Journey Of A Tree And A Raccoon

by FoxWithAMask

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Diamond Dogs, Original Character, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 16977

Appearing in a world filled with magical equines in the body of a raccoon and no memory of my past? That's bad. Finding a buddy with the same problem but with a Tree Man body and a pair of blasters to take down bandits0? Now that's my kind

Waking up in a forest? Not too bad. Waking up as a raccoon in a forest? Annoying. Waking as a raccoon in a forest, meeting a tree guy, and ending up fighting a war against bandits and thugs all across the land? Oh, now you're just giving me a treat!

Call me Rocket, I would tell you my real name, but I can't seem to remember it. Together with Groot I'm going to clean up this world from serious crime. Even if the world wants to lock us up and try to stop us, we'll ignore them and carry on doing our business.

Allow me to reiterate. I'm Rocket, he's Groot. We're going to save this world from itself. Because we can, we have nothing else to do. And because it's fun as all hell!

(More character tags will added as the story progresses)

Published 2014-10-18 19:00:10 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-05 19:39:47 UTC

Animo Who?

As we wandered through the forest, a few days after Blood left, Groot was being a dick.

""

"Screw you." I muttered. "And I'm not a stinking raccoon!"

He smirked. "<Right. Sure. Whatever you say.>"

"Piss off, you overgrown weed!" I snapped.

"" Groot piped up.

"No." I grumbled.

""

"Listen, Groot! I'm not being distracted by anything else until we get to the nearest town!" I snarled. "Do you get-Hey, what's that?" I spotted a glowing blue cube. Kind...looks like a Cosmic...ugh...my head. I began to rub my head. Was...I almost remembered something! God damn it! What was I thinking? A...damn, it's gone.

Grumbling to myself I picked the cube up. "Uhh. This is the...Animorph...Wade. Call me...if you need any help?" A voice emanated from the cube, not unlike Blood's vial.

"" Groot said.

I smirked, "Yeah, sounds kind of...I don't know, stunned, I guess."

Groot nodded in agreement. ""

I snorted, "Yeah, no. He was fun!" I began tossing the cube from hand to hand. "Want to summon him?"

Groot shrugged. ""

I stopped messing with the cube and fixed Groot with a stern look. "Groot. What are you talking about? I trust you. I..." I looked away. Swallowing my pride I continued. "I need you. We're a team, got that? I listen to you, you big galoot!"

He stared at me before a smile began to spread across his face. ""

I grinned, "Alright! Wade...Animo...meh. Get out here!"

There was a long pause. "<...Did it work?>"

"How the fuck am I supposed to know?! What do I look like, a fucking magician to you?! Oh, just let me get out my fucking crystal ball!"

I was about to give up and call it a failure when a body slammed into the ground in front of us. Oh, and he had the classy style of landing face first. I snorted with laughter, but managed to get myself under control by the time he pushed himself up from the ground, a few leaves sticking to his face.

"Sup?" He said.

I gave a slow clap, "Oh, what a wonderful landing. I've got to give you ten out of ten for that." I snorted.

""

"I agree with tree guy. Screw you." He said, pushing himself into a sitting position. Wait, what?! Did he...He can understand Groot?! He started rubbing his forehead. "One of you wouldn't happen to have a band aid, would you?"

I blinked as Groot chuckled. "Oh, laugh it up, fireplace!" I grumbled. Sighing, I shook my head. "So, you're Wade, huh?" I said, looking him up and down. "What can you do? What're your fighting skills? And...you happen to know about all the...humans out there? What's up with that? Or are you just as lost as us?"

"Oh, so you're fresh off the boat, huh? Guess I'll give you the rundown. And all of this is second-hand knowledge from another guy, so if I miss something please don't hate me for it." He stood, towering above me while Groot still towered over him. I narrowed my eyes and crawled up Groot and climbed onto his shoulder. I looked down at Wade. Better. "Interdimensional deity of an asshat calling himself the Merchant is picking up humans from different Earths and stranding them in different Equestria's. Usually people that were at a con of some sort." He started before I interrupted.

"Wait, he's fucking WHAT?!" I roared. "HE FUCKING SENT US HERE?!" I pulled out my blasters and began shooting the fuck out of some trees. "DID THAT BASTARD TAKE OUR MEMORIES?!"

"Holy crap man, calm down!" The bastard screamed. "At the very least, aim that way!" He pointed off into the forest.

I snarled, "OH, YOU DON'T LIKE MY BLASTERS?!" I started blasting the area around him. "WHY DON'T YOU DANCE, YOU FUCKER?! YOU DID THIS TO US?!"

"Holy shit!" He blurted out, running away like a pussy, screaming.

As he ran I continued shooting near him. "YOU FUCKING BROUGHT US HERE, YOU-!!!" I was cut off as I felt Groot lift me into the air and slap my blasters out of my hands. "GROOT, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU-?!" I cut into a wordless scream as Groot threw me through the forest. I ended up slamming into Wade and we both tumbled to the ground.

As we sprawled on the ground I groaned in pain and slowly pushed myself back to my feet. "Mother...fucker...krutacking...shitbag..." I pulled out my knife just to get it slapped out of my hand and I was shoved to the ground next to the Wade fucker.

"" Groot roared, his face twisted into a visage of anger. ""

I blinked, shocked into silence, my thoughts clearing. "G...Groot...?"

"What the HELL is your problem man?" Wade yelled at me, shuffling away from me, until his back hit a tree. "Keep him AWAY from me!"

I stared at Wade. I...damn, I fucked up bad, didn't I? "I..." I started. "I'm...You...you didn't bring us here did you?" I asked softly.

"I JUST freaking said it was some wackjob called the Merchant! If I was the one that brought you here, why the hell wouldn't I say so?" He grunted angrily.

I winced. Yeah, I fucked up. "I...I'm sorry." I lowered my head. "I just...Whoever brought us here. This...Merchant or whoever it was, they...they took our memories. We can still remember things about home, but...anything personal, our families, our friends, our homes...It's all gone. I...I just need someone to blame!" Tears began leaking from my eyes. "I...I can't even remember my name!" I sobbed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

He stared at me while tears poured down my face. "I..I'm not gonna just turn on a dime and go all weepy with you, you were just shooting at me." He sighed. "Just...please no more yelling and shooting at me for no reason?"

I sniffed and wiped away the rest of the tears. Whoa, where did they even come from? I guess I have been bottling all my feelings up since we got here. I nodded, "Sure. I, uh, sorry. I just...felt," Something clicked in my head. "A rage...Damn, is this what Blood feels all the time?"

"Just gonna assume Blood's another Displaced, in which case thank you for giving me a name to avoid."

"Yeah...Displaced, Blood mentioned that name too. And you don't have to worry about him, he's cool. Friendly as hell, his summon actually states that he'll help any human." I rubbed my arm. "Just, uh, stay out of his way in battle. You know the term Axe Crazy? Yeah well, for him it's literal. Hey, I have his summon with me, I could call him if you want."

"NO!" He waved his hands in front of him frantically."I mean...uhhh....no...thank you? I'll be honest, you scare the shit out of me. And what you just described as 'friendly as hell'? Excuse me if I don't immediately take your word as something I can go by right this second..."

I chuckled, "Ah, I don't blame you. He is...odd. But if you see a vial of blood on a piece of string, make sure you grab it. You might not want his help, but there could come a time where you have no choice." I shrugged. "Eh, back to more important matters. Me."

"" Groot mumbled.

"What? I'm important! I did free a group if slaves, remember?"

""

I growled lowly, "Eh, whatever. Anyway, kid, you know more about this world than us. Even if the two worlds don't match up perfectly you should a pretty good idea. So, anything we should know about?"

He glared at me before composing himself. "All right. So as I was saying before you went Clint Eastwood on my ass, I don't know why the merchant is doing this. If you want to know the whole story, keep an eye out for a golden coin, it looks like a bit-" He pulled a golden coin out of his pocket, showing it off," -but the face and tail are different, one side has a seesaw with the letters A and U on one side, and an eclipse on the other." He pocketed the coin again. "Thats the token of Auric, alchemist of the golden flames. He seems to have a clear head on what’s going on. Also he said he was going to send me over a folder with the information I needed, but THAT still hasn't happened." He huffed.

I chuckled. Clint Eastwood. Nice. "Hey, this Auric guy, he's...he's not full of himself, is he? And do you know his motivation? Guy's got to want something."

"Guy can make pretty much anything out of midair, based on an offhand comment he made apparently he already has a tower all to himself, but he did have that confident 'I know what I'm doing' vibe about himself. He seemed on the up and up from my minor interaction with him...if a bit kooky. If he offers to help you fix something, watch him, do not leave him all on his lonesome. He turned the Apple family's barn plaid. Blue and green plaid. I can't say I didn't like that outcome, but the Apples are still holding that over my head. For some odd reason."

Huh. Okay, maybe he was all right. Won't know for sure until I meet him myself. There was just one question I had. "Apple family? Who the hell are they?"

"According to the old lady living on the farm, the Apple family is a group of relatives all across Equestria, usually having work or otherwise that relates to apples in some way. They even run a town over in the desert or something. Appleloosa, I think. The ones I was directly referring to however, was a family of four that live on the edges of Ponyville. Granny Smith, Applejack, Big Macintosh, and Applebloom."

"Ponyville? I know I've heard that before." I muttered.

"" Groot said.

"Ah! Yeah, that's it! You live there? Hmm...you know if your world has any crime? Bandits and the like?" I asked, the more info I have the better. Maybe I could even make up for shooting at him earlier.

"I'm honestly not too versed in the politics of Equestria. Apparently there was this guy named Tirek a while back, but the previous Element Bearers stopped him. And become some sort of magic friendship avatars or some shit. According to Chrysalis, there's still some underground sects of Changeling haters that have tried to kill off random folk to throw suspicion on them, but nothing out in the open that I know of."

I nodded, "So, utter cunts cross the dimensional barrier then. No big surprise there. You have questions, big guy?" I asked Groot.

He nodded, ""

"You don't know anything about them? Okay, first and foremost, as ridiculous as it sounds, the way the sun and moon orbit all of the Equestria's is different. And no, I didn't misspeak there, the moon and sun orbit the planet. Apparently gravity or whatever falls under a different source of magic or whatever. Celestia and Luna are the controllers of the sun and moon, respectively. Yeah, they grab celestial bodies and sling them across space. Don't ask me how, I guess they're just that strong. I've also heard talk about Luna seeing dreams or something, but I haven't heard anything concrete on that. Worth looking into, I guess. As for what questions I have for you, my first and foremost would be this. What the heck were you guys cosplaying as?"

I rolled my eyes, "Memories gone, remember? We don't know." The thought of what happened when I first saw the cube popped into my head. "What's that cube thing anyway? It...I almost felt like I remembered something when I saw it."

"That? Thats my token, Auric made it and...somehow 'spread it across the void. No, I don't know how to do that. Again, keep an eye out for the weird gold coin, he'll be able to tell you far more about what's going on that I can." He poked the token and quickly jerked back, as if it had shocked him. I shrugged and tossed it to Groot to store.

"It...I...think I remember seeing something..." I shook my head, it didn't matter. "So, what can you tell us about Ponyville itself?"

"Ponyville? Well, theres the apple farm on the outskirts, like I said before. Then theres Fluttershy's house on the other side of town. She's like...an animal keeper, god I don't know, the way they do stuff here is weird. Did you know they actually have the winged horses fly around and change the weather as they see fit? They think normal weather is weird. They even have a coffee and cyanide store. In the same store. And then they claim that cyanide is just a special type of flavoring! My left buttcheek." He took a few breaths, seemingly calming down. "Anyway, actually important things, theres 6 wielders of what is basically a primordial force of magic. As they say, 'Friendship is magic'. And thats not just a metaphysical BS line. If their word is anything to go on, friendship is an actual energy source. The ones that wield it are as best I can figure, Fluttershy-I was just telling you about her house. Applejack, she's part of the Apple family and lives on the farm. She's a stubborn lady who will make sure you pay her back if you owe her something, or even if she just thinks you owe her something. Rarity, she lives in a clothing store in the middle of town. Haven't really talked to her all that much, but she seems nice...also she makes clothes. You might be able to wheedle a free shirt out of her, apparently she's the Element Bearer of 'Generosity', and she takes that pretty seriously. Then theres Pinkie Pie." He began to shudder. "She's pink, and if you step a single foot within Ponyville she will find you. If you like parties, all the power to you, but if you just want to be left alone, tough shit. Then there's Rainbow Dumbass. Her name's actually Rainbow Dash, but I don't like her. But what do I know? Maybe your version of her isn't a complete racist moron. She's a pegasus, and flies around all the time, going on and on about how she's going to become part of this flying guard thing called the Wonderbolts."

He took a second to himself to probably catch his breath. "And finally there's Twilight. She's basically the spearhead of the group, holding the best by default Element of Magic. She's a pegacorn like Princess Celestia and Luna, in fact I think she even has the stupid sounding title of 'Princess of Friendship'. Add to that, she has a giant freaking castle made of crystal in the middle of town, you can't miss it. She's a bit of a bookworm, do not show her those-" He waved towards my blasters, "Unless you want her quarantining them so she can take them apart and study them. I'm exaggerating, but seriously. she will spazz out over them."

"Hmm...She's the Princess of Friendship, friendship is a magic power in this world..." I grinned, "Hey, Groot, I think I've found our ticket home!"

""

"You know any towns near the forest by Trottingham, kid?" I asked.

He shook his head, "The only way I even know the town name is that there was a radical group there that executed a pegasus, simply because she was married to a Changeling. A lot of bills that were set into motion because of that debacle. And the only forests I know of are the kill-you-de-, ahem, excuse me, the Everfree Forest, and Whitetail Woods. And I don't really know where they are specifically in relation to Ponyville or Trottingham. Oh, but Canterlot-stop laughing," He broke off as I began giggling at the stupid pun. "I know the names are ridiculous, I didn't make them but am convinced that whoever did only did so to get a laugh. so I will steadfastly refuse that of them. Anyway, Canterlot is a giant town built on the side of a mountain. You can easily see Ponyville from there, plus they have a train that goes there..."

I nodded, "Right, they killed someone because of who they loved. Bunch of fuckers." I spotted Groot holding my blasters and snatched them back before picking my knife back up. "And seeing as you know more about this place than we do at this point, you're coming with us until we find the next town." I gave a one-sided grin. "Alright?"

"That's fine with me. But I can't guarantee I'll be able to stick in this dimension for the entire duration. I got rubberbanded back without anything saying I would or otherwise last time. And since I don't want to wear out my already shitty shoes, I think I'll start with a morph. You aren't gonna spazz out and start shooting at me again if I transform, are you?" He asked.

I shook my head, "Hey, I said I was sorry! Just...just don't turn into a clown."

""

He shuddered. "Not even if my life depended on it." With that he began to...change. His skin and clothes melted into a single surface and he grew shorter, but still taller than me. Red fur began to sprout over his body, now an equine shape, with an almost orange tail and mane.

I raised an eyebrow, "Interesting." I climbed onto his back and laughed, "Onwards, my trusty steed!"

Groot sighed. "" he led the way through the trees.

We followed, and Wade suddenly asked, "Can a female horse be a steed? I thought the term was strictly masculine," He continued clopping along, and it was several seconds before I responded.

"I think the technical term for such a thing is: I don't give a fuck!" I laughed. "Hey, Groot, you think we'll find a town today?"

"" He answered.

"Eh? Why not?" I asked before a group of Griffins in masks and holding swords stepped out of the undergrowth.

"Hey, pony bitch! Hand over your bits!" One of the group called out.

"Are they talking to me?" Wade asked me. I gave a nod and he continued. "I'm the only one being ridden and you stupidly assume I'm the one in charge?" The foremost Griffin took a step forward, and responded in an extremely agitated manner.

"We don't give half a shit what your sick fetishes are, lady, hand over everything of value on you, or pay with your life!" I felt my anger start to bubble. These fuckers are going to die. Painfully, slowly.

"Fetish? The hell? And do you see any 'valuable' on me? Disregarding the furry little punk, he's only worth as much as far as you can throw him." He looked back up at me, my face one of barely restrained rage. "Plus I'm pretty sure your ugly mugs are pissing him off. You might want to get lost before he kills you."

"You dare mock us?!!?" "I'm not ugly, I'm just wearing a mask!" "I told you these things looked stupid!" Came the scattered replies from the band of Griffins.

"Get lost you feather brained idiots, you're making actual baddasses like my friends here look kinda bad."

"You should have taken your magic smart juice this morning you retarded little filly."

"Really? Thats the extent of your insults? The purpose of an insult is to be...you know, insulting?"

"You'll regret mocking us you useless broodhorse."

"And your mother should have swallowed you. Guess we all can't get what we want, can we?"

I snarled at the Griffins before chuckling, "Hey, Groot, we didn't get chance before, so how'd you feel about getting some chicken wings?" Without waiting for a reply I dived off of Wade's back, pulling out my blasters and opening fire. "Hey, suckers. Fuck off."

It wasn't really a fight. They were little more than thugs, no training, no skill. Too easy. "" Groot asked after he threw the last thug through a tree.

"Not like I did anything past pissing them off to the point where they fought like morons. Seriously, don't you idjits know you fight worse when you're mad?" He poked a hoof at the unconscious claw of a bleeding Griffin. "Not like you stood that much of a chance to begin with. Talk about bringing a knife to a gunfight. And forgetting your knife at home. Idiots." He walked over to another gryffon, one that actually had some sort of pack with him. I looked away for a moment and when I looked back I just saw the Griff make contact with Wade's throat.

I was about to intervene when a voice in my head hissed, {Son of a bitch, really? What the hell you stupid little...} I shook off the weirdness of hearing Wade's voice in my head and put it down to his abilities. Wade began to throttle the Griff for a moment before stopping and taking several deep breaths.

As Wade looked like he was calming down I strolled up the Griffin that had punched him and put a blaster to his face. "Nighty night." I glanced over to Wade. "You might want to look away, it gets a little messy." I pulled the trigger.

As I heard Wade mutter, "That's...fine." I hummed to myself as I kicked the corpse over to a bush. "There we go, that should keep them hidden till the predators get to them." I looked over to Wade. He seemed...like he was freaking out. Like, really freaking out. "Hey, you alright? I don't enjoy killing but we had no choice. Just...try to forget about it." I shrugged. "Groot, you talk to him, you're a better people person. I'll go see if I can see where we are from the top of that tree."

"No-I'm fine!" He quickly shot out. "Never better, I swear. Not like this is new for me or anything, I've seen violence before, its not like this was the first fight I've ever been in ever!" He squeaked. Huh, voice was higher than usual. Must be a side effect of the transformation. Don't think I could do that, don't want to know what it feels like to lose your balls. I gave a smile, glad he's feeling better. I started climbing the tree, the sooner I reach the top the sooner I find out a direction to go.

Looking around from the top of the tree I realised just how large the forest was. It just stretched on for miles and miles. Sighing I slumped into the branch. "Well, shit." I muttered. Looks like we'll be here for a while. Just as I was about to climb down I spotted several thin pillars of smoke, much too small to be a fire. So...that only leaves a village! Ha ha! Keeping the direction in mind I quickly defended the tree. "Hey, guys, I think I..." I trailed off as I spotted Groot giving a hug to Wade. "Uh...what the hell?" I muttered as they separated. I shook my head, "Come on, this way." I said, taking the lead.

"So..." Wade started as we walked. "Where we going? Did you see a town or something while you were up there?"

I smirked, "I saw smoke. Too small to be a fire, it had to be from a village."

"" Groot said.

"Ah, piss off." I chuckled. "So, kid, we're your favourite Displaced, right?" I said while Groot rolled his eyes.

"YES! Favorite, definitely favorite!" He let out with a small chuckle. "Wouldn't...rather be anywhere else. So, smoke, village? Did you see any houses?"

I let out a cough. "Er...of course! Heh, heh...I mean...houses and...stuff." I gulped. "OH MY GOD, LOOK, A DISTRACTION!!!" I yelled pointing to the trees to the right. Wait...was...was that a white pony in a black suit wearing one of those 'faceless' masks? Creepy.

"Pfft. God, I pulled that the first day I was here, it actually worked too."He said as I kept looking between him and the creepy as hell guy with the mask. "I even used the exact same words."

I kept my eyes on the pony in the suit. Now I had a better look I could tell it was taller than the other ponies I'd seen. "You guys see that?" I asked, pointing at the masked pony. "What the hell is he doing with that mask?"

Wade rolled his eyes and finally looked over and was silent for a few seconds. "Well, if I had to make an assumption, I would assume that’s this world’s version of the Slender Man. If your Equestria lines up enough with mine, that would be the Long Pony. A mason by the name of Shadow Stone. Who, if the lore is to be believed, does 'something' to those that hurt others for no reason. Or mock the work of a mason. Either of you mock the work of a mason recently?"

I stared at the 'Long Pony' as Wade called him. "Slender Man?" I whispered. "We're staring at fucking Slender Man?" I gulped, "We're so fucking screwed." As I said that the creature's head snapped towards us and my head began throbbing.

"Just ignore him and keep walking. As long as you don't do anything to piss him off, he shouldn't bother you. You haven't oppressed anyone or, again, mocked any masons recently, have you?"

I shrugged, "Don't think so, but I think you're thinking that he's the same as yours a little too much. I have an expert plan."

"What," He scoffed as he walk on. " You're going to shoot the immortal ghost pony that killed a guy just by shouting at him?" Whoa...he killed a dude by shouting at him?! Awesome! He must be the Dragonborn! "Or maybe you'll shoot him? Shooting always works oh so well on those undead, non coporeal types, doesn't it?" He asked snarkily.

I rolled my eyes, "That wasn't my plan. I was just going to suggest running. But now he's gone there's not really any point." I said, hopping up on Wade's back again. "Anyway, the village shouldn't be too far ahead now."

~~~~~~~~Two hours later~~~~~~~~

"My hooves hurt, I'm thirsty, you're heavy are we there yet?" Wade whined like a little bitch.

I groaned, "Almost. Will you stop complaining?! I haven't complained once!"

"Well you haven't walked for the past five hours, so I can see why you're so dang comfortable..."

I gave a shit eating grin, "Yeah, you're right. It is pretty comfy. Think I'll take a nap."

"Oh no," He muttered, jolting around. Wow, that is really mildly annoying. "Looks like we're coming across some bumpy ground here~. If only there wasn't so much weight on my back, I might be able to provide a smoother ride!" He paused. "No homo."

I was about to reply when an idea wormed its way into my head. I pressed myself against the back of his neck and head, slowly started stroking his hair and sensually whispered in his ear, "Yes homo." Before running my tongue over his ear.

I swear, I could actually hear his brain nope the fuck out.

Right before he bucked, sending me flying into a tree trunk. "Ow..." I muttered

"Are...you all right?" Wade asked carefully. Great, nice to know you care.

I started laughing, "So fucking worth it!" I giggled before beginning to climb a tree. "Give me a minute, I need to see where it is." After checking it out I climbed back down grinning, "Just up ahead!" I rushed forwards, "Come on!"

"You said 'just up ahead,' hours ago. Is this actually just up ahead, or are you just trying to make me feel better?"

"It really is just up ahead! Look!" I pulled apart some bushes to reveal a village. "Well?" Just up ahead, in middle of the town was...a bunch of ponies staring at us.

Just...staring. ...Are they wax figures?

It wasn't long before a stallion began to scream like a girl. Seriously, what the fuck? "Monsters! Murderers! GUARDS!!! GUARDS!!!"

"Oh dear god," Wade muttered. "Its just like the damned farm all over again."

He pulled out some kind of medallion and held it up high and yelled, "EVERYPONY QUIET!" Yeah, no. Still not ever saying that. Either way he snapped the stallion out of his bitching. "I am here on business from Canterlot. If you attempt to shun my guards in any way, shape size or form, I will be most displeased by your lack of harmonious intent and action, and will detail as such in my report to the diarchy."

What the fuck is he doing?! This is never going to work!

"Now, before we were waylaid by a group of bandits, I believe I had an appointment with the mayor of this...fine...burg?" He claimed, sounding pretentious.

"" Groot hissed at Wade as quietly as he could.

"Seriously Wade, the fuck do you think you're doing?" I hissed at him.

"Getting us into a position of endearment, hopefully away from the mob of horses that could make our life difficult, and subsequently putting us in a room with an individual of office that can protect us from said mob, once we explain ourselves. You got a better idea? Perhaps, shooting at everything and everyone in sight like a lunatic?"

I let out a small grin in spite of the tense situation. "Actually, yeah, that sounds fun." I saw the look he was giving me. "I was joking! Jeez, fine! We'll do it your way. Lead the way."

After entering what seemed to be the Town Hall a posh looking stallion whose hair looked like the thing judges wear approached us. "Excuse me, ma'am, you are, ahem, the representatives from Canterlot? Yes? I will admit, we do appreciate your expedient arrival, I hadn't actually expected you to arrive until sometime next week... I understand the rural nature of our little...'burg' causes nothing but stress for you higher ups. Oh but where are my manners, my name is Mayor Mane-" Wait, what? A mayor called Mayor? No, what the fuck?! That doesn't make any sense! How could his parents have known what he was going to do with his life?! "And is my distinct pleasure-" He glared at the stallion that had screamed like a little bitch, causing him to wander off with an ashamed look on his face. "- to welcome you to our fine home of Fapsville."

Wait, what? Hahaha!!! Oh, god, yes! Hahaha!!

"The pleasure really is all ours, Mr Mane. Now if we could discuss this in private? Perhaps in your office?" Wade asked.

"Of course." Mayor Mane said, indicating to a nearby door. "Just through there."

"My thanks." Wade said before we entered the room.

Just to be surrounded by a roomful of white coated ponies in golden armour. One of them stepped forwards, his armour purple with a starburst emblem and his mane two different shades of blue. "You are under arrest by the order of Princess Celestia of Equestria!" He declared.

"Well then. I think this is more your scene," Wade said, gesturing towards me, "So I'm just going to sit this one out. Rest my aching hoovsies." With that he walked past a stunned guard trying to menace him with a spear, and plopped himself on a lounge chair thing. "Have fun. I tried to be diplomatic. Since they don't really wanna talk, or be reasonable, intelligent adults, I don't really see what else 'I' personally can do. Wake me when its over."

I really didn't want to shoot them, despite what Wade thought. Bandits and slavers were one thing, but guards? No way. They're just doing their job. A good job. I sighed, "Fine. Let's try things your way, kid." I faced the...captain? Captain. "What exactly are the grounds for my arrest?"

He blinked, as if he just expected me to attack. Placing his spear down he glowered at me. "Murder." Wait, huh?! Who the hell did I murder?! "The group of ponies in Trottingham and then in the woods near Trottingham was the slaughtered camp of Diamond Dogs. While I only had orders about the two of you, I'll have to arrest you too, ma'am."

My eye twitched. "What?" I hissed. "You are arresting us for killing bandits and slavers?!" I yelled, my hand twitching towards my blaster. "We did your job for you!" I bared my fangs. "We saved countless lives! And you're arresting us for that?!"

"Penal code one five eighteen of the Solar Proclamation. Any use of excessive or lethal force within the borders of Equestria, regardless if it be warranted or not, is punishable within a court of law. So, who exactly are the witnesses testifying against us? Do you have magic chronometer scans to back up said claims? I sure hope you're not wasting our time without any proof." Wade rattled off, still in his reclined position.

Hot damn! We have a fucking lawyer on our side! Ha! Brilliant!

The captain looked stunned. "I...I'm sorry. But as a suspect your word and all potential statements that would make this arrest null has been made void by Special Decree six two of the Solar Proclamation. I'm sorry. Witnesses put them at the scene of one of the crimes and the wounds and residue match the Diamond Dog's."

I groaned and eyed the guards. "So. Ponies won't accept me. What about that other species you mentioned?"

Wade's eyes lit up, "The Changelings? They...don't tend to trust outsiders much."

I sighed. "So it comes to this." I pulled out my blasters and the guards took up defensive positions. "What...will happen to me?"

The captain narrowed his eyes, "I...don't know exactly. You'll probably spend years in Canterlot dungeon. Maybe...maybe even for the rest of your life." I began to shake. "But the Princesses are kind and just. They...they'll do everything they can to keep it fair. I swear it on my honour as the Captain of the Royal Guard."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Shining Armor."

I smirked, "Sorry, but I don't plan on getting locked up! Groot, now!" On command Groot slammed the guards aside and jumped through a window, grabbing Wade in the process. I quickly followed while the guards were stunned, grabbing a guards helmet on the way. As I landed by Groot he grabbed me with his other hand and sprinting towards the forest, leaving the guards behind us.

"S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-so-o-o-oo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o, y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-o-o-o-oo-o-o-oo-o-o-o-o-oo-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u, suuuuuuuuuuure leeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaave quiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan iiiiiiimpreeeeeeeeeeeesion-" Wade stuttered out as we were bumping along as we were jostled on the rough shoulder of Groot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As we left the town far behind us I sighed, there goes any chance of getting the Princesses' help getting home. I growled to myself as Groot placed Wade and myself in a clearing in the forest. "KRUTACKING WANKERS!!! FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT!!! BURN IN A FUCKING OVEN, YOU CUNTS!!!" I started pacing back and forth. "How could they do this? I saved lives, is that not important to them?! Not allowed to kill to save a life?! Put in a dungeon for the rest of my life?!" I turned to Wade, "How's this standing up to your Equestria so far?" I asked harshly.

"Can't say I'm a fan, honestly. Shot at by a trigger happy...guy." He's so fucking lucky he didn't just call me a raccoon! "Had to walk for half a day, then attacked by a group of exceptionally rude individuals. And then, we get to civilization. And I just go and prove I'm absolutely useless. Honestly, I'm not sure why you even called me here, I've been more of a hindrance than anything..." He trailed off, laying down on the ground.

Great, everyone join the pity train! I shook my head, "Kid, while you might not've done anything, you've been helpful. You planted seeds of doubt about us in that captain's head, you kept a cool head in a tough situation, you helped us, you listened to us when we needed it. Besides, Groot likes you, and I'm starting to agree. Don't think yourself useless, you're smart, that's sometimes all you need." I chuckled, "Never told you my name, did I? Let me properly introduce myself. Name's Rocket. So, any clue as to where to go from here?"

"Well...not sure how exactly the laws from the book I read follow your Equestria, not even sure exactly how well I'm remembering all this." He lifted his head, "But you could seek sanctuary from the Griffin Empire, if they actually are an Empire in this world. You'd have to undergo a challenge of right to receive citizenship, but from what I read they're always looking for strong additions. If you're accepted, you'll receive diplomatic immunity. Or you should, anyway. They'd probably give you a puffed up punishment, like house arrest or something to appease the diarchy. Still, you might be able to get into an amiable talking situation if they weren't trying to throw you in chains..." He trailed off and I got the distinct impression that idea would take way too long to happen. "Or, you could just go around Equestria and try to gain favour. If you had a big enough movement behind you, the princesses wouldn't dare detain you. They pride themselves on the harmony they have throughout the land, if the happiness of the inhabitants rests on your own well-being then they'll try to stay in your favour."

I nodded, "That sounds better, I'm not the kind of guy to just run and beg for help. Looks like my plan after all, huh, Groot?"

"" He looked over to Wade. ""

"Well, I think you'd be best off finding an Apple family member, seeing as theirs is the largest family in Equestria. If you can get in good with one of them, they'll end up spreading your fame to the other members of the family, and that would end up spreading your good name all over the place. And just as a tip?" Wade pointed towards my blasters, "The Equestrians are absolutely mental about lethal force. Killing folks isn't doing anything for your image, regardless of whether or not you think it's justified. Just try above and beyond to cripple, not kill from now on. If the civvies see you going above and beyond to exhaust all options before resorting to such an easy, brutal solution? They'll think that much more of you."

I nodded, "Aim for the extremities, got it." I narrowed my eyes, "But if it comes down to using lethal force or failing to save someone, I'm going for lethal force every time." I looked away, "I'm not going to let someone die because of me."

"Be that as it may. If you can find a way to end it peacefully, do so. You'll never gain their trust if they view you as a threat."

I rolled my eyes, "Duh. I'm not an idiot."

"" Groot asked, a grin on his face.

"Oh, shut up." I chuckled. "All right, we better get moving before they come after us. Any idea which way we should go, Groot?"

He looked around before scooping up a handful of dirt. "" He muttered as he let the dirt fall to the ground. "" He pointed. ""

I raised an eyebrow. "The dirt feels different? Yeah, way to make sense."

"" He shot back leading the way through the trees.

After a few minutes I jumped back up onto Wade's back again. "How's it going, Wadey? Liking the new digs? I call it, forest with fugitives."

As I held onto Wade he winced slightly. Oops. I eased up on my grip. "Knowing the violent occurrences that follow you two like a bad stench, I wouldn't doubt it. I'm going to go ahead and call it though, Diamond Dogs." He looked like he was suppressing a grin. "Diamond Dogs with magic of some sort. And all of them wearing hammer pants. Plus, for no reason whatsoever, they'll all have French accents."

I laughed hysterically. "Tha...th..." I burst into another round of laughter. "Good one! Oh, I'd love to see that!" It wasn't long before Groot stopped. "What's up Groot?"

"" Groot warned. ""

I nodded, "Of course." I leaped off Wade and charged ahead. "YEAAAAAAHHHH!!!" As I charged through the trees I came to a clearing and just stopped. This...whoa. Just...just...whoa.

"" Groot said, coming into the clearing with Wade. ""

We stared at the grey, small, cube shaped lorry that was crashed into a ditch in the middle of the clearing. It had no wheels but a set of high tech looking bumps, the doors looked like the kind of things you'd see in a space station, airlocks. The windows were black and looked futuristic. In fact, the entire thing did. The back had a large gash on it and several boxes were spilled out.

"Uhhh, correct me if I'm wrong, but this isn't an Equestria where they put Luna on the moon by dropping her off with a spaceship, is it? They aren't flying around in hovercars and the village I saw was only an amish setup?" Wade asked, his eyes widening.

"Uh...n...no. The history book said...no. No spaceships." An idea sprung into my head. "Hey! Come on, guys!" I said, running towards the lorry.

"" Groot asked.

"If we can get this thing working we can have a mobile base!" I chuckled. I stopped by a crate with a crack in the lid and grabbed the stuff inside. Some sort of...blaster rifle! "And look! Party favours!" I looked at the rifle. "Hey! It even has a stun setting!" My hand slipped and a yellowish orange beam shot out of the rifle and hit Wade in the head, where he collapsed on the spot.

I stared at Wade. Then at the rifle. "Uh...is he dead?" Please don't be dead, please don't be dead, please don't be dead!

Groot picked him up. "<...He's fine. Just unconscious.>"

I sighed in relief. "Oh, thank fuck for that." I started rooting through the crate again as Groot walked over and placed Wade on the floor next to me. I pulled out some kind of short metal stick.

"" Groot asked.

I shrugged and clicked the button on it. A short white beam shot out of the end, crackling with electricity. "Oh, that is cool!" I swung it around a few times. Disappointingly it failed to make Lightsaber noises. I went to switch it off when it slipped out of my hand and landed on Wade.

"YAAAARGHHHHHHH!!!" He screamed before I scooped up the Shocker and turned it off. "YAAAAARGHHHHHHH!!! I DON'T WANNA GO IN THE WATER IT...shrivels...my...giblets?" He trailed off, twitching and shaking. Wait...what? What the fuck was that about? "Phew....we were... space ship," He slowly rose to a standing position. "We, they were, ship and saw...what the hell happened?" Great, he advanced from babytalk. "Why do I-" He sniffed a couple times, wiggling his back legs. "Did I... piss myself?"

I backed away from the slowly spreading puddle, hiding the Shocker behind my back. "Uh..." I wracked my brain for an excuse. "A...unicorn came out of the woods and hit you with some spell before running off. He got away and you wouldn't wake up, so...uh...I...uh, Groot crushed your leg. You transformed into a human and then back to a pony and your injuries...diss...appeared...Yeah, you pissed yourself."

It was a terrible excuse and I knew it. "I...I'm not even gonna ask. I don't care. Whatever you did," He rubbed his temple, "Please don't do it again. And a tip from a liar. Don't make lies based off of something you don't understand." He lifted his left foreleg, showing off a...watch? "This tracks how much magic energy I have left. I had twenty six back when I first did this morph earlier. Seeing as the counter hasn't dipped any lower, that means I haven't demorphed or morphed since then." He lowered the leg, turning and tried to paw through a shattered crate. "When you lie, use the truth to back it up. Otherwise people immediately suss it out and it just reflects badly on you."

I shrugged, "Whatever, bedwetter." He threw an inactive Shocker at my head. "Ow." I muttered, rubbing my head. "What's the matter, bedwetter?" I teased as Groot started moving the crates. "Don't like the name? Too bad." I chuckled. "Joking aside, what's up north? North sounds like a good place." I realised something. "Oh yeah, you keep comparing this Equestria to the same place along the timeline as yours. It might be earlier or later. Just saying."

"Haven't seen anything to confirm that or compare to..." He muttered, pulling out another Shocker. "What the hell does-NYEHEAFG." He must have pawed the activation button as it activated, he dropped it and it turned off as soon as it hit the ground.

"Huh. Another one." I muttered. "They're, uh, like stun rods from what I can tell." I shrugged. Was this a lorry full of space cop gear? "Take it, it might help if you're in trouble. Seems to be mild shock only. Perfect for someone like you."

He picked up the Shocker and inspected it. He tucked it into his hair...somehow. Prehensile hair? Sure, why not? "Sure. Thanks. Maybe you should take one too, give you more options than 'shoot it in the head', ya know?"

"Already have, little man. Besides I think we'll set up camp here, go through the crates, try and get that thing working." I was about to say more when the Shocker in his hair shimmered. What the? "Hey, pass that back a second." He raised an eyebrow but complied. I turned in over in my hands. A feeling of peace went through my body before a blue wisp flew out of my mouth and into the Shocker. I blinked at the thing and was about to pass it back when a brown wisp flew in. I looked over to Groot, who was shaking his head. I passed it back to Wade. "Hey, uh, try calling for help from us through that."

He stared at the tube with a raised eyebrow. Taking it back in a hair strand he froze for a second, as if hearing something. "Well. Guess that works. Cool." He tucked it back in the increasingly messy mop of hair atop his head. He looked over at Groot, who was obviously trying to stifle a laugh.

"Maybe, hopefully, that's now one of those summon things. Uh, call us if you need help, like, you're being attacked, or where you live has bandit trouble." I let out a grin. "Or a snob needs putting in his place."

"Sure thing. And its actually attached to something useful." I looked towards Groot. He seemed to be organising the crates well. I wonder if he's got a plan? "I've already almost used Auric’s coin as a normal bit twice, and I literally can't think of a way to use a bell except as a trophy. Maybe I should get a loop thingy welded..." Wade trailed off.

"Wade?" I asked looking back to...where'd he go? "Uh...o...kay then. Guess he's gone back home." I chuckled to myself and headed over to Groot. "Let's get this place sorted out then."

Author's Note

So thus ends my collab with Flutters Is Shy. It was my first collab, and it was amazingly good fun!

Now a quick message from Flutters Is Shy.

It was a true pleasure to collab with FoxWithAMask, he was an absolute blast to bounce dialogue back and forth off of. I don't really have much more to say... do I have to? Fine. A hug for all the readers. *gives you all a hug*

The Camp

I looked over the engine again, in the four weeks since Wade had left we’d been working on the van, but so far no luck. So...the Vortex Manipulator...the big glowy ball...is connected to...the...the Anti-Grav Generator...the giant floppy discs. Sighing, I looked back to the manual I'd found inside the lorry. "Yeah, I don't know anything about this thing." Well, that wasn't entirely true. For one, I'd put most of the workings back together. But that was mostly just following the manual. I'd also discovered that the lorry was, in fact, carrying equipment for some sort of space cops. Yay, go correct guessing!

Groot on the other hand was having a wonderful time stealing food from Fapsville. Ninja-like, of course. We had gone through most of the crates and found most of the boxes contained ammo that would work for both my blaster rifle and my new blaster pistols. Well, I think it’s ammo, but they haven’t exactly run out of blasts through my practice, so I don’t know. I'd dumped the old ones in favour of ones with a 'stun' setting. Urgh, why has being the ‘good guy’ got to be so lame?

"So...this...goes..." I groaned and shook my head. "This could be going better."

"" Groot called from somewhere behind me.

"Yeah, great, whatever." I muttered. "Hey, Groot! You take over!" I yelled over my shoulder, jumping down off the hood.

He chuckled, "" He took my place as I flopped into one of the chairs we'd found and started cleaning my weapons as Groot began fiddling around with the engine.

After about twenty minutes I had finished with all my weapons and looked over to Groot. “Any luck?”

“” He grunted. “<Got it…”

I sighed, “Don’t think it’s going to work, Groot.” He growled and gave it a solid slap. “Hey! Watch it!” I yelled. “Don’t break it, you…” I trailed off as I heard the soft rumbling of the engine. “Holy shit. How did you…?”

He gave me a grin, “” He blinked before groaning in pain and rubbing his head.

“You remembered something?” I asked.

He nodded, “”

I sighed, “Yeah, seems we can’t remember for long, huh?” It happened when I saw Wade’s summon and now it happens to Groot. Damn that Merchant bastard, or whoever it was that did this to us.

…

Still say it’s cultists.

Groot reached into the van and turned the engine off. Now it’s working it’s probably best to save power. Or whatever it is that thing runs off. Groot came over and sat down besides me. “” He asked, nodding his head towards the large pile of guns, stun grenades and ammo that was piled behind me

“I’M NOT HOARDING IT!!! IT’S MY STASH!!!” I yelled.

He shook his head and gave a small grin, “” He looked up as the sun began to set. “”

I smiled, “Yeah. While we’ve got each other, we can take anything.” I sighed and rubbed my eyes, “Come on, let’s get some rest.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I screamed in agony as the laser sliced through my chest. I couldn’t take the pain, I didn’t want the pain! Damn this place! I’ll blow this kratucking lab sky high when I get out! I swear! I screamed again as some began poking my insides.

Then it was gone and there was some kind of alien in a lab coat standing above me with a twisted smirk. I tried to attack him but I was strapped down, my tail twitching wildly in panic. He raised his hand and several drills and saw descended from a machine, slowly coming closer to me. No...no! Stay away! I started screaming wildly, hoping against hope that they would shut the machine off.

But they didn't.

I let out one last scream as my chest was torn open and-

I woke up, my fur stuck to my skin, panting for breath. "It's...it's not real, Rocket. It's not real." I had been having these nightmare since just after we'd found the space van. They...they seemed so real. Are they? Could they...be memories?

I shook my head. No. No, I'm human. They're...just bad dreams. Nothing more. I took a drink of water from my canteen before settling back down and trying to get back to sleep. Hopefully I can avoid more nightmares.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day was nothing special, we spent most of the day going through the boxes and sorting them out. Despite the boring work the day quickly passed and by late afternoon we were playing a game of Rummy with some cards we’d found in the glovebox.

"So..." I drawled as Groot dealt the cards. "You think we have a chance convincing the population we're the good guys?"

Groot nodded, "" He paused. ""

"Yeah. Not a bad idea." I mused. "Get a crew and become pirates?"

Groot stopped and gave me an even glare, "<Really?>"

“What?” I shrugged. “Pirates are cool.”

He sighed and picked up his cards. “”

I chuckled, “Alright, I’ll give it some thought later. Right now let’s play.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We played fifteen games. Groot won twelve. Damn him.

We’d given up on cards and were just looking at the early evening sky. Groot had grown quiet. Too quiet. What's he thinking about? I sighed, "Alright. Come on, spit it out. What's wrong?"

"" He admitted. Wait, worried about me? ""

I paused. "I...I'm fi-"

"<No.>" Groot grunted. ""

I winced, “I...I guess.” I sighed. “Alright. I’ll talk...just...not now, okay?”

He nodded, “”

I gave a low chuckle, “Sure thing, Groot.”

He froze for a second and looked towards the forest. "" He hissed.

I grabbed my blaster and took aim. As the minutes passed my mouth dried up. “Come on out, you bugger.”

My patience was finally rewarded as two white coated Diamond Dogs stumbled through the trees. I blinked before lowering my blaster slightly, "Sasha?" It looks like her. "Is that you?"

She stopped and waved, "Hey, it's you guys!" Yep, it’s her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After making a fire in the middle of the ‘camp’ we all gathered around it as night fell. “So, you’re...being vigilantes?” Sasha asked. “The non-lethal kind?”

I shrugged, “It’s a phase.”

“” Groot said.

“Totally is!” I grinned.

“”

I grinned and turned my attention to Sasha and her brother. “So, I don’t think I ever caught your name.”

Her brother gave a smile, “The name’s Digger. Call me Digg.”

I nodded, “So, what brings you two over here?”

“Just looking for the next town. Thought we’d go to Ponyville, it sounds nice. Relaxing. We could do with that after all we’ve been through.”

I nodded, “Ponyville, huh? We were going to head there eventually. Hey, can you do us a favour when you get there? Spread the word that we’re not the bad guys.” I chuckled. “We’re sort of fugitives at the moment. The whole ‘killing’ thing apparently pushed some buttons high up.”

Sasha snorted, “Yeah, ponies are generally soft like that. Don’t worry, we’ll spread the word.” She shook her head. “Where your little axe crazy friend?”

I chuckled, “Oh, he’s...he’s gone home.”

She nodded, “Well, thanks for everything. But we’ll probably be leaving early in the morning. Probably be gone before you wake, so...thanks.”

I nodded, “No problem. Let’s get some sleep, huh?”

That night I had no nightmares to cope with.

Damn Cultists

My head was pounding as I woke to the birds chirping, the wind rustling the trees, the grass soft beneath me. Okay, where the hell am I? I opened an eye and realised I was in a forest somewhere. Definitely not London.

"Oh! Great! This is just brilliant! Pissing cultists! This is their fault somehow!" I growled, sitting up. I blinked. What the fuck just came out of my throat?! "What." I muttered, my voice sounding American rather than the London accent I was so used to. "Aw, shit." I groaned, bringing a paw to my head.

Okay, so now I just need to find out just where...what? I brought my hand back up and stared at the paw. The fuck?

A paw. I had a paw. A fucking paw!

"What the actual fuck happened last night?" I muttered. Shit like this doesn't just happen. No. Shit like this is cultists fucking around with reality! I knew it was their fault! "Bunch of wankers!"

I was about to yell more about the cultists and their idiotic ways when I noticed two futuristic looking handguns on the ground. "Huh? Who just leaves guns around?" I took a quick glance around before grinning. "Well, finders keepers!" Scooping them up I spun them around my han...paws a few times before looking them over. Nice. But... "Where's the ammo go?" I asked. There was no slot for ammo anywhere. Looking over the weapon more closely I noticed that the side of the gun pulled out. Doing so I saw a small glowing blue...well...I guess it's a power core. Sealing the hatch, I muttered, "Well, I guess that answers that."

I fired a shot off at a nearby tree. It came out as a blue blast of energy, scorching the tree. "Sick." I muttered, slipping the guns into two slots on the...orange suit I was wearing. "Welp," I groaned, stretching out my new limbs. "Better find a town or something."

Walking was something I had always enjoyed, not running, fuck running, walking's the way to go. It always helped me think and relax. I could walk for hours upon hours. But, alas, it was not to be, as after a good half hour walking and whistling a jaunty tune I bumped into someone, knocking me to the ground.

"Hey, watch it, bozo!" I snarled, getting up. I glared up at the...tree...person...holy shit, that guy is tall. I whistled. "Impressive."

"I am Groot." He said, but something strange was happening, it was as if there were other words woven into the sentence. He said, 'I am Groot.' but I also heard, 'Okay, what the hell?'

"Uh, hey there, buddy!" I chuckled. "Looks like you've got a bad case of morning wood." I snickered.

"" He growled.

I snarled, "Oh, you want to start something, huh, you walking fireplace?!" The next thing I knew I was up in the air, suspended by Groot's fingers. "OI!! PUT ME DOWN, YOU WANKER!!!"

"" He chuckled.

"FUCK OFF!!" I snarled. "I am from London! This stinking body just took away my accent!" Something occurred to me. "Just like you, I reckon."

"" He placed me back down on the ground.

"I'm...uh..." Shit. Can't my name. Nor my age. Or any personal little details like that. Shit. "Just call me Rocket." I shrugged. "And you? Wait, let me guess. You are Groot?" I snickered.

"" He frowned.

I chuckled, "Say. How about we stop pissing each other off and find out where we are?"

Groot snorted. ""

I chuckled as we set off on our journey. "You're not from England, are you?"

"" He asked.

"You said 'fricking'." I pointed out.

"" He asked, raising...what would have been an eyebrow if he had them.

"If you were from England you would have sworn. It's sort of our trademark. That and total dominance of sarcasm." I grinned proudly. "I wish that those damn cultists hadn't took my knife." I said wistfully, back home...wherever that is, I had this combat knife, nothing fancy or huge, just practical and good at shitting people up.

"" Groot asked.

I nodded, "Yeah, they're behind loads of stuff! Didn't you know?"

""

"Hey, come on! It's cultists controlling the government! I'm telling you, it's true! Well...less controlling and more paying off."

""

"Cultists." I answered instantly.

"" Groot groaned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As we walked we exchanged a few words, not much to talk about when you can't remember your personal life. We eventually came to a parting in the trees with a small town just beyond it. But...something was wrong. For one, bandits were attacking. Yeah, bandits, not thieves or looters. Bandits. Two, they were using crossbows and swords. Three, everyone in the town was an...an equine. And yet they talked and acted just like humans despite being...IS THAT A FUCKING UNICORN?! Okay, yeah...they have several unicorns. Oh, look. Some pegasuses...pegasi? Pegasi. We're in generic fantasy land #10045.

I stared at the town as the bandits ran around burning and pillaging. "Hey, Groot."

He turned to me, ""

"Want to kill some bandits? I mean, they look fucking stupid for one, and...well I just don't like bandits. I blame playing too much Fable." And they did look stupid. They were wearing the most generic bandit clothing imaginable, bandanas, eyepatches, shaved hair, stitched together clothing.

He chuckled, ""

I snorted. "Hell no! Just the right thing to do, right? Heroes get killed. I don't plan on doing that." I pulled out my guns. "Besides, I'm dying to know what these things do to flesh!"

As a group of the bandits passed by we stepped out of the cover of the trees and I shot one of them with one of my guns. He dropped to the ground, dead, a hole burned through him. Oh, sweet! They're blasters! The rest of the bandits, even those further away, stopped what they were doing and just stared at us, a few had their jaws dropped comically low.

"Oh, I thought you guys were clowns! Sorry, my mistake, you're just idiots." I snarked, before opening fire, killing three of them before they dived into cover. I laughed, "This is it?! You call yourselves bandits and you're pissing yourselves! Although I guess I can let you off, I am pretty scary after all!"

One of the bandits, this one with a bandana wrapped around her head, cried out, "WHAT ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING?! GET THE RACCOON!!!" They took her order, must be the boss, and charged.

I felt my eye twitch. That...is fucking annoying. "I." I growled. "Am. Not. A. RACCOON!!!" I bellowed, shooting them down as the wave charged me. I saw them start taking up crossbows and the...unicorns' horns begun to glow. "Crap."

A wave of arrows and...and...energy of all colours come flying towards me. "" Groot roared, jumping in front of me and shielding me from harm.

"Groot!" I gasped. His body was peppered with holes and burning patches where the energy and arrows had hit.

He looked down at me and grinned as the burning parts of his body put themselves out and wooden vines began to slowly, very slowly, fill in the wounds. ""

With a roar we charged the bandits, Groot acting as a shield when necessary. I opened fire with my blasters when I had a clear shot, blasting the bandits, when we were close enough Groot began smashing their cover, allowing me to take down even more. There was a close call where I almost had my head smashed in, but Groot had saved me with a roar and a swipe of his arms, mangling the equine.

As the bandits' numbers began to dwindle I noticed the female with the bandana again. The boss. "She's mine, Groot." I growled, dashing towards her, swiping a knife from the ground besides a dead body. As I closed in on her I saw her eyes widen in fear. So much for being a big shot leader.

She grabbed a sword. "YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP ME?!" She roared. "DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM?! YOU IDIOTS!!! I AM DEATH VALLEY!!! YOU THINK CAN STOP ME?! I AM UNSTOPPABLE!!! I AM-"

I cut her off with a stab to the leg. "I'm sorry, were you saying something?" I smirked, following it up with a punch to the throat. She choked and went down. "Groot!" I called. "We have a prisoner! Should we kill it?!" As soon as I shouted that the rest of the bandits decided to cut their losses and run.

"" Groot muttered hatefully. ""

"Good point." I said, holstering my blasters. "Hey, let's see if anyone in town can tell us where, exactly, we are."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey." I said to the trembling...equine. Seriously, what's up with that? Those bandits were equines too. Is that the only species on this world or something?

"Please don't kill me!" He squealed.

I rolled my eyes and jabbed him with a blaster. "I'm not going to hurt you, idiot. We just want to know where we are." I snorted, putting away the blaster.

"Don't eat me!" Well, we're getting nothing out of this guy.

"Hey." A young voice said. I turned and saw a...female...? Uh...damn it. What's the word for young female horse? F...F...Filly! Filly! I got it! Yeah. A filly with a green coat was smiling at us, she didn't have a horn or wings...so...what do you call that? Eh. Luckily she was almost my size so I didn't have to strain my neck. "You're the guys who stopped the bandits, right? Thanks!" She had an adorably offensive, inaccurate, stereotypical British accent.

I chuckled. "Finally a...uh..."

"Pony." She supplied. Ah ha! At last!

I nodded my thanks. "A pony that doesn't think we're going to kill or eat them."

She somehow shrugged. "Eh. The adults overreact sometimes. Dad can be the worst." She nodded at guy I'd just spoken to. "So, you wanted to ask something?"

I grinned. "Yeah. Where exactly are we?"

"Trottingham." What. "But if you want wider than that, cause you look a little lost, you're in Equestria on the planet Equss."

"Groot. We're a long way from home." I muttered.

"" He shrugged.

"Yeah, but now it's real." I whispered.

""

"Er...well...nothing." I admitted.

""

The feeling of fear faded, it's kind of hard to be scared of losing your home when you can't remember it. "I...guess I just freaked."

""

"Hey," The filly said, giving me a concerned look. "Are you okay?" You, little miss, are just adorable. Now stop, you'll give someone diabetes.

I stared for a second before smiling and ruffling her hair. Or would that be mane? "I just got a little scared for a moment there, kiddo." I sighed. "Well. Equestria, huh? Sounds like a pretty, pretty fairy land." I snorted. "But...you have a map, kid?"

She smiled brightly up at me, "Sure, mister! Just a minute!" She rushed into a nearby house.

"" Groot asked. ""

I shook my head, "No. Not yet at least. We need to find what happened to us, however unlikely it is we'll ever find out. Aside from that I plan on just travelling." I gave a half grin. "You're welcome to join me."

He hesitated. ""

I nodded, "I get you. This whole thing...it's really messed up. You need time to create a goal. An objective. A dream to work towards. I get it, I'll need to think later, I'm more of an 'actor' than a 'thinker' though."

He just nodded as the kid came running back out with a scroll between her teeth, placing it at my feet she grinned up at me, "There you go, Mister!"

I gave a smile, "Thanks, kiddo." Unfurling the map I looked over the large cities. Interesting.

"" Groot said, causing me to look up at him.

"Yeah," I nodded. "To be honest I was ignoring it." I wonder where the capital is? "Kid."

"My name is Historical Reference." She pouted. Kid, I told you to stop being so adorable, it's giving Groot heartache.

"Right." I wonder if all pony names are this strange? "Historical, where's the capital? And what can you tell us about Equestria?"

She grinned, "Lucky for you, I just got the most recent volume of The History of Equestria. It should tell you everything you need to know about Equestrian history up until six months ago."

Well, that's conveniently convenient. "Well, I guess I better start reading. But first...I have something to do. Groot, you start reading and fill me in."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The bandit leader was strapped to a table in the middle of a dark, dusty, empty warehouse, a tray with some sharp tools was off to one side. As soon as she awoke it would be time for a little...interrogation.

Ah, speak of the devil! "Urgh...wh...where...?" She groaned. I jabbed her in the side with the dagger I'd picked up after the battle. She screamed in pain and strained against her holdings as blood began to seep from the wound.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did that hurt?" I mocked.

She glared at me. "Buck you."

I blinked. "Was...was that a swear?" I asked honestly. "That...that's just lame. Anyway, tell me about the bandits."

She snorted, "Like I'd tell a rodent aboARRRGGHHHHHHHHH!!!" She erupted in a scream as I stabbed her again as she was talking, this time twisting the dagger.

"Listen, I really don't like that word. So," I held the blood coated blade under her nose. "How about we try that again?"

"You think I'll talk!" She gave a short, harsh laugh. "You're an idiot! I'll never betray my family! They are the only ones who have ever cared about me! Unlike the so-called princesses or my parents!"

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, yeah, you have daddy issues, no one loves you, boo hoo. Cry me a river." I strolled over to the toys I'd picked up. "You know what I hate about you? You lack conviction."

"What? What are you talking about?!" She yelled.

I carried the sword over, it's size almost dwarfing me. "You wanted to make people care about you. But instead of dealing with it, you became a bandit. You hurt innocents. You killed and stole. Tell me. How does that make you loved?" I realised what I was doing with the sword was stupid and facepalmed before chucking it aside. Instead I just jammed my dagger into her leg. As she began screaming in pain I yanked the dagger out again and exchanged it for my blaster. "Start. Talking."

She glared at me, eyes drilling into my own before they dropped. "Fine..."

"Good!" I said happily. "Now, how many bandits are in your gang?"

"We're not a..." She eyed the blaster I'd shoved into her neck. "I...j...just a few! Most of us came here!"

I nodded, so they're small time. Interesting. "What about other gangs? Tell me the big guys around the country, not small timers like you."

She let out a small growl, "...There's the Desert Raiders. The name speaks for itself, they stick to the Badlands, taking down travelling caravans and wanderers. They're composed of all different species. Then in Manehattan there's the Rebels, a group of thugs who...pretty much do anything for money. And I mean anything. It's sickening." Hmm...a real bandit wouldn't care, maybe she can be redeemed. Maybe not, but she has a small chance. "There's the Diamond Dogs. Most of their species in general are ponynappers, forcing ponies to work in the mines for gems. Although there are a few good Dogs few and between. And...well...no, it's nothing."

Oh, hello! Something juicy! "Tell me."

She shook her head, "It's...it's just a rumour. Nothing more than an urban myth."

I gave a grin, "Indulge me."

She sighed, "Fine. Rumour says that there's a big underground gang that's orchestrates nearly all of the top organised crime. They say that...that they are all over the world, yet no one has ever found them. They're called...Crime Wave."

I smirked, "Crime Wave, huh? Sounds like a plan to me."

"You're not seriously thinking of going after them are you?! I told you, they're just a myth!"

"And where did the myth come from?" I asked rhetorically. "They all start somewhere. Even if you're right...I have other plans." I holstered my blaster. "Now...are you going to keep causing trouble?"

She shook her head vigorously, "No! No way, I don't have a death wish! I'll leave everyone alone, keep my family together with what we have!"

I smiled, "Good." And I cut off the straps holding her down with my dagger. "Go. Get out of here." She took off running but stopped as she put her injured legs down, wincing. "Ah, don't worry, they'll heal, might have a few scars though." I waved off her worries. Staring at me for a second she began hobbling to the exit. As she reached the door I cleared my throat, catching her attention. "Oh, and if you need money? You have a large group, teach them to pickpocket and go to a big city. Keep moving around, you'll get by, maybe even flourish."

She stared at me for a while longer before disappearing around the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So...let me see if I've got this right." I said as Groot placed the map inside his chest cavity before closing the wood around it. "This country is ruled by two princesses. Two princesses who raise and lower the sun and moon. The sun and moon." I stated skeptically. "You seeing the problem here?"

"" Groot shrugged.

An idea popped into my head, "Hey! Maybe-"

""

"Yeah, but..."

""

I blinked. Im...pressive. I shrugged, "Fine, they're for real. Now, where was I? Ah. There's several lands...although any besides Equestria, home of the ponies, weren't in the book. We'll have to find a world map." I sighed. "Do we have a plan?"

Groot smiled, ""

I caught his distaste of the word magical and gave a half grin, "What's the matter, Treebeard? Don't believe in magic?"

He shook his head, "<It's not that. It's just...I don't trust it."

I raised an eyebrow, "You don't trust magic?"

He shook his head, ""

I nodded, "Good point. How about we plan to not get hit by it and call it a day?" I grinned.

Groot sighed, shaking his head and grinning slightly. ""

I climbed up his body and got myself settled on his shoulder. "Let's go, tree boy." As we set out for the forest, the most direct path according to Groot, I felt like this was the beginning of an adventure.

A Bloody Encounter

"Damn it!" I yelled as arrows flew just above my head. "GROOT? YOU WANT TO HELP?!" I roared. We were being pinned down by a large group of bandits we'd ran into. It might not have helped that I insulted their mothers.

"" He roared back. And, yeah, he was busy holding up our defences, stopping any bandits from flanking us or taking potshots at us. He'd also saved my furry behind when this mess began while I was distracted by the taunting session I had going on, throwing me into a nearby ditch, thus why he only had one arm. ""

"It'll grow back!" I shot back. "Quit complaining!" I ducked as bandits fired at us. Both arrows and bolts of magic blasted our cover. I couldn't get any shots off because they'd hit me if I stuck my head out. "Damn it!" I yelled as our cover was slowly chipped away by the magical explosions. "At this rate we'll be killed!"

"" Groot asked, pointing to a nearby tree. I looked closely and saw a vial on a string hooked on a branch. "" ...Yeah, careful. Right.

I dived out of cover shooting a few shots out as I began my mad scramble for the vial. "YAHOO!!!" I cried.

"" Groot roared as I grabbed the vial, a stay bolt of magic blasting the tree. I dashed back to cover, arrows and magic blasts landing all around me. I dived back into the ditch before taking a closer look at the vial.

"Strange little thing." I muttered.

As if awakened, a voice began to emit from the vial."To those that would bring destruction down upon your enemies in burning rage, to those that bring terror upon those that have slighted you. To those who would see towns destroyed in the name of revenge. I care not for your so-called ‘alignment’ or ‘morality’, I care not if you seek to conquer the world or save it from tyranny, break the vial and call for the Blood and I shall answer your call, brothers and sisters of Earth, regardless."

"Well, that sounds promising." I muttered.

"" Groot warned.

"I'm thinking, can we afford not to?" I asked. "If he's as bad as he makes out to be, he'll get us out in no time. Plus, he said he wasn't interested in morality or what our goals are, right? Just humans in general."

"<...I don't like it, but you're right. We have no choice here.>"

I crushed the vial under my foot and yelled out, "Get your bloody arse here!"

The blood on the ground shifted and shot up in a geyser. An obscene amount of blood, more than could possibly have been in the vial, shot up, but the blood didn't splatter everywhere, it just kind of hovered in the air for a moment before falling and forming the shape of a human. It stayed like that for a moment before the blood faded and skin and clothing began to show.

After a few seconds all that was left was a brown haired, fair skinned human wearing a purple jacket, jeans and boots, a ruined sword and an axe strapped to his back. He blinked. "Oh. That...was that a summon?" He looked down at me, raising an eyebrow. "A raccoon? You used to be human I take it?"

I glared at him, "Yeah, and I'm not a fucking raccoon!" I gave him a smug grin. "Name's Rocket. This here's Groot."

"Hey, big guy."

""

"Uh...right."

I chuckled, "Ah, Groot's just saying to not try to kill us. He's friendlier then he looks."

The human grinned, "Good. Well, you called me here for a reason, right?" Another volley of magic blasted away at the barrier again. "Oh. I see. Guards?"

"Bandits." I corrected. "Ponies. Mostly unicorns, but there's a few pegasi and Griffins in there too."

He laughed, "Bandits? I haven't killed any of them in a long time! Oh, this'll be fun!" He took out his axe and gave it a few swings. "You know how to fight?"

I let myself grin and held up my blasters, "I can shoot, Groot's good at smashing."

"" Groot muttered.

I snorted, "Yeah, yeah, whatever, Groot." I glanced up at the human. "You got a plan, kid?"

The human grinned. "Hell yeah, I do. And the name's Blood." He laughed again. "I'm sorry, this is just...a little silly. I mean, me, a hardened killer working with, and let's be scientific here, a tree and what appears to be a raccoon." He snorted. "Appears to be, not is." He quickly added.

I snorted, "Yeah, good point. And what's up with 'Blood'?"

He shook his head. "The name's...got an interesting story behind it." He scowled, "Let's go teach these fuckers not to mess with humanity, no matter shape or form."

"" Groot nodded.

"Alright, then." He tightened his grip on the axe. "ARRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" He roared, leaping out of cover and dashing across the battlefield, dodging arrows and blasts at the last second, cleaving through anyone he came across.

I just stared. "Groot. We picked up a crazy." A grin spread itself across my face. "I like him." I flung myself out after him with a wordless yell, firing off shots as fast as I could.

As I ran I heard Groot yell, ""

As I ran arrows sunk into the ground nearby and magic blasts unearthed the ground by my feet, sending chunks of the ground exploding up and almost sending me tumbling several times. As I shot wildly I made sure to take time and aim carefully at any unicorns or diving pegasi. As I closed in on the enemy position I found they were mostly decimated. Blood pooled on the ground, bodies were cut down everywhere I looked. Blood doesn't mess around, does he?

He was an unstoppable force. He avoided the projectiles fired at him, sweeping and weaving through them. And when arrows did him him he made sure they hit his arms before pulling them back out and continuing on his path of carnage.

"Shit." I muttered, before shooting down an archer. "He's enthusiastic."

"" Groot said, finally coming alongside me.

"Well...he's not psychotic, that's something, right?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It didn't take long for us to clean out the vast majority of the bandits. But somewhere along the way I had been blindsided and knocked away from the battle.

As I stumbled around, my blurred sight slowly returning, I heard a cheerful voice, "Well, well, well. Lookie here!" I was knocked to the side as someone hit me. "The little raccoon FREAK that killed my gooood buddies!" As my vision cleared I saw the source of the voice. A white Griffin with an odd look in his eyes. He laughed, a strange laugh. It was wrong. Too high and strained. "Say! How about we have a goood time, friend?" He was insane! He's crazy! Wait...killed his buddies? Ah, crap. I must've sent this guy over the edge. I reached for my blasters. Time to take this psycho down.

My holsters were empty.

"Crap." I muttered. I quickly reached for my knife.

Also gone.

"Oh, what's wrong, friend?" The crazy Griffin asked, giggling. "You lose your killy killers? You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?" I shivered, this was bad! I was without weapons, without backup and a psycho was trying to kill me! I searched around for anything I could use as a weapon. He stalked up me, "Don't be scared, little thing. It'll only hurt a lot." He began to stroke my head.

Okay, you know what? Fuck this. I dived to the side and scooped up a nearby stone, lobbing it at his head. "Fuck you, fuckbeak. Your friends were pussies who didn't even put up a fight!"

He let out a squawk, "FRIENDS ARE GOOD FOR YOU!!!" Before he dived at me. Sliding to the side I scooped up another, larger, rock and slammed it into his skull. "ARGH!!! PAIN IS NO FUN, MR RACCOON!!"

I growled and slammed the rock into his head again. "I AM NOT A BLOODY RACCOON, WANKER!!!" I jumped onto his back slamming the rock into his head again before grabbing his head and quickly twisting. There was a loud snap and he dropped to the ground, dead. Jumping off his back I shook my head. Unlike stories and films liked to say, being insane doesn't make you an unstoppable killer. It just makes you easier to kill in most cases.

I searched around the area and found my knife. It must have dropped out when I was blindsided earlier. Looking around I realised I couldn't hear the sounds of battle. "Well this is just perfect. I don't know if it can get any worse." As soon as I said that it started raining heavily. "THAT WAS NOT A CHALLENGE, UNIVERSE!!!"

Where the hell was I supposed go now?! Oh, hey, a cave. Wandering into the cave looked around. It was...just a cave, nothing special about it really. I turned around and scanned the entrance. It was still pouring it down outside. Maybe I should leave a mark around here, so they know I've been here. Yeah...that's a good plan. You never know when shit will hit the fan.

Pulling out my knife I carved the words 'Rocket here' into the wall. I holstered my knife and stepped backwards to admire my work. "Not too shabby." I muttered. I turned and saw a small group of large, brown, bipedal, dogs in armour and holding spears. "Ah, krag." I muttered before a shaft of wood knocked me into unconsciousness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Groaning, I awoke and immediately wished I hadn't. I was being dragged by one of the dogs along a cave system. As my body woke up I spotted my knife in the lead dog's paw. I looked around the cave as we entered a cavern. Cold, dimly lit, and ponies and other creatures of all ages forced to dig. I even saw a group of children chipping away at a wall, before a dog cracked one of the with his whip, barking a command out. As the child fell to the ground, crying out in pain, the dog went to whip him again. I closed my eyes to block out the horrendous sight, flinching every time I heard the whip crack against flesh.

Groot...Blood, you guys better find me. These bastards deserve what's coming to them.

"Hey!" I yelled out as we left the cavern behind.

The lead dog turned and glared at me as I was dropped to the ground. "What?!"

I grinned, time to have some fun with these fuckers. "Sit."

"I not follow your orders!"

"Sit, you mutt!"

"I not mutt!" He snapped, clenching his...paw...hand, hand it is. Clenching his hand into a fist.

"You're right, you're a bitch!" He snarled and raised his hand to punch me when I started playing my cards. "Although...there is a little something that I haven't been telling you." I smirked.

His hand froze in the air. "What?" He hissed.

"Well...it isn't exactly for anyone's ears. And you, my good sir, are worthy of hearing my secrets."

"Secrets?"

I smiled, "Ah, but of course! You see...not all raccoons can speak, can they? I am special. I...well, I'm afraid I cannot tell you with so many...unworthy beings around."

I saw a glint in his eye as he barked for the guards to leave. After they had complied he spoke again. "There. Now tell!"

I decided to play my ace. "You see...I am magical. I grant any wish to those I deem worthy and you...are." If this moron falls for this I'll give myself a fucking medal.

"Wish? Me wish for power to rule pack! Become Alpha!" I get a fucking medal!

I raised an eyebrow, "I'm afraid it isn't that simple. I'm low on energy and I need food and drink to be able to grant your wish."

He nodded enthusiastically, "Yes, yes! Will get you food, wish raccoon!" He went and grabbed a guard dog...guard-dog, and barked out a command. "Food is on way! Wish!"

I sighed, "I'm still too weak. I need time to recover."

"Yes! Of course! Anything else?"

"I need a pile of cheese shaped like my head."

"Right!" He charged off and came back surprisingly quickly with my demand.

Oh. Uh...that was unexpected. "Last thing I need is a group of monkeys dancing the Rivergold."

"A...monkeys...of course!"

I laughed hard as he ran off to fulfill my command. There's no way he could get that!

Ten minutes later, he returned after I'd had a quick meal. And he was with a group of monkeys. Uh...what? The monkeys then began dancing the Rivergold. As they danced I began to enjoy it and when they finished I clapped.

One of the monkeys bowed before grabbing a bag off of the dog and pulling out a stone. Throwing it on the ground all the monkeys disappeared. Huh. Magical rune?

The dog, grinned and strolled up to me. "Wish!"

"You just have to answer one question before I can grant your wish." I said, spotting something behind him.

"What?"

"What happens when a tree falls on a dog?" I grinned. "Smash." He opened his mouth just as Groot clobbered him across the room. "About time you got here!"

"" He said, shrugging.

I took note of the faint roaring of a crowd in the distance. "Oh. Where's Blood?"

He shrugged, ""

"Huh. He really lost it?" I asked. Strange, he seemed like he had it together. Somewhat.

Groot nodded, "" Groot shook his head. ""

"I need my blasters, Groot! I dropped them earlier!" I yelled, switching the topic to something a little more important.

"" Groot reached into his chest and pulled out my blasters, throwing them to me.

"Oh, baby, daddy's missed you." I purred, cocking the weapons.

Groot gave me a look, ""

"Oh, you know you love it." I joked, snatching my knife from the idiot's corpse. "Let's roll!" Running back to the cavern I jumped on top of a nearby crate, "Sup, bitches?!" I yelled, blasting slavers. "I'm sorry, but this mine has run dry!" I sprayed down a couple of dozen of guards. "That's right! Run, you bastards! RUN!!!" I roared, shooting wildly as the mutts ran for cover and safety.

"" Groot asked.

"They tried to make me a slave, Groot! Me! A slave!"

He rolled his eyes, ""

I grinned, "Yeah, let's teach these dogs to heel!"

""

"You're just jealous of my style!"

"<Style...Yeah, sure, whatever.>"

I ignored his snark and chased after the goons, "COME BACK HERE, YOU WANKSTAINS!!!" I thundered down several corridors, only to see the dogs just turn a corner each time. "GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!!!" I roared. Yelling a wordless roar I sprinted around the corner and came to a screeching stop, my roar dying out.

There was about fifty dogs with weapons glaring at me.

I quickly turned and ran away, screaming as the howls of the ambush followed hot on my tail. "NOT GOOD, NOT GOOD!!!" I screamed. "GROOOOT!!! HEEELP!!!" I shot from the tunnel, speeding past Groot and back behind the crate I'd stood on earlier. "DO SOMETHING!!!"

He just shook his head. "" He said, his hands on one side of the wall by the tunnel.

I began to panic as the roars of dogs began to grow loud. "Groot! They're going to be out here any second!"

Then, surprisingly, he grinned, "" He suddenly yanked his hands away from the wall, a long thick root coming with him and the tunnel collapsed onto the dogs, both blocking them and crushing those that were unlucky.

I just stared. "...You...that's..." I chuckled softly. "Nice job."

""

"What, I'm not as important as the others?" I joked.

"<...No.>"

"Alright then, let's get out of here."

"Wait!" A voice cried out.

I turned and saw a female dog, coat as white as snow, her deep green eyes were...certainly eye catching. She was wearing a black jacket, her muscles bulging beneath it, she didn't have as bulky build as the guards, but she was still quite imposing. And...she looked hopeful.

I trained my blaster on her. "Slaver." I snarled.

She gave a disgusted look. "I'm no slaver. We have little time, there's some more slaves hidden nearby, if we act quickly we can save them! But...I need your...assistance."

I raised an eyebrow, my interest perked but I still kept the blaster trained on her. "Oh? And why would you want to free slaves?"

She spat on the ground. "I hate these bastards. This entire Clan. But if I attack them or disobey orders then they'll kill my brother. He's being kept with the other slaves. Come on!" She snarled.

Groot took a step towards her, raising an arm, ""

I raised a paw, stopping Groot. "No. I...think she's telling the truth." I looked her over, she was...worried. "We'll help."

She sagged with relief, "Thank you." She pointed to a nearby tunnel, "It's this way.

"" Groot muttered.

"Oh, come on, Groot! You'd really leave an innocent behind? I thought you were more caring that that." I chuckled.

""

The dog sighed, "I'm guessing he's saying that he doesn't trust me or something? I don't blame him. But I am not leaving my brother behind!"

I nodded, "Right. Let's go then." As we set off in a light run I asked, "What should we call you?"

"The name's Sasha. Listen, I don't have the time to play nicey nice!" She snarled. "My brother is in danger! What part of that did you not get?!"

"Alright, fine!" I muttered. "Just trying to make conversation. Where abouts is he?"

"Just up ahead." As we ran I noticed her tail was cut in half and her back was peppered with scars. What happened to her? She stopped by a wall with a torch on it. "Here we are. You better be ready, I don't know if there'll be guards in there or not."

I nodded, pulling out my blasters again. "We're ready."

With that, she pulled the orch down and a section of the wall slid open and I spotted several guards stood in front of several occupied cages turning towards us. "Here's a chew toy, dog breath!" I yelled, firing, making sure not to hit the cages or their occupants.

"KILL PRISONERS!!!" A dog yelled, turning his blade towards the cages.

"NO!!" Sasha yelled, diving at the guards, forcing me to stop my fire. Damn it! Holstering my blasters I pulled out my knife and ran at the guards, slashing their exposed flesh and dodging their primitive attacks. So predictable. They really should learn to stop telegraphing their attacks.

After we relived the guards of their lives Groot ripped the fronts of the cages off, freeing their occupants. But Sasha was only focused on one prisoner. A sickly thin dog with the same white coat as hers. His eyes flickered open

"Brother!" She cried, rushing towards the sickly thin dog. "Brother, are you okay?"

He coughed, "S...Sis...heh..." He broke out into a coughing fit. "I...I always knew...you'd save...me..."

Sasha gave a soft smile, "Hey, I always said I was going to get you out of here. Come on, we're out of here."

"I...don't think I can walk, sis." He coughed.

"Then I'll carry you!" She yelled, lifting him onto her back. "Let's go!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leaving was easy with Sasha leading us out, as we got out into the fresh air I saw that it had stopped raining. Sasha gave a small smile. "Well, this is goodbye. See you around, kid." She said, carrying her brother off.

"I'll remember this!" Her brother called out. "I won't forget!"

Me and Groot looked at each other before chuckling and catching our breath when I heard loud footsteps coming from the cave exit. I grabbed my knife and prepared to stab the dog that showed up.

Instead Blood burst out and raised his axe, ready for a fight. When he saw us, though, he lowered it as I holstered my knife. "Well..." Blood panted. "That was...fun. Although you said a few bandits, not an entire base of Diamond Dog slavers."

I raised my paws, "Hey, I had no idea there was base here! We only just got here yesterday! We don't know the layout!"

He scoffed, "Amateurs." He smiled, "Despite that, I enjoyed fighting alongside you two. You have need my help again, all you have to do is ask."

I nodded, "The same goes for us. Uh...if I knew how to travel like that." I shrugged.

He looked at me thoughtfully for a second. "I...may have an idea." He pulled out a dagger and crouched down. "Give me your hand." Raising an eyebrow I complied and winced as he made a small cut on my palm. "Let's see." He mused, touching the blood that leaked out of the small wound. He spread the blood on his palm before putting his hands together. "Let's hope this works." He muttered, moving his hands apart.

Revealing a red crystalline blaster.

I blinked. "I-what-how-you-HUH?!" I...you...How did he do that?!

He just grinned, fastening the crystal blaster around his neck with one of the spare pieces of string and yarn he had hanging around his neck. "If I ever need your help I'll smash this. It should...I don't know, teleport you to my location, that's what happened to me, at least." He took his dagger, once again, and cut his own palm and repeated the process, afterwards he handed me an identical blood-filled vial to the one I'd smashed earlier.

I smirked, placing it around my neck. "Let me guess, I smash this and beg for you help, claiming that you're my only hope?"

He chuckled, shaking his head. "If you really want to." His body began to dissolve into blood again. "Ah, so that's how I go back. I'll see you guys around." His body finished becoming blood and shot up into the air, disappearing.

"" Groot commented.

I nodded, "Yeah. More than it should have been. So, you know the way from here?"

Groot stared at me. "" He said dryly.

I snorted, "See! That's sarcasm! You're getting it!"

""

I nodded and we set off once again, into through the forest.

Our adventure having taken it's first big step. We'd rescued a boatload of slaves, made our first two allies, and grown as a team.

Author's Note

There we go! The first crossover chapter! Blood is from The Beast Of Blood And Rage by FoxWithAMask.
Me.
Yes, I did a crossover with my own characters, so sue me for it.
See you next time!