Equine Manual I

by sunnypack

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe
Length: 177

Version 0.0000001alpha of the Equine Manual Index

The human equine manual index is the primary guide for all human equine interactions with the Cry-pod™. Make sure you are 100% trained with this glorious manual to encompass all human equine interactions.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-18 08:16:37 UTC

1 - Talking to Equines

BEGIN REPORT:

Forced Data Log for Equine Interactions Started: ???/???/??????

ERROR 00004 - Cannot retrieve date, system corrupted.

Log 1: Attempted pseudocode for decision tree I

IF (purple_equine == talks)

IF (Monitor.communication(fun.talk) == TRUE)

Abort.Systems

END

IF(Monitor.communication(sad.talk) == TRUE)

Abort.Systems

END

IF(Monitor.communication(everything.else) == TRUE)

Stay.Silent

END

Abort.Communication

END

System crashed in 0.0000000000032 second(s).

NB: Communication log is priority after multiple failure attempts. Please review.

Trial 1: FAILURE OF INTRODUCTION TO ELICIT STANDARD COMPLEMENTARY RESPONSE (See Trial 2)

Trial 2: FAILURE OF COMPLEMENTARY FORCED RESPONSE (See Trial 3)

Trial 3: FAILURE OF HUMOUR (See Trial 4)

Trial 4: FAILURE OF SUBJECT TO EXPRESS REPLY FOR HUMOUR, FORCED CONCLUSION MISSION FAILURE (See Trial 5)

Trial 5: FAILURE TO HEED CONVERSATIONAL TIMING, DIGITAL TIMING NOT PRECISE ENOUGH FOR ORGANIC CONVERSATION. (cont. Trial 6)

Trial 6: SIGNS OF FRUSTRATION FROM SUBJECT EVEN THOUGH DIGITAL TIMING HAS FLOATING-POINT ACCURACY

Conclusions:

Communications with organic lifeforms impossible. Caution, recommend drastic decrease in CPU allocation or overheating likelihood will rise to 120% in two minutes.

END REPORT.