Author's Note

So, yeah, this is just something I'd figure I'd write. This spot is mainly for idea's I have for stories, but I don't feel like writing an entire story about them. Thus they go here as one shots. You don't have to like these. I'm pretty much just putting them up for fun. Don't worry, I have the next chapter of the Protectors waiting and ready, I just have to wait for someone to look it over. Then I will publish it.

Anon, the Man with Ulitmate Swag.

"Hurry up and get in!" Anon shouted as he herded the ponies into Celestia's bedchambers. The Mane Six, Celestia, Luna, Shining Armor, and Candance, all piled into the room as Anon shut the door. Not long after a loud BANG was heard as the changelings smashed into the door. Anon moved quickly and barricaded the door using all of the furniture he could find. When he was done, he bent down, hands on his knees, "Whew. I can't believe we made it."

Anon turned back to look at his company. Most of them were unharmed, but Celestia was badly injured. Her horn was shattered, she had cuts on her two back legs, and her breathing was erratic. The Diarch of the Sun was in no shape to fight, but if she didn't everyone there would die. Around her were her little ponies, desperately trying to do anything to comfort her. Luna and Shining were both pacing around the room, saying in unison, "How? How did this happen?"

Anon looked at the floor, sadness creeping into his hardened heart. He was the one and only human in Equestria for about 5 months now. For the most part, he lived peacefully with the ponies, never antagonizing them.

However, he refused to be completely brought into their society and tried his best to keep his humanity in check. He lived out in the Everfree, crafting tools to help him hunt and survive. But he was never too far away to hear a pony crying for help when they get cornered by a monster. On top of that, he ate both meat and vegetables, choosing to keep a balanced diet rather than become a vegetarian. Whenever he was engaged in conversations, he would always use the terms 'everyone' and 'people' making sure to never slip into their way of replacing those endings with 'pony'. He would always refer to the Princesses as Celestia, Luna, Candance, and Twilight, refusing to accept them as his princesses.

He pretty much did his best to separate himself from pony society. However, he was still able to make friends. Twilight and the Elements had become very attached to him, almost like his little sisters. He considered Spike his disciple, always teaching him new ways on how to be a man. During the day, he would read books with Celestia, giving her a time of rest from holding court. While at night, Luna would help him hunt dangerous prey, furthering their bond as warriors. They let their prey live afterwards of course, mainly on the request of Luna. When Shining and Candence made the scene, he made an instant connection with them both. Having grown up with a little sister of his own back on earth, Anon could understand Shining's overprotective nature. While Candence, she just like him instantly. She never said why, just did.

During the changeling invasion, ponies say that they lost sight of Anon during all of the commotion. Afterwards, Anon was found inside of Luna's bedchambers, a Royal Guard sword in his hand, and twenty dead changelings at his feet. Of course, rumors of Anon's accomplishment spread fast, and almost all of the kingdoms tried to get him to join their army or visit their realms. Griffons, dragons, minotaurs, even changelings sent constant letters to Anon's house. He declined them all of course. Anon was a warrior, but he didn't like fighting or killing. He took down those changelings because they left him no choice, no other reason. And when he hunted, he made sure to use every part of the animal.

Of course offers from other kingdoms weren't the only thing he had to avoid. Him being the only human and straight up repulsed by the idea of beastiality, he had sworn to remain a virgin as long as he was in Equestria. Being a virgin, a badass warrior known throughout the land, and the only one of his kind, had gotten many offer for......'services' sent to him. But he remained strong and steadfast, never once falling for any ploy. This caused his legend to spread even further and increased the amount of females coming for him. Some tried to court him, others tried to take him by force. But he fought them off at every turn. Until now that is.

Anon walked over to Celestia's bed and sat down, head in his hands. This whole mess had been his fault. Apparently the rumors had spread to the Badlands, and the Queen of the insects herself, Chrysalis, had come by Anon's house asking for his hand in marriage. He had let her down easy:

"Anon, will you please-"

"No."

SLAM

But apparently the Queen doesn't take no for an answer. Not too long after, she sent her entire swarm after Anon and into Equestria. Her plan was to take out the ponies and get Anon at the same time, killing two birds with one stone.

During the opening part, Anon and the Royal Guard tried to hold them off, but the guards were out of practice and not ready for this type of war. The guards were easily overcome, some dead, others captured. Anon was able to save as many as he could, before he met up with the rest of the main cast in Canterlot.

Anon had suggested that they use Shining and Candence's shield again, or the Elements. However, Chrysalis had learned since her last attempt, and already had the Crystal Heart and Elements in her possession.

Anon sighed deeply, there was nothing they could do to stop her now.

Unless he......

With a new resolve, Anon stood up from the bed, "Twilight!" The purple unicorn looked up from her mentor and came to his side. Anon looked down at her, his eyes meeting hers. Twilight's were on the verge of tears, "I need you to do something for me. It might be our only shot at winning this."

At that almost all the ponies' ears pricked up. They all turned to Anon wanting to hear his idea, and what he could do to help. "Anon, if it helps us end this, what is it?" Twilight asked, her eyes shining with hope.

Anon bent down so he was level with her.

"I need....." the tension was building.

".....you to...." the ponies were on the edge of their metaphorical seats.

Anon raised his right arm, so the broadside was shone to Twilight. On it was a switch that said 'On' above it 'Off' below it and above both 'Swag,' "...flip my Swag switch to On."

The ponies were silent for a moment, before they all hung their heads in despair. "Anon, tis not the time for jokes," Luna said, her pacing stopped. She was laying on the floor, eyes looking at the wall like it might hold answers.

"This is not a joke, Luna!" Anon shouted bringing the attention back to him. He sighed and looked up at the room filled with his friends, "I have been....keeping a secret from all of you. Something so well protected, that even Luna's dream scrying won't find it. I am what is known as, a 'Swag Master.' But not just any Swag Master, an Ultimate Swag Master."

"What in tarnation does that mean?" Applejack asked.

"Swag Masters are people in the Multiverse with so much swag, that they are considered almost unbeatable. Swag is what is used to describe someone who is either very powerful, or just very cool. Ultimate Swag Masters are the leaders of our group and the best people with Swag out there. These include Gandalf the White, Chuck Norris, Nicolas Cage, Harry Potter, Ash Ketchum, Gary Oak, Red, Blue, and myself. There are many others out there, but those are the few that I know of."

Celestia, so interested in this new information, brought her head up to look at Anon, "I have never heard of these 'Swag Masters.'"

"We are a very secretive group. The reason why is because, as Ultimates have so much Swag, that we need a switch on our bodies at all times. That way we can turn it on and off without endangering anyone around us. I have been keeping it off for a while, but because of our current conditions.....I may need to use it." He turned back to Twilight, "Twilight, please, flip my switch. It is the only way."

Twilight seemed hesitant for a moment, before she nodded, "Alright, Anon, I trust you." She reached her right hoof out, and flipped the switch from 'Off' to 'On.'

Almost instantly, a massive blast of light erupted from Anon as he began to glow. His body changed, no longer that of a human's, but of a winged creature. The creature's body was in the shape of a human's, but it was taller. Out of its back, golden transparent wings sprouted, covering the entire room in their golden glow. The body had bright golden armor on, clearly made tougher and stronger than anything the ponies could make. Out of the top of this armor came Anon's face, "Thank you, Twilight." He shifted his gaze towards Celestia's prone form. He floated over to her, his feet not touching the ground, and put a hand on her back hooves. "By the power of my Swag, I ask for you to be healed!" Celestia's body flashed a bright white for a second, before the light dissipated. What the ponies saw shocked them.

Celestia's wounds were completely healed.

Not wasting anytime, Anon teleported to the Throne room. There he saw the bulk of the changeling forces, along with their Queen, sitting comfortably in Celestia's throne. He had appeared right in front of her, causing her to jump back and the throne to fall over. Not one for wasting time, Anon used his Swag powers to call all the changeling's attention to him. Once they were all looking at him, including Chrysalis, he shouted, "By the power of my Swag, I, Anon the Ultimate Swag Master, command you all to die!"

Then all of the changelings in the world, explode for no reason other than the power of Anon's Swag.

Feeling tired from using that much of his Swag, Anon floated down to his feet, and began swaggering his way home. When he reached it, he instantly went to his bed, and flopped down. Then he let sleep take him.

When Anon woke up, he was aware of the fact that he seemed to have some extra weight on him. He looked up, and saw that every mare in Equestria, even the alicorns, were cuddled up next to him, or sleeping somewhere in his house.

Now, normally Anon would question why this was happening, but he just needed to look at himself.

"Huh, I forgot to turn my Swag off. Damn."

It was at that moment, Anon's bed room wall was busted down by a massive blast of air. The sound caused most of the mares to wake up, giving Anon the chance to get off of his bed to face the threat. "Oh crap, " he said.

Outside of his house, every single last female creature on Equis, was waiting on him. He saw that the one who knocked down his wall, was a young female dragon with Spike's color scheme.

Anon was stunned for a few seconds, before using his Swag powers to teleport to the Crystal Empire, finding a closet and hiding there. He looked towards the reader, "Let this be a lesson to you all. Always remember to turn your Swag off before you go to bed. Or you'll wake up covered in bitches." Just then the roof of the house Anon was in was torn off by a glowing gold aura. Looking up, Anon saw Celestia with a wedding gown on.

"Ooooooooooo, Anon," she said, her voice hauntingly seductive.

Out of nowhere, Luna showed up and blasted her sister away. Luna was dressed in almost the same way Celestia was, but her gown was black, "Back off, Tia! He's mine!"

Anon knew when it was time to get the heck out of dodge, and began flying away.

To this day, people say it took ten months, before Anon was able to get enough privacy to turn his Swag off. Thankfully, he was not raped or harmed in anyway. But his Swag, was almost gone, and it took him two weeks to get it all back.