The blissful ignorance of sleep slowly receded, giving way to a bludgeoning pain battering the inside of my skull. Fuck me sideways. I’d had hangovers before—many, many hangovers, as you can probably imagine—but this particular morning had me convinced that my brain was going to fall out of my arse.

Coffee was most certainly needed. Lots of coffee. With a primal grunt that turned into a surprisingly accurate impression of a South African baboon, I sat up. Or, at least, I attempted to. What actually happened is I ended up twatting my forehead against something long, hard, and slightly warm.

“Wuzzah?” I grunted, squinting in an attempt to get my sleep crusted eyes to focus. A long, spiral engraved alabaster horn came into focus, protruding from a large amount of strawberry-scented, gloriously pink mane.

Felix was straight up sprawled all over me. Her hind legs were shamelessly straddling my waist beneath the covers, her barrel pressed to my chest. Heat radiated from her, so much so that I was covered in a thin layer of sweat. Her fur was so soft against my skin. It still annoyed the fuck out of me how much I liked that.

Something clicked in my lagging brain. My hands shot to my waist, and I silently thanked Jesus’ left flip flop I still had my boxer shorts on.

Felix began to stir in her sleep, her hind legs clamping about my waist and her muzzle burrowing into my neck. The action sparked an internal struggle for me. Don’t get a boner. Don’t get a boner. Don’t get a—well, shit.

Who was I kidding? My cock was harder than a graphene-coated metallic glass battering ram. Not that such a thing existed.

I tried to ignore how torturously amazing her soft, warm pony bits felt pressed against my junk. Suffice to say, it was rather difficult. I resorted to trying to recall just how the hell I’d ended up in bed with her in the first place.

I remembered going to the hot springs in the forest. What was it called? The Garden of Self-Possession? Then those two griffins had shown up. Mythical creatures back home, but as was often the case on Equador, they were a thing here. Weird eagle-crossed-lion creatures, and one of them had looked gnarly as fuck. Like, gnarly as in you wouldn’t want to meet the crazy beak-faced bitch in a dark alley, that’s for sure.

I couldn’t remember anything after that, though. Why was I in bed with Felix, in what looked like her private quarters, no less? Where were my clothes? Did anything happen between us? A small part of me resented the fact I’d have no recollection of such an act if we had.

It was pretty obvious we were in her bedroom. A large desk covered in various blueprints, bottles of ink and quills sat beside her bed, a modest four poster that she currently had me pinned to. The walls were a more pleasant shade of grey than the rest of the base, but were barely visible due to the many posters covering them. Several airships of varying sizes and colour schemes—Buttercup’s ship among them—filled most of the space, save for a large painting of… Felix herself?

Yes. That was indeed a painting of Felix, wearing her choker collar, and a long red gown of some sort, directly opposite her bed. Fuck me if that wasn’t a tad narcissistic. Maybe it was a siren thing?

Shit. Of course. I’d forgotten about the little knowledge bomb she’d dropped last night. I glanced down to her eyes. They were closed. I couldn’t see any blue light. Her maw was slightly open, but devoid of those terrifying fangs. Thankfully, the crazy Prench psychopath was nowhere to be found… for now.

I let out a yawn that turned into a sigh. I could see no way out of my current predicament that didn’t involve an awkward encounter. I was pretty sure my cock was poking into her abdomen. How the hell it hadn’t woken her up was beyond me.

Her scent wasn’t helping, either. She was a walking aphrodisiac at the best of times, but sharing her bed was like some sort of lewd themed party for my nasal passages. Was it possible to get high off of unicorn pheromones? It sure as hell felt like it.

I caved, dragging my fingertips through her coat, caressing the soft, extremely fine fur. It was weird. She felt so delicate, yet I had seen her do things with ease that very few could ever hope to achieve.

This was a pony capable of killing, if that griffin was to be believed. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. The fact that it didn’t seem to bother me was worrying, to say the least. I mean, griffins were supposed to be the bad guys, right?

Felix stirred at my touch, a soft moan escaping her throat. One of her ears flicked, lightly brushing my cheek. It made me smile. I don’t know what prompted me to do it, but I gently brushed my lips over the base of her horn.

The spiral appendage flashed pink for a second, sending a tingling sensation through my lips. I blinked. Did she just cast something?

I waited, but nothing happened. She lay motionless, her breathing slow, breath blowing a pleasant breeze over my neck. “Felix?” I whispered, momentarily holding my breath.

She didn’t respond, save for another adorable ear flick. Was she pretending to be asleep? I wouldn’t put it past her to try and catch me showing a little affection. It wasn’t really my style.

I let out another sigh. Maybe I could roll her off without waking her? Then I’d be free to go and drown myself in coffee.

BANG!

A few things suddenly happened in incredibly quick succession. The door flew open, revealing a slightly out of breath, jasmine-coated pegasus. A flash of pink light damn near blinded me as the room seemed to visually distort, and a low hum of unmistakable power vibrated the surrounding air, causing my heart to thunder in panic. Felix clamped me with all four of her legs, her horn pointed over her back straight at the pegasus in the doorway.

“Woah, woah! That’s Raindrops! Don’t blast her!” I shouted, or at least, I attempted to. What actually came out of my face was more of a slightly hoarse whisper, which was weirdly echoless. What’s more, there was some sort of pink magical force field surrounding the bed. Raindrops’ maw was moving, but no sound made it past the shimmering barrier.

Felix's grip relaxed a little. “Oh, ‘sjust you,” she grunted, her morning voice a little gravelly. The shimmering force field vanished, and sound seemed to burst back into life.

“-supposed to leave ten minutes ago! Spitfire is going to fuck your collective shit up. Get up!”

Felix blinked, attempting to sweep a serious case of bed mane from her face with a forehoof. “What time is it?”

“Eight forty. We have to go, now!” With a swish of her tail, she took flight along the barracks corridor. “I’ll tell her you’re on the way!”

Felix turned back to me. Her eyes peered through the considerable amount of mane still covering her face, a smile that made me slightly uncomfortable forming.

“What?” I muttered.

Her eyelids lowered. “Is that for me?”

“Is what?” I began, before the penny dropped. I scowled.

Felix responded by wiggling her hips, at which point I all but threw her across the bed and dragged myself up to look for my uniform. My feet had barely touched the carpet before the giggling unicorn full body tackled me from behind, sending us both to the floor.

“Will you behave already?” I grunted through gritted teeth. It felt as though someone was hammering an iron stake through the side of my head.

“Aww, does Jacky have a hangover?” she mocked in a motherly tone of voice, her horn igniting. Gravity suddenly ceased to exist, as both Felix and I floated weightlessly in the air. “Drink too much whiskey, did he?”

“Put me down.”

“Not until you brush that chip off your shoulder,” she chuckled, her limbs once again gripping me as she nuzzled my neck.

I supposed she had a point. “You got a miracle cure in your box of tricks?”

“No, but I do have some insight into what happened last night,” she replied, setting us back down on the bed. “Do you remember any of it?”

Fuck. “Did we have sex?”

“Well, I had to teleport you back here. What do you think?” she deadpanned.

A small weight lifted from my chest. Knowing I hadn’t potentially embarrassed myself was something of an unexpected relief. “I need a shower,” I said, playfully flicking one of her ears. I was starting to smell.

“Just through the door on the left,” Felix said, just as playfully snapping at my finger with her maw. She motioned to what was presumably an en-suite. “And hurry up. Spitfire’s probably foaming at the mouth by now.”

* * *

Spitfire, as it transpired, was nowhere to been seen when we finally arrived at the docks. I even thought we’d gotten away with it for a blissful minute or so. Oh, how wrong I was.

WHOOSH—SLAM!

The pissed off pegasus shot down from the sky like a feathery whippet, tackling me to the ground in a fit of accumulated rage. My headache flared painfully at the roughhousing. I still hadn’t had my damned coffee yet.

“Fuck!” I grunted, grabbing a the back of Spitfire’s mane and giving it a good tug, not that it did anything to deter her admonishment.

“Where the buck have you been!” she yelled, her wings flapping angrily, kicking up dust all over my uniform.

“Sleeping, you crazy horse,” I yelled right back, clamping my palms over her frantic wings, carefully avoiding the joints. She was practically sitting on me at this point. I had half a mind to lob away her like a rugby ball, but I doubted that would help the situation.

“You were supposed to be here at eight-hundred hours, like everypony else!”

“We slept in, Captain,” Felix argued my defence, though the immediate gasps of several ponies after the words left her mouth had her slowly closing her eyes in instant regret.

“Shit,” Felix muttered, barely loud enough for anyone to hear. I cringed. Of all the times for common sense to temporarily abandon her…

“Oh, really? You—slept in—did you?” Spitfire questioned, sitting up on my lap and levelling Felix with a heavily exaggerated look of dubious inquisition. Quite a few ponies surrounding the docks began whispering in hushed tones. I could even hear the pegasi hovering about near the air ship’s rigging begin to gossip. Several stallions glanced at me with sour expressions. A few others shared looks of awe, but Reginald looked as though he was about to pop a blood vessel.

“Um, can we move this along, please?” said a small voice from somewhere behind me. Craning my neck back, I realised Buttercup had descended the lift. She was wearing what appeared to be a black seventeenth century Captain’s hat, with gold accenting lining the rim. It was a look that suited her surprisingly well. “We’re nearly half an hour behind schedule.”

“Yes, we best get a move on. These two might start ‘sleeping in’ again, otherwise,” Spitfire snarked, her wings breaking free of my slackened grip. She soared up on to the ship’s deck in less than a second, but not before slapping me in the face with a bunch of her primaries. Ugh… Stupid bird horse.

“Come on, buddy. Up you get,” said a cheery voice.

I turned back to see Warmfront holding out a pristine blue foreleg. His grin was even wider than usual for some reason. “Thanks,” I muttered, taking his hoof and pulling myself to my feet. “Ugh—I’m absolutely covered in dust,” I grumbled, attempting to brush my uniform clean. I needn’t have bothered, however, as a quick flash of pink light removed the dirt in an instant.

“Come on,” Felix urged, nearly headbutting me on to the lift. Her eyes scanned over the many ponies still staring at us as her magic triggered the mechanism. Warmfront, on the other hand, had his wide-eyed gaze fixed on me.

“Can I help you?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at his stalker eyes. The guy had wings. Why the fuck was he even bothering to ride the lift with us?

“I bet you could help a lot of stallions.”

I blinked. “What?” Had he taken too many happy pills this morning?

Felix sighed, her gaze fixed on the surrounding mountains. “He’d better get that bit pool. I’ll turn every comfort stallion into a ferret if he doesn’t.”

Warmfront gasped, slapping both forehooves to his mouth. “So, you guys actually did it?”

The penny dropped. “What are you doing?” I asked Felix. Was this supposed to be a ‘steering into the skid’ kind of deal? I was not okay with this. I didn’t want that money, anyway.

“When it happens, they’d better honour the deal,” Felix finished, stepping onto the Thorn.

Warmfront looked like he was about to explode with excitement. “Yes? No? Tell me already!” he all but yelled, his wings flaring as he watched Felix trot away without so much as a backwards glance.

I rolled my eyes, following Felix onto the ship. I could practically feel the collective gaze of the pegasi crew bearing down on me from above, not to mention the not-so-subtle stares of the earth ponies on deck, but I did my best to ignore them. Ponies could arrive at their own conclusions to their heart’s content. I really didn’t give a shit.

Jessica, Leanne and Jason were already aboard, situated on the quarterdeck, the latter of the three sitting on one of the huge cannons pointed over the side, chatting animatedly to a flight suit-clad Flitter. Upon spotting me, the pegasus spread her wings, slipping off the wooden railing she was perched on and allowing herself to glide down to me. I held out my arms to catch her, but was beaten by a pink bubble. It enveloped her whole, slowing her to a hover.

“Hey!” Flitter mouthed, searching for the culprit. I couldn’t actually hear her.

“Not yet,” Felix muttered, not even bothering to look at Flitter as she trotted by. The bubble vanished, depositing Flitter on the deck in front of me. Not a second later, she leapt into my arms regardless, her wings enveloping my shoulders.

“You really need to learn to share,” Flitter retorted, casting the unicorn a glare, but Felix had already made her way up to the golden wheel of the ship, where Buttercup stood on her hind legs.

The earth mare had one foreleg on a spoke. The other was holding up an amber spyglass, through which she was scoping out a few smaller airships floating off in the distance. “We’re good to go,” she announced, to which Felix responded by flicking one of the levers next to the wheel. A slight creaking sound reverberated through the ship, and I noticed the platform bridging the gap to the lift tower recede into a slot beneath the main deck.

Stowing the spyglass on a small harness around her midriff, Buttercup flicked another lever. The ship suddenly jolted upwards and began to rise at a steady pace, as though it had been eagerly waiting to escape the dock all morning. I would have faceplanted the deck if Flitter hadn’t flapped her wings to steady us.

“Are you still drunk?” the pegasus chuckled, the pink bow in her mane shifting slightly in the breeze.

“Funny,” I deadpanned with a scowl, but seeing Leanne actually fall flat on her face at the sudden departure did brighten my mood a bit. Warmfront, apparently having lost interest in being a nosey pervert, flew up to the quarterdeck to help her.

The Thorn rose higher and higher at Buttercup’s command. I had been told that it was odd even in Equestria for a Captain to be their own helmspony, but it suited Buttercup well. She certainly looked the part, what with the old timey Captain hat and weathered harness. Give her an eyepatch, and she could pass for a pirate.

Our eyes met, and she flashed me a smile. It caught me completely off guard, kind of like a mental slap in the face reminding me just how breathtakingly beautiful she was. I nearly dropped Flitter in my abysmal attempt to appear nonchalant.

“Come on… I… uh, wanna see the view,” I half-coughed, striding to the side of the ship. The Garden of Self-Possession still looked disappointingly similar to a regular old forest in the daytime. I sighed, leaning against one of the large broadside cannons.

Flitter dropped to her forehooves, following me with a smile. “She’s very pretty, isn’t she?”

“What?” I don’t want to talk about this. Why was she making me talk about this? Things were confusing enough with Felix alone. And her. And a few others as well. Shit was fucked.

I shot her a look of mild exasperation. She nodded toward the earth pony Captain regardless. “What’s wrong, Jack?”

I glanced over the landscape. The Thorn wasn’t quite as fast as the Airbus, being limited to a relatively low cruising speed when ponies were above deck. Maximum speed was only ever approved when in a battle, or an emergency. Canterlot was visible on the mountainside, but still a fair distance away. I’d say about half an hour, at least. “Is polygamy really an accepted thing here?”

Flitter flexed her wings, before hopping up onto the cannon with catlike finesse. “Well, if it wasn’t, there’d be a lot of lonely mares out there.”

I paused, trying to think of the best way to convey my point. “Back home, in the culture we used to live in, having multiple partners could get you into a lot of shit,” I clarified, turning back to the pegasus. “I know that’s not the case here, but it still feels… weird.”

Moving closer, she placed a wing over my shoulders. “I think you’ll get used to it. Felix will come around eventually, despite her… possessive streak.”

I snorted. “You don’t know the half of it.”

A brief chuckle escaped Flitter’s maw. “Oh, but I do.”

I gave her a look of scepticism, keeping my mouth shut.

“Come on—voice of an angel, taller than any mare you like that isn’t an alicorn, has a body most mares would kill for, and a temper more volatile than the fires of Tartarus? I know exactly what she is. Everypony who spends any considerable amount of time with her knows what she is, or at the very least—that she’s not your average unicorn. We just don’t talk about it because it’s pretty damn obvious to anyone with two brain cells to rub together that both her and her mother are nothing like the rest of their kind,” Flitter explained, her eyes regarding me with idle curiosity. “She told you, didn’t she?”

I kept my silence. Felix obviously didn’t like talking about it, and I was beginning to find that I didn’t either.

Flitter continued regardless. “Doesn’t matter. What does matter, is that Sirens don’t usually share. But, as I said—Felix is different. I think she’ll be willing, when the time comes,” she said, before gently placing a wing to my chest. She gently placed a hoof to my jaw and kissed me on the cheek, her gaze tracking the orange blur of Spitfire whizzing past. “See you in Canterlot.”

Leaning over the edge of the cannon, Flitter allowed herself to fall from the side of the ship. I nearly had a mini heart attack and attempted to grab her. Then I remembered she could fly. Dumbass.

I sighed, rubbing my palms into my eyes, before gazing up at the vast white expanse of the gas bag. A few pegasi were still stealing glances at me from time to time. I had half a mind to climb up the rigging and slap them in their stupid faces.

One of the ones wearing a flight suit wasn’t even bothering to disguise her glances. I blinked in confusion. “Flitter?” Hadn’t she just left? I glanced in the direction Flitter had just flown off, easily spotting her gliding next to Spitfire, way off in the distance. I gulped.

Oh shit.

The mare perched on the rigging paused indecisively for a moment, obviously aware I was looking at her. I caved, hastily turning my attention to the surrounding mountains, but it was too late. Before I could even get up, she had touched down in front of me.

I was determined not to look at Felix. If Cloudchaser wanted to start some shit, then I would deal with her on my own. One hand gripping the railing, I looked the pegasus dead in the eyes, expecting another shitstorm of anger and aggression. But, that’s not what I found staring back at me.

“Jack,” she began, her delicate whisper barely audible above the wind. Her eyes were wide, with nothing but regret pouring from them. Ears flat to her mane. “I… I think I owe you an apolo-”

“FELIX, NO!”

A siren scream raped my eardrums, just as a terrifyingly loud, magically generated “GONG” sound reverberated through the entire ship, accompanied by a blast of energy so powerful it created a shockwave that ripped through the surrounding air like a serrated blade.

“FUCK!” I yelled, the blast of air dropping me to the deck. Thankfully, the beam of energy had missed Cloudchaser, but not by much. The cannon adjacent to the one I had been leaning on was now a puddle of molten metal, which consequently set the wooden deck on fire in a matter of seconds.

I risked a glance up at the quarterdeck, just in time to see Buttercup violently kick the untethered siren in the face, full force, with both hind legs. If I hadn’t witnessed it, I’d have never believed it. I’m surprised the mare was even capable of walking around properly with those massive balls hanging beneath her tail. Felix shrugged the attack off like somepony had merely thrown a pebble at her, instead aiming her horn once more.

Cloudchaser stood like a deer in the hornlight. Her maw was partly open, and her unblinking eyes were staring at the Prench psychopath in utter confusion. Without thinking, I launched myself at her, just as something travelling way too fast to properly see shot over our heads, slamming into Felix with enough force to propel them both clean through the wall of the Captain’s quarters.

Cloudchaser and I slid a few feet along the deck. I held onto her so tightly I wouldn’t have been surprised if I had cracked one of her ribs, or at least sprained a wing. It’d be completely my fault if Felix killed her. I really didn’t want any more ponies to die because of my drunk ass.

The sound of a scuffle rang from the Captain’s quarters, during which several ponies were yelling, and the siren was screeching like an enraged banshee. I risked another look, keeping Cloudchaser pinned to the deck, my arms cradling her to my chest. All I could see over the quarterdeck railing was a group of ponies gathered around the hole in the wall, that is, until a determined looking Fleetfoot shot out of it, flying straight at me.

I don’t know if it was the shock, or if I had taken one too many knocks to the head, but I inexplicably came to the conclusion that she was trying to offer Cloudchaser up to the enraged siren as some sort of sacrifice.

Fleetfoot flared her wings. She yelled something, but I had no idea what it was. Felix’s screams were too loud, tearing through the air like metal talons, until a loud “CRACK” momentarily broke the din.

The siren appeared in a flash of blue light above the main deck, her eyes lit up like blue spotlights. Fleetfoot took one look at the floating unicorn and grabbed me. I swore a string of curse words, attempting the bat her hooves away. I’d be damned if I let her take Cloudchaser as some sort of blood token. The mare didn’t deserve it.

A dull pain shot through my left shoulder blade. Did she just fucking bite me? I growled in pain and rage. I just wasn’t quick enough. Two earth ponies I didn’t recognise quickly pried Cloudchaser from my arms, dragging her through a trapdoor in the deck. It slammed shut, trapping a few of her feathers.

Something broke in me. An excessive, unrelenting, poisonous rage erupted in my chest. It surprised the hell out of me, but I was completely powerless to stop it. The screaming siren above suddenly grew a lot clearer in my head, a deadly serenade, fuelling the burgeoning torrent of unrelenting anger. I twisted, my flesh tearing, Fleetfoot’s bite too slow to slacken. I swang.

My fist, an actual fucking fist that I had no idea I had even clenched, collided with the side of her face. That alone was enough to break the stupor. The mare stumbled, her jaw whipping to the right, her eyes wide in shock.

All of the blood seemed to drain from my face, my heart sinking in my chest. What the fuck had just happened? I didn’t hit women. No matter what species they were.

Something slammed into my back. It completely knocked the wind out of me, but I barely even felt it. Jasmine forehooves dragged me up, spinning me like a ragdoll through the air and hurling me straight at the screaming siren.

I collided with Felix mid-air, causing us both to sail over the side of the Thorn. Her scream was cut short, and her magic imploded, revealing the red hot glow of her horn tip. Her eyes were just as wide as mine as we began to fall.

* * *

“PONIES OVERBOARD!” Buttercup yelled, her voice considerably louder than it normally was. “Corporal Raindrops—get after them!”

Between Jack giving her a solid left hook, and Buttercup actually sounding like the Captain she had been promoted to, Fleetfoot was having a bit of a weird day. Raindrops darted overboard, and Fleetfoot wasted no time launching herself from the ship as well.

“Lieutenant Reginald, get that fire under control! You, Private Blossom, take the wheel-” Buttercup continued to yell, before the sound of the rushing wind drowned her out.

Fleetfoot rocketed herself down toward the ground at breakneck speed, eventually catching and passing Raindrops altogether. Her eyes scanned the surrounding air, but neither Felix nor Jack were anywhere to be seen. “Fuck!”

With a flare of her wings, she slowed to a hover, eyes desperately combing through the hills below. Not that she actually believed they would have impacted the ground—it was much more likely they had teleported.

Raindrops descended to a hover beside Fleetfoot. “Did it work?” she asked, slightly breathless.

“We can only hope,” Fleetfoot grunted, eyes still frantically searching for any sign of man or unicorn.

“Did he… hit you?”

Fleetfoot smirked. “Well, I did bite him. Can hardly expect him not to take a swing after that.”

Raindrops frowned, her face full of concern. “Even still, that’s not like him.”

“You’re right. But, I don’t think he was himself,” Fleetfoot muttered, finally abandoning her search. She soared upwards, back towards the ship. If her hunch was correct, Felix had a lot more influence over Jack that anyone had previously suspected.

Raindrops fell in position by her flank. “What do you mean?” she yelled over the rushing wind.

“I mean that if it was his touch that eventually calmed her down, then it’s pretty likely that it was her siren rage that made him do it in the first place. It might have infected him.”

“Infected?” Raindrops repeated, as they both touched back down on the quarterdeck.

“Yes. I’m no expert, but that’s what I think happened.”

Felix was a badly kept secret among the Wonderbolts, and certainly a liability. But her talents rendered her invaluable. Fleetfoot had personally addressed calls for her dismissal in the past with a solid “go fuck yourself” attitude.

“Somepony fly ahead and tell Spitfire to come back. We need to solve this Cloudchaser issue,” Fleetfoot called to the ship as a whole.

“No shit,” Buttercup muttered, pointedly glaring at the flaming hole in the main deck of her airship.

* * *

CRACK.

The wind quietened considerably, but didn’t stop altogether. I gasped, gulping down rapid lungfuls of air. I still fucking hated teleporting. Teleporting while falling over a thousand feet was even suckier.

A hard surface greeted my back. Something warm lay against my chest, panting just about as much as I was. “What the fuck just happened?”

The warm lump stirred, her mane in complete disarray and her horn smoking slightly. “I fucked up,” Felix gasped.

A short section of mast protruded through the small deck we were laying on. A quick glance through the perimeter railing confirmed my suspicion. We were on a small platform above the gas bag. “What the hell, Felix!?”

Felix pushed herself to her haunches, her eyes not meeting my gaze. “I don’t know what happened. I saw you talking to her… and she… she just completely flipped her shit.”

I held a palm to my face, certain recollections even more horrifying now I wasn’t full of adrenaline. “I smacked Fleetfoot in the jaw. I… fuck!” Absolute disgust coursed through my body. I wanted to throw myself over the side all over again. “Why the fuck would I do that?”

Felix sighed, gingerly pressing a hoof to the tip of her red-hot horn. I caught a disgusting whiff of burning flesh and fur. “It’s not your fault,” she muttered, eyeing the freshly incinerated hole in her hoof with a dirty grimace.

“Yes it is! I hit her!” Like a wife-beating asshole. I needed to go find her. Tell her I was sorry. Maybe give her a free pass at a shot of revenge. Hell, she’d probably get a kick out of it.

“No, the siren did,” Felix choked, still not looking at me.

“What?” I asked. Of all the things she could have said, I hadn’t been expecting that.

“It’s… not just me she can influence.”

“Are you telling me that she can possess other people?”

Felix closed her eyes for a brief moment, before slowly opening them again, and finally looking at me. “Not others… Just… you.”

My jaw opened and closed a few times. Felix looked like she was actually on the verge of tears, something I’d have never expected of her. Even now, I hated seeing her so upset. An internal battle raged within me. I knew I should feel disgusted. Contaminated, even. But seeing those eyes glaze over, I just couldn’t summon the anger. I didn’t have it in me.

“Why… me?” I managed to croak. Why was I vulnerable to the siren, and not just anyone? Was there something wrong with me? Was I going to make a habit of lashing out at innocent ponies?

Felix peered at me through her messy mane, her ears flatter than I’d ever seen them. Her eyes were almost fearful, but resolute. “You’re my consort,” she whispered. The pendant around her neck seemed to glint at me in the sunlight, as though it had been waiting for her to utter those very words.

I wasn’t even sure I knew what she meant, but I had an idea. Those three words… They alone filled me with more hope than I had ever felt in my life. I was done pretending I didn’t want her, had been for a while now, in fact. She was one half a murdering psychopath, but I just couldn’t bring myself to care. This tiptoeing around each other bullshit would end now. One way or another.

A dull pain radiated through my shoulder blade, but I persevered in the act of pushing myself to a sitting position. Speech had abandoned me, though thankfully had left a healthy dose of determination in its wake. No tells showed on my face. Felix still harboured that same fear, judging by her expression.

I moved a little closer. My palm slid over her cheek, brushing a few of those disobedient pink locks aside. Her eyes widened, one still partly obscured by her mane. I could feel her breath on my lips. Gods, she’s so pretty. A tremble ran through my arm, but I was determined not to bitch out. My eyes closed. Our lips finally met.

The kiss was chaste. At first. But then, I felt her climb into my lap, her hind legs clumsily clambering around my waist, her forelegs mimicking the action with my neck. As soon as my palms slid over her cutie marks, her tongue slid into my mouth. A wave of purest emotion slammed into me with the force of a nuclear bomb. I could feel my heart beating faster. My skin tingling, arms trembling as I held her. Most of it was my own joy, but I couldn’t help noticing a foreign undertone, almost like the contented purring of a sated beast.

Her tongue fought for dominance, the matriarchal instinct ingrained in her taking hold. I fought right back, but this only seemed to spur Felix on to kiss me even more ferociously. Her taste was an exquisite blend of strawberry aphrodisiac so mind-bendingly euphoric, my previous assumption of such paled in comparison. Her hooves held me captive. I couldn’t have escaped, had I had any desire to do so. The sultry unicorn explored my mouth with her tongue, running over the sharp edges of my teeth. I was barely aware of the ethereal wind chimes sounding over the breeze. My hand shot up to her horn before the thought had even finished forming in my dopamine-flooded brain.

Her resultant moan was music to my ears. I clenched the magical appendage in my grip, despite it being hot enough to burn my hand. Her ears flicked, one of them tickling my wrist. It was subtle, but I could feel her hips grinding against the adamantium rod in my pants. If this went much further, I was pretty sure I’d soon have a solid claim on that fucking bit pool.

I didn’t want it to end, but neither of us deserved to get laid after what happened below the gas bag. Several minutes of bliss, and we finally broke apart. I didn’t even hesitate. “We need to go and fix our shit, Felix.”

She smiled, her sapphire glinting at me again. It almost made me wish I hadn’t stopped kissing her. “You’re right,” she breathed, affectionately nuzzling my cheek. I caved, briefly pressing my lips to hers once again. I just couldn’t get enough of this irresistible mare. “But if you bluebean me like this again, I’ll transfigure your drunk ass into a dildo and shove you so far up my cooch it’d take a skilled gynaecologist to get you out.”

CRACK.

The main deck burst into my sight as I popped into existence on the same broadside cannon I’d been sitting on before. I blanched, frantically attempting to adjust my boner to be less conspicuous. Many ponies jumped in surprise at Felix’s sudden reappearance, some even stepping away in fear, but she paid them no mind, instead turning her horn to the smouldering hole in the floor. Reginald appeared to have just finished extinguishing the flames, given his wet mane. Or maybe it was just greasy? Fuck knows. Either way, his scowl was deliciously salty.

The melted cannon obediently reconstructed itself at Felix’s telekinetic command, floating up out of the crevice and hovering for a few seconds while the charred edges were magically chipped away. A slight ‘pop’ signalled the arrival of several planks of timber, which were then cut to size and swiftly installed in an impressive display of telekinetic carpentry.

“Seriously? You’re good at carpentry?” I muttered.

“You really think this the first time I’ve put a hole in an airship? That’s sweet,” Felix chuckled, though her grin was quick to vanish as Spitfire landed.

Captain Horse Feathers, as expected, was pissed. She began yelling at Felix, but the moment I spotted Fleetfoot walking towards me, the Captain’s rant just turned into background noise.

“Fleetfoot… Fuck… I’m so sorry for-”

The flight suit-clad pegasus pounced. I closed my eyes, not even bothering to put my arms up in defence. I knew full well I had thoroughly earned any retaliation.

I waited, but all I got was… a hug. Yes, General Bat-shit Crazington actually threw her hooves and wings around me. I blinked. To say I was confused was an understatement. “Um… what’s happening here?”

Fleetfoot pulled back, looking me dead in the eyes. “You owe me.”

“What?”

“I expect favours.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Sexual favours.”

“I… what?” I honestly couldn’t tell if she was yanking my flightstick. If she wasn’t, I could see one glaring problem. “Haha, yeah. Great,” I nervously chuckled. “But Felix might, y’know… murder you.”

“I’ll take my chances,” she whispered, giving me a very rare nuzzle. She dropped back down to her hooves. “Felix, a word, please. In my office.”

Spitfire, apparently done yelling, gave the General a nod.

CRACK.

I fell off the cannon. It took quite an embarrassingly long time for me to figure out I was still on the ship. Even longer to realise Felix and Fleetfoot were missing. “For fuck’s sake,” I muttered, picking myself up. Everyone was staring at me. Again.

Spitfire adjusted her shades. The grin on her face made me want to tear my eyes out.

“What?” I snapped. Probably a tad too forcefully.

She took a step back, levelling me with look of fear. Or, she tried to, at least. It wasn’t particularly convincing. I seriously doubted the mare was even capable of such an emotion. “You’re n-not going to hit me, are you?” she fake-whimpered.

I knew she was just messing, but her words really hit home. I hated the fact I’d raised a hand to a mare. Spitfire’s snark was too soon. “Fuck you, Spitfire.”

Several ponies gasped, but I gave zero fucks. Pushing a few of them aside, I stomped my way up to the quarterdeck. Thankfully, Spitfire wasn’t stupid enough to follow me.

Author's Note

Don't ever think that I'll forget about this fic. I love it way too much.

It's not my most popular, not by any means.

But it shall always remain my favourite.

Because Felix <3

Also, if you haven't already, check out my two new fics, eh?