Celestial Horse Racing Hunger

by Eris H Discordia

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 4428

Celestia is a big mare. And the days of sipping tea and biting apple cupcakes have finally gotten a bit boring to her.

When Twilight hears of Celestia's hunger problems, she vows to do everything she can to satisfy the mare's barbaric hunger. Can the young princess feed her mentor's hunger in time before it's too late?

Published 2014-10-26 18:40:05 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-16 01:44:56 UTC

The Only Chapter is Best Chapter

Twilight Sparkle awoke in a dark cell, seeing nothing but her mentor and ruler, Princess Celestia, standing before her. "I'm sorry, Twilight, but since you have failed to find a meal to keep my hunger quelled, you shall be used as a sacrifice to the deity ponified by my hunger!" Celestia exclaimed, as a sick smile stretched across her lips. "And it can only be you. The most ripe of all the Alicorns Princesses! Twilight Sparkle!"

Twilight nervously looked to Celestia, noticing that her wings and legs are clamped down, preventing her from moving, but the fear of what to come was keeping her from doing so much as blinking. She nearly soiled herself, but Celestia used a spell to constrict all of her muscles, preventing her from being able to do anything. "But, Princess! Surely, there are thousands of alternatives! You don't have to do this!" Twilight shouted, forcing the words to project as she could barely speak.

Celestia stepped closer and closer, the crazed look of a hungry tiger in her eyes. She used her magic to prepare a fork and a knife. "Oh, no, Twilight! I have to do this... Surely, a thousand years of sipping tea and eating pea-sized sweets won't hold the hunger of a mare as big as me, right?"

Twilight begged for Celestia to stop and let her go, but the Sun pony minded not her pleas, and she got even closer and closer. There was no escape, and Twilight screamed out for somepony, anypony to help her.

"Spike! Did I get any letters from Princess Celestia today?" Twilight asked her handy friend and dragon legend, Spike, who ran to her to provide for her some news.

"Afraid not, Twilight," Spike said. "What exactly were you expecting today?"

"Oh, nothing," Twilight replied, "I just wanted to make sure that today was a day that I had to learn a lesson about friendship."

Spike seemed confused, he saw that Twilight was making a card for Princess Celestia, on which was written,

Thanks a lot for raising the sun for like, a thousand years!

PS:will thank with love some day soon.

PPS:I have no money

"Hey, you were gonna make me send that weren't you?" Spike questioned her, and then Twilight blushed and tried to cover up the card with her wings. "Twilight! Don't make me bother Princess Celestia for pointless things like that!"

"It's not pointless, Spike! But I think we need to give Princess Celestia some thanks for all she's done for us," Twilight said, letting Spike see the card, it had sparkling glitter all over it. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"No," Spike groaned, "and you're not making me send that."

Twilight sighed, then started for the door, "Fine." She left, leaving the card with Spike, who picked it up to get a better glance at it.

"Eyeck," he said, throwing the card away,"something is wrong with everyone nowadays... am I the only normal one around here?"

Twilight was flying above Ponyville, now able to control her flight better, and noticed the Cutie Mark Crusaders chasing Derpy Hooves, who was running away from them. "What in Equestria is going on down there?!" she shouted, bulleting downwards towards the chase and stopping everypony in their tracks.

"Now girls! Get 'er!" Applebloom shouted as she, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo jumped on Derpy, who tried to get away, but Scootaloo used rope to tie her down.

"What are you girls doing?" Twilight questioned them sternly, but the fillies paid no attention to her. They were only concerned about getting their cutie marks.

"Hey, Applebloom, Scootaloo!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed, her voice cracking as usual in its adorable fashion. "Did I at least get my cutie mark? I think I should've, since I'm the one that found her!"

"Derpy's a girl?" Applebloom asked them.

"I'm whatever you want me to be," Derpy said, srunching her nose slightly. "I only wanted to deliver some mail...to my own house... again."

"Yeah! I got her mail and delivered it, so I think I should have a cutie mark now!" Applebloom exclaimed, twirling around in circles to see if she got her cutie mark.

"But I was the one who finally managed to get her down! If anything, I should have the biggest cutie mark out of all of you!" Scootaloo yelled, as her small wings flapped frantically. "All you guys did was run, but I was actually trying to catch her!"

"Oh were you, Scootaloo?" Sweetie Belle questioned the chicken. "All I saw was a chicken running around with its head cut off!"

"Stop with the chicken jokes! It's been like, three years! Leave it alone!"

Twilight intervened, "GIRLS!" The chaos stopped, and the girls had their eyes pointed at the alicorn before them.

"Hiiii, Twilight," Derpy said, bouncing away as she was tied up, managing to escape.

"What were you guys doing to Derpy?" Twilight questioned the fillies, who all looked to the ground solemnly.

Applebloom stepped up first to speak, "We were trying to get our cutie marks in pony-hunting!"

"That's ridiculous," Twilight sighed deeply, shaking her head in disappointment.

Sweetie Belle hit Scootaloo upside the head. "I told you!"

Scootaloo winced, then stepped away from Sweetie Belle.

"We just really want our cutie marks now... it's been so long, and we still haven't gotten anything!" Applebloom told Twilight. "We've been at this for four seasons... I'm startin' to think we'll never get our cutie marks..."

"We've told you about as many times as you little fillies have tried," Twilight replied to them with a smile, "when you all realize your life long talents, your cutie marks will come to you. Like when I realized that I had a very special talent in magic, I got this twinkling star cutie mark to show for it!" Twilight showed the Crusaders her star cutie mark.

The Crusaders took a moment to think, after looking at Twilight's cutie mark. Now the Cutie Mark Crusaders had questions for Twilight, now that she was officially a legit princess of Equestria now. They hopped off topic about how they could get their cutie marks, but again on how other ponies got theirs.

"Hey, Twilight, do you know how Princess Celestia got her cutie mark?" Sweetie Belle asked. "It's a sun, isn't it?"

Twilight opened her mouth to speak, but found she had no answer. She never thought to ask Celestia how she got her cutie mark. "Actually, I don't really know..."

"Wait!" Applebloom exclaimed, running up to Twilight to jump on her. "Can't we get Spike to send a letter asking her how she did? And maybe we can learn how Luna got her's too!"

"That's a great idea! Then maybe we can do what they did and get cutie marks in raising the sun and moon!" Sweetie Belle shouted in glee. "C'mon, Twilight! You gotta write her a letter, now!"

Twilight sighed, "You guys are so lucky that I want to know too, or else I wouldn't be doing this. I can't really abuse Spike's special ability for something like this..." Until she remembered earlier what had happened. "Well, c'mon to my house so you guys can make your letter."

The Cutie Mark Crusaders followed Twilight back to her house/castle whatever thing, in awe in its splendor and shininess. "Wow, you actually get to live here?" Sweetie Belle asked her, to which Twilight nodded in assent.

"Cool! I'm thinking about getting a crib like this, instead of that crappy tree house I live in, alone," Scootaloo said with solemnity. "I mean, does anypony wanna ask me, at least, why I live alone? In a treehouse!"

"Scootaloo, you know none of that is true," Sweetie Belle giggled, patting Scootaloo on the back with a bit of force.

"Sorry about that," Scootaloo replied, then said with a bit of sass, "I thought I could get my cutie mark in lying."

Sweetie closed in on her. "Was that a lie?"

"Do knight's program computers?"

"What? Scootaloo,... did you just break the--"

"Girls, could you quiet down a bit?" the apple filly said, looking around for that dragon of Twilight's. She looked up directly to spot Spike sitting upon the chandelier hanging from the ceiling, reading a book. "Hey Spike! Can we borrow you for a second?"

Spike came down, without hurting himself from the fall, he put a bookmark to the page he was on and threw the book into its place on the bookshelf. "What's up?" he asked with his hands on his hips. He was feeling a bit cooler today, as anypony could see.

"We wanna write a letter to Princess Celestia!" the CMC fillies all exclaimed simultaneously. "We wanna ask her a serious question!"

Three hours later after much drafting and added thoughts to what was supposed to end about three hours ago before the credits, Twilight and the Cutie Mark Crusaders finally managed to finish composing the letter to Princess Celestia, which was mostly just a "short summary" of the Cutie Mark Crusaders' attempts at obtaining their cutie marks.

"You guys are writing too much! That's it for today!" Twilight ordered them. "Spike, your wrists must be in pain. You can go use an "IHot n' IIcy" in the kitchen if you want. After you send the letter."

Spike muttered angrily to himself, sending the letter to Celestia, then going into the kitchen to find the relaxer he so wanted. Meanwhile, the Cutie Mark Crusaders stayed sitting in the living room.

"You guys will have to leave," Twilight said.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders all gasped, "Why? !" They flopped down, demanding seemingly a story behind whatever the answer Twilight would decide to give. But before Twilight could answer, the doorbell to her castle began ringing at 50 rings per second. Wondering who would do such an asinine thing at such a late time, Twilight prepared to punch in the face whoever was daring do to bother her at this time. She opened the door, about halfway, when a pair of hooves pulled her to the outside and locked the door from the outside, stopping the CMC from escaping and being nosy.

"Princess Celestia! What are you doing here?" Twilight questioned the Princess, who covered her mouth, grabbing her and flying up to a solitary cloud in the sky for them to stand on without being bothered.

"Twilight Sparkle! I am so pleased that you sent such a passionate letter about how you and those little fillies want to know how I got my cutie mark, but I have a much bigger problem!" Celestia cried, pinching Twilight's cheeks.

Twilight got out of Celestia's hold and asked, "No problem too big or too small to keep me from helping you out! So, what do you request? Are there more enemies against which we must use the Elements of Harmony to defeat? Or has Canterlot been put on lockdown due to a terrorist who wants to become God? I don't care what it is, I'm up for whatever!"

"I'm... hungry..." Celestia said lowly and shamefully.

"Is that so?" Twilight replied, deeply in thought. "Then why did you take me out of the house, I have plenty of food and drinks in there!"

Celestia put a hoof over Twilight's mouth, telling her to shhhhhh. She began whispering, "With what you've been through with those fillies, do you really think we'd make it to the kitchen with all of their questions?"

"But surely it wouldn't take long," Twilight replied quietly.

"How long did it take you to write that letter?"

"Oh... good point..."

The Cutie Mark Crusaders and Spike ran out of the house calling out Twilight's name. Celestia and Twilight saw this from above, and Celestia got Twilight and herself to crouch down to prevent themselves from being seen.

"Maybe she ran away to escape from us?" Applebloom speculated.

"Then we have to ask everypony where she could be?" Sweetie Belle inquired.

"But surely we can't drive anypony else away," Scootaloo said.

"You guys have fun looking for her, I'm going over to Sugarcube Corner," Spike groaned, closing and locking Twilight's front door. "If you guys ever find her, let me know."

The Crusaders took off to search for Twilight, happy they were finally going to properly express their pony-hunting skills.

The two Alicorns rose again, looking to one another, then to the scattering group below.

"Should we do something about that? They could really get into some serious trouble!" Twilight informed Princess Celestia, who looked at the sunset she was midway through completing until she came to Ponyville. "If those fillies keep searching until the night, who knows what could happen!"

"Have you forgotten so easily, Twilight?" Celestia questioned her with a smile, using her magic to slowly rise the sun back up into the sky.

"B-b-b-b....B-b-b-but Princess Celestia! Wouldn't this in of itself cause some serious trouble?!" Twilight cried.

"Don't worry, everypony'll just blame it on Discord," Celestia replied, "now... we literally have a thousand years to solve this hunger problem of mine, I'm going to transform into another guise of myself!" Celestia's magic covered her body, making her smaller and giving her an off-white coloring to her fur, as well as a pink, slightly curly mane. She kept her unicorn horn, though it was as small as Twilight's, and her pegasus wings.

"Did you just transform into Twinkleshine?" Twilight asked her mentor.

"Twilight! I AM Twinkleshine," Celestia replied, "so call me Twinkleshine when we go out into public."

"But, I don't get it. Twinkleshine was one of the ponies under Queen Chrysalis' spell, and when that happened, you were there! It was at the Canterlot Wedding!"

"Twilight, you have a lot to learn about the capabilities of Alicorn magic... just come with me down to the ground so we can find something for me to eat..."

Twilight and Twinkleshine (Celestia) walked around Ponyville as all the ponies were still selling their merchandise, despite the obvious re-rising of the sun. "Wow, it's like they don't even notice!" Twilight said, looking around at the ponies still interacting and full of energy.

"It's a proven fact that ponies much prefer the daytime over night," Twinkleshine said, but in Celestia's voice. "But, are you sure about taking it upon yourself to feed me? I must warn you, Twilight, my appetite is really a deadly one to be reckoned with."

"Oh, no, Princess Celestia...um, I mean Twinkleshine... I have to do this! Surely a thousand years of sipping tea and eating pea-sized sweets won't hold the hunger of a mare as big as you," Twilight replied rather happily.

Twinkleshine laughed, "You're right, my little pony." She glanced at a stand Applejack was standing behind, selling apple pies and large caramel apples. Twinkleshine immediately darted to the stand, putting 80 gold bits upon the table. "How much will this get me?"

"Well, you just bought the entire batch," Applejack said, putting the forthy apple pies onto the counter and watching Twinkleshine eat them all. "Oh hey, Twilight! You know this here pony?"

"Oh, yes, this is Princess... Twinkleshine," Twilight replied with a nervous smile. "She's... visiting from her... um, her kingdom of the Star Empire to... for some royal affairs! Yes, she's an... ambassador?"

"Why, Yes!" Twinkleshine assented, finishing the last pie. "Why, you must be Applejack of Ponyville's famed Apple Farm! I've heard you and your family make the absolute best apple-related sweets in all of Equestria!"

"Well, I wouldn't say we're the best, but we sure do make a mean apple pie, and apple everything else," Applejack said, "our apples are the pride and joy of the Apple Farms!"

Twinkleshine burped loudly, and put more bits upon the table. "What else do you have?" she asked Applejack.

"Princess Cele...ry...Twinkleshine! We can't eat all of Applejack's merchandise from every other pony, and on top of that, we have literally a hundred of other places to try!" Twilight said, trying to pull Twinkleshine away, but she was so heavy. Almost like she was gaining weight but not showing it at all. Maybe that's why she was so hungry, eh?

"My appetite is the size of a whale, and I'm sure our dear little Applejack wouldn't mind if we giver her more of our patronage," Twinkleshine said, as Applejack presented before her a selection of dozens of apple-themed sweets. She then proceeded to eat them all, much to Applejack's delighted surprise.

"Princess Celery Twinkleshine, I am honored to speak on the behalf of the Apple Farm that we enjoy your patronage!" Applejack exclaimed, putting the bits into a bag labeled "Hootin' Tootin'". "But I'm afraid you ate all of our goods... we'll have to make more for tomorrow... or... the rest of today... Darn sun's acting up again!" Applejack rolled her stand and the bag to the road to the Apple Farm.

Twinkleshine immediately began to follow Applejack. "Surely, this Apple Farm is full of these apples, are they not?"

"Princess Twinkleshine! We can't inconvenience Applejack anymore by eating all of her food! Do you even have the money to pay for more? Your country wouldn't be pleased to know that you are spending their hard, hard-earned tax dollars on sweets, now would they?" Twilight inquired, trying to pull Twinkleshine back, but to no avail.

"Oh, silly Princess Twilight! You're only making me hungrier," Twinkleshine replied, continuously strutting cheerily down the road to follow Applejack. "And don't worry about my finances, the ponies of the Star Empire don't need to know, now do they? "

Twilight gave up trying to stop Twinkleshine, and stayed outside when Applejack lead Twinkleshine into the Apple Farm where the Apple Family made their apple themed treats. "Be careful, Applejack!" Twilight shouted.

"Oh Twilight, what do I gotta be careful for? I'm only givin' a lil' tour of the farm for Princess Celery Twinkleshine!" Applejack replied, as she and Twinkleshine entered the barn.

"This here is where we keep the doohickey to make the apple pies!"

"Ooo! Is it edible?!"

"I...um... I don't believe so."

"Oh, and what about this lever here?"

"That controls the speed which the apple pies are made... we usually don't use it, but on days like these we gotta! I'm out sellin' our merch, and some pony's gotta be here to make the pies... so we bought this thing."

"So, aside the pies, what else do you make?"

"Well, there's everything you ate from the stand..."

"Found it! Now, I'll pull the lever..."

"Wait, no! If you do that, then--"

Many crashes and clattering could be heard, and Twilight merely shook her head in disappointment, looking to the door of the barn, where Twinkleshine flew out, dragging a bag of sweets with her.

"Princess Cele...ry Twinkleshine! What are you doing?" Twilight cried, stamping her hooves down in anger. "Did you even pay for all of that food?!"

Twinkleshine nodded and opened the bag, jumping inside and devouring all that rested within it. She came back out, wiping her mouth with a handkerchief, and gave a magnificent burp of contempt. "Oh dear me, excuse my rudeness."

"Rudeness, she says," Twilight murmured, walking away from the farm's direction. "Now please, can we go somewhere else, I don't think Applejack survived your raid."

Twinkleshine giggled, "I don't think she did either! But you're right, let's move on!"

The two princesses walked back to the middle of the village, where the merchants were. Twinkleshine ran up to a stand which sold hay, then to one that sold fresh grass, and even one that sold cultured and peppered spider webs! But there was literally no pleasing this mare, no matter what Twilight tried. It seemed useless at this point.

"I can partially understand you still being hungry after eating the entirety of the Apple Farm and probably Applejack, but I don't get how you're still hungry after eating at EVERY FOOD STAND IN EQUESTRIA!" Twilight yelled, falling onto a bench to sit down for a while to catch her breath. She took a deep breath and finally said, "Princess Celestia--"

"Twinkleshine."

"--Twinkleshine, don't you think you've eaten enough?"

Twinkleshine looked to Twilight, with a sad look of disappointment on her face. "Why do you say that? Are you not happy that we got to finally spend some time together?"

Seeing her mentor like this had broken Twilight, no, not seeing her disappointed with her rude indifference, but the fact that Twinkleshine (Celestia) was as hungry as a dragon smoking cannabis. She vowed to do anything to help her mentor get what she wanted, but it had been day for 48 hours now, and she was still hungry. If anything, Twilight believed that feeding her appetite only made it grow.

"Ummm, Princess Twinkleshine! If we keep feeding you, then you will only become hungrier!" Twilight shouted, spreading her wings to show authority to her queen. She then folded her wings and bowed before Twinkleshine, who turned back into her original Celestia form, to get her attention. "It may sound absurd, but I think that you knew the only reason why you ate so little these thousand years is because deep down you knew that only eating more would somehow make your appetite unfeedable, like a... like,... a monster's!"

Celestia smiled, she approached Twilight and nudged her head with her own, bringing her back up. "You may be onto something! But then, since I've fed myself so much, how can we quell my hunger? Surely all this food sitting in my digestive tract will beg to differ being left alone to dissolve into nothingness."

Twilight stood tall, now happy to get her mentor back to her sensible mentality. "I think the Elements of Harmony can help us with our problem! They show the ability and power to quell any negative force and make it susceptible to order and harmony, hence their name!"

"That's a wonderful idea!" Celestia jumped for joy. "How can I ever repay you for your kindness?"

"It's fine, Princess Celestia. I think I've done this to repay all you've done for me, for my friends, for Ponyville, and for Equestria as a whole! But enough, we must find the rest of my friends so we can use the Elements of Harmony!"

Celestia noticed that Twilight had flashed her wings again. Her large wings, even bigger and fuller than Rainbow Dash's. They displayed power and swiftness, and surely Twilight was practicing the flight patterns which Rainbow Dash herself set up for her. They had to be strong. "Twilight, what beautiful wings you have!" Celestia exclaimed in her royal Canterlot voice.

Twilight blushed, rubbing her left wing with her hooves. "Yeah, thanks! I think they're fine too, but sometimes I do miss being a plain ol' unicorn. You know?"

Celestia licked her lips, lightly grabbing Twilight's right wing and tugging on it. "Oh, it's just that it's been so long since I was full, and I thought... to umm... compliment you on your beautiful wings!"

Twilight giggled, walking forward a distance.  "No time to talk, Princess Celestia, we have to find my friends and use the Elements of Harmony to quell the hunger of your appetite!" Twilight turned around and saw Princess Celestia looking downwards, seemingly deep in thought. "Um... Princess Celestia? You okay there?"

"How could I be so blind?" Celestia murmured, looking up to Twilight and laughing loudly. She slowly approached Twilight, who now backed away nervously, chuckling and scratching the back of her head with a single hoof.

"Princess Celestia! I... I don't know what you're thinking, but please! Consider using the Elements of Harmony!" Twilight cried out, trying to fly away, but Celestia easily caught her with her magic, which was too powerful for the purple alicorn to break out of. "Prin...cess... Celestia! What are you doing to me? ! Let... me... go!"

"Meat is what will quell my hunger, and those wings of yours... so succulent and juicy!" Celestia exclaimed, biting Twilight's right wing, making Twilight scream loudly in discomfort. "Oh dear me! I was right! You are delicious!"

Twilight tried to escape from Celestia's magical energy prison, but it was useless. "Prin-Princess Celestia! Don't do this! Surely the magic of the Elements of Harmony can help! Please, consider the alternatives--"

"You go on and on about this magic and how it helps us so much... but I now want you not to teach me how good magic is... but how good meat is!" Celestia shouted in a lustful delight, proceeding to drag the screaming Twilight, trying her hardest to grab onto anything that she can to help, away to an unknown location.

"We've found nothing, Cutie Mark Crusaders," Applebloom said solemnly as they drank smoothies at a café. She looked to the sky and noticed that the sun was setting awfully quickly. "That's unusual..."

"Hey! Maybe we can lure her with books!" Scootaloo exclaimed.

"But we've already checked all of the libraries, if she wasn't there, then she can't be anywhere! We might as well just give up," Sweetie Belle sighed, finishing her smoothie before the others. "Well, it's getting dark girls, I'm going back home. See ya tomorrow."

"Sweetie Belle, wait!" Applebloom cried, but Sweetie Belle kept walking on.

Scootaloo jumped out of the seat after finishing her smoothie, waving goodbye to Applebloom. "Yeah, maybe she's just out of town... Who knows? She might turn up tomorrow."

"But... wait! I have to say--" Applebloom gave up speaking as Scootaloo hopped on her scooter and sped off to her treehouse, alone. "But... it is tomorrow..."

A plate with a single muffin on it was pushed under Applebloom's nose, it was freshly baked and smelled delicious. The filly looked up to see who it was from, and it was from Derpy, who was accepting the unsaid apology of Applebloom. Applebloom tried to apologize for earlier, but Derpy shook her head and pointed to the muffin. Applebloom began crying and flopped down on the table, crying. Derpy pat her mane and bow, then ate the muffin for her.

The sun had finally set, and the moon had risen.

end.

Meta Short

"Luna! What is up with this here story?" Celestia asked Luna as she entered the room.

Luna looked at the story which Celestia was speaking of. "Oh, Faust... not this again. Let it go already, Tia."

Celestia pointed to the screen and wailed, "I must know why it exists! Why does it portray me in such a way? Why does it--"

boop.

Celestia looked to the screen and saw only one word:

UPDATE.