skull and crossbones hoofpainted on them-- and placed them in the catapults. The fuse was lit on one of the balls and launched from the catapult. It landed in the water a decent distance away from Joe and Rose’s boat but still it detonated A pillar of fire and smoke rose into the air and sent water high into the sky that rained down on the boats below. Rose screamed and covered her head from the downpour. The explosion from the bomb created a small wave that crashed into Joe’s boat which he struggled to compensate for.
Joe yelled at Rose to get down and take cover. Another bomb was launched. This one landed even closer to the boat. The shrapnel landed on the boat along with the water and Joe was just barely able to keep the boat from toppling over from the resulting wave.
“What do you think you’re doing you dumb butts!?” Screwball screamed into her megaphone, “You need to stop them not kill them!” She did not catch on to her own contradiction.
One of the DISCORD ships ignored the order and fired another bomb. This one landed just behind Joe’s boat. The explosion sent the boat airborne and it splashed down into the water rightside up. Joe and Rose were both knocked to the ground. The boat’s wheel turned on its own and veered off course. Joe hurried to his hooves and straightened the wheel. Then he heard the sound of crackling snaps.
“Joe!” Rose screamed, “The barrels!”
Joe looked behind him. The shrapnel from that last bomb penetrated the metal barrels strapped to their deck. Forks of raw lightning shot out from the hole in all directions. Joe could smell the scorched air. One bolt shot out and just barely missed Rose. She screamed and ducked her head.
Instinctively, Joe pointed his watch at the rope holding the barrels and fired a laser beam. The beam burned right through ropes and the barrels fell off the boat and into the water. The floating barrels continued to spew lightning which no doubt turned the surrounding waters into a pool of instant death.
“Oooooh,” Screwball mused, “those look dangerous. Slow down all boats! slow down!”
The DISCORD boats approached the sparking barrels and slowed down. Joe grabbed the throttle and was about to feed more lightning into the engine. But after he looked back at the stalling enemy boats he cut off his own engine. Their boat petered to a standstill as the enemy boats gained on them at cruiser speed.
“Joe, why are you stopping!?” Rose wailed, “Without those barrels shouldn't we be faster? We can escape!”
Joe stood and faced Screwball in silent defiance.
“Awwww,” Screwball pouted theatrically, “our game of tag over? What a bummer. Oh well!” she giggled, “I guess I win though! Yay! Now give me that book, Mr. Mane, and I’ll let you and your little filly friend go, okie-dokie?”
Joe scowled. The enemy boats were right up against the fallen barrels. The lightning was making scorch marks on the hulls. “How about we play my game instead.” Joe growled.
Joe charged his horn. It glowed with a deep red light. He concentrated on the barrels in the water. The metal grew red hot, and then white. Screwball saw the horn glow and looked around for what Joe was casting the spell on. By the time Screwball did notice, it was too late.
The heat ignited the lightning inside the barrels. All of them erupted with a mighty roar. Four pillars of pure, brilliant lightning shot out into the sky followed by a massive wall of fire that engulfed all five of Screwball’s boats. Joe and Rose shielded their eyes from the intense light.
A few of the boats were instantly decimated by the explosion. The other were completely engulfed in flames. The flames reached the stockpile of bombs stored on the boats and they too ignited in an ear shattering roar. Burning timber rained from the sky along with whatever remained of the grey coated ponies. Only Screwball’s ship was left. The fire slowly surrounded and engulfed her ship. She watched as the flames sprawled ever closer to the stack of bombs.
“What have you done!?” she screamed in a blood curdling panic, “Are you Insane!? I don’t like this game! This isn't fun! This isn't fun!”
She flailed her hooves in a panic. A rogue ember made contact with her fur and her foreleg ignited. She screamed at the sudden sight of her fur aflame and, without thinking, jumped into the water. The water, still charged with raw electrical energy, sparked and engulfed Screwball with a blinding flash. The smell of burnt fur and flesh filled the air. The fire eventually touched Screwball’s bombs and the ship exploded into bits.
Joe casually watched the inferno in front of him. His eyes were dark and devoid of remorse as they reflected the dancing flames. Rose tearfully tugged at Joe’s sleeve. He turned and saw her beautiful face flushed with concern. Joe then silently took the wheel and restarted the motor. He figured there should be just enough lightning remaining to get them to Manehattan.
Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten)
Chapter 15: Beautiful Manehattan
Beautiful Manehattan. The Big Apple. It was the second largest equine city next to only Canterlot. The home of all things art, fashion and high society. The city became part of the sovereign territory of the New Lunar Republic after Princess Luna’s return. Now the concrete metropolis sat under the ever watchful eyes of an eternal full moon.
Joe sat by the window of his room at the Mane Fair Hotel, levitating a donut in front of him, as he watched the ethereal moonlight ricochet off of the Statue of Harmony. The massive copper statue of a crowned mare holding aloft a golden torch had turned green in contact with the ocean air and bathed the surrounding buildings in an emerald light.
Joe rested in the chair in an exhausted mess. His mane was being so rebellious he was afraid it would secede from the rest of his body and start an independent state of split ends. His eyes were heavy with many lines. His dinner jacket sat unceremoniously on the floor and his shirt was wrinkled and unbuttoned. He had yet to replace his bow-tie.
Rose would be done with her shower soon and so Joe figured he ought to get dressed, but he failed to find any further motivation. He glanced over at the desk against the wall. The Griffons Grimoire, with its green leather binding, sat in plain sight. Joe had already contacted Sky Blazer, his friend and contact in the Lunar Intelligence Agency, and made arrangements for Joe and Rose to go to Canterlot by train, guarded by undercover LIA agents. The train would be leaving in a few hours. To Joe it seemed too unceremonious, almost boring. He couldn't help but ponder what would happen to Rose when they reached the castle. He supposed it could be any number of things. Perhaps she would be given a new identity and a normal life to live. Of course there was also the possibility that she would be put under custody and interrogated for crucial information on the Griffons. No, Joe put that thought out of his mind immediately. Either way she would be incarcerated as per the law. He just hoped his request for leniency didn't fall on deaf ears.
Then Joe thought about what he would do. Of course he would return to the donut shop, right? He heard the shower shut off and he couldn’t help but imagine Rose with a soaking wet mane. Perhaps there was a chance that Joe and Rose could continue to stay together. She would need a job, after all, and he could use an extra hoof at the donut shop. Yeah, Joe thought to himself as he bit into his donut, that’d be nice.
Red Velvet probably wouldn't appreciate it though. Joe then realized that he hadn't thought about Red since he left Canterlot. He felt guilty. But that wasn't the only reason why he knew deep down that he and Rose couldn't stay together. DISCORD. This was twice now that Joe had to deal with this shadowy organization, and this time they specifically targeted him. Rose was just an unfortunate pawn in their game of chess, but for what purpose? Why was Joe the one that DISCORD needed to kill? Joe guessed that was why he was so apprehensive about returning home. He was afraid to find the answer to that question. But he knew it was a question he had to answer.
The bathroom door opened and Rose stepped out of a cloud of hot steam. Her mane was still damp and Joe silently relished in it.
“Y’know I think I may move out here from Canterlot.” Joe said while staring out the window, “Then maybe MARE will stop bugging me. What do you think?”
Rose sauntered over to Joe and wrapped her hooves around him. She pressed her moist mane against his cheek. The smell of her shampoo was intoxicating. “I think living here is a wonderful idea. Why don’t we start now?”
Joe leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. She melted into his body. “First I need to get you to Equestria.” Joe told her, “You are a defector after all.”
Rose sat in Joe’s lap and looked at him with hurt and concern. “Won’t I ever see you again?”
Joe smiled to reassure her and placed a hoof on her cheek and another on her thigh. “Depends on how long you’re kept in custody. But once you’re pardoned, I’d love to see you at the donut shop.”
Rose leaned in and kissed Joe again. He pulled her in and and tried to press as much of her body against his as he could. Somehow, during their passionate session, they found their way out of the chair and onto the bed. Their bliss was interrupted by the ringing of the phone. The pair regretfully left each others legs and Joe got off the bed to answer the phone. Rose continued to lay on her back and breathed heavily.
“Hello?” Joe spoke into the receiver, “Yes, tell the carriage to wait, thanks. And send up a porter for the luggage.”
There was a knock at the door along with a quivering voice that said, “Room service.”
Joe put a hoof over the phone receiver and called out, “Come on in!”
The door opened and in walked a female Griffon wearing in an old fashioned maid’s uniform. Joe’s back was turned and he didn't see the Griffon enter the room. Rose, meanwhile, returned to the bathroom to brush her mane. The maid took out a rag and polished away at the desk that the Grimoire sat on.
“What was that?” Joe continued to talk on the phone, “Oh no, nothing the hotel maid just came in. And also get me Canterlot Castle. Thank you.”
Joe hung up the phone and nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw the Griffon maid. The maid looked at Joe with discerning eyes.
“Sorry, ma’am.” Joe said, “You startled me. Didn't expect the maid to be a Griffon. Nothing against you personally, just can’t be too careful nowadays.”
The maid grumbled and returned to her work. “Of course. You ponies and your prejudices.”
Joe realized how intolerant his words sounded and was about to apologize again when the phone rang once again.
“Yes?” Joe answered, “Con Mane here. Shining Armor, please?”
Rose returned from the bathroom with the brush in her mouth. “Joe we will miss the train and we will--” and dropped it at the sight of the Griffon maid. She gasped in fear. The Griffon gave her a stern eye and pressed a talon to her beak. Joe continued to talk on the phone with his back against the Griffon.
“Yeah, tell the Princess that we’ll be in Canterlot by morning.” He turned and noticed that the Griffon maid had already started carrying their luggage towards the door, including the Grimoire. “Wait hold on. Hold on, ma’am! Leave the book, please. I’ll carry it down myself. I’m sorry, as I was saying it should be pretty routine from here on--”
Joe stopped mid-sentence, as there was now a sharp point pressed against his throat. The Griffon had taken out a clawed gauntlet and strapped it around on of her claws.
“Drop the phone, Con Mane,” spoke the sinister whisper, “or I’ll tear your throat out.”
“Griselda…” Over the phone, Shining Armor called out to see if Joe was still there, and Joe hung up the receiver. He stood as still as he could, despite the fact that he could feel Griselda’s sticky breath on his neck.
“Roseluck, the door!” Griselda ordered.
Rose looked around in a panicked state. “Joe, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! I didn't know--”
“Roseluck!” Griselda barked.
Rose squeaked in terror and galloped over to the door and opened it wide.
“Take the Grimoire.” Griselda ordered.
Rose hesitated at first and looked at Joe intently. He didn't budge. He just kept looking straight forward with a scary serious look on his face.
“Yes, my master.” Rose eventually said solemnly as she closed her eyes and bowed her head in shame. “I obey…” Rose lifted up the Grimoire and carried it out of the hotel room, shutting the door behind her.
“Now then, Agent Mane,” Griselda giggled softly, “I have the pleasure of killing you myself!” Griselda rubbed her feathery face against Joe’s neck passionately. He could even feel what must have been her warm tongue lick him slightly.
Fueled by rage and disgust, Joe violently bucked Griselda square in the chest. She flew back into the wooden desk and knocked over the lamp which shattered on the floor. Griselda flared her wings, curled her talons and let out a furious screech/roar. She rushed forward, ferociously slashing her deadly claw with unrefined swipes. Joe duked and dodged around the attacks, but Griselda was getting more desperate with every failed attempt. She leaped at him again and Joe rolled across the bed forcing Griselda to slice at it. A flurry of pillow feathers rained from the ceiling. She screeched again and levitating in midair with her wings. The pillow feathers swirled in a vortex around the room.
Joe couldn't see her through the tornado of white feathers, but he could hear the heavy beating of her wings. Joe followed the sound and when he believed that she was close enough, Joe levitated the box of donuts on his nightstand and sent them flying. Griselda sliced at the box in defense and her feathers and fur were covered in sticky jelly and glaze. She landed on the floor in shock and her pupils flared in anger. A single donut had been skewered by her claw gauntlet and before Joe’s eyes the donut changed. The donut mutated into a green, ring shaped, gemstone. Griselda slammed the stone into the floor and it shattered into tiny pieces. Joe leaned back in surprise.
“One scratch is all it takes.” Griselda sneered with glee. The feathers all rested on the floor but flared up again when Griselda launched at Joe once more. Joe charged his horn and levitated the hotel desk in front of him. Griselda collided with the desk and they both slammed into Joe. Joe was slammed into the wall and he covered his body with the levitated desk. Griselda, on the other side of the desk, slashed and clawed her way at the wood. She screamed in frustration as she slowly whittled down the defense to get to Joe’s soft flesh.
“You think hiding behind a table is going to protect you?” she laughed maniacally, “You’re the one pinned against the wall. Now stay still like a good little statue!”
Griselda kept swinging away. The desk was being reduced to splinters and Joe was trying desperately to keep as much of it between him and Griselda as he could. Joe closed his eyes and tried to think of some way out. Suddenly the hotel door burst open.
“Stop!” cried out a voice. Joe looked and saw Rose galloping towards them. Rose leaped into the air and wrapped her hooves around Griselda. Griselda turned her attention to the pony that was attempting to tackle her to the ground. Joe took the opportunity and punched Griselda square in the beak. Griselda and Rose both collapsed to the floor in a heap. Rose stood to her hooves first.
“Rose!” Joe called out.
“I’m fine!” She answered proudly. “But she’s not.”
Griselda sat on her lion haunches and stared terrified at the bleeding scratch on her chest. The tip of the claw gauntlet was stained with her blood.
“No…” Griselda said in disbelief, “No, it can’t…”
Petrifying crystal grew from the scratch on her chest. Before long, her whole body was being engulfed in pale green crystal. She screamed out in terrified agony. She instinctively tried to fly but her body was too heavy to carry. Then her wings solidified. She stretched a claw out towards Rose in a plea of mercy but Rose shut her eyes and covered her ears from the horrific scene. Griselda’s claws petrified so all that was left was her face.
“Curse you, Con Mane.” she cried, “Curse you and all your pony kind. You and Roseluck and Rook and ‘Magic’! Curse him most of all! May you all rot in Tar--”
Her beak crystallized. Griselda was nothing more than a giant gemstone statue, her extremities contorted in every direction and her face deformed in rage.
“What a horrible Griffon.” said a disturbed Rose. “I guess we should deliver the statue to the Royal Guard?”
“Nah.” Joe said coldly, “I have a better idea.”
Joe approached Griselda’s statue and bucked it hard in the face. The entire statue shattered on impact and the shards littered the hotel room floor.
The train roared down the tracks towards Canterlot. The trip would take several days and both Joe and Rose decided that they would spend the entire trip in their cabin along with all their meals. This was going to be a train ride to enjoy. A massive plate of donuts, muffins and other baked goods were spread out before them, compliments of the conductor who Joe found was a charming young colt with a chocolate coat and bit symbol Cutie Mark. The centerpiece of the spread was the dessert: an extra large bar of chocolate big enough for several ponies to share.
Joe bit into an eclair while Rose leaned against his body. “This time we’ll do this the proper way, right Mrs. Cake?” Joe chuckled.
Rose suddenly bolted up straight. “That reminds me.” Rose fiddled around with her tail and removed something. She then placed it in Joe’s hoof. “Here. You can have this back. In case you need it.”
Joe stared at the tail ring that sat in his hoof. He stared straight into the heart shaped sapphire that was the focal point of the jewelry. It was still warm from Rose wearing it. A part of his conscience screamed at him to give it back to Rose. To tell her that she deserved to keep it. But instead Joe sighed and put the ring in his coat pocket. “Yeah… Thanks… Now then. Where were we before we got interrupted, eh?”
Joe leaned in and kissed Rose passionately. Just as Joe grabbed her firm flanks in his hooves, the door to their cabin opened and an elderly pony in a gaudy tourist’s tee shirt holding an old fashioned video camera stood in the frame, rolling his film.
“Hey!” Rose yelled at him. The tourist panicked and ran off, laughing at himself. “Can you believe the nerve of some ponies? Who does that?”
“Oh for goodness' sakes not again.” Joe sighed. Joe reached into his saddlebags and pulled out a small roll of film that he nearly forgot about.
“What’s that film?” Rose asked.
Joe stretched out the film and held it towards the light to examine it. He couldn't help but laugh. “He was right you know…”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’ll tell you later.” Joe levitated the roll of film in front of him and charged his horn red. The film burst into flames and petered into smoke and ash. Rose made sure that the door was securely locked this time and rejoined Joe on the couch. They kissed and melted into each other’s legs. And they stayed that way the entire way back to Canterlot.
Agent Con Mane will return in....
Nightfeather
‘Magic’ sat alone in his office, scouring at the recent turn of events. A Parasprite danced on his shoulder and tried to gain his attention but he was far too gone in his own thoughts. His phone rang and he answered it with a deadly venom in his voice.
“Yes? I told you not to call me!... What’s that?... I see. How fortunate… Do not be concerned with ‘Laughter’. She’s been rogue ever since… What’s that?... You've found it!?... So the E.U.P. Guard has it then. This may end up being easier than we thought… Yes, we’ll have to hang low for a while. We’ve caused too much noise with the Griffons already… Yes, it’s apparent that Equestria already has their hooves on the Grimoire. The Storm Cloud is already starting to recede. Soon the Griffons will have lost the majority of their territory, just as I anticipated… Yes, of course this fits into my plan. I always have a contingency… Very well. Keep spying on the Princess. I’ll let you know when it is time to act… Goodbye, ‘Loyalty’.”
Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten)
Sneak Peak of "Nightfeather"
The Suite was very Sweet indeed. Joe was certain that it was larger, and certainly more well furbished, than most big city apartments. As he admired the simplicity and well hoof-crafted functionality of Lunar decor, Joe heard a soft voice coming from the balcony.
“He just picked up the Queen of Clubs.” The voice was soft and demure as one would expect to come from an innocent child. But it also had a hint of spice to it; a straight to the point directness that came from a mare who know what she wanted, or at least thought she did. “That makes his hoof twenty-nine. He’s holding onto the Six of Spades so I guess he thinks you want it.”
Joe peered out the balcony and saw the owner of the voice. She was a Pegasus, just recently blossomed, he’d say. Her body was tiny and not yet fully mature but certainly desirable. She sat belly down and absentmindedly lifted her hind leg up and down, making the three dragonflies that adorned her flank dance. Her coat color was one that Joe had never seen before. It was certainly exotic. It was pale grey with a hint of blue almost purple. Her main and tail were equally exotic-- a sort of opal and turquoise hybrid that still kept that pale grey overtone. The combination worked beautifully. She wore her mane straight and well combed and was decorated with a large adorable pink ribbon. She seemed to foal like that her natural beauty was almost criminal, but her voice-- innocent and naive yet endearingly sincere-- gave Joe some comfort.
On the table next to the cushion on which the mare lounged and beckoned with her foot, sat a transceiver radio. In front of her, on a stand, was a pair of binoculars through which she watched, unaware of the stallion appreciating her from behind. “That last draw was the Eight of Hearts. He needs Kings and Queens.”
Joe walked over and clicked the receiver off. The mare jumped in shock and stared up at the stranger on her balcony with wide red eyes. They were more curious than afraid although Joe did notice that she clung her hooves close her frame which, oddly, gave her the impression of a wild squirrel unsure whether or not to approach a hoof full of nuts.
“Who are you?” She asked.
“Name’s Mane. Con Mane.” Joe pushed passed the mare and looked through the binoculars. Through them he could clearly see Gin Rummy’s entire hoof as well as Nightfeather’s face which had grown pale white in confusion. He furiously tapped at the piece in his ear, no longer attempting to make it look like a scratch. As Joe looked through the binoculars, he could feel the mare’s body heat and breath as she moved her head closer to his to try and see through the binoculars as well. Joe became aware that he never put his shirt back on.
Gin grew impatient and demanded of Nightfeather to play bis next card. With hesitation, Nightfeather picked what seemed to be a random card in his hoof and placed it uncertainly on the table. Gin danced in his chair and took the card an slapped his hoof on the table. Nightfeather scowled up straight at Joe, although Joe knew that Nightfeather couldn't see him. Joe laughed at himself and allowed the young mare to have her own viewing of the show. She smiled in amusement.
“So what’s your name?” Joe asked.
“Flitter” she responded.
“Dragonflies?” Joe remarked, unable to take his eyes off of the cute dancing bugs
Flitter blushed and tried to cover her Mark with her long, straight tail. “I can fly with the grace and precision of a dragonfly.”
“Tell me, Flitter, why does he do it?”
She shrugged. “He likes to win.”
“And why do you do it?”
She shrugged again, more sincerely this time. She unfolded her wings and absentmindedly pretended to preen it. Her wings were certainly well groomed; they looked soft and plush. “He pays me.” Joe detected a hint of sadness in her voice, “My sister, Cloudchaser, lost her job at the Canterlot weather patrol. Doing this is all I could do to support us.”
Joe felt the need to comfort the Pegasus and so he sat on the cushion next to her and wrapped his hoof around her. He caressed her wing and he was right about their softness.
“That all he pays you for?”
Flitter looked over the balcony and down at the tin black dots in an around the pool. “That an being seen with him.”
“Just seen?” Joe asked playfully.
“Just seen!” Flitter’s cheeks flushed with anger and looked at Joe offended, but he noticed that she was also biting her lip.
“Well that’s a relief. You are much too nice and pretty to be mixed up in this sort of thing.” Joe reached out and turned the volume dial of the radio all the way up before flicking it back on. Through the binoculars, Joe saw Nightfeather cringe at the pain in his ear. Joe then lowered the volume back down before speaking into the transceiver. “Now listen up, Nightfeather! I know you can hear me. I’m afraid your luck’s run out. I don’t think the hotel management would take too kindly to what you’re doing and you wouldn't want that on your reputation, would you Captain? Nod your head if you agree.” Nightfeather remained frozen in shock. “Nod!” Nightfeather obeyed and bobbed his head in exaggerated nods. “Good, that;s right. Now start losing, Nightfeather! Shall we say a thousand?” Flitter smiled and laugh and edged Joe on with her young eyes. “No let’s be generous, let’s make it fifteen hundred.”
Nightfeather’s face twisted in anger. He flicked a card onto the table with such force that Joe was surprised it didn't snap in half. Gin rummy leaped out of his seat like a rocket and danced around the table. He even picked up the score card and shoved it towards Nightfeather’s face to further amplify his victory. Nightfeather Picked up the nearby pencil and snapped it in two in his hooves.
Joe chuckled into the radio. “Over and out.” Joe flicked the radio back off. “That should keep him busy for a while.”
Flitter suddenly clung her arms to Joe and massaged his bare chest. “I think I’m beginning to like you, Mr. Mane.” She rested her chin on his shoulder and gazed upon with adoring eyes. Joe could feel the backs of ears begin to sweat.
“No, call me Joe.” he told her.
Flitter placed her head head against Joe’s chest, closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. “More than anypony I've met in a long time… Joe.” She whispered slowly.
Joe put his forelegs around Flitter’s tiny waist and tickled her dragonflies. “Well what in Equestria are we going to do about that?”
“Yes… What?’ Her eyes were still closed and she traced her hoof around his muscles.
“Why don’t we go for donuts?”
Flitter looked up at Joe in confusion. “Donuts? Where are we going to get donuts in a place like this?”
Joe smiled his famous charming smile. “Oh, I know the best place in town.”
Flitter melted in his smile. “And where might that be?”
“My room”
“This is your local news at KPNY and I’m your local correspondent, Press Release. Coltlumbia: In the castle today, Princess Luna said she was entirely satisfied--”
Joe clicked off the radio above his bed where he and Flitter happily cradled each other. “Well that makes two of us.” The pair of ponies kissed each other passionately. Red Velvet was long gone, having to go back to Canterlot for her modeling job. He had all night to enjoy Flitter’s company.
the sheets of the bed were crumpled and half on the floor and were littered with the crumbs of remaining sprinkles of a homemade meal. “Oh, Joe,” Flitter purred, “those donuts were delicious.”
“Yes,” Joe whispered, his eyes locked with Fitter's “I especially loved the cream filled ones.” Joe rested his head on the Flitter’s soft wings and breathed in her scent. His bliss was interrupted by the ringing phone. Joe pushed Flitter off of him, sat on his haunches and picked up the receiver. Flitter climbed against his back and nibbled his ear in a playful attempt to distract him from the conversation. “Hello? Oh, Sky! What’s that? Dinner? Oh, look, I’m sorry, I can’t. Something big's come up. Hows about breakfast?”
Flitter tried to tickle Joe’s ear with one of her wings. “Not too early.” she cooed. Joe simply placed his hoof on her face and pushed her back down flat on the bed where she silently laughed and relished in the fun she was having.
“Yes, nine o’clock would be fine. Goodnight, Sky.” Joe hung up the phone and turned his attention back to the mischievous little filly. “Now, where were we?” Flitter grabbed hold of one of her wings and played with the tip in her mouth while massaging it invitingly. “Oh, yes. The chocolate ones.”
“My favorite.”
Joe reached over to a new platter of donuts piled with piping hot donuts topped with thick melted chocolate. Flitter’s mouth salivated heavily and she licked her lips greedily. She reached out a hoof ready to devour the delicious morsels in front of her but Joe suddenly jerked the plate away, causing Flitter to fall face first into the mattress.
“Hold on a tick! We’re out of sprinkles!”
“Sprinkles?”
“Hold on I got some in the kitchen.” Joe got up and took his donuts into the hotel room kitchen leaving Flitter on the bed. She lay on her back and hung her head upside down over the foot of the bed so that her amazingly straight hair delicately rested on the floor.
“Who needs ‘em?” she laughed.
“My dear filly!” Joe called out playfully from the kitchen, “There are some things that are simply not done! Such as indulging in freshly baked chocolate donuts without some of my gourmet sprinkles. That’s like listening to Sapphire Shores without earmuffs, amiright?”
Joe opened up his cupboard and shuffled through his myriad of baking ingredients. He saw the sprinkles buried deep in the back of the cupboard and reached his head in to grab them with his teeth. As Joe happily pulled himself out of the cupboard, a heavy blow crashed into the back of Joe’s neck.
Joe’s limbs gave way and he fell to the kitchen floor in a heap. The jar of sprinkles spilled out, littering the tile with the tiny, multi-colored candies. Joe fought against the drowsiness that permeated his brain but his muscles would not respond. The kitchen disappeared and everything grew black.
Joe awoke to his own screams. He sat up from the kitchen floor, drenched in his own sweat. candy sprinkles littered the tile floor. Joe’s mind was a fog. He rubbed his temples and attempted to remember what happened. He remembered meeting with Sky. And then he was watching Nightfeather. And then he was making donuts for…
“Flitter!” Joe yelled out. He hurriedly galloped back to the hotel bedroom. Laying on the bed was a mare with a purplish grey coat and turquoise mane. She looked like she fell asleep face down on the bed. Joe prayed that she was asleep. He cautiously approached the bed. A lump had formed in his throat. “Flitter?” he asked. There was no response. Joe reached out his hoof and shook the still pony. Joe readied his nerve and rolled Flitter face up.
What he saw made him jump back with fear and disgust. Flitter’s face was disfigured. Her expression was frozen like a statue with the expression of terror. Her mouth was wide open in a silent, never-ending scream. an her eyes were wider than donut saucers. Her eyes. Her eyes were the most ghastly of all. The whites of her eyes were no longer white. They were a pale, luminescent blue. Her pupils were pitch black and no longer round. They were thin slits like on a snake or Dragon. Joe had seen eyes like that before.
With his heart racing, Joe picked up the phone and dialed Sky Blazer’s hotel room. It rang for what felt like forever and when Sky finally did answer he sounded groggy and only half aware. Joe had no perception of how late at night it really was.
“Hello, Sky? It’s me!”
“Yeah? What’s up.”
“Get over her right away! The filly’s dead!”
“Sky instantly jolted awake. “Velvet!?”
“No. her name was Flitter. And her eyes are blue…”
Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten)
Prologue: Chaos Conversion
The only light in the room was the display monitors. Various vital signs, brainwave patterns and the like, were being watched. The tiny pink filly approached the large glass cylinder at the edge of the room. Her smile couldn't be contained. She bounced up and down with nervous energy which caused her curly purple and white mane to undulate wildly. She peered into the cylinder at the Earth Pony shackled up with numerous chains inside. It remained suspended by the chains in the swirling green smoke. It didn't move an inch. With unparalleled glee, the filly pulled a nearby lever. The smoke inside the container became a vortex. Arcs of lightning shot between the numerous devices and the cylinder. The pony within stirred. As the energy coursed through it’s veins it writhed in agony. It tugged and tugged at it’s chains with the wild ferocity of a raging Buffalo. Seeing the pony succumb to unimaginable torment and hearing it’s bloodcurdling howls made the filly giggle with glee. She laughed and laughed to the point where she couldn't breath.
Then it ended. The lightning stopped and the green smoke came to a standstill. The pony within was silent once again. It had either passed out from the pain or had simply accepted its fate. Either way it wasn't dead and that’s all that mattered. The pink filly watched in fascination as the last remaining hues of color disappeared from the pony’s figure. Its coat, its mane, even its eyes underneath its sulking lids had become as grey as a dreary, cloudy day. The tiny splotch of what was once a Cutie Mark vanished from its flank. The filly never bothered to remember what the Cutie Mark used to be or even what the pony’s name was for that matter. It didn't matter anymore. Neither one existed any longer. The pink filly giggled with the joy of opening a birthday present.
“The Chaos Conversion is complete!” she squealed with delight, “The first pony to ever be fully integrated! I love it! And with the Elements of Harmony long gone from this world, there is nothing that can change him back. Nopony will be able to stop him. Not even Con Mane!”
The tiny filly erupted into a volcano of laughter. The pony shackled in the cylinder slowly opened his grey, emotionless eye.
Agent Con Mane
in
Mission to the Griffon Kingdom
Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten)
Chapter 3: Equestrian Shipping and Handling
“Try this one, will ya?” Said the Unicorn behind the shiny counter top. He placed a small plate with a single donut in front of the patron sitting on the bar stool. It was nearing midday so the breakfast rush had left the donut shop to continue their daily routines in upper class Canterlot. An old fashioned jukebox in the corner of the room provided a soothing saxophone melody and the large windows provided a scenic diorama of the corner of Celestia Avenue and Harmony Street. The towers of Canterlot castle could be seen dominating the skyline. The patron, a mare with a deep scarlet coat and a blue black mane, stared at the donut curiously. “It’s my latest and greatest creation yet! I call it the ‘Robot Dragon’!”
The red mare was in a fit of giggles. Donut Joe, the baker, stood proud and confident. He had a beefy frame, a touch overweight, and his white work shirt was already covered in dough and spilled jelly.
“Where do you come up with these names for your donuts?” asked the laughing mare.
“They just come to me.” Joe gave her a charming wink with his bright emerald eyes, urging her to try the donut. She gave in and took a bite of the treat. Joe could see a sparkle in her ice-blue eyes as the flavors touched her tongue. “Now how does it taste, Velvet?”
“It’s delicious,” Velvet said, “you've outdone yourself again, Joe.”
Joe removed his small white cap revealing a mass of uncontrollable hair that nearly covered his horn. He bowed theatrically towards his audience of one. “Hey only the best for you, Red. You’re my best customer!”
Red Velvet leaned on the counter and gave Joe a mysterious look. “Is that the only thing I’m best at?”
Joe cleared the lump in his throat and wiped the sweat from behind his ears. Joe and Velvet were good friends. She had been frequenting Double-O Donuts almost every day since the shop re-opened about a month ago after Joe had to go away for a week. He remembered the night he met her. It was the night of the Grand Galloping Gala. He remembered how closed off she was. She was the kind of mare who was vulnerable to her own fragility but tried to keep it locked away deep within. Joe could relate, he supposed. Everypony has secrets that they need to keep locked away inside. Velvet had only just recently started to open up more. She laughed more often and quit her habit of hiding behind her bangs. She still refused to talk about her past, but that was just fine for Joe. Pasts just complicate the relationship.
When Velvet realized Joe wasn't going to play her game, she reached over to a nearby newspaper that was left on the counter by a previous customer. She snapped the page flat in front of her and read the front page headline. She tutted.
“Anything good?” Joe asked while we wiped away the crumbs on the counter.
“That damn cloud has expanded again.” Velvet allowed the paper to fall flat on the counter and Joe read the first paragraph of the column.
‘The Griffon Kingdom to the east has once again expanded the range of the Great Storm Cloud to cover another Equestrian mountain range. King Gregor VI continues to assert that any land beneath the cloud is apart of his empire. Political negotiations are to begin between Princess Celestia and the Griffon King, focusing on territorial boundaries and the treatment of equines living within the Griffon Nests-- the name given to equine inhabited territory under Griffon jurisdiction.’
“Oi vey… those Griffons don’t know when to quit.” Joe sighed as he discarded the paper.
“At this rate, their territory will expand so much that that storm cloud will cover all of Equestria!”
“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that, Red.” Joe assured her, “Princess Celestia will NEVER allow that to happen. Those Griffons may like to show off their military muscle, but they’re no match for the Princess.”
Without warning, Velvet playfully hopped on top of the counter top in front of Joe. Her Cutie Mark of three black ribbons pressed against the cold metal. She leaned her face in inches away from Joe’s. “But if they do invade… You’ll protect me right, Joe?”
Joe could feel the sweat behind his ears. The husk in her voice was heavy. He leaned in towards her until he could smell the product in her mane. Cinnamon. He was about to lock his lips with her’s until a blinding green flash erupted in between them. Startled, they both drew back. Velvet nearly fell off the counter in surprise. The light was being emitted by swirling green flame, suspended in midair. The floating fire coalesced into a shape. from the fire, a solid object was forming. It looked like paper, being burned in reverse. The fire disappeared and in its place was a bound scroll that fell softly onto the counter. The parchment was rolled up and tied with a blue ribbon marked with the royal seal of Equestria.
Velvet’s icy eyes were wide in amazement. “Was that delivered here by Dragonfire? I thought only the Royal Family used that. What’s a letter doing here?”
Joe’s stomach was as heavy as a stone. He felt the blood sink down from his face. A frustration burned in the back of his mind. With a grim expression, Joe levitated the scroll with his horn and unfolded the parchment. Printed boldly at the top of the message was the logo for ‘Equestrian Shipping and Handling Services’.
“Oh you gotta be kidding me!?” Joe blurted out in anger.
Velvet saw the logo and crocked her head in confusion. “What’s wrong? Are you expecting a package?”
“Yeah I guess you could say that.” Joe was visibly irritated. Everypony had their secrets. And one of Joe’s was the fact that he knew what ‘Equestrian Shipping and Handling’ really meant. His blood boiling, Joe lifted up the parchment to his face and read the short message: ‘Your presence is requested immediately. --MARE.’ “Oh for Celestia’s sake!” he exploded.
“Joe what’s wrong?” Velvet was worried . Her eyes reflected terror. Joe breathed to calm himself down.
“Well let’s just say…” he tried to speak calmly for her sake, “The Princess wants another delivery of donuts.”
Velvet wasn't buying it. “The last time you said that you went off to Janeighca. Oh forget the Princess, Joe!” She pleaded at him with teary eyes. “Just stay here! You and I have spent so little time together.”
Joe saw a sweetness rarely seen in Velvet’s eyes. They were usually so hard and selfish. He wondered how long it had been she had looked at a stallion like that. Joe reached his hooves out over the counter and grabbed hers tightly. He gave her his trademark smile.
“I already told those sweet and elites that Janeighca was it! I’m through with that nonsense. I’m a baker, and that’s all I want to be. So if the Princess wants to talk to me she can prance on over here herself. And maybe buy herself a bear claw while she’s at it.” To further prove his point, Joe held the scroll in the air with his horn. The emerald green aura that surrounded his horn and the parchment turned bright red. The parchment burst into flames. Not the magical green flames of Dragonfire delivery, but the red flames of destruction. Velvet smiled wide with relief. It was a beautiful smile and Joe knew just the thing to keep it going. “Now where were we? oh yeah...” Joe turned towards his oven and prepared to make another donut with a new recipe. As he opened the oven door he was surrounded by a brilliant flash. “Now for my next miraculous recipe I present you the…”
Joe reached over to grab his cooking tray but there was nothing there. The jazz from the jukebox has stopped and the air now smelled like old leather as opposed to freshly baked bread. A female voice answered the question in his mind.
“You’re in Canterlot Castle, Joe.” Joe whipped around and saw that the mare standing behind him was not Red Velvet. This mare had an off white coat and a black, albeit graying, mane tied into a beehive bun. She wore thick glasses and a cravat around her neck.
“Miss Raven?” Joe asked in bewilderment. He looked around. He was now in an small secretariat’s office complete with desk, a comfy couch and windows completely blinded by closed shades. Joe instantly recognized that he was within the offices of Mane6, Equestrian Intelligence.
“I’m afraid that letter wasn't an invitation.” said Miss Raven with dull disinterest, “MARE needs to talk to you.”
The anger within Joe boiled to it’s limit. “Oh heck no! You can’t just go teleporting ponies like that! How many times do I have to tell you I am retired!? The only reason I agreed to go to Janeighca was because I has personal reasons. I didn't do it for Equestria and I sure as sorbet didn't do it for MARE!”
Miss Raven patiently waited for Joe’s tantrum to pass. She looked at him worriedly. It was the same look that Velvet gave him just moments before in another part of the city. “I understand that, Joe. What happened to you a year ago… Nopony should have to go through that so nopony blames you for retiring. But this time is different. It’s not Celestia or MARE who called you this time. You have been specifically chosen by name to help somepony.”
“Somepony wants MY help?” Joe tutted, “They must be desperate.”
“Just go in there and talk to MARE. At least hear him out.” Miss Raven pointed her hoof towards the door on the far wall which was coated with expensive leather. It was a door the sight of which still sent shivers down Joe’s spine.
“Alright, fine.” Joe said, “But this doesn't mean I’m taking any jobs.”
Joe walked through the heavy leather door and came muzzle to muzzle with his former boss. MARE, the head of the Mane6 branch of Equestrian Intelligence, had served in Princess Celestia’s secret service as long as anypony could remember. He was a chiseled old war horse with a pale blue coat and wrinkly skin. His mane and tail were blanched white along with his proud mustache. MARE squinted at Joe through his half moon spectacles.
MARE sat behind his ornate desk. His emotionless stare was still as intimidating as ever. After a cold welcome between the two stallions, Joe sat down and MARE explained the situation to him.
“And that’s the situation as it stands now.” MARE finished the brief and puffed on a pipe.
Joe stared at MARE with absolute confusion. “But I ain't never heard of a pony named ‘Roseluck’!”
“Ridiculous, isn’t it?” Joe was having trouble making sense of what MARE told him. “Fillies do tend to fall in love with pictures of celebrities. I hear that Trenderhoof is very popular.” MARE mused.
“But pony slaves from the Griffon Nests don’t fall in love with ugly bakers!” Joe looked down at his impressive stomach and his short tail. “This whole thing stinks. It’s a trap, MARE!”
MARE removed his pipe from his mouth. He slowly blew sweet smelling smoke from his lips. Behind his spectacles, his eyes were meticulous and calculating. “Well obviously, it’s a trap. And the bait is the Griffon’s Grimoire.”
Joe blinked several times to make sure he heard right. Just to make sure he asked again. “I’m sorry did you say…?”
“Yes,” MARE spoke loud and gruff, “The Griffon’s Grimoire! You know of the Griffon’s Great Storm Cloud, yes?”
Joe anticipated this. MARE and his love for pop quizzes. “Yeah, sure. Whenever the Griffon armies conquer a piece of land they blot out the sky with that massive cloud of theirs. Then they go and call the conquered lands ‘Griffon Nests.’ I suppose it’s supposed to be a big ‘screw you’ to Celestia.”
“Correct. And the Griffon’s Grimoire is an ancient spell book that contains the magic that allows them to expand that cloud”
Joe chuckled to himself. “A book that can trump Celestia, eh? I bet Princess Luna and the New Lunar Republic would love to get their hooves on that.”
“Yes,” MARE wasn't amused, “and so do we.” MARE looked down at the files in front of him, searching for pertinent information. “When this Roseluck contacted Cloak Daggers, the Chief of Station (G) ‘Griffon’, and told him she wanted to defect, she said she’d turn it over to us. On ONE condition:” he stared at Joe intensely. “That YOU went to the Griffon Nests and brought her and the book back to Equestria.”
If Joe had a cup of coffee, he would have spat it in MARE’s face. Instead all he could do was tut in disbelief. “Why is the book in the Nest? Shouldn't something like that be in the Griffon Capitol?”
“The magic is most effective when it is performed at the edge of the cloud.” MARE explained, “Which is why the Grimoire was just recently moved to the archives where Roseluck works at. They’re planning on using it again in the near future. Still, the Grimoire, and the archive it is kept in, is guarded by SkyClaw, the Griffon military’s special operations team headed by one General Griselda.”
“And this Roseluck pony?” Joe admitted he was getting interested. At the very least he would poke MARE until his curiosity was sated.
“She’s young enough to have been born and raised in the Griffon occupied Nests. Like the rest of the ponies who are unfortunate enough to live there, the Griffons use them as a work force. Slaves more or less; although no political entity would dare go so far as to use the term officially. But she probably doesn't know any other life. She’s an Earth Pony with a rose for a Cutie Mark. Here’s a snapshot Daggers managed to get of her.”
Joe took the photograph but didn't look at it straight away. “And yet she’s willing to hoof over the one thing that could destroy their entire empire? With that book we’d be able to destroy the Storm Cloud. The whole thing is so fantastic, its just too good to be… true…”
Joe had looked down at the photograph. The mare was posed up against a railing in front of the sea. The wind was clearly blowing through her mane which she wore short and tomboyish; a style that had recently become popular with young Equestrian Unicorns. Her tail was long and straight but most striking were her legs. There was something about her legs. They were slender and well hoofecured. Her hind legs sat well under her flank and her haunches were well toned.
Mare continued, “Equestria needs that Grimoire if we ever hope to stop the Griffon’s advances. You’re already booked for an airship to the Nest in the morning. If there is any chance of us getting that Grimoire, we must take it!”
Joe hadn't been listening to MARE until he got to that last part. Joe rose from his chair and twisted his face into an angry snarl. “Now hold your horses, MARE! I don’t recall ever saying that I’d go through with this. I’m retired remember? I ain't a spy no more!”
MARE’s expression stayed calm and resolute. “You are the only pony that Roseluck will give that Grimoire to. All you have to do is this one last job and then you can go back to your donut shop in peace.”
Joe stamped his hoof hard on the floor. “Until the next time you feel like you need to drag me out to do something!”
“Equestria needs you, Con Mane! And she needs you. If you don’t help her, not only will she live the rest of her life as a slave, but so will the thousands of ponies the Griffons have taken over. Could you honestly life with yourself?”
Joe struggled for an answer. All he could visualize was Velvet worrying over that newspaper. He looked down at Roseluck’s photo. She was smiling. But then Joe noticed the sky in the picture. There was no sun, just a bleak, grey blanket.
“Well,” Joe hesitated, “suppose when she meets me in the flesh I don’t live up to her expectations?”
“Just see to it that you do.” MARE buzzed the intercom on his desk. “Miss Raven? Ask the Doctor to come in please.”
Joe scratched the back of his head. “Doctor? Doctor Who?”
“Our new equipment specialist.” MARE explained, “He was recently recruited from Trottingham. We don’t really know who he is or where he comes from, but his understanding of magic and technology is extraordinary. And that laboratory of his is something else…” Joe had never seen MARE so flustered and unsure of himself.
The leather door opened. Joe was interested in learning what kind of stallion this ‘Doctor’ could be. He had half expected some sort of mad scientist with white hair shooting out in all directions or a freaky eccentric in a long scarf and a coat of many colors. But the stallion who walked in looked like an average everyday pony. He was so nondescript that Joe was almost certain he had seen multiples of this pony standing in the background of crowded rooms. His coat a plain ordinary brown and his mane, which he wore short and spiky, was an even deeper shade of plain ordinary brown. He had plain blue eyes that didn't shine or pop out. His Cutie Mark was an hourglass, a typical Mark that Joe had seen on hundreds of ponies in his life and could mean any number of things. The only remarkable feature of this otherwise featureless pony was the bright green tie he wore around his neck. A pair of plain black saddlebags bobbed on his sides.
As this Doctor approached Joe, he suddenly grabbed his hooves and shook them excitedly. “‘ello!” The Doctor said in a high pitched, chipper voice, “So you’re Con Mane. Honored to meet you, really. I've heard so much about you. I’m the Doctor. I’ll be supplying you with all your equipment that you’ll be needing on the field. I know you’re already familiar with the Magical Watch-- bit of an unimaginative name in’it? Magical Watch? I suppose I could come up with something more clever. WELL, I suppose I should have thought of that when I first invented the thing. WELL, going to invent I should say. Still getting some odds and ends set up in my lab so I can’t say I have much to offer just yet, but let me just tell you it’s going to be BRILLIANT! How are you by the way.”
Joe was left staring with his mouth open. Joe turned to MARE who had his eyes closed in what Joe assumed to be some sort of meditation. Or hibernation. “Is he always this… enthusiastic?” Joe asked.
MARE apparently chose to ignore the remark. “The Doctor has devised a smart little piece of luggage for us. We’re issuing this to all Equestrian Agents.”
The Doctor removed the saddlebags from his body and plopped them in front of Joe. “Right! Ordinary saddlebags, right? Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing unassuming. BUT! Check this out!” The Doctor reached in the bags and started pulling out various documents. “Inside you’ll find personal identification, most of it forged of course, a map covering all Griffon controlled territory,enough gold bits to last you months and just in case you need a little extra spending money you also have fifty ancient gold bits dating back to pre-Equestrian times. Worth twice their weight in today’s gold. Now that’s what I call bling!”
The amount of items The Doctor removed from the saddlebags was befuddling. Joe wondered how he would cram all of the stuff back in. He took the ancient coins from the Doctor and looked them over. They were certainly pre-Equestrian, probably two to three thousand years old, and from what Joe could tell they appeared genuine. But they were as shiny and as well polished as any modern bits. And there were apparently fifty of them.
“Where did you get these?”
The Doctor looked up with a guilty look on his face. “Bit of a trade secret I’m afraid. Needless to say it was a bit of a wibbly-wobbly process. Now then!” The Doctor’s attention snapped back to the saddlebags. He reached both of his hooves into one of the bags. He reached in deep and his forelegs were swallowed by the bag. The Doctor heaved at whatever it was he was grabbing but his grunts indicated he was having trouble. He smiled apologetically at Joe and MARE and then dunked his entire head into the bag. Astonishingly, he had somehow fit half of his body in the bag. The Doctor pulled himself out, lifting out some sort of wooden frame. Joe could not believe his eyes. The folded up frame at least twice as long as any pony and yet it was coming straight out of the saddlebag. “And finally the coup de grace!” The Doctor grunted, “Inside the bags you will find a folding, long-distance catapult. Just big enough to fling a full sized pony at least two hoofball fields.”
Joe was flabbergasted. MARE sat blank faced behind his desk, puffing away at his pipe. Joe felt it was on him to ask the obvious question. “How in Celestia’s name did you fit all of that inside a pair of saddlebags?”
“They’re bigger on the inside, naturally.” The Doctor answered casually. Joe was left even more confused. “But wait there’s more!” The Doctor pulled out a small white, metal tin. “An ordinary tin of hoof polish!” He opened the lid of the tin and inside was indeed oily, black hoof polish. Joe had half expected some sort of giant monster to come rushing out. “In reality a Zebra potion that causes temporary blindness. It fits into the saddlebag like this. Now normally, to open a saddlebag like this you undo the buckle like so! If you do, you will release the tin and be exposed to the potion. To stop the potion from exploding you actually turn the buckle so that it is upside down and then release the secret clip. You got it?”
Joe’s head was pounding in agony. He just wanted the Doctor to stop talking. “A bit unnecessarily complicated, but I think I got it.”
“Is that all, MARE?” The Doctor asked.
“Yes, that’s it.” the MARE said quickly. He must have been just as eager for some solace.
The Doctor began the arduous task of trying to get all of the supplies back in the bag. In end the end he opted to just let some of it hang out unceremoniously. “If you need me, I’ll be in my lab. I’d tell you where it is but it’s never there for long. Don’t worry, though. Easy to find. Just look for a big, inconspicuous, blue, wooden box. I’ll be inside. Just make sure to knock first. Good luck, Con Mane!”
The Doctor grabbed the overstuffed saddlebags by the straps with his teeth and dragged them out the leather door. When the Doctor was finally gone, Joe couldn’t help but smile. There was something refreshingly endearing about the pony.
“Well that’s a nasty little Hearth’s Warming Present.” Joe chuckled, “But I don't think I’ll be needing it. Not to mention that pony seemed a bit unstable if you ask me.”
“All the same take it with you.” MARE ordered, “Good luck, Con Mane.”
Joe was caught off guard. He didn't remember agreeing to the mission, but he felt deep inside that it was an inevitability at this point. He stuck Roseluck’s photo into the pocket of his dough and jelly covered baker’s shirt and walked out of MARE’s office.
Miss Raven was back behind her desk showing off her special talent of being able to hoofwrite full pages of notary in mere seconds. Joe approached her desk.
“Once more into the belly of the beast.” he groaned, “How in blazes do I always get myself wrapped up in these messes?”
Without looking up, Miss Raven hoofed a small envelope to Joe. “And one plane ticket. You got your work cut out for you in ugly country.”
“The Griffon Kingdom is actually surprisingly beautiful.” Joe said, “So long as you’re above the Storm Cloud. The way Luna’s moon shines down upon the ebony billows like a glowing sea of clouds.” Miss Raven rested her head on her hooves and closed her eyes. Joe always knew she was a sucker for poetry. “Course, unless you got wings you can’t really appreciate it.”
“Maybe I should get you to take me there someday in a hot air balloon.” She romanticized, “I've tried just about everything else.”
“Miss Raven, you know I would never even look at another filly.”
“Oh really Joe?” She smiled sardonically. The intercom on her desk buzzed.
“Miss Raven?” MARE’s voice spoke over the speaker, “Tell Con Mane to leave the photograph. I’m sure he’ll recognize her Cutie Mark when he sees her.”
Joe tutted and removed the picture from his shirt. “Sheesh, somepony’s got trust issues. Alright, then here you go, Miss Raven. Consider it a gift. From the Griffon Kingdom, with love you could say.”
Miss Raven giggled. “Good luck”
“Something tells me I’m going to need it.”
As Joe solemnly walked out of the Mane6 office, Miss Raven blew him a kiss and whispered out, “Allons-y.”
